My girlfriend BLABBED about our personal spicy details… to my sister! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the intergalactic John. This is Alien Sam on
the International Okay Storytime podcast station, and we have some
human stories coming up, not alien, but before we make
a landing, stick around for this two minute not alien
ad break. Before we get to these interstellar stories.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
My girlfriend blabbed about all our personal spicy details to
my sister ew grous. This all started last Friday night.
I had to hold myself back from singing the song.
One of my girlfriend's closest friends had just come home
from a trip abroad, so they were all going out
to celebrate. Originally they were planning a party or something,

(00:40):
but then they decided to go out to a restaurant
together and then go back to one of the friend's
house and watch movies or whatever crap they do.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
By the way, this comes from James j ninety five
and if you want to smit your own stories, go
to our slash Okay Storytime Separate. So basically it was
meant to be a girl's night out and there was
twelve of them. I think my older sister, who was
a close friend of my girlfriend and part of her
inner circle friendship group, was going along with them. It

(01:09):
sounded like they were going to have fun and I
wish them the best. Well, since my girlfriend was going
and my sister was going. My girlfriend was at my
house beforehand, and my sister drove her to the restaurant
where they were all meeting up. My sister was gonna
drop her off at her home afterwards and then come
back to our home. We both live with our parents.
At least that was the plan.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
They headed off around six pm, and I wasn't really
expecting Sis back until like twelve pm or one am
or something, if she didn't end up sleeping over there instead.
She came back on her own at around nine thirty
to ten, and she seemed really angry.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Ye, and in a horrible mood. You know, I'm beginning
to see you.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
We asked her what happened, said she was just really
tired or not in the mood. I asked her if
she had dropped my girlfriend off at her place. She said, no,
she can take a taxi.

Speaker 4 (02:08):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
It was really weird.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
Because she seemed visibly angry, and I know my sister,
She's not the sort of person to easily get angry.
She was like even slamming doors and crap. The next day,
she was in a bit of a better mood, but
still kind of angry. I prodded and asked what the
matter was. She refused to talk about it. She said
it was nothing. She had just been a bit tired
the night before, maybe feeling unwell. Next day, on Sunday,

(02:31):
she opened up. She said, look, something happened the other
day when I was out with your girlfriend and her friends.
I said, ah, I knew it.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
Ah.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
She said, you won't like what you're gonna hear, but
you need to hear it.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Anyway.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
My mind was like, oh, crap, is she cheating.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
That's that's why I thought we were Yeah, I thought
that's why we're headed.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
Maybe maybe not, It's not that was the first thought
that came to my head. She proceeded to tell me
about the entire night, how they had gone the restaurant,
all had plenty of fun, gone back home. Apparently, they
started watching a movie but didn't like it, so they
didn't finish it, and they couldn't decide on what other
movie to watch, so they started drinking and gossiping, like

(03:13):
started gossiping about past and current boyfriends relationships. Spicy sleep
Sis said, your girlfriend maybe was wasted a bit too
much and started revealing too much information about you, stuff
she shouldn't have. Oh, I said, what sort of stuff?
She said, you don't want to know? I said, you

(03:34):
can't just start telling me that, and then cut off
without telling me what she said. What did she say?
Sister said, I really didn't want to talk about this,
but you want to know, and you probably have a
rite to And she proceeded to tell me the stuff
that my semi wasted girlfriend had said about me. Apparently
she was making jokes about how when we first started dating,
I was a virgin and had no knowledge or experience

(03:56):
of spicy sleep, and she was mocking my inexperience lame attempts.
My girlfriend also apparently made fun of the shape of
my wiener it as a weird thing where it bends
to the side. I've never really felt self conscious about
it because I thought it was the sort of thing
that most girls wouldn't care about, and my girlfriend never
mentioned it. But now I feel incredibly self conscious. And

(04:17):
apparently I finished too quickly and make weird sounds when
I do. Why is she telling not only her friends
this information but also your sister? I was like, what
the f Why was she even talking about this? How
wasted was she? Apparently not even that wasted, like she'd
had a few drinks but not that many. I told

(04:37):
my sister, why did you have to tell me all this?
I wish you hadn't now I just feel hurt, she said,
I felt, you have a right to know your girlfriend
is saying the stuff. I just couldn't stand being in
the same room as her when she was saying it all.
That is why I was so angry and left early.
That is why I was so angry and left early.
She seemed to feel better having gotten that off her chest,
but I couldn't understand why she was so angry about it.

(04:58):
My girlfriend had been saying all that stuff about me
and revealing all those private details about me, and sure
I was hurt by it, but I had no idea
why she had gotten so angry from all of it.
It made no sense. Someone explained this empathy or sister
cares about you.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
He's like, I don't understand. She's upset on my behalf.
What our emotions.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
It's like you have love but for other people.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
I feel hurt, honestly, kind of dismayed, like I feel
like all this stuff my girlfriend never brought up with me,
She just jokes about in front of other people. Is
it right for me to be upset about this? Is
it right for me to be hurt? Or am I overreacting?
Was it fair for her to talk about that sort
of stuff in front of other girls, even if they
were all gossiping. Should I bring this up with her

(05:49):
and tell her that it really hurts me? What if
she tells me to just get over it? Or should
I just forget about it and move on because it's
no big deal, even though I feel it's a big
deal to me. Am I being too sensitive? But there's
an update. It's been a really eventful week. It's had
its ups and downs, a bit chaotic at times, but
now things have settled, I finally have time to write

(06:09):
this update in full. Some of you were really supportive
in the last one. Some of you a bit less so,
but that's okay. I appreciate all your advice. After I've
found out from my sister what my girlfriend had said,
I was feeling pretty down rightfully, so I felt quite
a blow to my perception of myself, Like all this
time my girlfriend had helped me in a lower esteem
than I thought she had. Did she look down at

(06:31):
me because I was a virgin? Did she really think
I was that bad when we were together in bed
that she thought it was worth making fun of me
to her friends? Or is that just something all girls do?

Speaker 3 (06:41):
I hope not.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
It is not something that all girls do. I was
feeling pretty self conscious about my wiener as well. I
never thought it was abnormal. I just thought it was
a feature of it. I didn't know it's something a
girl would ever be disturbed, but by I didn't even
know how abnormal it was. I haven't seen that many
embarrassing to say, but I looked up a few pictures online.
Who of whether whether there was anything wrong with me

(07:03):
or if it's any abnormal medical condition. I eventually realized
I was overreacting about the whole thing, But still my
self esteem did take a momentary blow. I realized I
had to confront my girlfriend about it, which, yeah, you do.
The more I just thought about it, the more intensely
I scrutinized myself and scrutinized my actions and behavior. The

(07:27):
more I began to doubt my own opinion of myself.
Was I overreacting maybe probably, But I had opened up
myself to my girlfriend in a way i'd done to
nobody else before. I had trusted her by letting her
be the first person I had ever slept with. I
felt hurt and betrayed that she'd mouth off about my
initial lack of spicy related capabilities to her friends. I mean,

(07:50):
everyone sucks at spicy sleep at first, right, Yeah, surely
it's not just me, it's not just you.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
OK.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
And even if I did, she never mentioned it. I'd
rather be able to improve and just remain a joke
for her to mock with her friends. I obviously care
for her very much. I wish she'd open up about
these things to me, not others. I was feeling really
depressed and doubtful of myself. Needless to say, my first
instinct was to wrongfully shoot the messenger. I started pest

(08:18):
during my sister with questions about exactly what my girlfriend
had said. She didn't want to tell me, but I
told her I needed to know exactly what it was
because I was planning to confront her about it. My
sister was uncomfortable with the whole thing, but I pressed,
and she repeated everything she had previously told me about
what my girlfriend had said. I asked my sister if

