June 22, 2023 • 39 mins
In our latest episode of “Katie’s Crib,” Katie reunites with Troian Bellisario for an exciting THIRD appearance on the show! As Troian has previously been on the podcast during Seasons 4 and 2, Katie digs into updates on the actresses’ parenting experiences since becoming a mother of two.
The “Pretty Little Liars” star first opens up about her exhaustion from constantly being asked if she plans to have another child, and the societal pressure that comes along with it. She also discusses work-life balance, and how she prepares her kids for when she has to travel for work without them.
The two-time Teen Choice Awards winner also shares her older daughter's involvement in language immersion school and extracurricular activities thus far. She opens up about the opportunities in exploring both, including her thoughts on child acting.
Plus, fun fact: did you know that Troian and her husband Patrick prefers being called “”mama” and “papa" instead of "mommy" and "daddy”? Tune in for the reasoning of such endearing names in this very special episode!
Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins
Producer & Editor: Casby Bias
Associate Producer: Akiya McKnight
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
You meet a mom in a park and you're like,
I have two, and they're like, I have two, and
then the inevitable next question is are you done? Are
you a mom of two? Or are you blah blah blah.
It's like, let me figure out which box to just
put myself in.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I think there's also got to be some evolution where
your body has healed, probably after two years or something,
where or you have just forgotten enough. How hard the
first few months are because I'm done, and even me,
my daughter's two and a half at the time this recording,
(00:41):
and I am looking around at little babies and I'm
having these dumb things going on in my uterus and
in my brain being like, oh my god, I'm never
having a little baby again. She's grown up, Like what
the fuck?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
That's what's weird.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. How is everybody doing.
I am coming to you live from my clawus where
I do all of my records, and I'm just really
grateful to be in this little bubble where my kids
are both at school. Vera's taken a nap. Hopefully she
doesn't wake up. And I'm very excited to use this podcast.
(01:30):
This is an excuse to hang out with one of
my closest friends who I haven't seen in a while.
She's been on the podcast twice before. Oh my gosh,
somebody get her a what do we get? What does
she get? A Katie's Crib mug, a Katie's Crib shirt.
I don't know what she gets, but this is her
third times a charm as being a guest on Katie's
Crib and her second episode is one of our most
(01:54):
listened to episodes, I think ever in the history of
the podcast, because she birthed her second baby in a car.
Yes she did, folks, and her husband caught that baby
in the passenger seat of the car. And if you
haven't listened to Troy and Bellisario and Patrick j. Adams
birth story of their little baby girl, Elliott on season
(02:15):
I think it was maybe four, might been four. Let
me tell you it is quite the listen. Even Shonda
Rhimes herself told me that she listened to the episode
and she was on the edge of her seat the
entire time. Today's guest I gotta have a catch up
and hear how it's going, because I haven't talked to
her much lately, and I want to know how it
is going with two girls transitioning to a family of four.
(02:39):
The one and Only troy and Belisario is here today, folks.
She's an actress, writer, director, and producer. She's best known
for starring as Spencer Hastings in the television series Pretty
Little Liars. She also most recently starred opposite Kate Blanchett
in the Anna Purna feature Where'd You Go? Bernadette Troyan
was the lead of John Avnett's web series Whigs. She
also started in the remas the French cult classic Martyrs
(03:02):
and Feed, a Sony feature that she wrote, produced and
acted in herself Try and Start alongside her husband and
fellow actor Patrick Adams in the twenty nineteen Toronto International
Film Festival selection Clara and She has won two Teen
Choice Awards and a Young Hollywood Award. Tryan, thanks for
being on Katie's Crib.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Again, Hi trya.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Oh my god, Hi, this is your third Katie's Crib episode.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I almost texted you. I almost text you to be like, YO,
what are we talking about are we talking about someone specific?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I basically told the listeners that I sometimes just also
use Katie's crib to hang out with my favorite moms
and just be like, how are you doing? Are you okay?
Like are we okay? Is this happening? The first time
you came on, we talked about brain and burnout. The
second time we came on, we talked about the greatest
birth story that has ever graced the air wa which was.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Just two years ago on Monday, Elliott turned two on Monday.
She did, yeah, and I.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Can't see that's why we're supposed to do this now.
And I literally had a text from Shonda Rhimes that
was like, that was the greatest episode I've ever heard
of anything in my entire life. I was on the
edge of my seat. The birth story is amazing, and
I really just want to have you on and hear
about I think the transition from one to two is
(04:38):
a big deal that deserves attention. But I also want
to hear because you have been killing it, and you
in the past bunch of months at the time this
recording have been very heavily back at work, and I'm
curious how that identity shift has been, and I'm curious
to hear how Aurora is taking to being a big
sister and how you are juggling being a mom of
(05:02):
two since she just turned two, big milestone. What are
we succeeding at and what are we failing at?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Okay, let's see we're failing. I'll start with what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I love that you start there.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm not star I'm not going to success is well,
because what I feel very strongly right now is the
and I felt this I remember like right around two
with Aurora, is the like am I done? Question seems
to be like really following me around like yours cloud.
And I think it's because it's just a generic thing
(05:41):
that like you meet a mom in a park and
you're like, I have two, and they're like I have two,
and then the inevitable next question is are you done?
Are you a mom of two? Or are you blah
blah blah, and it's like, let me figure out which
box to just put myself in.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I think there's also got to be some evolution where
your body has probably after two years or something, where
or you you have just forgotten enough how hard the
first few months are. Because I'm done, and even me.
My daughter's two and a half at the time this recording,
(06:15):
and I am looking around at little babies and I'm
having these dumb things going on in my uterus and
in my brain, being like, oh my god, I'm never
having a little baby again. She's grown up, Like what
the fuck?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
That's what's weird.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
And I'm looking at photos and pictures of them as
those little little babies and I don't really remember it,
and I know now it's gone, and am I done?
So if I even had an inkling of being unsure,
I would see a lot of who like what am
I feeling? What do I want to do? I just
(06:55):
met someone who's pregnant with a third two, and I
was like, wait, am I done? I'm done? I'm done? Right.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
And it's hard because it's like whoever you talk to,
they're the ones who are doing it right. At work
the other day, sat on set with two people who
have three kids, and they're like, you're going to have
that third because it's they play in a pack. They
were just telling me all the reasons three is the
magic number, and I was not going to stop it too.
It's perfect whatever you are, wherever.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
You are, people have to convince themselves wholeheartedly that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
But where they are.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Cho the right choice, right, I think that's it. I
think people also get thrown if any one of their
child is what we would call difficult or extra spirited,
because they might have more hands full, you know what
I mean, where they're it's like, holy shit, I literally can't.
I don't have the bandwidth. But if you have a
(07:49):
family unit where the kids are on the spectrum of
easy and difficult, leaning more towards easier, then in that
day listen in and they're sort of set up in
their school life and they're like okay, versus like a
kid like I don't know, needs a lot more extra attention.
Then sometimes I might feel like my bandwidth has been reached.
(08:10):
But from an outsider, I'm like, do a third, Try.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
To do a third.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
But it's so funny. Patrick was literally like what are you?
When would you? What time were you talking about? I
think the hard thing is like I was so enmeshed
and just about me, like my relationship with Aurora. And
that was because not like in an an unhealthy way,
(08:35):
I hope not, but because Patrick was working so much
during her first year, she was attached to me all
the time, Like literally I was wearing her. I would
go visit him on set, we'd nap together, I'd take
her home. It was just like primary and primal, like
we were never without each other. And then when Elliott
came in, I was really speaking about going from one
(08:57):
to two. I was like totally terrified. I wept after
who knows why I wept. I'd given birth in a car.
