My husband has been IGNORING me…but giving my mother his full attention! - r/amioverreacting | Reddit Stories

🎁 Become a member and get bonus livestreams on Mondays & Fridays! 
👉 https://www.youtube.com/@OKOPShow/join

👯‍♂️ Hang out with us on Discord! 
👉 [discord.gg/okstorytime](http://discord.gg/okstorytime)

✍️ Have a story? Join our subreddit and submit your story there for a chance to be featured! 
👉 https://www.reddit.com/r/okstorytime/

🏆 Want ad free podcast episodes? Join our Patreon 
👉 https://www.patreon.com/okopshow

👀 Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@OKOPShow

00:00 r/amioverreacting - AIO husband ignores me when speaking to my mother
11:46 r/relationships - Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms)
23:30 r/amioverreacting - AIO for being upset that my(30F) mother in law(65F) and my husband(33M) made a huge decision without me?
33:31 r/relationship_advice - Wife(F28) and I(M27) ran into her ex at the mall and it’s sent me for a loop
45:51 r/relationship_advice - Wife’s [29/F] “Frenemy” [30/F] sent me an email outlining my wife’s attempt to reconcile with her Ex [35/M] (and sleeping with him) as we were getting more serious. I’m at work and don't know how to respond to any of this.

Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated

#reddit #funnyredditposts
okay storytime, okstorytime, okopshow, okop show

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.
I'm an og Okay story Time podcast host. I don't care.
I'm making sure that you stay here for the next
two minutes. All right, I'll be detained for the two
more minutes before we get into this episode. Yeah, we
got some ads coming up. Just stick around. Stick around.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
My husband has been ignoring me but giving my mother
his full attention.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Is he married to your mom? Didn't think so.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, he struggles to listen to me at all, but
when my mother in here are together, it's like I
don't exist.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Immediate red flag. Yes, we struggles to listen to you
at all. Yeah, already he lost me there?

Speaker 2 (00:35):
What This has been an issue ever since he was
first around her. She's very talkative and tends to talk
people's ears off. For whatever reason, She's zoned in on him,
speaking more to him than she ever has to me.
By the way, this comes from professional stick three six
y three And if you want to submit your own stories,
just go to the our slash Okay Storytime suppreddit's easy peasy.
So he would get irritated by it, or so he claimed,

(00:58):
but he would still engage, he said he did so
because she would get upset if he didn't, which was
and is still true. When he spoke to me for
just a minute, she said that she was being ignored.
I would get upset because I didn't speak much and
most of what I was saying was important. I felt
like he couldn't tell her to hold on and prioritize
what I was saying. I tried to ask him if
he wanted me to order him something for dinner.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
One time.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
I was running out of time to order and he
kept looking over and then looking back at her. He
snapped that he couldn't talk to both of us at
the same time. I said, I felt like he was
ignoring me. I was already upset over other things that
had happened that day. When we got back to where
we were saying, I asked if I could talk to
him about it, doing so calmly, as he always said
that I didn't do that and that this was why
it led.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
To an argument. I don't like this guy.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Oh, I really don't like this guy, saying like, oh,
you never do it calmly, starting an argument like with
this man like I guess could be true sometimes, but
I don't know if he was not buy it from him,
feels off well. Within seconds of me asking, he was
yelling at me, punting things and threatening divorce.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Divorce this man, Yeah, just do it literally first sentence,
divorce him. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
We're like, we're on slide twelve out of fifty eight
in this story divorce. We're already so against this man.
There's nothing redeemable. I don't like him. When we were
last here, I didn't say much as usual, and whenever
I did, he would get frustrated. He would say that
he was overstimulated and couldn't talk to both of us
at the same time, that he needed to be left alone.
He's done the same on this current trip. Though I

(02:28):
am not the one causing his overstimulation, it seems he
takes it out on me anyway. I struggle to believe
he's experiencing it, because a while back he said he
was and that he had an headache, but then.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
Immediately went back to speaking and joking with her.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
When I got upset and said that I felt like
he was unfairly taking it out on me, that I
wasn't doing anything wrong, he acted like I didn't understand
his overstimulation. He refused to listen to me or acknowledge
what I was saying. When I said he gives most
of his attention to my mother, he said, can I
not choose how and who I want to interact with,
which would mean he is actively ignoring me. The crazy

(03:02):
thing is that he's a hypocrite as always every single sentence.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
You don't like your husband. You literally don't like your husband,
and you shouldn't. I don't like your I don't like
your husband. But you don't like your husband, So why
are you with your husband? He sounds incredibly emotionally manipulative. Yeah, oh,
can I not choose always spend time with? Sure you
can choose, but why are you with a person that
you don't want to spend time with? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (03:25):
It's always the people that are like, if you bring
up an issue, they immediately feel bit back on you.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yeah, it's like, oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
It was days later that I snapped and told him
to hold on when she was speaking to me, overwhelming
me in the process. He told me not to say that,
not to take it out on him, and that it
was her bothering me.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
This is literally what she told you, sir.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
And that's the thing about people like this is that
since you've used this argument against them, they know how
much it means to you, and actually, like you know,
holds like value or wait, yeah for you, and so
then they know that that's gonna get you, and then
you're gonna be like, yeah, he said this twice, the
only times that I've done it. When I said he

(04:05):
was a hypocrite and asked why he couldn't acknowledge it
or apologize when I said it, he said that he
was sorry. Who knows, Maybe he was only saying it
because I had Either way, I don't like it every day.
It's the same thing whenever she's around when we all
go out together. I can only speak to him when
she's out of the car. Otherwise she will speak over
me or seem to get bothered that his attention isn't
on her. Dude, you need't leave your mom. Yeah, you

(04:27):
gotta talk to your mom about this too. Yeah, Like honestly,
just like, why are you still there? We gotta get
out of there tonight. We got dinner to cook it home.
When we got back, they were talking in the kitchen.
I asked if I could put the chicken out. I
had to keep asking, with him only responding after she
left and blaming his not listening on the fact that
she was talking to him. He was going to put
the rice on and asked where the pants were. She

(04:48):
had just shown me, so I told him. He didn't
take in what I was saying and called for her.
I left the kitchen and when I came back, the
rice was on. She was standing right in front of it.
Now this is an issue because she he spits when
she talks. It's something that bothers both of us. When
we go out to eat. I cover my food dank.
Last time we ate out, he got spit on. Now
he is reluctant to go out to eat because of it.

(05:10):
He would know that I wouldn't want her in front
of the food. When I commented on her being near it,
he said that she wasn't that close. I started stirring
the rice, which unknownst to me, had only been on
for a few minutes. Because I didn't know that, I
was confused as to why I wasn't getting hot. I
kept asking him, and it took several times for him
to say that it hadn't been long.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Dude, this is like if I was in as someone
who does get over stimulated, if I was in this space,
I would have her breakdown. Yeah, I'm just imagining this.
So you have you have oh P's mom who's like,
I'm just spitting, and then OP He's like, hey, is
the rice on? Why isn't the rice getting hot? Why
isn't the rice getting hot? And then the husband is

