September 19, 2025 • 17 mins
Chelsea and Catherine get a Friends-with-Benefits followup and hear from a mother-daughter-duo who inspire stalkers.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Catherine, how are you Hi, Chelsea?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We're here for another minisode.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Minisod Welcome to a minisode.
Speaker 4 (00:07):
So I have a follow up from Carly who called
in way back on our Lauren Lapkus episode. She was
ready to move on from situationships was sleeping with a
coworker and felt like she was kind of falling for
him and wanted to tell him. Our advice was to
tell him how she was feeling. So she says, hey, there,
thanks for checking in. I unfortunately don't have a success
(00:27):
story to fill you in on. I did take Chelsea's
advice and it didn't pan out. I started dating again
and met some interesting guys. This time around. I felt
like the ball was in my court and I had
the power. It took the pressure off of dating, and
I just decided I want to have fun with it.
One guy showed promise, but then unfortunately I started getting
the ick. I actually started things up again with the
guy I was sleeping with after a bunch of failed
(00:47):
attempts at dating again. Dating can get exhausting, and I'm
unfortunately impatient. I'm so hopeful that I'll meet the one,
but for now I'm just focusing on making money. Traveling
and having my friends with benefits. Thanks again for Carly.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
That was with the boss or what not?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
With the boss. This was like a while ago.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
She was like sleeping with a coworker and she was
getting the feelings they were like friends with benefits.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah right, and he wasn't out. Okay, okay, copy of that.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Well right, you have your answer, and now you're happier.
So I was right, yeah, like you got your information.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
You found out. Yes, that's good. This is progress. And
now she's enjoying her life.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I love this, like focusing on making money and traveling
and having fun with my.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Friend, having good amazing.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
And also let's all just get out of the idea
of that there's one person out there for us.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Agree, it's just so silly.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
That's impossible with there's nine billion people on the planet almost.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Now, Like there are better people and worse people.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I don't even know how many people are on the planet.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
That's a lot. It's too many.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
It's too many, and there's not just one. There are
multiple people out there for you. So it's like if
it doesn't work out with what's not like you're meeting
your there's no such thing.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I mean, like, yeah, I believe in you know, you can.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Have a connection with someone, but that can go for
your mother, your sister, your daughter, your dog, you know,
your neighbor. Like, there's a lot of soulmates versions out there,
so don't think of it as like there's one person.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
There's more than one person that you can match with.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Just like like you said, more than one dog, right, Yeah,
Mimsy turns ten tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
By the way, Oh, happy early birthday.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
I'm I'm like excited for her to have a birthday,
but I'm also like, please stay as young as possible,
as long as possible.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Oh, you could just clone her, you know, it crosses
my mind. It crosses my mind. She's like she is
the dog.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
I've always had very like a lot of anticipatory grief about,
like even since she was a baby.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I'm like, never die with the other two.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I'm like, I love you, but you know, eventually the beer.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
So Alexis wrote in and says, Dear Chelsea, my mom
has been in a bit of a dilemma for quite
some time. All of my mom's friends honestly suck their
total drains, and she has met women like this over
and over. It makes no sense because my mom is
a total badass, super fun, outgoing, loyal, and funny as hell.
I don't understand how crap women keep seeking out my
(02:58):
mother and befriending her. She's had friends become stalkers, single
white female type situations, or just trauma dump on her.
They never ask how she's doing. And Chelsea, it really
pisses me off. I wish you guys were friends. I
would love to do a video call with my mom
and gain advice on what to do moving forward. It
makes me sad my mom's best friend and all of
her friends are just a selfish af I have a
(03:19):
lovely group of girlfriends myself, so it makes me sad
that this is the hand my mom has been dealt.
Please help, Alexis Hi, Alexis we have mom too?
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Right?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
It is Shaka Hi.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
How are you good?
Speaker 5 (03:31):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I'm good? Thanks? Your mom is Shaka Khan?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yes she is.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
That's great. I love a mother daughter duo dynamic. That's
my favorite.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
And Shaka said they're best friends. She said, my daughter's
my best friend. I think that's very sweet.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yes, you are here. I am hi, Shaka Khan? How
are you good? How are you so?
