The Future We Are Fighting For with Jane Fonda

The iconic Jane Fonda is in-studio with Chelsea today to talk about fighting for the future you want to see, why being resilient is key, and why she surrounds herself with good broads.  Then: A former sex worker struggles to find a man who won’t fetishize her.  A fresh divorce after a 4-month marriage makes a 20-something doubt her self worth.  And a dad mistakenly sends sexts to his daughter… that aren’t about her mom.  

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you Hi?

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Well? I have I'm good, but I have some sad
news to share. Bernice is. We said goodbye to Bernice yesterday,
so I want to make sure I make that announcement
because I didn't make the announcement about Bert, and I
keep getting DMS about where the fuck is Burt. I'm
like Bert's dead anyway, Bernice is too now. So that
was very sad. But she was really old and had

(00:25):
a really really beautiful life, and everyone loved her so
much in Whistler this winter that she went out with
a bang, she got so much attention. Yeah, and everyone.
I had a waiting list of people who wanted to
spend the night with her. The little kids in the
neighborhood kept coming to take her for the night. I
was so sweet.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
I'm really glad you had like a few months to
spend with her. You weren't traveling, like you're here and
you know, could be with her. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
It was really nice. And I had that was my
exit plan with her, to make sure she knew she
was loved up.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yes, and she did.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
And so that was very sad. And I felt really
bad for Vets, you know, like they have to deal
with people losing their dog all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
You know what. We actually had an email recently from
someone who's a veterinarian who really like opened my eyes. Like,
veterinarians have an extremely high suicide rate and a ton
of depression because they're trying to do their best that
they can. They're, you know, helping people transition their dogs
to the you know, the Rainbow bridge and all that.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
And is that where they're going to the rainbow bridge?

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Is that they say crossing the rainbow an ice cream flavor?
You know, it's like something to make it feel a
little bit better. But yeah, so veterinarians, we we.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yeah, we appreciate you for sure. And also, Doug is
here today to be my support animal. Yes, and I
brought him to the studio. He is so good.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Looking, it really is. It is so good looking, Chelsea.
We had a lot of people screaming in their cars
about Sarah whose boyfriends last week could not get it up.
I mean, people had some opinions and thoughts and ideas.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Oh great, well maybe someone knows what the fuck is
wrong with men.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh so, Sarah, I hope you're listening. This is what
people had to say. So Andrew wrote in and said, Hey,
I just thought i'd give a man's perspective, specifically a
gay man's perspective. I think Sarah should consider the fact
that her partner may be gay. With all the talk
of having such a great job and home, the fact
that he's a bit overweight and seemed not to have

(02:15):
dated many women. I was literally sitting in my car
screaming at the radio. He's gay.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
He's gay.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Speaking partly from personal experience on that point, I just
think that it's a possibility that should be explored, at
least lots of love from Florida. Lord help us, Andrew.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
So Andrew. I wonder if Andrew was tried to have
sex with the girl and then couldn't get it up.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
At that point, if you're not attracted to women, there
are men.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
There are gay men that have had sex with women,
or yeah, yeah, how does that work?

Speaker 1 (02:46):
I don't know truly. Like a couple of my closest
gay male friends who are like in their late forties,
early fifties, they're like, oh, yeah, sometimes I have sex
with a woman, just like for for funzies. I'm like,
what one of my friends put at this way, he said,
sex with a man is like a lobster dinner, but
sex with a woman is like a sake dinner. So
you know what is better lobster lobster.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
Lobster is the McDonald's of the ocean.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Why does everyone think.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Lobster is so great? I mean, it's fucking disgusting. It's
a bottom feeder. I mean I love it, but you
know what I mean, I don't understand why everyone thinks
it's a delicacy. Is it a delicacy? Do you know?

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Back in like I think it was like the eighteen hundreds,
they used to exclude I was what happened. They used
to exclusively feed convicts lobster, and they actually like brought
suit against New York State saying like this is cruel
and unusual punishment, and now we consider it.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
Oh my god, that's a very nice tippit. Yes, keep
it coming, Capterine. I like that little history, a little
dose of history.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
Reading a lot of historical fictions.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
Oh, I'm reading a good book right now, speaking of
which it's called it's by Mitch Album. You know the
guy who yes Tuesdays with Maury, and he wrote some
other book that I read. This one is called a
little the Little Liar, and it's about the Holocaust, but
it's from the perspective of truth. The character is Truth,
the main character. And it's very moving and it's a
short book. It's like succinct chapters, which I like, and

(04:07):
his use of language, it's very beautiful.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah. Yeah, he's very moving.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
I would recommend that to anyone who And it's not
like a bummer book. I mean, it's about the Holocaust,
so it's shocking, of course every time you hear what
happened to people, but it is for some reason, it's
like there's a fairy tale aspect to it. So it's
like fictionalized, but it's history, you know, it's not.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Well.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
We do have a couple other opinions on Sarah. Do
you want to know?

Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah about that not getting it up? Yeah, okay,
so okay. Option one, he could be gay.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
He could be gay. Option two, as Lisa writes in
I'm a pharmacist, And when I heard her say he's
on medication for his blood pressure, I was yelling out loud.
It's his medication.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Oh that sounds very very possible.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yes, many blood pressure medications can commonly cause ed, most
specifically beta blockers and diuretics, but all anti hypertensive drug
classes can have the side effect. He needs to go
to his doctor, even if he's opposed, are embarrassed, and
tell his provider what's going on. They can mix it up,
try other.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
H that's smart. Did you contact the girl that called in?

Speaker 1 (05:07):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (05:08):
I told her that, okay, good?

Speaker 1 (05:10):
She said, I see it all the time.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
And did you tell her about him being gay too?

Speaker 1 (05:14):
For sure? She said, I see it all the time.
Men who stopped taking their medications because it made them
feel quote unquote weird when what they mean is they
can't get it up anymore. Very common. Go to the doctor,
Lisa Great. And then our last comment is I'm a
formerly big guy myself, and I can say that gravity
is the issue. If he's still overweight, the weight of

(05:36):
the belly and or panis aka the popas panis panis
is caught up. What is that? That is the area
down here if you have like an overhanging belly, that
pussy gut the pupa yeah, the fat upper pussy area. Yes,
it is technically called a panis. I have sisters that
are Have you ever heard the term cock awning. No,

(05:58):
but I use the word talk todaynles, what is cockling?

