August 18, 2025 • 28 mins
This week’s hometowns include an underground bourbon empire and a Victorian ghost-themed birthday party.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Las Hello and welcome my favorite murder the Miniso.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
We read you your stories, the best of the best.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
And the best we can that's all we can do.
You want to give it a try, I'll give.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
It a shot. Oh okay, this one's a heavy one,
starting right off the bat. Okay, great, but it says
the title and it says don't read title. Okay, same
time that's happened. Actually, you know, they leave it up
to us usually. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
No, She's like, trust me on this one.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Oh well, hello, yeah, cuties, it's it starts. I've been
a loyal listener since twenty twenty and a third time writer.
Fingers crossed this one makes the cut. I was thirty
six weeks pregnant with our third daughter, and in the
true spirit of pregnancy, was feeling like shit. Thankfully, I
had a regularly scheduled OV appointment and was sent to
the hospital straight away when they determined I had preclampsia
(01:05):
and it says elevated blood pressure in pregnancy. I, in
all my naivete thought they'd keep me over a night
for observation and send me home in the morning, good
as new. Wrong. Instead of a relaxing night of eating,
hospital Jello and binge watching Food Network. I was stripped,
shaved and wheeled into emergency sea section. Oh shit, yeah,
I don't like the shaved bar stripped and shaved, stripped away.
(01:28):
It's up here. What does it have to be?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
It's because you know why they'd open you up. They
open you all the way up.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Sorry, mom, Janet three three PC's three sea sections.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Wow. Anyways, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I did that to her all caps. I was panicked.
My husband wasn't allowed into the surgical swee until I
had received my spinal tap because so many men pass
out when they see the big needles eye roll. So
he was situated in a waiting room with a TV.
Whilst watching this TV, he was informed of what was
happening just down the road from the hospital we were
(02:02):
sitting in. When he was finally allowed to join me,
his eyes were wide as softballs and his voice was
more like that of a robot when he said, Hi, babe,
you're doing fine. Everything is fine, Everything is fine. Oh,
immediately picking up on like it's not the sea sex.
She's like, no, this, it's not even the sea section yet.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
It's like you are about to get split open.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
And then someone walks in, clearly trying to cover right,
just like, just tell me yes.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Immediately picking up that his vibe was way off, I
asked him what his deal was as he was trying
to assure me that everything was okay. The anisthesiologist said
in the most nonchalant voice, Well, my son is in
lockdown for what? I asked as tears welled up in
my eyes. Oh, the whole hospital is in lockdown. There's
an active shooter on the Michigan State campus. There were
(02:49):
shots fired in the union hall, and the entire hospital
is in lockdown as the shooter is at large. While
she's laying on an operating table, I thought my husband
was going to puke. He had tried so hard despite
his own fears, to keep me calm, and Fern not
his real name, just filled every last drop of tea. Yeah, like,
keep her calm. She has preclampsy yet, which already means
(03:11):
her blood pressure is high.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Right, Yeah, exactly?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Can you not?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And also, how about you just put that mask on
and let her leave the scene. They're just telling her
horrible stories as she goes under her.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, bye bye. Just as he said this, all the
pagers on every employee blared and as many people who
could leave, my o R did and rushed to the
ear to help the victims in whatever way they could.
The shooter ended up taking his own life after fleeing
five miles on foot. The names of those who lost
their lives on February thirteenth, twenty twenty three, our Brian Frasier,
(03:45):
Ariel Anderson, and Alexandria Werner will never stop saying their names.
Our baby was delivered safely and was taken to the
NIKU for the next twenty days. As she grew and
gained strength, we named her Noel. At first, we were
heartbroken that her birthday was marred by such an unthinkable tragedy,
but she has shown us time and time again that
we brought a blindingly bright light into a very dark
(04:07):
world that day. I know we have been given the
opportunity to raise three strong women who view others as valuable, important,
and equal. If you are struggling or thinking of hurting
yourself or others, please know there is hope and help
for a better day. You are loved, you are important,
and violence will not make anything better. I have thank
(04:28):
you Karen and Georgia and everyone else on the exactly
right team for spreading love and stressing the importance of
self care and mental health awareness for all. I apologize
for the lengthy read, but I feel it's a story
worth sharing with so much love Taylor.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Taylor, it is a story worth sharing, and also like
a story of your own vulnerability. And then basically like
delivering that ending part, which is like this horror show.
People are brought into this world and it is often
a horror show, and you can make something of that
and you can turn it.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Like I wouldn't have read this if you didn't have
such a beautiful ending, you know what I mean, because
it's just so awful. But she just really tied it together.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
She nailed it. She nailed it, and she also faced
so mad at those men in that room. But she's like,
the fuck up, you get me five more push presents
or whatever they're fucking called, Like you owe me, you
all owe me.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Get to Swarpskis's dad.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Okay, well let me turn it around a little bit please.
So a couple of weeks ago, I told the story
of the Pappy van Winkle bourbon heist. You could call
it the slowest heist of all time. Subject line of
this email is my dad sold Pappy van Winkle out
of our house. Ti Karen and Georgia, longtime listener, first
time writer, and lifelong fangirl. I just want to say
(05:43):
you two are my absolute favorite humans to listen to
while I walk commute to work and avoid my problems, etc.
I've been with you since the early days, and your
podcast has been a constant source of joy, laughs, gasps,
and the occasional inappropriate giggle in public. So when I
heard cares bourbon story last week, I had to write
in why because my serious, entrepreneurial, non bourbon drinking father
(06:07):
accidentally ran an underground Peppy van Winkle empire out of
our suburban basement.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
I love when people get to tell us their story
connected our story.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
It's my favorite when they thought they'd never tell the story.
Yes for anyone, right, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Even when it's the slightest connection. It's still fun. Okay,
so it says. Back in the day, my dad had
some friends in DC who were part of a very
serious bourbon club, the kind where middle aged men sit
around pretending to blind taste bourbon like it's the Westminster
Dog show you hold out the bourbon lo and behold
(06:42):
the bourbon that kept sweeping every round with some obscure
bottle with an old timey label, Pappy van Winkle.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Now, my dad is not a whiskey drinker at all.
He much prefers wine. But he is a businessman, and
like any good businessman, he took mental notes. Fast forward
to when he'd come to visit me around two thousand
and eight, a college in Fort Collins, Colorado, and he'd
always want to stop by this local liquor store, Wilbur's.
