Gringo's Guide To: Rewriting Your Life's Script

Dramos deep-dives into the breakthrough he had while in Puerto Rico and how you can rewrite your life's script to yield all that you want.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Let me talk about talk. Here we go, he said,
he live in life as a.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Ringle, where you question where you fit in every time
you mingle.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
They say you do. This would not that my life
as a dingo.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yes, hello, and welcome to another episode of life as
a gringo. I am dramas of course, and man, I
am fresh off of a trip to Puerto Rico. I
was planning on coming back. I was planning on coming
back on my days are so thrown off right now.

(00:46):
I was planning on coming back on not this last Sunday,
the Sunday before him, and ended up just like basically
having a mild panic attack about the idea of leaving
and coming home.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
And I just changed my flight, and then from.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
There proceeded to by accident, book a flight from New
York to Puerto Rico instead of Puerto Rico to New
York and didn't realize it, so I was packing.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
So then I had to stay a.

Speaker 2 (01:13):
Whole nother day, almost a whole another day and a
half to rebook another flight ended up being like a
red eye. I didn't get back into the New York
area New Jersey technically until Thursday, so I spent a
week a solid week in Puerto Rico, which I'm not
complaining about, especially because this trip in particular, and I'm

(01:36):
not I promise I'm going somewhere with this.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
This isn't me just looking for an opportunity to brag
about how amazing my trip was, even though it was.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
This trip though beyond like just like the fun I
had on a spiritual and emotional and like.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
Just heroes journey.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Level was probably the most impactful trip of my entire life.
It kind of I'm going to get into that, you know,
in a deeper sense, and I think there's a lot
to unpack here that I think a lot of people
can benefit from from hearing. But you know, like all

(02:19):
of us, you know, I've been on a journey of
really just trying to find myself, trying to you know,
progress as a human being, be the best version of myself.
I mean, we're all in that drink together, that's where
we are involved in this community here, and.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
Puerto Rico kind of felt like the culmination.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
Of all of this hard work over the you know,
I don't even know how many years at this point,
and you know, it felt like it felt like my arrival,
like the arrival of the man that I've been trying
to be for so long, and I don't have disillusions

(02:59):
of the fact that you know, obviously there's gonna be
more growth and all these different things.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
But it feels like I've finally.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Arrived at a like a new level that I can
genuinely like see right, that I can feel it. And
then there's been different moments. I think the initial sort
of stages of life as a Gringo was another one
of those phases where it was like, man, you just
crossed into a whole nother threshold and unlocked this this
next version of yourself. And I think this feels like

(03:30):
a very similar moment that I'm sitting in, and it
really speaks to a lot of what I talk about
with Just Be, with the philosophy of the four pillars
of conscious living and the idea of YouTube point zero right,
where I talk about sort of living as the person
you want to be today, right, and and sort of

(03:50):
playing that character if you have to for a little bit,
until it initial until eventually just becomes you, right. And
I feel like in Puerto Rico it was like like, oh,
we're no longer playing that character. This is just now
us like I feel like I arrived at this particular destination,

(04:10):
and obviously being in a place like Puerto Rico, where
my ancestors are from, but the place that I think
has so much history in terms of this journey of
wanting to find myself. It was particularly I think, just
like I do know this out of body experience, and
I was reading I have been reading this book, The
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
As sort of I think the universe does you know.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
When I got back home over the weekend, I was
sitting on my deck in my backyard with my dog,
as we typically do, and I was just reading you know,
the where I had left off, and they started talking
about the idea of rescripting, right, like rewriting your life,

(04:59):
and that's obviously in line with what I talked about
with you two point zero, but it just felt so
fucking like timely for what I've sort of just experienced,
this evolution that I feel like I've just experienced, So
I wanted to kind of bring that here because I
found it to be incredibly powerful as I read it,

(05:19):
and I want to just kind of share this experience
that I've had. I mean, you know, you have all
been along on this journey, those of you who have
been listening, I mean, should We started this podcast in
what twenty twenty one, so we're talking three years? I mean,
I think, quite honestly, this summer was the literal three
year anniversary of the podcast, right, So if you've been

(05:44):
with me from the beginning, or you've listened to old
episodes whereever long it's been, you've been with me as
I've been evolving and I, you know, and as you've
been evolving, and we've been kind of sharing ideas, you know,
or I've been trying to to, you know.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
Keep the pathways open to share ideas.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
But I just wanted to like acknowledge this moment and
sort of utilize it as a time to be like, man, like,
this isn't all this all this like wellness and personal
growth during all this stuff, Like it's for real, I like,
I genuinely feel like a different person. So I want

(06:24):
to share that, And I'm gonna start actually before I
get into like my trip and that specific sort of
I don't know, this like aha moment that I feel
like I've had, I come to Jesus moment, the latest
one I get I should say, I want to share
before I get into I want to share kind of
what this book talks about, because I think they word

(06:45):
it very well.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
With the idea of rescripting. Right.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
So let's just I'm really excited to fucking dive into this.
So we'll talk about kind of what the book says.
We'll do that in a segment. Call for the people
in the back say a.

Speaker 3 (06:57):
Lot for the people in the back say a lot
of the people, say a lot of the people.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
All Right, So, if you're watching the video version of this,
you see that I'm using unopened mail as my bookmark
because I just do not read my mail.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
And four, I mean, it's a problem. I need to
do that.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
But anyway, so there's something The way they word this
I think is is maybe far better than I ever could.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Right.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
But they talk about the idea of self awareness, right,
which awareness is one of the pillars of conscious living.
By the way, I don't need to brag here, but
I'm not I'm not stating, you know, I'm not like, oh,
I'm the fucking inventor of all these concepts.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
Obviously.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
All that I talk about is the culmination of like
years of sort of studying and reading and things like that.
But to pat myself on the back, I have to
say I'm quite impressed with myself that prior to reading
this book, many of the things that I have identified
that to me are the crucial foundations for what I
call conscious living are shared and co signed by a

(08:25):
best selling book that has existed for a very long time,
by somebody who has done far more like you know,
collegiate academic research than I have ever have, right and
probably ever will. Right. They've done this for a living.
So the fact that I'm in line with that, I'm
impressed with myself. You know, I am a person who

(08:47):
skated by every single you know, great level of school
that they have accomplished. I am bought of my class
everywhere we go. So just patting myself on the back
with that. But they talk about self awareness, right, And
this is why I preach self awareness so much, and
being able to look at yourself and sort of remove

(09:08):
the emotion and remove the personal attachment and just sort
of really, you know, objectively view yourself and your actions. Right,
Because they talk about the idea where I'm gonna read
this paragraph they say, in developing our own self awareness,
many of us discover ineffective scripts, deeply embedded habits that

