January 1, 2026 • 30 mins
Feeling “not enough” isn’t a personality flaw it’s a learned response.
In this episode, we expose the comparison loop: how environments, relationships, and constant evaluation train the mind to shrink itself. When you stay around people who make you feel replaceable, you don’t become stronger, you become quieter.
This conversation is about:
- Psychological conditioning and self-worth
- Why comparison feels automatic (and how to interrupt it)
- The science behind emotional invalidation
- Detaching from people who diminish you
- Rebuilding confidence without external permission
You don’t need to prove your worth.
You need to stop negotiating it.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Social comparison.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
There's a study then by Leon Fetzinger that says that
people naturally compare themselves to others, like they'll look at
certain things people are doing, the timeline that they're in,
the lives that they're living, and less. We're never gonna
get it, well, we will later on, but talk about
social media, like how people are looking at certain aspects
of other people's lives. You're looking at clips of the
best potential portion of someone's life. No one ever posts
(00:21):
the worst thing that they're doing. But what's happening for
a lot of us, whether they're consciously or unconsciously, is
that we're looking at this life that these people are presenting,
and that we're.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Comparing where we are now to where they're pretending to be.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We're comparing what our life looks like to what they
showcase that their life looks like. And you think that
you're behind, You think that you don't have enough money,
you think that you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough,
you're not talented enough. You create this anxious loop in
you that shouldn't even exist, that it shouldn't even be
a thing. But we fall into this rut of needing
(00:52):
to compare ourselves to the lives of people that don't exist.
They're not real when we're gonna talk about that, and
this is made for this mountain with Josh Rosa or
we're turning pain into purpose. So I think you were
joining this episode is interesting because there's a lot of
dynamics to this, and I do think that this is
something that we all suffer with, Like we all go
through this, We all have this cycle of comparison that
(01:16):
we kind of just fall into routinely that we make
it into something that's part of us because it's almost
innately human, like it's natural to our desires to want
to see things and to look at those things as
pedestals or as anchor points or as point of success,
and we end up hitting ourselves for it like that
that same study from Leon Fetzinger, it talks about us
(01:40):
building anxiety in us, Like I think about how crazy
that is. We produce anxiety within us based on what
other people are saying or doing or how they're living,
and it ultimately feeds into our self esteem, whether high
self esteem or low self esteem. And we're gonna look
at that right now. But of course I always forget
to do this and do it now.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Please these please, please, please heave these.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Episodes that have been helping you, download them, share them,
get five stars, that whole thing, because that's the reason
we can continue to do this stuff. So, no, that's
not the way think about this reality where our self
esteem is tied to opinion or statements anyone else makes,
like it's you, this is a youth, this is self,
(02:21):
it's me my esteem. But unfortunately, what happens is that
we have given authority or power to certain people in
certain places based on things that we see or say
or do about them, Like we look at their successes,
or we look at their failures, or we look at
people that are similar to us, people that we've grown
up with or family members or people that we've had
lifestyles with. We look at their life and we say, well,
(02:45):
this is where they are, so.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
This is where I should be.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And then, whether again consciously or subconsciously, you end up
creating this feedback loop where every time you see them,
where you see someone similar, you see that success, you're
reminded of your failures. What you perceive is failures. You're
reminded of the fact that you are where they are,
that you don't look at yourself and that same light
that you don't have the same kind of success, or
that you're not married, or you don't have kids, or
(03:10):
you're not as rich as you should be, or first
of all, there are so many things here because this
is so deep, and I do not want to downplay
the fact that time is limited, Like time is sure,
time is ending. We don't have a lot of time
on this earth. But there is enough time to do
the purposeful thing, Like if you're doing the thing in
(03:30):
your life that is good for you, that it's serving,
that is growing you, that thing, that particular thing, there's
plenty of time for. It's when you're wasting time that
there is no time. So when you're in places that
you know you should not be in, if you're in
a relationship that you shouldn't be if you're in a
career path that you should not be in, if you're
in any of these things, these things become our mountains
because it becomes a part that's a struggle for us
(03:51):
to heal or grow or get over. We're wasting time there.
So there's a difference between investing time and wasting time.
Investing time is when you're going towards something or someone
or a career path or anything of that nature that
is actually fruitful and good that is going to serve you.
Now again, I always hate I say this and you've
(04:12):
heard every episode because I feel like it happens in
every episode. But it's a reality where we talk about
like relationships right in that fruit where we look at
those things. There are certain aspects of those kind of
relationships that we're in that we deal with people, and
again not just romantic plutonic relationships where we invest so
much time in something that is an investing time back
in us. And the reason that we do that is
because our perceived notion of what a relationship should look
(04:33):
like is based on societal norms. So, okay, this might
open a bag of worms here, a can of worms here.
And I preface this by saying that things like attraction
are vital.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I think they're very important.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I think that they are a center point of what
brings people in. But they should not be the antithesis
of everything.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
So there are.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Certain things that we look at with people, especially likeromantic partners,
where we look at them.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And we.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Don't give the fruitful person a chance because we're focused
on the fleshly person. So we're looking at the person
that might look attractive, that might perceive something in us
that it brings this carnal component to it, But we're
ignoring the fact that there.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Will produce no fruit.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Someone might look good, a tree might look good because
it has green and beautiful leaves, but might produce no
fruit and be useless. And I think that a lot
of us have a pre notion of what society has
expected us to look like in our romantic partners, but
we have been conditioned to see. Now again, I'm not
saying that attraction is not important. I'm not throwing out
(05:43):
the baby with the bath water. I'm not saying that
that that's not a good thing and to get rid
of everything else. I'm saying that it should not be
the center point thing, that it should be an invitation in.
And you know, because this is scientifically well more females
and male right, women are very.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Good at this.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Guys we struggle with this, but women are very good
at falling in love with a person who might have
not fit there. I don't know how to say this nicely,
but they might have not looked like what society might
have deemed as attractive. They're very good at seeing the
jewel in the rough patch, but unfortunately they have dealt
(06:24):
with certain people who have just been.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Rough all around.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So that's actually robbed them of the reality where the
person that would have been fruitful for them, that would
have been great in this reality of making them feel
good and making them feel purposeful and making making the
fruit come out of this relationship, have ruined it.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
So I don't want to give too much attention to
that component because I don't think that's the most important thing.
I do think it's important to understand that there are
people who look fruitful and there are people who are fruitful,
and this is when actually knowing a person, because I've
seen people ruined that that whole component because they don't
(07:04):
perceivably look entertaining.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
To the crowd of people around them, and I think
that's a big issue.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I think we lose out on people because of that.