I'm sure I was reaping for a moment.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
But.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Car in five seconds.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, I cried in the room because I felt a
like I remember so much you talking about your experience
with I'll be first being born, because like when Aurora
was born, we all have our different experiences, but I
was immediately attached to her. And then when Elliott was born,
I was getting all of these pictures from Aurora at
(09:32):
home and I was like, oh my god, like is
she okay? Like it was a night away from her,
and I was here with this new being that I
was seemingly totally strange to me. I felt the difference,
and I felt guilty not only for leaving Aurora and
for changing our relationship, but guilty for not feeling the
(09:55):
same towards Elliott. That I did immediately with Aurora, and
then you know, it's amazing because that totally changes. I
love being with my two girls, and what would be
really challenging about a third is like the dynamic of
putting Elliott in the spot of middle child. I experienced
(10:16):
being a middle child. I know Patrick experience being a
middle child. There's a lot of specific pain that goes
with that. And now I'm so deeply connected with her,
I'm like that she wouldn't be an amazing sister, but
that is something where I'm like, wow, right now, you're
the baby, and that's a certain kind of attention, of
certain kind of love, and you have this protected boulder sister,
(10:37):
and there's not somebody under you that I'm like, can
you go over there and play with that. I'm with
the baby.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Right I'm breastfeeding. I'm the daba. You said you connected
to Aurora like immediately, and Elliott was a different experience
from the jump. How long do you think it took
you to connect to Elliott.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I would say it was within that first the first
forty days. I wanted to be in the flow of
what I was in with Aurora before Elliott was born,
and even though I was really pregnant. I was always
there for her. It was her and me. We could
go out, we could have a lunch date, we could
go do this, we could go do that. And then
when Elliott was born, both of us during those first
(11:17):
that like fourth trimester like they call it, we were
kind of house written and she couldn't go out, and
I was a little bit more like agitated. I was like, Okay, great,
now the baby's born, and like she's out in the
world and she's ten days old. I'm a little bit
more like.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Ooh, it was covid. I want to hibernate. I want
to make sure her immunity is up, my immunities up.
I want to heal exactly, do all those things. I
love that. I love that. And Aurora is like, the fuck,
where's my schedule exactly, and was.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Like I want to go outside and play. And I
was kind of like, okay, I'm gonna you're gonna go
out with papa. But that was the thing, was like,
that was her chance to bond with Patrick. That was
amazing to see in that, If I'm completely honest, I
was horror her in a way because he was working
all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
His schedule was stacked against him. Adam loves nothing more
like I had to go away for work for eight nights,
which was the longest I've ever done from Albi and Vera,
and like, no judgment for anyone that's done way longer
than that, way younger. I think it's such a personal thing.
But for some reason that wasn't sitting right with me,
and Adam was like, get the fuck out of here.
(12:25):
They don't want me when you're around. I want my shot.
I want Vera to like be able to like only
depend on me, because if you're around, she wants you.
This is a gift to me. So can you please
go and not keep so concerned about your own feelings here?
I want to hear the kids, and I'm like, and
(12:47):
not that he doesn't when I'm here, it's just the
odds are stacked against him. My daughter just really wants me,
and that's that right now, totally. So you having to
really be home with Elliott was patch a chance to
really bond in a different way with Aurora, which makes
perfect sense.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It was so good.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Do you remember bringing Elliott home to meet Aurora?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
God, I don't remember it, but because I have videos
of it, I have since formed a video memory name.
I don't have my own memory of it. Yeah, yeah,
I remember we brought her in. We still did the
thing with the dogs where it was like we brought
the dogs out. We brought them something to smell of Elliot's,
which really wasn't that hard considering Elliott was all over
(13:43):
all of our clothes in our car cars. Just come
out here, I think. Actually we brought Aurora to the
front door to meet Elliott. We really wanted her to
see her and welcome her and be a part of
bringing her in the house.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
In the house nic yeah, nice. Is she like into
it being a big sister or does she fucking hate it?
Did she hate it?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
First?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Has she changed?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
She's such a good big sister, It's crazy. I mean,
you know, she's had moments which are like so amazing,
you know, like you could put them in like a
children's book where she'll like sit down and she's like this, Mama,
it's really hard sometimes to have a little sister, you
know what I mean. And I'm like, yeah, man, I
get you. But it's never a like she never wanted
to kill her, she never wanted to drown her.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You know what I mean. Or like as good there,
that's real, that's real.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
It's so real.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I know so many, so many friends whose kids have
been like can you take the baby back? Like I
don't like this, you know, And she just was always
really into the baby being here. And now even when
Elliott's like, Elliot's such a total beast mode kind of girl.
(14:58):
You know, she's just like a big old brute. And Aurora,
I love her. It's so good.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
She's like a little tang and and Aurora really like
empathizes with her, you know, like did she she gets
frustrated with her, but she will often when Elliott can't
express something because she's like a little bit later to
communication than Aurora was.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
So are my too?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Oh really?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Oh my god? Have that been a shock of like
your first was? I took so for granted, Like I
never talked to Albi like a baby ever. He was
so verbal. So early on with Aurora has had to
be in massive speech classes. I don't understand what she's saying.
(15:43):
She was delayed X, Y and Z, and then the
person I took her to these speech classes and this
therapist was like, well are you doing like twinkle twinkle
and say bye? Bye and say hello. And I was
like no, and she was like, yeah, this kid like
needs you to like do baby like imitation stuff because
like imitation is the basis of language. And she's oh interesting,
(16:05):
and I was like, oh fucking shit, I have to
do what.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
And then similarly, just how you already can't compare two
different people, but you know, Albie's really really smeasures really small.
You know, he's like the lowest percentage of height and weight,
and he's the older but he's going to be thirteen
and Viera's going to be ten and she's going to
be towering over him. Oh wow, she's really really tall. Yeah.
(16:33):
Are you having experiences like that too? Where the two
girls are so vastly different.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
They're so vastly different, but they're like, they're both really tall,
they both of our kids. Like everybody who sees them
thinks they're at least two years older than they are.
They do have very different body types. Elliot's just like,
first of all, she looks exactly like Patrick.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Oh yeah, it's Bonanma, just like Troyan and you birthed Patrick.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah. And then there's this little like bird girl is Aurora.
It's really cool because the way that they move through
the world. It's almost like they help each other in
a funny way. So far, it's been working really well
Aurora because she's so tall, like she'll get things for Elliott.
Elliot's like, really, she's a little bit slower to communicate
(17:22):
and Aurora's If she says something and I misunderstand, Aurora's
like right there with being like she wants this, that's
what she's saying, and I was like, oh my god,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Oh same. It's been the greatest gift because when we
leave them with a babysitter or or she goes to
a school class or something and Albe's there, I always
tell the teacher. I'm like, if you can't understand Vera
or what she needs or wants to, just ask Albi
and he'll tell you. Because Alby is the only person
that understands her whole language.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
That's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It's so sweet speaking about language, which is something I
really wanted to talk to you about and we've never
talked about. On Katie's crib. Aurora is at a language
immersion school, and I want to know how you chose that,
why you chose that, why that's a value to you.
I think it's so fascinating. I wish I had done it.
(18:12):
Can you explain that to our listeners?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Because I didn't grow up in any sort of a
bilingual household. When I came to language my brain, it
was so hard for me. And I noticed that in
so many people that I meet in the world, if
they didn't learn a language really really young. It doesn't
matter what language, but there's just like a neuroplasticity that's
(18:37):
like calcified, and it's really hard to move through that.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Yep, yep, agreed.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
I think there's also just like a real not to
get political, but like a real rejection of like America
first feeling, because I like the idea that she goes
to a school and somebody speaks to her in a
different language and it's not a like, Ooh, your other
that's weird. It's okay. I to try to work to
(19:02):
understand you and learn what you're saying so that we
can communicate, and that's how I can move through the world.
