My fiancée FORCES me into her new hobby… I’m not happy about it! | Reddit Stories | EP2138 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:17):
My fiance forced me into her new hobby. I'm happy
about it. Gross So my fiance has taken up cooking
during quarantine. Previously, we did not cook much and instead
eight out a lot. That's expensive. We could afford it
and are generally health eaters. Of course, we both can cook,

(00:37):
but given how busy we are, it was easier to
eat out.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
Anyone can cook. I'm gonna keep cooking.

Speaker 4 (00:43):
Anyone can cook is depends on how great good the
cooking is.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Also, to be honest, I don't really enjoy cooking and
see it as a chore to be avoided. I love food,
but there are other things I'd rather do with my time.
By the way, this comes from throwing cooking.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime Supped it. So yes,
due to quarantine, my fiance has decided to actually cook more,
and she has found she really enjoys it.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
This is great.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
I'm happy for her that she's discovered a new thing
that brings her joy. Turns out she's also quite good
at it and cares about learning new skills, et cetera.
So I've been benefiting as well. I still don't really
care to cook myself, like I said, so in return
for putting all this effort into cooking, I've been helping
out by paying for takeout on nights she doesn't want
to cook, as well as doing all the dishes and

(01:33):
cleaning the counters, et cetera, or the days when she
does cook.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
As far as I was aware, she agreed that.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
This was a suitable compromise, and of course, if she
felt it was unfair, I would have been happy to
pick up the slack in other ways, but.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
She seemed happy with this.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
As her cooking experiments expanded to baking and generally became
more elaborate, she started to rope me into cooking. I'd
head to the kitchen to get a drink and check
on her, and she'd be like, ooh, can you help me?
Chop this while I saute this or something. I would
shop her Carret's for or whatever, and chat with her
about the meal and then head back to whatever I

(02:07):
was doing. I didn't mind this at all, but it's
slowly grown and to me becoming her soux chef, especially
when she wants to make meals that are really easier
with two people.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
I mean, if you're benefiting from the cooking, that at
least you could do is hell.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (02:20):
I don't feel bad for this guy. He's like, yeah,
my partner is like picking up cooking. She's actually pretty
good at it, but like, sometimes she wants me to chlegetables.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
This is what I do with Sam. And I'll be like, hey, Sam, like,
let's cook dinner. And then I'll be like, hey, can
you help me? And He's like, I have dialp you.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
I'm like, you're eating it. He's like, what you twicked me?
Can I just help you by eating it? I'm like, Sam,
you have to help.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Keep in mind, her cooking experiments are elaborate and sometimes
take two or more hours. So my entire evening has
gone to these cooking endeavors. And this happens multiple times
a week On top of that, she tends to order
me around in the kitchen. I could be a little,
as you can probably predict. We had a fight about it.
I told her that I dislike her attitude in the

(03:05):
kitchen when I help, and I don't like cooking to
begin with.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
I would feel better about helping her if she wasn't
so rude to me.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
But quite frankly, I don't want to spend eight plus
hours every week cooking.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
It's not my hobby. It's hard. I don't even eat.
The thing is, if you benefit from the hobby, you
can't even call it. It's like a skill. It's a
hobby and a life skill. This is a skill. It's
a skill. Ultimate frisbee is a hobby.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
I think when the hobby helps you live, it's not
exactly a hobby.

Speaker 4 (03:37):
It's like my hobby is like getting a good night's
sleep and drinking enough water.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
I think I don't know. I think baking is more
of a hobby.

Speaker 4 (03:46):
Oh, don't let the baker's hear you say that. Well,
but I mean I'm a baker. I think that is
more of a hobby.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
Not because that's a lifestyle. That's not a hobby. That's
not a hobby, it's a lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
If she wanted me to pitch in by providing meals,
I would buy them or make something simple. Sometimes people
want like a home cooked meal, you know. Sometimes they
don't want you to eat out every day.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
She was very upset.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
She said that it wasn't fair that I was enjoying
the fruits of her labor but not contributing, and that
cooking took two hours, but doing the dishes and cleaning
only took in.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
Half an hour.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
I told her that it was her decision to make
very elaborate meals, and that I would be happy if
she put together a simple pizza or stir fry. I'm sorry,
sounds a little ungrateful. Sounds a little ungrateful. She asked
her a little help. She wants to hang out with
you while you cook together. I think you the rudeness.
If she's actually being rude to you, that is maybe
a problem that could be addressed.

Speaker 3 (04:34):
But she's cooking for you. Man.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
After a certain point, the elaborateness of her meals crosses
into hobby territory, and I resent being made to feel
like I'm a bad partner because I don't want to
give up multiple evenings to her hobby. Dude, you're not
giving it. Ugh, She's doing She's making food for you.
It's not like you're not giving up. I don't know,
you're just hanging out with her and cooking. We did

(04:58):
not really resolve this. I actually bought and made some
of my own meals on a few nights, so I
wasn't enjoying the fruits of her labor. But this seemed
to make her more upset, and our fridge started to
fill with more leftovers than she could eat herself. Another time,
I ended up helping her but told her I needed
to go to a video chat at eight pm, and
she got upset when I actually stopped helping to leave,
even though I told her beforehand. I told her a

(05:20):
little snappishly, I'm afraid that I wasn't her though chef
to boss around in the kitchen.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Yeah, but you are, though, right kind of theoretically maybe
a little bit, shouldn't you.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
I mean, I mean, do you want to start paying?

Speaker 2 (05:35):
The thing is like, I'm also imagining that she's not
really giving him really hard job, you know, like he's
got a chop vegetables and stir stuff.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
Yeah, what a hard what a hard knock life.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
I tried to discuss this with her again when we
were feeling calmer. I told her that I loved that
she found a new hobby, but it is her hobby
and I can't help with it and don't want to
feel obligated to do it. She retorted that it wasn't
feminist of me to relegate the cooking to her and
benefit from it without help. The feminism connection makes little
sense to me because previously neither of us cooked much,

(06:06):
and she chose to take up cooking herself.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
But of course I didn't tell her that. I don't
know if I like this guy, why are you acting
like she invented eating? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (06:16):
She's like, oh, she's really into her her little hobby. Like, okay,
sometimes people, you know, you start out, you don't really
know how to cook, and so you start out you're
buying a bunch of food out and then you're like, wow,
this is kind of expensive.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
I kind of want to, you know, learn how to
cook on my own. And then you start cooking and
then you're.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Like, oh, like I'm doing a lot of work solo
now for two people.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Maybe yeah, but you know it'srue.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
He's like you know, why don't you just do it
for the love of the game. Why do I have
to do that?