Speaker 5 (03:52):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
You're so cute. Look at this two cutie pies.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I love it. Your daughters, to all of your friends
or assholes.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
They are, they've been pretty, they've been pretty crappy to
be honest.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Really, what do you think the problem? What do you think, alexis?
What do you think the problem is?
Speaker 6 (04:11):
I don't know if it's because like her personality is
so like magnetic in a way that people are jealous,
kind of like maybe they don't know who they are,
so they just cling on to her. Yeah, the same
way she is.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yeah, Well people are attracted to like happy, positive people,
so that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, I mean it's a compliment, really, I know.
Speaker 5 (04:32):
And you know, And here's what I'll say. A lot
of people say I should take it as a compliment,
and I do one hundred percent. I do, But at
some point it becomes violating.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Give me some examples.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
So I had one gal and I knew her, she
was a family member by marriage, and she went crazy
on me and like bought my car, would drive by
my house in my car. I planned a trip to
go to Tula, Mexico. She bought her entire family a
trip to Tulam, including a female. It was severe. She
(05:05):
would drive by my house consistently. You know, I feared
going in my yard, so you know, at some point
I am worried for my safety.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
To clarify something, did she buy the car from you
or she bought the same.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Model of car you have? No, she just bought and.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
She would leave me notes on what I can read
you one and it was pretty severe. She just said
because at some point I blocked her on every social
media account, I'm like, okay, I need to distance myself.
This is becoming unsafe. And then she started sending me
messages via Pinterest. She would call my god and she
(05:43):
would say things, you may have blocked me on every
social media platform, but if you don't think that I
know what you're doing, you're fucking delusional. I will spend
eternity plotting your just rewards. Ceunt.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
This doesn't sound like a friend.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
This sounds like that's a different level. That's a stalker,
psycho y.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
She wouldn't let me go. She wouldn't let me go
like I tried to disconnect several times throughout our relationship,
and she sunk her teeth in deeper to me. So
you know at some point these women, I think that
they do have a love for me. In the beginning,
I think that they want to find the strength that
I maybe have. I'm pretty strong gal, and I'm very
(06:25):
much an individual, and so I don't think that these
women are and they are seeking that. But at some
point it becomes I'm no longer talking to them, I'm
talking to me. I don't even know what to say
next because they've taken the words like literally right out
of my mouth.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And is this situation because this is an extreme situation,
this has happened to multiple friends of yours that they
want to mimic your behavior and kind of emulate your
whole life.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
It is, it is, and it's it's become to the
point now where when I meet a woman, I actually
will go right into that conversation to kind of feel.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Out, Yeah, that's smart.
Speaker 5 (07:03):
If this is gonna happen again to me, I'm like,
this cannot be happening again and again Like this, there
is something that I'm maybe putting out there that I
don't know. I don't know that attracting this kind of
person over and over again, So.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
What do you say when you meet friends?
Speaker 5 (07:18):
Now?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Like how do you explain this?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
What do you say, like, Hey, listen, I get a
lot a lot of my friends turn into stalkers.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I have to make sure you're not fucking crazy.
Speaker 7 (07:26):
Pretty much, pretty much, maybe in a little gentler way,
right right? Do I do just come right out and say, hey,
you know what, I've had some issues in the past,
you know, with women, And I don't necessarily, you know, hey,
are you one of these women? But I almost have
like a spidy sense for it now because it's happened
so frequently, so I'm super hyper sensitive to it, which
(07:49):
kind of deters me from wanting to move forward with
any women.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah, I understand what you mean. I think you probably are.
First of all, do you trust.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Your judgment at this point to be able to kind
of suss out who is going to be like stable
and who's going to be unstable?
