August 21, 2025 • 30 mins
Saying “yes” to everything isn’t kindness. It’s burnout in disguise.
In this episode, we’re dismantling the guilt around saying no and unpacking how boundaries aren’t walls they’re invitations for healthier relationships, clearer priorities, and deeper peace.
If you've ever felt like you're drowning in commitments, emotionally fatigued, or resentful of the people you keep giving to... this conversation is for you.
Host Joshua Rosa breaks down the psychological weight of people-pleasing and why self-respect begins with honoring your own limits even if it disappoints others.
:"If your yes requires you to betray yourself, it's not kindness it's self-abandonment."
This Episode Is For You If:
- You feel guilty when you say no
- You’re always the one people go to but no one checks on you
- You're exhausted, overbooked, or emotionally overdrawn
- You want to set healthier boundaries in your relationships, work, or spiritual life
Let’s redefine boundaries not as rejection, but as direction.
Because the most powerful word you can use to protect your peace is: no.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The reality is that the most powerful thing you will
ever say is no. Like no is a full sentence,
No doesn't come with a reason why. No doesn't have
to come with your explanation. No doesn't have to come
with you just justifying the reason you said no. Sometimes
it's okay just to say no. It's okay to just
not be in the mix. It's okay to not be
a part of something that at the end of the
(00:20):
day you don't want to be a part of. Again,
you don't need a reason, you don't need justification. You
don't need to make them feel better about you saying
no to them, because it doesn't matter. Your strongest thing,
the biggest gift you will ever give yourself, is the
ability to say no and not feel bad about it,
not feel like you have to explain yourself, not feel
like you have to ease them down or bring them
down slowly, not feeling like you have to be anything
(00:41):
extra or anything different just because you said no. If
they can't handle it, that's not your responsibility. Your job
is not to justify their feelings or their behaviors. Your
job is to say no and to be honest with
yourself about it, To be real about the things you
want to be about. This entire episode is about this
reality that sometimes our no is our strongest thing we
will have. This is made for this mountain with Josh
(01:02):
Rosa or turning pain into purpose, so as we dive
into this this episode, this reality of just saying no,
the power of saying no, and how to say no
without feeling guilty because I personally to be completely honest
is something I struggle with for a long time, and
I think there are times where I still kind of
revert to that and wanting to be in that rate
and being just this person that just wants everyone to
(01:25):
be happy or to please everybody, which is again a
big struggle that we have in this time frame that
we have a people pleasing epidemic. We have this epidemic
where you want people to be liked or to feel
like they're liked by you, or you want to be
liked by them, where you want them to be happy
with you. And what happens is that we struggle at
being happy with ourselves. We struggle at saying no to
the things that don't serve us because we think that
(01:45):
saying no means hurting or offending. It does not It's
okay to say no to the things that are not
a part of what you want to do. You don't
even need a reason. I need you to understand that
you don't need a specific, special reason, a big case
to say no to something. Sometimes the biggest gift to
ever give yourself is that no. It's saying, you know what,
there is no reason, I just don't want to. And
(02:06):
again I'm not saying ignore your responsibilities. I'm not saying
do the things that you should be doing, or don't
do those things. I'm saying, when there is a reason
for your no, when there is something for you, simply
because it's something that's not going to hurt anyone, it's
not going to hurt you. It's not anything that's positive.
It's okay to say no to situations, to places, to
(02:27):
things that are not going to benefit you, that are
not going to benefit anyone, as long as, of course
it's not hurting anyone. And this is the issues where
we have to balance. And even then, I'm not saying
go hurt people, but I'm also saying that it's not
your job to be everyone's savior. Like there's already a savior.
It's not you it's not your job to have the
Superman complex. So you think you can help and fix everybody.
(02:50):
And if you say yes to more people that maybe
you might make them like you more. You might make
them feel better about themselves, or you might do the
things that they feel like they need to know. It's
okay to learn to say no. And I've learned this
actually from a friend of mine. I'm probably never gonna
hear this about Celio. This man is the king of no.
Why because his yes means yes, Like there's so much
(03:10):
value behind the times he says yes because everything else
is no. And if it's not serving the bigger purpose,
the bigger mission, the bigger goal, then there's no reason
for those things. Now we're gonna dive into that right
the reality. We're how to give your yes yes, and
how to give power to it. But one thing that
we struggle with before we go any deeper again, we'll
align and touch these things. But it's the guilt. We
(03:31):
think that it's our job to do the things that
people need us to do. We think it's our job
to do the things that make them feel happy. We
think it's our job to make people feel better about
themselves and the quicker you find out that it isn't,
the better you start living life again again. I preface
this and I'll say it a couple of times you're
in there, just to make sure we get this clear.
Because I don't mean like be a jerk to people.
I don't mean don't care about people. I don't mean
(03:52):
don't love people. I mean learn to love yourself enough
where your boundaries are so firm that you aren't doing
things outside of what's good for you, that you're not
stepping out of those things just to justify things for
other people, that you are not vindicating their emotions and
their feelings while ignoring yours. I'm not saying be mean.
I'm not saying to be a chered. I'm saying be
(04:13):
good to you. Learn to value that and not feel
like you have to do everything for everyone, not feel
like if you're not the one that's doing it, that
it isn't getting done. So let's dive into this reality.
And I know that there are seasons of this, right,
there's seasons where we struggle with our no and there's
seasons where we have value to it. And as we
talked about before, like with people pleasing and this concept
(04:33):
of needing to be loved or to be picked. We
end up stealing from ourselves. We end up robbing our
joy just to give things space and it. We end
up making ourselves miserable so that other people that can
never appreciate us learn to appreciate us. We end up
loving ourselves less so the people that couldn't love us
will find and love us. We end up choosing everybody
and everything that we so much so that we give
(04:54):
ourselves away for cheap. When your no means no, there's
value behind that. When you stop feeling guilty for doing
what's right for you, you'll stop giving authority to people
who just flat out don't deserve it. And again, I'm
not saying you mean, but I'm saying, learn to be
good to you. So every time you say yes it's
something you don't want, you're saying no to yourself. You're
(05:16):
just overbooked, you're underprioritized. It's the reality that you're saying
yes to all these things and all these people, and
it's not allowing you to be the best version of you.
It's not allowing you to flourish the thing that you're
made to flourish. Because we do this often, there's something
called this decision fatigue, right. It's where a brain becomes
so overwhelmed with excessive commitments that it leads to poor
(05:37):
self care and emotional burnout. I there's so much to
say about that, because again, again this is something I
feel like a lot of a struggle with. I struggle
with that for a very long time, and honestly, if
I'm being real, it probably wasn't until like last year
where this really really really same thing, like this reality
of me not saying yes to everything, Because there's a
point in my life where I had like six different jobs.
