December 27, 2024 • 28 mins
What are you leaving behind in 2024?
How do you plan to make more space for growth in 2025?
Today, Jay reflects on the art of letting go to make space for personal growth in 2025. He shares a transformative framework for self-improvement by identifying ten habits, beliefs, and mindsets to leave behind. Using the Buddha’s analogy of a raft, he emphasizes the importance of releasing old tools that no longer serve us to navigate life’s new challenges more freely.
Jay taps into impactful topics, from overcoming the fear of mistakes to releasing self-consciousness and rethinking the cultural glorification of busyness. He encourages listeners to embrace risk, foster self-compassion, and reframe their relationship with time and perfectionism. Thought-provoking anecdotes, like the role of light and dark in optimizing sleep and the illusion of justice as a universal principle, provide actionable insights for creating a balanced and intentional life.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Let Go of Fear and Embrace Mistakes
How to Balance Self-Criticism and Self-Compassion
How to Stop Waiting for the Perfect Time
How to Make Space for New Habits and Growth
How to Find Silence in a Noisy World
As we prepare to step into a new year, remember that growth doesn’t come from adding more to your plate – it comes from letting go of what no longer serves you.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:29 The Journey Told by the Buddha
04:57 #10: Avoid Making Mistakes
08:09 #9: Leave Self-Consciousness Behind
10:58 #8: Belief that Busy is Good
14:05 #7: Turn Down the Noise
16:08 #6: Walk Away from Waiting for Justice
18:16 #5: Getting Serious About Light and Dark
20:27 #4: Leave Self Criticism Behind
21:53 #3: Waiting for the Perfect Time
23:40 #2: Mediocrity
25:48 #1: Stop Fighting Fate
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
No one's really judging you for that long because they're
judging themselves more. No one's really criticizing you that much
because they're criticizing themselves. More. Give them and yourself some
grace and compassion. Leave that self consciousness that blocks you behind.
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Setty Jay Shetty,
(00:28):
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host,
Jay Shetty, and I can't believe it's the end of
another year. Doesn't it feel like every year just gets
faster and faster and faster, and time truly does travel
in a way that we can't comprehend. And I think
(00:50):
when it comes around to the new year, a lot
of us are thinking about New Year's resolutions. We're thinking
about new habits, and those are all great, But one
of the things I've real over the years is that
in order to make space for new habits, new ideas,
new routines, new skills, new abilities, we have to leave
(01:11):
things behind. We have to make space by letting go.
We're not always going to be able to find new patterns,
new routines, new habits if we still have old ideas,
old mindsets, and old thought processes. One of my favorite
stories told by the Buddha is about a person who
(01:34):
is on a journey, and on their journey they come
across their first obstacle. Just like you and me, they
have a challenge in their way. Their challenge happens to
be a fast flowing river, and this person knows that
if they dip their toe in, they'll be swept away
with the current, so they decide to craft a raft.
(01:59):
They find bamboo, so they find some wood, they find
some rope, they tie it together, they lay it down,
They even make themselves an owe, and then they paddle
with all their might and all their energy just to
get to the other side. And finally, after lots of paddling,
lots of pushing, they make it to the other side
(02:19):
and they think to themselves, this raft saved my life.
I always want this raft to be with me. I
can't leave it behind. So they strap the raft to
their back and continue to walk. Now, just like all
of us have more than one challenge in our life,
this person too comes to their next challenge, and their
(02:42):
next challenge isn't a fast flowing river. It's a tall
wooded forest with trees dotted at every other step. As
they're trying to maneuver and move through the forest. The
raft that strapped to their back is getting stuck. It's
getting chipped. Trying to navigate, and they're trying to shift
(03:02):
and move, but the raft keeps getting damaged and they
keep falling back. The Buddha says that this person has
an important choice to make. They either hold on to
the raft and struggle to get through, or they put
down the raft and walk through freely. The Buddhist says
(03:23):
that we also have the same dilemma and choice in life.
