My brother and sister-in-law want me to LIE to my niece… I refused! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories
coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute
break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
My brother and sister in law want me to lie
to my niece. I refuse.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Sanna, is it real?

Speaker 4 (00:15):
I was thinking about that too, Sam Page Dude. I female,
twenty nine, have a brother, Hugo, male thirty one. When
Hugo was nineteen, he got his then girlfriend Amy pregnant.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
They had their daughter, Ashley.

Speaker 4 (00:28):
Now eleven, and later got married and had a baby
boy who is four. By the way, this comes from
deleted on our slash Okay Storytime supreddit. So over the years,
I've become close to Ashley. When I'm home I live abroad.
I take her out to shows, shopping, horse riding, et cetera.
We also keep in contact via text.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
She's bright and thoughtful, just a pleasure to have around.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
Amy has never liked me, but has mostly put this
aside for Ashley. Me and my boyfriend are visiting my
family for Christmas and then leaving to go skiing. We
arranged for Ashley to come skiing and stay with us
for New year's Amy wasn't keen on this idea, but
relented because Ashley was excited to learn how to ski,
as all her.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
School friends do.

Speaker 4 (01:08):
I took my boyfriend's hire car to pick up Ashley
from school on Friday, and she was excited. But it's
a sports car and I let her friends sit in
it and take pictures. At dinner, she asked if I
would drive her and chaperone her and her friends going
ice skating on Tuesday in town. Hugo and I probably
didn't want to look after a bunch of kids, and

(01:28):
Amy had already planned to chaperone. Ashley ignored me and
begged me to chaperone. I didn't really mind, but Amy
looked so annoyed, so I said I wouldn't want to
mess with the established plan. Ashley kept pushing and said
she didn't want Amy to come because Amy dressed badly
and was never fun and embarrassed her. Hugo told her
to apologize, which she did, but she also kept insisting

(01:50):
that it was true. I'm sorry, but it's true, You're
just a dressed bad Amy got tearry, and Hugo kept
telling Ashley she'd upset her mother, but this just made
Ashley angrier, and she dug her heels in. Because of this,
she was told that she was not allowed to go
ice skating and is now not.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Speaking to Amy. O Boy No Boy.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
Yesterday, Amy and Hugo came to me and said that
they didn't want Ashley to come skiing anymore. Amy feels
like Ashley needs to spend more time with her family,
and Hugo is supporting her. They asked if I would
tell Ashley that me and my boyfriend had changed our
plans and wouldn't be going on the trip anymore. I
asked why, and they said if they told Ashley the truth,
that she would blame Amy.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
And that would defeat the point of her trying to
build a bridge with Ashley.

Speaker 4 (02:34):
I said, I understand that, but I didn't feel right
lying to Ashley, and if her parents had made the decision,
they need to deal with the consequences and not push
it on to me.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
That's true, because usually the right thing to do is
a hard thing to do, and they're trying to not
do the hard thing.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Here true true.

Speaker 4 (02:50):
Amy said, if I cared about Ashley, I would realize
it's best for me to fall on my sword rather
than alienate her further from her mother. I said no again,
but Hugo said that we should all take until Wednesday
to think about it. Ashley is still being very standoffish
to her mother, and I know that if she finds
out her mother canceled the ski trip, it will get worse.
So now I'm wondering if I should just go along

(03:12):
with Amy's plan.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
I just want what's best for Ashley. So am I
the a hole?

Speaker 3 (03:17):
What do you think I'm gonna give her a no? Here?
I feel like the parents need to pair it up
and tell Ashley what is right. I think the excuse
they want is Amy and Ashley, you are not on
a good bridge. So in order to fix that, Ashley
needs to spend time with Hugo and Amy.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
Honestly, I'm maybe playing devil's advocate a little bit. I
kind of get it, you know, I kind of get
what Amy and Hugo are saying.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
I'm not gonna lie. Really, Yeah, you gotta hear me
out on this one.

Speaker 3 (03:42):
Get it.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Give me some space, go for it to think.

Speaker 4 (03:45):
So listen, they're the parents, right, if we're looking at
it from their perspective, which we don't have much of
we have, you know, a peace perspective. Amy and Hugo
are already like pretty distant from Ashley, right, don't remember why.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
Maybe there's no reason why. Maybe she's just reaching it
at age.

Speaker 4 (04:01):
She's yeah, she's eleven years old, like in middle school, right, you.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Get a little, a little rebellious around then.

Speaker 4 (04:09):
Right, So I could see that, and I see like, Okay,
we want to spend some family time.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
This is the time to do it.

Speaker 4 (04:15):
Like, can we please just like rescheduled ice skating, spend
time with us instead.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (04:20):
She could have said that, She could have said that,
but it seems like Ashley's giving any a lot of crap.
She doesn't work right clothes.

Speaker 4 (04:27):
I feel like that's almost a separate issue. That's just
more examples of her preteen stuff.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
If you don't want to go with the ski trip,
you'd be like, you're not respecting your mother a lot.
This is a consequence. You don't get to go on
a ski trip if you don't respect your mother.

Speaker 4 (04:39):
Yeah, editing to add the background to Amy and Ashley's relationship,
commented this elsewhere, a lot of it comes from Amy
trying very hard to be Ashley's friend, Amy was young
when she had Ashley, and she was quite isolated caring
for her while Hugo worked and went to UNI. He
was cut off by our parents at the time. She
threw all of her efforts into being a mom and
being as close Ashley as humanly possible. Ashley has explained

(05:03):
to me that this has become very suffocating for her.
She's trying to forge her own circle and feels like
Amy insists on being a part of it while also
refusing to engage.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
With her on her level.

Speaker 4 (05:13):
Interesting the second part is that my parents pay for
Ashley to attend a very prestigious private school. Hugo and
Amy are nowhere near as affluent as the other families,
and Ashley feels a bit left out. It's part of
the reason I have chipped in for some of her
extra curricular activities. But the fact is she doesn't always
feel like she fits in, which is hard for her.

(05:34):
Her school is full of non working range Rover Birken
mothers who are either cool or absent, and Amy is neither.
She's involved, but Ashley finds her stifling and doesn't want
her involved in her social life.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
It's also my.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
Opinion that Ashley is trying to get some emotional space
from her mother, and the only way that she knows
how by making her not want to spend time with her.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Dang.

Speaker 4 (05:55):
Amy doesn't respond to her requests, so I think she's
just resorting to being mean to her, which obviously isn't okay.
Edit number two, since this is being asked a lot.
Ashley and I have talked since the dinner and she
knows that I think she shouldn't have said.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
What she said.

Speaker 4 (06:10):
We've even talked about it. Even she said she shouldn't
have said what she said. Did I go haam and
tell her she's entitled spoiled throw the kitchen.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
Sink at her.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
No, but she knows I think that she was wrong,
and she agrees. And there are some relevant comments. Comment
number one says, not the a whole. Not only will
Ashley prefer knowing the truth, but she will also feel
as though she can trust you because you are refusing
to lie to her.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
That's a good point, honestly.

Speaker 4 (06:37):
Also, Amy trying to trip you into lying by pulling
the if you actually care about Ashley rhetoric, it is
such an a whole move.

Speaker 3 (06:46):
I'm kidding. This is not a very stable foundation for parenthood. Yeah,
let other people take the fall from me. I'm not
gonna write like responsibility for much. It seems like this
request shows in a lot of different ways in your
real life with your kid. That's why Ashley and Amy
are probably not on good terms.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, I could see that.

Speaker 4 (07:04):
I think what I was saying before, I could see
it being the kind of thing where it's like, I'm sorry,
we're just having a really hard time getting her to
like do this or do that or whatever. Can you
guys please, you know, make this up or like tell
her this to kind of make her on our side.
But I think if that made sense, I think that's
not really what the situation is. I feel like that
would be more so of like, you know, I don't know,

(07:26):
convincing them to eat their vegetables or something. You know,
you would ask O Pete to say something, maybe if
it's a lie that you love vegetables or something like that,
you know what I mean. I feel like that would
be more understandable. But I do think in this situation,
I see how it's like it was a little much. Yeah,
a little much. Not the right kind of situation, not
the right way to fix a awkward and uncomfortable relationship.

Speaker 3 (07:48):
You're building it with toothpicks when it should be built
by four by fours.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
There you go.