(08:40):
it was okay with her if when confronting my girlfriend
about it, I told my girlfriend that she was the
one who had told me. My sister sighed and relented,
figuring that the girlfriend would probably assume as much anyway.
I asked her, are you sure it's right for me
to confront her about this? Sister said yes, if you
feel that is what you need to do, but promise
you stay with her just because she's your first or

(09:02):
you feel obligated to. I've seen you hurt all day
because of what she said, and I don't think she
deserves you back. And then I started lashing out at
my sister and I got quite angry. I got mad
at her for telling me, saying I would have been
better off if she hadn't told me. My sister said
sorry at first and left it at that. I kept
going at it, pestering her about it and blaming it

(09:23):
on her. She just stayed silent and visibly frustrated, eventually
storming upstairs to her bedroom. I followed her up and
kept pestering about it. Why did you have to tell me?
Why did you even think I needed to know something
like that. It definitely pushed you far. You opened the
door and shouted back at me something along the lines of, oh,
I don't know, maybe because I love you. Did you

(09:43):
consider that you efing idiot f me for trying to
look out for you when she clearly has no respect
for you. But no, go run into her. She is
exactly what you deserve. Honestly, you deserve to hear that.
She called me an fing idiot numerous times and slammed
the door on my face. I tried to knock on
the door and open it, but she had locked the
door and was playing really loud music from within. She

(10:03):
didn't come out of her bedroom the rest of the day,
and I was feeling really bad. Yeah, I mean you should.
I felt guilty and atrocious for lashing out at her
like that. I know I was one hundred percent wrong.
I know you're gonna slice me up in the comment
section for that, and go ahead. I deserve it. I
was an idiot and a terrible person for attacking the
one person who had my back in all of this.

(10:25):
I wasn't thinking straight and I'd clearly hurt the person
closest to me. I decided I had to confront my
girlfriend about this. I called her the next day. She
seemed in a good mood, happy to hear me. She
said I hadn't called in a while and she'd been
waiting for me to call. We met up, went for lunch,
and I kept waiting for the right time to bring

(10:45):
it up, but I couldn't. She asked if she could
stay at my place for the afternoon before heading back home.
I said sure. Apparently our parents were having some people
over that afternoon and she didn't want to be around.
We were sitting at home and I decided to fight
finally bring up the thing. My sister was upstairs in
her bedroom listening to music quite loudly, and I figured

(11:06):
she wouldn't come down or anything. I said to my girlfriend, Look,
I don't know how to bring this up, but there's
something that's really been bothering me, some stuff that you
apparently said about me. I proceeded to tell her about
this stuff she'd apparently said to her friends. Her response was,
that's it. I could tell something's been bothering you. Is

(11:27):
that really it? She then proceeded to dismiss it, saying
she couldn't believe I was worked up about that. I
told her that she knows I care deeply about what
she has to say about me, and I was really
hurt by all the stuff she said, and I think
an apology is in order.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
She said, fine, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
I shouldn't have said that. She said she wouldn't do
it again, and she didn't know that it would affect
me so much. But then she started brushing off again,
saying it was a silly thing to be upset about that.
Girls talk about that sort of stuff with each other
and tease their boyfriends behind their backs all the time.
It's just being playful.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
No they don't, No.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
They don't, No, they don't. I told her that it
was hurtful to me. She did a sarcastic face and
seemed to be laughing at the whole thing. Then she
asked me how I even knew about it anyway. I said, well,
sometimes when you say stuff about someone in front of
other people, it can likely get back to them. Her
instant response was, it was my sister's name, wasn't it.

(12:26):
I said, well, maybe you should have thought about that
before talking about someone in front of their sister.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, you dummy.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Literally, why would she not tell him she said, I
knew it, that witch. I hate adding her around. She's
always has to act like she's so moral and better
than everyone. She is. She is better than you, for sure.
I told her, Hey, that's my sister. Don't talk about
her that way. She proceeded to go on complaining about

(12:54):
my sister twisting the whole situation to blame it on her,
saying that none of this would have happened and I
would have never found out about it if my sister
hadn't told me, or if you hadn't said it. I
told her my sister was just looking out for me
and she shouldn't hold any blame.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
She said, do you.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Really believe that your sister always tries to pretend she's
so moral, but she loves to create drama she enjoys
during the pot Why else do you think she told
you she's.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
Trying to gaslight you.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
I told her that's not true. My sister just cared
about my feelings. She should stop blaming her girlfriend's response.
If she cared about your feelings, she wouldn't have told you.
This manipulative person.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
Dude, so frustrating. It's like talking to a gaslighting wall.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
Truly, she's just it's like playing tennis with a gaslighting wall.
It just bounces back at you and you're like.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're like, can you just not be
tell me? She's like, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
Then the girlfriend started asking if my sister was around
at home. I said she was upstairs in her room.
Now was probably not a good time to bring this
up with her, so my girlfriend and I stayed in
the living room. Eventually, my sister came downstairs. While she
was coming downstairs, she was calling my name, saying there
was something important she needed to talk to me about.
Then she saw me and my girlfriend were sitting together.

(14:16):
She said, oh, I didn't know you were here. There
was an extremely cold silence between them. There was a
bit of chit chat, but it was very awkward. Then
my girlfriend opened up, what do you think gives you
the right to interfere on the relationship between me and
my boyfriend. My sister was stunned. Oh, girl, I didn't
know things were private between you and your boyfriend. Yeah,

(14:37):
seemed like you were pretty willing to talk about everything
under the sun with your friends, do you know, Sophia.
She just stared back and didn't answer. My girlfriend said,
don't act like you don't know what you did. I
know you always enjoyed stirring the pot. She started telling
her that she couldn't trust her as a friend, and
started accusing my sister of being a horrible friend and
that she shouldn't even go to girls' night if she

(14:58):
couldn't keep her mouth shut. I had to intervene. I
said that's enough, but she didn't stop. It broke out
into an open argument between the two of them. I
kept trying to calm the noun. It was mostly just
the girlfriend relentlessly attacking my sister. My sister's eyes swelled
up with tears, and she turned to me and said,
why don't you stand up for me? She's an fhing witch.

(15:20):
Don't you hear what she's saying? Why are you even
with her? At that point, the girlfriend said she couldn't
take it anymore and had to leave. Before she left,
I said I needed to speak with her. At that
point I broke up with her.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Think yeah, god, yeah, thank god.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
I didn't really give a reason. I just said I
felt things weren't working out and it's better for everyone
if we end our relationship. Do you need a reason dude,
you had like fifty in the last hour alone. She
was really hurt and didn't seem to understand why the
level of like just lack of self awareness, Yes, is insane.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
My brain cells are dying just hearing about this experience. Yeah,
being physically in it. Yeah, woo oh my god.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
She's like, I don't understand. I just fought with your sister.
I argued with your sister where I verbally attacked her
for an hour, and you want to break out with me?

Speaker 3 (16:18):
Why?

Speaker 1 (16:19):
I don't get that? Can you tell me?

Speaker 2 (16:22):
I told her, because of everything that had happened recently,
we should stop seeing each other, plus the enmity between
her and my sister, and I thend be with her.
After that, she was incredibly upset, but she seemed to understand.
My girlfriend said, maybe we can still be friends. Why
would I want to be friends with no?

Speaker 1 (16:40):
No?

Speaker 2 (16:41):
I said, maybe we'll see, but we just need some
time apart.

Speaker 4 (16:44):
Now.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
We hugged and kissed one last time, said goodbye, and
she went on her way. My sister had disappeared. I
figured she was back in her bedroom. I went upstairs
and she was just sitting on her bed, listening to music.
Staring at the ground.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Oh oh.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
I sat beside her and tried to comfort her. I
told her, I'm sorry for everything. I told her. I
was sorry for lashing out at her earlier or trying
to blame things on her. I basically told her I
was incredibly sorry for everything that had happened, and I
was sorry for my girlfriend's behavior towards her. Just then,
she said that my girlfriend was right, that she's an
idiot who always sticks her nose and everything trying to

(17:20):
make things better, but she should have just kept her
mouth shut.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
No, don't listen to her.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
She's the worst ever. I told her that she had
done the right thing, that I knew she was just
looking out for me, like any brother or sister would.
I told her I'd broken up with my girlfriend just
minutes earlier. She said she thought I did the right thing.
I said I was sorry she had to endure all
of that, and gave her a hug. Asking if there
was anything I could do to thank her. She told
me she just wanted to see me smile more often.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
My heart.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
Her sister is such a good sitter.

