September 30, 2024 • 44 mins
Proud and Present. Talking about my walk, using the buddy system with Viola Davis, being authentically myself, being in the moment, and every part of my supermodel era.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
So now it's we go out with the Loreal team
to this restaurant. Incidentally, we went to Lavenue, which I've
been in New York. The one in Paris is not
as good, which is strange to say, but it's a
French restaurant and it's worse in Paris.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I don't know, sue me.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
So we go to Levenue, We have a nice meal out,
we connect with other people, we connect with the team.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
We come back.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I don't sleep that much just because we haven't been
sleeping that much, and I wake up well, we got
home late period, so we wake up because I wake
up early, and we're more focused on the I'm more
focused on the fact that we saw these like chocolate
little dogs. They look like actual miniature tiny dogs that
everybody has messaged me about and like I videoed them,
but I forgot to like buy them all because we
(00:53):
wanted to do like the sound with Trump.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
They're eating the dog.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
So like a third of the day, we're trying to
do the logistics of trying to like reverse google image
dogs and find them so one member my team can
go to do find that the next day because we
want to do that like sound like that's we're focused.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
This is the shit we're focusing on.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
And a then separately, I go out to go to
Motto pri which is a store with Danielle in the
beginning in the morning, and I want to find like
basic bitch iced coffee. And we take a walk and
talk and talk about how great we are and how
we got ourselves here. And then I see a line outside.
And I'm usually good at like knowing when something's a
thing even besides the line, like if something smells like
a thing, it's a thing, Like I found something. So
(01:29):
I see these like artwork croissants like in the window
another level, like they just look like the crispiest arist artwork,
like when a cronuc came out, like and I was like,
what the fuck? We should wait on the line, and
Danielle's like no, and the line is probably like fifty people.
Danielle is the villain of this story and maybe of
the whole trip. And she's used to being a rule foller,
wearing puffy sleeves and like not getting demerits, and she
(01:51):
got such a big demerit because she didn't want to
wait on the line, and me, the queen Olive, the
one who's going to go on stage, the supermodel. She
did buy me supermodel sweater. I wore it all weekend long,
all week long. But I was like, let's wait on
this line. This is a thing. She's like, now, we'll
do it later, we'll come later, whatever. We walk back
the lines twice as long. We go back to the hotel.
W We're now completely fucked, and we decide we're gonna
(02:12):
now because she fucked us. The line's way longer and
they're running. We send someone back for my team and
they run out of the croissants and the next day
they're closed, so we never got to review those. I want, like, Loriel,
I need you to fly me back to Paris for
a week It's actually I don't know why Loriel should
do it. They didn't do one fucking thing wrong. They
did nothing. Literally, Danielle, I want you to fly me
back to Paris for a weekend because we have to
(02:33):
go try these croissants, okay, like or I need to
send a messenger to go get them, because Danielle fucked
us because they were closed the next day and we
were focused so hard on I want to taste the croissants,
so I'm still as much as it was an honor
to walk the stage for Loreel, Danielle ruined the trip
because we didn't get the ccissants, so we didn't get
the croissants, and then the dog place was closed to
so we didn't get the melty chocolate dogs. My fault
(02:56):
and we didn't get the croissants. So Danielle fucked us,
and she's the villa so mad right now. So it's
the day of and we're sitting at breakfast and like,
you really it's not good that you never sleep, like
and everyone knows because I message people in my normal
life at home from three o'clock in the morning to
midnight at night, so everyone knows I don't really sleep.
So they're like, you really need to get sleep today.
And I'm like, what if I go, like get a massage.
(03:18):
So I go down to that codage spot and have
the most incredible massage, and I drool and I fall
asleep and the massage my face and it's like magic
is happening, Like it's magic that I would fall asleep
in a massage. It's magic that this woman who works
for four locations happened to like have one that morning.
It was just magic. So now I could be the
president of the United States, like I could really run
for office and win because I've slept. So I had
(03:40):
this cute sweater that I wore to them on the
plane and it said jem and a more and like
I don't bring I didn't have like a nice outfit.
I was gonna wear over to like glam. Like my
glam is always like no bra and sweats because you're
like gonna sit down, and just like you don't need
a brath with a dress.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I'm very efficient.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I don't want anything on my body that I will
later need jewel all need to lose, like I'm just
super lean. So I'm getting there, no bra. I've got
this little thin, airy like glam jumpsuit on because I
figure they're gonna have like a satin robe and I
don't like satin. It's like sweaty and whatever. And then
so we get there and it's Versailles. The room with
the glam is is Versailles. It is, it is Bridgerton.
(04:21):
It is the nicest. It is where like the dining
hall of Versailles, where you would have like kings and
like pigs with apples in its mouth. I could not
believe it, so I'm gasping. Then everywhere you turn in
le Berras, which is a an iconic location like think
the Museum of Modern Art, or like the New York Library,
(04:44):
or like some famous aquarium or something times one thousand,
like stunning, stunning, I've stunning, I'm musing, And every area
of this space is something. Yet some gorgeous two million
year old little balcony, some elaborate marble staircase, the ceiling
(05:05):
is is covered in like like like Leonardo da Vinci
Fresco painting like it is, but they're friends, so don't
don't come for me. I'm just saying like it is overwhelming,
and I'm like, and everywhere you turn is some stunning
glamazon person just some unique person, like not like normal
fashion Week in New York, where people do look similar,
(05:27):
they look fashionable, but they look New York or Paris similar,
Like everybody seems unique and and just different, crazy wild
hairstyles and like unbelievable makeup, and like drama and people
from country small over the world, and and just like
just unbelievable people. Like I felt like I was on
another planet and spaceships kept dropping off new people from
(05:51):
different planets and I and everyone was dressed so chic
and fashion, and their teams were dressed so chic in fashion.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I was like, oh my god, why am I wearing
O brah my airplane outfit? Like why?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
But like because I'm still like me and some people
know who I am, Like why did I make that?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I thought we would just be like sitting in our
chair in our area the whole time. I didn't know
it'd be like free range glamazoning. I just didn't know,
like throughout the entire of the opera. So I fucked that.
It's not like I'm going next year in feathers, but
like next year I'm wearing something cute to the preamble
to the foreplay like no question, like no question. So
(06:30):
Danielle walks in with me and we're freaking out. We
can't believe it. And one thing I want to mention,
just to like maybe it's because it's models no snacks,
like almost to the point of serial killer, like I
would like the job lorial of like being on snacks.
Like it's so confusing. I had people going to hunt
down ice and snacks, but like no like little square
(06:50):
little sandwiches with brisala on them. And then these weird
little like vegetarian sushis that were like very thin, like
almost cigar with and they because they had go cheese
in them and they were vegetarian, they were like oily,
so they were like slippery, so I put they were mushy,
so I didn't want to hold them, so I like
put them on my little square, little white castle sized
brizala sandwich. That's all you had to eat the entire day.
(07:12):
And and then I'm like I'm on a supermodel diet.
And then and I don't dyet. And then someone went
and found me brownies. But like no snacks like I
would have sold a kidney for like a Welch's grapefruit
snack or like a pop Chicks bag or like some
like pirate booty or like a little piece of chocolate
or like some licorice like the US does snacks well,
(07:33):
like I don't know the snack like I just next year,
I'm like, I would like to be on snack committee,
like snack in Beverage committee, because it was like a
lot of like sugary juices, like I don't know, I
just I have plans for the snacks, so let's just
talk about that at a later date. But like, but
there were no food in, like champagne, like because we
are on a supermodel diet, like I you know what
I mean. I should have gotten myself like a bag
(07:54):
a blow before I got there, like and then I
would have fit in a pack of like Parliaments or
Virginia Slims, truthfully, and I would have fit in perfectly.
But like, I drank and people were drinking champagne, like right,
I was like, I will fuck myself so good if
I drink champagne. Like forget that I was wearing shoes
that were seven feet high, which we should address that
with my gorgeous dress that I picked out instantly. I
picked out these amazing like the most exaggerated version of
(08:17):
platform Satin Mary Jade. It's like five feet tall. Just whatever.
And this guy that I know was saying to me,
did you practice in the heels? I was like no,
He's like that doesn't make any sense, like you're focused
on snacks, but like you didn't practice in the I'm like,
I know, I don't know. I don't know why I
didn't practice this. I don't I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I don't know. I'm just like I can walk, I
have legs, their shoes. It's okay.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So now Danielle is there with me, and we just
can't stop saying, oh my god, oh my god, I'm
not going the bathroom, and oh my god, we did
this and here we are and holy shit, and just
gossiping about all kinds of different stuff and people, and
like how I do anything is how I do everything.
And I placed the same amount of importance on the
smallest thing as I do on the biggest thing, and
people have no notice that. People have commented on that
(09:01):
in social media. If it's caviat or chicken salad or
an I cream or a lip glass, I get excited.
I'm not that person that holds back excitement in case
it doesn't happen. I'm that person that gets excited because
it might happen, talks about it, gets excited about everything.
I'm just that person. And I do think it's important
in life to not be jaded. And even when I
(09:23):
wrote my book A Place of Yes years ago, one
of the chapters was celebrate and it meant like make
meaning out of everything. And I've really passed that on
to my daughter, from putting the lock on the bridge
in France, from to two years later going to hunt
down and find the lock on the bridge, to every
year going to the same place, to each of us
buy an ornament for each other that we think has
(09:45):
meaning for each other, to the vegetable picking, to the
decorating of the tree we try to make me We
don't try. We just make meaning out of everything. We're
very excited about a lot of different things. That's just
who we are. So I I sometimes wonder how everyone's
not freaking out about something I'm freaking out about. For example,
when I was on the Apprentice years ago, everybody got there.
(10:09):
Now I know how everybody acted like it wasn't blood,
sweat and tears to get there, But I knew how
many people you had to fight against via sending videos
in hot thousands and thousands of videos, down to the
x number of people that were semifinalists, down to the
fifty people that went to get sequestered, and then down
to the people that got it. But I remember getting
(10:30):
into that loft and really very quickly and like meeting
days in people were like, oh my god, they're gonna
make so much money.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Off of us.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
We should be doing this, we should be doing that,
like before we had earned anything, and the show didn't
even do that well. It didn't do well at all.