I figured he just wanted to bond, or like buy
a bottle of two buck chuck to celebrate my academic success.
(07:12):
I had no idea he was casing the joint for Pappy,
But every time he left that store with a smile
and a brown paper bag, he was one step closer
to his destiny bourbon mogul he was. He was buying
Pappy for fifty two dollars a bottle, What, yes, fifty two,
and hoarding it like liquid gold in our basement. My
mom eventually asked, honey, why do we have a whiskey
(07:33):
graveyard downstairs? You don't even drink it? And my Dad,
unsure what his plan was, but full of hustle, said
I don't know, maybe I'll sell it on eBay and
sell it he did. Oh my god, a first bottle
listed for seven hundred dollars with a few bids. It
sold next one one thousand dollars with even more bids.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Why are they selling it for fifty two dollars.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Because they don't know? So he knew because he was
in the very serious bourbon club the dad did, but
poor they were like how thrift stores used to be
when they would have the gold just sitting there and
if nobody knew to use the eBay or like look
it up totally. Suddenly we had golfers, doctors and suspiciously
well dressed bourbon bros showing up at our door with
(08:16):
envelopes of cash asking for Mike. Oh my god, i'd
loved it is micro Dad's name? Did you make up
a new name? My code name's going to be Mike. Right.
He was shipping bottles across the country and rugged up photography,
mailing tubes, living his best bourbon bootlegging life, all while
my brothers and I were completely unaware. We just thought
Dad had weird new friends. He ended up making do
(08:39):
you want to guess?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Twenty five thousand dollars?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Exactly right, exactly fucking right. Stop looking at my notes.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I was like, fifties too much? Yeah, holy you nailed it.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Twenty five thousand dollars and three months paid for a
whole semester of my brother's tuition, all from a liquor
store run and a hunch. And after all that, he
finally tried a glass and was like, Nah, not that good, incorrect,
I would love to try it. He also let my
brothers try it, and they weren't sold either. I only
took a small whiff of the stuff one day, and
(09:12):
I wasn't too impressed anyway. Thank you both for everything
you do. You've kept me company and laughing through the years,
and I cannot wait all caps to see you again
live in Denver. Much love, Lara.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Oh my god, Lara, that was excellent.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
She came from a Pappy van Winkle family.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
That is wild. Yeah, Okay, I'm not going to reach
you the very funny title of this. Okay, hello to
all my favorite people I've never met. I see your
minisod story featuring a children's Pilgrim themed birthday party. And
raise you a children's Victorian themed birthday party when I
was a young, weird fifth grader. So it's called my
(09:51):
eleven year old Victorian ghost theme birthday party.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Nice a dream?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Uh huh. One day, as my mom and I were
driving through tenth Ay, Arizona, we passed by what appeared
to be an old, two story Victorian house. I asked
my mom what the house was used for, and she
told me it was one of the oldest dive bars
in town.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Confused, I asked why someone would make an old house
into a bar, and she responded, it's very haunted.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah. I immediately wanted to know everything, especially considering that
growing up in Phoenix doesn't hold the same ghostly intrigue
as other parts of the country. Hot places don't have
as many ghosts for some reason.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Right, only if you think about it in terms of
a ghost town, that's where they're the hot ones are
ghost towns. But then everywhere else feels like there's.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Just tons of new build in Arizona too. Yes, yeah, okay,
I get it. McMansions aren't haunted.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I mean depends on the what horrible things that happened inside.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Now, what's buried underneath. The home was built in the
early nineteen hundreds by a wealthy family who was said
to haunt the place today. Ownership changed over in the
nineteen eighties and was converted into the area's Irish pub
slash dive bar, Take Me There Place. The house is
situated on a residential street, and homeowners have reported seeing
lights on in the wee morning hours, or a couple
dance in the attic when the place is unoccupied. M
(11:03):
dancing ghosts. That's like the scariest thing you could do.
Staff have reported dishes falling with no explanation, chairs being
stacked seemingly by themselves. That's a fucking hell No, that's
polter guys.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Yeah, that's polter. Geison is also you know the very
haunted comedy store, really because it used to be a
mafia nightclub.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
There's a story of the bouncer walking out of the
main room, which is gigantic, and walking back in in
Every chair in the place was stacked.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
In the show fuck you No, I would quit.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah leave yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And footsteps on the second floor when no one is
up there. I can handle footsteps, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Because that's like I'm crazy. Who cares everything. It's a raccoon.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Yeah, when you're like physically picking things up and putting
them in weird positions.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Fast fast, like turn around and they're there.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
A few months later, when my parents asked what I
wanted to do for my eleventh birthday, my little goth
heart knew exactly what to ask for. I told my
parents I wanted to have my party at the Victorian
House in Victorian clothing with a dozen preteen girls. My parents'
response at the bar, well, they didn't just oblige. They committed.
(12:11):
My mom being an avid thrifter before it was cool.
Spent a few weeks collecting Victorian inspired dresses, hats, gloves,
and shoes from the racks of Goodwill and the like.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Wow, yeah, what's it like to have a mom like
I don't know. My mom was literally like, it's DIY
on Halloween.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
You're wearing your brother's old costume. Ye, deal with it.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Have fun.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
It's definitely gonna catch fire. Okay. She had to call
the bar and arrange, and I'm pretty sure pay a
little extra to have a bunch of children hosted in
the attic of the house for afternoon lunch.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
But it's a legitimately haunted place.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, on the day of the party, my friends and
I got to pick out our items of Victorian clothing
we wanted to wear, and got all dolled up and yes,
went to a bar. Yes, Little m was so excited
until I saw the very confus used, in amused faces
of several college a CHIPsters standing around drinking their beers
to witness children walking up the stairs dressed in Victorian.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Class h If I was at that birthday part, what
would you do? I would first of all, I would go,
we're ghosts, We're dead. You can see us. Just put
a bunch of wiped out her all.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Oh well, no ghosts were sited that day. It's still
one of the most cherished birthday memories because you know,
they were freaking each other out the whole time.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
I mean, imagine how you would be legit kind of
scared the whole time.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I love it is the perfect age for that one
of my most cherished birthday memories. I'm still a spooky
bitch who loves a good ghost story and who wears
mostly black. Some things never change. Yeah, yes, I know,
I started this email with my favorite people I've never met,
but I'll get to meet you both at your live
show in San Diego, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Yay,
you have to tell us you're the Victorian Birthday girls.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Please scream Victorian Birthday girl at all.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Dress up like a Victorian ghost.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Please.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I'd everyone at every show has to dress up like
a Victorians.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
I would love it. Also, it's like you could dress
up like a Victorian ghost and you could bring your mom.
