August 13, 2025 • 52 mins
This week, S.E. enters the Bravoverse with Scheana Shay! The Vanderpump Rules reality star opens up (even more) in her new memoir, My Good Side. S.E. and Scheana get into all the drama from the set to the page, but they also get personal about the darkest parts Scheana revealed in her book, her struggle with anxiety around her kid and parenting, and how she is finding ways to be in the moment rather than her head.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
It truly makes a difference that I speak out about
mental health, about infidelity, about motherhood, about postpartum, all of
these things.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
And that's what I'm like.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Whatever show may be in my future next, you will
continue to hear my story because I got a lot
to say and I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Welcome to off the cup, my anti anxiety antidote.
Speaker 4 (00:24):
This is gonna be a good one. Guys. You know
I love I love reality television.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Especially Bravo, and we've had great Bravo folks on the pod,
from Shep Rose to Carl Radkey to Andy Cohn himself,
and for me, Bravo is a fun escape from my
real life. It's a break from the news, it's a
break from politics and everything else that gives me anxiety.
It's actually a very important part of my anti anxiety systems.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
It's important to me. And a thing I love.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
The most is when Bravo leberties who millions and millions
of people watch and feel like they know, come out
and talk openly about a struggle. It's so impactful when
they do. When Carl talks about being an alcoholic and
a drug addict, when Jackie Goldschneider from New Jersey talks
about her eating disorder. It's incredibly powerful because we feel
like we're friends with these people. We get to watch
(01:15):
their lives, and when they tell us they're struggling, it
makes us feel even closer and like we're not alone
in our own struggles. My next guest is someone I've
become friends with in real life, first because Bravo put
us on Watch What Happens Live Together years ago. But
since then, I've interviewed her, She's had me on her pod,
We've hung out in LA. She's just the best, and
(01:37):
she's also been really open about her struggles with anxiety.
And she and I have talked a lot about our
common issues as moms, as working moms. And I've been
telling her for years she's a star. You just want
to watch her. And she's such a hustler too. She's
always chasing a new dream, a new goal, a new opportunity,
the next thing, and it's been really fun to watch.
(02:01):
And now drum roll, she's a New York Times best
selling author.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
I'm so proud of her. Welcome tof the cop Sheena
shee yay.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Thank you for having me girl.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I feel like I was on the phone with you
and your publishers as they are telling you for a zoom.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
You are number six on the New York Times bestseller list.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yes, hi insane, I know.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
And I just found out I made the Canadian bestsellers
list too, I'm number five.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
This is not only the reach and power of Bravo
and how much we love hearing from you guys watching,
but you.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
You are the hustler that went after this.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You were the person who decided, yeah, I'm gonna do
this really hard thing and share a lot of my
life that you don't even know about. Yeah, it's gonna
be hard, because I've written books, I'm writing one now
it's hard. You decided to do this. It's a testament
to you and how much people want to know about you.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, it feels really good to know that this.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Many people have read the book have resonated with my story.
I mean, it's just been truly incredible and a dream
come true.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Honestly, it's my true I also effort to be a
New York Times bestseller one day I've not been. I'm
just so happy for you. The book is my good side,
and it's full of great stories, especially if you were
a vander Pompoules fan, but it's also just a good
read about a woman who survived the ups and downs
of fame, relationships, motherhood, and mental health. I got to ask,
(03:30):
was there anything you decided I'm not putting this in here?
Speaker 5 (03:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Actually, there are things that after I've been doing my
book tour and live shows and stuff, I'm like, oh, shoot,
I didn't put that in, Like things I just forgot about.
And that's why, you know, we have podcasts and what
not to just expand on the stories and tell more.
But no, I really put it all in. Everything that
I could recall is in the book. Chapter sixteen was
(03:56):
the one that we went back and forth with are
we going to put it in?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Are we not?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
The book sold without them knowing anything about the situation.
It just had a very vague description of what chapter
sixteen could look like, hadn't been written it all yet,
and the book sold, so I'm like, huh.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Maybe we don't need to put it in.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You know, it's clearly a good enough story without chapter sixteen.
But then the more we thought about it, I was
just like, you know, what, if I'm writing a memoir,
this is one of the most devastating things personally.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I've ever gone through, and I was able to.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Overcome it work towards the path of forgiveness, which I think,
you know, took a lot of strength. And so I decided,
you know, with my husband as well, that we are
going to put it in the book. We're going to
put as many details as we can recall from that
time in the book because we need to tell the
whole story. I felt like the book as a whole
would be inauthentic if I didn't do that, and it
(04:52):
wouldn't be something I was completely proud of.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Well, so people know, what you're talking about is your
confession that your husband brought had cheated on you while
you were pregnant.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
Mm hmm, it's a big That's a big one.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Any mother wife, I think, swallows real hard when they
hear that.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Yeah, talk about.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
The kind of conversations you had with Rock about sharing that,
because obviously you protected.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
It in the moment, and I don't want to ask
you about why you did that.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
But when you decide I'm going to put this in
the book, what was that conversation with him?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Like?
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Yeah, No, you can ask about anything.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I mean, I protected it in the moment because I
was still processing it. I wasn't ready to face it,
and I don't think our marriage would have survived it
had we filmed about it season eleven. I think that
having the focus on that was just not the place
or time. And you know, we were going to talk
about it season twelve of vander Pump Rules. Then that
didn't happen, and now it's rebooted and whatnot. So knowing
(05:49):
that we needed some time to process it, if it
was going to go on season twelve, that would have
been airing by now. So why would I not put
it in the book if we it just needed to
go in the book. So I had a first draft
of it that I read Brock last summer and he
was just like, absolutely not, that's not going.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
In the book.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
And why that We all back and forth conversations because
he said, if you're going to put it in the book,
don't be vague.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Put it all in.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
And I was like, oh, because I was trying when
I was writing it, I was trying to like kind
of skate around what actually happened how many times and
just be extremely.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Vague, and he was like, yeah, no, exactly.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So then I added a lot more detail. Rewrote the
chapter and he didn't read it until the hardcover book.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Came in the mail.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Whoa I offered to him before the day it was due.
I said, honey, this is my last day. I have
to make any changes. Would you like to read this chapter?
And he said, no, it's your story. I don't want
to have any input. You tell your story how you
want to tell it. I said, okay, And then he
gets the book and reads it and he goes, oh, wow,
you did not hold back, and I'm like, you said,
(07:00):
if I'm going to say it all. So I think
he just didn't understand, because, you know, it has been
a couple of years since I found out, two and
a half years since I found out. Now the magnitude
of how much it did affect me and how devastating
it was. Because I was just putting on a happy
face as much as I could in front of him
and our daughter.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
You know, I didn't want her to see me sad.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Every day I would take my moments to go to
the bathroom and cry, or cry in the car or whatever.
So I don't think he understood how much heartache I
was truly going through at the time. So it was
a really hard read for him, but he understood why
I needed to put it in the book. And the
response in person has been amazing, everyone just saying how
(07:44):
much they resonate with so many different parts of my story,
that being one of them.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
And that's why I wanted to put it in the book, because.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
You know, it's easy to say if I ever got
cheated on, I would leave, but you don't know until
you're truly in that situation.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I always said that, and.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
For some people you do have to leave, and that
too takes strength. You know, it's not necessarily the easier decision,
but when you have a kid, it's so many.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Other factors and rules exactly.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And so I did everything I could to see if
I am a strong enough person to forgive and to
stay and keep our family together. And I didn't know
if I was going to be able to do that,
but I know that if I talked about this on
season eleven, too much hurt was happening in the mind.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
There was so much.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Yeah, there was so much hatred I had in my
heart for not just my husband but also Tom Sandival,
and clearly I projected that all under Tom Sandoval, which
I mean, well deserved, but it was misdirected anger. But
it was also I was angry at him too, So
(08:57):
as hard as it was, I just knew that I
needed more time to process what I was actually going
through and doing that while filming a reality show is
not the time or place we needed to get into
couples therapy.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
We needed to.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Really talk about this.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yeah, do get handled your therapy around it, and just
you know, kind of see where we were at before
I told my mom, my, sister, my best friends.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
I did not want one opinion of.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
You should stay or you should leave, and everyone would
have had opinions.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
What do you say to people who say, like, in
the moment.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
You protected Shay when he was going through what he
was going through, and then again you protected Brock eventually
told you told these stories. So I don't even buy
that as like an an argument, because you do share
this stuff, but in the moment you what do you
say to someone who's said you were just trying to
protect your image around that.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
In the first instance with Shay, I agree, that was
me protecting out of ego, and this time it was
me protecting my daughter, and that was it. That's all
I cared about, so it is completely different. But also
the way I feel is with reality TV, we do show,
we do agree to share one hundred percent of our lives,
(10:20):
to show up and put it all out there. However,
I don't think that that has to be on someone
else's timeline. Just because you told me something yesterday doesn't
mean I have to tell you tomorrow. If it doesn't
get told until next season, so be it. It's not
me hiding it necessarily, it's me putting it out on
my own timeline when I'm ready. Every story that I
(10:42):
have been through has come out now. There's not anything
I could think of that isn't out, but it's been
on my timeline, and I think that's okay. It's like
people saying, well, you're a hypocrite. That's not being authentic.
You're this, you're hiding that. I wasn't ready to talk
about it because I had a tiny human to think
(11:02):
about more than a reality show.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
No, and the stakes are higher than when when you're
twenty and a server at a restaurant. The stakes are
higher for sharing your life.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
Like, the stories are different. There's more to lose.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
I mean, to me, it makes total sense that you'd
want to like work through it privately, get a handle
on it before you share it with the world. You know,
you shouldn't have to share at the expense of your
mental health, your family exactly, and all of that stuff
that all has to come first.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I saw an interview Alex Baskin did recently and he's like, well,
of course, you know, we would have loved to have
told that story and followed it. I'm like, of course,
of course there any but yeah, exactly. But I'm like,
and you know, maybe we do on a different show, Like,
You're still gonna see my story being told on reality
TV for as long as I am hired, you know, Like.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I genuinely in joy doing this.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
It is stressful at times, Yeah, but going out on
book tour, meeting hundreds and hundreds of I mean thousands
of people by the time book tour is done, it
truly makes a difference that I speak out about mental health,
about infidelity, about motherhood, about postpartum, all of these things.
And that's what I'm like, whatever show may be in
(12:22):
my future next, you will continue to hear my story
because I got a lot to say and I'm not
going anywhere.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Before we get into more stuff with the book and
the future. I always like to go back and ask
what were you like as a child, And there's a
lot of that in the book, but I want to
hear from you specifically, and you.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Kind of just got to this.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
I recently had Ricky Lake on the podcast and she says, when.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
She was a very young girl iconic, she knew she.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Wanted to be famous, and I like that she said
that because it's honest and there's nothing wrong with it.
Is it safe to say you wanted to be famous
from a young age?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah, yes, And I think that comes across in the book.
But that was something for as long as I could remember.
