I REFUSED to give back my friend’s key to their apartment… after she cheated on her husband! - r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC | Reddit Stories | EP2082 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
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Speaker 2 (00:05):
Up, but before that, we have a quick two minute
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
I refuse to give back my friends key to their
apartment after she cheated on her husband. You had us
in the first half there, it's my key now. I
became friends with a couple female twenty six and male
thirty one when they moved into the city about three
years ago. I met them together and I'm closer with
the wife, but also still friends with the husband. About
a year ago, the wife moved to another city for

(00:31):
her job, while the husband stayed behind to finish his masters.
By the way, this crowns from user Meet Entrepreneur two
ninety nine and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to our slash Okay. Storytime suppered it.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
So.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
I got a call from the wife in September. Do
you remember She was inconsolable and said that she had
a brief affair with someone but called it off because
she wanted to focus on her marriage. The affair partner
did not take it well, found the husband and told
them everything in painful detail, with screenshots and photo evidence.
The husband was obviously blindsided and devastated. There are still

(01:07):
in two separate states, and the husband has gotten low
to no contact with the wife, asking for space. She
had been incredibly emotional since this happened. I've been in
contact with her multiple times a day, even just to
check in and let her know she's loved and important.
But she's understandably been a mess. I've seen the husband
a few times. I let him know that the wife
told me what happened, and that I just wanted him

(01:29):
to know that I'm here if he needs anything. My
goal is just to be there for both of my
friends and not get in the middle. To me, it
comes down to some bad decisions that were made that
had really painful consequences. There's no villain in this story.
People are not the sum of their mistakes. Fast forward
to present day, where the wife was served with divorce papers.

(01:51):
She wants to talk to in person, but he doesn't.
He agreed to FaceTime only if they do speak. She
wants to fly here without telling her and show up
on his doorstep to fight for the marriage. They have
a door code to their apartment that they use every day.
They also have a key, which they gave me about
a year ago when I was watching their pets. When
I want to give it back to the husband, he said,

(02:12):
just to hang on to it. He let her know
that he has changed the code to the door, so
right now she has no physical way to get into
the apartment if he's not home. She's also concerned that
he won't let her in if he knows it's her,
which I don't think would be the case, but who knows.
She asked me to pick her up from the airport
and give her the key so that she can get in.
I said, I'm not really comfortable with it because I

(02:33):
don't want the husband to feel like I betrayed him
or was part of some sort of ambush. She's also
walking in at ten pm when he is not expecting anybody.
I'd be really spooked if it was me. He's former military,
but I just think it's not great to surprise anyone
that late. I know this sounds stupid, but I suggested
that if she ubers to the apartment he won't let
her in or isn't home, I can drive over. I'm

(02:55):
only fifteen minutes away. I can give her the key then,
but she said, no, she's on thead so she can
still legally enter the apartment. So I've red luckily agreed
to give her the key up front. So am I
the a hole to him if I give her the key?
Or am I the a hole to her if I
don't give it to her upfront? Remember I remember when

(03:15):
he said you didn't want to be in the middle
of this. You should have just been like, I don't
want to be a part of this. This is your mess.
Do not involve me.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, agreed, agreed, and just give her the key and
get out of it. I understand you want to be supportive.
They gotta work this out on your own, on their own.
Give them some space.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
Edit one. I should have clarified that they were still
together when they gave me the key, which is part
of why I'm conflicted. She technically gave it to me
with him there. She had already moved for her job
when I went to give it back, and he told
me just to hang on to it. At it too.
This is a difficult situation because her mental health has
declined significantly since this all occurred. There have been episodes

(03:55):
where she was actually making a plan to self harm
and reached out to me. Oh boy. I was able
to coordinate with one of her friends there and convince
her to admit herself to the hospital for for a
forty eight hour hold. So her mental health has been
incredibly fragile. That doesn't excuse the choices that she made
in any way. During those episodes, she asked me to

(04:15):
reach out to her husband to tell them the state
she was in, and I told her no because I
felt like it was manipulative. That's good on you, yeah yeah,
oh yeah. I also felt like whether he responded or not,
it would impact her only negatively either way, and she
needed to work with her therapists to help her through this.
The support I've given her has been solely regarding her

(04:36):
mental health. I haven't engaged in any conversations with either
of them about the other. She has mostly invented to
me about her deep regret, remorse, guilt, and lack of
self worth because of the choices that she's made, and
as her friend, I really tried to support her as
a vulnerable human being by reminding her that we are
not the some of our mistakes and while this is
painful and has some deep consequences, she still has so

(04:59):
much to live for.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Okay, that's supportive. That's not bad. That's not bad.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Opiece is trying to be the most neutral and most
supportive person in both parties as she can be. I
get it. It's very hard. I say all this because
I'm seeing a lot of comments saying that I inserted
myself into the middle of this. But this is all
just happened today. She asked me for the key, and
I told her I wasn't comfortable with that for the
reason stated in my original post. She's obviously emotional, and again,

(05:25):
she is technically the one that gave me the key,
which is why I reluctantly agreed. But then I came
here because my conscience is telling me that it's not
the right decision, even though I feel like I'm trying
to bounce a sensitive situation which has been really intense.
Added three, Wow, what a jolt this has been in
a really short span of time. First, I do want

(05:47):
to say that I absolutely think the choices she made
were wrong. Okay, and so does she. She knows that
she fed up and has been torturing herself over it
in some really intense ways. I am absolutely not qualified
to help her navigate, but have tried to be supportive,
but have tried to be a supportive friend through it
because of the immediacy and severity of the help she

(06:08):
needed at the time. Thanks to everyone for the perspective.
I think I've been so worried about her emotional state
over the last few months that I've been too close
to it to see what some of you were saying,
and that she's being a bit manipulative with me, especially
when I told her I wasn't coomfortable giving her the key.
I'm going to call her tomorrow and let her know
that I'm not giving it to her.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
Nice Okay, Okay, I.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
Really appreciate the snap out of its slap. A lot
of you have provided update on the wife. Oh boy,
I let her know this morning that I wouldn't be
giving her the key, as many of you predicted. She
instantly responded with a complete vitriol. No discussion, no please
reconsent her, none of that, just straight to I can't

(06:49):
believe you right now. I can't rely on anyone. Thanks
a lot, fine, you will regret it. The last one
was a bit unexpected. I probably would have in shock
if I hadn't read the feedback on this post beforehand,
so I was honestly unfazed and just responded that I
don't support what she's trying to do, and, like a

(07:09):
few people mention, if roles were reversed and the husband
was asking me to do this, I would absolutely be
saying the same thing, and that she needs to respect
my decision because it wasn't going to change. Among other things,
she told me I was ruining everything. I let her
know that unfortunately she is the one that has ruined
everything with the decisions she's made in the past, and
it's time for her to start taking accountability and stop

(07:31):
looking for people to blame.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
Mmooo.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
I also told her that I would be giving the
keyback to the husband and letting him know what she
was planning. Nice. She lost it, lots of swearing, lots
of self pity, threats of self harm, and then said
I wasn't a good friend to her. That's when I
had enough. I told her I was done at being
that old twelving bag for her, and that I know

(07:56):
I've been a good friend to her when no one
else was supporting her. I saw her through some dark times.
I said her selfishness had finally crossed online with me.
And by the way, you can listen to stories just
like this on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your
podcasts at. Just search okay, story type and we'll be

(08:16):
right there.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
Hey, let's get some claps in the chat for OPI
growing to backbone here for finally finding it and standing
on some business. Let's go.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
And I love the accountability for your actions. You have
no one else to blame again but yourself. That's great,
It's good for you, OPI. What you need to do
is get your butt out of this mess. You don't
need to be in the middle of this. This is
not your problem. Heck, now you can support your friends.
But from Afar. From Afar, I ended it by saying
that she's in a dangerous state of mind and that

(08:46):
she should just reach out to her therapist and share
our conversation. Share our conversation so she can give her
an objective view of that. I let her know that
she needed help that I can no longer give, and
that I was done. She sent me two apology texts
about five minutes later, but I haven't responded and I
don't plan to. If she somehow shows up at my door,

(09:08):
if she flies in tomorrow, I won't be answering update
on the husband. Oh boy, we got together. I'm just kidding, oh,
because can you imagine. I let him know everything this morning.
We're good and I made plans to give him back
the key. She's supposed to fly in tomorrow night and
leave Saturday. He actually won't be He actually won't even

(09:31):
be in town this weekend. And that's the end of
that story. So she's flying in, she's flying in, and
there's nothing she can do right. That's why she should
have just go back to her other affair partner. She
should have told her husband, I'm coming to town, and
he would have been like, well, good luck, good luck.
What are you to do. You're flying in for nothing.
Good for up, get away from that. That's not your circus, circus.

