May 4, 2022 • 37 mins
On today’s special Mother’s Day episode, guest host Henry Driver questions Minnie Driver, actress, podcast host, author, singer, songwriter, and Henry’s mother. Minnie finally answers all seven questions that she’s been asking her guests. Minnie shares stories of her acting big break, how love requires a sense of surrender, and why she kept getting fired as a waitress.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Can you imagine he loves the hot pocket. You know what,
the hot pockets are great. They're delicious and probably nutritious.
You know, I eat them a lot. It's I had
one this morning, think about that. So he eats. Henry
traditionally has never been a breakfast person. Everever. I can
have a hot pocket in the morning, it takes two minutes.
If I want to make sure your life, you get
(00:21):
the box. I have to get the milk off balls. Yeah,
but it's also this is like terrible, like parenting. I guess,
Oh well, let me let me talk about my hot
pocket addiction. Now, okay, sorry, carry on, carry on. So
it's two minutes to cook a hot pocket and you
eat it boom, I'm not hungry anymore. And it's tasty.
But I also offer to make you like delicious food,
(00:42):
like I'll make you pasta catch your peppe. I'll make
that be with some carrot batons and hummus. And you're like, whatever,
I'm having a hot pocket. Do you want to go
through all that effort or do you want me to
put a hot pocket? Sorry, we're off topic. We're off topic,
and it was so off topic quick I'm compact topic back. Hello,
(01:03):
I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many Questions Season two. I've
always loved Prust's questionaire. It was originally a nineteenth century
parlor game where players would ask each other thirty five
questions aimed at revealing the other players true nature. It's
just the scientific method, really. In asking different people the
(01:23):
same set of questions, you can make observations about which
truths appeared to me universal. I love this discipline, and
it made me wonder, what if these questions were just
the jumping off point, what greater depths would be revealed
if I ask these questions as conversation starters with thought
leaders and trailblazers across all these different disciplines. So I
(01:45):
adapted prus questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions
that I personally think a pertinent to a person's story.
They are when and where were you happiest? What is
the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real
or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you
most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped
(02:05):
you the most? What would be your last meal? And
can you tell me something in your life that's grown
out of a personal disaster? And I've gathered a group
of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and
humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You
may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions.
We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to
(02:28):
their experience, or the most surprising, or created the most
fertile ground to connect. Hi, I'm Henry Driver, sitting in
today for my mom Mini on this special episode of
Mother's Day. Addition for many questions, my guests day is
perhaps unsurprisingly Mini Driver, Come on, how's it going. Congratulations
(02:49):
on your new book. Thank you darling, you're in it.
I'm in it. Wow, that's pretty cool. I'm in a book,
you're hosting my podcast, and you're in a book and
practically taking over your career mom by me. Actually, I
could use some youthful energy. I think we look close enough.
We could probably switch out for some movies or something.
I wonder if anyone would actually notice you almost as
towards me now, Like if if you just rocked up
(03:11):
on set one day and we're like, I mean, that
would be very cool. I think we sound stilar as well,
so it would just be a perfect match. Well, I
like doing my impression of you, but I know you
don't like it when I do it, And I like,
do you what impression you missizabeth? You do more? I
love it when you do an English accent. More cherries
(03:31):
and tomatoes, so darling. Now, no it's not tomatoes. It's tomatoes. Tomatoes,
a bath with some tomatoes. Look so far. Okay, that's ridiculous.
I'm really grateful that you're doing this, Downing. It's this
is a Mother's Day edition and you know Mother's Day
(03:53):
and my book was just published yesterday. Like it's quite auspicious,
and which is what makes me grateful that you're doing this.
So thank you, Thank you Mom for having me on
in such a special time. Okay, over to you the questions.
The first question, as you know, is when and where
(04:14):
were you happiest? Right, Well, my happiest moments they are
always on the beach with everyone, and by that I
mean our family and friends, and there's surf involved, and
like a long day at the beach and then us
staying and having a barbecue on the beach as you
(04:35):
know it's dusk, and how Mom would always have her
cocktail shaker for croyntonics like handy, Yeah, I remember that.
I remember that. I loved Remember she used to have those,
She had these amazing red framed glasses, and she'd have
her red lipstick and she'd be in some cool puffer
jacket because it was England and it would be cold,
and she'd be sitting in her chair. I think I've
(04:55):
got so many pictures of her just roaring with laughter
whilst reading the newspaper, while pouring herself of our Croyntonic
like in the middle of nowhere in Cornwall. Those were
good memories. Why do you think it's on the beach?
She knows. Reading something the other day about how as
you get older you returned to the memories that you
had as a child. So basically I think before everything,
(05:16):
you know, sorry for the spoiler alert, but everything gets
messed up as you get life from Come on, this
is like you know what I mean. It's like I
read this thing saying that you return to these places,
you recreate them in your adult life, the places that
you feel happy. So the places that you were actually
happy is when you were a child. And like pre
everything pre my parents, separation, pre everything in our lives,
(05:38):
me and my sister's life changing. I just remember the beach.
Only good things happen at the beach, the ice cream van,
learning to swim, full attention from my parents because otherwise,
you know, you might run off and get lost or drowned,
So they had to pay attention to you. My sister
burying me. You've seen those pictures right of Kate used
to bury me up to was just my head sharing
(06:00):
and then she would literally leave. It would be in
a hole, not able to get out. I mean I
think that also for me, that would be a perfect memory.
I mean, sitting in a nice and closed pit of
sand by myself, tied coming in. Oh, the thrill, the thrill, Yes,
you do love it. You did make me do that
(06:21):
the other day. Yeah, but like that was a joke.
I mean, I don't see the joke with hunty Kate.
I gave you boobs and a fish tail, I seem
to remember, which is really infantile on my part, and
I apologize, but it was funny. Yes, Mom, I now
have that video so blackly, are you aware? I know
you're supposed to be asking me the questions, but like,
are you aware of times that you're happy? Like do
(06:43):
you clock it when you're going, God, this is a
really good time, Like, do you have an awareness of
them happening? I think I have a vague awareness. I
think you don't know it's better until the moments, over
which I think is when the beach is so good,
because you know, in the moment you're sort of you're
splashing around. Then you leave and it's sort of like
you look back on that and you're like, wow, that
was really good, And so I think I don't notice.
(07:05):
But then what I've left I noticed. That's a really
good point. In fact, that is so interesting because I
was thinking that right before we did this, I was,
as you know, I went out for a surf. That
path from our house to the beach that I've walked
a thousand thousand times, I still have that feeling when
I come around the corner and I'm walking down the
path towards the ocean and the sage. The smell of
(07:26):
like hot warm sage is blowing, and it's sunny and
it's beautiful, and I can sort of hear tinkly voices
from the beach. It's like it triggers all those other
memories of the beach, like all those other memories of
happiness are triggered every time I returned to this beach. So,
but it's almost like it's on a loop in some
deep place in my heart. And maybe that's it that
we should keep triggering our happy place. We should keep
(07:48):
finding ways of triggering our happy place, like whatever that
is in our life, whether it's you know, you know,
on the beach, in the city, wherever it is, we're
just trying to go back to their and have it
happened again. Yeah, have a new experience in that place
that you categorically know is a place that you have
been happy. I don't know if that always works. I
think yeah, I think it definitely makes sense. Good. I
(08:09):
glad I'm not sounding drunk. That's good. What quality do
you like least about yourself? Good? I mean, I know
that you'll probably have an opinion about this, But the
thing that drives me maddest about myself is so I'm
explaining this to you even though you watch it happen.
(08:32):
You know, often when something difficult happens, I don't let
it just be about that difficult thing that's happening. It's
like that thing becomes a magnetic ball that attracts all
of the other difficult things that are either going on
currently or have gone on in the past, or might
happen in the future, and they all attached to this
(08:52):
magnetic ball that was just one small problem and suddenly
it's this overwhelming ball of catastrophe and it drives me insane.
And I'm completely aware that I do it, and Addison
is really good at stopping me. Now I'm going hold on,
hold on, hold on. This was about the waste disposal
not working for the sixth day in a row, not
(09:14):
about your current unemployment. I know what you mean. I've
seen it happen before when I'm sitting you know, you know,
like some raisin brand in the kitchen, and I think
something minor comes in and it becomes a bigger thing.
