December 4, 2025 • 29 mins
This episode digs into the part of healing most people avoid: forgiving yourself. I talk about why self-forgiveness hits deeper than forgiving others, how guilt and shame quietly shape your identity, and what it takes to finally stop dragging your past into your present. We break down the difference between a mistake and an identity, how to rebuild trust in yourself, and how to learn from your past without reliving it. This is about grace, honesty, and letting go of the version of you that didn’t know better.
- self-sabotage meaning
- why we sabotage ourselves
- breaking toxic cycles
- stop waiting for the perfect moment
- overcoming the “when I’m ready” mindset
- why you keep holding yourself back
- mental battle with yourself
- fighting your inner resistance
- breaking free from internal roadblocks
- how to take control of your life again
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The truth is most people don't forgive themselves because they
think it was their responsibility. Like they're mad at themselves
because they believe why were.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
They in the situation?
Speaker 1 (00:08):
How could they let themselves be dragged along for so long?
How could they let themselves be made felt that way?
How could they let anyone else take that power from them?
And the truth is that you're not wrong for wanting
something good, Like you're not wrong for wanting to be loved,
You're not wrong for wanting to love. You're not wrong
for envisioning something in the future. You're not wrong for
just wanting the most basic thing that we all deserve,
(00:31):
which is to be loved or to be cared for.
And we become mad at ourselves because we see the
red flags, we see the stumbling blocks, We see those
things when we are away from those things, and even then,
even though we see all those things, we still want
them to be the.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Person we envisioned.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
The reality is that they are not who we imagine
them to be. They are who they're showing us they are.
And even though we want them to fit in the
thiose things, it doesn't mean that this is who they
actually are. This is made for This Mountain with Josh
Rosa or We're turning Pain into Purpose to Welcome to
the Made for This Mountain podcast And the first time
I listening money with Josh Rosa. And here we just
(01:11):
dive into real things that a lot of as struggle with,
real conversations that have so many people And if you've
been listening, thank you so much. I do ask if
you can just turn on those downloads to be able
to help the podcast progress a little bit more, even
stay on. We don't really ever know until we know,
but I'm just glad that you're here. And this is
a topic that I feel like it is something we
all have struggled with, but in recent conversations it's been
(01:33):
brought up often again and the reality for a lot
of people is that's forgiving ourselves as a mountain. Like
there's so many factors to this. Is not just like
like emotional relationships or stuff like that, because this is
again that's like the easiest one. I always say it's
low berry fruit. It's easy to pick up relationships because
that's something that so many people struggle with. But even
(01:56):
with like things that we've done in our lives, like
things that we've that we've made mistakes that we make.
There are sometimes that we dwell so much in what
we've done that we never leave it alone. Like we
go back to the mistake that we've made and we
try to repeace things, or we try to feel the
shame of what it was like. And I need you
to understand that you're not there anymore. That you deserve
(02:17):
and are allowed to move and grow from something, and
you should learn from me. I'm not saying disregarded and
not care for it. I'm saying learned and realize that
that thing happened. You might have made a mistake, but
you're not your shame. You're not a byproduct of where
you wore. This is why sometimes we find it so
much harder to forgive ourselves. Like it's easy for us
to look at other people and understand their mistakes and
(02:39):
their grief and look at them as people and say
it's okay, you know you're forgiven. I forgive you, or
even understand that they deserve forgiveness. But when it comes
to us, when it's us personally, we really struggle to
forgive ourselves. And there's so many folks that we're going
to dive it deeper into that. But the reality is
that for a lot of us, we understand that we
(03:02):
should do better, like we know that we're capable of better,
we're capable of more. So what happens is that when
we make these mistakes, when we fall short, when we fail,
we were harder on ourselves than we would be on
anyone else. And I'm not saying to disregard that, to
not care about you being better, to not care about
(03:24):
you progressing, about you doing the things you need to do.
I'm not saying don't do those things because they're important,
they're true, they're good. But I am saying is that
you deserve to give yourself the same grace that you'd
give anyone else. You deserve to understand that you are human,
and that comes with a lot of flaw, comes with
(03:44):
a lot of failure. And it's okay to make mistakes.
So it's not okay it's to repeat them and go
back and do it over because at that point is
not a mistake, it's a decision. Right, You're choosing to
make the same thing over and over and over again,
and you need to grow from those things. But it's
easier for us to forgive other people because we expect
them to mess up, and we expect people to be human.
(04:06):
We expect them to do things and to have flaws,
and we sympathize and empathize with them. We look at
them and we say, wow, I'm so sorry you're going
through this. It's okay to not hold this over yourself,
but when it comes to us, we.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Are our hardest critic.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So I don't know where you are in your life,
and if this necessarily relates to the curtain season you're in,
or it relates to a season you were in or
a season you will be in. I do think that
we all struggle with this throughout lives because it's hard
for us to understand that we deserve to be forgiven.
And if you've never given your self permission, I just
(04:42):
hope this is the day. As we dive into this
it's mountain.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
For a lot of us.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Then you give yourself permission to be free from the
things that you've done, from the shame of the past,
from the lies of the past, from things that have
been held over you or being held over you, that.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
You are not those things.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
And if if you've made a thousand mistakes on this
is day one of those thousand mistakes being in your past,
because again I'm not saying that they weren't bad, they
didn't have value, they didn't have worth, didn't have weights,
that they were things that were mistakes. But that's the
things that they were, not they are and maybe the
trickle effect of those things. But you're not in the
(05:20):
center of it, you're in the outside. You deserve to
forgive yourself because something happens right when we don't learn
to to let things go and we don't learn to
allow this to leave. Well from the scientific component, we
actually create more stress. As a book called and I
believe I've quoted it before, the body keeps the score
(05:41):
that your body physically actually physical like literally chemically in
your body and physical implements your body take on the
weight of the things that you're holding over yourself. So
like example, your body produces the stress of hormone quoteosol.
It actually goes into your body in ways that it
affects your body hurt. It actually produces fat, like that's
(06:01):
literally the thing that it does. When you are aggravated
and create this pain, your body doesn't know how to react.
