May 30, 2024 • 27 mins
The work of listening to yourself never ends …enter More Better; Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero introduce the podcast by discussing their identities and how they have stayed true to themselves and their friendship. On this inaugural episode with these off-screen besties, we go on a journey through Stephanie and Melissa’s own experiences with listening to themselves and that internal “tug” when you know something is right. Cups of coffee count: 1
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We are very down to earth people. I get my
underwear from Target, just like any of you, just white
knuckling through life. Babes.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome to More and Better with Stephanie Melissa, a podcast
where we stop pretending to have it all together and
embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Day and start being real. No, that's the real world,
the MTV show that we all watched, remember Puck. That's
Mossa from Marrow, and that's Stephanie Beatrice. We're your hosts
with us ride into hell or wherever it takes us.
I'm not sure what's going to happen. I don't know
what am I out? Better or.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
More?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yay, Welcome to the show that I just blow out
the speakers and you're Honda Civic.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Get gready, baby, this is a.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Wild you on.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
We're doing it.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
The thing is, well, so we know each other from
thousands of years ago, when we were on a little
show you may have watched called Brooklyn nine nine nine nine.
We wanted to do this podcast because we found in
our friendship discussions a lot of time we were evolving.
I wanted to say.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Devolving, but that's not right.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Our time, our conversations to devolve, but they were evolving
into each of us asking for advice on different things
in our lives that we just didn't feel like we
were really handling. Well.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yes, lots of dressing room talks, lots of checking in
with each other, and I think just a little discovery
of like, oh, we're two people that are always a
little bit scattered, but always trying like working on ourselves
a lite and like trying to just be better.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Just like a little bit, like a little bit. But
we also don't have time to be trying to like
take a potterty class and stuff. We're very busy, as
many of our friends are busy if they have a
job or trying to get healthcare, have people in their
lives they have to take care of, have to eat,
have to show up for people, you know what I mean, take.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Care of people, So take care of little people.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
And that's where we kind of came up with this
idea of like, well, if we're doing it, and if
most of our friendships are also us doing that with
other friends, then why don't we do it in kind
of a community forum so that we can all get
a little bit more better together. Because on top of
everything else on top of this, like wanting to go
on this you know, eat pray love moment. I can't
(02:36):
eat pray love. I don't have time to eat pray love.
I have to like eat pray love for my family.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That's literally all I thought about when I read that
book was like, who.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Had the time? Nobody has the time. Nobody has the
time to do that. I can barely get out of
my house in the morning, like as a whole person.
So like, essentially, we wanted to do this conversation so
that you guys can have a space where you feel
like you listen to your friends talk and then walk
away and feel like maybe maybe just a little bit,
(03:05):
you feel like a little bit more better of a person.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah maybe, And if you don't, maybe go backt a
couple times during this podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, you know what, And if that's all that happened,
then that's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That's pretty good. We'll take it. Yeah, would you? Why
don't you do for those people? Sorry I started doing.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
That's how she is in real life, though, just I
just want you to know that's how she is. She
just like reboots herself sometimes so much.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
There may be people listening that don't know us and
the show and so oh, well, then how did you.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Come aboard on the crazy train?
Speaker 2 (03:43):
I don't know from crazy train of life? Were your
friends stuff?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I'm from Texas. I was born in Argentina. My parents
are Colombian and Bolivian. Shout out to the immigrant community,
what about you?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I am from New Jersey, Oh, first generation daughter of immigrants.
Beautiful refugees. I guess is the more proper correct more better? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
There better Cubans. By the way, we know this about
each other. We're just doing this like we're on a
first date for you, because you're some of you are
on a first date with us right now.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So it's a little bit about who we are. And
we're both actors. And we met on a show m hm,
and we said the rest.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah, that's good. How are you doing? Are you fully
caffeinated getting there? Yeah? Wells drinks a lot of coffee.
She's Cuban. She drinks a lot of coffee.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
So much coffee it never keeps me up at night.
When I was pregnant for the first time, it was
literally the first thing I asked my doctor was how
much coffee can I safely drink during this I don't
care about anything.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I don't care what you say.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
What does that want? I'm pretty sure, my buddy, you
know what?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And it was, Yeah, it was. So the first big
thing that we wanted to talk about was listening to
yourself because it's it's it's hard. It's very hard, hard
to do, hard to do. We're each going to talk
about when we've succeeded or failed. God, it's so hard,
isn't it just you just, for some reason just don't
(05:16):
want to do it.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
No, you hear the voice in your head and you go,
I'm not gonna listen to you.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
You're smart, No, you're not. It's been a dreamy of
trying to figure out how to do that really hard
when you women as artists, like it's very very difficult
because there's a lot of things in your life that
are telling you, like, don't listen to your intuition, honey,
don't worry about that part of yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
We just need you to do this.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yeah, just ignore that red flag, baby. So yeah, I've
been thinking a lot about that lately. Other than that,
I'm like, you know, just white knuckling through life, babes,
just white knuckling it. I'm on a new antidepressant. It's
(05:59):
working great. This is day four. See how how that
all goes.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
That's a little bit of more better.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Pray for me, everybody. Okay, for you.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
For doing it, doing the things. So Steph, can you
remember the very first time or a time in your
life when you listened to yourself or didn't listen to
yourself in like a major way. Did I just like
cause anxiety in your body?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Find everything went straight butt clunched, there was I'm not
gonna name names, so don't ask me to, but I
will absolutely tell you who it is after the episode. No,
I'm just kidding. I won't. No, I will. So I
used to do a lot of theater. Yes, I did
a lot of theater before I moved to LA and
(06:47):
LA and I did a production that was a really
big Shakespeare production. And I had never done Shakespeare before.