(05:59):
I was working at parish, I was teaching at a school,
I was doing my ministry, traveling, I was writing books
who or writing for an organization. I was doing all
these things all at the same time. Because not even
because of the money. I mean, yes, it was nice
that I was getting paid, but it was also because
I was involved with everything and so many people saw
me and and I was and I be honest, I
wanted to be in those places. I wanted I thought
(06:21):
that if I did the work and if I was
around enough, that I would be seen. But what happened
is that the quality of the work that I was
doing was good, but it wasn't great. So what happened
is that I lost out on other things, other opportunities
because my note, my yes didn't mean yes, it just
meant whatever was watered down. So what happens is that
you stop prioritizing you, You stop giving the best version
(06:43):
of you to the things that deserve it, where you
can flourish and where that could be good. Because you
think that if you spread your yes everywhere, that if
you say yes to everything and everyone, that that's going
to make you be seen more, that that's going to
make you be loved more. That's gonna make me value more.
It's not all it's going to do is actually the opposite.
It's gonna make you be undervalued. It's gonna make me unappreciated.
It's gonna make you feel tired and burnt out. Why
(07:05):
because you didn't give energy to the things that were growing.
You gave energy to the things that we're stealing. You
were so busy trying to pour it into every empty
well that you made sure that you were empty yourself.
That this burnout happens, and it doesn't just happen emotionally,
happen spiritually and physically. We'll dive a little bit more
into that. There this real quick commercial break. The reality
is that we end up being so burnt out, we
(07:27):
end up being so hurt, we end up creating this
hole in us' is geping empty well in us because
we've poured out to so many things because we didn't
know how to say no. And this ties into so
many other things because we can tie that into everything else.
We betray ourselves when we don't say no to the
things that hurt us. Like again, I'm working at becoming
(07:48):
a better version of myself. Fully again, I say this often.
I say that I'm not perfect. There's no one that is.
And even as we talk through these things, we have
to realize that we need to grow through the things
that we're going through. You can give the best advice
in the world, but it doesn't anything if you're not
learning to apply these things. And we will constantly be
learning in a world that you're not learning, you're dying.
If you're not growing in something, if there's no nothing
(08:09):
to being produced out of the things you're doing, then
the reality is that you're not alive. Right. If a
plant stops growing, it's dead. There's nothing else to grow
from it. So even if if you're well rounded and
you know a lot, there's still growth. So even myself included, right,
I'm in Every human is in this process, and there's
things that I still need to work on. So I'm
growing up. But even this learning to say no to
certain things that are against me, they're gonna hurt me,
(08:30):
like learning to say no to eating extra or eating overeating. Right,
because I've been working on my fitness component amound this
journey of being better, I have to say yes to
the things that are can be priorities and say no
to the things that are gonna hurt me. And I
say that not just because of me, but because it's
a very good example of this. It's a very good
example to understand that there are some things that might
seem good in the moment, and that yes, might seem
(08:51):
fruitful in that moment, but if you step back and
think about the bigger picture, if you step back and say,
is this thing actually beneficial to the life that I'm in,
Is it gonna be good, it's gonna be you useful?
Is it something that's actually good for anyone else? And
if that yes might seem simple and basic, but that
no might be powerful because saying no to pleasure in
that moment is saying yes to the ever lasting one.
(09:12):
It's saying yes to the bigger one. It's saying yes
to the thing that's going to be even greater. Learning
that reality that you betray yourself every time you say
yes the things that don't love you or serve you. You
betray yourself when your no doesn't have power value. You
betray you. When you start giving other people more love
than you give yourself, you start you betray yourself when
you say yes to everything that they are desiring, all
(09:34):
of their dreams, all their efforts, their hours at work.
You're saying yes to those things, but saying no to you.
You betray yourself when you don't fully live out the
dream that you were made to live. Because that's the truth.
We're falling into this rut of saying yes to everyone
else's dreamscept our own. We are falling into this rut
of giving everyone everything and not giving ourselves anything. Because
(09:54):
our no doesn't have power, our no can be easily
convinced Otherwise. Yes, you will lose people, people who walk away,
but it's ultimately gonna grow the best version of you.
Saying no is not rude. It's self respect and action.
It's respecting you and loving you enough to know that
(10:15):
you have to be confident in the things you say.
That you could be less likable, you don't. Here's the
wake up call. You will never be. It's impossible. It's
physically impossible to be liked by everyone in this world.
It's impossible that you will be liked by every person
you meet. So why are you striving to make everyone
like you? You don't like everybody, right, It's every person
that comes across your way. It doesn't mean you might
(10:37):
be nice and amicable with them, but doesn't mean that
they all like you, right, or you don't like all them?
So why are you striving to have other people like you?
Why are you striving to sit here and say yes
to everything so they may feel better around you. The
most powerful people in this world, they'll say no first
and they'll explain later. Right if they feel like you
(11:00):
need it's warranted or explanation, they will say no first,
and everything else will come after. Everything they do from
their flows on from that point, learning to say this
no for you, it's not about being rude. Right, You're
not being meaning to these people. You're just respecting yourself
enough that these words flow easily, that you're not begging
people to like you by giving them this unadultterated guest,
(11:23):
by giving them complete access to you. And the most
powerful and beautiful thing you will ever have is that
is the limited access and not to Let's go leave
it a little bit deeper on that real quick, because
it's the most mysterious people are the people we want
to know the most, like the people that we can't
figure out, we can't explain, the people that aren't always
out or always about. The people that are not easily
(11:44):
accessible are the people who have the most power. And
there's like a book or I think it's called the
forty Laws of Power, right that the red book that
everyone talks about. I do remember this particular one, and
it's to become less accessible, like accessible, so don't allow
so many people around you. Don't allow some people to
have access to you. And I think that for a
lot of us, we become afraid because we think that
means loneliness, but it doesn't. It means stableness. It means
(12:07):
being able to be so firm and confident in me
that I do not need validation from anyone else around
me for me to feel happy about me. And if
you need a season of reclusiveness, if you need a
season of just being introverted into yourself to heal and
to grow in certain things, and so be it, because
what happens next is that the person that you become
is so confident in you that everything around you becomes
(12:30):
what you need it to be. That you flourish from that,
that you create this reality of the life that you're
in the greatest thing you'll ever have. Are people that
will walk away from you because you stood firm on
your boundaries. Like if they leave you because of your boundary,
then they were only there for the access that they had.
They weren't there for the relationship. If they walk away
(12:52):
from you when you're firm about what you need in
your life, then the reality is that they like the
person they can manipulate, the person they can control. They
like the broke you because you were easy to address
and to manipulate, to push and to do whatever they needed.
When your no has value, it stops the people who
are robbing you of peace from rob you. I need
you to not be afraid of losing them. I need
you to become more afraid of losing yourself, like become
(13:14):
more afraid of losing the person that you have respect for.
Become more afraid of losing that person that you should
grow in. Because that's the reality. We are going to
deal with people who when we say no, when we're
firm in our boundary, when they realize they can't keep
taking from us, that they're gone because again that's all
they were. We're takers. But why would you want people
in your life that are just taking? Why would you
want people that you have to pour into and give
into that don't pour and don't give back into you.