Speaker 5 (08:05):
Absolutely. I'm fifty three now, so I feel like fifties
are a whole new ball game. Yeah, for mind, and
I do feel like I've got it pretty well dialed
where I can feel out if I'm going to be
a supply source to the right. So that's that's kind
of where I'm at now. But I know I need
women in my life. I know I need a good
(08:25):
group of women. I would love a good group of women,
like a posse.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
You know, it feels like you should hang out with
your daughter and her friends. They sound more normal.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
We'll be I do.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Okay, Well, that's good. Listen. I think you're on the
right track.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Like if identified the issue, you've made changes in how
you're approaching your friendships. Your daughter's aware, you're on the
same page. It's not like you and your daughter are
in conflict on this matter where she's saying one thing
and you're saying that that doesn't happen. You're admitting it's true.
It's a compliment that people are attracted to you. It's
a compliment that people want to like mimic your lifestyle
(08:58):
and emulate the way that you live.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
That's a compliment.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Obviously, you don't want people driving by your house and
copying everything you do. So it sounds like you're on
the case already. You just have to have a little
bit more discernment about who you let into your circle.
And that's great because you have to set up boundaries,
and like you said, when you're in your fifties, those
boundaries are much easier to set because it's not like
an option.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
It's almost like a mandate.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
True true, very true, very true.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
So I feel like between the two of you, guys,
you're on the case already and you're not going to
allow any more fruitcakes into your life. You know, like
you have to be very clear at the beginning, at
the outset which you just said, you were like, I'm
not dealing with any dependance.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I don't need any more dependence.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I don't need anyone who's so interested in living my
life that they want to actually live my life.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
You know. I'm looking for.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Strong women that have strong boundaries of their own in place,
And those are the only types of relationships I'm looking for.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
Are they out there?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
They are, of course they are. It's like discounting men.
You can't discount all men. You can only discount most
of them, you know what I mean? Yeah, like ninety percent.
But no, there are women out there that are like that.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
You know there are. You've had normal friends. Look at
your daughter, look at her friends. You're look at me.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Like, I have normal friends. I don't have psychos like
that in my life.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
I mean, I do have one girlfriend that I absolutely
love her, name is Burnette, and she's been a solid
rock for sure. I mean she's a little crazy too,
but you know.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, that's okay. A little crazy is fine.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
Cool crazy cool.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
And I just think, like, don't panic about it.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
It's not like you need a gaggle of girlfriends, like
you need five girlfriends right away.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
It's not a fucking emergency.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
I know, I know, but gosh, I just have had
really no solids, you know, and so I at some
point you just kind of lose some hope, I guess,
I know.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
But it's like dating, you know what I mean, everyone
loses hope dating. They go on a website and the
like they go on five dates and they're like fucking
forget it. You know, everyone's disgusting or everyone's a loser,
or that everyone wants to split a check. Like you
have to treat it like dating, like you're going to
audition some new girlfriends in the next few months. There
are places at sites where, I mean, if you really
want to go and like meet friends on like friend websites,
(11:13):
you could do that, but I really don't think that's
necessary for you. It's sound like you're desperate, right And no,
by the way, let me just rephrase that. Anyone who's
on a site to meet friends, well, that is a
level tes friend. So sorry, I can't rephrase it. But
if you're on a dating site to meet guys, that
is not desperate. I understand that, and I support that
for all women. But if you're only in a situation
(11:34):
where you have to meet people online, then yeah, that's
like that's a different situation. You're not in that situation.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
So one thing that might be helpful too is, rather
than going out for like individual women, if there's like
someone you know who has like say a book club
or like a friend group already where they all kind
of know each other and you can insert yourself, that
might be a nice way to like, they've all got
their stuff going on, they've all got their own lives
and their own relationships. Kind of like sneak on in
(12:01):
there and have some extra friends and like see if
there's somebody vibe with.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
I recently did do that, and I'm kind of notorious
for calling people lovey, lovey or show people usually get
a pet name from me. So we go out to
dinner and all of a sudden, all these girls at
the table are calling each other lovey and I'm going,
what the hell's going on right now? So it's just weird,
you know, it's kind of weird behavior.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
You know, maybe I listen.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
I am a strong personality, and I'm like, you know,
I have that vibe, right. I love to just latch
onto other groups of girls, like I'm always on the
periphery of lots of different friend groups because I don't
like to be too enmeshed in groups of women, Like
I have probably ten different groups of girlfriends, and I
go in and out when I please. I don't you know,
(12:48):
I'm not a jealous person, so I'm not worried that
I'm not the center of the universe. But I like
to be like I'll show up on a vacation, or
I'll show up at you know, their Thursday night dinner
that they do every week, and then I show up.