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Why?

Speaker 4 (06:43):
Why don't you just do it? Because you're like in
love with the process.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
You're literally in love with it. You're obsessed with it.
I shouldn't have to help it all, even though I'm
eating it. I told her that if she wants to
discuss the distribution of labor in our house, we can
do so and come up with something new that reflects
that she's cooking more. Now we try to do this,
but she wanted to count all the time she spends
cooking as or time.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
Oh, I mean if you're eating it? Nah, on what
she's making, it's some different.

Speaker 4 (07:08):
Now, what if you enjoy cooking, if it's a hobby
that you'd like, I don't think it's fair to call
that a chore.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
I disagree.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
I love cooking, but sometimes cooking is a tour, especially
when you're very tired.

Speaker 4 (07:20):
I guess it's more of just like the uh, the
emotional flavoring.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
I think you can enjoy cooking like I think you
can enjoy something that is also sometimes a chore.

Speaker 4 (07:30):
Yeah, I guess like I enjoy that. I enjoy vacuuming. Okay,
I do enjoy that, and I'm not ashamed of that's yeah.
I mean yes, or like gardening, you can't chore a vacuum,
That's true.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
We're onto something here.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
If I was like, if you were like, I enjoy vacuuming,
and then I was like, perfect, you vacuum all the
time and I'm never gonna help you vacuum, I'd be like, yes,
but like, I don't do any more chores even like
to reflect that you're doing more vacuuming, you'd be like, well,
I enjoy it, but I'm still doing stuff to help
around the house and you're not doing anything more.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
Yeah, But I think that would be a separate issue
outside of the vacuum because I love the game.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
Okay, Dakota really loves Vacuumored one.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
I'm a player of the game.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
So according to her ideal chore distribution, she spends ten
plus hours cooking dinner only every week, which somehow leaves
me with pretty much all the.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Rest of the chores. So wait, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
So what you're saying is we got is she cooking
on the week every day of the week.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
We have seven days of the week, right, and she
does five hours.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
That means she's doing maybe hour an hour and a
half a cooking every.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Night, which probably feels like ten minutes to her because
she loves it so much. She loves it so much.
I don't know why he's complaining.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
He's saying ten plus hours, like it's this huge number,
but that's realistically like.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
An hour and hour and a half every night, right.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Maybe two, which is like pretty normal for cooking. I
don't know what his buddy doesn't know he is. I
told her I wasn't happy with this because making elaborate
meals is a hobby. It isn't fair that's say, six
out of ten hours of her chores is actually her hobby,
and I have to do an equivalent amount of actual chores.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
That makes sense.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
So we're at a bit of an impasse. Am I
actually being a bad feminist? I don't think I am wrong.
I'm quite familiar with emotional labor, meant to load all that.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
But maybe I am.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
I love this woman and obviously want to marry her,
but we're usually good at making decisions logically, and this
is the first time we've had such a disagreement. I
don't know how to get her to understand the boundary
between cooking as a necessary activity and cooking as a hobby.
I would appreciate your advice. And there are some comments,
but so yeah, I have to remember any of the

(09:37):
thoughts that I had before this happened.

Speaker 4 (09:39):
I remember mine, So I'll start because it feels like
where we're adding the stories less about what's like who
needs to change, and it's really more like a what
is a chore?

Speaker 3 (09:49):
What classifies something as could work?

Speaker 4 (09:52):
And it's like it sounds like from the end of
that Op's just like, well, if she was making a
gruel and slop, yeah, then would be different.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
Well, that's kind of it. He's like if I'm made
easy meals.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
He's like, if I'm made pasta with butter every night,
you'd be fine. And it's like, well, she wants something
a little more sophisticated.

Speaker 4 (10:09):
But you know, if you're like, well, it took me
eight hours to make, you know, a dozen French macaroons,
so I did eight hours worth of chores, It's.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
Like, no, you didn't nu, huh, Like my exactly?

Speaker 2 (10:19):
I agree, But with okay, I could actually use my
mom as a great example. She is an excellent cook
cooks very healthy, great meals. They probably spent take her,
you know, depending on the meal, but like roughly an
hour to do. And she likes cooking and she's very
good at it, and she's making you know, maybe more
elaborate meals than the average household, but that's still a chore.

(10:40):
She's still making food for multiple people. That's you know,
she's she's doing something that is not inherently a selfish hobby.
She's doing something for the betterment of herself, but also
mostly the people that she's cooking for.

Speaker 4 (10:51):
Right, Like, if I was like playing like a video
game and I was like grinding, like doing some repetitive
thing for experience points. Yeah, and then I was like, well, bab,
I've actually been doing basically chores for five hours. That's
totally It's not really a chore because I'm doing something
that I'm choosing to actively do and I and it's
but it but it provides nothing.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, Red Bull Rana says, And then he said he
would pick up some more slack. But now she says
it means all the other chores, which is where I
think she's in the wrong. I think they need to
meet in the middle, and he's gone the one end,
going well, that's not at all, so I shouldn't have
to do any more to it, Like you know, he's
like saying that it's not indicative of her doing any
extra work.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
It's not true.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Whereas she said, well, I'm doing all of this extra work,
so I should have to do anything else, and it's like, well, no,
you still have to help out with other stuff.

Speaker 4 (11:37):
These really were a couple of logical individuals, which they
could be logical chart of some kind of schedule for
ye or just drawing straws, draw chores out of a
hat for the week, like literally randomize it.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
So that's fair.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
But we've got some comments. Let's see what the what
Reddit thinks of this guy. Common one the best way
I've ever heard this type of resentment described was by
David Schnirch in Passionate Marriage. Dude's name is Schnarch Snarch. Essentially,
he says that when one partner forces the other to
do things they enjoy, it feels like togetherness to them. Yeah,

(12:16):
I mean that's probably part of why she wants it.
She wants to hang out with them.