So I want her to have that so that when
she goes to other places in the world, it's not
a like, God, why don't they speak English. I'm hoping
that she'll be like, Okay, that's the language I need
to speak to get around here. What can I do
to learn the base words? What can I do to
(19:25):
even just learn? I'm sorry, I only speak English. Can
you help me?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
That is the coolest thing ever. I was so excited
to talk to you today because I was thinking about it.
My amazing Miriam, who has been my nanny since my
kids were eight weeks old, or my son it was
for five and a half years, like, she only speaks
to them in Spanish, and the best, Oh my god.
But what's weird is my children understand every single thing.
(19:50):
My son is five and a half, she only speaks
to him in Spanish. He understands every single thing she
says and responds to her in English and does not
speak Spanish. But then one of my closest friends in
a similar boat, their nanny also only spoke to their
son in Spanish, and what was so cool was that
she immediately put him in Spanish classes. He's in a
(20:14):
he's in a basement of a church in Spanish class
on Saturdays for about five hours on a Saturday. And
she lets him watch television but only in Spanish, so
he only watches TV in Spanish every single day, and
the kid won't speak Spanish to his parents, but when
she picks him up from the church basement on Saturdays,
(20:35):
the teachers come out and they say he's unbelievable. His
pronunciation is unbelievable, and he's completely fluent. So did I
miss the boat? Like am I supposed right now? Yea half?
I feel like we're done. Send him to college. I
fucked up failure. He's a fucking American that only knows English,
(20:57):
like a fucking dumb dumb ass parents.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
No, oh no, I think the only thing that matters
is the practicing of it. My mom constantly tells me.
She's like, you know, you were fluent in Portuguese when
we were little because we had like a Portuguese nanny,
And I was like, what right? But I think it's
just about practicing, you know, like whatever you're immersed in,
And so if I'll be speaking of Miriam in Spanish,
it's just going to be about giving him opportunities to
(21:23):
continue that. Dude, You're fine.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
The minute this podcast ep is over, as I'm texting
my friend Becky and I'm gonna be like, where is
Miles taking Spanish? I wish that is just such a gift.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I wish I was somebody who was bilingual, or maybe
maybe it would be cool if she had two parents
who once spoke Spanish primarily and like one spoke English primarily.
I just want to do this for her and see
if it can maybe help her brain development in a
different way.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
So what's the spattering of Aurora, Like, what's the spattering
of stuff? Are you trying a bunch of different stuff
to see what she's into? Is it like a dance
and an art and a sport.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
That's another really cool thing that she gets to do
at school is like try a bunch of different extracurricular things.
And so it's just like we're like, you want to
be in soccer, You're in soccer. You want to be
in gymnastics, You're also in gymnastics. And I take her
to dance class. And then the cool thing for me
is particularly the classes that I get to go to
her with that like aren't just at school. I just
(22:28):
go and I really never force her to participate. Aurora
gets really shot. She's like a very observant. She needs
to get a lay of the land before she jumps
into something. And so I've been in a lot of
classes where I've taken her and we spent the whole
(22:48):
class with her just sitting in my lap watching, and
I'm like, Okay, well that's her experience of the class
because she didn't feel up to jumping in there, and
I'm not going to push her. But she's she's a
really physical person once she gets engaged, and so I
think we just want to like feed that as much
as possible and really give her an opportunity to figure
(23:12):
out what she likes.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I think that's awesome. I'm asking because I'm like, I
don't sign up Albi for much things. I was hoping
to sort of take his lead on what to sign
him up for, and that hasn't really been happening. So
I might have to take it upon myself to try
a karate or anaaic or speaking of, how do you
and Patrick Adams feel about signing her up for like
(23:36):
a Tiny Spotlight like acting thing, because my god, I
don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Is Albi like into it?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
I don't know, but I'm too scared to tell all
my friends their kids are in like Tiny Spotlight or
like baby dramatics and they're doing like Frozen or trolls, movie,
the play, and they're all getting up and doing all
this stuff. And I don't know some actor parents friends
I have, and you two are the only few people
who are like both people are actors in the relationship.
(24:05):
The same with me and Adam. And I've just been like, Nope, no, nope,
he's not signing up, Nope, not playing an acting, not
doing it. And then I am like, but come on,
acting teachers confidence and getting up in front of a
group of people, and he won't catch the bug, will
be okay, he's not going to be an actor. And
then I'm like, no, have you and Patrick had any
(24:27):
thoughts on this? Lord?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
We have not. But but I think to me what
it comes from is like there's so many different things, right.
I remember being a kid and wanting to play storytime, right,
and like wanting to be the princess, wanting to put
on a performance for my parents or whatever, like stressed
out and make a play. But by the time I'm
thinking about, like, you know, middle school, when I was
(24:50):
like making little films with my friends, like I did
really want to be an actor and knew that I
wanted to do that. I don't know, I feel like
there's a difference between like theater and the acting programs,
you know what I mean. Like, I guess I want
them to understand. I want my kids to understand what
it is that we do before they decide I want
(25:12):
to be in a you know, a tiny spotlight class
or something.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what
you're saying.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Because right now I think we're just really fortunate and
that we've we've had so many experiences of being like,
look who's on the screen, and you know, they're both like,
that's Papa, you know what I mean, and they just
have a shit but totally really cool. When we got
to go visit Patrick in New York when he was
on Broadway, to get the kids up on the stage
(25:40):
and to try to explain to them, this is what
the work that papa's working on right now. And people
come in and they sit in these chairs and then
Papa stands up here and he tells a story and
the lights go down. Wow, we're a little bit under
trying to explain that to them. There's something they.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Get that yet they're not there yet.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
I'm sure Albe is probably I'm terrified.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Well, he's such a performer in our house and I'm like, ooh, Lord,
have mercy, Like I don't know, I don't know, but
I'm like you, like, I wanted to be an actor
from the time I was little. I was always performing.
But I was already in dance classes by three. I
was already like, you know, the school play. By five
years old. I had the bug. Yeah, and I just
loved it. I was in like an acting class by
(26:25):
the time I was like eight or nine.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
But that was from you.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Yes, it was totally from me.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
They're going to be exposed to it. That's why I'm
a little bit like, obviously, no shame on people who
want to put their kids in some sort of extracurricular
you know, activity, that's like a little spoil later saying
to me, if they experience it and they're like, that's
what I want to do, then I'm like, Okay, well,
I guess I got to go on this right now
and see what that came out.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Try and if we come back on this podcast in
twenty years and our kids are like all actors, I'm
just going to be like, oh my god, like what
is happening? Question? Why does Patrick? Which I love and
(27:15):
I've always wanted to ask you this. He goes by
papa and not daddy.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I think we just we both decided that we didn't like,
we really didn't like mommy and daddy, and so I
think we both agreed when they were born that we
were like, you know, you're you're the ones who are
calling each other mommy, like mommy and daddy or MoMA
and papa before. And so we just really liked mama
and papa before. And it's so funny because when Weora
(27:41):
first came home from school, she started because they would
talk to her about like your daddy at home or
your mommy at home. And so I remember the first
time she came home from school and she was like
mommy and I was like what and she was like
mommy and I was like uh uh no, no, no, no, no,
what do we?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
What do we?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Who are you calling? Who are you calling? A mama?
And then and then she was really funny because then
she started funny, having fun with it. She was like
momy and I was like, oh man.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
So funny. That's hilarious. I always wondered that because when
they come over for a plate and they're like papa,
I'm like, because my dad is papa.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
My grandgrandparent.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
In Pranta's grandpa, he's papa, And so I was like, oh,
I wonder if that Patrick and Troyan consciously chose that,
which you did, and I love.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I think, just for both of us, like to be
completely honest without getting like too far into our psychees.