So the reason that we don't feel like we're on
certain timelines or on part is because sometimes the thing
this is all an analogy, by the way to get
us back to this point, Sometimes the thing that we
want does not look like what society has said we
should want. It does not look like it should be
on the timeframe or the style or the look or
(07:30):
whatever that is.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
And we're gonna dive even deeper into this after this
quick commercial break. So coming back to that.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Notion that sometimes we're looking at things to the perception
of our flesh and out of our fruit. We're not
looking at what's what's good for us. We're looking at
what might look good to us. That reality in everything
it's just I use the easy analogy because they get relationships.
We're just so easy. We all relate to them things
that everyone has gone through. But this is in every
single facet of your life. A new thing that's rising
(07:57):
now is that people are talking about like manual labor
job right, like becoming a plumber, become an electrician, and
how these jobs are projected to have six.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Figures and all these things.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And there is this reality where it's not the pretty job,
like that's not the most amazing thing to do, it's
the most fruitful, like it's going to be good financially,
might produce the fruit, it might give you the liberty
of the freedom that you want, but it's hard because
of how society has structured things for us to come
to example, our twenty year college high school reunion. It's
(08:30):
hard to come to that and say, oh, I am
a plumber because the connotation that we've put behind it. Again,
we've looked at it from our flesh.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
And not from the fruit.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So the connotation we have behind it is that it's negative.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It's bad.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I want to break this is the goal here, to
break the stigma that we have to do things that
look good to other people. Like you do not need
to please anyone in this world. Your job is not
to make them see you and think, wow, look how
amazing you are, because I know that's like a wound
for a lot of us. Even I was talking about
this on one of the episodes. What a friend of
mine were as Hispanics Latinos, we have this notion where
(09:06):
our parents came to this country and their goal has
always been to brag about us. It's funny because as
I'm not funny, but I guess interesting as I record
this episode, today is actually the anniversary of my mother's death.
She died a couple of years ago. I don't get
too much into it, but she received the vaccine and
it gave her a heart attack. And she was really young,
forty seven years old. And I always talk about how
(09:30):
much my mom bragged about me, like the little like
the first time I was invited to speak in another state,
she took me to the airport and I remember that
she was sitting in the car because this is the
Guardia looks. So the Guardia is now one of my
favorite airports, but at the time, the Guardia had like
these windows where you can see the people still in
the car as you walk through the thing. And she
was like on Facebook live, like just sharing who I was,
(09:50):
because this is one culturally, like our parents love to
see us win, they love to see us succeed, and
they're proud to boast about it. But there's a reality
that that's a two edged sword because what they want
is that And we talked about how we owe them that,
where we owe them this reality to be the best
version of us. But the best version of you does
(10:11):
not necessarily mean that you're gonna be a doctor, doesn't
mean that you're gonna be a lawyer. It doesn't mean
that you're gonna have all this money and all this wealth.
Sometimes the best version of you is simply the version
of you that's doing the most fruitful thing for you,
that you're living in a way that is not comparing
anyone else's success to your own, that is not comparing
anyone's life to your own, that's not looking at things
(10:33):
from the scope of what other people are like. I
just it just blows my mind because we've lived like
this for so long, myself included, every one of us,
that we've done things where we've lived in a way
where we have lived for other people, like we've lived
in a way where we've created this this notion about
(10:54):
us that it needs to be liked and approved or
even vindicated by anyone else. And this hurts because this
hurts our pride. Right A lot of times we want
people to look at us and pat us in the
back and say, you're doing good. But what if no
one's doing that, Like, do you stop striving for the
thing that's going to love you and growing you important
to you if no one else approves for it? Like
(11:17):
if no one claps, if no one is sitting here
and saying, hey, you're doing such a good job, are
you gonna wake up and do it anyway? Are you
gonna get up and do the thing that you have
to do because it's good for you, or are you
concerned about who likes what? This is why we keep
comparing ourselves. This is why we keep feeling like we're
not enough, because you're never gonna be enough. You will
(11:37):
never be enough to please the crowd. There's always gonna
be something more that they need from you. And even
if you are perfect, they will criticize your perfection. They
will look at you and say, look at this guy.
He thinks he's perfect because he does everything right. You
have to realize that people will not like you, not
because of you, but because of them. They don't like themselves,
so it's hard for them to like you. We have
to stop living for those very same people we don't
(12:01):
feel like we're enough because it's so easy to fall
into that loop. Keep comparing who you are to them.
And there are certain people in our lives that we
have to cut out. If being around them makes you
doubt you're worth that's your answer. If being around those
quote unquote friends, being around that relationship, being around that
(12:23):
that career, being around whatever it is, if it makes
you doubt if you are worth it, leave And I'm
not saying it's easy. I'm not saying that we just
get up one day and we're just like, Okay, you know what,
this podcast changed my whole life. I'm gonna help it does.
But I'm not saying you're gonna just get out of it.
But I am saying that you need to start knowing
(12:43):
and recognizing and living into the fact that you are
worth so much, and if you continue to allow people
to rob you of that, they'll continue to loader it
over you. There's the research of nor plasticity of her
brain changes and when we look at people, we compare
(13:03):
ourselves to people, what we actually do to ourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
It's horrible.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
It's genuinely sad, and you have okay, too old here,
because reality is you have no power over over that component.
That's just what your brain does. But you do have
power and how it does it. So when you start
looking at things, when we fall into this comparison, but
we start criticizing ourselves. Conversation that I've had very often,
and it breaks my heart because I have a lot
of friends who struggle with this, and I have a
(13:28):
lot of people in my life who struggle with this,
and I know a lot of people that have gone
through this, especially specifically women when we look at timelines,
when like having kids, Like I've spoken to some amazing
women in my life who, well, this is a very
very sour and sore point for them, because they would
be amazing mothers. They would be so purposeful and so
(13:50):
good and what they're doing, and unfortunately the decisions that
have they have made or the things that have happened
to them in their life has prevented this. But I
believe twofold here one. I believe that a lot of
times we don't. We don't that never happens, not because
the woman wouldn't be a good mother, or not because
(14:11):
she couldn't find a good man, but because of the
tarnished past that's happened before. So I know for a
fact women who would have had amazing men as husbands,
like men that would have loved them dearly, that would
have made them feel like the daughter of God that
they were, but they were so busy on what hurt them,
or even just ignoring those things in front of them.