Like it's okay if after a couple of years and
you're the prized pony on Housewise and you making seven
thousand dollars a year to like know you're worth ironically
know you're worth and being worth it is part of
this conversation. But I remember getting there in the loft
(10:56):
and be like, oh my god, oh my god, like
not being I couldn't even sleep, I couldn't breathe and
believe we were there. And I'm always shocked by how
quickly the guild is off the lily, so like I
was a little bit of the weirdo crazy person at
the lorel fashion show in Opera, like anywhere, I would
turn to anyone I could like who would talk to me?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Being like, what is going on? What are you freaking out?
Am I freaking out of?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You know? Like I would say to some people that
are you nervous? And no, I'm not nervous. Like people
were very jaded, like I've seen things like this before
and they had no one had seen it, like this.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I don't want to get.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Into the example of what I'm talking about, but like
some people want to like act exactly like they belong
and like they you know, this happens all the time,
and that's fine, that's their journey.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I'm not that person.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I'm that person that's like not able to believe that
I'm there and that is so grateful and is so
present in every moment of it. And I really that's
why I left reality TV, and that's why I created
a life for myself which was going to be if
I'm not doing exactly what I want to be doing
and love doing, I'm not doing it. It meant seven
(12:01):
figures leaving on the table with HSN. It meant seven
figures leaving it on the table with partnering with MGM
and Mark Burnett, no disrespect to either party. I didn't
want to do it. It meant multiple seven figures walking
away from Housewives. It meant on HSN the day I
was launching my bathing suits because I didn't think they
fit well. It meant just saying I'll eat the money.
(12:22):
We're not doing it. Like I just have decided in
my life once I had enough money in my bank
account to not be a whore that like, I didn't
have to be a person that would do anything that
I didn't feel good about doing. There's no number you
can put on that. And when I left Reality TV
and left MGM and left HSN, I was nervous, like
(12:43):
I have multiple homes, or at that time I probably
had maybe two homes, but I have, you know, expenses,
and I've been living differently, and you're buying clothes because
you're on the show, and like I was okay. I
was like, we're gonna pull back or just when money's
not really coming in, you shouldn't be spending at a clip.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
And I was okay because I was honestly.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
And then this oyster, this shell, this whole thing opened
up in my life just from being honest. And so
like the reason I'm so happy and excited and grateful
when I'm there in Paris is because I have no clutter.
There's nothing I'm doing that I don't want to do.
It's like I have been asked if I want to
do this. I have said that I want to do this.
(13:21):
I got myself there and I'm going to relish in
it and enjoy it. And now I'm going to bring
people because I always will recognize who got me there
and where I came from, and that I want to
share it, and that I want everyone to be excited
and like to have been part of something, and is
not rewarding to do it alone. It is not rewarding
to be I'm up here, you're down there. It's not
(13:42):
the same. The experience was really I only felt really, truly,
genuinely happy on the Parish trip and even backstage when
I was sharing it with someone from my team, Like
there were moments when I was alone there and yes
I would be talking the makeup artists, and yes I
was experiencing it, and yes I was present, Yes I
was talking to other people there. But I loved when Emily,
my social person, was like crowd, She's she has no
(14:04):
emotions half the time, She's like hello, She's very dry.
She was like, I'm I'm gonna throw up, I may cry.
I just I'm like shooting. Kylie Jenner and Kara Della
like what's going on. I'm I'm like, relax, sit down,
deep breast, I have a paper bag here because I've
been breathing in it too, like we just were in it.
And then and Danielle like all we did all day
(14:25):
was just say the same exact thing.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
It was like annoying, like, oh my god, what's going on?
Who are we? What's going on? We did this.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of us.
Like that's how I am with most things. That's how
I am was with Forbes, that's how I am with
relief work three hundred million dollars, like I'm proud and present.
(14:55):
So Danielle gives a little corporate So we're like gossiping
about corporate in the night before and the peace people
and like just everything. We're just like being girls. And
Delphine the HBIC comes and talks to me, and I
show her my sound from TikTok for that morning, which
is like good morning, you beg bad, fabulous bitch like,
but I don't really know how big Delphine's shop is.
And then she's like the HBIC globally. I just think
(15:17):
she's like a nice woman from Loriel that I've met,
and I show her my sound, and I also don't
know that she doesn't like engage with everybody. It's like
she's the Anna Winter of this experience. But I am
ignorance is bliss. So I walk up and I show
her my TikTok. That's like, good morning, you big, bad,
bad ass, fabulous bitch. You fucking go get the fucking
day and be the bad bitch of fuck or like
it's literally seventy five bucks, and she's like, I am
(15:38):
a bad bitch. And I didn't realize. And later the
people that work there were like they were able to
work for her. The people that work for the people
that work for the people that work for her, we're
like in a cold sweat, you know, it's so me.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Like they were like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
And I was like, oh, so anyway, and she's talking
to me and we had a nice time, and I
mean my makeup artists and we're sitting down and we're
off to the races. And I've never really I've worked
with him one time, but I had a different campaign
and like a different thing, and I was like very
concerned that we weren't going to stick the landing and
that like I was going to fuck the makeup and
it was going to like not be it because I
only certain people can do my makeup and I don't
like a very big makeup look, and then people don't
(16:13):
put enough makeup on and then it looks like I'm
washed out, and it's like a very weird like needs
three makeup, but like really seem like no makeup. Look,
I meet the hairstyles that it has like a pit
crew of like seven people on me Stefan and we're
like fully vibing and he is like, I love your
energy more than anyone's. And Nicholas Den, the photographer, I
(16:33):
told you bad. He's like my best friend and he's
coming up and I feel like I love everyone and
I know everyone and I've got friends and it's so cute.
And like then Danielle has to leave and subat with Emily,
who's got like the more of the big game, like tech,
you know, tech stuff, to take the video and she
comes and she almost throws up. She can't handle it.
She literally choked on the in the game, like she
she's choking, she can't, she's she's hyperventilating. I'm like, we
(16:56):
need to hydrate. I'm trying to hydrate. I need my
ice for my beverage pack it and we're just trying
to keep it together because there's still five hours still showtime.
What the fuck, am I going to do, like write
a play, like okay. So then at some point during
the day, let's call it like two hours later, they
call for a rehearsal, and somehow this whole thing is
like controlled chaos. It's like I it's like ikia, like
(17:19):
you put your own dresser together. No one's like on
your ass. There's not like someone with a clipboard like
making sure that everything just happening on time. Somehow, just
like this group of sheep just knows where to be
and I don't understand, like you're kind of it's kind
of like almost like the word of mouth model of
where you're supposed to be for this what must have
been like a fifty million dollar like fashion show. So
at some point, you know people that work for us,
(17:41):
so like, yeah, I think we should head over to
the rehearsal. And then there's like a pen downstairs in
the like in the lobby of this building before where
you're gonna walk out, And I had my purse with me.
I don't know why, like I'm not walking out my purse.
I didn't understand the dress rehearsal of it all, and
it's raining and people are starting to freak out that
it's raining. So I'm like, wait, walking like down a
runway and it's raining, and I'm still not thinking about
(18:03):
the actual shoes.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And so we're on cue.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So we go out and like you go on these
bleachers outside and there's an announcement that you should just
be yourself, don't take yourself too seriously, have fun with it.
Like I listened, Like I was at Harvard on the
graduation day, just shy of getting my diploma. I was
listening and so the hbiic is up and she's like,
(18:31):
you just go in and be yourself. Even the way
you picked the outfit. They didn't care what the earrings.
They just weren't that like deep about it. So I
was like, okay, I'm listening to my assignment. I'm gonna
be myself and to do what I want. And everybody
says it that way, do what you want, do what
you want, just be who you want, just be just
do what you want.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So we come back inside and I'm Viola Davis is
behind me, so like I'm always that's gonna be like
my buddy system with like the two of you know,
you're in like third grade, you're in you're like yellow
rain slicker with rain boots next to the person in
third grade holding their hand because you have them the
buddy system, like Viola Davis is my non consensually binded buddy,
(19:08):
Like she doesn't know about this, but I know that
where Viola.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Goes, I go.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
So I also peripherally realize that Viola's like one of
the people like you. I think she's in the voiceover
on like the Loreal video and she's like one of
the I don't know if they're ambassadors, if there's if
it's different spokespeople like Heidi's Germany. I think Kendl's like
the big one for like globally because she's a global talent.
Viola and like Evil must be like twenty years longest
one from us, like Andy McDowell has been there forever.
(19:34):
It's just like these people, and I think they're like ambassadors,
and there are different ones from all over the world
for their countries. And I know this because later there's
like a set of stairs and like a whole group
of people is on the stairs in this picture that
like I'm not part of because I'm like an interloper.
So we all go outside and we're sitting on these
bleachers and the girl next to me is like, oh
my god, I love you, and I'm like, look over
(19:55):
and she looks so familiar, like she's looking but it's
one of these things where you think everyone it's a
supermodel and it might just be a normal person, but
like it's Alec Weck, who's a major global supermodel, and
she's like, I'm obsessed with you. And right in front
of me is Viola and her jacket says Viola and
me heard like robe and I'm just like wait, everyone's
like just sitting next to each other and everyone's like
internationally famous, like and it's.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Just so chill. Everyone's just chill.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
I'm like, okay, so now we go back inside to
this holding area. And by the way, when I'm in
this holding area, like Evel Longer, he's like, oh my god,
got that, And and Patrick To's like, oh my god,
you have flawless skin, Bethany. I've seen it online but
I've never oh my god. And like Jane Vonda says
hello to me, and just like I'm running into people
(20:39):
I know, and I'm there's a girl Paula who's Viola's
behind me, and Paula's in front of me. I get
home and I see Paula in the stowed ad and
she and her stunning.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
They're like Tommy Hill figure and Ralph Lauren models, and
he's Christy Turlington's nephew. And I connect with her on
that because I know Christyton's husband's brother and just like
we're all just famous supermodels, just like you know, congregating.
So we come back in the room from the stage,
and I still have my purse and where we know
where we're supposed to go and what we're supposed to do.
(21:13):
We're supposed to remember, do what we want to do.
