May 29, 2025 • 28 mins
Are you really attached to them—or just the version of them you created in your head? In this raw and eye-opening episode, Joshua Rosa dives deep into the toxic attachments that keep us stuck: in relationships, in rejection, and in cycles of pain.
- Why detachment is hard—but necessary
- The truth about rejection and why it doesn’t mean “try harder”
- How to climb the mountain of toxic attachment
- Why you keep going back to the people and places that broke you
- The difference between timing and purpose when facing rejection
- The image vs. the reality: are you in love with who they are—or who you wish they were?
This episode isn’t here to hurt you. It’s here to free you. You don’t have to keep searching for healing in the same place that hurt you. It’s time to detach from pain disguised as purpose and finally make peace with letting go.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
That rejection of purpose is huge. That's saving you from
years of waste of time, saving you from years of heartbreak,
It's saving you from years of things that you don't
need to be in because you thought that your attachment
to it was enough for you to stay in it.
This is made for this mountain with Josh Rosa or
turning pain into purpose. So we struggle with detachment because
(00:21):
we think we're being offered is what we actually deserve. Like,
one of the things, one of the mountains that a
lot of us face is this reality where we need
to detach from things, not because we are not offering
what's good, we're not giving into we're not fully invested,
but because sometimes we're the only ones that are. We're
the only ones that are pushing into this, We're the
only ones that are giving in.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
And it hurts.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
It hurts to realize that you have to let certain
things go.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And one of the.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Biggest generational issues that we've developed, one of the things
that I've seen very common is that attachment for us
comes through rejection. And yes, we might focus a little
more on relationships in this episode and that aspect, but
this relates to apples slutely everything. There are situations where
we have been rejected from things, and we think that
that rejection is an invitation to try harder. Right, We
(01:09):
think that that being rejected from it means I need
to give more effort, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes that
rejection is actually a redirection. The mountain that you're facing
in this situation isn't so much being rejected. It's understanding
that you were not meant to be there and learning
what purpose actually is and learning how to tie that
fully into ourselves. So when we talk about this, this
(01:29):
mountain of rejection, I need you to understand that it
doesn't mean that you need to try harder, and it
doesn't mean that you need to be attached to it
more that it doesn't mean that this thing holds any
way over you. What it ultimately is is the reality
of us understanding that certain things in our lives will
continue to be mountains as long as we give them
authority to be, and we've allowed them to be in
(01:49):
positions that we've attached to it because we've conditioned ourselves
to it. So we're gonna talk about attachment this episode,
we're talking about detachment. Ultimately, we're gonn talk about the
reality that some mountains only exist because we've given.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Authority to them.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
They're only present and prevalent because we have allowed them
to be because in our either teaching or either upbringing,
in this this generation, we have conditioned our life to
fit this. And let's be real, for a lot of people,
this is one of the biggest struggles, like the reason
we don't progress anywhere else. And again again it's not
just about relationships. Yes, I'm gonna hone in on that
(02:23):
because I see how much of an issue it is.
There is, how many conversations we've had, but I need
to understand that that this is everything. This is there
are certain career paths that you've envisioned in your life,
and you're stuck in this mountain because you think that
you need to do this thing, or there's certain things
that your family has has brought up in you and
has taught you and told you, and you think that
the only way you are the best version of you
(02:43):
is that if you overcome that mountain. So this this
repetitive nature of attachment. And yes there's a positive attachment too,
and of course we'll touch on that, but this this
negative we're looking at at negative attachment, things that we
shouldn't be attached to, These things that we created a
stronghold over our lives, we've given authority to because we've
(03:05):
looked at it and made it the biggest center point
of our life. But I need you to realize that
at this mountain disappears the moment that you start taking
authority back, the moment that you stop putting yourself in
things just because you think you have to be there.
And I know this is a tough one for a
lot of people. I know that this thought of what
life should look like and what life should be like
is ingrained in us and hard to you know, disconnect
(03:28):
from because you've been repeating this and you've created this
cycle around it. But when we learn what toxic attachment is,
and we learn what healthy attachment is, and we learn
what growth generally is, we can actually sit here and
discern and decipher through what's there. So knowing that the
thing that you were facing, this mountain that you're in
(03:48):
when it comes to attachment, whether it is a job
or a career or a person or whatever that looks like,
knowing what this is and being able to sort it out,
it's going to help you look at it from a
different perspective. Knowing that life is fleeting and is short
and keeping that in mind will also allow you to
realize that you can't spend too much time there. Yes
(04:09):
you might have created a story, Yes you might have
wanted it, but it doesn't mean that you belong there.
So let's dive into this. Let'slet's look at what this
mountain is and if this relates to you, I really
hope that this is a freeing one free today, that
there's something positive in here that that helps you grow,
because I think for a lot of people, this is
a big struggle. Like I know, and I speak from experience, right,
I know that I've gone through these things and know
(04:30):
the conversations that I've had that the people that I've
engaged with this is such a repeating thing. It's a
it's like I can't let go of this thing because
in my mind I've convinced myself of how much it's
worth and whether they're actually reciprocal in it while I'm
receiving back or not. I think that I need to
be the reason that that I change things. But if
you don't notice, there's a lot of eye statements there.
(04:52):
You have made yourself the God over your life, the
unholy Trinity, Me, myself and I. You have created this
thing where you think that you have to force it
into existence because you've spent so much time investing in it,
the sucking cost fallacy. You think that because you've failed
so many times now, this thing has to eventually work,
(05:12):
and you create an attachment to it because in your
brain and your mind, that's how it's gonna work. It's
only gonna work when you make it work. And I
need you to understand that. Yes, yes, there's always a
byproduct of your effort and your work and your time.
But sometimes you're pouring out into the void. You're giving
into something that isn't genuinely there. You're pouring into an
(05:33):
illusion of what you desired and not a reality of
what you have. You are pushing into something that unfortunately
is never gonna push back into you. So knowing what
this is, we have to understand that rejection doesn't mean
more effort, rejection of timing versus rejection of purpose. There's
this distinction between these two things. Sometimes there is rejection
(05:54):
because we are not ready for this thing. Right that
I often equate this when I talk to people about
like prayer. You ask for something where you're praying or
you're trying to receive something, but you're not ready to
handle that thing, and you don't understand that the timing
of what you're asking is inappropriate. You're not in the space,
you're not in the mindset, you're not in the financial set,
you're not in emotional stability for this thing to be
(06:15):
in your life. So what's happening is that you're asking
for something that you can't maintain. And I promise you,
the heartbreak of losing something that you desperately wanted because
you were not capable of maintaining it is going to
hurt so much more than the heartbreak of not having
it sitting here. Do this thing that you were not
prepared to cultivate into because you can ask again for
a brand new car, but if you never did the
(06:36):
work to get the license or learn how to drive,
then it's pointless to have that car. That car is
gonna sit there and it's gonna just gain dust and
or maybe you might try to drive it and crash
it because you thought that you wanted this thing, but
you didn't know that you actually need other things beforehand.
