Failure is the Best with Kelsea Ballerini

Country music’s Kelsea Ballerini joins Chelsea this week to discuss how her parents’ divorce impacted her own, why divine timing requires patience, and the importance of being yourself.  Then: A father’s affair makes one bride wonder if he should be uninvited to the wedding. A Nervous Nelly wonders if it’s her intuition speaking - or her anxiety.   And a Floridian isn’t upset about her breakup… until a new woman is involved.  

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, Hi Catherine, Oh, hello Chelsea, Hello our listeners. I
am currently in Maths Vinyad with my family Vaca, and
we have cousins coming. We have I just got here,
so I'm solo and my family arrives and starts to
ruin everything probably in four to six days. And I
have my show coming up at the East Hampton club

(00:25):
House August twenty six, so that's right around the corner.
If you haven't got tickets and you're in East Tampton,
get them. It's an intimate show and there are still
tickets left, so I'm not really sure what that's about.
But anyway, my family is coming and we added some people.
I always like to add randoms into the mix on
family vacations because my family's always like that's kimming. It's
like none of your fucking business. So yeah, so we

(00:48):
but my cousins are coming this year. And my aunt Gabby,
who's my queen bitch in our family. She's the one
who created the bitches in our family.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
We blame her her. Yeah, she's very antisocial.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
And yet she wants to be with everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah, she likes to be there, but she doesn't want
to be in the mix. She wants everybody around her,
just like my mom did. My mom would go upstairs
and bring a liverwort sandwich.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
It's like so gross.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
I wouldn't even go into her bedroom when she had
one of those until it was consumed, and she would
just keep her door open, and my mom would just
sit there and listen to us. She's like, the best
joy in my life is to listen to my family.
I'm like, but not be interacting with any of us.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
My dad is a little bit like your aunt where
he at family gatherings, like he loves to be there,
but he wants to like sit quietly in the corner
by himself and to sort of like watch everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Which is you know, just sort of weird dad move.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
But now my sister's husband, who is friends with my dad,
he's kind of the same way, so they just like
sit quietly in the corner, and like, sometimes I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Not interested in being quiet, like you know, if you're
I am, like, I like to be quiet, but in solitude.
But like when you're in a family gathering, we have
too many people in our family that don't fucking talk
and they're not really yeah, yeah, my sister's husband barely talks.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Ever.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
My sister's son is very shy, but he's warming up
at the tender age of ten or twelve or thirteen.
I'm not really sure how old he is. I have
too many nieces and nephews to keep track, but he's
not ten. But yeah, we have there's a lot of quiet,
and I'm like, we need action, you know, we need
action within the family, Chelsea.

Speaker 4 (02:15):
I stumbled upon an architectural Digestive video of one of
your home tours, like your old house, and you're like,
really into design an architecture.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
I'm into it. I like what I like?

Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, I mean I like, yes, I'm into it, but
I'm not like somebody you know, who's going.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
To be designing their own furniture.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Although I did design my new house in a way, yeah,
I'm into design. I like very specific vibe when I
go somewhere and when I live somewhere. So yes, I'm
into soft contemporary, like I like modern.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
I do not like traditional. That's not my vibe.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Although my new house is kind of traditional. It is traditional,
but we modernized it. So it's like it was white
and we painted it all black. My designer kept trying
to take me back down traditional fixtures, and I'm like,
that's just not the way that I like things I
don't like.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
How do I say, like, how can I describe boring?

Speaker 1 (03:09):
No, it's not boring because it's really nicely done in
certain people's homes.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
It's just not my style. Like, I don't want it
to feel family.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
I want it to feel a bachelorette pad, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Like, I don't want it to feel like.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, everybody gather around the dinner table. It's like, I
don't sit at the fucking dinner table, you know. So
that's not in the main feature in my house, the
dining room. And I like it casual, but you know,
nice stuff.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
Yeah, And it seems like you like communal in a
way of you like to entertain and I like openness.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
I like everything to be open. I like lots of glass.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
I like a lot of black borders, you know, like
the stain the chrome, the stainless steel glass borders, glass
windows that have the black trim.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
I love that, yes, but I need it to be sexy. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
Do you think it's going to be done by the
time you come back when I'm homeless now?

Speaker 1 (03:55):
So I mean I'm just basically, I'm like on the lamb.
I haven't had a home yet. It's supposed to be
done in September. I'll be in my Raca for the
month of September. After this, I go to Myorca after
my show in the Hamptons, and then I come back
and I do on my fall dates. So if you
haven't gotten tickets to shows in Columbus or Cincinnati or
New York or d C or any of these fun

(04:15):
places that I'm going get them.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
And I'm really looking forward to getting back on tour.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
It's so nice to do my stand up for three
months and then take a three month break and go
back to it. It's the best way to do stand
up so that you never for me, so I don't
get sick.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Of my own material.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
Yeah, I mean, I can imagine you could burn out
because you're so busy and it's like so draining to
be traveling all the time at least.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, but now I'm on vacation. I've been on vacation
for so long. My life has been so luscious. I'm
so grateful.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
Awesome.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Okay, So our guest today is a personal friend of mine.
I love and adore this girl. I shouldn't say girl.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
She's a woman, but to me, she's a girl because
I'm so much older than her. She's a Grammy nominee
and as CMA Award winning Pop Country Artist, and an
extended version of her new album Rolling Up the Welcome
Matt came out this week. Please welcome Kelsey Ballerini. Oh
oh oh, there's my chequita banana, chaquita banana. Hi friend,

(05:13):
Oh my god, welcome home from that vacation.

Speaker 5 (05:18):
Thank you, it was a nice little break.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Tell us about your vacation with Kenny Chesney.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
If you didn't have your new boyfriend there, I would
have thought you and Kenny had become a couple.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
FYI, that was a hot take.

Speaker 6 (05:29):
For a minute. That was not true.

Speaker 5 (05:31):
Kenny's He's become my brother, which sounds insane, but I'm
from Knoxville. He's from Knoxville, and I grew up listening
to him. So I had a song about my hometown
a couple of years ago, called half of My Hometown,
and I just like out of the blue Caldon.

Speaker 6 (05:46):
I was like, will you be on the song?

Speaker 5 (05:48):
He said yes, And just through that we became really
good friends and then I toured with him this last
summer and we just became family. And so he took
me to his house, which house.

Speaker 6 (06:01):
Isn't even the right word.

Speaker 5 (06:02):
It's just like he owns like a full mountain range.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Mountain is wild. This is Captain.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
By the way, my co host, so Kelsey and I
became friends because our name's Rhyme, and that was what
brought us together. Off the topic, I wanted to ask
you something about the country music industry because every time
I go to Nashville, I actually performed in your hometown
recently Knoxville, and it was the most fun ever.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
I mean, all the cities in Tennessee, I had the
best time. I went to Dollywood, I performed at Graceland.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
I was like, oh my god, I was getting the
full Tennessee treatment. I was like, oh my god, if
I go to Tennessee and come out of this alive,
it'll be a miracle.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
And then I did and they were the best audiences.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Like I just every time I go to a community
or a part of the country that I think is
going to be like, you know, resistant I end up
having the best shows.