Speaker 1 (17:51):
Right.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
The next few days, she seemed kind of depressed and dreary,
not leaving the house much. She tried to put on
a brave face and smile when she could, but I
knew something was up. On Friday afternoon, I noticed she
was sitting at home, eating chips and watching cartoons on
TV in old, dirty clothes. It looked like she hadn't
showered in a while and her hair was dirty. I

(18:13):
asked her, what was up? She said nothing. I told
her I thought she was going to go out again
with her friends on Friday to a restaurant I eat
a girl's night, like she had the previous week. She said,
not anymore. I said why not. She responded that her
friends had officially disinvited her. I mean, you don't want
to be friends with.

Speaker 1 (18:30):
People, Yeah, you don't. But I it's sad.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
It's sad to lose.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
Yeah, I could. I could see the initial It's like that,
it's what she needs, you know, for, like to get
away from those those friends. But also just the blow
on top of everything else. I could see you. Yeah, oh,
just the gut punch of it, you know. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
My reaction was, that's horrible. How could friends do this?
She said she didn't think they were her friends anymore.
All of the girls she had gone with last week,
had stopped responding to her and were ignoring her. Some
of them had deleted her on social media and were
basically all giving her the cold shoulder. Apparently they really
hated the fact that she had ruined the gossip of
their girls night, and basically all the girls in that

(19:11):
social group followed my girlfriend's lead. So when my girlfriend
cut my sister out of her life, they followed suit
and did the same. I was shocked. I couldn't believe
that so called friends would do such a thing to someone,
just completely defriend them from their life over one incident.
She just shrugged and didn't seem to care. I lamented

(19:31):
over the fact that all of this had happened to
her just because she chose to stick up for me
and tell me the things my girlfriend had been saying
about me. My sister just shrugged in response. I told
her I'm sorry, and I felt this was partially my fault,
and I said I don't understand how she can still
not regret having told me all of this. He said,
why would I regret it? I don't care about them.

(19:52):
You mean more to me. I'll find other friends after all.

Speaker 5 (19:57):
Ah, My hear heart. My r.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
I told her that is an incredibly nice thing to
say and hugged her. I sat down and asked her
what she was watching, but she didn't seem very interested
in it. She said she had a lot of fun
with them last time, and she kind of felt sad
that they were all having fun without her while she
was stuck at home.

Speaker 1 (20:15):
Like a loser.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Friday nights were sort of a thing for her, the
girls when they'd regularly go out, so it was understandable
she'd feel upset that she no longer had that and
she'd lost a bunch of friends. I asked her what
restaurant they were going to. She told me they normally
went to the same one each week. You better freakin'
oh okay, wait, apparently it was a really fancy lace.
I said, screw it, she doesn't have to stay home.

(20:39):
I'll take her to somewhere even better. That's what I
wanted you to do, and you did it. I'm gonna
go to go to a Michelin Star restaurant and post
about it and say me and my sists don't need
anyone else. At first, she thought I was kidding, but
I told her I was serious, And you know what,
I'm serious about John.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
What Sophia. The fact that you can listen to fall
all episodes of stories just like this.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio and search
a pokey story time. We got dressed and I drove
us to this new place that I hadn't been to before.
It was expensive, as if I spent over two hundred
dollars on the two of us, but it was worth
it and we had a good time. I mean, you
owed her at least that. Yeah, the food was excellent.
At least she wasn't feeling so down afterwards. I still

(21:23):
feel terrible over the way I initially handled it. I
feel ashamed over my initial misdirected anger and how I
was rude and careless. Honestly, I think I feel much
better off after having broken up with a girlfriend. I
was expecting i'd have a period right afterward where I
felt down and regretful about it. But the more days
that go by, the more sure I am that I
made the right decision.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
Thank God. I refuse to cater to my vegetarian brother.
It made the family upset. Why does only one brother
need catering? That's a lot of food. I feel like
I've spilled into the twilight zone with this whole argument,
So tell me what's up, Internet folks. Background, I thirty
one female, and my brother Mark, thirty five male, do
not get along. When he was a teen, he saw

(22:06):
a documentary on factory farming we all know the one,
and decided to become a vegetarian. By the way, this
comes from Suspicious Basil seventy eight eighty two and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime suburn it. So he got very
very annoying about it, very very annoying about it quickly,
but my dad shut him down when he started trying
to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him.

(22:29):
Then he went to college and made a bunch of
very strange friends and went militantly vehgan.

Speaker 5 (22:37):
Oh there is a very specific subsection of vegans that
are militant.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
It's his entire personality. I stopped talking to him after
he threw a fit at one of my birthday dinners
being at a steakhouse and spammed my messages in social
media with pictures of mistreated cows. I'm sorry, Oh my god.
My parents have been trying to repair the situation, and
for a while it did seem like Mark was getting better,

(23:03):
so I've been letting him back into contact gradually. Then
he started dating Pam, who is some kind of vegan
influencer oo. She is apparently moderately popular online, but I
have no idea what she does exactly. I don't know
if Mark was trying to impress her or what. But
last Thanksgiving, he insisted that my mom cook at least

(23:23):
a vegetarian meal or they wouldn't come on ethical grounds. Sorry,
my mom just wanted everyone to get along on her
favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal.
This year, my parents have down size for retirement and
my mom is having health problems. I bought their house
when they moved, so my mom asked me to host
Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone

(23:47):
in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make
travel arrangements, and Pam immediately started gushing about all the
vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the
traditional ones. I said, send me a main dish recipe
they like, and I would give it a shot. But
I'm making the traditional meal otherwise, and there should be
plenty of things that they can eat.

Speaker 5 (24:05):
Yeah, I'm sorry, trying to be like every meal needs
to be vegan because I'll be there. That's some unilaterally
goofy behavior.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me
for days, and then Mark said that if I wouldn't
make a meat free meal, they wouldn't come. Oh, here
we go stand off to meet off. This upset my mom,
who asked me to just make what she made last
year to keep the peace. But I told her that
Mark needs to get over himself and I'm not coddling him.

(24:35):
I am having turkey on Thanksgiving. My dad privately agrees
with me, but Mark threatening to not come is upsetting
my mom so much that he's worried it will impact
her health. That's not a big it's not a big deal.
It's not a biggie. That's not a big it's no biggie.
But also not zero chance that these might be some
of the last family holidays we have with her. My

(24:58):
mom thinks I'm putting turkey over my family, and I'm
not so sure anymore. Am I the a hole?

Speaker 5 (25:05):
We can you know, compromise, Like, okay, we can make
some dishes, but all my dishes being vegan, I'm out edit.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
WHOA this blew up? So the answers to some common
questions here. As I said, I have already offered to
make sure that there is a main dish and size
they can eat. Mark and Pam will not show up
if anyone else eats meat at this meal. If any
meat is served to anyone, they won't come. Okay, you're
not coming, It's that easy. During multiple meals that day

(25:36):
or across days is a no go. I am a
newly minted care physician and at an understaffed hospital during
a major holiday week, and I have a limited window
of time between shifts. I have time for one gathering,
and I would rather not waste it being a miserable
one like last year. Mark and Pam can host because
they live in a van at present. Sorry Mark and

(25:59):
Pam in their doing what they what they can. I'm
also willing to not have them in my kitchen for hours,
witching about the meat in my fridge, the cook wear,
the utensils, and whatever else they can find to complain about.
The time it would take for them to come, eat,
socialized for a couple of hours and leave is the
maximum I'm willing to let them be in my home,

(26:21):
although it would admittedly be interesting to watch them try
and host a family Thanksgiving out of a van.