(09:31):
are totally unworthy of us, totally incongruent with the things.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
We really value in life.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
And this sentence just punches me in the face, Like
I don't know if it hit anybody else the same way.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
And I'm gonna break it down to my own wording.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
But it's the idea of unlearning essentially, right, It's the
idea of like these narratives that we have in our
mind about the world around us and about ourselves personally
that are literally on a daily doing a disservice to
us and the quality of life that we could be living.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Right, And this is.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
Like I'm not trying, I'm not selling. I don't think
I'm fucking like a salesperson here, but like this is
what you have to focus your energy on, Like if
something in your life is not what you want it
to be, if you're not where you want it to be.
And by the way, we all go through different phases,
And this is something I had been struggling with as
of late, even right like feeling like man, I feel

(10:37):
so close to it all, but I keep falling short
or I keep missing it, right, Like something is missing,
I'm not connect some dot is not being connected to
get me to the next.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Level that I want to achieve.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
And that's why this sentence sort of hits me like
a ton of bricks, right, because.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
I'm carrying around.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
An ineffective script about myself, about my capabilities and about
the way other people view me, and as a result,
I'm short changing myself in every aspect of my life.
I'm short changing myself in the opportunities that I go for, right,

(11:27):
not thinking big enough, not reaching out to the top people,
but sort of thinking that I don't belong amongst them,
telling myself that I'd be okay, just having the scraps
essentially right beyond career wise, my quality of life, not

(11:50):
realizing maybe my value as a man, as a potential partner, right,
and to be completely candid, just for the sake of like,
you know, anybody who is in a similar boat. And
I think this is actually friendship wise, this is romantic wise,

(12:10):
it could be applied in any way, but like really
short changing myself of like thinking I'm not worthy of
the type of people I want to be around, right,
maybe you know, going after and pursuing women that are
just not on the same wavelength as me, and being

(12:35):
uncomfortable going after women that I deem to be of
high value, right not feeling confident in my ability for
them to be, not feeling confident in sort of my
ability to garner their attention. And then even like I
you know, as I'm speaking about this, because I think
you can interchange, like I think relationships are relationships in general,
friendship or romantic Obviously there's different, you know, there's different

(13:00):
and dynamics within both, but it's still human and human
connection breaking down, like you know, for me, even friendships,
and I'm not taking anything away from the people that
are in my life, but but sort of always being
nervous about connecting with people that I look up to

(13:20):
or that I think are interesting or doing cool things
or that I'm inspired by. Right, Like, even I can
go to events or like, you know, I talk a
lot about how like I'm I love tapping into like
subcultures and things like that. But I've been a voyeur
for the most part. And I mean that at least
creepy away possible. But I've been a voyeur, right, I've
watched from afar because I've been afraid to actually take

(13:43):
the next step of like introducing myself and trying to
embed myself within that circle that I find to be
inspiring because I think I'm not worthy. I think they're
not going to like me or appreciate me, or I
don't belong there. Right, So I'm like short changing myself
in all of these aspects of my life because I
have an ineffective script about myself and the practice of

(14:07):
self awareness. I was aware of that, right. I learned
this verbiage or the idea of ineffective script that I
like from this book. But you know, in the practice
of self awareness, I was, you know, able to see
that about myself and at least try and make it
a point to correct that I haven't been you know,
previous to this last month, I hadn't been very successful

(14:28):
at it, but it was something I was cognizant of, right,
And that's the first step right there, And that then
leads into the idea of like why YouTube point zero,
you know, the idea of becoming who you want to be,
you know, operating with your future self in mind. Right,

(14:50):
that's what this book also talks about. Start at the
end basically, right, like what do you want your life
to look? Like, and then you go from you you
you know, backtrack from there to the as a moment
to actually make it happen.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
Right. I talk about that with goal setting as well, But.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
It's the idea, you know, when we sort of our
self aware, then we identify what we want, who we
want to be. It's sort of then saying, what is
all the bullshit that I carry around on a regular basis,
on a daily basis that is keeping me from being

(15:29):
that person?

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Right?

Speaker 2 (15:31):
And for me, it was carrying around a lot of
these feelings of not belonging, which leads to a lack
of confidence, which leads to a lack of belief in
my ability and my capability, which then means that I
take the low hanging fruit because I think that that's
all I could get, you know what I mean. Or
I end up putting myself in positions where I am
the big fish in a little pond basically, right, because that's.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
More comfortable to me.

Speaker 2 (15:55):
Or I go into rooms where there are these very
dominant personalities and successful individuals and I sort of give
them too much credit, to a degree of saying of
almost taking away my worth or my value or or
the fact that I do belong to be in that room, right,
regardless if I've achieved as much as them or not.

(16:20):
And the results of sort of living with this script, right,
this ineffective script, is I'm not living up to the
values that I want my life to be made up of.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
Right.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
In this book they talk about that, right, And he
talks about the idea that because you're self aware, because
you have imagination and conscience, you can examine.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Your deepest values.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
He says, quote, I can realize that the script I'm
living in is not in harmony with those values, That
my life is not the product of my own proactive design,
but the result of the first creation I have deferred
to circumstances and other people.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
Right.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
So that was kind of a mouthful, but essentially saying
that when you create the self awareness and analyze all
that is happening in your life that you are not
fond of or the person you are that you want
to grow beyond, you're recognizing that you are not living
in conjunction with your deepest values, right, and that your
life and this is the trap that most people fall under.

(17:22):
I like the way they said, your life is not
a product of your own proactive design, right, what does
that mean. It means your life, for many of us,
is the result of going with the flow, and I
don't mean that in a good way, going with the

(17:43):
flow of what other people dictate your life should should
look like or be right. So, rather than proactively designing
your life as you see fit, you're falling into. Soiad
norms of whatever it might be, graduate high school, graduate college,
get married, get the white pay offense, get a corporate job,
whatever it might be, and you're sort of like, this

(18:06):
doesn't feel right, but it's what I'm supposed to do.
You're not living a proactive life at that point. You're
not proactively designing your life. And I think that's where
many of us fall into. I know I've fallen into that,
you know, for for so long, and I still struggle
with it.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
Because I watch other.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
People obtaining things, or getting titles, or being able to
do certain things that I wish I could do or
I want to do on a very superficial level, and
I long for that to a degree because it's comfortable,
because it is no longer the unknown. Right, the path

(18:44):
of of your authenticity is oftentimes going to sort of
involve going out into the dark forest basically, right, it's
the path of the unknown, because the path that's illuminated,
the path that is carved out, is not your path.
That's somebody else's path, and many of us are walking
down other people's paths essentially, right, So sud enormous and

(19:05):
standards is kind of the thing I'm getting at here.
And oftentimes why we are unhappy, why we feel like
something is missing in our life, is because we are
living a life that is not in unison with what
we actually want and who we actually are and what

(19:28):
actually makes us happy or what would actually make us happy.
And you know, I've been on this journey of trying
to fight against that and create my own version of
happiness and what that means to me. And it's been
a roller coaster ride ups, downs, great things, bad things, whatever,

(19:49):
it might be, difficult moments. And I think this last year,
the last two years really in particular, have been consistently
brutal because I've gotten far more clarity on what would
actually make me happy, and I'm far more aware of

(20:11):
the things in my life that are not in line
with that. And what makes it brutal is that I'm
operating based upon ineffective scripts.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Right.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
So, and this is the process I think we all
have to go through where you get to a point
you just say fuck, enough is enough, because you become
aware of like, what do I want my life to
look like?