I like to be the kind of outsider of friend
groups because I like to float.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Around me too.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So I think that's the attitude you should take.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
You should find groups like what Catherine suggested, whether that
be a book club or whether you find existing groups
to just kind of float in and out of it
and if you see them, like you know, you can
you can gather enough information to know whether or not
it's a group you want to revisit or not.
Speaker 5 (13:22):
For sure. Absolutely, that's absolutely right. Yes, yes, I agree
with that.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Says you're going to help her out with us.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
I think the universe knew I was gonna get some
dogshit women, and they gave me a daughter, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, well that's good. So weird women stalking other women?
Speaker 5 (13:39):
It is. And I was like, you know, if it
was I it was a guy, I'm like, yeah, you know,
I kind of wouldn't be like, oh right, this guy.
But it's women driving by me. I'm like, what do
you think you're gonna see me in my robe outside?
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So weird word, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
It's just it's very bizarre behavior. And I don't know
what to do with those women either, Like how do
I manage that?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I can't?
Speaker 5 (14:01):
You know, I feel anxiety. Am I gonna have to
be ready to rumble? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (14:06):
I feel like you just have to ignore them unless
it does get to the point with this other woman
like that might be time for like a restraining order.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, I mean it's just a very weird pattern.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Like yeah, I mean, yeah, she's an administrator at a school.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
What do you think, Alexis, what do you think this
situation is?
Speaker 6 (14:22):
I again, I think it's just her, unfortunately meeting people
that don't know who they are, and so then they
or they're unhappy in their lives and they see my
mom and she's just so you know, her personality is
very big.
Speaker 5 (14:36):
We're kind of opposite that way. I'm a little more quiet.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
But I think they're just really like attracted to that,
and they don't they just cling on and want to
do that. They start just like wearing the same clothes,
doing their hair the same like all of a sudden,
they've never done that before. And at first I thought
it was a compliment. And then the more times I
noticed this is happening, I'm like, Okay, something is up,
(14:59):
Like this is.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
Not normal behavior.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Oh that's so strange. Yeah, some people are a little
bit that way.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Like I have one of those faces where people come
up to me at the grocery store and like tell
me their life story.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
So, I mean, some people just have like a certain
vibe and it's not anything I don't think that you
can control, you know.
Speaker 5 (15:15):
I know, and I know and then I think, you know,
do I need to be you know less, do I
need to like, you know, be I don't know. I
don't know. But at some point now in my fifties, though,
I will say I'm embracing who I am and I
don't give two shits about what people are thinking or doing.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I'm just saying, I mean, you're embracing who you are.
You shouldn't change who you are.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
You should just be like what we've already discussed, which
is more discerning about letting people get close to you.
You have to figure out who's crazy and who's not crazy,
and then make those decisions. Don't start, don't go all
in right away.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Yeah, I agree, I do that.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I do that.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
I'm like, oh, I love this person, and then three
days later I'm like, never mind.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
I think you just have to detach a little bit
from what their expectations of the friendship are and like
if it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Feel good for you, then it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's not good, and you don't have to.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Take that on like if they are feeling.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
No, no, no, just yeah, I think we've covered it. I
think you guys got the message.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
Yeah, yeah, all right, guys.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Okay, okay, ladies. Thank you for calling in.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Hey, thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Un thanks bye.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Okay, well that's a wrap up. Our little minisod a
couple's counseling. Okay, well, well that's I don't know what
to say now, goodbye, We'll.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
See you next time.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Goodbye. So I added a couple of new dates. I'm
not on tour yet, but I added a.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Couple of dates just because I felt like we need
a little bit more laughter and a little bit more
medicine for the end of the year. And I was
wrapping things up, but I thought, maybe let me do
a couple more. So I'm adding three more dates in
addition to my Vegas residency.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
I'm headlining the Rochester.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be in
Napa on.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
October third, So those will be my last.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Dates of the year. Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episode of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure
to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
Hi Catherine, how are you Hi, Chelsea?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We're here for another minisode.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Minisod Welcome to a minisode.
