My SIL secretly DNA tested my daughter to prove she wasn’t mine…but I already knew! | Reddit Stories | EP2085 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John, your og Okay
Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories coming up.
Before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yo, John, you know what time it is?

Speaker 1 (00:12):
What time it's time to give your mom that present
you've been waiting to give her all these years?

Speaker 2 (00:17):
And what's that truth?

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (00:20):
That's true?

Speaker 4 (00:21):
Sam?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
You know it's day three?

Speaker 5 (00:22):
If Mother May I have a DNA test week here
on Okay Storytime, and we're doing DNA test.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Stories every day leading up to Mother's Day.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
We've got tales that I'll make us say, Wait, Mom,
is that my dad? And also like does that dad
have another kid? And is that dad even my real dad?
Or is he my fake dad? Stepdad?

Speaker 2 (00:39):
No fake dad's no fake dads.

Speaker 5 (00:41):
And if you knew here looking for the series titled
my husband is a Secret son from a past partner,
just click the link in the show notes slash description
or search Mother May I, Okay Storytime wherever you get
your podcasts.

Speaker 4 (00:51):
My sister in law secretly DNA tested my daughter to
prove she wasn't mine, But I already knew. I third
email have a daughter who's I am not biologically related
to her at all. There is no blood relation between us.
By the way, this comes from user throw razzle tester
on the r slash br updates Separate. So I was

(01:14):
friends with her mother for most of all my childhood.
We were never involved romantically and we were always just friends.
She had her daughter at twenty three with her twenty
five year old husband when my daughter was a newborn
about three months. Technically, both her mother and father were killed,
so the daughter is their daughter, the friend's daughter. I
won't go into much detail for privacy reasons, but it

(01:37):
was a workplace shooting. My friend and her husband had
worked in the same building, and we're both That is
starting off very sad, but it seems like there's a
reason why we're getting this story. Both my friend and
her husband had grown up with less than ideal families
and didn't have any siblings, so there wasn't any next
of kin for their daughter to go to. However, because
I was close with them, I was able to adopt

(01:59):
her very sweet story. Even though I had been iffy
about the idea of kids. I didn't want their daughter
to grow up in a foster care or around people
who didn't have connection to her bio parents, so I
stepped in. What a great friend. That's an amazing friend.
My parents and siblings know that my daughter is not
my actual daughter, biologically speaking, my daughter I'll call Lily
for the post. Lily also knows that she's adopted. I

(02:20):
never really had the fact that she was adopted. She
knows her parents are dead and were killed by a
bad man, but I'm saving the details for when she's older.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
That's fair.

Speaker 4 (02:28):
Lily does not look like me at all. She looks
exactly like her mother and biological dad. Most people assume
that I'm her biodad and that she just took after
her mom. I don't ever really carerect this when and
if people assume this, because it just seems unnecessary. At
the end of the day, they have questions, you know,
you can always tell them, but you don't need to
like she's your daughter, Lily is your daughter. My brother

(02:51):
has been with his fiance for about two years now.
A few weeks ago, we were all meeting up at
my parents' house and my sister in law some old
picture of me, my friend, and her husband. She pointed
to my friend and asked who was she and I
explained that.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Was Lily's mother.

Speaker 4 (03:04):
Sister in law got quiet and stood in front of
the picture for a while. I didn't think too much
about it to clarify. She knows my friend passed away,
but I guess didn't know that she had been married,
or that Lily is not my biological daughter. I suppose
she assumed my daughter was mine and my friend's biological daughter.
My sister in law got a DNA test done on
my daughter behind my back. She used my brother's DNA

(03:26):
for the test, and when it came back that they
weren't related, she knew that me and Lily weren't related.
She came up to me with the results and waved
them in my face, saying that I was taken care
of a deceased woman's affair baby. She said this to
me in front of my daughter. I just stared at
her for a while before bursting out laughing at this.
I would have been really offended. I feel like this
would have been told to the sister in law that hey,

(03:49):
Lily is his daughter, she's adopted. I mean, I feel
like that's just something you can tell people. But the
fact that she was assuming and jumping to conclusions and
now she's doing the waving your face. He's kind of
messed up in a lot of ways. But let's see
what op says. I told her I knew Lily wasn't
my biological daughter and that this thing called adoption exists.

(04:10):
That's so funny that this thing called adoption exists. Her
face went red and she stormed off. My brother is
mad I embarrass his fiance, But I said she embarrassed her. Yeah,
she embarrassed herself by DNA testing a kid that isn't
hers and then parading the results up to me. What
did she want me to do? What was her goal
in this? Did she want me to break down and
abandon my daughter? My brother said she thought she was

(04:32):
doing the right thing and called me an a hole.
I don't feel like the a hole, especially considering my
sister in law was the one who stuck her nose
where it didn't belong. I'm asking for redded opinions mostly
just for validation.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
So was I the a hole? No?

Speaker 4 (04:45):
No, no, no no no. It's kind of crazy that
your sister in law is. She tried to be like
high and mighty and proud that I was a detective here.
I figured it out I knew, and that's she kind
of like parades it around like she again she's high
and mighty when everyone in everyone is pretty much in
on the joke, but her, she kind of deserved it.
You're not in the ahole. That's crazy. There's a TLDR.

(05:09):
Let's see where we can catch up to So we
found the TLDR. Yadaya, YadA. So my sister in law
ended up coming to my house and apologizing as well
as telling me the full story my brother. Now we're
throwing in the brother. My brother put her up to
the DNA test. When I first adopted Lily, my brother,
for some reason, believed that Lily was my bio daughter.
He thought me and Lily's mom were together and just

(05:29):
weren't telling anyone. He believes that when she got pregnant,
Lily's mom told me that Lily was mine and that
she was going to say that it was her husband's,
and I went along with it because I didn't really
want kids. So your brother is now embarrassing your sister
in law, Lily, your deceased friends. It seems like very dumb.
The sister in law was under the impression I believed

(05:51):
I was Lily's bio dad. She saw the picture of
Lily's mom and I, and after asking for clarification on
who she was, assumed we were together in it, and
then got suspicious when she saw that the other guy
in the picture, Lily's actual biodad, looked a lot like Lily.
I also want to clarify. I didn't tell her that
Lily's biodad was in the picture because she had specifically
pointed to Lily's mom, and I assume she knew that
Lily was adopted. We're all just assuming here, guys. Don't assume.

(06:14):
Don't assume, just ask.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
I didn't know.

Speaker 4 (06:16):
My brother had been telling her lies for nearly two years.
She got the DNA test out of her own suspicions,
and my brother helped her with it because he thought
it would reveal that I was actually Lily's biodad.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Why why would.

Speaker 4 (06:29):
You just jump to that conclusion? Makes no sense, especially
the tragic story he manipulated her into thinking that it
would clear the air of suspicion, when really he was
just trying to prove that I was really Lily's biodad
and lying about the reasons for adoption. That makes zero sense.
Especially if one you are iffy about kids too. You
know that's your brother's friend and really close friend, especially
from all childhood.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Why would you lie?

Speaker 4 (06:50):
I don't understand what the brother is doing this. The
sister in law was kind of just it was over
her head and she kind of got like, kind of
got caught like a deer in headlights. So let's continue. Well,
of course, the results proved I wasn't Lily's biodad and
that my brother was wrong. My brother felt too embarrassed
to confess to his fiance that he had lied about
the circumstances, which is why my sister in law confronted

(07:12):
me with the results. My sister in law also apologized
for me showing the results in front of my daughter.
She told me that her mom had an affair and
cheated on her father god pregnant with another man's kid,
and had let her father believe the kid was his.
What that's why would you tell that? Why would you
say that? Her father was devastated by this when he
found out, and she grew very resentful of woman who
don't do that to their spouses. Oh this is the

(07:35):
sister in law. Wow, Okay, that that makes a lot
more sense. The sister of law had that story that
she told her mom that her mom had an affair
and cheated on her father, got pregnant with another man's kid,
and had let her father, so she kind of lived that. Wow,
that's traumatic and which again makes some sense, and again continuing,
she had wanted to sit me down and talk to

(07:56):
me about it without my daughter, but when she saw
me with my daughter, she got angry, thinking I was
being led on to believe I was raising my daughter
when I was actually raising another man's kid. She ended
up exploding and immediately waved the results in my face.
That's why she thought she was doing the right thing,
because of her trauma and her experiences. But again that's
just it's a domino effect that should have never been

(08:18):
a domino effect and should have been told clearly and
to the point, and again got caught in the crossairs.
My sister in law does feel very guilty, and she's
angry at my brother for lying to her. I'm not
angry at her for doing the test, because she thought
she was doing the right thing right. I also forgave
her for the way she told me about the results,
because clearly affaires are sensitive subject for her, and I
can understand why she would have exploded like that. I'm

(08:40):
pretty sure she plans to break up with my brother now,
and I don't blame her. When I called and asked
my brother about this, he admitted it. When I asked
why he would think this, he said that he couldn't
think of a reason why a man who had been
against having kids at the time would willingly adopt a
baby without having a blood connection to it. Unbelievable. He
told my sister in law that I was Lily's biodad
and was aware of the fact. He took it a

(09:02):
step further here and said that me and Lily's mom
were together at the same time of Lily's conception. Both
myself and my parents are going low contact with my
brother for a while now. I know I will forgive
my brother eventually, but I cannot do that right now.
He believed I was low enough to have an affair
with a married woman, get her pregnant, take zero responsibility,
allowed to pass off the kid as another man's, and

(09:24):
then only take responsibility because her mom died. Op not
the ale here at all. Your brother is the a whole,
and going low contact makes sense. I mean, I feel
like if you explain the story's you don't have it.
You don't even need an explanation. You have Lily and
that's all you need. And you love her very much,
and you took the mantle of being a parent when

(09:45):
it's not even yours. You are cherishing your friend and
her husband who passed away from a tragic accident, and
you know that's amazing. You deserve all the love and respect,
as does Lily the sister in law, if she is
still your sister in law. She was trying to do
the right thing, and you know she has a traumatic past.
That sister in law was not. She was misled and

(10:07):
misguided and misinformed by just a crappy brother. And I
know he's your brother and you love him, so does
your family. But it makes sense to just go low
contact and that hopefully gets resolved, and you know you can.
This is not necessarily forgive him. He doesn't deserve forgiveness,
because that's just really low and really just a really
mean move to just throw his again significant other at

(10:29):
you like that because he just assumed not Okay.

