The ONE thing that will change your life Ep 30

The ONE thing that will change your life

Choosing to leave people behind and cutting off things that don't serve or grow you will be

the most motivation you will ever need. Learn to change your life by changing what's around you.

 

#selflove #selfworth #motivation

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Unfortunately, we get into this habit of letting people decide
what we're worth for us, like we get into this
habit of letting people who couldn't love us properly, who
couldn't do the things that we needed, who couldn't help
us be the full version of us. We let them
decide what we're worth because it's easier to just go
with the flow than it is to realize what you're
worth and stand it up for it. I need you
to stop playing small. I need you to start being

(00:21):
comfortable with being ridiculed, with being talked about, with being
made fun of. Because when you are the best version
of you, when you learn to love you, when you
grow and you fix the mistakes you've made, when you
become a better person, some people can't deal with that.
They won't be able to deal with the fact that
you're not something that they pretend you are. They're not
going to be comfortable with the fact that you're being
something that is significantly higher than what you used to be,

(00:43):
or even what they pretend that they are. You need
to realize that they are going to try to dictate
what you're worth. They're going to try to force you
to think that you're less and when you give into that,
you give them authority. But there's a power that you
have which is literally the power to say no, to
look at these things, look at the situation, and to
not let people decide for you who you are, not

(01:03):
let people decide for you what you are, if not
let people scare you or talking you out of doing
the things that you are meant to you. Unfortunately, we
live in the world that that's going to happen often, right,
that you're going to see people in certain situations. But
when you begin to be firm about your boundaries, when
you're firm about the people that are around you, when
you give people space or or don't give them space,
when you create something firming you, you don't actually allow

(01:26):
those people in. And this is a big takeaway, right.
The reason that we do this, the reason that we
tend to fall back into this, the cycle of allowing
these toxic people in our lives, is because we still
desire for them to be there. We still think that
there's something salvageable in there, and we still think that
the good things that they have, we magnify those opposed
to the things that they've shown clearly to us that

(01:46):
they're not. How do we break that up? How do
you decide what person is toxic when persons is not.
I need you to understand this. If they're not serving you,
they're not helping you grow, they're not helping you be better,
they're not helping you change. If they don't speak to
you with love and care and consideration, If if they're
not doing something for you in your life, that is
what you need. These people are not worth having around

(02:09):
because unfortunately we have a culture of people who aren't healed.
We ourselves are broken. Where everyone is broken, everyone's dealing
with their brokenness and their unhealedness and all these flowers.
But there's a difference between a person that striving to
be better and a person that's become content in their mess.
There are people that look at their ugliness and say, well,
this is who I am and I'm very happy in that.
That's not healthy. That's toxic. You cannot sit here in

(02:31):
your mess and say that it's okay and not desire
to heal it, to change. And I want to be
clear people, there will still be people that will classify
you by your mess. They will classify you by the
things that you've done, by your past, by your mistakes,
as if they don't have a pass, or mistakes themselves
as if they're perfect. But you need to understand that
you can't give power to people who refuse to see
anything else. They only see red, and they only decide

(02:53):
that one thing, and whether it's factual what they're saying
or not, it doesn't matter. Their opinions are always going
to be their opinions. And you have to stop letting
people control you because of their opinions about you. They
have no power over you and the authority that we
need to start realizing that changes everything. What changes our perspective,
what makes us this full version of us, what allows

(03:13):
us to be bold, what allows us to move. The
motivation we need to grow is not in them, it's
in us. You have to decide what's worth living in,
What am I growing through? What am I going to
actually be a part of Because for a lot of us,
that back and forth is gonna be consistent. Right, We're
gonna keep choosing the things that we think are good
for us. We're gonna keep choosing the things that we

(03:35):
see around because people have told us that that's what
you have to pick. There has to be a separation.
There has to be a season of you cutting things
and people off and making yourself the priority. And I
know that's like a taboo word, right, making yourself the
most important person that you will ever deal But I
know that's a hard one because we're so used to
making other people priority. We're so used to making them

(03:56):
the most important thing we ever deal with. We're so
used to putting them on a pedestal and seeing all
of what they do and what they offer. We need
to start doing that with us. And again, I don't
mean this from a selfish way, like not from a
narcissistic I'm the best ever perspective, but from a reality
that you need to learn to love you enough that
other people are loved by you because of how you

(04:17):
love you. We have to fall into this reality of that.
So until we decide this, until we sit firm in
this and we look at the people that we need
to cut off, and how do you know what the
people are? Right? Again, that way we classify them, whether
they show joy, whether they bring us to better versions
of us where they actually help us. But also this
reality that are these people in my life because I

(04:38):
need them or because we need each other or are
they there because of convenience or because they're just nosy.
You need to realize that there are some people that
will be around because they just desire to get something
from you. And if you have nothing to offer, if
you could give them nothing, what they still remain. And
I think that's a huge one with even relationship, right
with romantic relationships. We're looking at people or the romantical platonic,

(04:59):
but they fit into this reality. If there is nothing
that I can offer them and they are still there
and they're still with me, and they're still helping me
and they're still around. Those are people that you deserve
to pour into right because they're showing you that they're
not there because of convenience, but they're there because of
desire and if there's nothing that you could do for them,
and that's a genuine love. They care for you because
you are because you're you, not because of what you

