September 18, 2025 • 55 mins
Decisions… decisions… Hot coffee or iced coffee? New York or LA? Stephanie or Melissa? *Air horn sound* Trick question. Obviously the answer is both. And they’re back! For another season of More Better. On the inaugural episode of season two, our self-improvement heroines discuss the skill of making decisions. From the challenge of big life choices to picking what shoes to wear in the morning, making decisions is a fundamental part of what makes us human. And sometimes, one of the trickiest. But don’t you dare suggest that Stephanie try journaling. Seriously. Get outta here with that nonsense.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Remember when you like sneezed. Did you sneeze your cough
like right in my mouth that one time when you
were sick. I didn't cough.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I laughed and a little bit in my mouth. A
tiny piece of spit went into Stephanie's mouth. And it
was right before her wedding.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
And I was like, I conducted myself very well in
that moment. I wasn't like you did you.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I was like, I could tell that you maybe wanted
to kill me, but you restrained yourself.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
More and more Better, More and Better, got a little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
More better, more and more. Welcome to More Better, a
podcast where we stopped pretending to have it all together and.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Embraced the journey of becoming a little more better every day,
or at least trying to. That's most of a marrow,
and that's Stephanie vadris Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Welcome back. First episode back for the new season. Yay, Yeah,
I cut my hair again? He did? I did? I
cut it again? That Bob on you. It's so good,
so much. You know. Here's how you know here. Here's
(01:13):
here's the thing. Social media it's awful. It can be
really great, but it can be really awful too, because
I was Fela butt coming on.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Well.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I was like, I really like my new hair. I
really am enjoying it. And someone coming, why do you
keep cutting your hair and then growing it back out?
Don't you realize that this look is really bad on you?
And I was like, oh, that's that's how you know
that you like your own haircut, because I was like
I don't care what this or something like yeah, and
then I immediately blocked them, right, but like, I really
(01:43):
like my haircut. I really I'm enjoying this.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
When did we lose the If you have nothing nice
to say, don't say anything at all.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh assume we don't have to stand in front of
someone and like be a peron, you know what I mean? Like,
no one's gonna come up to you and stand there
and be like, why did you cut your hair again?
It doesn't look good, you know, Like because I would
be like, what's fucking wrong with you? What the hell
is wrong with you? Just keep your opinions to yourself. Also,
I don't give a shit what you think about my hair.
(02:13):
Like they would have to deal with somebody stepping up
to them, stepping up? Oh my god, do the kids.
I still know that no step, step up, like and
what you got. One time on the bus when I
was little, there was a new girl on the bus.
I mean I think I was like in sixth grade.
There was a new girl on the bus and I
(02:33):
didn't have glasses yet, so I was like squinting and
trying to figure out like her face and like whether
or not I could like come up walk up to
her and be like, Hi, do you wanna be friends?
And she was from a distinctly different let's say she
was tough and she came up to me on the
bus and was like, why do you keep mad dogging me?
Do you want to step up? And I was like
(02:54):
I don't know what either one of those things mean.
Like in my mind, I was like, I don't know,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I don't know me We're gonna hang out? What is that?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Anyway? How have you been? What's been going on? Give
me a little update?
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Download what has been going on? I have summered really
hard this year and it was great and it was
also exhausting, but it was great. It was the first
summer that I'm out of the toddler years officially, and
(03:30):
it was the first summer where I packed them so
quickly for our trips because I just had to take
a lot less shit.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Oh yeah, no diaper, there's no like.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
No diapers, no white not even excessive snacks, like I
know what they're gonna tell you. What can you guys
read like yeah, like or I know I can get
at like I don't need you know, they're pretty they're
so used to the cross country flight too, that they
pretty much stay on their iPads the whole time, like
(04:02):
watching movies and whatever. And I'll maybe bring like one
activity for Axle for the little one in case he
gets bored of the iPad. But so travel was like
so easy, casey.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
It's bored in case he gets bored of the iPad.
Is so funny to me, in case he gets bored
of me that the universe had his fingertips. Yeah, okay,
go onside. It was very funny, no truly.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
And then like they also they they on trips, they'll
play together or they'll play by them, like you don't
have we don't have to hover. They know how to swim,
like so I can like lay on a lounge chair
while they're swimming or playing and I'm not you know,
I'm keeping an eye on them, but I don't have
to watch them like a hawk anymore. Like, and I
(04:52):
actually could rest. They're also big enough where like we
could sleep in in a bunch of mornings because they
would go to the kitchen and grab a banana and
just like wait for us to get up, like unbelievable, whole.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
New life, like a whole new.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And I there were a few times this summer where
I turned to David I was like, we're doing so
many I mean we did like five trips with them
this summer.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
And I was like, I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm not
completely exhausted. I'm having a good time with them because
they're really like people now, Like we're having conversations and like,
it just was such a difference. And I never would
have imagined that we would have done that many trips
with them. I mean, we did a weekend trip to
New York, like an in and out trip with New York.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You took them to New York City?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Did it was a real quick Any family members listening
to this, I'm sorry I didn't call you.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
We were literally there for three days.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
No.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Oh, well that's impossible, so okay, wait list off the
places you went, and then did you stay with friends
or did you.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Stay with No, we got a hotel, Okay, Fat went
for our very good friends Michael and Harris were celebrating
their thirtieth wedding anniversary at Tavern on the Green and
it was beautiful and it meant so much to them
that we made the effort to go. But I also
was like, you know, I feel like, especially the last
(06:18):
few years, I've shifted to just like we got to
show up for the big moments, like yeah, for sure,
just got to make it work. And there's just one
of them where I was like, it's gonna be crazy,
it's gonna suck. We're going to take the kids, we're
going to go for a weekend, and we're just gonna
show up to his party. And we're so glad we did.
But they were so freaking happy to see the fucking
Statue of Liberty.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
They really they were like super into it, so into it. Well,
was it about it? Is it like the life side
like or bigger than life?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
What is it that they've seen so many pictures of
it and now they're seeing it in real life, more
so for the older one than the younger one. Axel
was like a little bit less impressed, but Enzo was
like mind blown. Took a gazillion pictures of the Statute
of Life, pretty so so happy, picked out this really
cool antique looking pocket watch at the gift shop.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
That he like treasures, and like when you ask him
about New York, he's like.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
That was my favorite thing. And I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And just like seeing who we could meet up with
in a park. And we went to a bunch of
playgrounds and walked around and and so did say the
pizza was the best pizza he's ever had in his life.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Good, we said, good man. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
The bagels though, he was like, the bagels were okay.
He said he likes Hank's bagels more.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Oh snap, Okay, so he's showing out to LA's Hanks bagels.
He's a little la baby, Yeah, La Baby, I know
it's amazing. So you really have crossed You've crossed the
line over. You've crossed the line over like a trip
or vacation, right, that thing that they say that you're
not you can't take a vacation with the kids.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, kind of it still feels like a trip, but
it definitely Yeah, there were there were moments of like,
this feels like a vacation.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
If you had to give your if you had to
give it a overall score with like x percent vacation,
x percent trip, what would you give it this summer?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
I would say this summer was maybe at like sixty
percent trip, thirty percent vacation.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
That's good, that's good. I would And in the past
I would have said like ninety percent trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. I don't take this child places.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yeah, because it's so hard with a toddler. But I
feel like I see the light. I feel like I'm like, oh,
we could maybe think about doing bigger trips or longer
trips or yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Like something.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
It feels now real. Yeah, I mean so it's I
mean it's coming. You're you're on the cusp.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah, yeah, we're clot we're getting. I mean she does
really well when there's like activities and stuff, like we
took ros to Cleveland to see her aunt and uncle
and like that was fabulous and like we were there
for like literally a day and that was amazing and
she did really well. But I know, New York City,
(09:12):
whoof I don't think I could do it with her
I mean I barely do it with Brad, Like yeah,
very Brad has a hard time with the New York.
Like we were there for three days, three days just
over Labor Day for the US Open, and like the
reason that he had a good time was because like
got to go to the US Open. We saw a
play and he ate everything everything ever. You know, he
(09:32):
had like a list of places that he was going
to go and and you got to take a must
girl up. Helton class was pretty fun one. It was
really fun. Yeah, because like I don't know, I mean
I used to teach workout classes, like uh, there's something
that happens like in the studio when like everybody's like
(09:54):
you're about to kind of like feel you know, when
you're at home alone working out and you hit that
point where were like I could just stop here, like
I did, I did enough. You know, literally em a
love well. The teacher was like I know how you
feel right now. You're like I could stop, I've done enough.
And I was like she's in my mind, you know,
like she she's a witch's She was fabulous. She was
(10:16):
very very good at like just making us feel like,
you know, I don't know those teachers are really gifted.
They I hope they paid them a lot of money.
I really do, because they deserve it, because they just
make you feel like you could do anything. I mean,
I don't know. I don't pay attention to like my
leaderboard scores and shit, because like, fuck you, I'm on
the bike working out. I don't need to look at shit.
(10:37):
I don't. We don't need that. No Brad does. He's
like all about it. After class. He was like, you
know who was first in the class leader board? And
I was like, let me guess. Oh my god, shut up, Brad.
I know it's really hard sometimes m m. But I
mean that I get it. Can come. Competition can push
(10:58):
people harder. Listen, when I'm in a pilates class, do
I pay attention to what the woman next to me
is doing? Absolutely? If she's holding that plank, I am
trying to also hold that plank. That's why I like
to sit, you know, like I like to get on
the machine. That's like next to the girl that looks
really strong, So I'm like, what's she gonna do? Can
I be as strong as her? Usually the answer is no,
but at least I get pushed a little harder. Yes,
(11:19):
versus at home where I'm just like I've done enough,
Like I'm good, you know, although you stand up here
and like I'm in a stretch, stretch, I feel like, wait, okay,
so you answered the question of like what have you
done lately? That's more better, which is like you've traveled
with your children and it's been not as hellish. By
(11:40):
the way, for those of you listening that don't have kids,
enjoy your time, yeah, because it really does shift a lot.
And it was magical to have some days with Brad
where my sister was watching Roz because yeah, it was
just nice. I mean, like I haven't slept in like
that in a long time. I mean it was you know,
(12:05):
it was really nice. It's just different. Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
And again toddler years, like they don't let you sleep in.
They eventually do our kids let us sleep in a
bunch of the summer. He does sleep, but she does.
She's asleeper.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
She doesn't go to bed, but she does sleep. Yeah,
she's like her bedtime is like nine thirty or ten.
Like she's a fucking party and in that room. Yeah, yeah,
she's a little night owl. Yeah, what have you done
that's more better? Yeah? No, girl, like I've been very
I have continued my therapy journey. We're still taking our meds.
(12:43):
Great tis the Metal came out. If you guys haven't
watched it, it's on Peacock right now. All the season
has dropped.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
I have watched the first two episodes and very behind him. Sorry,
I'm a very bad friend. Okay, it's okay, watched anything
all summer, but you got a.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Dude's head off in the episode two, and it's so bad.