You know, I was in dance recitals as a toddler,
and then I was in every school play that I
could be in. Being on stage. I loved being the
center of attention. And I'm not afraid to say it.
I loved to perform for people, just that positive reinforcement,
(13:30):
you know, making people laugh on stage. I'm getting that
at book tour right now. And when a joke doesn't land,
I point out that the joke didn't land, and then
usually they laugh. But it is something I've always wanted
to do I always have wanted to be in the
entertainment industry.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Yeah, I mean you can tell, and it would be
weird in and authentic if you were like I never
really wanted to be famous. This will just happened to me.
I mean, yeah, good, What what did you think you
would do for a career. Did you think you'd be
an actress?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
I really wanted to do acting more than anything as
a kid, and then as I got a little older,
like in high school, I remember really wanting to be
an MTV VJ.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I was was her.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Career for like five minutes, and yeah, every girl kind
of wanted it.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Oh my god, totally like I mean now Vanessa Lea Shay, but.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Like Hilary Burton.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
I was obsessed with those girls. So that was something
I was like, Oh, Maria Manunos, she was like my
biggest inspiration. And so I started studying broadcast journalism in college.
I still took theater and whatnot, but I'm like, you
know what, maybe I don't do acting, maybe I do hosting,
And so I knew regardless, I always wanted to do
(14:41):
something on camera in the entertainment industry. I've even considered
being like a news host.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I'm not, as you know, because we've done political games together.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I'm watching up inside.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I'm not the most newsy person where.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
You don't know anything but you don't have exactly okay, But.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The fact that in like high school, I was like,
or maybe I could just be like a Jillian Barbery
and like do the weather and do the morning news
good to la Like yeah, even And I'm not a
morning person. So I don't know why I thought that
I would want to be a news anchor, but I
was like, whatever gets.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Me on TV, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
And now I've had a little bit of all of it,
so I love it.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
There's a story in the book that I didn't know,
and I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
Can you talk about Hooters?
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, that was actually a story that I had completely
compartmentalized for so many years. My agents, Yeah, my agents
came to me a couple years ago and were telling
me about a potential documentary around Hooters that I could
either host, produce, And it was like early stages. But
(15:53):
so I started to meet with some people who were
working on this documentary and as I started recounting the
story and what happened to me. It was like, oh
my god, I forgot about this, Like.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
It was I was eighteen years old.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, I'm forty and they came to me two years ago,
So this is literally twenty years later that it was
just something I almost forgot happened to me.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I had buried it, trauma and buried it. Yeah, yeah, completely.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah, And then thinking back, I was like, wow, I
was eighteen, nineteen years old on this press tour across
the country doing Donny Deutsch, Maury Povich, the CBS Early
Show with Hannah Storm and like all of these huge
news outlets speaking out after each day in court, I
would go up on take the not like the literal
(16:42):
stand in the courtroom, but after when you have the
news set up and whatnot outside of the courtroom, doing
that and speaking for all of these women, And it
was just so crazy that I had compartmentalized this whole,
like year, two years of my life.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Tell people what happened. What happened.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
So I had applied for a job at a Hooters
in Westcovina. It was under construction, it wasn't open yet,
and the manager, Juana Ponte, was taking meetings in this
trailer that was set up on site around like construction
and whatnot. I didn't think there was anything shady about
going into this trailer because the restaurant wasn't open yet.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Made sense to me.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
He had a digital camera in the trailer that he
took a photo of us after for our profile or whatever.
He also took a polaroid. And this was two thousand
and three. Okay, so this is like to paint the
picture two thousand and three, two thousand and four. There's
no camera phones, there's nothing like this. Digital cameras are
(17:42):
still pretty new, and the one that I had only
took photo. I didn't even know that digital cameras could
record video back then. So turns out that one of
the other girls who was so sorry to back it up,
he told all of us to change into the uniform
to make sure we were comfortable in it, and he
would take a polaroid and a digital camera photo for
(18:05):
our profile. Doesn't want to have you one hundred girls
working at this new restaurant and all of a sudden
they're like, oh, I'm not comfortable in this.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's too skimpy. I don't want to work in this.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So made complete sense to me, but as he stepped out,
obviously to have us change. That camera was recording our
every move. I had no idea. I did see it
sitting there, but I didn't think that they were capable
of recording. One of the other girls noticed told her mom,
(18:34):
who obviously called the cops, and once they did an investigation,
there were over one hundred videos. I forget exactly the
details are in the book, but there were over one
hundred women and some of them were sixteen years old
applying to be a hostess. And if you had a
black bra or black underwear on, he told you to
(18:55):
take it off completely so it didn't show through the
white tank top and the little short and whatnot.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
So some girls are naked, yeah, and some.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Girls are underage.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
So once that became an investigation, my uncle had heard
that Gloria Allread was taking on a class action lawsuit,
and I was like, oh my god, Gloria Allread, like
the Gloria Allread was serious, iconic, And so I called
her office and I was like, hey, you know, I
(19:26):
was a part of this as well. And after a
conversation with her, they said they were holding a press
conference like the next day or the following day, she
really liked the way that I spoke on the phone
and asked if I would be willing to be a
part of that press conference and speak on behalf of
the women. So before I know it, I'm in Gloria
(19:46):
Alread's office, signing papers, taking a press conference and.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Then wants to be by the way, woman, it's not
about Gloria, it's you don't ever want to be in
a position to need Gloria oul Read exactly.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Yeah, but she was and is the best of the best,
and she was the best person for us. You know,
we were able to get justice with that situation, and
so many people are not able to and so the
fact that we were able to you know, put him
in jail where he belonged, it was a win. But
(20:21):
also it was a traumatic thing that so many of
us went through. And this is this person Wan, he
was married, he was a father, he had daughters. Like
the fact that this person was violating so many young women,
it was just, you know, such an invasion of privacy
(20:42):
at the least.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Yeah, and you never think you're going to end up
in that situation, and no, it can really happen to anyone. Okay,
So yeah, thanks for sharing that eventually you get a
bunch of acting gigs. But did you have some hesitation
then going into reality TV where you'd be putting now
your real life out there and maybe even jeopardizing the
future and acting, because that can happen sometimes with reality
(21:05):
it can derail, you know, a different kind of career.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
It was a reason why I did not want to
do the show at first when they asked me to,
because I had just started booking consistent co star, guest star,
recurring roles and whatnot. So I was like, you know,
I don't know that I want to do a reality
show because then when I start going to auditions, do
you want Seena from vander Pump Rules or you know,
I'm not just Seena Marie an actress with all of
(21:30):
these other girls auditioning anymore. And I did notice the
first couple seasons after they had aired, and I would
still be going to auditions. You know, you see people
whispering or there's a note that the casting director asks,
and I'm like, great, I'm not going to get this one.
And eventually I just stopped auditioning all together. I'm like,
I guess if someone wants Gheena from vander Pump Rules
you can call my agent, you know. But when I
(21:54):
first took the meetings with Alex Baskin to discuss the show,
they had said that this show was really going to
be about people in the service industry trying to make
it an entertainment and if they could follow us on
auditions or acting class whatever it was. Yeah, that was
kind of the goal of the show outside of the restaurant.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So I was like, oh, then, I guess.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
That gives a platform, you know, if they're going to
show like she's not just a reality star, she's someone
who is an actress and whatnot. That definitely seemed of
interest to me. They did that a little bit in
the beginning, you know, and the whole singing like I
was never truly trying to be a pop star. That
was a fun hobby that it just but then it
(22:36):
was kind of like I'm pigeonholed into, Oh, she is
the pop star, this person's the actor, this person's the musician,
and I'm like, no, no, I don't want to do that,
like I want to be the actress. And then you know,
fast forward after season six, I book a show, I
audition on tape. I book a role for a headlining
(22:57):
show in Las Vegas six nights a week, eight shows
a week for six months.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
I'm acting.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Yeah, never shown doesn't exist, right, I'm like, this is
literally the premise.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
They really dropped that pretty quick.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I remember, like when Laura Ley comes around and we're like, oh, oh,
suddenly we're interested in the you know, the part she
might get. Right, So do you look back with any
regrets then about the acting career you might have had.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I don't want to say regrets. I do think obviously
the trajectory and the path of my career would have
been very different had I not done vander pump roles.
Would it have been better, would it have been worse,
Would it have been the same.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
No one could tell, you know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
However, as much as I did, still want to continue
in acting, and I do still want to and I've
just got to do a sitcomt at Lopez Versus Lopez
last year, which was so fun. I am still going
to be doing acting. That's something that is a focus
of mine as well. But I I am so thankful
that I've had the platform of reality TV to share
(24:05):
my personal story, because that's not something you get with acting.
You know, unless you're playing a character who experiences help
syndrome or postpartum or whatnot, you're not able to relate
to people like you are on reality TV. And I
am so thankful for podcasts and reality shows for exactly that.
You know, it's not always a pretty picture we're painting.
(24:27):
But when you meet people and they say that they've
resonated with a part of your story, your mental health
journey or whatever it may be, I'm like, this was
the path I was supposed to work on. Yeah, absolutely
worth it totally.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I feel the same way when I share it, which
is not, you know, part of my job.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
It's something I do for me and other people.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
It's so gratifying to hear people say this really really
made me feel less alone, or you know, you said
something that really made me think about what I was
going through. It's really rewarding. It's why I keep doing
it and why on this podcast. My mantra is when
you talk about mental health, it makes it easier to
talk about mental health exactly.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
That's the whole point.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
So the more you talk, the more I talk, we'll
get there. You are such a survivor, and I think
a lot of people if they've been if they had
(25:30):
been the girl who had had an affair with a
married man and you didn't know that Eddie Cibrian was
married to Brandy Glanville at the time, but it all
played out on television. A lot of people would go
into hiding, and you got mercilessly bullied by the girls
in your first seasons.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
Then there was your divorce from Shay.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Not everyone, Seena can just pick themselves up and move
on after these things, and you did it all on camera.
Where do you get this string to keep going and
putting yourself out there through all of this.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I definitely think I get my strength from my mom.
She has been through so much in her life and
she is one of the strongest people I know, so
I know that that is just in me from her.
But the positive reinforcement I get from the fans, from
you know, the podcast listeners, the audience from now the readers,
(26:28):
that makes it easy to.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Get back up again because because they want you to.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Exactly and each time I go through something, they're going
through it with me. So it definitely helps my strength
to know that I am on the right path. And
you know, we all have hard days, and I believe
everyone should be in therapy. I think it's one of
those things you know when you work out and it
releases endorphins and you feel better, and.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
It's like therapy.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I think totally that there is something that you know
you release when you whether it's crying in a therapy
session or just being able to talk about it, to
go through EMDR. All of these things have helped me
so much that now when I am talking about past
trauma and things that I've been through, I'm not sobbing.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I am also medicated now, which that helps as well.
