Levels to Health: Navigating Menopause with Meiline Smith, LMFT

On this episode of Levels to This, Sheryl and Tee sit down with Malee Smith, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Counselor, to unpack the complexities of menopause. Their discussion covers everything from personal anecdotes to expert advice on perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause.The three talk about the lack of scientific research on the female body, and more broadly, how we need to be more open and honest about this stage in women's lives.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Levels to This is an iHeart women's sports production in
partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find
us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hey everybody, I am Trerika fosterter Brasby.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
What's up, Y'all's your girl?

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Cheryl swoops And this is the Levels to this podcast.
This is the show where we share that it is
levels to the ship that women go through and we
have got such a great and fun show, an informative
show today more I think today's show is more informative
than anything.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
But I think I think today's show really.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
Is going to talk about the levels of shit that
we really really really really like.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
I think like today you really about to see the
shit that we go through. However, before we get there,
Number one, how are you?

Speaker 3 (00:57):
I think I'm good?

Speaker 1 (01:01):
No, let me rephrase that, I'm actually great because I
woke up this morning. Hell, ye in a good space
all of that, So I'm great.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
Right now, I'm kind of in a very like mellow
mood or space where I'm just not really letting shit
bother me right now.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
That's such a good feeling. I too kind of feel
like this is that time, like this is that time
of year where like I'm on the go, so I
can't think about stuff. But but but it's also like
the older I get, the more I'm just like okay,
like that like that okay answer where it's like okay

(01:45):
or you know, and keep it moving and keep it moving.

Speaker 4 (01:48):
And that's it.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Like there's so many different ways to phrase the word okay,
get to me, whatever emotion that you're in, Like that's
where I am. I'm in my okay phase, like okay.
But anyway, something that did make me be like okay, yeah,
that's a different okay that okay hit me hard yesterday.

Speaker 4 (02:09):
I'm there, So.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
There are different levels to okay. Off, there are there
are levels to okay. Right, There's that like my husband
getting on my nerves. So then I'd be like, you
know what, okay, that's the that's the shut the hell
up talking to me okay okay. But then it's the
you know, your girl come in, she got her little
dress on.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
You be like.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay I had yesterday
was the surprise okay, Like oh okay, and so what.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Was that one for? What was that one.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
For So, I was sitting in my office minding my business, honey,
and I caught something moving out the corner of my eye,
and I'm like, what is moving? There's nothing in here.
And so the like the way that my office sits
is it sits above my deck, so I can see
my backyard and everybody in my surrounding neighbors is backyards.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
And as I'm looking outside, like, as I see something
like kind of do this in my eye, I'm thinking,
like one of my neighbor's dogs or something that's in
their backyard playing girl.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
I pull back that dad on shade.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
And so at least like six chickens just in the backyard.
To be clear, I do not live in the country.
I don't live in a rural area. I live in
the middle of the city of Hartford. And it's just chickens,
just I mean, agent, it's my look, six or seven
of them, all different types, colors, flavors. I said, well, damn,

(03:48):
when did this man gets in the backyard?

Speaker 1 (03:52):
Like, I'm so glad you explained that, because when I
saw your post, I was just like, okay, I need
see that, Okay. I was just like, okay, yes, that's
exactly what that was. Like, Okay, I need explanation because
I think I knew that you didn't live in the country.
But let me just say this, in fairness to your neighbor, girl,

(04:16):
egg prices are high as hell. Honestly know you might
you might if you're not friends with your neighbor.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
You might want to get cool with your neighbor.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Let me tell you your egg that could be your
egg hook up.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
This I was really sitting here like, now, how do
I negotiate this price with this man? Because I ain't
got an egg in my house, so we ain't no,
But if you need an egg to cook anything around here,
you are really look because ain't no eggs in here.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
Well listen, you got you got a neighbor that hasn't.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
So my neighbor has them.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
Speaking of chickens, so you know we have we have chickens, right,
we have our egg laying chickens and we have our
meat chickens. So my husband and his homeboys, like I'm
trying to come up with a name from him, because
they're all from the hood, and we're fans from the hood, right,
and they come out and so now they're we're sldering

(05:10):
our own chickens, so we have our meat chickens. So
the other day though, he said, Babe, I just ordered
some more chickens. So we're building a whole new coop
for all of those things. Because like, I know, we're laughing,
but Tee, for real, it's crazy out here.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
It is.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
It really is. Like the grocery prices are out the roof. Seriously.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
I told my husband other day, I said, I feel
like blessed enough that usually when I go to the
grocery store, like I don't even look at the prices.
I'm like, okay, I need this. Is this, I get
it put in the basket. When I check out, I'm like,
oh okay, good, thank you God. The last week I
went to the store, I kid, you not only have
four bags, Tee.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
That shit cost me four hundred dollars.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
I believe it. I believe it. I believe it. Yeah,
one hundred pounds.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
I was like, baby, order all the chickens we'd eat too, cause.

Speaker 4 (06:08):
Listen, I'm a I am one that will tell you.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
I am an avid delivery girl. Like I never was
a really big fan of going to the grocery store. Anyway,
my mama for me.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
Okay, why doing that for me?

Speaker 2 (06:23):
Just because going to the grocery store where her was
a fucking adventure, like it was. Never were about to
go to one, my mom would say from Detroit, So
I'm about the name from Detroit grocery stores. She would
be like, hey, yo, wh I'm about to run the
Imperial real quick, and just said because in Detroit, we
don't have a ton of like national name bringing grocery
store except maybe like Kroger or like Meyer. Like for

(06:44):
the most part, our grocery stores are like independently owned
and so you know, and at this time, Whole Foods
wasn't a thing. All of that stuff was a thing.
So you just went to the grocery stores that was
in your neighborhood. So my mom would be like, hey, yo,
just run with me real quick to Imperial. And there's
never just quick. There's never just real quick. We just
we just gonna pick up we just gonna I just
need to pick up an another bunch of coll another

(07:06):
bushel of.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
Collars, real quick.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Oh okay, cool, now here, I am playing my little
Sega Genesis. You didnet interrupted my Mortal Kombat to go
with you to the store. But you say real quick, Okay,
see that's what we're doing. Okay, that was at three
point thirty seven fifteen. We just getting back to the house.
Why because we Didnet went to Imperial Pick and say,
Pharma Jacks. Now, ad Now you got to go fifteen

(07:30):
different places because you found something cheaper somewhere else.

Speaker 4 (07:34):
I'm sick of it. We're such sick of it, like
some deliver person.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, but tee, I'm that person that I have to
go in the store because I don't trust you to
pick my well when I was doing vegetables, right, but
I don't have to do that. But even fruit, I
don't trust you to pick the fruit the way I
needed to be picked, Like I gotta feel it, I
gotta smell it, I gotta rubb it like I need
all of that, and you're not gonna do that for me.

(08:03):
Last thing I'm gonna say on this because we have
a very good conversation. Do so here's why I loved
going with my mom, especially on a Saturday.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
Like I don't know if.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
If your mom did it, like if y'all did the
garage cells and stuff back in the day, sure did it.
On Friday night, my mom would get the newspaper, Wow,
the newspaper and goes all the garage sales. She would
circle the ones she was gonna hit, and she was
up early.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
Girl.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
I would get up with her because I was like, Okay,
it's garage sale day, it's grocery shortday, it's all the things.
So I got to go. But I'm gonna tell you
the worst thing about the garage sales. My mom would go.
She would buy a jersey right and it had whoever's
last name on it of the garage sales just say
it was Gonzalees or Smith.

