July 24, 2025 • 10 mins
What does it really mean to be “the man”? In many Latino communities—and beyond—men are taught that having lots of sexual partners is proof of status, strength, and masculinity. In this special episode, Dramos unpacks that toxic message, sharing personal stories about chasing validation, peer pressure, and the role of machismo culture in shaping harmful expectations. He explores why this obsession with “numbers” can lead to dishonesty, emptiness, and broken trust, and why true masculinity means respect, empathy, and protecting the people you’re intimate with—including their sexual health. Dramos also gets real about what he’s learned from his own past, and why having tough, honest conversations is the foundation of healthy relationships and healthy sexuality.
This episode is brought to you by Healthysexual from Gilead Sciences.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Alright, let me talk about talk. There we go, how
he said he live in life as a.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Ringle, where you question where you fit in every time
you mingle, they say you do this.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
With not that my rap.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
This life as a lingo. Yes, hello, and welcome to
another sort of life as a dingo. I am dramas
of ours and man, today we're gonna continue our conversations
around sex. But this one I've been I've been wanting
to talk about this for a minute, and I feel
(00:42):
like it's a topic unspoken about, you know, not we're
not spoken about enough, right, And you know, I love
this platform because we get to have these really open
and honest conversations. And I think the beauty of this
show is oftentimes we're sort of learning together, right and
or un learning together, if you will, at times.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
And one of the things I've sort of noticed or
been reflecting on, you know, these last few years of
my I laughed because I'm like I was to say,
as I get into adulthood, but it's like I've been
in adulthood, you know, according to my age for a
long time, but mentally, as I mentally cross over into
real adulthood, if you will, and it's sort of more
(01:26):
of a healthy mindset and healthy lifestyle. One of the
sort of things that has been at the top of
my mind of reflection is sort of the idea of
getting external validation from partners, right. And when I say partners,
I mean the idea of as a man, the more
(01:50):
partners you have, the cooler you are, or like, the
more valuable you are, or even just in general, the
more of a man you are, you know. And you know,
there's I think that normal. That is like a general
blanket statement I think for most men. And then on
top of that you add in the certain certain like
(02:11):
Latin stigmas, right, the machismo culture, right, and this idea
of like being strong and and what it means to
be valuable, and oftentimes again your value is based upon
whether or not women want to sleep with you, right.
And I think for me, I've recognized obviously it's a
(02:33):
toxic mindset. But it's so crazy how much of this
sort of controlled you know, a great deal of my twenties,
well into my you know, early thirties, if we're being
candid here. But you know, it's it's unhealthy on so
many levels. And I think it's important to sort of
reel this back and peel back, like, what are we
(02:54):
actually chasing when we're trying to be the quote unquote
man with all these sexual partners.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
And I really wanted to dive into.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
That in today's show. So without further ado, let's get
into army hint that segment. So a lot of this
conversation really is rooted in societal norms, and I think
(03:20):
for me, the easiest example to look at this with
is the idea of the jock and cheerleader, right, And
traditionally that's the corner stone a popular life in high school.
And let's be honest, when you are a teenager growing up,
your popularity is incredibly important, right, And as a man,
it means your ability to hang around people that you
(03:41):
deem to be attractive, you know. And as a heterosexual man,
that means, you know, being able to have.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
A bunch of women around you, you know. And in
the traditional sort of you know, American stigma, it's like
the jock gets all the girls right. And for me,
those are.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
The people that you looked up to as like having
all the answers right, the players, the guys did all
the girls right.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
That was like, oh, that was a man right there,
you know.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
And for me getting into my early twenties, particularly when
I became a DJ and started djaying, that became me
being a jock, right, That got me the attention I
was looking for from women, and that made me feel
like the man, right. That served my need for validation.
(04:32):
And all your guy friends are like high fiving you.