(09:53):
That's like, yeah, that's not your circus to deal with. Sorry,
there's a lot of terms out there, but you did
the right thing. You were trying to be a good
friend of both of them. But at some point it's
not your problem.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
It's not it really is not your problem at all. No,
my best friend uninviting me from her wedding. So I
canceled plans.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
With her done. No wedding.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yep, we can't go to brunch anymore, Martha, you won't
let me into wedding? Am I thirty eight female? The
a hole when I canceled plans with my best friend
forty one female and probably ruined a sixteen year friendship.
So this is crowding my mind for weeks, and I
still don't know what to do. By the way, this
comes from sufficient Seesaw nineteen on the r slash Okay

(10:35):
story Times self rut it, So let me start at
the beginning. I will try to make it as short
as possible, but I guess you need some info. English
isn't my first language. Since I was a kid, I've
always been bullied through preschool and high school. Even in
my first job, I was the chubby, introverted kid with
weird hair. The friends that I seem to have made

(10:55):
never turn out to be real friends, or they're just
bad friends. One stole my father. There's wallet to give
you an example. When I was eleven, my mother passed
of cancer, and after that things happened that also gave
me trust issues with my family and maybe decide I
couldn't trust anyone. I had to do things on my
own and certainly couldn't confide in anyone how I felt

(11:17):
because it seemed like no one seemed to care. At twelve,
I was already being an adult, cooking dinner for myself
and my three year old brother in cleaning the house
because my father had irregular shifts for work. For me,
it was normal, but I went from kid to adult
in a split second. At fifteen, I met my now husband. Yes,

(11:37):
he had a hard time with my trust issues, but
I am thirty eight now and we are still going strong.
My husband played sports when I met him and invited
me to join his team. It's a sport where a
male and females play on the same team. That's where
I met Emma. Volleyball has to be volleyball for some reason.
We connect immediately. At first, I was careful to share

(11:59):
things with her, but over time she became the person
I trusted the most besides my husband. We were texting
on a daily basis and would go to the movies,
weekly concerts, festivals, weekend trips, theme parks. We would crack
up over silly things and went on vacations with the
Xchargers and had each other's back through thick and thin

(12:19):
in the winter. She always suffered from winter depression, and
I always try to take her out and make sure
she was okay, as she did with me when I,
yet again was having a hard time at work. No
matter what happened, she was always there for me and
I was there for her, and we would tell each
other everything. She also had met her boyfriend at a
young age, and already we were together when I met her,

(12:43):
but he was a lot older than her and a
real introvert. The things she liked and wanted to do
never seemed to be the things he wanted. She would
like to see the world, not him. He wanted to pet,
not him. She wanted to go on dates, not him.
You get the picture, But somehow seemed to work for
both of them. They never got married and did not

(13:05):
have kids. We don't have kids as well, but we
got married and she was there with the bacheorette party
and the ceremony. She also did not fill the need
to meet up with me and my husband as a couple,
so in the sixteen year friendship, we only met up
as couples. Wants truth be told, my husband didn't mind
because they have no common interest. She always lived five

(13:28):
minutes away from me, but three years ago her husband
wanted to move to his forever home where he could
see himself grow old. They found a house an hour away.
At first, Emma didn't like it because it was far
away from everyone and everything, but he wrieled her into
it with the promise that she could have pets on
the large ground surrounding the house. So they moved in

(13:52):
and truth be told, the house was stunning. We didn't
see each other weekly anymore, but the friendship was still
going strong. However, their relationship was not. After some time,
Emma became lonely because it was just now becoming more
obvious that they didn't share many interests. She tried a
lot of things to get their relationship on a good level,

(14:13):
but it just didn't work. We talked for hours about it,
and I always listened and told her that she needed
to do what made her feel happy. I never judged
her when she went exploring what she wanted while also
going to therapy counseling, always saying you need to do
whatever makes you happy. This was obvious things wouldn't work

(14:34):
out between them, but they still had it. Broke off
the relationship, but At the end of the relationship, Emma
met her old neighbor and they hit it off immediately.
By old neighbor, I mean the neighbor of her parents.
He was an adult starting a family when she was
a young teenager when they lived next to each other.

(14:54):
He got his kids when Emma was still in her
teenage years. You can understand not everyone is open minded,
and I have had to defend her choice to date
yet again an older man. I just hope this old
guy is a better fit than this other dude.

Speaker 1 (15:10):
I think the old guy's fine, Am I right?

Speaker 2 (15:11):
So we don't know yet get kids and with neighbors
with her parents, Yeah, who telling people that it's up
to her who she dates. Again, I didn't judge her
as long as she was happy. I was happy. She
ended the relationship and moved back to town next to me.
That's when things started to change. I told her if
she needed help moving or painting, that I would be

(15:32):
happy to help. You'd never asked for my help. Our
normal daily contact was gone, but I thought she was
busy with moving That's okay. But after three weeks of
not hearing anything, I became concerned and literally asked her
I'm worried. Are you okay? She takes it back that
she was fine, just busy and tired. Again. I told

(15:54):
her if she needed help, she could ask me, but
that wasn't necessary her parents were helping her and her
new boyfriend. I let it be and went to visit
to look at her new house. Her new boyfriend was
there as well, and we had some small talk, nothing weird,
but the contact became less frequent. She texted me once

(16:14):
in three weeks. At first, I texted her right back,
happy to hear from her, but after several times of
not getting a response back within the days but weeks,
I stopped texting right right back away as well. I
was disappointed, but thought, she has a new house, new relationship,
she's on cloud nine. She'll come back.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
Yeah, that makes sense. You can give her some time
and space, let her do a thing. She'll reach out.
She didn't, Oh, never mind.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Whenever I asked if we could meet, she said she
had plans or she was tired because it turned out
that her thyroid didn't work properly. So eventually I told her,
you let me know when you want to meet up,
because I don't know when. She's too tired. We met
up for the first time after.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
Six after moving back to the town, and this sucks.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
For OP because this is like her only friend that
she's had her whole life.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah, and I think I think this is also on
OP here because OPS like friend, this is my friend,
Like I want to hang out, I want to hang out,
I want to I want to do Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
I don't think so. I think she just was like,
you know, you used to everything was cool and chill,
but after she got with this new guy, something changed.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
She's probably just you know, laying really low. And I
know you have a support system, and one of your
best support systems is friends and the ones I care
about you. But sometimes you just need to just really
lay low. And I get that you just need to
just have your own time and have your own space.
It takes some time. If she's if Emma committed, I mean,
if Emma communicated that, that's fine. But the thing is

(17:43):
she never did. She's like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
So I feel bad for OP, but I know OPP
was trying to do the right thing.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
We met for the first time after six months. Everything
was normal, and I noticed she had a sparkling ring
around her finger, so I immediately asked if he popped
the question. She admitted that he did, but no one
knew it because it was going fast. I was so
happy for her. We talked about the wedding. She told
me that she didn't want a wedding dress because it
would be a small wedding. I respected her decision, but

(18:11):
felt a bit disappointed as well because we had talked
about making an appointment for fun about wedding dresses a
few years prior. Because she would possibly never wear one,
the contact still dramatically decreased, where at one point I
just became fed up with it, but I never showed
or told her. We did meet again after that, and
she said maybe we can meet up as a couple.

(18:34):
I told her I would ask my husband, so I did,
and he said that now was not a good time
for him. And I do understand he got a promotion
and works fifty hours a week and just wants to
unwind when he's home and not meet new people. So
I let her know, and her reaction was not what
I expected. She shut me down when I tried to
explain and told me we should talk about it again

(18:56):
in person. I agreed, also wanting to talk about the
lack of response. So we met up and in the
first hour all is good and friendly. Then she said,
out of the blue, I bought my wedding dress. I
was kind of hurt knowing she went shopping for a
dress without me, but okay. Then she said, because you
and your husband didn't want to meet up with us

(19:17):
as a couple, you're both not invited to the wedding.
I was flabbergasted. What do what do do do?

Speaker 1 (19:26):
Do?

Speaker 3 (19:26):
Do?

Speaker 2 (19:26):
Do do? Do? Dude?