That was the best mom ever.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
We want to meet your mom, Pam. God, bring Pam. Pam,
stay sexy and maybe remind your mom some things aren't
just a phase. Sierra she her, I'm going.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
To be creepy for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I'm always gonna love this. Yes, no, you're not. Yes
you are.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
You're always gonna have to work with this ghost aspect
of my personnel.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, love it. I'm going to be the goth you
look for.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Just the idea that children we've evolved in that way
where that isn't the worst thing a parent could be
dealing with with their child. They could enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Yeah. There's very few things that make me wish I
had children at some point, and that is one of those.
If my kid did that, that'd be like.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
When also, you'd be like, it's a bar, right, I
mean my mom would be like, well, okay, we'll wait
for you downstairs.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Subject line of this is, hey, what about track greetings
eighties and gentle thems for I bring a tale of
trash mommery. Trash dads may be prevalent, but moms are
trashy too. My mom always had her struggles with alcohol
and drug use, so we weren't close. But every summer
I went to stay with her for one faral month
in the most feral of decades.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yes, I'm talking about the eighties. Ooh, I can smell
I can smell the cigarettes.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
It's such a to me. That's such an anachronistic kind
of thing, where it's like, you can't live with your mom, right,
but go stay with her for.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
A month, right, But a month is fine?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And then the next paragraph starts, she was not a
very vigilant mom. You would get no Victorian children birthday
parties here. This is kind of the opposite. As a result,
my summers were loaded with near death experiences, ice cold
water from hoses, and truly excellent eighties music on my
walkman because everyone scammed Columbia House to get free tapes
(15:52):
back then. Yep, sure did. My mom. Ever, the grifter
devised what I like to call the shuffle or church shuffle,
to flee the summer heat and our shenanigans. My mom
would shuffle around.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Wow, you made that up and it works. That's like
hard to do perfect, it's so good. The chuffle to
the chuffle. You know.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
She'd just be in town shuffling around until she found
a church offering free sleepaway camps.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Okay, brilliant.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
She gets her children for the one month that she
gets to have them a year, and she's like.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Get them out of here.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
You love Jesus, right bye, Tell them you love Jesus.
I'll see you in three weeks.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Tell them you're Jewish or like whatever the religion is.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Yeah, just get in. So it said we were like
spiritual tourists, hopping from Baptist bonfires to Methodist bingo nights,
all in the glorious pursuit of complimentary mosquito bites, and
many younger folk might not realize that in the eighties
we actually went to a camp, not just the bleak
vacation Bible school they offer now. We rode yellow buses
singing ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall. We
(16:53):
slumbered in smelly bunk beds. We downed hot dogs, tumbled
off of unstable swings into lakes, flipped canoes, and stank
at our tree. God, I did all of that, did
all of it. Past Cramer camp, Saint Andrew's and also
ours was Episcopalian and we were Catholic, all right, that's right.
And we came back. I told you the story. We
came back on a Sunday and we went straight to
(17:14):
the Episcopalian church to like have Mass and say goodbye.
And then when we got back to my aunt Kathleen's house,
my grandmother was there and she said, are they going
to go to real mass? Now? She wanted us to
go to another church twice in one day, ayeah, because
Catholic church is the only real one. Look, it's an intense,
irish thing. I'll talk to you about it later. I
had my first kiss and my first heartbreak at one
(17:34):
of those camps. And in parentheses it says I'm looking
at you, Brett, first kiss and first harp break.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
You signed that. It was a killer way to spend
the summer excluding one wee little detail, a little white lie,
if you will. Her ruse to get us into the
camps was to tell them that I wanted to be
born again or baptized.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
She's actually being like a very generous She's giving her
these incredible experiences and they're safe, Like she's putting her
somewhere safe, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Stafe at a church, at a camp filled with church people.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, am I being naive? I know, but I didn't
go to church. I can't.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I'll tell you. I'm from the Catholic Church.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Okay, I hear you. I hear you. I hear you.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
I think the Episcopalians are very safe. But also just
that's the idea where it's like we're gonna get you
into free camp and you have to go do the
show to get yourself in. It's just it is trash. Mommy,
tales of my pilgrimage to find Jesus flowed freely. I
was a sinner and I wanted to be saved. As
a result, I've been baptized not once, not twice, but
(18:36):
over ten times.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Oh my god, salvation.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Was found in baby pools lakes. Dubious streams, bathtubs, you
name it. If holy water was being zealously poured into
a vessel by someone claiming to chit chat with God,
I was doused in it. Did you know that there
are different types of baptism? I do aspersion, effusion, immersion,
or submersion.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Wow, my luck.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
I was usually submerged in front of everyone, and I
had to convincingly renounce Satan. Do'st thou renounce Satan and
all his works? Sure, he seems pretty agro. Picture of this,
I'm being baptized in a freezing cold hot tub, donning
someone else's white Laura Ashley dress. And then in parentheses
it says that I never gave back and angelically smiling
(19:18):
because I knew those s'mores were made possible by my blasphemy.
Every summer I returned to school with tales of debauchery
and a few new cavities. No one else I knew
got to go to three camps that summer.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
She became and probably still is the most interesting person
at any gathering. Hell, yes, the most interesting person, Because you're.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
Right, it's like chips, yeah, hardships, and you're being sent
to be with different kinds of people.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Not your own, and you're experiencing these insane things that
most people don't ever experience.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
So like you just have more life, Yes, all the
politics of camp, like the Sunday when you get there
and you don't like these people. By the end you're crying. Yeah,
no one else I knew. Got to go to three
camps that summer and threw up because they broke the
cardinal rule of swimming too soon after eating. Who cares?
I was saved. Fast forward to today and I'm a
(20:05):
proud card carrying Satanist. Hail Satan and fuck the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's what happens.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Cram it down someone's throat and they're gonna go with
the opposite direction.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
They tasted that buffet over and over again, and they're like,
this sucks. I stopped speaking to my mom when I
was thirteen, so I was keenly aware that I was
a motherless daughter. Now, with three children of my own,
I get to share my wild childhood stories with them.