Speaker 2 (06:02):
Cockles are your heart, don't? I don't know that I do.
I heard the term cockawning and I had to look away.
I shuddered. I was like, I don't want to know
what that is in reference to what to a man's belly.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Oh god, no, thank you. Ken says this is less
an issue when he's laying on his back and he
thinks that that's what's going on.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
I had this issue a second. Yeah, so he needs
a girl to get on top of him.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Yeah, because she mentioned she's like, it's fine when I'm
on top, but when he tries to be on top
he can't keep it up.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Oh god, that sounds familiar.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, so Ken says, it's less an issue when laying
on your back. I had this issue. And it's likely
if he's a big boy as well, that's his issue too.
He also might be in his head about feeling too
heavy to be on top of her, so that might
plan into.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
It as well.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
Ken.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
I love this. Okay, thank you everybody for writing in.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
We love all bodies here, especially those with pantisas. Let's
just never call it.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
A cock on. So I'm going to go with the medication.
I choose Option B, and I'm going to go with
the medication is the problem? Okay, So which is fixable?
It's too bad, straight man, don't listen to this podcast
because if they did. Oh, you know what I really
want to get on are couples or friends or family

(07:22):
members that are having discord. Like if you have a
friend you're having problems with and you want to get
my advice, or someone in your family and you and
both of you are open to it, or you're in
a relationship like I like that, and that's an area
where I can I can have really help.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yeah. And it can be like serious disagreements or like
fun disagreements, like if you're like, please settle.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
The score for chewing gum when we're together, Yeah, because
you don't know how to chew it. And I've been
told that and I don't know how to chew them.
I would like to say, I am guilty.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
Well, Chelsea, we have amazing guests today. Yeah, she's a legend.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
She continues to lead the charge on the climate emergency
with fire Drill Fridays, the National movement to protest government
in action on climate Change started in October twenty nineteen
in partnership with Greenpeace as well as the Jane Fonda
Climate pac which is focused on defeating political allies of
the fossil fuel industry. She is an actor and activist

(08:21):
and my dear friend Jane Fonda. Okay, so I want
to preface this interview by telling a personal story about Jane.
I've known Jane for many years, probably fifteen years, I think.
But I'm not really good with numbers, that's not my specialty.
And we've had a lot of fun together and we've
had a lot of deep, meaningful conversations and a lot
of laughter. And there was a time and I wrote

(08:45):
that about this in my new book, which I'm going
to send to you for your approval, Jane, which I
think you'll be fine with. But Jane took me aside
at a time in my life where I was not
in a good spot, and she took the time to
invite me over to her house. Well, it was it's
more of a demand. It was more of.

Speaker 5 (09:02):
Like over here.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
She's like, hey, are you free, I need to talk
to you. I'm like sure. When she's like how about
tonight at six, I was like, oh, fuck. Am I
in trouble with Jane Fonda because it felt like I
may be and I was in trouble. And I had
behaved badly at her birthday party at her house months prior,
and she took the time to sit down with me
at her dinner table to tell me about my behavior

(09:27):
and talk to me about it and ask me why
and what and all of the things. And fortunately for me,
I had just started therapy two months before that. But
the thing that I took away from that dinner was sisterhood,
because not everybody tells you when you piss them off,
and not everybody takes the time to tell you when
someone pisses you off. You know, some people you just
blow off and you're just like, fine, fuck it, that's

(09:49):
a loser, or I don't want to talk to that
person again. But Jane took the time to sit with
me and tell me how I had messed up. And
because of that moment, I have done that for so
many people in my life, and I went to therapy.
I continued to go to therapy. I brought it back
to therapy to a person that Jane knew very well.
She's like, you're in good hands. Go talk to him,
and it was it was the definition of sister.

Speaker 5 (10:11):
I love you, Jack, I do. I didn't even know
who you were. All I knew was one day, years
and years ago, I was scrolling through TV channels and
I just I passed, and then I went back, Who
is this beautiful blonde chick that laughs at herself so much?
That was when you were.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Doing the job.

Speaker 5 (10:32):
I don't know, but you were. You just laughed at
yourself all the time, and I was smitten. And I
just kept watching your show. And then I was on
your show and I just I love you. And and
you know, we've all gone off the track from time
to time and people have brought me up short and
talked to me. And I must say, the book that

(10:52):
you wrote, I guess this isn't the one you're going
to give me again. The last one you wrote, where
you wrote it was like you recorded all your therapy sessions.
But it was the most laugh out loud book that
I have ever read. I just enjoyed it and loved
it and loved that you were going through the therapy
the way you were, and I have a feeling that
it really helped you.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Thank you, and thank you for your help because that
was helpful. And I think what I want to ask
you is, you know, I've when I started out in
this business, I felt that women weren't as there for
each other as we are now, as we know to
be now. And I want to know what that was
like for you when you started, the support that you

(11:35):
felt from women. How was it?

Speaker 1 (11:37):
Who was ever?

Speaker 3 (11:38):
It?

Speaker 5 (11:39):
Absolutely vividly and I can tell you that. See, I
was married to a Frenchman, a French director. He directed Barbarella.
He was married to Bridge of Bardeaux before me and
Catherine Deneuve. I mean, it was intense. He was great,
and I was living with him. And because American soldiers
who had been in Vietnam had fled Vietnam and were

(12:01):
in Paris, and they were looking for compatriots to help
them find doctors and clothes and anyway, I became friends
with these guys and they told me about Vietnam and
totally blew my mind and changed my mind about the war.
And I came back here and joined the GI movement.
Annie war activists had created these coffeehouses outside of military

(12:23):
bases where guys could come and learn about the history
of Vietnam. Long story short, I'm in Colleen, Texas, outside
of Fort Hood. The woman who ran the base, her
name was Terry Davis. She was different than any female
that I had met, because up until then, pretty much
we competed with each other. And I don't know, I

(12:46):
just I didn't have very many women friends. I grew
up in the forties and fifties thinking you become the
way to grow up is to be a lone ranger,
to be like guys, you know, I can stand on
my ow. I don't need any buddy, and that's just
the way. And so I met this woman was running

(13:06):
the coffeehouse, and she treated me differently than I'd ever
been treated before, not like a celebrity or anything. It
was she looked me in the eye. She wanted to
know how I felt. Did I feel okay going onto
the base? Did I feel safe speaking at the rally?
The way she treated the gis it was like looking

(13:29):
through a keyhole at the future that we were fighting for.
And being with her was like, I don't know, it's
like getting into a warm bath. I felt safe, and
I just thought I want to be like her. And
all the women in the movement that I kept meeting
were they were just new kinds of beings that I'd

(13:50):
never met, and that of all the things that happened
to me in the first years of my activism, that
was what affected me the most and made me realize
I'm on the right track. I want to become a
person like them, who is present and who really has
empathy for other women and men. She was the first

(14:13):
person she brought a feminist into the coffeehouse to talk
to Gis about the women's movement, which I thought was
really gutsy and it affected all of us. I don't know,
but it changed the whole way that I felt about women,
and up until that point, for me, the women's movement
was a waste of time. What are all these women

(14:33):
talking about? All these things for the wars?

Speaker 3 (14:35):
What matters?

Speaker 5 (14:36):
We got to end this way and it had a
big effect on me. And now, of course it's women
are in my life. I've closed up shop.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
And have have you closed up shop?

Speaker 5 (14:52):
Is one of the reasons is because to see Chelsea,
you'll understand this. I like young flesh. I like young skin.
If I was gonna have an affair now, it would
be with somebody about twenty years old. But I don't
want to subject any twenty year old to my skin.