Speaker 4 (27:19):
Same girl, Same but I.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Was like, wow, sometimes I feel like I'm like, oh
my god, am I like a cold hearted bitch that
I'm talking about this and not crying?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
No, your he I've done the worst, your hells, you're heel.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
That's how you can talk about it.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Yet's talk about the anxiety, because we've talked about this personally.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
You talk about it in the book.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
After you have Summer Moon, you struggle with severe postpartum
anxiety and OCD. For listeners who don't know what that's like,
for people who haven't read your book yet, talk about
how dark a time that was.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I mean, I just worried, like every second of every
day that something was going to happen to her. I
had a miscarriage before her, and then my entire higher pregnancy,
I was just worried something was going to happen. I
didn't feel her move until she was until I was
twenty two weeks five days, and then even after that,
it was like I have to eat some candy or
(28:11):
drink something to like just make or move makes okay,
you're awake, okay, Like yeah, it was so scary. I
had the fetal doppler, but then people are like, no, the.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
The ultrasonic ultrasound, yes, like whatever, so they're like, no, you.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Shouldn't use that, and I'm just like, but I need
to know that she's alive in there. And then going
through the labor that I went through. At about fifteen
hours into labor, they told me I had preoclamsia and
I'm like, no, I don't. I was at my forty
week appointment yesterday and they didn't tell me that, so
like that's crazy, and they were like, okay, well, the
baby's heart rate is dropping, your blood pressure is raising,
(28:46):
and I could have had a stroke if I didn't
get put on this magnesium drip.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Immediately.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
They told me it was going to make me feel
extremely flu like, and I'm.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Like, that's for pussies. I got this, like I'm fine.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
Yeah, oh no.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
They were not joking, because then all of a sudden,
I'm like shaking uncontrollably on the table. I feel like
I'm having seizures. I'm just like, what is happening. They're
still having me push. I don't know how they did
not do an emergency C section, but I guess I
was clearly okay to keep pushing, and I only pushed
for about forty minutes, So like after twenty four hours
(29:21):
of you know, now I'm on a magnesium drip, this
and that. Finally after those forty minutes, she came out.
But then she's limp, she's blue, she's not crying, and
I'm terrified. I think I just gave birth to a
stillborn and how am I going to be It's just
the most terrifying minute of my entire life. And they're like,
(29:41):
she's fine, she's fine. My mom's like she's so pretty,
and I'm like, no, she's not. It was a full,
full panic attack, and then finally she made a sound
and just the best sound in the world. But it
was so, so scary because no one warned me that
when you're on a magnesium drip, the babies they call
(30:02):
them mag babies, they come out limp and blue and
sleepy because they get pumped with no So they didn't
tell me, Hey, just so you know, expect when she
comes out.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
It's not like the movies.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
She's not gonna cry the second she enters this world.
I don't know any of this, and so it was
terrifying because as my doctor's telling me she's okay, and
he has her and he's like pushing on her back,
they're sucking it and everything, and.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
I'm like, no, she's not.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
She's not okay. But thankfully that is common. And you know,
they've pumped me with fetanyl, which sounded terrifying. I'm like,
what do you mean fetanyl like that kills people, and
they're like, oh, this is the painkiller, and then we
have to put this and I'm just like, I don't
want all of this stuff in my body. But it was,
you know, something I needed to get her out safely,
(30:47):
and so it was a very traumatizing experience. I went
from fifteen hours into labor, being like, honey, you want
to go back to back, like, let's do this again.
This is a walk in the park, you know. I
felt like it was such an easy labor until it
went so south that now I'm forty, the chance of
(31:07):
miscarriage preoclamsia help syndrome. I was already high risk at
thirty five. Now at forty, I wouldn't even chance it.
So thankfully, thirty three year old Shena was thinking about
forty year old Shena being single and alone and wanting,
you know, a sperm donor in a baby one day.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
But I'm so thankful that I.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Thought about my future and I froze my eggs, so
we do have the opportunity, hopefully once we fertilize the eggs,
to get a surrogate and go that route, because I
will not take the chance getting pregnant naturally, especially with
the forty year old egg when I have thirty three
year old ones. But I'm not going to put myself
through IVF and all of that just to get pre aclamsia,
(31:49):
to get help syndrome, to have to deliver early, to
have to have a C section, and then go to
the Niku. The baby's lungs aren't developed. There's just so
many things that could go wrong. I will not take
that chance. Summer Moon needs her mommy more than she
needs a sibling. Yeah, So if someone else can give
us that gift one day, that's definitely something we've been
(32:09):
discussing and considering.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
You write when you're talking about your struggles as a
new mom, trying not to be so anxious, trying not
to be so helicoptery. You wrote something that really really
resonated with me because I was the same you write.
Once I was able to relax a little, I also
felt compelled to open up to my therapist about how
far apart Lala and I were as moms. I thought,
(32:33):
how can I be more like her? When I'm envisioning
worst case scenarios in my head? She I mean, this
was my anxiety, the constant catastrophizing the worst thing's going
to happen to him, my son, and I've had so
many moments like this. I was living in DC where
Jack was born. He was new, he was young. My
(32:53):
husband and I went out to a function and left
him with the nanny. I was already in a state
about that, and then my nanny calls and says, the
power went out and it was a hot summer night,
and I start panicking.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
And this woman who's a friend of mine.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Who has a kid about Jack's age, says, he's fine.
Women have been raising kids in the desert in huts
for centuries. He'll be fine. And I thought, man, can
I have what is she smoking?
Speaker 4 (33:26):
I want some? Because I was the opposite. And it
happens all the time.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
I have a friend now here in Connecticut who's got
kids older than Jack. I was telling her out how
anxious I am all the time about him, and she goes,
you know, you send him out in the world and
hope for the best.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Yes, what the fuck is like?
Speaker 2 (33:44):
If I could be like this, I would be what
does that feel like?
Speaker 4 (33:48):
That sounds awesome?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I mean, and that's how my husband is.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I'm like, wait, so you don't have like thoughts of
like death all day every day?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
What is that like?
Speaker 3 (33:58):
And we compare ourselves to our mom friends. Yes, and
we say what I should be like that. I do
this too in my career, Like I'll look at a
colleague of mine and be like, why isn't he taking
the news home every night?
Speaker 4 (34:11):
And like really really dealing with it.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And I have to remind myself like maybe he is
you don't know, maybe he's a therapy but it sums
home and he medicates with a bottle of vodka, or
maybe he goes home he takes it down on his
wife and kid.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
You don't know what other people are going through.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
And so I've given myself permission to stop comparing myself
to other people because it's a waste of time.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
It's the devil.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Literally, there was a book that I read by Gabby Bernstein.
I got to get you the title of it, but
there is a chapter that is about comparison and just
how that is the devil. And it's something that I mean,
especially in like reality TV, it is so easy to
compare on a work side, you know, like oh this
(34:57):
person's getting this, this person has more this, blah blah blah.
But when it came to me being a mom and
watching Laala and Brittany just so gracefully, just the way
they pick them up and did this and change the diaper,
and I'm like, okay, be very careful. And it was
like I had the breathewear on her until she was
over two years old. I literally had my aunt, who
(35:20):
was a seamstress, expand the breathewear and add more velcrow
so I could keep it on her longer.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
And then once we started, it was like safe, you know,
once they're a little older, to give them a blanket
in the crib, because I mean, she laid there.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
It was a little prison.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
There was a sheet and nothing else, not even the
tiniest little stuffy anything in my mind was going to
suffocate her. And so once you know it's like, okay,
she's two two and a half, it's like you got
to give the kid a blanket and you gotta just
take the breathe where out She's gonna be okay.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
Yeah, But I mean it took me a.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Couple years and I just see Laala and Brittainy and
they're like, she'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Well, And the danger is you tell yourself they're braver
than I am, they're more conaigious than I am. No,
and you've got to like let yourself off the hook
for that. And like I said, you don't know what
they're going through.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
But also I don't even think Laala had a camera
when Ocean was a baby.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
It was just like she's fine. I'll hear her.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I had a monitor in my son's room until like
he was eight Okay, I'll.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Have one until she's eighteen, until you move out and
go to college.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
I will be keeping an eye on you.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
I know, I know.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
But the thing is, we need to stop comparing ourselves
to other moms, I know, and we just have to
focus on what do I need to Because also, let's
pretend I got one hundred percent better from all of
my anxiety issues. And I'm not there yet, but I'm
doing great. Yeah, let's pretend I got one hundred percent better.
It still wouldn't be my personality to be like, they're fine,
(36:51):
He's fine, Everything's going to be fine all the time.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
You just can't worry about anything that.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
Will never be me and I have to stop toggling
between these extremes of my crazy anxiety, which is unhealthy
for me and everyone around me, and this laissez fair
who cares about anything that's never gonna be There's a
middle ground here, Yeah, And that's what I work on
in therapy, finding that middle ground.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Same, and that's one of the things I do that's
like a big exposure therapy for me. Especially now that
summer is in school and there are other moms in
our group who also struggle with OCD and anxiety and whatnot.
So it's so great that we have such a supportive
group of moms and like we get it. And I've
even been able to help one of the other moms.
(37:38):
She didn't know what exposure therapy was and so our kids.
For example, we're in a jiu jitsu class and she
was just like and I was like, she's gonna be fine.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
She was like, how are you so calm right now?
Speaker 1 (37:52):
I go because I tell myself I have to be
calm and she's going to be okay. Am I spiraling inside? Absolutely,
But I'm not going to show all these other parents.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Yeah, but she was thinking, oh, I wish I could
be so calm and cool like sheena.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yes, And I'm like, no, no, it's up here, ye.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
But I'm just I'm telling myself, she's gonna be okay.
If that little boy takes her out in the on
the next round, she's gonna take him out.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
And she does.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
But it is forcing myself to constantly have my kid
not in dangerous situations, the situations that make me a
little uncomfortable swimming in the pool.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
She's a great swimmer.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I still think every time she goes underwater, she's not
going to come back up. But I have to remind
myself she's been in lessons for three years. She knows
how to swim. It's just a constant reminder. And you know,
I still have a life back everywhere. But I actually
I always keep one in my car and then I'm like, wait,
(38:49):
is it in my car in Palm Springs or is
it in my car in LA I don't know, But
I'm proud of myself for just being like, Yep, it
might be in the other car, but like we're gonna
be Okay.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
I'm a r camp.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
I don't live in a town where fentanyl is a problem.
I have it because I'm allowed to have it.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Oh and that book was called super Attractor.
Speaker 6 (39:17):
I just from a Superattractor Okay by Gali Berenstein.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Oh what my therapist sid that really helped me around
these issues. She said, what kind of safety nets have
you put in place for Jack? Well, you moved to
a really good town, safe town. You got a great
nanny that you trust, He's in a great school where
he has you know, teams, people that look out for him,
your parents, help you married the right guy, you know
(39:42):
who you can trust, who's a great dad. Put all
these teams in place in these systems. Yet you're acting
like you haven't done any of that. You're acting like
you live in a war zone and you send your
son out to a serial killer at the school every day.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Like that's how you're acting.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
What's the point of doing all the safety nets if
you're not going to trust them and feel safer with
them totally?