(13:36):
If they leave because of your boundary, then you did
yourself the biggest favor in the world. You allowed people
to leave who weren't meant to stay. You created a
place where these people who were going to steal and
rob from your joy and your peace to not have
anything to steal from because you were so firm on
who you are and what you are that they no
longer have access to that. And telling yourself this, if
this is what you need, if you need to remind
(13:58):
yourself every single day of this reality that my know
does not mean that I don't love them but don't
respect them. It means that I've learned to love and
respect me more, and so be it. But we can't
stay in places where we're not being loved or valued
because we think that us doing more, is trying more,
is going to make them one day try a little.
(14:18):
Your no has to have so much power, and you
can't feel guilty for loving yourself enough. And this I
get it for a lot of us again, that people
pleasing components is tough. It's tough thing to heal, is
tough thing to grow from, it's a tough thing to
move on from. But until we're firm in that reality,
until we start giving ourselves this much power back, until
we start claim reclaiming the power, because that's ultimately what
(14:40):
it is, reclaiming that power of who we actually are,
will continue to let people rob us of things that
isn't there to steal because our no doesn't mean no,
it's just something that we've been passive about. Our next
point here is that you're exhausted because you're available to
everything but your own needs. You are making yourself a
(15:01):
stepping stool for people who are so used to walking
over you. You're making yourself open to them and not
open to you. You're making yourself easily manipulated and used
because it's easy to just ask you for things. And
this is something that there was a book or a
movie or or even a practice. I think it's elf
(15:23):
became a thing, like a popular thing where they called
it a yesterday right where people would just say yes
to everything. And I agree with that. Don't get me wrong.
I do agree with that sentiment that there are certain things,
certain days where you just say yes to everything. But
that doesn't mean like things that are gonna hurt you,
doesn't mean things are going to go against you. It
means things that you're often scared to do, or things
that you haven't taken a chance on, or things that
(15:43):
just might present themselves and you just say yes to everything.
But I also think it's important to have no days.
And I don't mean in a negative connotation a negative way.
I mean in days where people who are used to
getting things from you that you know what, that's it,
You're not getting this at least today, because that's a
starting point. It's a stepping stools to say, hey, I'm
doing this right now for me because I need to.
I need to create this pattern, this habit of healthy
(16:05):
nos in my life. And the thing the pattern that
that breaks, right, it's this constant pattern of us bending
backwards ultimately for people who just would even look our way,
like if we really needed them. Are these people that
when we say yeah yes to them? Are they people
that are gonna say yes to us or these things?
And again, again, I don't want it to sound like
(16:29):
we are just using people, right. I don't want to
sound like this is just like, oh, well, you can't
do for me, so I'm not gonna do for you typeic.
I don't agree with that. I firmly agree that you
should love people and do things for people out of
the goodness of your heart when it's merited and warranted,
not just because they've asked, but because it fits into
the state that you're in right now, like it fits
into the mental state that you're in, it fits into
(16:51):
the financial state. I can't begin to tell you the
amount of time. But again, because this is something that
for me is fairly new, and this power of no
thing and again a living witness, I don't talk to
anybody about things that I can't agree with or live
in or have a positive example in because this is
for me, this is real. This is something that last year,
a couple of years ago, I wasn't good at. And
(17:11):
the better I became at this, the better I became
a just say no. The better my life became. Like
the better my finances became, the better my health became,
the better my relationships became. There are people around me
that are going through all these crazy dramas and they
share that with me because their friends or they feel
safe or whatever that is. And I and my first thought,
and this happened recently, my first thought was, Man, I
(17:32):
am so good that I'm not in the mix. I
am so grateful that I'm not in every other conversation
people could talk about me. There's probably a thousand converses.
I know for a fact this conversations happened about me,
but people that don't have access to me. So these
are people that are making things up. And it's fine,
but I'm so grateful that it's impossible for them to say, oh,
but he said X, Y and Z, or he was here,
he was there. You can't say those things. You could
(17:52):
say whatever else you want about me, but I'm so
far out of the mix, that you can't make those
things up about me, and I'm so grateful for that.
I think the most powerful thing that you will ever
do is stay out of the mix. Stay out of
all these things that are causing drama and causing problems
your life, that are making you less happy. That only
happens when you learn to say no, when your no
has power, and that's something that will just make your
(18:15):
entire life better. Everything around you will elevate when you
learn to give it value in purpose, when you learn
to say that this thing doesn't need my time or
my attention, this thing actually needs my distance. And I'm
not going to continue to put myself in something because
it's just convenient for other people, because it's conveniently present
community there just around. It's okay to have value in
(18:37):
your no. It's okay to not give everybody access to you.
It's okay to create a space where you are not
brought into things that you don't need to be brought into.
But that only happens when you learn to say no,
and when you learn how good it feels to give
a yes to things that are actually good, good for you,
(18:58):
good for the people around you, but just could. Your
no has so much power because it changes the access,
the way people can look and shape and do things
with you. It changes every person around you. And just
bringing this last point back into boundaries, because the boundaries,
what they do is that they don't push people away.
(19:19):
They show them where to meet you. And this is
dope because this shows them this elevation level of where
you are now. It's like when you have authority in
this where your no has power, people either have to
step up or step away. They have to either come
up to where you are or get away from where
you are at It's impossible for people to respect their
(19:42):
boundaries or people around you to remain in places when
you have elevated yourself, when you have made yourself better,
when you put yourself in a better position, the people
that are around you and that life, that stage of life,
that season of life, those people don't just want the
better for you, they want the better for themselves. They
want to live better, do better, be better. And that's
the ultimate goal here, is not just to be perfect
(20:03):
by ourselves, but to be better with other people. And
we'll dive a little bit deeper in after this last
part of commercial breaks. So this reality that the people
around us become better. I think that's one of the
dopest things that we could ever think, right because all right,
segue just a quick one here. I think it's important
(20:24):
to have people around you that speak your name and
rooms that you are not in like I think it's
important to have people who love you dearly and who
can see and recognize their talent and gifting and say
to other people who might have those relationships with those
connections and connect those dots for you. I think that
the people around you should value and love you enough
for those things. And I think that we can only
(20:45):
do that when our no means no and our yes
means I don't think that it's possible for us to
sit in every room and think that every room is
for us and then wonder why we're not getting elevated
or chosen because you have been in places that are
not for you, and you sit here trying to spread
yourself thin when you could have lifted yourself up. You
went across, you built out, but not up because you
(21:06):
were so spread by saying yes to everything that your
yes didn't have value. It was just spread way too
thin and easily discarded. And what happens is that when
we are able to be that person for ourselves, the
people around us are also elevated. When we're able to
be firm for us, the people who are with us
or loving us, or our friendships, even they receive from
(21:28):
our yes because our yes puts us in places that
we can actually bring them into. So learning your boundaries
are going to push people away, but it's also going
to elevate people who are willing to meet you there
because it's going to bring those people up, it's going
to ultimately help everyone around you. And again again, it's
never about being mean. Like I said, I'm gonna say
(21:50):
it a thousand times, but it's about learning to be
good to you. It's learning that this truth is not
just I want to say no because I don't want
to do anything, which again is perfectly fine, even if
it's just because you don't want to be present at
something that's that's draining or taxing or tiring, or you
don't want to go out for drinks, or you don't
want to go to the club, whatever it is. If
(22:11):
you're no means no, it's going to give so much
power and value to you yes, and it's going to
make you the best version of you, and what happens
again the best version of you, And that this is
how as a father, is how I think nowadays that
the best version of me is going to be the
best version for my son, Like the best version of me,
the person that I'm becoming, is not even about me anymore, Like, yes,
(22:33):
I actually do this for my well being and my
stability and my goodness, but it also means that I'm
the image that my children will see. That I am
the image that my future family will see. That I'm
the image that they are going to get. And when
you put that in perspective, then it means so much
more because it's no longer about what am I doing
for other people? But it's like what am I doing
for me? For my kids, for my family? Am I
(22:55):
actually valuing them enough to say no to the things
that don't actually serve me in the ways that I
can then serve them? And if I'm elevating people around
me again, friends and family, that means I'm elevating them.