(15:15):
So I've closed up shop. I don't even think about
it anymore.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
I feel like, yes, but I think that should be
their decision. I feel like there would be some willing participants,
a lot of them, and if they're willing to go
for it, then what's yeah, I mean, what's to stop
anyone from giving each other pleasure?

Speaker 5 (15:32):
Vain? Now I'm seventy, I'm eighty how old, amma? I'm
eighty six and a half almost. I mean, you know,
it's just, uh, it's over, and I don't miss it
at all. I only dream once a week about it.
That's not enough to miss. I have so much more time,

(15:53):
you know, to do things.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Well, you are busy doing things. And I think, to
go back to this woman conversation for a second. I
think it's so interesting that where you are raised and
it's still this way and society as women to think, Okay,
we're supposed to go out and we're supposed to find
this prince charming and la la la la la, and
this stupid fairy tale notion that is so it's a charade. Basically,

(16:20):
you know that doesn't exist. And you've been married three times, right,
three times, not more than that, And you've had multiple lovers,
You've had multiple relationships. And one of the things that
I admire about you is your ability to I feel
like you always knew there is no prince charming or
one true love, that their life is about having many

(16:43):
loves and having many different people in your lives, men
and women alike. You know, whether it's a sexual relationship
or not. There are soulmates that come in every form.
So I guess I mean all of your marriages. I'm
sure we're very impactful on you. But what do you
think the most meaningful relationship or one of the most
meaningful and informative relationships. You've had all of them, and

(17:07):
I did.

Speaker 5 (17:07):
I believed that this was going to be forever every
single time. This is it, this is the one. He's
not at all like my dad, This is going to work,
this will be great. Turns out they were all similar,
even though they all looked different and acted different and
had different socioeconomic places in the world, but they all

(17:28):
shared one thing in common. They were incapable of showing
up in an intimate relationship, and so was I, and
so I chose unconsciously chose men who weren't going to say,
come on, Vanda, come on, show up. I want you
here right now. I was too scared, and so it
was very convenient for all parties. And I really thought

(17:50):
that they were all going to be the one.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
And now when you think about that, do you think
that you ever found the one?

Speaker 5 (17:59):
No time I go back through my life trying to
see did the one show up? Did he enter my
space and I just got scared and fled? I think
probably that happened. I don't know who it was though,
but I wouldn't have been able to do that. I
think that I could probably now have that kind of relationship,

(18:19):
but I don't want it anymore.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, because now you know what your purpose is.

Speaker 5 (18:25):
Right, It was all about I mean, I guess my
kids are right, I am a narcissist. They think I am,
and I guess I am. I'm not a but there's
you know, it's like I'm on the spectrum of narcissism.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
Their activism outweighs your narcissism. Whether those two feed off
of each other as a separate story. It was something
that you said in your book, which I loved, because
there's so many great things that Jane Fonda's autobiography, but
one of the things that I always suck out to me.
You said that your father never brought home joy from

(19:03):
his career, right, that you never saw him be joyful
about being an actor and portraying all of these characters.
Do you get joy from acting?

Speaker 5 (19:13):
Yeah? Yeah, I do?

Speaker 2 (19:15):
And did you always?

Speaker 5 (19:16):
No? No? Before I sort of came full circle and
became who I was meant to be, I didn't. But
when I started having agency over my career, yeah I did.
There is something truly glorious about being invited to enter
another human being because to do it you have to

(19:37):
have empathy. So it's a career that builds up your empathy,
and then kind of digging is like being an archaeologist,
also finding out about this who is this person and
why are they there and all of that. It's just
I find great joy in it, and not that every
day is great. Often you come home really really tired

(19:57):
and angry. But most of the time I really do
get joining it. But see, my dad suffered as a
lot of dads did in that era, and he came
from Nebraska and people didn't ask for help. Gods still don't.
I think it's why they don't live as long as
we do, five years less on average, used to be more.
He never he suffered from undiagnosed depression, you know. I mean,

(20:21):
if he'd taken prozac, our lives would have been totally different.
But I've worked on the depression. So I'm I'm you know,
I think I'm the first person in my family who's
not depressed.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Well, what was your pivotal moment in your life where
you were able to actually tackle your issues and your
emotions and all of that.

Speaker 5 (20:38):
I don't think it goes like that. I think it's
I think it's a process that happened. You know. It's
like you'll realize something, like I realized something when I
met these women that were different than other women I'd
ever met in nineteen seventy when I became an activist,
and so it's like a realization like a bee kind

(20:58):
of humming around, but it doesn't ever, kind of like
you don't change, but you've learned something. Then you enter
something else and you change. I learned something all the time.
I'm always that's one of my superpowers that I may
be narcissistic, but I'm also really really curious. I'm very

(21:19):
interested in people, and so I just learn all the time,
and then gradually the learning bills up and you realize, oh,
I'm different. You know a little bit of therapy, the meditation,
the different husbands that I learned each from each of them.
I think, though, that I learned the most from my
women friends. I make a point of having women friends

(21:42):
that are smarter, braver, more strategic. And this is important, younger. See,
when I die, I want to have friends that are slive,
that can speak at my memorial put.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
It that way, that can eulogize you, yeah, and be
at my bedside and give me hope.

Speaker 5 (22:04):
And I don't know, I don't know. I just I
want love around me when I died. When you're my age, Chelsea,
you think a lot about dying, and not that we
can know when it's going to happen. But it's good
to envision how you want it to be, because then
between now and then you have to earn it. You know,
if I want to have women friends holding my hand
when I die, I've got to earn their friendship. And

(22:25):
by the way, you know, who I'm becoming friends with,
who I just adore, is your friend, Connie Britton. Ah, yeah, best,
she's a good broad.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah. Yeah, we've been to your house together before, Connie.

Speaker 5 (22:36):
I know, I remember when I had one of my
joints replaced. I'm almost finished almost all my major joints
and I've been replaced. You were there for one of
my hips.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
I was.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
We were, we were, We came over and Connie told
you some story. I can't remember what it was, but
it was like we left there and she goes, why
did I tell Jane that story? And I'm like, actually,
I don't know. It was about someoney, her father not
liking you or not approving of your protesting of the
Vietnam War. And she was like, yeah, my dad hated you.
And we're like, she goes, why did I say that

(23:10):
to Jane Fouda. I'm like, I don't know, why did
you say.

Speaker 5 (23:13):
That that to me all the time?

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah? Yeah, First of all, what do you think happens
when you die? What do you believe?

Speaker 5 (23:20):
I am not sure. Part of me knows that nothing happens.
That we exist as a memory, but that's energy. We
exist as an energy that I guess that's that's what
I think about it. But you know, I have gone
to channelers who have brought me messages from my father
and mother, and they've met a lot to me.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
So I don't know, when you look back at your life,
like what are your proudest moments.

Speaker 5 (23:49):
There's no moment. What I'm proud of is that I've
made something of myself, that I made something of my life.
You know, I floundered for so long and toyed with
suicide and all of that, because there's been suicide all
around me in my life, and as I said, everybody's
so depressed in my family. But I'm resilient and I'm

(24:13):
proud that I didn't succumb to any of the depressions
and that I've that I've I've learned and grown in
my life. That's what I'm most proud of.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah, I think resiliency is the key ingredient as women.
I feel like we have it in droves and we
don't know we have it until we need it the most.