(05:49):
like ignoring and talking to the mom and being like
blah blahlah blah blah. And then he's just like and
she's like, why isn't the rice cain. I'm a god,
Oh my god, I'd have a breakdown. Yeah I can't.
I can't imagine being in a room with all three
of these people. Oh my gosh, that sounds so like
my nightmare, so painful. When it did get hot, I
started to smell something strange.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
I was under the assumption it was a gas stove
and asked if it was gas something I again had
to ask more than once. It then started to smoke
and I asked him to turn it down. He didn't
listen to me, though I asked more than once. The
smoke alarm went off because of it.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
What the rick this is due? If there was no
active fire, would you be like, hey, honey, there's an
active fire. We just not ignored you. We just ignored you.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
The smoke alarm would have to be like ten times
like whoa, and.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
It'll be like like.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
I mentioned that Trump left the World Health Organization and
he responded to that. I tried to say more, but
before I knew it, they were in a debate and
everything I was saying was being ignored.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Again.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
I asked for help again and he didn't respond.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
What a shocker. This man doesn't like you. Yeah, I
asked more than one, and.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
He threw his head back through all his eyes, which
I thought was at me. When he came back and
started trying to help, I told him not that he
didn't want to help before he asked if he should
go away then, and I said, yes, good job. I
can't remember everything I said, by the gist of it
was that I was being ignored as I always am,
and I'm fed up with I said I didn't want
to be out with them, that I didn't want the food,

(07:20):
and that I was.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
Going to order something.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
He called me a prick and I left, good on,
you get out of there, but like, also, please get
out of the relationship. Absolutely. He came into the room
and told me to come out. I reacted angrily, insulted
him a bit and told him I was done being
ignored by him. He acted like I was overreacting, like
I had no reason to be upset. He said that
he had listened to me. This isn't just a one

(07:44):
off instance, but something that happens every day. He seems
to listen to everyone but me, including my mother, who
primarily goes on about herself constantly and doesn't take in
most of what he or anyone else says. He acts
annoyed by it sometimes, but then engages with it and
encourages her to keep going. Right now, he's in the
living room and she's going on and on about herself,
about her life. He's not saying much, but he's asking

(08:06):
questions that would keep it going. I don't know if
he's taking in what she's saying, but if it were
me talking to him like that, he wouldn't even be responding.
I can't even ask him a question. And he's also
studying away to become a counselor, so he's going to
not only listen to strangers, but also listen to their problems.
And you know what you could listen to is full
episodes with more stories just like this one. Just go

(08:28):
to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever your favorite podcast app
is and search. Okay, storytime, you could always listen to it,
but yeah, there's a little bit more.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
But how how hot is the fire in you right now?
Because I'm enraged, I'm but also I'm a little bit
annoyed o pee honestly, Yeah, for the insulting and stuff. No,
just like just like being in a situation where you're like,
like talking to someone who just literally doesn't talk back,
like you're talking to a statue. Why are we married
to a statue? Yeah, I mean I totally understand that

(08:57):
it's really hard to be in that situation and yeah,
not to get out and being like ah, and then
your mom is also seemingly on his side too, or
at least doesn't really see what the situation is. Right.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
I am glad that OPI is aware of what's happening. Yeah,
weare enough of being like I am being ignored, yeah,
and it's like doing something about it, because I think
in a lot of situations, it's very easy for the
one being ignored is to just be.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
Like, Okay, you're right, you're right. It's like no take action. Yeah,
and she is thank goodness for it. But I also think,
like I think of my steps that i'd give. One,
you need to start this divorce process, honestly, yeah, right away,
just like it's not even like something that you could
talk through because he's not willing to even talk to you.
And two, maybe we need to limit the amount of

(09:40):
time we're spending around mom because she also seems like
an issue. Yeah, why like do they live with her
or something? Why are you around her so much?

Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, they're like always annoyed by her. Yeah, then also
are always getting food with her? And yeah, it seems
like she guys kind of hate her. Yeah, I think
I really hate the husband. I think that like even
if he woul right, and even if he like I
don't know, didn't hear, which we know is not true, Like, uh,
even if he was overstimulated or something like that, if
she's upset about it, his reaction should not be to

(10:11):
just belittle it. Yeah, immediately belittling and like discounting her emotions.
You know, they can like have a conversation about it,
you know. But I mean that's also something that he's
doing wrong. On top of being a hypocrite and like
making it clear that he can hear her.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yep is making up all these excuses. There is a
little bit more.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
He's done other things, like walking ahead of me with
her when going into stores a while back. He saw
that I was still at the car, but kept going.
When we are in public, he goes off with her
or responds to her whenever she speaks to him, even
when I'm already trying to talk to him. Sometimes I
feel like he's married to her. Sometimes I think he's
doing it on purpose to make me feel like I
don't matter, because a lot of the time I think

(10:50):
he actually doesn't like her, that maybe he's just trying
to make a good impression. I have no idea, but
I don't think it's normal. And there are some comments coming.
Number one says, no, but I think your mother is
around you guys too much. It sounds like an extremely
frequent occurrence. Have you tried taking space from her? Ohpi responds,
she is, as we are staying with her on this trip.

(11:12):
Don't on a trip that literally like go get a
new place, you stay a place, grab get a new hotel.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
Not that she wasn't all the times of before.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Even when she's out of the equation, he struggles to
listen to me. And also, I don't think it's my
mother's stopping him from doing so.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
I don't think so either. He has his own problem,
and I don't think I also think that your mom's
a problem. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
I do, however, think it's making everything worse. We have
gotten some days to ourselves, but not fully and that's it.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
Wow. So yeah, I think it's.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Obviously the husband's and the mom has her own problems,
and so all of it coming together is like the
perfect storm.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yeah, my partner is neglecting his nephew. It's ruining our relationship,
not the nephew anyone else. Four years ago I met
Bob forty Mail. Bob had recently become the guardian of
his nephew Ben after the past of Ben's parents in
a car accident. Ben is the same age as my
son Jason, eleven at the time, not fifteen. By the way,

(12:06):
this comes from Unique Emergency thirty four or zero seven.
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to our slash ok storytime supparate it. So at first
it seemed perfect. I was over the moon at finding
a man who was not put off by the prospect
of taking on as soon to be teenage step son.
Jason's father is not in the picture. Despite having very
different personalities, the boys got along from the beginning, so
Bob and Ben moved into my house within less than

(12:28):
a year. Ben was always a quieter, more creative kid,
whereas Jason is more athletic and boisterous. From the start,
I got the sense that Bob understood Jason's way of
being more than he did Ben's. At first, he would
take them both to sports games, but Ben obviously had
no interest, so pretty soon he just took Jason. At
the time, it seemed like a natural choice. Ben was
bored at the games, and Jason honestly reveled in having

(12:49):
all of Bob's attention. After that, things started unraveling. As
they grew older. The differences between the boys became more
obvious their choices of clothing, hairstyle, friends, He was at cobbies,
et cetera, and so did Bob's preference. He started making
little comments comparing them and encouraging Ben to be more
like Jason. No Ah, stop man is the thief of joy.

