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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My boyfriend's X isn't over him. He's dating me for now,
but his ex is still trying to steal him from me.
Don't let him, don't let him, don't let him, or
just move on to a completely different centeria. I am
twenty one female, my boyfriend twenty four male as an
ex who will call River twenty two male. For the
sake of simplicity, we'll just call my boyfriend Bee. Anyways,
(00:21):
his relationship with his ex was complicated and extremely unpleasant.
I feel like for context as to why I'm upset
about this, it would be helpful for me to describe
just how bad the relationship was. And by the way,
this comes from u slash ht begac free on r
slash okay storytime subreddit. Starting in high school, my boyfriend
(00:43):
began to develop the idea that he was ugly all
he has a tooth gap and kids would make fun
of him for it. By the time he got to college,
he was completely torn down, confidence wise, and genuinely believed
he would never find love.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Sad.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That's sad. One of his friends, River, who at the
time was woman, asked him out. He figured why not
because they were close friends. He soon realized he didn't
like them, but by that point River had become awful
to him.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Somebody was like, man, okay, sure, yeah, what he likes
me and that's a good thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
They wouldn't allow him to watch movies or listen to
music he liked, and tried to make him only interested
in media they were interested in. One thing about my
boyfriend is that he loves playing guitar and writing songs. Ay,
every time he tried to play the guitar or show
them new songs he had written, River would tell them
(01:38):
that it sounded bad and they didn't want to hear
and that he should just stop.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
That's so rude.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
That's awful. Oh my god, that's awful.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I can't imagine saying that. To say that somebody, like
if I was like reading them a poem or like
something that I wrote, and they were.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Like, that kind of sucks really bad. You shouldn't do
that again.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah, don't you should. You should go into another career.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
So, even though my boyfriend realized that he didn't like River,
he was beaten down and stayed. River also made him
feel bad about himself and like he would never find
anyone else. About two weeks into their relationship, River said
I love you, and BF thanked him and said he
cares deeply about them, he's not ready to say I
love you yet. And River lost it.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Two weeks into the relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Weeks that's crazy, very early. Apparently they started getting really angry.
I know they didn't attack him. I believe they threw things.
I do know that they started screaming loud enough for
other people to hear and think they were being hurt
in some way. They threw themselves on the ground like
a toddler and grabbed his arms to make him stay.
(02:45):
He started having a panic attack, and so to get
it to stop, he said he loved them too.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
River sounds awful, genuinely awful. Yeah, why would you want
your partner to be like like what, That's not how
you That's not how you do it.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
That's not how you do it this relationship thing.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But I don't think that's how you do it.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
You put him down and Okay, don't do that. What hey, guys,
what not to do? Don't do it?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Don't don't do it, guys, don't tell your partner that
you need to do it.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Don't do it. A few weeks later, my boyfriend's family
visited and met boyfriend in River for dinner. Right away,
River made it very obvious that they didn't like his family,
incredibly rude. They swore at his parents and was super
rude to his little brother. Was middle school or early
high school at the time. I had a boyfriend who
did this at one point, and my therapist warned me
(03:46):
that he may have been trying to slowly drive a
wedge between me and my family. So it's possible this
is what River was doing.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I think he's trying to isolate, Oh he's boyfriend from.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Every manipulate him and do whatever you want. River wanted
boyfriend to stay overnight at their place, but boyfriend physically couldn't.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
River.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
It went five to seven days in between showers.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It sounds like they're depressed. Yeah, it sounds like they're
going through a lot. And then they're putting that all
on Op's boyfriend projection. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Wow, left moldy food in their bedroom and often had
straight cheetos and chips in their beds.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh and this is in Is this in the boy's
boyfriend's place?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
I don't know, or is this show?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Oh yeah, maybe they're so River and the boy Opie's
boyfriend were dating in college.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah. Something I should add at this point is that
this is not stuff I've heard from my boyfriend. The
ex's friends confirmed it, and you can see the photos
that they were very dirty and greasy all the time. Gotcha. Anyways,
River at some point realized that they were trans They
announced to everyone that they were going by He him
they them pronouns. Now, my boyfriend is straight, and so
(05:00):
he sat them down a few days later and explained
that they could absolutely be friends, but now that River
identified as a man, he couldn't be with them. Yeah,
which is fair.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Rivers seemed to take this well. Obviously they were upset,
but they acted pretty good. He word acted. Unfortunately. Boyfriend
and River were already living together yikes, luckily in separate
bedrooms during college for aforementioned reasons with a few other roommates. Gotcha.
So they have like a house or apartment something. Over
the course of the next few months, they started yelling
(05:33):
at BF constantly saying that he does still love them,
and that now he really loves them, and they're a
man now he's gay.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just gas lighting, just gas lighting. Crazy, It's like, you
have to love me. I know I have manipulated you
into loving me in the first place, but you have
to keep loving me.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
You love me and you're gay now I decide crazy.
They would honestly say, you're just confused right now, but
you're gay. I know you want to stay with me
wild That's not how you that's not how you do it.
That's not how you do it, that's not actually how
it works. Boyfriend started to get pretty depressed and doubt himself.
(06:16):
Understand to believe, do.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
You have this person who lives with you saying.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
All this stuff to make things worse. They were rooming
with other people from the queer club that River was
a part of, so they started piling on the gas lighting,
telling him the same things. What are these people anyways?
Their friends recognize what was happening and stood with boyfriend.
Boyfriend graduates, meets me, et cetera. During this time, I
(06:41):
had heard that River still loved and deeply regretted letting
boyfriend go, and that their mom even scolded them for it.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
What seems like it, they're not. They don't love Opie's boyfriend.
They're just obsessed with them or just need to control somebody.
And this happened to be the person in the vicinity.
A few months ago, I got a request on Instagram
that I didn't recognize, but I saw they were friends
with my boyfriend's friends, so I figured it was just
someone I hadn't met yet. I accepted it, and it
was River. I requested to fall back because I was curious,
(07:10):
and when I did, their account had only a few
photos on it, but most of it was photos of
my boyfriend. I felt super weird and uncomfortable, especially because
I know for a fact that River had another boyfriend
after my boyfriend, although I was told by a few
people they only dated that guy to try and upset boyfriend,
(07:32):
this being supported by the fact that boyfriend was graduating.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
They dumped the other guy. As I was looking at
these photos on River's page with a sick feeling in
my stomach, they started vanishing. River had seen who I
was and was frantically trying to take the photos.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Oh wait, wait, you but you saw the friend request River? Yeah,
River tried to follow. I don't understand. River's like, ooh, person,
I can follow, and then was like, wait, oh no,
there's you know, there's another This is my my ex's
new partner.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
My bud whoops or just wants to make them. Yeah,
I don't understand the deleting thing, m M. Anyway, you
know it won't get deleted our profile the stream and
you can tap it three pm PST and tune in
every weekday. I told my boyfriend about this, and he
said that he didn't want to bring this up because
he just ignored them. But River had tried to reach
(08:26):
out after boyfriend had been dating me for a couple
months by sending him memes, even though it was very
well known at this point that him and I were dating.
My boyfriend posted a video on TikTok a little bit
ago and I commented I love you, and River unfollowed him.
But TikTok shows you who's viewing your profile. That is crazy.
River must not realize this, and we can see that
(08:48):
they're still viewing his stuff. Boyfriend just block River, But
I'm so freaked out that they still seem to be
fixated on or at least interested in boyfriend both because
he's with me and River should respect that. But even
if he's single, they were so horrible to him. They
shouldn't be allowed to be in the same city as him.
How can I call my nerves about this.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
I think you guys both need to block River on
like all platforms.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I think that's the only solution here. I think he
is like, uh Op's boyfriend is right that he shouldn't
reach out about this. Who shouldn't try to tell her
to tell like his ope to you know, reach out
to River or anything. They should just go no contact
with him contact. They don't need to. They don't need
to start anything up with River because River seems kind
(09:34):
of crazy crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Yeah, And like the unfortunate nature of TikTok is that
River could probably make a burner account probably if their
stuff is public. Yeah, but then you just don't have
to have it be public. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Either either you can go private on your TikTok or
if you don't, you know, if you're posting things for
the public, then you're posting it for the public.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
But as long as they can't contact you and do weird.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Things, that is the main thing you need to watch
it for. I broke up with my partner of nineteen years,
but now he thinks I owe him seventy three thousand dollars.
I forty two female broke it off with my partner
forty two mail after nineteen years of being a couple
this week. There were a number of problems that we
(10:17):
couldn't resolved, and a long history of it being partially
both our faults on most things. We never officially married ever,
and our state has no common law. We had some
shared resources and credit cards seventy k in debt total
twenty two k directly in his name and forty eight
k directly in mine. We share a car loan together
with both names on it and registration paid sixteen K
(10:41):
twenty eight K left. Finally, we share a bank account
with about six K in it, tied to a three
hundred and forty K mortgage solely in my name. It
sounds like their finances are very tied together, which makes
it hard. I mean, after nine years, even if you
don't have a common law marriage or you know, leagally married,
you're gonna get a little bit mixed together to twine
(11:06):
find By the way, this comes from lamydia on the ars.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I was like, yo, what it comes from? Chlamydia? With
a K. The other resources and contention are about seven
thousand dollars in mechanics tools I bought him for college
and about three thousand dollars in personal electronics. I also
bought for him ten k and value together, as well
as about seven thousand dollars in tattoos on his skin.
(11:34):
I've paid for this year. You're paid for a lot here, Damn.
During this nineteen years together, I was the sole financial
income the entire time, until literally one month ago when
he finally got employment and started to contribute for the
first time.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Do they have kids, No.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
No kids, But they've been together for nineteen years and
their finances are super intertwined.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And so I don't know what happens next. But how
you going to say you owe me.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Everything? That's pretty ridiculous. And also I don't think you're
legally entitled to it if there's no common law.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah, it no longer is a wei. It's a me.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
It's a me, me against you. He made about a
fifth of my salary as a minimum wage worker during
this time. For all of these years, he has functioned
as a caretaker for me emotionally and physically in terms
of handling everything I never wanted to do, like errands, chores, yardwork, cooking, shopping,
et cetera. During these years, I psychologically emotionally mistreated him
(12:34):
as a butler servant. That's not good due to not
being on proper medication.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Okay, I would like to rescind my previous statement.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Now might need to be financial conversation. Room cut, wipe
the floors, get on your hands and knees, scrub it
with your toothbrushes. I figured if I paid for everything
and he took care of everything that wasn't that was
an income, that it was fair enough. It wasn't right
to mistreat him as a servant that I verbally abused.
(13:06):
But I also had a medical condition in my head
preventing me from thinking clearly until about five years ago
when I got proper medication, at which point I started
treating him as an equal.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Okay, So I want to believe people change. I want
to trust that that's a real thing, that this person had.
What medication, what sort of disorder leads you to Okay, narcissis.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
You can get meds for narcissism. I don't know needs
you to treat somebody like a butler. It's called generally
you are sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I'm better than you. I think, I think probably there's
something along the lines of like disorder. I don't know,
doesn't excuse it, but at least so if he got med,
I guess the question is does opo their partner financial compensation.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
That's what we will find out.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Now as we face the end of our relationship. Diagnostically,
this is due to ME lying dim a lot, and
on his end, he is a textbook case of vulnerable narcissism.
These son, I don't think it's true. He does. He
is vulnerable narcisism and op is lies a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
He is demanding finances so he can start over in
his life, given that he doesn't really own anything that
I didn't buy. Right now, he's asking for the tools,
the tattoo coverage, the electronics seventeen K, asking for me
to pay off the credit card in his name, twenty
two K of shared household expenses WHOA. He wants about
six K in cash, and he wants the twenty eight
(14:44):
K car as well, of which he promised to pay
me back for someday. But I have no faith he
ever would, because in his eyes, as I have a
middle management job that pays six figures, these costs all
seem perfectly reasonable for me to replace the loss of
seven three thousand dollars of assets. I have about fifty
K in assets in a private account of my own
(15:06):
for savings, because it's a smaller blow to me as
a high earner, and he wouldn't have the job history
slash finances to deal with a twenty two K credit card,
let alone buying a car so he can go to work,
and he will need the tools and equipment as well
because job stuff. I suppose giving him everything would mean
I'd wipe out my life savings and have to take
(15:27):
on twenty two K and new debt to replace the
car he wants. He believes because I have one hundred
K of a four toh one K retirement account, I
can dip into that this shouldn't be a big deal
for me. Pause. No, I don't think you should give
him this money. Doesn't excuse your behavior.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Such a weird relationship.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Very weird, like they're both at fault in different ways.
