Never Laugh at an Exorcism with Joel Kim Booster

Joel Kim Booster joins Chelsea in-studio to discuss his recent diagnosis of Bipolar disorder, the family who saved him as a teen, and why a good friend is there for your wedding day and your divorce.  Then: A writer struggles to get anything done - despite working 3 jobs.  A longsuffering wife is desperate for her husband to ditch the stubble.  And a bridesmaid is torn between a funeral and her best friend’s wedding.  

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Follow Joel Kim Booster on Instagram or Twitter!

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
Oh Hi Chelsea.

Speaker 3 (00:01):
Hi.

Speaker 1 (00:01):
How's it going, Catherine?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Oh It's great. It's finally sunnay here in Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
I'm so sick of people complaining about living in Los Angeles.
I mean, what the fuck you got a couple. There's
been a month of bad weather and people are ready
to move.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Oh my gosh. I told Radam, like, I think it's
time we got to make a run for I don't know,
bv I or something.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Oh yeah, real hot existence and they'll be underwater soon,
so probably don't head down there. Good point. Okay, guys.
We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch
Tour because I'm coming all over. We added a second
show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so that's October
twelfth and Friday the thirteenth, which is my favorite day
of the year. We added a second show in Boston

(00:42):
at the Waging Center September twenty ninth and thirtieth is
two shows in New York. I also have a show
in East Hampton, New York August twenty six. We added
a second show in Portland, so Thursday, November tewod Friday
November third, and Portland November fourth and fifth in San Francisco,
two shows there. We added a second show in Seattle
November tenth and eleventh. Two shows Boston are November sixteenth

(01:05):
and seventeenth at the Bach Center at Wang Theater. And
I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and
so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville. So i
will see everybody at all of these shows. Thank you.

(01:25):
Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Chelsea have a question for you, Yes, is there anything
in a romantic relationship that's not actually bad but would
be a deal breaker for you? For example, I don't
think I could date a guy that was like really
into sports, Like there's nothing wrong with that, but I
just it would be a deal breaker for me.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
A deal breaker, Yeah, huh. I don't know about sports.
I've never really dated anyone that's that into sports because
I don't think I'd be attracted to someone like that.
But I wouldn't be a deal breaker. If they were
watching Sunday football, that would be a turnoff. I like,
if they had to watch football every Sunday.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
M hmm.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
I don't think it's just like how you spend your time.
Like when brattan I first started dating, he was doing
a lot of jazz music. I'm playing out every night,
and like I was like, I'm not particularly into jazz,
but this is fun. It's a cool thing to do.
Like I couldn't have been in this relationship if it
was like go to a game with me.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, I mean, of course it's what you're into, right,
I would be into watching jazz too, for in the beginning. Yeah,
I'm into anything for a short period of time. But
it kind of takes away If somebody watches football every Sunday,
it kind of takes away the option of like being
together unless you're gonna go and watch and I'm not
doing that, right, I'm not gonna spend my Sunday watching football. No,
especially if it involves like multiple men and beer on sofa.

(02:38):
It's like, no, No, anyone who takes sports so seriously,
it's hard for me to take seriously. Yeah, I get it,
but like it's not like when people are just so invested,
it's just like are you on the fucking team? Like relax, and.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
Then they have their fantasy teams they have like fake football.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Yeah. I used to play that on Chelsea lately they
made me join a fantasy football league just because I
was so clueless about I think I won the whole thing,
like two years in a row with knowing nothing, just
on good luck, yeah, beginner's luck.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, any other sort of like well, this isn't something
that's wrong with this person, but I just couldn't date
someone who.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
I mean clothing, there's so many clothing that I can't
get past, and a toe toe action. And also food,
like if you can't eat with your mouth closed, I
find that to be pretty gross. Yeah, clumsiness, I don't.
That turns me off when guys are really clumsy. I
once went on a date with a guy to this
restaurant in Santa Monica and he spilled chips of guacamole

(03:33):
all over me, like within the first ten minutes of
me being there, and I just was like, you're such
an idiot, Like why would you if you did that?
You're not together or like you're a.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Mess literally and figurat.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, I was just like what I mean, it's just
so clumsy.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
Do you believe like when you get the ick, you
can't come back from it, like, oh, this person gave me.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
It depends how ick it is you know, but I
have a lot of X. Yeah, fingernails. If there's any
length on a fingernail, Oh no, man, I can't take that.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
That's a no.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
I don't like anything. God forbid toenails have length on them.
That's also like, you have to get your foot amputated.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Something tells me our guest today has nicely pedicured feet.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
Our guest today is a glad Award winning writer, producer,
and star.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yes, and he's a hysterical stand up. You can find
him at I Hate Joelkim on Instagram and Twitter.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Please welcome actor comedian Joelkim Booster.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
Hello. I'm so excited to be here, and now finally
every single white gay in my life can stop telling
me you should go on the Chelsea Handler podcast. You
should really go on the Chelsea as though it's been
my choice along.

Speaker 4 (04:44):
So I know.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
That's like when somebody's like, why don't you go on
the Oprah Winfrey show?

Speaker 3 (04:49):
Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
I'm not comparing myself to Oprah Winfrey, but I am. Yeah,
You're like, that sounds like a good idea.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Why don't you go do S and L xactly?

Speaker 1 (04:59):
Yeah, Joel Kim.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yes, Booster, thank you my full name.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yes, well, I mean, you know who knows what you're into.
I just want to get it fucking right. Right, Let's
talk about your life and your career because everything's taken
off for you, and it's it's very nice to watch.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
Yeah, it is always funny when people say that, because
it does your your your conception of what success looks
like changes every single time you hit a new sort
of echelon of success, and suddenly now I feel like
I'm a nobody and I'm nothing. And even though if
you told me ten years ago what I'd be doing now,
if you told me ten years ago that I'd be
sitting across from you specifically, I would be like, shut

(05:36):
the fuck up, that's never going to happen. I'm going
to be working at this olive garden for the rest
of my life. So it is funny to hear that.
But it's nice to hear too.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
It's like the opposite of manifestation. Yeah, you're like, I'll
never amount to anything, because I honestly think both things
work for certain people. Like some people never think that
they're going to do anything, and they're like, oh, when
I hear certain celebrities or musicians talking about how they
would have never believed where they are. It's like I
have the whole opposite mentality, like I always believe like

(06:04):
everybody should be talking to me and listen to me,
like I have strong opinions.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
I'm definitely the I have a nice mix of imposter
syndrome with resentment, which is I never believe that I
deserve anything that I have, But I definitely don't think
that a lot of people who are as successful, are
more successful than me, deserve what they have. And that's
sort of what keeps me going every day. It is
because I see people and I'm like, well, I could
be doing that, and then I get there and I'm like,