It becomes regulated, so you have this this physical outcome
of holding on to shape. You have this physical outcome
of holding onto pain, of holding on to the things
that you haven't forgiven yourself for. And it's going to
(06:25):
keep replaying and replaying. Why because our brains are not
very good at creating healthy memories. All they do is
repeat a memory of a memory. So we are looking
at the worst possible outcome of this situation. It's not
might not even be the situation itself. It's a byproduct
of brain or what our brain created. And you're living
in something that you deserve freedom from. And we're going
(06:46):
to talk about that right a little deeper. How to
actually gain freedom from these things, and how to and
to be honest about spoiler alert. Most of this, if
not all of this comes from what.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
You repeat and what you believe.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
What you're willing to say about yourself of opposed to
what you have been told to believe about yourself will
dive deeper after these quick commercial breaks. So there's this
weight that we hold in our chest, in our shoulders,
and in our jaws. This is why when people say, like,
let your shoulders down, unclinch your jaw, relax, take a
(07:18):
deep breath, be patient, be present, all these things is
that they allow us to do it because it's again
a physical component of what we're feeling. But there's this
weight of unhealed guilt and shame, like there's something that
hovers over us and that we carry into every relationship,
every career, every path that we go, into everything that
we do on our own, we carry the weight of
(07:41):
that shame.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
We carry the weight of that guilt.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And again, there is a healthy component to this of
understanding where you failed, where you messed up, and understanding
that you can heal and grow from that. But the
healthiest thing that you will ever do is define that
you're not that, that you don't need to continue to
care things into the next seasons of your life that
weren't meant to be there. There's this like analogy almost
(08:06):
where a man is leaving and he's leaving his house,
and every time he leaves, he comes back, and he leaves,
he comes back, and he leaves, but every time he's
taking something more into his travel case, his suitcase. It's
not rolling back because it makes a lot easier. It's
just to carry on, and he's going and he's coming back,
and every time he gets heavier and heavier and heavier white,
because he keeps going back to a place where he
was not supposed to be, in a place where he's
(08:29):
already freed from. For a lot of us, we do that.
We go back to the shape, we go back to
the moment, we go back to the memory, we go
back to the person. And again these aren't even valid memories.
That there are things of our brain's construction, either to
protect us or to keep us away. Our brains are
very good at remembering things. So it just makes it worse.
(08:49):
And every time we go back to this thing, we
carry more of that thing with us into this next place.
We don't leave the things that we're meant to stay there,
We bring them into this next sting. So the shame,
the guilt, the heaviness of this thing, it never leaves
you because you're continuing to bring it into new places
and you refuse to unpack that thing and let it go.
(09:12):
And this is I always I tell this story offten
because there's a show called Hoarders, and if you've ever
seen the show Holders, it's about it's a disorder, right,
This hoarding is an emotional disorder ultimately, but also mental,
but an emotional disorder because people tend to create attachment
to certain things, right, they create attachment to even the
smallest thing in the world. But they has this they
(09:33):
don't know where they're gonna see it again. No, they't
know how, they don't know where they got it from.
But it just has a memory or has something attached
to something. They produce the attachment, and so much so
that everything in their house becomes disgusting and just overflowing
and just essentially.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Filled with garbage.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And I've ever seen the show holders, It's like, how
do people live like that? Like how do they live
with so many things that are causing so much mess
and so much dirt and so much stink And they
literally can't live in their own home effectively even use
the toilet effectively because there's so much they're packing. I
believe that a lot of people are emotional hoarders, like
(10:08):
we are shameful holders. We hold on to things into
memories because they're attached to certain people or to certain moments,
and we're afraid that if we let this thing go,
that is going to let go of that particular person
or moments or memory, or going to make us not
be accountable for the things that we've done. I believe
that a lot of people are struggling with this because
(10:30):
they've become so accustomed to it that they're unaware that
they're hoarding and they're holding their emotions. They're hoarding their shame,
they're hoarding memories in hopes that they never have to
let go of that particular season, they never have to
let go of that particular person, that particular job, that particular.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Feeling that they had.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
For a lot of people, we struggle to let go
of the weight of shame and the weight of guilt
because we keep it with us. We make home where
all this stuff is, and it becomes this huge part
of our identity. You're not the worst thing that you've
ever done, but you are responsible for becoming who you
(11:14):
become after it, like, you are not the things that
you lived in your past. You're not what you've been
said about. You're not your biggest flaws of mistakes. Everyone
has a chance, Everyone has redemption. This is why I
love being Christian. I love the Gospel because every person
has a moment to be redeemed. You have a moment
right now even to accept who you fully are and
(11:36):
now who you've been told you have to be to
accept the fullness of the gift that you've been giving,
the ability to talent, the reality of letting yourself be
who you are, and not being a hoarder of your emotions,
not hoarding how you're feeling, not dwelling, and living in
a place that you already rescued from. Too many people
(11:56):
live so deeply in their shame that they never know
who they fully are, live their whole lives and the
things that they've done, and the mistakes that they've been
and the things that aren't even their identity, but they've
been imprinted with this so deeply that this is who
they really believe. You really believe that you are your shame,
like you really believe that you're your brokenness. You really
believe that you aren't worthy. And this is the biggest
lie that would ever happen, because let's just pretend that
(12:18):
you believe that there's a.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Devil, and that there is a devil.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
His one goal is to make you believe that you're
not full, because if you're broken, you're easy to manipulate.
This is why people when when they're psychotic, the people
that they go after typically are the broken people because
they don't fully know who they are. They've identified themselves
so deeply and so rooted with their wounds that their
wounds are all they've identified their whole life with. It's
(12:43):
the only thing that they gravitate around. But you're not
those things. You're not your shame, you're not your brokenness.
You are who you are choosing to be today. And like,
when I mean today, I mean like right now, as
you're listening to this podcast, as you're watching this video,
whatever it is, this very moment, you are free of
all that shame. The question is do you believe it
(13:04):
and accept it or are you going to vindicate the
same excuses you've been living with because you don't want
to let it go. That show Hoarders, they did that often.