But he's like, I want all of your money now.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I feel like this is like a drama. Yeah, yeah,
like this doesn't seem realch I understand that he feels
like it's going to be really hard for him to
get out in the world. And support himself, like right
off the bat, and that's fair. It's like, yeah, you've
had this job for the past twenty years. Yeah, and
I'm going to have not had a job making more money,
(16:17):
like I've been here supporting you in the house. Like, however,
you want to call the split blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah,
it is going to be hard for me to get
a job just because you have a gap in your start. Yeah,
Like what were we doing for the last twenty years? Oh,
I was a butler, butler for my partner significant other.
Yeah you know, you know we weren't married, no, no proof,
(16:40):
but that's what I was doing, I promise.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Cleaning experience.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yes, so I do understand that, Yes, like in an
actual divorce that there would be a lot about it.
Like imagine, flip the script. It's a guy, it's a girl.
The guy made the money for a long time, they
get divorced after twenty years, the girl usually gets to
be entitled to a certain like entitled to a lot
to like start her own life. Absolutely, so flipping the script,
(17:08):
it makes sense. Yeah, However, legally, legally he's not entitled
to any title. But what I do think should probably
happen is some sort of time period.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I always going to agree. Will you can stay here?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You can stay here while you actively get your life together. Yeah,
you have a year, or you have months or something
like that. A couple of months, yeah, months after twenty
years and not working and supporting this person.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, I think there is a fair amount that he
could ask for in terms of support. But asking for
her to pay for a new car for her to
pay for his future tattoos, it seems like because she's
already paid for the otherwise, it's pretty pretty ridiculous. I
would say he wants me to surrender all those assets
to him before he willingly leaves the house and returns
(17:58):
home to a family who already off to take him
in rent free. If I do that, he will willingly
sign any forms to disconnect our assets. We share a
name on which again is the car he wants in
the credit card he doesn't want that strictly benefits him.
I offered to make to maybe buy him a cheaper
car that isn't quite so much money, but he wasn't interested.
(18:19):
And I had planned on selling the tools to recoup
financial losses, but he wants them since I bought them
for him when he went to college. After I broke
it off earlier this week, he got very hurt and
angry with me for stringing us along for the past
year by lying vulnerable narcissm flirt up. He also felt
very insulted that I made an offer to give him
(18:40):
six thousand dollars. Oh my god. So I feel like
that's a lot, a lot to give someone you're breaking
up with. If he would willingly get on the plane
home by Friday, he now wants to interrogate me for
the truth in person so he understands what went wrong.
I don't feel safe around him due to his anger
issues and temper transtrums where he smashes possessions.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
And upset concerning That's tough.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So I am coming home early to dodge him from
picking me up at the airport for safety reasons right
now and moving him with friends until he leaves. He
has control of the house, car, and all of our
possessions inside. There's about seventy k and personal possessions of
mine in the home that I can't really retrieve or
move to a safe location where he can't smash them,
and I don't feel comfortable entering the home while he's there.
(19:25):
I don't want to remain friends with him after this.
Why would you doesn't make sense. I want him to
get on the plane back to his family and get
out of my life. I'm considering filing for protective order,
even though it's kind of over the top in terms
of how stable he's been acting to try it to
isolate me for his interrogation in the interest of making
it seem reasonable, he wants his friend present to oversee
(19:47):
the discussion between us, someone I am not mutual friends
with and don't know. He said I should bring someone
as well, though the only person I'd have available to
attend at that time is someone he and his friend
both deeply hate. The two of them are physically much
larger than us, and while he's never laid a hand
on me physically, he frequently smashes objects when he's angry enough. So,
(20:08):
by the way, you can join his live on YouTube
every weekday three pmpsd stappofa. I know this is getting long,
so I might realize I need to add more context later,
but I wanted to give a sense of things. Do
I just give him everything to make him go away?
Do I hire a lawyer to get involved to keep
my assets. Do I need to involve the police to
force him out? Do I subject myself to a phone
(20:29):
interrogation in the interest of trying to meet him halfway?
And those are the questions that op he's asking, But
that is the end of the story. What do you say?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
What's your answer? Phone idea?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
The phone idea to start the interrogation.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Whatever this interrogation is.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Oh calling him over and talking over.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Yeah, he's trying me.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
If you're worried about safety, then I think that's the.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Because there is a lot of gray area with this disorder,
and like, clearly he's got his issues. Yeah, he smashes
things when he gets mad. But apparently she also had
issues for like fifteen years. She said fourteen years, Yes,
how far.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
They were both kind of a fault in certain ways.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, I think they're both kind of weird people. But
I don't know. I think start with the phone call.
I don't know what he's trying to get out of it.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Just like I definitely don't think give him the money.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
I do not yet.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, I think maybe someone said lawyer and police.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, don't give him the satisfaction. Just yet I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I just think it's I think he's going to keep
demanding stuff from you if you give in to this,
I don't think you owe him that amount of money.
I think the six thousand dollars is more than fair.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I think there's got to be a timeline. I agree.
In addition, I can't. I don't think it's just a piece,
but will only have the new data of the free housing.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
The free housing like he's going home, Oh yeah, he's
going to his family. So it's not like he's going
to be on you know, on the streets or anything.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
But he doesn't need like a car. Yes, So I
think it is annoying that he said no to the
cheaper car. That means he's just not willing to like,
he's not willing.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
To make any exactly. He wants as much money as
he can get out of OPIE, which I think there
are certain scenarios where you know, a person has a
bunch of money and a person's like trying to like, oh,
this wouldn't actually, you know, hurt you financially, but this
would yeah, like savings completely wipe out all of OPC savings,
which would hurt OPIE financially, So yeah, I don't think
(22:26):
you should give those that money.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I never wanted to see my ex boyfriend again after
he cheated on me, but I still owe him money.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Oo back to the money is Shoes. I, twenty six
femal and my ex thirty one Mail broke up in
February of twenty twenty three.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
We were together since November of twenty nineteen, and during
our relationship, I was the one paying for most things.
I paid for food, dates, gas, activities, and basically anything
we purchased along the way. Our financial split was around
ninety ten percent, where I was paying ninety percent of
our day to day expenses before we move in together,
(23:05):
and on occasion, he would pay for a late night
dinner from a fast food restaurant, but when I would
offer to pay for dinner, we would end up going
to a restaurant where I would spend between sixty to
one hundred and fifty dollars for both of us to eat.
During this time, we were also smoking a lot of
Mary Jane. He smoked a lot more than I did,
nearly double, but I also paid for that ninety percent
(23:26):
of the time. My friends and family can attest this
financial split.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
So do we just learn that OP during the relationship
was paying for a lot of stuff? Is that the okay?
Including the Mary Jane? Yes, all right, let's keep going.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
By the way, This comes from budding Psycho on the
r slash okay storytime subreddit. About nine months into our relationship,
I was told by his friends that he had a
giant secret that I needed to know. However, none of
them would tell me themselves.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I'm so annoying. They're like, oh my god, I have
to tell you again.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Oh yeah, jusy a secret. Go to It's going to
change your life. Yeah, like, you will not be away.
I want to tell you so bad at them the
same way, you will never exist in this world no
like you did before knowing the secret. Through a lot
of arguing and me nearly deciding to leave because of this,
my ex finally told me that he had a child.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Whoa ah secret life's altering.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
A little girl about six years old from a previous relationship.
He was twenty one when this child was born, and
he was never involved in her life. According to him,
he was sending birthday gifts and paying child support.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
I would break up at that point if I find
if I found it like that a partner had a child,
one that they weren't involved with at all.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Is there is there a number of months though, where
they don't tell you about the child.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
I think you have to tell a partner that you
have a child right off the bat.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I don't think so, really, I think that like I
think the first week though, No, I think there's a window.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Damn. I don't know. I think. I think I guess
if you were involved in your child's life, if I
had a child then I was, you know, dating or something,
I would probably want that to be kind of known
right away to make sure that they're okay, you know,
that they would be okay in the future being involved
in this child, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I decided to move along with the relationship and eventually
moved in together. And while he did pay for his
portion of the rent and utilities, I paid for everything
else towls, bet sheets, all food, rugs, lamb, shower, geez
et cetera.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Everything basically based on the title how do you owe
him money?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, I'm very curious how we're going to get there.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
While we were living together, he opened up a credit
card and made me the authorized user. Now I have
to admit I did spend on this card for personal items,
but the majority of it was things for both of us, groceries,
tot the trees, et cetera. He would often lose his
wallet or leave it in the car, and so when
he wanted to spend on his car, he'd have me
pull out my off Rise user card in charge it.
(26:01):
This would make the spending on my card a lot
higher when the bill came. As he did this very often.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
He would he'd have me pull out my authorized user card.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Oh, so he's it's like her name, kids stuff behind
and so he's charging on her card like stuff that
he's buying. I think that's what that just said.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, but it's his account.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yes, yeah, but it looks like she's spending more even
though he's just borrowing her card. I think that's what
she's saying.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I was the only one paying the credit card bill.
The account racked up nearly forty five hundred from joint transactions.
I estimated that I paid around five to six hundred
dollars in the credit card bills while he was still
spending on the card. I had stopped spending on the
card at all. At this point and was just paying
it down. Okay. We moved out of this place in
January of twenty twenty three, and he decided he wanted
(26:51):
to move back in with his parents, so I looked
for a place of my own. During the time I
was looking for a place, my ex informed me that
his parents were taking a skiing for a week. I
told him I didn't really want to go, and that
he could go with his family and i'd see them
when I got back. A few days later, my ex
quote surprised me with ski tickets for the week with
his parents. I told him I said I didn't want
to go to which he replied, I figured you changed
(27:13):
your mind, always a good thing. I know what's best
for you.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, I thought I was right.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
On the first day of this trip, I fell and
broke my tibia at the knee, tore my acl and meniscus.
Ended up going to the er and having my mother
picked me up the very next day.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
This is horrible.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Didn't even want to go.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Didn't even want to go, and that's what you get. Damn,
that's really rough.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
That's so brutal. It was about five hours away. One
week later was my birthday. I told that day, my
ex told me that he was too tired to spend
my birthday evening with me, so he went home to sleep,
or so I thought. Two days after my birthday, I
found out that he'd been cheating. Oh my goodness. I
found out he had been cheating on me for two
years and that he was quote too tired on my
(28:01):
birthday he was actually meeting one of the girls he
was cheating with.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I also found out that he in fact had two kids,
not one from different women. When I confronted him, up,
do you tell this man any money?
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Why don't you tell someone about the second child?
Speaker 1 (28:20):
I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
If the first one is six months in, when's the
second child come up? Six months and one hour? Okay, No,
you space it out a little bit. You don't know
how many money?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You don't. I don't know what's going to happen in
the story. No, oh, this man, nah Jack, Now, you
can't keep getting away with this. He keeps getting worse
and worse and worse.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
This is why if I find out, like the second
that he found out that he had a child that
she like he didn't tell her about. Gone, I'm done.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Also, an split in a non marriage. That's that's biggest
red flags, huge red flag to me. Yeah, like if
you haven't made arrangements for your life to be like okay, well,
this is what my role is going to be, this
is what yours is going to be like, and it's okay.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
We were to take care of everything.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Like get out of town. When I confronted him about it,
he denied everything and told me I was being lied
to and I was paranoid. It's also worth mentioning that
when I had the government, it's the government they're.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Trying to They're trying to you that I'm a cheater.
It's notrew.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
It's also worth mentioning that when I was had suspicions
of him cheating in the past, he would tell me
that I was paranoid, overthinking and that my anxiety was
out of control. So I got on anti anxiety and
anti paranoia medication.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Ghastly you.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Then I was sent proof of everything, the cheating, the children,
and the fact that he had been lying to me
for three years. He was also not sending birthday gifts
or paying shout support. I ended things with him and
cut off all contact. Good good good. Over the next
nine months, I was in a wheelchair, then crutches, then
(30:06):
finally walking in October, a grand total of three surgeries,
an entire year of physical therapy, and a complete overhaul
of my life. During this time, I had to cancel
my lease on my new place and move in with
my mother. I lost my job and didn't qualify for unemployment.
