Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So the struggle without growing people is that you actually
feel guilty because you think that they need to be
in the places that you're in. Like we tend to
base where we are in the world based around the
people that have been around us. But I need you
to understand that there are some stages that those people
can't go into, whether whether it's relationships, or whether it's
the romantic relationships, or whether it's like platonic relationships, friendships
(00:21):
or family members, even those those things that you don't
have to hate the people, but you can't bring them
to the places where they're going to keep pulling you
out of Unfortunately, we have made attachments to people that
aren't healthy for us. We've created loyalty in a place
that loyalty shouldn't exist, and it's just loyalty for the
sake of loyalty, because they're not doing things for you
that's actually helping your benefit benefit towards you. What ends
(00:43):
up happening is that you end up ruining everything else
in your life, every possible trajectory of every possible growth,
or every possible thing that is meant to be in
your life. You end up ruining those things because you
think that the people that have been around you have
to go with you. They don't. And it's not again,
it's not about being better than anybody else or you know,
hating other people. You can love people from a distance,
(01:05):
but you don't have to bring them into these places.
And when we outgrow people, we tend to feel guilty
because we think, well, they have been there in certain stages,
certain places. But I need you to also understand that, yes,
they may have been there, but were they actually there
for you? Like we look at things to the scope
of people just being present. Just because they're around doesn't
mean that they're there. You can see people and they
can be there, but if you really needed help, you
(01:27):
were in something serious, would these people authentically be around
you what they care for you? And those are the
people you end up not outgrowing, right, because those are
people who are actually benefiting you and actually helping you
and actually being a part of your life, and not
just the leachs in your life. They're actually doing something
that's mutually beneficial to the both of you, not just
something where they're benefiting from you. And outgrowing people has
(01:47):
to be the toughest thing we ever do, because the
reality is that we're not ready for it, like we're
not ready for those seasons, we're not ready for those conversations.
We're not ready to even think about the people that
don't belong. But we have created a home with a
lot of people around us simply out of convenience. It's
simply because we're around, or there was just a friendship
or a family member that they were just there. But
(02:07):
we need to be able to weigh what's actually worth
keeping and what's taking away. So how do we do that?
Put it into this framework. Are these people actually doing
something that's beneficial for me? Again, it's not about use.
It's not about you saying, oh, I only keep you
around because I can use you for something because now
you're the person that needs to be outgrown. It's not
about that sense of it. But is it something that's
(02:28):
actually beneficial towards your life or are they just interested
in partying every day? Are they interested in just drinking
every day? Are they interested in just when you can
do something for them. This is the difference between someone
that's beneficial for you and someone that's hurting you. If
they're beneficial for you, they're gonna push you, They're gonna
desire the best for you. They're gonna want you to
take those next steps, They're gonna want you to grow.
But unfortunately, we have given title and loyalty to people
(02:51):
who just don't do these things for us. We just say, well,
this has been my best friend in my whole life. Yeah,
but this person is leading you down a terrible road.
You're constantly drinking, you're constantly smoking, constantly doing things you
shouldn't be doing, and you think that this is a
person worth keeping. Unfortunately we have to tie We tied
that into our loyalty. We say, well, I'm so loyal,
but why you're loyal to a fault that you're gonna
end up killing yourself, ruining your life simply because you
(03:14):
think that you have to stay in a place that
you were called out of. Unfortunately, we don't look at
people how as what they can offer to us and
what we can mutually benefit from. It's it's often the
other side around. They see what they can benefit from
you and they use you. So being able to understand
is does this person benefit me or are they actually
good for my life? The next gope we look at
(03:35):
is is this person actually pushing me? And this is
obviously intertwined with it two. But we have to realize
that there's some people that when you make a decision
and when you're struggling with something, they sit around and
they just let you struggle and let you drown, and
it's not something they're gonna sit and talk and work
with you work through it. They don't offer any opinion
or any any validation or anything you might personally need. Unfortunately,
(03:56):
these are people that, again are there for convenience. And
again I don't mean people that just aren't the brightest.
They don't have to be the smartest ever, but it's
simply people who can actually sit there with you and
unpack things. The problem is that we think that more
people around us are more friendships, or more relationships, or
more family members, whatever it is. We think that the
(04:16):
more is the goal, and it's not. It's the quality, right,
There's not quantity, it's quality. It's the quality of person
that is around you, the quality of them caring, quality
them giving to you. These are the people that are
gonna be able to go into these next stages in
your life because they're beneficial and mutually beneficial and they're
genuinely there for you. It's not just like a convenience thing.
