Skyfall w/ Natalie Anderson

We get into all of it on this week's episode. Friends go against friends, a devastating elimination, and the rookies find their power in numbers. Plus, Natalie Anderson comes on to discuss her surprise departure from the show and share a powerful message about pregnancy loss and self acceptance. 

Watch new episodes of The Challenge every Wednesday, and go behind the scenes with Tori and Aneesa the next morning, on MTV's Official Challenge Podcast.

And for more information on pregnancy loss, head to bedsider.org.

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
What's up everyone. I'm Tory and I'm Anissa, and we
are back for another episode of MTV's official Challenge Podcasts,
where we are going to go behind the scenes of
the brand new season of The Challenge Double Agents. And
just a warning, this podcast is not spoiler free, so
before we go behind the scenes, make sure you're up
to date on the latest Challenge episodes. Yes, and on

(00:22):
this episode, we'll be talking about my elimination, oh, going
up against my best pride, and all the insane drama
that's been going on in the house. Plus later in
the episode, we'll be joined by the Challenge is very
own and our bunkmate Natalie Anderson to discuss her surprise

(00:45):
departure from the season and find out what's next for her.
All Right, this is not the episode that I want
to dive into, but let's just get it over with, Anissa,
I don't want to either, should just skip this week's Yeah?
All right, we're gonna try and do this the best
acad Okay, well, you know what, let's start this one

(01:08):
off the same way we start them all off, that
thirty six second recap in honor of it being our
thirty six seasons. So and he set the timer was set.
Just what you got? No go? Oh god? So I
didn't win this challenge, but Big Tea and CT did,
And then Big Tea had a mastermind plan to but
Toria myself against each other. Hey, who knew? I didn't

(01:29):
fucking know. But I was crying and actually had Dory
hold me in her bed, and then we ended up
going into elimination together. And what you didn't know is that, oh,
I'll save up for a secret later, but it doesn't
really matter. So Tori went, Tori and I went, and
I had to throw big balls that were heavy against
a wall, and I won, but if time stuff and
then you know what, that was horrible. It's okay, I

(01:51):
don't think I'm gonna do any better right now. This
episode has had me in such a I'm just such
a mess. I'm so anxious. I can't even I can't
even give you thirty six seconds? All right, let me
just try it, all right, story, it's your turn, do
your best to make the mess of what I just said.
A beautiful, beautiful I can't even speak a beautiful story. Okay,

(02:11):
you got thirty six seconds? Story, all right? Okay, So
we did the Challenge Agent down. The winner was CT
and Big t I don't know what the fuck Devon
was doing up there on that rope. I really genuinely
was trying to not emasculate him by saying that he
was definitely trying, but he was most definitely not resilling
that in the interviews. Now, what a motherfucking snake. After
he doesn't win and I don't win, Clearly fucking Big
Tea has to win. And of course she's on her
little throne, which I gotta give her credit. I mean, hey,

(02:32):
when you want to sit on the first end on
the throne, But then she decides to do this fucking
shitty ass move put me in and he said against
one another in elimination and I lost that. He said,
then we do creator hate DoLS And that's the end
of my time on the fucking Challenge. Oh and Natalie
Leason Ashley comes back? What the fuck? Oh yeah? How
about that? Oh about that? Oh god, there's so much
to get into on this episode. I don't even know

(02:53):
where to start any So, I don't know the play
of the day. Okay, what do you think the play
of the day was? I have no idea because I
want to give it to Big T. Like I obviously
hate that I got the shit end of the stick,
but like, you gotta give the girl credit. Like she
went in there, she politically outsmart and not outsmarted, but
she just did the damn thing. She had the numbers,

(03:14):
she made a big move, she had power, Like I
gotta give it to Big T. M hmm. I mean
it sucks, but you can't. Can't I give her credit? Right?
Oh no, I give her credit for pulling that off
and me not knowing until watching the episode of how
yeah Sneaky Sneaky the Queen is when she's on her throne. Yeah, man,

(03:35):
I don't even know what my play of the day
would be. I mean, I mean, I would say Jay
really did a fucking phenomenal job this episode. I mean
he's a strong boy, like he really, I'm sorry, he's
a strong man. Sorry, Jay, I love you. He's a
strong man who I think is all, you know, underestimated
because I think the whole theme of this episode was

(03:56):
about size. I think, God, we were only talking about him,
but uh, you know, he being you know, one of
the smaller guys is definitely to me, like one of
the one of the smartest, one of the strongest. I
think he doesn't get enough credit. Definitely, Yeah, he's a force.
So I am proud of him. And I thought, you know,

(04:18):
not knowing what Teresa was up to, sneaky, sneaky, Um,
it would be awesome if those two one And I'm
really upset that it was five seconds, if they just
would have held on. In hindsight, I mean, it's crazy
that CT and Big T won that one, and like
that's how you know, like we always say it for sure,
anybody could win any challenge. Yeah, there are so many
variables that go in, Like the Drone one, like that

(04:40):
was literally anybody's challenged. You didn't have, No, it wasn't
It was no one's challenge except for you and Devon.
But because everyone was horrible Nope, but I could have
been horrible at that. Like who's who knew I was
going to be good at it? You know you are?
I don't know if to no one who? But Tori's
name is Drone Master Tory. All she does is fly drones.

(05:03):
Like nobody knows. I have a secret bunker in my
backyard with a ship. You just fly drones on the ground. Yeah,
it's totally like you, but like so like Big TNCT
win this one, and I hate that people are going
around the house like trying to prove Like I, it's
very clear in the challenge you're going to be good
at some things. You're not gonna be good at other
things just because I think somebody is weaker than me,

(05:24):
or like I said, and a week shouldn't have been
the word. I should have used inexperienced because nobody likes
to be called weak. It's super demeaning. So I really
do apologize to anybody that I offended when I said that,
But what I was really trying to say is inexperienced rookie.
And that's just something that is always going to be there.
If you're a rookie in the game, people are going
to assume that you probably will lose to a VET.