So sometimes rejection of timing is important.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
We need to.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Understand and be able to discern that is this thing
in the appropriate time it mount in front of me.
Is it a mountain of time that I have to
work and scale that and climb through, or is it
something that is just not.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Appropriate for me?
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And that's where we look at rejection of purpose. There
are some things in your life, some people in your
life that will never align with the purpose that you
were made for. And you praying for those things that
exist in your life. You asking or pleading or trying
your hardest for that thing to exist in your life
is actually gonna drive you away from purpose. It's gonna
drive you away from the thing that's actually gonna help
you grow because you think that the attachment to the
(07:31):
person or the position or the place is the thing
that you need to pour more into. And that rejection
of purpose is huge. That's saving you from years of
waste and time, saving you from years of heartbreak. It's
saving you from years of things that you don't need
to be in because you thought that your attachment to
it was enough for you to stay in it. Sometimes
(07:52):
the rejection of purpose is saving you from something so
much greater, something so much bigger. Yes, timing and purpose
are huge. Yeah, we can put them together, but we
need to understand that sometimes that's the reality that the
purpose behind the thing, purpose behind the person, the purpose
behind that thing that I'm attached to is in the
line with the purpose that I have. And we can
(08:13):
convince ourselves of so much because think about it.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
You can lie to yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Enough where your brain begins to just see that and
believe it. The whole affirming thing, whether you come to
that and a spiritual component or not, there is a
scientific reality behind it that the things that you constantly
say to yourself, that things that you repeat, you're gonna believe.
It's inevitable. Like I know, people like to make the
joke and I joke about all the time. I like, yeah,
you know I broke or stuff like that, Like that's yeah,
I get it. We say, oh, don't say those things
(08:38):
because you're gonna believe it. But it's deeper than that.
It's things that you genuinely affirm and genuinely believe. Like
there and I'm gonna say it's joke around with things
because you shouldn't, but there's a reality of things that
you're affirming in you that have a conviction in you
versus things that you just casually say. And again not
saying that you just casually casually say them, but the
things that you speak and conviction are the things that
(08:59):
you're genuinely gonna And if you're telling yourself that this
thing that you are attached to, this mountain that's in
front of you, is the mountain you have to stay on,
then you're going to create an attachment that you don't
need to have. We'll talk a little bit more after
this commercial break. So we need to learn. We need
to learn this big takeaway here. We need to learn
that we are able to refocus our attachment to rejection and.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Refocus it to growth.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Like the reality is the thing that we were in,
the thing that we were pushing in, the thing that
we were consistently that mountain in front of you, and
you've designed this attachment to it because of rejection, because
you thought that the harder you were rejected, the more
effort you had to give, or the constantly rejected you
thought that, because of that rejection, you had to consistently
pour in whatever that might have been you're tale in.
We need to learn and realize that you have that
(09:47):
ability to grow something amazing. Because if you were willing
to pour in so much into a place that didn't
love your value, imagine if you poured into you. Imagine
if you sat there and saw how much you were
willing to offer them and began to offer that to yourself.
If you learned to focus on you and love you
and attach yourself to yourself in a healthy way, that
(10:07):
that rejection is not meaning that you have to be closer,
but reality that you can refocus into you. When you
learn to pour into you, something powerful happens. There is
this new level of you that's birth out of this.
And I can't stress this enough. If you have dealt
with rejection, if you have been pushed away, if you
have been made feel like you're worthless or useless, when
(10:28):
you learn to be firm in you, when you learn
to give you what you wanted to give them, you
become the best version of you. This this lie of
rejection and attachment through it, it becomes this powerful tool
that you have become confidently attached to yourself that you
now say, I love me so much that I'm not
going to allow you to rob me of my love
(10:49):
of me. No situation of job, no career, no person,
no no anything is ever going to rob you of
this because it loses authority. You've learned to grow in you,
and there's so much power in loving yourself. And again
I say this often, and I just in case if
you're new even haven't heard me speak before. I don't
mean this from an arrogant standpoint, like I don't mean
(11:10):
this from vanity. I don't mean this like you think
that you're the greatest things in slice bread.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I don't mean that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I mean this reality where you are able to love
you so deeply that you understand that you're worth it,
and that you don't let people tell you or dictate
what you're worth. They don't control that value in you,
because that value isn't in them. That's already been intrinsically
put in your heart. God's already given you that You're
not basing that on people, You're basing that on you.
And the question here is that are you taking the
(11:37):
rejection of another person as a challenge? Are you looking
at what they said and did to you and say, well,
maybe if I try harder or if I do more?
And now, are you creating a mountain out of this,
that you are creating attachment to people or things based
on the fact that they didn't love you enough, that
they didn't make you feel validated enough, so now you
think you have to earn that validation of that love.
I need you to understand that when you grow in that,
(12:00):
when you create the security in you, that rejection does
not mean pain. It means redirection, It means growth. It
means you have this authority to do something beautiful in
you and.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You are free to do that.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
We need to stop going back to places of pain
trying to find purpose, and I think.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
A lot of us we tend to do that.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
We go back to a place because we want to
find closure in it, We want to find healing in it.
We can't find We can't heal in the same place
that we were wounded. It's not possible to. Our toxic
attachment makes us think that it's the name for the answers.
That's the thing that we need to do to be
able to name that answer, to say why did this happen?
Find the reason for it. I need you to understand
(12:43):
that you will never heal in a place as causing
you more wounds It's like saying, I know you have
a knife and you stabbed me, but I'm going to
come back just in case. So I want to know
why you stabbed me, and now you're stabbed again. We
need to create separation, and I know this is a
hard one for a lot of people. I know that
the detachment component of this are saying, well, I'm not
(13:04):
serve loved or value in this place. It's the hard
part to finally sit in what you're worth. But if
we're doing the word to heal, we can't go back
to the place that's causing the wound. We can't say, yes,
I desire to be better, but I'm gonna go back
to the person or the job, or or the desire
that I had, or the habits or the addictions and
(13:25):
let those things continue to be mountains in my life
because I'm afraid to heal outside of them. Well, the
hard part about healing isn't so much healing. The hard
part about healing is understanding what you need to heal from.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Because for a.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Lot of us, we've created again, there's attachments to things,
to people into all these areas, but we don't know why,
we don't identify the fact that they are touching a
wound in us that feels normal. You don't stay in
places that are toxic because it brings you joy, because
it brings you the sense of stability within your toxicity.