It's not they're just around because they're around. I have
(04:37):
to understand that outgrowing people is one of the hardest
thing you'll ever do, but it will be the most
beneficial things you'll do. There's that old saying, right if
you're hanging around for drug addicts, you will be the
fifth or if you're hanging around for rich men, you'll
be the fifth. Whatever that is. It's it's just the
reality that you become the people that are around you.
You become the people that feed and sew into you,
or you become the people that steal and rob from you.
(04:58):
And I can't that emphasizes enough. It's not about leaving
people behind, because that's one of the biggest pains that
we feel. And when we all grow people, we think,
while my loyalty is there and it's gonna hurt me
to leave. It's not about leaving them behind. It's about
stepping into who you're supposed to be. There are some
people that keep just pulling you back while you're trying
to step into it, while you're trying to be the
(05:18):
best version of you. They're more content with the old
version of you and that's also a fear thing. They
end up doing those things because when they see you
step into something more, it's harder for them to understand
that they don't have control over you. They don't have
that authority over you. When we all grow people, it's
not just you'll notice the true colors of some people.
You'll see people that are your friends quote unquote treat
you poorly because they don't like the stages that you're in.
(05:41):
They don't like things you're doing, they don't like where
you're moving to. They don't like that it's not the
status quo. Because a lot of people like to stay
in the flow of the river, right, they don't like
to go against the current. So if they go, if
they see you going against it, you're disrupting something. And
for them, their desire is to keep you in the
worst version of you, because that's the version of you
they knew. That's version of you they can control. Unfortunately,
(06:01):
some people will give him mad at you when you
begin to be the best version of yourself because they
can't control that version. They begin to sit here and
look at you and think that you are this or that,
or they'll call you names or call you out a
character because you are being the best version of you.
But when you have to outgrow people, you have to
realize that that's going to hurt a wound in them.
They're gonna see that you're doing something that they could
(06:22):
have done and chose not to, or they're gonna see
that you're doing something that is scary to them. And
that's why they don't move and they don't grow. And
when you're growing, they want you to stop. They want
to stifle your growth. They want to stop stifle you
because they think that you doing these things is challenging
to them. You have to be willing to outgrow people,
and I know it hurts, and I know it's not
something that anyone ever thinks, oh, I'm going to be
(06:44):
in this stage, right, Because we don't go into relationships thinking, oh,
I'm going to have to outgrow this person. No, we
go into relationships thinking that these are people that are
going to be around us forever. And it's just not
always the case. And it's okay, right, that's part of life. Like,
I think it's easier when we're younger to deal with
these things and as we're older, right, because we think
that loyalty is loyalty to a fault, and loyalty is
(07:05):
I'm loyal to you even if it hurts me. And
that's not loyalty, that's stupidity. Too many people are being
loyal to things that are killing them, and that's why
they're dying. And then they're looking around and say, why
do I feel miserable or hurt? Of course, because you're
pouring into a place that is I'm pouring back into you.
You have no energy, You're dying. You refuse to outgrow
the things that are killing you, and you've become rooted
and planted in that thing, so that thing now owns
(07:26):
everything around you. We can't be loyal to things that
are killing us. We can't continue to say, well, yeah,
that's just how my character, I'm loyal, I'm loyal. No,
you're stupid. And if you continue to do this dumb thing,
you will continue to be in this dumb pain. But
until you realize that there are some people you have
to cut out, it's like pruning, right. I always use
this one him preaching when I talk about how God
proves out of us. Is a botanist understands well that
(07:49):
a healthy plant needs to be cut for it to
grow even better. And there's certain things that need to
be cut. There certain people that need to be cut
because they're weighing you down from the branch. They're pulling
you away from the thing that you were made for.
And if those things are cut, you're gonna die because
of them. I know it hurts to prune. I know
it hurts to grow, But if we don't prune, if
we don't grow, it's gonna hurt so much more later on.
(08:11):
Outgrowing people is one of the toughest things you'll ever do.