I had sort of always wanted to, but I didn't
really feel like Shakespeare was for me. It was hoity toity.
But the good Shakespeare I had seen was electric, phenomenal, alive.
The language felt so like seeing real and like everything
(07:10):
just felt like what. So I really wanted to do
Shakespeare and I got a really really small part in
this very big production. And in the play.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
What was the play?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I can't tell you because Okay, there's a lot of
like fisticuffs and like grabbing of people in these shake
isn't it great? I threw it in there for you,
And there was We were in rehearsal in this big
rehearsal hall, and like these are huge plays, right, Shakespeare
(07:44):
would write these plays for like there's a ton of
people in them, so that all the actors are sitting
around the rehearsal hall, the director's directing, the leads are leading,
you know, I'm like deep background. Basically, I'm like just
like literally holding a lantern or a spear or whatever.
And there was this part where in the fisticuffs, I
was like down on the ground and someone had to
(08:05):
pull me up to standing, and then I had to
pretend to run away and they had to grab me
and pull me back. Now it just so happened that
the person that had to grab me and pull me
back was also the mean that I was dating at
the time. Okay, Okay, so we're in rehearsal and I'm
acting my balls off because I'm like I'm just spear
(08:26):
carrier number three. I want to be in a big
show some day, so I'm just giving it everything. I'm
like me, yes, I'm like crying, weeping, yeah, just like
doing the whole thing. I'm like, I mean, there wasn't
any snock because it would not have been character appropriate.
But I was like desolate on the ground, a maiden
in despair. Yeah, And so he pulls me up off
(08:49):
the ground and my arm is like that didn't feel
so great. And we had had like lessons on how.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
To write, how to do shit properly and safely.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
And then I start to run, like I take the
exit right and I'm like running like I would really
run away from someone because he's supposed to let go.
And he held on so tight that my arm like
like I my body dripped back and like it was
like a big move, like and everyone is watching. Everyone's
(09:18):
watching the scene, right, and I hear people go like
and like it hurt. It hurt. And after the scene finished,
like the next scene was about to start, and I
like went over to the fight choreographer and I was like, hey,
he like kind of hurt me. And so the fight
choreographer grabs a lead and he's like hey, so how
can we figure this out? You know, there was an
(09:39):
accident that happened today. I think, like you guys need
He starts like directing him or whatever, and the lead
is like, well, she shouldn't have run.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
What And I was like, oh, like I couldn't, no, sir.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
But also like at the.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Time when you're a young actor and I did something
wrong star, so I felt like I.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Felt I really feels so stupid right now even telling it,
I was just like I was like, okay, yeah, he
was like I remember. He was like, well if she's
we're not this isn't real. So she's really gonna run,
then I have to hold on door or no that
he said something like he was like, if she's really
gonna run, I have to hold on door that tight.
And and the court fierraphone was like, I don't understand
(10:20):
what you're saying, because like fist to run, Yeah, that's
not what we so like then, you know, not only
is this like a work thing, because like I'm in
a work environment, everyone's like eavesdropping on the conversation. Also,
and like I look like the idiot because I'm just dad.
I'd have nothing to say. I've brought over the choreographer
and like mm hmm. And then so I took a
(10:42):
little bike ride after rehearsal, and I was like biking
and crying while I biked and like, you know, tears streaming.
And then I see my phone ring, my flip phone
at the time, so I pick it up. I pull
over and I pick it up and it's him. He
was like, what happened today? And I was like, I
started crying, and I was like, you know, I just
think it was like really wrong, but you did that,
and like he did it in front of everyone, and
I just felt really embarrassed and like and I was trying.
(11:04):
I was really trying to be like to stand up
for sign up for myself, and he took me out
of it. Yeah, and I was with that person for
eight years after that. I wish I could go back
in time and say to that girl, like, you do
(11:25):
not need this person's approval.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You know I need his.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
You don't just because he's done more than you, just
because you think he's a better actor than you, just
because he's older than you, it doesn't make him better
than you. I wish I would have and I knew it.
I knew it in my heart. I knew it hard.
Like I was crying on that bike and I was like,
how could I be dating someone that would do something
like that to me? And he talked me out of it.
He talked me out of it. Yeah. I did really
(11:52):
learn from that, Like, yeah, there were a lot of
red flags, and it did take me eight years to
get there, but I got there.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
So like if you're listening to this and you're in
something right now and you're like, I just I gotta
just stay in it because it's going to get better
and like I've put so much time into already, and
if you are feeling those red flags, like just get
out now, like if you can, because those red flags
are not going away. They're just they're just going to
keep popping up. Okay, So now your turn.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Oh I did just think of one when I was younger.