(06:29):
oh God, can I be doing this? So it's it's
a nice mix.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
It's nice good, that's good. And I read that if
you're comfortable talking about your bipolar disorder, I read that, yeah,
that you've been diagnosed with by.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
Yeah, I finally got diagnosed like a year before the
pandemic happened, which what amazing times. By the way, just
to like sit at home and figure out what the
right cocktail of drugs is was a real nice wrinkle
from my lockdown experience. But yeah, I mean the thing
is is I have always been sort of my moods
have been wild since I was growing up, and my

(07:03):
parents were very very Christian, very very evangelical, and did
not believe in any sort of actual, real hard scientific
psychology therapy anything like that. They sent me to Christian
therapists who would pray over me and like try and
make me better, and that never worked. But I gotta

(07:23):
tell you, a Bilify works. Wonders Jesus not so much
Abilify and will. Bututrin has kept me in check for
a little while. But it is difficult because I don't
know if you feel this way. Sometimes a little crazy
like helps me. My biggest worry since being diagnosed is
that like I'm killing a part of myself that I

(07:44):
really relied on to make myself funny, to write, to
like find interesting, you know, things about myself because like,
I definitely do not like being depressed, but being manic.
Being manic can be kind of fun sometimes until it's
not in front of until yeah, very productive.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Because you can be really sexual, right, you can be
really happy about like shopping, shopping, like yeah, yeah, yeah, you.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
Feel like on top of the world. In fact, my
manic periods were some of the only times I didn't
have imposter syndrome about like what I was doing or
what I was having and and so it is that
is it's a difficult thing to let go of because
ultimately it is very destructive, you know, like I don't
need to be having sex with four or five guys
in a day just because and I don't need to

(08:28):
be abusing drugs to the level that I would when
I was manic. I still abuse drugs, but just you know,
at a reasonable level, saying yeah, but yeah, there was
a lot of self destructive stuff that came hand in
hand with that. Would I write a script in like
twelve hours? Yeah, you know, like did I write a
lot manic? Absolutely? And did it turn out okay? Sure,

(08:49):
but like those first drafts were a little rough, I'll
tell you that. But yeah, it's one of those balancing
acts I think is like a person in entertainment and
an artist whatever. The lie that the disease tells you
is that you need me in order to do what
you do and what you love. And that is I
have found not to be the case because I have
been medicated now for going on four years and off

(09:12):
and on, there's been there have been times when I've
gone rogue and it has not turned out super well.
But for the most part, I think like I am
still funny, I am still myself. I am just a
slightly more chilled, calibrated first calibrated, yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
So when you were growing up, how does bipolar disorder
present itself in a person? Is it something that you're
born with or is it something that is triggered by
an event?

Speaker 3 (09:37):
You know what, it's probably a little bit of column
a little bit of column B. I think like for me,
it definitely manifested really young, Like I was really hyper
emotional and hyper reactive to things since I can remember,
like I was just throwing tantrums way longer into my
life than was appropriate, probably like in public on the floor, screaming, crying, kicking,

(10:03):
you know, the whole nine yards, because I just did
not know how to process any of my emotions and
I didn't and my parents were not giving me the
tools necessary to process any of this. And I wonder
often like how my life would have turned out differently
if they had maybe you know, found supported me in
a more scientifically based way earlier on. But like, I

(10:23):
remember this one time I was being such a jackass
and like throwing things in my room, slamming the door,
so angry that my dad tried to exercise me in
the middle of the fight. I was thirteen years old,
and he literally started saying, like exorcism, bullshit, try and
get the devil out of me. And in that moment,

(10:43):
I realized what he was doing, and I started to
laugh in his face, which, in hindsight, is something a
demon would do in that situation, is start laughing maniacally
at your poor father and trying to exercise you. So
it didn't help matters.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Okay, So then what led to you getting an official
diagnosis in twenty nineteen or tw twenty nineteen.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah, I was twenty nineteen and it was getting to
the breaking point. I was destroying relationships. I think that
was like the big thing. I think it was getting
harder and harder because, like listen, when you're a manic
and you're like the life of the party, it's really
easy to make friends, and it's really easy to get
people to like you, and then if they hang on

(11:23):
and they stick around long enough, those episodes become really
destructive and really toxic, and I became a really top
I would eventually become a really toxic person. I remember
this is something I haven't shared very much at all,
but like I went off my meds to film my
movie because I was convinced that I would not be

(11:44):
able to write or punch up the script or act
if I was on my meds. And I remember the
near the end of the filming process and thank god,
they all love me so much. I really tried to
burn down every bridge I had with every single cast
member on that shoot, and like we're they're some of
my best friends. But I remember looking at Bowen Yang

(12:04):
and saying, you're only friends with me because you wanted
to be in this movie. And I said that in
the height of a manic episode that was so insane,
and he had so much grace for me in that moment,
and it just said, like that is not true. You
know that's not true. I'm going to leave now and
we'll talk about this at another time. And luckily, like
it was so like it was so intense and so

(12:27):
heartbreaking in that moment that it was a real wake
up call for me where I was like, this is
not who I am, right you know, and there were
little moments throughout the filming process like that, and everyone
had so much grace for me and was so kind,
and I eventually, you know, made the decision to go back.
And it's a difficult thing to wean on and off constantly.

(12:47):
It's not helpful.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
But that's the tricky thing, right with bipolar disorders. A
lot of people feel that way that they can get
on and off their meds at their discretion, which kind
of is not the case. Not the case, no, And
what is the flip side of the bipole? So the
main and then you have the depression.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
Yeah, the depression. Honestly, it doesn't manifest from me a
ton I'm not a super depressed person. I will say, like,
those episodes last for shorter periods of time than the
mania does, and they're less noticeable, I think because I'm
able to push through them a little bit easier without
anyone noticing. I will say, like, when I'm depressed, I'm
just quiet and I like fade into the background, And

(13:23):
I think like that's how people, especially like my boyfriend,
will know that I'm in a depressive episode because I'm
just like at a party, standing in a corner on
my phone, not engaging with anybody, which is like pretty
normal behavior for a lot of people. Actually, I just
become more of an introvert. But like, yeah, they're just
they're they're not as intense. The mania was the life

(13:43):
ruining stuff that was going to end up with me
in a facility eventually, you know. And that's the scariest
part about being bipolar is that like untreated and it
can turn into worse and worse things if you don't
sort of manage it early on. And that's my big
worry is I don't want to to turn into from
mania into psychosis, you know, which is like that specter

(14:06):
hangs over me and specifically my relationship a lot, because
I look at my boyfriend sometimes when I'm in the
depths of something and I'm always like, this could get worse,
you know that, right, Like you're signing on for something
that could eventually get much worse I if things don't
go my way, And that is like, that's a really

(14:26):
it's a really shitty thing to lay on your partner
in the middle of a fight usually, but he seems
game for it so far. Yeah, pretty game for it.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
What about your parents and your Christian parents, How did
they handle your gayness?