I did. That's me jumping. That's me doing almost everything there.
I probably love to jumping so much.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I've known you for so long. I try to like.
The stunt work is really really good, though I can't
always tell when it's there's a swap, and I think
only I can tell in small moments because I know
you so so well. Yeah, but yeah, I saw that
jump and I was like that.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
That was me. That was me. I'm really proud of it.
It's really I think the thing that's kind of hard
is that like a we don't know if we're gonna
get us a third season and be like, you know
that feeling for those of you that don't work in
television and film, which I think is probably a lot
(13:48):
of ourst listeners are just like cool normal people. Yeah,
it's you know, the feeling when like you take a
picture and or someone takes a picture of you and
post it on Instagram or Facebook or something, and you're like, no,
I look stupid, and uh, that is the feeling that
I have when I watch myself on TV. Really every
(14:10):
episode of the show, I have a really hard time.
Oh good, I like it's it's more like and like
rubbing my case. You guys, if you're not watching this
on you, I don't know. It's really hard for me.
And it's not even like how I look that part
is not even it's whatever. It's more like, oh no,
(14:33):
the disconnect between I thought I was being a good
actor in this scene and now I'm watching the scene
and I'm like, I'm kind of bad. Like I'm watching
it my work is not good. Well, continue watching this season.
I mean, listen, here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I'm going to watch Hypercriticals and I'm gonna I know
you are. I know you are because I know you
and we all do. We're all guilty of it. I
do the same thing. You go, oh why did I
make that choice? Or what would that take like I
get it. It's you know, there's a lot that is
out of our control, especially if we're not but.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Not the acting, and the actings in my control. And
I'm bad. I'm not bad.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
My grand was like cakes that they use and stuff
like we we don't, you know, we do our thing
and then and then it's out of our hands. But
I can't wait to watch the rest of the series.
And I'm gonna I'm gonna flood you with fucking compliment.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I mean, here's what I was gonna say that I'm
trying to get more better at, which is just like
accepting somehow understanding that like, Okay, I'm not as good
as I wanted to be. That can be true at
the same time that the thing that I did I'm
really proud of, Like I am proud of the thing.
I'm proud of the show. I think it's so funny.
(15:51):
Everyone else is so great in it. It looks fucking fantastic,
like and how I felt when I was making it
was like that was such a special experience. It was
so special and like fun and like that can exist.
I'm trying to be more better out letting that exist
while also understanding like maybe I'm not as good as
(16:13):
an actor I thought it was, and I need to
like work on some stuff to get to the place
that I feel really really confident about the work that
I am looking at. Or I just do you know
what Adam Driver does, which does never watch anything that
I do. I don't know what the answer is here,
but I'm trying to be more fun.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Well, I was going to add I also think that
part of what you're describing is true for almost any artists,
except maybe the really crazy narcissistic ones. But like we're
it's like that Martha Graham quote, Like there's this divine
dissatisfaction because you are because actually, when you're a brilliant
(16:58):
artist the way you are, you're you're always trying to
be better, Like you know what I mean. Like I
think I think it's accepting that it's always going to
be weird to watch ourselves. It's always going to be like,
you know, not enough. At the same time, that's also
the thing that pushes us to keep like trying to
(17:21):
be better, trying to get better at this thing, trying
to hone our craft, trying to evolve as an artist,
like and be better every single job. Like I don't
think this is the kind of thing that you ever
go like, I got it, Like I'm like, I know
exactly what I'm doing and what I'm gonna do, Like
I think any I think the actors, oh think like that,
(17:41):
like usually are not that good.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I would agree with you. I would agree I agree
with you. I think the thing I'm missing is the
divinity is the thing that I'm missing. The piece is
the thing that I'm missing. The her quote that is
a fantastic quote which I've heard before, but like the
divinity in it, the divine sat dissatisfaction is the thing
that I'm missing.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I am just sitting in the distisfaction. Divine the divine
dissatisfaction keeps us marching on or something like that. That's
exceptional fire. It's the thing that keeps like pushing you
forward to.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Get which is like, oh, I want to get better,
as opposed to like, oh my god, I'm horrible in this.
I hate myself, you know, which is like, yeah that is,
and that's actually not true. I don't hate myself in it.
I just hate my face. No, I'm just kidding. I
ah more better. Anyway, what are we talking about this week?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
We are talking about on our very first episode back
making decisions.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Okay, yeah, this is a hard one for me sometimes
other times I'm a master at it. So I can't
wait to get into this because, like, I really feel
like this is a this is something that we get
challenged by all the time. Yeah, what's your experience with
making decisions? I can be really good at it if
like so both of us have directed, or you've directed
a lot more than me. But I found that one
of the things that was easiest for me directing television
(19:12):
was making choices. I was just like, oh, this that
the other You know, people will come up to you
all day and ask you, like, what do you think
about this? What is this choice?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
You know, all day you have to make decisions.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Whether it was like all day you know, do you
want the window brighter? Do you want the do what
do you want her to wear? What do you want
to like?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Do you like the darker blue shirt or the lighter
blue shirt?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
For this, I was like bing bang boom, boom, boom boom,
Like those choices were so easy for me. Decorating my house,
I was like this, this, this, this, like I knew
things were when things were wrong immediately like I was like, no,
that's not right. I mean we need to change that
or whatever. I'm really good at it if I'm passionate
(19:58):
about the thing that's happening, but like I get totally frozen.
Like yesterday we had the whole day free in New
York until we had to take the peloton class at five.
Brad was like, what do you want to do? And
I was frozen, locked into my phone like looking for
like what do I want to do? I don't know,
(20:18):
I just want it for an hour in New York
City or city. What about you?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
I think I'm very similar. Yeah, I was going to
say that I feel like I operate in the two
extremes when it comes to decisions of either being incredibly
decisive or completely frozen, like there's no in between. I
wish I could find more in between, but I don't
know how to live in the in between. I'm either
so annoyingly indecisive or I'm just like no, we should
(20:49):
do this, Like yeah, definitely, that same experience with directing,
like all day, answering all those questions was like so easy, easy,
and and even just like in work or yeah, I
just I'm I'm so decisive in the moment, but when
it comes to like what should we have for dinner tonight,
(21:17):
I will become catatonic, Like I will catatonic.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yes, yes, I will.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Just this blank stare takes over my face and I
just stare at my husband or my refrigerator, and I go, yes,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I don't open the open and stair the open and
stair is I have so much trouble like making lunch
for myself because I'll just open the fridge and stare
and be like, well, there's a package of turkey and
there's a package of cheese, and I can make a
turkey cheese roll up, but I have to open both
packages and I slowly close the refrigerator and grab and
(21:54):
grab like a bar something that I don't have to
do more than two steps. Have such a hard time.
Why why is it so hard? I just the hardest
decision you've ever had to make, Like what's the hardest
thing that you've ever had, Like that you had to
like really marinate on for a long time or it
was a quick one, but it was just so hard
(22:14):
to make.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Maybe moving to la oh snap, Yeah. I feel like
David was very like this is what we got like
it was very clear and decisive for him, and I
was like, I need a minute, because I was turning
thirty and starting over in a whole new place felt
(22:40):
overwhelmingly terrifying. Yeah, even though I'd spent a lot of
time in LA And I was like, you know, pilot
season still existed then, so I would fly out every
year a couple times a year.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Side note for the listeners at home, Oh yeah, Melissa,
will you explain to us what pilot season was.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Pilot season used to be this magical, stressful time of
year where all the television networks would put all the
potential new shows that they were going to they were
going to do the first episode of, and you would
and it would happen February through like March, and of
March early April, and you would just audition for a
fuck load of pilots and then maybe you would test
(23:20):
for one, and then maybe you would book one, and
then maybe that pilot would get picked up and become
an actual show. Those are like all the steps, cliff
notes of all the steps, but they would all happen
the same time of year to be ready for fall schedules.
When we used to have TV schedules back in the day.
Now we don't have that anymore, and now pilots happen
throughout the year, which I don't miss pilot season because
(23:42):
it was such a stressful time.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Every year did it. It was dated, it hated it.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
And then especially as like a minority, most years were
like bad. There was one year where I had thirty auditions, incredible,
only one year. I think the average before that was
like eight to ten.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
It's still incredible. My pilot season was like two if
I was lucky too.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Yeah, but all the people I went to college with
were like that was their average, Like that was that
was what if you were a working actor. That was
what most non minority i'll put it actors experienced. And
then yeah, and I remember one year there. I had
(24:32):
a friend who would audition a lot of your pilot
season and there was one pilot season where you know,
diversity was in and I probably was the same year
that I had the thirty auditions and like there was
more opportunity and he was like, ah, I only have
like fifteen auditions this pilot season, and I was like,
(24:54):
that's still a lot. And sometimes equality feels like oppression.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You're so nice. I would have been like eat ship man,
that fucking I wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
But it was a very like sweet friend, but I did.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I gently you gently told you were like not on
some feces, just very not. So that's violot season, guys. Uh. Anyway,
that was a tangent, but I got big, just a decision,
move your whole life. All your friends were in New
York and still.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Are are like your close close buddies. Yeah, m hmmm,
I mean yeah, some of them actually live other places now.
But but at the time, yeah, it was like all
my people, my cousins, my family.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Your family, family's all eat both.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Yeah, and so I it felt like a really daunting
decision that I just had to sit on for a minute.
And then I finally came around, you know. I mean,
David kept reminding me. He was like, we're going to
run out of money so fast.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Because La was at that time.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I'm still like LA caught up to New York the
first two years we were here, but at the time
it was still like cheaper, and I think in a
lot of ways like it is you can still. I mean,
it's so expensive now, but there there were a good
number of years where like if you were crafty, you
could live way cheaper. Like our rent was so much
cheaper when we moved here than we've ever been in
(26:21):
New York for a two bedroom apartment that we got
in Hollywood, like in a shape of Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I mean that's like a bigger issue though, right, Like
economy wise, I think, sorry, I'm just picking some fluff
off my microphone, guys, as one does. Economy wise, I
think everything's gotten harder in the last seven years. Everyone's
money is having to stretch so much further. So like
it isn't just our city that's gotten more expensive. It's
(26:50):
like literally everywhere everyone and the cost of like living
has gone up while the median income has stayed exactly
the same. And that's on billionaires guys. A A. I
feel like the biggest decision that I ever had to make,
the biggest one that was like, oh my god, okay, okay, okay.