So much of my life is unimaginable to them because
I have made sure that they have the kind of
childhood I should have had.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Oh, she's a Victorian dress mom.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
She became the children who get sent to free camps
by their trash mom become the mothers that are like,
what era of dress would you like.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
To dress up the exactly?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Oh my god, lovely. Some of our moms are too
close to the flame. Yeah, it's like it has to
be another generation too, sure, like my sister us.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
It ends with Laura and why do you think we
don't want kids? Yeah? Remember what member?
Speaker 3 (21:03):
But that was like, that's that's what I think we're
supposed to be doing for somehow. Laura and Lee both yeah,
knew better. Yeah not me. No, There's nothing I'm more
proud of in this life than being a cycle breaker.
And as I always say, if there really is a God,
I am golden. If not, I do have a few
good memories with my mom, and I guess that is enough.
Stay sexy and send all your pennies to Columbia House. PCP, PCP.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
That was epic.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
PCP. Thank you for sharing your life and those details,
because man, it's just as good, it's just as valid.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
I want to hear more. What made you the weird
interesting person? What made you interesting?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Like?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
What fucked up thing you know?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
When you showed up at camp? And everyone else went huh, Yeah,
what was it about you you thought like and that
you learned at camp from other kids where you're like, ooh,
stop saying.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
That or never stop saying or like you had to
become clever because this is the position you were in. Yeah,
I want to hear those stories.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Yeah, you have to win over three different council of
kids every summer.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
That love Jesus. Okay, I have one more quick, one
whole company calendar story. Hello Murderinas.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Oh that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
In a recent episode, you asked for stories of accidental
company emails, specifically mentioning someone accidentally tracking her period on
the company calendar. I'm so glad we asked for these,
because this is asking for more all caps. I have one. Hey,
my husband, Brandon's best friend Jeremy is a upper all
caps position in a major tech company. Okay, they have
(22:38):
a history of pranking each other. So when BFF Jeremy's
BFF Jeremy left his phone unlocked and unattended, my hobby
Brandon added a daily calendar event with a pop up
alert Jeremy Loves Brandon pop up weeks past of Jeremy
getting smirks in the office before Jeremy realized everyone was
(22:59):
getting an alert. That's somehow, my technically challenged husband had
sent this alert to everyone in the company except Jeremy,
so Jeremy didn't even know what was happening for weeks.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
So what my husband intended as a one to do
day funny annoyance to his friend was just supposed to
pop up on his phone. Yeah, right, was actually going
out to thousands of people announcing that their high tier
manager was in love with someone for weeks. These are
both their real names and welcome to be shared. Because
(23:33):
so many people were involved, there's no point hiding it,
and poor Jeremy had to send out a company wide
email explaining slash apologizing and their friendship is only better
for it. Jeremy used to weed out the folks who
had a problem with Jeremy loves Brandon in a major
company and that benefits That's all.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
That's so true. Yeah, not a story I expected to
share on MFM. But when I sincerely hope brings joy
to at least you. But I positively explode, and so
would if they were actually shared.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
It's hey, what's up? Time to explode.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
It's a delightful memory for them, and I hope for
the thousands of people who got that daily alert for
two plus weeks who can now find out the backstory.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Yeah, Sarah, Yeah, Yeah, that is embarrassing. It's also like,
then did that did he cross a line? Where then
Jeremy's revenge has to be worse and more humiliating. Yeah,
you're really upping the ante with something like that.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Almost like hard to think of it. It being an accident.
It is so much better because doing it on purpose
is almost like mean, right, well yeah, but doing it
on accident.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Is hilarios hilarious when you're like, oh, we prank each
other all the time. But I'm saying, like, at the
end of the day, whatever the intention was, the prank
is company wide. Yeah, so now Brandon has to go
company wide with something.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Definitely next picnic pants him.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
When he's giving a speech. Okay, this is a nice
way to end. It's so larious and goofy. So the
subject line of this email is number one snail Mommy, Hi,
Karen and Georgia. After hearing the hometown where you spent
a good chunk of the end talking about snails, I
knew I needed to write in I have three aquatic snails, Jacques,
(25:16):
a narite snail, a rabbit snail named Frascois, and a
mystery snail named Pierre.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
I didn't even know there were different types of snails. Honestly,
that's amazing, okay.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And then in parentheses it says I gave them French
names because you know, as cargo money, I'm gonna eat
all these. I've had fish tanks throughout my life and
was given Pierre as a gift a few years ago.
He's the og. I had no idea how much I'd
enjoy having this little slime nugget in my life. I
feed Pierre one leaf of lettuce or spinach every two weeks.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
During this time, he can be seen crawling on top
of it Leafy Green's float and surfing it around the
tank while simultaneously eating it and then all caps. It's
the best fun fact alert. He also does this thing
that all mystery snails do, which is to creep up
to the water line and then release from the side
(26:08):
of the tank and parachute their bodies out like a
squirrel suit. They gently glide toward the bottom of the
tank with their antennas wafting in the aquatic breeze. I
have read the only reason they do this is because
this is the only time in their tiny lives that
they get to go fast. That's right. They do it
for fun. See video.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Okay, here he goes ready? Does he take himself out
of it? Oh he's sliding down a leaf or his lettuce?
Holy shit, boom boom, Oh my god, he did it.
That was a game that he was playing. A game.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
He's playing a little game with himself, all bored in
that little tank.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
A snail is playing a game that just changes everything
for me. I'm never eating es cargo again.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Also right, because they're like a sense of fun in there,
but also that idea that it's like they goes so
fucking slow. Yeah, and suddenly they're like, it must be
like like five hundred miles an hour to them.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Oh my god, amazing, look at it. It's adorable.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
And then it says, I love my snails. As strange
and silly as it sounds, my snails inspire me to
take it slow, eat my greens, and go inward. Check
them out the next time you're at the pet store,
will or the sidewalk in front of your house after
it rains. Much love Jen in Austin.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Jen, or snail emails we need them, yes, snail mail, snail.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Emails, snail mail. If you've got snail mail or any
other shell based mollusk is it?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
That sounds great? Email us at My Favorite Murder at gmail.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Any fucking story at this point.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Any story I think prank's gone wrong.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Or prank's gone wrong is great.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
It is great. It's kind of the Jeremy Brandon story.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Oh my god, my favorite Murger. Send us pranks gone wrong? Yeah,
and also stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Goodbye, Elvis.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 3 (28:06):
This has been an Exactly Right production.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Our senior producers are Aleahundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Our editor is Aristotle las Veda.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squillacci.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
And follow the show on Instagram at My Favorite Murder.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
And now you can watch us on Exactly Rights YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Y bye bye,
Las Hello and welcome my favorite murder the Miniso.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
We read you your stories, the best of the best.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
And the best we can that's all we can do.