Speaker 3 (12:20):
I got a lock back in. I'm still hooked on
schnarch dear.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
But when they're the one being forced to participate, it
feels like being controlled. Coma two says, honestly, if he
is using a million pots and pans, then he's doing
it wrong. You don't need a new container for every ingredient.
You just have to organize yourself in a way that
will add ingredients as you go. I'm also really quick
circling back. He said that it took him thirty minutes
to do the dishes. I don't think it takes that

(12:43):
long unless she's using like twenty different dishes for these meals.
Maybe they're all cast iron, or maybe they don't have
a washing dishwasher. That is a possibility, But they said
they have a fair bit of money because they have
takeout money, so I feel like they probably have a dishwasher,
in which case I'm circling back again, and I think
that you're taking too long to do the dishes.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
I think I think just hiring someone else to do
all of the chores at this point. Yes, if you
have the money for takeout.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
If you have takeout money, I don't know, Yeah, you
use the money that you're saving on cooking.

Speaker 4 (13:12):
Yeah, if you're just like me and my wife, we
just can't get over this, and it's like we'll pay someone.

Speaker 5 (13:17):
Else to do with that. Wasn't this also during the.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
COVID You're right, guys, that's why they're stuck together for
like the every day for hours.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
That's why all these problems are happening.

Speaker 4 (13:33):
Keeps cooking and I just want to microwave cobbage.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
I personally blame those cooking videos where every ingredient is
laid out in a different bowl.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
That's obviously just for show.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
You could reuse things like waiting scales without washing as
long as you put the dry stuff in first. You
can reuse a bowl that had tomatoes in for the onions.
You can reuse the same knife. What is this commoner
talking about?

Speaker 3 (13:55):
I don't know. Like I, I'm not cooking.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
The commenter was like, are you using different bowls for everything?

Speaker 4 (14:02):
Was? How was just put everything in one bowl? It's
the everything bowl.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
Comment three.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
I've spent a long time in food service and I'm
good friends with chefs. This has taught me that one
of the biggest components of getting food made quickly is
prep something that is literally a full time job. If
this is really her passion project, she should do more prep.
That means having things chop, marinated and sauces and such
prepared as much ahead of time as you can. Cooking

(14:29):
is an ordeal when you don't prep properly and are
doing everything on the fly.

Speaker 3 (14:33):
One or two days a.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Week devoted to prep would make your lives a lot easier.
Opie says. This would make a lot of sense if
she wasn't whimsically picking things to make every couple of days,
like she'll be browsing recipes online then decide to make butternuts, squash,
lasagna or something that very day.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
Sounds like you're living the life. Man.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
Yeah, this guy's really just like, Yeah, my wife keeps
finding new things to cook and she's kind of good
at it.

Speaker 3 (14:56):
What do I do? I don't know. I have to
do laundry and clean the house. The thing is I
like cooking.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
So this isn't a great example, but I think if
I had someone who was like a full time cook
for me, I'd be okay doing every other choor.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
I mean not that not that it is a fair distribution.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
I'm just saying my personally, you know me personally, if
someone was feeding me like great meals.

Speaker 3 (15:16):
I'd be like, this is my living shit. I understand.
I understand what he's coming from in terms of distribution,
and he hates doing it right, he does not enjoy
doing the cooking. Yeah, I don't know, dude.

Speaker 4 (15:27):
I think you just work out a system where it's like, look,
you just keep cooking a delicious, amazing stuff.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
Maybe she has to cook lunch and randles now too,
you know, maybe that's the trade off, just.

Speaker 3 (15:36):
To have a cook everything and then you clean everything,
and then you get fed and she has a clean
house and then it's over and it's everything's fine, and
go to the.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
Store and buy the necessary ingredients. We are fairly well stocked,
but there'll always be something or other unique to the
recipe she's selected that she has to run out and get.
I suppose I could suggest meal planning to her, but
part of the fund seems to be spinning the recipe
wheel that day to see what we get. Replies, says,
how about a weekly meal. Maybe you can even make
her a fancy menu page to update every week. She

(16:03):
can pick her recipes and add them to the menu
and list out the ingredients she needs, and there is
an updates. Cez says, good for wifey. She found something
to keep her mind busy during quarantine. Again, this is
pretty relevant information that this is during quarantine when a
lot of people were exploring hobbies like cooking and you know,
making bread like that was a pretty big thing.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:22):
Did imagine if she just like picked up you know,
heavy metal drumming or something that would be I would
be way more annoyed about that, probably instead of I
agreed for Yeah, and uh yeah, I don't know, dude,
Any grown man complaining about doing chores weird?

Speaker 3 (16:36):
Any weird weird to me? There is an update, so
let's see what the update say.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
My original post blew up in a way I totally
wasn't expecting. It. Seems a lot of people could personally
relate to my post in some way, so I hope
it's been helpful to others apart from myself. Thanks very
much to everyone who commented. I wasn't able to reply
to everyone, obviously, but I did read as much as
I could. There are a few things I'd like to
clear up since they kept coming up. She is not

(17:03):
doing this because she wants to spend more time together. Previously,
we would spend most of our evenings together watching shows
or playing video games. Now that she's spending eight plus
hours cooking by herself, I don't see her as much,
and she is too tired from cooking sometimes to spend
time with me. So that's something that's been bugging me
about this that I haven't even realized. It is especially

(17:23):
bothersome to me because I work fifty plus hours a
week and she still works full time as well, though
her schedule is much more flexible, So now I feel
like my already meager free time and quality time with
her is being cut into, which might be one of
the most important aspects of this whole issue. Her motivation
is not to save money or be more healthy. We
live in a big city where we are able to

(17:44):
order lots of homemade style ethnic food from mom and
pop type places that isn't overly salted or oily to
appeal to the masses. It's at least as healthy as
the normal diet of a Mexican, Indian, tie, Ethiopian, etc.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
Person.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
Furthermore, we make a very comfortable income and I don't
want kids, so money is not an issue. So I
sat her down and talked to her again, because we're
both in a good mood, but when I brought up
the topic, she started to become annoyed, simply because this
is a point of contention, and I guess she didn't
want to talk about it. I told her that I'm
invested in solving this problem, and that if we're unable

(18:20):
to do so, we can bring it up during couples counseling.

Speaker 3 (18:22):
We had already.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Intended to go before the wedding purely for pre marital counseling,
but now I feel as if there is an actual
problem we have to discuss during the session, and if
we can get an appointment sooner rather than later, I
would be open.

Speaker 3 (18:35):
To doing so. This seemed to make it real for her.