Speaker 4 (00:07):
So I have a follow up from Carly who called
in way back on our Lauren Lapkus episode. She was
ready to move on from situationships was sleeping with a
coworker and felt like she was kind of falling for
him and wanted to tell him. Our advice was to
tell him how she was feeling. So she says, hey, there,
thanks for checking in. I unfortunately don't have a success
(00:27):
story to fill you in on. I did take Chelsea's
advice and it didn't pan out. I started dating again
and met some interesting guys. This time around. I felt
like the ball was in my court and I had
the power. It took the pressure off of dating, and
I just decided I want to have fun with it.
One guy showed promise, but then unfortunately I started getting
the ick. I actually started things up again with the
guy I was sleeping with after a bunch of failed
(00:47):
attempts at dating again. Dating can get exhausting, and I'm
unfortunately impatient. I'm so hopeful that I'll meet the one,
but for now I'm just focusing on making money. Traveling
and having my friends with benefits. Thanks again for Carly.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
That was with the boss or what not?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
With the boss. This was like a while ago.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
She was like sleeping with a coworker and she was
getting the feelings they were like friends with benefits.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah right, and he wasn't out. Okay, okay, copy of that.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Well right, you have your answer, and now you're happier.
So I was right, yeah, like you got your information.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
You found out. Yes, that's good. This is progress. And
now she's enjoying her life.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I love this, like focusing on making money and traveling
and having fun with my.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Friend, having good amazing.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
And also let's all just get out of the idea
of that there's one person out there for us.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Agree, it's just so silly.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
That's impossible with there's nine billion people on the planet almost.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Now, Like there are better people and worse people.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I don't even know how many people are on the planet.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
That's a lot. It's too many.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
It's too many, and there's not just one. There are
multiple people out there for you. So it's like if
it doesn't work out with what's not like you're meeting
your there's no such thing.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I mean, like, yeah, I believe in you know, you can.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Have a connection with someone, but that can go for
your mother, your sister, your daughter, your dog, you know,
your neighbor. Like, there's a lot of soulmates versions out there,
so don't think of it as like there's one person.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
There's more than one person that you can match with.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Just like like you said, more than one dog, right, Yeah,
Mimsy turns ten tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
By the way, Oh, happy early birthday.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
I'm I'm like excited for her to have a birthday,
but I'm also like, please stay as young as possible,
as long as possible.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Oh, you could just clone her, you know, it crosses
my mind. It crosses my mind. She's like she is
the dog.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
I've always had very like a lot of anticipatory grief about,
like even since she was a baby.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I'm like, never die with the other two.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I'm like, I love you, but you know, eventually the beer.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
So Alexis wrote in and says, Dear Chelsea, my mom
has been in a bit of a dilemma for quite
some time. All of my mom's friends honestly suck their
total drains, and she has met women like this over
and over. It makes no sense because my mom is
a total badass, super fun, outgoing, loyal, and funny as hell.
I don't understand how crap women keep seeking out my
(02:58):
mother and befriending her. She's had friends become stalkers, single
white female type situations, or just trauma dump on her.
They never ask how she's doing. And Chelsea, it really
pisses me off. I wish you guys were friends. I
would love to do a video call with my mom
and gain advice on what to do moving forward. It
makes me sad my mom's best friend and all of
her friends are just a selfish af I have a
(03:19):
lovely group of girlfriends myself, so it makes me sad
that this is the hand my mom has been dealt.
Please help, Alexis Hi, Alexis we have mom too?
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Right?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
It is Shaka Hi.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
How are you good?
Speaker 5 (03:31):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I'm good? Thanks? Your mom is Shaka Khan?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yes she is.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
That's great. I love a mother daughter duo dynamic. That's
my favorite.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
And Shaka said they're best friends. She said, my daughter's
my best friend. I think that's very sweet.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yes, you are here. I am hi, Shaka Khan? How
are you good? How are you so?