So I come back in and there are like a
bunch of these like plastic folding chairs, and Viola sits
in one of them. I don't even pay attention to
who's near her, and I don't realize that these chairs
are for like the major ambassadors. So it's like Camilla Cabello,
Cara Delavine, Kendall, Andy, Jane, Viola, Eva, like those are
(21:39):
like the ones that have the chairs, but I don't
see the names, and I don't know that they're like
the people that like the VIP section. So I see
Viola sit down, so I sit down next to her,
because like where Viola goes, I go, we're in the
buddy system. So I then I'm holding this big, bulky bag,
and I feel awkward because I know that then we're
going to get into Q to like go back out
(22:00):
and rehearse, and I'm not gonna like walk out with
this gigantic bag. So I get up for one second
and remember it's been raining to put this bag like
behind me, behind this like cafeteria table next, you know
that's behind us, and I just want to slip my
bag there and hope no one steals it. And I'm
wearing these black clogs that have a slippery tread, and
I do like sort of like a split and I
(22:21):
slide and my I still don't know that these are
the VIP chairs like that, I'm that there are a
bunch of pty forty people standing up and I'm sitting
here for reason I don't know, maybe they're in a
different group. I don't realize that they're standing because they're
not ambassadors, and neither am I. Because I'm probably the
fiftieth person that was like kissed into this experience. I'm
the interloper. I do not belong. I don't act like
I belong. So now I slip my bag and my
(22:44):
legs start to slip, and I fall and display myself
across the laps. We've just entered this experience. I don't
know any of these people. I'm not best friends with
Evel Longoria or Heidi Klum yet Heidie's and one of
the chairs too. I think I'm not best friend with anyone.
I'm just myself. I like I have one friend, and
so now I slide, I split, and I'm fall across
(23:08):
the laps of Viola Davis and Andy McNichol while like
grabbing onto her like gray sweater, and Jane fond is
directly next to us, like in the seat next to
Andy and Kensington the influencer my five 't eleven Glamazon
influencer Baby is standing up online because she's like she
has her own experience and she and I think she
(23:31):
did this last year, but she still like appreciates being
there and she's still like is looking up to me
as like a mom and a boss, Like she looks
up to me and if I tell her to do something,
she's gonna do it, and she wants to do what
I'm doing in ways and like she respects me, and
it came up in a bunch of other different ways.
It doesn't matter. She's kissing the ring. I didn't ask
her to. I'm just telling you she's kissing the ring
as like a respect your elder and an elder influencer
and a person who's like, you know, a lot of
(23:54):
these young girls are like that, and I think they're
smart because like I could give them opportunities mentor them.
Who knows, she tells me, I'm her mentor the day before.
So now she's looking up over in slow motion like
what's my mom?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
What is she doing?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Why is she sitting there? Why did she choose a?
And then she's in slow motion watching the slowest train
wreck car crash, and she's watching me split like fall
across their laps. So she immediately starts videoing the reaction
right after, which should tell you everything. Why is she
videoing this situation? Because it was that embarrassing. So Viola
was so nice and also like a little like what
(24:28):
the fuck is this weirdo doing? Like I'm not gonna lie,
like I loved her, I fell in love with her,
but like it was a little jarring and Annie McNichols,
same thing, like we're being polite, we're all nice, and
it's women supporting women, but this fucking clown and no
one was acting like why she's sitting here? But I
sat there was such conviction. I had no idea. So
then I everyone was nice. Jane fond I was like
sort of smiling and laughing. She said hello to me,
introduce herself to me. It seemed like she knew who
(24:49):
I was, which doesn't track, but it really did seem
like it. And then I stood up and I got
on the line, and for like ten minutes we were like, oh,
we ever gonna like discuss what happened, like and she's
like I really I can't, and like I'm not ready,
and like we kept going back to it like it's like,
m yeah, remember that time that happened, And it was
(25:13):
like it was the culmination of everything because I was
not It was like the culmination of the no bra
and the wrong outfit, and like it just was.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
It was what it was.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
So we go on the line and I go out
and they give me an umbrella because it's pouring rain
and I have clogs on and I do my own
personality and I twirl and my team is shearing, and
everyone's like that was amazing. You were you, you looked
so happy. Yay, we got this. So now we come
back in and then it's gonna be another couple of
hours and soon it's gonna like tick up to being
(25:46):
like now let's put the final beat on, like I
call it like and the beat goes on. So we're
gonna put the final makeup beat, make sure it's perfect.
Then you go to get your outfit. Then you go
into the bathroom, then you put on the shoes. The
shoes did feel a little.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
High in the moment when you.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Realized you were gonna wear them on a runway, But like,
I chose them because I wanted to be this like
draffe like animal, like that had long legs and like
these like thin I just wanted to be the giraffe,
like I just did. So then we eventually do the
(26:29):
same thing, like the lineup. But now everyone's wearing these outfits.
I've never seen what people were wearing. I've never. I've never.
I've never. I've been to the Vanity Fair party, I've
been to Fashion Week, I've been to the Emmys, I've
been to the Grammys, I literally I've never everything was
the most spectacular goddess like unique, creative, daring outfit that
(26:53):
was like so like stunning, and I just was complimenting everyone.
I was like, you stunning, Like I was freaking out
on everyone. But as people put on these dresses, they
were dispersing into these little vignette areas of think about
an opera, so it was it's the it's the opera
in Paris. So there's like vignettes everywhere, little balconies everywhere,
staircases everywhere, nooks, crannies, chandeliers everywhere. So everywhere you turned,
(27:19):
someone was doing some photo shoot, either with their own
social team or with the official social team, and they
were doing videos and you were waiting to do like
the official video and the official picture, and Nicholas, my
photographer's coming to get his because he's responsible for the
American you know, knew us girls that came in like
but then I'm sure Eva had her own photograph. It
was elaborate, it was like a circus, like like it
(27:42):
was like a symphony.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
It was like an opera. It was a symphony. It
was crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So like then we go back down to that pen
again and people are socializing and talking and hanging. And
now I start to get like, well, I gotta practice
this thing, Like I gotta practice this thing. So I
started like walking just like in short areas like where's security.
As I look at I'm like it was that good,
like the security guy like we good. Like I had
no one to talk to, and I wasn't gonna ask
like one of the real people because then I don't know,
(28:09):
it's just like they got their own thing and like
I was only asking like security people, I don't. And
then I was embarrassed, like people were watching me practice.
People weren't practicing, people like had practiced or knew how
to do it, or they were gonna do what she said,
just walk, you know how to walk?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Paula is the beautiful stowed model amongst other brands, and
she's in front of me and she's just like just
go just have fun, like do what you want to do,
like okay. So now the horses are at the starting
gate and we're about to walk out, and I look
over to the right and Heidi Klum is sitting there
in this latex gown like with her like boobs giving
and she goes, you go rocket Bethany, and I'm like,
(28:47):
what is actually going on? Like I actually think I'm
gonna be in the Victoria's Secret fashion show, I really do.
I like what Viola Davis is standing behind and Heidi
Klume to the right is saying to me, go Rocket, Bethany,
(29:07):
what the fuck is going what is that?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Like it's not even like Heidi Klumb said go rocket
before I like made a Sioux flea. It's like Heidi
Klume the Victoria's Secret like Angel, like like catwalk like
legendary angel, super model. I'm telling everyone I'm a supermodel.
Heidi Clue says, go Rocket. I'm like, what the fuck
is going on? Like I'm going to like go attempt
(29:33):
her craft and she says that to me, It's insane.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
It's insane.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It's insane, right, Like I'm like going out into the
school play and Meryl Street is like, go Rocket. I'm like,
what in the fuck is going on? So I start
So I start walking out and then you walk like
out through the tunnel like you're a sports figure. That's
like walking out, you know, like into the arena because
there's like and there's like a place you're walking into
(30:01):
before you're walking onto the stage. That make any sense,
It's like a backstage. Think like a when you see
anybody performing at Coachella or anywhere, Like, it's like that,
there's like a backstage you're gonna walk around before you're
into the main thing. So now I'm walking out and
Cara delaven is walking in and she's like, go get it, girl,
and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So
(30:25):
I walk out and I walk it and I'm happy.
And the shoe I don't even know, Like it's rainy,
it's slippery. The shoes require some attention. They're gigantic platform shoes.
They're not like walking in normal shoes. They require a
very space. You're not like gliding, You're not. They're not
ice skates, you know, You're like. So there was a
little march to it that was different than the rehearsal.
(30:47):
I feel good. I don't know what's coming out of
the oven. I don't know what people are seeing, but like,
I feel good. I want approval. I want someone tell
me I didn't to shit the bed. But like I
feel good, But I don't know, maybe I look like
a stundier.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
I walk to the end, I do my smile, to
do my twirl. I hear people's screaming. I walk back in.
You know, everyone's focused on themselves. No one's worried about
what I did. No one's telling me what I did
I could have, you know, got shit the bed. I want.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I need a person. I know.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
I don't even have a phone for someone to say,
you have great, you did great, because I left my phone.
So I'm like alone for like an hour, like looking
in my own head like did I suck?
Speaker 2 (31:24):
What is coming out of the oven? What? What the fuck?
But I felt good, like I actually felt good.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
So so then we're watching on the screen other people
because and I see this poor girl fall and another
girl helps her up.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Oh sorry.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
As I'm walking off the runway, I make the creative
and groundlings improvisational choice to put my hands out for
Viola Davis to give me a high five because she
is looking at me now. I did not think about
what if she didn't pick up what I put down,
that would have been so embarrassing. But she did because
(32:01):
she's Viola Davis. And I talked to her backstage before
we went on, and we talked about having fourteen year
old daughters. And I talked to her team and she
was lovely and I just liked her. She was just real.
She wasn't performing as nice and she wasn't being.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Aloof. She was just cool and just like she was
just Viola Davis.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And I complimented her on some things and we chatted
and that was great. But she picked up my high
five and she didn't have to. That was her running
moment going in, and she picked it up, and that's
what the event was about. That high five crystallized the
entire thing. So I leave, I come back in and
I'm just seeking for some form of life. We wait
a while, kens I wait a long time. I'm like her, Mommy,
(32:40):
We do like I don't know, do do we drink?