Speaker 4 (07:53):
But comment number two not only that, but the girl
is eleven. That is developmentally when kids and girls especially
are supposed to be embarrassed by mom. When I was
that age, my mom was the most uncool person ever.
That lasted until like twenty and then I needed my
mommy again. This is how kids are supposed to be.

(08:14):
Comment number three says, while it's perfectly healthy routines to
have a phase where they find their parents so embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
They're not supposed to feel that way.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
Comment number four. I think, though, that is how they're
supposed to feel. I mean a lot of them do anyway,
probably because they're growing up and trying to find themselves.
It's not a bad way to phrase it. Not everyone
does it, but a lot do. It's not a bad thing,
it's just how a lot of kids are.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Comment number five.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
If Dave girls kids can find him embarrassing, I don't
think most parents stand a chance at not being embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
But there is a whole update.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
Ashley and Amy get back together. They're all good.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
Yeah, they're all good.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
I feel like they're gonna talk about it, and then
Amy's just gonna be like, you know what, You're right,
you need your space, you need your privacy, because that
is also, I'm sure an awkward stage for a parent too,
especially as their.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
Girl becoming a woman.

Speaker 4 (09:02):
Yeah, but our update says, first of all, thank you
to everyone who responded. I received some really great advice
and some amazingly kind.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Messages, so thank you again.

Speaker 4 (09:12):
I'm getting a lot of update requests, so here it
is to get this out of the way for everyone
who wants a quick update. Ashley did end up coming
on the ski trip. Why didn't Amy come on a
ski trip?

Speaker 3 (09:22):
Why doesn't Amy and hugo It's probably like another few thousand,
a thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yeah, skiing's expensive. Anyway.

Speaker 4 (09:30):
We had a great time me, especially as my engagement
ring arrived and me and my boyfriend are now officially engaged.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
Oh my goodness, that's so cool. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:39):
A lot of people suggested we all sit down to
discuss what's been going on, and we did. Ashley managed
to say a lot of what she's been saying to
me to Amy. The conversation boiled down to Ashley doesn't
want to as some mother, but she wants a mother,
not a friend. She wants a mom who drives her
to ice skating with her friends and sits in the
stands to supervise, not one who comes onto the ice with.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
Them and to hang out. That's fair, She says.

Speaker 4 (10:02):
She does sometimes feel awkward at school, but she manages
it most of the time until her mom is around,
and then she is reminded that she is different.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
A lot more said, but this is the main gist.

Speaker 4 (10:13):
As for Amy, it turns out she has a lot
of resentment towards our family and even towards Ashley. She
feels that it's not fair that me and my parents
focus so much on supporting Ashley rather than supporting Amy.
She said, instead of funding Ashley's education, my parents should
have offered to pay for her to attend university after
Ashley was born, or they should have done this instead
of clearing Hugo's student loan debt.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
Is their money, right, Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. They
can choose how they bless their kids anyway they want.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
I mean, I.

Speaker 4 (10:42):
Think feeling that way is understandable and valid. I think
expressing that feeling not quite so much. Yeah, there is
a balance between that, you know, because again it's like, yeah,
that's a bummer. I wish I had the money to
do that too. However, I understand you're not parents.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
Yeah, yeah, yea, yeah.

Speaker 4 (11:01):
She said, us caring about Ashley should have made us
like her more, but we all ignored her in favor
of her baby, and now even her kid was abandoning her. Dang,
that must suck to feel that way, even if she's
not right.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
That must suck.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
I won't comment on this other than to say we
were all shocked by what she said. That outcome of
the conversation was that Hugo and Amy decided never to
tell Ashley that they almost didn't let her go on.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
The SKA trip.

Speaker 4 (11:24):
Ashley will start seeing a therapist to talk about what's
been going on with her at home and school, and
bring her mother into some sessions if necessary. My parents
have offered to fund it if it's not feasible for
her parents to pay, but.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
They're looking into it.

Speaker 4 (11:37):
By the way, it's always feasible to join us live
on YouTube and Facebook and TikTok every.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
Single week day three pm PSD. Just have my profo.
But anyway, there's a little bit more.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
It seems like Amy some like weird pent up emotions
towards Hugo's family. Yeah, it's finally coming out now. That's
probably why Amy and yeah, he may have not been
super close.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, well okay, so because they got.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
Pregnant whenever Amy was like nineteen nineteen.

Speaker 4 (12:07):
Well, yeah, Hugo was nineteen and we don't know how
old Amy is, but I'm assuming around the same age.
So that's young, and so I kind of get that
where it's like, I'm sure there's some emotions that you
don't really know how to handle, especially going into a
situation like that and so young. Yeah, there's some life
experience you haven't quite had yet, you know. So I

(12:28):
don't feel mad at Amy for feeling that way, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
I feel like it's understandable. Yeah, it's not good, but
we can work on it. Ashley said that Amy has
been giving her a lot more.

Speaker 4 (12:38):
Space since she got home, and Hugo has been spending
more time with her and might start taking her writing
lessons with her. He played Polo as a teen for
them to bond more, doing something Ashley loves Overall, she
seems a lot happier. Unfortunately, the things Amy said about
our family have caused some issues between her and Hugo.
Everyone is hoping that they can work through it, so

(12:58):
sort of an open ended up date.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
But I'm really glad that.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
Ashley finally got to have the conversation she needed and
that she seems to be doing very well, because really,
that is all I've ever been hoping for. Thank you
again to everyone who took the time to comment. And
that is the end of that story. Yeah, I don't
really think anyone's a hole. It would say she messed
up and made some mistakes, but it seems like she's
doing a good job. I just feel like her position

(13:22):
and the whole thing is very understandable.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
My in laws assaulted my husband, so I confronted them.
Do wick confront them context? My thirty six female husband
thirty six male comes from a family of athletes. They
put him in boxing as a good He was talented,
but he suffered a lot from pressure from his family.
They wanted him to become a professional, but my husband
never wanted that. I feel like we're about to get

(13:44):
into a movie here.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Sounds like the origin story. We're getting flashbacks right now.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
By the way, this comes from Frosty Nectar twenty six
on the R Size Okay story Tom selbred in high school.
Things got worse for him as the school coaches were
brutal and the attention he received from promoters and outside
coaches led to his family to put more pressure on him.
The relationship with his family went south, not like the Paul.
Then he informed them that he was going to a
university and giving up boxing for good. Not true the

(14:11):
boxing part. I met him a month before we started
high school and we've been together since. When he was thirty,
his family contacted him to try to fix the relationship.
The relationship is decent. The same with me now. We
took our children on Sunday to visit them. Sister law
and her husband were talking about one of my nephews
learning to play the piano and that he is good
for his age. Then mother in law said, quote, be careful.

(14:35):
You don't want to encourage him only for him to
quit and ruin his life. As husband name. Yeah, you
don't want to get like super excited and get really
talented at being a pianist and then him just like
giving it all up. Be careful that could happen, I guess.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
But like that, you gotta at least do something, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (14:54):
Like that just sounds like, you know, don't try anything
because you might quit.

Speaker 3 (14:59):
Yeah, you know what I me?

Speaker 2 (15:00):
That's Cleveland were even sorry.

Speaker 3 (15:01):
She got a little jab in there. I'm starting to
see a little bit of a little fight about to
happen there. It seemed like mother in law forgot I
was there and they went silent. My husband was out
buying some things with his father and his two brother
in laws. I was calm and asked her how he
ruined his life. His sister got involved and said that
that's not what mother in law meant, and I wouldn't understand.
I replied, No, I don't understand why you wanted to

(15:24):
live through him, why you never listen to him, why
you never accepted what he wanted, and why you never
let him be, and why you think he ruined his life.
I don't get it. If you think it's because I
don't know how talented he was, you're wrong, because I
was there even when you abandoned him. It wasn't for
nothing that he got too scholarships and people were after

(15:46):
him I'd understand if he didn't do anything with his life,
but that's not the case. He has a degree, an
amazing career, built two different businesses, is a great father
and husband. He's more successful than all of you combined.
Please tell me how he ruined his life or what
part I don't understand. I got sign.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
That's right, get him op, get her.