(27:11):
It was like probably both like around life and death,
was like am I gonna have a baby, and then
am I going to bring my dad? Like my dad's
my dad. When my dad was dying, it was like
am I gonna what do I do? And that did
feel like it wasn't like a hard decision. It was
(27:32):
just like Okay, we're doing this, but it felt it
felt like a big decision, you know, like Okay, he's
gonna I'm gonna bring him here, and then like whatever happened,
like he's gonna be with us, like he and my
mom are gonna be with us. And then it's like
whatever happens is gonna happen, Like if he lasts another
six months, if he lasts a year. He ended up
lasting a month, you know, but it was like he's
(27:55):
coming here, He's coming here, like, but it felt very
big because I knew it was gonna it was the
rest of my life. You know. It's like, no matter
what happens here from here on out, it's going to
be different because like whether or not he lasts, you know,
lives another six months, like it's going to affect all
(28:15):
of our lives on the day to day, you know,
And it did for the last month that he was alive.
It affected everything for the day to day. That was
That was like a hard one because I it wasn't
like a hard like choice, but it was hard. It
was like this is the choice, and it's hard, kind
of like having a baby. It was like it wasn't like,
oh am I gonna am I not? It was like
(28:35):
I want to and I know it's going to be hard.
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Do you have like an approach to making those big decisions, like,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Do you journal about it? Do you make a list?
Do you talk? As we've discussed on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
I fucking hate you fucking hate journals. Yeah, I'm so
sorry that. I'm so sorry that I said the words.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
It's okay. I write things down. I do make lists
sometimes I make lists. I think for those big things,
I try to just talk it out with my partner.
I talk it out with Brad a lot, but especially
if he's involved, you know, because yeah, I think with
those big things, I don't know that you're solitary necessarily
(29:21):
when you're making those kinds of those kinds of decisions
like moving.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Right, Like because that one didn't just affect you, it
affected multiple people.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Right, So like then you have to kind of take
into account everybody's, like how everybody's going to feel about
this thing. But like, I think group decisions are hard
like that, and it's not a group, it's more like
a partnership, right, Like although I guess with my dad.
(29:51):
It was a group decision. It was like me, my mom, my, sister, Anne,
Brad all kind of going like we're gonna have to
like band together to do this and like we don't
know what's going to happen. All hands on deck. Yeah right,
But like I'm really bad when I'm such a control freak,
like when it comes to like group group things, like
like when we take the whole girl, like when we
(30:12):
go on I mean like when you're talking about like
we went with multiple families to Palm Desert. I was like,
this sounds like my naightmare. I mean, I I cannot
I have. I'm like, I mean, you've been with me
to Disneyland, and I'm like, no one leaves a group.
The group doesn't separate, you know what I mean? Like
I get really like the group doesn't separate. We say together,
(30:32):
we're going to the bathroom, We're all going together. Okay.
I might have a hard time. This is when we're
eating and this is where we're eating.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I have a hard time. But here's the thing. I
think that's okay. So I can be that person if
I see that no one else is taking that role,
I'm I can I can plan, I can buy default
by default, by default. This trip we went on to Lakinta.
It was for uh four families. It's my little like
(31:03):
mom group. We all met in prenatal yoga. We did
any class together and we've just like they've been the
group of women that have helped me like navigate especially
the early years of motherhood, which shout out to them
every I hope every mother has that in their life
because there's been so many times where it's like my
kid is doing this and it's fucking annoying and then
(31:24):
they're like yup, and you're like, oh, okay, it's normal
and anyway. But one of the moms in the group
is like a super type a planner. She find she
found the deal for the hotel, She booked all our
rooms and sent the vouchers to us. She made all
their dinner reservations like she would like in our Oh fucking.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Love her, yeah, I love her yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
And she'll be like you know, she'll go to the
group for little decisions. But she's so good too because
like restaurants. We the last time we went, because we
went to this place two years ago for Labor Day weekend,
we had dinner one night at the steakhouse and it
was terrible because we all had toddlers and it's like
a nice steakhouse and they it just wasn't family friendly
(32:14):
and everybody was stressed out and like shoving food down
their mouth and like trying to get the fuck out
of there. Yeah, and so she was like, we don't
want to do the steakhouse again, right, and we were
like fuck no. And then she was like, okay, so
we love the Mexican place, and like there's this other place.
You want to do Mexican two nights and we were
like no, yeah, let's do Mexican. Let's do the other place,
like let's try it. And it was great. It was
like a bistro kind of burgers and bar food kind of.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
It was good.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Perfect, And so she was like done and she was
like five thirty good because we hit there's some very
littles and you know, and we were like, yeah, great
early dinner, love it, and she's just like and then
she was like, okay, this is what we're bringing, like
here's some ideas, like if you guys want to bring
some floaties, like.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
She just handled it.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Oh my god, amazing. And we all just showed up
and we did our parts and like brought you know,
extra snacks and extra floaties for the kids and games
and like, you know, we all like chipped in. We
also weren't like fucking assholes.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
That's the other thing. If you're in a.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Group, you also like have to contribute, not just like
let the person do every you know what I mean.
I was like, I got board games, I got this,
I got you know, I'm gonna bring this.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
That's the thing. She she she shaped it so that
you guys could make some choices like oh, I'll bring
this or I'll bring this. Yeah, I'm gonna I want
to make a choice about where we're gonna eat. But
she did. She wasn't like where do you guys want
to eat? She was like Mexican Okay, you know what
I mean. Like she she had a handle on it,
(33:43):
but still had flexibility, so it didn't feel like, oh
my god, we're doing everything, yes she wants to do.
Would you rather like your life? I know the answer
for myself. Would you rather have more choices or less
(34:05):
choices in your life? Oh? My god, less choices.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Nothing stresses me out more than when I go to
a fucking restaurant and the menu is more than.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
A page long. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I if I see a book, I need to decide
what I'm going to eat before I walk into a
cheesecake factory because that fucking book stresses me out so much.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, that's real. That's real.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
If I walk into a restaurant and there's like four
or five entree choices, I am so happy. Yeah, I
like this place is amazing. I love it. Yes, I cannot.
I need less choices. Give me two or three options.
I'm good to go. If you give me ten, I'm
that catatonic look on my face is gonna come and
(34:47):
I'm gonna be like I don't know what tox. That's
how New York City feels to me.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
It's like I don't know where I'm going, Like there's
so many funny vintage choices. There's so many, Like I
was like, I want to go to a store, I
want to go to I want to go And then
it was like ooh, like I felt like I was
gonna have an aneurysm. There's so many choices about where
to look at things, and like, yeah, and also me,
(35:11):
I love I love choices too. In that like I
was thinking about, like I was thinking about for you.
You know, you and I share a stylist and Ariel
and I always joke, but like you'll come in and
try on like three things and like if they fit great,
You're like, yes, done, We're done. Like we're done.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Like she literally asked me to drive try on more.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Me, try on a couple more things. Meanwhile, She'll have
like a rack of clothes for me, and I'm like,
is this it there? What about that? Can I try
that on? Is that someone else's Did they say no
to it? Can I try it on? Like I love
choosing things to wear, like I love it. Meanwhile, I'm
always in the same thing. I'm always in like a
vintage T shirt, Levi's jeans. But like, I love having
the choices, right, Like my closet is full of Like
(35:56):
so if you want to do and.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
You see a small rack, you're immediately stressed out.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
If I see a small rack, I'm not stressed. I'm
just like, oh okay, Oh it's very curated today. I
wonder what is here? You know, I prefer to see
I prefer to see a rack that looks hefty so
that I'm like, oh, there's gonna be a lot of
choices here. And that's also because like I know that
(36:25):
clothes are hard. Clothes are I mean, this is something
that we can talk about bodies on a future episode.
But like clothes are hard because they're not. They're all
made on different fit models. They all fit us differently.
All of our bodies are different, and like sometimes something
will fit, you know, on the top for me, but
then like the butt, just like my booty is Listen,
(36:46):
I've been doing my my pilates, I've been doing my peloton,
and my booty is booty ing right now, you know. Okay, Okay,
I mean listen, I'm really trying to battle the side.
Note my mom, My mom doesn't listen to this, so
it's okay. But like my mom came over like Labor
Day weekend, which we were all in the pool and stuff,
and my mom's so cute in her little leopard bathing suit.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
But she's got like a slat.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
But yeah, like I call her SpongeBob square butt, and
like I've inherited the SpongeBob square butt. And sometimes I
see my own butt and like in a picture or something,
and I'm like that's SpongeBob score butt. So I have
to really battle the SpongeBob scare butt. You know exactly
what I'm talking about. It looks like fucking square and
(37:30):
yeah thistical genetically, sometimes my booty be looking like a square.
Shout out to wrang those jeans that never make my
booty look like a square. Thank you wranglers. Yes. How
do you teach your boys to make choices? Do you
give them choices? Is this something that you like with them?
(37:52):
I do.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I have two pretty wilful boys. One is much more
willful than the other and needs choices. Like if you
only give him one choice, he's like what else is available?
It's like living total little lawyer. So I do as
often as I can. But then also I see the
other side of it, like sometimes sometimes David will say
(38:16):
like what do you want to eat to lunch to
the children, and I'm like, nope, nope, no, I'm like,
that's like that's a terrible question. They're going to tell
you they're they're going to go into paralysis, or they're
going to ask for a pizza or candy or like
you know. I was like, give them two choices, or
just make something and give it to them. Yeah, so
I feel like there's a time and a place I
(38:36):
do try to give like two or three decisions. Now
having a nine year old, it's really interesting because we're
getting into like tween years. Like literally, I had this
realization the other day where I was like, oh my god,
I think I have a tween and then somebody like
confirmed it for me. They were like, yeah, that like
that's that's nine to twelve. Those are the tween years.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
And I was like, ugh, but my god, I was
still playing with when I was nine, I know, but
it is I was like playing with dolls bro. Yeah,
I mean I was like Samantha from the American Girls,
(39:14):
you know what I mean, Like I was like reading Girls. Yeah,
Like no, you're still a kid.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
But it like biologically, it's when like the first little
bits of hormones like start coming in and I've seen
it in some moodswings like yeah, okay. So he oh
so he had to pick an elective for the first
time in school and there was four or five choices okay,
and it was the first time where uh we really
(39:41):
had to like talk it out. I was like, oh, shoot,
he has to like decide something kind of big and
we have to like weigh the pros and cons, and
like what was hard was he didn't really want to
do any of them because we thought we thought debate
was going to be one of the choices and it wasn't.
And so oh he was because when I told him that,
(40:02):
he was like, what's debate? And I was like, you
just argue with people to like prove your right.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Oh my god. He was like he was like wow, wow, wow, wow,
wow wow, my life's calling. Oh god, that's so funny. Goddamn,
that's funny.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
So he had a pick, like, you know, two of
them were music based, and then there's like drama and dance.
He was like, definitely not dance. Definitely not drama. So
he's like, I know, I thought maybe there would be
no he was like hard pass on the drama ross
well from him, he was like getting up in front
(40:40):
of people and like acting. God, no, okay, okay, yeah.