You're now the man right, like you're getting You're like
essentially you become the popular kid who gets.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Invited to everything now, right.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
And I can even remember, like, you know, in my
early twenties, I had, you know, I know a lot
of different different kinds of people, those people who gets
along with everybody. I had, like the guys that were
really good with women. They were you know, were former
jocks in high school and things like that. And then
I had a group of friends who were not so
much good with women, and you know, uh were what
(05:05):
some would call to be traditionally nerdy, right, And again,
nothing wrong with that, but unfortunately it's the boxes that
society creates. But I can remember my friends who were
good with women not wanting me to bring those guys around,
right because they saw them as a detriment because they
only wanted to hang out with other guys who could
attract women, right, So then it becomes my social currency,
(05:29):
and my ability to have friends and.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Go to cool places and have cool experiences is.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Predicated on my ability to attract women and you know,
and be a part of that crew.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
And that seeps into your brains.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
As stupid as that sounds as an adult, right now,
that does seep into your brain as a young man
and leads you down this path of this toxic relationship
with sex and sexual partners and and I think women
in general, and and we talk about the word validation,
(06:05):
but really a lot of it is also like my
lack of self worth during that time, right, you know,
I needed somebody else to tell me I was worthy essentially, right,
and whether it was my guy friends, whether it was
a woman. You know, and you want attention, and again
you're trying to get attention from the.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Quote unquote right people.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
And the unfortunate part about this, like succumbing to sort
of that peer pressure of society in general, is you
end up hurting a lot of people along the way,
and then you also put yourself in a position to
negatively affect your own health.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Both emotionally and physically.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
And you know, I stand proudly or as proudly as
one can that, you know, even during this phase. You know,
I never was somebody who would just flat out live
to get a woman in bed or do those things.
But I'd also be lying to you right now if
I say I didn't have a lot of friends who
were doing those things. You know, who were you know,
(07:05):
telling women what they wanted to hear in order to
get them in bed, or who were in relationships but
couldn't you know, keep it in their pants. And you know,
we're breaking hearts and and you know, left and right
because of that, and really putting people's emotions and their
emotional health at risk just for their own selfish validation.
(07:26):
And as much as I tried to be the good
guy and all that, you know, inevitably, I still, you know,
hurt some people along the way, you know. And what
I've recognized is, for me, my definition of being a
man is not rooted in the toxic machismo attributes that
(07:48):
society often assigns us. But for me, I've redefined the
idea of being a man as somebody who does his
best to have positive on the people and the world
in general, that he interacts with somebody that's unafraid to
have the tough conversation or the hard conversation, the honest conversation.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I don't want to leave anybody feeling empty.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I don't want to leave anybody feeling a sense of dissatisfaction.
Right as a man, I want to take care of
myself As a man, I don't want to cause harm
to others. So that means using protection, that means getting tested,
that means protecting my sexual health and in turn helping
to protect my partners. And a real man has no
(08:41):
desire to harm himself or others. And what that said,
let's tie everything we talked about today in any little
boat in a segment we call conclusion.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
STU time for conclusion. So now I feel like I
was just venting a bit, you know. But it's something.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I I see it all the time, and like I
you know, and I wish it didn't take me so
long to figure out. And I also just think it's
such a detriment to young men in general.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
And the irony of.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
All this stuff is, like we call these things being
a man, right, and being strong and tough and like
cool and all these things. It's weakness because we're too
scared to look ourselves in the mirror and say, why
am I looking for the validation of the bros? Or
you know, why am I harming someone's emotional health just
(09:37):
to make myself feel good in the moment. That's actual
weakness right there, because you're avoiding having the tough conversation