Longer story, my car was repossessed, and I was heavily depressed.
I have now postraumatic arthritis in my knee and have
(30:26):
been assured by multiple doctors that I will need a
knee replacement before I'm forty.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
From that trip that she didn't want to go on.
Oh this is wow. You I think you need financial
compensation from him? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Through the great vine of friends, I heard that my
ex was mad that I still hadn't paid him back
for the credit card charges. He expected me to pay
the entire balance of the account, including late fees and
the interest charges. The account was in his name. I
was only an authorized user. So that's why I think
that it's not it falls on him. Yeah, I don't
(31:00):
think there's any legal.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah, so I think that we're unassuming. Yeah, it doesn't
fall on op.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
He also is refusing to show me a statement or
get an itemized bill from the credit card company. Now
at this point, I'm still penning on paying him, but
only what was charged on my card. I've been talking
to some close friends who knew him and knew about
our relationship and how it ended, and they're telling me
not to pay him back. They're telling me I paid,
(31:27):
that I paid more than paid my dues with him,
and that he doesn't deserve a penny of what he's
asking for. I see their point, but I can't help
but wonder if I'd be an a hole to not
pay anything. Please be kind in your responses. I'm just
looking for advice, and.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
My advice is that you join us live every week
to have three pm PSD just to have our profile.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Just do it quick edit. I wanted to clarify a
few things I got with this guy. When I was
in a very toxic and abusive household. Coupled with my
severe inexperience with men, I overlooked a lot of things
that I now recognize as red flags. A lack of
physical abuse can make psychological and financial abuse seem insignificant. Jeez,
I've decided not to pay him a penny. Aside from
(32:09):
what I could legally be required to pay, likely nothing,
I guess I just needed to make sure that the
people in my life telling me not to pay him
weren't just saying so out of love for me. I
also am in no way blaming him for my injury.
I went because his parents had already paid and they
were good to me when things but my own family
got hard. Regardless, I made the decision to go on
the trip, and I paid the consequences, including the story
(32:31):
of my injury, was just for context. Thank you for
all the responses. I honestly didn't expect this much activity
on the post.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
I think that's fair. I think I was gonna say, maybe,
just like the three hundred dollars that you said, you
you know, you bought for yourself.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Everything was ninety ten time.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
If you were paying for everything and he was charging
things on your card not willing to send the itemized statement, which.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Means, yeah, doesn't she doesn't even know what it's his
stuff that he was paying for Exactly.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
She's yeah, there's no proof that like what he asks,
the amount that he's asking for is actually changed that
she spent money on. Yeah, exactly, But that is the
end of that story, Blindbe says, send him an itemized
bill of your medical expenses since the ski trip and
ask him to pay for it. You're like, Okay, I
will pay for that if you favor this. Jellybud says fair,
(33:24):
and I searched legally. It's his credit card debt, even
if a judge ruled otherwise because credit card stays in
his name. Yeah, if it was under his name that
it wouldn't she wouldn't be affected. But that is the
end of that story. My friend freedd my wedding like
a waste of time, so I told her her friendship
was a waste of my time.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Boom roasted.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
My maid of honor was my best friend of close
to twenty years. Wow. We were very close. She was
in the delivery room when my son was born. I
introduced her to her boyfriend of over twenty years now,
so it was a no brainer when I got engaged
that she would be my maid of honor in my wedding.
By the way, this comes from after Tower twelve seventy
seven on the ok storytime separate it. So we had
(34:04):
always talked about being each other's made of honor. The
only problem is her boyfriend never wants to get married,
and I think that might be where this all stems from.
I always second to her in lots of things, especially
when it came to boys, but nonetheless here I was
engaged the love of my life and so happy. So
let's jump to wedding planning and all the things leading
(34:25):
up to the big day. She didn't attend dress shopping
day with the wedding party. I had to go with
her a different day to show her the dress the
girls would be wearing. I got phone calls for weeks
from the dress shop after the dresses came in, saying
she hadn't picked her dress up yet. This would play
an important piece later. She dropped by the shop every
day to work. I had to beg her to go
in and get the dress. I made almost all of
(34:45):
my decorations for my wedding and had a few girls'
nights with my wedding party to help with things. I
always invited her to join us, but she never at
the time to do so. Though it was no biggie
when it came to my wedding shower, she didn't have
the time again to really plan it. So my mother, sister,
and bridesmaids stepped in and did the work. She was
even late to the shower. She didn't want to plan
my bachelorette party either, so again my bridesmaid stepped in
(35:08):
to do it. She literally said she wanted to be your.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Maid of honor, and she's kind of yeah second, not first. Yeah,
because she wanted to get married first. She wanted to
do all these things for her.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
That's the thing she's tell us. We had a two
day event, with the first night going to one of
the girl's houses and just having a girl's night. She
showed up to this part of it and while there
whispered loud enough to my sister so I could hear
she was pregnant. I pretended not to hear because I
felt it was weird she was telling my sister and
not me. I had celebrated with her first pregnancy and
threw her baby shower and loved her daughter, so I
(35:39):
don't know why she was being secretive about telling me.
She didn't stay too long the first night of events
and didn't attend the next day when we went to
the lake. She's for sure jealous. After the bachelorette trip,
I didn't hear from her, but one time leading up
to wedding week. When she finally told me she was pregnant.
I told her it was wonderful news, and I was
overjoyed for her. This brings us up to wedding week.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Don't hand her a mike, No, don't hand her a mic.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
The week of my wedding started with disaster. I was
bit by a brown recluse spider. Oh my god, and
had a horrible reaction to it. Oh my god, did
you turn into Spider Man right before your wedding. I
was admitted to the hospital and was kept there for
two days. That is very scary, and I was in
panic mode. This was not how I imagine wedding week going.
I text my maid of honor to tell her what
(36:23):
was happening and how I had a list of things
I was supposed to be doing at that moment but
couldn't because I was in the hospital. Her response to
me was, Oh, I'm sure you'll get them done. I
was taken back a little. I thought maybe she was
finally going to step up and offer to help me some,
but she didn't. I was even ten minutes away from
where she lived, and she never came to see me.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
I did finally convince my doctor to release me so
I could get back to wedding week. The night of
rehearsals is when I finally had enough. She was late
to rehearsal and when there barely spoke to me. She
did tell my mom how she hadn't tried her dress
on at all since she picked it up from the shop.
My mom was shocked, but didn't want to tell me,
so instructed her she needed to try it on immediately
when she got home. She at this point was noticeably
(37:07):
pregnant and wasn't when she ordered it, so my mom
was worried about it fitting. So after everyone left, I
was with my sisters and another bridesmaid, who were all
staying at my house, when my sister informs me of
the conversation my maid of honor had with my mom
and how my sister just got a text from my
maid of honor stating that not only had she not
tried the dress on, she never even looked.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
In the bag.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
What is I mean? Like, at this point, if you're
so uninterested in being the maid of honor, say hey
I can't do this. Yeah, months, Like, why why are
you still.
Speaker 4 (37:39):
MVP players don't become VIMVP without blame exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
It was the wrong dress. I was so angry. I
don't understand if someone doesn't even look at the dress.
One time leading up to the event, my sister told
me not to worry, she would do the communicating with
the maid of honor. I decided at that moment she
would not be in the wedding if she didn't get
the right dress. Wedding morning comes and she's texting me
asking what she needs to do about the dress and
what shoes she's supposed to buy for the wedding On
(38:03):
the morning of the wedding. Was she going to just
drop by nordstromrac that day?
Speaker 3 (38:07):
Probably.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
I gave the phone to my sister and asked her
to handle it, that I couldn't stress about my maid
of honor anymore on my wedding day. Well, she got
lucky and the dress shop had her dress still and
she made it to the salon hours after everyone else.
Oh my gosh, yeah, YOI I was still upset, so
I kept my distance. My wedding party had the choice
to pay to get their hair done or we could
do their hair for them. She said she would do
(38:29):
her own hair, but changed her mind at the last
second and asked the girl at the salon to do
her hair, knowing she had no money on her This
I didn't know until a month later, So one of
my bridesmaid's moms paid for her hair, and she promised
to pay them mash. I doubt she will. I don't
like her, but you know who I do like us
and I like when you guys join us live every
(38:49):
weekday three pmpst on YouTube. Just tap her profile tbtdata
and there is a little bit left. But what the heck,
what are the one what's going on? Absolute entitlement, like
just just be there for your friend or tell her
that you can't be.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
I know that Op's going to look back at their
friendship and realize.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
She was putting a lot more effort in All of the.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
Things that they did were on her friend's timing, not hers.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Mmmmm exactly. But there is a little bit left to
the story. Well you can guess. The ninth goes by
and my bride'smaid told me what happened and how she
hasn't gotten the money back yet. I text my maid
of honor for the first time since the wedding, asking
her about the hair situation and if she was planning
on paying the other girl back. She said she was,
but was waiting to give it to me, and I
said she had plenty of time to do that. She
said she didn't know when I was back or if
(39:34):
I was back for my honeymoon. Yet I told her
that was ridiculous that she knows I could never afford
to be on a month long honeymoon. I'm a mom
and a teacher. She told me I was ridiculous and
she would get me the money. Two weeks later and
I was still asking for it. I finally told her
how I felt about her attitude the whole wedding. She
told me I made her feel like crap the day
of the wedding. Good, you should feel like crap. You
literally were stressing around because you couldn't get your dress
(39:56):
and your shoes in order and didn't help r att Ale.
And I didn't know how hard she she worked.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
On my wedding.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
You need to do in that wedding, Dame, Come on.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
I told her I needed a break from our friendship
and haven't spoken to her since. Did I ever react
or am I justified for cutting her off? You're justified.
Oh yeah, she I mean, she wasn't doing anything for
you at all, and then she was blaming you for it.
Just totally unfair. That was the end of that story.
My friend bullied my kids and refuses to take accountability.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
Bring bullies back?
Speaker 2 (40:24):
What I thirty seven female and my friend and fifty
seven female have known each other for roughly twelve years.
For the first part of the friendship, we were working
friends and later had the occasional outing on a weekend.
We lost contact in twenty seventeen while I was pregnant
with my first child, six male, and didn't regain contact
until fall of twenty twenty one. By the way, this
(40:46):
comes from soul Delight on the Okay Storytime suburd so
Anne has always been outspoken and very opinionated. She's very
much a my way or no way type person. This
trait can often make you feel like you have to
walk on eggshells to be around her. Even if you
can her opinion incorrect, she will still ignore it and
say something along the lines of I've done it this
long and it has in hurt me yet, Well, maybe
(41:07):
it's hurting other people around you.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Yeah, you're think about that, do you?
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Think about that. Do we think about anything other than ourselves?
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Oh, it doesn't sound like it.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
I've also never heard her apologize for anything at all ever.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Over the last three years, she's been a good friend
in the sense that she actively tries to find outings
for us to go on and it's generally fun to
be around. Okay, there has been a lot of memories
made on road trips, beach days and dinners together. She
seeks out holiday activities for my kids and has taken
on an aunt like role in their lives. I really
value this side of our friendship. Last winter, we had
(41:38):
made plans to take the kids for a picture with Santa.
Kids wear four female and five male. At the time,
it was a rainy, gross day and I fall victim
to bad midgrains in this type of weather and asked
if we could go to Costco prior to going to
a large mall in my town for the pictures. Nice
gotta go to Costcott to do at Costco trip. We
spent over two hours in Costco, landing us at the
(41:59):
mall at Santa rush hour. The line was huge and
we ended up waiting around forty five minutes for our turn,
I paid for a picture of just the kids. She
paid for a picture of all four of us. Through
this time, I've told her multiple times that my head
was hurting really bad and I need to wrap this
up quickly, and asked if he had time to go
to Walmart since it was in the mall and she
only needed a couple of things. The kids were over
(42:21):
it already, but I tried to muscle through it and
carry on. It ended up being an extended visit, sauntering
around with no sense of urgency at all.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Zero person.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
This drought me crazy.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Oh yeah, I know how impatient you are. You would
not like this at all.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
If I'm not feeling good and we're just walking around and.