Speaker 6 (06:47):
That makes me so happy.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
Yes, Well, so I guess my question is, so every
time I go to Nashville, which is you know, usually
I warm up my tour there.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
I always go to Zanies Nashville.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
And the music community just shows up and droves to
my shows. And it's so sweet because I don't know
all of these people, but I know some of them,
and I want to know, Like, I know you have
a lot of friendships within the music community, but if
it feels like a much more supportive community, then, say,
Hollywood and actors and actresses, what do you think about

(07:19):
the support that you get from other country stars? Would
you say that that's kind of the attitude across the
board or what.

Speaker 6 (07:26):
Yeah, there's a lot of camaraderie.

Speaker 5 (07:27):
I mean, I feel like the last few years, just
like every other part of pop culture, there's definitely been
more division. People kind of pick teams and sides on things,
and you've seen that in.

Speaker 6 (07:38):
Country for sure.

Speaker 5 (07:39):
But yeah, I mean, like I look back, I've put
out my first thing, Old Radio nine years ago, and
kind of the biggest turning points of my career have
been mostly the women, some men, mostly the women that
I grew up on turning around and either reaching out
their hand and being like, hey, come share my stage
with me, or calling me out of the blue and
being like, what do you need, how are you steeling?

(08:01):
Let me give you advice, And that to me is
the most telling part of the country music that I
grew up on. That I was like, I stars in
my eyes. I want to be part of that. It
was the warmth in the community that I felt when
I was listening on the radio, and that has translated
to me. I mean there's still like competitive energy.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
I think there has to be listen to be successful,
you have to be competitive.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
That's just the way it is. And it's really nothing
actually to be ashamed about. It's actually part of the motivation.
It's when you're jealous or envious and you let that
come out more so than being just healthy competition.

Speaker 5 (08:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had to learn that too, just
especially as a woman in entertainment, especially country music. There's
such a deficit of space, I guess for us historically,
and so yeah, I've really had to retrain my brain
to go, am I feeling competitive with myself or in
a healthy manner with kind of where I'm matt in

(09:00):
my career and in the game, Or am I feeling
jealous because you know, historically there's only been three spots,
and there's thirty of us and we all deserve it.
So like I'm having to like undo a lot of
the things that I've sent in the last ten years
feeling really.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, but it's also something to remember that it is
like a human It's a totally natural human emotion.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
It's what you do with it.

Speaker 5 (09:24):
You know.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
You can use it as a motivator, or you can
use it as a divider. And it's like, oh, the
people that learn that quick more quickly, you're better off
because you can get consumed by another person's success if
you're not where you want to be.

Speaker 5 (09:37):
For sure, I had seasons of that too, but I
don't know, I feel like I've just recalibrated in my
life the last three years really, and I feel like
I got to kind of shed that skin because I
still I've pent a lot of that on my youth,
and I feel like the last few years I shed
that skin.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
The last time we saw each other in person, you
and I were both broken up with our significant others,
but we didn't tell each other because coming on we
were both You're like, how's Joe, And I was like great,
Meanwhile we were broken up because I was hosting guests,
hosting Jimmy kimble This was almost a year ago, and
Kelsey was on and I was like, how's yours and
she was like great, and we both were just like
we just couldn't even tell each other because it wasn't

(10:13):
public on my end and it wasn't public.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
On her end.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
And now we're a year out and you're in a
new relationship with your adorable boyfriend Chase, and you seem
happy as a pig and shit, So I want to
say I'm happy for you, and I want to ask you,
what is it about this relationship that is making you
so abuliant?

Speaker 5 (10:33):
Oh my gosh, Well, I was wondering if you were
going to bring that up, because we haven't talked about it,
but I think about that often because like I would
consider as friends, like we've offline, we've hung out, you
and I, And it was so funny to me that
we both went into our public personas.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
To give it context. We weren't hanging out alone.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
I had Kelsey on as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel,
and yes, Joe and I literally had broken up like
the night before I started guest. So I wasn't telling
anyone really except because I was like, I was just
still just trying to focus on the job at hand,
and you and we were backstage, and it was a moment.
If you and I had been to dinner or something,

(11:12):
we I'm sure we would have been a little bit
more honest, but yeah, we went into pure Hollywood bode.
I don't want my thing that week was I didn't
want anyone at on staff to know that I had
broken up with Joe because I didn't want them to
feel like I needed special It's.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
I didn't want I just I work best when I'm
under pressure and I have to hide something.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
Both.

Speaker 5 (11:39):
Yeah, I you know, to be honest with you, I
don't even think I think I was still kind of
in my turmoil, like I hadn't even gotten to the
place of like hitting the breaking point yet, but I'd say, yeah,
my life's a lot different than last.

Speaker 6 (11:51):
Time we hung and thank god. I just feel.

Speaker 5 (11:56):
Like making that decision for my life was really daunting
and scared for a lot of reasons. My parents got
divorced when I was twelve, and I'm an only child,
and navigating that was traumatic, and then also like growing
up in the South, growing up super religious, all these things,
being in a relationship with another public person in my industry,
like all these things were telling me like just figure

(12:17):
it out, stay.

Speaker 6 (12:18):
Where you're at.

Speaker 5 (12:19):
But everything in my heart and soul and body was
like this isn't it.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
You know, Yeah, good for you for following through on
what you need.

Speaker 1 (12:26):
I mean, and you're very young to be able to
even make that, especially being in the spotlight, Like it
adds a whole dimension of pressure.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
I mean, you and I have spoken about it.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
And I'm like, just you know, I'm always telling her
now that I'm older, like be yourself, Like you're only
going to get rewarded for being yourself. I was saying
this to Drew Barry more recently because I don't know
if you saw her New York magazine cover, but like she's,
you know, the talk show. She's finally being rewarded after
probably so many notes and so many people telling her

(12:55):
how to do it, how to behave, how to be
less of herself on TV, and guess what, the only
thing that works is to be yourself.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Drew does want to sit on your lap and touch
your eyeballs. That's who she is.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
And so now the fact that the whole world gets
to see her shine because of her effervescence and because
of truly like her personality is so much more meaningful
than succeeding in somebody else's shoes that you're pretending are
your own.

Speaker 5 (13:19):
Yeah, yeah, it's the I kept going back to the
quote the right thing and the hard thing, or usually
the same thing. And so when you honor yourself and
you do the hard thing, that is the right thing.

Speaker 6 (13:30):
I mean, my God, I.