Speaker 3 (16:07):
Mother in law went and then OPI went.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
Ooh yeah, knocked out.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
I took her children and left. I texted my husband
that I was going home. He arrived shortly after and
told him what happened. He's not mad, to be honest,
this is the first time I heard this type of comment,
and I pretty much blew the relationship he has with
his family and apparently also caused issues with the sister's
husband because they had a different version of why my

(16:32):
husband was estranged. It seems like this is the first
time they tried to rekindle the relationship and she just
blew it right up.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Dang, not the way to do it. Not the way
to do it. Update though, update, we got an update.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I never expected this much attention. Sorry, blah blah blah
blah blah. Want to give you a small update first
of all, thank you for all of the kind words
and the awards. I reacted on instinct and kind of
regretted it, but my husband reassured me that it was fine.
He would have done the same thing for me, which
I know. He's all smiles every time I see him.
I'm sorry for those who went through the same thing.
I'm glad you left that horrible situation and that you

(17:08):
are doing what you want. Good job. I should have
been clearer. Mother in law says he's ruined his life
because he wasted the chance to be recognized and famous,
something they always longed for and could achieve on their own.
My husband stopped competing once he finished university, and not
after high school. He had to do it so he
could maintain his scholarship. The children weren't present when I exploded.

(17:31):
They were outside playing. His sister lied to their husband
about the reason why my husband was a strange They
put the blame entirely on him and downplayed what they did.
Day someone linked a story about a couple who was
dealing with the after trauma and that it's heartbreaking. Injuries
and trauma are two of the main reasons my husband

(17:54):
never wanted to make boxing his career. Fortunately, he received
minimal damage and he's a specialist once a year to
make sure everything is fine. My husband says that over
the years he felt something was off. He's not surprised
they haven't changed their opinion of him, and that they
were just faking it to gain access to our kids.
I totally forgot about that. That's what happens a lot

(18:16):
of the times. Yeah, they like get rid of a kid,
and it's like, oh, you got grand babies come.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Right right, Dang, that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (18:23):
That is hard though, with the like boxing thing, because
like have you seen those videos where it's like you
see like a may fighters like at the beginning of
their career and then like later in their career.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
And they're like not doing well at all, not.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
Putting full sentences together, they are not pronouncing their words right,
things like that. So that makes absolute sense that you
would not want that as your career. That's not just
giving up, you know, that's like you're saying to yourself.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
They don't seem to get it, but they too. Early.
Today we dropped the kids off at school. His sister's
husband was there and wanted to hear my husband's version.
We went to breakfast and he told them everything. From
their reaction, it was clear that their wives still downplaying
the whole thing. According to one of them, his wife
is starting to display the same traits as mother in law.

Speaker 4 (19:07):
So yeah, interesting.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
We agreed to talk on Saturday to plan how we
are going to move forward with our children. They go
at the same school and they are very close. We
don't want to disrupt their relationship. As for his parents,
we are going to talk to them on Saturday and
let them know how their relationship with our children and
with us is going to be from now on. Thanks
for you all again, and we got another update.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Another update, let's see it.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
During the week, we talked to our kids and ask
them without being obvious, how they have been treated by
their grandparents. We got positive responses, They've been treated well.
To be clear. We talked to everyone on Sunday without
the kids and asked, and my husband was the one
who did the talking first. First it was to his parents.
They try to apologize, but my husband cut them short.

(19:56):
He said we weren't here for their apologies or explanation,
but to talk about their new relationship with us. He
told them that we are no longer going to take
the kids to their house anymore. They will have two
visits per month and will be supervised by us. They
will be the ones who plan the ease and they

(20:18):
will have to inform us with enough time that we
can approve them. The only time they will see the
kids besides their two times is for birthdays and holidays
to keep their opinions of him or me to themselves.
As the moment they run their mouths with their kids present,
it will be the last time they will see them,
and for us, we will be civil.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
But that's it.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
Is that too harsh?

Speaker 2 (20:39):
No, I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
They agreed, and before we left they told us they
were separating, to which my husband replied that he doesn't care.
The visits and rules are the same regardless of their
marital situation. We could split the visits to one each,
or they could have two together, but that's up to them.
The vegetations will begin after their situation is resolved. So

(21:01):
we're like, oh, by the way, we're getting separated, trying
to figure it out. I feel like they were trying
to manipulate a little bit.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
I wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Later that day, we visit his sisters and their husbands
all gathered in one house pretty much did the same drill,
but he listened to his sister. His sisters apologized and
told us they were going to therapy again. They asked
my husband if he was willing to go with them
at some point, but he refused. He told them that
their relationship is way too broken to men and he

(21:28):
harbors no ill feelings towards them, and the only thing
he will give them is common decency. That is good
that they are going back to therapy again, and hopes
they will take it seriously now because their kids and
husbands deserve better, and you deserve better. To join us
live every week at three pm where Angie.

Speaker 4 (21:45):
On YouTube, on Facebook, on TikTok, are we even on Twitch.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
We're on Twitch every weekday at three pm.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
Pece, that's right.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
With that being said, he proposed that things will continue
more or less the same. We take our kids to
their house or they bring theirs two hours, but the
expectations of visits from his parents. We explained to them
to deal with my in laws, that my sisters and
parents are willing to maintain the same relationship with the kids,
but not so much with them. Any comment from them

(22:15):
like the one his mother did, and everything will stop.
If they have another plan, we could work it out.
They all agreed with our plan for now. Everyone is
looking to keep things civil for the kids, which I
think is a good thing. Anyways, my husband and I
draw lines and we make sure they don't cross them.
That's the know that story. I like that. It's good
that they nipped it in the bud and didn't let

(22:37):
this continue, because that would have been so sad if
they got back into this family and they just kept
like braiding him.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Right right.

Speaker 4 (22:44):
I'm glad that they like set some boundaries, made some
decisions that will, you know, make things better from now on.
They seem to just be handling it well, and I'm glad.
We've seen so many stories like that today. Yeah, people
handling it well.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
I feel like the grandparents still got a little trick
of sleeve.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Yeah, they got something hiding.

Speaker 4 (23:02):
So that's the end of that story, right, So we'll
see for the next one. My mother in law wore
white at my wedding, so I humiliated her with pettiness.

Speaker 5 (23:12):
Never wear white, never wear why.

Speaker 4 (23:15):
This happened a few years ago, but it's still brought
up in family gatherings, so I'm wondering if I was wrong.
Stop in because it's a bit long, but I want
to provide all the context. By the way, this comes
from Unconscious Cup four seven two six on the r
slash Okay, storytime separate it. So my husband thirty five
male now and twenty eight male before, and I thirty

(23:37):
two female now and twenty five female before, have been
together for almost a decade now, but my relationship with
his mom has always been rocky from the start. My
mother in law let's call her Linda, made it clear
that she didn't think I was good enough for her son.
She would make sninde comments about my career, Oh, you're
just a teacher.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
Just a teacher.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Teacher was a very respectable job, and my.

Speaker 4 (24:00):
Looks your hair is unique, and even my cooking despite
her barely being able to boil water. I've gotten comments
like that before, where it's like you dyed your hair
instead of like, oh, your hair looks so nice.

Speaker 5 (24:13):
Like.

Speaker 4 (24:14):
My husband always supported me, but he also didn't like confrontation,
so he often tried to smooth things over without fully
addressing her behavior. When we got engaged, Linda's antics went
into overdrive. She tried to hijack our wedding planning, claiming
she knew what was best and that it was her
son's wedding too. At first, I tried to include her
in minor decisions to keep the peace, like helping pick

(24:35):
out flowers or giving input on cake favors, but she
took that as a green light to.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Try and take control.

Speaker 4 (24:40):
She started calling vendors behind my back, suggesting changes, and
even attempted to add guests to the list without asking
me or my husband. The breaking point came a month
before the wedding. Linda called me in tears, saying she
hated the dress I picked out for the bride'smaids, a simple,
elegant navy blue, and demanded that they wear something more appropriate.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
This is the picture of for reference. I took this.

Speaker 4 (25:01):
Picture from Pinterest and hired someone to make the dress,
and thankfully, my bridesmaid loved it. I even told them
that they could add any extra fabric or change how
it looks to their liking, just keep it.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
The same color.

Speaker 4 (25:12):
When I calmly explained that the decision had already been
made and that the bridesmaids all loved their dresses mother
in law snapped, saying, well, if you won't listen to me,
maybe I won't even bother coming. I told her that
that was her choice and hung up. Fast forward to
the wedding day. I was nervous but excited, trying to
focus on the joy of marrying the love of my life.
As I was getting ready, my maid of honor came
rushing in and teld me that Linda had shown up in.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
A long white gown.