Speaker 4 (42:37):
Be like Sophia is the worst person when she's not
feeling warm. It's true, I admit that it's It's really tough.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
I tried to forewarned people.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Like, I'm gonna be in a bad mood starting now.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, I know, I'm just like if I'm tired, guys,
I'm not gonna get a lot of sleep, not gonna
be in a good mid true.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
This one.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
We have to feed her like five times a day, yeah,
and give her like ten hours of sleep Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
The kids and I were progressed, getting more and more frustrated.
She decided we needed to go get prints of the
Santa pictures, which ended up being a big photodump from
her phone's camera roll. I reminded her again that I'm
barely holding on and needed to go. She said she
would pay for the pictures and I could go wait
in the car. Nice, but guilt tripped me after she
said it for agreeing with her. It was enough to
(43:19):
make me really angry. I told her as much, then
went to the car and cried, ohow to this day,
I have not seen any of those pictures, including my
kids Santa pictures that I paid for.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
Oh dang.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
This and one other very similar incident are the only
two times I outwardly showed her that I was aggravated
by her behavior. On Halloween. Anne has embedded herself in
our plans for the last couple of years. This year,
she wanted everyone to go as clowns from outer space.
She let my kids watch it on a sleepover. I
had never seen it. Now that I have, I don't
like it at all. My son originally loved the idea,
(43:51):
but really wanted to be Deadpool. My daughter did not
want to be a clown. She's very girly. She loves
fancy dresses and flashy things. When Anne realized no one
really liked her idea, she became very mute. About Halloween.
I messaged asking if she was still coming at noon
Halloween Day. I'll recount the rest in the text below,
except the fact that when I called from her driveway,
she told me the neighbors had already left. She wasn't coming,
(44:13):
and my response was poor, are you efing kidding? Me?
Blurted out, and I hung up, this being the only
time I have ever hung up on her from a
yere I'm going to include verbatim except for names. Two
longer text messages that I'd like input on. I don't
know if I should end this friendship or try to
fix it. My message to Anne Thursday, you asked to
give up your spot so Jen could come. I very
(44:35):
clearly responded that there was enough room for everyone. I
would have expected that point for common sense to kick
in and state that they're welcome to come, as room
for everyone is pretty direct. I then responded that it
wasn't an option to go or not, even though I'm
sick and that I wanted to be out between five
thirty and six. As stated, I messaged at five thirty
saying I was on the way and received no response
(44:56):
until I called from your driveway, so I wasted a
bunch of gas and over half an hour of time
The kids could have been out in dry weather, resulting
in ME being sick and out in the rain. The
biggest problem here, though, is the fact that instead of
owning your error and correcting it in turn showing that
you value the friendship, you've chosen to double down by
going no contact as you have in the past, proving
the friendship is in fact one side. To top it off,
(45:18):
you're sending me Netflix requests without telling me, so I
don't even see them while they're active. I don't know
what's going on with you, but having the kids around
you the last couple of months has been stressful. Dang,
You've yanked my daughter out of the car with the
door closing on her and scared her to the point
of tears. Aw They both fuss if I say we're
going to your house. My son outright said I don't
want to go there. She's so mean to us, and
(45:38):
daughter said, yeah, she told me I had a fence
in my mouth. Who The actual statement made was that
she had teeth so crooked it looked like a picket fence.
That in itself is absolutely appalling that someone at nearly
sixty would bully a five year old. Yeah, it's really embarrassing.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
Oh my god, why are.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
You commenting on a five year old's teeth. I value
this friendship. I enjoy a lot of the time we
spent togaein. These issues need to be worked on or
I'll have to choose my kid's safety and mental health.
I need for you to choose to level up as
a human instead of actively trying not to and response
to me five days later. First off, Netflix issues are
pretty standard. I figured you would know what I meant.
(46:15):
It says your TV isn't part of the Netflix household
for this account. Then it says update Netflix household and
it wants you to make sure this is your account.
I just sent the text. Oh boy, she's really upset
about that episode.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
Needs to watch.
Speaker 4 (46:28):
I need to reach I'm trying to watch Vampire Diaries
and you're getting out of me.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
No, an arcade and person want to do this.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
That's true. Look arcane person would have some self respect.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
Yeah, this is Vampire Diaries Rittel.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Secondly, no, I will never call back someone who swears
and hangs up on me. It's so disrespectful that I
should not have to reach out to you. First, I
was looking for Christmas pictures the other day and found
several of us from last year. My first thought was,
all of those are happening again soon, and we had
fun doing it last year. Then I remembered your son
had a snit fit at Grint because of the marshmallows,
(47:01):
and in picture Day you walked out on me in
Walmart and left me paying for your prints. Everything just
seems like a battle and wears me out some days,
which is why I explode. But you would never have
to explode if you join us a live every weekday
three PMPSD on YouTube. Just top our.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Profile tbty tap tap wow, and there is a little
bit left.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I know I need to change, but for me, not
anyone else, and I need to figure it out as
I go. My pills are almost done, so in a
couple months I'll see who I am without them and
see where I want to go. But you also need
a level up two the tantrums and pouting and hanging
up on me. Need to stop. I haven't felt one
hundred percent comfortable around you in a long time because
I never know when you're going to get pissed off.
(47:39):
This isn't fair to me. If you want to talk
about where we go from here or want to subvertize,
let me know what do I do from here? Am
I the ale for being upset in these situations and
for the fact that there is never an apology or
any accountability for actions.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
She just seems really toxic.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
She seems so toxic and your kids hater? Yeah, your
kids hater. She's toxic. She's not there for you, She
creates drama. Just leave her to be like, Hey, I'm
gonna make a lot easier. Yeah, I think we're gonna hrut.
Let's not be friends. Yeah, there we go, And now
she doesn't have to worry about you and she can
live up.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
You don't have to worry about her.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Man oh man. But that is the end of that story.
My friend ditched me after I went out of my
way for her. So I told her, our friendship is over.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
If you ditch, you end up in a ditch.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I thirty one female. Used to have a friend who
I will call Stacy twenty nine female. Stacy and I
were a bit different from each other. She has lots
of friends and love to go out and get a
drink or dance at the clubs. She loved makeup and
fashion and was an extrovert. I was more of an
introvert who would mostly stay by her at her parties
because I didn't know anyone else there. I don't drink,
don't know anything about fashion or makeup. But we had
(48:41):
a few shared interests in media that we bonded over.
By the way, this comes from beads and moon pies
on the Okay storytime separated, so I loved hanging out
with Stacy and we were friends for a few years.
I was even a bridesmaid at her wedding when she
got married to her husband, Lester, not real name. I
like to think she helped me come out of my shell,
and she certainly held me with what I wear and
how I do my makeup. To try to keep things short.
(49:03):
Things started taking a turn about a year ago. We
went on vacation with some of Stacy's friends and she
told me that she was going to try to hook
up with another girl. I asked her if her husband knew,
and she asked me to keep it a secret. No, no, no,
I'm sorry, no, hope, he says. I agreed, but only
because it wasn't my place or my business to tell
(49:24):
her husband what she was doing. If I were in
this position and a friend asked me to do this,
I would say, you cannot ask me to do that.
If they ask me, I will have to tell the truth.
I will not be part of this lie. Not long afterward,
she told me she told her husband and everything was
okay between them. I didn't know many details, and I
didn't ask again, not my business. Things were normal after
that and it was just never mentioned again. It may
(49:45):
not be your business specifically with their relationship, but like,
why do you want to? Like? Why do you want
to be friends with the person who does this? Fast
forward a few months and Stacy has another party. I
couldn't go because I had to work that night and
couldn't take off, but I did stop by to drop
off some snacks and games I had bought for people.
Everything seemed normal with her then, but then I received
a call. Not long afterwards. It was Stacy's husband asking
(50:08):
me if I knew where she was. They had apparently
gotten into a fight, and she had left worse. Her
husband told me that she had attacked him the morning
of their party and injured him pretty badly. I was shocked.
Stacy had never shown any signs of violence before. Her
husband told me that he suspected she had mental health
issues that needed medication, and also told me to be
careful around her since she was not acting like herself.
(50:29):
I tried to get in touch with her, but I
didn't receive anything until over a week later, and she
only told me that she was okay. Over the next
few months, Stacy would end up getting arrested Baker acted
wreck her car and told me she punctured a guy's
tire after he'd said some awful things to her, So
she's going through something. She posted accusations against her husband
on Facebook and told people that he'd been abusing her.
(50:51):
At this point, I was keeping my distance and the
only time Stacy contacted me were to ask me for
a place to stay or other things that she needed,
or trash talk her husband and say how she was
going to get her revenge against him. That's scary. Finally,
after some more time, she revealed to me that she
and her husband had made up and she wanted to
talk to me. I honestly don't know if I would
ever talk to this person again. The next time I
(51:12):
saw her, she told me that the whole thing had
been one giant breakdown cause by her untreated mental disorder bipolar.
She was now in a state of depression since she
had gotten fire from her very good job and her
friends were no longer talking to her. I listened to
her carefully as she stated that nothing brought her joy anymore,
not the shows we used to watch, not makeup, not fashion,
not even going out. She said she had no job
(51:34):
and no money, so no more shopping or going out.
If we hung out, it would have to be something
that didn't cost money. I was okay with that. I
usually paid for a lunches or bought her things before.
She asked me to give her another chance. I agreed,
but only so long as she was taking her medication
and getting the help she needed. She said she was
and she would. I don't personally know how I would
react in the situation, but I think it is fair
(51:55):
for OP to restart the friendship as long as all
of these you know, things are being made. Not long
after that, something happened that seemed to be the straw
that broke my back. I had asked her to go
see a movie with me. I bought her a ticket,
and I told her we would go get lunch after
and that would be my treat as well. She agreed,
and I told her when I would be by to
pick her up, since she no longer had a car.
While I was on my way to get her, she
(52:16):
texted me to say that she and her husband had
gone down the street to get something to eat, and
I didn't have to worry about being on time because
she was not at her house. I thought that was
a bit odd, but I shrugged it off. I stopped
at a gas station to refuel and even picked up
some snacks for us to share. I then drove to
her home and she wasn't there, So I waited and
waited and waited. The calls and texts I sent her
(52:37):
went unanswered. Time passed enough that we would be late
for the movie even if we'd left as soon as
she got home. I didn't know if she would even
be ready to go when she got back. Immediately, my
mind began to rearrange the schedule, we could get lunch
first and then catch a later showing of the movie.
But as I thought this, a voice in my head
asked me, why why was I rearranging this. I had
told her when I would be there. I had told
(52:57):
her when the movie was all she had to do
was wait for me to pick her up. And why
wasn't she answering she always had her phone in her hand,
so why wasn't she picking up it. Had already had
a bad day at work the previous day, and all
I wanted to do was spend some time with my
friend and catch a movie. I started feeling angry at her,
and I decided to just leave. Why wait for her?
When I got home, she called me. I didn't answer it.
(53:18):
She texted me an apology, saying she would take me
out to lunch to make up for it. I ignored
that too. I was angry and didn't want to lash
out at her. The next day, I texted her back.
I asked her why she didn't answer me when I
tried to call her before the movie. She told me
she didn't hear her phone ring in the diner they'd
gone to. I asked her why she'd even left when
she knew I was coming to get her. She said
she just wanted to get something to eat and time
had gotten away from her. That is not a good
(53:39):
enough Flix use. But time will never get away from
you if you Twinas live every weekda at three pmpst
on YouTube. Just have her robile. Yeah. I don't think
you owe this person anything. I think that she's mistreated you,
and you already gave her a second chance. So there's
just not much point, I think in continuing this relationship
that is hurting you. At that point, I was angry again.
She continued to give me excuses and apologies, but I
(54:01):
was done. After everything that had happened, I felt like
I didn't matter to her. I had always put her
feelings first before because I'm a huge people pleaser, but
she couldn't consider me just once. Was this how things
were going to go if I kept hanging out with her.
I told her I was done and our friendship was over.
She told me she didn't want to lose our friendship
because of one missed movie, but I didn't respond. My
family thinks I did the right thing, but I can't
(54:24):
help but feel guilty. Am I the a hole? No?
You were not the a hole. You gave her another chance.
As I said, you tried multiple times to have a
friendship with her and be there for her. Right now,
at least, she can't be there for you, and it
is not your responsibility to just keep hurting yourself to
help her. But that is the end of that story.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
If you want more stories like this, search for our
podcast Okay Storytime on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you
listen to podcasts.