Speaker 2 (18:38):
She seemed to be truly taken aback that I wanted
to go to counseling over this, well, not over this specifically,
but that I wanted to involve a counselor at all
in the cooking issue. She even became teary eyed. I
felt bad, so I asked her if there was anything
else bothering her, that that was really at the root
of this, and she said that she's overall felt pretty
depressed by the pandemic and quarantine and everything, which is

(18:59):
what I said. Yeah, she's trying to find like a
way to relieve all of the stress. Yeah, and you know,
just awfulness of being cooped up and probably you know,
spending time with like maybe she needs that alone time
that's not just working, you know, something that she really enjoys.
I told her I could relate and let her cry
it out of it when she got in passed that.
I didn't want the conversation to lose its steam, so

(19:20):
I brought up the following things. I love that her
new hobby is making her happy, and I appreciate that
she's making lots of delicious food for us to enjoy.
These are the problems I have identified which I would
like to find solutions for. One, we used to spend
a lot more time together. I would like to have
more easy meals so we can go back to spending
quality time together on TV, video games, et cetera like
we used to.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
I would argue that neither of those activities well maybe
video games maybe, but TV especially not a really quality
time spent with someone I just have like a very
The thing is, like, it's hard for me to fully
relate to this guy really quick because whenever I'm cooking
and a friend is over.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
So much talking happening, even if they're not necessary, Like
a lot of times I'll.

Speaker 3 (20:00):
Be cooking and my friend will be sitting and just watching.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Me cook, Like that's quality time and we're talking that
I consider that quality time.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
It is that is quality time. Yeah, And so.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
I'm I'm confused why he's not just like and he
did bring up that she can be rooted in the kitchen,
so that's maybe a thing to address, but like that
can be and I mean, for me is quality time.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
So I'm wondering why why it's not for him?

Speaker 4 (20:24):
Well, yeah, I think this is less of an issue
of quality time and more like I want to do
the things that I like doing or that we both
liked doing.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Like even if I was like, for example, even if
I'm like.

Speaker 4 (20:33):
If it was an issue of quality time, he would
just be there, like talking exactly his partner.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
Like even like let's say like I'm folding laundry, someone's
there talking to me. Quality time, quality time, I'm going
to get gas, someone's in the car with me. I
like doing errands.

Speaker 4 (20:48):
Yeah, all eyes on the screen watching a thing and
then going the time, It's not quality time. I mean
you're spending time together, yeah, like videos, coupling or whatever.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
But I think that it's less active quality time. Right.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
I do not mind helping a little or hanging out
while she's cooking, but the disrespect in the kitchen absolutely
has to stop, which is a fair I think that
is a fair request. In future, I will be getting
up and leaving if she's rude to me in the kitchen.
The unfeminist comment was a low blow, and I would
like an apology.

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Oh, he's like, I am a feminist. Don't you dare
say out the wise? I I'm a sorry, right, I am,
I'm a feminist. I am a feminist.

Speaker 4 (21:26):
And there are really quickly because I see some comments
being like TV is quality time, and it's like like
it's coming from.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
A place of like a different type of quality time exactly.
I think it is a inactive quality time. I think
that like being in the kitchen with someone talking to
them that is active quality right.

Speaker 3 (21:40):
It's yeah, it's a passive action.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
And how you're watching TV because some people talk a
lot drink now, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:45):
The passive is the word I was looking for. Thank you.
She said she understood these things and apologized for the
unfeminist guy. That is the funniest part of the story.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
I'm sorry, you're a feminist, Okay.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
I think that's so funny. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
We worked out a meal schedule where I would be
responsible for providing meals two times a week and she
would cook elaborate meals on weekends.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
I like that one designated.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Night would be for both of us to cook a
simpler meal together as a couple's activity. I asked her
if there was anything about this she wanted to bring
up about how I was behaving or how she feels,
and she said no, that she really was just depressed
by quarantine and had dived into her new hobby. Hopefully,
if there is something else, she will bring it up later.
That was a night where she was to cook a

(22:28):
simpler meal for us, and as a show of good faith,
I decided to help her out and see if she
could be more chill, and suggested we do all the
prep first, as someone had suggested. It started off fine,
but she started to become snappish as she juggled frying
in two different pans and wanted me to keep her
handing her prepped ingredients, so I went back to my
room By the way, you should come back to full

(22:48):
episodes with us, which you can listen to on Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
Just search up Okay, strike time. All I need to do.
It's pretty simple, woo. But there is a little bit
left to the story.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Any final thoughts. I mean, yeah, like I kind of
figured it out.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
They did.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
I feel like, you know, most of this is probably
just like being locked in the house.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
I think it is type in the house.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
I think it was really hard for everyone to be
locked in the house with the same people. I can
tell you it was hard living with my parents, and
you know, I got fed great meals.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
But it's hard. It's hard. I think you guys communicate well.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
I think she may be the type of person who
wants people to help and also simultaneously gets stressed in
the kitchen. Yeah, which is my mother, and you know
we love cooks, great meals. Hard to cook with someone
who gets angry in the kitchen. It is, it is,
But there is a little bit left to this story.
I felt very bad because I was leaving her in

(23:47):
a bit of a tough spot, but I also felt
like I needed to stand by what I said because
I did not want to put up with her poor
treatment of me. On top of that, I had a
really difficult day at work. My job involves working with
people who have very tough lives, and I end up
heartbroken and emotionally drained quite frequently. This has become exacerbated
due to the pandemic. So I really just did not
want to deal with my own partner being mean to me. Ultimately,

(24:09):
the dinner turned out fine, but she was pretty icy
to me. I praised the meal little bit more than
I usually did, but she was sour all night. I've
started looking to get a couple's counseling appointments soon. I
wish I had an app here an update for you, but
hopefully things will get better with our new meal schedule
as we continue to implement it and I continue to
set boundaries. I will also be keeping an eye on
her depression and suggest individual therapy if it seems appropriate.

(24:32):
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (24:35):
Oo O you know, w here's another here's another thought, right,
other thought. I don't know if this is the good
path the bad path. But you're like, well, that's a hobby,
not a chore. Why don't you develop another hobby? That
where you go in you know, you're you're making, you're making,
you're crafting items for the house, well, gardening in.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
A woodwork, some kind of working or stonemasonry.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
I was say, like, start growing like veggies and stuff
that your wife can cook with. That's actually better than
anything I was saying.

Speaker 4 (25:05):
I was saying, basically, to make your wife get annoyed
with your new chore hobby and then call it a
chore instead of a hobby.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
And then maybe she would be like.

Speaker 4 (25:13):
Oh, I see, now I should be maybe not just
saying me cooking is the only thing I should be doing.

Speaker 3 (25:21):
So you're saying, go the passive aggressive route.