I was in high school and I was a dancer
growing up. And it was my senior year of high
school and I had we had like senior prom or something,
but we also had some like big rehearsal or something
(12:46):
for recital or a show we were because we also
did like musicals. I don't remember what it was specifically,
but I was leaving something early, and it caused with
the director and her son, like a drama that I
(13:06):
was leaving early and to go do my other thing,
my personal thing. That was like a big, like high
school moment. And I even got ready at the dance
studio and made all my friends pick me up in
the party bus at my dance studio, like tried to
make every accommodation to like make everyone happy, and then
(13:28):
I didn't, and they kept me a little longer, and
I feel like there was a moment where I got
kind of annoyed, but I was being trying to be
quiet about it, but like obviously they clocked it. And
then I think it was the next day the sun
got in my face and like yelled at death about
(13:51):
it and I just yelled at he yelled at.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Me, Melissa Fumero, and I took it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
And I like was like, yeah, I shouldn't have done
that Toime, I shouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You know, I cannot imagine you doing that. I cannot
imagine you're doing that. I just cannot imagine it.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Now I would, yeah you would, but h yeah, I
just I don't. I don't even remember what I said, Like,
you know, were you just you're you're so taken aback
and I and I just was. And then I had
I felt all the shame and all the guilt, and
I was like, yeah, I let everybody down. I I
fucked up everything for everyone, and I shouldn't have done
(14:34):
I should have just skipped it.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
I should just skipped the.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Prom or like skipped the thing, and you know. But
then also like there's that part in your brain. I
also remember that like tug in my brain and be like, no,
you're still a person, You're still a kid. You still write.
And that's like the part that like I wasn't listening
to and it felt awful for the longest time until
years later, I remember looking back on that and being
like that was so messed up. The tug in your
(14:59):
brain a good way to put it, Like that little
voice in your head that's going, no, you didn't do
anything wrong. You're allowed to have things for yourself. You're
allowed to have these big kid moments like you know,
and I had the best time at that thing whatever.
I think it was senior problem. It was either senior
prom or like a weekend prom thing. I had the
best time, and like all these like core memories were made,
(15:23):
and I felt shame about it for the longest time
because I made them angry stupid, so stupid. But he
was just like stupid, like I was just like a teen.
And and then the way that like rocks your confidence
and you're insecure.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
About sir, especially kind of person that wants to show
up for other people and like pride themselves on doing
a good job.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yes, and I and I recognize that, like I have
a little bit of like a people pleaser kind of thing. Like,
you know, I think it's gotten healthier as I got older,
but like, yeah, I want to like like I think
I'm better now, like I want to make everyone happy,
but like also still protect my happiness. Or when I
was younger that was definitely like not as balanced, which
I think is probably true for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I think. You know, what's interesting is like when does
that happen? When does the shift happen? Right, Because like
I don't know, I cannot remember the shift happening. I
don't remember the shift happening, but I remember feeling like
this feels wrong, this feels like the tug. I remember
(16:25):
feeling the tug. Yeah, I think for me, it happened
in college.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I was like of my most confident in college, like
when we were first year of Brooklyn and I was
feeling my god, so scared that entire first season and
convinced I would get fired or fuck it up. At
a certain point when I realized, like this is going
well and I think I'm like doing okay at this Yeah,
(16:52):
And remember trying to remind myself like just try to
be that girl in college, like try it, Like where
did we lose her? And like how do we get
back to her? And I feel like it's been a
journey since then, like feeling more like her because I
was I think my first year of college I had
a credible acting teacher that like really believed in me.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You were like Toby Maguire and that Spider Man where
he's just like walking down the street giving everybody for yeah, yeah,
and not me. I was working and what's that what
is that movie called where they're all they all work
in the video store. Oh my gosh, not the video
record store. I was like eat an umbri. I was
(17:33):
like not has same hair, same outfit. I was not
doing my best in college. I guess like one of
the things that happened during Brooklyn was me getting more
confident and listening to myself because like first, and you
know this, first like four seasons, I was like, I
don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what
I'm doing. And then by season seven and eight, it
(17:57):
was like, Oh, I know what I'm doing. I know
what i'm doing. I've blocked these hours, I've listened to
these jokes, I've read these scripts. I know these people's rhythms.
I know what I'm doing. I know where the cameras
are supposed to be, I know how something's shot. I
know what I'm doing. I don't have to feel stupid anymore.
And I think one of the things that comes from
being good at something is that you find your confidence
(18:20):
in it. Like that's why I think that's why we
as parents are trying to introduce our kids to a
lot of different stuff, because we're like, I don't know
what you're gonna like and what you're gonna feel like
is you, but I want you to feel like you
in the world. Yeah, And I think by the end
of Brooklyn not I would not say at the beginning,
but by the end of Brooklyn, I felt like me
in the world as an actor, as a person, and
(18:41):
I think for me that translated really a lot into
my everyday life, Like I just feel like more confident
as a person, even though I still have stuff that's
like antidepressance. But you know, like you know, I still
have stuff. I mean, I still have That's why we
started this podcast, because we have stuff.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
It's so interesting to me though, because I remember in
the beginning, especially being like man, stuff is so confident.
So you know what I remember. I remember at the
Golden Globes, I felt like I was a mess. This conversation,
by the way, just got real, bougie.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
We are very down to earth people. I get my
underwear from Target, just like any of you.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
But we were at the Golden Globes and I was
not playing anything cool. I was very scattered, very like,
holy shit, I can't believe we're here. Holy shit, I
can't believe who's here. And and I remember, just like
my eyes keep going to you and being like, man,
stuff just looks so calm and like like she like
(19:50):
she deserves me.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
You remember my plastic insert on my dress, my chicken
cutlet was like sliding down in my dress.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
I got my red Carmel sauce.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I'm just like sliding down my gown.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Also, can I tell? Can I tell? Our super bonding
moment that night that I think like let us become
close friends was we went to the bathroom together because
we both realized at some point that we could not
get our dresses off alone, and so we were like,
I don't even remember who said it, but it was like,
maybe when we have to be we should go together.