Speaker 3 (19:28):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (19:28):
P your friend not Opie's husband.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
What And also like it's now on your terms, like
just like that because of just one one little blip.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
I think she was finding excuse. She's like, how can
I get this woman to.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Not know something? That something must have something must have happened.
It's not between I think with Emma, not with op
but like something must have just like clicked with Emma,
and something's not going right.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
She explained that they don't want people on their wedding
that they feel uncomfortable with, and since we didn't want
to meet up with her, her boyfriend feels uncomfortable and
rejected by us. Therefore we're not invited. I agree, you
should not have people in your wedding you don't feel
comfortable with. But if it was But if it were me,
I would have told him, well, tough luck. We'll meet

(20:15):
with my friend alone because I'm not inviting my best
friend of sixteen years. She said she felt weird only
a meeting with me to get to know me, so
that was not an option. So that was it, and
I had to respect their choice. She also didn't want
some of his friends on their wedding, and he agreed
with that as well, and it would be a small

(20:35):
wedding anyways, just twelve people only the reception and dinner.
I told her that I didn't have words for it,
and that I also felt rejected by her. New boyfriend
also made no sense to me that he would feel
comfortable enough with me and my husband after one meetup
to invite us to the wedding. Felt like a stupid excuse.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah, you called it, but that's the small wedding. Of course,
she don't want to invite anyone that makes you uncomfortable
to your wedding. That's your wedding, your rules, your choice.
But you just needed one one meetup. Do you like
all right, they made the cut.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
I think I think there's I think Emma has something
against Opie and she's just taken around.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's either that or the new boyfriend soon to be
husband is extremely controlling. M That's what I'm getting at,
because she's like, I met this new guy. I can't
talk to you, like I'm just doing all my doing
my thing, and I think that's what's going on here.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Then we went to the point of less contact. She
told me that she was very disappointed that I didn't
help her move and help paint her house, excuse me
that I didn't come visit her that much in her
new house, and also lack of response to message her back.
I couldn't believe what she said. I seriously began to
doubt myself and told her that I did ask her
several times if she needed help, and yes, a few

(21:55):
months I did react immediately after a new text, but
that was a reaction on her lack of response. She
said that it was both of us then, that we
needed both to put more effort in our friendship.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
All right, I'm done, I'm done.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
I agreed. Maybe I had become a bit bitter and
needed to do my best more no, but we weren't finished.
Told me that we couldn't have the friendship we had
as before because of her thyroid.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
This styroid is ruining our friendship. This styroid was the
last straw, because we cannot be friends because of my thyroid.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
Ah. She was frustrated that I was still asking her
to come to the movies, theme parks, and concerts. She
says she can't do that anymore. Yet she does go
to the movies and other activities with her boyfriend and
other people like his adult children. She told me she
went out with two knights in a row. One included

(22:53):
even ice skating, So again, not sure how to react.
She never told me that she couldn't do those things anymore,
that she was just tired. If I had known, I
would have not suggested to go out and you and
would have suggested a movie night in with snacks or
something that costs less energy. I know more people have
problems with their thyroid, but they live their lives and

(23:17):
they're okay. My brain was fried at that moment. Hears
streaming down my face and I think I was in
sort of a shock because I could not stop trembling.
She told me that she changed as a person and
that she'd learned to stand up for herself.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
What do you do this? This is weird?

Speaker 2 (23:34):
And that she's right, she did change. I'm happy for
her that she found her voice, but I don't think
I deserve to be treated that way after all these years.
And to be honest, I don't recognize my friend anymore.
She feels nothing like that person I can tell anything
to anymore. After that, we parted ways and she gave
me a hug, telling me again that we both needed

(23:56):
to work on this friendship. And let that sink in.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
What friendship knows there's no more friendship. You just ended
the friendship.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
I would like to hear from endless side what the
heck is going on? Because one we're either missing a
lot of context or two she is totally not on
this planet.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
No, you don't need that.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
I'm out, get out, Get out.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
Sixteen years of friendship. I mean, hey, that happens. Your
friends for so long and you like are literally two
peas in a pod. It does happen. People do change,
and why Opie said like, oh, he's like, I'm happy
for her. It sucks, but I can't change that. And
you know, I'll let you be, I'm the same me, UBU.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
I drove home and sat on the couch. My husband
asked how it went, and I broke down. Last time
I cried so uncontrollably was when my mother passed. Emma
kept telling me through our conversations that she didn't want
to hurt me, but she did hurt me so much more,
and I think she ever could understand. It's been weeks
since we had this conversation. I lost over twenty two

(24:52):
pounds because I felt like crap, and I'm constantly emotional
racking my brain. If I'm indeed in that bad friend,
what I could have done different. Wilson also feels really
bad because if he would have agreed to meet with them,
this would have not happened. This is not your fault, guys.
I don't blame my husband for one second, though this

(25:13):
would have happened anyways. I also told him he didn't
need to feel obligated to meet up with someone who
didn't show interest in him for sixteen years, but now
because of her new boyfriend, he needs to be interested
as well. That's not how it works. A few days
after that evening, she texted me asking how I was
and asking if I wanted to see her new home

(25:34):
she recently moved in with her new boyfriend. I'm happy
to hear from her. I said yes, And you should
say yes to listening to more stories just like this. Yeah,
on your favorite freaking podcast platforms. Just search up Okay,
storytime on Spotify, Apple podcasts, wherever you listen to them.
We have stories just like this.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
This is also so much that if I were op,
I'm like, I'm mentally fried, and yeah, sure I care
for you, but I'm just tied. I now I'm the
tired one. I guess just to keep on your toes ope,
and we'll see what happens when you go to her
new place. But you have your best friend, yeah, your husband.

(26:13):
It's great. You can make new friends. It's never too old.
You're never too old to make new friends and meet
new people. I know you want to maintain this relationship
because it's your oldest one, but sometimes it's just there's
nothing left to squeeze out of it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, it's time to throw this limon away now. After
thanking everything through, I'm not sure what to do. Everything
shifted between us to the point I think that things
will be weird. And also her boyfriend will be there
as well because it's his house. Maybe I'm petty he
voted against me to come to their wedding because he
didn't want to get to know me as a person

(26:48):
without my husband, and she didn't do anything to defend
or fight for me and her friendship. So now I'm
actually don't have any interesting getting to know him as well.
I'm not sure if I want to be in her
life anymore, because do you belong in someone's life when
you didn't invite them to your supposed to be best
friend to something as important as your wedding? So am

(27:08):
I the ahole if I cancel plans and probably ruin
my friendship when I tell her the reason I don't
want to meet up. Oh no, you know have boundaries.
You have found boundaries, and this should be reverse. Yeah,
you should have sat where Emma was sitting, switched seats
and said what Emma said to her.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
She should have been the one crying. You should have
I think she should have definitely reached out and stopped
playing the blame game. Yeah, just so exhausting. You put
so much effort into something and then you stopped pushing
on that door and that door opens up and like
it's all your fault. That's crazy. Hey, it's Sam, I'm

(27:48):
your og host. Here bring to get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

Speaker 3 (27:52):
My mother in law always complains about my gifts, so
I stopped giving her any boo. I mean, yeah, I yes,
thank you, or you don't get a freaking gift. Yeah,
that was good. I'm not getting my partner's side of
the family anything for Christmas, and his mom is furious
and I'm enjoying the drama. My partner, twenty four Mail
and I twenty three Mail, have been together for three years.

(28:15):
For the first two years we went to his family's
house for Christmas. Me and his mom didn't hit it
off well when we met. I'm not sure what happened,
but she immediately didn't like me. By the way, this
comes from phobia account and the art slash Showay story
time separate it too. We didn't see her much after
the first meeting, though, so I never really had a
chance to make it up to her until Christmas. I
didn't know her well, so I found what I thought

(28:37):
was a pretty minimalist necklace with green agate. It was
just the right shade to be what my partner said
was her favorite color. I thought she liked it at first,
until later on in the year after I met up
with his family and saw her niece wearing it. I
asked where she got it from, and she told me
my partner's mom was just going to throw it away.
That's freaking messed up. Throw it away. Why would you

(28:58):
throw it away? Not even a like, not even well,
it seems like she did regift it, but like, come on,
just keep it in your jewelry box. Yeah, throwing it
away is like it's it's not saying oh I don't
like it, it's saying I freaking hate the person who
gave it to me. Yeah, it's personal. I was a
little pissed but didn't say anything. It cost me one
hundred dollars, which isn't super expensive for some people. This

(29:19):
is a pressI for me, but as someone who lives
paycheck to paycheck, it kind of My partner asked his
mom why she wanted to throw it away, and she
said she just wouldn't have worn it. Fine, whatever, Maybe
I got her style wrong. It was her gift and
she could do what she wanted with it. I guess
she gave me an iron maidenshirt that year that was
way too small and an odd choice because if you
saw me, your first thought would not be metal head.

(29:41):
I wear overalls and a lot of cottage core clothing
because it's cute. So it's not like she put a
ton of effort into my gift and was upset. I
didn't put in as much. So for the second Christmas,
I put an effort to get to know her beforehand.
I talked to her sister, my partner's auntie, and found
out she grew up in the same hometown as me
and she missed it a lot, but because it was
a ten hour drive away, it wasn't somewhere she could

(30:01):
visit easily. I brought this up to our next time
we met, and she and I talked about the town
and started to get along more. In particular, though she
mentioned how much he missed the smell of our town.
There was a macadamia farm next to a bourbon distillery
that smelled really nice together because of the molasses, and
the beach nearby was surrounded by eucalyptus and wattles and
always smelled amazing. That sounds great, Yeah, that.