I don't think it's your fault. I think it's just
sort of a way that your brain is programmed, if
you know what I mean. I don't think it's really changeable,
but I don't think it's the worst thing. I still
(09:35):
love you. I love it. Do you really think it's
not programable, because like, if you have awareness about something,
do you not think that awareness is like the first
step to changing it? Yeah, I mean When I say programmed,
I don't mean like you can ever change it. I'm
just saying it's sort of like born into yeah, sort
of like how you know I used to have blonde hair.
Now I don't have blond hair. It can change kind of,
(09:56):
but it takes time. You have to put work into it.
I didn't put work into my hair it. You know
what I mean about analogy, But there's a great analogy
that I like that. The thing is I then use
that against myself and it becomes part of my ball
of catastrophe, going why are you not changing quick enough?
Why are you aware of this thing? And why on earth?
You see how distressed you become and how distressing that
(10:16):
is for the people around you, So why do you
keep doing it? I don't quite understand what needs to
happen in order to evolve. Would I would like to
have a drink like Alice in Wonderland to speed up
the evolution of certain aspects of my psyche? I get
what you mean. That's also that's part of being human.
You know, we have issues that we bring and then
we all deal with issues in different ways. You know,
you bring other things in some people they'll try to
(10:38):
ignore it. It's it's always different for people. But I
think if you're really trying to change it, which I
don't think you need to because I mean, you're perfect
and every way, oh stop it. I think if you're
really trying to change it, you know, you have to
really believe that you can, because if you're constantly I
don't know everyone says this, but if you're constantly be
you know, being angry and you're attaching things and you're
(11:00):
doing this you don't want. You have to really focus
on what's happening, and you have to try to move
away from it. It's true. It's like you come back
to the present moment and go, all of that other
stuff isn't happening. It's just this one thing. I know
that seems incredibly difficult at the time because you know,
you're thinking, oh no, the pies burning, unemployed, you know,
there's a bunch of stuff happening. I'm not I'm not
(11:20):
saying that to be bad. That's literally how it goes.
We both know that is exactly how it goes. The
apple pie is burned and I can't get a job.
I don't mean it's what you mean. I'm just repeating
what you said before. I'm sorry, it's so not mean,
it's so exactly true. I'm here for it. I think
you're saying those things. And we really just have to
do is think, Okay, the apple pies burned, but it's fine,
(11:41):
we still have some lasagna. You know, I'm going to
find a job, and you just have to think that
it's not forever, and you can move away from that,
and you can you can get away from that place
and you can find positives. It's difficult because in the
moment you feel like you're useless and it's all bad
and nothing else is going to happen. That's good, But
over time you have to know that it's all just
it's going to fit together like a little puzzle and
(12:02):
just become good. Absolutely true, Darling. I think that is
sage advice. It's really just taking a breath and going
in this moment, just this thing is happening, and it's
just like taking a running jump off a cliff. And
I think we do that as people, or I know
I do it. And I really hope that this conversation
is a sea change in the way in which I
barely up to the more the trickier things in life sometimes,
(12:23):
So you know, thanks for the empathy, babe. Well, I
think it's probably being your son. We have to be empathetic.
What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well,
if you weren't interviewing me, I would say, you like
becoming a mother. And maybe it's pertinent because it's a
mother's day, but there are really two things that are
(12:44):
two problem. It really did my ideas about love and
what that was when you were born. It wasn't even
like it was suddenly like this great aha moment. It
is like this deep inner knowing that it is completely okay,
that everything you thought before about love was to of
pales in comparison from this actual definition of it. Is
this all encompassing, unconditional feeling of peace and that everything
(13:09):
is right, and that's the only way that I can
describe it. And the tangent of that, it's like the
love that I have for Addison, which is that feeling
of things just being right. And then the other I
guess this is three pronged, not two prongs. You know,
it's more of a fork. Is with surfing. How I
feel about surfing and when I'm surfing it dovetails into
(13:30):
how I felt when you were born and how it
was to fall in love with Addison, which is again
this feeling of its dynamic. It requires you being completely present.
There is huge respect in it and strength. You can
never underestimate it and in a way, if you humble
yourself to it, you will reap the rewards. But it
(13:50):
requires a lack of ego and insistence on things being
done your way. There's something about surrender in love, and
like having a baby is the ultimate surrender, like your body,
like when you first start having contractions, you know, which
are the pains that you have to have a baby.
You're just like no, no, no, no, no no no, this
car happen, this car happened. I can't do this. I
can't do this. You have no choice. You just have
(14:11):
to keep going and surrender to it in the same
way that I ultimately surrender to Addison's kindness, Like I've
never really been with someone who kindness was their fundament
and respect with their fundament. So there's three things for me, You, Eddie,
and surfing my pyramid of love a triangle. It's as
strong as she is. That right, yeah, I know, because
(14:32):
you're in school paying attention to geometricy of course paying attention. Yeah, uh, well,
back on topic off of school. I think that's a
really interesting definition of love because I know there's a
lot of people that say love is just about being
with people and it's connecting. We're not connecting on a
deeper level. I think what you're really saying is you're
not just there with them, and you're not being with them.
(14:52):
You're not you know, like helping them with the groceries,
but you're you're with their personality. You're like, you're really
there with them instead of you know, just being there
to cook them food. You're sort of you're there for
the love and you're there for the surrenders. We're there
for the good times the bad times, not just the
times where you want to be there. That's so funny
because what I hear in that is it speaks to
the duality of being a human being. You have this
physical experience, which is doing the groceries, taking care of
(15:15):
the thing, that this that that, all of which are
expressions of love. Add percent, like when you make me
breakfast in bed, when you make my coffee and eggs
and toast, that is an expression of love. And then
there's the other the spiritual side of being a human being,
which is slightly more difficult to articulate, but just that
deep feeling of peace and safety with someone like strangely,
(15:36):
that's how I felt like during COVID, when it was
just you, me and ads together in this really scary time,
seeing really scary things happen and terrible things happening to
so many people, but that feeling of us together was
this safe unit. It's funny, isn't it. There's like there's
the human the physical experience, and then there's this like
more spiritual is the only way etheric experience that maybe
(15:57):
runs parallel with it? Yea, So it's a two propt one.
So is it two pronged? I'd say, I'd say the
third prong it's there. It's just maybe on the other side,
you know. So it's like stabby instead of pokey. Instead
of pokey, it's stabby instead of folks. It's a double
sign and two pronged in one pronged fork. My definition
of love is three pronged. But you're saying, like existential
(16:20):
love is two pronged, human and spiritual. Yeah. Great, I
think you should write a book by Wow. The two
pronged fork of love. Yeah, I'd buy that book. I'd
buy that. I think we should illustrate that cover later,
the two pronged fork of love from up with your
your whole what you've been saying. Do you think you
would have like answered this question differently twenty years ago,
(16:41):
like you know, before you had me, before you've gone
through other stuff, etcetera. Yes, Christ, Yes, I would have.
I would have. I would have thought that this idea
of romantic love, this idea of a family unit looking
the way that I thought it was supposed to, even
though I don't even come from that, which is, you know,
two parents who are married who then have children, like
my parents weren't married, they had kids, they had kids
(17:02):
with other people. I had you without having a partner
who was sort of, you know, doing the shared duties
with Like twenty years ago, I would have said that
it was some romantic, ridiculous idea that had been pushed
on me by how I'd processed society, which was looking
around going, oh, if somebody chooses you and marries you,
that means that you are loved, as opposed to being
(17:23):
in life discovering that love for yourself and seeing what
kinds of expressions of that love show up. I eat
a beautiful baby that comes miraculously out of a connection
with a person. You know, there's more magic. Now, that's
really beautiful. How perspectives can change in you know, twenty years.
Do you ever do that? Do you ever write down
your thoughts now like a time caps you're thinking, Oh,
I'm going to look back and just gonna see. I'm
(17:45):
going to leave a breadcrumb trail for myself, and then
I'll come back to this in twenty years and see
what I think about it. I think I've done that before.
I think i've first school. Yeah. It sounds a bit schoolly,
doesn't it. Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to, like,
you know, down on your cool style, but it does feel.
It does feel sort of like, you know, write down,
think about later. But I think your explanation of you know,
twenty years ago, half love sort of felt somethybe pushed
(18:07):
instead of something that you felt. That's really beautiful. That feels,
you know, take a little garden of love sprouting up,
changing and evolving. Oh you know what, Also, like that
is actually a really clear indication that evolution is possible.
In my bumbling old brain. Actually, so maybe going back
to that question before of like will this stuff I
(18:28):
don't like about myself? Will that evolved? It's like, well,
your idea about love evolved, and why can't that happen
to other things? That's true, So then maybe maybe it'll
be when I'm e te, I won't have a ball
of catastrophe too ProMED. Fork has turned into a sport.