(20:23):
And that's what we did. And we both went into
a stall and I took my dress completely off and
he held it up as I peed, and that I
was a heavy dress. It was so heavy in my shoulders.
When when we won, I immediately started crying and I
was like a hot mess, and you were so collected,
(20:45):
and I was like, how is she doing you?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
How I did that? Yeah, because I was like all
all this is like it's just so fleeting, like but
that you could be that president.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Have that realization. Yeah, I was like in the stratosphere
of like freaking out an anxiety.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
I just kept thinking like this might never happen again.
I might never ever go to this again. So like
I want to remember all of it because like, how
many times in your life do you get to go
to the Golden Globes. It was incredible. That's really funny
to think about that time because I feel for me
as your friend, like it feels like you've always been
a model of confidence to me, like and somebody who
really does like don't cry, don't cry, cry, cry cry.
(21:30):
I just really feel like you've always been like I
don't know, you were really especially on Brooklyn. You you
had had experience before on camera, and like you just
you just knew what you were. You were just like yeah, yeah,
like you were just doing it and you were like
you know, even sometimes with Dan Gore, our showrunner. I
(21:51):
was very afraid of Dan for a very long time,
way too long, Like you know, I was afraid of
Dan and the kids like are like believe in Santa,
like too long, Like I was afraid of Dan for
too long. But like you were not you were maybe
you were on the inside, but I think you you
were just like I want to try this, I want
to do this, and you were very like direct with
(22:11):
your opinions about stuff and like sometimes to the point
where you guys would spend a long time changing scenes
because you and Andy didn't feel like something was right,
and you would be like, oh, you were like the
Jake and Amy scene, yeah, and you were like really,
I mean again, like you were listening to yourself with
like you were internally like, I'm protective over this character
(22:31):
that I didn't create, but I helped build, you.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Know, like that stuff because I felt like the Jake
and Amy stuff because it felt like it was a
relationship and it was love and it was real that
I was like, oh, this I know how to do.
But then every time I had a joke line for
Joel truly will help us, I would I would be like, fuck,
it gave me a joke line. Oh no, I would
just I want to just set ups. I want to
(22:56):
just want to lob things to people. And every time
for jokes, oh my god, no, that gave me so
much anxiety. And and then I and then I would
just do them all different ways because I didn't know
what I was doing. And then later I learned, oh,
that's kind of the way you do comedy anyway, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
That is the way you do comedy. You just try
things until it sticks.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
But it came for me of a place of I
don't know, Please don't fire me?
Speaker 1 (23:26):
More better? Okay, so let's discuss let's digest. I wonder
if you feel like you learned anything from today's discussion class?
Did you? Did you? It's we're sort of in a class.
This is like a class.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You're thirty minute drive to work forum if you will?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, forum? Did you learn anything in the forum.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
That I should always listen to myself? A plus?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
You pass the class? Okay? Speaking of class, Like, what's
the best advice you've ever gotten about listening to yourself?
Like somebody else?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Oh, I don't know that I can think of any
good advice I've ever gotten from someone about listening to myself.
I feel like it's something I've just sort of stumbled
through in life and like learned that, like I should
not ignore my gut, I should not ignore my intuition
and you know those little feelings inside? How about you stuff?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I mean in terms of like like direct advice about
listening to myself that I have a work one which
is on Brooklyn. I remember being very very nervous to
try to improvise because I did not. I was like, ah,
I remember trying it once early on, and I was
like all sweaty and stuff. And I turned to Andy
Andy Sandberg, and I was like, oh, this makes me
(24:46):
so nervous. I hate doing it. He was like, Oh,
you just need to do it more. You just need
to do it more, try to improvise more.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
And he was right.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I mean, I was afraid to try the things I
thought were funny because I thought, well, what if nobody
what if nobody laughs? And he was like, no, you
just have to throw stuff, like try it and see
if it sticks. And consequently I try it all now
and you know, half of it isn't any good at all,
but I still get hired. So I'm doing something okay.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
And that's the thing. And I feel like that's such
good advice for lots of things.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, it's also like advice we can pass to other people, like, yeah,
just try, just try. It's not as precious as you
think it is, right.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And you're like, you'll get better at it the more
times you do it.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
And I think it's the realization too, that like it's
okay to not know. Like I've found a lot of
comfort in that too, of when people are just like,
I don't know what it is let's try some stuff
or you know that. I remember the first few times
I heard that at work on the show, this joke's
not working. I don't know what it is, And then
trying things was like, oh, sometimes people just don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
No, yeah, but like that's it's really hard to be
like I don't know. Yeah, you want to say you
have an answer, you want to say you have, but.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I think saying I don't know is like actually really
listening to yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah too, Yeah, it can be.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Yeah, Steph, this was really fun.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Oh do you feel a little bit more better?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
I think I do.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Yeah, I feel a little bit more better too.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Thanks for joining us, whoever is out there.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah, we are really excited about the rest of the
season because I think, you know, we're just trying to
get a little bit, a little bit a little better,
you know, even if it's just these conversations with each other. Okay,
bye bye. More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production
from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mike Utura podcast network, hosted
(26:44):
by me, Steffie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero. More Better is
produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem and Sophie Spencer Zaigis.