(14:35):
Because this does happen, right, we can see the greatest
thing that could happen to us, and we could ignore it,
not because of our past, but because we haven't opened
there again. That the analogy the fruit or the flesh.
We've looked at certain things and it didn't tie into
the image or this timeline or the style or what
it looked like. So what we did is that we
rejected it. But you rejected something good. And I've seen
(14:55):
it so often happen. And I say often, I mean
more like multiple times where a person that would have
brought value was rejected or pushed away because of the
things that they weren't able to see. And not that
these people are not deserving, that these women are not
deserving of this, that this love that they want to give,
maternal insect that they have, that it's not good, it's
(15:16):
not valid. I think that they have stifled their timelines
for those very same things. They have compared what they
are into where other people are, or they've also compared
again the flesh and the fruit. They've compared what it
should look like like.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Think about it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Like for most of us, we imagine we daydream, right,
we daydream about everything, But for women specifically, well actually
men too, So there's studies that show that men do
this as much, not as much, but they do it also.
They envision what their wedding day look like they envision
everything from the setup, to the address, to the place,
to the after party, to literally every single thing, including
(15:56):
the man that they're going to walk towards.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
So in their brain.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
It's hard to reconstruct or dewire what this person looks like.
So if you do not fit into the aesthetic, then
you don't fit into the lifestyle. The reality is that
for a lot of people, for wedding has become an aesthetic,
like their whole life is about the party and not
the marriage. So we're so focused on what the wedding
is going to look like that we ignore the fact
that you need the marriage. The marriage is the union
(16:22):
between two. The wedding is the party between all. We
are so focused on what that person is going to
look like that we ignore the fact of what that
person actually is. And you don't jump into the rest
of your life and to the rest of your timeline
because you're being held up by what your flesh says
and not what the fruit is. You're not looking for
what's going to be produced. Because a person could beautiful.
(16:43):
You could look at them and say, wow, she looks
so good, he looks so good. They have all this amazingness,
But what happens when you're angry. What happens when they
respond to you negative? What happens in twenty thirty years
when they don't look as good as they do when
the Rinko said it, When all these things are happening,
if your relationship was based on flesh fruit, it will
rot away. The fruit is useful. The tree has these
(17:04):
beautiful leaves again, but it produces no fruit, so it's
not good. And we have fallen in love with the
party that we ignore the marriage. So the reason that
a lot of us are in this loop, the reason
that you never get to these next stage is, the
reason that you're restricted is because the person you've envisioned
is not the person that you have.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
You're looking again for that.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And it is possible to deconstruct this because again it's
not your fault. There's certain things that your brain. Your
brain does's neuro plasticity that it produces, that it does
it naturally. But when we learn to tell ourselves this truth,
we learn to repeat certain things. We learn to address
and look at what's happening, and we stop ourselves from comparing.
(17:49):
We stop it from doing that, we stop it from
creating these new pathways we create.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Other ones over it.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
It hurts right because something's changing, something's breaking, but it
has to be something that we've ingrained in our minds.
You don't feel enough, or you feel like you're not enough,
it's because you've been trained to feel that way, Like
your brain has produced this thought and this notion, this
pattern that makes you feel like you're not where you
(18:15):
need to be, that makes you stop from the things
that you could have had because you were so focused
on everything that hurts you before, or what everything should
look like, or the other timeline of other people that
you've never actually lived and what was truthful for yourself
and allowing yourself to realize that reality. For a lot
of people, again, that timeline becomes a motivator for them.
(18:36):
But the truth is that comparison isn't a motivator. It's
just like slow erosion of yourself. It's just burning away
of who you are so that you.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Can look like them.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
You are trying to mold yourself to be like everyone else,
to look like what they're showing you, to live in
the aesthetic that they have to live in, the style
line that they have to.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Do their things. We are going to hate ourselves we
try to become like everyone else.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
And the reason that we struggle with that is because
again we look at what their life is like, or well,
again the perceived version of their life, because it might
not be. You might just be looking at this joyful
thing that they share and you compare where you are
to what they're pretending to be. There is no need
(19:22):
at all for us to make ourselves less destroy ourselves
so that we could kind of sort of in a way,
look like somebody else. We have to be very careful
about the people that we invite into our lives. There
are a lot of people who are cynical and the
advice that they give you has been rooted from their
(19:43):
wounds and not from anything else. And we've allowed these
people to make us feel like we're not doing enough,
or we're not trying hard enough, or we're still stuck
in the run of the past that we never actually change.
And we'll talk about the rest of this after this
real quick commercial break. There's this phenomenon that happened. It
was called the snapchat dysmorphia, and this happened a lot
(20:06):
with teenage girls, teenager and like twenty year old girls,
and what was happening is that they did not like
what they looked like, like they fell in love with
these filters that they had on Snapchat. So what they
did is that they actually took pictures of themselves with
these filters and came to plastic surgeons and said, I
want to look like this. I want to change who
(20:27):
I am and what I look like. And that has
to be one of the most heartbreaking things because this
is a reality that I think when we see ourselves
through the lens of something else, we tend to dislike ourselves. Okay,
so before we dive into that, like that fact, there's
actually something called the true mirror. I never ever heard
of it, but a true mirror is your actual like
(20:49):
what you actually look like when you look in the
mirror or even a camera, you don't actually look like
what you think you look like like. Your brain has
been so used to seeing you that it's not seeing
what it actually is like. You're seeing that the perception
that you've built in and you've become so used to it.
It's like the New York Skyline. I live in New Jersey.
(21:11):
I see the New York Skyline every single day, literally
as I leave my studio I'm driving, I see the
New York Skyline, and I've become so desensitized to it
that I tend to forget how beautiful it is, Like
how intricate this New York Skyline is, how amazing, how
unbelievable it is that we fit a city like.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
That in an island like that.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yes it has a lot of problems, and yes it's
overpopulated and there's a lot of rats, but it's still
amazing to think about the reality of that thing. We've
become desensitized to our own beauty, to our own success,
to our own avenues because we're so used to living
in it that it's easy to look at someone else's
and validate theirs. It's easy to look at someone else's
(21:51):
beauty and say, wow, you look amazing.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
It's easy to look.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
At someone else's success to say, man, I want to
be like it's easy to look at all these things
and bring these filters into our life and not love
us because we've become desensitized to us. So we compare
ourselves to other people because they're not us. So it's
easy for us to look at that and say, man,
look how beautiful this person is. The commois they're doing.