Speaker 6 (10:32):
My son's best friend came from a troubled home and
I was asked to foster. Wow, that's a big, big commitment,
big ask I have one son, Henry, age twelve. Henry
is best friends with a boy named Archie, age fourteen.
It has always been clear that Archie comes from a
troubled home from what I can gather, and I do
not have the full information. Archie's mom is a user

(10:53):
of illicit substances, and Archie has been on the at
risk register for a long while. Honestly, I don't know
why it has taken in them this long to decide
he's being moved to foster care. I was told that
the school had recommended me and asked to see if
I could take him in. They said it would likely
be long term, until he turns eighteen. I honestly didn't
know what to say. I was in shock. I have

(11:14):
been unofficially supporting Archie for a while now. I pick
him up from his house and drop him off at
school with my son. He spends a lot of weekends
at my place. On days when he doesn't come to
my place, I make sure to pack him something to
eat when I pick him up, because he told me
that his school lunch is his only meal most days,
I buy him soap and deodorant, and I even wash
his clothes for him. But supporting however I can and

(11:34):
taking him on fully is a big jump. I'm a
single dad. I have a decent job, but I'm far
from well off. I live in a small two bedroom house,
meaning Henry and Archie would have to share a room,
which they do now in Archie's days, but it's only
for short bursts. Plus there's the responsibility of taking on
another human. I was told that they had a lack
of foster cares in the local area, so if I

(11:55):
didn't agree to take him, it is likely that he
would have to move counties and schools. I don't want
that already having Archie stay with me for the two
week Christmas holidays, so I asked if I could think
about it and give him the firm answer the new year.
They agreed. Archie has not yet been informed about any
of this. I've tried to make this a normal Christmas
for him as much as possible. My heart is telling me,
of course, you're gonna take that little boy in, but

(12:17):
my brain is worried about the responsibility and cost of
taking on another mouth to feed, another boy to clothe.
At the same time, I keep thinking about Archie's situation.
He has already had such a rough start in life,
and I know that he needs stability and care more
than anything else. I can't bear the thought of him
being uprooted again, losing his school, his friends, and the
small semblance of normality he has here. I keep asking

(12:37):
myself if I can really give him what he needs,
and I don't know if I have all the answers
right now. I've always taught Henry the importance of kindness,
and I see how much he cares about Archie too.
Part of me feels that this might not just be
me taking on more responsibility. It's about giving him the
chance to grow up with a sense of love and belonging.
So I suppose I'm left balancing what's practical with what
feels right in my heart, and I'm leaning towards saying yes.

(12:58):
I spoke to my own mom about it, and she
thinks it's an awful idea. She's worried I'm biting off
more than I can chew, especially as a single dad.
She reminded me that I already have a ton on
my play, with work, the house, and raising Henry on
my own She said that taking in another child, especially
one with a difficult background, would add stress and might
affect my ability to provide for Henry properly. She didn't
say it outright, but I could tell she's afraid this

(13:19):
might make life harder for all of us, including Archie.
I understand her concerns, honestly, I do, but I can't
imagine just turning him away when he needs help the most.
I told her that I haven't made a final decision yet,
but that I need to think about what's best for
everyone involved, not just what's easiest. And I haven't even
discussed any of this with Henry yet, which will be
a huge factor in my final decision. This has been

(13:39):
a huge rant, and if you've read it, thank you.
I just needed to get this out somehow, And there
are some comments relevant comments. DFPHD says couple of thoughts.
It's four years. Like, obviously kids need support well beyond
eighteen if you can provide it. But if you can
get that kid to graduate high school, you would already
be a saint and nothing more could be expected of you,
so it's not for us. Also, once that kid is sixteen,

(14:02):
he can start working and help around the house more Legitimately,
both things are not just for your benefit but also
great things for him to learn. Ask social services what
additional resources you'd have access to if you were to foster.
For example, here where I live, foster kids qualify for
free school lunches, so that's a cost you don't have
to incur. I would also find a local foster parent group,

(14:23):
as I'm sure there are other resources available that may
not even be ran by the state. Real talk. If
it was me, I would do it as long as
I didn't think that Archie would be a danger to Henry,
Like unless you think Archie could be violent, except that
that makes a lot of sense. That makes sense, yeah,
because that is a difficulty with taking in foster kids.
It's like, because they come from a difficult home, they
obviously have difficult behavior that might show up things, Yeah,

(14:47):
like hoping mechanisms for emotions and stuff like that, So
that can come up. If he's a good kid, I
would do everything in my power to make that happen.
I would set up a GoFundMe if necessary. I would
try to lean on my friends and family to help. Also,
depending on what your job is, I would ask if
they can help in any way. I say this as
someone who works for a giant company. Yes, I would worry,
but a fourteen year old kid in foster care is

(15:09):
not something I'd be able to let happen to a
kid I care about. Another comment, Caffeine Please says I'm
a single dad to two foster children, started much the
same way, was asked to take in a youth of
a friend of the families. I've been fostering for a
few years now. It's by far one of the best
decisions I've ever made. Oh wow, that's great. Oh my gosh,
my gosh. Yeah, heck yah. It's an adjustment, but it's doable. Granted,

(15:31):
I'm in Canada and can only speak for the agency
I work with, but they've been great about helping with
supports needed. There is funding for food, clothing, Christmas and birthdays.
You can get them to approve a certain number of
paid respite hours per week. I have a respite worker
for twenty five hours per week, which I'm sure as
a single parent you can understand is a huge help.
And all the youth I've taken in over the last

(15:52):
couple of years are always extremely grateful for a stable
home that said. If you decide it's not for you,
there's no shame. But if you do decide to do it,
I assure you it's worth it. It's obvious you care
about the kid, which is probably already more than he's
used to. Props to you for considering it. There is
an update, so let's just.

Speaker 7 (16:08):
Get right into yah and let us know the comments.
Would you foster this child or not? Yeah?

Speaker 6 (16:13):
What do you think?

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Update?

Speaker 6 (16:15):
I just wanted to come on and give an update.
I want to say a huge thank you for all
the responses. I genuinely didn't expect to receive so many replies,
especially to something that was just meant to be a
rant to get my emotions out. When I was asked
to take in Archie, at first I felt honored. Then
I felt worried about everything. I'm quite an anxious person
in general, and my thoughts were flooded with concerns about

(16:35):
whether I'd be good enough to support Archie in the
way he needs. I love my mom, but she didn't help.
I think I get my anxiety from her, although she
has it on a much higher scale than I do.
Every possible thing that could go wrong. She was texting
me about all a week. You're already stretched in with
work and Henry. You won't get one on one time
with Henry anymore. How will you afford everything? These are

(16:56):
real concerns, and I'm glad you brought them up because
they gave me the opportunity to think about how I
could mitigate them. A few of you mentioned the fostering allowance,
which I knew about, but I couldn't find any concrete
information about on how much it would actually be. Every
source online seemed to give a difficult answer, but none
suggested it was very much. However, as some of you advised,
I called the Social Worker's office and said I was

(17:16):
seriously considering taking in Archie, which they were thrilled about,
but I needed to understand the finances first to see
if it was feasible. They said it. They couldn't provide
exact numbers, as every case is different and it isn't
decided until a placement is found. However, they told me
the minimum would be around one ninety euros about two
hundred and forty dollars US per week, and that it
would likely be completely tax free. Additionally, i'd receive a

(17:39):
significant discount on things like council tax that was honestly
a lot more than I expected, and much higher than
most of the figures I'd seen online. They also put
me in touch with some of the other foster cares
who answered my questions, which was incredibly helpful. This week
has been very busy. I worked out my finances out
of the estimate fostering allowance and calculated how much Archie

(17:59):
would likely increase my expenses. It worked out that I'd
actually have a surplus compared to my current situation. Many
of the foster cares I spoke to don't work full time,
using the allowance to supplement their income. I'm not sure
if I want to do that, but they mentioned it
helps to work part time since fostering involves a lot
of work meetings, reports, and other responsibilities. On top of that,
I'd need to complete training during the first year to

(18:20):
become fully qualified. I considered that, and with the additional allowance,
I could move to a point six contract working three
days per week while still covering the costs of moving
to a three bedroom house. While that would leave me
with a slightly less disposable income, it wouldn't be a
significant reduction. I've spoken with my word, and they said
they would support me if I decided to do this,
but I haven't made my final decision. I don't want

(18:43):
it to seem like I'm taking advantage of Archie's allowance.
After sorting out the finances, I needed to talk to Henry.
This was honestly the most important part of my decision.
Henry said no, I would struggle to go ahead with it.
I took him out and explain the situation. I didn't
go into details of why Archie is going into care,
as it's not my already to tell, even though Archie
himself has been open about his rough home life. I

(19:03):
discussed the potential changes, less one on one time, less privacy,
at least in the short term, while we find a
bigger house and so on. Henry was incredibly supportive. He
said that he and Archie had talked about how they
both wished Archie could come and live with us. I
told him not to mention anything to Archie yet until
I had the chance to speak with him, and he agreed. Yesterday,
I arranged for Social Services to come over. Archie, his

(19:25):
social worker and I sat down to talk. They told
Archie that he was going to be placed in foster care.
Archie cried a lot, I cried a lot, and he
asked to see his mom, which the social worker said
that they'd arrange as soon as possible. In that moment,
Archie didn't seem like a teenager. He seemed like a
small child whose world was crumbling. And they asked Archie
if he'd want to stay with me. Although he was
still distraught about being in care, he said he'd love

(19:47):
to stay with me. We discussed what it would mean
and how it would affect us. Afterward, Archie and his
social worker spoke privately, and the social worker and I talked.
They expressed how thrilled they were about my decision and
said that they were police please. I planned to move
to a bigger house soon, as Archie would need his
own space, which I fully agree with. Normally, the boys
spend most of their time upstairs playing Xbox, but later

(20:09):
that day Archie came down and asked if we could
watch a movie together. He sat next to me, rested
his head on my shoulder and said, thank you for
letting me stay with you. Writing this, I can feel
tears welling up in my eyes again. I put my
arm around him and said I'd always be there for him.
By the way, we will always be there for you
with stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
or your favorite podcast app. Just search Okay storytime you

(20:32):
can see more stories like this. Today, Archie seems a
little down, which is entirely understandable. I honestly expected him
to take it harder than he has. To cheer him up.
We're going to see the new Lion King movie, even
though I hate those live action films, but this is
for Archie, and then going out to eat, letting the
boys choose where I might return in a few months
to give an update on how things are going. For now,

(20:53):
I'm just hoping that everything will be okay. I know
the first few months will be the hardest. If you
guys have any experience fostering or a similar situation like this,
or just supporting comments, comment down below because he's amazing.
But that is the end of the story, so let's
get on into the next one. My husband is upset

(21:13):
that I dress up for work but not at home.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
What does that even mean? I'm actually confused.