(05:45):
That's just how the game works. And so I think
it's great that CT and Big T one. It just
goes to show that literally anybody can win. We already
know that, but now when you have power as a
team that is so connected like Big TNCT and also
has all those rookies on their side, I mean, at
that point in time, they're gonna make a power move
and that's why they did what they did. Yeah, and
that moved me to my dirtiest teat. I mean, CT

(06:07):
just pretended that like I'm just gonna let see, I'm
gonna let big Tea do everything. But he definitely had
his hand in that, oh for sure. Yeah. I think
also the dirtiest DA goes to the fucking house. I
had no idea was going in. Yeah. Literally was like
trying to save them from voting you in. Yeah. I

(06:28):
pulled a Nellie T. Like I literally just moved my
mouth the way Nellie T would move his body into
elimination for a friend. And I, you know, just laid
my body down on the tracks and was like run
me over, take my limbs. Yeah. And I fucking did
not know that. Yeah, I don't know it was gonna

(06:49):
be us. It was. It was a devastating I was crying, devastating.
Before we get into the elimination, let's just talk about
the challenge itself, because it was terrifying. We were over terrifying.
Seemed fine, now, you seemed okay, let's get into this.
Let's get into this challenge. Because we were right next
to each other were yeah, yeah, let me tell you something.

(07:12):
I don't like heights. No. One two. I found out
that a lot of other people don't like heights. I
don't care what they say. I don't know how I'm
dangling from this thing. They lead you onto it and
they say climb over and stand there. I'm holding on
for dear life. I look like a snowman, frightened snowman
over a cliff. And I've done this before where you know,

(07:34):
when we did Duel two, we were over like this
cliff in New Zealand and our partner had to hold
us until they dropped us. But we were free falling.
I mean it was awful. This swung you out at
least that into water, no a canyon swing, so like
you fell and then you hit at a certain point,

(07:54):
but you fell like it was like four hundred I
mean it was far. Like you just felt like you
were falling. Try to grab air. So I know what
this feels like, which is almost scarier than not knowing. Yeah,
So going into it, I'm like, Okay, we got to
stand on this thing. He's gonna pull this is Leroy
gonna be able to hold me up. Now. What you
don't know is Tori is next to me. Yeah, but

(08:16):
her partners know where to be found. Okay, Devin's still
trying to tie his shoes. Leroy has my hand straight
and not crossed, and here goes to Leroy, used to
switch your grip. Yep, I was, and what happened. I
know it was the worst timing because I'm looking over,
Devin's not pulling up this rope. I'm like, okay, well,
there's not a shot in fucking hell that we're gonna

(08:38):
win this because he's not going to even get to
me in time. So I look over and I see
Leroy get to you just in time. But you guys
are holding that straight arm grip like right hand to
right hand or left hand to left hand. And so
that's why I was like, switch the grip, like cross
your grip, so that way you can make sure that
like you had better stability. But you switched to grip
the moment the floor leaves our feet, you fall, and

(09:00):
it's basically my fucking fault. I'm so sorry. I would
have never wanted to fall in peter Pan with anyone else.
I mean, we did sing and fly the whole time
we were down there. I'm not gonna say that wasn't
scary because every time someone fell, the whole apparatus would
move a little bit. Yeah, and I'm like, we'll probably
die if we hit. I'm like, well, maybe we could swim,
you know, like maybe maybe it'll be like a weird

(09:21):
action movie where we're all, okay, oh my god. I seriously.
First of all, it was crazy outside, Like it was
so cold, it was windy, it was rainy. It was
not actually a good day to be hanging off the
side of a waterfall like it was. It was not
it was scary. Well yeah, it's also like Iceland is
the land of like okay, we already know fire and ice,

(09:42):
but the weather turns on a dime, so it just
changes so much. So it's like it's a beautiful sunny
day and we're like, oh my god, sunshine. Everyone's so excited,
and then it's like hailing. Yeah. So well, props the
CT and Big Tea. I mean, they held on for
a long time. Good for them. But then it obviously
brings us to this document where the rookies are clearly
very happy that Big teas in power. We all get

(10:04):
back home. Me and you were trying to figure out
how to save our asses because we knew we smelled
that shit out. We were like, oh, they're gunning for us, Like, well,
it's they just had the numbers. They really did. And
in any other game we would have had this lined
up that rookies would have went in first. Had anyone
ever seen the challenge before. It's almost like a rite
of passage, Like you're a rookie, you go in eliminations. Yeah, exactly,

(10:28):
earn your stripes. You either come back like it's not like, oh,
because you're rookie to get a free ride. I mean
that was part of some of it too. If people
thought and the whole term weak we're not saying you're
physically weak, but weakness can be a mental thing. Some
people can be strong as shit, but but break mentally
or weak mentally under pressure. Absolutely, so I think that

(10:49):
people were and this is what I tried to convey,
like in deliberation, was like, you know, if we're gonna
say week or what, maybe we need to change the
way we talk about people or maybe change up the language.
But we also can't get offended by every little thing too,
because the guys call each other week and small sets calling,
you know, Josh, the goof like, yeah, the guys play

(11:11):
a totally different game, oh for sure. And the thing
is is it was never meant to be demeaning, Like
it's not like, oh, these girls are weeks, so we're
going to get them out because we're it's malicious. No,
we're playing a game for a million dollars. Don't you
want to go up against somebody who you think you
have the best odds at beating And that doesn't mean
that you are definitely going to beat them. That means
that me and Anissa have been in enough eliminations to

(11:32):
know that you can fucking lose to anybody at any time.
So you want to do yourself a favor and just
hope that you go up against somebody that you feel
like you can bet. It's a confidence thing, but you
know what it is. I just got to say this too.
People in the Challenge House, if there is one thing
to hold against you, to throw votes on your name,
that's exactly what they do. They took this whole thing
and made it about like, oh, we need to get

(11:53):
toriot because she's mean, she's calling people layups. The word
layups never came out of my mouth, So that's a
fucking lie. And the other thing is I only really
confided in people who I thought I could trust when
I said I want to go up against people I
think I can beat, like and that was Teresa. Yeah,
And so you don't even get to see that. I mean,
you're the one that told me that Teresa really kind
of like fucked us over and stabbed us in the
back when she was a part of both of these schemes.