They would begin to catecorterize certain things and say, well, no,
this was given to me this day, or they no
longer make this or this, and that They'll keep making
excuses as to why they want to keep holding onto
(13:24):
their pap Why are you making excuses for the pains,
the shame, the past that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You need to let go of.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
You're not there anymore. And if this is something that
we haven't even struggled with Yet at some point we'll
look back and say, man, I'm in something or I
became went into something that made me feel like I
was inadequate. We have to learn to let go of
these things. Regret is just the past trying to drag
you back into that version of you. You're no longer
(13:54):
that person. That person no longer exists.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
So we want to.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Talk about these practical things, just a few things maybe
to actually because one of my biggest goals is to
do this with this podcast, is to look for practical
things that are science backed that can help us really
just let go of this regret. So admit what happened
without dressing it up.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Now, this might be hard for some people.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Because again, even though we're dwelling in it and we're
living in it, we don't want to identify what it
fully is.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
So whatever that shame.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Is over, that guilt is, whatever the mistake you did,
admit it, like straight up, what was it, what did
I do, and what happened, and allow yourself to see
that thing to say, this is where I messed up,
this is where I was flawed, this is where I failed,
or this is what this thing was, name what it
costs you emotionally.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Now this is a big one, because.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I want you to look at what that's costing you. Now,
for some people, it's costing them their future of marriages,
Like I know people personally. Again, these conversations are not new.
These are things that people have spoken to me about.
And I know people that are so wounded and so
stuck in their hurt and their shame and their past
that they're ruining anything possible for their future. They're burning
(15:10):
bridges with people that they need in the future. They're
burning their future marriages, their future careers, their future friends.
They're burning those things because they're still stuck in a
person that they aren't, in a place that they weren't
meant to be. So name what it's costing you emotionally.
Is it costing you a career? Is it costing you friendships?
Is it costing you your personal relationship with yourself? Do
(15:30):
you love you less because of this thing? Identify the
version of you who made that choice, because you're not
that person anymore. You wouldn't feel shameful if you were
still then, like you wouldn't feel remorse for doing the
thing you did if you were still that person. So
identify why why were you there? What we're struggling with
(15:51):
because some sometimes how this helps us is looking at
that person and saying, well, they were that way because
they were battling this, battling that. And when you're able
to identify yourself as that person and not just as you,
you actually will give yourself more grace. That same first
point that we talked about, it's easy. You're easier for
us to forgive people than it is for us to
(16:12):
forgive ourselves. So we look at that person that we
were and we say, well, this is what they were
going through, Like we show empathy for them, and we say,
we understand why you were there.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
This is the first part to healing.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yourself, to forgiving yourself, is to know that you are
a person, and that person was going through things, and
they were in a season where they were being hurt.
That they were hurting, so they did the things they did,
or they responded the way they responded, or they were
feeling the way they were feeling because of other exterior things,
and you're able to forgive them because it's not you,
(16:46):
You're not them anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You're here.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Replace self punishment with accountability. Like I said, it's not
that this thing goes a way and that you don't
care about it anymore. But you become accountable. I did
these things, I messed up, I was hurt, I failed,
But I'm not that person anymore. Redirect your energy into
actions that prove you've changed. This is a big one
(17:11):
because we're afraid to do certain things, afraid to move
certain ways for you, to speak to certain people, afraid
to dive into certain things because we still think we're
that person. So when we start doing things are knew,
we start redirecting how we change, how we respond, how
we live. It identifies with us oc current US a
(17:32):
lot more than with.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Our previous us. We begin to.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Say, well, no, this is who I am. So being
able to do these things, which for the most part
should be simple and practical, allow us to detach.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
From that particular place. Now.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I want to be clear, shame is a heavy one
because shame, it's for a lot of us, is rooted
in the fact that we know that we're better than that,
that we know that we shouldn't have made that mistake,
and we know that we shouldn't have failed. But you
didn't fail because you wanted to, Like you didn't choose
to make those mistakes. Like you, you didn't have the
(18:09):
option to say, oh, I'm going to want to make
this huge mess right now. No, it's not something that.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
You did intentionally.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
And even if it was intentional in that moment, is
it intentional for the person you are now, Probably not.
Shame has a lot of weight behind it because of that,
because it's rooted and based in us on what we're
capable of doing, on who we know, who we are,
what we offer. It's based on the reality of you.
So allowing yourself just this space to rectify these things
(18:41):
allows you to begin to trust yourself. Rebuilding trust with
yourself is the hardest thing we'll do. The real betrayal
isn't what someone did to you. It's all the time
that you didn't stand.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Up for yourself. You were built trust with yourself in
the same way that you were built with anyone else.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Consistency, make small promises and be concer and promise in them.
We've spoken about this before because this is such a
strong wordy to think that a lot of us lose
the belief that we are capable of doing things because
we've lost the trust that we had in ourselves. That
we do not take the next step or change or
make something new because even we doubt us, we made
so many promises to ourselves and we weren't consistent with
(19:17):
them that nothing's ever changed. So every time you believe
that you're going to do something different or you say
that you're gonna do something different, internally, deep down inside
you don't believe it because nothing changes because you're doing
the same thing today that you were doing yesterday. And
one of the hardest things that we will ever do
in our lives is be consistent with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
And this isn't everything.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And these are the things I'm working on myself right
the stages that I'm trying to grow in my life
where I need to learn to be more consistent. And
maybe I keep failing, but I know that the difference
there is that even when I fail, if I'm consistent,
even in my failing, that I'm going to be consistent
in my success, that something is going to change because
it has to change because I'm showing up in a
(19:59):
way way consistently that even if it's small, it's powerful
will dive deeper after these last few commercial rings. So
how do you learn from your past without reliving it.
Because again, when we talk about wounds and shame and
all these hurts, what happens sometimes is that we relive
certain things, we recycle through certain processes, We play back
(20:21):
moments and say, oh, how we're so dumb on that day,
not realizing that those things are no longer.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Holding anything over you.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
For a lot of us, we make a prison out
of this, like we create a cell instead of instead
of creating a border that was supposed to protect us,
we create a boundary and then we draw that around ourselves.
We make we make this barrier rather, and we make
it around ourselves and don't allow anything else. And so
what happens is that now you yeah, you made that thing,
(20:50):
or you lived in that shame or something was said
or done to you, but now you didn't just go
through it. Now you live with it, like your whole
life gravitates around that particular thing, around a particular wound,
around a particular hurt, and well, the worst thing that
we could ever do, because this is what happens again,
when we go into our traumas or shames or feelings
and we make a prison cell out of it, what
(21:12):
happens is that we give it the keys. We lock
ourselves up and say, well, here, dictate everything in my life.