Speaker 5 (13:32):
Could tell you a million stories just in the last
eight nine months of just life, God, in the universe,
whatever you believe in rewarding me and making it very obvious,
and it's just been great and I'm super happy.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
I love that. I love that. Can you share one
of those stories with us? Oh?

Speaker 5 (13:48):
God, yeah, this is my favorite. So I lived a
couple of years ago in Covidhead. I was downtown in
this area of Nashville called the Gulch.

Speaker 6 (13:56):
It's like right between Music Grow and Broadway.

Speaker 5 (13:59):
And it was nice because I was throwing all the time,
My ex was throwing all the time, and.

Speaker 6 (14:03):
It was easy to just shut the door and leave it.
But then COVID happened and it.

Speaker 5 (14:07):
Was like a ghost town and felt apocalyptic and I
have a dog. I was like, it's time for some
green a need dr so started looking for a house.
And I'm such a gut girl. I will follow my
gut into the depths of the universe. I don't care
if I'm wrong. I just I believe in trusting it.
And I found this house and before I walked from
the door, I was like, this is the house. This
is the house, and long story very short, didn't get

(14:30):
the house, bought a house point nine miles down the road,
and another artist who was going through a big life
change bought the house.

Speaker 6 (14:39):
So in fast forward two years.

Speaker 5 (14:41):
I been having you know, I'm going through divorce and
I just could texted this artist and I was like,
I don't know if you ever knew it was me
bitting against you, but it was. And I've always loved
this place. If you ever thought about selling it, would
you let me? Now? Two weeks later, I found my
dream home. Are you serious about the house? And long
story short, it's my house now?

Speaker 2 (15:02):
Oh oh ah? I love that.

Speaker 5 (15:05):
Yeah, it was just like it wasn't meant to be mine.
Then it was meant to be mine now in like
this new chapter. So just like stuff like that over
and over again.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, it's always interesting when you like look at timing
of things, right it doesn't work out the way you
want it to, or what's that saying? Like God doesn't
come when you want him to, but he comes just
in time. I mean, I don't really subscribe to the God,
but I understand that. It's like the universes does have
your back, Like things are working in your favor the
way in ways that are unseen and that will never understand.

(15:34):
You just have to trust it, like you have to
trust in it right, which is a big leap sometimes.
And I know that this, your most recent album, is
a testament to that because I know you've had like
experiences where you've been kind of directed about what kind
of music you should be putting out versus exactly authentically
what you want to say, and your breakup and everything
that's happened in your life led you to want to say, Okay,

(15:56):
this is what I want to put out, And now
you're being celebrated for your music for that very reason
as well.

Speaker 5 (16:01):
Yeah, it's the same thing you were just talking about
with Drew. You know, I've always tried to be a
commercial country artist, but I also like, I grew up
on a farm in East Tennessee, but my first concert
was Britney Spears, and so I'm like, well, how do
I do this? Because I want to write music that
feels good to me and I think it's country, some
people don't, whatever, But I always wanted to fit in

(16:23):
a lane which is a country artist.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
And I do.

Speaker 5 (16:25):
I always will ding my heels in here, but I
would write with people that would kind of keep me
in the lines, you know, and that kind of stuff.

Speaker 6 (16:32):
And then this last project rolling up.

Speaker 5 (16:34):
To welcome Matt, it had nothing to do. It doesn't
even count on my record deal, it doesn't count towards
my label. It was truly just a me project for therapy,
and it's been the most successful thing I've ever put out,
and so it's caused me to recalibrate in such a
major way of like my artistry, the way I share

(16:54):
what I want to share with the world, all of it.
I'm like, oh, man, I need to care less about
what it sounds like, if it rhymes correctly, all the
things that I've told myself that make the craft good
and just write the truth more.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
What do you mean it doesn't count towards your record deal?
Like is it?

Speaker 1 (17:11):
I mean it's under the same label, right, but it
doesn't count about what in terms of what you owe them?

Speaker 5 (17:17):
Right?

Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Like it's an extra that you just did ex Yeah yeah,
cofy of that just in case I want to get
into the music industry. Everybody, I know everybody's waiting for
me to come out without a country rap album because
I can just see it now. So can you tell
me about some of the things about Chase that make
you so happy to be in this relationship or the
things that he brings out in you?

Speaker 5 (17:38):
Mmm, I feel silly again, And that probably sounds stupid,
but it's like not hard to find the heaviness in life.
It's really hard to find the play. It's really hard
to find like the things that bring you back to
like your childlike self, that make you google and like
feels silly and I feel like I get to be silly.

(17:59):
And I've had that in my friendships and my female
friendships for years and they've always kind of been my
refuge when I don't feel that in my whole life.
But I have that very much. So with him, and
that's been really, really beautiful to reconnect to that part
of my relationship. I mean, I could tell you in
Milia's stories he's the best. We we talked for a

(18:20):
month and then we met and as soon as we met,
it was like we were in it. And the second
time we ever hung out, he asked me to be
his date to a wedding in Charleston, and I was like,
fair enough, I guess we'll figure out really quick if
we travel well together, if I like your friends, like
all these things.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
I was in.

Speaker 5 (18:39):
Nashville, he was in LA and I had sent him
rolling at the walcome out before it came out, because
I'm like, you're gonna ask about this, so here you go.
And he messaged me and he was like, hey, I
was thinking maybe I could I could fly to Nashville
before Charleston. That way you don't to fly by yourself.
And I know, like your dog means a lot to you,
and I know you just gott in your new house

(19:01):
that you really love. I'd love to meet your dog
and whoever else you want me to and then we
can find together that way, like you don't have to
plan it, you don't have to think about it from
context clues.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
I'm attracted to him now I know.

Speaker 5 (19:12):
And he's hot and he's nice and he loves his mom.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yeah, yeah, that's very cute. That's cute, you know, That's
what I mean. It's nice to be pursued in that way.
Also as a woman, you know, like everyone knows people
constantly are now like I'm hearing these arguments from my friends,
but going on dates about like chivalry and men are like, well,
we'll just split the check, you know, now that women
want equal rights, It's like wait, wait what what Like

(19:36):
there's still dating and courting, and like, come on, you
would do that in a same sex relationship, somebody would
take the lead, Like it doesn't have anything.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
To do with that. Don't take that shit away.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
Like how hot is it to be on a date
and somebody say let's split the check? It's like, no,
fuck you asshole, Like I mean, yeah, if I'm on
a date with somebody who actually that's not true because
I sometimes pick up the check before the man could
get it.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
But no, I wouldn't do it all date situation.