Speaker 5 (24:33):
That's why it's the most wonderful, mysterious thing. You know,
I really can't figure out this thing about resilience, Chelsea.
My brother was two years younger than me. We both
came from the same mother and father. Two years apart.
That's not a lot same more or less historical moment
in time. And I was resilient and he wasn't. And

(24:53):
why I don't you know who knows. My therapist used
to say, she thinks that it's you come into life
with it. Either you have it or you don't. And
she can tell right away when a patient walks in
if they have resilience or not. And for me, what
resilience is like, you know, it's like when I was young,
you know, it was not a happy household, and my

(25:14):
dad was always away and my mother suffered from mental
health issues. And this is how I describe it now.
It's like I was always scanning the horizon like an
infrared laser beam, and any warm human body that could
possibly love me or teach me something, I would glom onto.
And it was always the mothers of my girlfriends, And

(25:35):
I learned from those mothers. Someone who lacks resilience can
be surrounded by love and they can't metabolize it, they
can't take it in and own it. I don't know
if if you can be born without resilience and then
learn to become I don't think so. I think you
either have it or you don't. Are you resilient? I
think you are.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, Yeah, I think I'm resilient. And we were talking
about this last night at my dinner actually with my
three girlfriends. I like to go around the table and
say like, Okay, let's all say something we're grateful for
that's not sitting right here, you know, let's remind ourselves.
And after everyone said their thing, I said, Okay, this
is to resilience, Like that's our toast tonight. So I
think that I do believe you can cultivate resilience, because

(26:18):
I don't think you know you're resilient until something bad
happens and you bounce back and pick yourself up, and
then when it happens repeatedly, you get stronger and stronger
at knowing that you can get through something, that it's
not the end of you, that it doesn't have to
lay you out, and even if you get laid out,
you get back up. So I do think you can

(26:39):
cultivate it to a degree. I wonder what you would
say about when you are in this moment in your
life present day, when things are overwhelming and they're so
stressful and things aren't going your way, Like what is
your tool to coping and to breathing and getting yourself

(26:59):
like regular.

Speaker 5 (27:00):
Leading activism is what does it for me. It's when
I know that I'm doing everything in my power too.
And right now, the focus is the climate crisis, because
that's existential. I mean, everything I care about in the
world is going to fall apart if we don't address
the climate crisis. And so if I'm doing so, if

(27:22):
I was going to splinter and fracture and go down
a rabbit hole, it would be around that issue of
the climate crisis. And I'm doing everything in my human
power about it. It keeps me stable and feet on
the ground.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
Yeah, and you are doing everything she does Fire drove
Fridays in DC all the time. She's constantly getting arrested,
and you're always yes, and you're I'm going to see
you for your next event. I'm finally going to be
in town. I'm coming home for it. I will be
there with bells on. But your activism, it's just so
inspiring for all of us. I mean, you're a legend

(27:57):
and everything you do, I know when doing something and
you're behind something that it's the right thing to be behind.
And obviously the climate is you know, the most obvious
thing to get behind. But your indefatigable attitude has an
impact on all of us because we all talk about it.

Speaker 5 (28:13):
That's the value of being famous, you know. And it's
the value of me having seven years as Grace and Frankie,
because I can tell you that activism prior to Grayson
Frankie was not as easy. When you have a hit
series behind your back, it becomes a lot, a lot easier.
But prior to Fire Drilled Fridays, I was still I

(28:35):
was an activist, but it was intermittent, and I knew
I wasn't really using my platform. And I realized when
I started to really step it up that when you're famous,
you know, other people say, well, God, if she can
do it, I can do it. I turned eighty two
in jail, and that was very important because people thought,

(28:58):
oh my god, you know I heard recently. It made
me really think about things. I had a friend who
had a husband who did not like me, very anti Hanoi,
Jane and pro war. But when I went to Vietnam,
this guy said to his son, God, if Jane Fonda
is going over there, there must be something really wrong.

(29:19):
And that really struck me because you know, we can't
really change what needs to be changed as individuals, but still,
as individuals, we can make people think twice and think
about joining us. And I like that idea. God, if
she's doing it, there must be something really wrong because
she doesn't have to be doing that. That's why it's

(29:39):
so important what we do, you know. And the other
thing that's so great is that I meet people I
normally never would have met that are so great and
I can carry them with me in my heart as
I go forward, you know, and especially young indigenous women,
Oh my god, they're so fierce in the HAPs, such

(30:00):
an interesting sense of humor and brave. And I am
just so surrounded by people who are so brave and
have nothing, nothing, and they just stand up and fight.
It's just so moving and important.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
It's so true when you say that, you know, people
say that they throw that brave word around, and I
hear that a lot, and I'm like, you don't, that's
this isn't brave. This is being you're true to your personality.
Bravery is that, you know, is when you have nothing
and you're able to stand up and you're able to

(30:34):
go and fight for something. You believe in when you
have everything to lose, that's bravery.

Speaker 5 (30:40):
Have you ever seen like a movie or a documentary
about people who have really stood up and been brave?
Right now, the next six years of this decade, this
is our documentary moment, and the question is can we
will we step up and be as brave as the
people in the past who have made a real difference

(31:00):
in human history. This is our documentary.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Moment, don't you think about I mean, I'm sure you've
spoken to al Gore, but what he did was brave,
you know, bringing that to our attention, thinking, oh my god,
I'm going to tell everybody what's going to happen. I'm
going to tell everybody what's about to happen. He went
and did the work and did the research, only to
be ignored. It's unimaginable what he did, you know, and

(31:26):
him looking back at that time, that could have been
the turning point for our whole world, and yet we
denied it. We turned into climate deniers, not we, but
you know Republicans.

Speaker 5 (31:36):
But then what does he do? See he doesn't give up.
He then switches tactics. Okay, it doesn't work to just
give people the information, So I'm going to train people
to become organizers around climate and he's trained eighteen thousand
or more people all around the world. He just shifted strategies.

(31:57):
You know, in the beginning, we thought, holy shit, we
heard what the science was saying. We thought, if we
tell elected officials what the science is saying, they're going
to say holy shit, and they're going to start doing something.
And then we discovered that wasn't true. Why because they
take money from the fossil fuel industry and so so
we have to do it differently. We have to you know,

(32:18):
that's why I started the Jane Fonda Climate Pack, because
we have to change the people in Congress. So when
they hear the science, they're going to want to do something.
Then we have to get unprecedented numbers of people outside
protesting and then change. If you can't change the people,
change the people. We're changing the people. And so we'll
get it from both ends, right outside and inside.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
to be right back, and we're back with Jane Fonda. So, Jane,
this podcast it's called Dear Chelsea. So we give advice
to actual, real people and I really couldn't deny anyone
getting advice from you because this is a once in
a life time opportunity. So, Catherine, what do we have

(33:03):
in store?