Speaker 3 (14:39):
Not well, Chelsea, Not well. They were not super keen
on it. They also found out in the most invasive,
aggressive way possible. They read my journal when I was
a senior in high school. I had been out at
school for a year. They read my journal at a
year's worth of journal entries, which were literalisticals at this point,

(14:59):
not even like introspective observations about my life. It was literally, guys,
dis I've sucked this week, and then just like a
straight up list and then so they didn't even have
to sift through like my dreams or anything like that.
They just got straight to the meat of it, like
this is what I'm doing. I literally had entries that
were like lies I told my parents this week, just

(15:21):
itemized the bullshit for them.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
That's pretty funny.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
I know, I was a fucking idiot. So they confronted
me about this.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
Well, maybe you were in a manic episode when.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Quite honestly, and I had a manic breakdown when they
confronted me about it in a really big way because
it was a seismic paradigm shift for me. I at
this point in my life has had planned on never
coming out to my parents, never telling them, living like
a completely separate life. I thought that was possible, and
in a moment they completely shifted everything and sort of

(15:51):
took that control out of my mind, and I like,
I broke down. I had it was bad, and so
they sent me to an impatient mental hospital for teens
with the caveat. They tested me three times for HIV.
They were like, nope, test him again, because they were
so convinced that because of all the dick sucking I
was doing, I had AIDS. And they left me there

(16:12):
for a week. And for the whole week there, the
people were like, this doesn't seem like the right facility
for you, because this was like a place where like
kids who are addicted to heroin or who had straight
up tried to murder their parents went and they were
like this is a little outsized for you. Obviously have
issues that you need to work out, and like this
is a serious issue with your parents, but like this
is not the place for you. But they they left

(16:33):
me there for a week that eventually my insurance wouldn't
cover it anymore. My parents insurance wouldn't cover it anymore.
So they're like, you got to come and get your kid.
They brought me home. I stayed for about like three
days at home and then got up and left and
started cowchopping, and I eventually ended up living with There's
a girl in MI who I stood next to inquire.
We were not friends. She was very popular in a

(16:54):
different way than I was, because I was also very popular.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
Okay, okay, calm down, calm down.

Speaker 3 (17:00):
But she was a jock and her dad was the
Methodist pastor in our town, and she everybody knew I
was missing for that week because I was the voice
of the announcements and when the voice of the announcements
goes missing, you know, people start talking. You know, people
would have started a podcast if it was that time
about where I was. And so she was like, hey,
if you ever need a place to stay, you can
come stay with me. She was just being nice whatever, whatever,

(17:21):
And then I, like it was getting colder. I showed
up at her house and I was like, hey, remember
when you said that shit about me staying here? And
she was like, oh yeah, And her parents were like,
you can't just invite strange boys to stay at our house.
You know, her dad's a paraplegic. She had two younger brothers,
but I stayed that night, talked to her mom like
all in through the night, and then the next day
they were like, come back for dinner, and long story short,

(17:42):
I stayed with them for the rest of my senior year.
They co signed my student loans to go to college.
They bought me a car for graduation. She is still
to this day my best friend. I was like her
best man in her wedding. I flew back to see
her when she got a divorce, you know, like I
and I will say like, as as a follow up,
my parents and I are good. My mom and I

(18:02):
are good. At this point, my dad did pass away
during COVID and that was really hard, but it was honestly,
the silver lining of my dad's passing is like I
had never been in a relationship in my entire life,
and so my entire life, the homosexuality part of my
life was sort of a don't ass, don't tell situation
with my parents, Like they were very uncurious about who

(18:23):
I was dating, if I was dating anything like that.
As long as we didn't have to talk about that,
then it was it was cool. And then my dad
died and I was like, well, shit, like I would
have liked to have known how he would have reacted
if I brought someone home. And so I finally talked
to my mom and I was like, hey, I just
need to know, like if I fell in love today
and wanted to bring someone home to meet you, like,

(18:43):
what would you do? I just need to know this.
And she was like, you know, we're not on the
same page as you are on that part of your life.
But if you found someone you loved and who loved
you back, I would love them as much as I
love your brother in law, and your dad would felt
the same way. And then coincidentally, two months later, I
met my part now and I brought him home to
meet her. She was lovely, he was a hit. It's

(19:04):
still not perfect because they're like you know, Fox News,
trumpy family to the nines, but things are better and
she asks about him now, and that for me, coming
from like where we came from, where it all started
with the journal and the breakdown and the hospital and
all of this bullshit, to now where she's like welcoming

(19:25):
my boyfriend into her home with open arms, it's really
like it's a nice sort of closing of the loop.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
For me, it's also a beautiful example of your girlfriend's parents,
like the idea of acceptance versus denialism. You know, of
your own children, what you can foster when you accept
someone's choices just because they're different from your own, is
it a reason to exclude someone, It's a reason to say, oh,
you know. And obviously with people with Christian backgrounds religious upbringing,
obviously that's an indoctrination of another kind. But what a

(19:54):
beautiful story to know about that, that family that took
you in and gave you a home when your only
owned family couldn't provide that acceptably well.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
And one of the ironic things about that story is
her dad was the Methodist pastor in town. Very progressive
pastor though, and like very much like, And I remember,
this is how fucked up I was when I was
leaving my parents' house, and for that full year I
was out, I was like, well, I was so indoctrinated
into evangelicalism that I was like, I'm going to Hell. Eventually,
I will go to Hell. I'm but I can't deny

(20:24):
this about myself, so I might as well have some fun,
suck some dick now, and eventually I'll go to Hell.
And her dad eventually caught wind and like figured out
that that was what my thinking was, and he straight
up I remember, I will always remember this conversation because
it changed my life. He was like, that's not the case.
Hell isn't real, and if it were, God would not
send gay people there. And hearing that from a man

(20:47):
of the cloth, you know, like an actual pastor, changed
my life and changed my outlook on the rest of
my life because suddenly I was it was like freeing
to hear that from somebody in authority. So it was
really life changing. And it's why I have like as
a card carrying liberal gay person. You know. Obviously religion
is a touchy subject for me, but I do believe