Speaker 5 (26:27):
You can do that, that would be you just pull
the van up to like a park.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
Now, it's very unlikely that my mom is going to
pass away anytime soon. It's just a non zero chance.
She's understandably worried about it and is in the pessimism
stage of grieving her health. She has a good prognosis,
and most people with her condition pull through it and
live for a long time afterwards. If it is, by
some chance the last Thanksgiving. I don't think a repeat

(26:51):
of last year's Thanksgiving would do her any good either,
as everyone left that table unsatisfied and unhappy.

Speaker 5 (26:59):
You've justized sounds like the worst way to spend time
at a table, So we have.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
A next edit. A possible situation to this that I
came up with while talking to my partner is to
just work through Thanksgiving instead. The attending on shift that
day would probably be happy to stay home, so swapping
wouldn't be hard. Mom would be sad about canceling, but
she knows my job is demanding and saving, and I'm
saving lives so she won't be upset. Mark and Pam

(27:25):
can punt rocks. To be honest, eating hospital turkey between
emergencies sounds better than my family thanks saving right now, Dade,
I've heard say that hospital food is actually really good.
Obie says, I'll have to turn it over some more
and think about it. At number two, problem mostly solved
right here we go. Mostly. Dad finally hit a critical

(27:46):
mass and told Mark that if he doesn't get his
butt here on Thanksgiving to support Mom unconditionally, without a
single complaint or argument the entire time he was disowning
and disinheriting him, the next time he needed money or help,
he could forget it.

Speaker 5 (28:00):
Mark is theoretically coming to Thanksgiving. Pam is not. Dad
has already ordered the turkey. The recipes Pam sent are
ridiculously complicated, So I worked out a deal with one
of the nurses at work who is vegan. She is
going to make a couple of her favorite dishes ahead
of time that I can bake the day of for Mark.

(28:22):
We'll see if he actually manages to show up. Verdict
was not the a hole. We have some relevant comments.
Jdbug xd says my aunt was vegan. She brought her
own meals to family gatherings. Why can't they do the same,
not the a whole exactly, OPI says. They object to
participating in anything that involves meat. They won't even go

(28:45):
to non vegetarian restaurants. They're really extreme about it. Op
was called out on calling their brother weird. Opie replies,
I'm calling his college friends weird because they were legit weird.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Ended up joining a cult.

Speaker 5 (29:01):
One believed in drinking urine his medicine. One had moldy
white people, dreads not not delicious, and one of them
tried to recruit me into his polycule when I was eighteen.
I'm contemptuous of my brother because he roundly deserves contempt.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
All right, Shakespeare, go off.

Speaker 5 (29:24):
He's a self righteous, entitled freeloader that spends his life
being angry at everyone for ridiculous reasons, has barely ever
had a job or contributed anything to society, and blames
everyone else for anything bad that happens to him due
to his own stupid life choices. And we have an
update Thanksgiving with the vegan beother update. That's how it

(29:45):
was spelled. That's how it was spelled. Oh, and the
next line says brother not be other. So I love
how that's cleared up.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Thank you for me.

Speaker 5 (29:58):
People have been asking and I'm finally out from under
the balls to the walls madness at work for a
little bit. So buckle up, folks, I have a story.
I go so recap. Mom is sick, wanted a nice
family Thanksgiving at my house since it used to be
the family house and their new place is small. Vegan
brother and his girlfriend refused to come unless the whole

(30:19):
meal was vegan or vegetarian like, no meat allowed for anyone.
I'm not okay with being blackmailed over food in my
own home. It was upsetting my mom enough that before Thanksgiving,
my dad called my brother and told him that if
he did not show up to Thanksgiving, support my mom
and be pleasant to everyone without a single comment about food,

(30:39):
he was disowned. My brother agreed to come, his girlfriend
opted out. At the time my dad and I planned
the meal. I made sure there were plenty of vegetable
dishes available and made a deal with a vegan nurse
at work to make me a couple of vegan cast
roles that I I could bake for my brother. My

(31:02):
mom was happy and it was looking like everything was solved.
My brother arrived the night before Thanksgiving with his girlfriend
after all, in their van, which they live in. This
was unplanned, the girlfriend being here and their van and
all that, but at least they showed up. They intended
to camp in my yard, I told them, and absolutely not.

(31:25):
They asked if they could stay in my guest room then,
and I said that I had not planned for them
to stay there, and given their previous behavior, I thought
it best if they went and got a hotel room. Plus,
they have a large breed dog with them, and I
don't have a fenced yard and I don't want the
dog to be in the house. They can't afford a
hotel room, he calls mom. The community my parents live
in does not allow overnight guests under fifty, so they

(31:47):
can't sleep there. I'm sorry, has no one ever heard
of breaking the rules? To end the debate, I pay
for a hotel room and a law and allow the
dog to hang out in the garage for the night
because the hotel doesn't accept pets that large that aren't
service animals. Thanksgiving Day, my parents come over, other family

(32:10):
members and my partner come early to hang out and
everything is going fine. Brother and girlfriend roll up at
about eleven. They both smell strongly of the Devil's lettuce,
which is not legal here, which makes things awkward from
the start. Girlfriend comes into the kitchen to help even
though everything is almost done, and starts taking picks with

(32:30):
her phone without permission and telling my very southern great aunt,
who's been cooking since God was a child, how to
make corn bread dressing the right way aka the vegan way.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
That's such a funny line. Who's been kicking who's cooking
since God was a child? Several bless your hearts.

Speaker 5 (32:48):
Later, girlfriend is firmly escorted to the living room instead
since she's a guest. Meanwhile, my brother has cornered my partner,
who is also in the medical field and has the
patients of a saint about his vaccine conspiracies, and my
dad is just letting it happen because at least he's
not talking about food. Finally, we're ready to eat. Everyone

(33:10):
is making a plate. Girlfriend asks a million questions about
ingredients and then just gets small portions of two side dishes,
not even the actual vegan dishes made by my vegan friend.
My brother eats all the vegetable dishes, but comments about
our girlfriend makes them better. I noticed girlfriend gets up
to go to the bathroom a lot, and at one

(33:30):
point she's gone for a while, so I go check
on her to make sure she's okay. Y'all, this woman
was filming a TikTok video for her channel in my bedroom.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Oops. I was speechless. She apologized, and she said I.

Speaker 5 (33:47):
Thought this was the guest room and I just needed
a minute away from the smell of meat. I told
her to stop and go downstairs. In that sense, it's
illegal here to record video on private property without the
owner's permission. If she posted anything she recorded in my house,
I would press charges. After we were done eating, my
brother pulled me off to the side and told me

(34:09):
that I was a witch for threatening his girlfriend. My
partner happened to be close enough to hear and apparently
told my dad. Dad asked my brother to help with
something outside for a minute. I don't know what was said.
My brother came back in looking pissed, reminded girlfriend that they.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Needed to head back to be traffic.

Speaker 5 (34:26):
Say said goodbye to mom, and they left in a hurry,
so much of a hurry that they forgot the dog,
who was still out in the garage, and by the
time my brother answered a call, he was so worked up.
He cussed me out and told me to just keep
the dog since I had to have everything my way,
and his girlfriend was yelling in the background when he

(34:46):
hung up. My mom either completely missed what was going
on or is pretending she doesn't know so we don't
have to talk about it, but she said she had
a good Thanksgiving and it was nice to have everyone together.
My dad hasn't said anything about what he told my brother,
but he wants to take Mom to the beach for
Christmas and asked if my partner and I wanted to

(35:07):
go without saying anything about it to.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
My brother and his girlfriend.

Speaker 5 (35:13):
And by the way, you can tell your brother, tell
your girlfriend, tell your parents, tell him about the full
episodes with stories just like this that they can find
on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and iHeart app and wherever
you listen to podcasts, just search Okay story Time and the.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
Complete archive is in the poem of your hand. That's right.