It's it's it's easy. I believe it's easier to break
up with like a romantic relationship, to outgrow that kind
of relationship than it is like a family member or
a friendship, right because we feel like our loyalty is
to those people into those things, and we don't really
see the negative of it, right, We don't see the
(08:31):
factors like it'll break up, you'll see that a person
you know they did something wrong, or they treated you wrong,
or it's easy to to make that cut and obviously
not easy, but easier than that. But it's harder to
realize that some people are actually hurting us. And our
first thought as well as a friend, and I'm gonna
desire to save you as a family, and I'm gonna
desire to save you. I'm gonna do the things that
(08:53):
I think are the best for you, and they're not.
You end up hurting yourself trying to be something that
you just can't be. Unfortunately, until we step into it,
until we step back and say, you know what, I
need to outgrow these people, you'll always be in the
same place you plotted, in the same pot and suffering
in the same way. It's okay to outgrow. It's okay
to move, It's okay to change, It's okay to say
(09:14):
this thing no longer serves me. It's okay to say
you're robbing me of my piece, It's okay to say,
it's okay to be real with you. Not everyone deserves
to be in the stages that you're going to be
going into. And if you continue to beg people to
change or to be different or to come with you,
all they're going to do is drag you down. Then
you have no one else to blame for you. Because
you knew that you needed to move, you knew you
(09:35):
needed to grow, you knew you needed to change, and
you chose to stay, and it hurts and it's hard,
but it hurts and it hurts way more and it's
way harder to stay in the same place today that
you are yes today. You have to choose to change.
You have to choose the thing that's difficult. You have
to choose to leave the people. You have to choose
to outgrow them. You have to choose to change you
for the version of you that needs to live. You
(09:56):
have to kill that version that you're stuck in so
that you version can thrive. That's your biggest enemy. It's
always going to be the version of you that needs
to die versus the version of you that needs to thrive.
And that version of you hates you. It doesn't want
you to be this version because it knows that it's
going to go. So it's going to challenge you in
every way. It's gonna make you feel miserable with yourself.
It's gonna tell you you can't, it's gonna tell you
(10:17):
don't do it. It's gonna tell you it's unnecessary. It's
gonna tell you stay in the place that's killing you.
But you need to kill it so that you, the
real you can thrive.
So the struggle without growing people is that you actually
feel guilty because you think that they need to be
in the places that you're in. Like we tend to
base where we are in the world based around the
people that have been around us. But I need you
to understand that there are some stages that those people
can't go into, whether whether it's relationships, or whether it's
the romantic relationships, or whether it's like platonic relationships, friendships
(00:21):
or family members, even those those things that you don't
have to hate the people, but you can't bring them
to the places where they're going to keep pulling you
out of Unfortunately, we have made attachments to people that
aren't healthy for us. We've created loyalty in a place
that loyalty shouldn't exist, and it's just loyalty for the
sake of loyalty, because they're not doing things for you
that's actually helping your benefit benefit towards you. What ends
(00:43):
up happening is that you end up ruining everything else
in your life, every possible trajectory of every possible growth,
or every possible thing that is meant to be in
your life. You end up ruining those things because you
think that the people that have been around you have
to go with you. They don't. And it's not again,
it's not about being better than anybody else or you know,
hating other people. You can love people from a distance,
(01:05):
but you don't have to bring them into these places.
And when we outgrow people, we tend to feel guilty
because we think, well, they have been there in certain stages,
certain places. But I need you to also understand that, yes,
they may have been there, but were they actually there
for you? Like we look at things to the scope
of people just being present. Just because they're around doesn't
mean that they're there. You can see people and they
can be there, but if you really needed help, you
(01:27):
were in something serious, would these people authentically be around
you what they care for you? And those are the
people you end up not outgrowing, right, because those are
people who are actually benefiting you and actually helping you
and actually being a part of your life, and not
just the leachs in your life. They're actually doing something
that's mutually beneficial to the both of you, not just
something where they're benefiting from you. And outgrowing people has
(01:47):
to be the toughest thing we ever do, because the
reality is that we're not ready for it, like we're
not ready for those seasons, we're not ready for those conversations.
We're not ready to even think about the people that
don't belong. But we have created a home with a
lot of people around us simply out of convenience. It's
simply because we're around, or there was just a friendship
or a family member that they were just there. But
(02:07):
we need to be able to weigh what's actually worth
keeping and what's taking away. So how do we do that?