(12:15):
But it's like I didn't go around saying your week,
your week, your week. No, I talked to people I
thought I could trust. I was like, I think that
this person would be a good person to go up against.
So like, if that's what's going to happen, that's what
I want. It's so fucking clear to me. It's logic,
Like what are you doing on the show if you're
not trying to set yourself up for fucking winning? It
literally blows my mind. So they're all just hiding behind

(12:35):
this idea of me being like I'm not even going
to call myself a bully, but like walking in or not,
I love you so much, you're not a bully. I
wouldn't be friends with you if you were one. Yeah,
not really into bullies. But I love how you know
Teresa is that she never see those conversations where she
told Cam that we were going to vote for her,
and that Cam told me fucked up that And I'm like, Cam,

(12:59):
I love you, why would I vote for you? And
because that happened, Cam and Leroy voted for me. I
mean they probably were like, Yo, if Anissa and Tour
gunning for us, then we'll just go for them. The
only logic that I can come up with because I
can't call him and ask him right now. Yeah, but
it literally makes no sense because literally the week before that,

(13:20):
when I had power with Devin, Leroy was one of
the names I protected, Like why why would I Why
would we be working against you? Literally we're working with you,
Like it's not even a question. When I had the
opportunity to help you out, we did and you did too,
So it's like, what the fuck are what the like?
If Teresa really did tell Cam that we were going

(13:41):
against her, I mean, that shit is so shady and
fucked up. And I wish that that ship was on
camera because I want to talk to Teresa and be like,
what the fuck? Like, right, that's how you want to
play this game that's fucked up. I mean, like really,
ReBs right way, I know, Hey, I was to be honest, like,
you're one of my closest friends, so like I trust
you with everything, so why wouldn't I be close to you? Like, Yeah,

(14:01):
this is the first time I think I've ever played
a game with somebody I love so much that I
just really wanted to spend time with them because like
on the off season, we hadn't seen each other across
the country, and I think that's such a valuable point.
It's like we all experienced the crazy year of twenty
twenty went through COVID. Obviously, shit hit the fucking fan,
like just with everything. My relationship was not in a
good place coming onto the show, and people don't know that.

(14:22):
So when I was there and like hanging out with
you and having fun, I was like, Dan, for the
first time in a long time, I'm actually enjoying my
life for a little bit. So like you have that
one clip of me being like me and Anisa don't
know what the fuck we're doing, because we literally just
enjoyed being with each other, having get in there. Like
I wish I would have played a better political game,
but honestly, I think mentally where I was at with
my whole fucking life, I just needed to enjoy myself

(14:45):
because life was fucking hard. Right. Should we get into
the elimination? Okay, let's get into it. Do you want
to go because or do you want me to start it?
Whatever you want, I don't care. I'll say this. I
did get I had an interview with Sky I'm one
of our producers right before and she was like, come on, gal,

(15:05):
you know, like get pumped up. I don't feel it,
you know, And I'm like, I'm I'm pumped up. I'm like,
but it's so hard to pump yourself up when you're
going against Yeah, you a friend for sure, I mean
it's not just a friend. Like this like was breaking
my heart. Like I was so emotional about this, Like
I just didn't want to do it. But I was like,
if I win or lose to her, I'm fine. And

(15:27):
she almost was like, you're too calm about this. What's
you know? What's up? I'm like, I'm still gonna try.
I'm not gonna just lie down because it's story, you know. Yeah, dude,
you killed it. I mean I just remember when we
sorry an't gonna cut you off. No, it's fine. I mean,
give me a compliment. Keep going. Like I just remember,
out of the corner of my eye when like you know,
that horn blew and it was time to pull that rope.

(15:47):
You pulled it so fast and so hard, and that
was where I really fucked up my technique. I just
I don't know if I didn't have the strength, Like
I don't know what the fuck was going on in
my head at that point in time. I think I
was just like I was just blown away after I
saw you flip that thing and then I had to
reset my thing so many times to start over. Like
I was, I was like, holy shit, like nicea you seriously,

(16:09):
I gave it everything I had. So it's like any
I hate that people like sleep on you because it's
like you fucking that was heavy as fuck and you
crushed it on the first try. Like that was heavy.
People don't realize I had. And like, the one other
thing I gotta say is all of these girls who
think that I called them weak whatever, come down there
and try pulling that thing down, because that thing was

(16:32):
so fucking heavy. So if Amber or whoever wants to say,
oh Toria looks weak down there. If you could pull
it down, then you could call me weak. That's all
I gotta say. But you gotta pull it down first. Yeah,
it's definitely. I think that there was that thing, that
switch that clicked in me that was like, all right,
you're about to be the bitch used to be like
when you got in eliminations who were like, this person's

(16:54):
not gonna beat me. And I've always been humble, like
I've never said or doubted anybody's that because I've lost
to people that I thought I was stronger than and
I've lost to people that you know, I mean, and
I've won to people that I thought, you know, we're
stronger than me. So it's just it was just crazy.
But I saw him, and I'm like, I have to
do it for every person up there that's doubting me. Yeah,

(17:17):
for sure. And I have to do this for myself
because even though you're my friend, you're you're viewed as
a very strong player, and that to me is I mean,
if I beat you and I love you and you're strong,
I'm pulling this fucking rope, damn it. And I'm like, Okay,
channel your inner whatever pulls ropes and pull this thing,
and I think it was just a hand over hand,

(17:37):
Like I was like, I just need it. I need
to keep it moving, to click it and put and
push it over, because that's what I knew. If I
didn't have the moment kind off, I went into autopilot.
I don't know what happened, but I wasn't going to stop.
Yeah you did, but I did, like I took my
time because I felt like once I looked over and
I'm like, oh, she still hasn't pulled it, I was like,

(17:57):
I have enough time to do it. And then when
you started matching up, I was like, oh shit, you
know I've three left. Maybe I should fucking find them,
one being one already hit. But like you didn't know.
You couldn't see from that far what was cracked, what
was whatever. So it was just I mean, it was
just a lot, you know. The thing that really fucking
bothers me is like Devin, Like I could have fucked

(18:18):
him so bad the week before. I could have made
him go into that hall brawl. He said, I'm gonna
get you your skull, Tory, don't worry. So I didn't
fuck him over, and I obviously threw Fessie in because
I was like, whatever, that's that's what we're gonna do then.
But I could have fucked him so bad. I could
have fucking crashed that drone. I worked with him, and
this whole episode, all you see him being like is off, fucker, fucker,

(18:38):
I used it for hiking. It's like really fucked up.
Like I didn't know that was going on, like until
I obviously watched it, and I'm like, damn, dude, you
think you fucking you really think you can trust people
and you have no idea like that they're out to
fucking get you. I just think it's like, oh, it's
like you I should have fucked Devin over so bad.
If I could go back and take anything away in