Speaker 4 (25:36):
A white gown she came in, and a white gown,
not off white, not cream, straight up bridle white. I
felt my blood boil, but I didn't want to cause
a scene or let her ruin my day, so I
took a deep breath and came up with a plan.
I pulled my photographer aside and asked them to take

(25:57):
extra pictures of Linda throughout the day, group shots, candids,
you name it. Anytime someone asked me about her dress,
I'd smile sweetly and say, isn't it amazing how confident
she feels on that outfit? That is.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
That is so funny. Oh, I'm just so glad you
just feel so confident. Dude, that's like a mean girl's
a mean girl's response, But.

Speaker 4 (26:19):
Like sligh, not everyone would have the guts to wear
something so bold to a wedding.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
I hate it when people are like.

Speaker 4 (26:25):
Passive aggressive in real life, like the people that I know,
But hearing stories about it is like, oh my god,
it's so entertaining, it so entertaining. I even made sure
to compliment her loudly in front of other guests, saying
things like, Linda looks so radiant today. Doesn't she remind
you of a bride? She couldn't exactly calm me out
without looking ridiculous. Here's what you do, opie, if you

(26:47):
want her dress to be a different color, red wine,
red wine, spill it all over, Spill it over the
whole thing, and you got a beautiful wine colored dress.

Speaker 2 (26:57):
Later during the speech is my mate of honor?

Speaker 4 (26:59):
Accidentally, you mentioned how she admired my mother in law
for wearing white. Because it takes so much courage to
make a statement like that at someone else's wedding.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
I love hearing about this pettiness.

Speaker 4 (27:09):
Linda's face turned redder than the roses in this centerpieces.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Give me pop guard. This is so entertaining.

Speaker 4 (27:21):
Here's the kicker I had the photographer include a special
section in our wedding album titled Linda's a Big Day?

Speaker 3 (27:29):
Have we crossed the line here where we should probably
stop and say, hey, are we doing too much?

Speaker 4 (27:35):
I think we definitely have. But I'm so glad that
this is in the story. If we're actually talking, if
I'm actually looking to give advice to people, don't do that.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
That's mean. I think she gets it at assert.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
But people who are whining to other people's weddings always
get the worst that could ever come to them.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (27:51):
But I mean, also, though, should she have just known
that that was coming, especially with how annoying she's been.

Speaker 3 (27:56):
Out her PHO photographer to do Linda's Big Day? Oh
my gosh, Nanna's geting everything she deserves. But for you
paying a paid professional to do that, That's.

Speaker 4 (28:05):
What I'm like, all right, Yeah, I feel like at
a certain point, it's possible to let that situation overpower
what you should be feeling on that day, Like it
should at a certain point.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
To spare I'm dunk on this mother in law, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (28:18):
Because then you're just making it into like a huge
deal when you could be making it into a smaller
deal by just ignoring it.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
I mean, like whatever, she's crazy to yourself. But if
you're just like.

Speaker 4 (28:27):
Oh, and then Linda over here, it looks so beautiful,
it's almost like it's her wedding day.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
Oh, Linda's big day. If you keep.

Speaker 4 (28:34):
Bringing that up, that definitely is going to just be
what you remember from your wedding day.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
And you don't want that. So she had the wedding
album titled Linda's Big Day.

Speaker 4 (28:43):
Was filled with all the photos of her in her
white dress. I made sure to send her a copy,
as I think you gift. It's been years, but Linda
still complains that I embarrassed her on purpose and made
her look bad. She claims I should have told her
directly to change instead of playing games.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
You know what, that is fair. I will say that some.

Speaker 4 (29:01):
Family members agree with her and think I was petty,
but others say she deserved it. My husband is firmly
on my side and says I handled it better than
he would have. So am I the ahole for being
petty and putting my mother in law in her place
at my wedding?

Speaker 2 (29:14):
What do you think? Did I take it too far?
Or was Linda asking for it? And there is an update,
but let's answer those questions.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
Back that the husband said, you handled it better than
I would have.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Yeah, what was the husband going to do? Yeah, because
that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (29:26):
She's probably gonna like make her dress red wine and
then keep her face in red.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
Wine instead of smashing the cake into each other's face.
She like, they're both standing there, go smash the cake
in their faces, and then he just turns. He's like, oh,
and then he turns and goes, oh, he like does
the Alice from Twilight cake where he like kicks his
foot in the air and then pitches the cake right
at the face.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
That's what I think he would have done. Anyway, So
back to these questions.

Speaker 4 (29:53):
Back to these questions, So listen as a viewer, as
a reader, I think this is great TV.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
You know, I think this is a great story.

Speaker 4 (30:03):
However, if I were your friend, I would say, Okay,
we can take it a chow bill.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
We don't have to be petty.

Speaker 4 (30:08):
Pettiness and passive aggressiveness is never, ever, ever the right
way to respond to something. If you have a problem,
you have to talk to them in person and straightaway.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
And also, again, like we said before, you don't want
to make this the thing that you remember from your
wedding day.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
You know that is true.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
So there's an update.

Speaker 4 (30:24):
Okay, So after my original post about the wedding fiasco,
I got a lot of feedback, so let me give
some updates. My bestie, who was the maid of honor
and a few bridesmaids, saw my previous posts and wanted
me to spill the hot tea about what happened during
the bridesmaids dress fiasco with the mother in law. Honestly,
I was dying to share this, but I just thought
it would be too long on the first post, so

(30:45):
I shortened it. Anyways, let's get into it previous context.
A month before the wedding, my mother in law called
me crying about how she hated the dresses I picked
for the bridesmaids. At first, I thought it was a
let's calm down situation, so I invited her over to
my house to talk it through, thinking that we could compromise.
I had my bridesmaids over at the same time, and

(31:06):
the plan was to let them try on their dresses
so that Linda could see them in person and hopefully
back off. The dresses had already been handmade by the
person I paid for so I can't really return it. Anyways,
the day came, and I should have known things would
get messy. We were all sitting in my living room,
the bridesmaids in their dresses, my mother in law looking

(31:27):
like she was sucking on a lemon.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
The entire time.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
She barely spoke as the girls twirled around showing off
their dresses, but I could see the gears turning in
her head. Finally, she broke the silence with a sigh
so dramatic it could have been a stage performance. Also,
the conversation I wrote in here is from a security
camera I had in the house. Yes, I should have
just shared the video, but unfortunately I had some technical issues. Nevertheless,

(31:52):
I wrote exactly what happened during the interaction. Linda said,
I just don't understand why you chose this color navy.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
It's so dark. I thought you wanted something more, more elegant,
more memorable.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
At that point, one of my bridesmaids chimed in and
trying to ease the tension. Bridesmaid one said, but we
all love them, Linda, and the navy really brings out
our eyes, don't you think. Linda said, Well, that's all
well and good but I just think you could have
done better. I was thinking more along the lines of
a soft blush, maybe light and beautiful like my dress. Oooh,

(32:29):
Linda's just she just wants confirmation that her dress is pretty.
She took out a dress that had made up my
jaw drop. Instead of a soft blush like dress, it
had a turtleneck and was backless.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
She wanted to.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
Wear that dress to my wedding, so they knew that
she was gonna wear like a white dress beforehand. Heck, nah,
never wear white to a wedding, are you stupid?

Speaker 2 (32:56):
That was it. I had enough.

Speaker 4 (32:57):
I stood up from where I was sitting with her
dead in the and without missing a beat, I said, Linda,
I don't think anyone here is wearing a blush gown,
especially you in a white dress at a wedding. But
nice try you want elegance. Here's the thing. My bridesmaid
love their dresses and they look stunning. It's not your wedding,
and honestly, I don't care what you think about the color.

(33:18):
You can either support me or you can sit back
and watch from the sidelines. But let's not pretend like
you know better. Mike drop boom, that's actually kind of insane.
We got a positive for a second. There's still more,
but that's just crazy. Yeah, that's a big line. At first,
I'm like, m, you know what I mean, A little
past aggressively. You just kept going dude. She really did,

(33:39):
same as the other ones. I'm meeting this up as
a viewer. However, if I was your.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Friending there, I would be so uncomfortable. I'd be like, ee,
maybe be nicer about the situation.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
The husband still again was like you were did this
way better than I would have.