So the thing that you haven't healed in yourself, when
(13:58):
you go back to people who've indicate that or are
similar to that, or jog that thing, there is a
level of you that feels like you're in what's called homeostasis,
when your body is at its most basic level. You
are connecting your toxicity to that You're connecting something in
you that is not healed to that person. And this
is where it becomes a little tricky, because the more
(14:18):
healed you become, the harder it is for you to
let yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Be put in those positions.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
But you also need to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
And I know this is like a two edged sword here,
because we can't allow ourselves to be vulnerable if we
don't allow ourselves to be in places that feel like
they can potentially hurt us, but are other things that
are gonna love us the most. This is where we
have that pendulum where it swings way too far to
the other side. You have to be able to identify
(14:44):
the stages of you that needed healing and not allow
yourself to connect to the things that hurt you. And
then by doing that, we don't create this dichotomy between
the relationship that we have with the thing, whether there's
a job, the person, whatever, or with the relationship that
we have with our pain, and we're able to separate that.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
What happens for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Is that they conflate that they create this this connection
to two They all, right, let's take an example of
a career. Right, your parents always told you that you
needed to do xy, you needed to be a doctor,
I don't know, for example, and they created this this
pressure in you for your whole life that you have
to connect to this thing. So whenever you do anything
else that you were dreaming of or asking of, what's
happening now is that you are you feel like you're
(15:26):
less than because you're not achieving that thing. And let's
just say let's say you achieved it. Let's say you
hit that goal, but now you feel like you're purpose
You don't have a purpose in it because it's not
something that was natural to your desire, but it was
something that was pushed and inclined in you.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
It was told that you have.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
To be this thing and you could ever be free
in something that isn't natural to you. You're going to
feel like you have to perform. You're going to feel
like you have to act. And anyone that's performed before,
anyone that's played a sport, done anything, knows that they're very.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Tired after it.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Why because you are performing to a capacity that other
people need to believe that you are that thing, or
that you're exerting yourself physically, and what's gonna happen at
that You're gonna burn You're gonna gonna burn out. So
for a lot of people, they don't heal because they're
living in the thing or trying to live in the
thing that's caused from a wound that they've had. Now,
this is super deep, and we probably will.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Have other people.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
We will have another episode specifically on healing. But just this,
this this thought that we create attachment through two things
because they relate to things that we have not healed from.
And that goes a big, big one with people we like.
I say this often, and I had a conversation with
a friend of mine and she was asking, He's like,
why is it that I keep having relationships and they
keep ending in a poorly and that the guys I
(16:40):
date are all the same. And I'm like, because you're
trying to date the same guy that you couldn't save before.
In the relationships that you're in now, you're looking for
that thing that reminds you of them, because you thought
again rejection and attachment by rejection, you thought that if
you were able to say this and someone else, that
is gonna heal that in you, And it's not. You're
just looking for the same person in different bodies and
(17:01):
you'll never be able to heal from that because you're
looking for something that you couldn't say, that you couldn't fix,
or something that you felt rejected from, and now you
think that.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
It's your job to rescue these people.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You're dating the same person over and over again, and
your heart key's getting broken. It's because you're doing the
same thing with the same person. Yeah, they might look different,
but it's still the same person. You're looking for that
toxicity that you're so accustomed to that your nervous system
has become used to. It's become this reality of it.
And I see this in so many relationships in the
regular I've been through this where because I don't argue
(17:34):
because I'm healed the person that I've was with or
am with. I'm not gonna say which relationship of my
life in this situation, but these people have been able
to respond to me in the same way because they're
so used to people who respond to them in a
poor way. So when someone wants to communicate with you
and they don't respond to that emotional instability or desire
(17:57):
to argue, then it becomes a problem because you're not
used to that. What happens is deeply inside you can't
heal that because you're so used to.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
This one way.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Are you attached to the thing that you need to heal?
Are you making this connection between your work environment, people
you're dating, or the places you're in here? Are you
basing that thing on the rejection that you've received before
and thinking that you need to do those things just
to heal or or soothe that wound, And all you're
actually doing is going back to that place to make
(18:25):
the wound worse. You're hurting yourself more because you think
that allowing yourself to be in that's gonna heal that
we can't overcome what we're trying to make excuses for
and the mountain that we're in, right, that the mountain
of attachment has to be one of the hardest ones
that you're ever gonna let go of because we make
it about so many other things. We make it about
(18:47):
helping others, right, we say, well, well, I need to
stay here because I need to help them, and I
need to understand that it's not your job to save
or rescue anyone you are. You're not Superman. You can't
go into burning buildings and try to force people out
of buildings that they've become accustomed to the fire in.
You can't tell people that you need to do this
for them, or force yourself to do this for them
(19:09):
because you think that you are the reason that they're
going to heal. It is not your job. And I
know that's a hard one to take, and I know
for my people pleasers out there that you're going to
hear this and be kind of upset about it. But
I need you to understand that you can love people
and love them dearly and love them fully and not
need to change them and not need to save them.
And I need to rescue them and you can love
them from a distance. There are friendships, there are family
(19:30):
members that you can't do anything for. And the more
you sit here and push into this, the harder this
is going to hurt. Because you think that you doing
something more for them is going to solve them, it's
going to fix their problem, it's going to make them better,
and unfortunately, you're just setting yourself up of heartbreak because
no one changes unless they want to change. It's hard
(19:51):
to change your own mind. What makes you think you're
going to change someone else's.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
We'll talk a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
About this in a minute. So diving back into this reality,
we make it a about not putting enough effort. We say, well,
the reason that we couldn't heal this or overcome this again,
excuses that we're making is because we didn't try enough.
We didn't we wouldn't try hard enough, we weren't showing
up enough. And then you take on this weight of
not being able to solve their problems and you make
it about you and you think that you have the
(20:18):
solution for them, but you don't. You can't fix a person,
you can't fix a job place, you can't fix a career.
You can't fix a family member, you can't fix a friend.