(18:59):
this game, I would have made him go into that
hall brawl against Nelson. That's literally what I would have done. Yeah, well,
I mean I think about everything, like at the end
of that and then like stealing Fessi back because I
made a joke and I wish you would have been there.
But I pretended that I was going to steal Kyle
and he was that. He was so fucking nervous. He

(19:21):
was so nervous, and I was like this person has
been really I'm like, I'm sorry, Kyle, but I'm going
back with FESSI. I'm like, come on, FESSI, if you
don't want to be with me, at least say it beforehand,
because then I won't pick you and I could have
picked someone else. I think that, I honestly think that
clip from him saying don't pick me, don't pick me
was from the very first interview. Here, I don't give

(19:43):
a shit. Yeah, I don't give a shit when he
said it, Yeah, first, because I'm gonna tell you. I'm
gonna tell you something, Listen. I pulled him back to
prove a point that if I win, I'm gonna do
whatever the funk I want. That was one thing, yea,
And number two was to humble him, like, listen, you're
not gonna win him all clearly, even with Casey, you're
not winning. And the only thing that I'm mad about

(20:06):
is like he had a target on his back and
he was being super selfish, and here I am picking
him back when I literally felt like I was dodging
a bullet by not being his partner anymore. Yeah, I
mean he told me after he left me to go
to Casey. I could steal him back. So Fessie, don't
say shit, you don't mean. Bro, if you love me
and you're my friend and you say that you do

(20:28):
and you say that we are, then just be straight
up with me because I don't want to have to
You know what hurts more watching shit on TV and
you know, then having to having to live through, you know,
being with somebody who doesn't want to be with you.
And I think this challenge is like a lot of
feeling like, you know, you don't know when somebody may

(20:51):
leave you, and that kind of fear is just like
it's really fucking weird because you trust people and they
literally are saying other shit. So I don't know, girl,
it's a crazy game. I miss you. I want you
to still be on the show with me, Come back
to me. So we're going to take a quick break
right now, and after that we'll be back with Natalie

(21:12):
Anderson to talk about her experience on this season of
the Challenge. Okay, folks, you have seen her dominate on Survivor,
you have seen her on Amazing Race, and now she
has come on the Challenge to frighten all of us.

(21:36):
Please welcome Natalie Anderson to the podcast. Hello, I'm so
honored to be here with you two girls. I'm seeing
your face. Yeah, well we didn't not seeing your face
because it's a podcast. We love hearing your face. Yeah,
it's like a it's like a roommate reunion, right, Yeah,

(21:57):
we're just missing one. Yeah, yeah, dude. Honestly, before we
get into anything crazy, I just want to say I'm
so fucking happy you're on the challenge. I love everything
you bring to the show. I think you're so bad ass.
Like just props to you for fucking coming on there
and literally just being a fucking animal. And honestly, like
obviously when you're going to talk about is crazy, and
like it's your personal story and I can't like wait

(22:17):
to hear like your side of everything. But like you
were a threat in that game, and I'm sorry that
you didn't. You didn't have the opportunity to fucking show
people more that, but you'll have it in the future
for sure. Yeah. Like for me, like the challenge actually
didn't make me nervous. I think that, you know, I
was so complacent with how Survivor and obviously amazing race
is even easier, Like I was so used to those

(22:38):
challenges that it didn't make me nervous. I was excited
to be nervous about competing a game because the challenge
challenges at just it's just on another level. And so
for me, the excitement and the nervousness was It was
a cool difference going to film the show and being
like having those butterflies of being like, holy shit, like
this is going to be intense. But yeah, I mean
I was I knew was built for the show, and

(23:02):
it was cool when I got there to see like,
uh that it's all the things, like everything all my
expectations were met with how they did the challenges and
the production and all the all this like literally no
stops on the challenges and that I was really impressed. Though.
I was exciting, Yeah, totally. Yeah. I was excited about
meeting you in the hallway before we did our visible

(23:24):
and then once we moved into the house. Yeah, I
started doing cleans and front squats. I was like, oh
my god, get out of here. What's going on. Whouldn't
fighted her to the party to kill? And then you
were doing jumped over the wall. I'm like, you're like
a different type of competitor. That was cute, though, when
we did all like I'll work out, and then then

(23:46):
like after a couple I was like, you know what,
I'm not gonna help these goals anywhere, which is smart. Yeah,
I mean at the start, I was like it'll be fun,
and then later I was like, you know what, the
less in shape they are, the better it is for me.
So I'm not gonna help them get stronger. It it
really does. It was hard to stay motivated in that

(24:08):
house though, because like like the weather, the food. It
was like literally all we did while we went there
because the corona we didn't get to go anywhere, was
just like hang out, eat and then you had I
had to just force myself to train there and it
was like so cold, but I knew it was the
only thing that was helping too with my mental headspace
being out there. Uh, and the gym was amazing, so
I couldn't really complain. Yeah, honestly, you were the only

(24:30):
one that was always out there in the rain, Like
every time I would walk, you would be out there
for hours. People don't understand how often you worked out, Natalie.
I mean it was terrifying for everybody. We were like
this girl to sit down somewhere Jesus challenge where it
stay still and not be active. I would suck at

(24:52):
that totally. Well, listen, obviously, like there's so many amazing
things to talk about, we want to make sure that
we get to kind like why we're like having you
as a guest right now. So would you mind just
walking us through your decision to leave the show early
and just what happened with that and anything you're comfortable
talking about. Yeah, So, I mean literally, I could not

(25:15):
have made this story up. Like I came out there
being in the most amazing shape. I was training so hard,
like I trained Hall all the time, really hard. But
I stepped up my training before I went out there
to the point where I was like running hill sprints
like in the evening. In the morning, I would be lifting,
I would be swimming like everything you could imagine. So

(25:35):
I was in this headspace of like, I'm in the
best shape of my life mentally, I'm prepared for this.
I was out for revenge after losing two million. Okay,
I didn't lose it because I never had the two million,
but I like two million dollars slip away from me
and on Survivor, and so I was just like ready
for this. I was. It was the first time I
was leaving having like a support system back home because

(25:56):
I've been in a relationship for like a year before
I went out, and it was a very different feeling
because I've always done these shows being super single, and
it's just I always feel like it's just me out there.
And I left with this like feeling of having like
this teammate back home. So I was like, oh, I
also had that on my chest, like I was like,
I want to make him proud. I want to make
myself proud, and I was just ready. The unexpected news