Speaker 4 (25:24):
Yeah, but like that's more of a joke, like probably
don't do that, you know, if anything, do the gardening
so that you can at least grows grow some some
objects that you can eat.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Yeah, but that's one of that story, folks. And we
got another one for you.

Speaker 3 (25:39):
Yeah we do, Okay, let's do it. We ready.

Speaker 4 (25:42):
Yeah, my boyfriend mocks my financial status, but he said
it's only a joke.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
It's just a joke, babe, just a joke. Brokey.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about nine months.
We've known each other almost two years and things have
been okay. There are a few hiccups here and there,
but we've mostly worked those out.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
Things are just okay.

Speaker 4 (26:04):
It's great great, It's great to be in an okay relationship.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
Right.

Speaker 4 (26:09):
My boyfriend works in an office and makes pretty good money,
enough that both of us could live on it, as
he's always telling me unprompted. I, however, am on disability
and have been ever since I turned nineteen. I've had
little part time jobs here and there, but nothing too
high paying or anything, as I would lose my disability.
By the way, this comes from user just another throwaway,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go

(26:30):
to the r slash Okay storytime suburdy. So we never
spoke much about how much either of us made or
where our income came from until three months ago when
he started talking about moving in together. A reason I
don't date much is because I'm always ashamed to tell
people where my income comes from, as my disability isn't
exactly something you can tell from just looking at me.

(26:53):
By the way, I've never asked him to pay anything
for me. We've often gotten coffee when we go out,
or one of us gets ut treat for the other.
I live at home right now and have told him
that I'm okay with moving in, but that I wouldn't
be able to contribute as much as he would be
able to.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
That prompted the.

Speaker 4 (27:08):
Quote unquote serious talk about income. I told him how
I got my money, and he was quiet for a
long time. He said he never would have guessed, and
now my weird schedule made sense, and continue talking about
moving in together. Since I thought everything was okay, I agree,
and we started looking for places. This is where things
have started getting annoying and downright hurtful. We've seen a

(27:28):
few places since we started looking, but mostly we have
just been looking at places online. We'll be looking on
his laptop and see a place and start talking about
what each of us wants or doesn't want. Sometimes, if
I disagree with something he wants or doesn't want, he'll
joke and say something like, I'm not sure you.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
Should have much to say about XYZ, as you won't.

Speaker 4 (27:47):
Be paying as much as I will, or my money
talks louder than yours and says this is what we should.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
Get or not get. That's not a partnership. Yeah, as
not a partnership. But see, but the part where all
thing is that.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Then he laughs and says, ha, Brokie, you know, I'm
just joking.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
I care about your opinions because you'll be living there,
but you're lying they don't. That doesn't hit as much
when you, uh, when you proceed it with your My
money dougs a lotterer than yours.

Speaker 4 (28:14):
Actually, yeah, that's like you're not that's not really a
it's not really a joke. It's like throwing a water
balloon at someone and being like, you just kidding just
gets Will you already hit me with the balloon?

Speaker 3 (28:23):
Too late? I'm wet. Can you undo it? Nope? Okay.

Speaker 4 (28:27):
So twice as we've been looking at places, he's joked
to our potential landlord that they shouldn't ask me any
questions because the only thing I'm really doing what.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
I said, Oh oh, I.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
Thought I heard Kean say something because I am hallucinating
from how much caffeine I've had today.

Speaker 5 (28:43):
Okay, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare.

Speaker 4 (28:45):
So yeah, he's saying the landlord shouldn't ask me any
questions because the only thing I'm really doing is just
putting my name on the least or the rental agreement.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
I've never felt so embarrassed in my life.

Speaker 4 (28:53):
So I'll go off and look at the rest of
the place and avoid him and the landlord. This is
not the only thing, as he jokes about a lot
of things, especially since he found out about my income.
They'll say things like, I'm so tired after working all day.
I wish I could just sit around like you do.
Or it must be nice to get to sleep in
every day. I wish I could do that, but if
I don't work, I couldn't take care of myself.

Speaker 3 (29:12):
And they all feel like little digs at me.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
They are digs at you, they're big digs. He's an archaeologist,
then this is a big dig.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
Well, I mean like that's like a log. I'm sorry,
that was great, Recognize that that was great. Thank you
that that was the limpest handshake. What happened getting in there?
There we go.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
I do agree though, that it's like if you're with
a partner and they don't have to work and you
do have to work, Yeah, it is only natural for
you to be like, damn, I wish I could do that.
I literally can't sure, But it all comes down to
your intent and your.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
Energy, and he's definitely disrespecting you. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:45):
Now, I've known my boyfriend for almost two years. He
lived with his parents before we started dating, where he
didn't pay rent or help with bills, and didn't do
anything around the house. His mother and father will go
on and on and on about that if it comes up.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
Even though he had a job.

Speaker 4 (29:59):
He's also not good with saving so even though he
was living rent free at home, he did not have
anything saved up. I've helped my parents with bills and
helped around the house and have a very small savings.
Yet he keeps talking down on me as if all
I do is just sit at home all day, collect
a check and don't do anything with it. Believe me,
if I could work regularly like him, I would be working.
It just seems like he's gotten super snobby or something

(30:21):
since this came to light, and it's been grating on
my nerves. I've spoken to him on numerous occasions about this,
but all he says is that I'm taking it too
seriously and making a big deal out of nothing, and
refuses to talk about it any further. So this is
like the classic and I was actually guilty of this.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
In one of my.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
Previous relationships of just being like, well, what, I'm just
kidding and then someone's being like, hey, but that made
me feel this way, and I'd be like, but I
was just kidding.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
It's like intention doesn't matter, it's the effect.

Speaker 4 (30:49):
It's like, oh wait, I'm oh, your feelings are getting here, Okay,
so I shouldn't kid around with you about that because
it's clear that it's just hurting your feelings.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
It is.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
It is. It's my fault.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
It is the uh comedian rule. Your audience is not
at fault. You were just not delivering jokes that they like. Well.

Speaker 4 (31:09):
Yeah, and especially if you're being a comedian in a
context where no one has paid to see you in
a room and you're just like hanging out.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
You're not a comedian. You're just a guy talking to somebody.
You're in a comedian. But yes, but that still holds
if you're doing a joke.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
And everyone's like, m you can't be like you guys suck.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
It's literally the worst.

Speaker 4 (31:28):
I went to a show Riley into a show where
the host did that and turned the entire room against you.
Everyone in the show yeah, because he was like, you
guys all paid to be here. You know that, right,
you can laugh, And everyone was just like, who is
this guy? Get him out of you?