Dictate how I'm gonna move, when I'm gonna eat, how
I'm gonna change. When do I sleep? When am I depressed?
When am I happy? You give so much authority to
what was done to you. When you create a prison
self for yourself, a border, a boundary rather is good.
(21:33):
That just says that you can't disrespect me here, you
can't come against this, you can't push over here. I'm
going to protect myself from here. But you're not enclosed
into anything. You've just stopped certain things from crossing over.
When we live in this, we don't give ourselves enough
grace to heal that same thing we spoke about earlier.
(21:56):
You don't give yourself enough space and grace to say
that it was okay that you are healing, now, that
you're growing, now that you're not in that stage, that
you're not what was done to you, that you're not
what was said to you, that you're not what you did,
that you're not the mistakes of your past. And I
want to just be practical with that, because again, at
same breath, it's easy for us certificate of other people
(22:17):
but not ourselves.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
What makes you think that you're perfect?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Like, like, let's be real. This is one of the
most freeing lines you will ever hear. You are not perfect.
You were not made to be perfect. You're not in
this world that's perfection. That means that your flaws and
your mistakes and your shortcomings are byproduct of you being human,
not of you being perfect. Because if you were perfect,
then you should make no mistakes. But you're not perfect.
You're going to fail, you're going to mess up, You're
(22:44):
going to do all of these things that people might
even talk about you and judge you for. But the
crazy thing is that those same people judging and talking
about you have their own flaws and their own mistakes.
They will throw the biggest stones because they're trying to
hide behind them. There is no sin in this world
that is perfect. And if you live in a world
(23:04):
thinking that you have to do everything perfectly and have
every step figured out and every there is no shame
and no fear that you're not living in a real world.
You're living in a world that you are either you're
perfect and you're the king of it all and you're
God in your own world, or you're living in this
world where you're flawed and you're human, but you're loved
and deemed and made good because of who God is,
(23:26):
not because of you, And that leaves you with so
much power because now it's not your responsibility to deal
with that. Yes, it's your responsibility to change, it's your
responsibility to love yourself to grow, but it's not your
responsibility to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
You were not made to be perfect.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
You're incapable of perfection, and no matter how much shame
you hold over yourself, you will never make yourself perfect.
So there's freeing nature in that. There's a free in
reality and knowing that we are not perfect, this mountain
of healing, of forgiving yourself and moving forward, this reality
(24:04):
that you are capable of this just because it's your nature,
not because it's your perfection. There's so much tranquility in it.
So our last point here is this power of grace
of self healing. It's this truth that you are already
(24:29):
given grace, that you're already giving disgrace freely given on
earn unwarrant in a merit, and it's yours already, But
how you receive it is important, Like how you allow
this to actually happen is important about myself? Why am
I feeling that way? Why am I believing that? Why
am I acting that way? What about me in that moment?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Is that a character for me?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Because the truth is that we need to learn to
identify the places that we don't love ourselves in them,
so we can learn to love ourselves in them. Like
the places where we don't offer ourselves is mercy, this
grace is freedom, so that we can fully just come
back to it. We need to learn to give ourselves
the same grace we'll give someone else, not because we
(25:17):
were perfect, not because we have it all together, but
because we deserve it. And there's not a single human
in this earth that is not even the worst of
the worst people. If you are really changing and making
something better and trying to make yourself better, there is
redemption for everybody. Now, I'm not saying that there's certain
things that we just forget about and throw them under
(25:37):
the rug. I'm saying that there's certain things that you
will have to grow through, right, and then that's all
on the severity of the thing itself. Because it's very
different to say something like a shame that we deal
with irregular.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Here be vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Last couple of minutes here we have if you listen
this far, that means you listen because you're tenfold here
now to be quick with you, thank you for listening
to this podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Thank you for being present. But a shame that I.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Deal with, dealt with and dealing with is that I'm
a minister, I travel speak and a preacher on the country,
and I had a son and I'm not married.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
And for me, that there was.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
A weight that helped very very heavy on my heart
for some time because I'm like, man, I made a mistake.
My kid is not a mistake. My kid is beautiful.
But I'm talking about the action itself. And I put
myself in a situation that I should not be in.
I put myself into place I shouldn't have been part of,
and I was praying with that and I was like
really heavy on my heart and the Lord reveals to me,
(26:32):
this is just reality. Where the reason I feel shame
is because I feel remorse, is because I know that
I should have been better and done better and grew more.
And I have an image and I'm a person that's
seen and I'm talking about all these things and I'm
doing all these things and I'm here, I am messing up,
and the Lord just reminded me of that moment in
my humanity. And I don't really talk about too much
(26:53):
faith here. We kind of just touch on certain things.
But maybe this is your belief, maybe it's not, and
if it's not, there's still philosoph fee behind this, so
just bear with me this last minute.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
For this point.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
He reminded me of the fact that I'm a human
and if I were to be perfect, that would be him.
And there was so much freedom in that moment to
know that my shame was not enough to overcome God's mercy,
my shame wasn't enough to derail God's plan, and my
shame was not enough to make me less loved by God.
There's something powerful that happens when we realize that we're human,
(27:28):
that we are not perfect, and you shouldn't, by any
means continue to do your sin and fall into those things.
I don't mean continue to go. I mean learn that
you fail and you are in shame, but you are
not your shame. You're not the byproduct of the shame.
You're the byproduct of grace and everything else that flows
from that comes what you come back to whether you
stay in your shame and say this is who I am,
(27:49):
or you choose to walk away from it and say
that's not who I am.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
This is who I am.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
How I'm allowed to be different and change every single day,
not your byproduct of your failings and surecomings. You're okay
to forgive yourself, and it's okay to move forward, and
it's okay to not go back to the things, to
the places, to the people that made you feel shameful.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
You're deserving of.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
So much, and until you believe that, until you start
giving it to you, you allow people to dictate how
that looks. You allow people to offer less because you
just want to be around. You allow people to make
you feel like you are useless or shameful or bad,
just because it's convenient to them and their own narcissism,
(28:41):
their own egotistic self. Thank you for being on this episode,
Thank you for listening this far, Thank you just for
your presence. I just can never be more grateful for
people that actually.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Listen to this. I'm so grateful for the messages.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Like I'm so grateful for people that share like on
social media and stuff like that. Because you don't understand
the magnitude of that little thing that you did has
an impact for me.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I get to do this.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
I get to share my heart, share my mind, share
my stories with people because there are people like you
who support so the whole thing. You know, like and
download and awesome stuff and five stars and all that stuff.