My boyfriend's X isn't over him. He's dating me for now,
but his ex is still trying to steal him from me.
Don't let him, don't let him, don't let him, or
just move on to a completely different centeria. I am
twenty one female, my boyfriend twenty four male as an
ex who will call River twenty two male. For the
sake of simplicity, we'll just call my boyfriend Bee. Anyways,
(00:21):
his relationship with his ex was complicated and extremely unpleasant.
I feel like for context as to why I'm upset
about this, it would be helpful for me to describe
just how bad the relationship was. And by the way,
this comes from u slash ht begac free on r
slash okay storytime subreddit. Starting in high school, my boyfriend
(00:43):
began to develop the idea that he was ugly all
he has a tooth gap and kids would make fun
of him for it. By the time he got to college,
he was completely torn down, confidence wise, and genuinely believed
he would never find love.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Sad.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That's sad. One of his friends, River, who at the
time was woman, asked him out. He figured why not
because they were close friends. He soon realized he didn't
like them, but by that point River had become awful
to him.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Somebody was like, man, okay, sure, yeah, what he likes
me and that's a good thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
They wouldn't allow him to watch movies or listen to
music he liked, and tried to make him only interested
in media they were interested in. One thing about my
boyfriend is that he loves playing guitar and writing songs. Ay,
every time he tried to play the guitar or show
them new songs he had written, River would tell them
(01:38):
that it sounded bad and they didn't want to hear
and that he should just stop.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
That's so rude.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
That's awful. Oh my god, that's awful.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I can't imagine saying that. To say that somebody, like
if I was like reading them a poem or like
something that I wrote, and they were.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Like, that kind of sucks really bad. You shouldn't do
that again.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah, don't you should. You should go into another career.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
So, even though my boyfriend realized that he didn't like River,
he was beaten down and stayed. River also made him
feel bad about himself and like he would never find
anyone else. About two weeks into their relationship, River said
I love you, and BF thanked him and said he
cares deeply about them, he's not ready to say I
love you yet. And River lost it.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Two weeks into the relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Weeks that's crazy, very early. Apparently they started getting really angry.
I know they didn't attack him. I believe they threw things.
I do know that they started screaming loud enough for
other people to hear and think they were being hurt
in some way. They threw themselves on the ground like
a toddler and grabbed his arms to make him stay.
(02:45):
He started having a panic attack, and so to get
it to stop, he said he loved them too.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
River sounds awful, genuinely awful. Yeah, why would you want
your partner to be like like what, That's not how
you That's not how you do it.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
That's not how you do it this relationship thing.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But I don't think that's how you do it.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
You put him down and Okay, don't do that. What hey, guys,
what not to do? Don't do it?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Don't don't do it, guys, don't tell your partner that
you need to do it.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Don't do it. A few weeks later, my boyfriend's family
visited and met boyfriend in River for dinner. Right away,
River made it very obvious that they didn't like his family,
incredibly rude. They swore at his parents and was super
rude to his little brother. Was middle school or early
high school at the time. I had a boyfriend who
did this at one point, and my therapist warned me
(03:46):
that he may have been trying to slowly drive a
wedge between me and my family. So it's possible this
is what River was doing.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I think he's trying to isolate, Oh he's boyfriend from.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Every manipulate him and do whatever you want. River wanted
boyfriend to stay overnight at their place, but boyfriend physically couldn't.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
River.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
It went five to seven days in between showers.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It sounds like they're depressed. Yeah, it sounds like they're
going through a lot. And then they're putting that all
on Op's boyfriend projection. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Wow, left moldy food in their bedroom and often had
straight cheetos and chips in their beds.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh and this is in Is this in the boy's
boyfriend's place?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
I don't know, or is this show?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Oh yeah, maybe they're so River and the boy Opie's
boyfriend were dating in college.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah. Something I should add at this point is that
this is not stuff I've heard from my boyfriend. The
ex's friends confirmed it, and you can see the photos
that they were very dirty and greasy all the time. Gotcha. Anyways,
River at some point realized that they were trans They
announced to everyone that they were going by He him
they them pronouns. Now, my boyfriend is straight, and so
(05:00):
he sat them down a few days later and explained
that they could absolutely be friends, but now that River
identified as a man, he couldn't be with them. Yeah,
which is fair.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Rivers seemed to take this well. Obviously they were upset,
but they acted pretty good. He word acted. Unfortunately. Boyfriend
and River were already living together yikes, luckily in separate
bedrooms during college for aforementioned reasons with a few other roommates. Gotcha.
So they have like a house or apartment something. Over
the course of the next few months, they started yelling
(05:33):
at BF constantly saying that he does still love them,
and that now he really loves them, and they're a
man now he's gay.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just gas lighting, just gas lighting. Crazy, It's like, you
have to love me. I know I have manipulated you
into loving me in the first place, but you have
to keep loving me.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
You love me and you're gay now I decide crazy.
They would honestly say, you're just confused right now, but
you're gay. I know you want to stay with me
wild That's not how you that's not how you do it.
That's not how you do it, that's not actually how
it works. Boyfriend started to get pretty depressed and doubt himself.
(06:16):
Understand to believe, do.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
You have this person who lives with you saying.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
All this stuff to make things worse. They were rooming
with other people from the queer club that River was
a part of, so they started piling on the gas lighting,
telling him the same things. What are these people anyways?
Their friends recognize what was happening and stood with boyfriend.
Boyfriend graduates, meets me, et cetera. During this time, I
(06:41):
had heard that River still loved and deeply regretted letting
boyfriend go, and that their mom even scolded them for it.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
What seems like it, they're not. They don't love Opie's boyfriend.
They're just obsessed with them or just need to control somebody.
And this happened to be the person in the vicinity.
A few months ago, I got a request on Instagram
that I didn't recognize, but I saw they were friends
with my boyfriend's friends, so I figured it was just
someone I hadn't met yet. I accepted it, and it
was River. I requested to fall back because I was curious,
(07:10):
and when I did, their account had only a few
photos on it, but most of it was photos of
my boyfriend. I felt super weird and uncomfortable, especially because
I know for a fact that River had another boyfriend
after my boyfriend, although I was told by a few
people they only dated that guy to try and upset boyfriend,
(07:32):
this being supported by the fact that boyfriend was graduating.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
They dumped the other guy. As I was looking at
these photos on River's page with a sick feeling in
my stomach, they started vanishing. River had seen who I
was and was frantically trying to take the photos.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Oh wait, wait, you but you saw the friend request River? Yeah,
River tried to follow. I don't understand. River's like, ooh, person,
I can follow, and then was like, wait, oh no,
there's you know, there's another This is my my ex's
new partner.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
My bud whoops or just wants to make them. Yeah,
I don't understand the deleting thing, m M. Anyway, you
know it won't get deleted our profile the stream and
you can tap it three pm PST and tune in
every weekday. I told my boyfriend about this, and he
said that he didn't want to bring this up because
he just ignored them. But River had tried to reach
(08:26):
out after boyfriend had been dating me for a couple
months by sending him memes, even though it was very
well known at this point that him and I were dating.
My boyfriend posted a video on TikTok a little bit
ago and I commented I love you, and River unfollowed him.
But TikTok shows you who's viewing your profile. That is crazy.
River must not realize this, and we can see that
(08:48):
they're still viewing his stuff. Boyfriend just block River, But
I'm so freaked out that they still seem to be
fixated on or at least interested in boyfriend both because
he's with me and River should respect that. But even
if he's single, they were so horrible to him. They
shouldn't be allowed to be in the same city as him.
How can I call my nerves about this.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
I think you guys both need to block River on
like all platforms.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I think that's the only solution here. I think he
is like, uh Op's boyfriend is right that he shouldn't
reach out about this. Who shouldn't try to tell her
to tell like his ope to you know, reach out
to River or anything. They should just go no contact
with him contact. They don't need to. They don't need
to start anything up with River because River seems kind
(09:34):
of crazy crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Yeah, And like the unfortunate nature of TikTok is that
River could probably make a burner account probably if their
stuff is public. Yeah, but then you just don't have
to have it be public. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Either either you can go private on your TikTok or
if you don't, you know, if you're posting things for
the public, then you're posting it for the public.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
But as long as they can't contact you and do weird.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Things, that is the main thing you need to watch
it for. I broke up with my partner of nineteen years,
but now he thinks I owe him seventy three thousand dollars.
I forty two female broke it off with my partner
forty two mail after nineteen years of being a couple
this week. There were a number of problems that we
(10:17):
couldn't resolved, and a long history of it being partially
both our faults on most things. We never officially married ever,
and our state has no common law. We had some
shared resources and credit cards seventy k in debt total
twenty two k directly in his name and forty eight
k directly in mine. We share a car loan together
with both names on it and registration paid sixteen K
(10:41):
twenty eight K left. Finally, we share a bank account
with about six K in it, tied to a three
hundred and forty K mortgage solely in my name. It
sounds like their finances are very tied together, which makes
it hard. I mean, after nine years, even if you
don't have a common law marriage or you know, leagally married,
you're gonna get a little bit mixed together to twine
(11:06):
find By the way, this comes from lamydia on the ars.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I was like, yo, what it comes from? Chlamydia? With
a K. The other resources and contention are about seven
thousand dollars in mechanics tools I bought him for college
and about three thousand dollars in personal electronics. I also
bought for him ten k and value together, as well
as about seven thousand dollars in tattoos on his skin.
(11:34):
I've paid for this year. You're paid for a lot here, Damn.
During this nineteen years together, I was the sole financial
income the entire time, until literally one month ago when
he finally got employment and started to contribute for the
first time.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Do they have kids, No.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
No kids, But they've been together for nineteen years and
their finances are super intertwined.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And so I don't know what happens next. But how
you going to say you owe me.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Everything? That's pretty ridiculous. And also I don't think you're
legally entitled to it if there's no common law.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah, it no longer is a wei. It's a me.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
It's a me, me against you. He made about a
fifth of my salary as a minimum wage worker during
this time. For all of these years, he has functioned
as a caretaker for me emotionally and physically in terms
of handling everything I never wanted to do, like errands, chores, yardwork, cooking, shopping,
et cetera. During these years, I psychologically emotionally mistreated him
(12:34):
as a butler servant. That's not good due to not
being on proper medication.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Okay, I would like to rescind my previous statement.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Now might need to be financial conversation. Room cut, wipe
the floors, get on your hands and knees, scrub it
with your toothbrushes. I figured if I paid for everything
and he took care of everything that wasn't that was
an income, that it was fair enough. It wasn't right
to mistreat him as a servant that I verbally abused.
(13:06):
But I also had a medical condition in my head
preventing me from thinking clearly until about five years ago
when I got proper medication, at which point I started
treating him as an equal.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Okay, So I want to believe people change. I want
to trust that that's a real thing, that this person had.
What medication, what sort of disorder leads you to Okay, narcissis.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
You can get meds for narcissism. I don't know needs
you to treat somebody like a butler. It's called generally
you are sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I'm better than you. I think, I think probably there's
something along the lines of like disorder. I don't know,
doesn't excuse it, but at least so if he got med,
I guess the question is does opo their partner financial compensation.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
That's what we will find out.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Now as we face the end of our relationship. Diagnostically,
this is due to ME lying dim a lot, and
on his end, he is a textbook case of vulnerable narcissism.
These son, I don't think it's true. He does. He
is vulnerable narcisism and op is lies a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
He is demanding finances so he can start over in
his life, given that he doesn't really own anything that
I didn't buy. Right now, he's asking for the tools,
the tattoo coverage, the electronics seventeen K, asking for me
to pay off the credit card in his name, twenty
two K of shared household expenses WHOA. He wants about
six K in cash, and he wants the twenty eight
(14:44):
K car as well, of which he promised to pay
me back for someday. But I have no faith he
ever would, because in his eyes, as I have a
middle management job that pays six figures, these costs all
seem perfectly reasonable for me to replace the loss of
seven three thousand dollars of assets. I have about fifty
K in assets in a private account of my own
(15:06):
for savings, because it's a smaller blow to me as
a high earner, and he wouldn't have the job history
slash finances to deal with a twenty two K credit card,
let alone buying a car so he can go to work,
and he will need the tools and equipment as well
because job stuff. I suppose giving him everything would mean
I'd wipe out my life savings and have to take
(15:27):
on twenty two K and new debt to replace the
car he wants. He believes because I have one hundred
K of a four toh one K retirement account, I
can dip into that this shouldn't be a big deal
for me. Pause. No, I don't think you should give
him this money. Doesn't excuse your behavior.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Such a weird relationship.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Very weird, like they're both at fault in different ways.
