Why you need to heal and how to start. Ep 18

Healing wounds and trauma is one of the hardest things we will do but will be the hardest thing we don’t do. 

We don’t heal because its easier to remain hurt. 

Healing wounds requires a new level of courage and understanding. 

 

 

 

#OvercomeGuilt #SelfForgiveness #MentalHealthTips #PersonalGrowth #healingjourney 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So the reason that healing hurts so much is because
the level of attachment that you have to have is
so much greater than the level of attachment you had before.
Like you are now cutting away of something that you've
made this makeshift attachment to you for so long that
it's been something that's been draining you. And the moment
that you begin to print it away, the moment you
begin to cut at it, there's these wounds that are
gonna happen consistently. So for a lot of people, what

(00:22):
happens is that when they start to feel pain, when
they start to detach and they see that attachment actually hurts,
they stop. They rather live in the hurt that they understand,
the hurt of the wound that they have, than a
new hurt that they're gonna encounter or develop through breaking
away from those things. But what's happening is that you're
dying if you keep attaching yourself to something that's hurting you,

(00:42):
to a wound that is just leveraging in your life
to everything else you're in, it's just gonna kill you.
And for a lot of us, it's so much easier
to remain in our hurt stages because our healed stages
require a version of us that we don't know. It
requires a version that's scary. It requires you to do
something that you're so used to. You're now going to
have to start stepping into the reality of who you are.

(01:04):
And I know there's so many wounds that are attached
to are healing, right. Some of them are parental wounds,
some of them are personals, some of them are relationship wounds.
They are all these things that we've made part of
our life that doesn't allow us to be the best
version of us. But I need you to understand that
even those things, even those wounds that you have been in,
even those wounds that you have incurred, even those wounds
that you feel like you can't heal, all of those things,

(01:27):
every single last one of them is healed the same
way is by presenting who you actually are versus who
you're being told you are. Like these two versions of
you that have been contempt with living inside this hurtness,
and they're gonna come out. So whenever there's a wound,
these things are now at least for better lack of words,
they exist in the real world because now you have

(01:48):
a decision to choose between the person that is diminished
and hurt by the wounded version of you, or the
person that becomes a significantly stronger and better version of that.
But it's easier, see tended to depict the side that's
just going with the current, that's going with the flow.
Staying as the hurt version of you is so much easier.
Why because you don't actually have to do anything. There

(02:08):
is no character development, there is no change, there's nothing
new that's done in your life. It's just I was
hurt and this is who I am. And then the
healed version of you is this is strong, powerful person
that has this grasp on themselves. Why because the wound
that they had before now creates this healing in them
that is making them validating who they are. I always

(02:28):
compare healing to an injury I had in my shoulder.
I used to love playing baseball and I did something stupid.
I'd have anger, right, I dove for a play and
I tore my laborum. And it's an elective surgery. Right,
it can heal for better lack of words, on its own,
but I will never be able to throw a baseball
again now. In my anger as I did that, I

(02:49):
tore the laborm. I caused something. I caused a rip
literally but intended a literal rip in my shoulder, but
also a rip in something that I was that I'd
love to do, because I responded out of a place
of now I know that there's therapy for it. So
I went to therapy, and in therapy, it cost a
lot of pain to move my shoulder in different positions.
It costs a lot of pain to rehabilitate that right.

(03:10):
There's a lot of things that had to go through
for me to be able to even move my shoulder
or use my arms again. And I had to endure
that pain so that I can have this this mobility.
A lot of us won't endure the pain that it
takes to heal because we're afraid of that actual movement.
We think that touching the wound or going to the

(03:30):
therapy or doing the thing is going to exacerbate that
pain and it's going to be part of our life.
And what happens is that now you are living with
the circumstance of your decision. You chose to remain in
the hurt place, So now you have a stiff shoulder,
you can't move, You're remaining in this hurt because it's
easier to remain there. But what happens when you do
the work, when you go to the therapy, when you

(03:51):
move your shoulder, when you begin to do the things
that someone that knows better is telling you to. You
become this the stronger version of you that yes, maybe
you're not one hundred percent all the time, but you
are so much better than you would have been in
that particular thing. For a lot of us, we remain
in our unhealed version because we think it's easier to
just stay there, like it's just easier to lie down