(22:15):
Look how much they have, the com much they are
whole time, They're miserable. Their real life is struggling. They
might have all these things and be on all these trips,
but they're empty inside. And I'm not saying that's always
the case, because there are some people that are just
genuinely good people and they just good things just happen
to happen to them and they're just living a good
life and that's good, it's valid. But you should be
(22:35):
able to cheer for people instead of downplay your own.
I dare to even say that sometimes our self hate,
our comparison does not come from us not liking us.
It comes from our envy, Like we look at people
having things and we don't want them to have them.
When you learn to love you and where you are,
(22:57):
you learn to.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Appreciate things for other people.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Like I remember the first time, so my dream car
was always my Bronco and I had, well my old
Bronco and I had to get rid of it because
I needed four doors and that stuff and my son,
and that was always my dream car. But I remember,
like the day I got my dream car, I was
driving around and I was like seeing other people and
I'm like, oh, that's a beautiful car, and I was
so happy for other people in their cars, and I'm like,
(23:21):
that looks great. That car is amazing, this is awesome.
And I realized that I was just so happy with
myself with what I had, that I was able to
cheer for other people, that I was able to be
happy for them because I was content with me. I
believe that a lot of people are not happy with themselves,
so when they see other things and other people, they
tend to call it out. They tend to hate that
(23:43):
or compare themselves to that, and it ends up making
them hate them. And what happens is when someone makes
you hate you, and you're aware of it, you.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Want to hate on them.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
There is like this vicious cycle, this loop that happens
that we just fall into. And I need you to
understand that it's not calling you out or downplaying you
if this is something you're struggling with, but it is
allowing us to bring attention to the reality that sometimes
our hurt makes us not be good people, like our
comparison makes us not like the other people that have
(24:13):
the things that we're comparing to.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
We need to be.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Able to realize that it's okay for people to have
what they have or look how they look, and us
not need to match them, but applaud them. Us simply
be better for us, even if what they're showing us
isn't really them. Right again, it's comparison loop to things
that aren't real. Be able to say, man, it's so
awesome for you anyways. This is what I gotta work on.
(24:38):
This is how high got it grow.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
There is this.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Reality where we live in a culture that makes us
feel less than like this. Okay, I'm not gonna get
too deep into this capitalive society and all these things
because I'm for it. I believe that if you provide
a service or a need, you should be compensated accordingly
in all that wonderful stuff. But I do also agree
that there is this, what's a nice way to put this,
(25:09):
this downside, this falling where we hurt ourselves by believing
that we need to have in order to be so.
We think that money, okay, money is a great thing.
A camera on actually said this on a podcast. It
was like a tell your landlord that money is and everything,
see what happens.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I agree with him.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I agree with it to an extent. I agree that
money is a tool. I agree that that that time
is one of the greatest luxuries you'll ever have, and
being able to use and invest in the quarterly would
be the greatest thing. I do believe, however, that sometimes
we idolize money so much that would infatuated with not
because of the money itself, but because of.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
The life it provides.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
We've made ourselves think that the only way we'll ever
have a joyful purpose for when happy life is if
we have certain things, and the only way of those
things is if we have money. And I do again,
I agree the money is a great tool, but you
will never feel joyful or purposeful if you think that
money is gonna make you that, because it's not. It
(26:10):
might help you achieve and attain certain things. Duh. Who
doesn't want to have the good things? But it should
not be the center point of everything you do, because
then the reason you do these things it's not because
you love you.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
It's because you love other.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
People and you want to look like them. And you
will never be able to obtain every you And I
very likely if you're listening to this podcast, I hate
to break this too we will probably never have more
money than Jeff Bezels right, or Elon Musk or all
these people. So what's gonna happen If your life is
to chase the money, like it's to chase how much
(26:43):
money you're gonna make, the next stage is gonna be like, well,
I need to have more of that person because if
what I'm doing here is achieving this next stage, I
need to be better and better and have money in
that aspect, then the next person is still gonna have more.
You will never have enough. If your one life goal
is that to compare yourself your wealth to other people,
(27:04):
you will never have enough because it's not possible to
get everything. It isn't, but it is possible to love something.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Very very greatly.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Saint Teresa of Calcutta I said that once, right, She
just said, you can't change the world, but you could
change the whole world for one person. You could do
so much to love into this thing, to this person,
into this place that it might mean the most ever.
And we need to be able to allow ourselves to
be that person for other people, but also be that
person for us, because if someone asks you, they try
(27:36):
to shrink who you are for you to be around them,
then you're in the wrong place. If you have to
feel like you have to change or compare yourself to
the people around you for you to keep up, then
you're in the wrong place. One last story before we
wrap up here. I remember it was in college and
I did something really stupid. I had a full time
job and I had like four thousand dollars saved in
(27:57):
my bank account.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
I was a college yeard. It was pretty broke.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
And as we went out when I was some people
that were significantly richer than I was, and they decided
they were like, oh, let's go to this club in
Atlantic City and we're going to get a table together.
And I was like, okay, cool, I'm taking like, you know,
like two hundred and three hundred bucks. I'm like whatever,
you know, it's gonna hurt, but I'll spend it. And
this guy comes back to me, He's like, yeah, it's
gonna be twenty one hundred each and I'm like, if
(28:20):
you lost your mind, twenty eight hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
For a table.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
And we had like sky vodka on the table something stupid,
and like like a bunch of like editor drinks and
water and not even a lot. It was like like
three or four and it was like seven people eight
people at this table, so it was extremely expensive of
a table. And I remembered sitting at that table hating
myself because I was trying to be something with people
who were not like me, and it's not like again,
(28:46):
it should be like a motivator, right. You should want
to make more money, you should want to grow, but
you don't need to make yourself different to fit into
places that do not belong, because you will never feel purposeful.
That was the dumbest thing I could have ever done
financially stupid. And there's a lot of other things that
done in my life that we're done. But I realize
this now and I'm so grateful for these lessons because
it restricts me from allowing myself to change just to
(29:08):
be invited or to be around. I would have rather
stayed home and drank like a beer or something on
my couch humbly, then be in that stupid club to
sit on a couch. But unfortunately we've allowed the crowd
to convey and to convince us of them instead of
making us convince ourselves of us. You will never break
(29:30):
the comparison loop. If you keep looking at other people
and thinking you need to be on their timeline, I
think you need to be like them, thinking that you're
not good enough, or that you're not worthy enough, or
that you'll never succeed.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Because you will.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
But the only time that you're actually going to succeed,
the only time you're actually gonna be happy, is when
you start doing what's fruitful and not what's fleshy. Thank
you for being on this episode. Thank you for just
your continued support. I just can never be so more
grateful because I love that I could my heart with
you who are listening. That will catch you on the
(30:05):
next episode.