(13:11):
Stop stop eating my joy. At first, it seemed like
he was trying to be healthful thinking Jason's way of
being was healthier. He's more outgoing as a more active
social life, because that's what he remembered from his own
experience that after a while there was a clear sndness
which was impossible not to hear. My son has always
had a strong protective streak and a sense of fairness.
Despite their differences in the late age they were introduced,

(13:33):
he and Ben are very close. Jason's reaction to Bob's
remarks favoring him was to take Ben's side. He stopped
going to games with Bob and for a while became
openly hostile on Ben's behalf. That stopped once he and
Bob had a major argument. Jason back down at that
point because he told me he realized that if he
kept making himself unpleasant, Bob and I might break up,
in which case Ben would have to leave too. Oh,

(13:55):
it's a lot burden to put on a fifteen year old, Yeah,
or by younger at the time. Since then, with a
few exceptions, he has been coldly civil. Meanwhile, Bob has
come to believe Ben is attract to the same gender
based on what I consider spurious evidence, not that it
matters to me whether he is or not. You wanted
to send him to a military style reform school, and
when I Vito that his behavior towards Ben escalated to

(14:18):
subtle kind of downright nastiness. Needless to say, all of
the above strain Ben in my relationship to the breaking point,
and then broke it. Seeing his ongoing behavior toward a
child who needs him, I can no longer look at
him with anything but disgust. The thought of him touching
me makes my skin crawl, and I desperately want him
out of my house or not married, and it's still
in my soul name, thank god. But now I have

(14:38):
the same problem Jason was worried about. If I end
the relationship and punt Bob out, Ben will have to
go too, since legally I have no tie to him whatsoever.
He's fifteen now, and although he has borne everything by
stoically ignoring Bob, I can't in good conscience let that
man be solely responsible for him. For what it's worth,
I have always tried to stick up for Ben and
get Bob to see that there are many types of

(14:59):
boys the world, and that all of them are equally okay,
not to mention, I don't think Jason would ever forgive
me if I let Ben go. I would happily take
guardianship of Ben if I could. Even if Bob made
no financial contribution, we could manage if we cut back
on luxuries. My concern is that I am far from
sure Bob would agree, however he personally feels about Ben.
Ben is still as flesh and Bud, and Bob feels

(15:20):
strongly about that. To be honest, I think that's part
of the reason he resents Ben so much. Ben is
the last of the line and isn't turning out how
Bob thinks his family should be represented. If I were
to start a conversation along those lines and Bob refused
to allow Ben to stay, it would be incredibly difficult
to roll back. The idea of having to continue to
play his supportive wife to stop him from leaving on

(15:40):
his own accord for another two and a half years
until Ben turns eighteen. Sounds like a nightmare, but the
alternative is worse. What is the best way to manage
and get through this? And there is an update? Ooh,
that's a drigging. That's a drigga man.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Suddenly I feel very underqualified.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
I don't know. My first thought, which might be totally impossible,
is like, can you adopt Ben because I know, like
when you're in because it seems like they're married. Yeah,
so true. I'm like, you know, sometimes we're able to
do that as long as the kid.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
Agrees, because this is all This isn't their kids, right,
this is the nephew nephew, so it's Bob's siblings kids.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yes, yeah, I don't know how that would work, but
I wondered if you could look into that if.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
I take a while, because I'm thinking toom, like, even
if she could stay in contact with yeah, it's Ben
right that we Yeah, if she could even stay in
contact with Ben. But if things go poorly in this divorce,
then you know, Bob probably would not like that very much.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
Yeah, he might not let that happen.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
Yeah, so oh man, that's hard. But also he's fifteen,
so maybe you know they can have some at least
some sort of communication. Yeah, that doesn't need to be known,
I mean hopefully, but uh, there is an update, so
maybe someone gave better advice.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Please. I posted about my family problem about a month
ago and was bowled over by the amount of kind
and extremely helpful comments I got. Someone requested an update,
so I'm posting now to tell you what's happened since
to be honest, it's also to unburden myself. The boys
are really sweet, but I obviously can't talk to them
about these things, and there aren't a lot of people
in my life I feel comfortable sharing all the details with.

(17:26):
I suppose I'm embarrassed. The week after my original post,
I met with a family lawyer I know to go
over options. I actually wrote down the legal suggestions posted
here to discuss with her. Unfortunately, after going over each
one and several others in detail, we ought to conclude
that while some might technically be feasible, they would either
take too long to be practical or require things from
Bob or Ben that, for various reasons, were not ideal.

(17:49):
Following the meaning, I was mulling things over and decided
to take a long, hard look at our finances to
see what might be affordable. As a compromise, I considered
sending Ben to a good boarding school and paying tuition upfront,
so that if I left Bob it would be easier
and cheaper for him to leave Ben there rather than
move him to a different school. Smart anyway, I went
over our financial records with the fine tooth comb and

(18:10):
that's when I discovered Bob was cheating on me. Whoa
new issue. Ah, it's a new issue, and I'm unfortunately
not shocked because this fan seems terrible. Yeah, and I've
been for the entirety of our relationship. Bang man. It
turns out that prior to Ben's parents passing, Bob had
been about to move in with another woman. This woman

(18:30):
didn't want kids, so when Bob was suddenly faced with
taking care of Ben or seeing him placed in foster care,
she made it clear she would not be involved. For
the record, I can't say I blame her. I love
my boys with all my heart, but asking someone who
never wanted kids to parent a bereaved eleven year old
she has never met is not in anyone's best interest
in my opinion. When I confronted him about the affair,

(18:50):
he didn't even attempt to deny it. He seemed ashamed
good and just asked what happened next. I told him
that next he was going to get a stuff and
get out of my house, but first he needs to
ask Ben if he wanted to go or stay, because
it wouldn't be fair to disdrop the poor kid's life
any further. Whoa, Ope, he's playing chess right now. YEA

(19:11):
A good way to put it though. Yeah, it's like, well,
now you've done the wrong. Yeah, it's on you now,
So like terrible, terrible circumstances, right, but also maybe the
best way this could have gone to get Ben into
a safe place. Yeah for you, right, super But and
then I think also using a kind of excuse of

(19:32):
being like, well, his life has just been so crazy. Yeah,
and like finding out that you're cheating on me, Yeah,
it's like like guilt tripping. Maybe this could be a
way that his life can stay normal. Yeah for the
time being. Ben quickly said he preferred to stay, and
Bob seemed frankly relieved. Wow, like again, this is ropy,
but maybe the easiest way I could have gone. Yeah.

(19:54):
He moved out that weekend and I haven't seen him since.
We've been in touch by text to discuss financial arrangements, though,
and last week he sent me money to cover Ben's
basic expenses. Nothing close to child support, but under the circumstances,
I'll take it and be glad. From his attitude, I
take it that he's seeing this as a long term thing.
But even if he doesn't, according to the family lawyer,
is leaving Ben with me, even for a while. Along

(20:16):
with Ben's age and the fact that Bob is his
guardian rather than his father, would make it easier to
build a case for Ben to stay, even if Bob
does try to fight it. The lawyer is confident that
such a battle could be won, or at least dragged
out until Ben is eighteen and it doesn't matter anymore. That,
as you can imagine, has been an enormous relief. That
makes it that much harder to admit that finding out
about Bob has still hit me hard. Of course it has.

(20:38):
I mean, like, even though you were trying to do
this for Ben, like you just found out your partner
was cheating on you.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, I think even if you already know that he's
like not someone you want to be around, still.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
Finding out that he's cheating is like, yeah, just as heartbreaking.
The fact is that even though I was absolutely done
with him and wanted him out, there was a time
I truly believed he wanted to be with me and
that we could build a life together. I knew a
relationship wasn't a romance for the ages or anything like that,
but it was by far the best I'd had since
before my son was born, and I really thought we
cared for and valued one another. Now I realized that

(21:07):
all he ever wanted from me was a mother for Ben.
He as good as omitted it, and in retrospect it
makes complete sense. That's why he never wanted to get
married or buy into my house, even though I offered.
Though now of course I am grateful he wanted to
make it as easy as possible to split from me
once Ben was old enough to no longer require my services.
I think it might even explain why he was so
hard on Ben and grasping at straws for a reason

(21:28):
to send him away. I never expected it of him
based on what else I knew, or I never would
have been with him. But if he was blaming Ben
forgetting in the way of his life and simultaneously feeling
guilty for it, that could turn a mild mannered person mean.
I think maybe he even thought if Ben was away
most of the time, the other woman would be willing
to compromise for a few years. I don't know, I've
even been wondering whether he decided to pursue me before

(21:50):
we even met. The boys met first through an extracurricular
where they became friends. It's possible that Jason mentioned my
being single and passing, allowing Bob to identify me astent
actually suitable before we ever met. By the way, I
think it'd be suitable for you guys to listen to
full episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast Happen, search of books,