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Oh, we have some juicy things in the store. Chelsea, Jane,
are you ready? Are you ready for this?

Speaker 5 (33:10):
Ready?

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Jen says, Dear Chelsea, I need some advice from you
in regards to navigating relating to guys and how they
see you. I'm a full time single mom, an ex
exotic dancer now, a business owner of a lap dance
class studio, and a part time college student with not
much support system. It's been quite challenging meeting men who
are secure enough not to judge me on my ex

(33:35):
stripper past and my current business owner context. I either
get dumbed down, fetishized, or treated like I'm a whore
when I haven't even been sexually active in over six years.
I'd love to change that, and I don't believe there's
anything wrong with being any kind of sex worker either.
I'm very optimistic, goal oriented, and I've overcome a lot

(33:55):
on my own, so I'd like to continue to find
ways to overcome these obstacles. But Girl, I'm tired. Help Jen.

Speaker 5 (34:02):
Well, Well, she's absolutely right that sex work should not
be looked at pejoratively. Women do it when they.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
Have to do it.

Speaker 5 (34:11):
I've never gone on one, but I think dating apps
might be a good solution. Clearly, the circle that she's
in is not the circle that she's looking for, so
she's got to get out of her circle and meet
new people. She can either go to AA. I don't
know what her situation, but how do you meet new
people nowadays? Dat apps? It wasn't in existence when I

(34:31):
was young, but that's what I would do to meet
new kinds of people. What do you think, Chelse?

Speaker 2 (34:37):
I would say, yes, of course, do dating apps. Do
whatever you want to do to find a man. But
I would also say double down on your confidence in
your job and what you're doing, and you don't have
to explain to men anything about it, Like if they
don't get it, then great, they're out and you're closer
to finding the person that does understand. Because there are

(34:58):
men out there that are sophistic enough to understand what
sex work actually means and that it isn't something to
be ridiculed or to be judged, that it's actually a
way that a lot of people make a living by
choice and that should be respected. So I would never
try to appeal to a man because you want them
to like that's their own problem, that's not your problem.

(35:21):
Nothing you're doing is wrong, and it's a great way
to weed out people that don't get it. Just don't
give up like you're going to find a guy that's
going to get it. There's millions of men out there,
you know, So just I don't like changing our story
to appeal to men. I don't like wo men to
think that, and I don't like to act like that.
So I would say, stick to your guns and have

(35:42):
honor in what you do and be proud. We're all
big kids now, Like this isn't something that should be
so shameful that she has to hide or feel bad about.
You should feel proud of what you're doing and proud
of your accomplishments. And any guy worth his salt is
going to understand that. And fuck all of the rest,
Like I know, so it's easier, and yeah, get on
all the dating apps, you know, But I don't know.

(36:04):
I don't have a problem with that, and I have
a bigger problem with pretending great.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
Well.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
Our next caller, Sabrina says, Dear Chelsea. My mom doesn't text,
and she doesn't even really use a cell phone. A
couple of years ago, my dad sent me a non
photo sext message on accident, obviously not meant for my mother.
I lit into him, but ultimately forgave him after a
few months and kept his little indiscretion between the two

(36:30):
of us. He had his own justifications and apologies, and
I just eventually let it go. Then the other night,
my dad and I were texting and he sent me
yet another message. It was not quite a sext, but
it was pretty risk gay, and yet again obviously not
for my mom. He and my mom have been married
for forty plus years, and I don't know what to do.

(36:52):
Do I tell her, do I tell my brother? Do
I keep this to myself? I already expressed my anger
and disappointment to my dad, and I've asked him to
no longer text me. Ever, I feel numb and just
do not know what to do. I don't think I
have the capacity to forgive this again. Sabrina, Hi, Sabrina, Hi,
how are you? Hi?

Speaker 2 (37:11):
You're so lucky. Guess who our guests today is? Jane Fonda.

Speaker 3 (37:15):
I am absolutely in awe. I cannot believe it.

Speaker 5 (37:19):
Well, this is a cone from something similar happened to me,
but it wasn't between mother and father. But do you
have any idea whether your mother is happy in the marriage.

Speaker 6 (37:31):
They've been married over forty years. It seems to me
to be a very business sort of marriage. They married
at the time when they each had something they were seeking,
and I don't know if that's still what they're seeking.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
Yeah, what I would do is have a conversation with
your mother, but you know, just make it very casual,
but try to find out how she feels about the marriage.
I mean, if you get a sense that being in
the marriage is her foundation, that it is absolutely essential
to her being able to get along in life, then

(38:06):
I wouldn't tell her if she's ever considered killing him,
if she's ever considered, No, I always knew that my
marriages were about to end, because I would fantasize about
his funeral. Oh wow, And maybe she does that. But
if she's kind of thought, God, I'd kind of like
to be alone now, then maybe she should know that

(38:26):
his head is somewhere else. I mean, the primary concern
I think is for her, Yes, after forty five years,
if she is totally dependent on him and would be
completely unhappy in adrift. If he wasn't there, then I
wouldn't tell her and just let it continue. Why I
rocked the boat after forty five years. But if she's
not and she's just there because that's life, then why

(38:49):
not help her to understand that he's not. It's interesting
to me. You said you told him, don't send these
to me anymore. Did he send them to you on
purpose or was it an accident?

Speaker 6 (39:00):
It seemed to be an accent. We are in the
middle of texting and I just got a message through
that was clearly meant for someone else.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
And does he think so? You said your mom doesn't text,
so you know that it's not directed towards her, right
Is that?

Speaker 5 (39:13):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (39:13):
Okay, Yeah, she doesn't. She has a flip phone for
emergencies that she keeps in the car. She doesn't text
at all.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Yeah, I can conjecture that your mother probably doesn't give
a shit what he's up to, you know what I mean? Like,
it's if they've been married that long and she's probably
and he's up to that, she's probably slightly checked out.
So I agree with Jane completely, Like get the temperature,
and then I always want to show up for women, always,
mother's daughter, sisters, any woman. I want them to know

(39:43):
the truth and then make their own decision. I don't
ever want to make a decision for and I think
that's the trouble with men is that they think they
can make our decisions for us by not being honest
and upfront. It's like, okay, you want up sex with
other women, great, tell me, and then if I decide
I'm okay with that, then I'm okay with that. But
you don't get to make the decision for me. So
I would get the temperature, and then I would always

(40:04):
err on the side of being truthful. Unless you think
your mom is in a position that she she just
can't bear to hear it or handle it.

Speaker 6 (40:12):
No, I definitely think she's strong. She's the fiery one,
so she's definitely like the louder out of the two.

Speaker 5 (40:18):
Right. She Alsea used the word checked out. Do you
think she's checked out?

Speaker 6 (40:23):
I think she's exasperated there at the point where she
vents a lot to me about things that he does
that irritate her day to day things. They both live
together and work together, so they are together all the
time and I can see the strain.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
And what can you can you share?

Speaker 5 (40:41):
What the like?