Speaker 4 (30:22):
Sounds really cool. I would never think of a place
having a certain smell.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yeah, but if it has all that, then yeah, I
miss that.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
I will tell you the sawmill does have a certain smell.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
Smells a list would dust.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Also, the backside of a dog shelter has a certain smell.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
Oh, sounds like a bad smell. I had again what
I thought was a great idea. I have a friend
who makes candles, so I commissioned two custom candles, a
macadamia whiskey and vanilla candle and a salt eucalyptus and
wattle candle. I was so excited for her to open
them on Christmas, and when she just said, oh, that's
meat and put them aside. What what? I'm sorry someone

(31:00):
if I get I spent like a lot of effort
into that and someone just freaking went, oh, okay, you
got a custom meets, come on, come on. Thankfully for
my ego, her sister was way more excited about them
and even made her light than while we sat out back.
My partner's mom just ended up just handing them off
to her after we left. Is she the freaking devil?

(31:22):
I hate you? That's crazy. You're not even trying to
hide it, yeah, to just like be like, oh, you
can take them, Yeah, come on, what is her problem?
And the aunt called us to tell us and ask
how she could get more. So this year I was
planning as a Christmas birthday combined gift to pay for
half of a trip away to our hometown, with my
partner and his dad paying the other half. It was
going to be a week long set on her birthday,

(31:43):
with hotels, drinks, food and travel included, all up around
two thousand dollars, though at the time we only had
paid around one thousand dollars for the travel and hotel bookings.
I saved up all year for this because I really
want her to like me, because I love my boyfriend
and we're going to be together for a long time,
and I feel like that means me and her should
at least sort of get along. A week ago, she

(32:03):
came over to have lunch with my partner and he
told me he had come over to tell me not
to buy her any gifts because she didn't want some
tacky little trinkets spot from Target. Dude, he has not
once bought you tacky little trinkets from Target. This is insane.
He bought you a one hundred dollar necklace. He bought
you candles that were like literally specifically made for you. Yeah,
and now he's buying you a freaking two thousand dollars. Yah.

(32:26):
This is the proof I'm going to get gift cards
for Yeah. So my TACKI little holiday was canceled two
days later, and I've used my half of the refund
to buy my partners some lego that he always wanted
but could never afford as just a general gift because
he puts up with me and I love him. No,
it's going to get here in a month, so I've
been thinking about giving it to him as a Valentine's
Day present. On Sunday, we had an early Christmas because

(32:48):
it was the only time my partner's grandmother would be
in town. When it came time for gifts, I got
everyone something but her, and she looked upset when she realized,
but didn't say anything. She pulled my partner aside and
asked why she didn't get anything, and my partner told
her what her gift was going to be and that
it was already refunded like she asked. She started crying,
sort of mostly yelling and crying noises with no tears.

(33:11):
She's just going it's a really good impression making that
would be like and through the food that was on
the table on the floor and drove home alone. She's
been calling us for the past three days trying to
get me to change my mind, and no one but
her mom is on her side. I'm a very petty
person and it's been genuinely fun answering her calls lately.

(33:32):
We're having a second Christmas lunch from my partner's dad's
side of the family this Sunday, and I'm definitely looking
forward to it. Edit. Thank you so much for the support.
It actually means a lot. I do just want to
quickly defend her to let you know there's no here
at all. She's an loud LGBTQ supporter. She's just mean
as a person. That's so funny. She's an ally but
she freaking sick. She's an ally but she's a witch.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
Can't fl her anyway, or she just hates people.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
It's it's actually personal, but she's a Okay, there's an
update though. You any thoughts about why she's behaving this
way that aren't.

Speaker 4 (34:10):
Related to home, because is she doing this like to
anyone else. That's a good question, because I know she
did say she doesn't want any target dude ads or whatever.

Speaker 3 (34:18):
But was that about Op or was that just yeah
she's like oh yeah, because if it's if it's this,
then it's like okay, person. All sounds like she just
doesn't like you, she wants to get rid of you somehow,
and she's just being rode Tom.

Speaker 4 (34:32):
Maybe it could be the thing where like they had
some sort of problem and then the boyfriend like told
the mom about it, and then she hasn't forgiven Op
even though they worked it out.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Maybe it's something like that she just really won't something
along those lines. Maybe those are my Those are my theories.
I like them. So it's been a bit about a
week since I made my last post and was asked
in DMS and in comments to update if anything happened,
and stuff has, but it hasn't turned out in my favor.
So oh more background info. My partner's grandfather on his

(35:03):
mother's side lives with us and i'm his care I
shower him, clothe him, feed him, wipe his butt, all
the fun stuff. I love the old man and I
don't mind it at all. I'm actually awake at four
am right now because he needed some toilet assistance. I'm
just gonna call him Pop for this. Pop is over
eighty and for the past few years he's had a
falling problem. He's had his blood pressure and sugar checked.

(35:24):
He tried and has been taken off tons of meds,
he's gotten, exercises he does for his leg muscles, and
he's in decent shape for an old man, so we
don't know what's caused it. In the week of my post,
he's fallen five times. Oh my god, only once with
injuries that bothered him. Think f though, and that happened
a day I think after the post. He hit face
first into the concrete path outside her house when we

(35:44):
were about to go on his walk. Superficial facial cuts
and aft up knee and some intense bruising around his
side and leg. Oh he twisted weird, I think when
he fell. Basically, he's in pain constantly right now, and
the pain meds don't last long enough for him to
do a lot of things. I can't put into words,
how nothing useless I feel over him getting hurt so
much suddenly, and how little I can do to ease it.

(36:04):
He did make it to Christmas lunch on Sunday, but
before that he was stuck in hospital literally up until
that day, which meant a lot of the preparation for
Christmas fell onto me, which of course meant I needed
supervision from my partner's mom. I don't think I did
a single thing right in her eyes. The one thing
I'll relent on is I'm crap at wrapping presents. They
were seriously awful, But my partner's mom, who i'll just

(36:26):
called mother in law, was pissed about everything. My chicken
was done pretty good, I thought, for someone who hasn't
cooked before, crunchy skin and soft inside. Just needed a
few more herbs and spices next time. Mother in law
wouldn't stop complaining the whole day. I didn't take her
advice on how to cook it. She came after I
cooked it, so I'm not sure how she thought that
one would make sense. And then I needed to leave
my partner the chef to do it next time. This

(36:48):
is a busy time for my partner's work, and he
had no spare time and was too tired when he
came home. Despite all the bad luck, though, somehow pop
I hadn't gotten mother in law's gift yet, and he
said I should go down to get her something't matter
what she had to like it anyway, I would have
loved to get her a lump of coal. Yes, like
someone suggested me, you're you're literally she literally heard you
say that. She literally heard meself, that's crazy in the

(37:10):
last post. But since it was from Pop, I thought
I should at least put minimal effort in and I
knew just the place to get her a little trinket.
I ended up getting this small sculpture for her, wrapped
it up nice, and on Christmas Day she loved it.
Would you look at that? It is a freaking personal vendetta.
She just hates you. And this is when you go, wow,
it was me all along, and she goes, I knew it.

(37:32):
I actually hated it. Wow. She kept going on about
how it would fit in so nicely in her lounge
room with her art set up, and how thoughtful it was.
Pop ended up telling her I was the one that
picked it out, and she asked who made it so
she could look at their other work. When I told
her I found it at Target. Stop it that's perfect
oo boy, and told her I knew she would like
it because it suited the rest of her home. She

(37:54):
was mad. She started yelling about how I knew she
wouldn't like it, and then I needed a trader with rispect.
My partner's uncle just laughed and told her she liked
it before, so I must have done well. For the
next part, I need to add the last bit of context.
I'm white and my partner's family are Indigenous Australian. It's
never been an issue before, but suddenly my mother in
law yelled out question why they were letting the white

(38:15):
boy take care of Pop. I can't remember the full sentence,
but the implication was that I'm either or neglecting him. Dude.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
So I don't know why I knew they were Australian.
Like I'm trying, like I knew that earlier, and I'm
trying to figure out if they say just I felt
it in my bones or they just said it. Not
to make this a whole lesson, but she did sort
of have a point. Since caring for Pop, I've seen
firsthand the negligence that comes from white nurses caring for
Aboriginal elderly versus white It's an actual problem, but her

(38:45):
accusing me of neglecting him hurts a lot. I asked
if she wanted to take up caring for him then,
since she had the space in her home and also
didn't work. She huffed and rolled her eyes. I wonder if,
like it seems like that may be a reason why
she doesn't like him because of because he's white, well,
because he's white, yeah, possibly because we don't really know
any other reason why.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (39:06):
It was quiet for a bit until someone changed the subject,
and then we left early so Pop could go lie
down at home and get comfortable. Pop ended up calling
mother in law a cow when we got home and
told me to ignore her. Yesterday, however, the organization his cares.
They shower him every other day and clean the house.
On Wednesday, someone to look around and ask me to
leave for a bit to talk to Pop. When I

(39:27):
got back, she was gone, and Pop told me I
had been reported to them for elderly and she had
come to check it out. She's literally she's literally calling
a thing on him. What come on, why are you
doing this? That's why?

