February 17, 2025 • 11 mins
How to love yourself unconditionally.
Loving yourself has become one of the hardest things to do because we depict self love from validation.
Learn to love yourself and build on your own unconditional love.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You don't allow people to treat you poorly. You don't
allow people to continue to use you and walk over
you and make you into a map. Because I love
me so much that I will refuse to let you
treat me poorly. I refuse to let you make me
love me less and efforts to make you love me more.
When you value yourself based on what other people think
about you, you will always put conditions on how you
love yourself, like we don't allow ourselves to fully love
(00:22):
us because we think that our love for us is
condition to how people treat us, to how people have
responded to us, how people are reciprocal to their love
with our love, how they base them on us, And
that's not true. You need to understand that unconditional love
is not about you basing your opinion on other people.
The fact is that when you learn to love you,
(00:45):
you are fully aware that some people don't love themselves.
When you learn to love you, you are more concerned about
the things that are coming from you than the opinions
of other people. Learning how to have unconditional love for
yourself is not about you being on an ego trip.
You thinking that you're better than other people. You, loving
only you and no one else. But it's about you
(01:06):
knowing how good you actually are and how much that
loving yourself is not dependent on the lack of love
of other people. So when we talk about loving ourselves
and conditionally, we're not talking about having this perfect life
that everything's figured out and everything's ideal. It's more about
understanding that we are worth of love and that we
depict or depend on us for love, not other people.
(01:29):
So learning how to love you is not about them.
It's about you, and that's at its core what it is,
and that's what we're looking at here. That's whe we're
diving in being able to actually say this is what
I am, this is what I'm worth, and I'm not
concerned with other people. You have to first create this,
loving you so deep that you don't allow people to
rob you of it. And what happens in our culture
is that we've fallen into this rud of allowing other
(01:50):
people to dictate how we view and see ourselves. The
root of how I love myself is is it based
on the lack of love I haven't received, or the
love I know needed or a love I wish I
had found. Sometimes we base how we love ourselves on
things that people have not offered us. And you hear
this often with like parental wounds, right, You hear it
on things that you didn't receive this kind of love,
(02:10):
so you're looking for this stuff. The way we tend
to love other people is based on the love that
we didn't receive. That's where our love language typically culminates from.
But you need to understand that sometimes and this only
happens through introspective reflection, Like you're sitting down and saying,
am I loving this way because it's something that's authentic
to me? Or is it because I'm trying to force
something that I never received? Am I loving people in
(02:32):
a certain manner because I want them to see me
how I would have seen me? This is where un
conditional love kicks in. Right when we understand that sometimes
we do things and efforts to get people to view
us how we would have want to be viewed, or
how we would have wanted to live, or how we
would have wanted to love. That's when we start realizing
that we're not doing things out of our authentic self
(02:52):
or doing it out of our ego, out of our
desire to have this kind of thing in our life,
whether it's forced or not forced, but it's not authentic.
So what happens is then that you feel exhausted and
drained and you're competing for a form of love for
people to receive in you. Is it from something that's authentic,
Is it something that I've always had that's just from me?
Or is it because I'm trying to fit a void
(03:13):
of something I didn't receive. And if I think that
if I get this kind of love from these kind
of people, that that's going to help me or heal
me in places that I didn't think I had, the
reality is that for a lot of us, we're doing
this spinning in circles, trying to convince people of something
that the reality that we don't have to have them
in that we don't actually need them in that, but
(03:33):
we won't recognize that. We won't realize that until we
sit down and really think about it. Are you loving
from a place that's natural to you or is it
something that you're trying to just force. Is it from
something that you're just trying to receive or a wound
you're trying to heal because you think that if you
receive that love that is going to fulfill this conditioned
love that you have for yourself. Number two or second
(03:53):
point here is learning to love yourself will change your life.
And I think this is the biggest, biggest thing we
need to understand because when we learn to love ourselves,
everything that we do isn't conditioned in a desire to
be approved of or liked. It's conditioned out of a
natural state of who I am. So I'm flowing from
something that's full of me and not something that I'm
begging other people to fill in, or begging a career
(04:15):
to fit in, or begging of a romantic relationship or
a photonic relationship, or I'm not begging anything else to
complete me because I'm already complete. Everything else is flowing
from this fullness of who I am. It will change
your entire life because the way you respond it's confident.
So when people say, oh, these people are really confident,
and not an arrogant, egotistic a way, right, of course,
(04:36):
because that's masking, but genuinely confident. When they're fully confident
in themselves, it's not because they know that they're the
best ever. It's because they love them so much that
there is no condition to why they would love themselves.