(26:21):
of finding out I was pregnant while I was out
there was it came like such a crazy shock. I
just didn't even know how I would get pregnant because
I was like, I was on so much physical and
mental and emotional stress before going out there, but this
is life. I did not plan it, obviously, And the
only reason I actually found out I was pregnant is
because I spoke to Nadia on my first FaceTime call

(26:44):
and I had joked around about how my period was made,
and I had mentioned to you girls while I was
out there, like my I haven't got my period. But
I always like on Survivor, when I'm stressed, I just
don't get my period. So I just assumed that was
why I eventually ended up taking a pregnancy test, and like, really,
I could not even believe I was sitting with a stranger.
I had just taken this pregnancy test. I went back

(27:06):
into the house and like, I had no idea what
when I was gonna get pulled. I was still trying
to digest all this information, and you know, it was
just like this really abrupt ending to like some like
a mission I was on. And you know, for me,
the idea of quitting is so hard. But I had
to like obviously tell myself it's not quitting. I have

(27:28):
to do this. And yeah, when I was out there,
I didn't even know what I wanted to do. I
had no idea what my body. Like, it was like
such a weird feeling because I was super proud of
my body being able to compete. I was like, like
when I watched last week's episode, I was sitting with Devin,
and I was like, Devin my boyfriend, not Devin from
the FIMB, because like every time I say Devin, they're

(27:49):
like Devin. I'm like, no, my Devon is tale. You know.
He just keeps saying like, I cannot believe you're pregnant here,
and I was like, I cannot believe, which is amazing
because it shows how like our bodies are so resilient.
I was able to fly. You know, I was already
pregnant before I left. I was eight weeks when I
came back to the States and I went for my ultrasound.

(28:11):
I was eight weeks pregnant, which is insane, and I
noticed some changes in my body. But I'm very confident
when my body changes, like I've been heavier and I'm
still fast, still strong, and I never look at my
body and criticize what my body looks like. I only
think about what it's capable of. So I noticed my
boobs were big on the show, and even watching it,

(28:31):
my friends are like, oh my god, Natalie booms are huge.
I was like, yeah, I know, my genumans think about
all that, because I still felt strong. I felt healthy.
But you know, obviously I was pregnant and my body
did change on the show and watching it now, I
can notice some of the differences, but I was still
I still felt strong and capable of everything. You know. Yeah,

(28:51):
so Anyway, I digress. I found out I was pregnant.
I talked to Devin, and you know, I think he
was mowing shock and he's not. He's not like a
reality TV person, So for him, the idea of being
away from me during something like this was just really
really hard for him me, Like he literally wanted to
fly to Iceland to be with me, and like the
producer was like, listen, you're not gonna get to see it,

(29:12):
Like there's no point, like just you have to just
stay put. But you know, for normal people, that's a
very weird thing to do. To get a call from me,
And I was like, hey, babe, like I just found
out I was I'm pregnant. I'll call you back. And
that's basically the whole conversation. And he was freaking out obviously,
but he knows I'm strong and he knows that you
know that I can kind of I won't. I won't

(29:33):
be like freaking out about anything. I just kind of
took everything with stride, made peace with my exit. I
didn't know when they were gonna pull me. So when
you watch the episode, you probably noticed how like I'm
just my face is like, oh my god, I can't
believe they're gonna do this. Now. I knew it was coming,
I just didn't know how it was going to happen.
And yeah, I came back home. I was so like

(29:54):
everything happened so fast, like I was just out there.
I just got used to being in the house, like
I had got my goal scholars like, all right, this
is it. I'm chilling till the end. Like, um, so
I'd like prepared for that and then to come back home. Um.
I allowed myself to just like breathe and be back
in my space with him, and the idea of having
you know, a baby was crazy, but at the same

(30:16):
time and him like I could see myself doing that,
and you know, for me, I would said, everything happens
for a reason. I just you know, gave away five
hundred thousand because in my head I was winning at
that point. Yeah yeah, and uh, you know, I like
embraced everything. I was in a good space and I

(30:38):
was thankful that my body was able to go through
all that and still be healthy. Everything was fine with me.
I came I'd come back after everything, and I got
a check. Um. But then unfortunately, like a week after
I came back home, I had a miscarriage, and it
was like this other bump in the road. It's like
I had already gone through. I had like made peace

(30:59):
with the fact that I wasn't going to get to compete,
and followed through it what I went out there for.
I came back. I had digested, like coming back from
the show early, that disappointment in myself, letting down my family,
letting down Devon. But then after having him around and
like understanding like this isn't this isn't the end of
the world. Like I'm so competitive, so it's hard for me.

(31:20):
But then after that, having to go over the second
bump of like you know, randomly and for no reason, uh,
you know, losing like the pregnancy, it was hard for me.
I guess was a ghost. I all I did was
talk to Nadi and Devin. Nobody even knew I was home,
which was awesome because I used the opportunity of people

(31:41):
thinking I was filming to just have my personal space
and my time from everybody. And I took a long
time to kind of just make amends with that because
for me at that point, it was like not only
did I give up on this show, I also didn't
have anything to show after because like I came back
and then I didn't have anything to you know, celebrate,

(32:02):
So it was really hard for me. But you know,
I never blame myself. And I've talked to a few
people after and a lot of women that have gone
through this end up blaming themselves, and I never had
that guilt. I never even for once thought what did
I do? Because I know that I'd gone through so
much already and I was fine, So literally was something

(32:24):
out of my control affected my health, and you know,
it just it wasn't my choice, it wasn't my fault,
and I feel like I had such a good grip
on what happened, and like my approach to dealing with
things with my body have always been, always been in
a positive light, and so for me, I was really
proud of myself that I was able to get through that,

(32:44):
start training again and never once blame myself and be
in this position now to be able to watch the
show in a healthy mindset and celebrate me even being
out there for a few episodes I am and just
being able to you know, look at my body and
look at it the zillions have been going through all
this and still being strong and well, and for me,

(33:05):
I just wanted to share that story with anybody listening
because my now seeing people come up to me and
tell me, like the few friends that I've talked to
and friends and friends friends of friends who have gone
through this, they have a really hard time kind of
letting go. And I never had that. I never, like
I said, I never looked at myself and blamed myself.
And I want women, and if I can affect one woman,