You can't change a person who doesn't desire to change
by their own will. That's like something that happens often
with addicts, right, People who are addicted to to drugs
or to alcohol. They revert back into their alcoholism when
(20:39):
it's forced, when you have these meetings with them and
you want to intervene and you say, well, we love
you and we care for you, and you put them
in a program, and they do all these things, but
they revert, They go back to the addiction they had
because the addiction they had is not about the addiction itself.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
It's not the thing. It's about the.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Wound that it was healing. When they don't address those things, they'll.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Revert to it.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
And as much as you love them, you can't force them.
You can't force people to heal. The only thing you
could do is reward things with distance. And again, this
is not about like drugs or anything like that. That's
very very specific and very deep and intricate conversation. This
is this is about our mountain of attachment and when
we think that we can heal people and solve them,
and we start making excuses for them. We start saying, well,
(21:23):
look at their past, look at their look at the
thing that's happened to them. We take the responsibility on
us over their problem. It's not your responsibility, it is
not your job to do that. You You will never
be able to change someone who doesn't desire to change.
And the only thing that you could do is create
distance with them. It's know that, yes you might love them,
(21:46):
but you can't love them from upfront. You have to
love them support them from the crowd, because it's draining
and costing you so much, and it's creating this this
this toxic attachment, and this mountain in your life is
always going to be there because you consistently think that
you have to be the hero.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
You don't.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I say these next things not to hurt you, but
to free you. Like these next words, I hope that
you hear these and you allow yourself the freedom and
the luxury to not need to fix everyone. Are you
actually attached to them or the image that you've designed them?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Like?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Is it really who they are that you love or
is it who you pretend that they can be? Is
it the thing that you've created in your mind? Or
is it who they're actually showing you like it's what
they do for you? Is are they actually doing these things?
And I don't mean like just physical things. I'm not
just giving you things, but they're showing you that you matter.
Do you actually feel seen, heard, loved and validated? Are
(22:40):
you still begging for that? Sometimes the mountain of our
attachment our lives is kept alive. It's kept alive by us,
like by our delusion, by our desire to hope and
see that this person exists, and we try to make
them be real. I need you to understand that there
is no situation and where you having to beg someone
(23:02):
to love you, or to hear you or to see
you as ever going to validate that relationship. It's ever
going to say that they are real for you. That yes,
you might have that image in your mind. You might
have created this future, you might have created all these
things that you're hoping to be real, that you're hoping
to exist, but it doesn't mean that it's there. And
I know that it's hard to swallow that pill sometimes
(23:25):
to realize that I have created a person in my
mind that isn't in my life that I'm more in
love with the idea of them than the reality of
who they're showing me that they are. That I'm more
engulfed by this thought of being the hero the Superman
complex where I can save them than them actually wanting
to be saved. And I know it hurts to know
(23:47):
that you can bring all this amazingness to the table,
but you've created an attachment to something that doesn't exist,
and that's why it keeps floating away because it's not
actually there, it's not actually yours. And I know, oh,
we need to to be able to come to this
conclusion at some point where we need to heal. But
it won't happen without you facing this mountain, without you
(24:10):
standing in front of this thing that you so desire,
that you so want that you are envisioning and golfing,
and again, even outside of relationships, I just take that
one because it's like low hanging fruit because it's so common.
But being able to see this thing and basing it
on reality, not just basing it on hope and desire,
but knowing that it's there, knowing that I have to
(24:35):
face this thing, and if this is not an issue
for you right saying that you're able to really face
this mountain and come and facing forward with it, then
taking the things that have become accustomed to rejection and
turning that into growth, because it doesn't matter that we
know this, Like, let's be real, we can know all
(24:57):
these facts up and down. We can have this to
your blue and the but it doesn't actually matter. It
doesn't matter to hear these things. It doesn't matter to
read these things. It doesn't matter to have these self
help books. It doesn't matter to go to these retreats
in congresses and conferences and all these things. You can
do all those things, and it could mean absolutely nothing
because the same way that you can't change them, only
(25:18):
you could change you. Only you can decide that I
no longer want to repeat these cycles, that I no
longer want to be in this, I no longer want
to continue to pour into that. And it's not an
easy process. I am not by any means watering it
down or downplane it. This is one of the hardest
things you will ever do. I think that this is
the hardest mountain for a lot of us that knowing
(25:40):
that we're free from this, because taking it back to
the relationship component, it's hard to heal from heartbreak it's
hard to sit through something like this. It's hard to
detach and to say that this thing no longer has
authority over me.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
It's so hard.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
But the more you repeat this, the more you practice
this reality, the more you live this, the easier everything
else around you becomes the easier. The life you live
becomes the easier, the choices you're going to make next
become the easier it is to overcome any other attachment.
So our invitation in this episode for you is that
(26:15):
is to really sit here and again, it doesn't matter
what it is. I'm just honing it in on relationships
because I know it's tough, and I know it's a
common one. But where is this attachment in your life
that you have created a connection with based on the
rejection of So you've created this relationship with this attachment
that you're struggling with right now, you're living with or
(26:36):
or it's just a part of something that you feel
like you need to be freed from. That you've made
this a connection and now you need to sever it
and you can't go back to those things. In Spanish,
there's a saying nab where there was fire, we still
have ashes. Knowing that going back to these places that
(26:59):
hurt me, it's gonna rekindle something in me. And it
doesn't mean it has to be romantic.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
It could just be.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Something that needs to be killed. It could just be
something that you have created this relationship with. But the toxicity,
and whenever you go back around it is as amplified,
it's brought to the surface. It's okay to walk away
from places where there's no value for you. Life is
way too short. You have a limited amount of time
(27:28):
in this earth for you to continue to stay in
things that don't serve you. And I don't again, like
I said before, I don't mean it in a vain
or arrogant way. I mean it in a way that
cares and loves for you, because that's the only person
that's good ever gonna worry about that. No one else
is going to die your death. No one else is
going to pay your taxes, no one else is going
(27:49):
to do the things that you need for you. And
if you begin to neglect you because you want other
people to like you, because that people pleasing in you
is there, because that attachment by rejection is there because
that you've created there or I allowed to exist there
no one else is going to care for you. You have
to learn to love you. You have to learn to
(28:09):
care for you. So I hope that this episode, at
the very least jobs of thought, what's that mountain of rejection,
what's that thing? That I'm still there? And that we
turn pain into purpose. That thing that was hurting me
is now a tool that I use as a part
of the story. Thank you for being here, thank you
for just joining this episode. And I don't think it's
(28:32):
the next episode. I think it's like an episode after this.