Speaker 5 (20:00):
Not usually when you just want to get out of there, yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
When they're like, oh, where's the chuck im, I got it,
let's go. Yeah, I made up. I did that in
New York recently, I was on a date and I
was like, no, this is no longer a date.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
And the check was taking the card down, yeah right away. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
I feel like one of the most important milestones was
literally having like my mom and my father tell me seriously,
like how impressed they were with my drive and my success.
And I feel like that is one of those seminal
moments when you do make it and you start to
really feel the success, to hear it from the people

(20:39):
that raised you.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
What do your parents have to say about your success.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
It's interesting because my parents are really different. My mom
moved me to Nashville when I was fifteen to pursue music,
which was like her uprooting her life, her friends, all
that to get me here. My dad's still in Knoxville,
so my mom was she's walked much closer with me,
you know, this whole journey. She used to like drop

(21:04):
me off at meetings or co writes or whatever. So
my dad's farther removed from like the intricacies of this
whole thing, but he sees the big moments where my
Mom's kind of seen the whole thing, and I invite
them to different things, mainly for my own mental health.
I can't handle them in the same room. And so
I think because we're both I would say workhorses. Like
I like to be head down and go all the time.

(21:26):
There are not many moments that made me slow down
and look up, but a lot of the ones that
have are because my mom or my dad are in
Rome and I know that they're watching it.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (21:37):
One was when I got inducted into the Grand Ole Opry.
I was like the newest member, the youngest member, and
my mom was there and I just knew. She bought
me tickets for Christmas one year when we still lived
in Knoxville to go to the Grand Ole Opry one year,
you know, like that full Ceverle moment I was like.
To be able to share that with her made me
look up. Being able to go back to my hometown

(21:59):
where my sweet dad was like, yeah, go you're fifteen,
but I get it. Go and play a hometown show
and like have him be there and like walk around
like the mayor because he was so proud.

Speaker 6 (22:09):
Like that was the moment and then.

Speaker 5 (22:10):
Me look up. So I definitely feel like the big
pillar moments so far have had him in the room.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
Yeah, it's much more meaningful when you have somebody in
the audience. I know you don't have siblings. I have
so many, So those moments happen a lot. But it's
nice to know, like when you have someone special at
the show, like that you're performing for them, you know,
like you're like, look, look I peek.

Speaker 5 (22:30):
Mok so big, especially when my friends are there, Like
I have like just a group of girlfriends that I'm
so right or die for, and when one of them
come out to a show, I mean I strut a
little stronger.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
Totally. That's so true.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be
right back and we're gonna take some callers. Okay, I'm ready,
So put your.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Therapy hat on. Girl, it's coming and we're back. We're
back so quick.

Speaker 5 (23:01):
Lucky us.

Speaker 4 (23:02):
Well, our first question comes from Harriet. She's not on
the phone, this is just an email. Harriet says, Dear Chelsea, Basically,
my father's dating a woman who's married and has a
whole other life in another province.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
Province that means Canada.

Speaker 4 (23:20):
My father is aware and they've been together for about
six years.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
Obviously the father's aware if she has a family.

Speaker 4 (23:27):
If you're aware, the father's aware, I don't respect it.
But I am a person who works very hard to
keep the peace. I recently got engaged to my partner
of ten years, and his family is very religious. My
family is the opposite. I do not want my dad
bringing his quote unquote girlfriend to my wedding. My partner's
family is very interested in others' lives and ask a

(23:48):
lot of questions to people they meet, so I know
they'll ask about her life. My mom is remarried and
obviously will be bringing her new husband. My dad is
very sensitive, so I know he won't want to be alone.
But he's also very social and has many friends who
could attend with him. Basically, how can I keep the peace,
get my dad's girlfriend not to attend and not make
anyone feel bad?

Speaker 3 (24:09):
Please help Harriet.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
First of all, your dad's girlfriend should not attend.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
No, Matt, She's married with a family, and that's all
you have to say to him. That is not acceptable
to be flaunting in front of a whole group of people.

Speaker 5 (24:22):
I think if just one person that's acceptable to offend
it would be your dad on this one. You got
to throw a boundary down. It's your day. Don't avenge
yourself and don't avend your partner.

Speaker 6 (24:33):
It's your moment.

Speaker 5 (24:34):
You're going into a new chapter of real life. You
can't you can't bring that in. That's fine.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
And also I know it seems like there's billions of
people in the world, which they are, but like when
you're dealing with communities like that, him bringing his girlfriend,
everyone is gonna find out at some point that she's
married to someone else. There could be a chance that
somebody at the wedding knows her.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
And that what the fuck are you gonna do?

Speaker 1 (24:56):
You don't even know every single person who's probably coming
to the wedding, who's bringing a place You don't know
one person, You don't know if every person doesn't know
this woman or won't connect the dots or won't figure
it out, like it's too dangerous of a situation and
all you have to do is position it to your
father as first of all, this is something that I
don't want overshadowing my special day.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
I don't want your affair that is illicit, she's married
to another person.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
I don't support that Obviously I want to keep the peace,
but this is my day and I need you to
respect it.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
And that's it. Like he can't argue with you about
your wedding day.

Speaker 5 (25:29):
And if he doesn't really respond to that, this might
be going for the jugular, but also saying you clearly
don't respect the boundaries of a marriage. You clearly don't
respect what that means. So why would I want that
energy in that room when I'm trying to.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
Start that great, great point exactly boom yeah.

Speaker 4 (25:51):
And I think even be specific about which one of
your dad's friends you would want to attend with him,
Like I love you know, quote unquote uncle Larry whatever.
Why don't you bring him? That would be you know,
he'd be great to have at the wedding. He's not
already invited whatever, and he'll.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
Have plenty to do.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
He's the father of the bride, Like, he's gonna have
plenty of people to interact with. And you know it's
not your this is your day. Do not forget that
this is the only day you get. Don't let it
be besmirched by something like Tawdrey like that. You know,
if he wants to have an affair with a married woman. Fine, great,
but not at your wedding, agreed.

Speaker 4 (26:23):
Our next question comes from Jessica. Jessica says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm not sure if I need your advice or if
I just need to be talked off the ledge. I
just ended my six year relationship. It was one of
the healthiest breakups I've ever had. We entered the relationship
knowing that I don't want to have kids, and he
is the fifth generation in his family, so he has

(26:44):
decided that he needs to have a son at some
point in his life. Since ending the relationship, I've found
the perfect place to live, started a new job I love,
and I've grown closer to my friends and family. I
feel so free, and I know us breaking up was
the right decision. Now here's the problem. We haven't even
been broken up for two months, and he's apparently dating
someone new and someone I know. I found out because

(27:06):
the girl he's dating posted a piece of furniture from
his house on Facebook marketplace for sale. Eventually, one of
our mutual friends admitted that they are in fact dating
and it seems like they'll be moving in together very soon.
Am I crazy to feel like I'm boiling over with
rage about this. I don't really feel like I'm jealous,
just pissed off. We've known this girl for a long time,

(27:26):
and it feels like she was waiting for the second
we broke up to pounce on him and move into
the house we lived in together. Do I even have
a right to be mad about this? I want to
act like I don't care so badly, but it's hard.
We have a lot of mutual friends, and I know
i'll see him soon, and I do have a temper
and honestly don't really like holding my feelings back. I'm
concerned that when I see him, I might freak out

(27:47):
or at least throw around a snide remark or two.
Even though it didn't work out between us, I really
did love him, and with him moving on so fast,
it makes me feel insecure about how he felt about me.
How should I control myself when I inevitably run into him.
I'm ready for any stage wisdom you're willing to give.
Thanks Jessica.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
Wow, Okay, Well, luckily I've been through this exact same situation.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Hi Jessica, Hi, how's it going?