(33:28):
to let her know that her story and what she did,
like her, what happened to or has nothing to do
with it's not her fault. That's all I want to do.
And I also want to give fans like some closure
because they know me and they know that me quitting
would wouldn't like It's not something I would do. I
was gonna. You know, it's easy to use any a

(33:49):
random scapegoat as a reason I left, Like I've seen
like Twitter at things about family emergency. I don't want
to use my family as a scapegoat. I don't want
to use a fake death because in today's all these
crazy things are happening and I don't want to just
use something as a crutch. I kind of want to
own my story and you know, be honest with what happened,
because I think that's a way I can also make

(34:10):
peace with everything that has happened to me and move forward.
So that's why I was really open to just sharing
my story, being honest with what happened, and you know,
show that I can be super strong and like women
like us who come off as always being strong and tough,
we can go through hard things like this and it's
a part of being strong, is being vulnerable and being

(34:31):
you know, soft and like feminine and strong and bold.
It's all part of me and I'm not just one sided.
And so for anybody that has stuff with this and
don't think they're as strong as me, like, I just
want to say that you are as strong as me.
You can be and it's not your fault and you
should never you know, let it hold you back from
doing anything and never feel guilty and just let yourself

(34:55):
be at peace with what happened. I feel very lucky
that I'm in this mindset and that I can be
happy about everything and watch the show and you know,
being a good spot right now. Wow, that's amazing. Thank
you so much. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I mean,
it's like truly inspiring and powerful, and I think it
is so important for you to share that story because

(35:17):
there are so many people who look up to you seriously,
like even like I look up to you. I look
at you and I'm like, she's a monster, and like
that's a crazy story. And it's hard to be vulnerable
in the social Yeah, so many people are so judgmental
and they're going everybody's got something to say all the time.
So you are definitely going to help somebody with your story.
And I'm really happy that you have the ability to
talk about it, and I'm just thankful that you're you're

(35:39):
opening up about it, so thank you, and in such
a positive way of like describing your body as being
like this amazingly strong and resilient thing that like, the
body is not something like it it serves a purpose
and it you know, it keeps us safe, it helps
us to do things, but it also you know, it's
transformative and we should love all of those parts of it,

(36:03):
which is such Yeah, I mean for young women, for
older women, I mean for anyone, I think in this
day and age, especially when everything it's like revolving around
social media and what other people think of you. It's
awesome to have that kind of perspective. Yeah, it's definitely.
It's so inspiring. I'm like, shit, yeah, switch up some things. Noo,

(36:26):
It's crazy. I mean like sometimes I look back and
I still can't even imagine that it happened, like the
way because after you know, we went through so much
the quarantine, I was pregnant in the hotel room in
LA for a week, Like why couldn't I just take
a test then I would have known, like to think
that we did. I did all that, like went out there,
and then just it like just seems so crazy. Like

(36:47):
even now when I sometimes think of it, I'm just like,
did that really even happen? Like how like what are
the chances? You know? Um? But I think for me,
you know, and even seeing like you girls out there,
like for me, see women kind of celebrate our dominance
and celebrate being strong and being fierce, but then also
being able to you know, own up to being vulnerable

(37:09):
and said and everything that comes with us, you know,
because I feel like I've always shown only one aspect
of me because I'm survivor. I like, yeah, I cried
obviously when I was depressed, but like for the most part,
I was like so strong and like I love that
I can help women do that and feel strong and empowered.
But I also want to own up to my vulnerability
and being, you know, in this position where I really

(37:31):
had to work through some hard things, and it also
had to do with like my relationship. I think Devon
was really strong for me, but he never made me
feel like like it would been really easy for somebody
from not in this world to kind of pinpoint the
show and maybe, you know, maybe say something happened because
of what I was doing. But I was completely healthy
while I was being a lunatic in Iceland, you know,

(37:53):
Like what happened happened to me when I was back
home in my regular routine, eating my regular food. So
I think he had to do with how me and
him dealt with it too, And obviously I think it
was a make or break with us because what I
went through was so hard for him and for me,
and it just you know, it was like I look
at it, for me, it's silvi aligning. Is I learned

(38:15):
so much about myself. I learned so much about my relationship,
and I learned that you know, sometimes the shows and
the money, that's not the most important thing. Sometimes you
really have to listen to what you need. Like obviously
I was pregnant, so I couldn't compete, But in a situation,
in a situation that we all in, sometimes it's so
tempting to just stay out there and suffer. But sometimes

(38:35):
it really does take you know, a champion to know
when to rest and like take a break from things.
And I think that's like the biggest thing I have
to tell myself. Yeah, totally. Well, I think it's safe
to say that number one, everybody is obviously very thankful
that you've opened up so much about it. And number two,
people are definitely going to be sad that you're not
going to be on this season anymore because so many people.

(38:56):
You have so many fans out there, So for all
the fans that are out there, what can we expect
next from you? Like do you plan on coming back
on the job, because I haven't seeing you work out
a lot, and I know you do already, but it's
kind of annoying because you did one of these power
I just you know what, stop snatching and stop cleaning
so much way it's like, wait, okay o, no, she's

(39:19):
just looping the same video, she just changes outfits. It's
one day, she just changes outfits. Don't believe the hype
now for me, Like I honestly, my decision to come
back is going to be after my final episode. So
I told producers I really want to be able to
be in a good headspace for me. I know I
can physically get ready to come and compete, but for

(39:40):
once in my life, I'm going to really because I
don't know if I was in the best headspace going
out this season. I just kind of like survive. I
just wrapped, and I was kind of going out there
for like redemption instead of being going out there to
do something that I mean, I knew I was going
to be good at it. So I want to really
be in a good headspace and pick up really long

(40:01):
deep breath and asked myself, isn't worth it? Like the money,
the time me going through this again. I gotta tell you,
living in that house, it was very difficult for me,
Like I would rather starve on an island than live
in a house like that, which is crazy. Which is crazy,
I mean other people who were competing against you. I mean,
if you want to take a break, you know, what.

(40:25):
I love that you just point out in this moment
that you're like, even though I've been on a fucking
island on Survivor, I still don't want to fucking go
in the Challenge house. Thank you for acknowledging how difficult
it is. Different house. It is instid and I heard
that I had a good comparta like the bunker, and yeah,
but the other thing is the bunker at different levels.