That they're not gonna love themselves dependent on how successful
they are. They're not gonna love themselves dependent on how
much money they make. It's not dependent on those things.
(04:57):
We talk about a conditional love and learn to love you.
It builds is confidence in you that it's natural because
you are learning to love yourself. And this is going
to change every aspect of your life. It's gonna not
just a relationships, of course, that's a big thing. Is
gonna change your relationship, but it's gonna also change how
you care for other people, how you care for people
you don't know, for people that are new in your life,
(05:18):
how your careers expand how you move better because you
are so firming you that everything just naturally gravitates towards that.
And people can see that. People can sense confidence, they
can sense love, they can sense these things. Why, because
it's natural. It's the most innate version of themselves. So
being able to love you is going to change every
aspect of your life. When you learn to unconditional love yourself,
(05:39):
When you learn that the love you have for you
is not dependent on your perfection, is not dependent on
your success. It's not dependent on your money, it's not
dependent on your relationships. When you learn that loving you
is just loving you, everything changes. Your whole life changes,
The people around you change because you are just so
in love with you that nothing else can change. That
(06:00):
hurt you can affect you. Yes, you're gonna feel pain
and anguish and all these things, of course, because that's
human life and human emotion. But you're never gonna sit
there and blame you because you love you unconditionally. You'll
fix the things you messed up, but you won't sit
there and hurt yourself because of that. Or third point
here is who you allow in will change how you
view yourself, and it ultimately change do you trust you?
(06:22):
And this is a hard one because some people could
be deceptive, right, they can come into our lives and
do things and say things that might be perfectly on
par and but when you love yourself right, you love
yourself fully, you are able to sit there and identify
the people that are are wolves in sheep clothing, that
people that are coming into this aspect of life just
because it's convenient. It's just because it's easy for them
to maneuver in, but you don't actually allow them fully
(06:46):
in because you can see the fakeness there. You can
see you can see that confidence is not fully there,
that there is something of use. And this becomes a
big part because you learn to trust you or trust
you less right. And where this is more for most people,
this is subconscious right. We're not a way this. But
when we do this thing, we don't keep our own
promises to us. We begin to trust ourselves less right.
So we don't believe that we can do the next thing.
(07:07):
We don't believe we could take the next step. We
don't believe we're gonna make the next move. Because I
don't trust me. The people that are around you are
going to dictate that. And this is something that's hard
because at some point this requires pruning. This requires you saying,
these people can't remain in my life now because they're
not serving this version of me that's actually healed, that's
in love with me, that's not conditioned love on who
(07:28):
I pretend to be, but it's fully who I am.
It's unfortunate, but you won't trust you until you cut
these people out because you're giving too much authority to
people in places that they don't deserve. So the condition
of your love in this case is that you're conditioning
your love based on the way that the people that
you have trusted most and have brought close to you
have shown you that they love you or don't love you.
(07:49):
And in some situations, we've tied everything that we do
based on that. Some boundaries that you're gonna have to
set that are going to cause these things to either
be fixed or be removed. Either way, that's a win
for you being able to cause this division there. It's
gonna change everything. At four point. The measure of self
love isn't perfection, but it's acceptance and growth. You have
(08:11):
to realize that you are not perfect. You're gonna mess up,
you're gonna fall short, you're gonna fail, You're gonna do
a thousand things over and over again that are wrong,
And how you come out of those things is actually
how you love yourself. So being that you made a mistake,
that you fail, that you did something wrong, it's how
you speak to yourself. After that, of course, you should grow,
You should challenge yourself to be better. You should do
the things that are gonna rectify the actions that you've taken.
(08:33):
But what happens next, What happens. How how do I
speak to myself in that situation? Do I continue to
diminish and bash myself? Do I continue to be the
person that hates me the most? Or do I say,
this is what I did. I was wrong, I depicted
and I'm able to grow from it. I'm able to
know that this thing is not me. It's not who
I am. It's a mistake that I've made. Unfortunately, we've
made our love conditioned to the points of how well
(08:56):
we behave, or act or perform. We've created this is
the scope of love based of ourselves, based on how
good we are. We base it on the things that
are accepted in social norms and the way we respond
to them. It's okay to mess up. I'm not saying
go around and just be a hot mess everywhere you
can be, But be real with yourself. Know that you
messed up and you made a mistake, but you are
(09:17):
not the mistake. Yes, you did the thing, but you
are not the thing. Being able to accept who you
are and growing and giving yourself grace is the only
way that youever foster genuine self love and saying hey,
this is not me, and when those thoughts creep back
in because inevitably they will. Is being able to say
this is not who I am, and that was a
moment in my life and a messed up moment, but
(09:37):
it doesn't depict my entire life. Being able to accept
and grow is genuinely the mark of authentic, unconditional love.