(21:08):
that there are people out there who are doing good
in God's name, not necessarily all of them, certainly not
the majority of them, but there are people out there
who are trying to change the conversation. And my friend
actually became a pastor just like her dad, and she
just held a drag show at the church. Is mostly
focused on getting homeless people off the street. She does
not give a shit about like any of like what

(21:31):
you smoke or what you drink, or who you fuck
or any of those things. Like her ministry is very
much based on like making sure people have community and
are field supported, you know, in all the real ways
that you need to be supported in order to live
a full life in this world. So yeah, that's sort
of where I'm.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
At, because if those people hadn't taken you in, like,
who knows what would have happened, especially with your bipolar Like,
who knows what could have happened, Like anyone who's listening, Like,
when you see somebody who needs help and you can
give them that help, like provide them you can open
up your home to them, or help them financially or whatever,
Like you can change someone's like the course of someone's life.

(22:07):
And imagine that feeling, not even just for the person
you're helping, for your own, you know, like it just
feels so wonderful. Those people must feel so good, and
I mean and their real children must feel so proud
of that, you know, and they're going to be able
to suck it forward. Since we're talking about so much
dick sucking, I thought I would throw in another sucking. Okay,
well this is an advice podcast, Joel, Right, are you

(22:30):
fucking ready?

Speaker 3 (22:30):
I'm fucking ready, okay, esamos.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
Listo's We'll be right back, We're.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
Back, We're back. Our first question comes from Alyssa Milano.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
It is it is, in fact, told her to stop
calling into this show enough already.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
She says, you're Chelsea. I'm a queer, thirty six year
old woman, and I'm in my first same sex relationship.
It's still a bit new, but honestly, I feel head
over heels in love. My question is about telling my
own mother about this relationship. I have been able to
be open and honest and have come out to my
close friends and sisters. I've just been learning how to
set small boundaries with my mother and it's been hard.

(23:13):
We essentially don't really talk anymore. The next time I
see her will be on a week long family vacation
in a few months. Would it be okay to send
a text message to my own mother telling her I'm
actually bisexual and have a serious girlfriend, or should I
wait until we're together?

Speaker 3 (23:27):
Alyssa, Yeah, I kind of wonder. I would like to
know a little bit more context for like where the
mom is at with these things, because you do have
you generally know how your parents feel about gay people
these days, because we're everywhere, We're on the TV, we're
in target, we're everywhere.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, but if we don't stay gay, everyone will stop
being gay.

Speaker 3 (23:47):
But without that knowledge, I think the responsible thing to
do for both her and the mom is to text
before the vacation because if things blow up because of
the text message, you ain't going on that vacation.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, vacation's bad.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Yeah, yeah I would. It's the dynamic between the mom
and her.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
She just said there's been some boundaries and they're not
really talking.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
Okay, Yeah, you're about to go on a fucking vacation together.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah. Well, family vacations are always such a hot mess.
You know, three days in they're fine, and then the
last four days you're like, what the fuck are we
still doing here? You know, everyone gets so annoyed with
their families. But I agree you have to tell her beforehand,
just out of respect, because you don't want to put
yourself in that situation. Yeah, you know, like go showing
up in a vacation that you might have to leave
prematurely early and uh yeah, and saying you're bisexual and

(24:29):
that you're in love with someone, Like it's not like
you're telling her you're bisexual and that's it. Like you're
telling her for a reason, because there's someone in your
life that you love and respect and is hopefully going
to be loved and respected by your family as well.
So yes, I would definitely let her know or call her.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Yeah, yeah, that you can. I think ultimately, if you
go on this vacation and you reveal this information, I
mean you are following in a long line of bisexuals
who love attention, but you will make this vacation all
about you like that. Suddenly the vacation is no longer
about the vacation. It is about this revelation that you
have revealed to your mother and the group. So I

(25:05):
think like priming her beforehand so that she has time
to get over it too, if she is if there
is a problem or she's you know, got a time
to process it before the vacation is I think the
respectful thing to do.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
For another creative way to do it is just to
get some video of you going down on your girlfriend
and just sending that to your mom.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
Yeah, your sex tape, babe, So good.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
Luck, let us know what happens.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Thanks, Alissa. Well, our first caller is Mia and her
job is she is a freelance dancer, and she'll give
a little more context for this when she pops on
the phone as well. My childhood best friend just chat
on me and our entire friendship and says she doesn't
want to work on our relationship, but she's getting married
in a few months and I'm supposed to be her
maid of honor. She still wants me at the wedding

(25:50):
and the bachelorette read to plan both of these things.
But I feel there's no way I can go given
the unforgivable things she's said to me. I'm worried if
I don't go, it'll seem really true matic and self centered,
which would only confirm her assessment that I'm the most
self involved person she's ever met. Do I fake it
for her sake? Or do I protect my own feelings
and wallet and tell her I won't be attending. Mia, Hi,

(26:12):
miya himya Hi?

Speaker 1 (26:13):
How are you?

Speaker 4 (26:14):
I'm good?

Speaker 2 (26:15):
How are you good?

Speaker 3 (26:16):
Wonderful? I have to say for the listeners at home,
Mia is gorgeous.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yes, well, all of our callers are good.

Speaker 3 (26:22):
Luck important contract to have.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
Always are Yes, and Mia, you told me a little
bit more about the falling out that you had centered
around a mutual friend's wedding, so let us know what happened.

Speaker 4 (26:33):
So, my grand mother, who I was very close with,
died a few weeks ago, and her funeral happened to
be on the same day as a friend's wedding that
I was in. I was a bridesmaid. As soon as
I knew, I told this friend. She understood obviously that
I wouldn't be there until the ceremony and I would
try my best to make it to the ceremony, and

(26:55):
she had a plan B in case I didn't make
it because I didn't want to leave my grandma's funeral early.
And then my childhood friend who was also attending this wedding,
came with me to the funeral, which was very nice,
and then we went to the wedding together and we
made it eight minutes before the wedding started, and I
ran in told the bride that I was ready to go.