It's turned into a sport. We're going to have light
a whole tableware philosophy by the end of this what
(18:58):
person plays or ex Varian's most altered your life? Well,
you did, really it's you. But like it's going to
become repetitive if I just keep saying that you. But
you must know that and people will know that that
you were the person who changed my whole life. But
when I was much younger, a person who really did
have this huge impact was this girl who is one
of the stories in my book. You're only your book, Mom,
(19:20):
I'd tell you I have a book coming at out
right now. It's called Managing Expectations. Well, mom, so in
this book there's a story about how when I left college,
when I left drama school, you know, absolutely intent on
becoming an actor. I was the only kid in my
class to graduate without getting representation, you know, an agent
or a manager. Nobody was interested. All my friends got them.
I didn't, and I was absolutely stuck. I had no
(19:42):
idea what I was supposed to do in my whole life.
Since I was five or six years old, had just
been gunning for this notion of becoming an actor. And
I had also been told that the only way that
you could get work as an actor is if you
had representation. So there was nineteen, absolutely stuffed, and Mom
was so hilarious. You was like, right, well, I supposed
to better just get a job as a waitress. She
(20:03):
had no sympathat She was just like, go and find
a way to pay your rent. We need money now,
please get on with the look. Yeah, exactly, get on it.
So I was like okay, and I had to work.
I didn't have any money, so I was singing in
jazz clubs. I was like doing whatever I could. I
hated waitressing, so it's a terrible waiter. Like. I was
always questioning people's wine choices, you know, Like my dad
sadly taught me about wine, and I would mutter under
(20:26):
my breath. God, don't order the peanuts greasy with the beef.
That is just what I was thinking. Oh my god,
I was really just thinking I could I pictured you sing,
dude terrible. So I get fired off. And so then
I just started singing in jazz clubs and dinner jazz
and no one was listening. And through this summer it
was this explosion of this music called acid house, and
(20:48):
I would go to these parties, these raves out in
the middle of the countryside in like warehouses and barns
and wherever, and these huge parties and it was amazing,
and you just dance all night until it got light,
and then a bit further and then you go home.
And in that time, because I wasn't really as you know,
I just I don't drink a lot, and I didn't
really do all the drugs that the kids were doing
at that time, so I was pretty sober. And I
(21:09):
would be driving home and there was this one girl
who I always seemed to be, you know, I connect
with her because she was also sober, and we'd have
these great conversations and that we partied all through the
summer and had this great time, and she was just
really cool. But we never really hung out in between.
We just see each other at these parties, and towards
the end of the summer, I was just dreading September.
Reality was bench pressing in the parking lot, waiting for
(21:31):
August thirty one to switch over to September one, and
then I was just going to get my ass kicked.
And we must been driving home early one morning and
she was like, you know, what do you do And
I was like, oh, well, you know, I'm supposed to
be an actress. And she was like, what do you
mean supposed to be I was like, well, I left school,
I don't have any work. I'm singing, I'm trying to
do that. I don't know what I'm doing at it.
And she was like, I worked for a casting director
and I was like, do you She was like, yeah,
(21:53):
you should come and meet her. And that was like
on the Saturday night, Sunday morning, and on the Monday
I went and met this casting direct who was one
of the nicest people and one of the biggest casting
directors in the UK and in the world. And I
don't know, I don't know what she saw in me.
I had nothing to recommend me except a smart mouth
and making some jokes, and she called up an agent
(22:15):
who had seen me in a play at drama school
and have been like, she's rubbish, and she just convinced
her to give me a trial, just to give me
a try, just try me out for a few weeks
and see if I could do something. That girl that
I used to go raving with, she really did change
my life. I feel like I've heard some of it before.
I think that's really cool. Her life just kind of
(22:36):
life finds away. It does. Actually for the next question,
what question would you most like it answered? I know
this is the difficult one for you. You told me
it's going to be a bit hard. I literally ran
into Henry's bedroom like before we were like setting up this,
and I was like, day, I don't know what to
say to this question, Like I don't know what like
I've been asking it, and I asked it because I
(22:58):
don't really know what should I say, and Henry just
sat there watching me eat turkey and lettuce, going I
don't I don't know. I said how long does the
battery last? Because that would be pretty cool? Or I mean,
I do want to know. Why does my electric car
tell me that I have two d and sixty miles
and then I drive sixteen miles and it says that
I've used up fifty. It's such a lie like that
(23:19):
that bugs the crap out of me. But I know
what this just to do with commerce and like you know,
metrics and the way stuff looks. The question I would
most like answered is I want to know how to
stop this savagery that man shows two people, and I
say man, because it is always men starting wars and
(23:41):
creating this profound unrest. I want to know rather than
like will it ever end? I want to know how
to stop it, like as a society, like how we
could globally unite to stop this? That there would be
like what's the protocol when you start to see the
troops amassing on a border? What do you do? How
(24:02):
do we all come together really quickly to stop that
from happening? I would like to know that. That's definitely
that's sort of expanding on the end world hunger kind
of thing. Do you mean, like solving like these huge
issues that we have as people? Yeah, like these massive issues,
But I think that's sort of like taking no step
further with wanting to know how. But I think Yeah,
you're definitely right. If there's a tier list of questions
(24:22):
that need to be answered, it's pretty high up there.
It's kind of like a here question, right. It's the
same thing about saying that we're human or spiritual, because
obviously I want to know am I going to see
Mom again? Am I going to see her again? If
someone could just tell me that, I wouldn't worry so much.
I wish I could know that. But that's also the
sort of spiritual question. Then there are these human questions
about being here and now, like could we actually affect
(24:44):
change here if we knew the answer to some of
these huge questions? Could we make this experience less awful
for so many people? I think, well, because yeah, you're
sort of showing the two roads, the sort of question
for yourself and the question for humanity. Yeah. Like, I'm
referencing what's happening the Ukraine right now, and it feels
it's like a dead end because we don't know how
(25:04):
to or what's going to happen. I mean, I think
that's one of the issues with one of some of
the big questions. You ask them and there's no real answer,
sort of it leads to a dead end. But I
think exploring that, I think that's really that's important, sort
of like you know, knowing what life means, knowing how
to make peace. I think one it means dead end.
I think that sort of means very important and too
important to have a short answer. It would take textbooks
(25:28):
of home textbooks to solve you know, peace, the world hunger,
because there's just there's so many different sides to it.
It's it's really difficult to sort of create one single
piece of perfectness. But let me ask you this, Why
do you think Addison would say it's because of tribalism.
But we are human beings before we are our tribes.
Why as human beings can we not unite around that humanity?
(25:50):
Why is it always about the tribalism And the kind
of furthering what Putin is doing is like the furthering
of Putin's agenda, like he's also a person, Like how
how does that get? This is so terrible, you poor thing.
I'm so sorry that I'm pushing this only Oh no, no,
it's completely fine. I thought about this, you know, but
I wonder why the humanity doesn't come first, Like why
isn't there some a chip in our brain, a part
(26:12):
of our brain that kicks in when we start acting
only in our own self interest. How come there isn't
this thing that completely reminds us that we are part
of something so much bigger than where people. We're not
just a person. I so badly. I don't want to
say tribalism, but I think since we are descendants of
the Ape, I feel like Apes, they're very tribalistic. They
(26:32):
like territory there. I mean, as as much I know
is of Apes. I think since our brains evolved from them,
and we've evolved from no wanting to be together with
our tribe and wanting to keep out the others, I
think there's just that small bit from being Apes. I
think that's left in our brain of just that we
don't want our tribe to be taken away from us.
But it all leads back to I don't know the word.
(26:53):
I I'm gonna say apeism because that sounds correct. So
it all leads back to apeism. The evolution they think.
They call it the reptilian brain. I'd prefer apism. I
prefer apism too. I'm going to go to the apism now,
the monkey brain, the monkey mind. Yeah, the monkey mind.
If we evolved from you know, like if we evolved
from something that that didn't really care. If we have
all from like turtles, I'm going to make some turtle special.
(27:15):
It's very mad now, but I'm just assuming the turtles
they don't really care about territory and tribes. If we
have all from them, we'd have shells, but we'd also
sort of wouldn't care as much. But Darning, when you
know what, you being able to see that, and you
being thirteen, it gives me hope that that question I
want answered is that it's possible it might get answered,
and that a global response to territorial terrorism might be
found with your generation. Yeah, I don't think you need
(27:37):
to bust my room with your turkey and salad. You
you had that figured out, thank you, Ding. I just
needed to talk to you about it, and I figured
out what my question was. I'm very easy to talk
to you. I've been told you really are I think
I told you I made you? Yes, good for you,
you know, thank you for the reminder. I'm not taking
credit for you completely. You are you? Are you truly?