It's knowing that I've loved me so much that I
don't allow my problems to become me. They are just
a part of things that I've lived in. And our
last point is one of the biggest ones. Is when
you love you, you don't allow others to love you less.
You don't allow people to treat you poorly. You don't
(09:59):
allow people to continue to use you and walk over
you and make you into a map. Because I love
me so much that I will refuse to let you
treat me poorly. I refuse to let you make me
love me less and efforts to make you love me more.
I refuse to let you do the things that you
want to do simply because you think that I'm not
going to go anywhere. When you learn to love you fully,
you stop allowing mediocrity into your life. You stop allowing
(10:22):
mediocre people to have control over things that they do
not deserve control over. It's not about them being perfect.
It's not about them glorifying you or worshiping you, but
it's authentically about them loving you fully. Because when people
love you fully, they don't love you for use. They
love you for you. They love you for purpose. They
love you for who you are and not what you
provide to them. When I love me unconditionally, I'm not
concerned about the people that don't love me because I've
(10:44):
learned to build something and foster something in me so
real that it doesn't matter what they're offering. And we
talk about unconditional love in ourselves, we need to learn
first that how other people love us. Yes, you can
be a hot mess and you are still worth authentic
and full love and how you are does not depict that,
but how you allow people to treat you and speak
to you. That is rooted in how I love me. Unfortunately,
(11:06):
for some of us, we are such in bad situations
ourselves that any form of love is love to us,
even bad luve We think that this is something that's well,
it's something it's inevitable for us to receive that because
we think, well, it's at least some type of emotion,
but you're not stuck in that need. You don't understand
that you're worth the fullness of love, not partiality, not times,
(11:28):
not the mess that people have given you. You're worth
the fullness of it. And until we're rooted in our
own love, until we unconditionally love ourselves, will continue to
accept mediocre love. So learn to love you first, Learn
to put yourself first, and everything else will flow from that.
You don't allow people to treat you poorly. You don't
allow people to continue to use you and walk over
you and make you into a map. Because I love
me so much that I will refuse to let you
treat me poorly. I refuse to let you make me
love me less and efforts to make you love me more.
When you value yourself based on what other people think
about you, you will always put conditions on how you
love yourself, like we don't allow ourselves to fully love
(00:22):
us because we think that our love for us is
condition to how people treat us, to how people have
responded to us, how people are reciprocal to their love
with our love, how they base them on us, And
that's not true. You need to understand that unconditional love
is not about you basing your opinion on other people.
The fact is that when you learn to love you,
(00:45):
you are fully aware that some people don't love themselves.
When you learn to love you, you are more concerned about
the things that are coming from you than the opinions
of other people. Learning how to have unconditional love for
yourself is not about you being on an ego trip.
You thinking that you're better than other people. You, loving
only you and no one else. But it's about you
(01:06):
knowing how good you actually are and how much that
loving yourself is not dependent on the lack of love
of other people. So when we talk about loving ourselves
and conditionally, we're not talking about having this perfect life
that everything's figured out and everything's ideal. It's more about
understanding that we are worth of love and that we
depict or depend on us for love, not other people.
(01:29):
So learning how to love you is not about them.
It's about you, and that's at its core what it is,
and that's what we're looking at here. That's whe we're
diving in being able to actually say this is what
I am, this is what I'm worth, and I'm not
concerned with other people. You have to first create this,
loving you so deep that you don't allow people to
rob you of it. And what happens in our culture
is that we've fallen into this rud of allowing other
(01:50):
people to dictate how we view and see ourselves. The
root of how I love myself is is it based
on the lack of love I haven't received, or the
love I know needed or a love I wish I
had found. Sometimes we base how we love ourselves on
things that people have not offered us. And you hear
this often with like parental wounds, right, You hear it
on things that you didn't receive this kind of love,
(02:10):
so you're looking for this stuff. The way we tend
to love other people is based on the love that
we didn't receive. That's where our love language typically culminates from.