Speaker 4 (08:54):
You know where I'm going with this.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
She is buying this jersey like, oh, this would be cute,
and so in my mind, I'm like, it is cute,
but that's not my last name. That's not my name,
and don't nobody play for the team have that name?

Speaker 4 (09:07):
Girl? You do know she bought it.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
This is your size? Eate it.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, And I was wearing it. Here you go put
this on were at the school. I was like, Mama,
you embarrassing me. Like what am I gonna say when
people are like who's Smith? Uh huh? That is the
funniest thing. Mamas don't get that mamas don't get that.
Mamas don't get that. I'ma I'm gonna close the conversation

(09:33):
with this number one. My mom was so bad on
a Saturday that we would also go to the farmer's market.
And the farmer's market used to have the corn right
in the middle in this big old thing.

Speaker 4 (09:45):
Like super huge, big old like trailer.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
Pretty much it looks like the back of a like
a wagon, looked like a big wagon from like seventeen
seventy five full of corn. Tarikat get First of all,
she ain't never called She didn't call me Terrika when
she wanted something like this. She calls my middle name,
she said, Michelle. Michelle. The hell do this?

Speaker 4 (10:06):
Woman?

Speaker 2 (10:07):
Won't I'm like what I do? I'm like, well, if
you know what I'm saying, I'm minding my business. I'm
probably over here trying to get some peanuts or some grapes,
because you know you can try stuff at the farmer's market, right,
I'm over here getting my grapes and stuff. She talking about, Nachelle,
can you get up here and grab me? Not my
This is my grandmother. She about five too, so I'm
thinking she just needs me to reach No she wants

(10:29):
me to climb my ass in this wagon and shook
this corn because if you take the either, if you
take the stuff off the corn, you can get more ears.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
In the bag.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
And it was like, you can get a bag with
like twelve ears of corn in it for like two dollars.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
So she just got me.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
That's why you were there.

Speaker 4 (10:49):
I ain't going.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
That is exactly why I don't go no more, because
I'm sick of it.

Speaker 4 (10:54):
That's so funny, singarette.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
We can sit here and tell these stories all day,
all day, you know, and what it is is like
not that you know I'm aging your mom or mine,
But I grew up with my great grandparents. They from Columbus, Georgia,
Bay Country as hell. So anybody from a rural area
or green country or on a farm, I relate more
than people realize, even though I'm from Detroit, because the

(11:19):
country ass folks had me do things. Okay, it's crazy,
but anyway, Yeah, the chickens.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
Was wild, so you better get you some eggs.

Speaker 4 (11:29):
I'm about to get me some eggs.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
But speaking speaking speaking of eggs, this show will discuss
a lot about them.

Speaker 4 (11:35):
And how about that.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
Not necessarily the eggs that you're about to buy and food. Okay,
we tell you every week that this show is about
the ship that women go through, and honey, today's show,
it's absolutely about the ship that women go through. So,
gentlemen that are listening, I am giving you the disclaimer.
I'm letting you know right now. Okay, on this episode

(12:02):
we are going to be talking about menopause. We are
going to be talking about the physical changes that are
coupled with the emotional and spiritual changes that comes along
with this stage in a woman's life. And so I implore
you to continue listening because you may be with a

(12:24):
woman or around a woman who is experiencing this and
it will be good for you to hear and understand
where we're coming from. For the ladies out there that
are listening to this episode, like myself, who have not
yet experienced menopause, this is a great episode for you
as well, because this episode lets us know what we

(12:46):
can expect and possibly how we can avoid some of
the issues that we may incur. And last but not least,
my girl Cheryl is like listen, this episode was for me, okay,
and one hundred percent because there are so many women
who are suffering in silence, and so I am incredibly
excited to welcome to the to today show my good

(13:08):
friend and my sorority sister, Milene Smith, who is a family,
marriage and therapist and also someone who specializes in menopause,
to the show today to talk about all of the things,
all of the things without further ado. Let's just go
ahead and take this to the next level. All right,

(13:35):
So we told you guys that this was going to
be a very fun and a very woman podcast. I mean,
every week we say that we are talking about the
shit that women go through, but like today, we're really
talking about the shit that women go through. And so
I am so excited to welcome to the show today

(13:57):
my friend, my sororities sister, but also the owner of
Phoenix Mental Health Solutions and knowing to Connecticut licensed marriage
and family therapist, Molly Smith.

Speaker 4 (14:10):
We call her Molly. Hey, Molly, Hey, what up? Molly?
I'm so glad to meet here.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
Listen, Tee, I know you said your sorority sister free
and all those things, but me and Molly about to
become be just bfs.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
Y'all are about to be y'all are about to be bfs.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
For real, because let me tell you, Molly has a
bubbling and very open personality.

Speaker 4 (14:31):
She is a very keep it real, straightforward kind of girl.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
So when I say you and Cheryl y'all about to
tell this conversation up, I'm really gonna sit in the
back for most of today because if.

Speaker 4 (14:40):
We're keeping at a buck, I ain't dealing with the
shit yet.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
This is what is coming out and is coming I
can't wait.

Speaker 4 (14:48):
Oh, I can't wait.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
I am I'm sitting here in my forty zone just chilling.
But it is such an important topic because today we
are going to delve in to this stage in a
woman's life called menopause.

Speaker 4 (15:07):
And I'm laughing.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
But I'm gonna tell you, Molly, Molly, I'm gonna tell
you why I'm laughing. I am not laughing at menopause.
There's nothing funny about menopause. What I'm laughing at is
Cheryl's way of dealing with menopause. When I tell you serious,
right now, my sister, don't leave home without this fan. Okay,

(15:29):
we got telling it. If you're gonna tell it, tell
all of it. If I'm gonna tell I gotta tell
it the truth. It's about this big. I ain't even
got one, but it's about this big, and my consists
of being chilling, and I'm having a good old time, Yes,
having a good old time. And then out of nowhere
you turn your head. You look again and the fan
is out, and you be like, Cheryl, it ain't even

(15:51):
high in here, not even high in.

Speaker 4 (15:52):
Here, Molly.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
This is why I can't wait until she goes through it.

Speaker 4 (15:57):
Well, you know what, I like to say that perimenopause
and menopause is the reverse of puberty, like the reverse
of onset of puberty. You know, like, yeah, we get
our period, we start getting breasts, our hips are getting wider,
our attitude starts to change, like we like, oh we
all that in a pack of chips. But then we

(16:18):
get betrayed. We were in our forties and it's like,
what is it? What's happening. It's like you get stabbed
in the back and it's like no one ever told
you that this was going to happen.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
Here's why I think this is very important, Okay, And
I know we laugh about it because I laugh about
it when because I'm gonna pull out fans everywhere, and
until you actually go through it, you will not understand
why that is. Yeah, But not only do I feel
this conversation is important for women, I also feel it's
important for men, right, for the man in your lives.