We start drinking champagne and then brain comes and you
did great, mommy. And then everybody comes and all this
stuff happens, and Emily's excited and she's like, we're about
to post it, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
And we're thrilled.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
And I watch it and I think it looks amazing
and I'm happy, and they put me on the JumboTron
and my team tells me they don't put everybody on
the JumboTron and I am a supermodel.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
It's amazing and people are like, you slay it it
and TikTok is loving it and most of it's Instagram
is way more evil than TikTok just so you know,
TikTok is like supportive and just all you know, all shapes,
all sizes. Instagram is real bitchy, middle aged, judgmental, miserable women.
Like that's really what it is. I mean there's a
(33:23):
lot of not that, but there's a lot of that.
I would say it's probably like fifteen percent of that,
which does feel like a lot when you're reading it.
So then people start like saying, what's with that walk?
And you were like a Clydesdale and like whatever not
everybody like it's probably like one out of ten people.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
But I'm reading that, I'm feeling I'm like.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Wait, what what? Like I they said, do what we want?
And aren't we supposed to be worth it? And aren't
we Like why would we?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Like?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Who cares?
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Like?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Am I supposed to?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
I mean I've been playing a supermodel on social media,
but I'm like, I have no experience and like I'm happy,
like what will Like it'd be different if I felt
like that girl has a right to feel like horrified
and people are making fun of her, which is actually
pure evil. You should be go to hell and drop
dead if you made fun of her, Like that's despicable,
Like that's her moment. And even still that's true, and
it's human to errs, human to forgive. It's divine. She fell,
(34:13):
it's the worst, and I just that's horrible. But maybe
she's usually perfect and that's why she fell on that day.
I didn't fall in that day because I fell on
Viola Davis backstage and because I always do something stupid.
But again, it can never just be something with me.
It can never just be like normal. And like I
did it, I had to come off and it had
to be like a discussion.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And I posted this video saying.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Like I chose those shoes, like people are like, oh
my god, I can't believe they put you in those shoes.
They didn't put me in any shoes. I chose the shoes.
I wanted to be a giraffe, like I wanted. I
didn't know it was supposed to be perfect, Like who
wants to be perfect, and this is me. This is
olive in the Little Miss Sunshine Van was olive perfect
to shoe a fucking buy focal disaster up there. I
didn't want to be a disaster, but like, I committed
(34:53):
to the bit. Whatever I was doing, I committed.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I was happy.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I wasn't uncertain. I marched to the beat of my
own drama, thrilled. I posted video saying I chose those shoes.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I wanted it.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
And it's easy to sit in judgment when you're not there,
but like I walk down and not only did I
get down and get home and did I do it?
This isn't my primary business by any means. This is
like being this age and going to fucking Canada and
starring in a lifetime movie.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
What are you crazy?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
That was nuts that I did that and I stuck
that landing because I just leaned in and I committed
to it. I committed to this and I made a choice.
This is what I'm doing. And people were like Hayters
and people were so defensive of me, like what are
you talking about? But like, let's say that I sucked.
Who cares? What are we curing cancer by catwalking? Like?
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Who can?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Like what if I fucking sucked or fell. Okay, she fell,
It's part of life. I don't want my daughter wrapped
in bubble wrap. You're gonna fall, You're gonna have snot
on your face, You're gonna have something on your teeth.
Bill Clinton had spinach on his teeth when I met
him the day of the Apprentice finale. Okay, it's gonna happen.
(36:09):
So I love what I did. I wouldn't have posted.
If I did it, I would have been horrified. It
would have been all the still pictures of me as
a supermodel. No one would have seen my walk. I
posted my walk. I was loud and proud.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
And there were people there.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
There was a woman there with a prosthetic crystal legs.
She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.
There was a woman that all day I saw, I
did not notice that she did not have a hand.
There were people that were painfully thin. There were people
that were you know, that were larger than life. There
were people that had their hair shaved bald. There were
people that had braids to their toes. There was every
(36:43):
type of person there, and like every type of walk
and every age, and like every weight and every culture,
and like what are you talking about? Like, I fucking
did what I wanted to fucking do, and I came
back and it's like, yeah, commit to the bit own
it I lived for and everyone. So it was just
(37:04):
like what and then you know, so so that was
that and I and it became it became it became
a story. It became like a news, It became like
a thing. It got so much media attention, so much
more than anyone than media attention anyone got, because it was,
you know, quintessentially what this thing was about. It's like
it was being I think I understood. I think I
understood the assignment. It was about being perfectly imperfect. It
(37:29):
was about knowing your worth.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Who's worth? Who gives you your worth? An arimez bag,
a man, a woman.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
A prize, a car, a title, a job, a raised No, you,
you look in the fucking mirror and you give yourself
a worth. I walked around for a month and a
half not even knowing this thing was coming. I was
saying it because I looked good in videos. I'm a supermodel.
It's weird that this happened because I didn't say I'm
(38:00):
a supermodel. For all those weeks leading up to this,
I didn't even know about this. I one day looked
really good, I go, I'm a supermodel, and then I
just started saying it every day. It was almost like
I was manifesting this experience. I am a supermodel. Guarantee
you I'll be walking in other fashion shows, because that's
what it's about. Loud, proud, own it, perfectly and perfect.
So I don't know much. I may have been a giraffe.
(38:23):
I may have been a Clydesdale. I may have picked
gigantic shoes. I may have not fit in like anybody else.
I may have fallen across Yola Davis's lap and Andy McDowell,
and with Jane Fonda looking on. I may have acted
like a freaking weirdo so excited I couldn't stand myself.
I may have brought the van of little Miss Sunshine
people and we were all a mess. But I know
(38:47):
one thing for sure. I understood the assignment. I understood
the assignment. The HBIIC gave an assignment. I had my
little pen and paper out, and I understood the assignment,
and I stuck the landing, and I was entirely present.
I was proud and present. So after we go out
(39:20):
to this big dinner to celebrate. I don't do well
with too much activation. I can't handle it. It's too much.
I'd had it on the tour. The tour would start
at eight o'clock at night. It would end at nine thirty.
It's a VIP meet and greet. You're talking to people,
you're talking to production. I can't sleep till four o'clock
in the morning. Activation. I can only sleep when I've
been sleeping a lot. And I get activated and I
(39:41):
stay up. I get I am spinning like a top.
I get wound up like an eight day clock. So
we go out to this dinner, but I'm in the
car and I can't get out of the car.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
No, oh, sorry, you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
No my team, Danielle de Villen for two reasons, she
said to me, Because we talked to through. I'm like
sh ring my alpha for after She's like, no, you
can come back to the hotel and change.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
But I don't really. I she's half a villain. But
we didn't think this through.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
So now this paparazzi and everything outside, they say they
need the outphit back. Now, okay, they need the outfit
back now right after the show. I didn't think that through.
I thought we could give it back later. But I
guess with fifty people, that's a dangerous game, so you
gotta give it back. I draw the line, I say
to Danielle immediately, No, I'm not putting my airplane outfit
back on. This is where I draw the line. This
is where the rubber meets the road. This is demoralizing.
(40:31):
I am not going on my stinky discussing airplane clothes
outside with paparazzi after being a supermodel in Paris Fashion Week.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
That's where you fucking lose me.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
So they had to bring over my feather dress in
me up, pulls the zipper down two inches and it's like, yeah,
you can get in. I'm like, what the fuck are
you talking about? I can't get in that. So she's
not telling me that the dress is stuck and the
feathers are stuck up and down the teeth. I'm like, miya, yeah,
I'm not small as my dog, like, I can't get
in this fuck dress. So brain has to get scissors
(41:01):
take it over. I'm naked backstage, like I'm nude. People
walking in and out, It's like completely inappropriate. And a
shit show, And so finally brain gets it open, and
I get in the feather dress for the after party,
and I get in my outfit and I'm a doll.
And I get in the car and everyone gets out
and I ball. I ball and then proceed to cry
(41:24):
on the Internet because I am so moved by the opportunity,
by the experience, by the culture, by the diversity, by
the diversity and weight, by the diversity and age, by
the diversity in flaws and imperfections, by the opportunity, by
the hard work pays off, by the living authentically, just
(41:47):
doing what you naturally do and being always being honest,
landing you on a Paris Fashion Week runway that I
did it, that I stuck the assignments.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
I balled like a baby. I was overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
I knew that I had not acted like I I
did not feel like I belonged. I was so moved
and overwhelmed with gratitude, I couldn't even barely move. And
then I got downstairs and I was crying at the
whole dinner like a weirdo with all kinds of people
and influencers and loreal people and my Sunshine team, like
like sleep once I start sleeping, I sleep. Once I'm awake,
(42:18):
I'm awake. Once I start crying, I'm crying. I was
just so exhausted, so fragile, and like it really hit me.
So we go out to dinner on mainlining drinks, don't
feel any of them because the adrenaline hanging out, being
with Brinn, taking good pictures, not entirely present, but having fun.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Get home.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
That's when I shoot the video, basically saying the giraffe
thing like I wanted to do what I did and whatever,
you know. And then I pull an all nighter. I'm
laying on Brind's head because it usually puts me to sleep,
and I'm crying into her hair, like sobbing like snoopy tears,
drowning her hair.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
And then.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Six o'clock in the morning, we have to leave for
the airport because a legend in the beauty industry has
summoned me, asked for an audience, and wants to shoot
something together, which was entirely surreal. So I get on
the plane and of oh no, it's not over go
(43:24):
through security, and of course Jane fond is standing right
next to me, because that's why I always run into it. Security,
we start chatting. She thinks she says she isn't in
first class. I offer her my seat. There's no way
Jane fond is sitting in coach. I then realize that
she doesn't know that for Air France the business is
laid down and like being in first class, so I
don't give her my seat. And then on the plane,
I see Jane Fonda twice, two to three times in
(43:45):
the galley, which is really weird, like anytime I was up.