We both have very very traumatic relationships to the names
mommy and daddy. You know, whether it was like the
pressure to call dad daddy you know, from me, or
like or just whatever, whatever that relationship is, we just
(28:52):
didn't have it with our parents, and so it felt
false to put that onto our kids. That's where that
comes from.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
How has it been with two kids going back to
work full course.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Well, it's been really interesting because for me, I think
just particularly because of the kinds of jobs that lined up,
I was really fortunate in that I didn't really ever
have to go back to work. I didn't really have
the chance to go back to work full time until recently.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
And then you went back to work so full time,
I mean so full time zero to one hundred. Yeah, yeah,
I mean you had jobs, but I mean, like to
go from like it's not out there yet, but you know,
try and booked a very big job that had a
lot of responsibility attached, and I was just serious, like
how it's been feeling juggling that with two kids.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
It's been hard. Thank God for our incredible nanny, Raina,
and and to be completely honest, like, while Patrick was away,
we met two other wonderful like part time nannies that
were looking for extra work. And so since Rena was
(30:12):
there with me during the day, I was kind of
like going just nights by myself. Patrick was kind of like,
I feel like you should ask for help on some nights,
just if some nights it's like too much to do by.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Yourself, totally. So I did the same thing when Adam
was in Budapest shooting, I did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah, so we met too really wonderful part time nanni's
and they sort of like come in and help Patrick.
Because now it's really the reverse, right, It's like I
leave before the girls wake up, or I'm shooting nights
and I don't get to see them at all, and
I really just can't be relied upon for anything, whether
(30:51):
it's dropping her off at school or picking her up
or you know, having dinner ready, all of these things
that for the past five years, I've been really ondoing.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Has that been a huge adjustment for Aurora.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
They will both have sort of emotional moments. Particularly. I
think the wonderful thing is the weekends. Weekends, I get
a lot of snuggles and there's a lot of excitement around, like, oh,
you're home, or you're home for dinner. Elliott even like recently,
she was so happy. It was Sunday or something, I
think it was Mother's Day and she turned to me
(31:27):
and she was like, Mama home and Papa home. Mama
home and Papa home. And I was like, yeah, like
we're both here, and it was it kind of broke
my heart in away because I was like, oh my god,
you're realizing that this is not like the norm, and
that's so heartbreaking to me. But one of the real
reasons that I took this job is because it's, in
(31:49):
terms of television, like a pretty short commitment.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right, it's finite. So it's like, even if it kicks
your ass and you're so not present as a mother,
yeah for ten weeks. It's ten weeks. It's not like
ten years. It's not like a full year. There's a
finish line.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
There's a finish line, and it's close enough to La
that I was coming home. I was spending every night
at home, so I was still making it home some
nights if I got you know, if I left early
enough for dinner and bedtime, or when I'm shooting nights,
I get to like pick up Aurora from school and
you know, spend some time with Elliott during the day.
So it's like, I'm really it was truly it is
(32:29):
truly a dream job in that I get to do
what I want to do acting wise, and it's such
a great like commitment and responsibility. And then conversely, it's
close to home, so I'm here and I have weekends
and it's short.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Did you have any guidance, like like in preparing for it?
Do you have sit down conversations with Aurora where you're like, like,
mom booked a big you know, mom has a job
and I'm not going to be around as much, Like
do you prepare for to yours? Do you find that
that brings up too much anxiety? It's better to just
like jump in and let her adjust.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
No, No, we do a lot of preparation. I mean,
both kids, just like they both thrive on preparing for transitions.
They thrive on preparation. They hate fast transitions. And so
I was actually in Rye again, and I remembered as
I was talking about, like to Wendy, your class leader,
(33:25):
I was like, how do I do this? Blah blah
blah blah, and she was like, why don't you write
them a book?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Like and you can draw like stick figures. And I
remembered when I had to go away to shoot something
for the first time I was going to be away
from Aurora when I was pregnant with Elliott. I drew
her her own coloring book that was about the time
we were going to spend away and that she could
FaceTime me and hear the people who are there for
you and I'm thinking about you every day. And it
(33:52):
was really helpful to read that with her, probably for
my psyche, Yeah, just to like talk about it and
it not to be in a sort of like traumatic
like no, I need to be leaving. I'm like leaving
out the door. It's like I'm right here, we're in bed,
we're talking about it. It feels chill. And so that
was a big thing of like, well, I got to
(34:14):
go to work and I'm thinking about you always, and
I can't wait to see you again. These are the
people if you ever need me, like you FaceTime me
and I'll let you know when I'm coming home. So
that's been really helpful for transitions.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I'd say, when do you feel like you're going to
decide yay or nay? As we wrap up here with this.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Oh my god, are you talking about the third Oh well,
the joke, yeah, The joke that I always say is
like they are so loved and they are exactly the
beings that we're meant to be here.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Because Aurora and Elliott chose to be here and Patrick
and Troy and are choosing for these beings to be here.
It was just like, wait, what's happening. We're being Okay,
we're being parents now. So I think that's really the
The stance that I take is like I've been fortunate
enough to not have to make a choice about when
I have kids. So we'll see if another one decides
(35:10):
to come in, we'll see.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
We'll see if a spirit is circling the Belisario Adam's household.
We shall see if something is circling and will make
themselves known. In closing, do you remember I know Elliott
is two. Now, was there anything that you used from
your registry with either kid that you were like, this
(35:35):
is the most important thing I've gotten and have used endlessly.
When they were babies.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
We were so into the snow. And I know that
that's like super controversial because I have since circulated because
we bought the snow and then like gifted it to
every single one of our friends. We were just like,
it around, it's the most expensive fucking thing, but like
legitimately nobody else respect they were just like, it didn't work,
(36:03):
they didn't like it, blah blah blah. And so we
were like, Okay, both of our kids loved it great.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
I loved it. I loved having this SNeW because it
was for me. It was really just a bassinette to
have them next.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
To me that can kind of rock them, that can
rock them.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Yeah, and they love that motion. And both my girls
really dug it. So that's that's what I would say.
I'm trying to think if there was anything else.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
This snow's amazing. Harve doctor Harvey Karp, who invented this
new has been on Katie's Crib season one. He's amazing.
But also this new if it is out of your
price range because it is expensive. I believe they even
have programs now that you can rent them.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
Amazing.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Yeah, I think you can even rent them. Or I
know people who've gone in on it with other families,
Like you're doing January, I'm doing April, you're doing whatever.
Let's all chip in, split it three ways and pass
it between the three family.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
I think that's a great idea because the window of
using it is pretty small. You know, Yes, it's so
wonderful during that window, especially when you need all the
sleep you can get. But I think that's a great
idea to like chip in with other families or to
rent because like you know, like we were not when
we were done with it, we were like, Okay, I
guess it's passing it along.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
And my next question is finish this sentence. I'm not
sure if you answered it. Well your either episode one
or two, Parenthood is.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Oh my god, it's so stupid. I was just gonna no,
it's so embarrassing. I was just thinking, like the best
I was just.
Speaker 5 (37:42):
I love that no one says that, and you should
let it be celebrated, like I think that Katie's crib
people come to cry and not feel alone and hear
scary things, but then they also hear that like it
also is good guys.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Troy and Belle Sario says parenthood is the best. Taking
it from her, if your baby in a fucking car, because.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
I really was thinking, like, it's so hard, it's so complicated,
it's so trying. It's basically what makes you want to
pass out at night. It changes your whole life and
changes your whole marriage, and not always in a good way.