Speaker 4 (40:07):
I mean, it can just mess with you.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
But yeah, those are the things I have to keep
reminding myself, like, yeah, he is safe.
Speaker 4 (40:13):
You've made him safe, You've given him all the tools
to be safe. Yeah, act like it exactly. It's hard. Yeah,
it's hard.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
I know, even just being on book tour right now,
Like without her, Rock is amazing with Summery, but it
is hard to be away from her. And I'm just like,
you know what, Yeah, she's gonna go to school, her
hair's gonna be messy, you probably won't have.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
A bow in it, but she'll be fine. Killer, She'll
be fine.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
It's gonna be okay.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
It's just like the things that I used to stress over.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
Now I'm just trying to just be a little more
easy going because I'm like, it's not the end of
the world.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
If you know, her hair isn't like good perspective.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
When I'm in town, it will be and you knows that,
but it's my perspective.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
Yeah, And listen, you're gonna You're ambitious, so you're gonna work,
You're gonna be traveling. I spent six months of last
year in Philadelphia covering the presidential election, living in another city. Okay,
I'd come home on weekends, but this was hard. But
I would tell myself, well, this is good for him
to spend some more time with dad. Yeah, not have
(41:14):
mom helicopter ink, Yeah, this is good for me. You
just gotta flip everything around sometimes and try to tell
yourself there are good things in this thing that feels
really scary for me, and like, I'm going to focus
on those.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
And that's what I'm so thankful that I do have
Brock as a co parent, because.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Your mom's around, We're the total opposite. Like I mean,
I was raised an only.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Child for twelve years just outside of Los Angeles. He
was the youngest of five on a farm in New Zealand,
and it just like, I mean, we could not have
had more different upbringings and we could not be more
different in our parenting styles.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
But having that balance it's great for her.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Like in the morning for school, I'm on, I'm like,
come on, honey, we.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Gotta leave, we gotta go. We don't want to be late.
And he's just like, she's four.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
First of all, He's like, you put so much pressure
on being on time. I'm like, well, yeah, it's a
respect thing, respect other people's time. School starts at eight fifteen,
we leave out the door at eight. We get to
school on time. And so I know because I have
obviously there's cameras all over our house, so I get
a notification when the doorbell camera goes off, and so
I see what time he's been leaving for school every day.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Not eight o'clock.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I can tell you that, but he goes you know what,
He's like, we just got one of those giant like
skylight calendars, and so he has it set up where
summer she gets up on her stool and every morning
she checks off. Okay, I made my bed, I brushed
my teeth, I fed the cats, and he goes, I
think it's more important for her in the morning to
be doing her tasks and stuff instead of having an
(42:51):
extra twenty minutes at school to play. He goes, you know,
the first thirty minutes they're just playing.
Speaker 4 (42:56):
He goes, so, and.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
I'm like, Okay, I can't really argue with that, because
they do understand.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
It's not on my watch.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I'm not getting her to school late, like we get
up earlier then to tick off the tasks. But I
appreciated what he was saying of why they've been late
every day because she's.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Getting her chores done.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
I'm like, okay, and you know, I love that that
she's learning the responsibility of taking care of the cats
when mommy's out of town.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
I was just like, but can we still try to
get her on time?
Speaker 4 (43:26):
Can we do both?
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Because I'm like, once she goes into kindergarten and once
there's a bell, there's no just like showing up thirty
she gets there right exactly, so you'll fink, I'm thankful
she has, you know, a chill parent and a helicopter parents.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
I's the best of both worlds exactly.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
That's what we have to you know, my husband's pretty
chill and I'm not. It is a nice balance for Jack.
Before we get to a lightning round, will you move
over to.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
The valley, we'll see.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
Okay, I got it, got it, got it great, terrific. Okay,
let's do a lightning round.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
Is there a world in which you and Rachel become
friends again?
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Ooh.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
I don't know that we would ever be friends again,
but I would be open to a conversation.
Speaker 4 (44:20):
For your benefit or for her benefit.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Maybe for a little bit of both.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
I mean, I don't think there's anything I need from her,
you know, but I do think that there is a
conversation that could still be had one day. From what
I've heard and seeing, you know, she's thriving, living her
best life, and I wish her nothing but the best.
I don't know that there is a need for that.
It's not like we need a closure conversation or anything
(44:46):
like that. But we do still have some mutual friends,
and if one day are paths crossed and she wanted
to talk, I would be open to that. But I'm
certainly not going to be the one reaching out. I'm
blocked on everything. So I think that says enough. But
we're you're the best.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
What would you tell Tom Stanivill to do next with
his life?
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Ooh, learn how to take accountability, you know, But I
mean keep doing what he's doing. You know, Tom Sandival
and the Most Extras. They're a very entertaining band to see.
I loved going to their shows back in the day.
So I guess they're on America's Got Talent now.
Speaker 4 (45:26):
I saw that. Yeah, I saw that.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Who was a bad casting choice, not necessarily because they
were like a bad person, but just like not right
for vanderbum.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Charlie I made no sense.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
She literally like auditioned and got hired through like her agent.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
It was weird what they were trying to do with season.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
Eight, but weird.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
And yeah, her and Brett were both bad casting because
it literally was casting. They had zero connection. They didn't
work at the rest.
Speaker 4 (45:59):
You could tell, you're like, why are these people here?
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Yeah, Max and Dana made sense. There were natural connections
there that made sense. But Charlie and Brett that was terrible.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
Yep, Jack's announced he's leaving the Valley. You spent a
lot of time with those guys. Is Jack's or Jesse worse?
Answer the question Everyone's asking right.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Now, they both suck.
Speaker 4 (46:19):
Okay, yeah, that's the right answer.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
You know.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Help me understand the hate for Janet, because I don't
get it, and I love a Bravo villain and I
just don't think she is one.
Speaker 4 (46:30):
And I'm I'm not sure what it is that has
people so enraged by her, do you.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Know, I don't understand it. It is so unwarranted. It's
crazy to me. I get it that people can be
annoyed by her because she doesn't let up on things,
and she you know, fights other people's battles, which is
one thing at times that I appreciate about her friendship.
So I can understand people being annoyed. People are annoyed
(46:56):
with me, I get it.
Speaker 6 (46:58):
But the insane, yeah, I mean like death threat until shit,
Like I don't understand it.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
For her, No, it is next level. It's scandal all level,
and it's so unwarranted. Like, I don't understand it, because
when you saw that episode, Dave Embuster's Janet, that is
Janet all of the time. But that's Janet around people
who bring that out of her, and when she's in
her element, when you're on a show with women who
(47:27):
don't bring that out of you, or men who don't
bring that out of you. You're not going to see
the best sides of you. And that was a problem
that I had in reality TV. Is I'm on a
show with three girls who hate me and don't want
me on their show. You're not going to see fun,
lighthearted Shina that like my best friend see.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
Yeah, but like, I mean, we don't have to keep
beating this. But like, I just don't like, she wasn't
a Teresa. I mean, she wasn't like, I don't know,
the level did not match, you know, she wasn't just drying.
I know, I don't understand it, And I wish Bravo
fans sometimes chilled the fuck out because at the end
(48:07):
of the day, this is entertainment and part two you
are real people.
Speaker 4 (48:12):
You are real people.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
With real families and lives and like to get this
worked up.
Speaker 6 (48:17):
Yeah, I mean it's like politics level works out, Like why.
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Is this the same? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Okay, right, every night at my live shows, I've been
doing a PSA for what an amazing person?
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Jan It is good good because.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
Whether you like her or not, or you find her
annoying or not, it is not at the level that
she is getting a wild Okay, what's your favorite mental
health tip?
Speaker 2 (48:42):
You were just exposure therapy.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Honestly, exposure therapy has been life changing for me because
once you expose yourself to something and you get through it,
you understand, oh, this isn't as scary as I thought
it was. That is my biggest tip. EMDR and exposure
therapy excellent.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Where is she Nache?
Speaker 3 (49:02):
In ten years you'll be you'll be fifty.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
I know, in a facelift chair.
Speaker 4 (49:08):
Yeah, right right, same girl.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
I couldn't tell you where I would be in ten months,
so I have no idea. That is the one thing
that I do thank my OCD for is I am
incapable of looking that far into the future, because when
I do, I'm like, well, am I going to be alive?
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Is my daughter going to be alive?
Speaker 1 (49:26):
To be It's just I just think about death when
I think about the future. So, couldn't tell you, but
probably due for a facelift by then.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
We all will be Maybe they'll have some great for me.
It's not that far away. It's like four or five
years away.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
But maybe they'll have some great new technology exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:43):
Yeah, but we don't even know about yet.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
Like just a little. Just give me the Lindsay Lohan.
Speaker 4 (49:49):
Just what has she is?
Speaker 1 (49:51):
She looking amazing, incredible, best she's ever looked. She like
took ten years off. I'm like, how'd you do that?
Speaker 4 (49:57):
But I think she's the prettiest she's ever looked. She
looks healthy and she looks incredible.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
Okay, this is the last question. Okay, most important one
to me spiritually culturally. When is it iced coffee season?
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Ooh see, in this household, we're a hot coffee every
season person. So I know that's against popular opinion, but.
Speaker 4 (50:22):
Long answer, but I love you anyway.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
I know that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
It's August first, and I had a hot chi latte
for breakfast, so I like, I had an iced macha.
Speaker 4 (50:32):
I'm the exact opposite.
Speaker 3 (50:33):
I it's twenty five degrees in winter in Connecticut. I'm
outside with an iced coffee. It's the only way I
ever want my coffee is iced.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
Yeah, it just depends what I'm in the mood for.
But I love hot coffee.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
You're entitled and that's the way it was meant to
be to be enjoyed.
Speaker 4 (50:51):
I just am from Boston. We do a different I
love it.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (50:56):
Sheena.
Speaker 3 (50:56):
The book is my good side of memoir and everyone
needs to go. It's a great book. And I'm just
I'm endlessly proud of you. And I hope that doesn't
sound condescending, but I am proud of you. I love you,
thank you, and I adore you, and I love that
you share so much because honestly, a lot of us
learn a lot yeah when you do.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
So thanks well, thank you, thanks for coming so fun,
thank you for having me always.
Speaker 3 (51:20):
Coming up next week on Off the Cup, I talked
to James Vanderbeek.
Speaker 5 (51:24):
What I had really come to define myself as was father, provider, husband, athletic,
guy who can do all these things. And what I
realized I was at a point where I was none
of those things.
Speaker 3 (51:39):
Off the Cup is a production of iHeart Podcasts as
part of the Reason Choice Network.
Speaker 4 (51:43):
If you want more, check out the.
Speaker 3 (51:44):
Other Reason Choice podcasts, Politics with Jamel Hill and Native
Land pod. For Off the Cop, I'm your host, Si Cup.