(27:17):
But I completely understand if you don't want me to
mess up your plan B. I can sit in the back,
I can stand whatever you need, and she wanted me
to walk, so we made it work. Went back to
the original plan. Ceremony happened. It was great, And then
afterwards my best friend, who had come to the funeral
with me, said you better not pull that shit at
my wedding. I won't be as nice, and then proceeded

(27:41):
to talk a lot of shit about me to my
friends at the wedding, about how selfish I am and
how annoying it was that we got there so last minute.
And so then I reached out to her a week
later to talk and have a sober conversation, and I
was expecting it to be very non competation, which she
usually is, and kind of just brush over, but she

(28:04):
just went at me and said I'm the most self
absorbed person she knows, and that I should have waited
outside of the wedding until it was over, and I
made it all about me, and then went on to
say that I'm super judgmental and critical of her of
her life choices, and she feels anxious every time she's
around me, and I'm needy and I need to let

(28:27):
go of how our friendship was in middle school and
just dig after dig. And I know I can't prove
to you guys that I'm not these things, but I
think I have a pretty.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
Good, seem pretty shell.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
So Yeah, it was just super hurtful. We've talked for
a long time, and it was you know, I was
like on the burge of tears. And then at the end,
I was like, all right, well, it seems like we
have both have resentments towards each other that we can
work on. I'm so sorry that for my part whatever,
And she was like, what are you talking about. I
don't have any resentments. I'm fine. I don't cold grudge it.

(29:00):
Still wants me to be her maid of honor at
the wedding, still wants me to plan her bachelorette but
to me, like she just broke my heart and just
like completely dismissed her entire friendship. So I'm wondering if
I should go to this wedding. I'm very close with
her whole family. My family's going to the wedding. We
just got the invite a few days ago. Like it's

(29:22):
still very much expected that I go, but I also
feel very hurt.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
And you know, there is a level of like do
you go to the wedding or are you the maid
of honor? I mean if that is a whole other
level of commitment and spending hours and hours planning a
party and bachelorettes and cost and all kinds of things.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
Have you straight up asked this woman, if all of
these things are true, why do you want me in
the wedding?

Speaker 4 (29:47):
I haven't. I haven't spoken to her since this conversation,
which was like two weeks ago.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Now it was a conversation in person or on the phone.

Speaker 4 (29:53):
It was in person, and we ended it with her
being like I'm fine, I'm ready to move on, and
me being like I need the second and so I
think the ball is sort of in my court to
reach out, which I haven't done.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
I think this needs another conversation for sure before you
make a call. Either way, I think like it's I
I am having trouble understanding where she's coming from. If
she just needed to unload on you and then expect
it to be done, or if there are still like
she still needs to work something out before having you,
because my instinct is to say no, like fuck this chick.

(30:27):
But right, I do think you, because of history, owe
her at least one other conversation where you express to
her I don't feel comfortable doing this because of the
things that you said, And if this is how you
feel about me, then why would you want me to
be your maid of honor?

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Right?

Speaker 4 (30:41):
Yeah, that's how I feel too.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Have you discussed this with your family at all that's
going to the wedding?

Speaker 4 (30:47):
Yeah, and they they think I should go and just
fake it. And my brother says it would be our
friendship funeral, so sort of like there might not be
a future after this, but just go and and not
give her a reason to say, like, see, she's making
it all about her again.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
It's a trap. It's such a fucking trap. She's trapped you.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
I yeah, I also, did you bring up during this
conversation I was coming from my fucking grandparents funeral?

Speaker 3 (31:15):
Yeah, I know she was there.

Speaker 4 (31:16):
I was like, I'll try not to have somebody else
I love a lot die right before your wedding. And
she was like, I'm not saying don't have them die.
I'm just saying don't come to the ceremony then.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
But it's not like you walked up in the middle
of their vows, you know.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
But wait, she didn't come to the funeral with you.
She just came to the wedding with you, right, Oh,
she went to the funeral with you too.

Speaker 4 (31:36):
Yeah, sheat first hand, like how tragic it.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
Was Listen, it doesn't even matter if any of the
things she said about you are true. You don't even
you don't deliver information like that to somebody that you
care about in love. She's obviously stretched out of her
own fucking wedding or her own life or whatever the
fuck's going on. But I absolutely you cannot put yourself
in a position to be abused like that again, And
you can't throw her a bachelorette party after she spoke

(32:02):
to you like that. It's one thing to show up
for her wedding, it's another thing to participate in that
wedding and be in the wedding party and be a
part of her bachelorette You absolutely need to have a
conversation with her, and I think you can either start
it with an email that lays out your feelings in
a very calm and graceful way, like these are all
the things that you said to me, And it's been

(32:23):
really hard for me to even think about all of
this stuff, and it's been so hurtful for me that
I have to talk to you again about this, because
if this is really how you feel about me and
you don't want to discuss it any Further, I don't
understand why you would want me to be a part
of your wedding right out of respect for our relationship.
I deserve you to have a bit and be able
to have another conversation instead of saying I can't. It's

(32:45):
all about for her to vilify you. Go into your
grand parents funeral before a wedding and then making the
effort to show up to that wedding is anything but dramatic.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
Right, Yeah, It's not like you did this in front
of Like you didn't interrupt the ceremony. It's not like
you ran in while they were doing their value down
some for your place in the in the receiving line,
Like it's giving sociopath behavior. I don't like it kind
of is are you?

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Like you're sitting there during the whole wedding crying about
your grandparent dying, Like what is she talking about? I
don't understand. I don't either.

Speaker 4 (33:18):
It's really shocked.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Has she ever exhibited behavior like this to you before?

Speaker 3 (33:23):
No?

Speaker 4 (33:24):
I mean I will say, we have been distant in
the past few years, and we still you know, had
a great relationship, but it was not as close emotionally,
and so I knew something was up, and I tried
to sort of like sometimes bring it up in a
gentle way, but it was she didn't want to talk
about it, and she didn't want to like talk about feelings,

(33:45):
and so I kind of was just like, all right,
I'm just going to leave it until after the wedding.
Maybe she's stressed about that. I don't want to add
to her stress. I didn't want to make it about me. Shocker.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
How much time before the wedding.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
It's in September, so several months.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
She's got time she's figure it out.

Speaker 4 (34:01):
Like two months until the bachelorette.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
That's plenty of time. Yeah, I figure to Dave and Busters, Okay,
that's that's what she gets if you tell her if
if you want me to be your maid of honor,
this is what you're getting. Okay, to miser it with
the way you've treated me. Your bachelorette is at Dave
and Buster's bitch.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
And I think, to further let her off the hook,
she did mention there is a co maid of honor.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
So like I feel like you're fully off the hook.

Speaker 3 (34:29):
Yeah yeah, I think you just you couch the conversation
and like I don't feel comfortable being in this position
in your wedding. I'm happy to want to stand up
for you, be in the wedding, come to the wedding.
But like you, obviously you don't want me to be
your maid of honor anymore.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, it doesn't sound like you like me, That's what
I said.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
It's a huge pre wreck for the job. I foind h.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah, it's so mean spirited. I mean to go off
on somebody. I just can't get past the fact that
you were coming from a funeral, Like what friend would
be back mouthing you to your other friends? And how
did you find that out? Because your other friends told you.

