Detachment is power - Why you can and need to detach (bonus ep)

Detachment is power - Why you can and need to detach

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The hardest, most important thing you will ever do in
your life is learning your lesson, like learning where you're
supposed to remove yourself, where you need to detach, where
you need to disconnect, where you have to stop feeding
into energy that's straining from you. Because at this point
in our life, when we don't see this and we
continue to go back to these things, we continue to
make attachments to things that aren't healthy to us, we'll

(00:20):
continue to kill ourselves slowly. And this is one of
the most difficult thing you will ever do, but it
will be the most powerful one because when you're able
to detach from people, when you're able to remove yourself
from situations or jobs, or school or whatever, family members,
whatever it is, When you're able to fully detach from
these things, you're able to give yourself so much power.
You're able to give yourself authority because now you don't

(00:41):
depend on them for it. And I know it's easy
to say sometimes it's easy to preach that right to
say that you need to detach and you need to
learn how to not give authority to people and all
these things. But why we don't change the reason that
we don't actually move. There's many folds. But the main,
main reason is because we've fallen short of what that

(01:01):
authority looks like. Like we think that it's okay for
people to speak to us, however, because it's what we're
used to. We've justified their words and their actions because
it's what they've always done. We've made something about this
that it has nothing to do with what it actually is.
We've given power to people into situations that don't deserve it.
We need to first know why we need to detach,

(01:23):
Like why do you have to disconnect? Why do you
have to cut away from that? Why do you have
to move? The main reason, the simplest, is because you
deserve it. First of all, you deserve fullness and healthiness
and goodness. You don't deserve to be dragged along or
to be strung along, or to be made felt like
you're nothing. That's one factor of it. Why do you
need to detach? Because one, you deserve it, but also

(01:44):
we need to detach because we're not going to build
in something that's falling apart, Like it's impossible for us
to sit now. I want to justify that, right, need
to clarify because there are situations that you need to
work in the things that you have to work with
and work through and seek therapy and c counseling and
all these things. But we need to know what's actually
good for us, what's healthy and just needs some elbow crease,

(02:06):
just needs a little effort, and what's actually killing us
and it's just falling apart around us, and not try
to force something that shouldn't exist to exist. Why do
you need to learn to detach? Because it gives you authority,
It gives you power, it gives it, reclaims power. It's
not that you're stealing power from anything else or you're
making out of nowhere, but you're reclaiming something that you
should naturally belong to you. It's something that's already given

(02:26):
to you, that's really in you. Attachment is not about
us not loving people or not caring about people. It's
about us loving us enough to no longer give people
that don't deserve power over me. Power. It's knowing that
the situation does not merit or warrant a response for me.
Because what happens when you responded, it's giving it power.
It's giving it that that situation more authority over you.

(02:49):
So learning to detach is saying that I'm no longer
giving that authority of that power doesn't mean that what
they did is okay. It doesn't mean that it's justified.
It means you need to get that power back. So
learning to detach one of the biggest things you'll ever do.
It's being able to clarify that in yourself and knowing
why you deserve power, and knowing why you don't have
to stay in something and knowing why that thing doesn't
deserve control over you. Our next one here is the

(03:11):
reality of detachment that sometimes we don't let go. It's
because of our ego or our pride. There's a phrase
that I remember. I was leaving the gym once and
was in my car. I was praying and have this
phrase that came to me. It's like, you're either let
go or you're dragged. Sometimes our ego or our pride
does not let us go go of a situation because
we think that we have to have to win. We

(03:33):
think that if we put ourselves in this, that we
invested so much time in this, that we put so
much effort in this that I can't see it. That
sunken cost fallacy right where you think that because you
spend so much time making a mistake, you have to
continue to make that mistake. You think that the silver
autligning the end of the road is right in front
of you. So what you're gonna consistently do is put
yourself in something that's bad for you, that's killing you,

(03:55):
thinking that eventually that thing is going to see you.
I need you to understand that nothing that is not
serving you, not loving you, not caring for you, is
ever gonna be good for you. You think that if you
stay there that eventually you're gonna win. The way you
actually win is not by staying in the thing that's
killing you. It's actually by walking away. It's by growing
enough in you and having this authority over that that

(04:15):
you no longer say, I'm going to continue to bend
backwards or flip do flips for people that don't deserve me,
that don't deserve my attention. Sometimes your pride is the
reason that you are being hurt because you're too focused
on trying to win, on trying to prove that you
were the right thing, that you hurt yourself by staying
in it. It's okay to move. Sometimes the win is

(04:36):
not being in it. Sometimes the wind is actually being
out of it, is actually taking yourself out of the
situation and learning that someone else, something else, another place,
another situation is going to value the effort that you have.
Not everyone is meant to have you. And when you
start walking that way, you start realizing that that's the
real win. That not everyone has access to me, then
that everyone has authority around me. So knowing that, knowing

(04:58):
that it needs to be some that you separate yourself
from so that you can be the best version of
you is the win. That's the ultimate win. Our next
way is does it align with you? Like? Does it
align with the life that you want? I know, sometimes
we paint the picture of the thing right and we
put the thing in the pedestal. Whether it's a person
or it's a job or whatever it is, we put
that in a pedestal and that's the only thing we see.