Speaker 1 (20:36):
Oh? Cool, I wanted to look like that.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
And then you sort of are just tripping, stumbling, falling,
cutting yourself, hurting yourself, walking a path. And it's frustrating
as fuck because now you see all the flaws in
your everyday life that are not in line with who
you want to be.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
But it's frustrating because it's like I'm trying.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
I'm trying, but I keep falling back at these old
habits or these old patterns, or the same type of
people end up around me, or I can't seem to
get a grip on this on that, And it's because
you still haven't found a way to shake those those
ineffective scripts. You still haven't rescripted your life completely in
a way that it now just becomes second nature to you.

(21:15):
But this is all a part of the process, right
The bumps, the bruises, the scrapes along the way are
all a part of that process until you get to
a point where you are so fucking conscious of what
you're doing wrong that now in those moments, you begin
to have that other voice in your head that whispers
what you actually need to be doing the uh you know,
to what is quote unquote right for you and not

(21:39):
to by the way, like, even with this level of awareness,
I still was falling short while in Porto Ricords.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
I'm gonna gain in to kind of where this is going.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
But like I would do it right, do it right,
do it right, in line, I'm fucking living as my
authentic self, And then all of a sudden one of
those ineffective scripts would pop up in my head and
I would delay, delayed, to like get nervous, and all
of a sudden I wouldn't act as I wanted.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
To act right. So it's there's still process.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
Of unlearning, but it's exciting to me because now I
have this fucking proof of what I'm capable of, of
who I am and how others perceive me, that I
can rest on that and say, no, the ineffective script
in your mind is complete bullshit. You are not that person.

(22:22):
And while the internal struggle might happen a little bit,
I can push past it because I have now this
proof of who I actually am and me two point
zero is no longer me acting, but it actually is
a real part of me now that I can tap into.
I just have to keep the awareness up, and that's
rescripting my I'm rescripting my life now, right. I'm getting

(22:43):
rid of that ineffective script that was holding me back
from really stepping into my fucking power. And that's sort
of what culminated while in Puerto Rico. And I'm gonna
get into that because I just think it's you know,
I don't know, it's an exciting moment for me, and

(23:04):
it's proved that all I've been talking about for these
last few years isn't bullshit. So we're going against that
for Army hint that segment. But first we'll take a
quick break and then we'll be right back.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
All right. So this trip to Puerto Rico, it didn't
really start.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Out as anything outside of the norm, right, I didn't
have many expectations beyond you know, having a good time.
For anybody that's been following me the last you know,
whatever it's been for two years or so, I've made
it a point to go to Puerto Rico, you know,
at least every every three months, you know, and my

(23:53):
grandfather was living out there. He sadly passed earlier in August,
but you know, I would would go out and and
see him, and I would just like travel by myself
and wander the island a bit, and I would meet
up with certain friends that I knew I had out there,
certain connections, but mostly it was just sort.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Of me and myself. Right, And.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
You know, this, this trip, I think was a culmination
of a lot of that journey. I think for starters,
me traveling on a regular basis there by myself and
doing all the things that give many of us anxiety.
Going out to eat by yourself, you know, just walking
around by yourself, flying by yourself, being a hotel by yourself,

(24:35):
all those things. Right, I forced myself into those situations
to sort of trial by fire. Be okay with being alone,
be okay with going to events by myself, Be okay
with not having somebody there, you know, in awkward moments
where everybody else seems like they're socializing and I have
nobody to talk to, right, really trying to retrain my
brain because for the longest time I operated in a

(24:56):
place of I would find out that these really cool
amazing events that I wanted to check out. I hit
up my friends and they wouldn't want to go. They
weren't into whatever it might be. And I would never
go because I was scared to go alone. So I
think the trips to Puerto Rico began to sort of
be this unlearning of that unknowingly to me, but that's
what it began to be. And then even you know,
going to see my grandfather and you know, and his

(25:17):
wife and you know, they speak limited English, and my
Spanish not being amazing. That was intimidating for me because
I didn't have my parents to lean on. I didn't
have my sister, who Spanish was even worse than mine,
to sort of make me look good by comparison. Right,
I was driving there by myself and sitting there, you know,
in their living room and having to have conversations and

(25:37):
make it work right, and all of that again trial
by fire. My Spanish became much better as a result
of doing these things right. But you know, that was
sort of a journey that I I was mildly conscious
of it, but for the most part, subconsciously was me
unlearning a lot of these scripts.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
Right.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
Obviously I didn't have the vocabulary for that. But something
clicked for me this last month. It began just a
couple of weeks before Puerto Rico, and I think the
starting point for it was actually July, right. It was
around the time of the Puerto Rican Day Parade here.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
In New York.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
And in New York they have the street Festival the
day before, one hundred and sixteenth Street Festival in Spanish
Harlem and O Barrio, and I was djaying it, right,
and I've done that.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
This is my second year doing it. And that whole
weekend there's usually a bunch of cool.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
Like Puerto Rican related festival festivities and things like that,
same sort of thing. I've always seen it from afar,
never had somebody to go with, so I didn't want
to go by myself type of thing. And there was
this artist who was having a event at his art
gallery in Brooklyn and he does these really he's a

(26:55):
really dope street artist. But he does these hats like
you know, like Yankee hats, but he like throws his
art on them and does these different concepts. They do
shirts and everything too, And I have bought a couple
of his pieces in the past, and you know, we
kind of I don't remember if you followed me on
social media a while back, whatever it might be, but

(27:16):
I kind of connected with a guy he'd worked with
a lot when I was at the breakfast club and
whatever falling from afar being a voyeur basically as I
as I genuinely lean on being unfortunately, but this particular time,
he was dropping a hat that that, you know, Puerto
Rican theme hat, and I made it a point to
be like, fuck it, he's doing this event.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
I want to go. I'm gonna support beyond just buying it.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
I'm gonna go pick it up in person and go
to this event and gonna do it by myself and
and just sit through the discomfort of not knowing anybody.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
And that's what I.

Speaker 2 (27:51):
Did, And I feel like that was like the first
big challenge that I overcame as far as some of
my social anxiety, my difficulty with you know, my confidence
and things like that, where I was just like, fuck it,
I'm going to do this. I'm gonna and in retrospect
doesn't feel like that big of a deal, but at
the time it was because you're stepping into a very
niche community. It's beautiful and I love all they've built,

(28:15):
but everybody seemed to know each other right or have
some sort of connection that came with a friend. And
I'm there and it's not a huge gallery, so eventually
you kind of walk around and you go through all
the different vendors and things like that, but you run
out of sort of things to occupy your awkwardness.