(22:10):
story time. There is a little bit left to this story,
but unfortunately it worked out in the best and also
worst way.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
Yeah, there are some months along the road, but at
the end of the day, you got where you needed
to go.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
You did. It was a bad journey, but uh, it's
only up from here, hopefully. I'm sorry this is such
a MOPI post. I truly am grateful for the way
things worked out. I think it's the best possible solution
for everyone under the circumstances, and not when I could
have achieved without Bob's help. And the boys have been wonderful.
They didn't know I was trying to get Bob out anyway,
so they've been treating me very gently or as gently

(22:42):
as you can expect teenage boys to be anyway, and
trying to pretend they aren't thrilled Bob is gone when
I'm in the room, I'm glad of that. To be honest,
I am so grateful he's gone and that Ben is
still safe here with us. I just need a bit
of time to really remember it, I think, and that
is the end of that story. Wow. Wow, change. That's

(23:03):
just so hard on poor Ben.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
Yeah, to be just kind of treated as this obstacle
from Bob absolutely getting like a partner, Like, come on, man,
that's that's true. That's really really crappy. But I'm glad
that Ben is with Op and that they can be
a good little family and she can take care of
him because I know he's She's gonna treat him better,

(23:27):
so much better.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
I just know it.

Speaker 2 (23:29):
To know what my husband and mother in law made
a major decision without me.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Well, I think you need to decide to leave get
him out of it.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
For clarification, I am beyond angry with both of them.
I know they both had good intentions, but my thought
process is currently how a thing dare you? I need
to know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm justified
before I approach a conversation about it. By the way,
this comes from Frosty Engine three five eights and if
you want to submit your own stories, just to go
to the r slash Okay storytime at supper. So for context,

(24:01):
my husband is very nonsensical, a hard working provider type
of man. He is stubborn and will not do anything
he doesn't want to do. So it's not like he
was trying to please his mom. His mom is very
blunt and in your face honest. Neither of them are
manipulative or conniving in any way, and.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
They're very good people.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
I have an amazing relationship with both of his parents,
so this is completely out of character for them. I
know they had good intentions, they just did this all
kind of backwards. As for myself, I am anxious and
easily stressed. I've lived a hard life and had a
lot of choices taken from me in childhood, and now
I need to be included in decisions. I need to
feel like it's equal in order for me to be okay.

(24:40):
With that being said, I'm also very honest, blunt and
in your face I am not submissive by any means,
and I do not shy away from confrontation. I am
currently not in a stable work environment, and job loss
seems to be just around the corner. If you stay
up to date with the news, then you'll know what
I mean. But I have to be careful about what
I say regarding it. With that being said, our leasa
on our mental was coming up soon and we were

(25:01):
wanting to buy a house, But now just doesn't seem
like the time we were looking at other rentals when
his parents bought a rental house and asked if we
wanted to rent it. My mom messaged me about it first,
and I said I didn't think it was a good idea.
Later that day, I'm assuming, but I have no confirmation
on the timeline.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
She called my husband and they both agreed that we would.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
He messaged me prior to agreeing with her, and I
again expressed that I didn't think it was a good
idea due to our current circumstances.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
I didn't outright say no.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
I left it open for discussion, but I made it
clear that I didn't think it was a good choice.
Well after they both asked me, they went around me
and agreed that we would move in. My husband didn't
tell me that this happened until a couple of days later,
and casually dropped it into conversation and he said, I
know you said no, but that was silly, girl.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
What's a balerie? I'm sorry, I know you said no,
but that was silly and that was it? Girl? Please?
Uh uh uh uh. I'm fuming, raging, and shaking.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
I want to revert back to lashing out, but I
know that I cannot. It has been two weeks and
I have yet to reach a point where I can
communicate healthily. But it needs to be addressed, So I'm
going to try my very best tonight.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
Am I overreacting? I feel like I was told you, silly,
little girl.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
Let the adults make the decisions and just sit down
and be a submissive wife. Obviously that's not what was
said or what he meant, and I know that they
had good intentions, but I'm so angry I'm finding it
hard to focus on that.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
So am I the a hole for thinking it's.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
Absolutely insane to bypass me, leave me out of the conversation,
and take my choice away entirely? In addition, how can
I approach this in a way that won't destroy my relationship.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
At this point, I'm feeling vindictive and petty.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm also
not entirely sure if I can bite my tongue once
I let the damn loose.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
There are some comments, But what would your answer be.
I think that you're you can go and have a
conversation where it's not like I'm definitely expressed that you
were upset and stuff, but you don't necessarily have to
come up with like trying to you know, belitt a
immour or something like that. But that's not gonna be
an effective conversation. Yeah, it definitely not. But I think saying,

(27:08):
you know, hey, we are in a relationship. We're not
in a relationship with your parents. They might have different
advice for you that you want to take, but when
we are making decisions for the both of us, we
need to be on the same page. And you can't
just you know, bypass me and not listen to my
opinion in the conversation.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Yeah, especially if this is like a very valid reason
of their financial situation being a little uneasy right now,
Like that's something to be discussed on, something that he
should be worried about too.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
Just tell him, like all of your feelings about this.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
Yeah, I agree, you could probably even bring up again,
like I'm sure he knows that.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Your childhood was full of decisions being.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
Taken away from you, but you could probably bring that
up again if he already knows. If he doesn't know,
just tell him and be like, hey, this is super
important to me specifically.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
And if he reacts not well, then you know you
know a little bit more about the state of relationship exactly.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
But there are some comments. Coming Number one says, sounds
like a conversation must be had. You are a partnership
and with that decisions should be agreed upon or at
the very least discussed. Is renting your mother in law's
place cheaper? OPI response, it's more expensive, which was a
lot of my concern Coming Number two says, not overreacting,
especially as it's more expensive. Renting from family is a

(28:16):
bad idea to begin with. I would also be very
upset if they went behind my back with this decision.
I could maybe handle it a big maybe if the
rent would be cheaper. I do think it warrants a
discussion between you and Heppy, but maybe walk away if
things get too heated. I don't know why your heavy
thought increasing your house and costs would be a good
idea with your job worries and the economy in.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
General right now.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
And we do have an update. I think those are
very very good points. Yes, so for the update. Okay,
So thank you all for the words of advice and
the validation. I sat with my anger and hurt and
I had a therapy appointment that helped me immensely.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
I was able to get to a point of understanding
and started problem solving. I was very distanced in reserve
for the last two days, trying my best to separate
the hurt from anger, find the root of what triggered
that within me.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
I was able to which to get to a point
where I can problem solve.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
I came up with a solution for all of my hesitancies,
and then I told him I would like to talk.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
I shared how it made me feel being excluded.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
I told him why I reacted the way I did
and why I had to distance for a couple of
days while figuring my stuff out. I told him I
never want to get to a point where I let
my trauma hurt him. It was very apologetic, explain that
I never said no, just that I didn't think it
was a good idea, and that I would have appreciated
if he had come to me with his thoughts so
we could figure it out together. He apologized again and
expressed that he sees how it was wrong with him.