(40:45):
We were all on the same level all the time
and could always hear each other, and I was always
so paranoid that somebody heard me, like I don't know,
talking about something or it's just I never felt like
I was like, I would rather be in the bunker too,
because you can get your personal space in the bunker.
There's zero personal space in that house. Like I was
watching with Devin and like we there was a Jim

(41:07):
scene and I was like, that's my room, right, yeah,
you can see right there. He's like, there's no dose.
I was like, does I would? I would high behind
because nobody knew. And I'll add another secret to this episode. Uh,
we would change behind our closet door and sit on
the bench bare ass trying to put well the bench
was also Natalie's closet, because people also didn't know that

(41:28):
Natalie's closet was the whole side of the room she had.
She had a wardrobe, but she loved that pouch. Yeah.
I just didn't have anything in my close I had
no clothes competty y'all. Okay, all my clothes away from
me too, Like I didn't have any So upset about that.
About My other favorite thing about Natalie is before we

(41:49):
go into like really comparing it to Survivor in an
amazing race, is how every night we had to go
out to the club, you literally tried to not go,
Like you literally asked, can I stay home? Can I stay?
Can I sleep? I hated you hate it? Oh my god,
I hated it. Like maybe because I was pregnant. I
was super tired now even more tired than antisocial than usual.
But like anyway, I didn't want to go to the club.

(42:10):
And everybody probably thinks that I knew I was pregnant
because I didn't drink. But I just don't drink, you know.
But I acted like a pregnant lady because that's who
I am. I never drank anywhere. Oh but yeah, I
don't know it's crazy. Like now, I'm so happy that
I can, you know, just for me to be able
to be in this space talk to you guys about it,
be honestly vulnerable. And I think the biggest thing I

(42:33):
took away is that my like my body's resilienced, you know.
Going out there, I was training so hard. I don't
even know how I got pregnant, but I was training
so hard and then to keep to keep seriously like
literally like I was tackling tackle practice with my two
hund free people. I'm boyfriend like, come on, like literally
like asking him, like tackle me. He was like, are
you crazy? I was like, obviously I'm crazy. Yeah. So

(42:59):
like for me coming back my body, I gained a
lot of weight on the show, and like I said,
I'm so happy and proud that while I was out there,
I was still just as confident I was in my
spots of our training, even though I was I came back. Oh,
I came back, and I weighed myself because obviously I
didn't weigh myself while I was out there. I checked
when I left, I was one forty five. When I
came back, I was almost one fifty five. So I
gained almost ten pounds while I was on the show.

(43:22):
But for me, that never changed the way I changed
the way I looked at myself. I felt a little
fluffy sometimes, but I was like, oh, my boots are
getting big, good cute, like that's how I was like, yeah,
you know, So I think that that's a really good
point because I want women to know, like, you know,
they criticize and they analyze and they like critique everything
about their body, but they never think or give thanks

(43:44):
to what their bodies are capable of. And I think
that I've always done that and I've never ever, like
ever apologize for how I look, and I and I
just want to send that message too, like your body
changes with everything you do, but they're so much resilient.
So I'm always thankful for my body. I put it
through a lot with survivor and extinction the challenge. So

(44:07):
and that's another message for me that's really important is
giving thanks and you know, praise to our bodies because
it's it's a home, you know, and I get take
good care of it, but I'm also very kind to it.
So that's important for me. You look great in the
sports bra and leggings, I will say frightening shoulders. But
you look great. You have a tush like the best way. Yeah,

(44:29):
like you look strong, but you got curves like it
all looked great, so don't worry. Yeah, we we had
were we were the body positivity room, I think, yeah yeah,
and we had all different body times. It was cute
with all and Theresa too, Like she's so skinny, but
she can own a whole own and people can undermine

(44:50):
and like say that she's not strong because she's so small.
But that girl, you know, she's stronger than she looks.
So she's uh, you know, she's out there for the
skinny body shamers. You know facts. Well, thank you so
and I honestly we love having you. I hope you
do come back. But girl, I respect any decision you
make me too, and you're always going to be my

(45:10):
fitness goals. So keep posting your ship because I'm a
copy of the shit out of you. And yeah, I
hope to see you in Jersey. We should we should
all do some squads together, That's what I Jersey. If
we don't do burpies, it's great. Yeah, no, you gotta
do birpies. Come on, not doing a hundred well, nat

(45:30):
thank you so much for coming on here and we
love you. Can you tell people where to follow you
and if there's anything else you want to say or
where they can reach out to you about stuff. Yeah,
Natalie and an A, Ta l I E another e
A and D On Instagram. I get so many cool
messages from women I think from my Survivor seasons two
sometimes and I'm really responsive because the one thing from
Survivor that always came back is, you know, I get

(45:53):
a lot of moms telling me that they're so proud
that they their daughters can watch a girl like me
on TV. And that's always inspiring for me, almost worth
losing two millions, like, um, you know, so you can
reach out to me, I'm there. I'm gonna be doing
some stuff with MTV about, you know, where people who
go through miscarriages and are having a hard time move

(46:16):
forward with their life. I'm gonna have some resources up
after the episode. So if you have been through something
like this, or you in general have a hard time
moving through something that you feel like it's your fault,
don't and maybe we'll have something to help you work
through it. And if you've ever held on to something
and feel like you've you know, been mean to yourself

(46:39):
or been unkind to yourself because of something you had
no control over. Don't be just you know, embrace yourself
and let it go. Thanks right, made the lord open. Amen.
Totally against everything we just spoke about. But yes, Natalie,

(47:03):
thank you so much. I mean, it takes a lot
to talk about it. I can only imagine. I stoked.
I was stoked I got to talk to you too
about it, so it made me feel very comfortable. Yes,
we love you girl, Thank you so much. We're a
fan of you over here, really a big fan. Take
care all right, Nat by Nat bye. Natalie is seriously amazing.