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at
w V Sound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid
and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Davenport and Heyo Boy. Our cover art is by
Vincent Remy's and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts
(27:07):
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
See you next week's suck Us Bye,
We are very down to earth people. I get my
underwear from Target, just like any of you, just white
knuckling through life. Babes.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome to More and Better with Stephanie Melissa, a podcast
where we stop pretending to have it all together and
embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Day and start being real. No, that's the real world,
the MTV show that we all watched, remember Puck. That's
Mossa from Marrow, and that's Stephanie Beatrice. We're your hosts
with us ride into hell or wherever it takes us.
I'm not sure what's going to happen. I don't know
what am I out? Better or.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
More?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yay, Welcome to the show that I just blow out
the speakers and you're Honda Civic.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Get gready, baby, this is a.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Wild you on.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
We're doing it.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
The thing is, well, so we know each other from
thousands of years ago, when we were on a little
show you may have watched called Brooklyn nine nine nine nine.
We wanted to do this podcast because we found in
our friendship discussions a lot of time we were evolving.
I wanted to say.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Devolving, but that's not right.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Our time, our conversations to devolve, but they were evolving
into each of us asking for advice on different things
in our lives that we just didn't feel like we
were really handling. Well.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yes, lots of dressing room talks, lots of checking in
with each other, and I think just a little discovery
of like, oh, we're two people that are always a
little bit scattered, but always trying like working on ourselves
a lite and like trying to just be better.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Just like a little bit, like a little bit. But
we also don't have time to be trying to like
take a potterty class and stuff. We're very busy, as
many of our friends are busy if they have a
job or trying to get healthcare, have people in their
lives they have to take care of, have to eat,
have to show up for people, you know what I mean, take.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Care of people, So take care of little people.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
And that's where we kind of came up with this
idea of like, well, if we're doing it, and if
most of our friendships are also us doing that with
other friends, then why don't we do it in kind
of a community forum so that we can all get
a little bit more better together. Because on top of
everything else on top of this, like wanting to go
on this you know, eat pray love moment. I can't
(02:36):
eat pray love. I don't have time to eat pray love.
I have to like eat pray love for my family.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That's literally all I thought about when I read that
book was like, who.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Had the time? Nobody has the time. Nobody has the
time to do that. I can barely get out of
my house in the morning, like as a whole person.
So like, essentially, we wanted to do this conversation so
that you guys can have a space where you feel
like you listen to your friends talk and then walk
away and feel like maybe maybe just a little bit,
(03:05):
you feel like a little bit more better of a person.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah maybe, And if you don't, maybe go backt a
couple times during this podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, you know what, And if that's all that happened,
then that's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That's pretty good. We'll take it. Yeah, would you? Why
don't you do for those people? Sorry I started doing.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
That's how she is in real life, though, just I
just want you to know that's how she is. She
just like reboots herself sometimes so much.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
There may be people listening that don't know us and
the show and so oh, well, then how did you.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Come aboard on the crazy train?
Speaker 2 (03:43):
I don't know from crazy train of life? Were your
friends stuff?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I'm from Texas. I was born in Argentina. My parents
are Colombian and Bolivian. Shout out to the immigrant community,
what about you?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I am from New Jersey, Oh, first generation daughter of immigrants.
Beautiful refugees. I guess is the more proper correct more better? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
There better Cubans. By the way, we know this about
each other. We're just doing this like we're on a
first date for you, because you're some of you are
on a first date with us right now.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So it's a little bit about who we are. And
we're both actors. And we met on a show m hm,
and we said the rest.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah, that's good. How are you doing? Are you fully
caffeinated getting there? Yeah? Wells drinks a lot of coffee.
She's Cuban. She drinks a lot of coffee.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
So much coffee it never keeps me up at night.
When I was pregnant for the first time, it was
literally the first thing I asked my doctor was how
much coffee can I safely drink during this I don't
care about anything.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I don't care what you say.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
What does that want? I'm pretty sure, my buddy, you
know what?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And it was, Yeah, it was. So the first big
thing that we wanted to talk about was listening to
yourself because it's it's it's hard. It's very hard, hard
to do, hard to do. We're each going to talk
about when we've succeeded or failed. God, it's so hard,
isn't it just you just, for some reason just don't
(05:16):
want to do it.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
No, you hear the voice in your head and you go,
I'm not gonna listen to you.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
You're smart, No, you're not. It's been a dreamy of
trying to figure out how to do that really hard
when you women as artists, like it's very very difficult
because there's a lot of things in your life that
are telling you, like, don't listen to your intuition, honey,
don't worry about that part of yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
We just need you to do this.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yeah, just ignore that red flag, baby. So yeah, I've
been thinking a lot about that lately. Other than that,
I'm like, you know, just white knuckling through life, babes,
just white knuckling it. I'm on a new antidepressant. It's
(05:59):
working great. This is day four. See how how that
all goes.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
That's a little bit of more better.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Pray for me, everybody. Okay, for you.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
For doing it, doing the things. So Steph, can you
remember the very first time or a time in your
life when you listened to yourself or didn't listen to
yourself in like a major way. Did I just like
cause anxiety in your body?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Find everything went straight butt clunched, there was I'm not
gonna name names, so don't ask me to, but I
will absolutely tell you who it is after the episode. No,
I'm just kidding. I won't. No, I will. So I
used to do a lot of theater. Yes, I did
a lot of theater before I moved to LA and
(06:47):
LA and I did a production that was a really
big Shakespeare production. And I had never done Shakespeare before.