We're actually have some guests joining us, so I'm really
excited about that.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
I won't spoil that now. I'll promote that later on.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
But thank you for being here, thank you for listening,
thank you for being a part of this episode. And
we'll see you in the next one.
That rejection of purpose is huge. That's saving you from
years of waste of time, saving you from years of heartbreak,
It's saving you from years of things that you don't
need to be in because you thought that your attachment
to it was enough for you to stay in it.
This is made for this mountain with Josh Rosa or
turning pain into purpose. So we struggle with detachment because
(00:21):
we think we're being offered is what we actually deserve. Like,
one of the things, one of the mountains that a
lot of us face is this reality where we need
to detach from things, not because we are not offering
what's good, we're not giving into we're not fully invested,
but because sometimes we're the only ones that are. We're
the only ones that are pushing into this, We're the
only ones that are giving in.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
And it hurts.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
It hurts to realize that you have to let certain
things go.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And one of the.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Biggest generational issues that we've developed, one of the things
that I've seen very common is that attachment for us
comes through rejection. And yes, we might focus a little
more on relationships in this episode and that aspect, but
this relates to apples slutely everything. There are situations where
we have been rejected from things, and we think that
that rejection is an invitation to try harder. Right, We
(01:09):
think that that being rejected from it means I need
to give more effort, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes that
rejection is actually a redirection. The mountain that you're facing
in this situation isn't so much being rejected. It's understanding
that you were not meant to be there and learning
what purpose actually is and learning how to tie that
fully into ourselves. So when we talk about this, this
(01:29):
mountain of rejection, I need you to understand that it
doesn't mean that you need to try harder, and it
doesn't mean that you need to be attached to it
more that it doesn't mean that this thing holds any
way over you. What it ultimately is is the reality
of us understanding that certain things in our lives will
continue to be mountains as long as we give them
authority to be, and we've allowed them to be in
(01:49):
positions that we've attached to it because we've conditioned ourselves
to it. So we're gonna talk about attachment this episode,
we're talking about detachment. Ultimately, we're gonn talk about the
reality that some mountains only exist because we've given.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Authority to them.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
They're only present and prevalent because we have allowed them
to be because in our either teaching or either upbringing,
in this this generation, we have conditioned our life to
fit this. And let's be real, for a lot of people,
this is one of the biggest struggles, like the reason
we don't progress anywhere else. And again again it's not
just about relationships. Yes, I'm gonna hone in on that
(02:23):
because I see how much of an issue it is.
There is, how many conversations we've had, but I need
to understand that that this is everything. This is there
are certain career paths that you've envisioned in your life,
and you're stuck in this mountain because you think that
you need to do this thing, or there's certain things
that your family has has brought up in you and
has taught you and told you, and you think that
the only way you are the best version of you
(02:43):
is that if you overcome that mountain. So this this
repetitive nature of attachment. And yes there's a positive attachment too,
and of course we'll touch on that, but this this
negative we're looking at at negative attachment, things that we
shouldn't be attached to, These things that we created a
stronghold over our lives, we've given authority to because we've
(03:05):
looked at it and made it the biggest center point
of our life. But I need you to realize that
at this mountain disappears the moment that you start taking
authority back, the moment that you stop putting yourself in
things just because you think you have to be there.
And I know this is a tough one for a
lot of people. I know that this thought of what
life should look like and what life should be like
is ingrained in us and hard to you know, disconnect
(03:28):
from because you've been repeating this and you've created this
cycle around it. But when we learn what toxic attachment is,
and we learn what healthy attachment is, and we learn
what growth generally is, we can actually sit here and
discern and decipher through what's there. So knowing that the
thing that you were facing, this mountain that you're in
(03:48):
when it comes to attachment, whether it is a job
or a career or a person or whatever that looks like,
knowing what this is and being able to sort it out,
it's going to help you look at it from a
different perspective. Knowing that life is fleeting and is short
and keeping that in mind will also allow you to
realize that you can't spend too much time there. Yes
(04:09):
you might have created a story, Yes you might have
wanted it, but it doesn't mean that you belong there.
So let's dive into this. Let'slet's look at what this
mountain is and if this relates to you, I really
hope that this is a freeing one free today, that
there's something positive in here that that helps you grow,
because I think for a lot of people, this is
a big struggle. Like I know, and I speak from experience, right,
I know that I've gone through these things and know
(04:30):
the conversations that I've had that the people that I've
engaged with this is such a repeating thing. It's a
it's like I can't let go of this thing because
in my mind I've convinced myself of how much it's
worth and whether they're actually reciprocal in it while I'm
receiving back or not. I think that I need to
be the reason that that I change things. But if
you don't notice, there's a lot of eye statements there.
(04:52):
You have made yourself the God over your life, the
unholy Trinity, Me, myself and I. You have created this
thing where you think that you have to force it
into existence because you've spent so much time investing in it,
the sucking cost fallacy. You think that because you've failed
so many times now, this thing has to eventually work,
(05:12):
and you create an attachment to it because in your
brain and your mind, that's how it's gonna work. It's
only gonna work when you make it work. And I
need you to understand that. Yes, yes, there's always a
byproduct of your effort and your work and your time.
But sometimes you're pouring out into the void. You're giving
into something that isn't genuinely there. You're pouring into an
(05:33):
illusion of what you desired and not a reality of
what you have. You are pushing into something that unfortunately
is never gonna push back into you. So knowing what
this is, we have to understand that rejection doesn't mean
more effort, rejection of timing versus rejection of purpose. There's
this distinction between these two things. Sometimes there is rejection
(05:54):
because we are not ready for this thing. Right that
I often equate this when I talk to people about
like prayer. You ask for something where you're praying or
you're trying to receive something, but you're not ready to
handle that thing, and you don't understand that the timing
of what you're asking is inappropriate. You're not in the space,
you're not in the mindset, you're not in the financial set,
you're not in emotional stability for this thing to be
(06:15):
in your life. So what's happening is that you're asking
for something that you can't maintain. And I promise you,
the heartbreak of losing something that you desperately wanted because
you were not capable of maintaining it is going to
hurt so much more than the heartbreak of not having
it sitting here. Do this thing that you were not
prepared to cultivate into because you can ask again for
a brand new car, but if you never did the
(06:36):
work to get the license or learn how to drive,
then it's pointless to have that car. That car is
gonna sit there and it's gonna just gain dust and
or maybe you might try to drive it and crash
it because you thought that you wanted this thing, but
you didn't know that you actually need other things beforehand.