(27:58):
Another book? Idea? You are? Letter? Are you? Exclamation point? Yeah,
we need like really cool colors are nice like gray
scale photos. We're looking off in the distance. We have
this book, by the way, That is what I didn't
want for my memoir, the whole idea of like a
black and white, gray scale picture of me sort of
like you know, hand under your chin, kind of staring
(28:18):
off out of the ocean. Yeah. I just like just
like walking off like this, Yeah, just looking like pensive.
What would be your last meal? Well, it's about that
it would be with people, So it would be with you,
(28:40):
adds Auntie, Katie, Percy, Jess, Lily, mom, dad, my stepmother,
my two brothers and their families, and it would be
us on a beach, but with it would be catered
by this restaurant on the Amalfi Coast called La Scola,
which is the best food I've ever eaten, the most
transporting food I've ever eaten in my life. And there
would be a way of making sure everything was like
(29:02):
hot and the perfect temperature and perfectly sir. But we
would all be on the beach together. And then at
the end of eating. I know it sounds nuts, but
there's this courgette zucchini in American pasta that is unlike
anything I've ever eaten in my life. And these fresh anchovies,
which are not like the antivies that you think of
in a can. They are white. They have just come
out of the ocean with the warm tomatoes that come
(29:22):
from the garden in the back of the restaurant. So
these warm, vine ripened by the sun tomatoes with these
fresh white anchovies that have been grilled to perfection with
olive oil and lemon on them, and they're presented on
a plate in like a star. You lose your mind.
You lose your mind, which if it's my last meal,
I don't care about my mind anymore. I just want
(29:43):
to be eating that food with all of you. And
then at the end of that right when we've just
finished everything delicious, I want to hear the tinkling of
an ice cream van. So I get that feeling that
you get when you hear the tinkling of the ice
cream van. Brings you back to your childhood. Yeah, and
immediately you get that butterflies in your stomach. It still
happens to me when I hear an ice cream Then
(30:03):
now and then I want us all to race up
the beach and go and get a Mr Whippy with
two flakes in it. Two flakes not through not one
to to for American listeners. And Mr Whippy is a
soft serve ice cream that comes out in a coil
into a cone and a flake. Is this chocolate bar
that you get in England that's arguably the most delicious
chocolate bar to me is and that's stuck in the
(30:24):
top of the ice cream crumbly. It's really nice. Oh
my god, that is my perfect last mail. It's perfect,
and then I want to take off into whatever's next,
like as if I had like power jets in my feet,
so I would literally just wave goodbye to everybody and
then just shoot straight out. Oh yeah, fireworks, fireworks with
your ice cream and like like a really good firework
(30:46):
display and like really good music and be as I ascended,
because there would be some kind of ascent in your
power rocket boots with your two flag not or not
three Mr Whippy from an ice cream. Then after you've
eaten this delicious zuki and then there would be a
giant rainbow over the beach and glitter. That's really great.
That is it? Men out such a great answer. I
(31:08):
think incorporating people that you love and stuff that's really interesting.
And then Auntie Katy would be like, Okay, let's pack
up the leftovers. Don't waste anything quickly. You need to
go by waited getting dark? Leave, that's getting dark. If
the mill has all your friends and family and everyone,
what would you want to talk about? Love? I just
love stories. I love when people tell stories. But my
(31:31):
dad used to tell the best stories. Mom used to
tell the best stories. I just and I loved hearing
the same stories. Like Mom and Dad used to tell
the story, and they would tell it about each other
when the other one wasn't present, and they tell it
when they were together. It used to crack me up
that they both would tell the story, which was when
mom and dad went to Morocco and they were on
this amazing, crazy adventure and they were in this place
(31:53):
and they were serving lamb and my dad goes, the
lamb was green, and Mom goes, the lamb had a
green sauce. And my dad would be like, the lamb
was green because it was bad, and my mom was like,
the lamb had a green sauce because everyone knows that
you eat mint sauce with lamb, and that mint is
very very common in Morocco. So Dad says, I told
(32:14):
her not to eat it, and Mom's like, he told
me not to eat it, And I said, you're being ridiculous,
and Dad said she wouldn't listen. And then Mom eats
the lamb and obviously nearly dies of food poisoning, and
my dad manages to be both completely empathetic and take
care of her whilst also massively doing the I Told
you so danced as she's throwing up and almost dying
(32:35):
from food poisoning. So that's what I would like everyone
to be talking about. It is like telling the funniest
stories and laughing really hard, just like when we all
start laughing in Cornwall. That's my favorite thing in your life.
Can you tell me something that has grown out of
a personal disaster? Yes, looking back, I know that every
(32:59):
time I thought the world was ending, when you know,
a relationship didn't work out, when I was suddenly broke
and didn't know where the next job was coming from.
When I look and I see, invariably things grew out
of all of those things. I have so many disasters
(33:19):
because I think people do. But invariably every choice that
you're forced to make when something doesn't work out leads
you to what your life is and how can you
not celebrate that. It's a heavy one, but it's true.
When Mom died, I was like, it is not possible
to recover from this. So I kept thinking, well, this
is terrible. Nothing good can grow out of this, and
(33:40):
it's true, for a long time nothing did. And then
so strangely, like the little shoots you see on a
tree that looks dead in winter, you know, the trees
near our house in London that just looked like there
is no way they are coming back. And then one
day in March you see a little, tiny green shoot
coming out of a branch. And I had that this
(34:01):
year because I was still feeling so much grief. And
when I saw that little green shoot on the magnolia trees,
I felt this thing inside. I felt this recognition that
it was growing anew. And then it reminded me of Mom,
because she loved the spring. She died in the spring.
She loved the spring. She loved the notion of renewal.
She loved being able to say it is ship right now,
(34:21):
excuse my French, and it is going to get better.
She loved that. So there's something in March of this
year when I saw those shoots growing out of the trees,
I knew it was going to be okay. And that
didn't mean that I wasn't going to have days where
I would miss her so much, but it reminded me
that it is true at all things evolved, even grief,
even lost, and sometimes they can evolve in the absence
(34:44):
of the thing that you think has to happen to
make you feel better. And in that case, it was
she has to be alive again in order for me
to feel better. And the problem, or the thing is
is that she isn't going to be alive again. And
she would be the first person to scoff with laughter
me thinking that could ever happen. But she's definitely what
gave me the ability to like notice the green shoots
on the magnolia tree and actually connect that to the
(35:04):
evolution of grief. But it was a bit heavy, darling,
sorry about that. No, no, no no, it's fine. I mean
I lived through it as well. I got the same memories.
So I think you're wrapping it all around to the
evolution thing where we all evolve, Like we're just full
circled right on into the evolution again. It all can
evolve your dead trees they go sprouts, so that that
might be the best knowalogy I've ever heard. I mean,
(35:26):
I mean that's yeah, like you know, the power of evolution, renewal, renewal, renewal, Yeah,
you know of like how things they reap, they recycle,
they regret, which is again what makes me feel that
the notion of death being an end seems really improbable,
given that this whole universe seems to be about the
continuation and the renewal of energy and that's pretty much
(35:48):
what we are. It's been a lovely conversation. I'm sad
that I run out of questions starting when you're properly empathetic,
hen And like I said, I have great hope for
the future because because of you. Thank you, Mom. You're welcome,
my darling. Happy Mother's Day to both of us. I mean,
I'm not really a mother, but I think you made
me a mother, so I suppose I should sort of
(36:09):
thank you. We're in it together, like fast and furious,
you know, like that kind of thing. Family. Family. Family.
That's a perfect way to end this evolution And Vin Diesel,
You're amazing. Thank you so much. I love you, love you.
Happy Mother's Day. My mom. Mini has a book out
(36:30):
right now you should definitely buy. It's called Manergy Expectations,
and it's kind of a bit more ish. It's stories
from her life about how life not working out is
really life working out. You can see her in the
movies Chevalier and Rosalind later this year, and thank you
for listening to her podcast. She really loves doing it.
(36:50):
Many Questions is hosted and written by me Mini Driver,
Supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Proda Morgan Levoy, Research Assistant Marissa Brown.