(29:30):
Explained in the moment that he didn't see it as
excluding me, but that he was trying to help. I
validated that and let him know that I appreciated him
trying to help and that I'm thankful for that, but
that I need to be included in these decisions. I
talked to mother in law, and apparently she threw the
idea to him to get his thoughts just like me,
and she wasn't aware a decision had been made. She
thought we were talking about it and we would look

(29:52):
at the house and let her know.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
He must have.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Told me, yes, we're moving, and told her we would
figure it out and let her know.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
Oh wow, so it's really just the husban. Oh so
he just is the problem. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
She said that she would help me with getting the
kids to school thirty minutes away for the last month
of school so that they don't have to switch schools.
So close to the end of the year, which was
a major concern for me. I feel reassured there and
very happy to know that my assumptions of her and
not doing things to go around me were correct. I
raised concerns of my potential job loss, to which he says,
you can work part time for a while to do

(30:23):
your schooling and focus on getting the kids too and
from and it'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
When you're ready, we can talk about you going back
to work.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
But I see this as God giving us an opportunity
to let you follow your dreams, and I want that
for you. I want you to be free enough to
do your schooling. My goal isn't for you to contribute equally.
I will take care of us. You do you want to,
not what you think I want you to. We will
be fine if that happens. I cried, that's really sweet.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Am I gonna communicated any work? Yay? I was like
this man, he's gonna be like know And then he
did a yeah that was waiting dumb. Yeah he was
just assuming and it was just a little mistake. And
then he realized he was being dumb, and then he
fixed it. Look at that fixed.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
To imagine that that's really sweet.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
By the way.

Speaker 3 (31:15):
You know what else would be really really sweet is
if you listen to full episodes with more stories, just
like just go to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever your
favorite podcast app is and search Okay storytime check it out.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
But there is a little bit more. Overall, everything is
okay and the world is not ending.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
And I was able to self soothe and regulate by myself,
which may not seem like much for a lot of people,
but when I started my healing journey, I was told
that I had no emotional intelligence or capacity to regulate.
I have come so far and being able to express
myself in a healthy way was amazing.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Good job.

Speaker 2 (31:49):
He commended that, said that he sees how hard I'm
working to heal my past and that he is so
happy for me. My husband is my biggest supporter always.
He is an amazing partner to me, and I appreciate
those of you who called me out on the pettiness.
I feel validated by my person by you all, and
I feel better after talking. Looks like it's time to
start packing. Have a great day everyone, Thank you for everything,

(32:12):
and there is a quick couple comments coming. Everyone says
I am a therapist and I see the work you did.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Amazing job.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
I'm also glad to hear your husband and mother in
law sound like good people, and Opie responds, thank you
so much. It was super uncomfortable and really hard, but
oh my god, do I feel amazing and accomplished. This
was my biggest step towards progress yet, excluding actually taking
the step for getting help through therapy. They are both
good people. Their whole family is amazing. I am so
blessed to have them and to have my husband as

(32:41):
my biggest supporter.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
He danced with me in the kitchen and.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
Jumped up and down with excitement when we were talking
about how well I was able to handle the situation.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
Oh that's so cute.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
I am overjoyed with your validation as well. Thank you
so much. And there's a couple of comments left, but
OPI doesn't respond.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
That's the end of it. An ending, What an ending?
I love that, and I just love it when people
take the healthy way out. Yeah, and it beautiful turns
out well, ain't that just the way? So much in
that communication, But that is the end of that story.
And we've got another one from no really no, well,

(33:21):
double check me on that. I think you're right, but
that is the end of the episode. Hey is John
og host? Were don't get back to the stories, but
a quick free minute break of ads from our sponsors.
My wife's frenemy revealed a controversial past, but I'm having
none of it. Don't take any of it. My wife
twenty nine female, and I twenty eight male, have been
together for four years and married for less than a year.

(33:43):
Let me also preface this by saying I have a
cold and am in desperate neat of sleep. By the way,
this comes from throw a wife a food and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to our
slash Okay story time. Separate it. My wife, Katie and
I started dating when I was in grad school. We
were in the same social circle. She was in a
relationship with a guy I will call Mike, and it
was clear it wasn't going to work long term. Mike

(34:04):
was a free spirit and had a lot of personal issues,
so none of us were surprised when they broke up.
He decided to go on a retreat slash road trip
with his ex girlfriend for six months and disappeared. She
got over the relationship and about a year later, we
started dating, it was an odd coupling. We're very different.
She's a lot more artistic and free spirited than I am.
We're on different levels in the looks department, and many

(34:26):
of the things that make us who we are are
seemingly opposite. I'm more buttoned up and traditional and she's not.
A couple of months in, we hit a rough patch,
but we worked through it. From then on, things were great.
We moved in together, I proposed we got married, and
that brings us to today, where we're trying for a kid.
My wife's Frenemie, Danielle, has never really been supportive of

(34:46):
our relationship. They've been friends since middle school, but have
had several falling outs over the years. Recently, my wife
couldn't or didn't attend an event hosted by Danielle, which
prompted this recent outburst and along with it, the end
of the friendship. Danielle sent me an email saying that
when Katie and I got together, she was unsure of
which person to choose, so when Mike returns, she went

(35:07):
to him to talk about them. They met a few
times during the first two weeks he was back, and
apparently had spicy sleep once or twice. According to Danielle,
Katie ended it and never told me anything about it.
You confided in Danielle years ago, and I guess that
thought the matter was closed. I got the email this
morning at ten and was surprised. Danielle emailed me I

(35:28):
read it. Probably thirty minutes later. I got text from
my wife asking if I got an email from Danielle
and if I had read it. When I answered in
the affirmative, she sent me at deluge of long texts
explaining that it did. They had spicy sleep once and
had coffee three times, and she hasn't spoken to him since.
I'm not sure how to respond. I have a cold

(35:49):
and have been trying to get work done so I
can rest when I get home. I don't even know
how to deal with this. Part of me wants to
go home, get into bed, and sleep, pretending I never
found out. Another part of me is gurious that she
had this from me. I had a feeling she had
seen her ex, but then she came to me a
week or so later and wanted me to confirm we
were exclusive and that I wasn't seeing anyone else. Part

(36:09):
of me is also terribly mad at Danielle for dragging
this crap up years later. I don't know what to
do here. Is this that bad of a transgression. It
feels like it was so far in the past that
I don't know how to respond to my wife or Danielle.
And there are some comments, so let's get into it.
In my opinion, at first, she didn't know whether to
stick with the familiar guy or new guy. She couldn't
make a decision and ended up briefly seeing two guys

(36:29):
at the same time. In the end, she chose you,
and you're happily married.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
Now.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Danielle dropped that bomb just to hurt your wife, and
you were collateral damage. Comment two, You don't need to
decide right now. You don't even need to decide tomorrow
or this week. Sleep it over your cold, think about it,
find someone to talk to about it, and maybe a
counselor figure out how you feel. Then start to talk
it out with your wife. But trying for a kid
on hold. No matter what reply says, endorse this one
hundred percent counselor trusted friend, probably one with some distance

(36:55):
from the situation, mentor whatever. Saying things out loud to
another human is off quite helpful. Even if your audience
has no useful advice, it helps you sort your own thoughts, feelings, reactions,
and priorities. Would also advise don't have further contact with
your wife's freenemy. Don't try to resolve anything with your
wife until you've decided what outcome you want. Also, just
a general guy hug for me to you sorry when

(37:17):
you get the rug pulled out from under you like this.
I know that feeling the nausea, the urge to do something,
but not knowing what. It's both emotionally and physically uncomfortable.
Take a deep breath and another repeat is necessary. Bomb
and three. No matter what happens between you and your wife,
get as far away from Danielle as humanly possible. She's
effing toxic. She destroyed you guys today for her own

(37:37):
sick pleasure. Yes, I know your wife majorly left up
and she will have to answer for that. If she
actually cared about either of you, she wouldn't have kept
the secret this long and then dropped a bomb when
it was convenient for exactly God. Some people are cancer
reply ech. At least Danielle did something useful and shed
light to an issue that the wife would have never confessed.
Is she toxic? Yes? Was she useful though? Also yes?