But at the end of the day, there's this creature
in the world that you are, Like, Wow, I get
(38:27):
to know you. I know you so well. I'm just
so grateful that I get to have that relationship with
two human beings. It's the coolest Tryan.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
I'm so grateful that you have done three episodes of
Katie's Crib and that it is going amazingly. You're killing it.
Your children are gorgeous, your family of four is phenomenal,
and I love you so yours for coming back on
Katie's Crib.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I can't wait for us to get together in real
life and celebrate again. Thank you so much for asking
me back. It's always always a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Let me know. You can always find me at Katiescrib
at shondaland dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of
Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from
Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
(39:28):
you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
You meet a mom in a park and you're like,
I have two, and they're like, I have two, and
then the inevitable next question is are you done? Are
you a mom of two? Or are you blah blah blah.
It's like, let me figure out which box to just
put myself in.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I think there's also got to be some evolution where
your body has healed, probably after two years or something,
where or you have just forgotten enough. How hard the
first few months are because I'm done, and even me,
my daughter's two and a half at the time this recording,
(00:41):
and I am looking around at little babies and I'm
having these dumb things going on in my uterus and
in my brain being like, oh my god, I'm never
having a little baby again. She's grown up, Like what
the fuck?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
That's what's weird.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. How is everybody doing.
I am coming to you live from my clawus where
I do all of my records, and I'm just really
grateful to be in this little bubble where my kids
are both at school. Vera's taken a nap. Hopefully she
doesn't wake up. And I'm very excited to use this podcast.
(01:30):
This is an excuse to hang out with one of
my closest friends who I haven't seen in a while.
She's been on the podcast twice before. Oh my gosh,
somebody get her a what do we get? What does
she get? A Katie's Crib mug, a Katie's Crib shirt.
I don't know what she gets, but this is her
third times a charm as being a guest on Katie's
Crib and her second episode is one of our most
(01:54):
listened to episodes, I think ever in the history of
the podcast, because she birthed her second baby in a car.
Yes she did, folks, and her husband caught that baby
in the passenger seat of the car. And if you
haven't listened to Troy and Bellisario and Patrick j. Adams
birth story of their little baby girl, Elliott on season
(02:15):
I think it was maybe four, might been four. Let
me tell you it is quite the listen. Even Shonda
Rhimes herself told me that she listened to the episode
and she was on the edge of her seat the
entire time. Today's guest I gotta have a catch up
and hear how it's going, because I haven't talked to
her much lately, and I want to know how it
is going with two girls transitioning to a family of four.
(02:39):
The one and Only troy and Belisario is here today, folks.
She's an actress, writer, director, and producer. She's best known
for starring as Spencer Hastings in the television series Pretty
Little Liars. She also most recently starred opposite Kate Blanchett
in the Anna Purna feature Where'd You Go? Bernadette Troyan
was the lead of John Avnett's web series Whigs. She
also started in the remas the French cult classic Martyrs
(03:02):
and Feed, a Sony feature that she wrote, produced and
acted in herself Try and Start alongside her husband and
fellow actor Patrick Adams in the twenty nineteen Toronto International
Film Festival selection Clara and She has won two Teen
Choice Awards and a Young Hollywood Award. Tryan, thanks for
being on Katie's Crib.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Again, Hi trya.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Oh my god, Hi, this is your third Katie's Crib episode.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I almost texted you. I almost text you to be like, YO,
what are we talking about are we talking about someone specific?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I basically told the listeners that I sometimes just also
use Katie's crib to hang out with my favorite moms
and just be like, how are you doing? Are you okay?
Like are we okay? Is this happening? The first time
you came on, we talked about brain and burnout. The
second time we came on, we talked about the greatest
birth story that has ever graced the air wa which was.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Just two years ago on Monday, Elliott turned two on Monday.
She did, yeah, and I.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Can't see that's why we're supposed to do this now.
And I literally had a text from Shonda Rhimes that
was like, that was the greatest episode I've ever heard
of anything in my entire life. I was on the
edge of my seat. The birth story is amazing, and
I really just want to have you on and hear
about I think the transition from one to two is
(04:38):
a big deal that deserves attention. But I also want
to hear because you have been killing it, and you
in the past bunch of months at the time this
recording have been very heavily back at work, and I'm
curious how that identity shift has been, and I'm curious
to hear how Aurora is taking to being a big
sister and how you are juggling being a mom of
(05:02):
two since she just turned two, big milestone. What are
we succeeding at and what are we failing at?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Okay, let's see we're failing. I'll start with what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I love that you start there.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm not star I'm not going to success is well,
because what I feel very strongly right now is the
and I felt this I remember like right around two
with Aurora, is the like am I done? Question seems
to be like really following me around like yours cloud.
And I think it's because it's just a generic thing
(05:41):
that like you meet a mom in a park and
you're like, I have two, and they're like I have two,
and then the inevitable next question is are you done?
Are you a mom of two? Or are you blah
blah blah, and it's like, let me figure out which
box to just put myself in.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I think there's also got to be some evolution where
your body has probably after two years or something, where
or you you have just forgotten enough how hard the
first few months are. Because I'm done, and even me.
My daughter's two and a half at the time this recording,
(06:15):
and I am looking around at little babies and I'm
having these dumb things going on in my uterus and
in my brain, being like, oh my god, I'm never
having a little baby again. She's grown up, Like what
the fuck?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
That's what's weird.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
And I'm looking at photos and pictures of them as
those little little babies and I don't really remember it,
and I know now it's gone, and am I done?
So if I even had an inkling of being unsure,
I would see a lot of who like what am
I feeling? What do I want to do? I just
(06:55):
met someone who's pregnant with a third two, and I
was like, wait, am I done? I'm done? I'm done? Right.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
And it's hard because it's like whoever you talk to,
they're the ones who are doing it right. At work
the other day, sat on set with two people who
have three kids, and they're like, you're going to have
that third because it's they play in a pack. They
were just telling me all the reasons three is the
magic number, and I was not going to stop it too.
It's perfect whatever you are, wherever.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
You are, people have to convince themselves wholeheartedly that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
But where they are.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Cho the right choice, right, I think that's it. I
think people also get thrown if any one of their
child is what we would call difficult or extra spirited,
because they might have more hands full, you know what
I mean, where they're it's like, holy shit, I literally can't.
I don't have the bandwidth. But if you have a
(07:49):
family unit where the kids are on the spectrum of
easy and difficult, leaning more towards easier, then in that
day listen in and they're sort of set up in
their school life and they're like okay, versus like a
kid like I don't know, needs a lot more extra attention.
Then sometimes I might feel like my bandwidth has been reached.
(08:10):
But from an outsider, I'm like, do a third, Try.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
To do a third.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
But it's so funny. Patrick was literally like what are you?
When would you? What time were you talking about? I
think the hard thing is like I was so enmeshed
and just about me, like my relationship with Aurora. And
that was because not like in an an unhealthy way,
(08:35):
I hope not, but because Patrick was working so much
during her first year, she was attached to me all
the time, Like literally I was wearing her. I would
go visit him on set, we'd nap together, I'd take
her home. It was just like primary and primal, like
we were never without each other. And then when Elliott
came in, I was really speaking about going from one
(08:57):
to two. I was like totally terrified. I wept after
who knows why I wept. I'd given birth in a car.