You want to give it a try, I'll give.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
It a shot. Oh okay, this one's a heavy one,
starting right off the bat. Okay, great, but it says
the title and it says don't read title. Okay, same
time that's happened. Actually, you know, they leave it up
to us usually. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
No, She's like, trust me on this one.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Oh well, hello, yeah, cuties, it's it starts. I've been
a loyal listener since twenty twenty and a third time writer.
Fingers crossed this one makes the cut. I was thirty
six weeks pregnant with our third daughter, and in the
true spirit of pregnancy, was feeling like shit. Thankfully, I
had a regularly scheduled OV appointment and was sent to
the hospital straight away when they determined I had preclampsia
(01:05):
and it says elevated blood pressure in pregnancy. I, in
all my naivete thought they'd keep me over a night
for observation and send me home in the morning, good
as new. Wrong. Instead of a relaxing night of eating,
hospital Jello and binge watching Food Network. I was stripped,
shaved and wheeled into emergency sea section. Oh shit, yeah,
I don't like the shaved bar stripped and shaved, stripped away.
(01:28):
It's up here. What does it have to be?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
It's because you know why they'd open you up. They
open you all the way up.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Sorry, mom, Janet three three PC's three sea sections.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Wow. Anyways, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I did that to her all caps. I was panicked.
My husband wasn't allowed into the surgical swee until I
had received my spinal tap because so many men pass
out when they see the big needles eye roll. So
he was situated in a waiting room with a TV.
Whilst watching this TV, he was informed of what was
happening just down the road from the hospital we were
(02:02):
sitting in. When he was finally allowed to join me,
his eyes were wide as softballs and his voice was
more like that of a robot when he said, Hi, babe,
you're doing fine. Everything is fine, Everything is fine. Oh,
immediately picking up on like it's not the sea sex.
She's like, no, this, it's not even the sea section yet.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
It's like you are about to get split open.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
And then someone walks in, clearly trying to cover right,
just like, just tell me yes.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Immediately picking up that his vibe was way off, I
asked him what his deal was as he was trying
to assure me that everything was okay. The anisthesiologist said
in the most nonchalant voice, Well, my son is in
lockdown for what? I asked as tears welled up in
my eyes. Oh, the whole hospital is in lockdown. There's
an active shooter on the Michigan State campus. There were
(02:49):
shots fired in the union hall, and the entire hospital
is in lockdown as the shooter is at large. While
she's laying on an operating table, I thought my husband
was going to puke. He had tried so hard despite
his own fears, to keep me calm, and Fern not
his real name, just filled every last drop of tea. Yeah, like,
keep her calm. She has preclampsy yet, which already means
(03:11):
her blood pressure is high.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Right, Yeah, exactly?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Can you not?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And also, how about you just put that mask on
and let her leave the scene. They're just telling her
horrible stories as she goes under her.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, bye bye. Just as he said this, all the
pagers on every employee blared and as many people who
could leave, my o R did and rushed to the
ear to help the victims in whatever way they could.
The shooter ended up taking his own life after fleeing
five miles on foot. The names of those who lost
their lives on February thirteenth, twenty twenty three, our Brian Frasier,
(03:45):
Ariel Anderson, and Alexandria Werner will never stop saying their names.
Our baby was delivered safely and was taken to the
NIKU for the next twenty days. As she grew and
gained strength, we named her Noel. At first, we were
heartbroken that her birthday was marred by such an unthinkable tragedy,
but she has shown us time and time again that
we brought a blindingly bright light into a very dark
(04:07):
world that day. I know we have been given the
opportunity to raise three strong women who view others as valuable, important,
and equal. If you are struggling or thinking of hurting
yourself or others, please know there is hope and help
for a better day. You are loved, you are important,
and violence will not make anything better. I have thank
(04:28):
you Karen and Georgia and everyone else on the exactly
right team for spreading love and stressing the importance of
self care and mental health awareness for all. I apologize
for the lengthy read, but I feel it's a story
worth sharing with so much love Taylor.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Taylor, it is a story worth sharing, and also like
a story of your own vulnerability. And then basically like
delivering that ending part, which is like this horror show.
People are brought into this world and it is often
a horror show, and you can make something of that
and you can turn it.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Like I wouldn't have read this if you didn't have
such a beautiful ending, you know what I mean, because
it's just so awful. But she just really tied it together.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
She nailed it. She nailed it, and she also faced
so mad at those men in that room. But she's like,
the fuck up, you get me five more push presents
or whatever they're fucking called, Like you owe me, you
all owe me.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Get to Swarpskis's dad.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Okay, well let me turn it around a little bit please.
So a couple of weeks ago, I told the story
of the Pappy van Winkle bourbon heist. You could call
it the slowest heist of all time. Subject line of
this email is my dad sold Pappy van Winkle out
of our house. Ti Karen and Georgia, longtime listener, first
time writer, and lifelong fangirl. I just want to say
(05:43):
you two are my absolute favorite humans to listen to
while I walk commute to work and avoid my problems, etc.
I've been with you since the early days, and your
podcast has been a constant source of joy, laughs, gasps,
and the occasional inappropriate giggle in public. So when I
heard cares bourbon story last week, I had to write
in why because my serious, entrepreneurial, non bourbon drinking father
(06:07):
accidentally ran an underground Peppy van Winkle empire out of
our suburban basement.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
I love when people get to tell us their story
connected our story.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
It's my favorite when they thought they'd never tell the story.
Yes for anyone, right, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Even when it's the slightest connection. It's still fun. Okay,
so it says. Back in the day, my dad had
some friends in DC who were part of a very
serious bourbon club, the kind where middle aged men sit
around pretending to blind taste bourbon like it's the Westminster
Dog show you hold out the bourbon lo and behold
(06:42):
the bourbon that kept sweeping every round with some obscure
bottle with an old timey label, Pappy van Winkle.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Now, my dad is not a whiskey drinker at all.
He much prefers wine. But he is a businessman, and
like any good businessman, he took mental notes. Fast forward
to when he'd come to visit me around two thousand
and eight, a college in Fort Collins, Colorado, and he'd
always want to stop by this local liquor store, Wilbur's.
I figured he just wanted to bond, or like buy
a bottle of two buck chuck to celebrate my academic success.