Original music Sorry Baby by Minni Driver, Additional music by
Aaron Kaufman. Executive produced by me Mini Driver. Special thanks
(37:14):
to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa Castella
and Nick Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescador, Kate
Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support,
Henry Driver
Can you imagine he loves the hot pocket. You know what,
the hot pockets are great. They're delicious and probably nutritious.
You know, I eat them a lot. It's I had
one this morning, think about that. So he eats. Henry
traditionally has never been a breakfast person. Everever. I can
have a hot pocket in the morning, it takes two minutes.
If I want to make sure your life, you get
(00:21):
the box. I have to get the milk off balls. Yeah,
but it's also this is like terrible, like parenting. I guess,
Oh well, let me let me talk about my hot
pocket addiction. Now, okay, sorry, carry on, carry on. So
it's two minutes to cook a hot pocket and you
eat it boom, I'm not hungry anymore. And it's tasty.
But I also offer to make you like delicious food,
(00:42):
like I'll make you pasta catch your peppe. I'll make
that be with some carrot batons and hummus. And you're like, whatever,
I'm having a hot pocket. Do you want to go
through all that effort or do you want me to
put a hot pocket? Sorry, we're off topic. We're off topic,
and it was so off topic quick I'm compact topic back. Hello,
(01:03):
I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many Questions Season two. I've
always loved Prust's questionaire. It was originally a nineteenth century
parlor game where players would ask each other thirty five
questions aimed at revealing the other players true nature. It's
just the scientific method, really. In asking different people the
(01:23):
same set of questions, you can make observations about which
truths appeared to me universal. I love this discipline, and
it made me wonder, what if these questions were just
the jumping off point, what greater depths would be revealed
if I ask these questions as conversation starters with thought
leaders and trailblazers across all these different disciplines. So I
(01:45):
adapted prus questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions
that I personally think a pertinent to a person's story.
They are when and where were you happiest? What is
the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real
or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you
most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped
(02:05):
you the most? What would be your last meal? And
can you tell me something in your life that's grown
out of a personal disaster? And I've gathered a group
of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and
humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You
may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions.
We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to
(02:28):
their experience, or the most surprising, or created the most
fertile ground to connect. Hi, I'm Henry Driver, sitting in
today for my mom Mini on this special episode of
Mother's Day. Addition for many questions, my guests day is
perhaps unsurprisingly Mini Driver, Come on, how's it going. Congratulations
(02:49):
on your new book. Thank you darling, you're in it.
I'm in it. Wow, that's pretty cool. I'm in a book,
you're hosting my podcast, and you're in a book and
practically taking over your career mom by me. Actually, I
could use some youthful energy. I think we look close enough.
We could probably switch out for some movies or something.
I wonder if anyone would actually notice you almost as
towards me now, Like if if you just rocked up
(03:11):
on set one day and we're like, I mean, that
would be very cool. I think we sound stilar as well,
so it would just be a perfect match. Well, I
like doing my impression of you, but I know you
don't like it when I do it, And I like,
do you what impression you missizabeth? You do more? I
love it when you do an English accent. More cherries
(03:31):
and tomatoes, so darling. Now, no it's not tomatoes. It's tomatoes. Tomatoes,
a bath with some tomatoes. Look so far. Okay, that's ridiculous.
I'm really grateful that you're doing this, Downing. It's this
is a Mother's Day edition and you know Mother's Day
(03:53):
and my book was just published yesterday. Like it's quite auspicious,
and which is what makes me grateful that you're doing this.
So thank you, Thank you Mom for having me on
in such a special time. Okay, over to you the questions.
The first question, as you know, is when and where
(04:14):
were you happiest? Right, Well, my happiest moments they are
always on the beach with everyone, and by that I
mean our family and friends, and there's surf involved, and
like a long day at the beach and then us
staying and having a barbecue on the beach as you
(04:35):
know it's dusk, and how Mom would always have her
cocktail shaker for croyntonics like handy, Yeah, I remember that.
I remember that. I loved Remember she used to have those,
She had these amazing red framed glasses, and she'd have
her red lipstick and she'd be in some cool puffer
jacket because it was England and it would be cold,
and she'd be sitting in her chair. I think I've
(04:55):
got so many pictures of her just roaring with laughter
whilst reading the newspaper, while pouring herself of our Croyntonic
like in the middle of nowhere in Cornwall. Those were
good memories. Why do you think it's on the beach?
She knows. Reading something the other day about how as
you get older you returned to the memories that you
had as a child. So basically I think before everything,
(05:16):
you know, sorry for the spoiler alert, but everything gets
messed up as you get life from Come on, this
is like you know what I mean. It's like I
read this thing saying that you return to these places,
you recreate them in your adult life, the places that
you feel happy. So the places that you were actually
happy is when you were a child. And like pre
everything pre my parents, separation, pre everything in our lives,
(05:38):
me and my sister's life changing. I just remember the beach.
Only good things happen at the beach, the ice cream van,
learning to swim, full attention from my parents because otherwise,
you know, you might run off and get lost or drowned,
So they had to pay attention to you. My sister
burying me. You've seen those pictures right of Kate used
to bury me up to was just my head sharing
(06:00):
and then she would literally leave. It would be in
a hole, not able to get out. I mean I
think that also for me, that would be a perfect memory.
I mean, sitting in a nice and closed pit of
sand by myself, tied coming in. Oh, the thrill, the thrill, Yes,
you do love it. You did make me do that
(06:21):
the other day. Yeah, but like that was a joke.
I mean, I don't see the joke with hunty Kate.
I gave you boobs and a fish tail, I seem
to remember, which is really infantile on my part, and
I apologize, but it was funny. Yes, Mom, I now
have that video so blackly, are you aware? I know
you're supposed to be asking me the questions, but like,
are you aware of times that you're happy? Like do
(06:43):
you clock it when you're going, God, this is a
really good time, Like, do you have an awareness of
them happening? I think I have a vague awareness. I
think you don't know it's better until the moments, over
which I think is when the beach is so good,
because you know, in the moment you're sort of you're
splashing around. Then you leave and it's sort of like
you look back on that and you're like, wow, that
was really good, And so I think I don't notice.
(07:05):
But then what I've left I noticed. That's a really
good point. In fact, that is so interesting because I
was thinking that right before we did this, I was,
as you know, I went out for a surf. That
path from our house to the beach that I've walked
a thousand thousand times, I still have that feeling when
I come around the corner and I'm walking down the
path towards the ocean and the sage. The smell of
(07:26):
like hot warm sage is blowing, and it's sunny and
it's beautiful, and I can sort of hear tinkly voices
from the beach. It's like it triggers all those other
memories of the beach, like all those other memories of
happiness are triggered every time I returned to this beach. So,
but it's almost like it's on a loop in some
deep place in my heart. And maybe that's it that
we should keep triggering our happy place. We should keep
(07:48):
finding ways of triggering our happy place, like whatever that
is in our life, whether it's you know, you know,
on the beach, in the city, wherever it is, we're
just trying to go back to their and have it
happened again. Yeah, have a new experience in that place
that you categorically know is a place that you have
been happy. I don't know if that always works. I
think yeah, I think it definitely makes sense. Good. I
(08:09):
glad I'm not sounding drunk. That's good. What quality do
you like least about yourself? Good? I mean, I know
that you'll probably have an opinion about this, But the
thing that drives me maddest about myself is so I'm
explaining this to you even though you watch it happen.
(08:32):
You know, often when something difficult happens, I don't let
it just be about that difficult thing that's happening. It's
like that thing becomes a magnetic ball that attracts all
of the other difficult things that are either going on
currently or have gone on in the past, or might
happen in the future, and they all attached to this
(08:52):
magnetic ball that was just one small problem and suddenly
it's this overwhelming ball of catastrophe and it drives me insane.
And I'm completely aware that I do it, and Addison
is really good at stopping me. Now I'm going hold on,
hold on, hold on. This was about the waste disposal
not working for the sixth day in a row, not
(09:14):
about your current unemployment. I know what you mean. I've
seen it happen before when I'm sitting you know, you know,
like some raisin brand in the kitchen, and I think
something minor comes in and it becomes a bigger thing.
I don't think it's your fault. I think it's just
sort of a way that your brain is programmed, if
you know what I mean. I don't think it's really changeable,
but I don't think it's the worst thing. I still
(09:35):
love you. I love it. Do you really think it's
not programable, because like, if you have awareness about something,
do you not think that awareness is like the first
step to changing it? Yeah, I mean When I say programmed,
I don't mean like you can ever change it. I'm
just saying it's sort of like born into yeah, sort
of like how you know I used to have blonde hair.