Speaker 4 (35:04):
Yeah, jeez, and they while she was doing that, Oh
they did.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
Yeah, yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
Yeah, that's a nice good thing to add in the
letter to your friend is a mess. As you've told
me and as I've heard from others, you were very
you know, and as you said to me, thank you
for telling me to my face because I know now
how you feel. And yeah, no I don't. I'm all
for saying fuck off. She owes you an apology, like
a major apology, and yeah, so annoying. I hate when

(35:32):
friends are like well.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
I heard this podcast when when it comes out, and
so that she can hear me say definitively, you are
a mess.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah, that's worse than Bridezilla behavior.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
And that's something else.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
It's funny that you say that your friends told you
because I was having a conversation with someone the other
night and he's like, this is just between you and me.
I go, can we all stop saying that? Like, obviously,
but also as an adult, you think I'm going to
go to our mutual friend and say that you don't
like her, that you hate her, But then that's exactly.
But at a certain age, you just stop repeating what

(36:04):
everybody else is saying, even if it's about me. What's
the currency there? She doesn't like you, Like, we're not
in high school anymore. We're adults at least. I mean,
I'm forty eight, you're young. So but I mean in
this situation again, I actually like your friends for telling
you that, because yeah, she is to hear that. She
needs to know that everyone she's talking to is talking
about her.

Speaker 3 (36:24):
I think, are you are you gen z or you
a millennial?

Speaker 4 (36:27):
I'm a millennial?

Speaker 3 (36:28):
You are? Yeah, it's because we can't buy houses. We're
all stunted. You know, we don't have money, so we
have gossips.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Yeah, that's your currency. Information, drugs, pills, and information. That's
all you can do. Just fill yourself up.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
With all three things.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yeah, I would definitely send her, send her an email,
like a preliminary email, laying it all out in a
very calm, nice way, like you've demonstrated this entire conversation
to counter the behavior that she's demonstrating and see where
that gets you, and be prepared to just be like,
I'm not doing it. I'm not gonna go and be
you like. It's so abusive for somebody to tear you

(37:06):
down like that.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
All right, Mia, would you do us a favor and
send us the letter that you write to her. I'd
be happy to look over it before you send it
if you want help.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
But absolutely great, idea.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Awesome, thanks me. I'll let us know how it goes.
We are waiting.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
And you're real cute, miya. Oh yes, don't forget that.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
I'm definitely instinctually on your side because I know what
you look like, and you're pretty.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
I feel like Joe Kim is attracted to you a
little bit.

Speaker 3 (37:32):
Okay, it's coming.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
I'm getting older than get older. It can be reversed.
Don't forget.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
I did once finger a woman in a bar when
I was on my twenty first birthday. Immediately started to
cry afterwards, she did, or you did? I did? There's
nothing gayer than fingering a woman and crying afterwards?

Speaker 1 (37:54):
Did you cry in front of her?

Speaker 3 (37:55):
On the side, she she had to console me. We
were sitting on the curb outside the bar afterwards, and
she had to console me. Drive me home? Man?

Speaker 1 (38:04):
What what about her made you cry? Fingering her? Mad?
I was.

Speaker 3 (38:09):
I was like near blackout drunk, and I was like,
what does this mean? Does this mean I'm not gay anymore?
And she was like, yes, sweetie, it's you're definitely.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
I'm just thinking about getting figured by a gay man
and how disappointing that would be. All right, Thank you, honey,
Thanks for calling. Okay, good luck with everything. Keep us posted.
I want to hear what happens all right?

Speaker 4 (38:33):
Guy?

Speaker 1 (38:34):
Did you ever you never had sex with one?

Speaker 3 (38:36):
No? No, gold star?

Speaker 1 (38:37):
And did you make out with this woman that you
were fingering? Yeah? Because I like the idea of just figuring.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
With that No, yeah, going going straight in there.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
It all just slipped in. I don't think that's ever
happened to me. Oh, yes it has.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
Well.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
Our next caller is Emily. This is a slightly more
sober question, but not too serious.

Speaker 3 (39:06):
We'll figure out a way.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Yeah, Dear Chelsea, I want your advice on how you
remain productive and motivated whilst managing so many different projects
in your life and career. I've recently had a really
hard time with being really tired at the end of
my workdays and therefore drained of energy to keep up
with the thing I enjoy doing outside of my job,
which is writing. I've been chipping away at a novel series,

(39:29):
contributing to an online feminist magazine, and expanding an essay
I wrote into a book. I recently started thinking that
I may want to publish these in the future. But
here's the problem. When my workday ends, I have absolutely
no motivation to sit down and write like I used to.
I work in a high stress, demanding nine to five
where I'm constantly interacting with people for the entire eight hours.

(39:51):
I work for the federal government. I spend all day
writing little notes to myself for my nonfiction book I've
begun and thinking about plotlines for my novels. I tell myself,
when I'm done with my actual job, I'll get down
to business with my writing. But by the time five
pm rolls around, I'm so exhausted and tired of typing, talking,
thinking of words, and looking at screens that I just
lie in bed like a potato on my phone. On

(40:13):
top of the nine to five, I also work a
part time job, which I enjoy seriously, no wonder you're
fucking tired, just as something to get me out of
the house and see my friends. She's twenty six, by
the way, Okay, so she's got the energy as someone.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
Who somehow doesn't have the energy, though, so as someone.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
Who somehow miraculously finds time to write books and pieces
while actively engaging with your career, what's your advice for
someone who just feels perpetually tired and whose brain feels
like mush after eight hours of work. Ps. As a
history major, I absolutely eat up your book recommendations with
a spoon. I just finished Cuba and American History and
I've pre ordered on Our Best Behavior. And as a Canadian,

(40:50):
I love how much you love us? Emily, Hi, Emily.

Speaker 3 (40:53):
Another question, I know there's so hot, how do you
do you scream for.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
The we only take good looking callers. That's not true.
I don't want people who don't think they're good looking
to not call in. I just want you to send
us a picture first. This is our special guest, Joe
Kim Booster. Say Hi, Hi, hy, Nice to meet you.