(07:12):
I had no idea he was casing the joint for Pappy,
But every time he left that store with a smile
and a brown paper bag, he was one step closer
to his destiny bourbon mogul he was. He was buying
Pappy for fifty two dollars a bottle, What, yes, fifty two,
and hoarding it like liquid gold in our basement. My
mom eventually asked, honey, why do we have a whiskey
(07:33):
graveyard downstairs? You don't even drink it? And my Dad,
unsure what his plan was, but full of hustle, said
I don't know, maybe I'll sell it on eBay and
sell it he did. Oh my god, a first bottle
listed for seven hundred dollars with a few bids. It
sold next one one thousand dollars with even more bids.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Why are they selling it for fifty two dollars.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Because they don't know? So he knew because he was
in the very serious bourbon club the dad did, but
poor they were like how thrift stores used to be
when they would have the gold just sitting there and
if nobody knew to use the eBay or like look
it up totally. Suddenly we had golfers, doctors and suspiciously
well dressed bourbon bros showing up at our door with
(08:16):
envelopes of cash asking for Mike. Oh my god, i'd
loved it is micro Dad's name? Did you make up
a new name? My code name's going to be Mike. Right.
He was shipping bottles across the country and rugged up photography,
mailing tubes, living his best bourbon bootlegging life, all while
my brothers and I were completely unaware. We just thought
Dad had weird new friends. He ended up making do
(08:39):
you want to guess?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Twenty five thousand dollars?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Exactly right, exactly fucking right. Stop looking at my notes.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I was like, fifties too much? Yeah, holy you nailed it.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Twenty five thousand dollars and three months paid for a
whole semester of my brother's tuition, all from a liquor
store run and a hunch. And after all that, he
finally tried a glass and was like, Nah, not that good, incorrect,
I would love to try it. He also let my
brothers try it, and they weren't sold either. I only
took a small whiff of the stuff one day, and
(09:12):
I wasn't too impressed anyway. Thank you both for everything
you do. You've kept me company and laughing through the years,
and I cannot wait all caps to see you again
live in Denver. Much love, Lara.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Oh my god, Lara, that was excellent.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
She came from a Pappy van Winkle family.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
That is wild. Yeah, Okay, I'm not going to reach
you the very funny title of this. Okay, hello to
all my favorite people I've never met. I see your
minisod story featuring a children's Pilgrim themed birthday party. And
raise you a children's Victorian themed birthday party when I
was a young, weird fifth grader. So it's called my
(09:51):
eleven year old Victorian ghost theme birthday party.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Nice a dream?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Uh huh. One day, as my mom and I were
driving through tenth Ay, Arizona, we passed by what appeared
to be an old, two story Victorian house. I asked
my mom what the house was used for, and she
told me it was one of the oldest dive bars
in town.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Confused, I asked why someone would make an old house
into a bar, and she responded, it's very haunted.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah. I immediately wanted to know everything, especially considering that
growing up in Phoenix doesn't hold the same ghostly intrigue
as other parts of the country. Hot places don't have
as many ghosts for some reason.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Right, only if you think about it in terms of
a ghost town, that's where they're the hot ones are
ghost towns. But then everywhere else feels like there's.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Just tons of new build in Arizona too. Yes, yeah, okay,
I get it. McMansions aren't haunted.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I mean depends on the what horrible things that happened inside.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Now, what's buried underneath. The home was built in the
early nineteen hundreds by a wealthy family who was said
to haunt the place today. Ownership changed over in the
nineteen eighties and was converted into the area's Irish pub
slash dive bar, Take Me There Place. The house is
situated on a residential street, and homeowners have reported seeing
lights on in the wee morning hours, or a couple
dance in the attic when the place is unoccupied. M
(11:03):
dancing ghosts. That's like the scariest thing you could do.
Staff have reported dishes falling with no explanation, chairs being
stacked seemingly by themselves. That's a fucking hell No, that's
polter guys.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Yeah, that's polter. Geison is also you know the very
haunted comedy store, really because it used to be a
mafia nightclub.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
There's a story of the bouncer walking out of the
main room, which is gigantic, and walking back in in
Every chair in the place was stacked.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
In the show fuck you No, I would quit.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah leave yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And footsteps on the second floor when no one is
up there. I can handle footsteps, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Because that's like I'm crazy. Who cares everything. It's a raccoon.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Yeah, when you're like physically picking things up and putting
them in weird positions.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Fast fast, like turn around and they're there.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
A few months later, when my parents asked what I
wanted to do for my eleventh birthday, my little goth
heart knew exactly what to ask for. I told my
parents I wanted to have my party at the Victorian
House in Victorian clothing with a dozen preteen girls. My parents'
response at the bar, well, they didn't just oblige. They committed.
(12:11):
My mom being an avid thrifter before it was cool.
Spent a few weeks collecting Victorian inspired dresses, hats, gloves,
and shoes from the racks of Goodwill and the like.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Wow, yeah, what's it like to have a mom like
I don't know. My mom was literally like, it's DIY
on Halloween.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
You're wearing your brother's old costume. Ye, deal with it.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Have fun.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
It's definitely gonna catch fire. Okay. She had to call
the bar and arrange, and I'm pretty sure pay a
little extra to have a bunch of children hosted in
the attic of the house for afternoon lunch.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
But it's a legitimately haunted place.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, on the day of the party, my friends and
I got to pick out our items of Victorian clothing
we wanted to wear, and got all dolled up and yes,
went to a bar. Yes, Little m was so excited
until I saw the very confus used, in amused faces
of several college a CHIPsters standing around drinking their beers
to witness children walking up the stairs dressed in Victorian.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Class h If I was at that birthday part, what
would you do? I would first of all, I would go,
we're ghosts, We're dead. You can see us. Just put
a bunch of wiped out her all.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Oh well, no ghosts were sited that day. It's still
one of the most cherished birthday memories because you know,
they were freaking each other out the whole time.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
I mean, imagine how you would be legit kind of
scared the whole time.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I love it is the perfect age for that one
of my most cherished birthday memories. I'm still a spooky
bitch who loves a good ghost story and who wears
mostly black. Some things never change. Yeah, yes, I know,
I started this email with my favorite people I've never met,
but I'll get to meet you both at your live
show in San Diego, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Yay,
you have to tell us you're the Victorian Birthday girls.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Please scream Victorian Birthday girl at all.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Dress up like a Victorian ghost.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Please.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I'd everyone at every show has to dress up like
a Victorians.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
I would love it. Also, it's like you could dress
up like a Victorian ghost and you could bring your mom.