(16:52):
Like my husband, he gets it now, but you know,
initially it was more of a cause I'm gonna have
my personal family ceiling fan my AC I got to
get rid of the cover, like all the things.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
And my husband's like, babe, it's.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Forty degrees outside and you got it about sixty degrees
inside and you still hot.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
So like, I have questions, I have.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
Comments, I have just a lot of things. But I mean,
just to kick it off, Molly, because you mentioned perimenopause
and menopause for the people who don't know, can you
just talk a little bit about the three different stages, right, perimenopause, menopause, postmenopause.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
And kind of sort of the difference in all of them.

Speaker 4 (17:39):
First, I just want to let everyone know I am
a licensed marriage and family therapist. I am not a
medical doctor, but I am a provider and most of
the people I serve are women because we come out
first and say, listen, we need help. Something's going on,
and the age range of women I typically serve are
between your thirties and sixties, like sixty five, and I'll

(18:03):
push it up to seventy. But that age range we're
experiencing all of this. So here's the breakdown. So perimenopause
is like the first step leading up to menopause. It
begins several years before the final menstrual period, and what
typically happens is there's hormone fluctuations. So you may still

(18:27):
get a period. You're like, you're getting a period, but
it might not be as frequent. It may be spotty,
or it can be heavier. You may notice some things
changing in your body. You're definitely going to notice, like
with pain, you'll notice with how frequently your period is coming.
You might start getting irregular periods, but then something else

(18:50):
starts to change and moved, night sweats, terrible sleep, you
just feel like something is not right, brain fog, you
just sometimes you're feeling like you're confusing, you don't know
what's going on. And those are the symptoms that actually
cu some women into like, hey, something's going on. But

(19:13):
there's a very distinct difference between perimenopause and menopause. So
people like to use the term like I'm in menopause.
And I'm now I'm laughing because I'm like, girl, you're
not in men You're not a menopause. It's menopause. That
means your mental cycle stops. So what will happen is
you'll have twelve months without a period. It has to

(19:36):
be one year, and then all of a sudden, that
twelve month postmenopause. And what it is is that your
body is no longer your ovar reason.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
Okay, wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry
because I have to stop you.

Speaker 4 (19:48):
So say that again, please, Okay. So menopause is at
the point when a woman has not had a menstrual
cycle for twelve consecutive months. It is the end of
ovarian or egg production. Like it's a done deal. You
are not producing any more eggs. Then nothing is coming.

(20:09):
But it has to be for twelve consecutive cycles. Now
menopause follows that like immediately, it is the remainder of
your life, like there's nothing else. It's a done deal.

Speaker 3 (20:22):
Eh.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
And so is there an age where people say this
is the age you go into menopause and this is
the age when you're I don't know, because you just
said postmenopause is like the rest of your life.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (20:41):
So here's the age range that we have for perimenopause, menopause, postmenopause.
I mean, this could start in your thirties and that
is young. And here's the funny thing about that. So
I'm still doing research because I'm a provider and women
come in and the first thing they say is something's
not right with me. I think I'm depressed, I'm having anxiety,

(21:01):
I'm having panic attacks. And I don't want to misdiagnose women.
I see the majority of minority women, Black, Hispanic, Asian, yeah,
you name it, yep, and we misdiagnosed so often. I
don't want to be one of those providers. So I
was like, you know what, I love research, Let's do this.
So I started going deep into research, primarily because over

(21:26):
a year ago I had a friend Arthur, who kept
looking at me. She was like, Molly, sure you not
period menopause. I was like, giving you a loan. I
would irritate it for Arthur would my girl would just smile.
She'd be like, oh, she's in her late fifties and
she and I was like, like, I was so annoyed

(21:47):
with her. I was like, move away if you don't
get away from me now, because she was like, I
think you and period minipau. But she was smiling, and
I just was like, I don't think this is funny.
And so I was like, what do you see what
you're talking about? So I started to research it. There
was so much about me that was changing, and here
are the things that was changing about me. But I

(22:09):
thought it was my mental health going and I'm a
mental health provider. So I was like, Okay, I'm irritated
all the time. I don't want to have sex as much.
I don't really care about my body, like cure for it.
I started gaining weight, like my mid section now I'm
top heavy. So I was like, I'm good because I
don't want to look like a teddy grit. Because I

(22:29):
was like, you know, I called I call it the
teddy grim because when you're in perimenopause, you start gaining
the weight in your app So then I'm putting on
and your abdomen. So I'm putting on what do you
call it, not waist trainers like the girdles. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes,

(22:52):
I call it girdles. I grew up on girdles, and
then I'm like wearing loose shirts and I'm like, what
is wrong with me? I'm exercising, I'm changing my diet,
I'm doing keto. I'm like, I'm doing so much. What
is happening to my body? And then I can't sleep.
I'm like, I'm a good sleeper. I know I wake

(23:13):
up early. I'm like a four thirty five o'clocker. But
now I'm like super tired. I'm fatigue. I don't have
the patience anymore. I'm like, I noticed my therapy started
changing because I was like, that'll make no sense. I
was like, what is this coming from? Like what is
really happening to me? And then one day I walked

(23:34):
out of the gym and I just started crying and
I was like, I'm depressed, Like I'm really really depressed.
And I sat in my car and I was just bawling,
and I kept saying, God, what is wrong with me?
I have a husband, my children are healthy, I have
a thriving practice, I have great friends, I have support.

(23:55):
And then it clicked. I was like, call your supports.
And my girlfriend said, I want you all that research
you're doing, you don't think it's you. And I was
like mm, hmm, because how could it be me? Now
Here are some of the things that we really mixed up.
I'm on an IUD. Some women have a hysterectomy, but

(24:16):
their ovaries are still there, right, so they may have
one or both ovaries. If your ovaries stopped producing estrogen, right,
whether you have one or both, but you had you
had your uterus taken out, you're still your body is
still producing estrogen until it stops. And that's the other thing.

(24:38):
So there's a whole other side to all right, well
I had a hysterectory, I should be good. Well no, no,
So I just kept doing this research and looking in
and I found not a lot, not what I wanted
to find, because women's health do not get as much
research as men's health. And remember whenever they put out,

(25:00):
for the most part, unless it says it's a it's
women's health, it's women's it's research for women's health. It's
normally based off of a man. Is normally based off
of a male. So things like, oh, well, after surgery,
take an aspirin to reduce blood clots, there's no research

(25:21):
that tells us that women benefit from taking a pill
to reduce aspirin to reduce blood clots or just moving
on from there. So I didn't find a lot of
research about women, and I really had to dig for
women or research for menopause women's health, and that's when

(25:44):
I started to find it. And then I looked up
I started digging into that, and there's only nine percent
compared to the rest of the research. So this would
be something that since we're talking about and we make
up half the workforce this age rage now people are
starting to research probably in the last five years.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, t let me add one thing. So it's more
of a question because I know you're talking about the
research for women. Do you or have you found that
it's even different for black women.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
Oh? Yes, So it's not so different in terms of
like our bodies, we may start our periods maybe six
months earlier than our white peers women. But when it
comes to healthcare, absolutely because historically doctors and it is written,

(26:41):
it is written in research. When women do the research
and they start to break it down that doctors have
thought and said, and this is not part of the
critical research that they publish. This is all the other
stuff that black women, women of color, we tolerate pain
differently we're more somatic. We complain about things that are

(27:04):
not really there. We have more mental health issues. Yes,
So when you go to your doctor, especially if you're
going about some of the issues that were menopause we're
talking about today, you might get turned away untild. You
probably need to go to a therapist, wow, a cardiologist.
Let's go and have you see a rheumatologist. You're complaining

(27:26):
about joint pain. Wow, and it's like, no one. What
they do is they take this idea. You walk like
a duck, you talk like a duck. You must be
a duck. Yep. But we're not taking all of the
information in. We need to consider your age, your history,
the things you're complaining about, and let's have you talk
to a objen.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
I have a question that's more so on the mental
health side, because I don't know if Cheryl, if you
felt like this when you were beginning to experience, you know,
entering the menopause stage. But I definitely heard you say like, no,
like this isn't happening, This isn't me like what you

(28:07):
were saying, Nope, that's not it.