Social comparison.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
There's a study then by Leon Fetzinger that says that
people naturally compare themselves to others, like they'll look at
certain things people are doing, the timeline that they're in,
the lives that they're living, and less. We're never gonna
get it, well, we will later on, but talk about
social media, like how people are looking at certain aspects
of other people's lives. You're looking at clips of the
best potential portion of someone's life. No one ever posts
(00:21):
the worst thing that they're doing. But what's happening for
a lot of us, whether they're consciously or unconsciously, is
that we're looking at this life that these people are presenting,
and that we're.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Comparing where we are now to where they're pretending to be.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We're comparing what our life looks like to what they
showcase that their life looks like. And you think that
you're behind, You think that you don't have enough money,
you think that you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough,
you're not talented enough. You create this anxious loop in
you that shouldn't even exist, that it shouldn't even be
a thing. But we fall into this rut of needing
(00:52):
to compare ourselves to the lives of people that don't exist.
They're not real when we're gonna talk about that, and
this is made for this mountain with Josh Rosa or
we're turning pain into purpose. So I think you were
joining this episode is interesting because there's a lot of
dynamics to this, and I do think that this is
something that we all suffer with, Like we all go
through this, We all have this cycle of comparison that
(01:16):
we kind of just fall into routinely that we make
it into something that's part of us because it's almost
innately human, like it's natural to our desires to want
to see things and to look at those things as
pedestals or as anchor points or as point of success,
and we end up hitting ourselves for it like that
that same study from Leon Fetzinger, it talks about us
(01:40):
building anxiety in us, Like I think about how crazy
that is. We produce anxiety within us based on what
other people are saying or doing or how they're living,
and it ultimately feeds into our self esteem, whether high
self esteem or low self esteem. And we're gonna look
at that right now. But of course I always forget
to do this and do it now.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Please these please, please, please heave these.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Episodes that have been helping you, download them, share them,
get five stars, that whole thing, because that's the reason
we can continue to do this stuff. So, no, that's
not the way think about this reality where our self
esteem is tied to opinion or statements anyone else makes,
like it's you, this is a youth, this is self,
(02:21):
it's me my esteem. But unfortunately, what happens is that
we have given authority or power to certain people in
certain places based on things that we see or say
or do about them, Like we look at their successes,
or we look at their failures, or we look at
people that are similar to us, people that we've grown
up with or family members or people that we've had
lifestyles with. We look at their life and we say, well,
(02:45):
this is where they are, so.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
This is where I should be.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And then, whether again consciously or subconsciously, you end up
creating this feedback loop where every time you see them,
where you see someone similar, you see that success, you're
reminded of your failures. What you perceive is failures. You're
reminded of the fact that you are where they are,
that you don't look at yourself and that same light
that you don't have the same kind of success, or
that you're not married, or you don't have kids, or
(03:10):
you're not as rich as you should be, or first
of all, there are so many things here because this
is so deep, and I do not want to downplay
the fact that time is limited, Like time is sure,
time is ending. We don't have a lot of time
on this earth. But there is enough time to do
the purposeful thing, Like if you're doing the thing in
(03:30):
your life that is good for you, that it's serving,
that is growing you, that thing, that particular thing, there's
plenty of time for. It's when you're wasting time that
there is no time. So when you're in places that
you know you should not be in, if you're in
a relationship that you shouldn't be if you're in a
career path that you should not be in, if you're
in any of these things, these things become our mountains
because it becomes a part that's a struggle for us
(03:51):
to heal or grow or get over. We're wasting time there.
So there's a difference between investing time and wasting time.
Investing time is when you're going towards something or someone
or a career path or anything of that nature that
is actually fruitful and good that is going to serve you.
Now again, I always hate I say this and you've
(04:12):
heard every episode because I feel like it happens in
every episode. But it's a reality where we talk about
like relationships right in that fruit where we look at
those things. There are certain aspects of those kind of
relationships that we're in that we deal with people, and
again not just romantic plutonic relationships where we invest so
much time in something that is an investing time back
in us. And the reason that we do that is
because our perceived notion of what a relationship should look
(04:33):
like is based on societal norms. So, okay, this might
open a bag of worms here, a can of worms here.
And I preface this by saying that things like attraction
are vital.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I think they're very important.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I think that they are a center point of what
brings people in. But they should not be the antithesis
of everything.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
So there are.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Certain things that we look at with people, especially likeromantic partners,
where we look at them.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And we.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Don't give the fruitful person a chance because we're focused
on the fleshly person. So we're looking at the person
that might look attractive, that might perceive something in us
that it brings this carnal component to it, But we're
ignoring the fact that there.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Will produce no fruit.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Someone might look good, a tree might look good because
it has green and beautiful leaves, but might produce no
fruit and be useless. And I think that a lot
of us have a pre notion of what society has
expected us to look like in our romantic partners, but
we have been conditioned to see. Now again, I'm not
saying that attraction is not important. I'm not throwing out
(05:43):
the baby with the bath water. I'm not saying that
that that's not a good thing and to get rid
of everything else. I'm saying that it should not be
the center point thing, that it should be an invitation in.
And you know, because this is scientifically well more females
and male right, women are very.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Good at this.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Guys we struggle with this, but women are very good
at falling in love with a person who might have
not fit there. I don't know how to say this nicely,
but they might have not looked like what society might
have deemed as attractive. They're very good at seeing the
jewel in the rough patch, but unfortunately they have dealt
(06:24):
with certain people who have just been.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Rough all around.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So that's actually robbed them of the reality where the
person that would have been fruitful for them, that would
have been great in this reality of making them feel
good and making them feel purposeful and making making the
fruit come out of this relationship, have ruined it.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
So I don't want to give too much attention to
that component because I don't think that's the most important thing.
I do think it's important to understand that there are
people who look fruitful and there are people who are fruitful,
and this is when actually knowing a person, because I've
seen people ruined that that whole component because they don't
(07:04):
perceivably look entertaining.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
To the crowd of people around them, and I think
that's a big issue.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I think we lose out on people because of that.