Speaker 4 (33:53):
There was a stunned silence. My bridesmaids were visibly holding
back laughs, and Linda's face went from pale to a
shade of red that matched her lipstick.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
She opened her mouth to say something, but I wasn't
finished me.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
I said, and just so we're clear, these dresses aren't
about you or your taste. They're about the girls who
are supporting me on the most important day of my life.
If you think that you can stroll in and tell
me how to run my wedding, you are gravely mistaken.
I could see Linda's pride take a hit, but she
was still trying to recover.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
Linda. I was just suggesting.

Speaker 4 (34:30):
I respond, yeah, and your suggestions are noted, but they're
also irrelevant.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
You had your day, Linda, this is mine. At that point,
she opened her phone and I could see her scrolling
to call my husband. My bridesmaids and I just sat
there exchanging looks. We all knew what was coming. Dun
du't don't.

Speaker 4 (34:49):
A few minutes later, my husband, who had been quietly
listening from the phone call I actually had with him.
He heard everything through the phone and it was clear
that he wasn't happy. He picked up the call where
Linda was trying to call him. On the phone, the
husband said, Mom, I heard everything. I really think you
need to sit this one out. There's no hold mag
on her. She's not gonna let you go. You just

(35:09):
gotta take it and run and run away. He continued
and said, you've already made enough noise about the wedding.
We're happy and we've made our decisions. If you can't
respect that, I don't think we need to continue this
conversation Linda.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
But the husband, no, I'm not hearing it. I'm done.

Speaker 4 (35:26):
If you want to keep causing drama, do it on
your own time. I'm done listening to you. Linda was
completely caught off guard. She hung up and tried to
act like nothing happened, but by then we were all
over it.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
The mood was completely deflated, and my mother in law
ended up leaving early, sulking the entire way out. But
you can never make enough noise about joining us live.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
On where Riley, YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
Twitch And what do they have to do to join us?

Speaker 3 (35:55):
Click our profile around three pmpst.

Speaker 4 (35:57):
Yeah, every weekday, right, that's right, that's why we're probably
even live right now, get a shot after we finished
the story, because there is more. Okay, but let's talk
about that little conversation really quick, because that was.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
She's going after for the throat.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (36:14):
It was honestly a moment of pure victory for me,
though I have to admit it, the pettiness felt pretty great.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Afterward.

Speaker 4 (36:21):
My husband apologized for not handling things sooner, but I
reassured him that it wasn't his fault. He always has
been supportive, but I need to take control.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Of that situation.

Speaker 4 (36:29):
So after everything that happened, I still stand by what
I did. But now that I've given you the full story,
do you think I went too far with my response
or was I right to shut her down and make
my point?

Speaker 2 (36:41):
That's the end of the story.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
First of all, Hey, it's Sam your og host here.
We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
Our friends are getting married, but only my boyfriend is
invited to the wedding. That's Bessie.

Speaker 5 (36:53):
That doesn't sound like it's gonna lead to any sort
of m bad situations. Bro.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Hey, because I've had my main for long enough that
it's not as anonymous as it could be, and I
would like to remain so as much as possible here.
So for context, I twenty three female, have known this
guy twenty four male. I guess i'll call him Roger
for six years now. He and I were put in
a musical ensemble together our first year of college and
we stayed in it for four years. By the way,

(37:21):
this comes from Lepper Brilliant fifty three eighty five on
the Okay story. Dem subreed it. This group is also
where I met my boyfriend twenty four male, and where
my boyfriend met Roger. Also, there were a couple other
guys in the group and we were all and have
remained pretty good friends, especially since the other four, including
my boyfriend, are in a band together. I wasn't excluded

(37:45):
from this group. I just really wasn't interested in this
time commitment, so I declined to join when they started out.
They have actually become pretty well known in our local scene.
They're a really talented group. Anyways, onto the current situation.
Roger has been with his fiance twenty time to female
since before I met him, and when she came to
the same school we were in, all the rest of

(38:05):
us in the group became pretty friendly with her. I
wouldn't really consider her a friend. We have no beef
as far as I'm aware. We just aren't really close
and we only really talk at shows. I do like her, though,
and we always make a point of saying hi to
each other when we see each other and having a
friendly chat. So my boyfriend and I have known these
guys literally the same amount of time. We spent all

(38:27):
of college with Roger seeing each other at least twice
a week for this group, although it was usually much more,
and we still hang out with them sometimes outside of
the band scene. So Roger is getting married to his
fiance this summer. I of course wis. I of course
wished them both congratulations. When I heard the news of
their engagement a couple months ago, we got the save

(38:49):
the date and the mail it was addressed to only
my boyfriend, which I thought was a bit odd, but
it was the only save the date. But it was
only the save of the date, so I didn't really
think much of it. On the fridge. Well, last week
the wedding invite came. It was again addressed to just
my boyfriend. We opened it and there was no indication

(39:10):
of even a plus one or anything, which I really
don't think I should be a plus one for my boyfriend.
I feel I should be invited on my own merit.
That is regardless. I think even if you don't really
like her, you can't not invite this person that you've
known for the same amount of time as the boyfriend,
or at least, you know, like, at least give them

(39:30):
a plus one.

Speaker 5 (39:31):
This person, if they're going out of their way to
cause a problem, Yeah, there's no way they're not.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Yeah, it's just messy.

Speaker 5 (39:38):
This is going to cause a problem.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
This is just messy. My boyfriend said that maybe they
just addressed it to him because we live together. But like,
that's exactly That's exactly my point, right. We live together,
so it's for both of us. It should be addressed
to both of us. Otherwise I assume male addressed to
him is his. I'm honestly incredibly hurt by this. I
guess it's fine if they don't really see us as friends,

(40:01):
but I still feel like the fact that they know
my boyfriend and I both live here and they know
I'm expecting to be invited, seeing as everyone else from
this old group is making this feel like a real
is making this feel like a real punch in the gut.
So I guess my question is twofold, Actually, am I
the a hole for being offended by this in the
first place? And would I be the a hole if

(40:22):
I asked them why I wasn't invited? And there is
an update? But what do you think about those last
two questions?

Speaker 5 (40:29):
I think in terms of being the ahole of being
offended that like you weren't on the I think given
the context it's a wedding, Yeah, I think that makes sense.

Speaker 4 (40:38):
Right.

Speaker 5 (40:39):
It's like, if you're going to send the invitation here,
you why isn't both of our names on it? It's
like why would It's like a sublit It's like you're
you're being so unclear, but it's almost like it's like
you're trying to do it, Like are you being unclear
by accident? Are you trying to make a point of
telling me like I don't want you there? It's like
it feels very weird.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
I used it to previously asked about the situation on
am I the a Whole a couple months back. But
as the event is approaching, my fiance is starting to
make me question if I'm actually reading the situation right,
and I just would really like to get some other
takes on the situation. So to summarize my previous post,
we have friends unsure on that one getting married this weekend.

(41:20):
The question of my last post was about the fact
that my name was not on the invitation that was
sent to my fiances and my apartment. My fiance and
I met each other at the same time as we
met the groom, and we got together about a year
and some change later. We worked pretty closely in a
musical group throughout school, and then my fiance and the
other members of that group decided to continue and form

(41:41):
their own band. I was not excluded from this just
was not particularly interested in the time commitment, and I
don't regret that decision because they are busy m efforts.
But being that my fiance and I are still together,
I still see the groom and his bride to be
quite often. We've never had any beef as far as
I know, and we always have friendly conversation and say

(42:03):
hello to each other, like each other's stuff on Instagram
and whatnot. Given the background of our relationship and the
fact that my fiance and I have lived together for
three years and they sent the invitation to the apartment
that we share, the fact that my name was not
on the invitation sins to me that I am not invited.
My fiance kept trying to say, like, oh, maybe they

(42:23):
didn't know they were supposed to put your name on
it too, or insisting it was a mistake because maybe
someone else wrote the invites, to which I told them
they would have written the invites based on the names
they were given. I asked if I would be the
a hole if I asked them why I wasn't invited,
to which I was told I would be, and I
was probably right. I wasn't invited. Oh by Reddit what.

(42:46):
I don't think you would be the a hole dude.

Speaker 5 (42:47):
It's like, that's why sometimes people who are just like
chronically online like don't remember that you can just ask
people questions and have a conversation.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
Yeah, you're just like, no, you know.