Speaker 4 (28:09):
It's not that.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
What do you think attributes to the mental state that
we have as women that we don't want this to
happen right now, do you? Is it maybe because part
of your womanhood is the ability to have children or
to think that you can have kids, and then entering
this stage means that that's no longer a possibility. Like

(28:33):
what is the mental hurdle that women are facing or
that you think and Charlott will love your opinion on
this too, that it's so like no, like this can't
be like, this isn't what's happening. This can't be it
right because I feel like when we are talking about
entering puberty, as that's an example that you gave, I

(28:53):
feel like girls are like, dang, I can't believe I
started my period. But then there's a part of you
that's like, I feel like I'm a woman now, you know.
You know how you started to get a little different swag,
a little different attitude to you when you started to
feel like you were entering that stage, right, So, like,
what is it mentally that makes women feel or that
and your expertise makes women feel like this is a

(29:16):
part or a stage in life that they're a little
hesitant to want to actually face.

Speaker 4 (29:22):
So before I go into my explanation. I would definitely
like to hear what you have to say, surel about
what your thoughts are.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
Here's the thing, and it's with a lot of stuff
tea that you and I've talked about just as black women,
and then in our community, a lot of things that
we just don't talk about, right, we just deal with it.
So I kind of went through menopause or when I started,
like pair of menopause, I had no idea what it
was because my mom never talked to me about the
birds and the bees and all those things, and she

(29:52):
definitely never talked to me about menopause.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
And so I didn't know what it was. But I
would tell you I've been going through this and knowing
a little bit more about it.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
I've been going through this now for almost ten years.
I'll be fifty four on the twenty fifth, and I've
been going through this for almost ten years. Just a
lot of the different feelings and emotions and things. But
when it first started for me, and I'm probably gonna
cry because you know me.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
I had no idea what it was.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
Right Like being the type of athlete I was, I
was always at a certain weight, I was always competitive,
I always felt good about myself, always had energy, like
whatever I want to do, I could do. So I
went through this phase of I hated my body.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
First of all, I started gaining weight in places that
I've never gained weight before. So I was like, what
in the world is going on with me? So I
worked out and that didn't do it for me like
usually when I.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
Worked out, like it gave me energy and it excited me.
And then I look at my body. I was like, Okay,
I'm getting there. I hated looking at myself in the mirror.
I didn't want to get undressed in front of my husband.
I started losing.

Speaker 3 (31:08):
My hair, but I never went to a doctor.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
I never went to a doctor for the fear of
what doctor Molly said. I was just afraid because I
didn't know what they were going to tell me. I
didn't know what was going on, and it, honestly, for me,
it probably wasn't until like three years ago when I
actually realized that what I'm dealing with, what I'm going

(31:34):
through is very normal when it comes to menopause, right,
But for me, I had all of these signs and symptoms,
but I didn't know what it was. From hot flashes
night sweats and now here, I am like.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
What the fuck.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, that's where my mind went, like, what the fuck
is going on with me? I finally went to a doctor,
a black doctor, a black female doctor, who said to me,
you're in menopause, and here are all the things that
you're probably going to go through because it's normal and
that's what we do. And so that's why when Tu

(32:12):
and I were having this conversation, I was like, if
I'm feeling this, I can't imagine how many other women
out there a black, white, brown, doesn't matter the race,
but in particular black women. I can't imagine how many
other black women out there are probably feeling the same
things that I'm feeling. Yeah, that's why this is important
to me. Yeah, and I still get emotional at times.

Speaker 4 (32:36):
Yeah, I bet because you feel like your livelihood you're
losing your livelihood. So all of the symptoms that you mentioned,
the hair loss, there's so many other symptoms that we experience.
But I want to answer what the question you asked, Terika.
So historically, when a woman went through menopause, it's the

(32:58):
end of childbearing, and what do we connect women with
having kids having kids? Yep, right, reproduction the boobs, all
of that right, and back in the days, I want
to say in nineteen sixties there was a real movement
and we started doing some research on menopause. But prior

(33:24):
to that, it was like women were useless. After that,
you can't give me any children, like what are you
good for? And so I think that over time carried
on and that stigma like just really went over women
and like it ran us over. And then the other
thing was there was a movie with Holly Berrys and

(33:48):
I don't think people got what was happening to her
where they put her in an asylum. Gotica, it was Gothica,
another one, but it was about like it was like
post slavery, oh oh, and you're in an asylum. And
when I watched that movie years later, I was like,

(34:08):
I sid think she was going through menopause because everything
about her change. But here's here's the historical connection is
that women were told that we were hysterical. We had
all of these issues going on, mental health issues, and
they would put us on lithium. They would say go
lay down, go somewhere, or they would put us in

(34:28):
a in a saane asylum because now you're going to
the doctor, a male doctor who knows nothing about women
hormones and how we feel, and then they're giving us
the diagnosis. Walk like a duck, talk like a duck.
Must be a duck. Yeah, that's the problem. But today
we got a whole different kind of woman, where a

(34:50):
different generation. We're smarter, we want we're not taken. You
walk like a duck, talk like no, no, no, no no,
there's something else going on with me. I need help
and schul You're right. Our parents didn't talk about it.
No one talked because, you know what, people didn't talk
about those things, especially when it came to mental health.

(35:10):
And then when you couple that with your body feels
like it's breaking down. The first thing I thought, I
was like, I am so fatigued, Like every day I'm tired.
I got scared because years ago my husband was diagnosed
with cancer and he was so tired. He was tired.
Was like, I don't know what's wrong with me, Miley,

(35:30):
I'm really tired. And I was like, oh Lord Jesus,
what if I have cancer. See, my body is tired.
My hair was brittle and dry, my skin was dry.
It did the elasticity of my skin was gone. Like
I felt like I couldn't really eat like I used to.
I wanted like everything salty and savory. My cholesterol was up.