Speaker 5 (03:52):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
You're so cute. Look at this two cutie pies.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I love it. Your daughters, to all of your friends
or assholes.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
They are, they've been pretty, they've been pretty crappy to
be honest.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Really, what do you think the problem? What do you think, alexis?
What do you think the problem is?
Speaker 6 (04:11):
I don't know if it's because like her personality is
so like magnetic in a way that people are jealous,
kind of like maybe they don't know who they are,
so they just cling on to her. Yeah, the same
way she is.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yeah, Well people are attracted to like happy, positive people,
so that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, I mean it's a compliment, really, I know.
Speaker 5 (04:32):
And you know, And here's what I'll say. A lot
of people say I should take it as a compliment,
and I do one hundred percent. I do, But at
some point it becomes violating.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Give me some examples.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
So I had one gal and I knew her, she
was a family member by marriage, and she went crazy
on me and like bought my car, would drive by
my house in my car. I planned a trip to
go to Tula, Mexico. She bought her entire family a
trip to Tulam, including a female. It was severe. She
(05:05):
would drive by my house consistently. You know, I feared
going in my yard, so you know, at some point
I am worried for my safety.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
To clarify something, did she buy the car from you
or she bought the same.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Model of car you have? No, she just bought and.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
She would leave me notes on what I can read
you one and it was pretty severe. She just said
because at some point I blocked her on every social
media account, I'm like, okay, I need to distance myself.
This is becoming unsafe. And then she started sending me
messages via Pinterest. She would call my god and she
(05:43):
would say things, you may have blocked me on every
social media platform, but if you don't think that I
know what you're doing, you're fucking delusional. I will spend
eternity plotting your just rewards. Ceunt.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
This doesn't sound like a friend.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
This sounds like that's a different level. That's a stalker,
psycho y.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
She wouldn't let me go. She wouldn't let me go
like I tried to disconnect several times throughout our relationship,
and she sunk her teeth in deeper to me. So
you know at some point these women, I think that
they do have a love for me. In the beginning,
I think that they want to find the strength that
I maybe have. I'm pretty strong gal, and I'm very
(06:25):
much an individual, and so I don't think that these
women are and they are seeking that. But at some
point it becomes I'm no longer talking to them, I'm
talking to me. I don't even know what to say
next because they've taken the words like literally right out
of my mouth.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And is this situation because this is an extreme situation,
this has happened to multiple friends of yours that they
want to mimic your behavior and kind of emulate your
whole life.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
It is, it is, and it's it's become to the
point now where when I meet a woman, I actually
will go right into that conversation to kind of feel.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Out, Yeah, that's smart.
Speaker 5 (07:03):
If this is gonna happen again to me, I'm like,
this cannot be happening again and again Like this, there
is something that I'm maybe putting out there that I
don't know. I don't know that attracting this kind of
person over and over again, So.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
What do you say when you meet friends?
Speaker 5 (07:18):
Now?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Like how do you explain this?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
What do you say, like, Hey, listen, I get a
lot a lot of my friends turn into stalkers.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I have to make sure you're not fucking crazy.
Speaker 7 (07:26):
Pretty much, pretty much, maybe in a little gentler way,
right right? Do I do just come right out and say, hey,
you know what, I've had some issues in the past,
you know, with women, And I don't necessarily, you know, hey,
are you one of these women? But I almost have
like a spidy sense for it now because it's happened
so frequently, so I'm super hyper sensitive to it, which
(07:49):
kind of deters me from wanting to move forward with
any women.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah, I understand what you mean. I think you probably are.
First of all, do you trust.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Your judgment at this point to be able to kind
of suss out who is going to be like stable
and who's going to be unstable?
Speaker 5 (08:05):
Absolutely. I'm fifty three now, so I feel like fifties
are a whole new ball game. Yeah, for mind, and
I do feel like I've got it pretty well dialed
where I can feel out if I'm going to be
a supply source to the right. So that's that's kind
of where I'm at now. But I know I need
women in my life. I know I need a good
(08:25):
group of women. I would love a good group of women,
like a posse.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
You know, it feels like you should hang out with
your daughter and her friends. They sound more normal.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
We'll be I do.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Okay, Well, that's good. Listen. I think you're on the
right track.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Like if identified the issue, you've made changes in how
you're approaching your friendships. Your daughter's aware, you're on the
same page. It's not like you and your daughter are
in conflict on this matter where she's saying one thing
and you're saying that that doesn't happen. You're admitting it's true.