Speaker 5 (39:41):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (39:41):
Wait, clearly Pop is fine.

Speaker 4 (39:43):
Yeah, Like is it just something about control or something where? Yeah,
it's not her pick or whatever, or I don't know, weird,
that's super weird.

Speaker 3 (39:52):
Do we know how long they've been dating? Three years?
Three years? That's a long time, Yeah, long time. When
I got back, she was gone, and Pop told me
I had been and reported to them for elderly and
she had come to check it out. Of course, he
told her the situation with mother in law, but I'm
honestly worried they don't believe him and think I'm hurting him.
She told Pop she'd be coming back in a few
days for another checkup. Mother in law is supposed to

(40:13):
be coming around today, probably to snoop around the carer
checking up on him. I'm honestly too tired after this
to keep up any penniness. Though I recently had to
quit the course I was doing from home because I
just didn't have enough time to do it, help Pop
do the chores and take care of myself, and I've
been in a slump about it, and then the falls
had me feeling useless, And now this Pop says he's

(40:35):
not going to a home and no one else would
care for him, so I'm stuck with him, and that
he's very grateful to have me, But I really don't
know how this is going to play out. I guess
it depends on how much my mother in law is
willing to do to get back at me. A lot
she's willing to you know, she's trying to get you
in trouble with the carers right now. Yeah, which is
a well, a big deal, big deal because I'm sure

(40:55):
some sort of like legal action could be taken.

Speaker 4 (40:58):
Yeah, So that's that's a big thing to blame someone for,
frame him for.

Speaker 3 (41:03):
I hope in the end is that this report blows
over quickly with other family chiming in to point out
it's false, and that eventually everything chills the f out.
Until then, though, I think my mother in law unfortunately
has won the pettiness war. Edit. I want to defend
my partner here. He's grown up with this woman and
does usually call her out on her crap for anything major,

(41:24):
like he will in an hour for what she's doing.
These petty little things from before, though, are things I
know he wouldn't feel what was worth talking to him
at his mom about because it wouldn't do anything. She's
stubborn and doesn't see her own faults. We are both
grown men who both have different ways of handling things,
and his is to just let it blow over because
it's easier, and mine is to push back. I wouldn't
start some pettybs if I couldn't handle myself. I don't

(41:47):
expect him to waste his time trying to defend me
from his mom's usual low stake pettiness when I knowingly
act like the stereotypical sassy a hole for fun. And
there is a second update. Oh wow over man, oh man,
you know, man, Yeah, your partner needs to push back
against his mom because this behavior is ridiculous. I mean,
she's she's trying to get you in trouble legally.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
So it's not just like she's complaining about gifts, which
was already a problem honestly that he should have been
stepping up and saying, hey, right, don't do that. But
now like the legal trouble, Yeah, that's a big deal
and it is hard.

Speaker 4 (42:20):
And it's like if his way of dealing with things
is like by kind of taking a step back and it's.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
Just kind of non conversational or something.

Speaker 4 (42:28):
But it's like in this situation, if if your mom
doesn't like your partner, then like you can't just let
it happen because it's your partner. Like if you guys
get married and what, are you just gonna hate him forever?
Like you know, it's like that's you kind of have.

Speaker 3 (42:41):
To step up. You have to say something. You can
say it in your own way. You could say it
in a non conversational way, but you gotta sa say
something exactly. But there is an update January fifteenth update.
I'm not getting my partner's side of the family anything
for Christmas, and his mom is furious. So Pop is
doing good now. His bruise is finally all healed up
and he's a lot more independent now since the pains
weren't off. We neglected looking at the muscles on his

(43:03):
calves and ankles because of true stereotypes that a lot
of Aboriginal Australians have tiny calves and ankles, and we,
including his GP, thought they were small solely because of that. Nope,
muscle degeneration. But we're working on it, and he's already
able to stand for five whole minutes without assistance, Wow,
which is a huge amount of time. The investigation turned
up nothing. The worker who came over came again to

(43:26):
tell us she had made a note that the mother
was against me being a career and had made a
false accusation. So it sounds like it'll be a lot
harder for her to make a mess of things so easily. Now,
good good. She hasn't admitted to doing it. The worker
didn't specify with her either, but I mean, who else
would do it? Yeah, it's her, it's for sure. The
timing of the last post getting attention is amazing because
I have fantastic news for a lot of you. My

(43:47):
fiance broke up with me a few days ago. Fantastic news.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
What.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
Oh, probably because a lot of people are like, you
need to break up with your partner because he's not
standing up for you. Wait after three years, I mean,
we know who made her break up with? Oh? Yeah,
I know. Yeah that was crazy. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
I'm just baffled. Why you wouldn't step up for your
relationship of the person you love so much any years
and he just listened to your mom and it all
goes in the trash.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
Yeah, a relationship for three years. Yeah. I had asked
for a break because for the past week he'd been
snappy and not wanted me near him so much, so
I thought it'd be a good way for me to
lean on him less and for him to have space.
He got upset at the idea, drove off to a
mates and came back and told me it was a
better idea to break up. He said he was sick
of having no time to himself because he worked all day,

(44:33):
and instead of relaxing when he was home, he had
to hang out and talk with me every single day.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
It gets to you sometimes, you know.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Oh my god, when he's talking about me no longer
being attracted to him.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
I was.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
He did just complain anytime I tried to flirt with
him or make a move, So I stopped me being
financially dependent on him. I currently get six hundred dollars
four hundred and sixteen USD per fortnite on my concession
because my career allowance isn't coming in for another two weeks,
and most of my money came out paying for things
we'd both after paid, so he was buying me my
medication and food for us. We had agreed a week

(45:07):
before that this was okay, that he was okay with
this because once my care payments come in, I could
pay for way more stuff and the debt would be
paid off by that me spending my money on useless
stuff while we were financially unstable. I bought one hundred
dollars or sixty nine US dollars worth of books because
I hadn't had any new ones to read a month's
which was four books. Please also note he just bought
a PS five.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Dude in PS fives, aren't you no? And I really
really really really really want one.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
I don't have.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Me you would, well, we could do it.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
We can do a duel kind of thing like last
like what like Bridley's birthday last time? Oh?

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Yeah, oh dual thing.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
I couldn't ask if anyone wants to shipping for a
po live.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
No, I don't have time for Yeah, you would even
even like video games that much? You play guitar Hero
that I love the guitar Hero.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
And that's on the weh me being quitting my course
because I'm a lazy f who doesn't want to work
just sleep all day. Remember that I quit my course
to take care of his elderly grandfather who's scared to
be alone and can't do much himself because of falls.
Please again note the fact that he also used to
be Pop's care until he quit because everyone said he
didn't work and was lazy, and he was sick of
people not recognizing the work he put in. All of

(46:22):
the quotes are from the breakup messages he sent over
text while he hit in his room, edited slightly for
easy reading. I'm sorry he broke up with you over
text after three years of relationship.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Wow, he didn't diabolically.

Speaker 4 (46:35):
He didn't even say it was anything about the mom.
He was just like, I just I need alone time.

Speaker 3 (46:39):
Yeah, he was like, you never I have to talk
to you. Instead of being an adult and be like, hey,
like I just need some alone time, he was like,
I have to talk to you. Pop. And I have talked,
and he's told me I'm allowed to stay and that
my ex would be kicked out before I would if
there ever was an issue. I'm also staying as his
care for the foreseeable future. In fact, in a delightful twist,

(47:00):
his mom called when she found out we split to
beg me not to give up on being care because
no one else would do it. You, you little freaking hypocrite.
I have the biggest grin on my face. Just type
in what happened, honestly, and I have the biggest grant
at anytime, you guys, listen to full episodes and stories
just like this. Just go to Apple podcast, Spotify or
your favorite podcast app and search a book. Ay, story

(47:21):
time just puts a grin on my face. Just a
few just do it. But there is a little bit
left to this story. His mom, he's his pop doesn't.
And That's where I'm at.