Speaker 5 (35:38):
My cousin checked up on girlfriend's channel and says that
she's posted videos, but they're from the hotel. The night
before and the van afterwards, so at least she has
the sense to be warned. I've sent messages, and so
have my dad and partner offering to try to get
the dog back to them, but so far neither of
them are talking. I don't want to take the poor

(36:00):
thing to the shelter. It's not his fault and he's
not a bad dog. He's just big and excitable. Oh
and we have some relevant comments here from Milo g
I Z. Is there a way that you can keep
the dog or find him a good home. I will
tell brother dear that he and his girlfriend is no

(36:20):
longer welcome at my house. Uh Op says my partner
has pack bonded to the dog at this point, and
the plan was to move here in January anyway, So
now we have a new dog. He seems to be
enjoying his escape from van life so far, and that
is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (36:37):
I was gonna say, you have a big dog, dude,
you can't keep a big dog in a van and
you're poison. Tonic in the comments says, yeah, they don't
want a dog in a van.

Speaker 1 (36:47):
John here og host, We're gonna get back to these stories,
but a quick three minute break from house from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
My girlfriend expects too much of me financially. I don't
think we will work.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Hey, what do I look like, mister monopoly man?

Speaker 2 (36:59):
Are we?

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Hey?

Speaker 3 (37:00):
My girlfriend and I are coming up on the one
year mark, and that's brought with it some conversations of
our futures and our future together. Something that came to
light in a casual discussion was how we have completely
different expectations of financial and household management. How it would
and should work. By the way, this comes from taway
zero two four five six three two eight, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the

(37:21):
our social Okay story times uprend it.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
So.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
I think that we should be contributing equally and get
equal say and financial decisions. This probably wouldn't be too
easy and we would both need to work hard except compromises.
She has a simpler plan. She should be one hundred
percent in control of everything. Her view would be that
I would reroute my paychecks into an account in her name,
and she would pay all bills out of that, and

(37:44):
I might be given an allowance. This isn't the first
time that she's brought this idea up it was mentioned
very casually about six months ago. I assumed that it
was some sort of joke because it was just too
ludicrous to believe. She's angry with me now for disagreeing
with this plan, because she says that we've talked about it,
and because I did object to that meant I agree.
Her point of view is that this is just how
marriages work in China. It's how her parents divorced acrimoniously

(38:07):
did it, and that she can't imagine any other way.
My point of view is that marriage should be a
partnership and we should be looking for a compromise as
equitable as possibly.

Speaker 5 (38:16):
Pause for one second, because I don't know what acrimoniously means.

Speaker 4 (38:20):
Acrimonious is an adjective that is used to describe something
that is bitter, sharp or cauters in nature.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
I won't be giving up one hundred percent of my
financial freedom under any circumstances. I am not Chinese, we're
not in China, and she's more than happy to adopt
Western standards for things that suit her. I have another
concern that she feels that she needs to send money
home to support her parents in retirement. This is another
cultural difference that I'm having trouble accepting. My parents are
lower middle class and have worked their entire lives with
their eyes on retirement savings, and are now approaching retirement

(38:48):
with good pension. My girlfriend's parents, who I've not met,
seem to be very well off pediatric surgeon and an
owner of a successful business. But from what my girlfriend
has told me, they're very far from frugal and don't
have any retirement plans beyond having their daughters send them
money in support. I'm not crazy about the idea of
using our money, which should be supporting our family and future,
to prop up their lifestyles. Right now, we seem to

(39:11):
be at an impasse. Does anyone have experience of similar
cultural clashes who might be able to offer guidance ps
some information that is probably relevant. We don't live together,
though we spend almost all of our time together in
her place. She owns her house, I run a flat.
We both work and are reasonably successful. I switched careers
a couple of years ago, and I'm getting out of
an entry level work now. I expect my salary to

(39:32):
increase significantly over the next five years. She has reached
VP level in her career, but has suffered a setback
after being driven out of one company. She's started a
new job at a lower pay grade, but with much
better prospects. Overall, I would guess that she earns more
than me now and will continue to do so throughout
our careers unless I hit lottery level odds with a
successful startup, but not by integer multiple pps. Also, we're

(39:56):
not in China. We live in London, UK. I'm from
another country in northern Europe. Was was born and raised
in Shanghai and was sent to school in England as
a teenager. Her parents and both their news spouses are
still in Shanghai, and there are some comments. A side note,
the wife controlling all income with an allowance to the
husband is also a Japanese thing, probably something to do
with women being in charge of the household. The supporting

(40:17):
parents an old age thing is very much a Chinese
slash Asian culture thing, so much so that China relaxed
the one child policy partially because it was causing issues
with caring for seniors in retirement. I strongly suspect that
what you and your girlfriend have are incompatible cultural mores.
If you can't agree to compromise, you'd better be splitting nap.
Some things are never going to work themselves out, and

(40:38):
someone else responds, you were absolutely right. Whenever these threads
come up, there are inevitably a ton of comments from
people saying, screw culture. They are at inex country. She
needs to realize that what she wants is crazy, et cetera,
et cetera. And I never understand that she literally has
spent thirty years of having her cultural ideas drilled into
her head by family, friends, TV, the Internet, et cetera.

(40:59):
She's not crazy to want those things. They are reasonably
things that are done where she grew up that she
is now comfortable with, and she's not going to just
magically change her mind. I'm currently in a mixed relationship.
I'm why my boyfriend is Chinese, and it's not always easy.
There are definitely things that we have in the past
disagreed about and some that we still do disagree about. Heck,

(41:20):
we see a therapist who specializes in Chinese cultural issues.
I can seep getting some compromises out of this if
he can get his girlfriend to communicate, but I don't
think it will happen without him making compromises.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
Too.

Speaker 3 (41:31):
Perhaps on the money being sent home, he tries to
suggest that she can do that out of her own
free and spending money budget, or if he's concerned about
the money going to the right things, they only send
necessary gifts and pay for plane tickets to see family,
other things that aren't wasteful. On the money management thing,
perhaps they have two accounts, a joint one and one
for him. It doesn't sound like she wants one, and

(41:52):
he gets a certain budget in his personal account for
his own stuff automatically from direct deposit or whatever. That's
really just a modification of the three account system that
a lot of people use successfully. Op responds, I appreciate
the feedback, but I'd just like to point out that
quote she literally has spent thirty years having her cultural
ideas drilled into her head by family, friends, TV, the

(42:12):
Internet isn't strictly true. She moved to England in her
early teens and has lived here now for more than
half of her life. Her social circle is very diverse, white, Black, Asian.
She has dated mostly non Chinese before me, so it's
not like she has no experience or knowledge of other cultures.
Comment Heren number two says, question for you what handbag
does she carry? If she has many and uses expensive
brands like Gucci, Loutan, Hermes, et cetera. Money is going

(42:38):
to always be an issue no matter how much you make.
So is she a PASHI. If not, then at least
materialism isn't important. But she is a VP, so I
can't doubt it. OHPI says yeah, actually that's pretty much
exactly her handbag collection, a Hermes and everything.

Speaker 5 (42:55):
They brought up that she's a VP. And there's something
I didn't say earlier. Why was she ousted from her
previous company?

Speaker 3 (43:00):
So I was wondering too. It's that like her job
now is like small, like smaller, but then.

Speaker 1 (43:06):
She's going to work her way up, more room to grow.

Speaker 3 (43:08):
But she's a VP. That doesn't feel like she's.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Still the VP.

Speaker 4 (43:11):
She was one and she's not one.