Now I don't have blond hair. It can change kind of,
(09:56):
but it takes time. You have to put work into it.
I didn't put work into my hair it. You know
what I mean about analogy, But there's a great analogy
that I like that. The thing is I then use
that against myself and it becomes part of my ball
of catastrophe, going why are you not changing quick enough?
Why are you aware of this thing? And why on earth?
You see how distressed you become and how distressing that
(10:16):
is for the people around you, So why do you
keep doing it? I don't quite understand what needs to
happen in order to evolve. Would I would like to
have a drink like Alice in Wonderland to speed up
the evolution of certain aspects of my psyche? I get
what you mean. That's also that's part of being human.
You know, we have issues that we bring and then
we all deal with issues in different ways. You know,
you bring other things in some people they'll try to
(10:38):
ignore it. It's it's always different for people. But I
think if you're really trying to change it, which I
don't think you need to because I mean, you're perfect
and every way, oh stop it. I think if you're
really trying to change it, you know, you have to
really believe that you can, because if you're constantly I
don't know everyone says this, but if you're constantly be
you know, being angry and you're attaching things and you're
(11:00):
doing this you don't want. You have to really focus
on what's happening, and you have to try to move
away from it. It's true. It's like you come back
to the present moment and go, all of that other
stuff isn't happening. It's just this one thing. I know
that seems incredibly difficult at the time because you know,
you're thinking, oh no, the pies burning, unemployed, you know,
there's a bunch of stuff happening. I'm not I'm not
(11:20):
saying that to be bad. That's literally how it goes.
We both know that is exactly how it goes. The
apple pie is burned and I can't get a job.
I don't mean it's what you mean. I'm just repeating
what you said before. I'm sorry, it's so not mean,
it's so exactly true. I'm here for it. I think
you're saying those things. And we really just have to
do is think, Okay, the apple pies burned, but it's fine,
(11:41):
we still have some lasagna. You know, I'm going to
find a job, and you just have to think that
it's not forever, and you can move away from that,
and you can you can get away from that place
and you can find positives. It's difficult because in the
moment you feel like you're useless and it's all bad
and nothing else is going to happen. That's good, But
over time you have to know that it's all just
it's going to fit together like a little puzzle and
(12:02):
just become good. Absolutely true, Darling. I think that is
sage advice. It's really just taking a breath and going
in this moment, just this thing is happening, and it's
just like taking a running jump off a cliff. And
I think we do that as people, or I know
I do it. And I really hope that this conversation
is a sea change in the way in which I
barely up to the more the trickier things in life sometimes,
(12:23):
So you know, thanks for the empathy, babe. Well, I
think it's probably being your son. We have to be empathetic.
What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well,
if you weren't interviewing me, I would say, you like
becoming a mother. And maybe it's pertinent because it's a
mother's day, but there are really two things that are
(12:44):
two problem. It really did my ideas about love and
what that was when you were born. It wasn't even
like it was suddenly like this great aha moment. It
is like this deep inner knowing that it is completely okay,
that everything you thought before about love was to of
pales in comparison from this actual definition of it. Is
this all encompassing, unconditional feeling of peace and that everything
(13:09):
is right, and that's the only way that I can
describe it. And the tangent of that, it's like the
love that I have for Addison, which is that feeling
of things just being right. And then the other I
guess this is three pronged, not two prongs. You know,
it's more of a fork. Is with surfing. How I
feel about surfing and when I'm surfing it dovetails into
(13:30):
how I felt when you were born and how it
was to fall in love with Addison, which is again
this feeling of its dynamic. It requires you being completely present.
There is huge respect in it and strength. You can
never underestimate it and in a way, if you humble
yourself to it, you will reap the rewards. But it
(13:50):
requires a lack of ego and insistence on things being
done your way. There's something about surrender in love, and
like having a baby is the ultimate surrender, like your body,
like when you first start having contractions, you know, which
are the pains that you have to have a baby.
You're just like no, no, no, no, no no no, this
car happen, this car happened. I can't do this. I
can't do this. You have no choice. You just have
(14:11):
to keep going and surrender to it in the same
way that I ultimately surrender to Addison's kindness, Like I've
never really been with someone who kindness was their fundament
and respect with their fundament. So there's three things for me, You, Eddie,
and surfing my pyramid of love a triangle. It's as
strong as she is. That right, yeah, I know, because
(14:32):
you're in school paying attention to geometricy of course paying attention. Yeah, uh, well,
back on topic off of school. I think that's a
really interesting definition of love because I know there's a
lot of people that say love is just about being
with people and it's connecting. We're not connecting on a
deeper level. I think what you're really saying is you're
not just there with them, and you're not being with them.
(14:52):
You're not you know, like helping them with the groceries,
but you're you're with their personality. You're like, you're really
there with them instead of you know, just being there
to cook them food. You're sort of you're there for
the love and you're there for the surrenders. We're there
for the good times the bad times, not just the
times where you want to be there. That's so funny
because what I hear in that is it speaks to
the duality of being a human being. You have this
physical experience, which is doing the groceries, taking care of
(15:15):
the thing, that this that that, all of which are
expressions of love. Add percent, like when you make me
breakfast in bed, when you make my coffee and eggs
and toast, that is an expression of love. And then
there's the other the spiritual side of being a human being,
which is slightly more difficult to articulate, but just that
deep feeling of peace and safety with someone like strangely,
(15:36):
that's how I felt like during COVID, when it was
just you, me and ads together in this really scary time,
seeing really scary things happen and terrible things happening to
so many people, but that feeling of us together was
this safe unit. It's funny, isn't it. There's like there's
the human the physical experience, and then there's this like
more spiritual is the only way etheric experience that maybe
(15:57):
runs parallel with it? Yea, So it's a two propt one.
So is it two pronged? I'd say, I'd say the
third prong it's there. It's just maybe on the other side,
you know. So it's like stabby instead of pokey. Instead
of pokey, it's stabby instead of folks. It's a double
sign and two pronged in one pronged fork. My definition
of love is three pronged. But you're saying, like existential
(16:20):
love is two pronged, human and spiritual. Yeah. Great, I
think you should write a book by Wow. The two
pronged fork of love. Yeah, I'd buy that book. I'd
buy that. I think we should illustrate that cover later,
the two pronged fork of love from up with your
your whole what you've been saying. Do you think you
would have like answered this question differently twenty years ago,
(16:41):
like you know, before you had me, before you've gone
through other stuff, etcetera. Yes, Christ, Yes, I would have.
I would have. I would have thought that this idea
of romantic love, this idea of a family unit looking
the way that I thought it was supposed to, even
though I don't even come from that, which is, you know,
two parents who are married who then have children, like
my parents weren't married, they had kids, they had kids
(17:02):
with other people. I had you without having a partner
who was sort of, you know, doing the shared duties
with Like twenty years ago, I would have said that
it was some romantic, ridiculous idea that had been pushed
on me by how I'd processed society, which was looking
around going, oh, if somebody chooses you and marries you,
that means that you are loved, as opposed to being
(17:23):
in life discovering that love for yourself and seeing what
kinds of expressions of that love show up. I eat
a beautiful baby that comes miraculously out of a connection
with a person. You know, there's more magic. Now, that's
really beautiful. How perspectives can change in you know, twenty years.
Do you ever do that? Do you ever write down
your thoughts now like a time caps you're thinking, Oh,
I'm going to look back and just gonna see. I'm
(17:45):
going to leave a breadcrumb trail for myself, and then
I'll come back to this in twenty years and see
what I think about it. I think I've done that before.
I think i've first school. Yeah. It sounds a bit schoolly,
doesn't it. Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to, like,
you know, down on your cool style, but it does feel.
It does feel sort of like, you know, write down,
think about later. But I think your explanation of you know,
twenty years ago, half love sort of felt somethybe pushed
(18:07):
instead of something that you felt. That's really beautiful. That feels,
you know, take a little garden of love sprouting up,
changing and evolving. Oh you know what, Also, like that
is actually a really clear indication that evolution is possible.
In my bumbling old brain. Actually, so maybe going back
to that question before of like will this stuff I
(18:28):
don't like about myself? Will that evolved? It's like, well,
your idea about love evolved, and why can't that happen
to other things? That's true, So then maybe maybe it'll
be when I'm e te, I won't have a ball
of catastrophe too ProMED. Fork has turned into a sport.