That was the best mom ever.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
We want to meet your mom, Pam. God, bring Pam. Pam,
stay sexy and maybe remind your mom some things aren't
just a phase. Sierra she her, I'm going.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
To be creepy for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I'm always gonna love this. Yes, no, you're not. Yes
you are.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
You're always gonna have to work with this ghost aspect
of my personnel.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, love it. I'm going to be the goth you
look for.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Just the idea that children we've evolved in that way
where that isn't the worst thing a parent could be
dealing with with their child. They could enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Yeah. There's very few things that make me wish I
had children at some point, and that is one of those.
If my kid did that, that'd be like.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
When also, you'd be like, it's a bar, right, I
mean my mom would be like, well, okay, we'll wait
for you downstairs.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Subject line of this is, hey, what about track greetings
eighties and gentle thems for I bring a tale of
trash mommery. Trash dads may be prevalent, but moms are
trashy too. My mom always had her struggles with alcohol
and drug use, so we weren't close. But every summer
I went to stay with her for one faral month
in the most feral of decades.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yes, I'm talking about the eighties. Ooh, I can smell
I can smell the cigarettes.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
It's such a to me. That's such an anachronistic kind
of thing, where it's like, you can't live with your mom, right,
but go stay with her for.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
A month, right, But a month is fine?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And then the next paragraph starts, she was not a
very vigilant mom. You would get no Victorian children birthday
parties here. This is kind of the opposite. As a result,
my summers were loaded with near death experiences, ice cold
water from hoses, and truly excellent eighties music on my
walkman because everyone scammed Columbia House to get free tapes
(15:52):
back then. Yep, sure did. My mom. Ever, the grifter
devised what I like to call the shuffle or church shuffle,
to flee the summer heat and our shenanigans. My mom
would shuffle around.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Wow, you made that up and it works. That's like
hard to do perfect, it's so good. The chuffle to
the chuffle. You know.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
She'd just be in town shuffling around until she found
a church offering free sleepaway camps.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Okay, brilliant.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
She gets her children for the one month that she
gets to have them a year, and she's like.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Get them out of here.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
You love Jesus, right bye, Tell them you love Jesus.
I'll see you in three weeks.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Tell them you're Jewish or like whatever the religion is.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Yeah, just get in. So it said we were like
spiritual tourists, hopping from Baptist bonfires to Methodist bingo nights,
all in the glorious pursuit of complimentary mosquito bites, and
many younger folk might not realize that in the eighties
we actually went to a camp, not just the bleak
vacation Bible school they offer now. We rode yellow buses
singing ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall. We
(16:53):
slumbered in smelly bunk beds. We downed hot dogs, tumbled
off of unstable swings into lakes, flipped canoes, and stank
at our tree. God, I did all of that, did
all of it. Past Cramer camp, Saint Andrew's and also
ours was Episcopalian and we were Catholic, all right, that's right.
And we came back. I told you the story. We
came back on a Sunday and we went straight to
(17:14):
the Episcopalian church to like have Mass and say goodbye.
And then when we got back to my aunt Kathleen's house,
my grandmother was there and she said, are they going
to go to real mass? Now? She wanted us to
go to another church twice in one day, ayeah, because
Catholic church is the only real one. Look, it's an intense,
irish thing. I'll talk to you about it later. I
had my first kiss and my first heartbreak at one
(17:34):
of those camps. And in parentheses it says I'm looking
at you, Brett, first kiss and first harp break.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
You signed that. It was a killer way to spend
the summer excluding one wee little detail, a little white lie,
if you will. Her ruse to get us into the
camps was to tell them that I wanted to be
born again or baptized.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
She's actually being like a very generous She's giving her
these incredible experiences and they're safe, Like she's putting her
somewhere safe, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Stafe at a church, at a camp filled with church people.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, am I being naive? I know, but I didn't
go to church. I can't.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I'll tell you. I'm from the Catholic Church.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Okay, I hear you. I hear you. I hear you.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
I think the Episcopalians are very safe. But also just
that's the idea where it's like we're gonna get you
into free camp and you have to go do the
show to get yourself in. It's just it is trash. Mommy,
tales of my pilgrimage to find Jesus flowed freely. I
was a sinner and I wanted to be saved. As
a result, I've been baptized not once, not twice, but
(18:36):
over ten times.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Oh my god, salvation.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Was found in baby pools lakes. Dubious streams, bathtubs, you
name it. If holy water was being zealously poured into
a vessel by someone claiming to chit chat with God,
I was doused in it. Did you know that there
are different types of baptism? I do aspersion, effusion, immersion,
or submersion.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Wow, my luck.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
I was usually submerged in front of everyone, and I
had to convincingly renounce Satan. Do'st thou renounce Satan and
all his works? Sure, he seems pretty agro. Picture of this,
I'm being baptized in a freezing cold hot tub, donning
someone else's white Laura Ashley dress. And then in parentheses
it says that I never gave back and angelically smiling
(19:18):
because I knew those s'mores were made possible by my blasphemy.
Every summer I returned to school with tales of debauchery
and a few new cavities. No one else I knew
got to go to three camps that summer.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
She became and probably still is the most interesting person
at any gathering. Hell, yes, the most interesting person, Because you're.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
Right, it's like chips, yeah, hardships, and you're being sent
to be with different kinds of people.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Not your own, and you're experiencing these insane things that
most people don't ever experience.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
So like you just have more life, Yes, all the
politics of camp, like the Sunday when you get there
and you don't like these people. By the end you're crying. Yeah,
no one else I knew. Got to go to three
camps that summer and threw up because they broke the
cardinal rule of swimming too soon after eating. Who cares?
I was saved. Fast forward to today and I'm a
(20:05):
proud card carrying Satanist. Hail Satan and fuck the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's what happens.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Cram it down someone's throat and they're gonna go with
the opposite direction.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
They tasted that buffet over and over again, and they're like,
this sucks. I stopped speaking to my mom when I
was thirteen, so I was keenly aware that I was
a motherless daughter. Now, with three children of my own,
I get to share my wild childhood stories with them.