Editing and sound design by Derek Clements. Our executive producers
are me Sie Cop, Lauren Hanson, and Lindsay Hoffman. Rate
and review you wherever you get your podcasts, Follow or
subscribe for new episodes every Wednesday.
It truly makes a difference that I speak out about
mental health, about infidelity, about motherhood, about postpartum, all of
these things.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
And that's what I'm like.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Whatever show may be in my future next, you will
continue to hear my story because I got a lot
to say and I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Welcome to off the cup, my anti anxiety antidote.
Speaker 4 (00:24):
This is gonna be a good one. Guys. You know
I love I love reality television.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Especially Bravo, and we've had great Bravo folks on the pod,
from Shep Rose to Carl Radkey to Andy Cohn himself,
and for me, Bravo is a fun escape from my
real life. It's a break from the news, it's a
break from politics and everything else that gives me anxiety.
It's actually a very important part of my anti anxiety systems.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
It's important to me. And a thing I love.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
The most is when Bravo leberties who millions and millions
of people watch and feel like they know, come out
and talk openly about a struggle. It's so impactful when
they do. When Carl talks about being an alcoholic and
a drug addict, when Jackie Goldschneider from New Jersey talks
about her eating disorder. It's incredibly powerful because we feel
like we're friends with these people. We get to watch
(01:15):
their lives, and when they tell us they're struggling, it
makes us feel even closer and like we're not alone
in our own struggles. My next guest is someone I've
become friends with in real life, first because Bravo put
us on Watch What Happens Live Together years ago. But
since then, I've interviewed her, She's had me on her pod,
We've hung out in LA. She's just the best, and
(01:37):
she's also been really open about her struggles with anxiety.
And she and I have talked a lot about our
common issues as moms, as working moms. And I've been
telling her for years she's a star. You just want
to watch her. And she's such a hustler too. She's
always chasing a new dream, a new goal, a new opportunity,
the next thing, and it's been really fun to watch.
(02:01):
And now drum roll, she's a New York Times best
selling author.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
I'm so proud of her. Welcome tof the cop Sheena
shee yay.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Thank you for having me girl.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I feel like I was on the phone with you
and your publishers as they are telling you for a zoom.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
You are number six on the New York Times bestseller list.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yes, hi insane, I know.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
And I just found out I made the Canadian bestsellers
list too, I'm number five.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
This is not only the reach and power of Bravo
and how much we love hearing from you guys watching,
but you.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
You are the hustler that went after this.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You were the person who decided, yeah, I'm gonna do
this really hard thing and share a lot of my
life that you don't even know about. Yeah, it's gonna
be hard, because I've written books, I'm writing one now
it's hard. You decided to do this. It's a testament
to you and how much people want to know about you.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, it feels really good to know that this.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Many people have read the book have resonated with my story.
I mean, it's just been truly incredible and a dream
come true.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Honestly, it's my true I also effort to be a
New York Times bestseller one day I've not been. I'm
just so happy for you. The book is my good side,
and it's full of great stories, especially if you were
a vander Pompoules fan, but it's also just a good
read about a woman who survived the ups and downs
of fame, relationships, motherhood, and mental health. I got to ask,
(03:30):
was there anything you decided I'm not putting this in here?
Speaker 5 (03:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Actually, there are things that after I've been doing my
book tour and live shows and stuff, I'm like, oh, shoot,
I didn't put that in, Like things I just forgot about.
And that's why, you know, we have podcasts and what
not to just expand on the stories and tell more.
But no, I really put it all in. Everything that
I could recall is in the book. Chapter sixteen was
(03:56):
the one that we went back and forth with are
we going to put it in?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Are we not?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
The book sold without them knowing anything about the situation.
It just had a very vague description of what chapter
sixteen could look like, hadn't been written it all yet,
and the book sold, so I'm like, huh.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Maybe we don't need to put it in.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You know, it's clearly a good enough story without chapter sixteen.
But then the more we thought about it, I was
just like, you know, what, if I'm writing a memoir,
this is one of the most devastating things personally.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I've ever gone through, and I was able to.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Overcome it work towards the path of forgiveness, which I think,
you know, took a lot of strength. And so I decided,
you know, with my husband as well, that we are
going to put it in the book. We're going to
put as many details as we can recall from that
time in the book because we need to tell the
whole story. I felt like the book as a whole
would be inauthentic if I didn't do that, and it
(04:52):
wouldn't be something I was completely proud of.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Well, so people know, what you're talking about is your
confession that your husband brought had cheated on you while
you were pregnant.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
Mm hmm, it's a big That's a big one.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Any mother wife, I think, swallows real hard when they
hear that.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Yeah, talk about.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
The kind of conversations you had with Rock about sharing that,
because obviously you protected.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
It in the moment, and I don't want to ask
you about why you did that.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
But when you decide I'm going to put this in
the book, what was that conversation with him?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Like?
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Yeah, No, you can ask about anything.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I mean, I protected it in the moment because I
was still processing it. I wasn't ready to face it,
and I don't think our marriage would have survived it
had we filmed about it season eleven. I think that
having the focus on that was just not the place
or time. And you know, we were going to talk
about it season twelve of vander Pump Rules. Then that
didn't happen, and now it's rebooted and whatnot. So knowing
(05:49):
that we needed some time to process it, if it
was going to go on season twelve, that would have
been airing by now. So why would I not put
it in the book if we it just needed to
go in the book. So I had a first draft
of it that I read Brock last summer and he
was just like, absolutely not, that's not going.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
In the book.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
And why that We all back and forth conversations because
he said, if you're going to put it in the book,
don't be vague.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Put it all in.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
And I was like, oh, because I was trying when
I was writing it, I was trying to like kind
of skate around what actually happened how many times and
just be extremely.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Vague, and he was like, yeah, no, exactly.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So then I added a lot more detail. Rewrote the
chapter and he didn't read it until the hardcover book.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Came in the mail.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Whoa I offered to him before the day it was due.
I said, honey, this is my last day. I have
to make any changes. Would you like to read this chapter?
And he said, no, it's your story. I don't want
to have any input. You tell your story how you
want to tell it. I said, okay, And then he
gets the book and reads it and he goes, oh, wow,
you did not hold back, and I'm like, you said,
(07:00):
if I'm going to say it all. So I think
he just didn't understand, because, you know, it has been
a couple of years since I found out, two and
a half years since I found out. Now the magnitude
of how much it did affect me and how devastating
it was. Because I was just putting on a happy
face as much as I could in front of him
and our daughter.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
You know, I didn't want her to see me sad.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Every day I would take my moments to go to
the bathroom and cry, or cry in the car or whatever.
So I don't think he understood how much heartache I
was truly going through at the time. So it was
a really hard read for him, but he understood why
I needed to put it in the book. And the
response in person has been amazing, everyone just saying how
(07:44):
much they resonate with so many different parts of my story,
that being one of them.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
And that's why I wanted to put it in the book, because.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
You know, it's easy to say if I ever got
cheated on, I would leave, but you don't know until
you're truly in that situation.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I always said that, and.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
For some people you do have to leave, and that
too takes strength. You know, it's not necessarily the easier decision,
but when you have a kid, it's so many.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Other factors and rules exactly.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And so I did everything I could to see if
I am a strong enough person to forgive and to
stay and keep our family together. And I didn't know
if I was going to be able to do that,
but I know that if I talked about this on
season eleven, too much hurt was happening in the mind.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
There was so much.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Yeah, there was so much hatred I had in my
heart for not just my husband but also Tom Sandival,
and clearly I projected that all under Tom Sandoval, which
I mean, well deserved, but it was misdirected anger. But
it was also I was angry at him too, So
(08:57):
as hard as it was, I just knew that I
needed more time to process what I was actually going
through and doing that while filming a reality show is
not the time or place we needed to get into
couples therapy.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
We needed to.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Really talk about this.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yeah, do get handled your therapy around it, and just
you know, kind of see where we were at before
I told my mom, my, sister, my best friends.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
I did not want one opinion of.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
You should stay or you should leave, and everyone would
have had opinions.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
What do you say to people who say, like, in
the moment.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
You protected Shay when he was going through what he
was going through, and then again you protected Brock eventually
told you told these stories. So I don't even buy
that as like an an argument, because you do share
this stuff, but in the moment you what do you
say to someone who's said you were just trying to
protect your image around that.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
In the first instance with Shay, I agree, that was
me protecting out of ego, and this time it was
me protecting my daughter, and that was it. That's all
I cared about, so it is completely different. But also
the way I feel is with reality TV, we do show,
we do agree to share one hundred percent of our lives,
(10:20):
to show up and put it all out there. However,
I don't think that that has to be on someone
else's timeline. Just because you told me something yesterday doesn't
mean I have to tell you tomorrow. If it doesn't
get told until next season, so be it. It's not
me hiding it necessarily, it's me putting it out on
my own timeline when I'm ready. Every story that I
(10:42):
have been through has come out now. There's not anything
I could think of that isn't out, but it's been
on my timeline, and I think that's okay. It's like
people saying, well, you're a hypocrite. That's not being authentic.
You're this, you're hiding that. I wasn't ready to talk
about it because I had a tiny human to think
(11:02):
about more than a reality show.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
No, and the stakes are higher than when when you're
twenty and a server at a restaurant. The stakes are
higher for sharing your life.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
Like, the stories are different. There's more to lose.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
I mean, to me, it makes total sense that you'd
want to like work through it privately, get a handle
on it before you share it with the world. You know,
you shouldn't have to share at the expense of your
mental health, your family exactly, and all of that stuff
that all has to come first.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I saw an interview Alex Baskin did recently and he's like, well,
of course, you know, we would have loved to have
told that story and followed it. I'm like, of course,
of course there any but yeah, exactly. But I'm like,
and you know, maybe we do on a different show, Like,
You're still gonna see my story being told on reality
TV for as long as I am hired, you know, Like.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I genuinely in joy doing this.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
It is stressful at times, Yeah, but going out on
book tour, meeting hundreds and hundreds of I mean thousands
of people by the time book tour is done, it
truly makes a difference that I speak out about mental health,
about infidelity, about motherhood, about postpartum, all of these things.
And that's what I'm like, whatever show may be in
(12:22):
my future next, you will continue to hear my story
because I got a lot to say and I'm not
going anywhere.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Before we get into more stuff with the book and
the future. I always like to go back and ask
what were you like as a child, And there's a
lot of that in the book, but I want to
hear from you specifically, and you.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Kind of just got to this.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
I recently had Ricky Lake on the podcast and she says, when.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
She was a very young girl iconic, she knew she.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Wanted to be famous, and I like that she said
that because it's honest and there's nothing wrong with it.
Is it safe to say you wanted to be famous
from a young age?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah, yes, And I think that comes across in the book.
But that was something for as long as I could remember.
You know, I was in dance recitals as a toddler,
and then I was in every school play that I
could be in. Being on stage. I loved being the
center of attention. And I'm not afraid to say it.