I had sort of always wanted to, but I didn't
really feel like Shakespeare was for me. It was hoity toity.
But the good Shakespeare I had seen was electric, phenomenal, alive.
The language felt so like seeing real and like everything
(07:10):
just felt like what. So I really wanted to do
Shakespeare and I got a really really small part in
this very big production. And in the play.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
What was the play?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I can't tell you because Okay, there's a lot of
like fisticuffs and like grabbing of people in these shake
isn't it great? I threw it in there for you,
And there was We were in rehearsal in this big
rehearsal hall, and like these are huge plays, right, Shakespeare
(07:44):
would write these plays for like there's a ton of
people in them, so that all the actors are sitting
around the rehearsal hall, the director's directing, the leads are leading,
you know, I'm like deep background. Basically, I'm like just
like literally holding a lantern or a spear or whatever.
And there was this part where in the fisticuffs, I
was like down on the ground and someone had to
(08:05):
pull me up to standing, and then I had to
pretend to run away and they had to grab me
and pull me back. Now it just so happened that
the person that had to grab me and pull me
back was also the mean that I was dating at
the time. Okay, Okay, so we're in rehearsal and I'm
acting my balls off because I'm like I'm just spear
(08:26):
carrier number three. I want to be in a big
show some day, so I'm just giving it everything. I'm
like me, yes, I'm like crying, weeping, yeah, just like
doing the whole thing. I'm like, I mean, there wasn't
any snock because it would not have been character appropriate.
But I was like desolate on the ground, a maiden
in despair. Yeah, And so he pulls me up off
(08:49):
the ground and my arm is like that didn't feel
so great. And we had had like lessons on how.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
To write, how to do shit properly and safely.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
And then I start to run, like I take the
exit right and I'm like running like I would really
run away from someone because he's supposed to let go.
And he held on so tight that my arm like
like I my body dripped back and like it was
like a big move, like and everyone is watching. Everyone's
(09:18):
watching the scene, right, and I hear people go like
and like it hurt. It hurt. And after the scene finished,
like the next scene was about to start, and I
like went over to the fight choreographer and I was like, hey,
he like kind of hurt me. And so the fight
choreographer grabs a lead and he's like hey, so how
can we figure this out? You know, there was an
(09:39):
accident that happened today. I think, like you guys need
He starts like directing him or whatever, and the lead
is like, well, she shouldn't have run.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
What And I was like, oh, like I couldn't, no, sir.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
But also like at the.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Time when you're a young actor and I did something
wrong star, so I felt like I.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Felt I really feels so stupid right now even telling it,
I was just like I was like, okay, yeah, he
was like I remember. He was like, well if she's
we're not this isn't real. So she's really gonna run,
then I have to hold on door or no that
he said something like he was like, if she's really
gonna run, I have to hold on door that tight.
And and the court fierraphone was like, I don't understand
(10:20):
what you're saying, because like fist to run, Yeah, that's
not what we so like then, you know, not only
is this like a work thing, because like I'm in
a work environment, everyone's like eavesdropping on the conversation. Also,
and like I look like the idiot because I'm just dad.
I'd have nothing to say. I've brought over the choreographer
and like mm hmm. And then so I took a
(10:42):
little bike ride after rehearsal, and I was like biking
and crying while I biked and like, you know, tears streaming.
And then I see my phone ring, my flip phone
at the time, so I pick it up. I pull
over and I pick it up and it's him. He
was like, what happened today? And I was like, I
started crying, and I was like, you know, I just
think it was like really wrong, but you did that,
and like he did it in front of everyone, and
I just felt really embarrassed and like and I was trying.
(11:04):
I was really trying to be like to stand up
for sign up for myself, and he took me out
of it. Yeah, and I was with that person for
eight years after that. I wish I could go back
in time and say to that girl, like, you do
(11:25):
not need this person's approval.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You know I need his.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
You don't just because he's done more than you, just
because you think he's a better actor than you, just
because he's older than you, it doesn't make him better
than you. I wish I would have and I knew it.
I knew it in my heart. I knew it hard.
Like I was crying on that bike and I was like,
how could I be dating someone that would do something
like that to me? And he talked me out of it.
He talked me out of it. Yeah. I did really
(11:52):
learn from that, Like, yeah, there were a lot of
red flags, and it did take me eight years to
get there, but I got there.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
So like if you're listening to this and you're in
something right now and you're like, I just I gotta
just stay in it because it's going to get better
and like I've put so much time into already, and
if you are feeling those red flags, like just get
out now, like if you can, because those red flags
are not going away. They're just they're just going to
keep popping up. Okay, So now your turn.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Oh I did just think of one when I was younger.