I was like, well, what if part of drama is
like making up the things for people to do. He's like,
it's not. I already asked that and I was like okay, ah,
but yeah, so yeah, it's just beginning. And I and
I it wasn't something I put a lot of thought into,
(41:02):
but I guess I approached it the way I like
you were saying, like, I think I make a lot
of decisions by like talking it out, Like I need
to talk it out, like whether it's with David or
friend or you know, it's like it depends on what
the decision is that I find, Like I'll go to
a person that I feel like maybe an expert or
is going to be smarter than me in that world.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
You know, like I've got I go to you sometimes
for work decisions, or I've gone I've gone to Andy
sometimes for work decisions, like and uh, and I just
have to talk it out and then I'm usually talking
it out. By the end of talking it out and
you're like weighing pros and cons, it just becomes clearer
what you want to do.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
So what you're talking about right now, I think is
so fascinating because what you're talking about is is accessing
and practicing your critical thinking skills, your actual like brain
going like what do I want when I critically look
at this decision that I'm gonna make, I want to
talk about it. It's like, and then I want to
(42:08):
that thing that I like to say, which is like
I want to not just play the trailer, I want
to watch the whole movie, Like what happens at the
end of this if I choose this right? Yeah, And
like this is where I think letting chat GBT and
like I just went like this with my hands. But
like when you're asking, when you're asking your phone like
(42:29):
to make these choices for you, that's when it gets
really sticky, because like critical thinking is a practice. It
is a it's yeah, is a practice, and it's like
it is like working out. It's like working out these
parts of your brain that are looking at something and
act assessing whether or not you agree or disagree and
what you like and what you think about it, as
(42:52):
opposed to just giving it over to something like AI,
which is like make this choice for me an AI
is listen. AI is great for a lot of things.
Chatgybts really can be really helpful, but it does always
come with a disclaimer, which is like most of this
stuff is wrong, Like you have to follow up more better,
(43:15):
more better. So like something that isis our producer looked
up for us in our nerve time is dependence and
reliability over reliance on AI could lead to a loss
of critical thinking skills and judgment among individuals. The inability
to discern between AI generated and human generated insights can
be detrimental in situations requiring independent decision making, which is
(43:39):
like really scary and not to get too dark about it,
because this podcast is called more Better, but there there
are a lot of teenagers that are relying on chat,
GYBT and different forms of AI to help them make
decisions because they're really like confused or unable to sort
of move forward, right, And that's where I think parental
(44:03):
guidance or like mentor guidance can really come in handy
because talking things out with a kid, talking things out
with friends, and being able to be vulnerable and say
like I don't know what the right decision is. I
actually don't know. Can you help me with a real
person versus a computer? You know, an artificial intelligence is
(44:28):
is is not going to come at you with like
maybe the empathy or sympathy or or human experiences that
haven't been distilled down into like you know, BuzzFeed articles
that AI is grabbing outs information from, right, Like, I
think that that's a big that's big that you're helping
(44:51):
your kid through these like first steps of like what
choices do I want to make that reflect who I
want to be? Slash am what I do don't like,
which is like I don't want to get them in
running people right now? You know, like that might change?
What did he end up deciding bad banned? Yeah he
knew it, so he knew it. Has he watched School
(45:12):
of Rock by the way, Oh no, that's a good
Oh good, it's so funny, dude, it's such a great movie. Oh,
such a great movie. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
We sort of went with, you know, like so much
back and forth, and I finally just went just ask
your friends what they're doing, and be with your friends again,
real the people they really like, spend like more time
with during the day, Spend more time with those with friends, go,
spend more time with them and pick the same elective. Yeah, yes,
I was like, and then you know you're gonna have
a good time regardless of what it is.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Yes, you know. Yeah that also brings me to this
other part of your time, which is the good enough rule.
In his twenty sixteen book The Paradox of Choice, Why
More is Less, psychology professor Barry Schwartz says people tend
to make decisions in one of two general ways. Maximizers
try to find the perfect choice and compare everything. Satisfiers
pick good enough. The paradoxes, maximizers make objectively better decisions,
(46:05):
but might feel more regret and dissatisfaction. That's hilarious. That's
that can be really true, because like sometimes I'm like,
oh my god, oh my god, I'm my got And
then I finally settle on and I'm like, oh, but
what if I'd done the other thing as opposed to Eh, whatever,
I'll just do this right, yeah, just kind of what
we ended up doing on what was yesterday? Whatever yesterday was. Oh, girl,
(46:29):
I don't know what day it is anymore. Girl, did
I tell you our flight was delayed? I'm doing this
on like four hours of sleep. Nothing. Oh my flight
was delayed on the tarmac. Speaking of choices, we had
a choice whether or not to get off the plane
at one point, and I was like, no, I'm not
getting off this plane. I can ride this plane all
the way to LA. We were on the tarmac, or
(46:49):
not even the tarmac. We were at the gate for
two hours and then we had another hour wait on Oh,
I watched Dirty dancing holds up, great movie?
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Oh yeah, oh ahead of okay, ahead of its time,
truly ahead of time time.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Okay, I want to do this thing? Wait, hold on,
where is it? I just found us this thing. Let's
end with this. Which is this rapid fire game called
the this or that question Generator. It's like a team
building exercise. We can link it on the story in
our stories or something great. This post contains what you
found our list of this or that questions. This or
(47:32):
that questions are prompts to ask participants to choose for
one or two of two options. The purpose of these
questions is usually to help adults break the ice or
service quick and fun game for friends. These prompts are
also known as either or questions. Oh, I'm going to
scroll down to the click and the click for the
randomized questions. Are you ready Melissa? Okay, I'm ready? Okay.
Messy desk or clean desk? Clean dusk cleaned? Us? Mowing
(47:59):
the yard or the garden? Oh?
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Weating?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Weating cookies are brownies, brownies cookies? Watch sports or play sports?
Watch sports?
Speaker 1 (48:09):
Okay? Sun or moon moon? Ooh sun Son? Robots are dinosaurs.
Oh oh, they'll both kill us TV or movies TV TV,
owe money or oh a favor. I'd rather owe money, honestly,
(48:32):
I would. Also, I don't want to owe nobody in
a favorite, you know what I mean? Like, I don't
know what you're gonna ask me to do.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Oh my god, It's like when school asked you to
do shit, and I'm like, can I just give you money?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
Just get Can I just give you money I don't
want Can we.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
All just not do this thing that we all don't
want to do and.
Speaker 1 (48:49):
Just give you money? Oh my god? Would you rather
be embarrassed or be afraid?
Speaker 2 (48:53):
I'd rather be afraid rather be be is like, wow,
I don't know that's and I feel like I gave
a tricky answer though, because it's really hard to embarrass me.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Okay, so it's just no, no, it just means I
don't I challenge accepted. Wow. Okay, so I'll remember that.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
Fruits are vegetables. Vegetables. Fruits. Words are actions words. Actions.
I love romance. I mean I'm thinking about it romantically.
Chocolate or vanilla, vanilla.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Chocolate, Hot coffee or iced coffee. I know your answer
depends on the hot, but I did have an ice
latte today.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Oh, because it's fucking hot out, call first thing in
the morning or call in the middle of the night.
Let's say it's someone calling you, I'd rather call first
thing in the morning. If it's the middle of the night,
that's an emergency, that's scary.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Yeah, first in the morning, right, But I am talking
not useful for no, please don't call me for an
emergen the morning.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
No, I'm going to change.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
My answer to the middle of the night because I'm
actually going to be more useful.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
And then you'll be like, what's going on.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
Okay, I'm in, I'm locked in, I will go, I've
got I will I'm British shovel, I will do whatever.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
Would you a speeding ticket or parking ticket? Parking ticket? Yeah,
I don't want to be I don't want uh uhh no.
Sneezing or coughing, ew, coughing, disgusting both of them laughing you.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
I hate sneezing so much. My whole family makes fun
of me because I will yell the F word after
I sneeze, because.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Everyone you like sneezed. Did you sneeze your cough like
right in my mouth? That one time when you were sick.
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (50:52):
I just told that story on Angela Johnson's podcast. I
had strep throat and I laughed.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I didn't cough.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
I laughed and a little bit in my mouth, a
tiny piece of spit went into Stephanie's mouth, and I
was like, for her, wedding was before your wedding or
before your botch Ratt party. It was right before, like
a wedding event. I don't remember if it was the
wedding itself or a wedding event.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
I conducted myself very well in that moment. I wasn't
like you did you?
Speaker 2 (51:18):
I was like, I could tell that you maybe wanted
to kill me, but but exact way, what can you do?
What can you restrange yourself? And you think like you
didn't get sick? God, that was the worst case of
strap and I can't believed and get it.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
I had a pimple that I manifested away the morning
of my wedding. I was like, no, you're not you're not, No,
you're not here, You're not invited to this. You have
to go away.
Speaker 2 (51:43):
We're going to You're gonna go back into the body
and you're yeah at a later time.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
And it did. It dissipated.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
Yeah, I believe that. Shit, that's the power of mine.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
I do too, That's that's the power of me making
a decision. Okay, last question, Christmas or your birthday? Oh Christmas?
That Christmas? Yeah, listen, I love not you Juanna. Okay,
that was fine. It reminded mad like a BuzzFeed quiz. God.
I used to love those. Oh my god, that was fun. Well,
(52:14):
we will link that somewhere for you guys to do,
because that is a fun kind of game for people.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, more better.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
Okay, what'd you learn today? And I learned?
Speaker 2 (52:30):
Well, I think I learned that maybe I'm better at
decisions than I thought I was when we started this conversation. Yeah,
and like that, there's not really a right way or
a wrong way to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
No, not really works for you. I want to start
calling this part takeaway because that's what the Brits call takeout.
Oh we're gonna do what's your takeaways? What's your takeaways?
I like that? Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. My
takeaway is like, I'm not this is okay. The way
that I'm doing this is all right. I don't have
to get upset at it's really the judgment around the
(53:06):
decision making. Yeah, that is the worst part. It's like
me judging myself as doing a bad job on my
trip by being a little bit paralyzed. Like, so what,
I still had a great day. It was really fun.
I did stuff that like I didn't plan for but
was still fun and exciting.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Yeah, and you were in a place where there's like
too many decisions.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
It's fine.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
So it's fine. That was a very human reaction. Incredible
an overwhelming place, New York City.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
It's not for the week. Do you feel a little
more better? I always feel a little way better. Yeah,
I do.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
I do.
Speaker 1 (53:44):
It's a good guys, season two. We're up to a
great start. We're so excited to continue doing this podcast.
Thank you guys for listening. We're so excited to bring
you more stuff. Please continue sending us your questions and
stuff like that, because we love talking about it and
we'd love giving advice, even though we're totally unqualified. Anyway.
(54:11):
We'll see you guys next time. See next Dame Baby,
more more better. Do you have something you'd like to
be more better at that you want us to talk
about in a future episode?