Speaker 5 (28:12):
Hi?

Speaker 2 (28:13):
Keatie.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
This is Kelsey Vallerini, our special guest today, amazing him.

Speaker 5 (28:17):
Great to be eat both of you all.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
Hi, that's so annoying.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
First of all, it's so fucking annoying to spend six
years with somebody and then find out that two weeks
later that they're.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
Dating somebody else. Was it two weeks or two months?

Speaker 7 (28:30):
It was two months, but they basically started dating right after.
I just found out two months later, so like it
pretty much was I media. I just found out a
little bit later. So it's lovely.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Okay, Well, this exact situation happened to me, not exactly,
but very similar. I dated somebody for four years. I
broke up with them, and two weeks later they were
moving in with someone else. So I understand exactly how
you feel. And good fucking riddance, because that is not
the person for you. That says everything you need to

(29:03):
know about that person, everything you need to know. And
as you said in your letter, you knew you made
the right decision.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
You're in a new place. Don't let his weakness throw
you off kilter.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
Now you have the full picture of the fact that
the decision you made was absolutely the right decision. Just
him being with someone, and of course there are feelings
and if you want to make a snide remark, fucking
go ahead.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
Who gets a shit about that? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (29:30):
It is silly, but he would take a lot of
pleasure in you being jealous about it.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
So remember that.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
You know, if you let him, if you let him
see your jealousy, then he'll be like, oh, yeah, I
got her.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
So it's up to you. But I mean, you absolutely
made the.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
Right decision in every way, right Kelsey, don't you agree?

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (29:46):
The whole there was so much positive affirmation in the
beginning of that letter. I was like, there's no advice here,
and then I was like, Oh, my question is.

Speaker 6 (29:54):
Are you close with the girl still?

Speaker 5 (29:57):
So I was never really good friends with her.

Speaker 7 (29:59):
They actually I know her through mutual friends, and then
he started hanging out with like another friend group towards
the end of our relationship, and she's in that friend
group right. So honestly, when we first started dating six
years ago, they were kind of hanging out, and I
think he kind of stopped talking to her then was
dating me.

Speaker 5 (30:18):
So he's always been a little questionionable.

Speaker 7 (30:20):
It just is unfortunate that we spent that much time
together and now he's dating the same girl.

Speaker 5 (30:26):
Or like she was hanging out. I just feel really
weird about it all, so I don't know, well.

Speaker 6 (30:32):
Her feelings are valid.

Speaker 5 (30:34):
I would just say, like find a safe friend and
or scream into a pillow, because that is annoying. That's
super annoying and like low key a little bit shady.
But yeah, what Chel said, like, it's you're exactly where
you need to be, thank God, like to be with
someone for six years and.

Speaker 6 (30:49):
Move on in two weeks. There was a disconnect. There
was a bigger disconnect that happened.

Speaker 5 (30:52):
And the first page and a half of your letter
said that you are happier where you are now. So
just screaming to a pellow, talk to a friend, and
then stand in the place that you're at right now.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, and if you see them, you know what would
really even drive him more mad is to be happy
for them to go. I'm so happy that you guys
found each other. I'm glad to hear that you're together,
even though it's a lie and you don't feel that way.
That takes all of the emotion out of it, and
you're gonna walk away feeling so fucking good about yourself,
better than if you make a snide remark. You're gonna

(31:25):
feel empowered. You know, you're going to tell your friends
the truth, but he wants you to be upset. You
you know, you left him because you didn't want to
have a child, so obviously he can't be alone. This
is so many men cannot fucking be alone and they
can't even be a part, whereas women, we're alone and
we're so happy, we're like, oh, thank god, we have
this minute to breathe, and men are just kind of

(31:48):
weak like that, and like, if anything, it's like, I
know it hurts your feelings, but it won't for very long.
I promise you're already like past the bad part of
your breakup and all of that. You're not gonna be
upset for a while, and it will be empowering for
you to just when you're able to see.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
Them, kind of give them your blessing.

Speaker 7 (32:06):
I'm glad you said that, because I've been battling, like
I have a feeling I'm going to see them. Florida
is weird and small, so it's like I know I'm
going to bump into them at some point, and I
go back and forth like I want to have a
confrontational moment just to be like, this is really disrespectful
to me as a person, right, But I do want
to kind of just continue on because I'm not upset,

(32:27):
like you said, I'm not like sad the relationships over.
I know, we ended it because I didn't want a
family and that's apparently the only thing he needs in life.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
Yeah, because he doesn't want to be alone, so he
needs a family.

Speaker 5 (32:39):
Yeah. So I think you're right, I just need to
kind of like move on.

Speaker 7 (32:42):
It's so hard to hold that reaction in and that's
actually why I reached out, because I'm like, I know
you've been dealing with the reactivity, and I'm like, oh,
just take a breath. Don't acknowledge. It's probably the best
way to handle it. But it's hard sometimes it's.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
Of course it's hard.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
And thank you for not saying reactionary, because people keep
saying that, and that's a civil or reenactor. It's reactivity,
not reactionary like that. People don't understand what that board means.
First of all, you should get out of Florida as
soon as possible. But in the meantime, like I think, listen,
I'm looking at your face and I'm looking at your vibe.
And your energy and your positive and your upbeat, like,

(33:17):
don't belittle yourself by even saying anything negative to them. Obviously,
talk to your friends and just deal with it on
your own. And when you have these feelings, one of
the most powerful things you can do is to sit
with negative feelings and let them work through your body
instead of trying to stuff them away or distract or deflect.
If you literally sit and think about how ikey this is,

(33:37):
you will be amazed at how quickly that feeling goes
away ton and yeah, and then you know, I had
my friends say to me once like, do you want
to be on your highest like soul path or do
you want to be down? Like you can let people
take you down by reacting to their negative behavior, or you.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
Can just be on a higher path and rise above it.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
And actually, when you do interact with them, be you know,
be as nice and fake or whatever it takes to
make sure that they know that they didn't get you
or that he didn't hurt you in that way. And
I promise you when you because that's really the right
thing to do. Anyway, it doesn't matter, it's not your
business anymore. He's not your boyfriend. He doesn't have to
protect you in the breakup, so you wish you would.