I loved to perform for people, just that positive reinforcement,
(13:30):
you know, making people laugh on stage. I'm getting that
at book tour right now. And when a joke doesn't land,
I point out that the joke didn't land, and then
usually they laugh. But it is something I've always wanted
to do I always have wanted to be in the
entertainment industry.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Yeah, I mean you can tell, and it would be
weird in and authentic if you were like I never
really wanted to be famous. This will just happened to me.
I mean, yeah, good, What what did you think you
would do for a career. Did you think you'd be
an actress?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
I really wanted to do acting more than anything as
a kid, and then as I got a little older,
like in high school, I remember really wanting to be
an MTV VJ.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I was was her.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Career for like five minutes, and yeah, every girl kind
of wanted it.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Oh my god, totally like I mean now Vanessa Lea Shay, but.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Like Hilary Burton.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
I was obsessed with those girls. So that was something
I was like, Oh, Maria Manunos, she was like my
biggest inspiration. And so I started studying broadcast journalism in college.
I still took theater and whatnot, but I'm like, you
know what, maybe I don't do acting, maybe I do hosting,
And so I knew regardless, I always wanted to do
(14:41):
something on camera in the entertainment industry. I've even considered
being like a news host.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I'm not, as you know, because we've done political games together.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I'm watching up inside.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I'm not the most newsy person where.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
You don't know anything but you don't have exactly okay, But.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The fact that in like high school, I was like,
or maybe I could just be like a Jillian Barbery
and like do the weather and do the morning news
good to la Like yeah, even And I'm not a
morning person. So I don't know why I thought that
I would want to be a news anchor, but I
was like, whatever gets.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Me on TV, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
And now I've had a little bit of all of it,
so I love it.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
There's a story in the book that I didn't know,
and I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
Can you talk about Hooters?
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, that was actually a story that I had completely
compartmentalized for so many years. My agents, Yeah, my agents
came to me a couple years ago and were telling
me about a potential documentary around Hooters that I could
either host, produce, And it was like early stages. But
(15:53):
so I started to meet with some people who were
working on this documentary and as I started recounting the
story and what happened to me. It was like, oh
my god, I forgot about this, Like.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
It was I was eighteen years old.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, I'm forty and they came to me two years ago,
So this is literally twenty years later that it was
just something I almost forgot happened to me.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I had buried it, trauma and buried it. Yeah, yeah, completely.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah, And then thinking back, I was like, wow, I
was eighteen, nineteen years old on this press tour across
the country doing Donny Deutsch, Maury Povich, the CBS Early
Show with Hannah Storm and like all of these huge
news outlets speaking out after each day in court, I
would go up on take the not like the literal
(16:42):
stand in the courtroom, but after when you have the
news set up and whatnot outside of the courtroom, doing
that and speaking for all of these women, And it
was just so crazy that I had compartmentalized this whole,
like year, two years of my life.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Tell people what happened. What happened.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
So I had applied for a job at a Hooters
in Westcovina. It was under construction, it wasn't open yet,
and the manager, Juana Ponte, was taking meetings in this
trailer that was set up on site around like construction
and whatnot. I didn't think there was anything shady about
going into this trailer because the restaurant wasn't open yet.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Made sense to me.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
He had a digital camera in the trailer that he
took a photo of us after for our profile or whatever.
He also took a polaroid. And this was two thousand
and three. Okay, so this is like to paint the
picture two thousand and three, two thousand and four. There's
no camera phones, there's nothing like this. Digital cameras are
(17:42):
still pretty new, and the one that I had only
took photo. I didn't even know that digital cameras could
record video back then. So turns out that one of
the other girls who was so sorry to back it up,
he told all of us to change into the uniform
to make sure we were comfortable in it, and he
would take a polaroid and a digital camera photo for
(18:05):
our profile. Doesn't want to have you one hundred girls
working at this new restaurant and all of a sudden
they're like, oh, I'm not comfortable in this.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's too skimpy. I don't want to work in this.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So made complete sense to me, but as he stepped out,
obviously to have us change. That camera was recording our
every move. I had no idea. I did see it
sitting there, but I didn't think that they were capable
of recording. One of the other girls noticed told her mom,
(18:34):
who obviously called the cops, and once they did an investigation,
there were over one hundred videos. I forget exactly the
details are in the book, but there were over one
hundred women and some of them were sixteen years old
applying to be a hostess. And if you had a
black bra or black underwear on, he told you to
(18:55):
take it off completely so it didn't show through the
white tank top and the little short and whatnot.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
So some girls are naked, yeah, and some.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Girls are underage.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
So once that became an investigation, my uncle had heard
that Gloria Allread was taking on a class action lawsuit,
and I was like, oh my god, Gloria Allread, like
the Gloria Allread was serious, iconic, And so I called
her office and I was like, hey, you know, I
(19:26):
was a part of this as well. And after a
conversation with her, they said they were holding a press
conference like the next day or the following day, she
really liked the way that I spoke on the phone
and asked if I would be willing to be a
part of that press conference and speak on behalf of
the women. So before I know it, I'm in Gloria
(19:46):
Alread's office, signing papers, taking a press conference and.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Then wants to be by the way, woman, it's not
about Gloria, it's you don't ever want to be in
a position to need Gloria oul Read exactly.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Yeah, but she was and is the best of the best,
and she was the best person for us. You know,
we were able to get justice with that situation, and
so many people are not able to and so the
fact that we were able to you know, put him
in jail where he belonged, it was a win. But
(20:21):
also it was a traumatic thing that so many of
us went through. And this is this person Wan, he
was married, he was a father, he had daughters. Like
the fact that this person was violating so many young women,
it was just, you know, such an invasion of privacy
(20:42):
at the least.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Yeah, and you never think you're going to end up
in that situation, and no, it can really happen to anyone. Okay,
So yeah, thanks for sharing that eventually you get a
bunch of acting gigs. But did you have some hesitation
then going into reality TV where you'd be putting now
your real life out there and maybe even jeopardizing the
future and acting, because that can happen sometimes with reality
(21:05):
it can derail, you know, a different kind of career.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
It was a reason why I did not want to
do the show at first when they asked me to,
because I had just started booking consistent co star, guest star,
recurring roles and whatnot. So I was like, you know,
I don't know that I want to do a reality
show because then when I start going to auditions, do
you want Seena from vander Pump Rules or you know,
I'm not just Seena Marie an actress with all of
(21:30):
these other girls auditioning anymore. And I did notice the
first couple seasons after they had aired, and I would
still be going to auditions. You know, you see people
whispering or there's a note that the casting director asks,
and I'm like, great, I'm not going to get this one.
And eventually I just stopped auditioning all together. I'm like,
I guess if someone wants Gheena from vander Pump Rules
you can call my agent, you know. But when I
(21:54):
first took the meetings with Alex Baskin to discuss the show,
they had said that this show was really going to
be about people in the service industry trying to make
it an entertainment and if they could follow us on
auditions or acting class whatever it was. Yeah, that was
kind of the goal of the show outside of the restaurant.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So I was like, oh, then, I guess.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
That gives a platform, you know, if they're going to
show like she's not just a reality star, she's someone
who is an actress and whatnot. That definitely seemed of
interest to me. They did that a little bit in
the beginning, you know, and the whole singing like I
was never truly trying to be a pop star. That
was a fun hobby that it just but then it
(22:36):
was kind of like I'm pigeonholed into, Oh, she is
the pop star, this person's the actor, this person's the musician,
and I'm like, no, no, I don't want to do that,
like I want to be the actress. And then you know,
fast forward after season six, I book a show, I
audition on tape. I book a role for a headlining
(22:57):
show in Las Vegas six nights a week, eight shows
a week for six months.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
I'm acting.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Yeah, never shown doesn't exist, right, I'm like, this is
literally the premise.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
They really dropped that pretty quick.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I remember, like when Laura Ley comes around and we're like, oh, oh,
suddenly we're interested in the you know, the part she
might get. Right, So do you look back with any
regrets then about the acting career you might have had.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I don't want to say regrets. I do think obviously
the trajectory and the path of my career would have
been very different had I not done vander pump roles.
Would it have been better, would it have been worse,
Would it have been the same.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
No one could tell, you know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
However, as much as I did, still want to continue
in acting, and I do still want to and I've
just got to do a sitcomt at Lopez Versus Lopez
last year, which was so fun. I am still going
to be doing acting. That's something that is a focus
of mine as well. But I I am so thankful
that I've had the platform of reality TV to share
(24:05):
my personal story, because that's not something you get with acting.
You know, unless you're playing a character who experiences help
syndrome or postpartum or whatnot, you're not able to relate
to people like you are on reality TV. And I
am so thankful for podcasts and reality shows for exactly that.
You know, it's not always a pretty picture we're painting.
(24:27):
But when you meet people and they say that they've
resonated with a part of your story, your mental health
journey or whatever it may be, I'm like, this was
the path I was supposed to work on. Yeah, absolutely
worth it totally.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I feel the same way when I share it, which
is not, you know, part of my job.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
It's something I do for me and other people.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
It's so gratifying to hear people say this really really
made me feel less alone, or you know, you said
something that really made me think about what I was
going through. It's really rewarding. It's why I keep doing
it and why on this podcast. My mantra is when
you talk about mental health, it makes it easier to
talk about mental health exactly.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
That's the whole point.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
So the more you talk, the more I talk, we'll
get there. You are such a survivor, and I think
a lot of people if they've been if they had
(25:30):
been the girl who had had an affair with a
married man and you didn't know that Eddie Cibrian was
married to Brandy Glanville at the time, but it all
played out on television. A lot of people would go
into hiding, and you got mercilessly bullied by the girls
in your first seasons.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
Then there was your divorce from Shay.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Not everyone, Seena can just pick themselves up and move
on after these things, and you did it all on camera.
Where do you get this string to keep going and
putting yourself out there through all of this.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I definitely think I get my strength from my mom.
She has been through so much in her life and
she is one of the strongest people I know, so
I know that that is just in me from her.
But the positive reinforcement I get from the fans, from
you know, the podcast listeners, the audience from now the readers,
(26:28):
that makes it easy to.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Get back up again because because they want you to.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Exactly and each time I go through something, they're going
through it with me. So it definitely helps my strength
to know that I am on the right path. And
you know, we all have hard days, and I believe
everyone should be in therapy. I think it's one of
those things you know when you work out and it
releases endorphins and you feel better, and.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
It's like therapy.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I think totally that there is something that you know
you release when you whether it's crying in a therapy
session or just being able to talk about it, to
go through EMDR. All of these things have helped me
so much that now when I am talking about past
trauma and things that I've been through, I'm not sobbing.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I am also medicated now, which that helps as well.