(05:20):
We put these blinders on and that's the only thing
we focus on. But I need you to understand that
not everything you want aligns with your life. Not everything
that you're trying to put enforce into your life aligned
with and that's actually the reason why it doesn't work.
That's the reason why it doesn't flow naturally because you
have to force it. I don't want to confuse work
and effort with something that's supposed to fit, because yes,
you are supposed to work, you are supposed to put effort.

(05:43):
There are difficult times, there are things you have to
grow through. But something that you have to force to
fit does not belong in the place you're trying to
force it. And if you have to force people to
love you, you have to force people to talk to you.
You have to force that particular situation to be what
you want it to be. It doesn't fit. It doesn't
mean that that has to be there. There's a difference
between you put didn't work because work is mutual, but
you're trying to force something that's only you're trying to

(06:04):
force it. It's something that we have to let it
go because it doesn't align with who we are, and
that's why it's not working. Even if you were to
fake it, you would still have to live in something
that's fake doesn't align with the life you actually want.
And I suppose you have to stop fantasizing. I know
it's hard, I know it's difficult to sit there and
say that, but you have to stop living in the

(06:25):
dream of what it could have been, and start living
in the reality what is. You have to stop making
this vision of what you think it should look like
and should be like it started actually being what you're
in and start accepting that. Because when we try it
again four situations, we're gonna break other things around us.
If the shape does not fit and you're trying to
force that shape and the wrong place, all you're gonna
do is cause damage to everything around it. Some things

(06:47):
are not in your life because you keep imagining what
they would look like, but it doesn't look like what
you're imagining. It's okay to cut those things off. It's
okay to walk away and know that you're doing the
right thing for you and you're doing the best possible change.
And what happens in that next phase of that is
that we start redirecting our energy, because think about it,
you're trying to put all this effort into something that's

(07:08):
not good for you, something that's not healthy for you,
something that's not serving you. So you end up now
wasting this positive energy that's good and effort. It's time
that you could have put into yourself. When you redirect that,
when you become the best possible version of you, Everything
around you becomes the best possible version of itself. Right
because you're now gravitating towards the things that deserve you,
that you deserve in your life, you're making something different,

(07:29):
but you are expending all this energy in a place
that is just draining it and it's not actually serving it.
So the question is that where's my energy. I need
to be able to redirect what's inside of me towards
the things that are deserving me, not necessarily the things
that are just around, but the things that I am.
I think our biggest problem with that is the fear

(07:52):
of missing out, Like we think we're missing out on
the vision that we had. We're fantasizing about the thing.
We're fantasizing about that world where we created this image.
So we think that by walking away that we're missing out.
I need you to understand that you're never missing out.
If you doing what's best for you is gonna cause
people to leave you, then you are doing the best

(08:12):
possible thing for you. That is a gift, that is
that is something that you were not ready to receive.
You weren't aware of it, but it is a gift
because you loving you should not cast people around you
to have something to say about you. You. Loving you
should should gravitate with the people that desire to love you.
It's okay to miss out on people. In fact, it's
good that they miss out on you. Let them miss

(08:32):
out on you. You don't have to sit here and
force people into your life simply because you want them
there because you've imagined or you've envisioned what they would
look like. You have to become okay with that fact,
that reality that not everyone has to be in everything,
and you are the one that's gonna live your life,
because at the end of the day, this all culminates
your true joy, like joy for the sake of joy,
not joy for the sake of what you could do

(08:53):
for people. Not joy for the sake of what people
could do for you. Not joy for the sake of
you winning or getting the thing right, Joy for the
sake of you being joyful. Life is entirely too short
for you to consistently sit here in misery. You're not
meant to sit here in this joyless life without any
purpose just because you think that certain things belong in
your life. The attachment is never about us being perfect

(09:17):
it's about us understanding that this part of our life
is there. And there's this phrase, right, this phrase that
I've been hearing him in sitting with or some time,
and in this reality that when we change, things around
us have to change. There's a saying that the higher
you get right, the new levels, new devils. There are
new things that you're gonna have to confront. And every
stage of life is uncomfortable. It has to be a
season of uncomfortableness. Why because one, you haven't done this yet,

(09:39):
and that thing that you're in, that perfection of that,
that difficulty is going to make you so much better
for the next stage. But if you can't master the
stage of difficulty that you're in, you will die in
the next stage. It's like asking for money. You're praying,
asking God, God, give me all this money, but you
don't know how to manage wealth. You're asking God, I
need this massive house, but you have a minimum wage
work ethic. You can't expec the next thing in your

(10:01):
life to be better if you haven't perfected the pain
or you're in now, the level that you're in now,
the thing that you're failing in now, that thing has
to be perfected. For you to move up. So sometimes
attachment is gonna cost us that it's gonna make us
feel like we are in this struggle, in this pain,
and that's okay. This is where growth happens, right, This
is where things change, where you become the best version

(10:23):
of you by killing that old version. I know not
everyone wants to detach because they've become so attached to
the idea, but it's time to let those things go
and start attaching to what you actually deserve.