Speaker 8 (21:18):
I fifty one female work for a hospital in the
HR department. I try to dress appropriately for the role.
Sometimes I curl my hair, wear dresses, et cetera. I
don't get too fancy. By the way, this comes from
Jenny Bean two thousand and two on the Okay story
Time Suffered it. I, on a personal level consider myself
very plain. I do not feel I am attractive in
any way. Girl, you gotta get that confidence up. I

(21:40):
am certain it is body dysmorphia that's said. I couldn't
care less what I wear or how I look. I
make an effort for the job. My husband, who has
a reactive attachment disorder as well as his team issues,
gets upset when I get go a little over to
the top, like curling my hair.

Speaker 6 (21:55):
He gets jealous.

Speaker 8 (21:57):
I do not have a wandering eye, and never have.
I am not interested in drawing attention to myself in
any way. I prefer to be in the shadows and
as unnoticed as possible. This morning, he got upset because
of how I was dressed. He was distant and quiet,
and I immediately knew why. So in frustration, I took

(22:17):
off the dress I was wearing all my jewelry and
put on the plain as yet work worthy garb. I hat.

Speaker 6 (22:22):
Oh, girl, don't let him dole your spark.

Speaker 9 (22:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (22:27):
Yeah, in the world.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
We want you to be yummy, as yummy as possible
for real, though, don't let anybody yuck You're yum. I'm
not kidding. I'm not freaking kidding.

Speaker 8 (22:38):
So what After I was at work, I texted him
that I knew he was upset and that I didn't
dress up for anything other than work. He deflected and
said he didn't understand why I don't fresh up like
did for him. When we do our market job, we
do craft events. If you have never done one, they're
messy and difficult work. We have to unload everything from
the truck, which is often dirty, set up our store

(22:59):
from which involves setting up things meant to be used
outdoors and are dirty or are dusty from previous use.
Then stand most of the time, then break down, pack
it up. On those occasions, I pull my long.

Speaker 6 (23:11):
Hair up and out of my face.

Speaker 8 (23:13):
There's usually wind and I despise my hair flying about
my face. I wear jeans and a nice top, and
usually my hiking boots are good sturdy sneakers. That way,
if I get dirty, no, biggie, you should be thinking, Wow,
my hatty wife is working.

Speaker 6 (23:30):
Look how she is Ooh, she's got her hair up.
She's freaking hot.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
I love a girl who's not afraid of blue collar
labor milk.

Speaker 8 (23:38):
On a real it feels as though I should want
to dress up for him when we do things together,
so he can see and admire me.

Speaker 6 (23:44):
I just don't see the point.

Speaker 8 (23:45):
If I'm going to get sweaty and dirty, he wants
to see you get sweaty and dirty. He doesn't like
that my shirts are baggy. I have recently been on
a weight loss journey and a lot of my clothes
are not tight fitting. But it isn't anything I have
ever cared for to begin with. I don't care for
tight fitting clothes. Even the dresses I wear for work

(24:08):
are Billowis. When I get home, I like to get
comfortable and put on relaxing clothes. I get that I
want I should want to look good for my husband,
and I don't disagree with this, but there have to
be some limits and compromises. I'm not on an episode
of Leave It to Beaver and should be able to
get comfortable.

Speaker 6 (24:23):
Okay, are you a millennial?

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Are they're like aren't they like fifty or forty?

Speaker 6 (24:27):
Are they have no idea. Are you a boomer? Are
you a gen X?

Speaker 2 (24:31):
We know I've watched Leave It to Beaver. It's a
classic show.

Speaker 6 (24:38):
You know what I'm done?

Speaker 2 (24:40):
Are you not?

Speaker 9 (24:40):
Gen Z?

Speaker 2 (24:41):
There you go?

Speaker 6 (24:42):
What am I missing? Am I an a hole? Edit update?

Speaker 8 (24:46):
Thank you to those who provided some insightful feedback that
was thought provoking and gave me something to consider moving forward.
Point one For those who assume I don't dress up
for him, I do.

Speaker 6 (24:57):
I did.

Speaker 8 (24:58):
It's occasionally, though, I see how I can do this.
More off, we don't do date nights.

Speaker 3 (25:02):
Well, you gotta do date nights now. Get gotta get hot,
you gotta be able to do. Guys, do date nights.
If you're d if you're in a relationship, you have
to have date nights. You got you guys. Yeah, you're
just friends. Your roommates who.

Speaker 9 (25:17):
Live together.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, they hang out every day they live together. Yeah,
so that's not enough. You gotta hang You gotta date night.

Speaker 6 (25:27):
We don't do date nights.

Speaker 8 (25:28):
I work full time and he usually prepares our meals
throughout the week. I cook on the weekends. So maybe
one night a couple times a month, I can do
a special date night at home and dress up for
the occasion.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
It's date night.

Speaker 6 (25:40):
God said.

Speaker 8 (25:41):
I do enjoy being comfortable in my own home. This
is usually shorts and a shirt. But if we need
to go someplace, I change. Point two. When we are
at the market slash events together, we both dress business casual.

Speaker 6 (25:53):
He looks nice, I look nice. They all look nice.

Speaker 8 (25:57):
We do this so that we look professional and business
like when we talk with customers. I don't dress like
a slob. I do pull my hair up and back
because her my face while trying to do things just
isn't doing for me.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
Good girl, girl, you know you look good girl.

Speaker 8 (26:12):
We know you look Why this will be a boundary
I set for outdoor events.

Speaker 6 (26:16):
Point three.

Speaker 8 (26:18):
My husband takes pride in his appearance. He likes this
to be the first thing people notice about him. He
just as nicely. When he plans to go out places
when warm, it's cargo shorts and a button down shirt
or polo, both of which have collars. Very rarely does
he get out in a t shirts. I do not
care about my appearance, even though some suggest this isn't true.

(26:38):
I don't dress to impress. I dress because my role
at my job requires it. On occasion, I like to
curl my hair because I like the way it looks.
I don't do it to flaunt about. Most often i'm
playing at work. It just doesn't matter.

Speaker 6 (26:52):
To me like it does for others.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
Girl, you're hot, girl, Look at all the whole snack girl.

Speaker 8 (27:00):
On rare occasions when I'm feeling good about myself, I
may put a little more effort into a hairstyle or outfit,
but it's not what is important to me. It's like
having a uniform for a job.

Speaker 6 (27:11):
You can just do it because he's suspected.

Speaker 8 (27:14):
I do recognize where I can compromise and appeal to
his tastes and desires by dressing up more often and doing.

Speaker 6 (27:20):
Special things just for him.

Speaker 8 (27:21):
I just realized that we're no longer dating, but it
doesn't mean those sorts of things have to stop happening.
I can see how this is important to him, even
if it isn't important to me. I will work to
improve in this area. Point four. We're both a therapy
that said we're still humans? Are we humans?

Speaker 9 (27:39):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
I'm mostly cookies right, say about sixty forty cookies to person,
and you know what you look like? One of these cookies.

Speaker 8 (27:52):
Part of unlearned bad behaviors is to make mistakes and
grow from them. It is also important that I understand
is disordered to respond best. I know this time wasn't
a great response, and I take ownership of that. Girl,
don't take ownership of that. He's being mean. But again,
I am human. Are we Who's to say? We did
end up talking about things and working through most of it.

Speaker 6 (28:11):
That's nice.

Speaker 8 (28:12):
We are compassionate to each other's growth. I also recognize
that with my husband being older than myself, he has
a lifelong process of growing and that not everything for
him will change, especially not overnight. I am further along
in my therapy. My reaction was just being a butt
hurt lady girl. He was mean that wounded inner child
thing girl. He was mean to you.

Speaker 6 (28:31):
Why are you taking the flat?

Speaker 8 (28:32):
I owe this helps answer some questions, and I thank
everyone who has inputs and suggestions.

Speaker 6 (28:37):
Update, Oh, update, do you have any thoughts? Probably not.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
It was getting hot, it's getting sticky. They were a
little bit, so I took him out. You can have
them because you are a snack.

Speaker 8 (28:50):
I did dress up this weekend, did my hair and
put on some jewelry. I refused to unload the truck,
but we set up together. He said he thought I
looked beautiful. That's nice, and he appreciate that. I listened
to him. I did feel good and liked his attention.
After that, on the weekends, I pick on one day
to dress up nice with the normal and is he
doing the same?

Speaker 9 (29:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:10):
Does talk about his wardrobe?