So looking at it from that perspective, and again, there
are certain things that we need to learn to say
no to even deeper, because not to get terrible here.
(23:20):
And I don't mean go quit your job today. I'm
not saying that right because it's the levels of things
of balance and planning and all these things. But can
you actively say that you are saying yes to your dream,
you're saying yes to the things you want to do, or
saying yes to someone else's right, because you can't both
simultaneously say yes and no. You can't say that I'm
working and growing in my thing, but I'm working and
(23:42):
growing for someone else's thing. That's the whole spread thing,
thin thing. That's the reality that you have to either
say yes to them and no to you, or yes
to you or no to them. And again I'm not
saying like today, jump and leave everything, because again you
should build, but you should also be willing to take
the things that are scary for yourself. You should also
say yes to you to the point where you take
(24:03):
the leap into the things that you know you're good at.
You know you were called for the things that you
know you're capable of doing. You say yes to you,
so you stop betraying you, because again, you're living for
someone else's It's gonna be this truth if your yes
requires you to betray yourself. It's not kindness, it's self abandonment.
If your yes requires you to make yourself little or
small or diminish yourself, someone else can be happy. That's
(24:26):
not that's not you being nice, that's you being dumb
to you, that's you causing yourself more hurt, more pain.
You were made to be everything for everyone. You were
made to be everything for yourself. And if you can't
give your yes value, then you're going to be stuck
in this run. You're gonna sit here and diminish everything
that you're worse than you're doing because of that, and
(24:47):
to feel guilty and that just just think about this,
why would we feel Why should we feel guilty for
loving ourselves enough that we don't diminish us for them? Like,
why would we feel guilty for giving us what we deserve?
Because at the end of the day, the only person
that's going to die your death is you. The only
person that has your bills is you. The only person
(25:09):
that's going to fight your fight is you. The only
person that's going to show up for you, it's you.
So why are you diminishing who you are to give
your yes to someone else? I know this is not
an easy one, and I get it. I get that
sometimes we feel like it's just easier said than done,
because it can be. It could be easily said. But
(25:31):
it's not that it's easier said than done. It's just
it's prioritized differently. It's learning to change this rut, this routine.
It's learning to move along from this place that seems
like it's good to something that is. And no matter
how much you say yes to people, no matter how
many pieces of a part of effort you give to them,
(25:53):
it will never change anything for you. It won't move
the ball forward. So learning to say yes to yourself
before anything else, learning to say no to things that
aren't good for you shouldn't make you feel guilty about it,
shouldn't make you feel like you're not good. It should
make you feel like there's value behind you. Yes, it
should give purpose to that. And as we dive in
(26:16):
these episodes, right just in general, like we talked about
healing in the last little Little mini series, I think
one of the most important things that comes from all
of us, from everything we hear here. And first of all,
if you're listening, thank you so much for being a
part of this there's there's a lot that goes into this,
a lot of reading and planning and thinking and just
(26:36):
to know that there's some more simple of goodness here,
so somebody's receiving something. If there is one person, if
you are the one person that needed today to hear
that your no means no and your yes means yes,
that there's value behind that and you shouldn't feel guilty
about it. That's all that matters to me. And this
is where my yes comes into play, because there's a
(26:56):
lot of things that I could have said yes to
that would have stopped me from doing the things that
I wanted to be in today. And full disclosure, it's
still hard. I'm not saying that learning to value your
yes and learning to give power to your no means
that things become easy, because it doesn't. It doesn't. It
doesn't become like instantly, oh, I'm a robot, right, because
(27:19):
you're not, and you shouldn't be. That's the beauty. You're human.
It's good that you feel. Emotions are good. It'd be
insane and terrible if you didn't feel. But I think
that sometimes we give in to this this thought before
the action. We're give into the thought that if I
say or do that, I won't receive that, people will leave,
people won't be, won't be there, won't be, it won't
(27:40):
exist with me. Your yes is not a yet, it's
not a yes to them. Right, You're you're yes to you.
It's not about you not giving to other people. It's
about you learning to give to you. And that analogy
of the plane crashing, right, If you can't put your
face mask on yourself, you won't save anybody, You won't
(28:02):
help anyone else. You actually end up hurting other people,
or you're end up hurting yourself. So let's keep to that.
We need to put on the mask to ourselves first.
We need to be able to be stable and be
able to give value to our yes because not only
will we help more people, not only what we build
up other people, not only what we do the things
(28:25):
that are gonna actually be good for us, but we're
gonna build ourselves up. We're gonna grow in ourselves, we're
gonna love ourselves. We're gonna be the best version of us.
Because we were clear, because our yes had clarity, because
our no had clarity, because we didn't allow the lie
that I need to say yes to everything to be
loved by everyone, rob us of the fact that my
(28:45):
yes to few means my reality means yes to the
things that are good, and my no to many is
gonna save that yes to those few. It's gonna give
that power because you're not just being used by everyone
and everything. So let's leaveless notion that we need to
feel bad for saying no, That we need to feel
guilty for not doing what other people wanted us to do,
(29:08):
That we need to push away our own value and
our own self work just so other people can like us.
You matter and what you need is important, and you
will only be able to help and grow and love
other people around you when you learn to give power
to that now, So thank you so much for being here,
for listening, for being a part of this episode, whether
(29:30):
you're on the podcast or watching the clips online. I mean,
I think it's just amazing that we can have these
kind of conversations, whether it's just this way right where
I'm sharing, or the comments of the dms, which I
try to keep up with but are hard to do.