Speaker 5 (43:13):
Maybe maybe I think maybe she was like whatever, that's
all just a guess.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
I just want to say.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
She's got money. Then I would suggest the following compromise.
See if she could agree in long term to keeping
finances separate, but each party pays their share of household expenses.
If she has expensive tastes, then you'll resent it. If
the money is pooled and you are more thrifty. If
bank accounts were separate, then she could give what she
wanted to her parents without you feeling like it was
a different standard than with yours. Com Mutre number three says,

(43:38):
say that maybe there are cultural reasons for it in China,
but that isn't the culture that you've grown up with,
and it's not the culture that you currently live in.
I'm assuming you're not in China, and you think because
this is how it's done in China is not enough
of a reason say you won't do it. And she
needs to decide if a cultural issue like this is
one that she's willing to lose a previously perfectly happy
relationship over.

Speaker 5 (43:58):
First of all, I doubt that that's a crazy assumption
to just be like, oh, yeah, your relationship just been
entirely perfect entirely for one year.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
I doubt that act. Yeah, I very much doubt that.

Speaker 5 (44:06):
I think maybe this is like first big red flag,
and there's probably a bunch of littler ones that Opie
never saw. I bet you his girlfriends hot successful vice
president girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
Yeah she's into you. Yeah, Okay, he's rolling with it.
OHP says we're not in China. I added a ps
to the post to clarify that every other time she's
insisted on things being a certain way because it's her culture,
I've just gone with the flow, even if I think
it's annoying. It's upsetting her greatly that I am pushing
back on this point. Her response is that she just
can't imagine doing things any other way. As someone responds,

(44:39):
so compromise really isn't in her vocabulary. That's bad.

Speaker 5 (44:43):
Exactly, you need to be like you need to imagine
not being with me then.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
Yeah, exactly, Op says. It's mostly little stuff. She wants
me to hold her handbag, umbrella, shopping bags, anything.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
Really.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
I boxed at this at first, but in her words,
I can't imagine carrying things when I have you to
do it for me.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:59):
See, like I hope, what a perfect relationship, right right,
And this has been clearly I don't really.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Like being treated like a pack mule, but it didn't
seem worth having a fight over. She insists that when
walking down the street, I walk closer to the road
than she does as protection. I don't really care about
this at all, except to think it's quite silly.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
That's not silly.

Speaker 5 (45:17):
I do that.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
Yeah, that's a thing.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
I feel like these couple is dangerous.

Speaker 3 (45:20):
I think Riley did that. Actually. When I met Riley,
I was like with a couple of my friends and
when we were like walking down the street, he we
were like all walking, we crossed the street or something
like that, and he specifically went around all of us
and then went next to the road. It's like, it's
not going to actually do much when you think about it,
but it's like it's it's a nice like it's a
really nice gesture at the very least. And I remember

(45:41):
my mom doing that to me when I was a kid.
I've had to insist that I don't pay for everything
we do as a couple. She would expect that while
I'm around. She never paid for anything at all. After
a few weeks of that at the start of the relationship,
I had to put my foot down about splitting bills
more equitably. She still seems upset every time I ask
her a chip in for a meal or whatever, and
I probably end up paying the majority of our ex
I guess about seventy percent.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
Pawning off date.

Speaker 5 (46:03):
She just needs to start pawning those channel bags, the
channel bags, all that channels and all that Hermes and
all that Lewis Vitan needs to go.

Speaker 3 (46:11):
You can definitely get lost of money from I don't know.
It's all on deepop Man.

Speaker 5 (46:15):
People who make a lot of money are free to
buy whatever they want with it, right, it's your money.
But like to unilaterally decide in a relationship, we're merging finances.
You maybe get an allowance, and we're sending most of
your money to my parents, who is by the way,
there are doctors and they actually don't need any of
your money.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah, they just spend all of theirs.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
Yeah. I feel like the things that he is bringing
up though, because those are like valid things that I
do think they're still not supposed to be together. But honestly,
like these little things that she's bringing up about like
paying for stuff and holding things and whatever, it's interesting
because those are like general not expectations, I guess, but
but yeah, expectations, like that's kind of a part of
general like relationship culture. But I think a very good

(46:58):
thing to keep in mind though, is like sure it
would be nice, but you have to like still offer
to pitch in at the very least. Anyway we do
have an update. First, I'd like to thank everyone for
their feedback from my previous post. It gave me a
lot to think about about the strong cultural differences between us,
and about some specific personal issues too. On sending money
to her parents and felial piety in general. I decided

(47:20):
that I didn't really have any claim on how she
spent money on her family, and the cultural institution was
too deeply ingrained to try and tackle it. So long
as we had separate income and savings, I think it
makes sense for her to fulfill her duty to her
parents if she sees fit on a wife controlling all finances.
There seemed to be much less consensus as to whether
or not that was normal or the done thing. In
spite of some people thinking that it might be a

(47:41):
good idea, I definitely still was not on board. It
also annoyed me how we were splitting bills was heavily
you waited against me, but she still made me feel
guilty anytime I asked her to pay for anything. Then
something that I didn't ask about but came up anyway.
It was how we shared responsibilities in the relationship. Outside
of money, she has various civic and strict ideas about
what I guess you would call chivalry, and her view

(48:03):
men should treat the women like princesses all the time,
harry handbags, umbrellas, shopping, opening doors, walking on the right side,
paying for everything, obviously taking up as little room in
bed as possible. Also on the list of chivalrous things
is cooking meals and cleaning her flat. There have been
a few examples of her being careless about my money.
The worst was a few months ago where we were

(48:23):
due to take a trip to my home country. A
week before. We got into a fight and she told
me to cancel our accommodation reservation. I thought this was
the first step in a breakup, which at the time
horrified me. I canceled the reservation and begged her to reconsider.
After I apologize and she got over her anger, she
was shocked to learn that we had nowhere to stay
for our holiday. In the end, I booked a much
more expensive last minute hotel on the understanding that we

(48:46):
would split the costs. Months later, she still hasn't paid
me back, and she sulks every time I bring it up.
All of this made me start to look at her
and how she spent the money.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
In a new light.

Speaker 3 (48:56):
Shout out to one of the commenters for predicting almost
exactly which brands of handbags she owned. Yes, I did
some research on her favorite bags and shoes and scarves,
and at a guest I would say she spent about
thirty thousand pounds worth of luxury goods as she liked
to wear and carry off. I had no idea clothes
and accessories could cost so much money. I'm not exactly

(49:18):
anti materialist, but I was shocked by this. I figured
that spending habits would have to be part of any
conversation on our futures together. I didn't want to give
up on what I thought was a good relationship just yet,
so I decided to take a risk and open up
to her about my financials. I showed her a summary
of my income, expenditure, budget, and savings. This was a mistake.
She pretty much immediately started talking about what we could

(49:39):
buy with my savings and saying that I wasn't earning
enough money, so I should stop messing around with computers
and go back to working in finance, which is not
going to happen. I tried to explain to her that
I was showing her this so that she could see
how I lived my life and how savings were for
the future, not so she could plan to expand her lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
Now. We went on for hours back and forth.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
I think somebody called it in the last thread, but
she really did think what's yours is mine, and what's
mine is mine. I don't even know if she ever
came to understand how I would have a problem with that.
It seemed so natural to her that I think she
couldn't even see my side of things. I did learn
that she doesn't have any money saved at all. She
does earn a lot, but she feels that she has
to send any money left over at the end of

(50:21):
the month back to her parents. That's why she lives
an extravagant lifestyle, buying luxury goods. If she doesn't have
any money, then she doesn't have to send it back.
I still don't really know what financial situation her parents
are in. Her parents might not even need the money
for all I know, but they all feel that her
sending it has to happen. The next morning, she asked
me to move to Singapore with her. She wanted to
take closer to her parents and since we were planning

(50:42):
our futures together. This pretty much blew my mind. I
was trying to figure out if there was anything left
to salvage our relationship. I'd built up a lot of
resentment over being treated like a unique servant and being
expected to hand over all my money for the privilege.
She thought that was a good time for us to
move to the other side of the world, so I
told her that I was breaking up with her. At
this point, I don't know if the two of us

(51:03):
were ever on the same page about anything, because she
never saw this coming. She was distraught and didn't know
why I was unhappy, and she'd do anything to keep me.
I was the best thing that ever happened to her.
I fell for this for a couple of days before
she got screaming angry at me for breaking a wine
glass while I was washing dishes. I'd argue that we
were equally at fault. She demanded that I pay for it.