Speaker 4 (47:33):
Good NMIs a headache for you that Yeah, he wasn't
standing up for you at all.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:39):
Yeah, I'm glad you can still have that job. Yeah,
and you know care for him. But a downside of that,
I guess is that you still might have to like
be around contech. Yeah, wish that family, which would be
especially Yeah, but you'll find someone.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
Just like some of them, way better. It's been a
few days since we split, and I've never had many
life goals. I usually just follow what I'm told and
support the person leading me, which apparently a lot of
people caught onto easily from my posts. My only real
goal in the last few years was to do my course,
get a job, and get a house with my ex.
So when he broke out with me a few days ago,
I felt stranded very suddenly. I've since had a few

(48:15):
necessary cries and postcry and apps, and then my antidepressants
kicked in and I realized that how I've been living
isn't at all fulfilling to me. So last night I
applied for an online course I wanted to do that
my ex advised me against doing months ago, and I'm
so excited. It starts today, but since online the late
application probably won't matter overall. I think this is a
pretty positive note to end things on. Things look like

(48:37):
they're probably going to go up from here, and I'm
looking forward to finding out more about what i want
to do for myself now that I'm not so focused
on my ex. Thanks again to all the wonderful support
from you guys. I probably wouldn't be where I am
right now so quickly without having read all the supportive
comments from the last post. I love you all so much. Wow,
And there you have it. But he's doing it right now,
I'm gonna hear it. I love a story that ends

(48:58):
on a happy note too. My mother in law is toxic,
so we cut her off but off Hi there.

Speaker 4 (49:07):
Apologies in advance for the long post. I've known my
now husband for close to twenty years, married for close.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
To seven dang nay. My husband's sister and I were
best friends.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
Keyword were by the way, this comes from a swordfish
five forty five.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
That's a tongue twister on our slash. Okay, story time
sepread it.

Speaker 4 (49:25):
So we met randomly on one Halloween at a gay bar.
Another long story, but no, neither of us were interested
in the same sex, and we immediately became besties.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
That's actually really funny. That is too straight people met
at a gay bar. Yeah, that was messed up, honestly,
that's you.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
Dare you drink pridema? Wow? Come on? We were the
complete opposites. She was loud and boisterous, while I was
the introvert. Fast forward a few years. In a few
failed relationships, my grandmother was ill and given a life
expectancy of six to eight weeks. I currently was in
a very bad relationship.

Speaker 4 (49:59):
He was an and physically harmful, as well as everything
that is the definition of My husband messaged me on
Facebook saying that he thought we were friends, but apparently not.
I had to delete all male friends as the ex
whom I was still living with was.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
So super controlling, gross, ill, but husband stated if I
needed anyone to talk to, he was available, as he
was a truck driver with nothing but time to listen.
I explained my situation to him as best I could,
and he said that he would do whatever I needed
to get me away from the monster that was my ex. Awesome.
Oh thanks to that guy.

Speaker 4 (50:32):
I wound up saving his phone number in my phone
under a girl's name. Sneaky, I know, but it was
the only way I could meant. I wasn't even allowed
to talk to my best friend his sister. Oh he's
allowed to talk to his sister. I guess not, as
she was a bad influence.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
Wow. But I finally got away from the next yay yay.

Speaker 4 (50:52):
A few months later, my husband asked if I would
possibly want to date him a few months after getting
out of that That's.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
That's that's really fast. That is really fast to be like, Hey,
I know, I just got you out of a really
dangerous thing by them. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
I was in no place to start dating another guy
there at that point, and he understood.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
But he's, but yeah, maybe I should just read the
story and then I know she would get mad read yeah, but.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
Stated that he wasn't going anywhere, and he'd be there
whenever I was ready.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
What a man.

Speaker 4 (51:23):
Amazing husband is a great man. A few weeks after
that conversation, the ex showed up. Oh boy tried breaking
down my door while my kids were asleep, not his kids,
and I called my friend the new guy. I told
him that I was thankful for everything he did to
help me through the loss of my grandmother she was
more of a mom than my mom ever was, and
for helping me get out of the bad relationship I

(51:44):
had been in.

Speaker 3 (51:45):
I told him for that I.

Speaker 4 (51:46):
Loved him, but that I was sure I would never
get the chance to tell him that in person because
my ex was there having a psychotic breakdown. He didn't
miss a beat and said, I only did it because
you are my sister's best.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
Friend and you were there for her when our dad passed,
and I love you more than you know.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (52:02):
Thankfully, the neighbors call the police and he was hauled
away and I was able to get a restreating order.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
Oh good good.

Speaker 4 (52:08):
A few months later, I decided I would try to
date my best friend's brother, and it was such.

Speaker 3 (52:13):
An amazing change.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
He was everything a girl could dream of, romantic, sweet, loving, great,
with my kids.

Speaker 3 (52:20):
You name it, he did it.

Speaker 4 (52:21):
I decided to invite his entire family over to my
place for a dinner and to get to know me.
I asked my best friend what everyone liked to eat,
and she said, it really doesn't matter. My mom will
hate you no matter what you do, but she will
be nice to your face.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
Wow. Real, Oka. My stepmom is great on the other hand,
But if you want some brownie points, make a lemon
meringue pie as that's her favorite. So I did just that.
The day arrived and his mom walked in, gave me
a once over and barely said hello, while the stepmom
wrapped me in a hug and said welcome to the family.
I never truly believed some of the stories that my

(52:55):
Bessie told me about her mom, as they were pretty
outlandish and as far as I was concerned, no he
could ever be as bad as my own mother. But
boy was a.

Speaker 4 (53:05):
My husband never really cared much to talk about her
or his upbringing, and after what I had gone through
with my own family, I didn't really push it. Fast
forward three months and I planned my twins birthday party
for my weekend off. Four months from the day I
initially planned the party out. Wow, that's a far away.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
I sent out Facebook invites to everyone, including his family.
They all said that they would love to come.

Speaker 4 (53:25):
Thanksgiving rolls around and we're at his extended family's house
for celebrations. His mom waits until my husband to be
steps outside for a sick and pipes up that she's
planned a surprise party for her mother.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
It's for the same day and time of my daughter's
party in Vain, which is a five hour drive from
where we are.

Speaker 2 (53:46):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
End, Wow, come on, that's come on? Did you just pickonel?

Speaker 5 (53:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (53:52):
Did you just find a lady who had a birthday
at the same time? She just chose. She's like, this
is your birthday now?

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (53:57):
There the parties there now.

Speaker 4 (53:59):
I kindly pointed out that she'd already rs repeated to
my kids party, and she turns on me and screams
in fran Tresha's voice, my son already lost his father,
you expected to lose his grandmother too.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
He's really close to her. How selfish of a little bee?
Can you beat? Dang?

Speaker 4 (54:19):
Everyone rate my impression. I have never watched that show.
I love that show.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
I've seen clips of just her outfits, her outfits are amazing. Yeah,
I love that's great. I love that.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
I felt like I was two inches tall plus. Having
just lost the only mother grandmother I knew, really stung.
I said, well, I have close to fifty people coming
to the party you included, so I'm not sure what
I can do. She told me to push it back
just one day, that people will understand, and that if
they couldn't, then they.

Speaker 3 (54:48):
Weren't really my friends. So I told my husband about
the party, but didn't say anything about the conversation his
mother had with me while everyone just stared at me.
I would definitely tell me. I'd be like, your mom
said this to me. Oh, use it was mean to me.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
I pushed my kids party one day and we made
the trek to Maine. We walk into the party and
grandma was floored to see my husband, as she hadn't
seen him in fifteen years.

Speaker 3 (55:17):
Wow, but according to his mother, he was so close.
This is why you talked to your husband. Yeah that's
that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (55:24):
Yeah, definitely communication with Heck, come on, so petty me
started asking people when they'd found out about the surprise party.
Mind you, this was almost twenty days after the Thanksgiving incident.

Speaker 3 (55:35):
They found out the thing day before. Oh my god,
Oh my god, come on.

Speaker 4 (55:41):
I then told Hubby to be exactly what had transpired,
and he was so pissed that we immediately left. We
were there for all of an hour. The next day,
my kid's party happened and only three people were able
to come due to other events church, wedding, funeral, and
other family gatherings.

Speaker 3 (55:56):
Fifty to three people.

Speaker 4 (55:57):
It was fifty people originally and then it got down
size to three because that's all it could come because
of the night chain.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
Were they oh to the kid's birthday party? Yeah? Yeah,
that's so sad. I wouldn't have changed the This is
why you need to talk to your husband before you
do these.

Speaker 5 (56:12):
Right.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
You could have been like, hey, like your mom really
wants you to go to your grandma's when granma birthday party?
Yeah right? Would you rather that? Or do you want
to like keep our daughter's birthdays the same?

Speaker 4 (56:23):
His family never showed, but it was only a five
hour drive. I told my husband that I would never
again rearrange my life for that fee again, and that
she had a new found enemy because she screwed with
my kids. Don't talk to me and my son ever again,
ever again.

Speaker 3 (56:42):
You better hear me. Better count your days out your day.
You're messing with your son. Yeah, you're gonna be messing
with these fists. Chow sham. That's right. Fast forward a
year we got engaged. No way, congrats. I told him
way before we even discussed marriage.

Speaker 4 (57:00):
If I ever found someone who wanted to marry me,
I was doing it on a certain date as it
was my grandparents anniversary and.

Speaker 3 (57:06):
They raised me and taught me what love was. That
is so sweet.