But I'm just so grateful for you and so grateful
that you're listening. And if this again I've been thinking
(29:50):
about this a lot lately. If this is the only
season that this podcast is on, if this is the
only time that this thing plays, If I don't get
enough downloads, if I don't get enough comments or likes
or whatever, just five stars, whatever those things are, those metrics,
it would have mattered to me so much more. It
matters to me so much more that I was able
to reach at least the one, and that something like this,
(30:13):
as simple as a conversation, can have so much value.
So thank you guys, first of all, for all the
comments that you share with me like that means the
world to me. To be able to see people actually
receiving from this, that makes my yes means so much more.
So thank you for being here, thank you for listening,
and we'll catch you on the next one.
The reality is that the most powerful thing you will
ever say is no. Like no is a full sentence,
No doesn't come with a reason why. No doesn't have
to come with your explanation. No doesn't have to come
with you just justifying the reason you said no. Sometimes
it's okay just to say no. It's okay to just
not be in the mix. It's okay to not be
a part of something that at the end of the
(00:20):
day you don't want to be a part of. Again,
you don't need a reason, you don't need justification. You
don't need to make them feel better about you saying
no to them, because it doesn't matter. Your strongest thing,
the biggest gift you will ever give yourself, is the
ability to say no and not feel bad about it,
not feel like you have to explain yourself, not feel
like you have to ease them down or bring them
down slowly, not feeling like you have to be anything
(00:41):
extra or anything different just because you said no. If
they can't handle it, that's not your responsibility. Your job
is not to justify their feelings or their behaviors. Your
job is to say no and to be honest with
yourself about it, To be real about the things you
want to be about. This entire episode is about this
reality that sometimes our no is our strongest thing we
will have. This is made for this mountain with Josh
(01:02):
Rosa or turning pain into purpose, so as we dive
into this this episode, this reality of just saying no,
the power of saying no, and how to say no
without feeling guilty because I personally to be completely honest
is something I struggle with for a long time, and
I think there are times where I still kind of
revert to that and wanting to be in that rate
and being just this person that just wants everyone to
(01:25):
be happy or to please everybody, which is again a
big struggle that we have in this time frame that
we have a people pleasing epidemic. We have this epidemic
where you want people to be liked or to feel
like they're liked by you, or you want to be
liked by them, where you want them to be happy
with you. And what happens is that we struggle at
being happy with ourselves. We struggle at saying no to
the things that don't serve us because we think that
(01:45):
saying no means hurting or offending. It does not It's
okay to say no to the things that are not
a part of what you want to do. You don't
even need a reason. I need you to understand that
you don't need a specific, special reason, a big case
to say no to something. Sometimes the biggest gift to
ever give yourself is that no. It's saying, you know what,
there is no reason, I just don't want to. And
(02:06):
again I'm not saying ignore your responsibilities. I'm not saying
do the things that you should be doing, or don't
do those things. I'm saying, when there is a reason
for your no, when there is something for you, simply
because it's something that's not going to hurt anyone, it's
not going to hurt you. It's not anything that's positive.
It's okay to say no to situations, to places, to
(02:27):
things that are not going to benefit you, that are
not going to benefit anyone, as long as, of course
it's not hurting anyone. And this is the issues where
we have to balance. And even then, I'm not saying
go hurt people, but I'm also saying that it's not
your job to be everyone's savior. Like there's already a savior.
It's not you it's not your job to have the
Superman complex. So you think you can help and fix everybody.
(02:50):
And if you say yes to more people that maybe
you might make them like you more. You might make
them feel better about themselves, or you might do the
things that they feel like they need to know. It's
okay to learn to say no. And I've learned this
actually from a friend of mine. I'm probably never gonna
hear this about Celio. This man is the king of no.
Why because his yes means yes, Like there's so much
(03:10):
value behind the times he says yes because everything else
is no. And if it's not serving the bigger purpose,
the bigger mission, the bigger goal, then there's no reason
for those things. Now we're gonna dive into that right
the reality. We're how to give your yes yes, and
how to give power to it. But one thing that
we struggle with before we go any deeper again, we'll
align and touch these things. But it's the guilt. We
(03:31):
think that it's our job to do the things that
people need us to do. We think it's our job
to do the things that make them feel happy. We
think it's our job to make people feel better about
themselves and the quicker you find out that it isn't,
the better you start living life again again. I preface
this and I'll say it a couple of times you're
in there, just to make sure we get this clear.
Because I don't mean like be a jerk to people.
I don't mean don't care about people. I don't mean
(03:52):
don't love people. I mean learn to love yourself enough
where your boundaries are so firm that you aren't doing
things outside of what's good for you, that you're not
stepping out of those things just to justify things for
other people, that you are not vindicating their emotions and
their feelings while ignoring yours. I'm not saying be mean.
I'm not saying to be a chered. I'm saying be
(04:13):
good to you. Learn to value that and not feel
like you have to do everything for everyone, not feel
like if you're not the one that's doing it, that
it isn't getting done. So let's dive into this reality.
And I know that there are seasons of this, right,
there's seasons where we struggle with our no and there's
seasons where we have value to it. And as we
talked about before, like with people pleasing and this concept
(04:33):
of needing to be loved or to be picked. We
end up stealing from ourselves. We end up robbing our
joy just to give things space and it. We end
up making ourselves miserable so that other people that can
never appreciate us learn to appreciate us. We end up
loving ourselves less so the people that couldn't love us
will find and love us. We end up choosing everybody
and everything that we so much so that we give
(04:54):
ourselves away for cheap. When your no means no, there's
value behind that. When you stop feeling guilty for doing
what's right for you, you'll stop giving authority to people
who just flat out don't deserve it. And again, I'm
not saying you mean, but I'm saying, learn to be
good to you. So every time you say yes it's
something you don't want, you're saying no to yourself. You're
(05:16):
just overbooked, you're underprioritized. It's the reality that you're saying
yes to all these things and all these people, and
it's not allowing you to be the best version of you.
It's not allowing you to flourish the thing that you're
made to flourish. Because we do this often, there's something
called this decision fatigue, right. It's where a brain becomes
so overwhelmed with excessive commitments that it leads to poor
(05:37):
self care and emotional burnout. I there's so much to
say about that, because again, again this is something I
feel like a lot of a struggle with. I struggle
with that for a very long time, and honestly, if
I'm being real, it probably wasn't until like last year
where this really really really same thing, like this reality
of me not saying yes to everything, Because there's a
point in my life where I had like six different jobs.
(05:59):
I was working at parish, I was teaching at a school,
I was doing my ministry, traveling, I was writing books
who or writing for an organization. I was doing all
these things all at the same time. Because not even
because of the money. I mean, yes, it was nice
that I was getting paid, but it was also because
I was involved with everything and so many people saw
me and and I was and I be honest, I
wanted to be in those places. I wanted I thought
(06:21):
that if I did the work and if I was
around enough, that I would be seen. But what happened
is that the quality of the work that I was
doing was good, but it wasn't great. So what happened
is that I lost out on other things, other opportunities
because my note, my yes didn't mean yes, it just
meant whatever was watered down. So what happens is that
you stop prioritizing you, You stop giving the best version
(06:43):
of you to the things that deserve it, where you
can flourish and where that could be good. Because you
think that if you spread your yes everywhere, that if
you say yes to everything and everyone, that that's going
to make you be seen more, that that's going to
make you be loved more. That's gonna make me value more.