So sometimes rejection of timing is important.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
We need to.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Understand and be able to discern that is this thing
in the appropriate time it mount in front of me.
Is it a mountain of time that I have to
work and scale that and climb through, or is it
something that is just not.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Appropriate for me?
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And that's where we look at rejection of purpose. There
are some things in your life, some people in your
life that will never align with the purpose that you
were made for. And you praying for those things that
exist in your life. You asking or pleading or trying
your hardest for that thing to exist in your life
is actually gonna drive you away from purpose. It's gonna
drive you away from the thing that's actually gonna help
you grow because you think that the attachment to the
(07:31):
person or the position or the place is the thing
that you need to pour more into. And that rejection
of purpose is huge. That's saving you from years of
waste and time, saving you from years of heartbreak. It's
saving you from years of things that you don't need
to be in because you thought that your attachment to
it was enough for you to stay in it. Sometimes
(07:52):
the rejection of purpose is saving you from something so
much greater, something so much bigger. Yes, timing and purpose
are huge. Yeah, we can put them together, but we
need to understand that sometimes that's the reality that the
purpose behind the thing, purpose behind the person, the purpose
behind that thing that I'm attached to is in the
line with the purpose that I have. And we can
(08:13):
convince ourselves of so much because think about it.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
You can lie to yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Enough where your brain begins to just see that and
believe it. The whole affirming thing, whether you come to
that and a spiritual component or not, there is a
scientific reality behind it that the things that you constantly
say to yourself, that things that you repeat, you're gonna believe.
It's inevitable. Like I know, people like to make the
joke and I joke about all the time. I like, yeah,
you know I broke or stuff like that, Like that's yeah,
I get it. We say, oh, don't say those things
(08:38):
because you're gonna believe it. But it's deeper than that.
It's things that you genuinely affirm and genuinely believe. Like
there and I'm gonna say it's joke around with things
because you shouldn't, but there's a reality of things that
you're affirming in you that have a conviction in you
versus things that you just casually say. And again not
saying that you just casually casually say them, but the
things that you speak and conviction are the things that
(08:59):
you're genuinely gonna And if you're telling yourself that this
thing that you are attached to, this mountain that's in
front of you, is the mountain you have to stay on,
then you're going to create an attachment that you don't
need to have. We'll talk a little bit more after
this commercial break. So we need to learn. We need
to learn this big takeaway here. We need to learn
that we are able to refocus our attachment to rejection and.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Refocus it to growth.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Like the reality is the thing that we were in,
the thing that we were pushing in, the thing that
we were consistently that mountain in front of you, and
you've designed this attachment to it because of rejection, because
you thought that the harder you were rejected, the more
effort you had to give, or the constantly rejected you
thought that, because of that rejection, you had to consistently
pour in whatever that might have been you're tale in.
We need to learn and realize that you have that
(09:47):
ability to grow something amazing. Because if you were willing
to pour in so much into a place that didn't
love your value, imagine if you poured into you. Imagine
if you sat there and saw how much you were
willing to offer them and began to offer that to yourself.
If you learned to focus on you and love you
and attach yourself to yourself in a healthy way, that
(10:07):
that rejection is not meaning that you have to be closer,
but reality that you can refocus into you. When you
learn to pour into you, something powerful happens. There is
this new level of you that's birth out of this.
And I can't stress this enough. If you have dealt
with rejection, if you have been pushed away, if you
have been made feel like you're worthless or useless, when
(10:28):
you learn to be firm in you, when you learn
to give you what you wanted to give them, you
become the best version of you. This this lie of
rejection and attachment through it, it becomes this powerful tool
that you have become confidently attached to yourself that you
now say, I love me so much that I'm not
going to allow you to rob me of my love
(10:49):
of me. No situation of job, no career, no person,
no no anything is ever going to rob you of
this because it loses authority. You've learned to grow in you,
and there's so much power in loving yourself. And again
I say this often, and I just in case if
you're new even haven't heard me speak before. I don't
mean this from an arrogant standpoint, like I don't mean
(11:10):
this from vanity. I don't mean this like you think
that you're the greatest things in slice bread.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I don't mean that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I mean this reality where you are able to love
you so deeply that you understand that you're worth it,
and that you don't let people tell you or dictate
what you're worth. They don't control that value in you,
because that value isn't in them. That's already been intrinsically
put in your heart. God's already given you that You're
not basing that on people, You're basing that on you.
And the question here is that are you taking the
(11:37):
rejection of another person as a challenge? Are you looking
at what they said and did to you and say, well,
maybe if I try harder or if I do more?
And now, are you creating a mountain out of this,
that you are creating attachment to people or things based
on the fact that they didn't love you enough, that
they didn't make you feel validated enough, so now you
think you have to earn that validation of that love.
I need you to understand that when you grow in that,
(12:00):
when you create the security in you, that rejection does
not mean pain. It means redirection, It means growth. It
means you have this authority to do something beautiful in
you and.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You are free to do that.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
We need to stop going back to places of pain
trying to find purpose, and I think.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
A lot of us we tend to do that.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
We go back to a place because we want to
find closure in it, We want to find healing in it.
We can't find We can't heal in the same place
that we were wounded. It's not possible to. Our toxic
attachment makes us think that it's the name for the answers.
That's the thing that we need to do to be
able to name that answer, to say why did this happen?
Find the reason for it. I need you to understand
(12:43):
that you will never heal in a place as causing
you more wounds It's like saying, I know you have
a knife and you stabbed me, but I'm going to
come back just in case. So I want to know
why you stabbed me, and now you're stabbed again. We
need to create separation, and I know this is a
hard one for a lot of people. I know that
the detachment component of this are saying, well, I'm not
(13:04):
serve loved or value in this place. It's the hard
part to finally sit in what you're worth. But if
we're doing the word to heal, we can't go back
to the place that's causing the wound. We can't say, yes,
I desire to be better, but I'm gonna go back
to the person or the job, or or the desire
that I had, or the habits or the addictions and
(13:25):
let those things continue to be mountains in my life
because I'm afraid to heal outside of them. Well, the
hard part about healing isn't so much healing. The hard
part about healing is understanding what you need to heal from.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Because for a.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Lot of us, we've created again, there's attachments to things,
to people into all these areas, but we don't know why,
we don't identify the fact that they are touching a
wound in us that feels normal. You don't stay in
places that are toxic because it brings you joy, because
it brings you the sense of stability within your toxicity.