It's great, but it's even more important to me that
you're here. I thank you, and we'll see you on
the next one.
The truth is most people don't forgive themselves because they
think it was their responsibility. Like they're mad at themselves
because they believe why were.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
They in the situation?
Speaker 1 (00:08):
How could they let themselves be dragged along for so long?
How could they let themselves be made felt that way?
How could they let anyone else take that power from them?
And the truth is that you're not wrong for wanting
something good, Like you're not wrong for wanting to be loved,
You're not wrong for wanting to love. You're not wrong
for envisioning something in the future. You're not wrong for
just wanting the most basic thing that we all deserve,
(00:31):
which is to be loved or to be cared for.
And we become mad at ourselves because we see the
red flags, we see the stumbling blocks, We see those
things when we are away from those things, and even then,
even though we see all those things, we still want
them to be the.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Person we envisioned.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
The reality is that they are not who we imagine
them to be. They are who they're showing us they are.
And even though we want them to fit in the
thiose things, it doesn't mean that this is who they
actually are. This is made for This Mountain with Josh
Rosa or We're turning Pain into Purpose to Welcome to
the Made for This Mountain podcast And the first time
I listening money with Josh Rosa. And here we just
(01:11):
dive into real things that a lot of as struggle with,
real conversations that have so many people And if you've
been listening, thank you so much. I do ask if
you can just turn on those downloads to be able
to help the podcast progress a little bit more, even
stay on. We don't really ever know until we know,
but I'm just glad that you're here. And this is
a topic that I feel like it is something we
all have struggled with, but in recent conversations it's been
(01:33):
brought up often again and the reality for a lot
of people is that's forgiving ourselves as a mountain. Like
there's so many factors to this. Is not just like
like emotional relationships or stuff like that, because this is
again that's like the easiest one. I always say it's
low berry fruit. It's easy to pick up relationships because
that's something that so many people struggle with. But even
(01:56):
with like things that we've done in our lives, like
things that we've that we've made mistakes that we make.
There are sometimes that we dwell so much in what
we've done that we never leave it alone. Like we
go back to the mistake that we've made and we
try to repeace things, or we try to feel the
shame of what it was like. And I need you
to understand that you're not there anymore. That you deserve
(02:17):
and are allowed to move and grow from something, and
you should learn from me. I'm not saying disregarded and
not care for it. I'm saying learned and realize that
that thing happened. You might have made a mistake, but
you're not your shame. You're not a byproduct of where
you wore. This is why sometimes we find it so
much harder to forgive ourselves. Like it's easy for us
to look at other people and understand their mistakes and
(02:39):
their grief and look at them as people and say
it's okay, you know you're forgiven. I forgive you, or
even understand that they deserve forgiveness. But when it comes
to us, when it's us personally, we really struggle to
forgive ourselves. And there's so many folks that we're going
to dive it deeper into that. But the reality is
that for a lot of us, we understand that we
(03:02):
should do better, like we know that we're capable of better,
we're capable of more. So what happens is that when
we make these mistakes, when we fall short, when we fail,
we were harder on ourselves than we would be on
anyone else. And I'm not saying to disregard that, to
not care about you being better, to not care about
(03:24):
you progressing, about you doing the things you need to do.
I'm not saying don't do those things because they're important,
they're true, they're good. But I am saying is that
you deserve to give yourself the same grace that you'd
give anyone else. You deserve to understand that you are human,
and that comes with a lot of flaw, comes with
(03:44):
a lot of failure. And it's okay to make mistakes.
So it's not okay it's to repeat them and go
back and do it over because at that point is
not a mistake, it's a decision. Right, You're choosing to
make the same thing over and over and over again,
and you need to grow from those things. But it's
easier for us to forgive other people because we expect
them to mess up, and we expect people to be human.
(04:06):
We expect them to do things and to have flaws,
and we sympathize and empathize with them. We look at
them and we say, wow, I'm so sorry you're going
through this. It's okay to not hold this over yourself,
but when it comes to us, we.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Are our hardest critic.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So I don't know where you are in your life,
and if this necessarily relates to the curtain season you're in,
or it relates to a season you were in or
a season you will be in. I do think that
we all struggle with this throughout lives because it's hard
for us to understand that we deserve to be forgiven.
And if you've never given your self permission, I just
(04:42):
hope this is the day. As we dive into this
it's mountain.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
For a lot of us.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Then you give yourself permission to be free from the
things that you've done, from the shame of the past,
from the lies of the past, from things that have
been held over you or being held over you, that.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
You are not those things.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
And if if you've made a thousand mistakes on this
is day one of those thousand mistakes being in your past,
because again I'm not saying that they weren't bad, they
didn't have value, they didn't have worth, didn't have weights,
that they were things that were mistakes. But that's the
things that they were, not they are and maybe the
trickle effect of those things. But you're not in the
(05:20):
center of it, you're in the outside. You deserve to
forgive yourself because something happens right when we don't learn
to to let things go and we don't learn to
allow this to leave. Well from the scientific component, we
actually create more stress. As a book called and I
believe I've quoted it before, the body keeps the score
(05:41):
that your body physically actually physical like literally chemically in
your body and physical implements your body take on the
weight of the things that you're holding over yourself. So
like example, your body produces the stress of hormone quoteosol.
It actually goes into your body in ways that it
affects your body hurt. It actually produces fat, like that's
(06:01):
literally the thing that it does. When you are aggravated
and create this pain, your body doesn't know how to react.