Speaker 3 (31:42):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Anyway, hey, Sam, we're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (31:47):
So I've asked if he is fine with the fact
that I don't work regularly, and he says he's fine
with it, and that of course he makes enough for
both of us to live on, so it's not a problem. However, again,
he'll throw in a dig and undo anything good.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
He said.

Speaker 4 (32:01):
This is the reason I hate dating in relationships, because
unless you've got some amazing jobs somewhere, people think you're
just some slob or something. And it makes me feel
so so bad, like I don't deserve to be dating anyone.
And while I've thought about leaving, I keep thinking I
shouldn't leave because will I ever find another guy who's
okay with my income? And before you get into this edit,
I think I just need to say, oh, you haven't
found that guy.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
Just have you.

Speaker 4 (32:23):
Talked to your partner about your disability though, because you've
said that it's not something that you can really see
on the surface, But like, have you explained to your
partner that it's like, hey, I'm on disability because of
this thing, not just because I'm like, you know, lazy,
I want to sleep in all day.

Speaker 3 (32:39):
I have a thing. We don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
We don't well, I think the first step would be
to have that conversation. However, the fact that he's all right,
he's not even been a little bit curious about why
this is your setup and is instead kind of saying
that he's fine with it, but also guilting you and
making you feel bad and less, then that's not a
I mean, even the way that he's talking about their
relationship like it's going, okay, oh why dating sucks, It's

(33:04):
like she's already kind of checked out at this relationship
a little bit.

Speaker 3 (33:08):
Yeah, it's just a it could be a case.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
So like, you attract what you like, are man, if
you're or what's it called, sorry, I'm butchering this, you
see what you expect. So if like, if you're expecting
somebody to like think less of you for being on disability,
you're even more likely to perceive disrespect, you know, towards
your disability. And I'm not saying that that's what's happening,

(33:32):
just saying that if you're walking into something like and
as soon as he finds out him on disability, now
he's gonna completely think differently of me. You'll probably find
reasons or like, you'll see things that make you think, oh,
now he thinks differently or less of me. And it
might not be true, but I mean, clearly he's giving.
He's giving in this context, in this situation that it
sounds like, yeah, it sounds like he's trying to just

(33:53):
play it all.

Speaker 3 (33:53):
I don't think that every like Pie's like, Oh, everyone's
gonna do that. I don't think everyone will do that exactly. Yeah,
let's find out more in the edit.

Speaker 4 (33:58):
So thank you all for your comments, and to anyone
I couldn't get back to. I've just got a lot
on my mind to think about after reading all these comments,
and some things have come to my attention.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
I think the situation is actually more serious than I
thought it was.

Speaker 4 (34:10):
That he was just mean when it came to joking,
but apparently this is a sign of verbal and emotional abuse,
and I just know I don't want to be in
a situation like that. I'm going to talk to him
and see what he has to say and go from there,
Thank you all again. Comment number one here we have
some comments. His joking is really showing you what he
thinks of you, and if he will not stop after
you have asked him more than once, even then, it

(34:30):
says how little he respects you. At this time, I
say do not move in with him. You will regret
it because he will make those comments every time something
needs to be paid, and every opinion you have will
be vetoed because he pays for such and such. If
you like or love him, then just tell him. His
actions show you that you two are not quite ready
to live together, but maybe still need time to just
date for a longer period. Comment too, quoting back Opee,

(34:52):
And while I've thought about leaving, I keep thinking I
shouldn't leave because will I ever find another guy who's.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
Okay with my income?

Speaker 4 (34:58):
Look, I'm going to say something really really blund that applies,
in my fairly uneducated opinion, to a lot of absolutist thinking.
Even if this is the case, So what, you break
up with someone and you'll be alone?

Speaker 3 (35:10):
Okay, shrug?

Speaker 4 (35:11):
Except for like any friends you've made, any family you haven't,
anyone you might meet, being with someone who makes you
feel degraded. Who makes you feel lonely is worse than
actually being alone a lot of the time. I mean,
obviously we all need social contact, but when you are
alone you can make tea so true that is a
great point. You can paint right to projects, watch TV, chill,

(35:34):
go for a walk, like literally whatever, what about being
alone is so scary? Ope, the answer is different for everyone,
Opee replies. I guess I just let my thinking get
in my way. Not to mention the few relationships I've had,
they all fell apart once the income thing came up.
And I do plan to talk to him one more
time and let him know I'm completely serious about him

(35:54):
stopping these jokes because they aren't funny to me in
any way.

Speaker 3 (35:57):
And we do have an update. I thank you.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
I'm just communication and got to communicate first. And if
that doesn't work, then yeah, this is not the relationship
for you. It shouldn't be like, oh, well, I'll never
find anyone who's completely fine with it, so I might
as well settle for this guy who's like kind of
fine with it but makes me feel really bad about it, Like.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
Let's not settle for slop.

Speaker 4 (36:19):
I mean, yeah, it is, you know, this is the
communication is everything here. It's like, you need to explain
exactly how you feel, you need to explain exactly what
your situation is. And it's like, cause you know, there's
a certain male love language that has had Keon knows
this because I.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
Do it to him all the time. Was that where
we degrade each other. Oh, I love it ruthlessly.

Speaker 5 (36:42):
It's friendly bullying.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
And then we smile and hug and kiss about it.

Speaker 5 (36:45):
Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
And so sometimes between male and female like.

Speaker 4 (36:51):
That'll get lost, like it's can it can happen? And
I'm not trying to give this guy an excuse.

Speaker 5 (36:56):
I mean I do it with Carly from time design
and she does it back to me. Sometimes we're like whoa,
and we're like no, we're just joking, like okay, I
love you. And it's finding this one's too right.

Speaker 4 (37:05):
Because she's she's told him where the boundaries are and
he's still not listening, which makes it not okay. He's
just being disrespectful. Yeah, but there is a chance he's
just rock brain not getting this. But if she's already
told him doesn't mean that it's not a reason to
be concerned with the relationship again.

Speaker 3 (37:22):
It's that mindset. If do you want to date a rock,
it's that mindset.

Speaker 5 (37:24):
To Coda was like, hey stop it that hurts my
feelings of like, no, I'm tripled downing.

Speaker 4 (37:28):
Yeah, it's like I'm getting somewhere. If you tell you're brosky,
that's something hurt your feelings. They're like you're goodness, I
know where they.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
I found it.

