When they dont value you Ep 23

When they don't value you and fixing that. Your self worth is one of the hardest thing to gain back. 

Figuring out where to move and how to do it. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I need you to realize that anything you have
to beg to be in is something that you don't
need to be in. That it's not something that's serving you,
are helping you or growing you. It's not healthy. But unfortunately,
we've become so used to thinking that we have to
beg people for certain things, or be extra or be
something that we're not just so they could approve us,
that we think that this is normal. And what happens
is you fall into this toxic cycle of just pretending

(00:21):
to be something, and you can't feel healthy. There is
nothing good in you that comes out of you being
something you're not meant to be, you stepping out of
your norm. And again, there are certain situations where you
have to act differently or do certain things for like
work and networking, all these things, but relationships with people,
when you have to pretend to be something, you will
never be happy.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
It's not possible because it's.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Not serving the parts of you that need to be soothed.
It's not serving the parts of you that need to
be careful. It's not serving the things in you that
deserve to be loved and valued. You are just being
content with being invited, with being around and it's just
killing me so many of us. And I think at
the reason that we do these things, the things that
we're tied into. Yes, there's like deeper, there could be
deeper traumatic things, deeper roots and deeper wounds. But at

(01:05):
the core, at the surface level, for a lot of us,
the reason that we continue to let people treat us
however they want, or beg people to pick us or
choose us is because we have not learned the value
of us. And I don't mean he's going to love
you and you don't care about you, but you don't
know how worth it you are. You don't authentically know
the value that's found in you. So what happens is
that you've attached value to other people. You think that

(01:28):
them validating you helps you validate yourself. When you step
back and realize that they can't even validate themselves, that what.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
They do, or how they approve of you, or how
they choose.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
You, it doesn't actually change anything in you. That's when
you really realize how great you are, how much you're
worth it. You're not supposed to be begging people to
do the bare minimum. You're not supposed to be begging
people to just keep you around. You're supposed to be
invited into something beautiful and purposeful. But until we realize that,
until we decide that enough is enough, we're going to

(01:56):
continue to go back into toxic cycles with toxic people
that don't actually deserve us. And I need you to
understand this. I need you to question yourself on this.
Why are you doing this? Like do you authentically think
that one day they're going to sit here and give
up and say, okay, fine, and you wore me down
and I'm gonna date you or pick you or be
with you. Do you think that that's a relationship worth having? Like,

(02:18):
do you really think that begging a person to do
what they should naturally want to do is ever going
to benefit you? If the answer is no, there is
no situation in which you begging somebody to be something
that they don't want to be is ever going to
be fruitful for you. There's no situation where you have
to convince or wear a person down to finally choose you.
Because you consistently have to do that for the rest
of your life, it's gonna hurt forever. There is no

(02:40):
instance where you pretending or begging people it's going to
be good for you. When you learn to value you,
when you create this value around yourself, you start realizing
that these people just aren't worth it. And if you're
willing to go above and beyond, if you're willing to
do all these things, then they're the ones that are losing.
You're not the one that's losing now because you are
willing to be everything that you can be. You're willing

(03:01):
to pour completely in and they don't value that. Where
you have to beg to be. You will always have
to beg to stay.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
You will have to.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Convince them of your worth. And there's no place in
this world where there's not that much energy for you to
do that. No one deserves that. No one deserves a
water down version of the thing that they should have
the fullness of. No one deserves to continue to pour
and push into a place that they're just not valued.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
So you have to make a decision.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Do I continue to beg to plea? Do I think
that wearing somebody down is going to make them want
me more?

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Or do I stop?

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Do I start giving myself this affection that I'm giving
other people? Do I start loving me the way I
want to love them? Do I start doing these things
for myself and allowing myself to feel the fullness of me,
so that I can feel the fullness of somebody else,
somebody that's actually going to value this. Unfortunately, the longer
you spend the thing that doesn't value you is the
less time you're going to have on the thing that
adores you.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
You have to choose what's worth staying it.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Is it the value of somebody that actually wants this,
that wants me, or a person that's clearly making me
feel like I don't matter. You have to decide for
your own good this next stage. Am I going to
stay here and beg or am I gonna go where
I'm celebrated, value and loved. But until you move, until

(04:17):
you make this hard decision, and until you're consistently in
that difficult choice, it won't be easy. It'll become easier.
But if you don't make the choice now, you'll be
stuck in this thing forever