Speaker 1 (28:30):
And I've never met this artist in person.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
We've barely spoken via Instagram a little bit, and you know,
I introduced myself to him and we connect. We kind
of bs for a little bit, but he's like, you know,
he's host, he's playing host. He's bouncing around doing his thing.
So I'm left alone for a lot of the time period,
you know, And that was like my first like, hey,
I saw people that I am inspired by what they're doing.

(28:53):
I saw an event that I wanted to be a
part of, and I forced myself to participate. That is
what dramas to He doesn't wait for the perfect moment,
He doesn't rely on anybody else to be his plus
one to feel comfortable. If he sees something he wants
to do, if he sees somebody he wants to meet,
and he sees a community that he's inspired by he

(29:16):
goes out there and extends a hand and.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
Tries to be a part of it or support it
in some sort of way.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
So that was the first step, and there's like a
part be to this sort of journey of that sort
of level of confidence. And you know, the irony is
like I go and meet him and he's like, you know,
introducing me to people, and he's hyping up what I do. Oh,
this is dramas. He's a DJ on the radio and
he does this podcast. He does a lot of really

(29:46):
cool shit. So it's like I'm sitting here thinking I'm
not good enough to be there, but somebody else is
hyping me up to other people that they think I'm
worthy of them meeting type of thing.

Speaker 1 (29:55):
Right.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
So again that goes back to psychology of the way
we see ourselves is not oftentimes how other people ped
of us.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
Right.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
We often, for many of us, denigrade ourselves to the
point that we don't see ourselves with the value that
others are able to see in us.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
Right.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
So that was the start and the point and the
other the b story to this that like I feel
I feel awkward even talking about because I don't know
how it's going to come across. But I was I
was listening to another podcast and it was a guy
kind of talking about like, you know, young men and
their motivations oftentimes, right, And.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
There's no way around it. If you are a heterosexual
young man, much of your motivation is centered around women
and attracting the women that you are attracted to. Right.
And for men, many of.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
Us, our greatest fear is the idea of rejection from
a woman that we are you know, attracted to. And
for many men, they fear approaching women in public type
of thing, right, And I was one of those many
men I have been for a long time, you know.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
And for me, I'm most embarrassed to fuck it a
bit this, But for the sake of.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Transparency, I've always been like more of an Instagram DM
or kind of guy because that's a little bit easy, right,
It's less like I don't have to keep your attention
in real time.

Speaker 1 (31:20):
It's whatever. It's like a joke almost if like you
ghost me or something in it.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
Right, the rejection is not as harsh as like I
go up to you and say hi, my name is dramas,
what's your name, and you're like fuck off?

Speaker 1 (31:32):
Right, that's like a heartbreaking.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
Potential scenario that could happen in actually approaching a woman
in IRL in real life.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
Right, But.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
That's not the type of person that I want to
be in either situation. I don't want to be the
type of person who is so you know, down on
himself or lacks confidence to think that other people would
be interested in meeting him, because again that then bleeds

(32:03):
into every other aspect of my life, for me speaking
up in my career, for me, you know, trying to
gain opportunities career wise, like that lack of confidence bleeds
into all of these.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
Other aspects of my life.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
So again after years of like being out of an event
because also by the way I go to networking events,
I end up just talking to people I came there
with like I'm the worst, and it's like, so you
went to this, and or unless people come up to me.
But it's like, god knows how many fucking opportunities I
left on the table because I was afraid to be
social in a social setting.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
I've talked about this before.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
I don't know if it's on the podcast or in
like the just Be Social club, but I've been like
I'm the type of dude that if I saw my
neighbor go outside to their car and I was about
to go outside, I would watch the window and wait
till they went back in the house, just so I
could avoid having a casual conversation with them, right, Like,
that's my social anxiety. So with women, it was times ten.
And then you're like, oh, that's a you know, a

(32:58):
woman that I'm attracted to. She is looks interesting and boop. No,
I'm like, oh I should talk to her. No, I'm wait,
leit me wait, oh wait, it's that's the perfect moment.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
Oh wait, she's she looks at she's on her phone. Oh,
she's talking this person. Oh wait.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
And the next thing, bye, she's gone. Like my soulmate
probably I probably my soulmate was probably out there and
I just let her go because of social anxiety.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I was.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
I was too concerned and thinking of every possible situation
to avoid talking to her.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Right.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
And it sounds silly, but again, that mindset would bleed
into other aspects of my life. Right, the fact that
I didn't feel worthy of being around the people I
was interested in being around.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
So I'm like, I'm dragging out this story a.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
Bit I'm gonna try to condense it, but you know,
I got to the point where the disappointment began to
make my blood boil, like me missing those opportunities of
potentially meeting somebody, whether it's professionally or romantically, just trying
to bother me like and again, is because I became
hyper aware of like, this is not in line with

(34:10):
the man that I want to be. Right, The man
that I want to be is confident. The man that
I want to be does not leave opportunities on the table,
whatever they might be. He sees something that he's interested
in pursuing, be it a job opportunity, be it a
personal relationship, and he goes and explores it with the

(34:33):
confidence of knowing.

Speaker 1 (34:34):
He is good enough to get it right.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
And whether or not he whether or not I do,
is not a reflection of my value. But I'm at
least going to try this particular you know, endeavor if
you will, because I know I deserve it and it

(34:58):
could potentially up quality of life. And I think I
was speaking in circles here a bit, but bear with me,
because it's just a weird topic to even talk about
her confess out loud. But the frustration built up, and
frustration created hyper awareness to the moments that I was

(35:19):
selling myself short. So I think eventually I gotten to
the point that I'm so aware of the fact that
I'm selling myself short, and I'm so aware of the
fact that I'm not living in line with who I
want to be, that I just became angry with myself
to the point that I would go and just fucking act,
you know. So it started. I was in the city
a couple of weeks ago doing an advance. I saw

(35:39):
a girl that I thought was attractive, and I just
went started a casual conversation with her. Nothing really came
of it. We exchanged you know, like social media info.
But that was the first breakthrough of like, hey, you
saw somebody you thought was interesting, you started a conversation.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
The world didn't end. You're still here, and that was that.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
So that began to I think springboard and to me,
ripping away a bit of that fear and beginning to
really live is the man I wanted to be. I'm
gonna pause on that thought. We'll take a quick break
and then we'll be right back. All right, we are back,
and now fast forward to Puerto Rico right. Puerto Rico

(36:24):
is This trip in particularly was special because two of
my oldest friends, one of them I've known since I
was in kindergarten, the other one I've known since I
was about sixteen. They actually were going to join me
on this trip. So this is the first time I
was traveling with somebody in a long time and.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
We had actually gone to Puerto Rico together.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
It popped up on my Facebook like memories literally twelve
years ago, almost of the date, so it was cool.
It's like, man, we've been friends for so long, We're
going to like reconnect now, because you know, I had
gotten busy and I'm not as around as I used
to be. But it's like, these are my guys, and
we're going to recreate, reconnect in a place where we
had some really funny memories that we still talk about
to this day.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
So anyway, they were going to meet me out there.
I flew in a couple of days early.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
And as I mentioned you, my grandfather had passed and
normally a part of my routine is going to visit him.
And this again is me acting as Drama's two point
zero because his wife and I say his wife, because
he remarried, so she's not techning my grandmother. But you know,