(34:17):
But anybody who gets together with somebody that quickly isn't
worried about protecting you. They're worried about themselves. So I
think you're going to be pleased with yourself if you
just get to your higher soul path, so to speak,
and just do the right thing, you know, and not
be a cunt and just be cool.

Speaker 3 (34:33):
I have to say, the petty part of me wants
to do both.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
It's so hard, but you have to understand it's an impulse.
That's an impulse when you want to say something to somebody.
It doesn't mean it's right. It's just an impulse and
it feels good. But it doesn't feel as good as
taking the higher road.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
And that's true. It doesn't last as long that feeling.

Speaker 4 (34:52):
Yeah, you can walk away and then say the petty
part to your friends afterwards.

Speaker 7 (34:56):
It's really easy to be petty with him because I
don't know what's going on. But he like turn thirty
and then bought a mullet and dyed the tips of
the mullet blonde, and I just really truly don't know,
like what in the world is happening. So I'm happy
that's not the section of him I got, but it
does make it a little bit easier.

Speaker 5 (35:12):
It's bizarre. Onward and awards, baby, not the mullet with
blonde tips.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
No, no, no, not anymore, no more. No.

Speaker 5 (35:22):
I know that's some real Florida shit, But it is happening.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
How long?

Speaker 1 (35:27):
But within what time frames did he'd get that mullet
and frosted tips after you broke up with him?

Speaker 7 (35:31):
It was it was transitioning into a mullet towards the end,
and then we frosted the tips, like right when they
started dating.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
I think. Okay, so I really just to be happy
that this is over, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (35:45):
Yeah, if you judged so many bullets.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
Yeah, you doudged a lot of bullets.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
And just be happy that you're free, Be happy that
that's not you with him.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
Be happy.

Speaker 5 (35:55):
I appreciate it. Yeah, that's great advice.

Speaker 7 (35:57):
I definitely think, keep it inside, Let live their lives
and kind of move onward and upward, like you said,
so I appreciate it.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
Okay, Thanks Jessica, thanks for calling.

Speaker 5 (36:07):
Thanks so much. It's great to meet both of you. Hi,
Da isn't.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
It funny to see how happy people are when they
break up? She was just so happy.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
And she's not even she's upset about this, but she's
not really.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
She was all.

Speaker 4 (36:25):
She got the post break up glow. Well, our next
caller is Gina. She is calling in from Wisconsin, she
says to you, Chelsea. Two months ago, I quit my
soul sucking job at a big four public accounting firm.
I felt so empowered by leaving, and I thought it
was a perfect time to do something. I truly love

(36:46):
architecture and design and exterior design. Not sure about you,
but I just about orgasm every time I skim my
architectural digest mags or scroll through the hundreds of design
accounts I follow on Instagram. I didn't pursue it in
college because I was afraid of risk of job and security,
sucking at it and ultimately not making any money. My
question lies between two different life paths. One getting a remote,

(37:09):
lonely accounting job that I may not see much growth
in as I don't plan to pursue the CPA like
my dad wants me to, but gives me flexibility to
travel or potentially buy an old home. I can fix
up myself, or staying in my hometown, getting a lower
paying accounting job and attending community college to get an
associate's degree in interior design. Although I've been looking at

(37:30):
programs to pursue elsewhere, I'm horrible at making decisions and
take everything into account to the point where I stay stagnant.
But I need to get a move on because I'm
twenty six and already started late. Recently, I've been living
by the lines of everything happens for a reason, and
you are where you're supposed to be. Yet here I
remain unemployed, living in the room I grow up in.
Would love your suggestions. Sincerely, Gina, Hi, Gena Dane, How

(37:55):
are you good?

Speaker 2 (37:57):
This is Kelsey Ballerini. She's our guest today.

Speaker 8 (38:00):
Hi. I know a song or two.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
I think.

Speaker 6 (38:04):
I bet you do your country Brett.

Speaker 8 (38:07):
I Ah, I'm going line dancing tonight. So if you're
Nana sing what's your bro not?

Speaker 5 (38:13):
I love that big Ye.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
What's the name of that single? The most recent single Kelsey.

Speaker 5 (38:19):
If you go down on going down to Yeah?

Speaker 2 (38:21):
Because I was hearing it on the radio and I
hadn't heard it before.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
This was a few months ago and I was like,
oh my god, it was so fucking good.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
I'm like that sounds like Kelsey.

Speaker 6 (38:29):
Oh maybe I don't know.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
It's hard to keep track anyway.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Okay, So to your problem excuse on set, I feel
very passionately about following your passion and whatever it is
that you are most passionate about. Twenty six years old
is nothing you have time to explore. And I don't
think staying in an accounting job that just gives you
the freedom to get a house you're gonna like and

(38:54):
fix that up.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
That sounds like like a B plan, not an A plan. Right.

Speaker 8 (39:00):
Yeah, I've kind of just gone with when my parents
kind of expected of me.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
Yeah, but don't do that.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
That's not important.

Speaker 8 (39:07):
I'm gonna make excuses, but I'm I don't want to
say I'm the pride enjoy a family, but it's like
I have to. I'm at this pedestal. It's like I
have to have that stable, steady job that you know,
is the nine to five sort of thing that's gonna
have the four on one k all this bullshit stuff.
It's not bullshit, but it's like it's what's expected. So

(39:28):
I have to be that person. I feel so my
mom said.

Speaker 4 (39:31):
Just to clarify, is that more of an expectations thing
or is it like you're actually providing for your folks
and your other siblings.

Speaker 8 (39:38):
I guess it's the expectation. I don't know if it's
my purpose to be like their role model. I have
a twin sister, so like she's kind of doing whatever
she wants. I love how she's living, but.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
I think you do love how she's living because you're
taking on the responsibility that she's not taking on as
the oldest she's polt it in me bye a minute. Three, Okay,
well listen, it is not your responsibility to fulfill your parents' dreams.
That's not why people have children. Even though people get
confused and it becomes very obfuscated, it is not your

(40:11):
reason for living to make your parents happy. They that's
what their life is for. You know, you have to
search for your happiness because I have to tell you,
when you really are true to who you are, the rewards,
it's abundance, like rewards come your way when you follow
your true dreams. I mean, look, Kelsey and I were
just talking about this. You know, she's doing everything she
wants to be doing, and you're probably happier than you've

(40:33):
ever been Kelsey, Right.

Speaker 5 (40:35):
Yeah, but I did have to make the decision to
not do what was expected of me. And I think
two things. I think I really would love to believe
in my heart arts that your parents just actually want
you to be happy.

Speaker 6 (40:47):
And I think they've probably.