with yourself, and then you're avoiding having the tough conversation
with a potential partner. And we talk about something as
intimate as sex and something that could have an incredible
amount of ramifications on our emotional and physical health. We
(10:00):
need to make it a point to take not only
ourselves into consideration, but also consider others.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
And that's what makes you a man. And maybe it
doesn't look as.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Cool in some sort of sitcom on television, and maybe
some of your less evolved bros will judge you or
clown you about it, make fun of you, but again,
being a man for me, it just means living my
most honest, authentic and healthy life. Now, this episode of
Life as a Gringo is brought to you by Healthy Sexual
(10:33):
from Gilead Sciences.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And with that said, thank y'all so much. For tuning
in and I will talk to you soon.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Perse Life as a Gringo is a production of the
micro Thura podcast network and iHeartRadio
Alright, let me talk about talk. There we go, how
he said he live in life as a.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Ringle, where you question where you fit in every time
you mingle, they say you do this.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
With not that my rap.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
This life as a lingo. Yes, hello, and welcome to
another sort of life as a dingo. I am dramas
of ours and man, today we're gonna continue our conversations
around sex. But this one I've been I've been wanting
to talk about this for a minute, and I feel
(00:42):
like it's a topic unspoken about, you know, not we're
not spoken about enough, right, And you know, I love
this platform because we get to have these really open
and honest conversations. And I think the beauty of this
show is oftentimes we're sort of learning together, right and
or un learning together, if you will, at times.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
And one of the things I've sort of noticed or
been reflecting on, you know, these last few years of
my I laughed because I'm like I was to say,
as I get into adulthood, but it's like I've been
in adulthood, you know, according to my age for a
long time, but mentally, as I mentally cross over into
real adulthood, if you will, and it's sort of more
(01:26):
of a healthy mindset and healthy lifestyle. One of the
sort of things that has been at the top of
my mind of reflection is sort of the idea of
getting external validation from partners, right. And when I say partners,
I mean the idea of as a man, the more
(01:50):
partners you have, the cooler you are, or like, the
more valuable you are, or even just in general, the
more of a man you are, you know. And you know,
there's I think that normal. That is like a general
blanket statement I think for most men. And then on
top of that you add in the certain certain like
(02:11):
Latin stigmas, right, the machismo culture, right, and this idea
of like being strong and and what it means to
be valuable, and oftentimes again your value is based upon
whether or not women want to sleep with you, right.
And I think for me, I've recognized obviously it's a
(02:33):
toxic mindset. But it's so crazy how much of this
sort of controlled you know, a great deal of my twenties,
well into my you know, early thirties, if we're being
candid here. But you know, it's it's unhealthy on so
many levels. And I think it's important to sort of
reel this back and peel back, like, what are we
(02:54):
actually chasing when we're trying to be the quote unquote
man with all these sexual partners.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
And I really wanted to dive into.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
That in today's show. So without further ado, let's get
into army hint that segment. So a lot of this
conversation really is rooted in societal norms, and I think
(03:20):
for me, the easiest example to look at this with
is the idea of the jock and cheerleader, right, And
traditionally that's the corner stone a popular life in high school.
And let's be honest, when you are a teenager growing up,
your popularity is incredibly important, right, And as a man,
it means your ability to hang around people that you
(03:41):
deem to be attractive, you know. And as a heterosexual man,
that means, you know, being able to have.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
A bunch of women around you, you know. And in
the traditional sort of you know, American stigma, it's like
the jock gets all the girls right. And for me,
those are.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
The people that you looked up to as like having
all the answers right, the players, the guys did all
the girls right.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
That was like, oh, that was a man right there,
you know.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
And for me getting into my early twenties, particularly when
I became a DJ and started djaying, that became me
being a jock, right, That got me the attention I
was looking for from women, and that made me feel
like the man, right. That served my need for validation.
(04:32):
And all your guy friends are like high fiving you.