(37:58):
And there is an update?

Speaker 2 (38:01):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (38:02):
Too many thoughts before we get into it.

Speaker 2 (38:03):
I really want to know how the conversation went with
what is it Danielle and and because if OPI got
the email from Danielle and then immediately got a text.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
Like, oh you got an email, right? I find probably
happened is Danielle and the wife were texting and they
had this big blow up fight and they were like,
you know what, we can't be friends anymore. And then
Danielle was like, you know what, I'm going to tell
your husband you slept with your AX And she's like, update,
Sorry for the delay, it's been crazy. So briefly I
did an update because I was really feeling crappy. I

(38:37):
took nighttime cold medicine really early and passed out and
wound up taking Friday off. I binged Chernobyl and slept
flash recuperated. I didn't respond to Danielle, and my wife
sort of left me alone to recover as I felt
like crap. She took care of me, but also didn't
bring up the topic until I wasn't on my back
once I started feeling better and could breathe through my
nose again. I tried to calmly approach this on the

(38:59):
table was a preg test we've been trying for a
little while, with a little bow on it. I had
previously noticed that she was late, but my wife and
I had a few very late periods and no pregnancy,
so I wasn't sure. What's what. I'm pretty sure I
mentioned trying for a kid in my op so that
adds a layer of complexity to all this. To answer
some of your questions, in general, things were great between

(39:21):
my wife and I and have been for years. The
real problem we had was in those first few months,
which involved a number of issues about being in a
new relationship. We rarely fought, things were happy, We had great,
spicy sleep life, We openly talked about everything. I would
never imagine that I'd be sent something like this exclusive.
We had never talked about it. It was never stated
one way or the other. I assumed we were, but

(39:41):
I guess not her ex. He's a writer, let me rephrase,
a writer who has never written. Mike and I have
met a few times, a few times by accident and
once because he was invited to a party we went to.
He's not really that interesting or threatening, and my wife
seems totally nonplussed with him. The last time we saw
him was in a bookstore, and she didn't at all
seem interested. She said she was glad it didn't work
out and was happy without him in her life. Danielle,

(40:04):
Danielle and Katie have been friends for two decades, but
the last couple of years things became contentious. Katie and
I got together and Danielle's marriage fizzled out. Danielle could
be a nice person, but is difficult, and I think
she's jealous that our relationship was until that point very successful.
She and I didn't really spend that much time together,
and she retreated from my wife's life when she found
out we were trying for a kid. In the wake

(40:26):
of all of this, their friendship is ruined, that's for sure.
I was feeling crummy and watching back to back episodes
of TV and did nothing all day Friday. I literally
did nothing beyond getting up to take some medicines, lash, eat,
and pee. That's it. I didn't broach the subject or
even think about it. When my wife got home, I
felt better and could think a bit more cogently. She
does errands after work, which is when she dropped the

(40:47):
test on the table and scrammed. A few people commented
that we should wait to have kids. Well, that's not
gonna happen. She got back and we talked. The story is,
and I have no reason to doubt her. She and
Mike were dating. He was studying away and he was writing.
He asked to go on a writing retreat with his
ex girlfriend to a cabin somewhere so they could focus
on their work. She said no, that it wasn't a
good idea for him to be alone with his ex.

(41:09):
He went anyway. That translated into his leaving for some
prolonged road trip with his ex. They kept in contact,
but she and I started dating. We had been together
three or four weeks when he returned, and they didn't
see each other first. My wife, like I said, is
different from me. I'm a lot more traditional, a lot
more formal, and very career oriented. When we hit a
rough patch, there was more than an insubstantial chance I

(41:29):
was going to have to move away and she was
going to have to decide whether to move with me.
After two and a half months to three months of
seeing each other or break up and move on. I
had applied for a program and it looked like the
local program was going to project me. But surprisingly, a better,
far more well known university was going to accept me.
When things went down between them, I had been formally
rejected and she had to make a decision. I was

(41:50):
too focused on mission to even notice or care. They
met up at a party and nothing happened. They just
talked in had drinks. The second time they met, that's
when the deed happened. You apparently regretted it immediately. The
final time was to tell him goodbye and that she
was moving. They had a few drinks, fooled around, and
then she left. Said she knew what it was a mistake.
She knew they had no future, and she knew they
had nothing in common anymore. Right around the time that

(42:13):
they fooled around, she and I had a mega fight
about moving. It was a lot for someone to deal with,
I know, but in the end she said she wanted
to go. However, she was scared I was going to
get to the new city in my new program and
dump her for a classmate, stranding her. I told her no,
offered her whatever assurances I could. It worked and we
did live happily ever after. I would never have assumed
she had cheated. I mean, putting it down. We were

(42:34):
in a weird spot, and I fully understand why it
was a rough time, but the cheating was really not
something I could abide by. The whole exclusive thing came
from us moving. I didn't put two and two together
at the time. I figure then that she wanted assurances
that moving with me wasn't a huge mistake, not that
she recently bonked her ex, who has frequent and unprotected
spicy sleep with many randoms. But again, it also makes sense.

(42:55):
From then till about a month after we moved, we
didn't have spicy sleep, not once. I asked if she
had been tested, and she casually remarked, of course. I
was still feeling crappy and didn't know what to do,
so I just kind of went back to bed. In reality,
for years, she's never strayed or been anything but open.
Has access to my phone and I can access hers.
He doesn't go out with unexplained absences and is more
of a homebody. She isn't flirtatious with people or cause drama,

(43:17):
So I just stopped caring I took the weekend to
get over this cold and we did some baby shopping
online and plan for a follow up with her doctor.
After that, we just didn't talk about it again, very
anti climac I did bring up the subject of Danielle
and pretty directly told her I was done with her.
Asked if she thought it would be wise to try
and talk to her, and I said no. We wrote
her an email using my account and sent her a

(43:38):
response basically telling her that we were done with her
and not to bother us again. She responded by saying
it was a joke and asked that we understand that
she was being funny. No, actually no, it is funny
listening to full episodes with stories just like this. Just
go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast. Stop
in your bookstart. I found the block function on Gmail
and added her. My wife noticed that she removed her

(43:59):
from Facebook and inn and I guess that's it. Not
really a thrilling or interesting update, and a few people
will be angry that I didn't take a stronger tone reaction,
but I did what I felt was best under the circumstances.
Hopefully this is behind us and I can just move
on and enjoy bringing a new life into the world.
Your wife has built years of being trustworthy, and you
have decided to leave the past in the past. And
it's not up to the people who read it to

(44:19):
be angry for you for not reacting the way they
wish you would, and replies says, some of us are
going to disgree simply because this seems rugswept more than
left in the past. If it truly doesn't bother ape
and he's over it, then perfect, I agree with you. However,
if it does bother him not talking it through and
maybe having some therapies, only going to slowly ester this
in his head with random triggers about it and maybe

(44:39):
even end up resenting his wife for it he considers
a cheating. That's the key here. I just want to
make sure he's really okay with it. If he isn't,
he should go either to therapy together or alone, or
if therapy is too expensive. I know we in the
US in some states have marriage counselors or something similar
in different communities that are free. I know my ex
and I went to one. A little not great, but
they help by speaking together about things you may not

(45:00):
when alone. You can just try working it on your own.
Just make sure it really is settled in Opie's mind
and not just rugsweb comment says, I'm sorry, but I
don't understand how she has built years of being trustworthy.
On the contrary, she has built years of not telling
the truth. She's not trustworthy. Otherwise he would have heard
this from her back when it happened, not from a
friend many years down the line. He's a good liar
or someone with no conscience. I I'm somewhere in the