Speaker 2 (54:22):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (54:26):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's
Mikuntura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.
More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zabels.
Speaker 2 (54:47):
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Kumero, along
with Wilmore Valderrama and Leo Klem at WV Sound and
ISIS Madrid.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid and engineered by
Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and
Hello Boy. Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and
photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Sugas Bye,
Remember when you like sneezed. Did you sneeze your cough
like right in my mouth that one time when you
were sick. I didn't cough.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I laughed and a little bit in my mouth. A
tiny piece of spit went into Stephanie's mouth. And it
was right before her wedding.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
And I was like, I conducted myself very well in
that moment. I wasn't like you did you.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I was like, I could tell that you maybe wanted
to kill me, but you restrained yourself.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
More and more Better, More and Better, got a little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
More better, more and more. Welcome to More Better, a
podcast where we stopped pretending to have it all together and.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Embraced the journey of becoming a little more better every day,
or at least trying to. That's most of a marrow,
and that's Stephanie vadris Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Welcome back. First episode back for the new season. Yay, Yeah,
I cut my hair again? He did? I did? I
cut it again? That Bob on you. It's so good,
so much. You know. Here's how you know here. Here's
(01:13):
here's the thing. Social media it's awful. It can be
really great, but it can be really awful too, because
I was Fela butt coming on.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Well.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I was like, I really like my new hair. I
really am enjoying it. And someone coming, why do you
keep cutting your hair and then growing it back out?
Don't you realize that this look is really bad on you?
And I was like, oh, that's that's how you know
that you like your own haircut, because I was like
I don't care what this or something like yeah, and
then I immediately blocked them, right, but like, I really
(01:43):
like my haircut. I really I'm enjoying this.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
When did we lose the If you have nothing nice
to say, don't say anything at all.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh assume we don't have to stand in front of
someone and like be a peron, you know what I mean? Like,
no one's gonna come up to you and stand there
and be like, why did you cut your hair again?
It doesn't look good, you know, Like because I would
be like, what's fucking wrong with you? What the hell
is wrong with you? Just keep your opinions to yourself. Also,
I don't give a shit what you think about my hair.
(02:13):
Like they would have to deal with somebody stepping up
to them, stepping up? Oh my god, do the kids.
I still know that no step, step up, like and
what you got. One time on the bus when I
was little, there was a new girl on the bus.
I mean I think I was like in sixth grade.
There was a new girl on the bus and I
(02:33):
didn't have glasses yet, so I was like squinting and
trying to figure out like her face and like whether
or not I could like come up walk up to
her and be like, Hi, do you wanna be friends?
And she was from a distinctly different let's say she
was tough and she came up to me on the
bus and was like, why do you keep mad dogging me?
Do you want to step up? And I was like
(02:54):
I don't know what either one of those things mean.
Like in my mind, I was like, I don't know,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I don't know me We're gonna hang out? What is that?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Anyway? How have you been? What's been going on? Give
me a little update?
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Download what has been going on? I have summered really
hard this year and it was great and it was
also exhausting, but it was great. It was the first
summer that I'm out of the toddler years officially, and
(03:30):
it was the first summer where I packed them so
quickly for our trips because I just had to take
a lot less shit.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Oh yeah, no diaper, there's no like.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
No diapers, no white not even excessive snacks, like I
know what they're gonna tell you. What can you guys
read like yeah, like or I know I can get
at like I don't need you know, they're pretty they're
so used to the cross country flight too, that they
pretty much stay on their iPads the whole time, like
(04:02):
watching movies and whatever. And I'll maybe bring like one
activity for Axle for the little one in case he
gets bored of the iPad. But so travel was like
so easy, casey.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
It's bored in case he gets bored of the iPad.
Is so funny to me, in case he gets bored
of me that the universe had his fingertips. Yeah, okay,
go onside. It was very funny, no truly.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
And then like they also they they on trips, they'll
play together or they'll play by them, like you don't
have we don't have to hover. They know how to swim,
like so I can like lay on a lounge chair
while they're swimming or playing and I'm not you know,
I'm keeping an eye on them, but I don't have
to watch them like a hawk anymore. Like, and I
(04:52):
actually could rest. They're also big enough where like we
could sleep in in a bunch of mornings because they
would go to the kitchen and grab a banana and
just like wait for us to get up, like unbelievable, whole.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
New life, like a whole new.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And I there were a few times this summer where
I turned to David I was like, we're doing so
many I mean we did like five trips with them
this summer.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
And I was like, I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm not
completely exhausted. I'm having a good time with them because
they're really like people now, Like we're having conversations and like,
it just was such a difference. And I never would
have imagined that we would have done that many trips
with them. I mean, we did a weekend trip to
New York, like an in and out trip with New York.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You took them to New York City?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Did it was a real quick Any family members listening
to this, I'm sorry I didn't call you.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
We were literally there for three days.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
No.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Oh, well that's impossible, so okay, wait list off the
places you went, and then did you stay with friends
or did you.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Stay with No, we got a hotel, Okay, Fat went
for our very good friends Michael and Harris were celebrating
their thirtieth wedding anniversary at Tavern on the Green and
it was beautiful and it meant so much to them
that we made the effort to go. But I also
was like, you know, I feel like, especially the last
(06:18):
few years, I've shifted to just like we got to
show up for the big moments, like yeah, for sure,
just got to make it work. And there's just one
of them where I was like, it's gonna be crazy,
it's gonna suck. We're going to take the kids, we're
going to go for a weekend, and we're just gonna
show up to his party. And we're so glad we did.
But they were so freaking happy to see the fucking
Statue of Liberty.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
They really they were like super into it, so into it. Well,
was it about it? Is it like the life side
like or bigger than life?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
What is it that they've seen so many pictures of
it and now they're seeing it in real life, more
so for the older one than the younger one. Axel
was like a little bit less impressed, but Enzo was
like mind blown. Took a gazillion pictures of the Statute
of Life, pretty so so happy, picked out this really
cool antique looking pocket watch at the gift shop.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
That he like treasures, and like when you ask him
about New York, he's like.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
That was my favorite thing. And I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And just like seeing who we could meet up with
in a park. And we went to a bunch of
playgrounds and walked around and and so did say the
pizza was the best pizza he's ever had in his life.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Good, we said, good man. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
The bagels though, he was like, the bagels were okay.
He said he likes Hank's bagels more.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Oh snap, Okay, so he's showing out to LA's Hanks bagels.
He's a little la baby, Yeah, La Baby, I know
it's amazing. So you really have crossed You've crossed the
line over. You've crossed the line over like a trip
or vacation, right, that thing that they say that you're
not you can't take a vacation with the kids.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, kind of it still feels like a trip, but
it definitely Yeah, there were there were moments of like,
this feels like a vacation.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
If you had to give your if you had to
give it a overall score with like x percent vacation,
x percent trip, what would you give it this summer?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
I would say this summer was maybe at like sixty
percent trip, thirty percent vacation.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
That's good, that's good. I would And in the past
I would have said like ninety percent trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. I don't take this child places.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yeah, because it's so hard with a toddler. But I
feel like I see the light. I feel like I'm like, oh,
we could maybe think about doing bigger trips or longer
trips or yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Like something.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
It feels now real. Yeah, I mean so it's I
mean it's coming. You're you're on the cusp.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah, yeah, we're clot we're getting. I mean she does
really well when there's like activities and stuff, like we
took ros to Cleveland to see her aunt and uncle
and like that was fabulous and like we were there
for like literally a day and that was amazing and
she did really well. But I know, New York City,
(09:12):
whoof I don't think I could do it with her
I mean I barely do it with Brad, Like yeah,
very Brad has a hard time with the New York.
Like we were there for three days, three days just
over Labor Day for the US Open, and like the
reason that he had a good time was because like
got to go to the US Open. We saw a
play and he ate everything everything ever. You know, he
(09:32):
had like a list of places that he was going
to go and and you got to take a must
girl up. Helton class was pretty fun one. It was
really fun. Yeah, because like I don't know, I mean
I used to teach workout classes, like uh, there's something
that happens like in the studio when like everybody's like
(09:54):
you're about to kind of like feel you know, when
you're at home alone working out and you hit that
point where were like I could just stop here, like
I did, I did enough. You know, literally em a
love well. The teacher was like I know how you
feel right now. You're like I could stop, I've done enough.
And I was like she's in my mind, you know,
like she she's a witch's She was fabulous. She was
(10:16):
very very good at like just making us feel like,
you know, I don't know those teachers are really gifted.
They I hope they paid them a lot of money.
I really do, because they deserve it, because they just
make you feel like you could do anything. I mean,
I don't know. I don't pay attention to like my
leaderboard scores and shit, because like, fuck you, I'm on
the bike working out. I don't need to look at shit.
(10:37):
I don't. We don't need that. No Brad does. He's
like all about it. After class. He was like, you
know who was first in the class leader board? And
I was like, let me guess. Oh my god, shut up, Brad.
I know it's really hard sometimes m m. But I
mean that I get it. Can come. Competition can push
(10:58):
people harder. Listen, when I'm in a pilates class, do
I pay attention to what the woman next to me
is doing? Absolutely? If she's holding that plank, I am
trying to also hold that plank. That's why I like
to sit, you know, like I like to get on
the machine. That's like next to the girl that looks
really strong, So I'm like, what's she gonna do? Can
I be as strong as her? Usually the answer is no,
but at least I get pushed a little harder. Yes,
(11:19):
versus at home where I'm just like I've done enough,
Like I'm good, you know, although you stand up here
and like I'm in a stretch, stretch, I feel like, wait, okay,
so you answered the question of like what have you
done lately? That's more better, which is like you've traveled
with your children and it's been not as hellish. By
(11:40):
the way, for those of you listening that don't have kids,
enjoy your time, yeah, because it really does shift a lot.
And it was magical to have some days with Brad
where my sister was watching Roz because yeah, it was
just nice. I mean, like I haven't slept in like
that in a long time. I mean it was you know,
(12:05):
it was really nice. It's just different. Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
And again toddler years, like they don't let you sleep in.
They eventually do our kids let us sleep in a
bunch of the summer. He does sleep, but she does.
She's asleeper.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
She doesn't go to bed, but she does sleep. Yeah,
she's like her bedtime is like nine thirty or ten.
Like she's a fucking party and in that room. Yeah, yeah,
she's a little night owl. Yeah, what have you done
that's more better? Yeah? No, girl, like I've been very
I have continued my therapy journey. We're still taking our meds.
(12:43):
Great tis the Metal came out. If you guys haven't
watched it, it's on Peacock right now. All the season
has dropped.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
I have watched the first two episodes and very behind him. Sorry,
I'm a very bad friend. Okay, it's okay, watched anything
all summer, but you got a.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Dude's head off in the episode two, and it's so bad.
I did. That's me jumping. That's me doing almost everything there.
I probably love to jumping so much.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I've known you for so long. I try to like.