You're now the man right, like you're getting You're like
essentially you become the popular kid who gets.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Invited to everything now, right.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
And I can even remember, like, you know, in my
early twenties, I had, you know, I know a lot
of different different kinds of people, those people who gets
along with everybody. I had, like the guys that were
really good with women. They were you know, were former
jocks in high school and things like that. And then
I had a group of friends who were not so
much good with women, and you know, uh were what
(05:05):
some would call to be traditionally nerdy, right, And again,
nothing wrong with that, but unfortunately it's the boxes that
society creates. But I can remember my friends who were
good with women not wanting me to bring those guys around,
right because they saw them as a detriment because they
only wanted to hang out with other guys who could
attract women, right, So then it becomes my social currency,
(05:29):
and my ability to have friends and.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Go to cool places and have cool experiences is.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Predicated on my ability to attract women and you know,
and be a part of that crew.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
And that seeps into your brains.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
As stupid as that sounds as an adult, right now,
that does seep into your brain as a young man
and leads you down this path of this toxic relationship
with sex and sexual partners and and I think women
in general, and and we talk about the word validation,
(06:05):
but really a lot of it is also like my
lack of self worth during that time, right, you know,
I needed somebody else to tell me I was worthy essentially, right,
and whether it was my guy friends, whether it was
a woman. You know, and you want attention, and again
you're trying to get attention from the.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Quote unquote right people.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
And the unfortunate part about this, like succumbing to sort
of that peer pressure of society in general, is you
end up hurting a lot of people along the way,
and then you also put yourself in a position to
negatively affect your own health.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Both emotionally and physically.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
And you know, I stand proudly or as proudly as
one can that, you know, even during this phase. You know,
I never was somebody who would just flat out live
to get a woman in bed or do those things.
But I'd also be lying to you right now if
I say I didn't have a lot of friends who
were doing those things. You know, who were you know,
(07:05):
telling women what they wanted to hear in order to
get them in bed, or who were in relationships but
couldn't you know, keep it in their pants. And you know,
we're breaking hearts and and you know, left and right
because of that, and really putting people's emotions and their
emotional health at risk just for their own selfish validation.
(07:26):
And as much as I tried to be the good
guy and all that, you know, inevitably, I still, you know,
hurt some people along the way, you know. And what
I've recognized is, for me, my definition of being a
man is not rooted in the toxic machismo attributes that
(07:48):
society often assigns us. But for me, I've redefined the
idea of being a man as somebody who does his
best to have positive on the people and the world
in general, that he interacts with somebody that's unafraid to
have the tough conversation or the hard conversation, the honest conversation.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I don't want to leave anybody feeling empty.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I don't want to leave anybody feeling a sense of dissatisfaction.
Right as a man, I want to take care of
myself As a man, I don't want to cause harm
to others. So that means using protection, that means getting tested,
that means protecting my sexual health and in turn helping
to protect my partners. And a real man has no
(08:41):
desire to harm himself or others. And what that said,
let's tie everything we talked about today in any little
boat in a segment we call conclusion.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
STU time for conclusion. So now I feel like I
was just venting a bit, you know. But it's something.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I I see it all the time, and like I
you know, and I wish it didn't take me so
long to figure out. And I also just think it's
such a detriment to young men in general.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
And the irony of.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
All this stuff is, like we call these things being
a man, right, and being strong and tough and like
cool and all these things. It's weakness because we're too
scared to look ourselves in the mirror and say, why
am I looking for the validation of the bros? Or
you know, why am I harming someone's emotional health just
(09:37):
to make myself feel good in the moment. That's actual
weakness right there, because you're avoiding having the tough conversation
with yourself, and then you're avoiding having the tough conversation
with a potential partner. And we talk about something as
intimate as sex and something that could have an incredible
amount of ramifications on our emotional and physical health. We
(10:00):
need to make it a point to take not only
ourselves into consideration, but also consider others.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
And that's what makes you a man. And maybe it
doesn't look as.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Cool in some sort of sitcom on television, and maybe
some of your less evolved bros will judge you or
clown you about it, make fun of you, but again,
being a man for me, it just means living my
most honest, authentic and healthy life. Now, this episode of
Life as a Gringo is brought to you by Healthy Sexual
(10:33):
from Gilead Sciences.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And with that said, thank y'all so much. For tuning
in and I will talk to you soon.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Perse Life as a Gringo is a production of the
micro Thura podcast network and iHeartRadio
Host
DJ Dramos
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.