(04:12):
and die, it's just easier to remain in my pain
because I don't have to do anything. I need you
to challenge that. I need you to challenge this reality
because again, what happens for a lot of us is
that we are in so inso deep to this thing
that we can't actually look at it from the outside,
Like we are so messed in, covered in this paint
that we don't know the beauty of the artwork that
it is. When you are looking at a painting as

(04:34):
close as you can to your face, it's really ugly,
like it doesn't make sense. You just see a bunch
of little random dots or a bunch of random pain,
But the moment you step back and look at it objectively,
you're able to see the fullness of this. And I
equate that often with healing, like we don't understand the
beauty that comes out of a hurt. We're so focused
on the wound that we only focus on the pain.
But there is something beautiful that happens when we learn

(04:56):
to control that, we learn to heal from that, we
learn to be bigger and better within that. This woundedness
that you're facing, this pain that you're in, it it
just doesn't remain. And I know it's easy to say sometimes.
I know it's like an easy perspective for someone that's
not actively in the wound that you're in or the
pain that you're in, And it's easy for us to
look at that and say, well, I'm going to disregard

(05:17):
that because I know that this hurts so much. But
I need you to step back. I need you to
stop yourself from looking at this as something that's only
special and unique to you. And that sounds mean, it's okay,
because it should sound mean You're not the only person
that has suffered this pain, and while your pain right now,
maybe for you there's some level of comfort in knowing

(05:39):
that you're not the only one that has suffered here,
that there are other people that have gone through these things,
that have felt these things, that have felt like they
shouldn't be this person feeling this pain, but they were
also able to heal from it. And I don't say
it to disqualify or diminish the amount of pain you're feeling,
but I do say in the sense of understanding that
there is another option, that there is a chance that

(05:59):
there is something that is healed in these other people
that can be healed in me and you too in
this aspect of being able to be freed from this.
But if we refuse to go towards the pain, we
refuse to move away from the place that's hurt us
because we made home and our hurt, there will never
be that version of us, that is the best possible
version of us, that will be able to identify with
somebody else's hurt and be able to heal their hurt

(06:21):
because I knew what it was like that we be
able to look at that wound and say that wound
does not control you, and do the things that I
can do to help them get out of that. The
truth is that for so many of us, it's just
so easy to lie down in our hurt. It's so
easy to sit here and just say, you know what,
this is what's was done to me, and this is
why I am now. But I want you to focus
on your healing, and this whole healing is or anything,

(06:44):
it's different. There's different stages for different people, there's different
timelines for different people, there's different aspects of it. But
we can't let our limiting beliefs, our discontinued faith in
us to stop us from actually healing people that I
know well in my life that refuse, refuse, refuse to

(07:05):
step into something else because it's uncomfortable. You're gonna have
to do the uncomfortable thing. And that's like a life
lesson across any board. It's not just healing, it's literally
anything in your life. If you're not doing the uncomfortable thing,
you can't expect to grow because outside of your comfort zone,
that's where growth is. If you're in this comfort zone,
you know it well, you're not gonna grow. It's like
it's like anything, it's like being able to play the

(07:25):
piano right when I learned how to play the piano.
If I only stayed in the see major, I would
never learn how to play anything else outside of that key.
I would never be able to play with other people.
Why because other people might singing different keys or playing
different keys. If I know one key very well, great,
I'm great at that. But I'm never gonna grow because
I refuse to get out of the comfort zone that
I'm in. You need to be able to step into
something more, even if it's scary. It's actually especially if

(07:47):
it's scary, the scarier it is, the better it is.
Someone one said to me, like, the way you know
that your dreams are good is if they're scary to
everyone around you. Like if people are gonna look at
you and say, that's not possible or that's really difficult,
that's the dream that you need to be pursuing. This
scariest thing. You need to do the thing that is
going to be scary, step into that. The only way
we heal is by doing that, because healing is scary

(08:08):
is knowing that I'm going to step into something that's
so much greater than I because it's the best version
of me. But you won't heal if you refuse to
move that part of you that was stiff and hurt
and will remain stiff and hurt because you refuse to
take that next stage. Healing is hard, but if you
don't do it, it'll never get done.