But he's like, I want all of your money now.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I feel like this is like a drama. Yeah, yeah,
like this doesn't seem realch I understand that he feels
like it's going to be really hard for him to
get out in the world. And support himself, like right
off the bat, and that's fair. It's like, yeah, you've
had this job for the past twenty years. Yeah, and
I'm going to have not had a job making more money,
(16:17):
like I've been here supporting you in the house. Like, however,
you want to call the split blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah,
it is going to be hard for me to get
a job just because you have a gap in your start. Yeah,
Like what were we doing for the last twenty years? Oh,
I was a butler, butler for my partner significant other.
Yeah you know, you know we weren't married, no, no proof,
(16:40):
but that's what I was doing, I promise.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Cleaning experience.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yes, so I do understand that, Yes, like in an
actual divorce that there would be a lot about it.
Like imagine, flip the script. It's a guy, it's a girl.
The guy made the money for a long time, they
get divorced after twenty years, the girl usually gets to
be entitled to a certain like entitled to a lot
to like start her own life. Absolutely, so flipping the script,
(17:08):
it makes sense. Yeah, However, legally, legally he's not entitled
to any title. But what I do think should probably
happen is some sort of time period.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I always going to agree. Will you can stay here?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You can stay here while you actively get your life together. Yeah,
you have a year, or you have months or something
like that. A couple of months, yeah, months after twenty
years and not working and supporting this person.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, I think there is a fair amount that he
could ask for in terms of support. But asking for
her to pay for a new car for her to
pay for his future tattoos, it seems like because she's
already paid for the otherwise, it's pretty pretty ridiculous. I
would say he wants me to surrender all those assets
to him before he willingly leaves the house and returns
(17:58):
home to a family who already off to take him
in rent free. If I do that, he will willingly
sign any forms to disconnect our assets. We share a
name on which again is the car he wants in
the credit card he doesn't want that strictly benefits him.
I offered to make to maybe buy him a cheaper
car that isn't quite so much money, but he wasn't interested.
(18:19):
And I had planned on selling the tools to recoup
financial losses, but he wants them since I bought them
for him when he went to college. After I broke
it off earlier this week, he got very hurt and
angry with me for stringing us along for the past
year by lying vulnerable narcissm flirt up. He also felt
very insulted that I made an offer to give him
(18:40):
six thousand dollars. Oh my god. So I feel like
that's a lot, a lot to give someone you're breaking
up with. If he would willingly get on the plane
home by Friday, he now wants to interrogate me for
the truth in person so he understands what went wrong.
I don't feel safe around him due to his anger
issues and temper transtrums where he smashes possessions.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
And upset concerning That's tough.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So I am coming home early to dodge him from
picking me up at the airport for safety reasons right
now and moving him with friends until he leaves. He
has control of the house, car, and all of our
possessions inside. There's about seventy k and personal possessions of
mine in the home that I can't really retrieve or
move to a safe location where he can't smash them,
and I don't feel comfortable entering the home while he's there.
(19:25):
I don't want to remain friends with him after this.
Why would you doesn't make sense. I want him to
get on the plane back to his family and get
out of my life. I'm considering filing for protective order,
even though it's kind of over the top in terms
of how stable he's been acting to try it to
isolate me for his interrogation in the interest of making
it seem reasonable, he wants his friend present to oversee
(19:47):
the discussion between us, someone I am not mutual friends
with and don't know. He said I should bring someone
as well, though the only person I'd have available to
attend at that time is someone he and his friend
both deeply hate. The two of them are physically much
larger than us, and while he's never laid a hand
on me physically, he frequently smashes objects when he's angry enough. So,
(20:08):
by the way, you can join his live on YouTube
every weekday three pmpsd stappofa. I know this is getting long,
so I might realize I need to add more context later,
but I wanted to give a sense of things. Do
I just give him everything to make him go away?
Do I hire a lawyer to get involved to keep
my assets. Do I need to involve the police to
force him out? Do I subject myself to a phone
(20:29):
interrogation in the interest of trying to meet him halfway?
And those are the questions that op he's asking, But
that is the end of the story. What do you say?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
What's your answer? Phone idea?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
The phone idea to start the interrogation.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Whatever this interrogation is.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Oh calling him over and talking over.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Yeah, he's trying me.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
If you're worried about safety, then I think that's the.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Because there is a lot of gray area with this disorder,
and like, clearly he's got his issues. Yeah, he smashes
things when he gets mad. But apparently she also had
issues for like fifteen years. She said fourteen years, Yes,
how far.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
They were both kind of a fault in certain ways.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, I think they're both kind of weird people. But
I don't know. I think start with the phone call.
I don't know what he's trying to get out of it.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Just like I definitely don't think give him the money.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
I do not yet.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, I think maybe someone said lawyer and police.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, don't give him the satisfaction. Just yet I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I just think it's I think he's going to keep
demanding stuff from you if you give in to this,
I don't think you owe him that amount of money.
I think the six thousand dollars is more than fair.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I think there's got to be a timeline. I agree.
In addition, I can't. I don't think it's just a piece,
but will only have the new data of the free housing.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
The free housing like he's going home, Oh yeah, he's
going to his family. So it's not like he's going
to be on you know, on the streets or anything.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
But he doesn't need like a car. Yes, So I
think it is annoying that he said no to the
cheaper car. That means he's just not willing to like,
he's not willing.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
To make any exactly. He wants as much money as
he can get out of OPIE, which I think there
are certain scenarios where you know, a person has a
bunch of money and a person's like trying to like, oh,
this wouldn't actually, you know, hurt you financially, but this
would yeah, like savings completely wipe out all of OPC savings,
which would hurt OPIE financially, So yeah, I don't think
(22:26):
you should give those that money.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I never wanted to see my ex boyfriend again after
he cheated on me, but I still owe him money.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Oo back to the money is Shoes. I, twenty six
femal and my ex thirty one Mail broke up in
February of twenty twenty three.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
We were together since November of twenty nineteen, and during
our relationship, I was the one paying for most things.
I paid for food, dates, gas, activities, and basically anything
we purchased along the way. Our financial split was around
ninety ten percent, where I was paying ninety percent of
our day to day expenses before we move in together,
(23:05):
and on occasion, he would pay for a late night
dinner from a fast food restaurant, but when I would
offer to pay for dinner, we would end up going
to a restaurant where I would spend between sixty to
one hundred and fifty dollars for both of us to eat.
During this time, we were also smoking a lot of
Mary Jane. He smoked a lot more than I did,
nearly double, but I also paid for that ninety percent
(23:26):
of the time. My friends and family can attest this
financial split.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
So do we just learn that OP during the relationship
was paying for a lot of stuff? Is that the okay?
Including the Mary Jane? Yes, all right, let's keep going.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
By the way, This comes from budding Psycho on the
r slash okay storytime subreddit. About nine months into our relationship,
I was told by his friends that he had a
giant secret that I needed to know. However, none of
them would tell me themselves.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I'm so annoying. They're like, oh my god, I have
to tell you again.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Oh yeah, jusy a secret. Go to It's going to
change your life. Yeah, like, you will not be away.
I want to tell you so bad at them the
same way, you will never exist in this world no
like you did before knowing the secret. Through a lot
of arguing and me nearly deciding to leave because of this,
my ex finally told me that he had a child.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Whoa ah secret life's altering.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
A little girl about six years old from a previous relationship.
He was twenty one when this child was born, and
he was never involved in her life. According to him,
he was sending birthday gifts and paying child support.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
I would break up at that point if I find
if I found it like that a partner had a child,
one that they weren't involved with at all.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Is there is there a number of months though, where
they don't tell you about the child.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
I think you have to tell a partner that you
have a child right off the bat.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I don't think so, really, I think that like I
think the first week though, No, I think there's a window.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Damn. I don't know. I think. I think I guess
if you were involved in your child's life, if I
had a child then I was, you know, dating or something,
I would probably want that to be kind of known
right away to make sure that they're okay, you know,
that they would be okay in the future being involved
in this child, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I decided to move along with the relationship and eventually
moved in together. And while he did pay for his
portion of the rent and utilities, I paid for everything
else towls, bet sheets, all food, rugs, lamb, shower, geez
et cetera.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Everything basically based on the title how do you owe
him money?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, I'm very curious how we're going to get there.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
While we were living together, he opened up a credit
card and made me the authorized user. Now I have
to admit I did spend on this card for personal items,
but the majority of it was things for both of us, groceries,
tot the trees, et cetera. He would often lose his
wallet or leave it in the car, and so when
he wanted to spend on his car, he'd have me
pull out my off Rise user card in charge it.
(26:01):
This would make the spending on my card a lot
higher when the bill came. As he did this very often.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
He would he'd have me pull out my authorized user card.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Oh, so he's it's like her name, kids stuff behind
and so he's charging on her card like stuff that
he's buying. I think that's what that just said.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, but it's his account.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yes, yeah, but it looks like she's spending more even
though he's just borrowing her card. I think that's what
she's saying.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I was the only one paying the credit card bill.
The account racked up nearly forty five hundred from joint transactions.
I estimated that I paid around five to six hundred
dollars in the credit card bills while he was still
spending on the card. I had stopped spending on the
card at all. At this point and was just paying
it down. Okay. We moved out of this place in
January of twenty twenty three, and he decided he wanted
(26:51):
to move back in with his parents, so I looked
for a place of my own. During the time I
was looking for a place, my ex informed me that
his parents were taking a skiing for a week. I
told him I didn't really want to go, and that
he could go with his family and i'd see them
when I got back. A few days later, my ex
quote surprised me with ski tickets for the week with
his parents. I told him I said I didn't want
to go to which he replied, I figured you changed
(27:13):
your mind, always a good thing. I know what's best
for you.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, I thought I was right.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
On the first day of this trip, I fell and
broke my tibia at the knee, tore my acl and meniscus.
Ended up going to the er and having my mother
picked me up the very next day.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
This is horrible.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Didn't even want to go.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Didn't even want to go, and that's what you get. Damn,
that's really rough.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
That's so brutal. It was about five hours away. One
week later was my birthday. I told that day, my
ex told me that he was too tired to spend
my birthday evening with me, so he went home to sleep,
or so I thought. Two days after my birthday, I
found out that he'd been cheating. Oh my goodness. I
found out he had been cheating on me for two
years and that he was quote too tired on my
(28:01):
birthday he was actually meeting one of the girls he
was cheating with.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I also found out that he in fact had two kids,
not one from different women. When I confronted him, up,
do you tell this man any money?
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Why don't you tell someone about the second child?
Speaker 1 (28:20):
I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
If the first one is six months in, when's the
second child come up? Six months and one hour? Okay, No,
you space it out a little bit. You don't know
how many money?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You don't. I don't know what's going to happen in
the story. No, oh, this man, nah Jack, Now, you
can't keep getting away with this. He keeps getting worse
and worse and worse.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
This is why if I find out, like the second
that he found out that he had a child that
she like he didn't tell her about. Gone, I'm done.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Also, an split in a non marriage. That's that's biggest
red flags, huge red flag to me. Yeah, like if
you haven't made arrangements for your life to be like okay, well,
this is what my role is going to be, this
is what yours is going to be like, and it's okay.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
We were to take care of everything.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Like get out of town. When I confronted him about it,
he denied everything and told me I was being lied
to and I was paranoid. It's also worth mentioning that
when I had the government, it's the government they're.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Trying to They're trying to you that I'm a cheater.
It's notrew.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
It's also worth mentioning that when I was had suspicions
of him cheating in the past, he would tell me
that I was paranoid, overthinking and that my anxiety was
out of control. So I got on anti anxiety and
anti paranoia medication.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Ghastly you.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Then I was sent proof of everything, the cheating, the children,
and the fact that he had been lying to me
for three years. He was also not sending birthday gifts
or paying shout support. I ended things with him and
cut off all contact. Good good good. Over the next
nine months, I was in a wheelchair, then crutches, then
(30:06):
finally walking in October, a grand total of three surgeries,
an entire year of physical therapy, and a complete overhaul
of my life. During this time, I had to cancel
my lease on my new place and move in with
my mother. I lost my job and didn't qualify for unemployment.