(51:23):
Holy crap, how much money can a wine glass cost
and apologize for being careless. I wish I could say
I did something cool like just leave cash on the
table and walk out, but I argued back and got
dragged into the whole thing. I ended up replacing the
glass and apologizing. But the next morning I gathered all
my stuff from her place and took it home before
she woke up. I came back later, woke her up,

(51:45):
and told her that we had to break up. I
had already explained all the reasons why last time we talked,
and I was afraid that she would manipulate me into
staying again, so I walked out right after telling her
A cowardly way to do it.

Speaker 1 (51:57):
I know, no, But you know what is.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
No cowardly and is extremely brave is going to Spotify,
Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio or whatever your favorite podcast app
is and searching. Okay, storytime, that was last weekend. Feeling
pretty numb with a lot of anger and resentment underneath
the surface. Now that I'm away from her, I see
that she treated me really badly for pretty much the
whole relationship. I'm pissed at myself for not standing up

(52:20):
to her and her tantrums and selfishness sooner. I don't
know why I let her get away with it for
so long. And a quick note, my ex's Shanghai nies
not Singaporean. She wanted to move to Singapore to be
close enough to visit her family but still be able
to find high paying work in her.

Speaker 4 (52:35):
But Senator, I'm not Chinese, I'm Singaporean.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
There is a difference.

Speaker 3 (52:39):
He Anyway, that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Sam here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories.
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (52:47):
First, my fiance's dream wedding is not what I want.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
I want to run away, run forest run.

Speaker 4 (52:53):
So for context, op is twenty eight female and their
partner is thirty two miles. I've always hated almost everything
about weddings and being the center of attention at events.
I could remember several events in my childhood that cemented this,
being forced to be a flower girl for an uncle
and hating it as a small child, being forced to
have large, fancy birthday parties by my father. Parents divorced.

(53:14):
My mom respected my wishes on this stuff, my father
did not, and it eventually caused a huge rift, et cetera.
By the way, this comes from wedding problem throw and
if you want some of your own stories at all,
our slash okay story tumps up redd So. I did
not want to walk at graduation high school or college
for similar reasons, and my father and other family members
blew up at me, et cetera. So similar things have

(53:37):
been an issue in my entire life. I think I'm
not shy or anything was as a kid, but I
am an introvert, not being keen on being the center
of attention of any particular day. I don't want my day,
and I really hate the whole idea of a wedding
spotlight on me in any way, shape or form. I
also hate a lot of marriage slash wedding traditions, diamonds, roses, thrill, lace,

(53:59):
cutesy stuff all day that, like clothes, matching clothes, et cetera.
I don't enjoy planning events or attending big events. Maybe
relevant when I go to weddings, I'm always polite, but
it's a bit of a misery for me, even as
a guest. I've repeatedly turned down being a bridesmaid as
an adult and haven't since I was twenty one, and
don't know how to get out of it. My significant
other has been on Groon'sman three times in the past

(54:20):
two years, and two of those weddings I was asked
to be a bridesmaid. But declined. Both of those couples
were a bit unhappy with me, but I stood firm.
I think this caused some awkwardness for my fiance. My
fiance is, by no means some great romantic traditionalists, or
hasn't been prior. He's a pretty alternative person in terms
of personality. In general, we both are as to romance.
We don't celebrate balance on's day, anniversaries, et cetera. We

(54:44):
are romantic in our own ways, like I might think
of him and buy a nerdy desk toy with a
cute handwritten card just because, or he might make me
a penny of some alien planets. I love that they're
not from this Earth. I'm sorry, but these people they
just don't function Earth, which is good.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
I love them so much.

Speaker 4 (55:02):
Who you are?

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Really?

Speaker 4 (55:03):
You really like this story?

Speaker 1 (55:04):
I like it.

Speaker 4 (55:05):
However, somehow my fiance is now becoming the we should
do this because everyone dies wedding guy. It started with
the ring. He wanted to buy me a diamond solitaire,
but he knows I hate diamonds, so he didn't. He
suggested a white sapphar, but those look basically like diamonds.
He thought it was a mental block. About diamonds or
maybe an ethics issue. I suggested a plain band and

(55:28):
no engagement ring. He vetoed. I found a vintage jewelry
on Etsy. I was kind of funky and fun and
he said, none of them look like the engagement rings. True,
that's the point. I don't like engagement rings. We settled
on a compromise, an engagement looking ring with an emerald
and a semi funky band, and I didn't have to
wear it daily, especially once we got married and got bands.

(55:49):
I really didn't like it. However, any day when I
don't wear it, I typically get the puffy puppy dog
eyes from him. I know it bothers him. He's not
rude about it, but it's how he feels. H in
the wedding. We've always said we would Elope, but granted
the discussions weren't serious. They were offhand comments. He made
them as well and admits it. But we have been
to quite a few weddings in the past two years

(56:12):
for friends, and he thinks one it would be rude
to them not to have an invite to invite them
to it, and after being in wedding parties and buying
so many gifts for them, it's stupid not to have
our own, never mind that the cost of the wedding
offsets the gifts entirely. I don't get either of those
reasons at all. Then he gave me one reason I
do get. He wanted his family there. Sure of course

(56:33):
I get that. I wouldn't mind my mom and grandparents
and favorite cousins there too. There are a few people
I can see being good to be there, and I
know that means inviting a few we don't care for.
As a compromise, we figured on a small, easy affair
of twenty or so guests. I invited eight guests, my mom,
her new husband, my grandparents, my favorite cousin, her husband,
and one friend and her boyfriend. And then my significant

(56:55):
other said no, I need to invite the rest of
my family, including my father who needed to give me away,
never happening, especially the latter, and be anyone who ever
invited us to their wedding, plus anyone in those friend circles.
Plus he had seventeen family members already. Basically, the only
thing we still agree on is a child free wedding,
and that there has to be Booze also wants freely

(57:17):
fancy stuff he wants a higher budget. He's willing to
pay more and makes a lot more money than me. Frankly,
my mom is willing to pay too, but she also
just give me the money for a house down payment.
He wants me to wear a y or a cream
dress and a nice scown slash dress, not the kind
of knee link thing I want to do, and nothing funky.
He wants to wear a suit, which I never tell

(57:37):
him what to wear, but this is just the justification
or my level of dress. He wants to have bridesmaids
and groomsmen. He wants to do it up basically, and
the whole prospect is shutting me down. Every single day
I think of leaving the ring box, packing my stuff
and just running away. I love this man, I want
to marry him and spend the rest of my life
with them, but I feel so bulldozed and disrespected right now.