Speaker 5 (37:40):
I'm under your skin. Now I'm going to be in
your skin.

Speaker 4 (37:43):
But let's get into this update. The bugs are in
your skin update. I spoke to my boyfriend the day
after I responded to a lot of you. I decided
I was going sorry, I just saw Carly's comment. Carly says,
I just look at Kean and go, why do you
hate me? I decided I was going to talk to
him one more time and set a boundary about these

(38:03):
jokes that he was telling, or tell him I wasn't
moving in with him and that maybe we need to
reevaluate the relationship. I told him I wanted to have
a serious discussion, and he immediately asked if I wanted
to break up with him, because he figured it was coming.
I was taken aback because I didn't expect that reaction.
I didn't say anything at first, but then I told
him that I wanted to talk to him about his

(38:23):
jokes and honestly, his behavior in general when it comes
to people and making fun of them in such a
mean way, especially when they've asked him to stop. I
also did a little reading on verbal abuse and abuse
in general, and things were a lot more clear. So
he listened to me, and then he told me that
he didn't like people trying to change him, and that
his last girlfriend had tried to do the same and

(38:44):
she couldn't accept him for who he was. He thought
I would be different because I was more understanding and fun.
I'll admit that is probably one of my flaws, that
I try to understand everyone's position about most things and
give them far too many chances. There are exceptions, but
for the most part, I will try to understand someone
and work with them on it. I asked him if
his ex and the overweight friend were the only ones

(39:06):
who had left him over this behavior. He told me
that he'd lost a lot of friends and dating was
hard because women tended to cut out pretty quickly. Again,
in his words, because people are too sensitive.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
And want him to change.

Speaker 4 (39:19):
How he is.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
I hate this, thank dude, thinking of I shouldn't have
to change who I am. I'm perfect the way I am.
It's like we whoa.

Speaker 4 (39:31):
It's like no, no, yeah, Like clearly you're pushing people
away because you're very abrasive and you're insulting people.

Speaker 3 (39:39):
And you're being a bully.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Well that's why you don't have friends or bullying your friends.
Oh and then they leave you.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
It's like when everyone leaves you continuously, maybe there's a
common thread.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
Here and everyone else's fault. Everyone else isn't cool enough
to hang with my sick burns.

Speaker 4 (39:57):
And he's probably just like calling his overweight friend like
just like what's up, fatty mcfatterson fatty pants, And they're like, hey,
that actually really bothers me and hurts my feelings.

Speaker 3 (40:07):
And then he's just like shut up it. Yeah uh.
And then they're like, all right, well, I guess I'll
stop paying out with you. And he's like, why is
the world so cruel to funny people? Yeah, it's like
you're bad at comedy ban Yeah lord, Okay.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
So he seemed very stuck on being accepted as he
is and angry about people trying to change him. I
changed direction and asked him if he actually thought anything
was wrong with what he said. I used my experience
specifically and told him about how I felt when we
were looking at places, and he said what he said
to the potential landlords and for anyone who was not

(40:46):
here when we were talking about that part of the story,
he was basically telling the landlords, don't talk the little
miss broke girl over here. She's not even making any money.
I'm the one making the decisions, so just let her
wander around, just.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Crazy because she is providing money like she's getting disability checks.
So he of course said that they.

Speaker 4 (41:04):
Were just jokes and that he'd never think less of
me because of how much money I made, because he
kind of figured I didn't make a lot because of
how I tended to do things. I asked him to elaborate,
and he said how I was always on things like
groupon or using coupons at stores, or wanting to go
out when places had specials or something, and he was
never around anyone who needed to.

Speaker 3 (41:25):
Do that type of thing.

Speaker 4 (41:26):
It's like, yeah, I'm completely the concept of saving money
is alien.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
Do you understand? I don't know. I don't get Yeah,
it's weird.

Speaker 4 (41:33):
I figured you had to be flat broke because coupons coupons.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (41:40):
So I told him that I did think he has
a problem with people who earn less and don't live
a similar lifestyle to him, and that maybe he just
didn't see it. That sometimes we are trying to be
good because we have these thoughts of how we should
be on the surface, and we try to follow them,
but when it's more close to home, our real feelings
come out because we're faced with it more. I told
him that it was okay, but that I didn't think
it would work for us, that he might be more

(42:02):
comfortable with someone who makes the same amount as him
and can contribute how he'd like. He interrupted me and
told me he didn't want someone like that because he
couldn't be himself around someone obsessed with money and material things,
which is not what I said, by the way, which
is like, yeah, she's just like, maybe you should be
with someone who makes the same amount of money as
you because you seem like really fixated on it. He's like, well,

(42:23):
I could possibly do that, because that means that they're
just completely materialistic.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
And obsessed with money.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Yeah. So then he circles back around, so he makes
one of you for ring broke, and then if someone
has money, he's like, you're he'd.

Speaker 3 (42:33):
Go, you you love money, You're the worst, You're so greedy?
Just weird because is that a projection or like, I
have no idea, just like a I think he just
wants to critique everyone around. He's a terrible listener, a
horrendous listener.

Speaker 4 (42:50):
So he was saying that these money obsessed people would
be too concerned with money, and he liked me because
I wasn't that way. I kind of ignored that, but
it kind of told me that he either doesn't want
someone who has as much power in the relationship as
he has, or he thinks women who want more or
expect more of him are gold diggers or something trying
to take advantage of him in some way.

Speaker 3 (43:09):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (43:10):
Anyway, I continued and even told him that if he
felt they were just jokes, they were wearing on me
and myself esteem and I couldn't live that way, regardless.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
Of his intent.

Speaker 4 (43:21):
I also told him that it's natural for people to
not want to change when they've been a certain way
for a long time, and so it seems right to us,
but that change can be good and that maybe therapy
could be good at helping with that. I told him
that it's wonderful to be accepted for who you are,
but if who you are is well clownish, people are
a lot less likely to accept you unless they are

(43:42):
also clowns.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
Who you're a sucks.

Speaker 4 (43:44):
Well. Wait, I want to know what the actual word was,
because I think clown was an edit there. I don't
think so, because it's clown space. S oh, because I
was about to say I'm a clown. People tend to
like that idiots, but it could be. Yeah, but look,
this guy's not being inn or a clown.

Speaker 3 (44:03):
He's just being.