(05:21):
can give them, not because of the positions you can
put them, but because of the person you are. There
are some people that will just be around because you
know they know that they can get something out of you.
We have to start learning to discern who belongs and
who doesn't. And the hardest thing you will ever do
is realize that some people need to leave. Realize that
some people don't belong in your life as much as

(05:43):
you desire them to be there, as much as you
want them to be that they are only going to
cause more problems and more stress, and they are only
going to be the reason why you continue to feel
bad about yourself. Deciding where to cut the line, deciding
who to cut off is always going to be difficult,
but you need to be firm in the reality of
who should be there and who shouldn't be there. So
deciding this the only way that you will ever be

(06:04):
the best version of you, the only way that you'll
ever be motivated, the only way you ever grow is
being firm on who's around you. Now, after that, after
that stage, after you've decided that okay, now I'm just
it's just me, or it's just a small group, it's
whatever it is, now you need to decide the steps
you're gonna take, the next thing you're gonna do, the
reality of what you're gonna put yourself in. Because yes,
those people might have been the frenemies or the enemies

(06:26):
or whatever you want to call them. They might have
been in those positions. But the biggest enemy you will
ever have in this world is you. There's this quote
that I heard once that actually said that the biggest
enemy you will ever have is a version of you.
It's the old version of you. Why because the old
version of you is dying, you're trying to get rid
of it. You're trying to become a better version of you.
So by you trying to be better, you're gonna sit
here and have to kill that version of you. So
what it's going to do. It's gonna fight back. It's
going to make you think things. It's going to attack you.

(06:48):
It's gonna make you feel like you're not good enough.
It's going to remind you of the mistakes you've made.
It's gonna remind you of your past. It's going to
tell you you won't be better. And the only way
you defeat that version of you is by focusing on
the best version of you, on who you can be,
who you will be, and doing the things that that
person would do. But if you let that authority go
back to this version of you that's dying, you're going
to remain in that version because it's trying to survive.

(07:10):
But if you're clear about where you're going and who
you want to be and just focus on that person,
then this person is naturally gonna die again. You are
your biggest enemy, patro also your biggest advocate. Whatever you
say to you, you will believe that the mindset you take,
the things you say, the word that you shift in,
all those things are going to be huge factors in
your life because those are the things that you allow
to sit and to fester and to grow, allow yourself

(07:33):
to be you the best version of you. Is going
to be hard, but it's the only way that you'll
actually step into that. Reminding yourself of what you're worth.
So knowing that we need to cut people off, and
knowing that we need to create separation, knowing that we
need to cut the bad habits of ourselves off, we
need to cut the bad version of us off. It's
easy to say, but it's hard to do right because

(07:53):
the process of that is a consistent one. And again,
I don't want to discourage anyone because I know how
difficut this. But the reality of that is that you
have to take consistent, small steps. It's not about the
big home run. And I know that's like a classic phrase, right,
you don't have to hit over the fence. You just
gotta get on base. It's just the small steps that
you take, and the more you take those small steps

(08:14):
easier it becomes to compile this to make this mountain up.
But it's not perfection right away. It's the small thing today,
the small thing I do that makes me significantly better.
So thinking about that, what is the small thing that
you're gonna do right What's a small step that you're
gonna take. What's the thing that you're gonna make today
that can change just the fraction of your life that

(08:36):
can start this snowball effect that can start this avalanche
because you've given space to it. You don't have to
be perfect, but you have to start. And you can't
sit here and desire anything better even remotely. If nothing changes,
If you continue to do the same exact thing every
single day, you're gonna they're complaining about being the same
exact person. It's just redundant. So decide, what's the thing today,

(09:01):
what's the small thing that I'm changing? So that could
be that version of me that I desire to be.
And sometimes it's something as simple as just not responding
to an argument. It's not responding to a message. So
not letting people take the best of you, because that's
what they want, right, They want the anger because this
is actually a playbook, out of the narcissists playbook. Right.

(09:21):
Narcissists don't desire for you to have a complete love
for them. They don't desire for you to fall and
glorify them in all these things. They just desire emotional
response out of you. So if their desire is just
to make you mad, that's all they want. They want
you anger because that emotional response shows them. It triggers
in them, whether are conscious or subconscious, that they have
some level of control over you, and what they desire

(09:43):
is for you to respond. So that's the same trigger.
It's the same exact trigger when we decide to do
something to cut it away from friendships. A lot of
people tend to think that narcissists is just like romantic relationships.
You have narcissists that are friends and or or quote
unquote friends, right, because genuine friends won't treat you or
manipulate your emotions. They will actually care for you. But

(10:05):
you have people that you know that are a narcissists
and they'll say these things, and they'll try to blame
it on you. That's actually another paid out of the
playbook where they'll try to blame it on you and
say that you're the bad person and all these terrible
things because they want to elicit an emotion out of you.
But remember that if you're responding to these things or
giving it authority, we need to learn to cut things
off in places that aren't serving us, because at the

(10:27):
end of the day, the only person that's going to
live your life or die your death is you. The
only person that's gonna pay your bills, gonna pay your
family bills, gonna take care of the people that needs
to be taken care of is not them, it's you.
So decide the best version of you, what does that
look like, and then do everything possible to be there.