Speaker 3 (41:10):
Nice to meet you too. I really relate to this
because I worked a desk job for many, many years
and was writing at the same time, trying to and
doing stand up at the same time, and so I
completely understand the experience of working fifty hours a week
and still trying to find time to do your creative pursuits.
So this really this hit home for me in a
big way.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
Can I ask you, so you work the second job
for what purpose? Is it for financial reasons or you
said just to get out of the house.

Speaker 5 (41:39):
It is to get out of the house a little bit,
because it's the first job I had, like after undergrad
so all of my friends are there, and this current
job is remote, so I just find I don't know
that I would be able to force myself to leave
the house if I didn't have this other job, So
it is yeah, a reason. Of course, money is involved.
In that as well, but mostly to see my friends
and to get.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Out of the house that night.

Speaker 5 (42:00):
Yeah, eve being the.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Weekends, how many days a week do you do that?

Speaker 5 (42:03):
Bout three? Two or three?

Speaker 3 (42:04):
Okay, that's not too bad.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
So you just have to set This is so easy.
All you have to do is set up a new system. Okay.
So writing is your passion, that's really what you want
to get after, right, you need to wake up in
the morning and to saying that is what every creative like.
There's a book this I want you to get. This book.
It's called Daily Rituals and it do you know what
I'm do you have it? Have you seen that id
of it? Okay? This it shows you what every philosopher, artist,

(42:29):
all the fate like Michael Angelo, like di Angelo, the
guy who made the pizzas any Angelo, philosopher's, politicians, comedians, artists, actors,
people who get up in the morning and do like
the first three hours between like five thirty and eight
thirty am are the biggest peaks of creativity for all artists.
And if you have all day to be an artist,
then that's supposed to be like a three to two

(42:51):
hour work session in the morning. Then you take a break,
go for a walk, take a nap, whatever you're into,
and then you come back and you have like another
two hours in the afternoon. But first thing in the
morning for writing, I can tell you, is my most
creative and where I have the most clarity is first
thing in the morning, because of course after the day
you're tired. You're working a full time job, so you

(43:12):
have to harness your energy when you have it, right,
So just start changing the time that you go to
bed and the time you wake up and give yourself
even if it's one hour in the morning before you
go to work, if you have to get up, get
ready and then do it, or you do it while
you're in bed right for an hour and then go
get ready for your day. Start changing your schedule and
reconfigure how you're doing that. Because your goal is to

(43:34):
get your books published, right, so you have to make
that your biggest priority, and you're letting the other things
that you don't care about as much overshadow that.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
And I can I say too, this is a big thing,
I think especially for people who work remotely. Now change
where you are doing your personal writing because you are
spending so much time at home and your brain is
in work mode. Now you've turned your home into work mode,
and so it's really hard to make that switch from

(44:04):
I'm at work to now I'm doing this thing for
me when it's all in the same place. So if
you can find a separate space, a coffee shop, what
have you, if you have the money, a we workspace,
whatever you need to do. Either take your work out
of your home and make your home your sanctuary of
where you do your actual writing, or take the writing
out of your home and figure out because it really

(44:24):
does change your mindset. When you're trying to do both
things in the same space, it doesn't work as well.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
Yeah, and she actually was at a cafe when we
had our pre interview. She's like, I'm doing some writing,
so that was great.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
What time do you start your workday? Nine?

Speaker 5 (44:38):
My work day eight to four is what I work.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
Oh, eight to four, so that's early, okay, but I
think you should try that for a week. Get up early.
You're going to have to try and go to bed
earlier and get up early. Let's set your alarm for
five point thirty in the morning or whatever. It can
allow you an hour of creativity. Okay, Where do you live.
You listen where where you can go somewhere that early,
Like at six am? Can you go to a coffee shop?
I could?

Speaker 3 (44:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (45:00):
Actually, yeah, I think you should.

Speaker 5 (45:02):
I was even saying to Catherine yesterday as well, like
trying to that mindset of trying to get out of
the house, because even when I was in university, I
found the same thing, like I was not able to
get academic writing or creative writing done at home. I
had to go out. But even that I'm finding like
it's much harder to make myself focus even out of
the even outside of the of my house, like if

(45:22):
I go to a Starbucks or whatever else.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Okay, well you have to try out a couple of places.
Can you go right in a park?

Speaker 3 (45:28):
Like is there god? Libraries so underrated? You don't have
to buy shit at six in the morning, that's fair.
But if you go after work, you could go, like
make four to six sort of your your period too.
I know it's not as effective because it's later in
the it's not less effective.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
I just think you need to get into a habit, right,
Like you want to create a habit so that you're
because because if you do something for a week you're
gonna the next time you're like, wait, wait a second,
why am I not doing it? Like it becomes part
of your day, and it becomes a daily ritual, which
is really important for you to just because that's going
to infuse everything. Once you get your creative juices flowing,

(46:03):
that infuses the rest of your life. You're not going
to feel as tired, I promise you from your regular
job when you're giving yourself the grace and like you said,
you know if it's completely undoable, but it doesn't sound
like it is. You start at eight thirty, you can
get up a couple hours earlier, get up at six
o'clock in the morning and write from six thirty to
seven thirty, and then get ready for work and do

(46:24):
that for a week, and you're just going to feel
your self esteem is carried by your creativity. When you're
a creative, that's all you need is to constantly be
working and writing, and then that fills you up and
it adds and lends energy to the stuff that isn't
as exciting.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
And I don't want to I feel like I need
to address the elephant in the room, which is why
aren't you writing while you're at work, like what, like,
I'm sorry, I know what it's like to work at
desk job for fifty hours a week. There's so little
work that you like. There are ways you can figure
out how to sort of half asset at your real
job so that you can spend some day, some hours

(47:02):
during the day doing your writing work. You work for
the government, so it sounds like you have a really
intense job. I was working for fucking startups where you
sell men's socks online, so it's a little different. But
I did some of my I wrote my first script
while at work, so I think it is it is.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
Possible or lunch breaks. Maybe there's a lunch break situation,
big lunch break.

Speaker 5 (47:22):
Yeah, my lunch breaks are really short. Unfortunately the nature
of my job, like my notes on my phone are
full of stuff like little thoughts that I do have
time to jot down throughout the day, but then by
the time I do get off work and go to
sit down, that's it. I just like don't want to
look at a computer anymore do anything. And if I
had like more opportunity throughout my work day, I definitely
would be taking more advantage of that.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
I would also say, I mean maybe maybe not staring
at a screen. Maybe you're writing long hand that you
can then point your phone at it and it turns
it into text. That's like a new thing that you
can do.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
But if it's writing long hand, besides Barack Obama, oh yes,
I can't I write a thank you card, I'm my
go for it. I'm just like thanks, I think I'm
going to write this whole thing.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
And then on my hand is so tired write line
I'm allowed to read a write in this country. But
also I'd say take a look at your notes at night,
right before you turn off your light, so that you
have those sort of percolating in your brain all night,
and when you wake up, you're going to find like
things have synthesized and you are like, oh my gosh,
I can't wait to get this onto a page.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
A good idea. Yeah, that is a good idea.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
And then or you could take Joel's device and lose
your job.