Speaker 6 (29:13):
Is he wearing a freaking cowsuit?

Speaker 8 (29:15):
Is he wearing like basketball shorts and a flannel?

Speaker 6 (29:20):
Because that's that's not doing it for you, and he
should be doing it for you.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
He should be. He should be like took Soedo t
shirt at the very least, at the.

Speaker 8 (29:30):
Very least, maybe one of those T shirts with the
little bathing suits on them and the hairy chest.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Yeah, or like yeah one, yeah, like a six pack.
He should wear my hair.

Speaker 6 (29:38):
And dress casually.

Speaker 8 (29:39):
Yes, is a woman in marriage and it is important
not to let the relationship flounder.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
I think as a man in marriage, it's also important,
as seem as in marriage, marriage make it go.

Speaker 8 (29:53):
We both work hard to make our marriage a peaceful
and loving one. We both have things to work on
with ourselves as well. I felt it important that I
heard him by doing more with myself, but I do
explain that dressing.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Up for markets is not gonna happen.

Speaker 8 (30:06):
I also explained I had one T shirt and the
rest were blouses. He apologized for making me feel like
I went dressed as a slob when he knew how
much work it was in our last few markets. I
curled my hair. It looked like crap by the end
of the day, but I did it. His birthday is
coming up and I booked as a train ride, which
is lunch, and I planned to be very dressed up
for that. Then the next day we're going hiking, so
I'll look nice.

Speaker 6 (30:26):
But again I will.

Speaker 8 (30:27):
Wear clothes appropriate for the activity and still look nice.
But you guys can look nice when you listened to
full episodes with stories.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Just like this. Yeah that's right, just like this is going.

Speaker 8 (30:36):
To Spotify, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast Up and
Start supposed.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
To start him.

Speaker 6 (30:41):
I used to one of the.

Speaker 8 (30:41):
Commonists responses and explain to him that I don't want
to be noticed while at work. I want to blend,
so I dressed for the position nothing more. I told him,
it's like my armor, girl, I don't have to stick
it out at home.

Speaker 6 (30:53):
I want to be comfortable and I want him to
notice me.

Speaker 8 (30:56):
I also explained to him that in the future, if
he's bothered by something, he can be emotional.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Cry man, yeah, cry, Hey men, men can have emotions,
get vulnerable. Cry right now.

Speaker 8 (31:08):
But he needs to explain himself so we can talk
about it so that I don't cry going to work.

Speaker 6 (31:13):
Man, he doesn't stew on it.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Remember her.

Speaker 8 (31:15):
He agreed with this, but we'll see. Thank you again
to those provided feedback. I was trying to say, that's
the end of the story.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
Hey, it's sam' your og host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
I was upset my sister seated me with strangers at
their wedding. They just rolled their eyes at me. It's
been eight years, so I feel safe in posting this.
I love my sister and it's water under the bridge,
but we've never discussed or resolved this beef because that's
just not how that part of my family does things.
By the way, this comes from user recent Gas forty

(31:51):
two oh three, and you can submit your stories to
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. Soap I fifty three
female am never male, and it's taken me decades to
heal my ish and make peace with it. But for years,
attending weddings as the always single person was really upsetting
and embarrassing. Although I'm confident in non romantic situations, outgoing

(32:13):
and funny, I am overweight and have only had a
handful of boyfriends in my life, so this issue was
particularly painful and often made me cry out of humiliation
and insecurity. Eight years ago, my half sister, who's twenty
eight female at the time, married a brit and insisted
on the wedding being in his hometown since they lived

(32:34):
here in the United States. He actually wanted the wedding
to be in our home state because it's a popular
place that people like to visit, and his friends and
family from England were excited to have a reason to
come here, but she was insistent that the wedding be
in England. Pop California could literally be anywhere. I was
gonna say New York, but she would have said City
if that was the case, a very famous city that

(32:56):
a lot of people like to join. At the time,
our dad, U seventy two male, was dealing with significant dementia,
had cancer and a lot of mobility issues. One of
our other sister, thirty female who I'll call Lauren, was
many years into treatment for stage four breast cancer and
had a ten month old baby. The fourth sister gave
birth six weeks early to a child who barely survived

(33:18):
and was in the nick YU until he was seven
months old, making it impossible for her to travel to
England for the wedding. So the fact that the bride
insisted on England given all of this, was particularly insensitive,
given the challenges our family faced and trying to travel
for an international wedding. For the wedding, Lauren the sister
was the maid of honor, and I and a cousin

(33:40):
were bridesmaids, and three of the bride's friends were also bridesmaids.
The bride and groom knew how I often felt extremely
uncomfortable being alone at weddings, and have been supportive of
me in the past, but it became apparent to us
as we tried to plan our trip that they really
didn't have any intention of spending any time with us
in Europe. They had a big group of affluent hips

(34:01):
to friends at the time that dominated their social life.
They planned to go early to England, as did many
of her friends, and they planned a honeymoon with the
whole group and his parents in the south of Spain
at an oceanside city for the week directly following the wedding.
My dad was not much of a traveler. His idea
of a vacation was camping, and we knew he would

(34:21):
be very uncomfortable in Europe, especially given his dementia. My
sister Lauren really wanted to join the group in southern
Spain so that we could see more of Europe without
overtaxing her while she was in treatment and caring for
a baby. The bride and Lauren had always been extremely close,
basically BFFs, and Lauren hoped to spend more time with
the bride and groom after the wedding, and she very

(34:43):
much wanted some time to relax on a sunny beach
given the long illness she had been battling. But when
we tried to make these plans, the bride and groom
were very evasive and it became clear to us that
they didn't want us there. We don't know if perhaps
we embarrassed them because we weren't affluent hips, but it
seemed pretty rude, given that we were forcing our ailing

(35:04):
and aging father and our cancer stricken sister to travel
across an ocean for their wedding, and if we were
going to do all that, we wanted to make a
trip out of it and spend more than just a
couple of days required for the wedding. It was pulling
teeth to try to get information from them about where
we should fly into, how we should travel to the
north of England, and where we should stay. And although

(35:25):
I had been to Paris many years before, I was
the only one to have been to Europe before in
our group. Guys, if you're gonna have a destination wedding
in a different continent, you have to take point on
providing information to your guest list for it. It's insane
that you're not doing that.

Speaker 7 (35:45):
I'm planning a trip to go to a different city
for a wedding and I'm very impressed with the bride
and groom and how much information they gave us, because
now I know where to get a little hotel at,
where to get my plane to go to and I'm
solid and they even gave me the activities for like
after the wedding, what they want to do.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
That's a good example of what to do. As I said,
in many ways other than romantic, I am independent and confident.
I very much wanted to see more of England, so
I chose to fly in the day early and do
a day tour that I was excited to do. So
I traveled alone to London, took the day trip, and
then took the train north, where the groom's aunt kindly

(36:23):
met me at the train station and our group stayed
with her. She was a lovely hostess. That evening we
expected to have dinner with the bride and groom, and
after a lot of hassle, we did end up having
dinner with them, but immediately after we were hustled away
and they went out with their friends. The next night,
we transferred to the venue where we were all staying

(36:44):
and had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. It was more
of the same with the bride and especially the groom,
really blowing us off. The groom almost acted like we
were invisible. How are you going to act like your
bride's family is invisible at your own wedding. I feel
like they both are acting like their family's invisible. So
they're both red flags, but I guess they're made for

(37:06):
each other.

Speaker 7 (37:06):
Conspiracy theory is that the husband's family super rich and
he does not think that his wife's family is thus
looks down on them, and since they have a different lifestyle,
maybe the wife also Opie's sister, also feels the same way.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
I think there's more of just like an age gap,
and it's like you're old and gross when we're young
and hot and rich. I think it's as simple as that.
I think they're just self absorbed. I don't even know
if there's anything deeper into it. I think they're just
a bunch of rich young people who are like, we're
hot and you're not. When we got to the venue,
I was all excited and I gave him a big hug,
and he literally gave me the hug and shove and

(37:41):
then turned back to his friends. Very little was done
in the way of introductions between the United States contingent
and his friends and family there. Fast forward to the
wedding and the reception. I've learned that weddings in England
last a long time. After the wedding, there was a
cocktail hour where while we took pictures when the attendance,
couples were asked to make a splashy entrance. After we

(38:04):
did that and the bride and groom were introduced, I
went searching for my seat. It was then that I
discovered I had been seated three rows of tables away
from the bride and groom, the attendant tables, and close family.
I was seated at a table of total strangers. I
didn't know these people, and there was no effort made
to introduce me. In a state of utter shock and humiliation,

(38:25):
I did sit down and introduce myself to everyone and
tried to make conversation, but I was getting more and
more upset. I felt completely humiliated. I didn't understand why.
At the very least, I couldn't have been seated with
the groom's aunt, who I at least knew from staying
with her, or with a couple of family friends who
had made the trip. So rather than cry in front
of everyone, I got up and excused myself and went

(38:48):
and hit out in one of the parts of the
inn where I knew no one would be I could
not stop crying, and I am one of those people
who look absolutely horrendous after I cry. Oh, you mean
everybody one of those people.

Speaker 7 (39:00):
You're a human being crazy, You should figure that out.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Getting the sense that Opie's a little too hard on herself,
there's no hiding that I have been crying. The bride
finally noticed I was gone and sent Lauren to look
for me. Lauren was very sympathetic and was trying to
comfort me. But I'm also one of those people that
will cry harder if you ask me what's wrong. So
I thanked her, but told her to just go ahead
and go back and give me some time. I was

(39:25):
gonna try and fix my makeup and come back, which
I did. I don't know exactly how long I was gone,
but dinner was over and toasts were starting. Lauren was
the maid of honor, so she gave a speech, as
did my dad, and others made speeches for the groom.
By this time, I was calm down enough that I
was able to smile and applaud. After her speech, Lauren
approached me to check in and said that when she
told the bride and groom why I was upset, they

(39:47):
just rolled their eyes and said, I was being ridiculous.