(35:56):
So here's the connection with all that estrogen. What happens
when we go through perimenopause, menopause postmenopause is your ovaries
start to produce estrogen at a declining rate, like it
declines so rapidly it almost feels like you're well. It

(36:16):
feels like you're losing your mind. And estrogen is responsible
for so many things in the body, the entire body. So, Cheryl,
you mentioned stiffness, joint pain, soreness. There are estrogen receptors
and are in every major joint area of our body,
our shoulders, our elbows, our knees, our hips. Estrogen is

(36:38):
also an anti inflammatory hormone, so you when you feel
lethargic and sore, like after you're an athlete, you're used
to working out, You're used to doing all these things,
so then with this estrogen depletion, you feel like you
can't bounce back the way you used to. Estrogen is
also responsible for your sleep hormone elatonin, so you don't

(37:02):
sleep so well. It's also responsible for regulating systems It's
responsible for serotonin, so you start to feel depressed and anxiety.
It also is responsible for the secretion of cortisof this
is why we gain weight around in our stomach areas.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Yeah, I'm just up sit ups, just doing different things right,
and I can't get rid of this. It started out
as a little pole bowl, but she a lot bigger
now and it acute. So is estrogen also have something

(37:49):
to do with like helping with our emotions because I
went through the whole thing of depression and I still
even have moments where like, like I just don't want
to get out of bed, and it's not because I'm
sick or like, it's the whole menopause thing I feel like.

Speaker 4 (38:08):
So it does because estrogen not only is it an
anti inflammatory, but it impacts serotonin. And serotonin is that happy,
mood stabilizing chemical that we have in our body. It
is when the neurotransmitters. Like it's like if you're outside
playing with your kid and you're throwing the ball right, well,

(38:31):
the serotonin it goes one way, you catch it, you
throw it back. What's happening is being thrown and nobody's
on the other side to catch it. You fell off balance.
So like estrogen helps with mood stabilation regulation, it helps
with serotonin, the neurotransmitters that stabilize your moods, and lower

(38:53):
estrogen leads to mood swings. It impacts your cognitive functioning.
You feel like you can't content and trade. You have
memory lapses, difficulty sleeping, brain fog. It also helps with sleep.
There's anxiety because the decrease of estrogen and packs your cortisol,
you're serotonin, your dopamine. I mean, it impacts everything. And

(39:16):
so when we go to the doctor and we're saying,
like I'm feeling all these things back to the DUP,
they say, well, this sounds like your emotional well being
is falling apart. You need to see a therapist. So
can you imagine as a therapist, I see so many
women and they're coming with all these symptoms, and I'm like, Okay,

(39:37):
you're forty seven years old. Here's what makes me think menopause.
Are we perimenopausal? It's a sudden onset, even if you
had a history of anxiety, depression and all that. But
it's just like it's just so bad right now. It's
just getting increasingly worse and I'm like, well, tell me

(39:57):
about what it was like before and tell me what
it's like now. And what women are telling me is
the same thing that you're saying. So here's the first
question I ask after we establish that. First of all,
I want you to go see your obi jin. I
want you to get some blood work done. Let's look
at where your hormone levels are. I kid you not.

(40:17):
There has not been one woman yet that has come
back and their hormone levels are stable or at the
proper level where it's like, no, you're not in perimenopause
or menopause. Rarely do I ever meet a woman who
has had all these symptoms. They share their blood work
and they're in full menopause. I'm like, you would have known,
like something is going on pretty significant in your body.

(40:40):
Most women, all the women i've worked with, perimenopause. Here's
the thing. The beautiful thing is, you don't have to suffer.
There's hormone replacement therapy. There's medication to help us. It
will help reduce the bulge in our stomach, the inflammation

(41:03):
in our body, the cognitive fog, the sleepless nights. It'll
help with night sweats, it will help with joint paint,
you name it, there's help.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
And I bet you that's not something that they talk
about regularly or that they share regularly, because, of course,
as it relates to women, you know, and in narrowing
it down black women specifically, but just the inequities and
disparities that lie in healthcare coverage, I'm quite sure that's
not something that's just automatic. Like when I see commercials

(41:37):
on TV about all types of take this medicine for allergies,
take this for if you've got this type of cancer,
if you've got blah blah, blah blah. I don't think
I've ever seen a commercial or anything that's saying, hey,
if you're a woman that's dealing with menopause or pair ofmenopause,
here's a medication that you can consider. Ask your provider
about blah blahlahlah blah. It's like it's heavy, it's like

(42:00):
it's intentional.

Speaker 4 (42:02):
Well, there's some fear around hormone replacement therapy, but there's
also some information that was wrong when it comes to
hormone replacement therapy. So like back in the nineteen sixties,
there was this amazing study that came out. I wish
I couldn't remember the name of the study, but they
had a very large pool of women. Here's the problem

(42:25):
with the study. Here was the problem is that the
pool of women were mostly in their late fifties, but
I believe the majority of them were in their sixties.
Problem number one, most people, most women start menopause perimenopause
in their forties. So you have all of these women
in their late fifties and steadies, they're already past that. Yeah, right.

(42:46):
Problem number two. So this study was to see how
synthetic and animal mostly horse equine hormones like estrogen and
progesterone and testosterone would pack our bodies, Like how would
it help? And it helped in so many ways. It
helped with the reduction of cholesterol, pain, sleep, reduction of

(43:10):
hot flashes to no more hot flashes, reduction of weight,
a better able to maintain our weight, the risk of
heart disease, osteoporosis, bone density. Right, So here's a not
so fun fact that we all need to know.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
It.

Speaker 4 (43:25):
If you have bone loss from aging, right, but you
have low estrogen, and let's say your bones are porous
and spongy, right, and you fall and you break your hip.
For women, the increased risk of death in the in
the year is like triple that of a man. Wow,
because we don't have the estrogen to help reduce inflammation

(43:50):
and then all of those other diseases that are impacting
in our bodies. So you're right, you got it. You
want to keep moving, you want to eat healthy, you
want to do all these things, but if you don't
have the very necessary estrogen in your body to help
reduce bone loss. And most people women here osti operosas,

(44:11):
oh my gosh, I'm getting older. Yeah, I don't have
the estrogen. My bones are getting weaker. Right. A fall,
a break to your hit can increase your chances of
depth three times as much as a man. That's wild.

Speaker 3 (44:24):
That's crazy, and.

Speaker 4 (44:25):
Then your health lines for the rest of your life
if you healed. So the thing with the study that
those red flags the aged group of the women fear
was a connection to cancer. Okay, But here was the
other red flag about the study that I found very
very interesting. The increased risk of cancer due to taking

(44:50):
these hormone replacement therapies, whether they were synthetic or from
an animal, right, was zero point zero one. And the
people who were more at risk were people who already
were at risk, Women who were already at risk because
there was some sort of genetic connection with family, like

(45:14):
there's a history in their family of breast cancer. So
those women were a very small increase. But what happens
when media gets to some things, right, cancer cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer.
So when the sixties and seventies, doctors were like, we're
pulling you off this hormone even though it was working

(45:34):
for so many women. So when you're going through perimenopause
and you're you're gone months without a period, and your
hormones are shifting because of the decrease in estrogen, and
you're having all of these side effects mentally and then physically,
and then what happens is you're like going to your doctor.
They are not properly educated on the trials, the research

(45:59):
how to help women. So you have to be your
own advocate. And I decided, I was like, oh, I
did research for years, this is easy. I'm a woman.
I'm going to do as much as I can. Yeah. Yeah,
So you do it, and you asked what are some treatments?
And then the other the last red flag that I
can remember that stuck out to me is a small

(46:20):
increase in cancer risk was a synthetic version of estrogen
coupled with progesterone, and so they found that when they
gave women estrogen without the progesterone, the risk of cancer dropped,
but the only increase was like not even one percent.
So we took all of these women off of hormone

(46:41):
replacement therapies and it helped them and then they were
without anything.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
Well for me because when I saw my doctor that
she was like, you know, I can put you on
this medication.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
We can do hormonal therapy, and.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
I was just afraid, right, doctor Boley, based off of
some of the stuff you just said, I was like, Okay,
well it might help with my night sweats and hot
flashes and this and that, But what other risks am
I going to be taking if I decided to go
that route?