It's turned into a sport. We're going to have light
a whole tableware philosophy by the end of this what
(18:58):
person plays or ex Varian's most altered your life? Well,
you did, really it's you. But like it's going to
become repetitive if I just keep saying that you. But
you must know that and people will know that that
you were the person who changed my whole life. But
when I was much younger, a person who really did
have this huge impact was this girl who is one
of the stories in my book. You're only your book, Mom,
(19:20):
I'd tell you I have a book coming at out
right now. It's called Managing Expectations. Well, mom, so in
this book there's a story about how when I left college,
when I left drama school, you know, absolutely intent on
becoming an actor. I was the only kid in my
class to graduate without getting representation, you know, an agent
or a manager. Nobody was interested. All my friends got them.
I didn't, and I was absolutely stuck. I had no
(19:42):
idea what I was supposed to do in my whole life.
Since I was five or six years old, had just
been gunning for this notion of becoming an actor. And
I had also been told that the only way that
you could get work as an actor is if you
had representation. So there was nineteen, absolutely stuffed, and Mom
was so hilarious. You was like, right, well, I supposed
to better just get a job as a waitress. She
(20:03):
had no sympathat She was just like, go and find
a way to pay your rent. We need money now,
please get on with the look. Yeah, exactly, get on it.
So I was like okay, and I had to work.
I didn't have any money, so I was singing in
jazz clubs. I was like doing whatever I could. I
hated waitressing, so it's a terrible waiter. Like. I was
always questioning people's wine choices, you know, Like my dad
sadly taught me about wine, and I would mutter under
(20:26):
my breath. God, don't order the peanuts greasy with the beef.
That is just what I was thinking. Oh my god,
I was really just thinking I could I pictured you sing,
dude terrible. So I get fired off. And so then
I just started singing in jazz clubs and dinner jazz
and no one was listening. And through this summer it
was this explosion of this music called acid house, and
(20:48):
I would go to these parties, these raves out in
the middle of the countryside in like warehouses and barns
and wherever, and these huge parties and it was amazing,
and you just dance all night until it got light,
and then a bit further and then you go home.
And in that time, because I wasn't really as you know,
I just I don't drink a lot, and I didn't
really do all the drugs that the kids were doing
at that time, so I was pretty sober. And I
(21:09):
would be driving home and there was this one girl
who I always seemed to be, you know, I connect
with her because she was also sober, and we'd have
these great conversations and that we partied all through the
summer and had this great time, and she was just
really cool. But we never really hung out in between.
We just see each other at these parties, and towards
the end of the summer, I was just dreading September.
Reality was bench pressing in the parking lot, waiting for
(21:31):
August thirty one to switch over to September one, and
then I was just going to get my ass kicked.
And we must been driving home early one morning and
she was like, you know, what do you do And
I was like, oh, well, you know, I'm supposed to
be an actress. And she was like, what do you
mean supposed to be I was like, well, I left school,
I don't have any work. I'm singing, I'm trying to
do that. I don't know what I'm doing at it.
And she was like, I worked for a casting director
and I was like, do you She was like, yeah,
(21:53):
you should come and meet her. And that was like
on the Saturday night, Sunday morning, and on the Monday
I went and met this casting direct who was one
of the nicest people and one of the biggest casting
directors in the UK and in the world. And I
don't know, I don't know what she saw in me.
I had nothing to recommend me except a smart mouth
and making some jokes, and she called up an agent
(22:15):
who had seen me in a play at drama school
and have been like, she's rubbish, and she just convinced
her to give me a trial, just to give me
a try, just try me out for a few weeks
and see if I could do something. That girl that
I used to go raving with, she really did change
my life. I feel like I've heard some of it before.
I think that's really cool. Her life just kind of
(22:36):
life finds away. It does. Actually for the next question,
what question would you most like it answered? I know
this is the difficult one for you. You told me
it's going to be a bit hard. I literally ran
into Henry's bedroom like before we were like setting up this,
and I was like, day, I don't know what to
say to this question, Like I don't know what like
I've been asking it, and I asked it because I
(22:58):
don't really know what should I say, and Henry just
sat there watching me eat turkey and lettuce, going I
don't I don't know. I said how long does the
battery last? Because that would be pretty cool? Or I mean,
I do want to know. Why does my electric car
tell me that I have two d and sixty miles
and then I drive sixteen miles and it says that
I've used up fifty. It's such a lie like that
(23:19):
that bugs the crap out of me. But I know
what this just to do with commerce and like you know,
metrics and the way stuff looks. The question I would
most like answered is I want to know how to
stop this savagery that man shows two people, and I
say man, because it is always men starting wars and
(23:41):
creating this profound unrest. I want to know rather than
like will it ever end? I want to know how
to stop it, like as a society, like how we
could globally unite to stop this? That there would be
like what's the protocol when you start to see the
troops amassing on a border? What do you do? How
(24:02):
do we all come together really quickly to stop that
from happening? I would like to know that. That's definitely
that's sort of expanding on the end world hunger kind
of thing. Do you mean, like solving like these huge
issues that we have as people? Yeah, like these massive issues,
But I think that's sort of like taking no step
further with wanting to know how. But I think Yeah,
you're definitely right. If there's a tier list of questions
(24:22):
that need to be answered, it's pretty high up there.
It's kind of like a here question, right. It's the
same thing about saying that we're human or spiritual, because
obviously I want to know am I going to see
Mom again? Am I going to see her again? If
someone could just tell me that, I wouldn't worry so much.
I wish I could know that. But that's also the
sort of spiritual question. Then there are these human questions
about being here and now, like could we actually affect
(24:44):
change here if we knew the answer to some of
these huge questions? Could we make this experience less awful
for so many people? I think, well, because yeah, you're
sort of showing the two roads, the sort of question
for yourself and the question for humanity. Yeah. Like, I'm
referencing what's happening the Ukraine right now, and it feels
it's like a dead end because we don't know how
(25:04):
to or what's going to happen. I mean, I think
that's one of the issues with one of some of
the big questions. You ask them and there's no real answer,
sort of it leads to a dead end. But I
think exploring that, I think that's really that's important, sort
of like you know, knowing what life means, knowing how
to make peace. I think one it means dead end.
I think that sort of means very important and too
important to have a short answer. It would take textbooks
(25:28):
of home textbooks to solve you know, peace, the world hunger,
because there's just there's so many different sides to it.
It's it's really difficult to sort of create one single
piece of perfectness. But let me ask you this, Why
do you think Addison would say it's because of tribalism.
But we are human beings before we are our tribes.
Why as human beings can we not unite around that humanity?
(25:50):
Why is it always about the tribalism And the kind
of furthering what Putin is doing is like the furthering
of Putin's agenda, like he's also a person, Like how
how does that get? This is so terrible, you poor thing.
I'm so sorry that I'm pushing this only Oh no, no,
it's completely fine. I thought about this, you know, but
I wonder why the humanity doesn't come first, Like why
isn't there some a chip in our brain, a part
(26:12):
of our brain that kicks in when we start acting
only in our own self interest. How come there isn't
this thing that completely reminds us that we are part
of something so much bigger than where people. We're not
just a person. I so badly. I don't want to
say tribalism, but I think since we are descendants of
the Ape, I feel like Apes, they're very tribalistic. They
(26:32):
like territory there. I mean, as as much I know
is of Apes. I think since our brains evolved from them,
and we've evolved from no wanting to be together with
our tribe and wanting to keep out the others, I
think there's just that small bit from being Apes. I
think that's left in our brain of just that we
don't want our tribe to be taken away from us.
But it all leads back to I don't know the word.
(26:53):
I I'm gonna say apeism because that sounds correct. So
it all leads back to apeism. The evolution they think.
They call it the reptilian brain. I'd prefer apism. I
prefer apism too. I'm going to go to the apism now,
the monkey brain, the monkey mind. Yeah, the monkey mind.
If we evolved from you know, like if we evolved
from something that that didn't really care. If we have
all from like turtles, I'm going to make some turtle special.
(27:15):
It's very mad now, but I'm just assuming the turtles
they don't really care about territory and tribes. If we
have all from them, we'd have shells, but we'd also
sort of wouldn't care as much. But Darning, when you
know what, you being able to see that, and you
being thirteen, it gives me hope that that question I
want answered is that it's possible it might get answered,
and that a global response to territorial terrorism might be
found with your generation. Yeah, I don't think you need
(27:37):
to bust my room with your turkey and salad. You
you had that figured out, thank you, Ding. I just
needed to talk to you about it, and I figured
out what my question was. I'm very easy to talk
to you. I've been told you really are I think
I told you I made you? Yes, good for you,
you know, thank you for the reminder. I'm not taking
credit for you completely. You are you? Are you truly?