But you need to understand that sometimes and this only
happens through introspective reflection, Like you're sitting down and saying,
am I loving this way because it's something that's authentic
to me? Or is it because I'm trying to force
something that I never received? Am I loving people in
(02:32):
a certain manner because I want them to see me
how I would have seen me? This is where un
conditional love kicks in. Right when we understand that sometimes
we do things and efforts to get people to view
us how we would have want to be viewed, or
how we would have wanted to live, or how we
would have wanted to love. That's when we start realizing
that we're not doing things out of our authentic self
(02:52):
or doing it out of our ego, out of our
desire to have this kind of thing in our life,
whether it's forced or not forced, but it's not authentic.
So what happens is then that you feel exhausted and
drained and you're competing for a form of love for
people to receive in you. Is it from something that's authentic,
Is it something that I've always had that's just from me?
Or is it because I'm trying to fit a void
(03:13):
of something I didn't receive. And if I think that
if I get this kind of love from these kind
of people, that that's going to help me or heal
me in places that I didn't think I had, the
reality is that for a lot of us, we're doing
this spinning in circles, trying to convince people of something
that the reality that we don't have to have them
in that we don't actually need them in that, but
(03:33):
we won't recognize that. We won't realize that until we
sit down and really think about it. Are you loving
from a place that's natural to you or is it
something that you're trying to just force. Is it from
something that you're just trying to receive or a wound
you're trying to heal because you think that if you
receive that love that is going to fulfill this conditioned
love that you have for yourself. Number two or second
(03:53):
point here is learning to love yourself will change your life.
And I think this is the biggest, biggest thing we
need to understand because when we learn to love ourselves,
everything that we do isn't conditioned in a desire to
be approved of or liked. It's conditioned out of a
natural state of who I am. So I'm flowing from
something that's full of me and not something that I'm
begging other people to fill in, or begging a career
(04:15):
to fit in, or begging of a romantic relationship or
a photonic relationship, or I'm not begging anything else to
complete me because I'm already complete. Everything else is flowing
from this fullness of who I am. It will change
your entire life because the way you respond it's confident.
So when people say, oh, these people are really confident,
and not an arrogant, egotistic a way, right, of course,
(04:36):
because that's masking, but genuinely confident. When they're fully confident
in themselves, it's not because they know that they're the
best ever. It's because they love them so much that
there is no condition to why they would love themselves.
That they're not gonna love themselves dependent on how successful
they are. They're not gonna love themselves dependent on how
much money they make. It's not dependent on those things.
(04:57):
We talk about a conditional love and learn to love you.
It builds is confidence in you that it's natural because
you are learning to love yourself. And this is going
to change every aspect of your life. It's gonna not
just a relationships, of course, that's a big thing. Is
gonna change your relationship, but it's gonna also change how
you care for other people, how you care for people
you don't know, for people that are new in your life,
(05:18):
how your careers expand how you move better because you
are so firming you that everything just naturally gravitates towards that.
And people can see that. People can sense confidence, they
can sense love, they can sense these things. Why, because
it's natural. It's the most innate version of themselves. So
being able to love you is going to change every
aspect of your life. When you learn to unconditional love yourself,
(05:39):
When you learn that the love you have for you
is not dependent on your perfection, is not dependent on
your success. It's not dependent on your money, it's not
dependent on your relationships. When you learn that loving you
is just loving you, everything changes. Your whole life changes,
The people around you change because you are just so
in love with you that nothing else can change. That
(06:00):
hurt you can affect you. Yes, you're gonna feel pain
and anguish and all these things, of course, because that's
human life and human emotion. But you're never gonna sit
there and blame you because you love you unconditionally. You'll
fix the things you messed up, but you won't sit
there and hurt yourself because of that. Or third point
here is who you allow in will change how you
view yourself, and it ultimately change do you trust you?
(06:22):
And this is a hard one because some people could
be deceptive, right, they can come into our lives and
do things and say things that might be perfectly on
par and but when you love yourself right, you love
yourself fully, you are able to sit there and identify
the people that are are wolves in sheep clothing, that
people that are coming into this aspect of life just
because it's convenient. It's just because it's easy for them
to maneuver in, but you don't actually allow them fully
(06:46):
in because you can see the fakeness there. You can
see you can see that confidence is not fully there,
that there is something of use. And this becomes a
big part because you learn to trust you or trust
you less right. And where this is more for most people,
this is subconscious right. We're not a way this. But
when we do this thing, we don't keep our own
promises to us. We begin to trust ourselves less right.
So we don't believe that we can do the next thing.