You know, when you're up on a plane, it's dark
and you're like lurking and like everyone's sleeping. Jane and
I then we land and then I see her buy
the car again, thinking it's meant to be because I
can't believe it, and she asks me for my phone number,
so I've Jane found his phone number in my phone
(44:06):
and go back to the apartment, walk directly into a shower,
Directly open the front door, walk into a shower, go
into hair and makeup to go meet a legend in
New York City. Don't go to the suburbs where love
go into New York City and the end of the
story and the moral of the story is pros play
(44:28):
hurt
So now it's we go out with the Loreal team
to this restaurant. Incidentally, we went to Lavenue, which I've
been in New York. The one in Paris is not
as good, which is strange to say, but it's a
French restaurant and it's worse in Paris.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I don't know, sue me.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
So we go to Levenue, We have a nice meal out,
we connect with other people, we connect with the team.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
We come back.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I don't sleep that much just because we haven't been
sleeping that much, and I wake up well, we got
home late period, so we wake up because I wake
up early, and we're more focused on the I'm more
focused on the fact that we saw these like chocolate
little dogs. They look like actual miniature tiny dogs that
everybody has messaged me about and like I videoed them,
but I forgot to like buy them all because we
(00:53):
wanted to do like the sound with Trump.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
They're eating the dog.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
So like a third of the day, we're trying to
do the logistics of trying to like reverse google image
dogs and find them so one member my team can
go to do find that the next day because we
want to do that like sound like that's we're focused.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
This is the shit we're focusing on.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
And a then separately, I go out to go to
Motto pri which is a store with Danielle in the
beginning in the morning, and I want to find like
basic bitch iced coffee. And we take a walk and
talk and talk about how great we are and how
we got ourselves here. And then I see a line outside.
And I'm usually good at like knowing when something's a
thing even besides the line, like if something smells like
a thing, it's a thing, Like I found something. So
(01:29):
I see these like artwork croissants like in the window
another level, like they just look like the crispiest arist artwork,
like when a cronuc came out, like and I was like,
what the fuck? We should wait on the line, and
Danielle's like no, and the line is probably like fifty people.
Danielle is the villain of this story and maybe of
the whole trip. And she's used to being a rule foller,
wearing puffy sleeves and like not getting demerits, and she
(01:51):
got such a big demerit because she didn't want to
wait on the line, and me, the queen Olive, the
one who's going to go on stage, the supermodel. She
did buy me supermodel sweater. I wore it all weekend long,
all week long. But I was like, let's wait on
this line. This is a thing. She's like, now, we'll
do it later, we'll come later, whatever. We walk back
the lines twice as long. We go back to the hotel.
W We're now completely fucked, and we decide we're gonna
(02:12):
now because she fucked us. The line's way longer and
they're running. We send someone back for my team and
they run out of the croissants and the next day
they're closed, so we never got to review those. I want, like, Loriel,
I need you to fly me back to Paris for
a week It's actually I don't know why Loriel should
do it. They didn't do one fucking thing wrong. They
did nothing. Literally, Danielle, I want you to fly me
back to Paris for a weekend because we have to
(02:33):
go try these croissants, okay, like or I need to
send a messenger to go get them, because Danielle fucked
us because they were closed the next day and we
were focused so hard on I want to taste the croissants,
so I'm still as much as it was an honor
to walk the stage for Loreel, Danielle ruined the trip
because we didn't get the ccissants, so we didn't get
the croissants, and then the dog place was closed to
so we didn't get the melty chocolate dogs. My fault
(02:56):
and we didn't get the croissants. So Danielle fucked us,
and she's the villa so mad right now. So it's
the day of and we're sitting at breakfast and like,
you really it's not good that you never sleep, like
and everyone knows because I message people in my normal
life at home from three o'clock in the morning to
midnight at night, so everyone knows I don't really sleep.
So they're like, you really need to get sleep today.
And I'm like, what if I go, like get a massage.
(03:18):
So I go down to that codage spot and have
the most incredible massage, and I drool and I fall
asleep and the massage my face and it's like magic
is happening, Like it's magic that I would fall asleep
in a massage. It's magic that this woman who works
for four locations happened to like have one that morning.
It was just magic. So now I could be the
president of the United States, like I could really run
for office and win because I've slept. So I had
(03:40):
this cute sweater that I wore to them on the
plane and it said jem and a more and like
I don't bring I didn't have like a nice outfit.
I was gonna wear over to like glam. Like my
glam is always like no bra and sweats because you're
like gonna sit down, and just like you don't need
a brath with a dress.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I'm very efficient.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I don't want anything on my body that I will
later need jewel all need to lose, like I'm just
super lean. So I'm getting there, no bra. I've got
this little thin, airy like glam jumpsuit on because I
figure they're gonna have like a satin robe and I
don't like satin. It's like sweaty and whatever. And then
so we get there and it's Versailles. The room with
the glam is is Versailles. It is, it is Bridgerton.
(04:21):
It is the nicest. It is where like the dining
hall of Versailles, where you would have like kings and
like pigs with apples in its mouth. I could not
believe it, so I'm gasping. Then everywhere you turn in
le Berras, which is a an iconic location like think
the Museum of Modern Art, or like the New York Library,
(04:44):
or like some famous aquarium or something times one thousand,
like stunning, stunning, I've stunning, I'm musing, And every area
of this space is something. Yet some gorgeous two million
year old little balcony, some elaborate marble staircase, the ceiling
(05:05):
is is covered in like like like Leonardo da Vinci
Fresco painting like it is, but they're friends, so don't
don't come for me. I'm just saying like it is overwhelming,
and I'm like, and everywhere you turn is some stunning
glamazon person just some unique person, like not like normal
fashion Week in New York, where people do look similar,
(05:27):
they look fashionable, but they look New York or Paris similar,
Like everybody seems unique and and just different, crazy wild
hairstyles and like unbelievable makeup, and like drama and people
from country small over the world, and and just like
just unbelievable people. Like I felt like I was on
another planet and spaceships kept dropping off new people from
(05:51):
different planets and I and everyone was dressed so chic
and fashion, and their teams were dressed so chic in fashion.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I was like, oh my god, why am I wearing
O brah my airplane outfit? Like why?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
But like because I'm still like me and some people
know who I am, Like why did I make that?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I thought we would just be like sitting in our
chair in our area the whole time. I didn't know
it'd be like free range glamazoning. I just didn't know,
like throughout the entire of the opera. So I fucked that.
It's not like I'm going next year in feathers, but
like next year I'm wearing something cute to the preamble
to the foreplay like no question, like no question. So
(06:30):
Danielle walks in with me and we're freaking out. We
can't believe it. And one thing I want to mention,
just to like maybe it's because it's models no snacks,
like almost to the point of serial killer, like I
would like the job lorial of like being on snacks.
Like it's so confusing. I had people going to hunt
down ice and snacks, but like no like little square
(06:50):
little sandwiches with brisala on them. And then these weird
little like vegetarian sushis that were like very thin, like
almost cigar with and they because they had go cheese
in them and they were vegetarian, they were like oily,
so they were like slippery, so I put they were mushy,
so I didn't want to hold them, so I like
put them on my little square, little white castle sized
brizala sandwich. That's all you had to eat the entire day.
(07:12):
And and then I'm like I'm on a supermodel diet.
And then and I don't dyet. And then someone went
and found me brownies. But like no snacks like I
would have sold a kidney for like a Welch's grapefruit
snack or like a pop Chicks bag or like some
like pirate booty or like a little piece of chocolate
or like some licorice like the US does snacks well,
(07:33):
like I don't know the snack like I just next year,
I'm like, I would like to be on snack committee,
like snack in Beverage committee, because it was like a
lot of like sugary juices, like I don't know, I
just I have plans for the snacks, so let's just
talk about that at a later date. But like, but
there were no food in, like champagne, like because we
are on a supermodel diet, like I you know what
I mean. I should have gotten myself like a bag
(07:54):
a blow before I got there, like and then I
would have fit in a pack of like Parliaments or
Virginia Slims, truthfully, and I would have fit in perfectly.
But like, I drank and people were drinking champagne, like right,
I was like, I will fuck myself so good if
I drink champagne. Like forget that I was wearing shoes
that were seven feet high, which we should address that
with my gorgeous dress that I picked out instantly. I
picked out these amazing like the most exaggerated version of
(08:17):
platform Satin Mary Jade. It's like five feet tall. Just whatever.
And this guy that I know was saying to me,
did you practice in the heels? I was like no,
He's like that doesn't make any sense, like you're focused
on snacks, but like you didn't practice in the I'm like,
I know, I don't know. I don't know why I
didn't practice this. I don't I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I don't know. I'm just like I can walk, I
have legs, their shoes. It's okay.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So now Danielle is there with me, and we just
can't stop saying, oh my god, oh my god, I'm
not going the bathroom, and oh my god, we did
this and here we are and holy shit, and just
gossiping about all kinds of different stuff and people, and
like how I do anything is how I do everything.
And I placed the same amount of importance on the
smallest thing as I do on the biggest thing, and
people have no notice that. People have commented on that
(09:01):
in social media. If it's caviat or chicken salad or
an I cream or a lip glass, I get excited.
I'm not that person that holds back excitement in case
it doesn't happen. I'm that person that gets excited because
it might happen, talks about it, gets excited about everything.
I'm just that person. And I do think it's important
in life to not be jaded. And even when I
(09:23):
wrote my book A Place of Yes years ago, one
of the chapters was celebrate and it meant like make
meaning out of everything. And I've really passed that on
to my daughter, from putting the lock on the bridge
in France, from to two years later going to hunt
down and find the lock on the bridge, to every
year going to the same place, to each of us
buy an ornament for each other that we think has
(09:45):
meaning for each other, to the vegetable picking, to the
decorating of the tree we try to make me We
don't try. We just make meaning out of everything. We're
very excited about a lot of different things. That's just
who we are. So I I sometimes wonder how everyone's
not freaking out about something I'm freaking out about. For example,
when I was on the Apprentice years ago, everybody got there.
(10:09):
Now I know how everybody acted like it wasn't blood,
sweat and tears to get there, But I knew how
many people you had to fight against via sending videos
in hot thousands and thousands of videos, down to the
x number of people that were semifinalists, down to the
fifty people that went to get sequestered, and then down
to the people that got it. But I remember getting
(10:30):
into that loft and really very quickly and like meeting
days in people were like, oh my god, they're gonna
make so much money.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Off of us.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
We should be doing this, we should be doing that,
like before we had earned anything, and the show didn't
even do that well. It didn't do well at all.