(37:26):
she had made it a point to my mom saying that,
you know, sort of like insinuating that she would have
liked me for me to come over as normal. And
initially I was like, oh, I'm not gonna do that.
That's gonna be so awkward. Right, I don't even have
my grandfather there to lean on. She speaks, doesn't speak
like a lick of English. My grandfatherly spoke a little bit.
That's going to be awkward. But I pushed myself, right,

(37:46):
I said, now I'm gonna do this. That's the person
that I want to be. I'm not going to allow
fear of an awkward conversation take me away from connecting
with another human being and one that I've actually built
a bit of a relationship with, just because it might
be slightly awkward. So I went, you know, I took

(38:06):
the hour drive over there, and I spent a couple
hours with her. You know, I had lunch and were
there a couple awkward moments in my own head shore
but not really. And on top of that, it forced
me to dig deep in my bag of Spanish and

(38:29):
maybe an even more confident like Spanish speaking person to
start the week off with, to the point that, you know,
again patting myself in the back. She talked to my
mom after that and said, she's really impressed my Spanish
improved so much over the last year. Literally, I spent
a couple hours just speaking Spanish with somebody who doesn't
speak English. I couldn't have said that a year ago,

(38:50):
two years ago, but now here I am right, And
I wouldn't have known that about myself if I didn't
force myself into that situation. And again, that's what drama
those two point zero does. He goes for it. He
pushes himself, he wants to see what he's all about.
He challenges himself.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
And you know.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
Then after that, that night, I go and meet up
with a friend of mine who I know that lives
down there. He takes me onto a couple of local
spots that I had no idea even existed. And I'm
in those spots. I get there before he does my
worst nightmare ever. Right, So I sit at the at
the bar of one of the spots and the guy

(39:32):
there strikes up a conversation with me. Right, he compliments
I had like an vinted Yankees hat on and compliments
that we're just we get into talking about clothing and
things like that. So now we've initiated this sort of relationship. Right,
So now I just met somebody. And by the way,

(39:54):
the space that they operate out of it is like,
not only is it a bar restaurant, it's like a
whole concept space. It's like they do events there. They
have a clothing store in the front that is really dope.
And he's actually a local designer, like he has his
own clothing brand. So we're we hop around and we
end the night back at that same bar and what
is drama And by the way, dramas old version of dramas,

(40:20):
the ineffective script kicked in right because me and this
kidder are bullshitting and then once my friend comes, I
sort of turn all my energy to my friend and
he's like, oh, let's go hop around, And part of
me is like, Okay.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
I should probably swap info of this kid.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Like you know, on Instagram, I follows clothing company because
we have similar interests and I want to connect with
people from the island. But the old version of me
like panicked and was like, okay, let's go and just
fucking leaves without saying any buy or buy or anything
like that. So now, lucky for me, we end up
back there. But old Dramas would have potentially lost out
on a great connection that he wanted to have. I

(40:58):
want to connect with people in Port. I want to
be able to go there and meet other creatives and
go to events and hang out with these people and
be a part of the actual local community. Right, But
my old programming stepped in the way and got in
the way of me doing that in the moment. Lucky
for me, after we kind of made our rounds, we
ended our night there to get one more drink and

(41:19):
he was still working. And what did Dramas two point
oh do. Dramo's two point oh said, hey, let me
let me get your your Instagram or we'll follow each
other back. Let me get your your clothing company's Instagram.
I want to check it out. Boom, connection made right,
And that then comes full circle to the next day.

(41:41):
I have a couple of hours to kill before my
friend's flight gets in and I'm like, let.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Me go check out the clothing store because it was
closed at.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
The time when I When I went, they don't. They're
not open at night, only the bars. I go into
the clothing store. That same kid is now working at
the clothing store.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
What happens?

Speaker 2 (41:58):
I go and now I have a familiar face. I'm
in Puerto Rico, a place that I don't live, but
because I made it a point to create a relationship
the night before, I now walk in and greeted by
a familiar face and he's telling me all about the store,
and I'm getting the whole tour, like, oh yeah, they
print everything right over here and.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
We just bring it right to the store.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
So now I'm tapping in with these really awesome creatives
that I'm really inspired by, and I'm no longer a voyeur.
I'm participating in the conversation of this community.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Right And I left this part out, But.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Full circle, man, I'm a shit story teller of times,
But full circle. The event that I went to in
Brooklyn a couple months prior that I mentioned was like
the kickoff to this. Ironically, they were having an event
in Puerto Rico the same week I was going to
be there, so I hit them up again. Drama's two
point zero hit them up and said, Yo, if you
need a DJ I'm gonna be down there.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
I would love to do a set at this event.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
They said, bet, so we did that, So we're going
to do that right at this point of the store,
I hadn't done it yet. But ironically, the way the
universe works, and this is why you have to put
yourself out there because everything is so fucking interconnected. Ironically,
the kid that I met at this bar that also
works at the clothing store, he was telling me about
this event and I was like, dude, I'm djaying that event.

(43:18):
So now it happens. Fast forward to Saturday. I'm at
the event that I'm djaying. Guess who I see again?
That same kid again. Now we are building a rapport.
We're bullshiting with each other. Next day in another event
because I stayed a little bit longer than I was
supposed to go to an event to support who do
I see the same kid?

Speaker 1 (43:39):
He's got his clothing line and display. Now we're bullshitting
about that.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
Now I've built a genuine connection with somebody who is
actually from the town that I literally have a house in,
so literally eight minutes from the house that I have,
and by among that I stay in my family's house.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
I now have.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Somebody that I can go shit with, and somebody who
was involved in art and entrepreneurial adventures and is a
creative and is tapped into the scene all that I
want And how did that happen? Because I lived as
the person that I want to be. I lived as
a confident person who makes connections and is not a
voyeur but is actually a participant. Now the b story

(44:21):
to this we talk about women, right And I'm not
saying this to be braggadocious, but I'm saying this because,
as I mentioned, as a young man, the idea of
getting the attention of women that you are attracted to
has been placed as a very high priority, especially as.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
A single man. Right.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
So, and this is actually I think why it was
like this full circle moment for me because these two
friends of mine I've known since I was very young,
and often the dynamic of our friendship because I was
the youngest, it felt like I was kind of like
the runt of the group. I was the you know,

(44:59):
the not not that they weren't good friends to me,
but it was kind of like I was, you know,
the younger brother type of deal. And the beauty of
this trip was that because I've been coming to Puerto
Rico for so long by myself and exploring. Now it
was like I was able to kind of show them
around and bring them to all the places that I