Longer story, my car was repossessed, and I was heavily depressed.
I have now postraumatic arthritis in my knee and have
(30:26):
been assured by multiple doctors that I will need a
knee replacement before I'm forty.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
From that trip that she didn't want to go on.
Oh this is wow. You I think you need financial
compensation from him? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Through the great vine of friends, I heard that my
ex was mad that I still hadn't paid him back
for the credit card charges. He expected me to pay
the entire balance of the account, including late fees and
the interest charges. The account was in his name. I
was only an authorized user. So that's why I think
that it's not it falls on him. Yeah, I don't
(31:00):
think there's any legal.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah, so I think that we're unassuming. Yeah, it doesn't
fall on op.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
He also is refusing to show me a statement or
get an itemized bill from the credit card company. Now
at this point, I'm still penning on paying him, but
only what was charged on my card. I've been talking
to some close friends who knew him and knew about
our relationship and how it ended, and they're telling me
not to pay him back. They're telling me I paid,
(31:27):
that I paid more than paid my dues with him,
and that he doesn't deserve a penny of what he's
asking for. I see their point, but I can't help
but wonder if I'd be an a hole to not
pay anything. Please be kind in your responses. I'm just
looking for advice, and.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
My advice is that you join us live every week
to have three pm PSD just to have our profile.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Just do it quick edit. I wanted to clarify a
few things I got with this guy. When I was
in a very toxic and abusive household. Coupled with my
severe inexperience with men, I overlooked a lot of things
that I now recognize as red flags. A lack of
physical abuse can make psychological and financial abuse seem insignificant. Jeez,
I've decided not to pay him a penny. Aside from
(32:09):
what I could legally be required to pay, likely nothing,
I guess I just needed to make sure that the
people in my life telling me not to pay him
weren't just saying so out of love for me. I
also am in no way blaming him for my injury.
I went because his parents had already paid and they
were good to me when things but my own family
got hard. Regardless, I made the decision to go on
the trip, and I paid the consequences, including the story
(32:31):
of my injury, was just for context. Thank you for
all the responses. I honestly didn't expect this much activity
on the post.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
I think that's fair. I think I was gonna say, maybe,
just like the three hundred dollars that you said, you
you know, you bought for yourself.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Everything was ninety ten time.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
If you were paying for everything and he was charging
things on your card not willing to send the itemized statement, which.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Means, yeah, doesn't she doesn't even know what it's his
stuff that he was paying for Exactly.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
She's yeah, there's no proof that like what he asks,
the amount that he's asking for is actually changed that
she spent money on. Yeah, exactly, But that is the
end of that story, Blindbe says, send him an itemized
bill of your medical expenses since the ski trip and
ask him to pay for it. You're like, Okay, I
will pay for that if you favor this. Jellybud says fair,
(33:24):
and I searched legally. It's his credit card debt, even
if a judge ruled otherwise because credit card stays in
his name. Yeah, if it was under his name that
it wouldn't she wouldn't be affected. But that is the
end of that story. My friend freedd my wedding like
a waste of time, so I told her her friendship
was a waste of my time.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Boom roasted.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
My maid of honor was my best friend of close
to twenty years. Wow. We were very close. She was
in the delivery room when my son was born. I
introduced her to her boyfriend of over twenty years now,
so it was a no brainer when I got engaged
that she would be my maid of honor in my wedding.
By the way, this comes from after Tower twelve seventy
seven on the ok storytime separate it. So we had
(34:04):
always talked about being each other's made of honor. The
only problem is her boyfriend never wants to get married,
and I think that might be where this all stems from.
I always second to her in lots of things, especially
when it came to boys, but nonetheless here I was
engaged the love of my life and so happy. So
let's jump to wedding planning and all the things leading
(34:25):
up to the big day. She didn't attend dress shopping
day with the wedding party. I had to go with
her a different day to show her the dress the
girls would be wearing. I got phone calls for weeks
from the dress shop after the dresses came in, saying
she hadn't picked her dress up yet. This would play
an important piece later. She dropped by the shop every
day to work. I had to beg her to go
in and get the dress. I made almost all of
(34:45):
my decorations for my wedding and had a few girls'
nights with my wedding party to help with things. I
always invited her to join us, but she never at
the time to do so. Though it was no biggie
when it came to my wedding shower, she didn't have
the time again to really plan it. So my mother, sister,
and bridesmaids stepped in and did the work. She was
even late to the shower. She didn't want to plan
my bachelorette party either, so again my bridesmaid stepped in
(35:08):
to do it. She literally said she wanted to be your.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Maid of honor, and she's kind of yeah second, not first. Yeah,
because she wanted to get married first. She wanted to
do all these things for her.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
That's the thing she's tell us. We had a two
day event, with the first night going to one of
the girl's houses and just having a girl's night. She
showed up to this part of it and while there
whispered loud enough to my sister so I could hear
she was pregnant. I pretended not to hear because I
felt it was weird she was telling my sister and
not me. I had celebrated with her first pregnancy and
threw her baby shower and loved her daughter, so I
(35:39):
don't know why she was being secretive about telling me.
She didn't stay too long the first night of events
and didn't attend the next day when we went to
the lake. She's for sure jealous. After the bachelorette trip,
I didn't hear from her, but one time leading up
to wedding week. When she finally told me she was pregnant.
I told her it was wonderful news, and I was
overjoyed for her. This brings us up to wedding week.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Don't hand her a mike, No, don't hand her a mic.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
The week of my wedding started with disaster. I was
bit by a brown recluse spider. Oh my god, and
had a horrible reaction to it. Oh my god, did
you turn into Spider Man right before your wedding. I
was admitted to the hospital and was kept there for
two days. That is very scary, and I was in
panic mode. This was not how I imagine wedding week going.
I text my maid of honor to tell her what
(36:23):
was happening and how I had a list of things
I was supposed to be doing at that moment but
couldn't because I was in the hospital. Her response to
me was, Oh, I'm sure you'll get them done. I
was taken back a little. I thought maybe she was
finally going to step up and offer to help me some,
but she didn't. I was even ten minutes away from
where she lived, and she never came to see me.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
I did finally convince my doctor to release me so
I could get back to wedding week. The night of
rehearsals is when I finally had enough. She was late
to rehearsal and when there barely spoke to me. She
did tell my mom how she hadn't tried her dress
on at all since she picked it up from the shop.
My mom was shocked, but didn't want to tell me,
so instructed her she needed to try it on immediately
when she got home. She at this point was noticeably
(37:07):
pregnant and wasn't when she ordered it, so my mom
was worried about it fitting. So after everyone left, I
was with my sisters and another bridesmaid, who were all
staying at my house, when my sister informs me of
the conversation my maid of honor had with my mom
and how my sister just got a text from my
maid of honor stating that not only had she not
tried the dress on, she never even looked.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
In the bag.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
What is I mean? Like, at this point, if you're
so uninterested in being the maid of honor, say hey
I can't do this. Yeah, months, Like, why why are
you still.
Speaker 4 (37:39):
MVP players don't become VIMVP without blame exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
It was the wrong dress. I was so angry. I
don't understand if someone doesn't even look at the dress.
One time leading up to the event, my sister told
me not to worry, she would do the communicating with
the maid of honor. I decided at that moment she
would not be in the wedding if she didn't get
the right dress. Wedding morning comes and she's texting me
asking what she needs to do about the dress and
what shoes she's supposed to buy for the wedding On
(38:03):
the morning of the wedding. Was she going to just
drop by nordstromrac that day?
Speaker 3 (38:07):
Probably.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
I gave the phone to my sister and asked her
to handle it, that I couldn't stress about my maid
of honor anymore on my wedding day. Well, she got
lucky and the dress shop had her dress still and
she made it to the salon hours after everyone else.
Oh my gosh, yeah, YOI I was still upset, so
I kept my distance. My wedding party had the choice
to pay to get their hair done or we could
do their hair for them. She said she would do
(38:29):
her own hair, but changed her mind at the last
second and asked the girl at the salon to do
her hair, knowing she had no money on her This
I didn't know until a month later, So one of
my bridesmaid's moms paid for her hair, and she promised
to pay them mash. I doubt she will. I don't
like her, but you know who I do like us
and I like when you guys join us live every
(38:49):
weekday three pmpst on YouTube. Just tap her profile tbtdata
and there is a little bit left. But what the heck,
what are the one what's going on? Absolute entitlement, like
just just be there for your friend or tell her
that you can't be.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
I know that Op's going to look back at their
friendship and realize.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
She was putting a lot more effort in All of the.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
Things that they did were on her friend's timing, not hers.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Mmmmm exactly. But there is a little bit left to
the story. Well you can guess. The ninth goes by
and my bride'smaid told me what happened and how she
hasn't gotten the money back yet. I text my maid
of honor for the first time since the wedding, asking
her about the hair situation and if she was planning
on paying the other girl back. She said she was,
but was waiting to give it to me, and I
said she had plenty of time to do that. She
said she didn't know when I was back or if
(39:34):
I was back for my honeymoon. Yet I told her
that was ridiculous that she knows I could never afford
to be on a month long honeymoon. I'm a mom
and a teacher. She told me I was ridiculous and
she would get me the money. Two weeks later and
I was still asking for it. I finally told her
how I felt about her attitude the whole wedding. She
told me I made her feel like crap the day
of the wedding. Good, you should feel like crap. You
literally were stressing around because you couldn't get your dress
(39:56):
and your shoes in order and didn't help r att Ale.
And I didn't know how hard she she worked.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
On my wedding.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
You need to do in that wedding, Dame, Come on.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
I told her I needed a break from our friendship
and haven't spoken to her since. Did I ever react
or am I justified for cutting her off? You're justified.
Oh yeah, she I mean, she wasn't doing anything for
you at all, and then she was blaming you for it.
Just totally unfair. That was the end of that story.
My friend bullied my kids and refuses to take accountability.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
Bring bullies back?
Speaker 2 (40:24):
What I thirty seven female and my friend and fifty
seven female have known each other for roughly twelve years.
For the first part of the friendship, we were working
friends and later had the occasional outing on a weekend.
We lost contact in twenty seventeen while I was pregnant
with my first child, six male, and didn't regain contact
until fall of twenty twenty one. By the way, this
(40:46):
comes from soul Delight on the Okay Storytime suburd so
Anne has always been outspoken and very opinionated. She's very
much a my way or no way type person. This
trait can often make you feel like you have to
walk on eggshells to be around her. Even if you
can her opinion incorrect, she will still ignore it and
say something along the lines of I've done it this
long and it has in hurt me yet, Well, maybe
(41:07):
it's hurting other people around you.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Yeah, you're think about that, do you?
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Think about that. Do we think about anything other than ourselves?
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Oh, it doesn't sound like it.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
I've also never heard her apologize for anything at all ever.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Over the last three years, she's been a good friend
in the sense that she actively tries to find outings
for us to go on and it's generally fun to
be around. Okay, there has been a lot of memories
made on road trips, beach days and dinners together. She
seeks out holiday activities for my kids and has taken
on an aunt like role in their lives. I really
value this side of our friendship. Last winter, we had
(41:38):
made plans to take the kids for a picture with Santa.
Kids wear four female and five male. At the time,
it was a rainy, gross day and I fall victim
to bad midgrains in this type of weather and asked
if we could go to Costco prior to going to
a large mall in my town for the pictures. Nice
gotta go to Costcott to do at Costco trip. We
spent over two hours in Costco, landing us at the
(41:59):
mall at Santa rush hour. The line was huge and
we ended up waiting around forty five minutes for our turn,
I paid for a picture of just the kids. She
paid for a picture of all four of us. Through
this time, I've told her multiple times that my head
was hurting really bad and I need to wrap this
up quickly, and asked if he had time to go
to Walmart since it was in the mall and she
only needed a couple of things. The kids were over
(42:21):
it already, but I tried to muscle through it and
carry on. It ended up being an extended visit, sauntering
around with no sense of urgency at all.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Zero person.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
This drought me crazy.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Oh yeah, I know how impatient you are. You would
not like this at all.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
If I'm not feeling good and we're just walking around and.