Speaker 7 (39:51):
So you're gonna put your sister that you're not really
close with. I'm thirteen years older than my youngest sibling.
I know him. I'm like, you know, we're good. We talk,
but I'm not like super close because I don't live there.
But I'm not like three tables away from him at
his wedding.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
Yeah right, you'd be at the family table. I mean,
it feels like they already knew this. OPI had made
it clear that these people knew how she felt at weddings,
and especially like around strangers or whatever. It's like she
needed to be in a familiar, comfortable place.

Speaker 7 (40:24):
I bet whenever they were writing their list of people
they wanted at their wedding, you were not in the
top fifty.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
I did my best for the rest of the night
to participate in all of the wedding things and dance
with them. The bride never said a word about any
of it, and the groom didn't speak to me once
the entire evening. These people suck. But you know what
doesn't suck you joining us to listen to full episodes
with stories like this on Spotify, on iHeartRadio, on Apple podcasts,

(40:50):
wherever you listen to podcasts, Just search Okay story Time
and there you will find the Fountain of youth, of stories.
There's like fifty days worth stories and there's more at
it every day, but we do have a little bit
of story left. Honestly, like, are you at peace with
this or are you like I'm done with these people.

Speaker 7 (41:08):
I am low contact, but like there's more of a
vibe of neglect and ignoring rather than outright trying to
get after you.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
Yeah, it wasn't maybe malicious, it was just purely like,
I don't care. I do not care that you're here.
I do not care to look after you. I do
not care to cater to you.

Speaker 7 (41:27):
Like see them at holidays. You can get them underwear holidays.
You don't have to get them something that could actually help.
You don't have to get them the newest edition of
Lord of the Rings, but just get them like, you.

Speaker 9 (41:37):
Know, socks.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yeah, I'd say definitely low contact. But I also just
realized maybe that the reason that Op's sister was so
adamant about having the wedding in England was that she
thought maybe her family wouldn't be going.

Speaker 7 (41:50):
There might be trauma around that, or the now husband
has infiltrated the siblings mind and made her think that's
what I'm thinking let's.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Finish the story. When we got back to the States,
there was a lot of resentment, but as a group,
we did our best to work through it because we
love each other. A few years later, the groom made
a snide comment to me about that situation, kinda as
if he was mocking me for it, and I snapped
back and told him that he hadn't even bothered to
introduce me to the people he seated me with. He

(42:20):
said he didn't think it was a big deal since
I can quote talk to anybody. I asked if he
really wanted to get into it, and he said no,
so we both dropped it. Why why are you letting
these people off the hook? That is not cool. Do
not let lame o's off the hook for their lame
o activities and behavior.

Speaker 7 (42:38):
Maybe she has a chronic thing of people pleasing.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
So we are all fine today and I love them
all dearly, but I still have a pretty deep wound.
And as I'm writing this, it makes my eyes burn.
So we're not all okay, are we? So am I
the a hole forgetting my feelings hurt at my sister's
wedding and excusing myself to go cry. Sorry, I was
not more succinct. Yeah, how dare you have emotions? How
dare you have feelings? No, you're not an a hole

(43:04):
for that. You would be an a hole if you
got emotional and stood up and loudly sobbed, wept and
screamed at the wedding and then ran out and made
a huge scene, then you're the a hole. But going
to quietly cry in a stairwell away from the party,
that's you know, You're not an a hole for that.
It's just a human moment. You're a good girl.

Speaker 7 (43:22):
Don't worry about it, and that's the end of that story.
My sister excluded her best friend from her bridal party.
Then she got out shown at.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
Her wedding get out shown you dim light throwaway.

Speaker 7 (43:38):
Because I don't want any family members finding my real account.
My sister and twenty nine female has been best friends
with Ruby thirty female or as long as I twenty
five female can remember, so growing up, Ruby was like
a second big sister to me. One thing that is
important to note is that Ruby has always had the
most outrageous smash since possible. She's the person that would

(44:03):
wear those runaway outfits that you think and no one
would actually wear. By the way, this comes from Throwaway
Sister Wedding on the r slash Okay Storytime sub at
it so and he got engaged pre COVID. Almost as
it happened, she started being really weird to Ruby when
she made me made of honor. I was kind of

(44:23):
surprised because they always sworn to be the maid of
honor at each other's wedding, but I am her blood sister,
so it wasn't that weird. But I was completely blown
away when she made a group chat and I found
out that Ruby wasn't even a bride's maid. I think
she doesn't want Ruby there because she knows she's gonna
wear the most extravagant thing at her wedding and she

(44:45):
does not want to have to deal with that drama.
Both me and my mom tried to talk to her
about it, since we figured out they had an argument
or something, but she would only say that Ruby didn't
care anyway. I know that Ruby was hurt, but she
didn't want any drama, so I agreed to let it go.
Throughout the whole wedding process, my mom kept asking Anne

(45:05):
if she would invite Ruby, if she would ask Ruby's opinion, etc.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
Etc.

Speaker 7 (45:11):
But Anne refused to have any contact with her or
talk about anything wedding related with her whatsoever. On Saturday,
my sister was married. She had a beautiful, outside socially
distanced wedding, but she was seething the whole time because
of Ruby's dress. It wasn't at all outrageous by Ruby's standards,

(45:34):
so I don't believe that she wanted to outshine my sister.
She wore quite a simple wedding dress, but that was
her choice as made of honor. I of course went
to her fitting, and that was literally the one she chose.
Anne has been cursing Ruby out, saying that their friendship
is over ever since, like she hadn't been ignoring her

(45:56):
all throughout the lockdown. Finally, I just said that she'd
been friends with Ruby most of her life, she knows
what she dresses like, and that she should expect this.
If it was not much of a problem, she would
have found a way to mention it to her or
just made her a bridesmaid. Anne lost it with me.

(46:16):
She sent Ruby's some really horrible messages after she screamed
at me. She didn't say a word to me at
all of yesterday, but she's bad mouthing me to our dad,
who is on her side. My mom has told Anne
that she should apologize to Ruby for the nasty messages
she sent and for yelling at me. So Annie isn't
talking to her either. I don't know what's going on,

(46:36):
but Ruby swears on her life that they didn't have
an argument or anything pre covid. Anne says that that's
none of my business and I should be supporting my
real sister. My dad agrees with her, and she's rallied
the other bridesmaids against me. So I don't know. Am
I the a hole? Just to clear some things up
before we get into the clarifications, what did Ruby do exactly?

(46:58):
Was she even at the wedding?

Speaker 2 (46:59):
We don't have an ida yet on Ruby's presence at
the wedding. She was taken out of the bridal party.
Let's get some clarifications. We might be getting some more answers.
Ruby didn't wear a wedding dress or anything really outrageous.
It was a dark red body con dress, satiny material.
There were lots of people in form fitting dresses, the

(47:21):
bridesmaids were wearing them, and she didn't look out of place,
so other bridesmaids were wearing these nice fitted dresses. Added again,
some of you people are ridiculous lmao. Assuming the absolute
worst case scenario. It wasn't a spaghetti strap dress that
just barely covered her boot at It was an appropriate.

Speaker 7 (47:41):
Length and had a long sleeves. If this needs saying twice.
The bridesmaids were wearing body con dresses, so were many
other guests. It wasn't a particularly traditional affair. Nobody was
offended by our figures. Ruby's dress didn't massively stick out.
Ruby is very attractive, she's always been, but I never

(48:04):
thought it was an issue for Annie before. Ruby and
Anne have been best friends for twenty five years. They
didn't grow apart or anything, and they stayed in constant
contact even as adults. And then Anne suddenly wasn't talking
to Ruby anymore. My mom and I weren't trying to
be controlling.

Speaker 9 (48:20):
We were worried.

Speaker 7 (48:21):
We assume that something really bad had happened for them
to cut contact overnight when Anne refused to talk about it.
My mom was only more worried because she normally is
an open book. I have a conspiracy theory Anne's partner
has a crush on Ruby.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
My conspiracy theory, An is mad that this person's hotter
than her. That's it. I think if you're getting married
at your wedding to your husband, if someone is hot
in your proximity, it shouldn't be like friendship ending world
ending territory. Be secure you're getting married.

Speaker 9 (48:51):
Yeah, another context.

Speaker 7 (48:53):
I don't love Ruby more than Annie or anything like that.
The only reason I'm so close to Ruby is because
Anne you to be close to Ruby. They were basically inseparable,
so I grew up tagging after both of them. Of Course,
I love Anne very much. I just think she's being
unreasonable in the situation. Ruby was always going to be
at the actual wedding. The phrasing was bad on my part.

Speaker 9 (49:15):
Sorry.

Speaker 7 (49:16):
When my mom was suggesting that Anne invite Ruby, it
was to the wedding prep things like the dress shopping, etc.
I don't know if Dave Groom has feelings for Ruby.
I have never thought that. They've met many times, and
there's never been any signs that he does. I definitely
do not think it is an affair, because then surely
my sister wouldn't want to marry Dave, and neither would

(49:37):
Ruby want to be at the wedding at all. Ruby
doesn't have a history of going after Anne's boyfriends or rushes.

Speaker 9 (49:43):
We have an update.

Speaker 7 (49:43):
I think this point may be proven wrong.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
That the husband doesn't have an interest. That makes the
most sense on why she'd be so upset after being
friends for twenty five years and she's been hot the
whole time. It's like, you already know your hot friend
is going to be at the wedding, but it's because
your husband says so, I think about how your friend
is so.

Speaker 7 (50:01):
Hot, lady, and read update based on some of the
advice I'm receiving. I was going to tell Anne this
morning how much she means for me and that I'm
here for her, but she seething again, so I'm not
trying to. Dave asked me if I could talk to
Anne because they've also apparently had a massive fight because
he tried to defend Ruby on the wedding night.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
I mean, I would defend her too.