Speaker 5 (40:49):
Projected what they've known to be sustainable to them in
their life onto you. That doesn't have to be what
you choose. And at the end of the day, you.

Speaker 6 (40:59):
Have to tay the fear of failure out back.

Speaker 5 (41:02):
Failure sometimes is like the best thing, but you have
to jump to know you know, and like twenty six,
I'm twenty nine and my life is unrecognizable in three
years from where I was at twenty six because I
decided to change it. And you just have to open
up to what you know is.

Speaker 6 (41:20):
Right for you.

Speaker 5 (41:21):
Because I listen to this podcast all the time, I'm
such a giant fan. And one thing both Catherine and
Chelsea talk about all the time is like we know
what's right if we're in tune with ourselves, we know
what we're meant to do, we know like the next step,
we know, Like there's this little gut feeling that I
have that I need to shift here, like and it
sounds like you know, so just trust yourself, trust yourself,

(41:42):
don't be scared to veil, and don't be scared to
disappoint your parents, because at the end of the.

Speaker 6 (41:46):
Day, you're not honoring your knowing.

Speaker 5 (41:49):
This right now and your happiness is pursuing what's going
to make you feel fulfilled.

Speaker 6 (41:54):
And at the end of the day, I really want
to believe your parents.

Speaker 8 (41:56):
Want you to be happy. I think now kind of
the goal is to not the goals to disappoint them,
but the goals to like do the opposite, do what
I want to do, and not fare so much about
what they or their friends think because it doesn't matter
and it's just going to keep me more unhappy than
where I am. So luckily, like I've really come to

(42:20):
know myself and like become the person that I want
to be. It's just finding where I belong and what's
really going to push sheet out of that box even farther.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
But I think you describe like what your passion is,
you know, which is design, architecture. You're interested in all
of those things, and it's a good example to set
for your younger siblings and your family anyway. Sounds like
you're going to have a conversation with your parents about
it anyway because of your a close relationship with them.
But you know, in speaking with your parents, it's like,
I have to go after my dreams, like I have to.

(42:52):
I'm gonna support myself while I pursue my dreams. This
isn't a reflection on or this isn't an indicator that
you're gonna have to start supporting me or I need
your financial help. Right, You can do all of this
on your own, correct, Yes? Yeah, So there's really not
any input from them that has any merit in my opinion,
because you're not living your life for them, and there's

(43:14):
so many regrets that come with that, and so many
people who are older that didn't go pursue their passion
and now they're forty five and forty six and looking
at what you're looking at. So you have to take
your age into consideration. There is no bad decision. You're
going to succeed, you know what I mean. You just
have to make a decision.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
When you say you're bad at.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Decision making, the key ingredient to making a decision is
making one and going for it. You know what, I mean,
it's not one is going to be the best or
the other. It's like, what do you feel is your purpose?
And it's very clear that you know and I have
identified what that is. And by the way, that's a
huge advantage too. So many people don't even know at
your age what they want to do or where they

(43:55):
want to be. So I think you should look at
it in terms of setting an example for your younger
siblings and for your sister or your twin, and even
for your parents, like I'm doing this my way. I'm
going to do it, go after my dreams and support
yourself by going to community college and studying design. I
think that's a great idea and I think you're going
to be much more fulfilled.

Speaker 4 (44:15):
There's often a stepping stone, like Chelsea said, like making
a decision, taking a step. Maybe it's not interior or
exterior design that you're going to be and maybe it's
something beyond that. For me, I was like throwing shit
at the wall seeing what would stick. I thought voiceover
was the next thing for me, and then I was like, wait,
if I can edit my own voiceovers, I can start
a podcast. Started podcasting, and here I am.

Speaker 3 (44:35):
Here's another thing too.

Speaker 5 (44:37):
Parents.

Speaker 4 (44:38):
Sometimes the things you think that they expect of you
are all in your head. One of the best days
of my life. My dad's a lawyer, my aunt's a lawyer,
my sister's a lawyer, my sister's graduation from law school.
I had all these expectations about what my parents wanted
for me, and my dad said to me, you know,
I actually don't think that you would like fit really
well as a traditional lawyer of any kind.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
And I was like, thank god.

Speaker 4 (44:59):
I I thought he had this expectation of me that
I was gonna, you know, go to law school whatever,
or that I was a failure if I didn't, and
he was like, no, no, that's not for you. So
sometimes it really is like coming from us, even though
we think it's our parents' expectation.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
And it's also very typical for the oldest sibling, even
though you're your twin is three minutes older than you,
like you're considered one of the oldest. It's very typical
for you to feel this kind of sense of responsibility
to your parents. And that's just the architecture of a family.
You know, the oldest is supposed to be the most responsible,
and then it falls apart as you go down. Like
for me, I never once thought about what my parents
wanted for me. I'm like, I have my plan. I

(45:33):
knew what was happening from a very young age. I'm like,
this is what I'm gonna do. And their opinion had
no impact on me whatsoever. In fact, when I said,
I went to community college for like half a semester
and I was like, I think I'm going to move
to Los Angeles, like I feel like I should just
be famous or something. I was nineteen years old, and
my parents.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Were like, go, please go.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
That's exactly where you belong with those lunatics in California,
you know, Los Angeles. So you're just letting all this pressure,
you know what I mean. It's the pressure of being
the oldest, it's the pressure of being like modeling the behavior.
But I would say that you have an opportunity to
really model true happiness and go after what you want.
So the decision has been made and that's what you're
gonna do.

Speaker 5 (46:15):
Do it.

Speaker 6 (46:16):
Okay, Okay, thanks, and.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Your parents have a problem, tell them to call into
the podcast.

Speaker 5 (46:21):
Oh I will, I'll send them your way have fun
line dancing.

Speaker 6 (46:26):
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 8 (46:28):
I'm going by myself. But that's fine. Shouldn't have disclosed that.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
I like that too. Good for you. You're a ballsy
I like that.

Speaker 8 (46:36):
Thank you.

Speaker 5 (46:37):
Yeah, doing new things this year, so I like it
fun to have fun.

Speaker 6 (46:43):
Thanks for taking my calls. So great to meet you all.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
Yeah, of course, Artina fight well.

Speaker 4 (46:49):
Our last question comes from Kate. She says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm a huge new fan of the show, and something
I've noticed both of you mentioned during the advice segment
is how I and it is to trust your gut
and follow your instincts. Here we are again. This is
an idea I've heard time and again from people I admire,
but I've literally never been able to understand it on
a personal level. As someone who lives with chronic anxiety,

(47:12):
it seems like those times I think I have a
gut feeling, it's proven wrong and is actually just my
anxiety talking. So my question is how do I differentiate
between my gut instincts and anxious thoughts. My doctor has
diagnosed me with anxiety and I'm on medication. While this
certainly makes my anxiety manageable, I still deal with it
internally on a daily basis because I know you'll ask.