Speaker 5 (42:57):
You're not invited, And that's probably because and it's like
just ask.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
It's not that big a deal. Though others did agree
on how insanely rude it was of them, I accepted
that answer, and while I still feel the whole thing
was rude, I've let it go and I don't plan
to talk badly about them or to them or cause
any drama because it's up to them who's at their wedding.
They won't be at mine. My fiance accepted I was
right about the situation after another person from this group

(43:25):
also recently sent out Save the Dates for his wedding
and both our names were on the invite, and I
pointed out to him a month before, we'd received an
invite from one of my fiance's friends i'd only met
a couple times, and both of our names were on
the invite. But I digress. The purpose for today's post
is that the wedding is this weekend. For some reason,

(43:46):
my fiance keeps asking me if I'm going. Apparently he
asked the groom and he was told verbally that I'm invited,
But given the fact that my name was not on
the invitation, nor was it on the save of the
date we received earlier, I really can't just go off
of that as enough evidence that I am welcome there.

Speaker 5 (44:04):
Well, I think they ken.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
I don't know. I think you can have a conversation.
Then if your partner literally asked, say like was like, hey,
you know, is she invited and they said yes, I
think you could definitely have a conversation with them now
and be like, hey, just like was wondering why it
wasn't on the invite, and maybe they'll say like, oh,
we just like didn't even think did he ask though?
Is or is he just saying that because why like that?

Speaker 5 (44:27):
I don't know. I don't know. I don't I don't understand.
The resists. As soon as I would have heard like, oh, yeah,
I talked to the groom and he said that you're invited,
of course she can come, I'd be like, okay, yeah,
that'd be it's problem over.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
I think, yeah, but I don't know I think maybe
all of these Reddit people have gone in Topy's head. Yeah, true, probably.
I really believe that if I was invited after my
fiance asked why my name wasn't on the invitation, one
of them should have reached out directly to me. If
they are actually expecting me to show up, that is true,
That that is true, definitely true. I think if someone
like someone reached out to me and was like, hey,

(44:59):
like my partner invited, and I was like, oh my god,
of course, like I didn't even I'm so sorry, I
didn't even think that is true. Yeah, but they haven't.
And for some reason, my fiance believes they're expecting me
to be there, and he keeps saying he doesn't want
to have to explain to people why I'm not there,
and I keep telling him there isn't anything to explain.
I wasn't invited. But here's where I'm conflicted. I truly

(45:21):
do not want to start drama surrounding their wedding. I
respect their decision not to invite me if that's how
they want their day to be. I don't think anyone
should ever have to invite someone to their wedding that
they don't want to, but I also am fully aware
that there are going to be several people there who
are close to my fiance and I as a couple,
who are going to wonder why I'm not there, and

(45:44):
it may cause a fuss if anyone asks the Briting
room directly, which I realize may come off as main
character syndrome. And I don't really think people will be
that concerned about where I am, but my fiance and
I go everywhere together, so my absence will definitely be
noticed by our friends, and some of them aren't good
at knowing when to just let things be, and so

(46:06):
I genuinely have no idea what to do. Here here
are the options I can see right now. Number one,
take my fiance's word as it is that they do
want me there despite everything saying the opposite, and show up,
risking being unwelcome and possibly upsetting them on their wedding day.
Don't go. Number two. Come up with a fake story

(46:26):
for my fiance to tell everyone so that nobody will
try to go poke in for gossip. Number three, don't go.
Tell my fiance to either just state the truth that
I wasn't invited, or he can come up with the
story on his own. If he's not comfortable with.

Speaker 5 (46:38):
That, what how is there not a fourth option where
you talk to them, ask my ask a question.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
I think we could communicate a little bit more.

Speaker 5 (46:46):
You could literally solve this entire mystery with one sentence
on a phone call.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Hey, am I invited to your wedding? Yeah? Done? Done? Yes?

Speaker 3 (46:57):
Or no?

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Right there? Then you figured it out. I'm leaning towards
option three, which honestly does feel kind of petty. And
my reasoning is that they didn't want If they didn't
want people to ask why I'm not there, they should
have invited me to be there. I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (47:09):
It's just funny that it was like, after being like,
you could do this with one sentence, She's like, and
I'm gonna pick the most complicated problem.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
Definitely is a bit petty, But I just don't see
why I should lie for them when they don't even
respect me as my fiance's long term partner who they
have spent many years getting to know, let alone is
a friend to them. What do you guys think? Is
there another option here where I don't feel like I'm
being a doormat while also avoiding coming across as an ahole?
Why the vision? Why is it?

Speaker 5 (47:37):
Like we're at a point now so people think that
just asking a question yeah is like the worst. Why
are you doing It's like people are so frozen. Yeah,
Like I don't want to be perceived this way. It's like,
just move with the energy that you want to move with.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
Like you don't, You're not gonna be an ahole if
you're coming from like a just a curiosity, right. Also,
there is one detail I couldn't figure out where to
fit in here. But when we initially received the invitation
the second envelope for the wedding addressed to just my fiance,
I talked to a friend of mine about it who
vaguely knows who the couple is, because I wanted to
ask someone who wouldn't bring it up to them if

(48:11):
I was overreacting. And she ended up telling me last
month that she found out a different friend of hers,
who was really good friends with the bride all through
school and thought they were friends, was also not invited.

Speaker 5 (48:23):
Okay, the plot thickens here, Hikes, what's going on?

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Is she is she burning bridges?

Speaker 5 (48:28):
Lets nse bridges?

Speaker 2 (48:29):
Yeah? What happened? I don't know if that makes much
difference in the overall take of the situation, but it
does seem relevant.

Speaker 5 (48:36):
Edit.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
If you aren't going to read the post, don't comment.
I wanted to ask them for clarification, but since I've
never been in this position before, I wanted to ask
others who maybe have more experience with weddings, how I
should ask. Everyone said that I would be an absolute
ale for even considering asking it's their wedding, as it's
their wedding and it is obvious I'm not invited, and

(48:57):
putting them in that position to have to tell me
to my face would be wrong. I but again, I
think it's okay.

Speaker 5 (49:05):
Yeah, no, that all of that is if you're genuinely confused.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
It's okay to like ask for clarification.

Speaker 5 (49:12):
And if they already didn't invite you, guess what, they're
not gonna feel bad about telling you again.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
No, they're gonna be like, yeah, we like had a
small wedding, we couldn't fit it.

Speaker 5 (49:21):
They'll say something like that, Dude, imagine that's just all
this is. Yeah, this is just like, oh, we just
didn't have enough space, and all it would take is
one phone call.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Yeah, instead of getting mad at me for asking for
advice on handling this situation. You should have joined in
the first time I asked, and then maybe the reaction
you would have received would demonstrate to you why I
thought it was inappropriate to ask. Now like calling out redditors.

Speaker 5 (49:42):
She's just calling out redditors. But also it's like, no
call out yourself. Come on, opee, take a little responsibility
edit too.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Also, I apologize that previous post I mentioned isn't anywhere
to be found. Thank you to everyone who had actual
advice and helped me figure out the right decision to meet.
To everyone who's been super condescending about me not asking them,
how would you feel if you didn't invite someone to
your wedding and they confronted you about it. I get
you should be upfront with them, but some people just
don't want to risk the drama. And I guess that's
fine too. It's their day. It's not really my place

(50:11):
to kick up a fuss about it. If it turns
out that it was a mistake, then they can explain
that to me and we can laugh about it and
move on. But if I am in fact right, it
would be really crappy to them to make a fuss
about it. When the day has nothing to do with me.
This isn't about this generation too scared to talk to people.
It's actually about having common courtesy to realize when it
is appropriate to make a situation about me and when

(50:33):
it is not.