Speaker 4 (27:19):
Same girl, Same but I.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Was like, wow, sometimes I feel like I'm like, oh
my god, am I like a cold hearted bitch that
I'm talking about this and not crying?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
No, your he I've done the worst, your hells, you're heel.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
That's how you can talk about it.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Yet's talk about the anxiety, because we've talked about this personally.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
You talk about it in the book.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
After you have Summer Moon, you struggle with severe postpartum
anxiety and OCD. For listeners who don't know what that's like,
for people who haven't read your book yet, talk about
how dark a time that was.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I mean, I just worried, like every second of every
day that something was going to happen to her. I
had a miscarriage before her, and then my entire higher pregnancy,
I was just worried something was going to happen. I
didn't feel her move until she was until I was
twenty two weeks five days, and then even after that,
it was like I have to eat some candy or
(28:11):
drink something to like just make or move makes okay,
you're awake, okay, Like yeah, it was so scary. I
had the fetal doppler, but then people are like, no, the.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
The ultrasonic ultrasound, yes, like whatever, so they're like, no, you.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Shouldn't use that, and I'm just like, but I need
to know that she's alive in there. And then going
through the labor that I went through. At about fifteen
hours into labor, they told me I had preoclamsia and
I'm like, no, I don't. I was at my forty
week appointment yesterday and they didn't tell me that, so
like that's crazy, and they were like, okay, well, the
baby's heart rate is dropping, your blood pressure is raising,
(28:46):
and I could have had a stroke if I didn't
get put on this magnesium drip.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Immediately.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
They told me it was going to make me feel
extremely flu like, and I'm.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Like, that's for pussies. I got this, like I'm fine.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
Yeah, oh no.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
They were not joking, because then all of a sudden,
I'm like shaking uncontrollably on the table. I feel like
I'm having seizures. I'm just like, what is happening. They're
still having me push. I don't know how they did
not do an emergency C section, but I guess I
was clearly okay to keep pushing, and I only pushed
for about forty minutes, So like after twenty four hours
(29:21):
of you know, now I'm on a magnesium drip, this
and that. Finally after those forty minutes, she came out.
But then she's limp, she's blue, she's not crying, and
I'm terrified. I think I just gave birth to a
stillborn and how am I going to be It's just
the most terrifying minute of my entire life. And they're like,
(29:41):
she's fine, she's fine. My mom's like she's so pretty,
and I'm like, no, she's not. It was a full,
full panic attack, and then finally she made a sound
and just the best sound in the world. But it
was so, so scary because no one warned me that
when you're on a magnesium drip, the babies they call
(30:02):
them mag babies, they come out limp and blue and
sleepy because they get pumped with no So they didn't
tell me, Hey, just so you know, expect when she
comes out.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
It's not like the movies.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
She's not gonna cry the second she enters this world.
I don't know any of this, and so it was
terrifying because as my doctor's telling me she's okay, and
he has her and he's like pushing on her back,
they're sucking it and everything, and.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
I'm like, no, she's not.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
She's not okay. But thankfully that is common. And you know,
they've pumped me with fetanyl, which sounded terrifying. I'm like,
what do you mean fetanyl like that kills people, and
they're like, oh, this is the painkiller, and then we
have to put this and I'm just like, I don't
want all of this stuff in my body. But it was,
you know, something I needed to get her out safely,
(30:47):
and so it was a very traumatizing experience. I went
from fifteen hours into labor, being like, honey, you want
to go back to back, like, let's do this again.
This is a walk in the park, you know. I
felt like it was such an easy labor until it
went so south that now I'm forty, the chance of
(31:07):
miscarriage preoclamsia help syndrome. I was already high risk at
thirty five. Now at forty, I wouldn't even chance it.
So thankfully, thirty three year old Shena was thinking about
forty year old Shena being single and alone and wanting,
you know, a sperm donor in a baby one day.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
But I'm so thankful that I.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Thought about my future and I froze my eggs, so
we do have the opportunity, hopefully once we fertilize the eggs,
to get a surrogate and go that route, because I
will not take the chance getting pregnant naturally, especially with
the forty year old egg when I have thirty three
year old ones. But I'm not going to put myself
through IVF and all of that just to get pre aclamsia,
(31:49):
to get help syndrome, to have to deliver early, to
have to have a C section, and then go to
the Niku. The baby's lungs aren't developed. There's just so
many things that could go wrong. I will not take
that chance. Summer Moon needs her mommy more than she
needs a sibling. Yeah, So if someone else can give
us that gift one day, that's definitely something we've been
(32:09):
discussing and considering.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
You write when you're talking about your struggles as a
new mom, trying not to be so anxious, trying not
to be so helicoptery. You wrote something that really really
resonated with me because I was the same you write.
Once I was able to relax a little, I also
felt compelled to open up to my therapist about how
far apart Lala and I were as moms. I thought,
(32:33):
how can I be more like her? When I'm envisioning
worst case scenarios in my head? She I mean, this
was my anxiety, the constant catastrophizing the worst thing's going
to happen to him, my son, and I've had so
many moments like this. I was living in DC where
Jack was born. He was new, he was young. My
(32:53):
husband and I went out to a function and left
him with the nanny. I was already in a state
about that, and then my nanny calls and says, the
power went out and it was a hot summer night,
and I start panicking.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
And this woman who's a friend of mine.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Who has a kid about Jack's age, says, he's fine.
Women have been raising kids in the desert in huts
for centuries. He'll be fine. And I thought, man, can
I have what is she smoking?
Speaker 4 (33:26):
I want some? Because I was the opposite. And it
happens all the time.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
I have a friend now here in Connecticut who's got
kids older than Jack. I was telling her out how
anxious I am all the time about him, and she goes,
you know, you send him out in the world and
hope for the best.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Yes, what the fuck is like?
Speaker 2 (33:44):
If I could be like this, I would be what
does that feel like?
Speaker 4 (33:48):
That sounds awesome?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I mean, and that's how my husband is.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I'm like, wait, so you don't have like thoughts of
like death all day every day?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
What is that like?
Speaker 3 (33:58):
And we compare ourselves to our mom friends. Yes, and
we say what I should be like that. I do
this too in my career, Like I'll look at a
colleague of mine and be like, why isn't he taking
the news home every night?
Speaker 4 (34:11):
And like really really dealing with it.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And I have to remind myself like maybe he is
you don't know, maybe he's a therapy but it sums
home and he medicates with a bottle of vodka, or
maybe he goes home he takes it down on his
wife and kid.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
You don't know what other people are going through.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
And so I've given myself permission to stop comparing myself
to other people because it's a waste of time.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
It's the devil.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Literally, there was a book that I read by Gabby Bernstein.
I got to get you the title of it, but
there is a chapter that is about comparison and just
how that is the devil. And it's something that I mean,
especially in like reality TV, it is so easy to
compare on a work side, you know, like oh this
(34:57):
person's getting this, this person has more this, blah blah blah.
But when it came to me being a mom and
watching Laala and Brittany just so gracefully, just the way
they pick them up and did this and change the diaper,
and I'm like, okay, be very careful. And it was
like I had the breathewear on her until she was
over two years old. I literally had my aunt, who
(35:20):
was a seamstress, expand the breathewear and add more velcrow
so I could keep it on her longer.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
And then once we started, it was like safe, you know,
once they're a little older, to give them a blanket
in the crib, because I mean, she laid there.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
It was a little prison.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
There was a sheet and nothing else, not even the
tiniest little stuffy anything in my mind was going to
suffocate her. And so once you know it's like, okay,
she's two two and a half, it's like you got
to give the kid a blanket and you gotta just
take the breathe where out She's gonna be okay.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
Yeah, But I mean it took me a.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Couple years and I just see Laala and Brittainy and
they're like, she'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Well, And the danger is you tell yourself they're braver
than I am, they're more conaigious than I am. No,
and you've got to like let yourself off the hook
for that. And like I said, you don't know what
they're going through.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
But also I don't even think Laala had a camera
when Ocean was a baby.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
It was just like she's fine. I'll hear her.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I had a monitor in my son's room until like
he was eight Okay, I'll.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Have one until she's eighteen, until you move out and
go to college.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
I will be keeping an eye on you.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
I know, I know.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
But the thing is, we need to stop comparing ourselves
to other moms, I know, and we just have to
focus on what do I need to Because also, let's
pretend I got one hundred percent better from all of
my anxiety issues. And I'm not there yet, but I'm
doing great. Yeah, let's pretend I got one hundred percent better.
It still wouldn't be my personality to be like, they're fine,
(36:51):
He's fine, Everything's going to be fine all the time.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
You just can't worry about anything that.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
Will never be me and I have to stop toggling
between these extremes of my crazy anxiety, which is unhealthy
for me and everyone around me, and this laissez fair
who cares about anything that's never gonna be There's a
middle ground here, Yeah, And that's what I work on
in therapy, finding that middle ground.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Same, and that's one of the things I do that's
like a big exposure therapy for me. Especially now that
summer is in school and there are other moms in
our group who also struggle with OCD and anxiety and whatnot.
So it's so great that we have such a supportive
group of moms and like we get it. And I've
even been able to help one of the other moms.
(37:38):
She didn't know what exposure therapy was and so our kids.
For example, we're in a jiu jitsu class and she
was just like and I was like, she's gonna be fine.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
She was like, how are you so calm right now?
Speaker 1 (37:52):
I go because I tell myself I have to be
calm and she's going to be okay. Am I spiraling inside? Absolutely,
But I'm not going to show all these other parents.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Yeah, but she was thinking, oh, I wish I could
be so calm and cool like sheena.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yes, And I'm like, no, no, it's up here, ye.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
But I'm just I'm telling myself, she's gonna be okay.
If that little boy takes her out in the on
the next round, she's gonna take him out.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
And she does.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
But it is forcing myself to constantly have my kid
not in dangerous situations, the situations that make me a
little uncomfortable swimming in the pool.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
She's a great swimmer.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I still think every time she goes underwater, she's not
going to come back up. But I have to remind
myself she's been in lessons for three years. She knows
how to swim. It's just a constant reminder. And you know,
I still have a life back everywhere. But I actually
I always keep one in my car and then I'm like, wait,
(38:49):
is it in my car in Palm Springs or is
it in my car in LA I don't know, But
I'm proud of myself for just being like, Yep, it
might be in the other car, but like we're gonna
be Okay.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
I'm a r camp.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
I don't live in a town where fentanyl is a problem.
I have it because I'm allowed to have it.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Oh and that book was called super Attractor.
Speaker 6 (39:17):
I just from a Superattractor Okay by Gali Berenstein.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Oh what my therapist sid that really helped me around
these issues. She said, what kind of safety nets have
you put in place for Jack? Well, you moved to
a really good town, safe town. You got a great
nanny that you trust, He's in a great school where
he has you know, teams, people that look out for him,
your parents, help you married the right guy, you know
(39:42):
who you can trust, who's a great dad. Put all
these teams in place in these systems. Yet you're acting
like you haven't done any of that. You're acting like
you live in a war zone and you send your
son out to a serial killer at the school every day.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Like that's how you're acting.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
What's the point of doing all the safety nets if
you're not going to trust them and feel safer with
them totally?
Speaker 4 (40:07):
I mean, it can just mess with you.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
But yeah, those are the things I have to keep
reminding myself, like, yeah, he is safe.