Speaker 2 (40:41):
The text message was.

Speaker 6 (40:43):
The first text message it was it was not a photo,
but it was a sexual message. It was what my
dad would like to do to someone as they're watching
the sunset basically, which was just the light fulter sieve
as you can imagine. And then the next one was
more him calling someone babe and say I'm really enjoying
my time with you, babe, and this and that babe,
and I was like, oh no, now's he's that guy

(41:05):
and dad's that guy?

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Yeah, and actively having an affair. It sounds like, yeah,
I think you have to go to your mom. You're
her daughter.

Speaker 6 (41:13):
Yeah, she's very much an act first type of mom,
which was sort of my hesitation with but I hate
keeping it from her.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
We're so close.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Yeah, and you're not your father's secret keeper, like you
don't owe him anything. He fucked up, not once, but twice,
so you know, like all bets are off. Maybe one
time you could be like okay, I'll look away, but
not twice, Like how many times is he going to do?
You know? That's just icky because now you're involved in this.

Speaker 5 (41:40):
And if she is venting to you about her feelings
and her dissatisfactions and stuff. Then that shows you right
there that I thought maybe she was a sort of
a meek housewife that you know, wouldn't be able to
tolerate not being able to be with a guy. You know,
some women just have to be with a guy no
matter what.

Speaker 3 (41:59):
How old is she she's seventy seven.

Speaker 5 (42:02):
Oh, she's ten years younger than me, and she could
start another Has she ever had another relationship?

Speaker 3 (42:08):
Do you think?

Speaker 1 (42:09):
No?

Speaker 3 (42:10):
Not as far as I know.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
I mean, Jane, is that something you think you would
want to know if you were that age married to
someone for that long.

Speaker 5 (42:17):
I would have wanted to know. Yeah, but I know
there's some women that wouldn't. But I would have wanted
to know. And when you said that she's you described her,
it sounds like she's somebody who probably would want to know.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
I think she definitely would.

Speaker 5 (42:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Is there a way that you'd advise to approach that
topic with her?

Speaker 6 (42:34):
I know we have to have a conversation coming up
because there's a holiday coming up that my parents want
to visit for and I'm uncomfortable being.

Speaker 3 (42:41):
Around my dad.

Speaker 6 (42:42):
I think if I just start by telling her, I
don't I'm not comfortable being around him.

Speaker 3 (42:46):
That would open the door.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, I think that's right. I think you should do that. Yeah,
because listen, you would want someone to do that for you,
wouldn't you.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
Absolutely yes, I would want to know.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
Yeah, And so what she's seventy seven, and like that's
not a way to judge the situation, you know, like, oh,
that's like discounting someone because of their age is not
right either, Oh they've been married forty five years. Who cares?
Like that's not the right way to look at it,
And that's not how you're looking at it. But I'm
sure a lot of our listeners are going, what's the point.
It's like, what do you mean? No, every person's like,

(43:18):
she could go on and be happy. Yeah, Jane has
closed Chop up at eighty six. She's closing shop up
and yeah, so she has another nine good years left business.

Speaker 5 (43:31):
But no, I actually ten years ago, it's been ten
years I was mother's age when I decided that's it.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
Well, maybe she'll maybe she'll follow suit, she'll close shop
up too.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Yeah. I mean I would encourage you to maybe see
if there's a way that your mom could just come
and visit you by herself, and so you guys can
have some time alone without dad and talked with them.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
Yeah, that's a good idea.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Well, okay, report back, keep in touch and let us
know how that goes.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
Okay, we'll do okay, thank you so.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Thanks for calling in, Sarena.

Speaker 5 (44:05):
We'll have to run our hearts.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Take care. What is should he feeling to have that burden?
You know, like you have to break some bad news
to your own parent.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
I know that's rough. I wonder if the dad is
kind of just being creepy on the internet and accidentally texted,
but like, no, this is really like a relationship situation
that's happening.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah, but why does he keep accidentally texting his daughter? Like,
what's wrong with him?

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Good question?

Speaker 2 (44:31):
He should be offline too, like his wife.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
Yeah, maybe she should just get him a flip phone.
All right. Well, our next caller is Aubrey. She is
twenty nine. Dear Chelsea. After seven years together and just
four months of marriage, my husband came to me asking
for a divorce. We've had financial issues for a while,
but I thought we still had the love. He'd recently

(44:53):
started to grow silently resentful of our situation, and in
the process says he fell out of love with me.
He said that he had the foresight to end things
before children were involved, or before we lost any more
time to a loveless marriage. He says he still genuinely
cares for me, which makes this very hard. It's not
an angry and loud situation. It's civil and just very sad.

(45:14):
So I made a scary decision to get an apartment
on my own.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
He thinks we'll be.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Friends one day because we get along so well and
are such great communicators. Whether that's true or not. Right now,
I need distance from him so I can fall out
of love. I'm looking for advice on how to be
okay and how to move on. I've never lived on
my own before, and I haven't been single since I
met him in college when I was twenty one. Additionally,
our spark fizzled and he grew less attracted to me,

(45:39):
and I just don't feel the least bit sexy or
desirable anymore. I'm about to turn twenty nine, and I
know I have so much ahead. How do I come
into my own as my own independent woman? Thanks Aubrey
Hi Aubrey.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Hi, Hi, say hello to Jane Fonda.

Speaker 5 (45:57):
Hi, all reason, Hi tells him, Jane, it's so nice
to meet both of you.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Well, Jane has been married three times.

Speaker 5 (46:02):
It's happening. This is happening at the right time. This
is good. You're young. It's good to get the first
one like this out of the way. You've been married,
what four years?

Speaker 3 (46:12):
You said?

Speaker 4 (46:13):
Four months together?

Speaker 5 (46:14):
Seven years? Four months? Yeah, Well, it's too bad it
didn't it didn't happen before the marrior. But no, but
no big deal. I mean, I think you got lucky.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
Yeah, I have to say, like, be grateful. Yeah, Like
I know, it's hard to find gratitude in the dark
sometimes because you might feel like you're in the dark.
You're young, you're lovely, you have your whole future ahead
of you. Thank god, you didn't waste another minute with
this guy, and thank god he was honest enough with you.
Then staying in a marriage that wasn't going to be

(46:46):
fruitful for him, and because it was the right thing
to do, you're going to want to thank him in
a few years. And you're not there yet. I understand
that you feel rejected, and you know, and all of
these things and you were let down the wrong road.
But this guy is being really honest with you about
his feelings, and that's something to be grateful for. You
know the truth. You know, you're not going to be together.

(47:07):
You're gonna recover, You're gonna be fine, and you're young,
and you're gonna find somebody who does value you and
adores and loves you, and you just have to work
through this pain and you have to, you know, talk
to a therapist obviously. Do you have a therapist.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:22):
I have been talking to a therapist actually since the
week everything really was going down. My biggest thing is
like I've never been okay being single, and I think
that was kind of like that was the scariest thing,
Like I'm gonna be living on my own and just
be single. I want to be okay being single. I
want to I want to love that period. I don't
want to be seeking someone anytime soon. I want to
just focus on me and be happy with that. So
I guess you're always someone that's no matter what state

(47:45):
you're in, you always just come off with so strong.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
Get into yourself, lean into yourself, and get to know yourself,
like I'm Jane's been divorced three times, and I would Jane,
wouldn't you say every time you got divorce, you knew
yourself better and you got to like closer to who
you really are.