I'm sure I was reaping for a moment.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
But.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Car in five seconds.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, I cried in the room because I felt a
like I remember so much you talking about your experience
with I'll be first being born, because like when Aurora
was born, we all have our different experiences, but I
was immediately attached to her. And then when Elliott was born,
I was getting all of these pictures from Aurora at
(09:32):
home and I was like, oh my god, like is
she okay? Like it was a night away from her,
and I was here with this new being that I
was seemingly totally strange to me. I felt the difference,
and I felt guilty not only for leaving Aurora and
for changing our relationship, but guilty for not feeling the
(09:55):
same towards Elliott. That I did immediately with Aurora, and
then you know, it's amazing because that totally changes. I
love being with my two girls, and what would be
really challenging about a third is like the dynamic of
putting Elliott in the spot of middle child. I experienced
(10:16):
being a middle child. I know Patrick experience being a
middle child. There's a lot of specific pain that goes
with that. And now I'm so deeply connected with her,
I'm like that she wouldn't be an amazing sister, but
that is something where I'm like, wow, right now, you're
the baby, and that's a certain kind of attention, of
certain kind of love, and you have this protected boulder sister,
(10:37):
and there's not somebody under you that I'm like, can
you go over there and play with that. I'm with
the baby.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Right I'm breastfeeding. I'm the daba. You said you connected
to Aurora like immediately, and Elliott was a different experience
from the jump. How long do you think it took
you to connect to Elliott.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I would say it was within that first the first
forty days. I wanted to be in the flow of
what I was in with Aurora before Elliott was born,
and even though I was really pregnant. I was always
there for her. It was her and me. We could
go out, we could have a lunch date, we could
go do this, we could go do that. And then
when Elliott was born, both of us during those first
(11:17):
that like fourth trimester like they call it, we were
kind of house written and she couldn't go out, and
I was a little bit more like agitated. I was like, Okay, great,
now the baby's born, and like she's out in the
world and she's ten days old. I'm a little bit
more like.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Ooh, it was covid. I want to hibernate. I want
to make sure her immunity is up, my immunities up.
I want to heal exactly, do all those things. I
love that. I love that. And Aurora is like, the fuck,
where's my schedule exactly, and was.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Like I want to go outside and play. And I
was kind of like, okay, I'm gonna you're gonna go
out with papa. But that was the thing, was like,
that was her chance to bond with Patrick. That was
amazing to see in that, If I'm completely honest, I
was horror her in a way because he was working
all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
His schedule was stacked against him. Adam loves nothing more
like I had to go away for work for eight nights,
which was the longest I've ever done from Albi and Vera,
and like, no judgment for anyone that's done way longer
than that, way younger. I think it's such a personal thing.
But for some reason that wasn't sitting right with me,
and Adam was like, get the fuck out of here.
(12:25):
They don't want me when you're around. I want my shot.
I want Vera to like be able to like only
depend on me, because if you're around, she wants you.
This is a gift to me. So can you please
go and not keep so concerned about your own feelings here?
I want to hear the kids, and I'm like, and
(12:47):
not that he doesn't when I'm here, it's just the
odds are stacked against him. My daughter just really wants me,
and that's that right now, totally. So you having to
really be home with Elliott was patch a chance to
really bond in a different way with Aurora, which makes
perfect sense.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It was so good.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Do you remember bringing Elliott home to meet Aurora?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
God, I don't remember it, but because I have videos
of it, I have since formed a video memory name.
I don't have my own memory of it. Yeah, yeah,
I remember we brought her in. We still did the
thing with the dogs where it was like we brought
the dogs out. We brought them something to smell of Elliot's,
which really wasn't that hard considering Elliott was all over
(13:43):
all of our clothes in our car cars. Just come
out here, I think. Actually we brought Aurora to the
front door to meet Elliott. We really wanted her to
see her and welcome her and be a part of
bringing her in the house.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
In the house nic yeah, nice. Is she like into
it being a big sister or does she fucking hate it?
Did she hate it?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
First?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Has she changed?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
She's such a good big sister, It's crazy. I mean,
you know, she's had moments which are like so amazing,
you know, like you could put them in like a
children's book where she'll like sit down and she's like this, Mama,
it's really hard sometimes to have a little sister, you
know what I mean. And I'm like, yeah, man, I
get you. But it's never a like she never wanted
to kill her, she never wanted to drown her.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You know what I mean. Or like as good there,
that's real, that's real.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
It's so real.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I know so many, so many friends whose kids have
been like can you take the baby back? Like I
don't like this, you know, And she just was always
really into the baby being here. And now even when
Elliott's like, Elliot's such a total beast mode kind of girl.
(14:58):
You know, she's just like a big old brute. And Aurora,
I love her. It's so good.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
She's like a little tang and and Aurora really like
empathizes with her, you know, like did she she gets
frustrated with her, but she will often when Elliott can't
express something because she's like a little bit later to
communication than Aurora was.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
So are my too?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Oh really?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Oh my god? Have that been a shock of like
your first was? I took so for granted, Like I
never talked to Albi like a baby ever. He was
so verbal. So early on with Aurora has had to
be in massive speech classes. I don't understand what she's saying.
(15:43):
She was delayed X, Y and Z, and then the
person I took her to these speech classes and this
therapist was like, well are you doing like twinkle twinkle
and say bye? Bye and say hello. And I was
like no, and she was like, yeah, this kid like
needs you to like do baby like imitation stuff because
like imitation is the basis of language. And she's oh interesting,
(16:05):
and I was like, oh fucking shit, I have to
do what.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
And then similarly, just how you already can't compare two
different people, but you know, Albie's really really smeasures really small.
You know, he's like the lowest percentage of height and weight,
and he's the older but he's going to be thirteen
and Viera's going to be ten and she's going to
be towering over him. Oh wow, she's really really tall. Yeah.
(16:33):
Are you having experiences like that too? Where the two
girls are so vastly different.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
They're so vastly different, but they're like, they're both really tall,
they both of our kids. Like everybody who sees them
thinks they're at least two years older than they are.
They do have very different body types. Elliot's just like,
first of all, she looks exactly like Patrick.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Oh yeah, it's Bonanma, just like Troyan and you birthed Patrick.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah. And then there's this little like bird girl is Aurora.
It's really cool because the way that they move through
the world. It's almost like they help each other in
a funny way. So far, it's been working really well
Aurora because she's so tall, like she'll get things for Elliott.
Elliot's like, really, she's a little bit slower to communicate
(17:22):
and Aurora's If she says something and I misunderstand, Aurora's
like right there with being like she wants this, that's
what she's saying, and I was like, oh my god,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Oh same. It's been the greatest gift because when we
leave them with a babysitter or or she goes to
a school class or something and Albe's there, I always
tell the teacher. I'm like, if you can't understand Vera
or what she needs or wants to, just ask Albi
and he'll tell you. Because Alby is the only person
that understands her whole language.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
That's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It's so sweet speaking about language, which is something I
really wanted to talk to you about and we've never
talked about. On Katie's crib. Aurora is at a language
immersion school, and I want to know how you chose that,
why you chose that, why that's a value to you.
I think it's so fascinating. I wish I had done it.
(18:12):
Can you explain that to our listeners?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Because I didn't grow up in any sort of a
bilingual household. When I came to language my brain, it
was so hard for me. And I noticed that in
so many people that I meet in the world, if
they didn't learn a language really really young. It doesn't
matter what language, but there's just like a neuroplasticity that's
(18:37):
like calcified, and it's really hard to move through that.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Yep, yep, agreed.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
I think there's also just like a real not to
get political, but like a real rejection of like America
first feeling, because I like the idea that she goes
to a school and somebody speaks to her in a
different language and it's not a like, Ooh, your other
that's weird. It's okay. I to try to work to
(19:02):
understand you and learn what you're saying so that we
can communicate, and that's how I can move through the world.
So I want her to have that so that when
she goes to other places in the world, it's not
a like, God, why don't they speak English. I'm hoping
that she'll be like, Okay, that's the language I need
to speak to get around here. What can I do
to learn the base words? What can I do to
(19:25):
even just learn? I'm sorry, I only speak English. Can
you help me?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
That is the coolest thing ever. I was so excited
to talk to you today because I was thinking about it.