(45:20):
loved here and play host and like they had a
blast and they were so grateful and appreciative and like
literally we had such a good time, like eight great food,
We were fucking dancing our asses off, we just had
laughing our asses off. Everything was great. Like it was
just amazing. We had a blast together. And that I

(45:42):
think for me was shedding a bit of that older
skin of being the younger brother who was like relying
on them to show me the ropes type of thing, right,
And I think that was a big confidence boost. And
then getting back to the beat story as far as
women goes something just again, I think the the awareness
of the frustration of missed opportunities that I had in
my head, I think just turned me into a different person, right,

(46:08):
And again that old programming still existed because the first
night we went out, I saw a couple of women
that I was attracted to, one of which was like
made it very out. She literally eye contact smiled at
me while walking back to her friends. And I was,
and I got in my own head and didn't.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
Go talk to her.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
Another girl literally had a whole conversation with me on
our way to the bathroom, our way back from the bathroom,
and I had a panic attack, like because my Spanish
was like not coming to mind, you know, and she
was speaking Spanish to me.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
And then literally I had two bartenders staring me down.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
And I'm not again I'm not saying it's me braggadocious,
but again it's like you don't see yourself with either. See,
you had two bartenders staring me down. In my mind,
I'm panicking. I just said I waved them and said hi,
and one of them came over and said, oh, sorry,
we were staring.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
We just we were both saying we really liked your outfit.
So it's like, bro, I'm viewing myself.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
I'm like, in my mind, I'm this scared kid who
like has nothing to offer. Meanwhile, all these people are
reiterating like, hey, we find you interesting, even if it's
not romantically.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
We like your style.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
We think you're you are just interesting and worthy of
just saying hi to and talking to. But in my mind,
I'm scared to even start a fucking conversation because I think.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
I'm not worthy.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
Right again, that is that that inefficient script that has
been leading my life. So like all of that again,
that first bar was painfully obvious to be. I get
really frustrated myself because like, what the fuck you're missing?
Who knows what this opportunity could have been, right, maybe
you know, whatever it was, whatever, whatever, whatever it could

(47:39):
have led to. Uh but you know, but uh but
I was mad at myself because I was like, bro,
they're like missing opportunity.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
And now that I was like, these are people I'm.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
Actually attracted to, Like you're really just dropping the fucking
ball here for no reason whatsoever. So we go to
whatever the next spot and still kind of like same deal.
I'm I'm in my old script, and I think what
began to break me out of it was like suave
men thing comes on. Obviously, Ett's going crazy dancing. My
one friend he just grabbed, like you know, some girls

(48:14):
dancing and he like extends his hand and she starts
dancing with him.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
So there's a bunch of friends with them.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
I'm like, fuck it, now I'm gonna I'm gonna extend
my hand and grab one of the other friends to
start dancing, and thankfully, you know, she was a girl
from the white girl from the States, so she had
no idea how to dance menenge, so I look like
a fucking professional at the right. But that was again
old that was drama's one point zero. Wait for your
friend to make the first move. Then you feel confident

(48:39):
enough to interject yourself once he's proven, like the waters
are warm or whatever, right, And I think that like
kicked in my head. That's you know, it was like,
wait a second, you're falling back into old habits. But
be this girl was more than willing to dance with you,
so stop short changing yourself.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
And then we ended the night at some other.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
Spot, and that I think was when it all clicked,
where I saw a bridal party and I just was like,
fuck it, I'm gonna go and start a conversation with
the bride to be and that leads into like me
meeting all the bridesmaids and like me getting one of
their phone numbers and where you know where they happened
to be from Jersey City, which is where I used
to live and whatever. Now it's like, okay, now we're

(49:20):
gonna meet up whatever. One of these days going down
the line. But then it's that all like was like, oh,
what a fantastic chain of events that has happened over
the last couple of days. I made a connection professionally
or friendship wise with creatives down in Puerto Rico, just
by like opening myself up and now romantically theoretically, by

(49:44):
using the same action just being confident and being open
to talking to people, I made another connection.

Speaker 1 (49:51):
So what happens the next line?

Speaker 2 (49:52):
I go out and at that point, I'm literally just
like operating from Drama's two point zero from start to
finish in the night, I'm going up to every girl
that I basically find attractive, and I'm just starting a
conversation and I'm holding a conversation and amidst all this,

(50:14):
it's like years of this fucking self doubt that has
been weighing me down, layers that are just coming off
and coming off and coming off. And I wish it
was like, you know, you know, less superficial moment as
like you know, hitting on girls at a bar. But
it was like this arrival of like, this is who
the fuck I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be

(50:36):
somebody who knows his value and has no problem inserting
himself in situations that he wants to be a part of.
And that continued on the next night when we went
to another club and I'm just fucking talking to random
women left and right and exchanging information, holding conversations, and

(50:58):
like that extends into again fucking when I made my
trip even longer.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
Sunday, I go to that other event by myself. What
do I do? The same thing.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
I saw a girl whose style I really liked, and
I approached her. We end up having like a two
hour conversation that leads to us then literally gallivanting around
San Juan. We meet up with her other friend who's
just getting off work at a club. Her friend's also
a DJ boom. Another connection just happened. Where do we go?
They know about a local fucking bar that is having
a legendary reggathone DJ play.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
What is it? What happens?

Speaker 2 (51:33):
I'm listening to reggathon classic Cregaton in Puerto Rico, and
it's unlike anything I've ever experienced in my entire life.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Reregadon just hits different.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
When you're on the island and I'm watching a legend
who was djaying in the fucking nineties, when all this
shit was beginning to pop off. I'm there hearing their set,
and I'm fucking dancing and I'm sweating my ass off
to it, and I'm literally just having this experience this
night that is beyond what I could have ever comprehended.

(52:04):
All started by going to an event by myself and
approaching a stranger by myself, a person that I found
to be interesting, and that literally had a domino effect
into a night that I'm not going to forget. And

(52:27):
two things come to mind here for me that I'm
going to end on. And she was a She was
a local, by the way, which hits on past trauma
of life as a geningo. If you ever heard me
tell the story where the gringo title sort of comes
from the memory that I have in my head is
going out with my aunt who lived in Puerto Rico,
trying to hit on one of her friends, and her

(52:48):
friend called me a gringo, and like all my confidence
was lost at that point, where, like you know, like.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
I felt like I was an outsider.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
So I grew up feeling like an outsider when I
would go to Puerto Rico and now here, I am
hitting on the women that are local and tourists, but
at the same time Sunday, specifically talking to a local
girl who's an artist down there and doing her own
thing and literally going off and having a night with
her and her friends in a local spot in Puerto

(53:15):
Rico and feeling very much at home doing so. I
just rescripted a narrative that I've had for the entirety.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
Of my life in one week.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
Obviously there's a lot of work that went into it,
but I'm no longer an outsider. I land in Puerto Rico,
I have friends on the island. I know who's doing
creative shit. I can tap in with them. I know
other DJs, I know.