Speaker 3 (48:31):
Yeah, okay, So then you'll have plenty of.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Times you decide. Even if there's a little place in
your apartment, like a side little sanctuary that you set
up as you're writing area, like you put a couple
of things notes like things that you know, all of
your writing notes, if you put those on little post
its or you print them out from your phone and
just put them all over, so it's like a creative
kind of little area for you. So you know, we
just have to psych ourselves into situations sometimes, and that's

(48:55):
what you're like, Yeah, and you could do it. You'll
do it. Do it for five days straight and get
back us and let us know if it made an impact. Yeah,
I definitely will thank you so much if it doesn't.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
If you're like, I just can't like, will myself into this,
get a writing buddy. If you know you have an
appointment of like, I owe three pages to this person
on Wednesday.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Accountability is everything, Yes, I will say too like it.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
I mean I don't. I don't feel accountable to for another.
But I'm more accountable to.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
Myself if somebody. If I tell somebody that I'm doing something,
then like, I feel so much guilt if I don't
actually show up.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
Midwestern guilt.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
Yeah, yeah, Western guilt. Like I you know, I'm about
to do a full frontal scene for the first time
on a show, and I have now told all my
friends I'm doing this, so I cannot chicken out. I can't.
I have to do it now. It's accountability for my dick. Great.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Is that an honor of aa PI?

Speaker 3 (49:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (49:51):
Yeah, yeah, you're doing the Lord's work.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
I'm putting the p in the AAPI.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
Thank you so much, thank you. Okay, good luck, Emila,
thank you, bye bye. I like how Joel just goes
into an offshoot at the end of each call about
his own issues and what he's up against.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
Listen, I'm only here. I'm here for a short time,
not a long time. I gotta get it in.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
It's a nice bookend to the calls. Yes to look
within introsection for Joel.

Speaker 2 (50:20):
Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back
to wrap up with that.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
Blew bye, Okay, we'll be right back. We're back. Sorry, guys, Sorry,
we're back. That really flew by. You're funny, but it's
always so much fun to do it with a comedian
Matteo okay, And we laughed so hard the whole session,
like people were calling it with and we couldn't even

(50:44):
we were just making fun of everyone. And Mite's like,
this is so fun. I'm like, it's not normally like this.
I'm like, but when you have a comedian where everyone
just goes to the wrong place right away or the
right place. Yeah, okay, well.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
Our last question comes from Jenna Danna Bush. Dear Chelsea,
I hate my twin close. I have a simple question.
Is it fair of me to ask them? My boyfriend
shave his face more regularly. He regularly lets his stubble
grow out, and frankly, it is painful to kiss him
after a couple of days of growth. He does not

(51:17):
have a gene for facial hair and is certainly not
growing it out with intention. He just can't be bothered
to shave. What grows in is sporadic around his upper
lip and goate zone, and by no means attractive. I
see it not only as him not bothering to take
care of himself, but also that he can't put in
a minimal effort for me and my comfort. I find
the stubble very poky and irritating to my skin when

(51:39):
we kiss, and I tell him as much all the time.
I think the lack of any sort of initiative is
what bothers me as much as the stubble itself. He
also regularly compares it to how I don't always feel
like shaving my legs, and how would I feel if
he asked me to shave my legs more often? I
don't think it's a fair comparison. What can be done
about this? Am I being unreasonable or controlling? Or is

(51:59):
it fair to ask that he simply shave his face
every couple of days? Much appreciation, Jenna.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
Listen, Jenna, you gotta take a page out of the
WGA book. You gotta go on strike, bitch, no more
kissing until you shave your little fou man shue. That's
what you need to do, because and to compare it
to shaving legs, yeah, the surface area alone, Okay, it
is not the same thing at all, and you're not
and he's not having to put his lips on her legs,

(52:27):
right his entire face on her legs.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
Great point, Joe, great fuck point. First, Absolutely, you can
demand that, and also you could also say, sure, I'll shave. Great,
I'll shave my legs every three days, and you can
shave your face every day. Facial hair that you're kissing
exactly is the point, Like it's bothering you and it's
not attractive to you. If you have a boyfriend or
a girlfriend that says I love this, I love this

(52:51):
about you. Don't you do it more like, oh, I
love your hair like that. Then you start to wear
your hair like that. You don't change your personality, but
it's like please to the person that you care about,
so you want them to like it. So it's totally
within your right to be like, hey, fucking shave. It's
not bad. Facial hair is bad. It's not.

Speaker 2 (53:11):
It's the worst like a patchy beard, there's not.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
And if he's acting like that when you're dating, then like, oh,
then that's only gonna get worse if he doesn't nip
it in the bud.

Speaker 3 (53:19):
Now you need to you need to do you not
have like a mean gay friend who can just straight
up to his face every time he doesn't shave, be like, bro,
you look ugly as fuck right now.

Speaker 1 (53:29):
Can you get a gay friend that will do that?

Speaker 3 (53:31):
I'll do that. Give me his number, okay, I'll FaceTime in.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
Yeah, yeah, you don't have to put up with that.
I had a boyfriend who when he did shave, I
didn't like it, Like he looked better with facial hair
than without, And I was like, oh, you better keep
that fucking beard, buddy, Like I don't want to see
what's under there without the beard.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
Well, your a boyfriend has facial.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
Hair a lot of me.

Speaker 3 (53:55):
I like him both ways, I will say, but he
does look considerably younger, and he is already younger than me,
so it's a problem. And he looks like he just
looks like a little boy without his without his beard,
which I guess I shouldn't have just said that. I
liked it both ways, because God knows in this climate,
hearing a gay man say I like my boyfriend when
he looks like a little boy, that's that's trouble.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
That's the thing from based on everything you've said during
this podcast, nobody's gonna hold that against you.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
I will be lifting that out and we'll be funny.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
Yes, yes, that's the use that as the clip.

Speaker 3 (54:26):
Joel Kim Booster.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
Thank you Jokim. That was so much fun, so much fun.
And thank you Catheriney.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
It's good to be with another Midwesterner.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Your love, everybody.

Speaker 2 (54:43):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law, and
be sure to check out our march at Chelseahandler dot
com