It's a compliment that people are attracted to you. It's
a compliment that people want to like mimic your lifestyle
(08:58):
and emulate the way that you live.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
That's a compliment.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Obviously, you don't want people driving by your house and
copying everything you do. So it sounds like you're on
the case already. You just have to have a little
bit more discernment about who you let into your circle.
And that's great because you have to set up boundaries,
and like you said, when you're in your fifties, those
boundaries are much easier to set because it's not like
an option.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
It's almost like a mandate.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
True true, very true, very true.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
So I feel like between the two of you, guys,
you're on the case already and you're not going to
allow any more fruitcakes into your life. You know, like
you have to be very clear at the beginning, at
the outset which you just said, you were like, I'm
not dealing with any dependance.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I don't need any more dependence.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I don't need anyone who's so interested in living my
life that they want to actually live my life.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
You know. I'm looking for.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Strong women that have strong boundaries of their own in place,
And those are the only types of relationships I'm looking for.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
Are they out there?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
They are, of course they are. It's like discounting men.
You can't discount all men. You can only discount most
of them, you know what I mean? Yeah, like ninety percent.
But no, there are women out there that are like that.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
You know there are. You've had normal friends. Look at
your daughter, look at her friends. You're look at me.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Like, I have normal friends. I don't have psychos like
that in my life.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
I mean, I do have one girlfriend that I absolutely
love her, name is Burnette, and she's been a solid
rock for sure. I mean she's a little crazy too,
but you know.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, that's okay. A little crazy is fine.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
Cool crazy cool.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
And I just think, like, don't panic about it.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
It's not like you need a gaggle of girlfriends, like
you need five girlfriends right away.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
It's not a fucking emergency.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
I know, I know, but gosh, I just have had
really no solids, you know, and so I at some
point you just kind of lose some hope, I guess,
I know.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
But it's like dating, you know what I mean, everyone
loses hope dating. They go on a website and the
like they go on five dates and they're like fucking
forget it. You know, everyone's disgusting or everyone's a loser,
or that everyone wants to split a check. Like you
have to treat it like dating, like you're going to
audition some new girlfriends in the next few months. There
are places at sites where, I mean, if you really
want to go and like meet friends on like friend websites,
(11:13):
you could do that, but I really don't think that's
necessary for you. It's sound like you're desperate, right And no,
by the way, let me just rephrase that. Anyone who's
on a site to meet friends, well, that is a
level tes friend. So sorry, I can't rephrase it. But
if you're on a dating site to meet guys, that
is not desperate. I understand that, and I support that
for all women. But if you're only in a situation
(11:34):
where you have to meet people online, then yeah, that's
like that's a different situation. You're not in that situation.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
So one thing that might be helpful too is, rather
than going out for like individual women, if there's like
someone you know who has like say a book club
or like a friend group already where they all kind
of know each other and you can insert yourself, that
might be a nice way to like, they've all got
their stuff going on, they've all got their own lives
and their own relationships. Kind of like sneak on in
(12:01):
there and have some extra friends and like see if
there's somebody vibe with.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
I recently did do that, and I'm kind of notorious
for calling people lovey, lovey or show people usually get
a pet name from me. So we go out to
dinner and all of a sudden, all these girls at
the table are calling each other lovey and I'm going,
what the hell's going on right now? So it's just weird,
you know, it's kind of weird behavior.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
You know, maybe I listen.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
I am a strong personality, and I'm like, you know,
I have that vibe, right. I love to just latch
onto other groups of girls, like I'm always on the
periphery of lots of different friend groups because I don't
like to be too enmeshed in groups of women, Like
I have probably ten different groups of girlfriends, and I
go in and out when I please. I don't you know,
(12:48):
I'm not a jealous person, so I'm not worried that
I'm not the center of the universe. But I like
to be like I'll show up on a vacation, or
I'll show up at you know, their Thursday night dinner
that they do every week, and then I show up.