So the reason that we don't feel like we're on
certain timelines or on part is because sometimes the thing
this is all an analogy, by the way to get
us back to this point, Sometimes the thing that we
want does not look like what society has said we
should want. It does not look like it should be
on the timeframe or the style or the look or
(07:30):
whatever that is.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
And we're gonna dive even deeper into this after this
quick commercial break. So coming back to that.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Notion that sometimes we're looking at things to the perception
of our flesh and out of our fruit. We're not
looking at what's what's good for us. We're looking at
what might look good to us. That reality in everything
it's just I use the easy analogy because they get relationships.
We're just so easy. We all relate to them things
that everyone has gone through. But this is in every
single facet of your life. A new thing that's rising
(07:57):
now is that people are talking about like manual labor
job right, like becoming a plumber, become an electrician, and
how these jobs are projected to have six.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Figures and all these things.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And there is this reality where it's not the pretty job,
like that's not the most amazing thing to do, it's
the most fruitful, like it's going to be good financially,
might produce the fruit, it might give you the liberty
of the freedom that you want, but it's hard because
of how society has structured things for us to come
to example, our twenty year college high school reunion. It's
(08:30):
hard to come to that and say, oh, I am
a plumber because the connotation that we've put behind it. Again,
we've looked at it from our flesh.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
And not from the fruit.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So the connotation we have behind it is that it's negative.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It's bad.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I want to break this is the goal here, to
break the stigma that we have to do things that
look good to other people. Like you do not need
to please anyone in this world. Your job is not
to make them see you and think, wow, look how
amazing you are, because I know that's like a wound
for a lot of us. Even I was talking about
this on one of the episodes. What a friend of
mine were as Hispanics Latinos, we have this notion where
(09:06):
our parents came to this country and their goal has
always been to brag about us. It's funny because as
I'm not funny, but I guess interesting as I record
this episode, today is actually the anniversary of my mother's death.
She died a couple of years ago. I don't get
too much into it, but she received the vaccine and
it gave her a heart attack. And she was really young,
forty seven years old. And I always talk about how
(09:30):
much my mom bragged about me, like the little like
the first time I was invited to speak in another state,
she took me to the airport and I remember that
she was sitting in the car because this is the
Guardia looks. So the Guardia is now one of my
favorite airports, but at the time, the Guardia had like
these windows where you can see the people still in
the car as you walk through the thing. And she
was like on Facebook live, like just sharing who I was,
(09:50):
because this is one culturally, like our parents love to
see us win, they love to see us succeed, and
they're proud to boast about it. But there's a reality
that that's a two edged sword because what they want
is that And we talked about how we owe them that,
where we owe them this reality to be the best
version of us. But the best version of you does
(10:11):
not necessarily mean that you're gonna be a doctor, doesn't
mean that you're gonna be a lawyer. It doesn't mean
that you're gonna have all this money and all this wealth.
Sometimes the best version of you is simply the version
of you that's doing the most fruitful thing for you,
that you're living in a way that is not comparing
anyone else's success to your own, that is not comparing
anyone's life to your own, that's not looking at things
(10:33):
from the scope of what other people are like. I
just it just blows my mind because we've lived like
this for so long, myself included, every one of us,
that we've done things where we've lived in a way
where we have lived for other people, like we've lived
in a way where we've created this this notion about
(10:54):
us that it needs to be liked and approved or
even vindicated by anyone else. And this hurts because this
hurts our pride. Right A lot of times we want
people to look at us and pat us in the
back and say, you're doing good. But what if no
one's doing that, Like, do you stop striving for the
thing that's going to love you and growing you important
to you if no one else approves for it? Like
(11:17):
if no one claps, if no one is sitting here
and saying, hey, you're doing such a good job, are
you gonna wake up and do it anyway? Are you
gonna get up and do the thing that you have
to do because it's good for you, or are you
concerned about who likes what? This is why we keep
comparing ourselves. This is why we keep feeling like we're
not enough, because you're never gonna be enough. You will
(11:37):
never be enough to please the crowd. There's always gonna
be something more that they need from you. And even
if you are perfect, they will criticize your perfection. They
will look at you and say, look at this guy.
He thinks he's perfect because he does everything right. You
have to realize that people will not like you, not
because of you, but because of them. They don't like themselves,
so it's hard for them to like you. We have
to stop living for those very same people we don't
(12:01):
feel like we're enough because it's so easy to fall
into that loop. Keep comparing who you are to them.
And there are certain people in our lives that we
have to cut out. If being around them makes you
doubt you're worth that's your answer. If being around those
quote unquote friends, being around that relationship, being around that
(12:23):
that career, being around whatever it is, if it makes
you doubt if you are worth it, leave And I'm
not saying it's easy. I'm not saying that we just
get up one day and we're just like, Okay, you know what,
this podcast changed my whole life. I'm gonna help it does.
But I'm not saying you're gonna just get out of it.
But I am saying that you need to start knowing
(12:43):
and recognizing and living into the fact that you are
worth so much, and if you continue to allow people
to rob you of that, they'll continue to loader it
over you. There's the research of nor plasticity of her
brain changes and when we look at people, we compare
(13:03):
ourselves to people, what we actually do to ourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
It's horrible.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
It's genuinely sad, and you have okay, too old here,
because reality is you have no power over over that component.
That's just what your brain does. But you do have
power and how it does it. So when you start
looking at things, when we fall into this comparison, but
we start criticizing ourselves. Conversation that I've had very often,
and it breaks my heart because I have a lot
of friends who struggle with this, and I have a
(13:28):
lot of people in my life who struggle with this,
and I know a lot of people that have gone
through this, especially specifically women when we look at timelines,
when like having kids, Like I've spoken to some amazing
women in my life who, well, this is a very
very sour and sore point for them, because they would
be amazing mothers. They would be so purposeful and so
(13:50):
good and what they're doing, and unfortunately the decisions that
have they have made or the things that have happened
to them in their life has prevented this. But I
believe twofold here one. I believe that a lot of
times we don't. We don't that never happens, not because
the woman wouldn't be a good mother, or not because
(14:11):
she couldn't find a good man, but because of the
tarnished past that's happened before. So I know for a
fact women who would have had amazing men as husbands,
like men that would have loved them dearly, that would
have made them feel like the daughter of God that
they were, but they were so busy on what hurt them,
or even just ignoring those things in front of them.
(14:35):
Because this does happen, right, we can see the greatest
thing that could happen to us, and we could ignore it,
not because of our past, but because we haven't opened
there again. That the analogy the fruit or the flesh.