The stunt work is really really good, though I can't
always tell when it's there's a swap, and I think
only I can tell in small moments because I know
you so so well. Yeah, but yeah, I saw that
jump and I was like that.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
That was me. That was me. I'm really proud of it.
It's really I think the thing that's kind of hard
is that like a we don't know if we're gonna
get us a third season and be like, you know
that feeling for those of you that don't work in
television and film, which I think is probably a lot
(13:48):
of ourst listeners are just like cool normal people. Yeah,
it's you know, the feeling when like you take a
picture and or someone takes a picture of you and
post it on Instagram or Facebook or something, and you're like, no,
I look stupid, and uh, that is the feeling that
I have when I watch myself on TV. Really every
(14:10):
episode of the show, I have a really hard time.
Oh good, I like it's it's more like and like
rubbing my case. You guys, if you're not watching this
on you, I don't know. It's really hard for me.
And it's not even like how I look that part
is not even it's whatever. It's more like, oh no,
(14:33):
the disconnect between I thought I was being a good
actor in this scene and now I'm watching the scene
and I'm like, I'm kind of bad. Like I'm watching
it my work is not good. Well, continue watching this season.
I mean, listen, here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I'm going to watch Hypercriticals and I'm gonna I know
you are. I know you are because I know you
and we all do. We're all guilty of it. I
do the same thing. You go, oh why did I
make that choice? Or what would that take like I
get it. It's you know, there's a lot that is
out of our control, especially if we're not but.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Not the acting, and the actings in my control. And
I'm bad. I'm not bad.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
My grand was like cakes that they use and stuff
like we we don't, you know, we do our thing
and then and then it's out of our hands. But
I can't wait to watch the rest of the series.
And I'm gonna I'm gonna flood you with fucking compliment.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I mean, here's what I was gonna say that I'm
trying to get more better at, which is just like
accepting somehow understanding that like, Okay, I'm not as good
as I wanted to be. That can be true at
the same time that the thing that I did I'm
really proud of, Like I am proud of the thing.
I'm proud of the show. I think it's so funny.
(15:51):
Everyone else is so great in it. It looks fucking fantastic,
like and how I felt when I was making it
was like that was such a special experience. It was
so special and like fun and like that can exist.
I'm trying to be more better out letting that exist
while also understanding like maybe I'm not as good as
(16:13):
an actor I thought it was, and I need to
like work on some stuff to get to the place
that I feel really really confident about the work that
I am looking at. Or I just do you know
what Adam Driver does, which does never watch anything that
I do. I don't know what the answer is here,
but I'm trying to be more fun.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Well, I was going to add I also think that
part of what you're describing is true for almost any artists,
except maybe the really crazy narcissistic ones. But like we're
it's like that Martha Graham quote, Like there's this divine
dissatisfaction because you are because actually, when you're a brilliant
(16:58):
artist the way you are, you're you're always trying to
be better, Like you know what I mean. Like I
think I think it's accepting that it's always going to
be weird to watch ourselves. It's always going to be like,
you know, not enough. At the same time, that's also
the thing that pushes us to keep like trying to
(17:21):
be better, trying to get better at this thing, trying
to hone our craft, trying to evolve as an artist,
like and be better every single job. Like I don't
think this is the kind of thing that you ever
go like, I got it, Like I'm like, I know
exactly what I'm doing and what I'm gonna do, Like
I think any I think the actors, oh think like that,
(17:41):
like usually are not that good.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I would agree with you. I would agree I agree
with you. I think the thing I'm missing is the
divinity is the thing that I'm missing. The piece is
the thing that I'm missing. The her quote that is
a fantastic quote which I've heard before, but like the
divinity in it, the divine sat dissatisfaction is the thing
that I'm missing.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I am just sitting in the distisfaction. Divine the divine
dissatisfaction keeps us marching on or something like that. That's
exceptional fire. It's the thing that keeps like pushing you
forward to.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Get which is like, oh, I want to get better,
as opposed to like, oh my god, I'm horrible in this.
I hate myself, you know, which is like, yeah that is,
and that's actually not true. I don't hate myself in it.
I just hate my face. No, I'm just kidding. I
ah more better. Anyway, what are we talking about this week?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
We are talking about on our very first episode back
making decisions.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Okay, yeah, this is a hard one for me sometimes
other times I'm a master at it. So I can't
wait to get into this because, like, I really feel
like this is a this is something that we get
challenged by all the time. Yeah, what's your experience with
making decisions? I can be really good at it if
like so both of us have directed, or you've directed
a lot more than me. But I found that one
of the things that was easiest for me directing television
(19:12):
was making choices. I was just like, oh, this that
the other You know, people will come up to you
all day and ask you, like, what do you think
about this? What is this choice?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
You know, all day you have to make decisions.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Whether it was like all day you know, do you
want the window brighter? Do you want the do what
do you want her to wear? What do you want
to like?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Do you like the darker blue shirt or the lighter
blue shirt?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
For this, I was like bing bang boom, boom, boom boom,
Like those choices were so easy for me. Decorating my house,
I was like this, this, this, this, like I knew
things were when things were wrong immediately like I was like, no,
that's not right. I mean we need to change that
or whatever. I'm really good at it if I'm passionate
(19:58):
about the thing that's happening, but like I get totally frozen.
Like yesterday we had the whole day free in New
York until we had to take the peloton class at five.
Brad was like, what do you want to do? And
I was frozen, locked into my phone like looking for
like what do I want to do? I don't know,
(20:18):
I just want it for an hour in New York
City or city. What about you?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
I think I'm very similar. Yeah, I was going to
say that I feel like I operate in the two
extremes when it comes to decisions of either being incredibly
decisive or completely frozen, like there's no in between. I
wish I could find more in between, but I don't
know how to live in the in between. I'm either
so annoyingly indecisive or I'm just like no, we should
(20:49):
do this, Like yeah, definitely, that same experience with directing,
like all day, answering all those questions was like so easy, easy,
and and even just like in work or yeah, I
just I'm I'm so decisive in the moment, but when
it comes to like what should we have for dinner tonight,
(21:17):
I will become catatonic, Like I will catatonic.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yes, yes, I will.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Just this blank stare takes over my face and I
just stare at my husband or my refrigerator, and I go, yes,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I don't open the open and stair the open and
stair is I have so much trouble like making lunch
for myself because I'll just open the fridge and stare
and be like, well, there's a package of turkey and
there's a package of cheese, and I can make a
turkey cheese roll up, but I have to open both
packages and I slowly close the refrigerator and grab and
(21:54):
grab like a bar something that I don't have to
do more than two steps. Have such a hard time.
Why why is it so hard? I just the hardest
decision you've ever had to make, Like what's the hardest
thing that you've ever had, Like that you had to
like really marinate on for a long time or it
was a quick one, but it was just so hard
(22:14):
to make.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Maybe moving to la oh snap, Yeah. I feel like
David was very like this is what we got like
it was very clear and decisive for him, and I
was like, I need a minute, because I was turning
thirty and starting over in a whole new place felt
(22:40):
overwhelmingly terrifying. Yeah, even though I'd spent a lot of
time in LA And I was like, you know, pilot
season still existed then, so I would fly out every
year a couple times a year.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Side note for the listeners at home, Oh yeah, Melissa,
will you explain to us what pilot season was.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Pilot season used to be this magical, stressful time of
year where all the television networks would put all the
potential new shows that they were going to they were
going to do the first episode of, and you would
and it would happen February through like March, and of
March early April, and you would just audition for a
fuck load of pilots and then maybe you would test
(23:20):
for one, and then maybe you would book one, and
then maybe that pilot would get picked up and become
an actual show. Those are like all the steps, cliff
notes of all the steps, but they would all happen
the same time of year to be ready for fall schedules.
When we used to have TV schedules back in the day.
Now we don't have that anymore, and now pilots happen
throughout the year, which I don't miss pilot season because
(23:42):
it was such a stressful time.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Every year did it. It was dated, it hated it.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
And then especially as like a minority, most years were
like bad. There was one year where I had thirty auditions, incredible,
only one year. I think the average before that was
like eight to ten.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
It's still incredible. My pilot season was like two if
I was lucky too.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Yeah, but all the people I went to college with
were like that was their average, Like that was that
was what if you were a working actor. That was
what most non minority i'll put it actors experienced. And
then yeah, and I remember one year there. I had
(24:32):
a friend who would audition a lot of your pilot
season and there was one pilot season where you know,
diversity was in and I probably was the same year
that I had the thirty auditions and like there was
more opportunity and he was like, ah, I only have
like fifteen auditions this pilot season, and I was like,
(24:54):
that's still a lot. And sometimes equality feels like oppression.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You're so nice. I would have been like eat ship man,
that fucking I wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
But it was a very like sweet friend, but I did.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I gently you gently told you were like not on
some feces, just very not. So that's violot season, guys. Uh. Anyway,
that was a tangent, but I got big, just a decision,
move your whole life. All your friends were in New
York and still.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Are are like your close close buddies. Yeah, m hmmm,
I mean yeah, some of them actually live other places now.
But but at the time, yeah, it was like all
my people, my cousins, my family.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Your family, family's all eat both.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Yeah, and so I it felt like a really daunting
decision that I just had to sit on for a minute.
And then I finally came around, you know. I mean,
David kept reminding me. He was like, we're going to
run out of money so fast.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Because La was at that time.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I'm still like LA caught up to New York the
first two years we were here, but at the time
it was still like cheaper, and I think in a
lot of ways like it is you can still. I mean,
it's so expensive now, but there there were a good
number of years where like if you were crafty, you
could live way cheaper. Like our rent was so much
cheaper when we moved here than we've ever been in
(26:21):
New York for a two bedroom apartment that we got
in Hollywood, like in a shape of Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I mean that's like a bigger issue though, right, Like
economy wise, I think, sorry, I'm just picking some fluff
off my microphone, guys, as one does. Economy wise, I
think everything's gotten harder in the last seven years. Everyone's
money is having to stretch so much further. So like
it isn't just our city that's gotten more expensive. It's
(26:50):
like literally everywhere everyone and the cost of like living
has gone up while the median income has stayed exactly
the same. And that's on billionaires guys. A A. I
feel like the biggest decision that I ever had to make,
the biggest one that was like, oh my god, okay, okay, okay.
(27:11):
It was like probably both like around life and death,
was like am I gonna have a baby, and then
am I going to bring my dad? Like my dad's
my dad. When my dad was dying, it was like
am I gonna what do I do? And that did
feel like it wasn't like a hard decision. It was
(27:32):
just like Okay, we're doing this, but it felt it
felt like a big decision, you know, like Okay, he's
gonna I'm gonna bring him here, and then like whatever happened,
like he's gonna be with us, like he and my
mom are gonna be with us. And then it's like
whatever happens is gonna happen, Like if he lasts another
six months, if he lasts a year. He ended up
lasting a month, you know, but it was like he's
(27:55):
coming here, He's coming here, like, but it felt very
big because I knew it was gonna it was the
rest of my life. You know. It's like, no matter
what happens here from here on out, it's going to
be different because like whether or not he lasts, you know,
lives another six months, like it's going to affect all
(28:15):
of our lives on the day to day, you know,
And it did for the last month that he was alive.