It becomes regulated, so you have this this physical outcome
of holding on to shape. You have this physical outcome
of holding onto pain, of holding on to the things
that you haven't forgiven yourself for. And it's going to
(06:25):
keep replaying and replaying. Why because our brains are not
very good at creating healthy memories. All they do is
repeat a memory of a memory. So we are looking
at the worst possible outcome of this situation. It's not
might not even be the situation itself. It's a byproduct
of brain or what our brain created. And you're living
in something that you deserve freedom from. And we're going
(06:46):
to talk about that right a little deeper. How to
actually gain freedom from these things, and how to and
to be honest about spoiler alert. Most of this, if
not all of this comes from what.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
You repeat and what you believe.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
What you're willing to say about yourself of opposed to
what you have been told to believe about yourself will
dive deeper after these quick commercial breaks. So there's this
weight that we hold in our chest, in our shoulders,
and in our jaws. This is why when people say, like,
let your shoulders down, unclinch your jaw, relax, take a
(07:18):
deep breath, be patient, be present, all these things is
that they allow us to do it because it's again
a physical component of what we're feeling. But there's this
weight of unhealed guilt and shame, like there's something that
hovers over us and that we carry into every relationship,
every career, every path that we go, into everything that
we do on our own, we carry the weight of
(07:41):
that shame.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
We carry the weight of that guilt.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And again, there is a healthy component to this of
understanding where you failed, where you messed up, and understanding
that you can heal and grow from that. But the
healthiest thing that you will ever do is define that
you're not that, that you don't need to continue to
care things into the next seasons of your life that
weren't meant to be there. There's this like analogy almost
(08:06):
where a man is leaving and he's leaving his house,
and every time he leaves, he comes back, and he leaves,
he comes back, and he leaves, but every time he's
taking something more into his travel case, his suitcase. It's
not rolling back because it makes a lot easier. It's
just to carry on, and he's going and he's coming back,
and every time he gets heavier and heavier and heavier white,
because he keeps going back to a place where he
was not supposed to be, in a place where he's
(08:29):
already freed from. For a lot of us, we do that.
We go back to the shape, we go back to
the moment, we go back to the memory, we go
back to the person. And again these aren't even valid memories.
That there are things of our brain's construction, either to
protect us or to keep us away. Our brains are
very good at remembering things. So it just makes it worse.
(08:49):
And every time we go back to this thing, we
carry more of that thing with us into this next place.
We don't leave the things that we're meant to stay there,
We bring them into this next sting. So the shame,
the guilt, the heaviness of this thing, it never leaves
you because you're continuing to bring it into new places
and you refuse to unpack that thing and let it go.
(09:12):
And this is I always I tell this story offten
because there's a show called Hoarders, and if you've ever
seen the show Holders, it's about it's a disorder, right,
This hoarding is an emotional disorder ultimately, but also mental,
but an emotional disorder because people tend to create attachment
to certain things, right, they create attachment to even the
smallest thing in the world. But they has this they
(09:33):
don't know where they're gonna see it again. No, they't
know how, they don't know where they got it from.
But it just has a memory or has something attached
to something. They produce the attachment, and so much so
that everything in their house becomes disgusting and just overflowing
and just essentially.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Filled with garbage.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And I've ever seen the show holders, It's like, how
do people live like that? Like how do they live
with so many things that are causing so much mess
and so much dirt and so much stink And they
literally can't live in their own home effectively even use
the toilet effectively because there's so much they're packing. I
believe that a lot of people are emotional hoarders, like
(10:08):
we are shameful holders. We hold on to things into
memories because they're attached to certain people or to certain moments,
and we're afraid that if we let this thing go,
that is going to let go of that particular person
or moments or memory, or going to make us not
be accountable for the things that we've done. I believe
that a lot of people are struggling with this because
(10:30):
they've become so accustomed to it that they're unaware that
they're hoarding and they're holding their emotions. They're hoarding their shame,
they're hoarding memories in hopes that they never have to
let go of that particular season, they never have to
let go of that particular person, that particular job, that particular.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Feeling that they had.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
For a lot of people, we struggle to let go
of the weight of shame and the weight of guilt
because we keep it with us. We make home where
all this stuff is, and it becomes this huge part
of our identity. You're not the worst thing that you've
ever done, but you are responsible for becoming who you
(11:14):
become after it, like, you are not the things that
you lived in your past. You're not what you've been
said about. You're not your biggest flaws of mistakes. Everyone
has a chance, Everyone has redemption. This is why I
love being Christian. I love the Gospel because every person
has a moment to be redeemed. You have a moment
right now even to accept who you fully are and
(11:36):
now who you've been told you have to be to
accept the fullness of the gift that you've been giving,
the ability to talent, the reality of letting yourself be
who you are, and not being a hoarder of your emotions,
not hoarding how you're feeling, not dwelling, and living in
a place that you already rescued from. Too many people
(11:56):
live so deeply in their shame that they never know
who they fully are, live their whole lives and the
things that they've done, and the mistakes that they've been
and the things that aren't even their identity, but they've
been imprinted with this so deeply that this is who
they really believe. You really believe that you are your shame,
like you really believe that you're your brokenness. You really
believe that you aren't worthy. And this is the biggest
lie that would ever happen, because let's just pretend that
(12:18):
you believe that there's a.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Devil, and that there is a devil.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
His one goal is to make you believe that you're
not full, because if you're broken, you're easy to manipulate.
This is why people when when they're psychotic, the people
that they go after typically are the broken people because
they don't fully know who they are. They've identified themselves
so deeply and so rooted with their wounds that their
wounds are all they've identified their whole life with. It's
(12:43):
the only thing that they gravitate around. But you're not
those things. You're not your shame, you're not your brokenness.
You are who you are choosing to be today. And like,
when I mean today, I mean like right now, as
you're listening to this podcast, as you're watching this video,
whatever it is, this very moment, you are free of
all that shame. The question is do you believe it
(13:04):
and accept it or are you going to vindicate the
same excuses you've been living with because you don't want
to let it go. That show Hoarders, they did that often.
They would begin to catecorterize certain things and say, well, no,
this was given to me this day, or they no
longer make this or this, and that They'll keep making
excuses as to why they want to keep holding onto
(13:24):
their pap Why are you making excuses for the pains,
the shame, the past that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You need to let go of.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
You're not there anymore. And if this is something that
we haven't even struggled with Yet at some point we'll
look back and say, man, I'm in something or I
became went into something that made me feel like I
was inadequate. We have to learn to let go of
these things. Regret is just the past trying to drag
you back into that version of you. You're no longer
(13:54):
that person. That person no longer exists.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
So we want to.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Talk about these practical things, just a few things maybe
to actually because one of my biggest goals is to
do this with this podcast, is to look for practical
things that are science backed that can help us really
just let go of this regret. So admit what happened
without dressing it up.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Now, this might be hard for some people.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Because again, even though we're dwelling in it and we're
living in it, we don't want to identify what it
fully is.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
So whatever that shame.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Is over, that guilt is, whatever the mistake you did,
admit it, like straight up, what was it, what did
I do, and what happened, and allow yourself to see
that thing to say, this is where I messed up,
this is where I was flawed, this is where I failed,
or this is what this thing was, name what it
costs you emotionally.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Now this is a big one, because.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I want you to look at what that's costing you. Now,
for some people, it's costing them their future of marriages,
Like I know people personally. Again, these conversations are not new.