Speaker 4 (47:11):
And what did they tell you?

Speaker 1 (47:13):
Well, no, it was a question I was asking myself
because what I told her was I needed to think
about it before I decided what I wanted to do.
And I'm still thinking about it because I ain't done
nothing yet. I'm just dealing with it.

Speaker 4 (47:25):
So there's a database for women who are going through
perimenopause and menopause where you can connect to an expert
in the field of women's health who will provide you
with information on all of the hormone replacement therapies other
types of treatment that can help you. And I mean,

(47:45):
there is so much out there. There is suppositories, there's
transdermal patches, there's oral medications, there's did you say suppository, yes,
vaginal suppository. She said, Wait a minute, and alf I
have a list day.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
I have nightmares from when I was a kid, and
my mom like put the pository.

Speaker 4 (48:09):
Know that I'm gonna tell you that the nightmare would
be over if the medication, the replacement therapy is working.

Speaker 3 (48:21):
Do share, Please do share?

Speaker 4 (48:23):
And I am.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
And I think the other thing too, is you mentioned
that like you were weighing the risk just because you
personally were just like.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
What other side effects?

Speaker 2 (48:34):
And I just kind of feel like, and this is
just me throwing my two cents in, but it's like,
I think the risk reward is greater than what you
currently could be dealing with. Like maybe you know, you
try it and then if you wait and see what
the side effects are, right like because the side effect
might not even be something that is intolerable if anything

(48:56):
at all, right, versus kind of already being afraid of
what is unknown. Like you know, we had this discussion
previously that we're oftentimes afraid of the unknown, and so
we don't do something because we don't because we're scared
of what could possibly happen. But I mean, I think
the risk reward here is a little bit higher than
in some other scenarios where it's like, try it and

(49:19):
it may like it could very well be worth it
if it's working. And if it isn't working and it's
not like you got to stay on it, you can
very well stop it, you know.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
So No, that's a great point. I do agree with you.

Speaker 4 (49:29):
Here's what I want to say about that is the
loss of estrogen. It can be detrimental to our physical
and mental health. So one thing I experienced was frozen shoulder. Okay,
I was like, what is wrong with my shoulder? And
I love to lift weights. I'm a strength trainer. I
enjoyed it. And then one day I was doing snatches.

(49:51):
I was so proud of myself. I was like, oh
my gosh, I'm up to fifty pass.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
Let's go, right.

Speaker 4 (49:59):
I heard like I was feeling achy in my joys.
But I was like, girl, this part, this is part
of building your body. I was building an angela basset body.
That's what I'm okay, all right. Then I felt something
in my shoulder and then I couldn't unhook my bra
like within weeks. I was like, so it's my left shoulder.

(50:20):
I was like, why can't I reach back there? And
then I just I felt like I couldn't turn over
in bed, and I was like, something is not right
with my body. So I went to a doctor and
he was like, oh, yeah, we're gonna send you to
physical therapy, great, which which is great. He didn't ask
me anything else. He was like, let me look at
your shoulder. Let's see. He was like, he didn't say,
oh you this could possibly be frozen shoulder. Then I

(50:42):
got sent for multiple MRIs. Then I got a cortisol injection.
And I know a little bit about cortisol injections. I
was an athlete in high school and college. You do
not want to get too many of those because they
break down the tissue attendance right and you become weaker.
So then I said, listen, I don't know what's going
on with my shoulder, but I lost range of motion.
A researcher, I started researching, and then I was like, oh, wow,

(51:06):
this is connected to loss of estrogen. Why because we
have estrogen receptors in our joints and our major joints.

Speaker 3 (51:14):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (51:14):
And if you are not producing estrogen like you did
when you were before perimenopause, then inflammation starts reduction of motion,
all this stuff, and then you are more susceptible to injury. Yep,
what did I do? I tore my bicep tender. I
feel like I remember this. I remember this, and then

(51:34):
I was also feeling depressed. I didn't want to go
to nothing. I didn't want to I was just like,
I can't be out here like this because I feel
like I can't do anything. So I reached out to
my doctors. I was like, no more of this, no
more of this, and I wouldn't stop until someone took
me seriously, like I am going through all of these things.

(51:56):
I need help. And I was crying. Charyl. I was
on the phone with my doctor bawling, and I said,
I need you to help me.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
I know I'm not crazy self advocation, man, I'm telling you.
We talk about this all the time having to advocate
for ourselves with things because folks will really try to
gaslight us, like we are losing our minds.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
One hundred percent.

Speaker 4 (52:19):
And then here's why it is incredibly important. Could you
imagine learning later that your estrogen levels are so low.
So I want to break this down. I want to
make it really simple so that everyone can understand this.
When we're born, say we're born with a million eggs,
we're born with more than that. Right, by the time

(52:40):
you hit your thirties, you have less than twenty percent,
let's say thirty of those eggs. Every year you have
less and less and less. That's why as women beyond
thirty try to get pregnant or you know, they're they're anticipating, oh,
I'm going to have a baby, Like you know, don't
get pregnant as quickly as you would have in your

(53:02):
early thirties or your your twenties because you have less
egg Yeah. Right, So that means those ovaries are pumping
out not only less eggs, but the quality of the egg. Right.
We worry about all kinds of health issues when we
get pregnant, as they say, like, oh, this is like
you a late mom, right, because the quality of the

(53:25):
egg is different. Okay, you may get an egg, you
may you may be you're like wonderful eggs, but the
risk of having something go wrong with the pregnancy is higher. Now,
let's look at this also in terms of estrogen. What
I've learned is that by the time you in your
thirties and forties, you have like and you're going through perimenopause,

(53:47):
the estrogen levels are at like single digit percent in
your body, when prior to that you had so much
more estrogen like where your body. The inflammation would go
away quickly. You would, you would heal faster, you could
drink and recover the next day. Yes, ma'am, I'm drinking now.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
Oh no, I need that's not happening now, I need
a week.

Speaker 4 (54:12):
I don't mess. I don't. I don't mess with alcohol
like I used to. You give me some Alcohol'll be
sleeping in the corner somewhere. True, I'm like, I know,
I care. I'm gonna tell you.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
I'm gonna tell you all how Sis fell asleep on
me in the club in the club. Cheryl were in
the club, and Cheryl, she's sleep in the club. Lolly,
wake up. Since it's music going on No. I need
the power now, Molly, I need Molly.

Speaker 4 (54:42):
Listen, listen.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
You and I can relate this one right here. Your
friends some day my friend, but right now she's your friend.
I can't wait.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
I can't wait until this ship hits her because she
gonna be sleeping in the club too.