It affected everything for the day to day. That was
That was like a hard one because I it wasn't
like a hard like choice, but it was hard. It
was like this is the choice, and it's hard, kind
of like having a baby. It was like it wasn't like,
oh am I gonna am I not? It was like
(28:35):
I want to and I know it's going to be hard.
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Do you have like an approach to making those big decisions, like,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Do you journal about it? Do you make a list?
Do you talk? As we've discussed on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
I fucking hate you fucking hate journals. Yeah, I'm so
sorry that. I'm so sorry that I said the words.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
It's okay. I write things down. I do make lists
sometimes I make lists. I think for those big things,
I try to just talk it out with my partner.
I talk it out with Brad a lot, but especially
if he's involved, you know, because yeah, I think with
those big things, I don't know that you're solitary necessarily
(29:21):
when you're making those kinds of those kinds of decisions
like moving.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Right, Like because that one didn't just affect you, it
affected multiple people.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Right, So like then you have to kind of take
into account everybody's, like how everybody's going to feel about
this thing. But like, I think group decisions are hard
like that, and it's not a group, it's more like
a partnership, right, Like although I guess with my dad.
(29:51):
It was a group decision. It was like me, my mom, my, sister, Anne,
Brad all kind of going like we're gonna have to
like band together to do this and like we don't
know what's going to happen. All hands on deck. Yeah right,
But like I'm really bad when I'm such a control freak,
like when it comes to like group group things, like
like when we take the whole girl, like when we
(30:12):
go on I mean like when you're talking about like
we went with multiple families to Palm Desert. I was like,
this sounds like my naightmare. I mean, I I cannot
I have. I'm like, I mean, you've been with me
to Disneyland, and I'm like, no one leaves a group.
The group doesn't separate, you know what I mean? Like
I get really like the group doesn't separate. We say together,
(30:32):
we're going to the bathroom, We're all going together. Okay.
I might have a hard time. This is when we're
eating and this is where we're eating.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I have a hard time. But here's the thing. I
think that's okay. So I can be that person if
I see that no one else is taking that role,
I'm I can I can plan, I can buy default
by default, by default. This trip we went on to Lakinta.
It was for uh four families. It's my little like
(31:03):
mom group. We all met in prenatal yoga. We did
any class together and we've just like they've been the
group of women that have helped me like navigate especially
the early years of motherhood, which shout out to them
every I hope every mother has that in their life
because there's been so many times where it's like my
kid is doing this and it's fucking annoying and then
(31:24):
they're like yup, and you're like, oh, okay, it's normal
and anyway. But one of the moms in the group
is like a super type a planner. She find she
found the deal for the hotel, She booked all our
rooms and sent the vouchers to us. She made all
their dinner reservations like she would like in our Oh fucking.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Love her, yeah, I love her yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
And she'll be like you know, she'll go to the
group for little decisions. But she's so good too because
like restaurants. We the last time we went, because we
went to this place two years ago for Labor Day weekend,
we had dinner one night at the steakhouse and it
was terrible because we all had toddlers and it's like
a nice steakhouse and they it just wasn't family friendly
(32:14):
and everybody was stressed out and like shoving food down
their mouth and like trying to get the fuck out
of there. Yeah, and so she was like, we don't
want to do the steakhouse again, right, and we were
like fuck no. And then she was like, okay, so
we love the Mexican place, and like there's this other place.
You want to do Mexican two nights and we were
like no, yeah, let's do Mexican. Let's do the other place,
like let's try it. And it was great. It was
like a bistro kind of burgers and bar food kind of.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
It was good.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Perfect, And so she was like done and she was
like five thirty good because we hit there's some very
littles and you know, and we were like, yeah, great
early dinner, love it, and she's just like and then
she was like, okay, this is what we're bringing, like
here's some ideas, like if you guys want to bring
some floaties, like.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
She just handled it.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Oh my god, amazing. And we all just showed up
and we did our parts and like brought you know,
extra snacks and extra floaties for the kids and games
and like, you know, we all like chipped in. We
also weren't like fucking assholes.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
That's the other thing. If you're in a.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Group, you also like have to contribute, not just like
let the person do every you know what I mean.
I was like, I got board games, I got this,
I got you know, I'm gonna bring this.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
That's the thing. She she she shaped it so that
you guys could make some choices like oh, I'll bring
this or I'll bring this. Yeah, I'm gonna I want
to make a choice about where we're gonna eat. But
she did. She wasn't like where do you guys want
to eat? She was like Mexican Okay, you know what
I mean. Like she she had a handle on it,
(33:43):
but still had flexibility, so it didn't feel like, oh
my god, we're doing everything, yes she wants to do.
Would you rather like your life? I know the answer
for myself. Would you rather have more choices or less
(34:05):
choices in your life? Oh? My god, less choices.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Nothing stresses me out more than when I go to
a fucking restaurant and the menu is more than.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
A page long. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I if I see a book, I need to decide
what I'm going to eat before I walk into a
cheesecake factory because that fucking book stresses me out so much.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, that's real. That's real.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
If I walk into a restaurant and there's like four
or five entree choices, I am so happy. Yeah, I
like this place is amazing. I love it. Yes, I cannot.
I need less choices. Give me two or three options.
I'm good to go. If you give me ten, I'm
that catatonic look on my face is gonna come and
(34:47):
I'm gonna be like I don't know what tox. That's
how New York City feels to me.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
It's like I don't know where I'm going, Like there's
so many funny vintage choices. There's so many, Like I
was like, I want to go to a store, I
want to go to I want to go And then
it was like ooh, like I felt like I was
gonna have an aneurysm. There's so many choices about where
to look at things, and like, yeah, and also me,
(35:11):
I love I love choices too. In that like I
was thinking about, like I was thinking about for you.
You know, you and I share a stylist and Ariel
and I always joke, but like you'll come in and
try on like three things and like if they fit great,
You're like, yes, done, We're done. Like we're done.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Like she literally asked me to drive try on more.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Me, try on a couple more things. Meanwhile, She'll have
like a rack of clothes for me, and I'm like,
is this it there? What about that? Can I try
that on? Is that someone else's Did they say no
to it? Can I try it on? Like I love
choosing things to wear, like I love it. Meanwhile, I'm
always in the same thing. I'm always in like a
vintage T shirt, Levi's jeans. But like, I love having
the choices, right, Like my closet is full of Like
(35:56):
so if you want to do and.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
You see a small rack, you're immediately stressed out.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
If I see a small rack, I'm not stressed. I'm
just like, oh okay, Oh it's very curated today. I
wonder what is here? You know, I prefer to see
I prefer to see a rack that looks hefty so
that I'm like, oh, there's gonna be a lot of
choices here. And that's also because like I know that
(36:25):
clothes are hard. Clothes are I mean, this is something
that we can talk about bodies on a future episode.
But like clothes are hard because they're not. They're all
made on different fit models. They all fit us differently.
All of our bodies are different, and like sometimes something
will fit, you know, on the top for me, but
then like the butt, just like my booty is Listen,
(36:46):
I've been doing my my pilates, I've been doing my peloton,
and my booty is booty ing right now, you know. Okay, Okay,
I mean listen, I'm really trying to battle the side.
Note my mom, My mom doesn't listen to this, so
it's okay. But like my mom came over like Labor
Day weekend, which we were all in the pool and stuff,
and my mom's so cute in her little leopard bathing suit.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
But she's got like a slat.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
But yeah, like I call her SpongeBob square butt, and
like I've inherited the SpongeBob square butt. And sometimes I
see my own butt and like in a picture or something,
and I'm like that's SpongeBob score butt. So I have
to really battle the SpongeBob scare butt. You know exactly
what I'm talking about. It looks like fucking square and
(37:30):
yeah thistical genetically, sometimes my booty be looking like a square.
Shout out to wrang those jeans that never make my
booty look like a square. Thank you wranglers. Yes. How
do you teach your boys to make choices? Do you
give them choices? Is this something that you like with them?
(37:52):
I do.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I have two pretty wilful boys. One is much more
willful than the other and needs choices. Like if you
only give him one choice, he's like what else is available?
It's like living total little lawyer. So I do as
often as I can. But then also I see the
other side of it, like sometimes sometimes David will say
(38:16):
like what do you want to eat to lunch to
the children, and I'm like, nope, nope, no, I'm like,
that's like that's a terrible question. They're going to tell
you they're they're going to go into paralysis, or they're
going to ask for a pizza or candy or like
you know. I was like, give them two choices, or
just make something and give it to them. Yeah, so
I feel like there's a time and a place I
(38:36):
do try to give like two or three decisions. Now
having a nine year old, it's really interesting because we're
getting into like tween years. Like literally, I had this
realization the other day where I was like, oh my god,
I think I have a tween and then somebody like
confirmed it for me. They were like, yeah, that like
that's that's nine to twelve. Those are the tween years.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
And I was like, ugh, but my god, I was
still playing with when I was nine, I know, but
it is I was like playing with dolls bro. Yeah,
I mean I was like Samantha from the American Girls,
(39:14):
you know what I mean, Like I was like reading Girls. Yeah,
Like no, you're still a kid.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
But it like biologically, it's when like the first little
bits of hormones like start coming in and I've seen
it in some moodswings like yeah, okay. So he oh
so he had to pick an elective for the first
time in school and there was four or five choices okay,
and it was the first time where uh we really
(39:41):
had to like talk it out. I was like, oh, shoot,
he has to like decide something kind of big and
we have to like weigh the pros and cons, and
like what was hard was he didn't really want to
do any of them because we thought we thought debate
was going to be one of the choices and it wasn't.
And so oh he was because when I told him that,
(40:02):
he was like, what's debate? And I was like, you
just argue with people to like prove your right.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Oh my god. He was like he was like wow, wow, wow, wow,
wow wow, my life's calling. Oh god, that's so funny. Goddamn,
that's funny.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
So he had a pick, like, you know, two of
them were music based, and then there's like drama and dance.
He was like, definitely not dance. Definitely not drama. So
he's like, I know, I thought maybe there would be
no he was like hard pass on the drama ross
well from him, he was like getting up in front
(40:40):
of people and like acting. God, no, okay, okay, yeah.