These are things that people have spoken to me about.
And I know people that are so wounded and so
stuck in their hurt and their shame and their past
that they're ruining anything possible for their future. They're burning
(15:10):
bridges with people that they need in the future. They're
burning their future marriages, their future careers, their future friends.
They're burning those things because they're still stuck in a
person that they aren't, in a place that they weren't
meant to be. So name what it's costing you emotionally.
Is it costing you a career? Is it costing you friendships?
Is it costing you your personal relationship with yourself? Do
(15:30):
you love you less because of this thing? Identify the
version of you who made that choice, because you're not
that person anymore. You wouldn't feel shameful if you were
still then, like you wouldn't feel remorse for doing the
thing you did if you were still that person. So
identify why why were you there? What we're struggling with
(15:51):
because some sometimes how this helps us is looking at
that person and saying, well, they were that way because
they were battling this, battling that. And when you're able
to identify yourself as that person and not just as you,
you actually will give yourself more grace. That same first
point that we talked about, it's easy. You're easier for
us to forgive people than it is for us to
(16:12):
forgive ourselves. So we look at that person that we
were and we say, well, this is what they were
going through, Like we show empathy for them, and we say,
we understand why you were there.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
This is the first part to healing.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yourself, to forgiving yourself, is to know that you are
a person, and that person was going through things, and
they were in a season where they were being hurt.
That they were hurting, so they did the things they did,
or they responded the way they responded, or they were
feeling the way they were feeling because of other exterior things,
and you're able to forgive them because it's not you,
(16:46):
You're not them anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You're here.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Replace self punishment with accountability. Like I said, it's not
that this thing goes a way and that you don't
care about it anymore. But you become accountable. I did
these things, I messed up, I was hurt, I failed,
But I'm not that person anymore. Redirect your energy into
actions that prove you've changed. This is a big one
(17:11):
because we're afraid to do certain things, afraid to move
certain ways for you, to speak to certain people, afraid
to dive into certain things because we still think we're
that person. So when we start doing things are knew,
we start redirecting how we change, how we respond, how
we live. It identifies with us oc current US a
(17:32):
lot more than with.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Our previous us. We begin to.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Say, well, no, this is who I am. So being
able to do these things, which for the most part
should be simple and practical, allow us to detach.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
From that particular place. Now.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I want to be clear, shame is a heavy one
because shame, it's for a lot of us, is rooted
in the fact that we know that we're better than that,
that we know that we shouldn't have made that mistake,
and we know that we shouldn't have failed. But you
didn't fail because you wanted to, Like you didn't choose
to make those mistakes. Like you, you didn't have the
(18:09):
option to say, oh, I'm going to want to make
this huge mess right now. No, it's not something that.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
You did intentionally.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
And even if it was intentional in that moment, is
it intentional for the person you are now, Probably not.
Shame has a lot of weight behind it because of that,
because it's rooted and based in us on what we're
capable of doing, on who we know, who we are,
what we offer. It's based on the reality of you.
So allowing yourself just this space to rectify these things
(18:41):
allows you to begin to trust yourself. Rebuilding trust with
yourself is the hardest thing we'll do. The real betrayal
isn't what someone did to you. It's all the time
that you didn't stand.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Up for yourself. You were built trust with yourself in
the same way that you were built with anyone else.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Consistency, make small promises and be concer and promise in them.
We've spoken about this before because this is such a
strong wordy to think that a lot of us lose
the belief that we are capable of doing things because
we've lost the trust that we had in ourselves. That
we do not take the next step or change or
make something new because even we doubt us, we made
so many promises to ourselves and we weren't consistent with
(19:17):
them that nothing's ever changed. So every time you believe
that you're going to do something different or you say
that you're gonna do something different, internally, deep down inside
you don't believe it because nothing changes because you're doing
the same thing today that you were doing yesterday. And
one of the hardest things that we will ever do
in our lives is be consistent with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
And this isn't everything.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And these are the things I'm working on myself right
the stages that I'm trying to grow in my life
where I need to learn to be more consistent. And
maybe I keep failing, but I know that the difference
there is that even when I fail, if I'm consistent,
even in my failing, that I'm going to be consistent
in my success, that something is going to change because
it has to change because I'm showing up in a
(19:59):
way way consistently that even if it's small, it's powerful
will dive deeper after these last few commercial rings. So
how do you learn from your past without reliving it.
Because again, when we talk about wounds and shame and
all these hurts, what happens sometimes is that we relive
certain things, we recycle through certain processes, We play back
(20:21):
moments and say, oh, how we're so dumb on that day,
not realizing that those things are no longer.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Holding anything over you.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
For a lot of us, we make a prison out
of this, like we create a cell instead of instead
of creating a border that was supposed to protect us,
we create a boundary and then we draw that around ourselves.
We make we make this barrier rather, and we make
it around ourselves and don't allow anything else. And so
what happens is that now you yeah, you made that thing,
(20:50):
or you lived in that shame or something was said
or done to you, but now you didn't just go
through it. Now you live with it, like your whole
life gravitates around that particular thing, around a particular wound,
around a particular hurt, and well, the worst thing that
we could ever do, because this is what happens again,
when we go into our traumas or shames or feelings
and we make a prison cell out of it, what
(21:12):
happens is that we give it the keys. We lock
ourselves up and say, well, here, dictate everything in my life.
Dictate how I'm gonna move, when I'm gonna eat, how
I'm gonna change. When do I sleep? When am I depressed?
When am I happy? You give so much authority to
what was done to you. When you create a prison
self for yourself, a border, a boundary rather is good.
(21:33):
That just says that you can't disrespect me here, you
can't come against this, you can't push over here. I'm
going to protect myself from here. But you're not enclosed
into anything. You've just stopped certain things from crossing over.