I like to be the kind of outsider of friend
groups because I like to float.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Around me too.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So I think that's the attitude you should take.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
You should find groups like what Catherine suggested, whether that
be a book club or whether you find existing groups
to just kind of float in and out of it
and if you see them, like you know, you can
you can gather enough information to know whether or not
it's a group you want to revisit or not.
Speaker 5 (13:22):
For sure. Absolutely, that's absolutely right. Yes, yes, I agree
with that.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Says you're going to help her out with us.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
I think the universe knew I was gonna get some
dogshit women, and they gave me a daughter, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, well that's good. So weird women stalking other women?
Speaker 5 (13:39):
It is. And I was like, you know, if it
was I it was a guy, I'm like, yeah, you know,
I kind of wouldn't be like, oh right, this guy.
But it's women driving by me. I'm like, what do
you think you're gonna see me in my robe outside?
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So weird word, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
It's just it's very bizarre behavior. And I don't know
what to do with those women either, Like how do
I manage that?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I can't?
Speaker 5 (14:01):
You know, I feel anxiety. Am I gonna have to
be ready to rumble? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (14:06):
I feel like you just have to ignore them unless
it does get to the point with this other woman
like that might be time for like a restraining order.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, I mean it's just a very weird pattern.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Like yeah, I mean, yeah, she's an administrator at a school.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
What do you think, Alexis, what do you think this
situation is?
Speaker 6 (14:22):
I again, I think it's just her, unfortunately meeting people
that don't know who they are, and so then they
or they're unhappy in their lives and they see my
mom and she's just so you know, her personality is
very big.
Speaker 5 (14:36):
We're kind of opposite that way. I'm a little more quiet.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
But I think they're just really like attracted to that,
and they don't they just cling on and want to
do that. They start just like wearing the same clothes,
doing their hair the same like all of a sudden,
they've never done that before. And at first I thought
it was a compliment. And then the more times I
noticed this is happening, I'm like, Okay, something is up,
(14:59):
Like this is.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
Not normal behavior.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Oh that's so strange. Yeah, some people are a little
bit that way.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Like I have one of those faces where people come
up to me at the grocery store and like tell
me their life story.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
So, I mean, some people just have like a certain
vibe and it's not anything I don't think that you
can control, you know.
Speaker 5 (15:15):
I know, and I know and then I think, you know,
do I need to be you know less, do I
need to like, you know, be I don't know. I
don't know. But at some point now in my fifties, though,
I will say I'm embracing who I am and I
don't give two shits about what people are thinking or doing.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I'm just saying, I mean, you're embracing who you are.
You shouldn't change who you are.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
You should just be like what we've already discussed, which
is more discerning about letting people get close to you.
You have to figure out who's crazy and who's not crazy,
and then make those decisions. Don't start, don't go all
in right away.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Yeah, I agree, I do that.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I do that.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
I'm like, oh, I love this person, and then three
days later I'm like, never mind.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
I think you just have to detach a little bit
from what their expectations of the friendship are and like
if it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Feel good for you, then it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's not good, and you don't have to.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Take that on like if they are feeling.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
No, no, no, just yeah, I think we've covered it. I
think you guys got the message.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
Yeah, yeah, all right, guys.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Okay, okay, ladies. Thank you for calling in.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Hey, thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Un thanks bye.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Okay, well that's a wrap up. Our little minisod a
couple's counseling. Okay, well, well that's I don't know what
to say now, goodbye, We'll.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
See you next time.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Goodbye. So I added a couple of new dates. I'm
not on tour yet, but I added a.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Couple of dates just because I felt like we need
a little bit more laughter and a little bit more
medicine for the end of the year. And I was
wrapping things up, but I thought, maybe let me do
a couple more. So I'm adding three more dates in
addition to my Vegas residency.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
I'm headlining the Rochester.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be in
Napa on.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
October third, So those will be my last.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Dates of the year. Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episode of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure
to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
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