Speaker 7 (50:25):
This is the first time he's ever asked me for
help with their relationship, so he's clearly at a loss.
I said, I was just as confused, and we didn't
even know why she wasn't in the bridal party, so
he should just try and talk it out with Anne.

Speaker 9 (50:40):
This is where it gets weird.

Speaker 7 (50:42):
Dave said that the reason Ruby wasn't in their wedding
party was because he wanted her as a best woman
and Anne wanted her as a maid of honor. But
Anne wouldn't budge and said that they should just drop
her from both parties to be fair. He said that
she explained it to Ruby and that's why they had

(51:02):
a fight, because Ruby wanted to be included.

Speaker 4 (51:05):
This red dress symbolizes something.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
First of all, I've never really considered that someone would
be that insane to wear a red dress to a
wedding because they're like, I have's up with the groom
or the bride or whatever. But like, is that What
this means is that what's going on here is Ruby
trying to be like, fine, you don't want me in
your bridal party. Guess I'll let you know. I slept
with your husband.

Speaker 7 (51:26):
Dude, Maybe why does he want her in the wedding party?

Speaker 2 (51:29):
All right? I want her? Oh, I want her.

Speaker 4 (51:32):
Nobody gets her and she doesn't get a say. She
just gets blindsided.

Speaker 7 (51:36):
I said okay and just hung up. But the more
I think about it. The more confused I am. If
they had a massify about Ruby being made of honor,
surely Ruby would remember.

Speaker 9 (51:45):
Also, I don't.

Speaker 7 (51:46):
Know why Dave would want Ruby as his best woman, when,
to my understanding, he only met her after he started dancing.
And I really am taking your advice not to meddle
to heart, which is a nightmare because now curiosity is
totally peaked, so I won't bring it up. It's possible
that this is all I'll ever know, but this will

(52:08):
bug me to my grave, but I have made a
vow not to push Anne any more on it. Thank
you everyone for your comments. Thank you all to the
not the a hole people for reassuring me that I'm
not the one acting crazy. Update two, I'm even more confused.
Dave called me up about thirty minutes ago, asking in
a very angry tone of voice, if any of his

(52:30):
groomans behaved inappropriately towards me. I ask what, and he
asked again. I hear Anne in the background shouting something.
I said that they had been perfect gentlemen at the
wedding and that I had had any contact with him since.
He then asked me if Ruby knew that she was
meant to be the best woman. I said, not to
my understanding, but it was possible that I don't know,

(52:53):
as both she and Anne had been quite secretive about
what happened between them, and that he'd be better off
asking them themselves. He laughed and hung up. Ruby has
texted me, asking what's happening and if I knew about
the best woman sush made of honor thing. Just now
I got a message from one of the bridesmaids saying
that if Dave calls me, I shouldn't answer him, and

(53:16):
is on the phone to my dad's screaming. It sounds
like I have no clue what's going on, but I
think somewhere in this mess is the truth of what's
actually happening. Everything seems to be exploding. I now think
that the bridesmaids, or at least that particular one, are involved,
and if things keep happening at this pace, I think
I should eventually find out what in the flying f

(53:39):
is happening.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
Conspiracy theory. Prior to the marriage, Ruby and husband were
in swingers groups together and the bride does not know
about this or knew about it, but was like, all right,
I know about it. Never talk about it and will
be okay.

Speaker 7 (53:55):
D three. There's been a lot of shouting in tears today. Honestly,
I'm exhausted, but so many people have commented for the update,
so here it is. I'm still kind of in shock
and has been lying to just about everyone. The story
is very complicated and long. This list is actually what
I used to wrap my own head around. It's all

(54:15):
the facts and I have in chronological order.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Number one.

Speaker 7 (54:20):
Dave has been to jail and is an ex substance abuser.
He met Ruby before he met Anne. After he recovered,
he was really struggling with money and Ruby helped him
a lot. He considers her to be one of his
closest friends. Okay, that makes sense about the best woman thing.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
My swinger theory is crumbling before my eyes.

Speaker 7 (54:40):
Two years later, Dave was doing well at his job
and much more stable and functional. Around this time, Ruby
introduced him to Ann three and was very reluctant to
have a relationship with Dave because of his past, which
she had strong feelings for him. Eventually they began dating,
but she was still a shit shamed of the person

(55:00):
he used to be, so she told us that they
met over a dating app Dave consisted to this at
the time.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
Boo on all of that.

Speaker 7 (55:07):
As Dave became more comfortable with himself and the relationship
became more serious, he told Anne that she needed to
be honest with us about his history. She read to
tell us, but she didn't. She told Dave that she
had and wrote a fake letter from my family about
how we were all really grateful for his honesty and

(55:29):
accepted him. She told Ruby that my parents had reacted
really badly. So Ruby never brought it up with Dave
or my family because she thought it was still a
very sensitive topic.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Send this girl into the black hole that turns you
into spaghetti. What are you doing? If you're so ashamed
of this guy, why are you marrying him? You absolute idiot?
He deserves better than you. You are trash. And you
know what, sometimes in life, our partners, when we learn
about their path, sometimes it does change the way that

(56:01):
we think about them, It does change the way that
we feel about them. And that's okay. But you know,
if that's the way it is, and that's the way
it is, move on with your life. Don't stick around
and like lie to your entire family about the nature
of y'all's relationship and the nature of his past, Like,
you're not doing anyone any service, and neither are you yourself, Dave,
by staying in a relationship where somebody is clearly ashamed

(56:22):
of who you used to be keyword used to be.
People change, people grow.

Speaker 7 (56:25):
I've had very close family members go through this, go
through substance abuse, and through miraculous changes of life and
behavior through finding you know, religion and these other things
they changed. I've seen this happen firsthand. It's just crazy
and could not get over this and see how this
person can change. When Dy've proposed and started freaking out

(56:49):
about the wedding, They've wanted people from a support group
to be there, Ruby as this best woman, et cetera,
which would expose the lines, but she didn't want to
tell us who Day was or Dave that she had
lied to him, so she decided to continue lying instead
of coming clean.

Speaker 4 (57:06):
So you let this lie grow into a dark monster.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
If anyone should be embarrassed, it should be an embarrassed
about herself.

Speaker 7 (57:13):
So and pretended to be really upset that she going
to have Ruby as a maid of honor, so she
can make the argument that she should be dropped from
both wedding parties. She told Dave that she had explained
their decisions to Ruby and that Ruby had take an
issue with it to keep him happy. In reality, she
knew that if Ruby knew she was meant to be

(57:34):
best woman, it could easily get back to me and
Mom and then raise questions from us about Ruby's relationship
with Dave. So she didn't tell Ruby anything at all,
and that's why Ruby was so confused about what happened
and couldn't think of anything too, And told Dave and
all his friends from his support group that they shouldn't

(57:55):
mention the substance abuse in speeches or even casual converse
because it was a sensitive subject for certain family members.
Before the wedding, told the bridesmaids so many lies about Ruby.
She told them that she had had a habit of
casting scenes and that she was going to try and
sleep with the groomsmen, that one of them was an

(58:16):
ex boyfriend of hers that dumped her, that she would
get way too wasted. Essentially, she painted Ruby as a
disaster waiting to happen so the bridesmaids wouldn't like her,
and also that they could keep her away from certain people,
specifically the ones that are also knew Dave at the wedding,
and also told the bridesmaids that the only reason that

(58:37):
Ruby was invited is because I'd idolize her that they
wouldn't repeat any of the lies she told to me.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
This person needs to be like locked up. This level
of lying is like disturbing, especially about the guy you're
gonna marry, and like one of his closest friends that
helped him in a time of need.

Speaker 7 (58:56):
Very premeditative on a lot of different levels. After the wedding,
Anne put on her enormous meltdown about the dress. The
bride'smaids obviously didn't have a very positive opinion on Ruby's,
so they were easy to convince that it was meant
to be a genuine slight. My dad did what Anne
apparently expected everyone to do by caving immediately because she

(59:18):
was the bride. If me and my mom had done
the same, and would basically have used it as an
excuse to cut Ruby out of everyone's life. She tried
to do the same with Dave's groomsmen by insisting to
them that they had said inappropriate things about the bridesmaids.
The ideal was to basically removed anybody that knew the
truth about Dave from the general social cervile, so it

(59:39):
when it come up again, Dave smelled her at he
asked what exactly the issue was with Ruby's dress and
what exactly his friends had said, panished and accused him
of not loving her, choosing his friends over her, etc.
And turned into a massive argument. Dave was mad and
very suspicious, so he started calling people up to try

(59:59):
and figure out what had happened. A couple of the
bridesmaids said that Anne was telling the truth about the groomsmen.
She asked mush pressure of them to but most were
kind of weirded out by the request, and I think
they successfully got that across to Dave. He called me
to ask if I knew what was going on, and
told Dave that I was just like him, caring about
Ruby more than her, and also that I wasn't there

(01:00:23):
when it happened. But the timing of the story didn't
match up, so Dave called me anyway, that was the
weird phone call. At this point, he knew she was
sprouting bs, so she asked her up front what was
going on. She broke down and told Dave everything. He
was fuming. He texted us to let us know about
his past, then basically evicted an out. She came to us,

(01:00:46):
where she then had to explain everything again.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
I mean, he's not taking her back, right, He's leaving now, right,
We're gonna divorce now, because if you married me and
the whole time you had lied to your family about me,
I don't think I would be able to look you
in the face and not just despise you. So divorced.

Speaker 7 (01:01:08):
Absolutely, just leave her.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
She's trash.

Speaker 7 (01:01:10):
Anne is absolutely shaken. I never considered her capable of
this kind of deception and manipulation, and I don't think
she has ever done something like this before. Contrary to
what some commenters seem to believe, I don't hate my sister.
I feel sorry for her, even though I'm really hurt
by what she did, because she feels guilty and absolutely
miserable because she's worried that things will never be worked

(01:01:32):
out with Dave.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
They shouldn't be worked out with Dave. Also, let your
opinion of your sister be changed. Dude. She's a crazy
liar manipulator. This is an insane amount of lying and
deceit to level at your own husband and family.