Speaker 5 (50:34):
Are you doing this on the day of their wedding
while she's at me you would on the day of
the wedbes say, that's the only situation you're describing this
like you asking if you're inviting it's going to single
handedly destroy the entire wedding.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Also, like, presumably you're not a lot important If they say, oh, yeah,
you're not invited to the wedding, they're not you know,
and you're like, well, I'm not coming. They're not gonna
be sidnecked. I don't get that. This is one of
those situations where it is not. So I wanted to
know the best way to make sure I uphold the
fact that I don't want to be a source of
drama for them surrounding the wedding. I did get a
lot of good perspectives about possible mistakes that could have

(51:10):
happened here, and I'm super happy to accept that as
a reality if they explain that to me. But for
right now, I'm just going to quietly accept the situation
as is and find something fun to do this week
and instead update two. Yeah, let's get into it. It
won't let me link the original post for some reason,
but it's not my profile. This is not a very
interesting update, but several people ask for one, so I

(51:31):
thought I would just explain how things went yesterday. So
first of all, I'm very glad I didn't go okay ooh.
My fiance was quite unhappy when he came home from
the wedding and told me I was on to something. Okay,
you know it. Guess you're right. Turns out I was
not the only partner that was missing, but my fiance
is still a bit confused by the whole thing because

(51:51):
it struck him as really weird about the people who
didn't have their partners there. Plenty of people did ask
about me and where I was. My fiance just kind
of generically told them I couldn't make it, but the
bride and groom did not ask about me, though. The
groom came up to my fiance and said something about
can't wait for your wedding. You're not invited, you'rely popa,
which is what made him realize I was right about

(52:14):
the whole thing. None of the bridal party, many of
whom you knew well, asked about me, which also stood
out to him considering how many of the guests did.
One thing that strikes me as odd is that my
fiance confirmed there was no designated seat for me, but
there were a lot of empty seats, So that isn't
like there isn't like a yo, oh, there's too many
people we can't invite that. Yeah, yeah, definitely not that,

(52:36):
which leads me to wonder if they knew how entirely
confused and weird this was, and they were preparing for
people's spouses that weren't invited to show up and play
it off by having a seat available. I don't know.
That's pretty much it. The whole thing honestly feels even
more confusing after the wedding, But I do at least
think it's pretty clear that I was right and made

(52:57):
the right decision in not going. No real drama happened,
and I'm not gonna really bother to try and find
out more from them or from anyone else, but it
is disappointing, to say the least. My fiance is pretty disappointed. Too,
to find out how little these friends respect not just
me as a person, but me as his partner. But
that's just how it goes sometimes, I guess. And it

(53:19):
also the way that we go sometimes is live every
weekday a three pmbst on YouTube, Facebook and TikTok. Just
tap her profile, yep, just give it a tap. That's
the way we go.

Speaker 5 (53:30):
Well, sometimes it might take just tap until you're in
the live.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Yes, that's just get it happen. And there's a little
bit left to the story.

Speaker 5 (53:37):
I'm kind of flabbergasted here that maybe the best move
was not to make the phone call. I guess you're
I do kind of disagree though, where she's goes.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
I guess you didn't.

Speaker 5 (53:46):
You didn't have any drama that like, uh leaked outside
of yourself. But this entire time where you were like
debating like whether or not or what it is or
what it isn't. I feel like that in and of
itself is like a form of drama. Yeah, but it
was like just for you, and I think you could
have just avoided it all. And like, I don't know,
I feel like if you called this person who clearly

(54:07):
I guess doesn't like you, Yeah, something. We're still kind
of unsure on exactly.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
What that why they didn't invite you, But I feel
like you.

Speaker 5 (54:13):
Would have picked up on if you call them or
he you know, y'all called them together yeah and said hey,
so we just wanted to confirm, like is is there
was her name missing on, like is she invited or what?
And based on I'm sure if this person hated you,
you'd be able to pick up the vibe yeah and then.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
Be like, Okay, so I guess I don't need to
go to that, but either way, not going. But either way,
don't invite them to your wedding they serve it, don't
do that. But there is a little bit more to
this story. I really just wish they had been direct.
Even if the reason they gave was a lie that
I wasn't invited, I would have understood if they said
it was a matter of numbers. But the way they
went about this just seems so pathetic and cowardly to me.

(54:51):
But but it appears as if we weren't the only
long term term couple they did this too, So I
think it says a lot more about them than it
does about me. For sure. Thanks to everyone who gave
advice and offered different perspectives. I'm super thankful I posted
here because you guys really helped me feel confident in
my re and my read on the situation, and you

(55:12):
all help me make the right decision to avoid the
most drama or embarrassment. And that is the end of
that story.

Speaker 5 (55:19):
Well, good job avoiding that drama. I guess I would
have made it more dramatic, but I guess I'm.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
Yes, we were all living for the drama.

Speaker 5 (55:25):
I'm just not afraid of that phone call, you know, ye,
not afraid to make a phone call.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
I think there's one more story in there. There is
one more story. There is one more Hey, it's johny
og host here.

Speaker 3 (55:35):
We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's a
quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (55:39):
I finally cut off my manipulative friend, but I can't
stop thinking I might be in the wrong.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Don't overthink it, keep them cut off? Yeah, no questions.
That was definitely not overthought.

Speaker 5 (55:53):
I'll tell you that I've been dealing with a really
difficult situation involving a former friend, and I'm torn about
whether I'm in the wrong for stepping back from the friendship.
By the way, this comes from user wild payment thirty
three fifteen on the r slash okay story time subreddit.
So for privacy reasons, I've changed all the names in

(56:13):
the story. Here's who they are. Tammy my former friend
who has been emotionally impulsive. Oh, we might need the
board for this. We've got Tammy, the former friend who
has been emotionally impulsive and manipulative in our friendship. Yes,
and then there's a Mirah, a mutual friend and advocate

(56:33):
for marginalized communities. There's Jessica, another mutual friend who seems
to be on Tammy's side, and Samantha is Tammy's daughter.
So to continue on with the story, I'm posting here
to get an outside perspective because this situation has been
emotionally exhausting and I want to make sure I'm handling

(56:55):
it in the best way possible. I've been dealing with
a difficult situation with someone who was once my friend,
and I'm torn about whether I'm in the wrong or not.
To give some context, this person, whom I'll refer to
as Tammy, has a trans son. Tammy has a tendency
to be emotionally impulsive and often does things without taking

(57:16):
accountability for them. For example, a while ago, she accused
a man of sending her exploitive material on Instagram during
a TikTok live. The material was spicy in nature, but
she claimed it involved children, which it did not. WHOA,
that is a crazy accusation to.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Levy at someone.

Speaker 5 (57:37):
Dude, that's a big clan Dude, Like that's like you
go to jail for saying that about someone when that's
not true. Damn that can ruin someone's entire life. Yeah, instantaneously.
Whoof this happened around the same time that she had
a falling out with four of our mutual friends, who

(57:57):
felt she wasn't taking responsibility for her action. Tammy's emotional
response to the situation was to kick everyone out of
the group chat on Instagram, something she's done multiple times
before when things don't go her way.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
That's exhausting to be friends with that type of person.

Speaker 5 (58:12):
Tammy just sounds like not a fun time for anybody,
So she tends to push people away and make things
about her, which has made it really hard for me
to maintain a healthy relationship with her. During that time,
I stood by her despite disagreeing with how she handled
the situation with the man, but I didn't agree with

(58:35):
her actions. She never apologized to the man, nor did
she apologize to me for how she treated me during
that time. Around the same time, Tammy said some hurtful
things to me which felt dismissive of my experiences. She
implied that I just needed to try harder in a
way that minimized my struggles, especially as a trans person,

(58:56):
so Op is also trans. She went on to compare
my struggles to her son's journey, highlighting how he had
mental health issues in the past but had overcome them
now living in California with a beautiful girlfriend, engaged and thriving.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
And she's comparing that to ope. She's like, you should
try harder. That's crazy. Yeah, stop comparing people's journeys. Comparison
is the thief of joy. You're thieving all that joy.
Put it on my tombstone.

Speaker 5 (59:22):
It felt like she put him on a pedestal, and
it made me feel like my experiences, particularly as a transperson,
didn't matter. Her words were hurtful, and it seemed like
she was more focused on her son's story as a
success narrative rather than recognizing the validity of my own.
Tammy also told me that she was looking for me
to be responsible because apparently she thought I somehow wasn't

(59:44):
showing responsibility. I was completely taken aback by this, especially
since I had admitted when I'd done something wrong every
single time. More specifically, I apologized to Tammy for trauma
dumping on her several times. I owned up to the
fact that I was trauma dumping, and I apologized, and
I owned up to it. I do not know where
she's coming from with these allegations of me not taking responsibility.

(01:00:08):
To me, that is responsibility. I don't understand what she
expects from me. What else is she asking for when
I've already owned my actions. It's disheartening that I'm in
my late twenties and yet she, in her fifties, is
acting more like a teenager, not someone who is older
than me. She's not with her, She's not an elder
in any sense, and the way she behaves is really disappointing.