So much of my life is unimaginable to them because
I have made sure that they have the kind of
childhood I should have had.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Oh, she's a Victorian dress mom.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
She became the children who get sent to free camps
by their trash mom become the mothers that are like,
what era of dress would you like.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
To dress up the exactly?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Oh my god, lovely. Some of our moms are too
close to the flame. Yeah, it's like it has to
be another generation too, sure, like my sister us.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
It ends with Laura and why do you think we
don't want kids? Yeah? Remember what member?
Speaker 3 (21:03):
But that was like, that's that's what I think we're
supposed to be doing for somehow. Laura and Lee both yeah,
knew better. Yeah not me. No, There's nothing I'm more
proud of in this life than being a cycle breaker.
And as I always say, if there really is a God,
I am golden. If not, I do have a few
good memories with my mom, and I guess that is enough.
Stay sexy and send all your pennies to Columbia House. PCP, PCP.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
That was epic.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
PCP. Thank you for sharing your life and those details,
because man, it's just as good, it's just as valid.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
I want to hear more. What made you the weird
interesting person? What made you interesting?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Like?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
What fucked up thing you know?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
When you showed up at camp? And everyone else went huh, Yeah,
what was it about you you thought like and that
you learned at camp from other kids where you're like, ooh,
stop saying.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
That or never stop saying or like you had to
become clever because this is the position you were in. Yeah,
I want to hear those stories.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Yeah, you have to win over three different council of
kids every summer.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
That love Jesus. Okay, I have one more quick, one
whole company calendar story. Hello Murderinas.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Oh that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
In a recent episode, you asked for stories of accidental
company emails, specifically mentioning someone accidentally tracking her period on
the company calendar. I'm so glad we asked for these,
because this is asking for more all caps. I have one. Hey,
my husband, Brandon's best friend Jeremy is a upper all
caps position in a major tech company. Okay, they have
(22:38):
a history of pranking each other. So when BFF Jeremy's
BFF Jeremy left his phone unlocked and unattended, my hobby
Brandon added a daily calendar event with a pop up
alert Jeremy Loves Brandon pop up weeks past of Jeremy
getting smirks in the office before Jeremy realized everyone was
(22:59):
getting an alert. That's somehow, my technically challenged husband had
sent this alert to everyone in the company except Jeremy,
so Jeremy didn't even know what was happening for weeks.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
So what my husband intended as a one to do
day funny annoyance to his friend was just supposed to
pop up on his phone. Yeah, right, was actually going
out to thousands of people announcing that their high tier
manager was in love with someone for weeks. These are
both their real names and welcome to be shared. Because
(23:33):
so many people were involved, there's no point hiding it,
and poor Jeremy had to send out a company wide
email explaining slash apologizing and their friendship is only better
for it. Jeremy used to weed out the folks who
had a problem with Jeremy loves Brandon in a major
company and that benefits That's all.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
That's so true. Yeah, not a story I expected to
share on MFM. But when I sincerely hope brings joy
to at least you. But I positively explode, and so
would if they were actually shared.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
It's hey, what's up? Time to explode.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
It's a delightful memory for them, and I hope for
the thousands of people who got that daily alert for
two plus weeks who can now find out the backstory.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Yeah, Sarah, Yeah, Yeah, that is embarrassing. It's also like,
then did that did he cross a line? Where then
Jeremy's revenge has to be worse and more humiliating. Yeah,
you're really upping the ante with something like that.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Almost like hard to think of it. It being an accident.
It is so much better because doing it on purpose
is almost like mean, right, well yeah, but doing it
on accident.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Is hilarios hilarious when you're like, oh, we prank each
other all the time. But I'm saying, like, at the
end of the day, whatever the intention was, the prank
is company wide. Yeah, so now Brandon has to go
company wide with something.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Definitely next picnic pants him.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
When he's giving a speech. Okay, this is a nice
way to end. It's so larious and goofy. So the
subject line of this email is number one snail Mommy, Hi,
Karen and Georgia. After hearing the hometown where you spent
a good chunk of the end talking about snails, I
knew I needed to write in I have three aquatic snails, Jacques,
(25:16):
a narite snail, a rabbit snail named Frascois, and a
mystery snail named Pierre.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
I didn't even know there were different types of snails. Honestly,
that's amazing, okay.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And then in parentheses it says I gave them French
names because you know, as cargo money, I'm gonna eat
all these. I've had fish tanks throughout my life and
was given Pierre as a gift a few years ago.
He's the og. I had no idea how much I'd
enjoy having this little slime nugget in my life. I
feed Pierre one leaf of lettuce or spinach every two weeks.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
During this time, he can be seen crawling on top
of it Leafy Green's float and surfing it around the
tank while simultaneously eating it and then all caps. It's
the best fun fact alert. He also does this thing
that all mystery snails do, which is to creep up
to the water line and then release from the side
(26:08):
of the tank and parachute their bodies out like a
squirrel suit. They gently glide toward the bottom of the
tank with their antennas wafting in the aquatic breeze. I
have read the only reason they do this is because
this is the only time in their tiny lives that
they get to go fast. That's right. They do it
for fun. See video.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Okay, here he goes ready? Does he take himself out
of it? Oh he's sliding down a leaf or his lettuce?
Holy shit, boom boom, Oh my god, he did it.
That was a game that he was playing. A game.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
He's playing a little game with himself, all bored in
that little tank.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
A snail is playing a game that just changes everything
for me. I'm never eating es cargo again.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Also right, because they're like a sense of fun in there,
but also that idea that it's like they goes so
fucking slow. Yeah, and suddenly they're like, it must be
like like five hundred miles an hour to them.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Oh my god, amazing, look at it. It's adorable.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
And then it says, I love my snails. As strange
and silly as it sounds, my snails inspire me to
take it slow, eat my greens, and go inward. Check
them out the next time you're at the pet store,
will or the sidewalk in front of your house after
it rains. Much love Jen in Austin.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Jen, or snail emails we need them, yes, snail mail, snail.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Emails, snail mail. If you've got snail mail or any
other shell based mollusk is it?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
That sounds great? Email us at My Favorite Murder at gmail.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Any fucking story at this point.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Any story I think prank's gone wrong.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Or prank's gone wrong is great.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
It is great. It's kind of the Jeremy Brandon story.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Oh my god, my favorite Murger. Send us pranks gone wrong? Yeah,
and also stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Goodbye, Elvis.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 3 (28:06):
This has been an Exactly Right production.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Our senior producers are Aleahundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Our editor is Aristotle las Veda.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squillacci.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
And follow the show on Instagram at My Favorite Murder.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
And now you can watch us on Exactly Rights YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Y bye bye,
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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