Speaker 7 (01:01:47):
She's gone to bed now, very upset because her mom
won't even look at her. She's a fuming that Annie
would deceive her and hurt her and so many other
people like this. I do understand where she's coming from.
My dad is also very shocked and hurt and texted Ruby.
She sent her a message explaining and apologizing, but obviously
Ruby really is angry and upset. She just told her

(01:02:08):
that she couldn't speak to her right now, but maybe
she'd call her in the morning, once they both had
the chance to calm down. Dave is probably the most
her out of everyone, and I understand why he wouldn't
speak to Anne. But he did tell me that he
really thought that he had our acceptance and that the
letter she had written to him had been his most

(01:02:29):
treasured possession ever since he received it, and to find
out that it was false was absolutely crushing. Bro probably
has that letter either framed or like in a very
special spot, like in a box that he keeps all
his other childhood memories, and then every time he sees
it he feels like gratitude because someone actually accepted him
for who he was. And that all the work that
he put into himself was actually appreciated.

Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
For that to be a lie. I need o Pee
to hold her sister to a little bit more than
I stole up my sister, like you need to be
worried about anything your sister's ever said to you now
and anything she ever will say to you in the future.
This is not someone you can ever trust. The intricacy
of the web she spun is unbelievably like an inhuman thing.

(01:03:14):
I can't imagine being Dave and realizing that the letter
I thought was written by her family and was just
a complete fabrication. I don't think i'd ever speak to
Anne again. I wouldn't even be upset. I wouldn't be mad,
I wouldn't be sad. I would just be like wiped
flat nothingness. I don't care. Who's this creature speaking to me?

(01:03:36):
Go talk to someone else. I don't know who you are.

Speaker 7 (01:03:39):
I feel so bad for him. I told him that
we did accept him for who he was, and then
nobody blamed him, but I don't think that held much.
He has asked for distance from our family, and I
understand why. I'm not sure when he will be willing
to speak to Anne again, or if he wants to
be her husband after this, I wouldn't blame him if
he goes on and find someone else. Thanks Redda, it's

(01:03:59):
her out. Everyone was way off base, although I don't
think anyone could have predicted this, but a lot of
comments were very insightful and gave me food for thought.
Despite everyone kind of looking in the wrong directions except
the weirdos about the dress, you know who you are
and we got an update two weeks after this find.
The past two weeks have been very stressful. Anne mom

(01:04:23):
have been fighting and crying for most of it. We've
learned that this deception of Anne was not out of
the blue. She has had this obsession with her image
for a very long time. She confessed a lot of
stuff from secondary school and her job. Some of it
was worrying and some of it was really scary and manipulative.
I feel so distant from the person she has become.
I think she's coming around to the point that you

(01:04:44):
should be worried about who your sister has become. I
think it's happening now. There's tension between us that I'm
not sure will ever go away, even though it really
pains me as well because she's my sister. Once my
dad heard some of the revelations, he decided that Anne
should go to a therapist and really struggled against the decision,
which led to a massive fight between her and my dad.

(01:05:07):
I've never seen my dad get so angry, neither has she,
which is probably why she eventually agreed. The therapist is
supposed to help and process her emotions after everything that
has happened, and also hopefully get to the root of
her problem. A lot of the comments suggests that our
family wasn't healthy in the way we interact with each other.
I'm conflicted on this because on one hand, me and

(01:05:30):
my mom were right that something was very wrong, But
then that doesn't mean that we didn't behave badly. If
that makes.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
Sense, it does it? Where was your bad behavior?

Speaker 7 (01:05:40):
I think maybe in the dad's enabling part, like oh baby,
it's fine, and then O P and the mom are
like super against it. So I suggest a family therapy.
My parents are looking into it. Hopefully we can learn
a little bit more about boundaries and each other and
eventually move on from this. And it has been talking
a lot to Ruby from this sounds of it Ruby

(01:06:01):
is still very upset, but I have been taking the
advice not to meddle so much in their relationship, so
I'm learning to leave it to them. Me and Ruby
still speak a lot, but not about Ann. Da've sent
me a message two days ago. I think has sadly
resolved this terrible situation after learning that this is part
of a pattern of behavior. She doesn't think that he

(01:06:25):
wants to be in a marriage with Anne at all.

Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
Que the orson wells. Stand up in the theater and clap,
and that's what we're doing.

Speaker 7 (01:06:31):
This is good, as he feels that she hasn't only
hurt him deeply, but deceived him about the type of
person she is.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Yeah, it's like, that's what I mean. It's like, I
don't even know who you are. Why are you talking
to me. You're not my wife, you're not my fiance.
I don't even know who you are. Stop talking to me,
Get away from me. She was embarrassed by his past.
I know from Ruby that he is also seeking therapy
and confided in friends about what happened, so he has
a strong support system around him. I'm not getting involved

(01:07:01):
with him other than that, as I think he deserves distance.
From my family after everything, but knowing he's okay does
make me feel a little bit better. And guys, after
the story, if you want to feel a little bit better,
go to your favorite freaking podcast platform search up Okay
story Time and we have layers upon layers of stories
just like this one. Go there and you'll feel better instantly. Dakota,

(01:07:22):
but right where we want to be. From Dave's perspective,
I think everyone.

Speaker 7 (01:07:25):
Got a mental check up. They're like, well, all came
to a come to Jesus meeting. I was like, Okay,
we're not like really vibing with each other and definitely
is not the person we think she is, and she
needs to rework herself from the base and everyone sees
the mistakes.

Speaker 9 (01:07:38):
I like this.

Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
I think the only way that's gonna happen, though, is
group therapy. I don't think if she goes to a
therapist that she's gonna get like a real change or
a real turnaround. I think it has to be within
the context in the setting of the family, because you know,
when you lie to your therapist, you don't get anything
out of it. And Anne has shown herself to be
quite the liar, so need a deeper accountability than just

(01:08:02):
herself to get anything out of it.

Speaker 7 (01:08:04):
But Anne has taken this news bad. When she first
got the message, I think she had a panic attacked
and was breathing really quickly and shaking and crying. She
knows that Dave learned about her past from Ruby and
is absolutely furious with Ruby for telling him. She's just
as preoccupied with the thought of being someone divorced as

(01:08:25):
she is with the fact that Dave's leaving her ooh,
because she's really focused on her image. So now that
she's a divorcee, she's like freaking out about that. And
then now she's like, oh wait, but also now Dave
is leaving, well.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
That's why she was freaking out. She's like, I don't
want to be the one married to someone who had
the substance abuse problems. You sick idiot.

Speaker 7 (01:08:44):
He divorced, you live with it. I really hope that
the therapist helps her get better. And although I'm not
taking it as hard as my mom, I do feel
guilty for not noticing this sooner because she's just not well.
That's the end of that story.

Speaker 9 (01:08:58):
Hey, it's johnio Ogo host here.

Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
We get back to the stories. But he's a quick
three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

Speaker 6 (01:09:03):
My husband is upset that I encouraged our son to
help in the kitchen because it's not manly.

Speaker 9 (01:09:09):
And he's got on mosum grass.

Speaker 6 (01:09:11):
In general sense. I know I am not the a whole,
but I want an unbiased opinion from people in here.
I forty two female, have three sons, Jamie sixteen male,
Matt twelve male, and Paul ten mail with my husband
Charlie forty five mail. By the way, this comes from
Flashy Fly sixty five nineteen and if you want to

(01:09:31):
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story time subreddit. My middle son, Matt, is a little
different from his brothers. His brothers like things that are
typically meant for men, like sports, gadgets, video games, and
so on, but Matt is different. He is not a
big sports fan. He likes reading and painting. He doesn't
mind doing things that are typically not for boys. Another
thing about him is that he is passionate about food.

(01:09:53):
He has been like this since he was six. He
would often come to the kitchen and see me cook
and oftentimes offered to help. Well, I don't let him
do heavy things like cutting or standing too close to
the fire, but he would be a helping hand. I
call him Ramsey Junior after Gordon Ramsey. Honestly, I like
this arrangement because while I am doing all of the cooking,
my other boys are in their room. My husband, on
the other hand, is not impressed by Matt. He is

(01:10:15):
a proud father of three sons and often likes to
do stuff with them, like teaching them how to play baseball,
playing video games, wrestling, watching sports. But Matt is not
interested in any of those things. He has said over
and over that those typical things they do doesn't interest him.
My husband would still force him to do it because
he thinks it is more important for him to do
things that are more masculine with his brother because it

(01:10:37):
creates a bond. I've tried several times to convince my
husband that he ought to let Matt go and let
him do his thing. We eventually reached to a compromise
that Matt will do sports and other stuff with them
once a week so that he's in touch with his brothers.
Rest of the time, he would do his own activities
that he likes. My husband also doesn't like that Matt
would rather stay in the kitchen with me being my
helping hand, rather than with him and my other boys.

(01:10:58):
He sometimes tries to curt him by saying he shouldn't
be doing girly things, or he will not get any
girls in the future, or he will be made fun of.
The incident happened yesterday. I was in the kitchen preparing
for lunch. My husband and sons were outside playing football.
Paul and Jamie called Matt to come play with them,
but Matt was not interested. I told him he should
go play with his brothers now while I do the

(01:11:19):
meal prep and he can come back during the cooking process.
Matt agreed, but he came to the kitchen after ten
minutes and started helping me. My husband was with the
boys too. He called Matt several times, but Matt didn't budge.
I can see it irritated him. After the lunch, my
husband was pissed and told me that what I am
doing to Matt is going to harm him in the future.
I told him, how is forcing him to do things

(01:11:39):
he doesn't like would help him. He wasn't listening and
kept saying things like he needs to be a man
and stop doing girly things and the way I am
encouraging him to cook and bake things like grandma. He
would get bullied in school and he doesn't want a
son who is a sissy. I was shocked. I told
him that he needs to get his head out of
his but because cooking is gender neutral, there is nothing
wrong with me Matt wanting to cook. My husband got

(01:12:02):
mad and told me I am ruining my son's future.
He doesn't want him to grow up weak and fragile,
and making him do girly things will make it worse.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (01:12:10):
She's not saying, hey, cook, also wear this maid dress
while you're cooked.