It's not all it's going to do is actually the opposite.
It's gonna make you be undervalued. It's gonna make me unappreciated.
It's gonna make you feel tired and burnt out. Why
(07:05):
because you didn't give energy to the things that were growing.
You gave energy to the things that we're stealing. You
were so busy trying to pour it into every empty
well that you made sure that you were empty yourself.
That this burnout happens, and it doesn't just happen emotionally,
happen spiritually and physically. We'll dive a little bit more
into that. There this real quick commercial break. The reality
is that we end up being so burnt out, we
(07:27):
end up being so hurt, we end up creating this
hole in us' is geping empty well in us because
we've poured out to so many things because we didn't
know how to say no. And this ties into so
many other things because we can tie that into everything else.
We betray ourselves when we don't say no to the
things that hurt us. Like again, I'm working at becoming
(07:48):
a better version of myself. Fully again, I say this often.
I say that I'm not perfect. There's no one that is.
And even as we talk through these things, we have
to realize that we need to grow through the things
that we're going through. You can give the best advice
in the world, but it doesn't anything if you're not
learning to apply these things. And we will constantly be
learning in a world that you're not learning, you're dying.
If you're not growing in something, if there's no nothing
(08:09):
to being produced out of the things you're doing, then
the reality is that you're not alive. Right. If a
plant stops growing, it's dead. There's nothing else to grow
from it. So even if if you're well rounded and
you know a lot, there's still growth. So even myself included, right,
I'm in Every human is in this process, and there's
things that I still need to work on. So I'm
growing up. But even this learning to say no to
certain things that are against me, they're gonna hurt me,
(08:30):
like learning to say no to eating extra or eating overeating. Right,
because I've been working on my fitness component amound this
journey of being better, I have to say yes to
the things that are can be priorities and say no
to the things that are gonna hurt me. And I
say that not just because of me, but because it's
a very good example of this. It's a very good
example to understand that there are some things that might
seem good in the moment, and that yes, might seem
(08:51):
fruitful in that moment, but if you step back and
think about the bigger picture, if you step back and say,
is this thing actually beneficial to the life that I'm in,
Is it gonna be good, it's gonna be you useful?
Is it something that's actually good for anyone else? And
if that yes might seem simple and basic, but that
no might be powerful because saying no to pleasure in
that moment is saying yes to the ever lasting one.
(09:12):
It's saying yes to the bigger one. It's saying yes
to the thing that's going to be even greater. Learning
that reality that you betray yourself every time you say
yes the things that don't love you or serve you. You
betray yourself when your no doesn't have power value. You
betray you. When you start giving other people more love
than you give yourself, you start you betray yourself when
you say yes to everything that they are desiring, all
(09:34):
of their dreams, all their efforts, their hours at work.
You're saying yes to those things, but saying no to you.
You betray yourself when you don't fully live out the
dream that you were made to live. Because that's the truth.
We're falling into this rut of saying yes to everyone
else's dreamscept our own. We are falling into this rut
of giving everyone everything and not giving ourselves anything. Because
(09:54):
our no doesn't have power, our no can be easily
convinced Otherwise. Yes, you will lose people, people who walk away,
but it's ultimately gonna grow the best version of you.
Saying no is not rude. It's self respect and action.
It's respecting you and loving you enough to know that
(10:15):
you have to be confident in the things you say.
That you could be less likable, you don't. Here's the
wake up call. You will never be. It's impossible. It's
physically impossible to be liked by everyone in this world.
It's impossible that you will be liked by every person
you meet. So why are you striving to make everyone
like you? You don't like everybody, right, It's every person
that comes across your way. It doesn't mean you might
(10:37):
be nice and amicable with them, but doesn't mean that
they all like you, right, or you don't like all them?
So why are you striving to have other people like you?
Why are you striving to sit here and say yes
to everything so they may feel better around you. The
most powerful people in this world, they'll say no first
and they'll explain later. Right if they feel like you
(11:00):
need it's warranted or explanation, they will say no first,
and everything else will come after. Everything they do from
their flows on from that point, learning to say this
no for you, it's not about being rude. Right, You're
not being meaning to these people. You're just respecting yourself
enough that these words flow easily, that you're not begging
people to like you by giving them this unadultterated guest,
(11:23):
by giving them complete access to you. And the most
powerful and beautiful thing you will ever have is that
is the limited access and not to Let's go leave
it a little bit deeper on that real quick, because
it's the most mysterious people are the people we want
to know the most, like the people that we can't
figure out, we can't explain, the people that aren't always
out or always about. The people that are not easily
(11:44):
accessible are the people who have the most power. And
there's like a book or I think it's called the
forty Laws of Power, right that the red book that
everyone talks about. I do remember this particular one, and
it's to become less accessible, like accessible, so don't allow
so many people around you. Don't allow some people to
have access to you. And I think that for a
lot of us, we become afraid because we think that
means loneliness, but it doesn't. It means stableness. It means
(12:07):
being able to be so firm and confident in me
that I do not need validation from anyone else around
me for me to feel happy about me. And if
you need a season of reclusiveness, if you need a
season of just being introverted into yourself to heal and
to grow in certain things, and so be it, because
what happens next is that the person that you become
is so confident in you that everything around you becomes
(12:30):
what you need it to be. That you flourish from that,
that you create this reality of the life that you're
in the greatest thing you'll ever have. Are people that
will walk away from you because you stood firm on
your boundaries. Like if they leave you because of your boundary,
then they were only there for the access that they had.
They weren't there for the relationship. If they walk away
(12:52):
from you when you're firm about what you need in
your life, then the reality is that they like the
person they can manipulate, the person they can control. They
like the broke you because you were easy to address
and to manipulate, to push and to do whatever they needed.
When your no has value, it stops the people who
are robbing you of peace from rob you. I need
you to not be afraid of losing them. I need
you to become more afraid of losing yourself, like become
(13:14):
more afraid of losing the person that you have respect for.
Become more afraid of losing that person that you should
grow in. Because that's the reality. We are going to
deal with people who when we say no, when we're
firm in our boundary, when they realize they can't keep
taking from us, that they're gone because again that's all
they were. We're takers. But why would you want people
in your life that are just taking? Why would you
want people that you have to pour into and give
into that don't pour and don't give back into you.
(13:36):
If they leave because of your boundary, then you did
yourself the biggest favor in the world. You allowed people
to leave who weren't meant to stay. You created a
place where these people who were going to steal and
rob from your joy and your peace to not have
anything to steal from because you were so firm on
who you are and what you are that they no
longer have access to that. And telling yourself this, if
this is what you need, if you need to remind
(13:58):
yourself every single day of this reality that my know
does not mean that I don't love them but don't
respect them. It means that I've learned to love and
respect me more, and so be it. But we can't
stay in places where we're not being loved or valued
because we think that us doing more, is trying more,
is going to make them one day try a little.