Put it into this framework. Are these people actually doing
something that's beneficial for me? Again, it's not about use.
It's not about you saying, oh, I only keep you
around because I can use you for something because now
you're the person that needs to be outgrown. It's not
about that sense of it. But is it something that's
(02:28):
actually beneficial towards your life or are they just interested
in partying every day? Are they interested in just drinking
every day? Are they interested in just when you can
do something for them. This is the difference between someone
that's beneficial for you and someone that's hurting you. If
they're beneficial for you, they're gonna push you, They're gonna
desire the best for you. They're gonna want you to
take those next steps, They're gonna want you to grow.
But unfortunately, we have given title and loyalty to people
(02:51):
who just don't do these things for us. We just say, well,
this has been my best friend in my whole life. Yeah,
but this person is leading you down a terrible road.
You're constantly drinking, you're constantly smoking, constantly doing things you
shouldn't be doing, and you think that this is a
person worth keeping. Unfortunately we have to tie We tied
that into our loyalty. We say, well, I'm so loyal,
but why you're loyal to a fault that you're gonna
end up killing yourself, ruining your life simply because you
(03:14):
think that you have to stay in a place that
you were called out of. Unfortunately, we don't look at
people how as what they can offer to us and
what we can mutually benefit from. It's it's often the
other side around. They see what they can benefit from
you and they use you. So being able to understand
is does this person benefit me or are they actually
good for my life? The next gope we look at
(03:35):
is is this person actually pushing me? And this is
obviously intertwined with it two. But we have to realize
that there's some people that when you make a decision
and when you're struggling with something, they sit around and
they just let you struggle and let you drown, and
it's not something they're gonna sit and talk and work
with you work through it. They don't offer any opinion
or any any validation or anything you might personally need. Unfortunately,
(03:56):
these are people that, again are there for convenience. And
again I don't mean people that just aren't the brightest.
They don't have to be the smartest ever, but it's
simply people who can actually sit there with you and
unpack things. The problem is that we think that more
people around us are more friendships, or more relationships, or
more family members, whatever it is. We think that the
(04:16):
more is the goal, and it's not. It's the quality, right,
There's not quantity, it's quality. It's the quality of person
that is around you, the quality of them caring, quality
them giving to you. These are the people that are
gonna be able to go into these next stages in
your life because they're beneficial and mutually beneficial and they're
genuinely there for you. It's not just like a convenience thing.
It's not they're just around because they're around. I have
(04:37):
to understand that outgrowing people is one of the hardest
thing you'll ever do, but it will be the most
beneficial things you'll do. There's that old saying, right if
you're hanging around for drug addicts, you will be the
fifth or if you're hanging around for rich men, you'll
be the fifth. Whatever that is. It's it's just the
reality that you become the people that are around you.
You become the people that feed and sew into you,
or you become the people that steal and rob from you.
(04:58):
And I can't that emphasizes enough. It's not about leaving
people behind, because that's one of the biggest pains that
we feel. And when we all grow people, we think,
while my loyalty is there and it's gonna hurt me
to leave. It's not about leaving them behind. It's about
stepping into who you're supposed to be. There are some
people that keep just pulling you back while you're trying
to step into it, while you're trying to be the
(05:18):
best version of you. They're more content with the old
version of you and that's also a fear thing. They
end up doing those things because when they see you
step into something more, it's harder for them to understand
that they don't have control over you. They don't have
that authority over you. When we all grow people, it's
not just you'll notice the true colors of some people.
You'll see people that are your friends quote unquote treat
you poorly because they don't like the stages that you're in.
(05:41):
They don't like things you're doing, they don't like where
you're moving to. They don't like that it's not the
status quo. Because a lot of people like to stay
in the flow of the river, right, they don't like
to go against the current. So if they go, if
they see you going against it, you're disrupting something. And
for them, their desire is to keep you in the
worst version of you, because that's the version of you
they knew. That's version of you they can control. Unfortunately,
(06:01):
some people will give him mad at you when you
begin to be the best version of yourself because they
can't control that version. They begin to sit here and
look at you and think that you are this or that,
or they'll call you names or call you out a
character because you are being the best version of you.
But when you have to outgrow people, you have to
realize that that's going to hurt a wound in them.