When we live in this, we don't give ourselves enough
grace to heal that same thing we spoke about earlier.
(21:56):
You don't give yourself enough space and grace to say
that it was okay that you are healing, now, that
you're growing, now that you're not in that stage, that
you're not what was done to you, that you're not
what was said to you, that you're not what you did,
that you're not the mistakes of your past. And I
want to just be practical with that, because again, at
same breath, it's easy for us certificate of other people
(22:17):
but not ourselves.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
What makes you think that you're perfect?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Like, like, let's be real. This is one of the
most freeing lines you will ever hear. You are not perfect.
You were not made to be perfect. You're not in
this world that's perfection. That means that your flaws and
your mistakes and your shortcomings are byproduct of you being human,
not of you being perfect. Because if you were perfect,
then you should make no mistakes. But you're not perfect.
You're going to fail, you're going to mess up, You're
(22:44):
going to do all of these things that people might
even talk about you and judge you for. But the
crazy thing is that those same people judging and talking
about you have their own flaws and their own mistakes.
They will throw the biggest stones because they're trying to
hide behind them. There is no sin in this world
that is perfect. And if you live in a world
(23:04):
thinking that you have to do everything perfectly and have
every step figured out and every there is no shame
and no fear that you're not living in a real world.
You're living in a world that you are either you're
perfect and you're the king of it all and you're
God in your own world, or you're living in this
world where you're flawed and you're human, but you're loved
and deemed and made good because of who God is,
(23:26):
not because of you, And that leaves you with so
much power because now it's not your responsibility to deal
with that. Yes, it's your responsibility to change, it's your
responsibility to love yourself to grow, but it's not your
responsibility to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
You were not made to be perfect.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
You're incapable of perfection, and no matter how much shame
you hold over yourself, you will never make yourself perfect.
So there's freeing nature in that. There's a free in
reality and knowing that we are not perfect, this mountain
of healing, of forgiving yourself and moving forward, this reality
(24:04):
that you are capable of this just because it's your nature,
not because it's your perfection. There's so much tranquility in it.
So our last point here is this power of grace
of self healing. It's this truth that you are already
(24:29):
given grace, that you're already giving disgrace freely given on
earn unwarrant in a merit, and it's yours already, But
how you receive it is important, Like how you allow
this to actually happen is important about myself? Why am
I feeling that way? Why am I believing that? Why
am I acting that way? What about me in that moment?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Is that a character for me?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Because the truth is that we need to learn to
identify the places that we don't love ourselves in them,
so we can learn to love ourselves in them. Like
the places where we don't offer ourselves is mercy, this
grace is freedom, so that we can fully just come
back to it. We need to learn to give ourselves
the same grace we'll give someone else, not because we
(25:17):
were perfect, not because we have it all together, but
because we deserve it. And there's not a single human
in this earth that is not even the worst of
the worst people. If you are really changing and making
something better and trying to make yourself better, there is
redemption for everybody. Now, I'm not saying that there's certain
things that we just forget about and throw them under
(25:37):
the rug. I'm saying that there's certain things that you
will have to grow through, right, and then that's all
on the severity of the thing itself. Because it's very
different to say something like a shame that we deal
with irregular.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Here be vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Last couple of minutes here we have if you listen
this far, that means you listen because you're tenfold here
now to be quick with you, thank you for listening
to this podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Thank you for being present. But a shame that I.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Deal with, dealt with and dealing with is that I'm
a minister, I travel speak and a preacher on the country,
and I had a son and I'm not married.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
And for me, that there was.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
A weight that helped very very heavy on my heart
for some time because I'm like, man, I made a mistake.
My kid is not a mistake. My kid is beautiful.
But I'm talking about the action itself. And I put
myself in a situation that I should not be in.
I put myself into place I shouldn't have been part of,
and I was praying with that and I was like
really heavy on my heart and the Lord reveals to me,
(26:32):
this is just reality. Where the reason I feel shame
is because I feel remorse, is because I know that
I should have been better and done better and grew more.
And I have an image and I'm a person that's
seen and I'm talking about all these things and I'm
doing all these things and I'm here, I am messing up,
and the Lord just reminded me of that moment in
my humanity. And I don't really talk about too much
(26:53):
faith here. We kind of just touch on certain things.
But maybe this is your belief, maybe it's not, and
if it's not, there's still philosoph fee behind this, so
just bear with me this last minute.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
For this point.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
He reminded me of the fact that I'm a human
and if I were to be perfect, that would be him.
And there was so much freedom in that moment to
know that my shame was not enough to overcome God's mercy,
my shame wasn't enough to derail God's plan, and my
shame was not enough to make me less loved by God.
There's something powerful that happens when we realize that we're human,
(27:28):
that we are not perfect, and you shouldn't, by any
means continue to do your sin and fall into those things.
I don't mean continue to go. I mean learn that
you fail and you are in shame, but you are
not your shame. You're not the byproduct of the shame.
You're the byproduct of grace and everything else that flows
from that comes what you come back to whether you
stay in your shame and say this is who I am,
(27:49):
or you choose to walk away from it and say
that's not who I am.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
This is who I am.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
How I'm allowed to be different and change every single day,
not your byproduct of your failings and surecomings. You're okay
to forgive yourself, and it's okay to move forward, and
it's okay to not go back to the things, to
the places, to the people that made you feel shameful.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
You're deserving of.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
So much, and until you believe that, until you start
giving it to you, you allow people to dictate how
that looks. You allow people to offer less because you
just want to be around. You allow people to make
you feel like you are useless or shameful or bad,
just because it's convenient to them and their own narcissism,
(28:41):
their own egotistic self. Thank you for being on this episode,
Thank you for listening this far, Thank you just for
your presence. I just can never be more grateful for
people that actually.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Listen to this. I'm so grateful for the messages.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Like I'm so grateful for people that share like on
social media and stuff like that. Because you don't understand
the magnitude of that little thing that you did has
an impact for me.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I get to do this.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
I get to share my heart, share my mind, share
my stories with people because there are people like you
who support so the whole thing. You know, like and
download and awesome stuff and five stars and all that stuff.
It's great, but it's even more important to me that
you're here. I thank you, and we'll see you on
the next one.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.