(14:18):
Your no has to have so much power, and you
can't feel guilty for loving yourself enough. And this I
get it for a lot of us again, that people
pleasing components is tough. It's tough thing to heal, is
tough thing to grow from, it's a tough thing to
move on from. But until we're firm in that reality,
until we start giving ourselves this much power back, until
we start claim reclaiming the power, because that's ultimately what
(14:40):
it is, reclaiming that power of who we actually are,
will continue to let people rob us of things that
isn't there to steal because our no doesn't mean no,
it's just something that we've been passive about. Our next
point here is that you're exhausted because you're available to
everything but your own needs. You are making yourself a
(15:01):
stepping stool for people who are so used to walking
over you. You're making yourself open to them and not
open to you. You're making yourself easily manipulated and used
because it's easy to just ask you for things. And
this is something that there was a book or a
movie or or even a practice. I think it's elf
(15:23):
became a thing, like a popular thing where they called
it a yesterday right where people would just say yes
to everything. And I agree with that. Don't get me wrong.
I do agree with that sentiment that there are certain things,
certain days where you just say yes to everything. But
that doesn't mean like things that are gonna hurt you,
doesn't mean things are going to go against you. It
means things that you're often scared to do, or things
that you haven't taken a chance on, or things that
(15:43):
just might present themselves and you just say yes to everything.
But I also think it's important to have no days.
And I don't mean in a negative connotation a negative way.
I mean in days where people who are used to
getting things from you that you know what, that's it,
You're not getting this at least today, because that's a
starting point. It's a stepping stools to say, hey, I'm
doing this right now for me because I need to.
I need to create this pattern, this habit of healthy
(16:05):
nos in my life. And the thing the pattern that
that breaks, right, it's this constant pattern of us bending
backwards ultimately for people who just would even look our way,
like if we really needed them. Are these people that
when we say yeah yes to them? Are they people
that are gonna say yes to us or these things?
And again, again, I don't want it to sound like
(16:29):
we are just using people, right. I don't want to
sound like this is just like, oh, well, you can't
do for me, so I'm not gonna do for you typeic.
I don't agree with that. I firmly agree that you
should love people and do things for people out of
the goodness of your heart when it's merited and warranted,
not just because they've asked, but because it fits into
the state that you're in right now, like it fits
into the mental state that you're in, it fits into
(16:51):
the financial state. I can't begin to tell you the
amount of time. But again, because this is something that
for me is fairly new, and this power of no
thing and again a living witness, I don't talk to
anybody about things that I can't agree with or live
in or have a positive example in because this is
for me, this is real. This is something that last year,
a couple of years ago, I wasn't good at. And
(17:11):
the better I became at this, the better I became
a just say no. The better my life became. Like
the better my finances became, the better my health became,
the better my relationships became. There are people around me
that are going through all these crazy dramas and they
share that with me because their friends or they feel
safe or whatever that is. And I and my first thought,
and this happened recently, my first thought was, Man, I
(17:32):
am so good that I'm not in the mix. I
am so grateful that I'm not in every other conversation
people could talk about me. There's probably a thousand converses.
I know for a fact this conversations happened about me,
but people that don't have access to me. So these
are people that are making things up. And it's fine,
but I'm so grateful that it's impossible for them to say, oh,
but he said X, Y and Z, or he was here,
he was there. You can't say those things. You could
(17:52):
say whatever else you want about me, but I'm so
far out of the mix, that you can't make those
things up about me, and I'm so grateful for that.
I think the most powerful thing that you will ever
do is stay out of the mix. Stay out of
all these things that are causing drama and causing problems
your life, that are making you less happy. That only
happens when you learn to say no, when your no
has power, and that's something that will just make your
(18:15):
entire life better. Everything around you will elevate when you
learn to give it value in purpose, when you learn
to say that this thing doesn't need my time or
my attention, this thing actually needs my distance. And I'm
not going to continue to put myself in something because
it's just convenient for other people, because it's conveniently present
community there just around. It's okay to have value in
(18:37):
your no. It's okay to not give everybody access to you.
It's okay to create a space where you are not
brought into things that you don't need to be brought into.
But that only happens when you learn to say no,
and when you learn how good it feels to give
a yes to things that are actually good, good for you,
(18:58):
good for the people around you, but just could. Your
no has so much power because it changes the access,
the way people can look and shape and do things
with you. It changes every person around you. And just
bringing this last point back into boundaries, because the boundaries,
what they do is that they don't push people away.
(19:19):
They show them where to meet you. And this is
dope because this shows them this elevation level of where
you are now. It's like when you have authority in
this where your no has power, people either have to
step up or step away. They have to either come
up to where you are or get away from where
you are at It's impossible for people to respect their
(19:42):
boundaries or people around you to remain in places when
you have elevated yourself, when you have made yourself better,
when you put yourself in a better position, the people
that are around you and that life, that stage of life,
that season of life, those people don't just want the
better for you, they want the better for themselves. They
want to live better, do better, be better. And that's
the ultimate goal here, is not just to be perfect
(20:03):
by ourselves, but to be better with other people. And
we'll dive a little bit deeper in after this last
part of commercial breaks. So this reality that the people
around us become better. I think that's one of the
dopest things that we could ever think, right because all right,
segue just a quick one here. I think it's important
(20:24):
to have people around you that speak your name and
rooms that you are not in like I think it's
important to have people who love you dearly and who
can see and recognize their talent and gifting and say
to other people who might have those relationships with those
connections and connect those dots for you. I think that
the people around you should value and love you enough
for those things. And I think that we can only
(20:45):
do that when our no means no and our yes
means I don't think that it's possible for us to
sit in every room and think that every room is
for us and then wonder why we're not getting elevated
or chosen because you have been in places that are
not for you, and you sit here trying to spread
yourself thin when you could have lifted yourself up. You
went across, you built out, but not up because you
(21:06):
were so spread by saying yes to everything that your
yes didn't have value. It was just spread way too
thin and easily discarded. And what happens is that when
we are able to be that person for ourselves, the
people around us are also elevated. When we're able to
be firm for us, the people who are with us
or loving us, or our friendships, even they receive from
(21:28):
our yes because our yes puts us in places that
we can actually bring them into. So learning your boundaries
are going to push people away, but it's also going
to elevate people who are willing to meet you there
because it's going to bring those people up, it's going
to ultimately help everyone around you. And again again, it's
never about being mean. Like I said, I'm gonna say
(21:50):
it a thousand times, but it's about learning to be
good to you. It's learning that this truth is not
just I want to say no because I don't want
to do anything, which again is perfectly fine, even if
it's just because you don't want to be present at
something that's that's draining or taxing or tiring, or you
don't want to go out for drinks, or you don't
want to go to the club, whatever it is. If
(22:11):
you're no means no, it's going to give so much
power and value to you yes, and it's going to
make you the best version of you, and what happens
again the best version of you, And that this is
how as a father, is how I think nowadays that
the best version of me is going to be the
best version for my son, Like the best version of me,
the person that I'm becoming, is not even about me anymore, Like, yes,
(22:33):
I actually do this for my well being and my
stability and my goodness, but it also means that I'm
the image that my children will see. That I am
the image that my future family will see. That I'm
the image that they are going to get. And when
you put that in perspective, then it means so much
more because it's no longer about what am I doing
for other people? But it's like what am I doing
for me? For my kids, for my family? Am I
(22:55):
actually valuing them enough to say no to the things
that don't actually serve me in the ways that I
can then serve them? And if I'm elevating people around
me again, friends and family, that means I'm elevating them.