So the thing that you haven't healed in yourself, when
(13:58):
you go back to people who've indicate that or are
similar to that, or jog that thing, there is a
level of you that feels like you're in what's called homeostasis,
when your body is at its most basic level. You
are connecting your toxicity to that You're connecting something in
you that is not healed to that person. And this
is where it becomes a little tricky, because the more
(14:18):
healed you become, the harder it is for you to
let yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Be put in those positions.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
But you also need to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
And I know this is like a two edged sword here,
because we can't allow ourselves to be vulnerable if we
don't allow ourselves to be in places that feel like
they can potentially hurt us, but are other things that
are gonna love us the most. This is where we
have that pendulum where it swings way too far to
the other side. You have to be able to identify
(14:44):
the stages of you that needed healing and not allow
yourself to connect to the things that hurt you. And
then by doing that, we don't create this dichotomy between
the relationship that we have with the thing, whether there's
a job, the person, whatever, or with the relationship that
we have with our pain, and we're able to separate that.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
What happens for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Is that they conflate that they create this this connection
to two They all, right, let's take an example of
a career. Right, your parents always told you that you
needed to do xy, you needed to be a doctor,
I don't know, for example, and they created this this
pressure in you for your whole life that you have
to connect to this thing. So whenever you do anything
else that you were dreaming of or asking of, what's
happening now is that you are you feel like you're
(15:26):
less than because you're not achieving that thing. And let's
just say let's say you achieved it. Let's say you
hit that goal, but now you feel like you're purpose
You don't have a purpose in it because it's not
something that was natural to your desire, but it was
something that was pushed and inclined in you.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
It was told that you have.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
To be this thing and you could ever be free
in something that isn't natural to you. You're going to
feel like you have to perform. You're going to feel
like you have to act. And anyone that's performed before,
anyone that's played a sport, done anything, knows that they're very.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Tired after it.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Why because you are performing to a capacity that other
people need to believe that you are that thing, or
that you're exerting yourself physically, and what's gonna happen at
that You're gonna burn You're gonna gonna burn out. So
for a lot of people, they don't heal because they're
living in the thing or trying to live in the
thing that's caused from a wound that they've had. Now,
this is super deep, and we probably will.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Have other people.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
We will have another episode specifically on healing. But just this,
this this thought that we create attachment through two things
because they relate to things that we have not healed from.
And that goes a big, big one with people we like.
I say this often, and I had a conversation with
a friend of mine and she was asking, He's like,
why is it that I keep having relationships and they
keep ending in a poorly and that the guys I
(16:40):
date are all the same. And I'm like, because you're
trying to date the same guy that you couldn't save before.
In the relationships that you're in now, you're looking for
that thing that reminds you of them, because you thought
again rejection and attachment by rejection, you thought that if
you were able to say this and someone else, that
is gonna heal that in you, And it's not. You're
just looking for the same person in different bodies and
(17:01):
you'll never be able to heal from that because you're
looking for something that you couldn't say, that you couldn't fix,
or something that you felt rejected from, and now you
think that.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
It's your job to rescue these people.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You're dating the same person over and over again, and
your heart key's getting broken. It's because you're doing the
same thing with the same person. Yeah, they might look different,
but it's still the same person. You're looking for that
toxicity that you're so accustomed to that your nervous system
has become used to. It's become this reality of it.
And I see this in so many relationships in the
regular I've been through this where because I don't argue
(17:34):
because I'm healed the person that I've was with or
am with. I'm not gonna say which relationship of my
life in this situation, but these people have been able
to respond to me in the same way because they're
so used to people who respond to them in a
poor way. So when someone wants to communicate with you
and they don't respond to that emotional instability or desire
(17:57):
to argue, then it becomes a problem because you're not
used to that. What happens is deeply inside you can't
heal that because you're so used to.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
This one way.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Are you attached to the thing that you need to heal?
Are you making this connection between your work environment, people
you're dating, or the places you're in here? Are you
basing that thing on the rejection that you've received before
and thinking that you need to do those things just
to heal or or soothe that wound, And all you're
actually doing is going back to that place to make
(18:25):
the wound worse. You're hurting yourself more because you think
that allowing yourself to be in that's gonna heal that
we can't overcome what we're trying to make excuses for
and the mountain that we're in, right, that the mountain
of attachment has to be one of the hardest ones
that you're ever gonna let go of because we make
it about so many other things. We make it about
(18:47):
helping others, right, we say, well, well, I need to
stay here because I need to help them, and I
need to understand that it's not your job to save
or rescue anyone you are. You're not Superman. You can't
go into burning buildings and try to force people out
of buildings that they've become accustomed to the fire in.
You can't tell people that you need to do this
for them, or force yourself to do this for them
(19:09):
because you think that you are the reason that they're
going to heal. It is not your job. And I
know that's a hard one to take, and I know
for my people pleasers out there that you're going to
hear this and be kind of upset about it. But
I need you to understand that you can love people
and love them dearly and love them fully and not
need to change them and not need to save them.
And I need to rescue them and you can love
them from a distance. There are friendships, there are family
(19:30):
members that you can't do anything for. And the more
you sit here and push into this, the harder this
is going to hurt. Because you think that you doing
something more for them is going to solve them, it's
going to fix their problem, it's going to make them better,
and unfortunately, you're just setting yourself up of heartbreak because
no one changes unless they want to change. It's hard
(19:51):
to change your own mind. What makes you think you're
going to change someone else's.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
We'll talk a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
About this in a minute. So diving back into this reality,
we make it a about not putting enough effort. We say, well,
the reason that we couldn't heal this or overcome this again,
excuses that we're making is because we didn't try enough.
We didn't we wouldn't try hard enough, we weren't showing
up enough. And then you take on this weight of
not being able to solve their problems and you make
it about you and you think that you have the
(20:18):
solution for them, but you don't. You can't fix a person,
you can't fix a job place, you can't fix a career.
You can't fix a family member, you can't fix a friend.
You can't change a person who doesn't desire to change
by their own will. That's like something that happens often
with addicts, right, People who are addicted to to drugs
or to alcohol. They revert back into their alcoholism when
(20:39):
it's forced, when you have these meetings with them and
you want to intervene and you say, well, we love
you and we care for you, and you put them
in a program, and they do all these things, but
they revert, They go back to the addiction they had
because the addiction they had is not about the addiction itself.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
It's not the thing. It's about the.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Wound that it was healing. When they don't address those things, they'll.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Revert to it.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
And as much as you love them, you can't force them.