We've looked at certain things and it didn't tie into
the image or this timeline or the style or what
it looked like. So what we did is that we
rejected it. But you rejected something good. And I've seen
(14:55):
it so often happen. And I say often, I mean
more like multiple times where a person that would have
brought value was rejected or pushed away because of the
things that they weren't able to see. And not that
these people are not deserving, that these women are not
deserving of this, that this love that they want to give,
maternal insect that they have, that it's not good, it's
(15:16):
not valid. I think that they have stifled their timelines
for those very same things. They have compared what they
are into where other people are, or they've also compared
again the flesh and the fruit. They've compared what it
should look like like.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Think about it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Like for most of us, we imagine we daydream, right,
we daydream about everything, But for women specifically, well actually
men too, So there's studies that show that men do
this as much, not as much, but they do it also.
They envision what their wedding day look like they envision
everything from the setup, to the address, to the place,
to the after party, to literally every single thing, including
(15:56):
the man that they're going to walk towards.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
So in their brain.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
It's hard to reconstruct or dewire what this person looks like.
So if you do not fit into the aesthetic, then
you don't fit into the lifestyle. The reality is that
for a lot of people, for wedding has become an aesthetic,
like their whole life is about the party and not
the marriage. So we're so focused on what the wedding
is going to look like that we ignore the fact
that you need the marriage. The marriage is the union
(16:22):
between two. The wedding is the party between all. We
are so focused on what that person is going to
look like that we ignore the fact of what that
person actually is. And you don't jump into the rest
of your life and to the rest of your timeline
because you're being held up by what your flesh says
and not what the fruit is. You're not looking for
what's going to be produced. Because a person could beautiful.
(16:43):
You could look at them and say, wow, she looks
so good, he looks so good. They have all this amazingness,
But what happens when you're angry. What happens when they
respond to you negative? What happens in twenty thirty years
when they don't look as good as they do when
the Rinko said it, When all these things are happening,
if your relationship was based on flesh fruit, it will
rot away. The fruit is useful. The tree has these
(17:04):
beautiful leaves again, but it produces no fruit, so it's
not good. And we have fallen in love with the
party that we ignore the marriage. So the reason that
a lot of us are in this loop, the reason
that you never get to these next stage is, the
reason that you're restricted is because the person you've envisioned
is not the person that you have.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
You're looking again for that.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And it is possible to deconstruct this because again it's
not your fault. There's certain things that your brain. Your
brain does's neuro plasticity that it produces, that it does
it naturally. But when we learn to tell ourselves this truth,
we learn to repeat certain things. We learn to address
and look at what's happening, and we stop ourselves from comparing.
(17:49):
We stop it from doing that, we stop it from
creating these new pathways we create.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Other ones over it.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
It hurts right because something's changing, something's breaking, but it
has to be something that we've ingrained in our minds.
You don't feel enough, or you feel like you're not enough,
it's because you've been trained to feel that way, Like
your brain has produced this thought and this notion, this
pattern that makes you feel like you're not where you
(18:15):
need to be, that makes you stop from the things
that you could have had because you were so focused
on everything that hurts you before, or what everything should
look like, or the other timeline of other people that
you've never actually lived and what was truthful for yourself
and allowing yourself to realize that reality. For a lot
of people, again, that timeline becomes a motivator for them.
(18:36):
But the truth is that comparison isn't a motivator. It's
just like slow erosion of yourself. It's just burning away
of who you are so that you.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Can look like them.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
You are trying to mold yourself to be like everyone else,
to look like what they're showing you, to live in
the aesthetic that they have to live in, the style
line that they have to.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Do their things. We are going to hate ourselves we
try to become like everyone else.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
And the reason that we struggle with that is because
again we look at what their life is like, or well,
again the perceived version of their life, because it might
not be. You might just be looking at this joyful
thing that they share and you compare where you are
to what they're pretending to be. There is no need
(19:22):
at all for us to make ourselves less destroy ourselves
so that we could kind of sort of in a way,
look like somebody else. We have to be very careful
about the people that we invite into our lives. There
are a lot of people who are cynical and the
advice that they give you has been rooted from their
(19:43):
wounds and not from anything else. And we've allowed these
people to make us feel like we're not doing enough,
or we're not trying hard enough, or we're still stuck
in the run of the past that we never actually change.
And we'll talk about the rest of this after this
real quick commercial break. There's this phenomenon that happened. It
was called the snapchat dysmorphia, and this happened a lot
(20:06):
with teenage girls, teenager and like twenty year old girls,
and what was happening is that they did not like
what they looked like, like they fell in love with
these filters that they had on Snapchat. So what they
did is that they actually took pictures of themselves with
these filters and came to plastic surgeons and said, I
want to look like this. I want to change who
(20:27):
I am and what I look like. And that has
to be one of the most heartbreaking things because this
is a reality that I think when we see ourselves
through the lens of something else, we tend to dislike ourselves. Okay,
so before we dive into that, like that fact, there's
actually something called the true mirror. I never ever heard
of it, but a true mirror is your actual like
(20:49):
what you actually look like when you look in the
mirror or even a camera, you don't actually look like
what you think you look like like. Your brain has
been so used to seeing you that it's not seeing
what it actually is like. You're seeing that the perception
that you've built in and you've become so used to it.
It's like the New York Skyline. I live in New Jersey.
(21:11):
I see the New York Skyline every single day, literally
as I leave my studio I'm driving, I see the
New York Skyline, and I've become so desensitized to it
that I tend to forget how beautiful it is, Like
how intricate this New York Skyline is, how amazing, how
unbelievable it is that we fit a city like.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
That in an island like that.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yes it has a lot of problems, and yes it's
overpopulated and there's a lot of rats, but it's still
amazing to think about the reality of that thing. We've
become desensitized to our own beauty, to our own success,
to our own avenues because we're so used to living
in it that it's easy to look at someone else's
and validate theirs. It's easy to look at someone else's
(21:51):
beauty and say, wow, you look amazing.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
It's easy to look.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
At someone else's success to say, man, I want to
be like it's easy to look at all these things
and bring these filters into our life and not love
us because we've become desensitized to us. So we compare
ourselves to other people because they're not us. So it's
easy for us to look at that and say, man,
look how beautiful this person is. The commois they're doing.
(22:15):
Look how much they have, the com much they are
whole time, They're miserable. Their real life is struggling. They
might have all these things and be on all these trips,
but they're empty inside. And I'm not saying that's always
the case, because there are some people that are just
genuinely good people and they just good things just happen
to happen to them and they're just living a good
life and that's good, it's valid. But you should be
(22:35):
able to cheer for people instead of downplay your own.