Speaker 1 (53:42):
Other artists, I know what spots to go to.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
All of that started though, by forcing myself into uncomfortable
situations that were in line with the man that I
wanted to be, and I just lost my train of
thought with the other thing. I should have fuck write
it down that was thinking of.

Speaker 1 (54:04):
But I think it's just.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
Examples and a real life example as it happens to
me in the moment, of how close we are to
the life that we want to live and how much
of us not being there is due to our way
of thinking and not external circumstance.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
And obviously this is fresh and old.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
All those that old script still exists, and I'm making
it a point to like build off of this where
I was talking about therapist about this, and it's like,
how do we keep this up? How do we sort
of keep working out this muscle? So my goal is,
like every every day, if I go out in public,
I'm just going to compliment a random person or start
a conversation with them to force myself into even if
it's a fucking dude, you know, or whatever it might be,

(55:11):
like somebody I'm not interested in romantically, just to keep
building that muscle, to retain that confidence that I've grown, right,
And I think, you know that's it's actually emotional for
me when I think about that, right, the idea that
I always felt like an outsider, and now here I
am and I'm a part of something in some small way,

(55:31):
even even if I'm not directly connected to it. I
have ties to this community that I've always wanted to
be a part of. I've ties to people who are
doing amazing things that are creative and inspiring to me.
That's what I've always longed for. I always felt so
alone in that. And when it comes to the context
of like my old friends, it was kind of like

(55:51):
my coming out party as far as like, hey, I'm
not that kid anymore. That like felt like he was
tagging along with what you guys were doing. I've become
my own man, and I have a lot of value
to offer, and this is the new dynamic of our friendship.
It's no longer sort of me being that young, younger brother,

(56:11):
Like I am a peer who has a lot to offer,
you know, our our dynamic, and there are going to
be scenarios where you have to take a back seat
to me and vice versa. But you know, in previous things,
it was always like I would be the one to take.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
The back seat.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
And that's just really empowering and again leaves me with
this confidence of like, Okay, now I've seen my value
in the real world.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
And again that.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
Speaks to the perception we have of ourselves. We short
change ourselves. What's stopping me from accomplishing so many of
my dreams?

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Right?

Speaker 2 (56:50):
What's stopping me from getting in these rooms with powerful
people and not being intimidated by it? Because I also
know I have a lot of power and a lot
of things to bring to the table, A lot of
power even if it's not success wise in comparison to them,
A lot of power in my talent and my skill
set and the way that my mind works. And by
the way, this even like even Lady up to Puerto Rico,

(57:12):
I went out on a landman approached a high up
executive at my company about some new ideas, like bypassed
any middle management, literally went straight to the top, and
they actually responded to me. But like again, now, I

(57:36):
don't know what's going to happen with that, But what
does that do. I'm planting high fuck, I'm planting high
level seeds. Here a top executive at a gigantic company
now knows how my mind works and is impressed by
my idea, and who knows a week from now, six months,
around a year from now, an opportunity presents itself. I'm

(57:59):
now a person who's in his head as far as
this could be a right fit for him or an
opportunity right because I had the confidence to insert myself
into a room that maybe my resume doesn't dictate that
I should be there, but internally I know I have
the knowledge.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
And skill set to operate at that.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Level, and I don't know, I don't know what the
fucking second thought I was gonna have.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
I really feel disappointed in myself. I lost my train
of thought.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
I probably hit it somewhere in this in this summary
I just gave you. I just didn't do it as
concisely as I wanted to.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
But yeah, it just was a life changing trip.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
And really, again, the culmination of like oh, Drama's two
point zero has actually arrived. I'm no longer playing character
now grant again old habits there hard I could easily
slip back into Drama's one point oh, but with further practice,
in a way awareness, we can now maintain this new

(59:04):
elevated version of ourselves that we have become. So I
just want to share that, and we'll take a quick
break and I'll kind of summarize a bit more in
our conclusions too.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
But we'll take quick break and they'll be right back.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
Time for com all right, So I'm not gonna lie
to you. I feel like this has been one of
the more vulnerable episodes I've ever had, at least in
a while, because Particula as a man we're supposed to
be confident. You know, much of our value is like

(59:43):
our ability to get women, get the girl type of thing.
And here I am telling you that I viewed myself
basically as like this loser who couldn't talk to women
unless they spoke to me first. And again, like that
bled into so many different avenues aspects of my life.

(01:00:06):
And I'm arriving again at now like that's not a
real reality.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
The reality is quite the opposite. Oh, and this is
what the fuck I was gonna get at.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
I found it, I found the thought. And I want
to preface what I'm gonna say. This isn't a cry
for help. I'm not wanting to hurt myself. I'm not

(01:00:45):
wanting to harm myself. I don't want life to end.
But I'm gonna give you a very real, honest dialogue
about some of the internal things that I struggle with
or I think about.

Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
And this trip reminded me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Of all that life has to offer, because I think
what has happened to me.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
As I have.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
Gotten the podcast and I've settled into a bit of
a routine of comfort and then moved away from like
you know, the city, and that more exciting being in
the light type of lifestyle that I had during that
point when I lived out there. I've isolated myself a lot,
and my days have become a bit more routine, a

(01:01:44):
bit less flashy, a bit less exciting, and to a degree,
I love the calm and the quiet. I love being relaxed.
I don't feel the need to be out all the time.
But there is a part of me that felt like
things are kind kind of stale, and at times I
would think to myself, is this all that life has

(01:02:09):
to offer? It's cool, it's fine, but is this really it?
Or And again, this isn't a cry for help. This
is just me being very real about certain thought intrusive.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Thoughts that happened.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
I would think to myself, I've done a lot of
cool shit, like would it really matter if you know,
there wasn't a tomorrow almost And I was talking to somebody.
Somebody brought this up to me a friend, And that's
why I'm speaking out loud now, because I realize I'm
not the only one who has thoughts like this, And

(01:02:49):
it's like the idea of like, yeah, things are cool,
they're good, but like, I don't know, is there anything
really exciting left around the corner, right, Like you just
kind of go through the motions a little bit sometimes,
And I think what this trip reminded me of.

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
It brought me back to.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
Sort of when I was a bit younger in my twenties,
when when I started on this journey of like trying
to get a real career in music and entertainment. Not
to say things were perfect and I didn't struggle with depression,
but life was so fucking exciting, like it was. I

(01:03:32):
didn't know what to expect tomorrow. I didn't know where
the night was gonna take me. I was just fucking
flowing with it. And I often think back to that
time period. I'm like, man, that kid, while he was
broken living at home and he didn't feel great about that,

(01:03:53):
he didn't realize just how valuable that time period was.

Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
Where he.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Was just like so hyper present and inflow with life
and like having all these crazy adventures good and bad,
but like he was fucking living man. And I sort of,
you know, now, in my thirties, got to a point

(01:04:21):
of thinking, like, you know, that feeling of really living,
it's not really existent, and maybe it can't exist once
you gain responsibilities, you know, once you have to answer
for certain things, and I.

Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
Say that I don't even have fucking kids, I have a dog.
I have to worry about it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
And even that, it's like, man, you're telling me, I
can't just keep canceling my flight to come back home.
I have to go and like pick up my dog,
or I have business to run that I have to
get back to. And what this trip reminded me of
was like you can have a bad balance of that,
you could still have that excitement of that journey. And

(01:05:05):
by way, I'm not even just talking about getting sucked
up and like you know, like just going on a
twelve hour drinking bender or whatever it might be. But
even I'm talking about like I meet that one kid,
he's just me, this person all of a sudden meeting
this DJ. So it's like that sense of adventure and
discovery is what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
That's what makes life worth living to me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:28):
It's the endless potential for discovery. And what I've recognized
is that is still available to me, but I have
to open myself up to it. And I've always struggled
with social anxiety. But because I inserted myself or I

(01:05:50):
was a bit more proactive in my twenties. I was
lucky enough to have a close friend who was into
all the same shit that I was into, and we
were running around like trying to become DJs together basically,
so and he was more social than I was, so
he would sort of be the buffer, and without him
and I kind of had different.

Speaker 1 (01:06:09):
Circles that recreated that experience.

Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
But like now, sort of living an hour outside of
New York, having responsibilities out here, having a little bit
more of a quiet life, I began to take myself
out of sort of what I would say, really living

(01:06:33):
that idea of experiencing, of being very present and and yeah,
I think experiencing is probably the word. And I closed
myself off, you know, beyond my social anxiety. But then
also like literally as far as where I live in

(01:06:54):
those things and how much I go out and stuff
like that. And what that trip showed me was the
experience of living is very much still available to you,
and it doesn't have to revert back to you know,

(01:07:16):
your irresponsible twenties actions or whatever it is, right.

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
You can still have that. You could still have that experience.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
And keep your shit together and have your responsibilities like
life the idea of like experiencing the freshness of life
doesn't have to end just because I got responsibilities, right,
And obviously it's a bit more of a balancing act
that it was back then, but it's still available to me,

(01:07:46):
but I have to make an effort and open myself
up to it. And I recognize that there's so much
more life to be living. Right when I was there,
it was like, man, what is tomorrow going to bring?
I want to just keep seeing more and more. I

(01:08:07):
want to keep meeting more and more people. I want
to keep going to these different things. It was like
my zest for life came back, right, And that's literally
available to me everywhere everywhere now. Obviously the suburbs, you know,
not as quite as exciting as a place, but there's.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
Interesting people to meet everywhere. There's events for me to
go to, even if it is in New York. I
can go by myself. Now, I can do all those
things right.

Speaker 2 (01:08:35):
I can squeeze all of the excitement out of this
thing called life, and the experience is out of this
thing called life as long as I am unafraid to
put myself in those situations.

Speaker 1 (01:08:46):
And that is going to be different.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
For all of us that what makes you feel like
you're alive and makes you feel like you're living is
going to be different for all of us.

Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
It might be fucking fishing.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
For some of you go fishing more often, if that's
the case, right, It's different for each and every one
of us. But for me, me, I tapped into the
idea of community, of inserting myself in community, and all
of a sudden, I realized how much fucking there is
to be lived, right, And that's what's exciting to me,

(01:09:15):
And that's what I'm proud of, as like Drama is
three point zero, like.

Speaker 1 (01:09:21):
Doing things that are in line with his ideals and
who he wants to be and what he wants his
life to look like.

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
And I'm like, I'm going back to Puerto Rico and
I'm going back to port Rico in two weeks, right
because I'm trying to like make sure I foster and
continue to facilitate those relationships that I built, right, and
I'm figuring out ways to like put myself in Puerto
Rico that I can, like, you know, make money and
be down there and do things right. I'm opening myself

(01:09:52):
up to life. I'm no longer watching it from Instagram
or Facebook at the time when I was younger. I'm
actually saying I can be a part of this. I'm
going to figure out a way to be a part
of it because it makes me feel fucking alive, right,
And that's like, again the culmination of these fucking bitter
two years and like beating myself up and being so
self aware that I at times hated myself for falling

(01:10:12):
short on what I knew I was capable of. That's
the culmination of all of those moments. You have to
go through the storm. You have to fucking be so
frustrated with yourself for the fifteen thousand fucking time that
you've not done the thing you said you were going
to do, and then all of a sudden it clicks
and you're like, no more, enough is fucking enough. And again,
that's what this trip was for me. I rewrote the

(01:10:34):
script of my life. Dramo's two point zero has finally arrived.
He's no longer a character that I play, but he's the
fucking person talking to you. And that's what I you know,
I want for everybody listening. And that's why I share
this sort of moment because it's a culmination of all

(01:10:57):
the things I've been talking about. And again it's not
done going to be the next iteration of me, right,
But that is all a part of this process. In
order for me to achieve the next level, I first
have to, you know, in order for me to achieve
you know, whatever three levels ahead, I first have to

(01:11:17):
step into the next one. I can step into the
next one again, like life is a good go me
stepping into my authenticity of the thing I was ashamed
of was a huge moment for me in my life.

Speaker 1 (01:11:25):
That's a next level.

Speaker 2 (01:11:26):
Now, this is another fucking level that I've stepped into
through a lot of hard work, right, and it's going
to provide a lot of amazing moments, just like life
is going to go and everything came along with it did,
and then eventually I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
Probably gonna go through another storm of.

Speaker 2 (01:11:41):
Like all right, growth again, level up to the next
version of yourself, the new version of yourself at forty
that wants something different. But the beauty is like, once
you have consciously built the life that you want in

(01:12:03):
the present moment, you recognize your ability to continue to
do so for the rest of your life. Essentially, you
recognize that that power lies within you. It's all your mindset.
It's all about how you're scripting your future and scripting
who you want to be and against like starting with
the end in mind, as the book mentions, and it's
shedding the script, the the ineffective scripts that are holding

(01:12:26):
you back from elevating to that next level when you
know it's time to do.

Speaker 1 (01:12:30):
So.

Speaker 2 (01:12:32):
So yeah, that's uh, that's I want to share with you.
I hope that wasn't just me, you know, talking mindlessly
to myself, but it's a beautiful feeling. I don't know
where the fuck tomorrow, what tomorrow is going to bring,
and I haven't figured out a lot of shit, but
there's a piece that came along with like just this

(01:12:55):
next iteration of myself and being proud of him and
all that he's like worked through and the man that
he's become as a result. So yeah, and thank you
all for listening and giving me the confidence to kind
of keep going on this journey of finding myself and.

Speaker 1 (01:13:18):
Searching for community and being a part of this community
and all that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:21):
So yeah, thank you all so much.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
What I'm gonna end there, I appreciate you. Just good
to be back.

Speaker 2 (01:13:30):
I will catch you on Thursday for our Thursday Trends episode,
So that stay safe and we'll talk soon.

Speaker 1 (01:13:39):
Life as a G is

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
A production of the micro Thura podcast Network and iHeartRadio