(45:22):
middle with these comments to really quickly finish it off.
I think that Opie is allowed to be, you know,
upset and kind of betrayed by this and also need
therapy and stuff to work through this. But I also
kind of disagree with that last comment of saying that
she just lied this whole time. I think they've just
kind of viewed it very differently.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
Yeah, you know that last comment has definitely been cheating
on before.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
Yeah, it is. But that's the end of that. Hey,
it's Sam. We're going to get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
My wife claims she can't stand her ex, but the
reunion looked like a romantic movie scene. They're looking a
little too comfy. Oooh oh, hi 'all never done anything
like this before. New account, because I don't know where
this is going, if it's even going anywhere. My wife
and friends, no, I read to user name. Maybe I'm overthinking,
maybe I'm not. But something about this past weekend is

(46:13):
just sitting weird with me, and I don't know if
I should trust my gut or if I'm just getting
in my own head.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
By the way, this.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Comes from a throwaway thirteen eighteen one, and if you
want to submit.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
Your own stories, just go to the our slash Okay
storytime supreddit.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
So for some context, my wife Carla and I have
been together for four years, married for five months. We
have a solid relationship, no real trust issues or anything
like that. She's an amazing person and I love her endlessly.
Something about her that's important to the situation is that
she's always been one of those people who holds grudges forever,
Like she's still mad about a girl stealing her seat
in ninth grade. If you cross her, she holds it

(46:47):
against you forever. I think that's what makes this whole
thing feel off. We were out shopping on Saturday at
them All, about an hour from home.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
At this point, the day was winding down.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
And we were grabbing a bite to eat in the
food court, and that's when we ran into Chris Sis.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
Now, oh, I understand.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Now, Chris is the X she was with from sixteen
to twenty four day.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
That's that is the ex.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Geez wow, He's the only ex she's ever really talked about,
and every.

Speaker 1 (47:18):
Time she has it's been something negative. They fought a lot,
and they had a messy breakup. They were toxic. They
cheated on each other the whole nine yards.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
We've lived in the same city as him, our whole relationship,
and other than a brief blip while dating, we've never
once bumped into him. But we run into him an
hour away from home on a random day at the mall,
and her reaction just sent me for a loop. I
was mid sentence when I saw her eyes just lock
onto something behind me, and immediately she lights up big smile.

(47:46):
Before he even turn to see who it is, she's
already standing up to greet.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Him, just beaming.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
They hug, and it's not just some quick, oh hey hug,
like it felt like it was a so amazing to
finally see you again, kind of, and then suddenly I'm
just standing there, completely shut out of the conversation while
they start catching up.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
I didn't even know who he was.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
I haven't seen him in years, and I had to
piece it together as they chatted. I thought she'd introduce me,
but nope, I'm just standing there while she's laughing, fully
engaged with him, even some physical touching. At one point
she shoved his arm playfully.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
Ah, y'all know what that means. Oh gosh.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
I'm not a jealous person, and I honestly have zero
problem with her being friends with whomever she chooses. But
my impression of her relationship with him was different than.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
What I was seeing.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
I figured I was overreacting or reading too much into it,
but I still felt a bit weird, like a third wheel,
if I'm being honest. So I just tried to hint
that it was time to go by picking up our
trays and making it clear I was ready. Neither of
them noticed, so I walked off, tossing the trays, came
back still talking. They finally wrap it up after a
few more minutes, and they hugged again, and then he

(49:00):
was off, and then without a single word about it,
she just looks at me and goes, Okay, let's stop
a Lula lemon, and didn't go Before we head out,
I'd be like, can we.

Speaker 1 (49:08):
Talk about what just happened? Yeah, dang, that's crazy, and
she's like, yeah, that's it.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
When he was saying then he walked off, I was
really hoping that he just fully walked away and just
waited until she noticed.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
Yeah, like that, I would I might do that. Yeah,
maybe not. I just like, you don't even don't even
introduce Yeah, that's and you're blocking out your husband out
of a conversation. We're not like, this is my husband, yeah,
and you've.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
Only like you just got married five months ago, Like
that's that's something you could talk about when you're catching
up with my husband. She said this like nothing happened.
I kept waiting for her to bring him up, say
something about how weird it was, or at least acknowledge
him or their conversation in some way, but she just
acted like it was nothing. We shopped for another forty
five minutes like nothing happened. Once we got in the car,

(50:00):
I waited to see if she'd bring it up.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
She did it.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Small talk ended a few minutes after we got on
the highway and she was just glued to her phone.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
So I asked who she's texting. She says the group chat.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
That's her three best friends, Shyanne, Darcy and Julia. I said,
what's the topic of the conversation. She smiled and said,
I'm telling thembut how crazy it is.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
I ran into Chris.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
I just say, yeah, that was pretty wild. She agrees
and says insane. What are the chances? And then she
just kept texting. I kind of expected that to punt
off our conversation about it, but it didn't. That night
at home, after she'd been on her phone the majority
of the night, with the girls still chatting about it,
I decided to bring it up. I told her I
felt like a bit of a third wheel when Chris

(50:40):
showed up since she didn't introduce me. Felt like I
wasn't even there because she didn't introduce me.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
She lightheartedly said, oh, he knows who you are, then
gave me a quick peck on the cheek. Now, I
didn't exactly handle this great.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
I brought it up in a very lighthearted and non
serious tone. That's just how I deal with conflicts. So
it's one hundred percent on me for not communicating where
my head was at, and I can't fault her for
being so nonchalant about it. I left it there for
the night and thought i'd take another stab at it
the next day once I'd had some time to process.
But it's been days and I still just feel really
confused about this whole thing. I'm really struggling trying to

(51:15):
process how I'm feeling about it all and judging if
I even have a right to feel upset. I've never
run into an ex before, so this is new territory.
So I'm making my first Reddit post. Honestly, not even
sure if this is the best sub for this. If
you think this belongs elsewhere, let me know. And there
are some comments, but.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
What would you what would you do? I think you
have to have a conversation with your partner and say like, hey,
I felt pretty weird about this. I felt excluded. Can
we talk about this? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (51:42):
Coming Number one says, Listen, you really need to start
communicating your feelings to your wife. I get that that's
hard for you, but then that's something that you need
to work super hard on improving. Without good communication, relationships
won't last, you won't vocalize your feelings, and the resentment
will just build.

Speaker 1 (51:57):
Tell her that this mall trip left you confused.

Speaker 2 (51:59):
You thought she didn't like the guy, she only spoke
of him in negative light, and then it looks like
she met a long lost best friend and then spent
a whole evening talking about it to her mates. Tell
her that that was confusing and makes it look like
such a big deal.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
So why was it such a big deal? Does she
still have some sort of feelings for him?

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Also, doesn't she think that that's kind of rude not
to introduce you and bring you into a conversation that's
universally rude. Whomever you are meeting. Ask her all of
this and someone else responds this. Also, when you asked
her about why she didn't introduce you, she said, he
knows who you are, But you said that you.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Had to deduce who he was. How does he know
who you are? It seems yeah, oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
I know, because that's what I always thinking, Like that's
what I think we were on about, like with him
with her possibly cheating or something like that, or just
that being up in the air that she's done that before.
It's like if they've talked about it before, if he
knows who who the op is, then yeah when and
like if this seems like the first time they've met
up and so long.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
I didn't even think about it, why did? Yeah? I
think that's a great point.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
Commentaryooo, it seems like maybe they've been in some kind
of contact later than you know about it. Either way,
stop dropping hints and say what you mean. Hints are
too easy to dodge.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Good luck and update me.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
Another respond I never talk about my ex because I
dislike a majority of them, even the ones I dislike.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
I just don't care.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
If I saw an ex in the mall, I'd pretend
not to notice in the hopes that they wouldn't see me.
If I was with my husband, I would totally use
him as the excuse.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
Hey, me and my husband.