Speaker 4 (57:10):
But also I see us in the chat, I see
us in the chat schedules.

Speaker 3 (57:14):
H And the mom's gonna say your grandma's birthdays actually
on that day, and she's gonna be like, wasn't Grandma's
birthday like in May? Last time? She's like wow, Like no,
I never said that. No, No, that was your grandmother's
anniverse three yeah, strip gas lighting round. Yeah. He agreed,
and so that the date was perfect.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
We went to the families for a New Year's Day
and told them all were excited and wanted to see
the ring. My husband to be worked out of town
for four to six weeks at a time and would
only be home three to four days, so that night
he left for work, and a week later, his mother
blew up my phone, stating that I needed to change
the date because her daughter, Coco, was graduating from college

(57:55):
that day. I told her no because the college is
only a five hour drive from the wedding venue and
if she couldn't make it, then she didn't have to
be there anyway. Coco two point zero was supposed to
be a bridesmaid, as well as my best friend and
the half sister whom I adore. Group Facebook messages were
sent out to the bridesmaids showing them the dresses we picked,
and they had four to five different styles, and the

(58:17):
one with the most boats was the dress. All were
ninety nine dollars. The mother again blew up my phone,
saying that ninety nine was too much to ask anyone
to pay, and that the bride's family is supposed to
pay for everything wedding related.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
That doesn't really happen much anymore.

Speaker 5 (58:29):
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 4 (58:29):
My grandparents were passed away at this point. Reason number
two for choosing.

Speaker 3 (58:34):
The day we chose.

Speaker 4 (58:35):
My mother is very much like Coco, and I've severed
ties with her for the most part, and my father
was retired and barely makes ends meet.

Speaker 3 (58:44):
So oh because the mom is Coco and then her
daughter's Cocoa two point zero. Oh, I see, I see.
So my husband and I were paying for the wedding.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
She kept going on and on about the dresses, and
I told her the only way I could afford dresses
for everybody if I bought black trash compactor bags. Looking back,
I can understand a bit when she freaked out, saying
I was calling her daughter's trash.

Speaker 3 (59:08):
That was not my intention. But if the shoe fits,
wear it, that's definitely not what you were doing. No,
not at all. You're just saying you're por kidding it.
Not rich.

Speaker 4 (59:18):
Yeah, it's saying that that's just what you could afford
is trash bags.

Speaker 3 (59:21):
It's not that you want that. You don't want trash bags.

Speaker 4 (59:24):
You want to dress exactly petty. Maybe she kept going
on about every detail about our day. Husband told her
that if she kept it up, he would hire security
and throw her out on her a. Cocoa two point
zero called me every unimaginable name in the book and
said that she was not going to be.

Speaker 3 (59:41):
Part of our day. Filled with hatred.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
At this point, both of us were like whatever, and
told her that if she chose to come, then so
be it. She just wasn't allowed to wear the color
of the bridal party.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
But she showed up in that color.

Speaker 4 (59:53):
Come on, lady, and the mom showed up in black
because she was in mourning.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
For what for what? She's like, I'm in more that
you're getting married. Yeah, yeah, I just don't like it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:03):
Husband refused to do a mother son dance with her,
but did one with the stepmother. All in all, it
was a great day, and yes we did have security
there just in case. But aside from the black dress,
she was on her best behavior since then. My husband
had severed ties with her as she went all around
the town, saying that I should have been the one
who passed away as her daughter, my god, my bestie,

(01:00:24):
and I had the VID At the same time, he
told her to not contact him unless she was passing
away because he didn't care.

Speaker 3 (01:00:32):
That's a crazy thing. That's insane. Oh my god, insane,
What a horrible, horrible thing to say.

Speaker 4 (01:00:36):
So far past the line, she has so far not
contacted him, and it will be a year in January.
By the way, do you know what's not crossing the
line is going to your favorite podcast s app whether
it's Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, whatever you choose. Search, Okay,
storytime and then you'll find more episodes. Was full stories
just like this one. Okay, that's not crossing the line.

(01:00:57):
That's not cross the line at all. That's perfectly reason,
that's perfectly There is a little bit more to this story.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
But oh my gosh, what's Yeah, this mom is whack yeah,
whack a doodle. She just keeps getting worse, so much worse.
She keeps getting worse. Yeah, my goodness. Like she just
started from hating you no matter what. Yeah, and then
she really hated you, really hated you. And then it
became really personal.

Speaker 4 (01:01:19):
And it's like, what I thought, you just hate me
because you're a crazy person.

Speaker 5 (01:01:22):
Not you dotting everyone. But now I'm finding it out
that you hate just me specifically. Lot, Like, what's going
what's going on? Let's have a face to face little chat. Yeah,
what's your deal with me?

Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
Let's talk about it. Give me on the phone, let's
chit chat. Man, get her on the stream, call her up,
call her up. But anyway, there a little bit more.
Let's read it.

Speaker 4 (01:01:40):
This woman also got physical with me while I was
pregnant with her grandson. On Wow, she flipped out on
my husband, saying that I can't keep her from her
grandchild just because I hate her new splash, Cocoa, I
don't hate you. I just don't need my child brainwashed
by someone who hates his mother when I really don't
think I did anything wrong. So am I the a

(01:02:02):
hole for standing my ground and not letting Coco and
Coco two point zero walk all over me in Our Lives?

Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Dude or not not at all? Thank you and sorry
for the long read.

Speaker 4 (01:02:11):
Would love to know if my husband and I are
right in cutting contact.

Speaker 3 (01:02:14):
Then there is an update. Oh, a quick update. I'm
gonna do it right, quick, good, big update. Coco recently
tried to worm her way back into Our Lives two
days ago, and he told her to go get bad
good get bat Coco. We don't watch you in Our Lives.
You diabottical witch. That's the end of the story. Story.
Any final thoughts like you have any final lots? I mean,

(01:02:34):
I guess it's just crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Hey, it's John here, og host of the show.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
We're gonna get back to these juicy stories.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
But here's a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
My friendship of eleven years is falling apart. I think
I need to cut ties with her.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
He's the problem, not me.

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
This requires a bit of a backstory, so sorry for
the long post. I'll try to keep it as brief
as I can. Smiley face, I think much twenty have
been friends with Jay Mail twenty one, say James for
eleven years. We met in school in year five, ages
around nine to ten. Around the same time, we also
had a friend f female twenty let's call that Frankie,

(01:03:12):
who joined our school slightly later due to bullying in
her previous school. By the way, this comes from user
alert Butterfly twenty two seventeen, and you can submit your
stories on the r slash showcase storytime supreddit. From nine
to sixteen, we three were inseparable, like every lesson and
waking hour was spent with or talking to each other
in some form. Other friends joined at points, but we

(01:03:34):
were swiftly kicked out, oftentimes because Frankie had argued with
them about something petty that schoolgirls usually argue over, being
left out of sleepovers or just not getting on with Frankie.
I would occasionally argue with Frankie, but we were both
strong willed and quite stubborn people, which would later be
the downfall of our friendship. In sixth form in the UK,
this is ages sixteen through eighteen, junior and senior year

(01:03:56):
of high school for reference, Frankie decided to move schools.
Me and James were heartbroken and worried our tight knit
group would start to fade. I will admit I was
partially excited with six form. This means parties opportunities to
mix with people we hadn't yet and had a chance to.
I haste to say that Frankie didn't let us, as
we did stick to our trio, but she did make

(01:04:17):
it incredibly difficult to branch out a few new people
join mine and James's friend group. At school, we had
a group about five of us with Frankie included. We
always tried to make our best to make her part
of our plans where was possible. Frankie really didn't like
one of these people, a girl called el Lizzie female twenty,
and would constantly itch and say she was trying to

(01:04:38):
steal me and James from her. Lizzie was Lizzie was
and still is my best friend. She's in no way
a bad perse. Fast forward to university. We all split
and move across the country to our various universities. James
decided to host me and Frankie to come down for
a few days to his university, and whilst we're there,
Frankie immediately starts to flirt with James's housemate, Biggie. I

(01:05:01):
have James. James comes down with the flu the next
day and I'm left third wheeling with them. Slightly annoying,
but whatever. She spends the night with this guy again,
no judgment, I really don't care. Get your freak on,
Frankie and she and him are loudly having spicy sleep,
which we can hear from two doors down, so she
really got her freak on. She wakes us up at

(01:05:23):
six am, an hour before I'm up to catch my
train home, and is lovely talking about the whole event.
I got on the train miffed, to be honest, because
for separate reason it wasn't the best weekend. Frankie gets
close to Lizzie and Lizzie tells me she's not free
to meet up one day. An hour later, I get
a snap of her and Frankie together. This is the
only time Lizzie's mentioned in a negative light. University was