They're gonna see that you're doing something that they could
(06:22):
have done and chose not to, or they're gonna see
that you're doing something that is scary to them. And
that's why they don't move and they don't grow. And
when you're growing, they want you to stop. They want
to stifle your growth. They want to stop stifle you
because they think that you doing these things is challenging
to them. You have to be willing to outgrow people,
and I know it hurts, and I know it's not
something that anyone ever thinks, oh, I'm going to be
(06:44):
in this stage, right, Because we don't go into relationships thinking, oh,
I'm going to have to outgrow this person. No, we
go into relationships thinking that these are people that are
going to be around us forever. And it's just not
always the case. And it's okay, right, that's part of life. Like,
I think it's easier when we're younger to deal with
these things and as we're older, right, because we think
that loyalty is loyalty to a fault, and loyalty is
(07:05):
I'm loyal to you even if it hurts me. And
that's not loyalty, that's stupidity. Too many people are being
loyal to things that are killing them, and that's why
they're dying. And then they're looking around and say, why
do I feel miserable or hurt? Of course, because you're
pouring into a place that is I'm pouring back into you.
You have no energy, You're dying. You refuse to outgrow
the things that are killing you, and you've become rooted
and planted in that thing, so that thing now owns
(07:26):
everything around you. We can't be loyal to things that
are killing us. We can't continue to say, well, yeah,
that's just how my character, I'm loyal, I'm loyal. No,
you're stupid. And if you continue to do this dumb thing,
you will continue to be in this dumb pain. But
until you realize that there are some people you have
to cut out, it's like pruning, right. I always use
this one him preaching when I talk about how God
proves out of us. Is a botanist understands well that
(07:49):
a healthy plant needs to be cut for it to
grow even better. And there's certain things that need to
be cut. There certain people that need to be cut
because they're weighing you down from the branch. They're pulling
you away from the thing that you were made for.
And if those things are cut, you're gonna die because
of them. I know it hurts to prune. I know
it hurts to grow, But if we don't prune, if
we don't grow, it's gonna hurt so much more later on.
(08:11):
Outgrowing people is one of the toughest things you'll ever do.
It's it's it's easy. I believe it's easier to break
up with like a romantic relationship, to outgrow that kind
of relationship than it is like a family member or
a friendship, right because we feel like our loyalty is
to those people into those things, and we don't really
see the negative of it, right, We don't see the
(08:31):
factors like it'll break up, you'll see that a person
you know they did something wrong, or they treated you wrong,
or it's easy to to make that cut and obviously
not easy, but easier than that. But it's harder to
realize that some people are actually hurting us. And our
first thought as well as a friend, and I'm gonna
desire to save you as a family, and I'm gonna
desire to save you. I'm gonna do the things that
(08:53):
I think are the best for you, and they're not.
You end up hurting yourself trying to be something that
you just can't be. Unfortunately, until we step into it,
until we step back and say, you know what, I
need to outgrow these people, you'll always be in the
same place you plotted, in the same pot and suffering
in the same way. It's okay to outgrow. It's okay
to move, It's okay to change, It's okay to say
(09:14):
this thing no longer serves me. It's okay to say
you're robbing me of my piece, It's okay to say,
it's okay to be real with you. Not everyone deserves
to be in the stages that you're going to be
going into. And if you continue to beg people to
change or to be different or to come with you,
all they're going to do is drag you down. Then
you have no one else to blame for you. Because
you knew that you needed to move, you knew you
(09:35):
needed to grow, you knew you needed to change, and
you chose to stay, and it hurts and it's hard,
but it hurts and it hurts way more and it's
way harder to stay in the same place today that
you are yes today. You have to choose to change.
You have to choose the thing that's difficult. You have
to choose to leave the people. You have to choose
to outgrow them. You have to choose to change you
for the version of you that needs to live. You
(09:56):
have to kill that version that you're stuck in so
that you version can thrive. That's your biggest enemy. It's
always going to be the version of you that needs
to die versus the version of you that needs to thrive.
And that version of you hates you. It doesn't want
you to be this version because it knows that it's
going to go. So it's going to challenge you in
every way. It's gonna make you feel miserable with yourself.
It's gonna tell you you can't, it's gonna tell you
(10:17):
don't do it. It's gonna tell you it's unnecessary. It's
gonna tell you stay in the place that's killing you.
But you need to kill it so that you, the
real you can thrive.
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