(27:58):
Another book? Idea? You are? Letter? Are you? Exclamation point? Yeah,
we need like really cool colors are nice like gray
scale photos. We're looking off in the distance. We have
this book, by the way, That is what I didn't
want for my memoir, the whole idea of like a
black and white, gray scale picture of me sort of
like you know, hand under your chin, kind of staring
(28:18):
off out of the ocean. Yeah. I just like just
like walking off like this, Yeah, just looking like pensive.
What would be your last meal? Well, it's about that
it would be with people, So it would be with you,
(28:40):
adds Auntie, Katie, Percy, Jess, Lily, mom, dad, my stepmother,
my two brothers and their families, and it would be
us on a beach, but with it would be catered
by this restaurant on the Amalfi Coast called La Scola,
which is the best food I've ever eaten, the most
transporting food I've ever eaten in my life. And there
would be a way of making sure everything was like
(29:02):
hot and the perfect temperature and perfectly sir. But we
would all be on the beach together. And then at
the end of eating. I know it sounds nuts, but
there's this courgette zucchini in American pasta that is unlike
anything I've ever eaten in my life. And these fresh anchovies,
which are not like the antivies that you think of
in a can. They are white. They have just come
out of the ocean with the warm tomatoes that come
(29:22):
from the garden in the back of the restaurant. So
these warm, vine ripened by the sun tomatoes with these
fresh white anchovies that have been grilled to perfection with
olive oil and lemon on them, and they're presented on
a plate in like a star. You lose your mind.
You lose your mind, which if it's my last meal,
I don't care about my mind anymore. I just want
(29:43):
to be eating that food with all of you. And
then at the end of that right when we've just
finished everything delicious, I want to hear the tinkling of
an ice cream van. So I get that feeling that
you get when you hear the tinkling of the ice
cream van. Brings you back to your childhood. Yeah, and
immediately you get that butterflies in your stomach. It still
happens to me when I hear an ice cream Then
(30:03):
now and then I want us all to race up
the beach and go and get a Mr Whippy with
two flakes in it. Two flakes not through not one
to to for American listeners. And Mr Whippy is a
soft serve ice cream that comes out in a coil
into a cone and a flake. Is this chocolate bar
that you get in England that's arguably the most delicious
chocolate bar to me is and that's stuck in the
(30:24):
top of the ice cream crumbly. It's really nice. Oh
my god, that is my perfect last mail. It's perfect,
and then I want to take off into whatever's next,
like as if I had like power jets in my feet,
so I would literally just wave goodbye to everybody and
then just shoot straight out. Oh yeah, fireworks, fireworks with
your ice cream and like like a really good firework
(30:46):
display and like really good music and be as I ascended,
because there would be some kind of ascent in your
power rocket boots with your two flag not or not
three Mr Whippy from an ice cream. Then after you've
eaten this delicious zuki and then there would be a
giant rainbow over the beach and glitter. That's really great.
That is it? Men out such a great answer. I
(31:08):
think incorporating people that you love and stuff that's really interesting.
And then Auntie Katy would be like, Okay, let's pack
up the leftovers. Don't waste anything quickly. You need to
go by waited getting dark? Leave, that's getting dark. If
the mill has all your friends and family and everyone,
what would you want to talk about? Love? I just
love stories. I love when people tell stories. But my
(31:31):
dad used to tell the best stories. Mom used to
tell the best stories. I just and I loved hearing
the same stories. Like Mom and Dad used to tell
the story, and they would tell it about each other
when the other one wasn't present, and they tell it
when they were together. It used to crack me up
that they both would tell the story, which was when
mom and dad went to Morocco and they were on
this amazing, crazy adventure and they were in this place
(31:53):
and they were serving lamb and my dad goes, the
lamb was green, and Mom goes, the lamb had a
green sauce. And my dad would be like, the lamb
was green because it was bad, and my mom was like,
the lamb had a green sauce because everyone knows that
you eat mint sauce with lamb, and that mint is
very very common in Morocco. So Dad says, I told
(32:14):
her not to eat it, and Mom's like, he told
me not to eat it, And I said, you're being ridiculous,
and Dad said she wouldn't listen. And then Mom eats
the lamb and obviously nearly dies of food poisoning, and
my dad manages to be both completely empathetic and take
care of her whilst also massively doing the I Told
you so danced as she's throwing up and almost dying
(32:35):
from food poisoning. So that's what I would like everyone
to be talking about. It is like telling the funniest
stories and laughing really hard, just like when we all
start laughing in Cornwall. That's my favorite thing in your life.
Can you tell me something that has grown out of
a personal disaster? Yes, looking back, I know that every
(32:59):
time I thought the world was ending, when you know,
a relationship didn't work out, when I was suddenly broke
and didn't know where the next job was coming from.
When I look and I see, invariably things grew out
of all of those things. I have so many disasters
(33:19):
because I think people do. But invariably every choice that
you're forced to make when something doesn't work out leads
you to what your life is and how can you
not celebrate that. It's a heavy one, but it's true.
When Mom died, I was like, it is not possible
to recover from this. So I kept thinking, well, this
is terrible. Nothing good can grow out of this, and
(33:40):
it's true, for a long time nothing did. And then
so strangely, like the little shoots you see on a
tree that looks dead in winter, you know, the trees
near our house in London that just looked like there
is no way they are coming back. And then one
day in March you see a little, tiny green shoot
coming out of a branch. And I had that this
(34:01):
year because I was still feeling so much grief. And
when I saw that little green shoot on the magnolia trees,
I felt this thing inside. I felt this recognition that
it was growing anew. And then it reminded me of Mom,
because she loved the spring. She died in the spring.
She loved the spring. She loved the notion of renewal.
She loved being able to say it is ship right now,
(34:21):
excuse my French, and it is going to get better.
She loved that. So there's something in March of this
year when I saw those shoots growing out of the trees,
I knew it was going to be okay. And that
didn't mean that I wasn't going to have days where
I would miss her so much, but it reminded me
that it is true at all things evolved, even grief,
even lost, and sometimes they can evolve in the absence
(34:44):
of the thing that you think has to happen to
make you feel better. And in that case, it was
she has to be alive again in order for me
to feel better. And the problem, or the thing is
is that she isn't going to be alive again. And
she would be the first person to scoff with laughter
me thinking that could ever happen. But she's definitely what
gave me the ability to like notice the green shoots
on the magnolia tree and actually connect that to the
(35:04):
evolution of grief. But it was a bit heavy, darling,
sorry about that. No, no, no no, it's fine. I mean
I lived through it as well. I got the same memories.
So I think you're wrapping it all around to the
evolution thing where we all evolve, Like we're just full
circled right on into the evolution again. It all can
evolve your dead trees they go sprouts, so that that
might be the best knowalogy I've ever heard. I mean,
(35:26):
I mean that's yeah, like you know, the power of evolution, renewal, renewal, renewal, Yeah,
you know of like how things they reap, they recycle,
they regret, which is again what makes me feel that
the notion of death being an end seems really improbable,
given that this whole universe seems to be about the
continuation and the renewal of energy and that's pretty much
(35:48):
what we are. It's been a lovely conversation. I'm sad
that I run out of questions starting when you're properly empathetic,
hen And like I said, I have great hope for
the future because because of you. Thank you, Mom. You're welcome,
my darling. Happy Mother's Day to both of us. I mean,
I'm not really a mother, but I think you made
me a mother, so I suppose I should sort of
(36:09):
thank you. We're in it together, like fast and furious,
you know, like that kind of thing. Family. Family. Family.
That's a perfect way to end this evolution And Vin Diesel,
You're amazing. Thank you so much. I love you, love you.
Happy Mother's Day. My mom. Mini has a book out
(36:30):
right now you should definitely buy. It's called Manergy Expectations,
and it's kind of a bit more ish. It's stories
from her life about how life not working out is
really life working out. You can see her in the
movies Chevalier and Rosalind later this year, and thank you
for listening to her podcast. She really loves doing it.
(36:50):
Many Questions is hosted and written by me Mini Driver,
Supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Proda Morgan Levoy, Research Assistant Marissa Brown.
Original music Sorry Baby by Minni Driver, Additional music by
Aaron Kaufman. Executive produced by me Mini Driver. Special thanks
(37:14):
to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa Castella
and Nick Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescador, Kate
Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support,
Henry Driver
Host
Minnie Driver
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.