(01:00:29):
Around the same time, Tammy began worrying that I would
leave her too, and sent me thousands of messages expressing
her fear that I would abandon her just like the
other friends had. I hadn't responded for a while because
I was at work, but she became fixated on this
idea that I was going to leave her, even though
I was just busy. Her worry and desperation came off

(01:00:50):
as manipulative, and it seemed like she was trying to
emotionally control me into staying in the friendship on her terms. Meanwhile,
this is the person who kicked all of her friends
out of the chat.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Yeah, it's like she's already pushing people away and then
she's trying to pull them back. Yeah, which is just
a very manipulative person. You can see. Also, Josephine, just
to clarify, oh, p is a transperson. And then I
think that Tammy has a daughter named Samantha and a
transcend I think there's two separate people.

Speaker 5 (01:01:19):
Yeah could Yeah, that's my understanding of the story. I mean, like,
you could also theoretically have a trans son who goes
by Samantha. That's also true, right, It's like world's a
complex place. This has been a recurring issue with I
guess Tammy. She doesn't seem to know how to emotionally regulate,
and it often feels like I'm caught in a cycle
of her needing constant reassurance. She doesn't seem to understand

(01:01:42):
boundaries or take responsibility for her actions. It seems like
if she doesn't get the reaction she wants, she just
throws a tantrum or tries to guilt people into sticking around.
To add to that, when I reached out to Amirah
another friend who will mention Shory who is the cool
friend of her cool, I reached out to Amra on
Tammy's behalf. Tammy asked me to try and get some

(01:02:03):
resolution between her and a Mira because they both call
out problematic people on TikTok and advocate.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
For marginalized communities.

Speaker 5 (01:02:12):
However, Tammy wanted to join forces with Amira to start
calling people out together, but she failed to acknowledge that
Amra was going through her own struggles at that point.
Tammy didn't take a Mira's personal situation into account and
just moved forward with the plan without thinking about what
a Mira was experiencing at the time. It felt selfish
because Tammy didn't consider how this might impact Amra's well being.

(01:02:34):
All of this came after I reached out to Tammy
because of the situation that happened with my family on Thanksgiving.
My family was not accepting of me as a transperson,
and I was reaching out for support. Instead of providing support,
Tammy turned it into something about her and her experiences,
further distancing me from her. On top of this, Tammy

(01:02:55):
said that I did not ask how she was doing
before starting to talk to her about my family situation.
This is a lie, because every single time that I
would ever talk to her, whether it was through text
or on the phone, I would always ask her how
she was doing. The four friends ultimately left Tammy because
of her actions, for impulsivity and how she handled things.
They also felt it was a liability to be associated

(01:03:17):
with her. I can't blame them for feeling that way. Yeah,
especially after like the false allegations we talked about at
the beginning.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
I think you just need to also kind of go
that route, because she seems like a lot to deal with,
a piece of work. I gotta say, mm hmm, Yeah, She's.

Speaker 5 (01:03:32):
Not somebody to just be like, well whatever, I just
we'll just keep hanging out.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
I guess this is a really taxing friendship. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:40):
On top of everything, Tammy's daughter Samantha. Okay, so there's
a daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:48):
Tammy's daughter, Samantha has posted things on TikTok in directly
targeting me. I responded in kind because I believe I
should be because I don't believe I should be intimidated
into feeling bad about myself or what I did. I
stood up for myself and I won't be manipulated into
feeling guilty for that. It's exhausting to constantly feel like
I need to justify my actions and who I am

(01:04:08):
just to maintain peace. As for Jessica, the mutual friend
who was taking Tammy's side, I feel like she's taking
sides and favoring Tammy more. I'm not sure what it
will take for her to see the situation for what
it is. Maybe she'll have to experience an encounter with
Tammy herself to understand. Some people don't learn unless they
go through things like that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
Unfortunately.

Speaker 5 (01:04:29):
Additionally, I want to touch on how Tammy has been
incredibly ablest towards me, both in the past and more recently.
She dismissed my experience and struggles as a transperson. When
I was going through difficult times, she demanded that I
seek mental health, even though I've already sought help in
the past and I'm not currently in.

Speaker 3 (01:04:46):
A position to do so.

Speaker 5 (01:04:47):
I don't have health insurance to pursue therapy or counseling,
and the hospitals around here aren't always the best, especially
when it comes to mental health care for queer people.
Tammy knows this, but despite that, she insisted that I
go to the hospital. It's frustrating because she claims to
be an ally to the LGBTQ plus community, but her
actions tell a completely different story. Her dismissiveness and demand

(01:05:09):
for me to quote unquote fix myself was incredibly ablest
and just added more pressure to an already difficult situation.

Speaker 2 (01:05:16):
I don't know if I agree with that.

Speaker 5 (01:05:17):
What well, I mean, well, the being like go here, like, well,
I've been to that hospital. It doesn't work. And clearly
Tammy is like from everything else we've seen, is like
is not a great yea or a great person. But
I think someone telling you, like, hey, you should get
help for that, whatever it is, I don't think that that's.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
I don't think it's necessarily a bad or like outright
a bad thing, but I think it depends on the context.
Like here, it seems like Tammy was badgering Op about it,
and he was like, I, literally I can't afford this,
But just.

Speaker 5 (01:05:46):
On the surface, I just don't want anyone to get
the wrong idea that if you think of friend needs
help and you want to tell them that they should
try to get help, by all means you can express that. Yeah,
I was blocked by Tammy after the aftermath of me
trying to seek support from her after the situation that
happened with my family on Thanksgiving. Tammy also threatened me,
saying that if I was still friendly with the friends

(01:06:07):
that had abandoned her, that she would expose me on social.

Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
Media for what for? Yeah, exactly for being friends with people.
This is absurd.

Speaker 5 (01:06:16):
Remember this all happened over TikTok. But Tammy was involved
in three, actually four different activism groups in her local area,
and every single one of those activism groups kicked her out.
I suspect she was kicked out of these groups because
she has a tendency to want everybody to listen to her.
It's almost like she wants to control everything and have
her daughter involved in everything as well. And by the way,

(01:06:40):
we want all of you involved in our live streams
when we go live every weekday at three pm PSC
on YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and Twitch. All you gotta do
is tap on our profile profile and you're in and
if you're not in, tap again.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
Keep tapping until you know you're in the live.

Speaker 5 (01:07:01):
Yeah, so we do have a little bit more story left.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
But I think you know, I'm a little I'm a
little confused. What would the blow up like the initial
blow up thing was, But it seems like Tammy is
just making mountains out of mole hills left and right,
and just doesn't seem like a good person to be
trying to get support from. Because it seems like Opiece
multiple times has tried to get support from Tammy and
she seems like the worst person to get that from.

(01:07:27):
So you just need to drop her.

Speaker 5 (01:07:29):
Does not is not a person built for support. So
let's finish this story now. I'm wondering if I'm the
a hole here. I've had to set boundaries with Tammy
multiple times and she doesn't respect them. She's constantly in
a cycle of drama and it's exhausting. At this point,
I feel like I've given her so many chances, but
I'm not sure if I can keep doing this, don't
keep doing it?

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
Yeah, just don't keep right. You're right.

Speaker 5 (01:07:53):
Note all change all the names are changed, of course.
Am I wrong for stepping back? Or is this just
the reality of dealing with someone who's emotionally unstable?

Speaker 2 (01:08:02):
Am I the a hole?

Speaker 5 (01:08:04):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:08:05):
No, I mean low key?

Speaker 3 (01:08:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:08:07):
Is the reality of dealing with someone who's emotionally ones.

Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
You have to deal with them?

Speaker 5 (01:08:11):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be your reality. It's like
you don't just have to be like, well, I guess
this is my life. I guess I'm gonna have to
be this person's like punching bag my whole life because
they're emotionally unstable. I guess I got to cut off
all my friends because this person's emotionally unstable.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
It's like, if someone is not you have to do that.
If someone is not, you know, just being a good
friend or is not benefiting your life. And I don't
mean that from like giving you things, but like just
like emotionally benefiting your life, you don't have to continue
being friends with them, you don't.

Speaker 5 (01:08:44):
Or if it's on the same token, if you feel
like you know your friends aren't buying you enough nice things,
m m.

Speaker 2 (01:08:49):
You don't have to be friends.

Speaker 5 (01:08:51):
But also I would question whether or not your priorities.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
And your morals are straight by doing that. A little
bit out of whack, but it's great.

Speaker 5 (01:08:58):
We live in a world where we're free to do
literally love, uh, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
With within reason. Dang man. That's the end of that.
That is the end of that.

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My brother and sister-in-law want me to LIE to my niece… I refused! | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My brother and sister-in-law want me to LIE to my niece… I refused! | Reddit Stories