I dare to even say that sometimes our self hate,
our comparison does not come from us not liking us.
It comes from our envy, Like we look at people
having things and we don't want them to have them.
When you learn to love you and where you are,
(22:57):
you learn to.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Appreciate things for other people.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Like I remember the first time, so my dream car
was always my Bronco and I had, well my old
Bronco and I had to get rid of it because
I needed four doors and that stuff and my son,
and that was always my dream car. But I remember,
like the day I got my dream car, I was
driving around and I was like seeing other people and
I'm like, oh, that's a beautiful car, and I was
so happy for other people in their cars, and I'm like,
(23:21):
that looks great. That car is amazing, this is awesome.
And I realized that I was just so happy with
myself with what I had, that I was able to
cheer for other people, that I was able to be
happy for them because I was content with me. I
believe that a lot of people are not happy with themselves,
so when they see other things and other people, they
tend to call it out. They tend to hate that
(23:43):
or compare themselves to that, and it ends up making
them hate them. And what happens is when someone makes
you hate you, and you're aware of it, you.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Want to hate on them.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
There is like this vicious cycle, this loop that happens
that we just fall into. And I need you to
understand that it's not calling you out or downplaying you
if this is something you're struggling with, but it is
allowing us to bring attention to the reality that sometimes
our hurt makes us not be good people, like our
comparison makes us not like the other people that have
(24:13):
the things that we're comparing to.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
We need to be.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Able to realize that it's okay for people to have
what they have or look how they look, and us
not need to match them, but applaud them. Us simply
be better for us, even if what they're showing us
isn't really them. Right again, it's comparison loop to things
that aren't real. Be able to say, man, it's so
awesome for you anyways. This is what I gotta work on.
(24:38):
This is how high got it grow.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
There is this.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Reality where we live in a culture that makes us
feel less than like this. Okay, I'm not gonna get
too deep into this capitalive society and all these things
because I'm for it. I believe that if you provide
a service or a need, you should be compensated accordingly
in all that wonderful stuff. But I do also agree
that there is this, what's a nice way to put this,
(25:09):
this downside, this falling where we hurt ourselves by believing
that we need to have in order to be so.
We think that money, okay, money is a great thing.
A camera on actually said this on a podcast. It
was like a tell your landlord that money is and everything,
see what happens.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I agree with him.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I agree with it to an extent. I agree that
money is a tool. I agree that that that time
is one of the greatest luxuries you'll ever have, and
being able to use and invest in the quarterly would
be the greatest thing. I do believe, however, that sometimes
we idolize money so much that would infatuated with not
because of the money itself, but because of.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
The life it provides.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
We've made ourselves think that the only way we'll ever
have a joyful purpose for when happy life is if
we have certain things, and the only way of those
things is if we have money. And I do again,
I agree the money is a great tool, but you
will never feel joyful or purposeful if you think that
money is gonna make you that, because it's not. It
(26:10):
might help you achieve and attain certain things. Duh. Who
doesn't want to have the good things? But it should
not be the center point of everything you do, because
then the reason you do these things it's not because
you love you.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
It's because you love other.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
People and you want to look like them. And you
will never be able to obtain every you And I
very likely if you're listening to this podcast, I hate
to break this too we will probably never have more
money than Jeff Bezels right, or Elon Musk or all
these people. So what's gonna happen If your life is
to chase the money, like it's to chase how much
(26:43):
money you're gonna make, the next stage is gonna be like, well,
I need to have more of that person because if
what I'm doing here is achieving this next stage, I
need to be better and better and have money in
that aspect, then the next person is still gonna have more.
You will never have enough. If your one life goal
is that to compare yourself your wealth to other people,
(27:04):
you will never have enough because it's not possible to
get everything. It isn't, but it is possible to love something.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Very very greatly.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Saint Teresa of Calcutta I said that once, right, She
just said, you can't change the world, but you could
change the whole world for one person. You could do
so much to love into this thing, to this person,
into this place that it might mean the most ever.
And we need to be able to allow ourselves to
be that person for other people, but also be that
person for us, because if someone asks you, they try
(27:36):
to shrink who you are for you to be around them,
then you're in the wrong place. If you have to
feel like you have to change or compare yourself to
the people around you for you to keep up, then
you're in the wrong place. One last story before we
wrap up here. I remember it was in college and
I did something really stupid. I had a full time
job and I had like four thousand dollars saved in
(27:57):
my bank account.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
I was a college yeard. It was pretty broke.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
And as we went out when I was some people
that were significantly richer than I was, and they decided
they were like, oh, let's go to this club in
Atlantic City and we're going to get a table together.
And I was like, okay, cool, I'm taking like, you know,
like two hundred and three hundred bucks. I'm like whatever,
you know, it's gonna hurt, but I'll spend it. And
this guy comes back to me, He's like, yeah, it's
gonna be twenty one hundred each and I'm like, if
(28:20):
you lost your mind, twenty eight hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
For a table.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
And we had like sky vodka on the table something stupid,
and like like a bunch of like editor drinks and
water and not even a lot. It was like like
three or four and it was like seven people eight
people at this table, so it was extremely expensive of
a table. And I remembered sitting at that table hating
myself because I was trying to be something with people
who were not like me, and it's not like again,
(28:46):
it should be like a motivator, right. You should want
to make more money, you should want to grow, but
you don't need to make yourself different to fit into
places that do not belong, because you will never feel purposeful.
That was the dumbest thing I could have ever done
financially stupid. And there's a lot of other things that
done in my life that we're done. But I realize
this now and I'm so grateful for these lessons because
it restricts me from allowing myself to change just to
(29:08):
be invited or to be around. I would have rather
stayed home and drank like a beer or something on
my couch humbly, then be in that stupid club to
sit on a couch. But unfortunately we've allowed the crowd
to convey and to convince us of them instead of
making us convince ourselves of us. You will never break
(29:30):
the comparison loop. If you keep looking at other people
and thinking you need to be on their timeline, I
think you need to be like them, thinking that you're
not good enough, or that you're not worthy enough, or
that you'll never succeed.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Because you will.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
But the only time that you're actually going to succeed,
the only time you're actually gonna be happy, is when
you start doing what's fruitful and not what's fleshy. Thank
you for being on this episode. Thank you for just
your continued support. I just can never be so more
grateful because I love that I could my heart with
you who are listening. That will catch you on the
(30:05):
next episode.
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