Speaker 2 (53:30):
Are in a rush, we gotta go, and then I
would crap talk about them for like fifteen minutes in
the car.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
That interaction is a red flag.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
Another commentary says if someone comes up to you while
you're with someone else and you don't introduce them, that's
bad social form, period. It doesn't matter if it's your
soccer coach, your mom. Unless it's like a super brief
interaction like a passing.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
Hello, that's just a rude way to behave.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
That rule goes double if it's an ex it goes
from rude to disrespectful. Your wife should have immediately introduced
you and included you in the conversation. If she's touching someone.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
It should have been you. When she didn't introduce to.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
You, the subtext is that you aren't worth being introduced too,
even if it had been someone that you had met before.
The polite thing to do is say, oh, hey, you
remember ope my husband or have you met before. This
is like really basically social etiquette that every adult should know.
And there is an update. Hi.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
Again.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
Everyone wasn't sure if I should make a whole new
post or edit and add here, but considering how many
people commented update me, I think posting a brief update here.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
Makes the most sense.

Speaker 2 (54:27):
Carla and I sat down and had a long talk.
She was experiencing some emotions similar to mine throughout the week.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
How can that be? You might ask?

Speaker 2 (54:34):
After sitting down and using a lot of the top
comments here as a guideline to get my feelings out, namely,
the feeling of being lost and confused.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
We were able to get a dialogue going and figure
out my our feelings.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
The biggest realization I had while replying to comments, and
what was fully realized when Carla and I talked, was
that I had felt abandoned and disconnected from her for
the first time in our relationship. We have a little
phrase we say book page to signify that our minds, emotions,
and hearts are on the same page.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
We say it a lot because that's just how we feel.
When Chris and Carla split.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
At the mall, and she just didn't acknowledge it or
give any indication she was ready to sync up our
emotions and experiences from that encounter, That's what really threw
me for a loop and had me spiraling for days.
She knew it was a mistake on her part and
had every intention of talking to me and getting back
on the same page. She was actually the one to
initiate our talk when she got home yesterday. I was
planning to wait until after a bit later after eating,

(55:27):
but she started it off almost immediately. She was and
is incredibly sorry for how I was feeling. She didn't
realize it was as severe as it was, which is
why she had put off talking until she had figured
out her own feelings. I can already predicate to the
comments rolling in saying that we're both bad communicators, and
we both did the same unhealthy thing of bottling up
our feelings instead of just talking to our spouse. If

(55:50):
that was the norm, I would completely agree with you.
This is the first time I've ever experienced this feeling,
as I've said, and it's the first time Carla has
done this as well. This was an outlier, not the
normal rhythm of our relationship.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
As soon as.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
We were able to talk about our thoughts, those feelings
of disconnection went away, and it immediately felt like a
million pound weight had been lifted off my heart. We
then started to compare our experiences and what happened and
our thoughts and feelings.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
We went over a lot, so.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
I'm going to just throw things out in point four
because the conversation jumped around a lot, So I'm just
gonna throw things down in point For Carla feels a
fun throwback type of excitement when talking with Chris and
reminiscing about high school in old times. He added her
on Instagram that night after they ran into each other
at the mall.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
She added him back and they started dming.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
He had broached the idea of meeting up for coffee
to catch up when they were talking at the mall.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
She said that she might be open to it, but
didn't commit. At that point.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
She talked to the girls in the group chat because
they were all there during the Chris era and had
talked in the past about what.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Meeting up with him again would be like, I told her.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
I tried to check her phone to ease my anxiety,
and she said that she was sorry the password had changed.
She changed it due to a misunderstanding with an instruction
from her new works mail app. She changed her phone
passcode from my birth year, her birth year, our meeting
year to our meeting year, just a reorganization. She had
changed it around November or December, and I just haven't
had a need to touch her phone and try to

(57:12):
get in. She handed me her phone and let me
enter the new code to show me that she was
being honest.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
The girls group chat was full of girl talk.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
There are a couple people that reached out to me
via DM that I've already shared details with, and a
few of them say that this girl's chat was extremely
inappropriate and not okay, while others said that it resembled
what their girls chat would look like under the same
circumstances and with all the same history. In context, Carla
does still have some lingering feelings for Chris. It's not
something that she feels detracts or impacts her feelings from

(57:41):
me at all. She was brutally honest and said it's
more of a physical lust attraction, not feelings of love.
Carla has a very dominant and assertive personality type, and
so does Chris. They never worked as a couple for
that reason, but they connected physically really well. Our relationship
works the opposite way, and she knows that I'm with
a puzzle.

Speaker 1 (57:58):
And that, like you dark that's even worse is she
telling you? She's like and you get it because like
our physical life isn't as good as it was with Yeah,
but you know, yeah, she's just like planting the seeds
of having a polyamorous relationship. It could be better, Yeah,
I mean we could, you know, spice it up by
bringing another person in, Yeah, and someone already taking one out.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
Our relationship works the opposite way, and she knows that
I'm the puzzle piece for her heart and soul and
that no matter anything else, she wants to spend her
life with me, and I feel the same way about her.

Speaker 1 (58:31):
A lot of the girls group chat dove into some.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
Details about mine, Carla's spicy sleep life, as well as
her history with Chris. I learned some things in the
chat that Carla had hinted at before to me in
conversations or while being intimate that.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
Made things make a lot more sense.

Speaker 2 (58:45):
I can provide some additional details if people want, but
I don't think that's really the point here. Carla said
she wanted to meet up with Chris for coffee. She
messaged him with me at the end of our talk
and they confirmed it for today. It's one twenty two
pm here. They met up for coffee at eleven am.
Check it with her and she said, it's going really well.
But you know what isn't rough is the fact that
we have full episodes with more stories just like this one.

(59:07):
Just go to your favorite podcast app, whether that's iHeartRadio, Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, whatever you still choose, and search of Okay,
story time. We've got so many more for you, so many.
I'm sure there's questions that have come up that I
haven't answered. These details are the ones that come to
the top of my mind when I sit and think
about our talk and where we're at.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
Of the dozen or so people that reached out, and.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
I've already updated on this, a couple don't think I
should bother updating because of where this ended up. I
figured I owed it to everyone that seems so interested,
and if we had our talk and how it went
and that's it, what.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
Are you kidding me? I want to I want to
know what the other people do. Come on, I want
to be okay, I want to freaking be with the people. Sorry.
Well see, uh insane? Insane. That op went from like
being like, oh, that was weird and disrespectful to literally
like finding out that our partner has full feelings for
her ex. Yeah, and then she continues to hang out

(01:00:04):
with him. Yeah, bonkers. That's bonkers.

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
I don't know if it's just me, but it's like,
even if like my partner trusted me and stuff like this,
and if I was in Carla's situation somehow, like if
even if I knew my partner trusted me and I
trusted my partner, I would still want to like reassure
him yeah, that like it's this is like just about
the situation.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
About how I feel about it. I think that I
write certain situations that you don't put yourselves in when
you're in a relationship because it's just disrespectful. Yeah, And
it's like.

Speaker 4 (01:00:36):
Your partner shouldn't be saying, don't ever put yourselves in
that position or liked it, Like you can't do that
because that's disrespectful to put down and be like oh yeah,
but it's just like having respect on both sides.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
It's like your partner shouldn't be forcing you to do it.
You should want to not to do that. Yeah, you know,
but that's the end of that story.