My amazing Miriam, who has been my nanny since my
kids were eight weeks old, or my son it was
for five and a half years, like, she only speaks
to them in Spanish, and the best, Oh my god.
But what's weird is my children understand every single thing.
(19:50):
My son is five and a half, she only speaks
to him in Spanish. He understands every single thing she
says and responds to her in English and does not
speak Spanish. But then one of my closest friends in
a similar boat, their nanny also only spoke to their
son in Spanish, and what was so cool was that
she immediately put him in Spanish classes. He's in a
(20:14):
he's in a basement of a church in Spanish class
on Saturdays for about five hours on a Saturday. And
she lets him watch television but only in Spanish, so
he only watches TV in Spanish every single day, and
the kid won't speak Spanish to his parents, but when
she picks him up from the church basement on Saturdays,
(20:35):
the teachers come out and they say he's unbelievable. His
pronunciation is unbelievable, and he's completely fluent. So did I
miss the boat? Like am I supposed right now? Yea half?
I feel like we're done. Send him to college. I
fucked up failure. He's a fucking American that only knows English,
(20:57):
like a fucking dumb dumb ass parents.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
No, oh no, I think the only thing that matters
is the practicing of it. My mom constantly tells me.
She's like, you know, you were fluent in Portuguese when
we were little because we had like a Portuguese nanny,
And I was like, what right? But I think it's
just about practicing, you know, like whatever you're immersed in,
And so if I'll be speaking of Miriam in Spanish,
it's just going to be about giving him opportunities to
(21:23):
continue that. Dude, You're fine.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
The minute this podcast ep is over, as I'm texting
my friend Becky and I'm gonna be like, where is
Miles taking Spanish? I wish that is just such a gift.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I wish I was somebody who was bilingual, or maybe
maybe it would be cool if she had two parents
who once spoke Spanish primarily and like one spoke English primarily.
I just want to do this for her and see
if it can maybe help her brain development in a
different way.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
So what's the spattering of Aurora, Like, what's the spattering
of stuff? Are you trying a bunch of different stuff
to see what she's into? Is it like a dance
and an art and a sport.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
That's another really cool thing that she gets to do
at school is like try a bunch of different extracurricular things.
And so it's just like we're like, you want to
be in soccer, You're in soccer. You want to be
in gymnastics, You're also in gymnastics. And I take her
to dance class. And then the cool thing for me
is particularly the classes that I get to go to
her with that like aren't just at school. I just
(22:28):
go and I really never force her to participate. Aurora
gets really shot. She's like a very observant. She needs
to get a lay of the land before she jumps
into something. And so I've been in a lot of
classes where I've taken her and we spent the whole
(22:48):
class with her just sitting in my lap watching, and
I'm like, Okay, well that's her experience of the class
because she didn't feel up to jumping in there, and
I'm not going to push her. But she's she's a
really physical person once she gets engaged, and so I
think we just want to like feed that as much
as possible and really give her an opportunity to figure
(23:12):
out what she likes.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I think that's awesome. I'm asking because I'm like, I
don't sign up Albi for much things. I was hoping
to sort of take his lead on what to sign
him up for, and that hasn't really been happening. So
I might have to take it upon myself to try
a karate or anaaic or speaking of, how do you
and Patrick Adams feel about signing her up for like
(23:36):
a Tiny Spotlight like acting thing, because my god, I
don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Is Albi like into it?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
I don't know, but I'm too scared to tell all
my friends their kids are in like Tiny Spotlight or
like baby dramatics and they're doing like Frozen or trolls, movie,
the play, and they're all getting up and doing all
this stuff. And I don't know some actor parents friends
I have, and you two are the only few people
who are like both people are actors in the relationship.
(24:05):
The same with me and Adam. And I've just been like, Nope, no, nope,
he's not signing up, Nope, not playing an acting, not
doing it. And then I am like, but come on,
acting teachers confidence and getting up in front of a
group of people, and he won't catch the bug, will
be okay, he's not going to be an actor. And
then I'm like, no, have you and Patrick had any
(24:27):
thoughts on this? Lord?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
We have not. But but I think to me what
it comes from is like there's so many different things, right.
I remember being a kid and wanting to play storytime, right,
and like wanting to be the princess, wanting to put
on a performance for my parents or whatever, like stressed
out and make a play. But by the time I'm
thinking about, like, you know, middle school, when I was
(24:50):
like making little films with my friends, like I did
really want to be an actor and knew that I
wanted to do that. I don't know, I feel like
there's a difference between like theater and the acting programs,
you know what I mean. Like, I guess I want
them to understand. I want my kids to understand what
it is that we do before they decide I want
(25:12):
to be in a you know, a tiny spotlight class
or something.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what
you're saying.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Because right now I think we're just really fortunate and
that we've we've had so many experiences of being like,
look who's on the screen, and you know, they're both like,
that's Papa, you know what I mean, and they just
have a shit but totally really cool. When we got
to go visit Patrick in New York when he was
on Broadway, to get the kids up on the stage
(25:40):
and to try to explain to them, this is what
the work that papa's working on right now. And people
come in and they sit in these chairs and then
Papa stands up here and he tells a story and
the lights go down. Wow, we're a little bit under
trying to explain that to them. There's something they.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Get that yet they're not there yet.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
I'm sure Albe is probably I'm terrified.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Well, he's such a performer in our house and I'm like, ooh, Lord,
have mercy, Like I don't know, I don't know, but
I'm like you, like, I wanted to be an actor
from the time I was little. I was always performing.
But I was already in dance classes by three. I
was already like, you know, the school play. By five
years old. I had the bug. Yeah, and I just
loved it. I was in like an acting class by
(26:25):
the time I was like eight or nine.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
But that was from you.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Yes, it was totally from me.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
They're going to be exposed to it. That's why I'm
a little bit like, obviously, no shame on people who
want to put their kids in some sort of extracurricular
you know, activity, that's like a little spoil later saying
to me, if they experience it and they're like, that's
what I want to do, then I'm like, Okay, well,
I guess I got to go on this right now
and see what that came out.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Try and if we come back on this podcast in
twenty years and our kids are like all actors, I'm
just going to be like, oh my god, like what
is happening? Question? Why does Patrick? Which I love and
(27:15):
I've always wanted to ask you this. He goes by
papa and not daddy.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I think we just we both decided that we didn't like,
we really didn't like mommy and daddy, and so I
think we both agreed when they were born that we
were like, you know, you're you're the ones who are
calling each other mommy, like mommy and daddy or MoMA
and papa before. And so we just really liked mama
and papa before. And it's so funny because when Weora
(27:41):
first came home from school, she started because they would
talk to her about like your daddy at home or
your mommy at home. And so I remember the first
time she came home from school and she was like
mommy and I was like what and she was like
mommy and I was like uh uh no, no, no, no, no,
what do we?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
What do we?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Who are you calling? Who are you calling? A mama?
And then and then she was really funny because then
she started funny, having fun with it. She was like
momy and I was like, oh man.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
So funny. That's hilarious. I always wondered that because when
they come over for a plate and they're like papa,
I'm like, because my dad is papa.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
My grandgrandparent.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
In Pranta's grandpa, he's papa, And so I was like, oh,
I wonder if that Patrick and Troyan consciously chose that,
which you did, and I love.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I think, just for both of us, like to be
completely honest without getting like too far into our psychees.