Speaker 4 (42:37):
Be like Sophia is the worst person when she's not
feeling warm. It's true, I admit that it's It's really tough.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
I tried to forewarned people.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Like, I'm gonna be in a bad mood starting now.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, I know, I'm just like if I'm tired, guys,
I'm not gonna get a lot of sleep, not gonna
be in a good mid true.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
This one.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
We have to feed her like five times a day, yeah,
and give her like ten hours of sleep Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
The kids and I were progressed, getting more and more frustrated.
She decided we needed to go get prints of the
Santa pictures, which ended up being a big photodump from
her phone's camera roll. I reminded her again that I'm
barely holding on and needed to go. She said she
would pay for the pictures and I could go wait
in the car. Nice, but guilt tripped me after she
said it for agreeing with her. It was enough to
(43:19):
make me really angry. I told her as much, then
went to the car and cried, ohow to this day,
I have not seen any of those pictures, including my
kids Santa pictures that I paid for.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
Oh dang.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
This and one other very similar incident are the only
two times I outwardly showed her that I was aggravated
by her behavior. On Halloween. Anne has embedded herself in
our plans for the last couple of years. This year,
she wanted everyone to go as clowns from outer space.
She let my kids watch it on a sleepover. I
had never seen it. Now that I have, I don't
like it at all. My son originally loved the idea,
(43:51):
but really wanted to be Deadpool. My daughter did not
want to be a clown. She's very girly. She loves
fancy dresses and flashy things. When Anne realized no one
really liked her idea, she became very mute. About Halloween.
I messaged asking if she was still coming at noon
Halloween Day. I'll recount the rest in the text below,
except the fact that when I called from her driveway,
she told me the neighbors had already left. She wasn't coming,
(44:13):
and my response was poor, are you efing kidding? Me?
Blurted out, and I hung up, this being the only
time I have ever hung up on her from a
yere I'm going to include verbatim except for names. Two
longer text messages that I'd like input on. I don't
know if I should end this friendship or try to
fix it. My message to Anne Thursday, you asked to
give up your spot so Jen could come. I very
(44:35):
clearly responded that there was enough room for everyone. I
would have expected that point for common sense to kick
in and state that they're welcome to come, as room
for everyone is pretty direct. I then responded that it
wasn't an option to go or not, even though I'm
sick and that I wanted to be out between five
thirty and six. As stated, I messaged at five thirty
saying I was on the way and received no response
(44:56):
until I called from your driveway, so I wasted a
bunch of gas and over half an hour of time
The kids could have been out in dry weather, resulting
in ME being sick and out in the rain. The
biggest problem here, though, is the fact that instead of
owning your error and correcting it in turn showing that
you value the friendship, you've chosen to double down by
going no contact as you have in the past, proving
the friendship is in fact one side. To top it off,
(45:18):
you're sending me Netflix requests without telling me, so I
don't even see them while they're active. I don't know
what's going on with you, but having the kids around
you the last couple of months has been stressful. Dang,
You've yanked my daughter out of the car with the
door closing on her and scared her to the point
of tears. Aw They both fuss if I say we're
going to your house. My son outright said I don't
want to go there. She's so mean to us, and
(45:38):
daughter said, yeah, she told me I had a fence
in my mouth. Who The actual statement made was that
she had teeth so crooked it looked like a picket fence.
That in itself is absolutely appalling that someone at nearly
sixty would bully a five year old. Yeah, it's really embarrassing.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
Oh my god, why are.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
You commenting on a five year old's teeth. I value
this friendship. I enjoy a lot of the time we
spent togaein. These issues need to be worked on or
I'll have to choose my kid's safety and mental health.
I need for you to choose to level up as
a human instead of actively trying not to and response
to me five days later. First off, Netflix issues are
pretty standard. I figured you would know what I meant.
(46:15):
It says your TV isn't part of the Netflix household
for this account. Then it says update Netflix household and
it wants you to make sure this is your account.
I just sent the text. Oh boy, she's really upset
about that episode.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
Needs to watch.
Speaker 4 (46:28):
I need to reach I'm trying to watch Vampire Diaries
and you're getting out of me.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
No, an arcade and person want to do this.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
That's true. Look arcane person would have some self respect.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
Yeah, this is Vampire Diaries Rittel.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Secondly, no, I will never call back someone who swears
and hangs up on me. It's so disrespectful that I
should not have to reach out to you. First, I
was looking for Christmas pictures the other day and found
several of us from last year. My first thought was,
all of those are happening again soon, and we had
fun doing it last year. Then I remembered your son
had a snit fit at Grint because of the marshmallows,
(47:01):
and in picture Day you walked out on me in
Walmart and left me paying for your prints. Everything just
seems like a battle and wears me out some days,
which is why I explode. But you would never have
to explode if you join us a live every weekday
three PMPSD on YouTube. Just top our.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Profile tbty tap tap wow, and there is a little
bit left.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I know I need to change, but for me, not
anyone else, and I need to figure it out as
I go. My pills are almost done, so in a
couple months I'll see who I am without them and
see where I want to go. But you also need
a level up two the tantrums and pouting and hanging
up on me. Need to stop. I haven't felt one
hundred percent comfortable around you in a long time because
I never know when you're going to get pissed off.
(47:39):
This isn't fair to me. If you want to talk
about where we go from here or want to subvertize,
let me know what do I do from here? Am
I the ale for being upset in these situations and
for the fact that there is never an apology or
any accountability for actions.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
She just seems really toxic.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
She seems so toxic and your kids hater? Yeah, your
kids hater. She's toxic. She's not there for you, She
creates drama. Just leave her to be like, Hey, I'm
gonna make a lot easier. Yeah, I think we're gonna hrut.
Let's not be friends. Yeah, there we go, And now
she doesn't have to worry about you and she can
live up.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
You don't have to worry about her.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Man oh man. But that is the end of that story.
My friend ditched me after I went out of my
way for her. So I told her, our friendship is over.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
If you ditch, you end up in a ditch.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I thirty one female. Used to have a friend who
I will call Stacy twenty nine female. Stacy and I
were a bit different from each other. She has lots
of friends and love to go out and get a
drink or dance at the clubs. She loved makeup and
fashion and was an extrovert. I was more of an
introvert who would mostly stay by her at her parties
because I didn't know anyone else there. I don't drink,
don't know anything about fashion or makeup. But we had
(48:41):
a few shared interests in media that we bonded over.
By the way, this comes from beads and moon pies
on the Okay storytime separated, so I loved hanging out
with Stacy and we were friends for a few years.
I was even a bridesmaid at her wedding when she
got married to her husband, Lester, not real name. I
like to think she helped me come out of my shell,
and she certainly held me with what I wear and
how I do my makeup. To try to keep things short.
(49:03):
Things started taking a turn about a year ago. We
went on vacation with some of Stacy's friends and she
told me that she was going to try to hook
up with another girl. I asked her if her husband knew,
and she asked me to keep it a secret. No, no, no,
I'm sorry, no, hope, he says. I agreed, but only
because it wasn't my place or my business to tell
(49:24):
her husband what she was doing. If I were in
this position and a friend asked me to do this,
I would say, you cannot ask me to do that.
If they ask me, I will have to tell the truth.
I will not be part of this lie. Not long afterward,
she told me she told her husband and everything was
okay between them. I didn't know many details, and I
didn't ask again, not my business. Things were normal after
that and it was just never mentioned again. It may
(49:45):
not be your business specifically with their relationship, but like,
why do you want to? Like? Why do you want
to be friends with the person who does this? Fast
forward a few months and Stacy has another party. I
couldn't go because I had to work that night and
couldn't take off, but I did stop by to drop
off some snacks and games I had bought for people.
Everything seemed normal with her then, but then I received
a call. Not long afterwards. It was Stacy's husband asking
(50:08):
me if I knew where she was. They had apparently
gotten into a fight, and she had left worse. Her
husband told me that she had attacked him the morning
of their party and injured him pretty badly. I was shocked.
Stacy had never shown any signs of violence before. Her
husband told me that he suspected she had mental health
issues that needed medication, and also told me to be
careful around her since she was not acting like herself.
(50:29):
I tried to get in touch with her, but I
didn't receive anything until over a week later, and she
only told me that she was okay. Over the next
few months, Stacy would end up getting arrested Baker acted
wreck her car and told me she punctured a guy's
tire after he'd said some awful things to her, So
she's going through something. She posted accusations against her husband
on Facebook and told people that he'd been abusing her.
(50:51):
At this point, I was keeping my distance and the
only time Stacy contacted me were to ask me for
a place to stay or other things that she needed,
or trash talk her husband and say how she was
going to get her revenge against him. That's scary. Finally,
after some more time, she revealed to me that she
and her husband had made up and she wanted to
talk to me. I honestly don't know if I would
ever talk to this person again. The next time I
(51:12):
saw her, she told me that the whole thing had
been one giant breakdown cause by her untreated mental disorder bipolar.
She was now in a state of depression since she
had gotten fire from her very good job and her
friends were no longer talking to her. I listened to
her carefully as she stated that nothing brought her joy anymore,
not the shows we used to watch, not makeup, not fashion,
not even going out. She said she had no job
(51:34):
and no money, so no more shopping or going out.
If we hung out, it would have to be something
that didn't cost money. I was okay with that. I
usually paid for a lunches or bought her things before.
She asked me to give her another chance. I agreed,
but only so long as she was taking her medication
and getting the help she needed. She said she was
and she would. I don't personally know how I would
react in the situation, but I think it is fair
(51:55):
for OP to restart the friendship as long as all
of these you know, things are being made. Not long
after that, something happened that seemed to be the straw
that broke my back. I had asked her to go
see a movie with me. I bought her a ticket,
and I told her we would go get lunch after
and that would be my treat as well. She agreed,
and I told her when I would be by to
pick her up, since she no longer had a car.
While I was on my way to get her, she
(52:16):
texted me to say that she and her husband had
gone down the street to get something to eat, and
I didn't have to worry about being on time because
she was not at her house. I thought that was
a bit odd, but I shrugged it off. I stopped
at a gas station to refuel and even picked up
some snacks for us to share. I then drove to
her home and she wasn't there, So I waited and
waited and waited. The calls and texts I sent her
(52:37):
went unanswered. Time passed enough that we would be late
for the movie even if we'd left as soon as
she got home. I didn't know if she would even
be ready to go when she got back. Immediately, my
mind began to rearrange the schedule, we could get lunch
first and then catch a later showing of the movie.
But as I thought this, a voice in my head
asked me, why why was I rearranging this. I had
told her when I would be there. I had told
(52:57):
her when the movie was all she had to do
was wait for me to pick her up. And why
wasn't she answering she always had her phone in her hand,
so why wasn't she picking up it. Had already had
a bad day at work the previous day, and all
I wanted to do was spend some time with my
friend and catch a movie. I started feeling angry at her,
and I decided to just leave. Why wait for her?
When I got home, she called me. I didn't answer it.
(53:18):
She texted me an apology, saying she would take me
out to lunch to make up for it. I ignored
that too. I was angry and didn't want to lash
out at her. The next day, I texted her back.
I asked her why she didn't answer me when I
tried to call her before the movie. She told me
she didn't hear her phone ring in the diner they'd
gone to. I asked her why she'd even left when
she knew I was coming to get her. She said
she just wanted to get something to eat and time
had gotten away from her. That is not a good
(53:39):
enough Flix use. But time will never get away from
you if you Twinas live every weekda at three pmpst
on YouTube. Just have her robile. Yeah. I don't think
you owe this person anything. I think that she's mistreated you,
and you already gave her a second chance. So there's
just not much point, I think in continuing this relationship
that is hurting you. At that point, I was angry again.
She continued to give me excuses and apologies, but I
(54:01):
was done. After everything that had happened, I felt like
I didn't matter to her. I had always put her
feelings first before because I'm a huge people pleaser, but
she couldn't consider me just once. Was this how things
were going to go if I kept hanging out with her.
I told her I was done and our friendship was over.
She told me she didn't want to lose our friendship
because of one missed movie, but I didn't respond. My
family thinks I did the right thing, but I can't
(54:24):
help but feel guilty. Am I the a hole? No?
You were not the a hole. You gave her another chance.
As I said, you tried multiple times to have a
friendship with her and be there for her. Right now,
at least, she can't be there for you, and it
is not your responsibility to just keep hurting yourself to
help her. But that is the end of that story.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
If you want more stories like this, search for our
podcast Okay Storytime on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you
listen to podcasts.
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