I was in high school and I was a dancer
growing up. And it was my senior year of high
school and I had we had like senior prom or something,
but we also had some like big rehearsal or something
(12:46):
for recital or a show we were because we also
did like musicals. I don't remember what it was specifically,
but I was leaving something early, and it caused with
the director and her son, like a drama that I
(13:06):
was leaving early and to go do my other thing,
my personal thing. That was like a big, like high
school moment. And I even got ready at the dance
studio and made all my friends pick me up in
the party bus at my dance studio, like tried to
make every accommodation to like make everyone happy, and then
(13:28):
I didn't, and they kept me a little longer, and
I feel like there was a moment where I got
kind of annoyed, but I was being trying to be
quiet about it, but like obviously they clocked it. And
then I think it was the next day the sun
got in my face and like yelled at death about
(13:51):
it and I just yelled at he yelled at.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Me, Melissa Fumero, and I took it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
And I like was like, yeah, I shouldn't have done
that Toime, I shouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You know, I cannot imagine you doing that. I cannot
imagine you're doing that. I just cannot imagine it.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Now I would, yeah you would, but h yeah, I
just I don't. I don't even remember what I said, Like,
you know, were you just you're you're so taken aback
and I and I just was. And then I had
I felt all the shame and all the guilt, and
I was like, yeah, I let everybody down. I I
fucked up everything for everyone, and I shouldn't have done
(14:34):
I should have just skipped it.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
I should just skipped the.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Prom or like skipped the thing, and you know. But
then also like there's that part in your brain. I
also remember that like tug in my brain and be like, no,
you're still a person, You're still a kid. You still write.
And that's like the part that like I wasn't listening
to and it felt awful for the longest time until
years later, I remember looking back on that and being
like that was so messed up. The tug in your
(14:59):
brain a good way to put it, Like that little
voice in your head that's going, no, you didn't do
anything wrong. You're allowed to have things for yourself. You're
allowed to have these big kid moments like you know,
and I had the best time at that thing whatever.
I think it was senior problem. It was either senior
prom or like a weekend prom thing. I had the
best time, and like all these like core memories were made,
(15:23):
and I felt shame about it for the longest time
because I made them angry stupid, so stupid. But he
was just like stupid, like I was just like a teen.
And and then the way that like rocks your confidence
and you're insecure.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
About sir, especially kind of person that wants to show
up for other people and like pride themselves on doing
a good job.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yes, and I and I recognize that, like I have
a little bit of like a people pleaser kind of thing. Like,
you know, I think it's gotten healthier as I got older,
but like, yeah, I want to like like I think
I'm better now, like I want to make everyone happy,
but like also still protect my happiness. Or when I
was younger that was definitely like not as balanced, which
I think is probably true for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I think. You know, what's interesting is like when does
that happen? When does the shift happen? Right, Because like
I don't know, I cannot remember the shift happening. I
don't remember the shift happening, but I remember feeling like
this feels wrong, this feels like the tug. I remember
(16:25):
feeling the tug. Yeah, I think for me, it happened
in college.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I was like of my most confident in college, like
when we were first year of Brooklyn and I was
feeling my god, so scared that entire first season and
convinced I would get fired or fuck it up. At
a certain point when I realized, like this is going
well and I think I'm like doing okay at this Yeah,
(16:52):
And remember trying to remind myself like just try to
be that girl in college, like try it, Like where
did we lose her? And like how do we get
back to her? And I feel like it's been a
journey since then, like feeling more like her because I
was I think my first year of college I had
a credible acting teacher that like really believed in me.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You were like Toby Maguire and that Spider Man where
he's just like walking down the street giving everybody for yeah, yeah,
and not me. I was working and what's that what
is that movie called where they're all they all work
in the video store. Oh my gosh, not the video
record store. I was like eat an umbri. I was
(17:33):
like not has same hair, same outfit. I was not
doing my best in college. I guess like one of
the things that happened during Brooklyn was me getting more
confident and listening to myself because like first, and you
know this, first like four seasons, I was like, I
don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what
I'm doing. And then by season seven and eight, it
(17:57):
was like, Oh, I know what I'm doing. I know
what i'm doing. I've blocked these hours, I've listened to
these jokes, I've read these scripts. I know these people's rhythms.
I know what I'm doing. I know where the cameras
are supposed to be, I know how something's shot. I
know what I'm doing. I don't have to feel stupid anymore.
And I think one of the things that comes from
being good at something is that you find your confidence
(18:20):
in it. Like that's why I think that's why we
as parents are trying to introduce our kids to a
lot of different stuff, because we're like, I don't know
what you're gonna like and what you're gonna feel like
is you, but I want you to feel like you
in the world. Yeah, And I think by the end
of Brooklyn not I would not say at the beginning,
but by the end of Brooklyn, I felt like me
in the world as an actor, as a person, and
(18:41):
I think for me that translated really a lot into
my everyday life, Like I just feel like more confident
as a person, even though I still have stuff that's
like antidepressance. But you know, like you know, I still
have stuff. I mean, I still have That's why we
started this podcast, because we have stuff.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
It's so interesting to me though, because I remember in
the beginning, especially being like man, stuff is so confident.
So you know what I remember. I remember at the
Golden Globes, I felt like I was a mess. This conversation,
by the way, just got real, bougie.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
We are very down to earth people. I get my
underwear from Target, just like any of you.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
But we were at the Golden Globes and I was
not playing anything cool. I was very scattered, very like,
holy shit, I can't believe we're here. Holy shit, I
can't believe who's here. And and I remember, just like
my eyes keep going to you and being like, man,
stuff just looks so calm and like like she like
(19:50):
she deserves me.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
You remember my plastic insert on my dress, my chicken
cutlet was like sliding down in my dress.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
I got my red Carmel sauce.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I'm just like sliding down my gown.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Also, can I tell? Can I tell? Our super bonding
moment that night that I think like let us become
close friends was we went to the bathroom together because
we both realized at some point that we could not
get our dresses off alone, and so we were like,
I don't even remember who said it, but it was like,
maybe when we have to be we should go together.