(01:05:46):
tough at this point, and seeing them together was the
final straw. I cried to my parents, who told me
to block them both, so I did. James's birthday is
a few weeks after this, and he wants to do
a big gathering Frankie and Lizzie included. I unblocked them
both and attend the drinks. Frankie tells me over text
she has missed me. I apologize and say I missed

(01:06:06):
her too. When we meet up, she doesn't acknowledge me
at all, and after going to a couple of bars,
she starts shouting at me whilst we're smoking, telling me
how she had unliving thoughts and wanted to drop out,
and that it's all my fault. I was baffled. I
legitimately had only blocked her two weeks ago. Frankie says,

(01:06:27):
I don't know what she's been through, and I argue
back that she never once asked how I was, and
therefore could not speak. I was feeling the exact same,
by the way. Somehow we reach a stalemate and agreed
to move on from here. I don't think you should
move on from here. That's a weird thing to move
on from. That's a very serious conversation to have with
your friend that you so care about. It seems like

(01:06:49):
a couple months later, Me, James, Frankie, and her boyfriend,
surprisingly James's housemaid from a Boar, decided to go clubbing,
and she spends the evening telling me how much she
missed me and wanted to be my friend again. I agreed.
Lizzie told me the next day that Frankie had said
that she only agreed to be neutral for James's sake. Yikes.
Cut to summer, James invites me over for drinks. Me

(01:07:12):
and Lizzie are still close as ever, and Frankie isn't
speaking to me, but is insulting me to Lizzie, which
Lizzie is then telling me, don't you just love that
Frankie's your best friend, misses you so much that she's
got to talk behind your back to one of your
closest friends too. James tells me last minute that Frankie
will be there too, que to me, sobbing to my parents,

(01:07:33):
I decide to go and I'm going to brave it.
Me and Frankie are shockingly getting on. She's talking about
her boyfriend, and I am, in turn, trying to relate
typical undiagnosed neurodivergence by speaking about the guy I'm currently
talking to as well. She leaves and I stay with James.
Lizzie tells me that Frankie's been saying that I only

(01:07:53):
spoke about a guy I'm not even dating, and that
she couldn't get a word in edgeways. Blah blah blah
blah blah. She's still itching about me to Lizzy. From
August to December, shock horror, James invites me to his
for Halloween. I make a few mistakes and I'm so embarrassed.
I profusely apologize to him both that night and also
over text once I'm back home. Okay. In December, I

(01:08:15):
text James asking me he wants to meet up for
a couple of drinks for his birthday. First round on
me type vibes and he says he is busy with family.
So no, not a long message. It was more dry
and it hurt my feelings a bit. I only got
more hurt seeing that James and Frankie were out clubbing
together in our hometown and at this point I still
assume that Frankie actually partially liked me. Lol O P

(01:08:38):
what are you doing? Why are you still seeing Frankie
in the limelight? Why do you think Frankie's still your
friend after he's talking mad crap about you? You're you're
kind of being in ahel to yourself by like not
confronting anything, not confronting her about any of this kind
of irking is you're irking me? So you got to
call out your friends. There're friends you can communicate. Oh well, Frankie,

(01:09:02):
I don't know about Frankie, but you got to communicate.
And also we don't know if Lizzie's talking, you know,
talking behind your back. I don't like that. A few
months later, minimal contact with Frankie and James is slipping
off the radar. I am home for Easter and James
refuses to see me again. This is fine. People get busy.

(01:09:23):
I don't think that's him getting busy. James comes to
my birthday this summer. Our whole friend group, including Frankie,
were invited. Frankie speaks to Lizzie and goes, why the
f would she even invite me to your crappy birthday?
And at this point, I sense she's deliberately saying these
things to Lizzie, knowing she'll come straight to me at
my party. James tells me Frankie doesn't want anything to

(01:09:45):
do with you or even to be in your vicinity,
which is tough to hear from someone you consider a
best friend like Frankie. Just messages me, Just message and
tell me this again. Frankie is not your best friend.
Stop saying she's your best friend. You keep she's enabling
that in your brain. She's not your friend. She's talking
so much crap about you and making your life so miserable.

(01:10:06):
James and I agree this won't affect our friendship and
agree we'll try to see each other over this Christmas,
hence calling it a joint custody friendship. Ollol. I wasn't
sure how else to word it. Lizzie and Me are speaking,
and she says that Frankie has recently said to her
that I forced her to be by in school. Me
and James both came out, and she followed suit a

(01:10:27):
couple years later because she said she felt the same way.
No judgment of this change, because again I'm not really fussed, Like,
who are you do whatever you want, and she felt
pressured into kissing me, which I will say on record
that was never true. If and when we kissed, she initiated,
and she wanted me to be her first kiss. Okay,

(01:10:48):
I just think Frankie doesn't like you. Just get away
from her. I will admit I reacted immaturely here, but
I had been patient with how she'd spoken about me
for too long and I finally snapped, so I left
our friend group chat. I posted on my TikTok something
to the wording of when you find out someone has
accused you of forcing them to be by and they

(01:11:09):
kiss you. I think it was to be the back
back backstabber audio, but I can't remember. Frankie sees I've
left the group chat. She then checks my TikTok and
she messages Lizzie, who's also sick of her crap at
this point. By the way, I receive a long message
from her saying goodbye essentially and that we apparently both
know where in the wrong and she's just trying to

(01:11:30):
do this to rile me up. I decide to hold
fire and reply in the morning when I am sober,
as I had been drinking with Lizzie. When she told
me this, I respond back, essentially noting down everything I
have written here, saying that I am not sorry and
refuse to take equal joint responsibility for this crap show.
And once again I will go on record to say
I really really tried. At this point, she blocked me everywhere,

(01:11:54):
so I couldn't send her a response. Yeah, no way,
you're getting the final word, B word, say you're not sorry.
So I logged into an old Instagram account copy pasted
the message, said that I respected her and not wanting
to be involved with me ever again, but that she
needed to read this. Why just just stop talking to her.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
I think he's just trying to get the last win,
like the last leg up, Like, oh you think so, No,
I do.

Speaker 1 (01:12:17):
That's all it is. It's a petty argument between these two.
That was August. Fast forward to now. I'm currently actually
writing this on James's birthday, but have been thinking about
it for the past week. Once again, I messaged James
and asked if we wanted to meet for drinks. Initially,
he sent a long message saying maybe if he's free.
I told him there's no pressure if not. He then

(01:12:37):
responded with a very short message saying that he's sorry,
but it ain't gonna happen. So I was like, oh, okay, sick,
no worries lol. Four days ago his bill was him
at Frankie's house drinking together. And this is what led
me to my question. Would I be the a hole

(01:12:59):
for cutting off a friend of eleven years because our
joint custody friendship isn't working? You can have your joint
custody with us by going on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, searching
Okay storytime and listening to stories just like this one,
maybe better stories because OP doesn't understand what they're doing.

(01:13:21):
Just cut it off. They're not your friends. I don't
know what you think like you've been thinking, oh yeah,
they talk behind my back, they hang out behind my back.
Those aren't your friends. Just you should have been done
with these people a long time ago, especially Frankie. You're
being the a hole right.

Speaker 2 (01:13:36):
Now, you really are.

Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
James has been caught in the crossfire, but he's equally
not making much effort to try and still be my friend.

Speaker 3 (01:13:44):
Just stop.

Speaker 1 (01:13:45):
Oh my god, you're defending him. I can't help but
feel that, despite seeing at my birthday, he wouldn't pick sides.
He has, in fact shows in a side this is okay,
but I would rather he told me straight up than
leave me guessing. I'm sorry if it's so long. I
feel like I partially needed to vent the situation anonymously
as well as ask if I would be the a
hole for cutting his friendship off.

Speaker 2 (01:14:06):
Edit.

Speaker 1 (01:14:07):
Just want to add that throughout all of this, James
has been on the sidelines, not really telling either of
us to stop fighting. That's your edit to add. He's
picked a side, girl, Ope, he's picked aside. Yeah, he's
avoided you so many times, like oh, I can't get
drinks with you, and then you see on his story
that he's getting drinks of Frankie.

Speaker 2 (01:14:25):
Come on, dude, O B. I understand you want them
back in your life, but you have to accept these
are the things that are. This is what's just gonna happen,
and I'm just move on.

Speaker 1 (01:14:38):
Thank you. Just let them let him go. I'm scared
that Lizzie's going to join their friend group and then
you have no friends. Yeah, but oh in this in
the story, op, you kind of were the a hole.
There a holes, but all of your A holes everyone communicate.

Speaker 2 (01:14:54):
Just let James b okay, stop bickering at him, let him.

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
Be, and that's the end of that story, ending of
this episode. So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.
We love you and Sorrow

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I REFUSED to give back my friend’s key to their apartment… after she cheated on her husband! - r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC | Reddit Stories | EP2082

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;} I REFUSED to give back my friend’s key to their apartment… after she cheated on her husband! - r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC | Reddit Stories | EP2082