I was like, well, what if part of drama is
like making up the things for people to do. He's like,
it's not. I already asked that and I was like okay, ah,
but yeah, so yeah, it's just beginning. And I and
I it wasn't something I put a lot of thought into,
(41:02):
but I guess I approached it the way I like
you were saying, like, I think I make a lot
of decisions by like talking it out, Like I need
to talk it out, like whether it's with David or
friend or you know, it's like it depends on what
the decision is that I find, Like I'll go to
a person that I feel like maybe an expert or
is going to be smarter than me in that world.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
You know, like I've got I go to you sometimes
for work decisions, or I've gone I've gone to Andy
sometimes for work decisions, like and uh, and I just
have to talk it out and then I'm usually talking
it out. By the end of talking it out and
you're like weighing pros and cons, it just becomes clearer
what you want to do.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
So what you're talking about right now, I think is
so fascinating because what you're talking about is is accessing
and practicing your critical thinking skills, your actual like brain
going like what do I want when I critically look
at this decision that I'm gonna make, I want to
talk about it. It's like, and then I want to
(42:08):
that thing that I like to say, which is like
I want to not just play the trailer, I want
to watch the whole movie, Like what happens at the
end of this if I choose this right? Yeah, And
like this is where I think letting chat GBT and
like I just went like this with my hands. But
like when you're asking, when you're asking your phone like
(42:29):
to make these choices for you, that's when it gets
really sticky, because like critical thinking is a practice. It
is a it's yeah, is a practice, and it's like
it is like working out. It's like working out these
parts of your brain that are looking at something and
act assessing whether or not you agree or disagree and
what you like and what you think about it, as
(42:52):
opposed to just giving it over to something like AI,
which is like make this choice for me an AI
is listen. AI is great for a lot of things.
Chatgybts really can be really helpful, but it does always
come with a disclaimer, which is like most of this
stuff is wrong, Like you have to follow up more better,
(43:15):
more better. So like something that isis our producer looked
up for us in our nerve time is dependence and
reliability over reliance on AI could lead to a loss
of critical thinking skills and judgment among individuals. The inability
to discern between AI generated and human generated insights can
be detrimental in situations requiring independent decision making, which is
(43:39):
like really scary and not to get too dark about it,
because this podcast is called more Better, but there there
are a lot of teenagers that are relying on chat,
GYBT and different forms of AI to help them make
decisions because they're really like confused or unable to sort
of move forward, right, And that's where I think parental
(44:03):
guidance or like mentor guidance can really come in handy
because talking things out with a kid, talking things out
with friends, and being able to be vulnerable and say
like I don't know what the right decision is. I
actually don't know. Can you help me with a real
person versus a computer? You know, an artificial intelligence is
(44:28):
is is not going to come at you with like
maybe the empathy or sympathy or or human experiences that
haven't been distilled down into like you know, BuzzFeed articles
that AI is grabbing outs information from, right, Like, I
think that that's a big that's big that you're helping
(44:51):
your kid through these like first steps of like what
choices do I want to make that reflect who I
want to be? Slash am what I do don't like,
which is like I don't want to get them in
running people right now? You know, like that might change?
What did he end up deciding bad banned? Yeah he
knew it, so he knew it. Has he watched School
(45:12):
of Rock by the way, Oh no, that's a good
Oh good, it's so funny, dude, it's such a great movie. Oh,
such a great movie. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
We sort of went with, you know, like so much
back and forth, and I finally just went just ask
your friends what they're doing, and be with your friends again,
real the people they really like, spend like more time
with during the day, Spend more time with those with friends, go,
spend more time with them and pick the same elective. Yeah, yes,
I was like, and then you know you're gonna have
a good time regardless of what it is.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Yes, you know. Yeah that also brings me to this
other part of your time, which is the good enough rule.
In his twenty sixteen book The Paradox of Choice, Why
More is Less, psychology professor Barry Schwartz says people tend
to make decisions in one of two general ways. Maximizers
try to find the perfect choice and compare everything. Satisfiers
pick good enough. The paradoxes, maximizers make objectively better decisions,
(46:05):
but might feel more regret and dissatisfaction. That's hilarious. That's
that can be really true, because like sometimes I'm like,
oh my god, oh my god, I'm my got And
then I finally settle on and I'm like, oh, but
what if I'd done the other thing as opposed to Eh, whatever,
I'll just do this right, yeah, just kind of what
we ended up doing on what was yesterday? Whatever yesterday was. Oh, girl,
(46:29):
I don't know what day it is anymore. Girl, did
I tell you our flight was delayed? I'm doing this
on like four hours of sleep. Nothing. Oh my flight
was delayed on the tarmac. Speaking of choices, we had
a choice whether or not to get off the plane
at one point, and I was like, no, I'm not
getting off this plane. I can ride this plane all
the way to LA. We were on the tarmac, or
(46:49):
not even the tarmac. We were at the gate for
two hours and then we had another hour wait on Oh,
I watched Dirty dancing holds up, great movie?
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Oh yeah, oh ahead of okay, ahead of its time,
truly ahead of time time.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Okay, I want to do this thing? Wait, hold on,
where is it? I just found us this thing. Let's
end with this. Which is this rapid fire game called
the this or that question Generator. It's like a team
building exercise. We can link it on the story in
our stories or something great. This post contains what you
found our list of this or that questions. This or
(47:32):
that questions are prompts to ask participants to choose for
one or two of two options. The purpose of these
questions is usually to help adults break the ice or
service quick and fun game for friends. These prompts are
also known as either or questions. Oh, I'm going to
scroll down to the click and the click for the
randomized questions. Are you ready Melissa? Okay, I'm ready? Okay.
Messy desk or clean desk? Clean dusk cleaned? Us? Mowing
(47:59):
the yard or the garden? Oh?
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Weating?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Weating cookies are brownies, brownies cookies? Watch sports or play sports?
Watch sports?
Speaker 1 (48:09):
Okay? Sun or moon moon? Ooh sun Son? Robots are dinosaurs.
Oh oh, they'll both kill us TV or movies TV TV,
owe money or oh a favor. I'd rather owe money, honestly,
(48:32):
I would. Also, I don't want to owe nobody in
a favorite, you know what I mean? Like, I don't
know what you're gonna ask me to do.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Oh my god, It's like when school asked you to
do shit, and I'm like, can I just give you money?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
Just get Can I just give you money I don't
want Can we.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
All just not do this thing that we all don't
want to do and.
Speaker 1 (48:49):
Just give you money? Oh my god? Would you rather
be embarrassed or be afraid?
Speaker 2 (48:53):
I'd rather be afraid rather be be is like, wow,
I don't know that's and I feel like I gave
a tricky answer though, because it's really hard to embarrass me.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Okay, so it's just no, no, it just means I
don't I challenge accepted. Wow. Okay, so I'll remember that.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
Fruits are vegetables. Vegetables. Fruits. Words are actions words. Actions.
I love romance. I mean I'm thinking about it romantically.
Chocolate or vanilla, vanilla.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Chocolate, Hot coffee or iced coffee. I know your answer
depends on the hot, but I did have an ice
latte today.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Oh, because it's fucking hot out, call first thing in
the morning or call in the middle of the night.
Let's say it's someone calling you, I'd rather call first
thing in the morning. If it's the middle of the night,
that's an emergency, that's scary.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Yeah, first in the morning, right, But I am talking
not useful for no, please don't call me for an
emergen the morning.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
No, I'm going to change.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
My answer to the middle of the night because I'm
actually going to be more useful.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
And then you'll be like, what's going on.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
Okay, I'm in, I'm locked in, I will go, I've
got I will I'm British shovel, I will do whatever.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
Would you a speeding ticket or parking ticket? Parking ticket? Yeah,
I don't want to be I don't want uh uhh no.
Sneezing or coughing, ew, coughing, disgusting both of them laughing you.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
I hate sneezing so much. My whole family makes fun
of me because I will yell the F word after
I sneeze, because.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Everyone you like sneezed. Did you sneeze your cough like
right in my mouth? That one time when you were sick.
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (50:52):
I just told that story on Angela Johnson's podcast. I
had strep throat and I laughed.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I didn't cough.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
I laughed and a little bit in my mouth, a
tiny piece of spit went into Stephanie's mouth, and I
was like, for her, wedding was before your wedding or
before your botch Ratt party. It was right before, like
a wedding event. I don't remember if it was the
wedding itself or a wedding event.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
I conducted myself very well in that moment. I wasn't
like you did you?
Speaker 2 (51:18):
I was like, I could tell that you maybe wanted
to kill me, but but exact way, what can you do?
What can you restrange yourself? And you think like you
didn't get sick? God, that was the worst case of
strap and I can't believed and get it.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
I had a pimple that I manifested away the morning
of my wedding. I was like, no, you're not you're not, No,
you're not here, You're not invited to this. You have
to go away.
Speaker 2 (51:43):
We're going to You're gonna go back into the body
and you're yeah at a later time.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
And it did. It dissipated.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
Yeah, I believe that. Shit, that's the power of mine.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
I do too, That's that's the power of me making
a decision. Okay, last question, Christmas or your birthday? Oh Christmas?
That Christmas? Yeah, listen, I love not you Juanna. Okay,
that was fine. It reminded mad like a BuzzFeed quiz. God.
I used to love those. Oh my god, that was fun. Well,
(52:14):
we will link that somewhere for you guys to do,
because that is a fun kind of game for people.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, more better.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
Okay, what'd you learn today? And I learned?
Speaker 2 (52:30):
Well, I think I learned that maybe I'm better at
decisions than I thought I was when we started this conversation. Yeah,
and like that, there's not really a right way or
a wrong way to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
No, not really works for you. I want to start
calling this part takeaway because that's what the Brits call takeout.
Oh we're gonna do what's your takeaways? What's your takeaways?
I like that? Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. My
takeaway is like, I'm not this is okay. The way
that I'm doing this is all right. I don't have
to get upset at it's really the judgment around the
(53:06):
decision making. Yeah, that is the worst part. It's like
me judging myself as doing a bad job on my
trip by being a little bit paralyzed. Like, so what,
I still had a great day. It was really fun.
I did stuff that like I didn't plan for but
was still fun and exciting.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Yeah, and you were in a place where there's like
too many decisions.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
It's fine.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
So it's fine. That was a very human reaction. Incredible
an overwhelming place, New York City.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
It's not for the week. Do you feel a little
more better? I always feel a little way better. Yeah,
I do.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
I do.
Speaker 1 (53:44):
It's a good guys, season two. We're up to a
great start. We're so excited to continue doing this podcast.
Thank you guys for listening. We're so excited to bring
you more stuff. Please continue sending us your questions and
stuff like that, because we love talking about it and
we'd love giving advice, even though we're totally unqualified. Anyway.
(54:11):
We'll see you guys next time. See next Dame Baby,
more more better. Do you have something you'd like to
be more better at that you want us to talk
about in a future episode?
Speaker 2 (54:22):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (54:26):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's
Mikuntura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.
More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zabels.
Speaker 2 (54:47):
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Kumero, along
with Wilmore Valderrama and Leo Klem at WV Sound and
ISIS Madrid.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid and engineered by
Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and
Hello Boy. Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and
photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Sugas Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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