You can't force people to heal. The only thing you
could do is reward things with distance. And again, this
is not about like drugs or anything like that. That's
very very specific and very deep and intricate conversation. This
is this is about our mountain of attachment and when
we think that we can heal people and solve them,
and we start making excuses for them. We start saying, well,
(21:23):
look at their past, look at their look at the
thing that's happened to them. We take the responsibility on
us over their problem. It's not your responsibility, it is
not your job to do that. You You will never
be able to change someone who doesn't desire to change.
And the only thing that you could do is create
distance with them. It's know that, yes you might love them,
(21:46):
but you can't love them from upfront. You have to
love them support them from the crowd, because it's draining
and costing you so much, and it's creating this this
this toxic attachment, and this mountain in your life is
always going to be there because you consistently think that
you have to be the hero.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
You don't.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I say these next things not to hurt you, but
to free you. Like these next words, I hope that
you hear these and you allow yourself the freedom and
the luxury to not need to fix everyone. Are you
actually attached to them or the image that you've designed them?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Like?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Is it really who they are that you love or
is it who you pretend that they can be? Is
it the thing that you've created in your mind? Or
is it who they're actually showing you like it's what
they do for you? Is are they actually doing these things?
And I don't mean like just physical things. I'm not
just giving you things, but they're showing you that you matter.
Do you actually feel seen, heard, loved and validated? Are
(22:40):
you still begging for that? Sometimes the mountain of our
attachment our lives is kept alive. It's kept alive by us,
like by our delusion, by our desire to hope and
see that this person exists, and we try to make
them be real. I need you to understand that there
is no situation and where you having to beg someone
(23:02):
to love you, or to hear you or to see
you as ever going to validate that relationship. It's ever
going to say that they are real for you. That yes,
you might have that image in your mind. You might
have created this future, you might have created all these
things that you're hoping to be real, that you're hoping
to exist, but it doesn't mean that it's there. And
I know that it's hard to swallow that pill sometimes
(23:25):
to realize that I have created a person in my
mind that isn't in my life that I'm more in
love with the idea of them than the reality of
who they're showing me that they are. That I'm more
engulfed by this thought of being the hero the Superman
complex where I can save them than them actually wanting
to be saved. And I know it hurts to know
(23:47):
that you can bring all this amazingness to the table,
but you've created an attachment to something that doesn't exist,
and that's why it keeps floating away because it's not
actually there, it's not actually yours. And I know, oh,
we need to to be able to come to this
conclusion at some point where we need to heal. But
it won't happen without you facing this mountain, without you
(24:10):
standing in front of this thing that you so desire,
that you so want that you are envisioning and golfing,
and again, even outside of relationships, I just take that
one because it's like low hanging fruit because it's so common.
But being able to see this thing and basing it
on reality, not just basing it on hope and desire,
but knowing that it's there, knowing that I have to
(24:35):
face this thing, and if this is not an issue
for you right saying that you're able to really face
this mountain and come and facing forward with it, then
taking the things that have become accustomed to rejection and
turning that into growth, because it doesn't matter that we
know this, Like, let's be real, we can know all
(24:57):
these facts up and down. We can have this to
your blue and the but it doesn't actually matter. It
doesn't matter to hear these things. It doesn't matter to
read these things. It doesn't matter to have these self
help books. It doesn't matter to go to these retreats
in congresses and conferences and all these things. You can
do all those things, and it could mean absolutely nothing
because the same way that you can't change them, only
(25:18):
you could change you. Only you can decide that I
no longer want to repeat these cycles, that I no
longer want to be in this, I no longer want
to continue to pour into that. And it's not an
easy process. I am not by any means watering it
down or downplane it. This is one of the hardest
things you will ever do. I think that this is
the hardest mountain for a lot of us that knowing
(25:40):
that we're free from this, because taking it back to
the relationship component, it's hard to heal from heartbreak it's
hard to sit through something like this. It's hard to
detach and to say that this thing no longer has
authority over me.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
It's so hard.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
But the more you repeat this, the more you practice
this reality, the more you live this, the easier everything
else around you becomes the easier. The life you live
becomes the easier, the choices you're going to make next
become the easier it is to overcome any other attachment.
So our invitation in this episode for you is that
(26:15):
is to really sit here and again, it doesn't matter
what it is. I'm just honing it in on relationships
because I know it's tough, and I know it's a
common one. But where is this attachment in your life
that you have created a connection with based on the
rejection of So you've created this relationship with this attachment
that you're struggling with right now, you're living with or
(26:36):
or it's just a part of something that you feel
like you need to be freed from. That you've made
this a connection and now you need to sever it
and you can't go back to those things. In Spanish,
there's a saying nab where there was fire, we still
have ashes. Knowing that going back to these places that
(26:59):
hurt me, it's gonna rekindle something in me. And it
doesn't mean it has to be romantic.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
It could just be.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Something that needs to be killed. It could just be
something that you have created this relationship with. But the toxicity,
and whenever you go back around it is as amplified,
it's brought to the surface. It's okay to walk away
from places where there's no value for you. Life is
way too short. You have a limited amount of time
(27:28):
in this earth for you to continue to stay in
things that don't serve you. And I don't again, like
I said before, I don't mean it in a vain
or arrogant way. I mean it in a way that
cares and loves for you, because that's the only person
that's good ever gonna worry about that. No one else
is going to die your death. No one else is
going to pay your taxes, no one else is going
(27:49):
to do the things that you need for you. And
if you begin to neglect you because you want other
people to like you, because that people pleasing in you
is there, because that attachment by rejection is there because
that you've created there or I allowed to exist there
no one else is going to care for you. You have
to learn to love you. You have to learn to
(28:09):
care for you. So I hope that this episode, at
the very least jobs of thought, what's that mountain of rejection,
what's that thing? That I'm still there? And that we
turn pain into purpose. That thing that was hurting me
is now a tool that I use as a part
of the story. Thank you for being here, thank you
for just joining this episode. And I don't think it's
(28:32):
the next episode. I think it's like an episode after this.
We're actually have some guests joining us, so I'm really
excited about that.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
I won't spoil that now. I'll promote that later on.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
But thank you for being here, thank you for listening,
thank you for being a part of this episode. And
we'll see you in the next one.
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