Speaker 5 (48:00):
Right, But it takes time. The first thing you have
to do is really figure out the role you played
in this. He calls it a loveless marriage. Did you
see it as a loveless marriage?

Speaker 4 (48:14):
I didn't, But in just a couple of weeks, just
hindsight is definitely seeing things well.

Speaker 5 (48:21):
I mean three marriages, they each ended slightly differently. But
I always have to try to understand what was my
role in make it, in the fact that it didn't work,
so that I don't repeat it. I did repeat it.
I'm a slow learner in many ways. But that's the
main thing for you is you're going to go on

(48:41):
in life and you want to know what changes do
you need to make and the way you approach relationships
and the way you do relationships that led this one
to not work. I mean, it's great you married somebody
who is as forthright as he is. I agree with Chelsea.
I mean I think it's I love the fact that
he was able to say this.

Speaker 4 (49:00):
And that's almost what's made it so hard is that
you know he is such a good person, but knowing
that he has saved us from a future if we
had kids right now, I mean, I can't imagine.

Speaker 5 (49:08):
How much bessy here would be.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
So you know, it's sad, but it's not as messy.

Speaker 5 (49:12):
Do you have any issues with alcohol or drugs or food?

Speaker 4 (49:17):
No, I'm actually at a pretty good place with that
right now. But it's funny you asked, because that was
actually a big jumping point for this. He had stopped
drinking back through the holidays. I stopped a little behind him,
but to support him, not for the same reasons he was.
That definitely was a component. We didn't have the issues
of drinking, but it was playing a factor of just
kind of numbing things that maybe we weren't talking about.
So when it was really just raw, I think is

(49:38):
when he really had that time. So how you're saying
I'm going to be thanking him in a couple of years,
I think that was something he didn't want to say
but was hinting at And it's painful to hear. But
I'm only a couple of weeks out and already kind
of feeling like, yeah, it was a hard but really
good thing.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (49:55):
I bet that you guys are going to remain friends
for a long time.

Speaker 2 (49:59):
Yeah. And you know, so this is a huge opportunity
for you. Like it, being heartbroken in this way and
being kind of blindsided, so to speak, in this way
is a great opportunity for you to really like get
to know who you are. Now you get this time
with yourself, which you've already elucidated, Like you've already said,
I'm looking forward to being this single person. And strength

(50:21):
comes from knowing who you are. That's where you get
strength from, from really finding out. And when you're with
somebody for seven years, anyone will say that you lose
a little bit of yourself when you're kind of in
that relationship, right, you start to operate as a couple
and a pair rather than so independent. And so when
you have this time, it's the most valuable time we
ever get, is the time that we sit and go, Okay,

(50:43):
I'm going to lean into me. I'm going to read
as many books as possible. I'm going to meditate, I'm
going to like you know, go to therapy and get clean,
Like I want a clean slate, so that I'm going
into the next love relationship that I have as the
best version of myself, because as we get older, we're
just getting better and better and better at being who

(51:03):
we are. And like, you have this whole clean slate
that just kind of fell into your lap that you
didn't ask for, but now it's yours, and you're just
gonna grab it, like you grab a bowl by its
horns and be like, all right, I'm fucking ready, let's go.
I'm ready to find out who I really am and
what I have in store for me. Because your whole
life is ahead of you. So you are going to

(51:24):
be grateful to him, You're going to be thanking him,
and you probably will be friends with him, and those
are all beautiful things.

Speaker 5 (51:31):
Well said, Yeah, I totally agree with that.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yeah, I'm excited for you.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (51:35):
And you said you have a hard time being alone?
Is that? Like I always had a hard time if
there wasn't an alpha male in my life, and for
years I always had a guy in my life. Now
I have girls in my life. Do you have a
lot of girlfriends?

Speaker 4 (51:52):
It's something I've been working on, and it was something
even before this happened, I was aware of, like planning
a wedding.

Speaker 1 (51:57):
It was really evident and how for.

Speaker 4 (51:58):
You female friendships I had so definitely working on making
that a priority myself first and that next. I'm not
looking for any kind of love relationship anytime soon, So
definitely looking for some girls.

Speaker 5 (52:11):
Yeah, because girlfriends, if they're good girlfriends, they can also
help you learn about yourself and you can learn from them.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, And it's also another great way to know about
yourself and learn about yourself is to learn about what
kind of friends you can be right. You know, when
you're in a relationship and you said you didn't have
a lot of friends, like that doesn't feel right for me.
For you know, for as a woman, you need women
around you. You need to be helping them and they
need to be there for you. And that reciprocity will

(52:40):
give you so much more than so many love relationships
provide when you're not with the right partner. So, yeah,
your future is bright, and be optimistic and just get
into your groove and enjoy your single dumb because it
will not last forever. You will meet someone, you will
fall in love again, and you'll look back at this
time and be like, oh my god, that it was
so much fun.

Speaker 1 (53:01):
Yeah, is there a daily affirmation that we can send
Aubrey away with to help rebuild confidence?

Speaker 2 (53:07):
And yeah, get after it girl. Wake up every morning
and look in the mirror and be like, get after it, girl,
let's go.

Speaker 5 (53:15):
Yeah. I love that.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
You're so welcome. You're so welcome, and have the best time.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
Thank you. Yes, check in with us in a few months, Okay, Aubrey,
I will thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
You're so welcome. You know what this reminded me of, Jane.
I don't know if it was Ted Turner's book or
your book. You tell me when the breakup on the
plane when you guys, when he flew you to Atlanta,
or he was dropping you off right and he was
picking up his girlfriend? Was that what happened?

Speaker 5 (53:45):
I got I went from his private plane to get
in my car, rented car to drive it to my
daughter's house because I was now a single woman after
a long long time. And I saw her leaving the
hangar and going to I know she'd be sitting in
my still warm seat. I knew who she was, and
it was really really painful.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Yeah. And if you can get through something like that,
I think you know you can get through anything. Because
that is heart wrenching.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
Well, let's take a quick break and we'll wrap up
with one more quick question.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Great, and we're back with Jane Fonda. Okay, what's our
last question? Catherine? This has been awesome.

Speaker 5 (54:29):
I didn't know that. You're like, dear Abby, is this
always what you do?