Speaker 3 (55:01):
But Moley, Moley, I fell asleep in the club though, sis.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Since fellas it looked, it popped up like it wasn't
ship popped up fifteen minutes.

Speaker 3 (55:08):
To the big Did she pop up to the beach?

Speaker 4 (55:11):
She was ready? I said, I probably did because in
my head I was like, that's to go. I love it.
Here's the important thing I want you, Sheryl and every
woman to think about. If I need estrogen to live
a vibrant, full life, right, and it has decreased so

(55:39):
drastically that I'm having issues with my mental health and
my physical health. I'm at risk for heart disease, bone loss,
a high cholesterol, frequent injuries. When Tarika said, you got
away the risk, it's a great point. Benefits reward benefits,
Right like if I took hormone replacement therapy, finding out

(56:01):
which kind of hormone do I need a little progesterone.

Speaker 3 (56:04):
Do I need some estrogen?

Speaker 4 (56:06):
Do I need a little bit of testos on? Like
your doctor can help you figure that out by doing
some blood work and doing it more frequently. Why would
you risk want to even risk not living a healthy life,
because see, we live longer.

Speaker 3 (56:21):
Now now you're when you put it that way, it
that way.

Speaker 4 (56:28):
I'm likes living to my nineties, okay. And I was like,
I don't want to fall and can't get up. I
don't want to not be able to catch myself. That's
why I move all the time. I don't want to
get to this stage of postmenopause where I produce no

(56:50):
more eggs, no more estrogen, right yeah, and then I'm
more at risk for injuries.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
Do you remember It's an OH School commercial, probably late eighties,
early nineties, but it was a lady with the button
in her house and she was like, I'm falling and
ikake it up with the budget. That has been my
greatest fear for forty years, that.

Speaker 4 (57:14):
I'm gonna beat that lady that's like I can't get up.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
I realized that we probably have to start wrapping up
at this moment. But there's one quick thing that I
want to ask you before we do, because we have
a lot of men who listen and enjoy our podcast,
and they may be dealing with a partner or a
spouse or someone who is currently going through this. And

(57:48):
I know Cheryl mentioned earlier about her husband and how
he's like, listen, I gotta adapt to whatever you have, Chris,
who had to kind of adapt to whatever it is
that you're going through. And lord knows, Greg ain't be
able to put up with my shenanigans when it becomes
my turn. So what advice would you offer to the
men in the lives of women who are going through this?

(58:10):
How can they be advocates, how can they be supportive?
What can they expect during this stage?

Speaker 1 (58:17):
And Doctor Molly, before you answer that, I want to
add one other piece to her question, because that's a
great question.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
Toe.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
I also would like for you to, I don't know,
address or answer.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
The sex part of it, right, Like, my sex drive
is like way down there, and I'm trying to not
have it down there because I know that's like that's
important in a marriage or relationship, and so I think
it's also important that the men understand all the different

(58:52):
things that a woman's body is going through when you
use in this menopaulitty, this.

Speaker 4 (58:56):
Is going to cover so much. We do not have
to suffer. You do not have to suffer with a
lot libido, vaginal dryness, pain, night sweats, all that we
do not have to suffer. We do not have to
suffer with mood swings. What we need to do is
see a doctor and then work with our obigin on

(59:21):
what medications will work for us. And they are going
to watch you closely, and you demand that. So before
I get into to answering your question, Tarka, I just
want to tell all the people who are watching this.
When you go to your doctor, this is how I
want you to go, and I want you to be
fully prepared. I want you to get a little notebook

(59:44):
and list all of your symptoms, the frequency, the intensity,
and the duration when you notice these symptoms, the onset
of these okay, when you experience them. I want you
to put as much detail in there, physical, mental, okay,
both of them. And then I want you to say
to your doctor could I be in perimenopause. I want

(01:00:07):
you to ask ask him or her that, Okay. Then
I want you to ask for a blood test. I
want you to say, I want you to test me
to see where my hormone levels are, and then what
possible treatments are there. There are treatments, get all of
the get is do your research as well, but get

(01:00:27):
the risk the like what are some of the side
effects of taking these and what are some of the
ways that I can take this medication? Because if you
have little kids, you don't want to be walking around
with with hormone cream on your shoulders and patches and
stuff because you don't want those hormones to be absorbed
into your children. So you have to think about your lifestyle.

(01:00:48):
You know what you're doing if you have children. All
of that, but start there because we do not have
to suffer and a lot of times we lose our
sex drive because of the drop it sestrogen, progesterone and testosterone,
and it doesn't have to be like that. So to
answer your question, Tarika, we have to have a conversation

(01:01:09):
with our husbands and whoever else is living with us,
our children and say, I believe I'm in perimenopause. I
believe I'm at the stage in menopause postmenopause, and my behavior,
how I'm feeling, my sex drive, my weight gain. These
are all things that happen. This is a natural transition.

(01:01:30):
And I love you. I love what we've built together
and I don't want to lose that because we are
both not educated or we need some more resources to
figure out, like how do we get through this? Now?
I know we're talking about menopause, but there's something that
happens to men too. They get a dip in testosterone

(01:01:53):
and their bodies, but they don't want to talk about it. Oh. Yes,
they get a belly, their sex drive drops, it's harder
for them to build muscle. Like, this is natural. This
is a natural transition for us, right, But educating your family,

(01:02:15):
your partner, and advocating for yourself is how you're going
to get through this. That's a very good point. Yes,
it is your spouse you want to help, you know
why because it's gonna make his life easier.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Yeah. Yeah, that's a very good point. This has been
a great conversation. I feel like we've only scratched the
surface because I just in my spirit, I feel like
there's so much more that we could have gotten into.
But I appreciate you taking the time on this good

(01:02:46):
day to chat with me and my groscure old because
I mean, this is a conversation that we've been wanting
to have on this show for a few months now.
So I'm very happy that we were able to do it,
and I'm happy that we were able to do it
with you, Molly, Doc. I'm so happy to even be invited, like,
thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm going to post

(01:03:10):
about menopause. I already named it menopause Monday, menopause minute.
We are going to talk about it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
Yes, I love that.

Speaker 4 (01:03:17):
And as a therapist, it is my job to educate
myself and do the research so that I can help
the families that I see. So I just want to
clarify I'm not a medical doctor. I'm a psychotherapist. Okay,
So I heard you. Sure, I know I kept calling
you doctor, doctor Molly.

Speaker 3 (01:03:35):
I love it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:36):
I love you, You're my doctor.

Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
I was about to say I loved it like I
feel it, like doctor Field, like doctor the people you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:44):
Know, like yeah. But I do want to say, can
you share that link with us? So if our listeners
want it, we can share it with them as well.

Speaker 4 (01:03:53):
Yes, So where where I want people to go, there
is an expert in the field. She is a woman.
She's an obg on y N. Her name is doctor
Marie Claire Haber. She has the most extensive She's done
the most extensive research. She has a clinic, she has

(01:04:13):
a wellness program, diet, exercise, but everything is focused on
the menopausal woman. And she's down in Galveston, Texas. You know,
all you need to do is type in maryclare wellness

(01:04:34):
dot com or just put her name in on her website.
There is a way for you to meet with a clinician,
a mental health provider, a provider who is an expert
in menopause. There is the Galveston Diet where you can
learn more about what you need and how to eat
for yourself because we're all different, right, there's testimonials, you

(01:04:58):
can join a wait list, and I said so. She
also has a book out called The New Menopause. I
read that book twice. I was like, oh my gosh,
I need to get this information. And I also started
looking up women in our area and women of color
who provide health care for people who are women who
are experiencing menopause.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
I love that.