Like it's okay if after a couple of years and
you're the prized pony on Housewise and you making seven
thousand dollars a year to like know you're worth ironically
know you're worth and being worth it is part of
this conversation. But I remember getting there in the loft
(10:56):
and be like, oh my god, oh my god, like
not being I couldn't even sleep, I couldn't breathe and
believe we were there. And I'm always shocked by how
quickly the guild is off the lily, so like I
was a little bit of the weirdo crazy person at
the lorel fashion show in Opera, like anywhere, I would
turn to anyone I could like who would talk to me?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Being like, what is going on? What are you freaking out?
Am I freaking out of?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You know? Like I would say to some people that
are you nervous? And no, I'm not nervous. Like people
were very jaded, like I've seen things like this before
and they had no one had seen it, like this.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I don't want to get.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Into the example of what I'm talking about, but like
some people want to like act exactly like they belong
and like they you know, this happens all the time,
and that's fine, that's their journey.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I'm not that person.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I'm that person that's like not able to believe that
I'm there and that is so grateful and is so
present in every moment of it. And I really that's
why I left reality TV, and that's why I created
a life for myself which was going to be if
I'm not doing exactly what I want to be doing
and love doing, I'm not doing it. It meant seven
(12:01):
figures leaving on the table with HSN. It meant seven
figures leaving it on the table with partnering with MGM
and Mark Burnett, no disrespect to either party. I didn't
want to do it. It meant multiple seven figures walking
away from Housewives. It meant on HSN the day I
was launching my bathing suits because I didn't think they
fit well. It meant just saying I'll eat the money.
(12:22):
We're not doing it. Like I just have decided in
my life once I had enough money in my bank
account to not be a whore that like, I didn't
have to be a person that would do anything that
I didn't feel good about doing. There's no number you
can put on that. And when I left Reality TV
and left MGM and left HSN, I was nervous, like
(12:43):
I have multiple homes, or at that time I probably
had maybe two homes, but I have, you know, expenses,
and I've been living differently, and you're buying clothes because
you're on the show, and like I was okay. I
was like, we're gonna pull back or just when money's
not really coming in, you shouldn't be spending at a clip.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
And I was okay because I was honestly.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
And then this oyster, this shell, this whole thing opened
up in my life just from being honest. And so
like the reason I'm so happy and excited and grateful
when I'm there in Paris is because I have no clutter.
There's nothing I'm doing that I don't want to do.
It's like I have been asked if I want to
do this. I have said that I want to do this.
(13:21):
I got myself there and I'm going to relish in
it and enjoy it. And now I'm going to bring
people because I always will recognize who got me there
and where I came from, and that I want to
share it, and that I want everyone to be excited
and like to have been part of something, and is
not rewarding to do it alone. It is not rewarding
to be I'm up here, you're down there. It's not
(13:42):
the same. The experience was really I only felt really, truly,
genuinely happy on the Parish trip and even backstage when
I was sharing it with someone from my team, Like
there were moments when I was alone there and yes
I would be talking the makeup artists, and yes I
was experiencing it, and yes I was present, Yes I
was talking to other people there. But I loved when Emily,
my social person, was like crowd, She's she has no
(14:04):
emotions half the time, She's like hello, She's very dry.
She was like, I'm I'm gonna throw up, I may cry.
I just I'm like shooting. Kylie Jenner and Kara Della
like what's going on. I'm I'm like, relax, sit down,
deep breast, I have a paper bag here because I've
been breathing in it too, like we just were in it.
And then and Danielle like all we did all day
(14:25):
was just say the same exact thing.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
It was like annoying, like, oh my god, what's going on?
Who are we? What's going on? We did this.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of us.
Like that's how I am with most things. That's how
I am was with Forbes, that's how I am with
relief work three hundred million dollars, like I'm proud and present.
(14:55):
So Danielle gives a little corporate So we're like gossiping
about corporate in the night before and the peace people
and like just everything. We're just like being girls. And
Delphine the HBIC comes and talks to me, and I
show her my sound from TikTok for that morning, which
is like good morning, you beg bad, fabulous bitch like,
but I don't really know how big Delphine's shop is.
And then she's like the HBIC globally. I just think
(15:17):
she's like a nice woman from Loriel that I've met,
and I show her my sound, and I also don't
know that she doesn't like engage with everybody. It's like
she's the Anna Winter of this experience. But I am
ignorance is bliss. So I walk up and I show
her my TikTok. That's like, good morning, you big, bad,
bad ass, fabulous bitch. You fucking go get the fucking
day and be the bad bitch of fuck or like
it's literally seventy five bucks, and she's like, I am
(15:38):
a bad bitch. And I didn't realize. And later the
people that work there were like they were able to
work for her. The people that work for the people
that work for the people that work for her, we're
like in a cold sweat, you know, it's so me.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Like they were like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
And I was like, oh, so anyway, and she's talking
to me and we had a nice time, and I
mean my makeup artists and we're sitting down and we're
off to the races. And I've never really I've worked
with him one time, but I had a different campaign
and like a different thing, and I was like very
concerned that we weren't going to stick the landing and
that like I was going to fuck the makeup and
it was going to like not be it because I
only certain people can do my makeup and I don't
like a very big makeup look, and then people don't
(16:13):
put enough makeup on and then it looks like I'm
washed out, and it's like a very weird like needs
three makeup, but like really seem like no makeup. Look,
I meet the hairstyles that it has like a pit
crew of like seven people on me Stefan and we're
like fully vibing and he is like, I love your
energy more than anyone's. And Nicholas Den, the photographer, I
(16:33):
told you bad. He's like my best friend and he's
coming up and I feel like I love everyone and
I know everyone and I've got friends and it's so cute.
And like then Danielle has to leave and subat with Emily,
who's got like the more of the big game, like tech,
you know, tech stuff, to take the video and she
comes and she almost throws up. She can't handle it.
She literally choked on the in the game, like she
she's choking, she can't, she's she's hyperventilating. I'm like, we
(16:56):
need to hydrate. I'm trying to hydrate. I need my
ice for my beverage pack it and we're just trying
to keep it together because there's still five hours still showtime.
What the fuck, am I going to do, like write
a play, like okay. So then at some point during
the day, let's call it like two hours later, they
call for a rehearsal, and somehow this whole thing is
like controlled chaos. It's like I it's like ikia, like
(17:19):
you put your own dresser together. No one's like on
your ass. There's not like someone with a clipboard like
making sure that everything just happening on time. Somehow, just
like this group of sheep just knows where to be
and I don't understand, like you're kind of it's kind
of like almost like the word of mouth model of
where you're supposed to be for this what must have
been like a fifty million dollar like fashion show. So
at some point, you know people that work for us,
(17:41):
so like, yeah, I think we should head over to
the rehearsal. And then there's like a pen downstairs in
the like in the lobby of this building before where
you're gonna walk out, And I had my purse with me.
I don't know why, like I'm not walking out my purse.
I didn't understand the dress rehearsal of it all, and
it's raining and people are starting to freak out that
it's raining. So I'm like, wait, walking like down a
runway and it's raining, and I'm still not thinking about
(18:03):
the actual shoes.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And so we're on cue.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So we go out and like you go on these
bleachers outside and there's an announcement that you should just
be yourself, don't take yourself too seriously, have fun with it.
Like I listened, Like I was at Harvard on the
graduation day, just shy of getting my diploma. I was
listening and so the hbiic is up and she's like,
(18:31):
you just go in and be yourself. Even the way
you picked the outfit. They didn't care what the earrings.
They just weren't that like deep about it. So I
was like, okay, I'm listening to my assignment. I'm gonna
be myself and to do what I want. And everybody
says it that way, do what you want, do what
you want, just be who you want, just be just
do what you want.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So we come back inside and I'm Viola Davis is
behind me, so like I'm always that's gonna be like
my buddy system with like the two of you know,
you're in like third grade, you're in you're like yellow
rain slicker with rain boots next to the person in
third grade holding their hand because you have them the
buddy system, like Viola Davis is my non consensually binded buddy,
(19:08):
Like she doesn't know about this, but I know that
where Viola.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Goes, I go.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
So I also peripherally realize that Viola's like one of
the people like you. I think she's in the voiceover
on like the Loreal video and she's like one of
the I don't know if they're ambassadors, if there's if
it's different spokespeople like Heidi's Germany. I think Kendl's like
the big one for like globally because she's a global talent.
Viola and like Evil must be like twenty years longest
one from us, like Andy McDowell has been there forever.
(19:34):
It's just like these people, and I think they're like ambassadors,
and there are different ones from all over the world
for their countries. And I know this because later there's
like a set of stairs and like a whole group
of people is on the stairs in this picture that
like I'm not part of because I'm like an interloper.
So we all go outside and we're sitting on these
bleachers and the girl next to me is like, oh
my god, I love you, and I'm like, look over
(19:55):
and she looks so familiar, like she's looking but it's
one of these things where you think everyone it's a
supermodel and it might just be a normal person, but
like it's Alec Weck, who's a major global supermodel, and
she's like, I'm obsessed with you. And right in front
of me is Viola and her jacket says Viola and
me heard like robe and I'm just like wait, everyone's
like just sitting next to each other and everyone's like
internationally famous, like and it's.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Just so chill. Everyone's just chill.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
I'm like, okay, so now we go back inside to
this holding area. And by the way, when I'm in
this holding area, like Evel Longer, he's like, oh my god,
got that, And and Patrick To's like, oh my god,
you have flawless skin, Bethany. I've seen it online but
I've never oh my god. And like Jane Vonda says
hello to me, and just like I'm running into people
(20:39):
I know, and I'm there's a girl Paula who's Viola's
behind me, and Paula's in front of me. I get
home and I see Paula in the stowed ad and
she and her stunning.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
They're like Tommy Hill figure and Ralph Lauren models, and
he's Christy Turlington's nephew. And I connect with her on
that because I know Christyton's husband's brother and just like
we're all just famous supermodels, just like you know, congregating.
So we come back in the room from the stage,
and I still have my purse and where we know
where we're supposed to go and what we're supposed to do.
(21:13):
We're supposed to remember, do what we want to do.