We both have very very traumatic relationships to the names
mommy and daddy. You know, whether it was like the
pressure to call dad daddy you know, from me, or
like or just whatever, whatever that relationship is, we just
(28:52):
didn't have it with our parents, and so it felt
false to put that onto our kids. That's where that
comes from.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
How has it been with two kids going back to
work full course.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Well, it's been really interesting because for me, I think
just particularly because of the kinds of jobs that lined up,
I was really fortunate in that I didn't really ever
have to go back to work. I didn't really have
the chance to go back to work full time until recently.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
And then you went back to work so full time,
I mean so full time zero to one hundred. Yeah, yeah,
I mean you had jobs, but I mean, like to
go from like it's not out there yet, but you know,
try and booked a very big job that had a
lot of responsibility attached, and I was just serious, like
how it's been feeling juggling that with two kids.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
It's been hard. Thank God for our incredible nanny, Raina,
and and to be completely honest, like, while Patrick was away,
we met two other wonderful like part time nannies that
were looking for extra work. And so since Rena was
(30:12):
there with me during the day, I was kind of
like going just nights by myself. Patrick was kind of like,
I feel like you should ask for help on some nights,
just if some nights it's like too much to do by.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Yourself, totally. So I did the same thing when Adam
was in Budapest shooting, I did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah, so we met too really wonderful part time nanni's
and they sort of like come in and help Patrick.
Because now it's really the reverse, right, It's like I
leave before the girls wake up, or I'm shooting nights
and I don't get to see them at all, and
I really just can't be relied upon for anything, whether
(30:51):
it's dropping her off at school or picking her up
or you know, having dinner ready, all of these things
that for the past five years, I've been really ondoing.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Has that been a huge adjustment for Aurora.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
They will both have sort of emotional moments. Particularly. I
think the wonderful thing is the weekends. Weekends, I get
a lot of snuggles and there's a lot of excitement around, like, oh,
you're home, or you're home for dinner. Elliott even like recently,
she was so happy. It was Sunday or something, I
think it was Mother's Day and she turned to me
(31:27):
and she was like, Mama home and Papa home. Mama
home and Papa home. And I was like, yeah, like
we're both here, and it was it kind of broke
my heart in away because I was like, oh my god,
you're realizing that this is not like the norm, and
that's so heartbreaking to me. But one of the real
reasons that I took this job is because it's, in
(31:49):
terms of television, like a pretty short commitment.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right, it's finite. So it's like, even if it kicks
your ass and you're so not present as a mother,
yeah for ten weeks. It's ten weeks. It's not like
ten years. It's not like a full year. There's a
finish line.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
There's a finish line, and it's close enough to La
that I was coming home. I was spending every night
at home, so I was still making it home some
nights if I got you know, if I left early
enough for dinner and bedtime, or when I'm shooting nights,
I get to like pick up Aurora from school and
you know, spend some time with Elliott during the day.
So it's like, I'm really it was truly it is
(32:29):
truly a dream job in that I get to do
what I want to do acting wise, and it's such
a great like commitment and responsibility. And then conversely, it's
close to home, so I'm here and I have weekends
and it's short.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Did you have any guidance, like like in preparing for it?
Do you have sit down conversations with Aurora where you're like, like,
mom booked a big you know, mom has a job
and I'm not going to be around as much, Like
do you prepare for to yours? Do you find that
that brings up too much anxiety? It's better to just
like jump in and let her adjust.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
No, No, we do a lot of preparation. I mean,
both kids, just like they both thrive on preparing for transitions.
They thrive on preparation. They hate fast transitions. And so
I was actually in Rye again, and I remembered as
I was talking about, like to Wendy, your class leader,
(33:25):
I was like, how do I do this? Blah blah
blah blah, and she was like, why don't you write
them a book?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Like and you can draw like stick figures. And I
remembered when I had to go away to shoot something
for the first time I was going to be away
from Aurora when I was pregnant with Elliott. I drew
her her own coloring book that was about the time
we were going to spend away and that she could
FaceTime me and hear the people who are there for
you and I'm thinking about you every day. And it
(33:52):
was really helpful to read that with her, probably for
my psyche, Yeah, just to like talk about it and
it not to be in a sort of like traumatic
like no, I need to be leaving. I'm like leaving
out the door. It's like I'm right here, we're in bed,
we're talking about it. It feels chill. And so that
was a big thing of like, well, I got to
(34:14):
go to work and I'm thinking about you always, and
I can't wait to see you again. These are the
people if you ever need me, like you FaceTime me
and I'll let you know when I'm coming home. So
that's been really helpful for transitions.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I'd say, when do you feel like you're going to
decide yay or nay? As we wrap up here with this.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Oh my god, are you talking about the third Oh well,
the joke, yeah, The joke that I always say is
like they are so loved and they are exactly the
beings that we're meant to be here.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Because Aurora and Elliott chose to be here and Patrick
and Troy and are choosing for these beings to be here.
It was just like, wait, what's happening. We're being Okay,
we're being parents now. So I think that's really the
The stance that I take is like I've been fortunate
enough to not have to make a choice about when
I have kids. So we'll see if another one decides
(35:10):
to come in, we'll see.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
We'll see if a spirit is circling the Belisario Adam's household.
We shall see if something is circling and will make
themselves known. In closing, do you remember I know Elliott
is two. Now, was there anything that you used from
your registry with either kid that you were like, this
(35:35):
is the most important thing I've gotten and have used endlessly.
When they were babies.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
We were so into the snow. And I know that
that's like super controversial because I have since circulated because
we bought the snow and then like gifted it to
every single one of our friends. We were just like,
it around, it's the most expensive fucking thing, but like
legitimately nobody else respect they were just like, it didn't work,
(36:03):
they didn't like it, blah blah blah. And so we
were like, Okay, both of our kids loved it great.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
I loved it. I loved having this SNeW because it
was for me. It was really just a bassinette to
have them next.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
To me that can kind of rock them, that can
rock them.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Yeah, and they love that motion. And both my girls
really dug it. So that's that's what I would say.
I'm trying to think if there was anything else.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
This snow's amazing. Harve doctor Harvey Karp, who invented this
new has been on Katie's Crib season one. He's amazing.
But also this new if it is out of your
price range because it is expensive. I believe they even
have programs now that you can rent them.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
Amazing.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Yeah, I think you can even rent them. Or I
know people who've gone in on it with other families,
Like you're doing January, I'm doing April, you're doing whatever.
Let's all chip in, split it three ways and pass
it between the three family.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
I think that's a great idea because the window of
using it is pretty small. You know, Yes, it's so
wonderful during that window, especially when you need all the
sleep you can get. But I think that's a great
idea to like chip in with other families or to
rent because like you know, like we were not when
we were done with it, we were like, Okay, I
guess it's passing it along.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
And my next question is finish this sentence. I'm not
sure if you answered it. Well your either episode one
or two, Parenthood is.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Oh my god, it's so stupid. I was just gonna no,
it's so embarrassing. I was just thinking, like the best
I was just.
Speaker 5 (37:42):
I love that no one says that, and you should
let it be celebrated, like I think that Katie's crib
people come to cry and not feel alone and hear
scary things, but then they also hear that like it
also is good guys.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Troy and Belle Sario says parenthood is the best. Taking
it from her, if your baby in a fucking car, because.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
I really was thinking, like, it's so hard, it's so complicated,
it's so trying. It's basically what makes you want to
pass out at night. It changes your whole life and
changes your whole marriage, and not always in a good way.
But at the end of the day, there's this creature
in the world that you are, Like, Wow, I get
(38:27):
to know you. I know you so well. I'm just
so grateful that I get to have that relationship with
two human beings. It's the coolest Tryan.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
I'm so grateful that you have done three episodes of
Katie's Crib and that it is going amazingly. You're killing it.
Your children are gorgeous, your family of four is phenomenal,
and I love you so yours for coming back on
Katie's Crib.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I can't wait for us to get together in real
life and celebrate again. Thank you so much for asking
me back. It's always always a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Let me know. You can always find me at Katiescrib
at shondaland dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of
Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from
Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
(39:28):
you listen to your favorite shows.
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