Speaker 9 (01:12:14):
She's like, no, just cook.

Speaker 2 (01:12:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (01:12:16):
He's looking at it like, oh he's wearing he's wearing
a maid dress?

Speaker 1 (01:12:20):
This is orrible.

Speaker 6 (01:12:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:12:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:12:22):
He needs to learn how to be a man like
his dad and learn how to provide rather than taking
on feminine roles. And just because I couldn't get a daughter,
I should stop turning my son into a girl. This
turned into a huge fight between him and me, and
now he is not talking to me. Matt is sad
because he thinks he's the reason why his dad and
I fought. I had to assure him that it was

(01:12:42):
not his fault at all. So reddits am I the
a hole? Or should I just have told Matt to
play with his brother and not come into the kitchen
until the lunch is served.

Speaker 9 (01:12:51):
Bro, you already know.

Speaker 6 (01:12:53):
Yeah, you know You're not the a hole at all.
There's a little edits. I have read the comments. I
just want to clear out any confusion. Boys, Jamie and
Paul do have a good relationship with Matt. Yes, they
are different and would rather stay in their rooms and
do their own thing, but none of them have ever
bullied Matt or made fun of him for liking things differently. Also,
I'm a homemaker for now, but my husband does help

(01:13:13):
me with some chores like getting the kids ready for school,
driving them to school, and other extracurriculum, folding the laundry,
taking care of our lawn, so it's not that I'm
totally helpless. The kitchen judy is one hundred percent mine
because my husband doesn't know or like to cook.

Speaker 7 (01:13:28):
I really would love to dive deep into the psychology
of this man and understand and then like, this is
what I would do. I'd meet with him and be like, Yo,
why do you think this is a feminom trade. Yeah,
because I grew up, and then I'm gonna hit him
with Oh, so you're gonna let another man tell you
how to think. Sounds pretty gay to me. Who come on, dude,
come on.

Speaker 6 (01:13:47):
But there are some comments comment number one, cooking professionally
is a male dominated job. Your husband needs professional help. Ope,
he responds to this. Also, I'd love to see him
call Gordon Ramsay weak and fragile to his face. But
there is an update. Hello everyone, I just wanted to
say thank you for the comments. I know some of
you called me a troll. I don't know why you
think that. I just wanted some unbiased opinion. So anyways,

(01:14:09):
I am here to update on the situation. My husband, Charlie,
was not letting it go. He insists Matt is wrong
for wanting to cook with me. The argument between me
and him never truly settled, so a few days ago
he decided to call his dad. He thought that since
his dad was in the military, he would teach Matt
some lesson. So my father in law came to our house.

(01:14:29):
We chatted and talked. Charlie brought up the issue with Matt.
He just talked about everything, starting from his passion for
cooking and not being interested in other masculine stuff. Father
in law was quiet and thought about it. Matt looks
scared because the father in law looks like a scary guy.
Father in law told the kids to go to their
room because he wants to have a chat with the
hubby and I after we were alone. I was expecting

(01:14:51):
a father in law to blame me, but instead he
blamed my husband. Ool.

Speaker 2 (01:14:57):
Yes, I'm so happy.

Speaker 6 (01:15:00):
He said, he's really embarrassed of my husband for having
such backward thinking. He knows that when father in law
was in the military, he had to do all his
chores and sometimes have to cook. He just loaded on
my husband that he is teaching the wrong lesson to Matt.
That cooking is a good skill and it will help
in real life. Watching sports and video games will not
teach him anything valuable. There is more. I cannot write

(01:15:23):
all of it, but my husband looked really defeated. He
tried to argue that Matt needs to do tough things,
but father in law shut that down by saying he
has the nerve to say cooking is easy when he
probably can't boil water. Honestly, it was funny to watch
my husband being berated by his dad like a kid.
Father in law then called the boys to the room

(01:15:43):
and told us to give them privacy. We were outside.
I was looking at my boys through the lip at
the door. Matt looks relaxed, but the heads of Jamie
and Paul was down. Long story short. Father in law
told my boys not to bother Matt anymore. He also
instructed that my boys helped me in the kitchen once
a week to learn how to manage a home. He
also told Matt to not be scared and do whatever

(01:16:04):
he likes. I'm glad Charlie brought him to our house,
even if his plans backfired. I thought after father in
law left there would be peace. My husband would be
normal and understand. But he was sulking and moping around.
I asked him continuously what happened. He didn't answer at first. Mmmm.

Speaker 9 (01:16:20):
He didn't man up and take it. He didn't man
up and say he was wrong.

Speaker 6 (01:16:24):
Exactly, oh my gosh. But then after a lot of
pushing and pestering, he did. He said that the reason
why he didn't want Matt to do feminine things is
because he my husband was bullied for that when he
was in school. I knew he had to deal with bullies,
but he never told me why he was bullied. This
is my first time hearing the story. He said that
when he was about Matt's age, he would also be

(01:16:45):
in the kitchen with his mom because he liked watching
her cook, and they lived in a joint family, so
his uncles and aunts would also live in the house.
Like Incanto, he would often get bullied by his cousins
because he spent more time in the kitchen. He also
admitted that he had an interest in knitting and had
to stop because he once heard his then crush say
that it makes him gay, so he also got bullied
for knitting. I was angry at him, but now I

(01:17:07):
just pity him. I had to explain the situation to
him that we do not live in the past and
a lot of things have changed, and that he shouldn't
have to give up what he likes because people are
stupid around him. There was a lot of conversation about
the past and present, and also about him being comfortable
with this situation as a whole. He told me that
he will not pressure mat anymore. He realized that in
order for his kid not to get bullied, he became

(01:17:28):
his own kids bully. Things are fine now. Today all
of the boys, including my husband, helped me in the
kitchen for the first time. I felt a little.

Speaker 2 (01:17:36):
Relieved by it.

Speaker 6 (01:17:37):
Also to those people who told me to leave my husband, why,
he's a good guy. I know he holds some backwards views,
but he is nice and caring. I understand he has insecurities,
but they are not worth having a divorce. Things are
fine now, and if it goes bad, I know what
to do. Quick comment before we get into another update.
I was so happy it turned out well. Your husband
calling his father was the best thing to happen. Matt

(01:18:00):
gets to do what he likes. Your husband opened up
about his feelings and realized his mistake. Maybe your other
kids also likes cooking and were scared to express that.
Oh yeah, yeah, which is a great poay. Also, your
husband liked knitting when he was younger, and maybe doing
that together or gifting him some needles and wool would
be nice. I don't know, was just a thought, MOPI replies,

(01:18:20):
I don't know if he likes knitting now or not,
but I will ask him. He is still in his
peak masculine phase baby steps, but we do have another
update that's a year later. Hello everyone, I just saw
my post on Instagram and totally forgot about this account.
I thought I should give an update. It is not
a happy update, thoh, because my husband and I are
going through a divorce. I think that was gonna happen

(01:18:44):
after my last update. Everything was fine until my husband
started acting weird and out of character. I will not
go into details that much because he was having an
affair with someone he met online. So apparently my husband
has been using online forums even read it to vent
his frustration about Matt, and he feels he has fit
as a father and me not supporting his decision is
a masculating to him. That is when he found his mistress,

(01:19:06):
thirty five female who poisoned his ears that I'm not
a good wife because I should obey my husband. She
and my husband bad mouthed me, and she even had
some questionable words for my son as well. So we
have been fighting a lot about this. He blames me
because none of this would have happened if I just
respected as authority as the man of the house, and
that mistress understands him and knows when to shut up.

(01:19:27):
I still cannot believe he will turn his back on
us just because my son liked cooking. This is not
the man I married. I sometimes feel sad because I
have been struggling with depression for a long time. My
sons are pretty depressed too. I took them to therapy.
I will never feel sad if you listen to full
episodes just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay, storytime. There

(01:19:50):
is a tiny bit more. Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 7 (01:19:53):
Well, this was a little red flag that became a
black flag, and I'm glad you guys aren't together anymore
or nook to be together, because goodness gracious having that around,
having that around your household, and then him being a
role model for how you should treat women for your boys,
this is the best case scenario.

Speaker 6 (01:20:11):
Actually, that's a good point. I didn't even think of that,
but that makes a lot of sense. There is a
little bit more. Let's jump right into it, especially Matt
because he believes we are divorcing because of him. No,
he took it hard. He even told me he will
stop cooking if that means his dad will stay with us.
My other sons are also very sad too, but so
far they have been understanding. My father in law is
one hundred percent on my side. He has been helping

(01:20:31):
me with a lawyer and pretty much just own my
husband for his behavior towards me and my kids. That's
been my life. I'm struggling a lot with the financial situations.
I did get a job, but it is not high
and pay. My soon to be ex husband has moved
in with his mistress. I just hope we will see
good days too.

Speaker 2 (01:20:47):
That's all.

Speaker 6 (01:20:48):
Pray for us, praying. Dang, wow, Wow, that's the end
of the story.

Speaker 9 (01:20:52):
Day Oh, I was not expecting this.

Speaker 6 (01:20:55):
Yeah, it was Tiggy's Well.

Speaker 9 (01:20:59):
Had a great up job.

Speaker 7 (01:21:00):
So sad.

Speaker 9 (01:21:01):
Well, what matters is that this is the end of
the episode.

Speaker 6 (01:21:04):
It is the end of the episode, isn't it so
really cool? Well, if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

Speaker 2 (01:21:10):
We love you and see you tomorrow.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My SIL secretly DNA tested my daughter to prove she wasn’t mine…but I already knew! | Reddit Stories | EP2085