So I come back in and there are like a
bunch of these like plastic folding chairs, and Viola sits
in one of them. I don't even pay attention to
who's near her, and I don't realize that these chairs
are for like the major ambassadors. So it's like Camilla Cabello,
Cara Delavine, Kendall, Andy, Jane, Viola, Eva, like those are
(21:39):
like the ones that have the chairs, but I don't
see the names, and I don't know that they're like
the people that like the VIP section. So I see
Viola sit down, so I sit down next to her,
because like where Viola goes, I go, we're in the
buddy system. So I then I'm holding this big, bulky bag,
and I feel awkward because I know that then we're
going to get into Q to like go back out
(22:00):
and rehearse, and I'm not gonna like walk out with
this gigantic bag. So I get up for one second
and remember it's been raining to put this bag like
behind me, behind this like cafeteria table next, you know
that's behind us, and I just want to slip my
bag there and hope no one steals it. And I'm
wearing these black clogs that have a slippery tread, and
I do like sort of like a split and I
(22:21):
slide and my I still don't know that these are
the VIP chairs like that, I'm that there are a
bunch of pty forty people standing up and I'm sitting
here for reason I don't know, maybe they're in a
different group. I don't realize that they're standing because they're
not ambassadors, and neither am I. Because I'm probably the
fiftieth person that was like kissed into this experience. I'm
the interloper. I do not belong. I don't act like
I belong. So now I slip my bag and my
(22:44):
legs start to slip, and I fall and display myself
across the laps. We've just entered this experience. I don't
know any of these people. I'm not best friends with
Evel Longoria or Heidi Klum yet Heidie's and one of
the chairs too. I think I'm not best friend with anyone.
I'm just myself. I like I have one friend, and
so now I slide, I split, and I'm fall across
(23:08):
the laps of Viola Davis and Andy McNichol while like
grabbing onto her like gray sweater, and Jane fond is
directly next to us, like in the seat next to
Andy and Kensington the influencer my five 't eleven Glamazon
influencer Baby is standing up online because she's like she
has her own experience and she and I think she
(23:31):
did this last year, but she still like appreciates being
there and she's still like is looking up to me
as like a mom and a boss, Like she looks
up to me and if I tell her to do something,
she's gonna do it, and she wants to do what
I'm doing in ways and like she respects me, and
it came up in a bunch of other different ways.
It doesn't matter. She's kissing the ring. I didn't ask
her to. I'm just telling you she's kissing the ring
as like a respect your elder and an elder influencer
and a person who's like, you know, a lot of
(23:54):
these young girls are like that, and I think they're
smart because like I could give them opportunities mentor them.
Who knows, she tells me, I'm her mentor the day before.
So now she's looking up over in slow motion like
what's my mom?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
What is she doing?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Why is she sitting there? Why did she choose a?
And then she's in slow motion watching the slowest train
wreck car crash, and she's watching me split like fall
across their laps. So she immediately starts videoing the reaction
right after, which should tell you everything. Why is she
videoing this situation? Because it was that embarrassing. So Viola
was so nice and also like a little like what
(24:28):
the fuck is this weirdo doing? Like I'm not gonna lie,
like I loved her, I fell in love with her,
but like it was a little jarring and Annie McNichols,
same thing, like we're being polite, we're all nice, and
it's women supporting women, but this fucking clown and no
one was acting like why she's sitting here? But I
sat there was such conviction. I had no idea. So
then I everyone was nice. Jane fond I was like
sort of smiling and laughing. She said hello to me,
introduce herself to me. It seemed like she knew who
(24:49):
I was, which doesn't track, but it really did seem
like it. And then I stood up and I got
on the line, and for like ten minutes we were like, oh,
we ever gonna like discuss what happened, like and she's
like I really I can't, and like I'm not ready,
and like we kept going back to it like it's like,
m yeah, remember that time that happened, And it was
(25:13):
like it was the culmination of everything because I was
not It was like the culmination of the no bra
and the wrong outfit, and like it just was.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
It was what it was.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
So we go on the line and I go out
and they give me an umbrella because it's pouring rain
and I have clogs on and I do my own
personality and I twirl and my team is shearing, and
everyone's like that was amazing. You were you, you looked
so happy. Yay, we got this. So now we come
back in and then it's gonna be another couple of
hours and soon it's gonna like tick up to being
(25:46):
like now let's put the final beat on, like I
call it like and the beat goes on. So we're
gonna put the final makeup beat, make sure it's perfect.
Then you go to get your outfit. Then you go
into the bathroom, then you put on the shoes. The
shoes did feel a little.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
High in the moment when you.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Realized you were gonna wear them on a runway, But like,
I chose them because I wanted to be this like
draffe like animal, like that had long legs and like
these like thin I just wanted to be the giraffe,
like I just did. So then we eventually do the
(26:29):
same thing, like the lineup. But now everyone's wearing these outfits.
I've never seen what people were wearing. I've never. I've never.
I've never. I've been to the Vanity Fair party, I've
been to Fashion Week, I've been to the Emmys, I've
been to the Grammys, I literally I've never everything was
the most spectacular goddess like unique, creative, daring outfit that
(26:53):
was like so like stunning, and I just was complimenting everyone.
I was like, you stunning, Like I was freaking out
on everyone. But as people put on these dresses, they
were dispersing into these little vignette areas of think about
an opera, so it was it's the it's the opera
in Paris. So there's like vignettes everywhere, little balconies everywhere,
staircases everywhere, nooks, crannies, chandeliers everywhere. So everywhere you turned,
(27:19):
someone was doing some photo shoot, either with their own
social team or with the official social team, and they
were doing videos and you were waiting to do like
the official video and the official picture, and Nicholas, my
photographer's coming to get his because he's responsible for the
American you know, knew us girls that came in like
but then I'm sure Eva had her own photograph. It
was elaborate, it was like a circus, like like it
(27:42):
was like a symphony.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
It was like an opera. It was a symphony. It
was crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So like then we go back down to that pen
again and people are socializing and talking and hanging. And
now I start to get like, well, I gotta practice
this thing, Like I gotta practice this thing. So I
started like walking just like in short areas like where's security.
As I look at I'm like it was that good,
like the security guy like we good. Like I had
no one to talk to, and I wasn't gonna ask
like one of the real people because then I don't know,
(28:09):
it's just like they got their own thing and like
I was only asking like security people, I don't. And
then I was embarrassed, like people were watching me practice.
People weren't practicing, people like had practiced or knew how
to do it, or they were gonna do what she said,
just walk, you know how to walk?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Paula is the beautiful stowed model amongst other brands, and
she's in front of me and she's just like just
go just have fun, like do what you want to do,
like okay. So now the horses are at the starting
gate and we're about to walk out, and I look
over to the right and Heidi Klum is sitting there
in this latex gown like with her like boobs giving
and she goes, you go rocket Bethany, and I'm like,
(28:47):
what is actually going on? Like I actually think I'm
gonna be in the Victoria's Secret fashion show, I really do.
I like what Viola Davis is standing behind and Heidi
Klume to the right is saying to me, go Rocket, Bethany,
(29:07):
what the fuck is going what is that?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Like it's not even like Heidi Klumb said go rocket
before I like made a Sioux flea. It's like Heidi
Klume the Victoria's Secret like Angel, like like catwalk like
legendary angel, super model. I'm telling everyone I'm a supermodel.
Heidi Clue says, go Rocket. I'm like, what the fuck
is going on? Like I'm going to like go attempt
(29:33):
her craft and she says that to me, It's insane.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
It's insane.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It's insane, right, Like I'm like going out into the
school play and Meryl Street is like, go Rocket. I'm like,
what in the fuck is going on? So I start
So I start walking out and then you walk like
out through the tunnel like you're a sports figure. That's
like walking out, you know, like into the arena because
there's like and there's like a place you're walking into
(30:01):
before you're walking onto the stage. That make any sense,
It's like a backstage. Think like a when you see
anybody performing at Coachella or anywhere, Like, it's like that,
there's like a backstage you're gonna walk around before you're
into the main thing. So now I'm walking out and
Cara delaven is walking in and she's like, go get it, girl,
and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So
(30:25):
I walk out and I walk it and I'm happy.
And the shoe I don't even know, Like it's rainy,
it's slippery. The shoes require some attention. They're gigantic platform shoes.
They're not like walking in normal shoes. They require a
very space. You're not like gliding, You're not. They're not
ice skates, you know, You're like. So there was a
little march to it that was different than the rehearsal.
(30:47):
I feel good. I don't know what's coming out of
the oven. I don't know what people are seeing, but like,
I feel good. I want approval. I want someone tell
me I didn't to shit the bed. But like I
feel good, But I don't know, maybe I look like
a stundier.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
I walk to the end, I do my smile, to
do my twirl. I hear people's screaming. I walk back in.
You know, everyone's focused on themselves. No one's worried about
what I did. No one's telling me what I did
I could have, you know, got shit the bed. I want.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I need a person. I know.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
I don't even have a phone for someone to say,
you have great, you did great, because I left my phone.
So I'm like alone for like an hour, like looking
in my own head like did I suck?
Speaker 2 (31:24):
What is coming out of the oven? What? What the fuck?
But I felt good, like I actually felt good.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
So so then we're watching on the screen other people
because and I see this poor girl fall and another
girl helps her up.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Oh sorry.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
As I'm walking off the runway, I make the creative
and groundlings improvisational choice to put my hands out for
Viola Davis to give me a high five because she
is looking at me now. I did not think about
what if she didn't pick up what I put down,
that would have been so embarrassing. But she did because
(32:01):
she's Viola Davis. And I talked to her backstage before
we went on, and we talked about having fourteen year
old daughters. And I talked to her team and she
was lovely and I just liked her. She was just real.
She wasn't performing as nice and she wasn't being.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Aloof. She was just cool and just like she was
just Viola Davis.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And I complimented her on some things and we chatted
and that was great. But she picked up my high
five and she didn't have to. That was her running
moment going in, and she picked it up, and that's
what the event was about. That high five crystallized the
entire thing. So I leave, I come back in and
I'm just seeking for some form of life. We wait
a while, kens I wait a long time. I'm like her, Mommy,
(32:40):
We do like I don't know, do do we drink?