(20:23):
And that's what we did. And we both went into
a stall and I took my dress completely off and
he held it up as I peed, and that I
was a heavy dress. It was so heavy in my shoulders.
When when we won, I immediately started crying and I
was like a hot mess, and you were so collected,
(20:45):
and I was like, how is she doing you?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
How I did that? Yeah, because I was like all
all this is like it's just so fleeting, like but
that you could be that president.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Have that realization. Yeah, I was like in the stratosphere
of like freaking out an anxiety.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
I just kept thinking like this might never happen again.
I might never ever go to this again. So like
I want to remember all of it because like, how
many times in your life do you get to go
to the Golden Globes. It was incredible. That's really funny
to think about that time because I feel for me
as your friend, like it feels like you've always been
a model of confidence to me, like and somebody who
really does like don't cry, don't cry, cry, cry cry.
(21:30):
I just really feel like you've always been like I
don't know, you were really especially on Brooklyn. You you
had had experience before on camera, and like you just
you just knew what you were. You were just like yeah, yeah,
like you were just doing it and you were like
you know, even sometimes with Dan Gore, our showrunner. I
(21:51):
was very afraid of Dan for a very long time,
way too long, Like you know, I was afraid of
Dan and the kids like are like believe in Santa,
like too long, Like I was afraid of Dan for
too long. But like you were not you were maybe
you were on the inside, but I think you you
were just like I want to try this, I want
to do this, and you were very like direct with
(22:11):
your opinions about stuff and like sometimes to the point
where you guys would spend a long time changing scenes
because you and Andy didn't feel like something was right,
and you would be like, oh, you were like the
Jake and Amy scene, yeah, and you were like really,
I mean again, like you were listening to yourself with
like you were internally like, I'm protective over this character
(22:31):
that I didn't create, but I helped build, you.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Know, like that stuff because I felt like the Jake
and Amy stuff because it felt like it was a
relationship and it was love and it was real that
I was like, oh, this I know how to do.
But then every time I had a joke line for
Joel truly will help us, I would I would be like, fuck,
it gave me a joke line. Oh no, I would
just I want to just set ups. I want to
(22:56):
just want to lob things to people. And every time
for jokes, oh my god, no, that gave me so
much anxiety. And and then I and then I would
just do them all different ways because I didn't know
what I was doing. And then later I learned, oh,
that's kind of the way you do comedy anyway, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
That is the way you do comedy. You just try
things until it sticks.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
But it came for me of a place of I
don't know, Please don't fire me?
Speaker 1 (23:26):
More better? Okay, so let's discuss let's digest. I wonder
if you feel like you learned anything from today's discussion class?
Did you? Did you? It's we're sort of in a class.
This is like a class.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You're thirty minute drive to work forum if you will?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, forum? Did you learn anything in the forum.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
That I should always listen to myself? A plus?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
You pass the class? Okay? Speaking of class, Like, what's
the best advice you've ever gotten about listening to yourself?
Like somebody else?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Oh, I don't know that I can think of any
good advice I've ever gotten from someone about listening to myself.
I feel like it's something I've just sort of stumbled
through in life and like learned that, like I should
not ignore my gut, I should not ignore my intuition
and you know those little feelings inside? How about you stuff?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I mean in terms of like like direct advice about
listening to myself that I have a work one which
is on Brooklyn. I remember being very very nervous to
try to improvise because I did not. I was like, ah,
I remember trying it once early on, and I was
like all sweaty and stuff. And I turned to Andy
Andy Sandberg, and I was like, oh, this makes me
(24:46):
so nervous. I hate doing it. He was like, Oh,
you just need to do it more. You just need
to do it more, try to improvise more.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
And he was right.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I mean, I was afraid to try the things I
thought were funny because I thought, well, what if nobody
what if nobody laughs? And he was like, no, you
just have to throw stuff, like try it and see
if it sticks. And consequently I try it all now
and you know, half of it isn't any good at all,
but I still get hired. So I'm doing something okay.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
And that's the thing. And I feel like that's such
good advice for lots of things.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, it's also like advice we can pass to other people, like, yeah,
just try, just try. It's not as precious as you
think it is, right.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And you're like, you'll get better at it the more
times you do it.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
And I think it's the realization too, that like it's
okay to not know. Like I've found a lot of
comfort in that too, of when people are just like,
I don't know what it is let's try some stuff
or you know that. I remember the first few times
I heard that at work on the show, this joke's
not working. I don't know what it is, And then
trying things was like, oh, sometimes people just don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
No, yeah, but like that's it's really hard to be
like I don't know. Yeah, you want to say you
have an answer, you want to say you have, but.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I think saying I don't know is like actually really
listening to yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah too, Yeah, it can be.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Yeah, Steph, this was really fun.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Oh do you feel a little bit more better?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
I think I do.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Yeah, I feel a little bit more better too.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Thanks for joining us, whoever is out there.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah, we are really excited about the rest of the
season because I think, you know, we're just trying to
get a little bit, a little bit a little better,
you know, even if it's just these conversations with each other. Okay,
bye bye. More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production
from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mike Utura podcast network, hosted
(26:44):
by me, Steffie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero. More Better is
produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem and Sophie Spencer Zaigis.
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at
w V Sound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid
and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Davenport and Heyo Boy. Our cover art is by
Vincent Remy's and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts
(27:07):
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
See you next week's suck Us Bye,
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