(47:29):
I love that she is being so open and vulnerable
with her story, and I think it's so awesome that
she talked about it all. So that was awesome. What
did you think of east, I thought it was amazing.
I mean it's awesome to show all these different sides
of yourself and to feel, you know, I'm grateful that
she feels safe enough to speak to us about it
and that she is sharing her story because I know
that a lot of people go through this and she's

(47:52):
very inspiring. So I'm just definitely grateful that she came on,
and I know that a lot of people will benefit
from her story. Totally. I'm so with you on that.
You want to know what we didn't benefit from this
episode though, Yeah, tell me lies, facts, lies, and deceit,
which brings us to our closing segment, Challenge Confidential, where

(48:15):
we talk about some shit you didn't see in the episode,
in addition to all the lies yep, that we're being
spewed from the mouths of people we thought we could trust.
Why don't you set this up, Anisa, because I didn't
know any of this until you got home and you
told me, so, why don't you let the people know?
What the fuck can I do? Let me tell you

(48:36):
so what I happened was after I won and I
cried hysterically on the bus and Camp put her arms
around me. We got back to the house and I'm
I'm just sad. I go in. I mean they should
have played music. I mean it was bad. I looked
at her empty bed and then I see this note

(48:58):
and Teresa brings it to my attention, and Teresa's like,
I wrote, either you were Tori a note depending on
who came back. But it's crazy because at the end
of it, Tory wrote, suck my dick. Yeah, okay, Teresa
starts crying because she received a letter from you that
was very kind. So Teresa's still trying to put the
pieces together of why you write suck my dick on

(49:19):
the letter, right, and then you sent her a letter.
So Tori cleared that up now that we know, because
the whole story this is what I didn't. First of all,
let's be real. Oh God, There's so many ways to
talk about this, but I'm gonna just go from what
I know. I saw that note and it signed Tea.
I did not think it was from Teresa. I thought
that note was from Big Tea because Big Tea knew

(49:41):
that she was gonna put me against you. So when
I said suck my dick, that note was for Big Tea.
That was not for Teresa. But Teresa's guilty conscious like
now she knows, like, first of all, Teresa shouldn't have
written either one of us a note because she should
have been fighting to keep us out of it because
we all thought we were working together. And how did
she know what was gonna be two of us to
get to each other. Maybe she knew that the house

(50:02):
was going to vote one way, but she wouldn't have known, oh,
either Tory or Anissa. And then she didn't give us
the heads up either, so she was clearly not a
heads up at all. Right, and the Amber wait, I
got more secrets to Amber walked by the room before
deliberation and was like Amber B. And she's like, UM,
just to let you know, like your name's out of it,

(50:23):
like I'm doing the best that I can since swim.
And then after I got voted in, she was like,
I didn't vote for you, which I know for a
fact that she voted for me because I saw it. Yeah,
you voted for me, Amber B. Cut the shit, and
Teresa told I have so many secrets. And Teresa told

(50:43):
Cam that Tory and I voted for her and which
we didn't fake news. Why would Teresa do that? I
honestly I want I need to get that cleared up.
I need both of those girls to look me in
my face. And I believe Cam because we've already talked
about it. I just need to recent tell me why
the fuck she would do that. Clearly she was trying
to show the Clearly she was trying to make us
lose our numbers. Well, Teresa wanted to get out anyone

(51:04):
who was going to be a competition in the end,
so she wanted everybody out of the way, which makes sense,
So I can't hate her. Yeah, it makes sense. But
when you trust but it's us, so it's yeah. So,
and that she was teamed up with the rookies, which
I would understand. You know, you're coming back in this
game after not playing for a while, and you gotta
do whatever you gotta do. But it really made me
lose trust in our our friendship and will dictate you know,

(51:29):
the next episode and what happens there. Yeah, oh man. Honestly,
it's just the season was such an eye opener, knowing
how everybody moved, and I think it's just gonna like
cause me to just be very very cautious next time
if I decided, yeah, Sea, I don't like to be weaponized,
and that's what they did with us, and it just
I think that that's the part that really messes with me,

(51:50):
is like they used me to try and take you
out well like if anybody can, which is kind of
a compliment, but a backhanded one totally, and it hurt.
But honestly, we could look at the negatives of it all,
I say we end on the positive note. We just
celebrate your victory because it was so well deserved. Just
another secret shit. I had Tori's name in permanent marker
all my tummy and Tory had her name like prison tats.

(52:15):
We literally did when they called, and we went into
that elimination assuming we're probably gonna go against each other,
and like fucking Patrick and SpongeBob when they're wearing each
other's song to wear a color, Yeah, I had a
niece's name written across my stomachs, probably were wearing who knows.
And that's when we do those sand angels and we're
just like, fuck, dude, this is our life, like what.
And they gave us like thirty minutes to be down there,

(52:38):
I mean longer than anybody to like because I was
I was dead. I mean yeah, that kind of friendship.
They were like, let's let these girls have their moment
because they knew that that was going to be like
a shot to the heart for me. You hold it
together a little bit better than I do. But like
we definitely had those those tattoos to go further. We
were going to go out and I still had your

(52:58):
name on my stomach. The next day, I couldn't get
it off. So funny me too. I'm like sitting in
the hotel room because obviously, like when you get kicked
off the show, you have to sit in the hotel
room for I had to sit there for three days
and I was just looking at your name, like I
didn't have a phone nothing. I literally had Netflix for
three days. I was just sitting in my sorrows looking
at your name on my body. I mean, it could
be worse. It could have been somebody else, could have

(53:19):
been way fucking worries. Oh my god, total could have
been Devin's name. Yeah, oh fuck that dude. All right,
all right, ending on a high note, I love you,
and we're still here in real life. I love you too.
And you know what, I'm not going to be on
the season anymore obviously, and he'sa eliminated me and she
got her gold skull. But at least I will be
on the Challenge podcast. So definitely listen to us here
because I'm gonna be with you guys to the entire

(53:41):
season and we are going to talk about everything we've
been talking about all the ends out. Yes, you can't
get rid of her that fast because she's still here,
Still here, motherfucker's but yeah. Follow me on Instagram, Guys,
send me some love because I probably needed after this
episode Tori underscore deal and I got a lot going
on my page. I got books, I got podcasts. Come through.
Can be a friend Anisa? Where can we follow you at?
You can follow me at Anissa MTV that's a n

(54:04):
e s a MTV at everything where I don't have
books and other things, but sometimes I post pictures of myself.
You can DM me if you have any questions. If
I don't respond to I still see your questions. I
screenshot a lot of them and when we can throw
them up on the podcast. We will yes totally and

(54:25):
make sure you guys just watch every we get the
challenge with us. We are so excited to go behind
the scenes with you the next morning on MTV's official
Challenge podcast. Thanks for tuning in, guys, Yes, until next time,
Chow