So looking at it from that perspective, and again, there
are certain things that we need to learn to say
no to even deeper, because not to get terrible here.
(23:20):
And I don't mean go quit your job today. I'm
not saying that right because it's the levels of things
of balance and planning and all these things. But can
you actively say that you are saying yes to your dream,
you're saying yes to the things you want to do, or
saying yes to someone else's right, because you can't both
simultaneously say yes and no. You can't say that I'm
working and growing in my thing, but I'm working and
(23:42):
growing for someone else's thing. That's the whole spread thing,
thin thing. That's the reality that you have to either
say yes to them and no to you, or yes
to you or no to them. And again I'm not
saying like today, jump and leave everything, because again you
should build, but you should also be willing to take
the things that are scary for yourself. You should also
say yes to you to the point where you take
(24:03):
the leap into the things that you know you're good at.
You know you were called for the things that you
know you're capable of doing. You say yes to you,
so you stop betraying you, because again, you're living for
someone else's It's gonna be this truth if your yes
requires you to betray yourself. It's not kindness, it's self abandonment.
If your yes requires you to make yourself little or
small or diminish yourself, someone else can be happy. That's
(24:26):
not that's not you being nice, that's you being dumb
to you, that's you causing yourself more hurt, more pain.
You were made to be everything for everyone. You were
made to be everything for yourself. And if you can't
give your yes value, then you're going to be stuck
in this run. You're gonna sit here and diminish everything
that you're worse than you're doing because of that, and
(24:47):
to feel guilty and that just just think about this,
why would we feel Why should we feel guilty for
loving ourselves enough that we don't diminish us for them? Like,
why would we feel guilty for giving us what we deserve?
Because at the end of the day, the only person
that's going to die your death is you. The only
person that has your bills is you. The only person
(25:09):
that's going to fight your fight is you. The only
person that's going to show up for you, it's you.
So why are you diminishing who you are to give
your yes to someone else? I know this is not
an easy one, and I get it. I get that
sometimes we feel like it's just easier said than done,
because it can be. It could be easily said. But
(25:31):
it's not that it's easier said than done. It's just
it's prioritized differently. It's learning to change this rut, this routine.
It's learning to move along from this place that seems
like it's good to something that is. And no matter
how much you say yes to people, no matter how
many pieces of a part of effort you give to them,
(25:53):
it will never change anything for you. It won't move
the ball forward. So learning to say yes to yourself
before anything else, learning to say no to things that
aren't good for you shouldn't make you feel guilty about it,
shouldn't make you feel like you're not good. It should
make you feel like there's value behind you. Yes, it
should give purpose to that. And as we dive in
(26:16):
these episodes, right just in general, like we talked about
healing in the last little Little mini series, I think
one of the most important things that comes from all
of us, from everything we hear here. And first of all,
if you're listening, thank you so much for being a
part of this there's there's a lot that goes into this,
a lot of reading and planning and thinking and just
(26:36):
to know that there's some more simple of goodness here,
so somebody's receiving something. If there is one person, if
you are the one person that needed today to hear
that your no means no and your yes means yes,
that there's value behind that and you shouldn't feel guilty
about it. That's all that matters to me. And this
is where my yes comes into play, because there's a
(26:56):
lot of things that I could have said yes to
that would have stopped me from doing the things that
I wanted to be in today. And full disclosure, it's
still hard. I'm not saying that learning to value your
yes and learning to give power to your no means
that things become easy, because it doesn't. It doesn't. It
doesn't become like instantly, oh, I'm a robot, right, because
(27:19):
you're not, and you shouldn't be. That's the beauty. You're human.
It's good that you feel. Emotions are good. It'd be
insane and terrible if you didn't feel. But I think
that sometimes we give in to this this thought before
the action. We're give into the thought that if I
say or do that, I won't receive that, people will leave,
people won't be, won't be there, won't be, it won't
(27:40):
exist with me. Your yes is not a yet, it's
not a yes to them. Right, You're you're yes to you.
It's not about you not giving to other people. It's
about you learning to give to you. And that analogy
of the plane crashing, right, If you can't put your
face mask on yourself, you won't save anybody, You won't
(28:02):
help anyone else. You actually end up hurting other people,
or you're end up hurting yourself. So let's keep to that.
We need to put on the mask to ourselves first.
We need to be able to be stable and be
able to give value to our yes because not only
will we help more people, not only what we build
up other people, not only what we do the things
(28:25):
that are gonna actually be good for us, but we're
gonna build ourselves up. We're gonna grow in ourselves, we're
gonna love ourselves. We're gonna be the best version of us.
Because we were clear, because our yes had clarity, because
our no had clarity, because we didn't allow the lie
that I need to say yes to everything to be
loved by everyone, rob us of the fact that my
(28:45):
yes to few means my reality means yes to the
things that are good, and my no to many is
gonna save that yes to those few. It's gonna give
that power because you're not just being used by everyone
and everything. So let's leaveless notion that we need to
feel bad for saying no, That we need to feel
guilty for not doing what other people wanted us to do,
(29:08):
That we need to push away our own value and
our own self work just so other people can like us.
You matter and what you need is important, and you
will only be able to help and grow and love
other people around you when you learn to give power
to that now, So thank you so much for being here,
for listening, for being a part of this episode, whether
(29:30):
you're on the podcast or watching the clips online. I mean,
I think it's just amazing that we can have these
kind of conversations, whether it's just this way right where
I'm sharing, or the comments of the dms, which I
try to keep up with but are hard to do.
But I'm just so grateful for you and so grateful
that you're listening. And if this again I've been thinking
(29:50):
about this a lot lately. If this is the only
season that this podcast is on, if this is the
only time that this thing plays, If I don't get
enough downloads, if I don't get enough comments or likes
or whatever, just five stars, whatever those things are, those metrics,
it would have mattered to me so much more. It
matters to me so much more that I was able
to reach at least the one, and that something like this,
(30:13):
as simple as a conversation, can have so much value.
So thank you guys, first of all, for all the
comments that you share with me like that means the
world to me. To be able to see people actually
receiving from this, that makes my yes means so much more.
So thank you for being here, thank you for listening,
and we'll catch you on the next one.
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