(47:34):
I'm not in therapy, and I hope and plan to
regularly see a therapist someday, but it isn't financially viable
for me at this point in my life. Thank you
so much for all the entertainment and inspiration you've given me.
Your podcast is such a light in my life, and
I cherish hearing your insights each week.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
Much love, Kate.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Okay, Kelsey, what do you think about that?

Speaker 5 (47:51):
Ooh? I would say having people that know you well
they can hold you accountable and help you decipher between
the two until you kind of get into a rhythm
where you learn to trust yourself and decipher for yourself,
whether it's a dear friend or a family member or
a therapist, which I think is a great idea to
bring those gut feelings or thoughts to and say, you know.

Speaker 6 (48:13):
Me, what do you think this is?

Speaker 5 (48:15):
Can you help me kind of relearn to trust myself
and decipher between the two. I feel really strongly about
reaching out to the people that know you deeply and
giving them that responsibility like they've given you in their
life too.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
Yeah, that's a nice idea too.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
I think also with anxiety, you know there's impulse and
there's instinct, and those are two different things, and anxiety
can make you feel very impulsive.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
So like, if you're deciding.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Between two things and you have to figure it out right,
it's good to say, Okay, I'm going to sit with
myself and here are my two options, right, and then
do it not once, but you have to repeat this
exercise over and over, Like you give yourself ten minutes
just to think with a thought, like to try and
understand what your actual gut is telling you. Because anxiety

(49:05):
is repetitive and it will keep telling you the same thing.
But eventually, if you give it time instead of just
giving it one opportunity, I feel like the growth that you'll.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
Have in the answer will come.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
So I would say to sit down with this idea,
say like five days in a row, and just go, Okay,
I'm just gonna sit with this and try to recognize
where your anxious thoughts are coming. And you might be
surprised at the way that they abate. Once you give
yourself enough time with the subject matter and the decision
you're making, your anxiety will quiet. From what I've learned
about anxiety, the more time you give it with the

(49:40):
same question. So instead of answering something as a one
off or like oh I gotta do this, revisit it,
keep asking yourself what do I do, and not throughout
the day like that's your anxiety. You have to set
aside a time and be like, Okay, I'm going to
think about this.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
If you like to write it out, that's great.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
If you just want to sit with yourself kind of
like a meditation, but you're not meditating, You're just thinking
about what the decision is and trying to hear your
anxious thoughts versus your gut and I think the anxiety
will quiet if you just keep revisiting it.

Speaker 6 (50:10):
That's great advice For me.

Speaker 4 (50:12):
Something that helps is asking myself literally to the feeling
that's coming up.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
You ask yourself, what are you trying to tell me?

Speaker 4 (50:20):
And when you ask it that somehow the anxiety kind
of falls away or you realize, oh, I'm this is
a gut feeling I'm having, but I'm anxious about the
gut feeling of like Okay, I need to go do
this new, fun, exciting thing that's a little bit scary.
You might be having anxiety about that, but underneath, you
know what your gut is telling you. So I think, yeah,
getting still checking in with a friend like seeing is

(50:43):
this anxiety or is this the path forward?

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (50:46):
And I think recognizing Something that really helped me is impulse.
Understanding what impulse is is an immediate reaction. You kind
of want to like, oh, there's a situation and you have.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
To act now. No, no, no, you don't. Most of
the time.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
You don't unless there's a fucking fire, you know, like,
you actually don't have to act now. And the longer
the amount of time, the longer duration of time you
give yourself, the better you get at coming to it, like,
you know, a sound conclusion. So I think time and yeah,
I guess that's it. That does make sense.

Speaker 4 (51:16):
Yeah, awesome, Well, thank you for writing in, k thank
you for writing in.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
Do we want to take a quick break and we'll
wrap up?

Speaker 1 (51:24):
Yes, and we're back. We're wrapping up with Kelsey Ballerini.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
Kelsey, So wait and.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
Kelsey and Chelsea Ballerini, tell me about some of the
places that you're excited to go that you've never been.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
Are there any places that you haven't been yet?

Speaker 5 (51:42):
Well, I'm doing headlining again, which is nice, so I'm
kind of in like the in between venues. So I'm
doing like the Santa Barbara Bowl, like all these beautiful
like that is the best venue.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
The Santa Barbara Bowl is the best venue.

Speaker 6 (51:54):
I can't wait. I can't wait.

Speaker 5 (51:55):
It's all less post the letter is gonna be great,
So I start there. And then also I'm dropping an
extended version of the EP that we were talking about earlier,
the Rolling Up the Welcome Matt with some of the
stuff that's just become a fun thing during the shows
or like my SNL performance, some live versions of stuff.
I'm really excited about that too.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
Where did you come up with the title rolling Up
the Welcome at.

Speaker 5 (52:18):
It's in one of the songs called Penthouse and kind
of the this is an awful word to use, and
I don't know why I'm picking this word, but the climax,
what of the Holy key is?

Speaker 6 (52:29):
I hope is that line?

Speaker 5 (52:31):
It says and it stings rolling up the Welcome Matt
and knowing you got half. So that's kind of like
the big bomb of the whole thing. So I wanted
to kind of just make that the centerpiece.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
And do you write all your music, Elsie?

Speaker 5 (52:44):
Yeah, I write everything, and I've I've kind of gotten
into the game of co writing a lot because Nashville's
built around that. Yeah, I love that, I did too,
but I will I will stay the EP. I wrote
the whole thing, either by myself or with one other person.
I've made a whole thing was one other woman, from
production to instrumentation to songwriting. So it was like the

(53:06):
most close to the chest thing I've gotten to do.
And it brought me back to trusting myself as a
songwriter too, which is nice.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
Oh, I love it.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
I'm so happy for all your success. You can go
see Kelsey on tour.

Speaker 6 (53:16):
Please do.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
She's delightful. I love you, honey, Thank you so much.

Speaker 5 (53:21):
You're just being my friends.

Speaker 6 (53:22):
Nice to meet Yocath.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
Likewise, bye, thanks so much, by y'all.

Speaker 3 (53:27):
Bye y'all.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
Okay, guys, we have added more shows to my Little
Big Bitch tour because I'm coming all over. We add
a second show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so
that's October twelfth and Friday at thirteenth. We added a
second show in Boston at the Waging Center. September twenty
ninth and thirtieth is two shows in New York. I
also have a show in Eastthampton, New York, August twenty six.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
We added a.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
Second show in Portland, So Thursday November tewod Friday November third,
and Portland November fourth and fifth.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
In San Francisco two shows there. We added a second show.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Seattle November tenth and eleventh. Two shows Boston are November
sixteenth and seventeenth at the Boch Center Wang Theater. And
I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and
so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
So I will see everybody at all of these shows.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com