We start drinking champagne and then brain comes and you
did great, mommy. And then everybody comes and all this
stuff happens, and Emily's excited and she's like, we're about
to post it, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
And we're thrilled.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
And I watch it and I think it looks amazing
and I'm happy, and they put me on the JumboTron
and my team tells me they don't put everybody on
the JumboTron and I am a supermodel.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
It's amazing and people are like, you slay it it
and TikTok is loving it and most of it's Instagram
is way more evil than TikTok just so you know,
TikTok is like supportive and just all you know, all shapes,
all sizes. Instagram is real bitchy, middle aged, judgmental, miserable women.
Like that's really what it is. I mean there's a
(33:23):
lot of not that, but there's a lot of that.
I would say it's probably like fifteen percent of that,
which does feel like a lot when you're reading it.
So then people start like saying, what's with that walk?
And you were like a Clydesdale and like whatever not
everybody like it's probably like one out of ten people.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
But I'm reading that, I'm feeling I'm like.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Wait, what what? Like I they said, do what we want?
And aren't we supposed to be worth it? And aren't
we Like why would we?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Like?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Who cares?
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Like?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Am I supposed to?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
I mean I've been playing a supermodel on social media,
but I'm like, I have no experience and like I'm happy,
like what will Like it'd be different if I felt
like that girl has a right to feel like horrified
and people are making fun of her, which is actually
pure evil. You should be go to hell and drop
dead if you made fun of her, Like that's despicable,
Like that's her moment. And even still that's true, and
it's human to errs, human to forgive. It's divine. She fell,
(34:13):
it's the worst, and I just that's horrible. But maybe
she's usually perfect and that's why she fell on that day.
I didn't fall in that day because I fell on
Viola Davis backstage and because I always do something stupid.
But again, it can never just be something with me.
It can never just be like normal. And like I
did it, I had to come off and it had
to be like a discussion.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And I posted this video saying.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Like I chose those shoes, like people are like, oh
my god, I can't believe they put you in those shoes.
They didn't put me in any shoes. I chose the shoes.
I wanted to be a giraffe, like I wanted. I
didn't know it was supposed to be perfect, Like who
wants to be perfect, and this is me. This is
olive in the Little Miss Sunshine Van was olive perfect
to shoe a fucking buy focal disaster up there. I
didn't want to be a disaster, but like, I committed
(34:53):
to the bit. Whatever I was doing, I committed.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I was happy.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I wasn't uncertain. I marched to the beat of my
own drama, thrilled. I posted video saying I chose those shoes.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I wanted it.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
And it's easy to sit in judgment when you're not there,
but like I walk down and not only did I
get down and get home and did I do it?
This isn't my primary business by any means. This is
like being this age and going to fucking Canada and
starring in a lifetime movie.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
What are you crazy?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
That was nuts that I did that and I stuck
that landing because I just leaned in and I committed
to it. I committed to this and I made a choice.
This is what I'm doing. And people were like Hayters
and people were so defensive of me, like what are
you talking about? But like, let's say that I sucked.
Who cares? What are we curing cancer by catwalking? Like?
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Who can?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Like what if I fucking sucked or fell. Okay, she fell,
It's part of life. I don't want my daughter wrapped
in bubble wrap. You're gonna fall, You're gonna have snot
on your face, You're gonna have something on your teeth.
Bill Clinton had spinach on his teeth when I met
him the day of the Apprentice finale. Okay, it's gonna happen.
(36:09):
So I love what I did. I wouldn't have posted.
If I did it, I would have been horrified. It
would have been all the still pictures of me as
a supermodel. No one would have seen my walk. I
posted my walk. I was loud and proud.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
And there were people there.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
There was a woman there with a prosthetic crystal legs.
She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.
There was a woman that all day I saw, I
did not notice that she did not have a hand.
There were people that were painfully thin. There were people
that were you know, that were larger than life. There
were people that had their hair shaved bald. There were
people that had braids to their toes. There was every
(36:43):
type of person there, and like every type of walk
and every age, and like every weight and every culture,
and like what are you talking about? Like, I fucking
did what I wanted to fucking do, and I came
back and it's like, yeah, commit to the bit own
it I lived for and everyone. So it was just
(37:04):
like what and then you know, so so that was
that and I and it became it became it became
a story. It became like a news, It became like
a thing. It got so much media attention, so much
more than anyone than media attention anyone got, because it was,
you know, quintessentially what this thing was about. It's like
it was being I think I understood. I think I
understood the assignment. It was about being perfectly imperfect. It
(37:29):
was about knowing your worth.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Who's worth? Who gives you your worth? An arimez bag,
a man, a woman.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
A prize, a car, a title, a job, a raised No, you,
you look in the fucking mirror and you give yourself
a worth. I walked around for a month and a
half not even knowing this thing was coming. I was
saying it because I looked good in videos. I'm a supermodel.
It's weird that this happened because I didn't say I'm
(38:00):
a supermodel. For all those weeks leading up to this,
I didn't even know about this. I one day looked
really good, I go, I'm a supermodel, and then I
just started saying it every day. It was almost like
I was manifesting this experience. I am a supermodel. Guarantee
you I'll be walking in other fashion shows, because that's
what it's about. Loud, proud, own it, perfectly and perfect.
So I don't know much. I may have been a giraffe.
(38:23):
I may have been a Clydesdale. I may have picked
gigantic shoes. I may have not fit in like anybody else.
I may have fallen across Yola Davis's lap and Andy McDowell,
and with Jane Fonda looking on. I may have acted
like a freaking weirdo so excited I couldn't stand myself.
I may have brought the van of little Miss Sunshine
people and we were all a mess. But I know
(38:47):
one thing for sure. I understood the assignment. I understood
the assignment. The HBIIC gave an assignment. I had my
little pen and paper out, and I understood the assignment,
and I stuck the landing, and I was entirely present.
I was proud and present. So after we go out
(39:20):
to this big dinner to celebrate. I don't do well
with too much activation. I can't handle it. It's too much.
I'd had it on the tour. The tour would start
at eight o'clock at night. It would end at nine thirty.
It's a VIP meet and greet. You're talking to people,
you're talking to production. I can't sleep till four o'clock
in the morning. Activation. I can only sleep when I've
been sleeping a lot. And I get activated and I
(39:41):
stay up. I get I am spinning like a top.
I get wound up like an eight day clock. So
we go out to this dinner, but I'm in the
car and I can't get out of the car.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
No, oh, sorry, you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
No my team, Danielle de Villen for two reasons, she
said to me, Because we talked to through. I'm like
sh ring my alpha for after She's like, no, you
can come back to the hotel and change.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
But I don't really. I she's half a villain. But
we didn't think this through.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
So now this paparazzi and everything outside, they say they
need the outphit back. Now, okay, they need the outfit
back now right after the show. I didn't think that through.
I thought we could give it back later. But I
guess with fifty people, that's a dangerous game, so you
gotta give it back. I draw the line, I say
to Danielle immediately, No, I'm not putting my airplane outfit
back on. This is where I draw the line. This
is where the rubber meets the road. This is demoralizing.
(40:31):
I am not going on my stinky discussing airplane clothes
outside with paparazzi after being a supermodel in Paris Fashion Week.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
That's where you fucking lose me.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
So they had to bring over my feather dress in
me up, pulls the zipper down two inches and it's like, yeah,
you can get in. I'm like, what the fuck are
you talking about? I can't get in that. So she's
not telling me that the dress is stuck and the
feathers are stuck up and down the teeth. I'm like, miya, yeah,
I'm not small as my dog, like, I can't get
in this fuck dress. So brain has to get scissors
(41:01):
take it over. I'm naked backstage, like I'm nude. People
walking in and out, It's like completely inappropriate. And a
shit show, And so finally brain gets it open, and
I get in the feather dress for the after party,
and I get in my outfit and I'm a doll.
And I get in the car and everyone gets out
and I ball. I ball and then proceed to cry
(41:24):
on the Internet because I am so moved by the opportunity,
by the experience, by the culture, by the diversity, by
the diversity and weight, by the diversity and age, by
the diversity in flaws and imperfections, by the opportunity, by
the hard work pays off, by the living authentically, just
(41:47):
doing what you naturally do and being always being honest,
landing you on a Paris Fashion Week runway that I
did it, that I stuck the assignments.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
I balled like a baby. I was overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
I knew that I had not acted like I I
did not feel like I belonged. I was so moved
and overwhelmed with gratitude, I couldn't even barely move. And
then I got downstairs and I was crying at the
whole dinner like a weirdo with all kinds of people
and influencers and loreal people and my Sunshine team, like
like sleep once I start sleeping, I sleep. Once I'm awake,
(42:18):
I'm awake. Once I start crying, I'm crying. I was
just so exhausted, so fragile, and like it really hit me.
So we go out to dinner on mainlining drinks, don't
feel any of them because the adrenaline hanging out, being
with Brinn, taking good pictures, not entirely present, but having fun.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Get home.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
That's when I shoot the video, basically saying the giraffe
thing like I wanted to do what I did and whatever,
you know. And then I pull an all nighter. I'm
laying on Brind's head because it usually puts me to sleep,
and I'm crying into her hair, like sobbing like snoopy tears,
drowning her hair.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
And then.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Six o'clock in the morning, we have to leave for
the airport because a legend in the beauty industry has
summoned me, asked for an audience, and wants to shoot
something together, which was entirely surreal. So I get on
the plane and of oh no, it's not over go
(43:24):
through security, and of course Jane fond is standing right
next to me, because that's why I always run into it. Security,
we start chatting. She thinks she says she isn't in
first class. I offer her my seat. There's no way
Jane fond is sitting in coach. I then realize that
she doesn't know that for Air France the business is
laid down and like being in first class, so I
don't give her my seat. And then on the plane,
I see Jane Fonda twice, two to three times in
(43:45):
the galley, which is really weird, like anytime I was up.
You know, when you're up on a plane, it's dark
and you're like lurking and like everyone's sleeping. Jane and
I then we land and then I see her buy
the car again, thinking it's meant to be because I
can't believe it, and she asks me for my phone number,
so I've Jane found his phone number in my phone
(44:06):
and go back to the apartment, walk directly into a shower,
Directly open the front door, walk into a shower, go
into hair and makeup to go meet a legend in
New York City. Don't go to the suburbs where love
go into New York City and the end of the
story and the moral of the story is pros play
(44:28):
hurt
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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