Speaker 4 (40:13):
You've made him safe, You've given him all the tools
to be safe. Yeah, act like it exactly. It's hard. Yeah,
it's hard.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
I know, even just being on book tour right now,
Like without her, Rock is amazing with Summery, but it
is hard to be away from her. And I'm just like,
you know what, Yeah, she's gonna go to school, her
hair's gonna be messy, you probably won't have.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
A bow in it, but she'll be fine. Killer, She'll
be fine.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
It's gonna be okay.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
It's just like the things that I used to stress over.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
Now I'm just trying to just be a little more
easy going because I'm like, it's not the end of
the world.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
If you know, her hair isn't like good perspective.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
When I'm in town, it will be and you knows that,
but it's my perspective.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
Yeah, And listen, you're gonna You're ambitious, so you're gonna work,
You're gonna be traveling. I spent six months of last
year in Philadelphia covering the presidential election, living in another city. Okay,
I'd come home on weekends, but this was hard. But
I would tell myself, well, this is good for him
to spend some more time with dad. Yeah, not have
(41:14):
mom helicopter ink, Yeah, this is good for me. You
just gotta flip everything around sometimes and try to tell
yourself there are good things in this thing that feels
really scary for me, and like, I'm going to focus
on those.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
And that's what I'm so thankful that I do have
Brock as a co parent, because.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Your mom's around, We're the total opposite. Like I mean,
I was raised an only.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Child for twelve years just outside of Los Angeles. He
was the youngest of five on a farm in New Zealand,
and it just like, I mean, we could not have
had more different upbringings and we could not be more
different in our parenting styles.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
But having that balance it's great for her.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Like in the morning for school, I'm on, I'm like,
come on, honey, we.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Gotta leave, we gotta go. We don't want to be late.
And he's just like, she's four.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
First of all, He's like, you put so much pressure
on being on time. I'm like, well, yeah, it's a
respect thing, respect other people's time. School starts at eight fifteen,
we leave out the door at eight. We get to
school on time. And so I know because I have
obviously there's cameras all over our house, so I get
a notification when the doorbell camera goes off, and so
I see what time he's been leaving for school every day.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Not eight o'clock.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I can tell you that, but he goes you know what,
He's like, we just got one of those giant like
skylight calendars, and so he has it set up where
summer she gets up on her stool and every morning
she checks off. Okay, I made my bed, I brushed
my teeth, I fed the cats, and he goes, I
think it's more important for her in the morning to
be doing her tasks and stuff instead of having an
(42:51):
extra twenty minutes at school to play. He goes, you know,
the first thirty minutes they're just playing.
Speaker 4 (42:56):
He goes, so, and.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
I'm like, Okay, I can't really argue with that, because
they do understand.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
It's not on my watch.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I'm not getting her to school late, like we get
up earlier then to tick off the tasks. But I
appreciated what he was saying of why they've been late
every day because she's.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Getting her chores done.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
I'm like, okay, and you know, I love that that
she's learning the responsibility of taking care of the cats
when mommy's out of town.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
I was just like, but can we still try to
get her on time?
Speaker 4 (43:26):
Can we do both?
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Because I'm like, once she goes into kindergarten and once
there's a bell, there's no just like showing up thirty
she gets there right exactly, so you'll fink, I'm thankful
she has, you know, a chill parent and a helicopter parents.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
I's the best of both worlds exactly.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
That's what we have to you know, my husband's pretty
chill and I'm not. It is a nice balance for Jack.
Before we get to a lightning round, will you move
over to.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
The valley, we'll see.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
Okay, I got it, got it, got it great, terrific. Okay,
let's do a lightning round.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
Is there a world in which you and Rachel become
friends again?
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Ooh.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
I don't know that we would ever be friends again,
but I would be open to a conversation.
Speaker 4 (44:20):
For your benefit or for her benefit.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Maybe for a little bit of both.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
I mean, I don't think there's anything I need from her,
you know, but I do think that there is a
conversation that could still be had one day. From what
I've heard and seeing, you know, she's thriving, living her
best life, and I wish her nothing but the best.
I don't know that there is a need for that.
It's not like we need a closure conversation or anything
(44:46):
like that. But we do still have some mutual friends,
and if one day are paths crossed and she wanted
to talk, I would be open to that. But I'm
certainly not going to be the one reaching out. I'm
blocked on everything. So I think that says enough. But
we're you're the best.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
What would you tell Tom Stanivill to do next with
his life?
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Ooh, learn how to take accountability, you know, But I
mean keep doing what he's doing. You know, Tom Sandival
and the Most Extras. They're a very entertaining band to see.
I loved going to their shows back in the day.
So I guess they're on America's Got Talent now.
Speaker 4 (45:26):
I saw that. Yeah, I saw that.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Who was a bad casting choice, not necessarily because they
were like a bad person, but just like not right
for vanderbum.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Charlie I made no sense.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
She literally like auditioned and got hired through like her agent.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
It was weird what they were trying to do with season.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
Eight, but weird.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
And yeah, her and Brett were both bad casting because
it literally was casting. They had zero connection. They didn't
work at the rest.
Speaker 4 (45:59):
You could tell, you're like, why are these people here?
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Yeah, Max and Dana made sense. There were natural connections
there that made sense. But Charlie and Brett that was terrible.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
Yep, Jack's announced he's leaving the Valley. You spent a
lot of time with those guys. Is Jack's or Jesse worse?
Answer the question Everyone's asking right.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Now, they both suck.
Speaker 4 (46:19):
Okay, yeah, that's the right answer.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
You know.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Help me understand the hate for Janet, because I don't
get it, and I love a Bravo villain and I
just don't think she is one.
Speaker 4 (46:30):
And I'm I'm not sure what it is that has
people so enraged by her, do you.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Know, I don't understand it. It is so unwarranted. It's
crazy to me. I get it that people can be
annoyed by her because she doesn't let up on things,
and she you know, fights other people's battles, which is
one thing at times that I appreciate about her friendship.
So I can understand people being annoyed. People are annoyed
(46:56):
with me, I get it.
Speaker 6 (46:58):
But the insane, yeah, I mean like death threat until shit,
Like I don't understand it.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
For her, No, it is next level. It's scandal all level,
and it's so unwarranted. Like, I don't understand it, because
when you saw that episode, Dave Embuster's Janet, that is
Janet all of the time. But that's Janet around people
who bring that out of her, and when she's in
her element, when you're on a show with women who
(47:27):
don't bring that out of you, or men who don't
bring that out of you. You're not going to see
the best sides of you. And that was a problem
that I had in reality TV. Is I'm on a
show with three girls who hate me and don't want
me on their show. You're not going to see fun,
lighthearted Shina that like my best friend see.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
Yeah, but like, I mean, we don't have to keep
beating this. But like, I just don't like, she wasn't
a Teresa. I mean, she wasn't like, I don't know,
the level did not match, you know, she wasn't just drying.
I know, I don't understand it, And I wish Bravo
fans sometimes chilled the fuck out because at the end
(48:07):
of the day, this is entertainment and part two you
are real people.
Speaker 4 (48:12):
You are real people.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
With real families and lives and like to get this
worked up.
Speaker 6 (48:17):
Yeah, I mean it's like politics level works out, Like why.
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Is this the same? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Okay, right, every night at my live shows, I've been
doing a PSA for what an amazing person?
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Jan It is good good because.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
Whether you like her or not, or you find her
annoying or not, it is not at the level that
she is getting a wild Okay, what's your favorite mental
health tip?
Speaker 2 (48:42):
You were just exposure therapy.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Honestly, exposure therapy has been life changing for me because
once you expose yourself to something and you get through it,
you understand, oh, this isn't as scary as I thought
it was. That is my biggest tip. EMDR and exposure
therapy excellent.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Where is she Nache?
Speaker 3 (49:02):
In ten years you'll be you'll be fifty.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
I know, in a facelift chair.
Speaker 4 (49:08):
Yeah, right right, same girl.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
I couldn't tell you where I would be in ten months,
so I have no idea. That is the one thing
that I do thank my OCD for is I am
incapable of looking that far into the future, because when
I do, I'm like, well, am I going to be alive?
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Is my daughter going to be alive?
Speaker 1 (49:26):
To be It's just I just think about death when
I think about the future. So, couldn't tell you, but
probably due for a facelift by then.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
We all will be Maybe they'll have some great for me.
It's not that far away. It's like four or five
years away.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
But maybe they'll have some great new technology exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:43):
Yeah, but we don't even know about yet.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
Like just a little. Just give me the Lindsay Lohan.
Speaker 4 (49:49):
Just what has she is?
Speaker 1 (49:51):
She looking amazing, incredible, best she's ever looked. She like
took ten years off. I'm like, how'd you do that?
Speaker 4 (49:57):
But I think she's the prettiest she's ever looked. She
looks healthy and she looks incredible.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
Okay, this is the last question. Okay, most important one
to me spiritually culturally. When is it iced coffee season?
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Ooh see, in this household, we're a hot coffee every
season person. So I know that's against popular opinion, but.
Speaker 4 (50:22):
Long answer, but I love you anyway.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
I know that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
It's August first, and I had a hot chi latte
for breakfast, so I like, I had an iced macha.
Speaker 4 (50:32):
I'm the exact opposite.
Speaker 3 (50:33):
I it's twenty five degrees in winter in Connecticut. I'm
outside with an iced coffee. It's the only way I
ever want my coffee is iced.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
Yeah, it just depends what I'm in the mood for.
But I love hot coffee.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
You're entitled and that's the way it was meant to
be to be enjoyed.
Speaker 4 (50:51):
I just am from Boston. We do a different I
love it.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (50:56):
Sheena.
Speaker 3 (50:56):
The book is my good side of memoir and everyone
needs to go. It's a great book. And I'm just
I'm endlessly proud of you. And I hope that doesn't
sound condescending, but I am proud of you. I love you,
thank you, and I adore you, and I love that
you share so much because honestly, a lot of us
learn a lot yeah when you do.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
So thanks well, thank you, thanks for coming so fun,
thank you for having me always.
Speaker 3 (51:20):
Coming up next week on Off the Cup, I talked
to James Vanderbeek.
Speaker 5 (51:24):
What I had really come to define myself as was father, provider, husband, athletic,
guy who can do all these things. And what I
realized I was at a point where I was none
of those things.
Speaker 3 (51:39):
Off the Cup is a production of iHeart Podcasts as
part of the Reason Choice Network.
Speaker 4 (51:43):
If you want more, check out the.
Speaker 3 (51:44):
Other Reason Choice podcasts, Politics with Jamel Hill and Native
Land pod. For Off the Cop, I'm your host, Si Cup.
Editing and sound design by Derek Clements. Our executive producers
are me Sie Cop, Lauren Hanson, and Lindsay Hoffman. Rate
and review you wherever you get your podcasts, Follow or
subscribe for new episodes every Wednesday.
Host
S.E. Cupp
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