(07:07):
We don't believe we could take the next step. We
don't believe we're gonna make the next move. Because I
don't trust me. The people that are around you are
going to dictate that. And this is something that's hard
because at some point this requires pruning. This requires you saying,
these people can't remain in my life now because they're
not serving this version of me that's actually healed, that's
in love with me, that's not conditioned love on who
(07:28):
I pretend to be, but it's fully who I am.
It's unfortunate, but you won't trust you until you cut
these people out because you're giving too much authority to
people in places that they don't deserve. So the condition
of your love in this case is that you're conditioning
your love based on the way that the people that
you have trusted most and have brought close to you
have shown you that they love you or don't love you.
(07:49):
And in some situations, we've tied everything that we do
based on that. Some boundaries that you're gonna have to
set that are going to cause these things to either
be fixed or be removed. Either way, that's a win
for you being able to cause this division there. It's
gonna change everything. At four point. The measure of self
love isn't perfection, but it's acceptance and growth. You have
(08:11):
to realize that you are not perfect. You're gonna mess up,
you're gonna fall short, you're gonna fail, You're gonna do
a thousand things over and over again that are wrong,
And how you come out of those things is actually
how you love yourself. So being that you made a mistake,
that you fail, that you did something wrong, it's how
you speak to yourself. After that, of course, you should grow,
You should challenge yourself to be better. You should do
the things that are gonna rectify the actions that you've taken.
(08:33):
But what happens next, What happens. How how do I
speak to myself in that situation? Do I continue to
diminish and bash myself? Do I continue to be the
person that hates me the most? Or do I say,
this is what I did. I was wrong, I depicted
and I'm able to grow from it. I'm able to
know that this thing is not me. It's not who
I am. It's a mistake that I've made. Unfortunately, we've
made our love conditioned to the points of how well
(08:56):
we behave, or act or perform. We've created this is
the scope of love based of ourselves, based on how
good we are. We base it on the things that
are accepted in social norms and the way we respond
to them. It's okay to mess up. I'm not saying
go around and just be a hot mess everywhere you
can be, But be real with yourself. Know that you
messed up and you made a mistake, but you are
(09:17):
not the mistake. Yes, you did the thing, but you
are not the thing. Being able to accept who you
are and growing and giving yourself grace is the only
way that youever foster genuine self love and saying hey,
this is not me, and when those thoughts creep back
in because inevitably they will. Is being able to say
this is not who I am, and that was a
moment in my life and a messed up moment, but
(09:37):
it doesn't depict my entire life. Being able to accept
and grow is genuinely the mark of authentic, unconditional love.
It's knowing that I've loved me so much that I
don't allow my problems to become me. They are just
a part of things that I've lived in. And our
last point is one of the biggest ones. Is when
you love you, you don't allow others to love you less.
You don't allow people to treat you poorly. You don't
(09:59):
allow people to continue to use you and walk over
you and make you into a map. Because I love
me so much that I will refuse to let you
treat me poorly. I refuse to let you make me
love me less and efforts to make you love me more.
I refuse to let you do the things that you
want to do simply because you think that I'm not
going to go anywhere. When you learn to love you fully,
you stop allowing mediocrity into your life. You stop allowing
(10:22):
mediocre people to have control over things that they do
not deserve control over. It's not about them being perfect.
It's not about them glorifying you or worshiping you, but
it's authentically about them loving you fully. Because when people
love you fully, they don't love you for use. They
love you for you. They love you for purpose. They
love you for who you are and not what you
provide to them. When I love me unconditionally, I'm not
concerned about the people that don't love me because I've
(10:44):
learned to build something and foster something in me so
real that it doesn't matter what they're offering. And we
talk about unconditional love in ourselves, we need to learn
first that how other people love us. Yes, you can
be a hot mess and you are still worth authentic
and full love and how you are does not depict that,
but how you allow people to treat you and speak
to you. That is rooted in how I love me. Unfortunately,
(11:06):
for some of us, we are such in bad situations
ourselves that any form of love is love to us,
even bad luve We think that this is something that's well,
it's something it's inevitable for us to receive that because
we think, well, it's at least some type of emotion,
but you're not stuck in that need. You don't understand
that you're worth the fullness of love, not partiality, not times,
(11:28):
not the mess that people have given you. You're worth
the fullness of it. And until we're rooted in our
own love, until we unconditionally love ourselves, will continue to
accept mediocre love. So learn to love you first, Learn
to put yourself first, and everything else will flow from that.
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