Speaker 4 (01:05:17):
We just merryclear wellness dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
Oh yeah, found her on.

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
Yes, and it works for Cheryl because she's in Texas.

Speaker 4 (01:05:28):
So like.

Speaker 1 (01:05:32):
From Galveston. Oh wow, yeah, I listen at the levels
on America's number one network. Is your free heart part
of life.

Speaker 4 (01:05:44):
We experienced it early the foster Pies and startless all
the way into our sixties. This is like thirty years.

Speaker 2 (01:05:52):
Yeah, yeah, you don't have to for years.

Speaker 4 (01:05:55):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
And do me a favor, Molly, and please share with
our audience where they can follow you so that they
can get more of your tips and the information and
the resources that you share. I know you're on TikTok.
I know you're on Instagram. Please share with our audience

(01:06:16):
where they can find you, so you can find me
at the Realmollismith dot com.

Speaker 4 (01:06:22):
Okay, my name is spelled m A l e E
Ma Lee and TikTok YouTube, Instagram, And I'm always providing information.
I love working with women. I love helping families stay together,
especially families of color. It is really really important to
build a legacy of love, family and connection. So yeah,

(01:06:46):
I'm posting three times a week about mental health and
families and grieving families. So I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
See when we were talking about let me tell you,
how you have touched on so many things. And something
else that Cheryl and I were talking about that we
want to make sure we do a show is we
were talking about what happens after grief, right, We were
talking about having an episode on grief counseling and just
dealing with that. And so there's so many things, girl

(01:07:15):
that I might be able to tap into you with.
But we just appreciate you making some time for us today,
my good sister, and so thank you. We look forward
to having you back on the show.

Speaker 4 (01:07:27):
You're You're the best. Thank you, Cheryl.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
I know that we had to end that conversation because
truly it felt like we could have, Like there were
still so many other questions that that I wanted to
ask and that I know you wanted to ask. I
feel like we might need to do a part to
you episode.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
I was like, that was just part one, because we
could have part two and three because it's just so
just so much. You see my shirt. My shirt says
phenomenal woman. It does I want to find me one
that says menopausal woman. I know that's right to just

(01:08:09):
to warn people this is what I'm going through, But
such a much needed conversation, A very important conversation and
to you know, the biggest thing for me is women
in general, but especially in the Black community.

Speaker 3 (01:08:24):
Excuse me.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
There's so many conversations that we just don't have, that
we just don't talk about, and menopause is one of them.
And the unfortunate thing is we don't talk about it
because it's like taboo or it's like a bad thing
to do. But it is so important to be able
to find someone that you can talk to. I know

(01:08:49):
for myself personally, and you said, it just so refreshing
to be able to not only listen but also talk
to Molly and ask questions that I have. And I
hope that not just the women, I hope everyone that
listened to this, and you said it earlier, the men,

(01:09:09):
Like this is such an important conversation to really truly
understand all the different ways that menopause can affect a woman,
and not just in a physical way but emotionally mentally.

Speaker 4 (01:09:22):
Yep, it takes a toll on you, for sure, it
definitely does.

Speaker 2 (01:09:26):
And you know, to put a boat on this if
you are someone who is you know, going through or
have gone through menopause or in your postmenopause stage, and
you have other women in your life, like, maybe you
be the catalyst to start and open.

Speaker 4 (01:09:43):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:09:43):
I remember when I was younger, people never even use
the word menopause around me. They would say going through
the change, Yes, going through the gosh. Yes, Like they
never even use the word menopause like I did. Yes,
the word menopause until like you're in school and you
have that class that goes.

Speaker 4 (01:10:00):
Through but it's like a science cloth.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
Yeah, it's like a science class that talks about you know,
human anatomy or whatever. That's when I first heard the
word menopause. Other than that, it was just where you know,
she going through the change that I'm like, okay, what change.
So definitely to that point, we have to all be
catalysts to these taboo type conversations so that we can

(01:10:24):
all be better for it. And so with that, I'm
sure I will toss it back to you to level
us off a writer.

Speaker 3 (01:10:31):
Right, such a great conversation for women, for men, for everybody.

Speaker 4 (01:10:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:36):
So it's Women's History Month, and you know I said,
every every week I'm going to give us something from
a different woman. But this one I saw on LinkedIn
and it's not really a quote, but it just it
just hit me. Okay, so let me just read it.

(01:10:57):
People change, companies, evolve projects in, but a purpose that lasts.

Speaker 3 (01:11:06):
So it said, attach yourself to what truly matters.

Speaker 1 (01:11:08):
Don't attach yourself to the following a person, a project,
a company, an organization. Do attach yourself to a goal,
a calling, a mission, and a purpose. So here's why
that kind of like really resonated with me, because I

(01:11:31):
think so many times we get caught up in like
wanting to attach ourselves to things or even to a person,
and so many times that person will.

Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
Let you down.

Speaker 1 (01:11:49):
It'll let he, she will let you down, your job,
a company like, those things will let you down.

Speaker 3 (01:11:56):
But if you have a goal, you control that. A
call like what is the calling on your life?

Speaker 1 (01:12:02):
Yeah, Like, to me, those are just things to think
about in a mission and a purpose. I don't know,
I just I saw that and I was like, Wow,
that was pretty deep for me.

Speaker 4 (01:12:11):
So I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
I love that, And that's I think that's a great
segue to a future conversation about something that even I
struggled with, and that was how who you work for
your employer identifies who you are In some ways and
how you break that, especially when I hear don't attach

(01:12:33):
yourself to a company, because I think so often. You know,
you had to ask, I know I had to ask myself,
like is it that I want to cover women's basketball
or is it that I want.

Speaker 4 (01:12:45):
To work here?

Speaker 2 (01:12:47):
Because if I want to work here, that's one thing.
If I want to cover women's basketball, I don't got
to be here.

Speaker 3 (01:12:55):
To do that fast and so and look at you now,
right right.

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
Right, So definitely a segue to a great conversation. I
absolutely love that for today. Thank you so much for
dropping that on as Shurel, and thank all of you
for listening and continuing to listen every week to Levels
to this. We will be back next week with more
next level conversations just about the real shit that we
go through as women. But remember this is an our show.
This is our show, and we want to hear from you.

(01:13:23):
So leave us a review in Apple Podcasts or email
us at Levels too this podcast at gmail dot com.
Tell us what you think of this week's show. I
am really going to be interested in what you think
of this week's show and what you meant yes exactly,
and anything that you may want to talk about next
and please make sure you continue to follow us on
Instagram at ltt pod. But until then, keep your mentals

(01:13:46):
ground level and we will be back next week.

Speaker 4 (01:13:49):
Bye guys.

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
Pease listen to Levels to this on America's number one
podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search
levels to this. Sheryl swoops in Rika Foster Brasbee and
start listening