Speaker 2 (54:35):
Yeah? Well, you know why I got so much out
of my sessions with Dan Siegel. I was like, I
gotta spread the love around. I was like, Oh, I
know all the answers to all this shit, now let's
do it. I started it as a kind of a joke,
but it got pretty serious quickly, so I'm just going
with it.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
But sure did well. Our last question comes from Misty.
Dear Chelsea bottom line. First, my friend Jane is a loyal,
good person who would do anything for her friends. We're
both retired in our late sixties and very active with hiking, biking,
and essentially any outdoor activity. She visits me once or
twice a year for about two weeks. Jane has always

(55:09):
been a talker. Literally, on a ten mile hike, she
can talk the entire time, but lately her dissertations are
over the top about her life, dramas, her family, her neighbors, and,
most prominently, her health history. When Jane talks about her health,
she goes into excruciating details that have anyone with us
rolling their eyes. I'm having a very difficult time listening

(55:30):
to the dramas over and over again. I feel like
the only conversations we can have are the senior citizen
fixations on illness, medications, etc. You may not have experiences yet, Chelsea,
but just hang around seventy plus year olds for a while.
There seems to be nothing else to talk about. I
feel like I only have two options to deal with
the situation. One tell Jane she has to stop this

(55:51):
obsessiveness on herself. Two, just suck it up and tune
it out, as I usually do, as Jane's visits are
only a couple of weeks a year. And the third
option I won't do is to totally diss her as
a friend. I just can't do that. Although if I
chose option one, she may never speak to me again.
Maybe the problem is me. Am I disingenuous and should
listen and offer support if I claim to be a

(56:12):
real friend, Misty.

Speaker 2 (56:14):
I want to go first on this, Jane. I want
to just say suck it up and be a friend.
Your friend is in her seventies and going through a time,
and what a real friend is is somebody who's there
when they don't feel like being there, and they listen
to stories that there may not be interested in. And
that's part of being a friend. It's not always what

(56:34):
you want to do or what you want to talk about.
It's about showing up for other women. And you have
a history with this person, and I think, just suck
it up and be there and actually try to listen
better instead of tuning it out. Listen better because maybe
she's repeating herself because she's not getting any feedback from
you because you are tuning her out. But I would

(56:55):
say to think about the value of female friendship and
show up. Jane, what do you think?

Speaker 5 (57:01):
Well, I don't entirely agree with you, Chelsea. I think
if she's really your friend, that you should find a
loving way of making her aware that being with her
is a constant flow of her talking about herself and
that you love her and so you want to hear

(57:24):
about what she has to say, but that it's becoming
so one sided and that you would like to I
don't know, maybe you could help her find other things
of interest in her life. So it's not just I mean,
you know, I'm ten years older than she is. I'm
also Jane. I also have health issues, but I have

(57:45):
other things in my life, so I don't just when
I get together with old people, we do talk about
who has the most joints replaced and who's been you know,
I mean, we do talk about it. It's kind of
fun to see how much you have in common, but
it's camp the only thing you talk about. I mean,
my friends tell me. I want to be Chelsea's friends,

(58:06):
so I'll tell Chelsea if I think that the behavior
has been problematic, and people certainly tell me when they
think my behavior has been and they're still my friends.
That's what I want them for, is because they'll tell
me the truth. So if you really want to be
a friend, then I think you should tell her in
a loving way, not break off your friendship, but just

(58:30):
try to work together with her, both of you, to
make her realize the impact she has on you as
her friend who wants to love her. But it's becoming hard.
You never asked me about your about me. Don't you
care anything about me? You know? I mean, it's got
to be a give and take, and I just I
think you can do that in a loving way that

(58:51):
will make her understand. I mean, maybe you know, maybe
you don't know. It would be interesting to know. Does
she drive a lot of her friends away? Other friends
of her have the same problem that you're asking Chelsea about,
and maybe nobody has taken the time or loved her
enough to be able to say, wait a minute, now,
this is becoming a problem, so let's deal with it.

(59:12):
You're such a wonderful friend and an interesting person, but
this is what's happening, so let's fix it. I mean,
if you're hiking with her and friends of yours are
rolling their eyes, then it's not just you.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
Yeah, but don't you think sometimes younger people don't understand
what older people are going through. There's obviously an age
disparity and.

Speaker 5 (59:32):
Yeah, and older people don't understand how boring they can
get when all they talk about is you know what
I mean. It's like, if she wants to maintain her friendship,
somebody's got to say, hey, wait a minute, I love
you and I want to be able to be with
you when it's not just all about your ills and
aches and pains.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
I was on a chair lift the other day and
I have my hamike talking about my hip, and my
friend's talking about her knee and my other friend and
I go, guys, just let's stop. We're all young. Let's
I mean, we're all in our you know, about to
turn fifty next year. But I'm like, this is not
what I want to be talking about. But I would
only say that to someone my own age, Like I
want to show deference to people that are older and

(01:00:14):
give them the respect of listening.

Speaker 5 (01:00:17):
I'm trying to make a joke out of it. I mean,
I love talking about my aches and pains and with
other people talking about their aches and pains with me.
But then, you know, then we have to make a
joke about it and laugh at ourselves and just make
it easier for younger people to say, yeah, you guys,
come on, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
I do like joking about it and saying like, well,
I guess we can't only talk about our aches and pains.
What's what good things are going on in life right now?
And kind of gently redirect.

Speaker 5 (01:00:42):
And I'll send us right back to talking about our
aches and pain. What good things are happy? I mean,
we live in right now.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
God, there's the climate that's always a pick me up.
Jane Fonda. I love you, I adore you. I'm mean
to see you in a couple of weeks. I can't wait.
Thank you so much for your time today. Thank you
for everything you've done. Thank you for being a beacon
of light and a role model for all of us
younger girls.

Speaker 5 (01:01:12):
Thank you very much. Chelsea. You're younger than my children.
I just want you to know, and I love that.
I don't feel older than you, but that's okay. I
love you too, Chelsea, and I want to be one
of your girlfriends. I don't have this enough humored. I
don't think to be here.

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Yes you do, you have plenty of humor. You are
one of my girlfriends. I just am never in La
But I will see you soon and we will re
cement our bond.

Speaker 5 (01:01:35):
With Connie maybe.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
Oh yeah, yeah, I'll text Connie right now. Make sure
she's coming too.

Speaker 5 (01:01:40):
Yeah, she's not going to be here for a while.
She's working with de Niro in New York.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
And oh yeah, she's pretending to be an actress. I
told her nobody buys her acting, so hopefully she'll just
give that up soon.

Speaker 5 (01:01:51):
Oh God, she's so good.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
I know she is good. Yeah, she is good.

Speaker 5 (01:01:55):
I love you soon.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
Okay, bye day bye. Okay, guys, so firs stand up.
We added a second show in Sydney, and we added
a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now
going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa
Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year.

(01:02:17):
That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a
second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we
added two dates at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii
on July nineteenth to.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
CA Who Louis.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
I'm going to be at CA Who Louis, and then
I'm coming on July twenty at to Honolulu. And I
just added another date on August first Auburn, Washington. So
and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
and I will be announcing a European tour shortly, so
I will be coming there. And I'm coming to Oklahoma.

(01:02:55):
I have two dates in Oklahoma. May third, which is
my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, and May fourth, I'll be
in Thackerville, Oklahoma. So Oklahomaans, Oklahomans Oklahom's Come Bye.

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com