(57:59):
I live overseas for years and have actually started eyeing
those overseas jobs again. I haven't applied to anything yet,
but I just constantly dream of escaping this wedding every
time I try to share these thoughts with my significant other.
I haven't mentioned the leaving thing yet, but I have
cried about it and mentioned how uncomfortable I am and
how this isn't what I want and so forth. He
just tells me this is what people do and let's

(58:20):
get it through it and everything will go back to normal.
People in real life who I've spoken to one friend,
my mother, my favorite cousin basically say yeah, it sucks,
but suck it up. You love them, don't ruin your life,
but I don't know if I can do it. They
also seem to have the attitude that this is just
what people do, which drives me affing crazy. I don't
want to live my life based on what people do.
If you've ever jumped off a bridge, would you, I mean,

(58:42):
come on. We got an edit. My fiance and I've
been together for five years, lived together for four, been
a gage for two months. We met overseas and moved
back to the States together, both Americans, same culture, were
white with no culture, and moved in edit. Said this
in a comment, but still feels relevant in general. I
guess I should add we basically have to get married
legally by next year, where he has to avoid making
a big promotion overseas again that he's already in training

(59:05):
for because it's a country, I'll find it hard to
get a work visa for this time. I wanted to
get married before I quit my job. That puts me
in the deadline up to August, since I teach elementary
school and I don't want to leave middle year. We
already have joined finances, live together and call each other
husband and wife.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Oooh man.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
So it really is truly just the wedding that she
doesn't like. But that's just so hard because I get
where everyone's mindset's coming from, and it's like just how
it is because they're used to it. They would expect
her to be used to it, because that's very common.
But if she didn't even walk in her high school
and college graduations, which is like, I don't even know
how you escaped that.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
Yeah, yeah, she did it. I'm sick.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
She said. It's uncomfortable, and so it's like you don't
want her to just be like suffering the day of
her wedding, you know, So like I'm sure they can
figure out some sort of compromise of like, Okay, well
he wants this big thing, she doesn't want this big thing.
You know, he'll probably be sad if he doesn't get
a big thing. She'll be sad if she does. So

(01:00:07):
maybe we can find something in the middle. Maybe we
can do a secret wedding in private, but then have
a bit of a party.

Speaker 4 (01:00:13):
This remove for no question before. But my question is
how do my fiance and I talk about and compromise
on this appropriately. The big ushoe seems to be I'm
really really against the redding traditions, like throwing the bouquet
me walking down the aisle to him. We can go
together or he can walk to me, especially with my dad,
who I don't want to invite wearing white traditional dress
or even hand pick dress. I just rather wear a

(01:00:35):
dress I feel like wearing that day. I want to
maybe wear my red Betsy Johnson hasn't got used though yet,
and he flipped out having bridesmaids. I think all other
wedding stuff is pretty awful too. But I'm fine with
him just picking the food, flowers, band, et cetera if
he wants it. He either doesn't like my suggestions because
they are super non traditional. I suggested greenery instead of flowers,

(01:00:57):
and I'm fine with just not suggesting anything. But then
he says I have no opinion because my opinion is
I don't like traditional flowers or whatever. I'm not against
some compromise. I know he wants a wedding and not
an elopement, though this is new and it seems to
be purely social pressure. As far as he can tell me,
he has no personal reason why. So I'm willing to

(01:01:17):
compromise and do something, but not just do everything the
way people expect. And we got a freaking updates. Thank
you to those who understood my perspective and actually gave
us real ways to communicate without me having to pretend
there was anything I liked about weddings. I sat my
fiance down with a list of five deal breakers slash
no ways, as thank You Away eighty eight suggested, and

(01:01:38):
I even use most of her suggestions from the sounds
of things you might like the following. Your dad is
not invited or maybe just not walking you down the aisle.
No bridesmaids, your dresses either not why or not long
slash floral link nobuk toss no more than fifty maybe
sixty guests. I realized I didn't care about the dress
enough to make a fuss too much, and it seemed

(01:01:58):
one of the most important aspects to him, though I
replaced the dress one with no bride walking down the
aisle or being given away. We'll walk in together. And
I went with my dad not invited, as I never
have my dad at any event, but I went with
the sixty for the max amount of guests. So I
told my significant other where my drop dead deal breakers were.
I said, as for wedding traditions, I'd even do the

(01:02:20):
smash cake in each other's faces or any non gendered
traditions that we could both play or partner roll in,
i e. Where there's not a bride role and a
groom role, as a lot of my issues with weddings
has to do with the gendered roles seen in them.
I also suggested something that would alleviate issues for me,
which was actually get married before the wedding, secretly just

(01:02:42):
for us, so it wasn't our real wedding day. And
I said he could pick everything else if he gives
me selections. I'd pig the things, but wouldn't necessarily pretend
to like flowers, et cetera. He'd have to accept this
one if it was just the one I hated the least,
without making me twenty questions about it. Why it was
the best, which I couldn't honestly answer because I thought

(01:03:04):
they were all weren't so hot, and he'd have to
do most of the active planning if he didn't want
to just give it to a planner, which I suggested,
though I'd be happy to run DEPOSITI checks, go out
go with him if he needed it. On occasion. I
said a number of seven weekend days, not the days,
but the total number between now and the wedding, and
which he could pick to devote it to his planning,
like if he wants to take me to taste, taste

(01:03:27):
or something instead of just letting a planner do it
or planning himself. But that I would not talk wedding
stuff at all more than once weekly unless it was
as simple as, oh, we talked yesterday, but I forgot,
we need to write a check for X. No decisions
is practical stuff on those days, so wedding planning does
not take over my life. I put all of this

(01:03:47):
in a word document, basically, with a heartfelt letter at
the beginning and presenting my plan in suggestion. He made
notes at things he took issue with, et cetera. He
took issues with this once a week, citing practical which
I one d percent understood, and we upped that twice
a week or now with it being unlimited in the
two weeks before the wedding itself. At first, he still

(01:04:07):
took issue with the bridesmaids and the wedding tradition stuff,
but he seemed a little torn. He said he never
really thought about it how gendered weddings are, and he
could see me being totally uncomfortable with that. I told
him I never one hundred percent realized that's why I
hated being a bridesmaid, but I felt it was a
big part once I had reflected on it. At the

(01:04:28):
end of the day, he decided he would have a
best man who didn't stand with him. He has the
friends who organize a stag party and give a toast basically,
and the friend was cool with not wearing a tux
and just standing up and I could have no bridesmaids,
but he wanted to designate one friend to give a toast,
which I was happy to do. He still doesn't get
me not wanting my father invited, but he seems to

(01:04:48):
respect it. His family does not and say it means
something that she is up and keeps calling about it,
but he seems to be standing up for me on that.
He also took issue with the number of guests, and
we're still negotiating about that. This is what I need
to follow up advice on. He says, with all the
things he's conceded, he doesn't think he should have to
cap the number of guests at all. And he's come

(01:05:08):
back with the number of one hundred and thirty.

Speaker 5 (01:05:10):
Ooo.

Speaker 4 (01:05:14):
This seems way too large to me, but he said
his parents mandated he invited about seventy people he really
doesn't know well or want their edit the family list,
and he obviously wants his actual friends and my family
and friends to attend as well. My number of people
is twelve, including four people who are mutual friends that
would be on his list if not on mine, and
they're not even my mom not included in his list

(01:05:36):
of one hundred and thirty. That's just for him. And
you know what could be just for you after this story.
If you go to your favorite podcast platform, search up Okay,
story Time and Miss Angelina, there will be a plethora
of stories for you that are just for you. Hand
maybe and edits sound proof just for your boy. Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:05:53):
It's okay. I'll share it with everyone else too.

Speaker 4 (01:05:56):
He says his family is already going to be upset
enough at the lack of wedding tree editions, the fact
that neither of us want to marry in their church.
This is a deal breaker. But I agree, I wouldn't
be allowed to marry there anyway, probably without meaning faith,
et cetera. That the very least we should invite the
whole extended family their church, meaning the Catholic Church in general,
not a specific location. I was going to give him

(01:06:18):
a compromise, one hundred, including my twelve must have if
we're doing a wedding. I mean they aren't must haves,
as I could have had zero guests, but if I'm
doing a wedding, those twelve people need to be there. Yes,
leaving him eighty eight slots to fill to his heart's consent?
Does that seem fair? Are there any tips for telling
him how to negotiate with his family and not gonna
lie his family? Seems a little overbearing, And maybe you

(01:06:40):
should go to a wedding counseling to figure out if
you want that in your life.

Speaker 3 (01:06:44):
Because I mean, yeah, a concert would probably have a
lot of good tips and tricks on how to pay
this stuff properly, or just being able to talk about
it like with someone there. And then you could also
bring up these compromises and figure something out with the
professional that Ruth.

Speaker 4 (01:06:58):
Yeah,

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