Speaker 4 (44:05):
He's just being like because it's you know again the
comedy philosophy, there are rules of engagement for conversation that
like exist, like you're not just like a stand up
routine walking around your life. Like when people make the
social contract to go to a comedy show, they understand
people might.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
Say things that hurt their feelings or disagree with Sure,
if you're standing in the front row, you might you
might get made fun of.

Speaker 4 (44:30):
Social contract just talking to your friends different. They're not
paying any money to listen to you anyway, and nothing
good can come from a bunch of clowns getting together
because they'll be toxic to other people as well as
to each other. Yeah, dude, when a bunch of clowns
get together, start fighting, Oh, they start squirting those little
those little water flowers at each other.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
What is it gets brutal? I was trying to do. Yeah,
but I think I was trying to think that anyway.
And there the shoes, Oh the shoes. Those kicks are brutal. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (45:03):
So I told him I think he is better than that,
that he deserves much better that any woman he truly loves,
deserves much better than being verbally mistreated and made to
feel like they aren't his equal or worthy. He sat
there and didn't say anything for a while, just looked
at me and sighed a lot.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
Oh. I was almost like I was, Oh, I was like,
maybe is it hitting? Is it sinking in? No, but
he's going acu freaking cater to your sensitive sensitivities. Can't
believe my girlfriend's not funny, dude, she doesn't even get Hey,
it's John here.

Speaker 4 (45:36):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with the aswermar sponsors. He finally said
he was disappointed in me wanting to abandon him because
he thought we were true soulmates and he couldn't believe
I was saying such harmful stuff about him.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
This man, unfortunately, is never going to learn that he
is the problem because it is so out of the
realm of possibility.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
Brother's getting his own feelings hurt right now and being like, hey,
stop and not understanding that's exactly what.

Speaker 3 (46:07):
Everyone else in his life asked. Yeah, oh my god.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
Oh but yeah, buddy, you got to start dating your
own reflection and just ponder.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
You got to ponder for a long time. Oh oh.

Speaker 4 (46:21):
I was shocked he was calling me harmful because I
didn't think I was harming him at all by telling
him why I don't want to continue if this is
how he will act, and that the way he acts
is well, not good. Maybe I went a little far
and saying anything about a future girlfriend, but I guess
I wanted to impress upon him that if his friends
and partners keep leaving because of his behavior, everyone will

(46:45):
keep leaving.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
If the behavior doesn't.

Speaker 4 (46:48):
Change, the only partners willing to stay will be someone
who dishes it just as well as they take it
and he knows he's actually very sensitive and wouldn't like that,
or it'll be someone who lacks any self esteem and
he'll make her feel even worse about herself until she
breaks down like I could feel myself getting to that point,
and that's why I'm so angry and frustrated, not only

(47:09):
with the fact that he was now turning all of
this around to me being a beautiful but that he
still didn't really seem to get what I was saying
about my feelings. It made me realize, yes, I need
to leave this situation, and I do feel bad about
it because I do feel like I'm abandoning.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
Him, which you're not. He's pushed you away, but yeah,
quite literally yep.

Speaker 4 (47:29):
At the same time, it just doesn't seem like my
feelings or anyone else's for that matter, are important to him,
So why should I stay with someone who doesn't seem
to get that His behavior isn't exactly such that gets
people to stay in his life. I realized I probably
wasn't going to get through to him, and the conversation
itself had me shaking because I was upset and disappointed myself. However,

(47:52):
looking back, I could see signs that this is who
he is. Other people's feelings just don't mean a lot
to him. And doing some soul searching, I realized that
I thought he would change over time, but waiting on
that is wearing on me, and our last conversation tells
me that he doesn't see anything wrong with what he does,
so it's unlikely he will ever change. He didn't seem
interested in saying anything else besides that he was sorry

(48:15):
I felt the.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
Way I did, which is like infuriating again the most.

Speaker 4 (48:19):
Like sorry, hey, sorry your feelings for her? Yeah, sorry
that your feelings are making you feel that way, not
my problem. Sorry, sorry, sorry that you don't have your
habit together.

Speaker 3 (48:29):
My bad.

Speaker 4 (48:29):
I told him that I thought we needed to give
up on things and find someone better for ourselves elsewhere.
He didn't say anything, so I just left. A few
hours later, I got a confusing text from him telling
me that he hadn't seen who I was and that
I had harmful tendencies. I didn't respond, and I just
blocked him.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
Hey, god, yeah, he's he's not gonna understand anything.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
Uh. Yes, I blocked him on everything. I'm sad things
ended the way they did, but it was probably for
the best. It'll either be good alone or I'll find
someone who I work better with. And I want to
give a huge thank you to everyone who commented on
my last post, and sorry if I didn't get back
to anyone. I've been quite torn up over this, even
though it was my decision. I miss him more as
a friend than a partner, but I don't think being

(49:11):
friends would work out too well either, so I'm just
leaving it. But you know what, you never really have
to leave. You can always just grab it full episodes
with stories just like this that you can listen to
at any time, any place, so long as you have
a mobile listening device and access to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio,

(49:32):
literally any podcast platform of your choice. Just search, Okay, storytime,
you can listen to everything we've ever said.

Speaker 3 (49:39):
It's true, It's freaking true.

Speaker 4 (49:40):
It's a monumental task, and we've got a little bit
of story left here.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
I think we've yeah, you know, we already said, you tried.
You have the conversation.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
He's not listening, so you're no longer responsible to teach
him how to be a nice person.

Speaker 4 (49:56):
And it's it's a real shame because you know, it
sounded for the whole story like he just needs to
be with someone who like is going to roast the
ever loving crap out of him.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah, and someone can get it, but he can't take it.
Which think he can't even take a person who is
like that to be the guy who dishes all that stuff,
and then you can't take any of it.

Speaker 4 (50:16):
You're like, you're you're fundamentally operating from an incorrect place.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
You know, don't be this guy. Does what I would
say to everyone watching and listening much better this guy.

Speaker 4 (50:28):
So he didn't seem interested in saying anything else besides
that he was sorry.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
I felt the way I oh wait what hold on?
Oh I think he just copied guess what that was
the end of the story. Yep, don't be that guy.
Don't be that guy the story. Don't be that guy.
Do not be that guy. But no, no, we're not
doing this. We're not doing this.

Speaker 5 (50:53):
No.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
But that's the end of the episode.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
So if you love us, make or you subscribe, we
love you at CR

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My fiancée FORCES me into her new hobby… I’m not happy about it! | Reddit Stories | EP2138

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My fiancée FORCES me into her new hobby… I’m not happy about it! | Reddit Stories | EP2138