We can either hold on to old mindsets that helped
us in the past, old ideas that served us in
the past, old habits that may have made sense in
the past, and we can struggle to move forward, or
we can recognize that we can always rebuild that raft,
(03:47):
put it down, and walk through freely, developing new skills,
new mindsets, new ideas. The Buddha said that on this occasion,
this person put down their raft and walk through freely.
This is what today's episode is about. What am I
letting go and leaving behind of in twenty twenty four,
(04:07):
If I truly want twenty twenty five to be a
new year, What old parts of me do I have
to leave behind? If I truly want to build a
new Year's resolution or habit, which old ones do I
want to leave behind? And if I truly want to
create a new life, which old mindsets am I willing
(04:29):
to leave behind? And so I wanted to talk about
this in the hope that you also reflect on. What's
something that you realize no longer serves you. What's something
that isn't helping you to move forward? Push forward? What
is it that is actually holding you back? As the
famous Zen saying goes, what's holding us back is what
(04:51):
we're holding onto. What is your raft and how can
you leave it behind? Number ten, as to what I'm
leaving behind in twenty twenty four, is avoiding making mistakes.
This is a world and a culture that favors people
who take risks. Those risks can be personal, for example, deciding,
(05:16):
as my wife and I did around eight years ago,
to uppend our lives and move to a new country
a new city. They can be professional, like deciding to
launch a small business or write the screenplay you've always
dreamed about writing, or experimenting with a new hobby, whether
it's learning how to play the guitar, or learn Italian
or become a birdwatcher. But often what gets in the
(05:39):
way of our taking those risks is our fear of
making mistakes, more specifically, our fear of future regret. We
tell ourselves that if we make the wrong decision, it
will be with us for the rest of our lives
and will lose all respect for ourselves, and so will
everyone else. I'm here to tell you that's just not true.
(06:03):
If you look at any life, or any career, or
anyone who has ever taken a positive risk that paid off,
you will find that the pavement they walk to get
to the place is literally littered with mistakes. Mistakes are
a part of life. I don't know about you, but
I've never been thirty seven years old before, so of
(06:25):
course I'm going to make mistakes, just as I did
when I was twenty seven and seventeen. Let's also remember
that some of the greatest inventions in history, most of them,
in fact, came as the direct result of mistakes and accidents. Velcrow,
potato chips, pacemakers, the microwave oven. In twenty twenty five,
(06:47):
More than ever, I want to let God the idea
that mistakes are bad things and instead lean into them.
As Alexander Fleming, the doctor who discovered penicillin by mistake,
said about his discovery, one sometimes finds what one is
not looking for. What I found is that anyone who
moved fast, anyone who grew fast, made mistakes. And if
(07:10):
we didn't make mistakes, it means we're moving too slow,
and chances are we weren't happy with that pace of growth.
You will make mistakes. You can't avoid mistakes. The biggest
mistake is to try to never make a mistake. The
biggest mistake is to be so scared of other people's
judgment that you don't try something new. The biggest mistake
(07:34):
is to let go of your dreams because of how
you think other people will think about you. You will
make mistakes. Start that podcast anyway, you will make mistakes.
Write that book anyway. You will make mistakes. Start making
content anyway, you will make mistakes. Move cities anyway, you
(07:59):
will make mistake stakes. Do it anyway, because if you
try to avoid making mistakes, nothing will change and nothing
will happen. Number nine. I want to leave self consciousness
behind and take forward consciousness and awareness. We live in
(08:20):
a world of our own construction, a kingdom that lives
inside our own heads. So to speak. We don't see
the world as it is. Someone once said, we see
it as we are. Realize that everyone around you is
wearing a lens that determines and influences how they see
the world. Yes, we can all agree on certain things,
(08:41):
a concept known as consensual reality, but most of the
time the lenses of others will in no way resemble yours.
I say this because when we go to the supermarket,
or go shopping for a new outfit, or go on
a bike ride, our very human tendency is to believe
we are the center or of the world and the
center of attention, and that all eyes are on us,
(09:04):
which of course makes sense since we are the center
of our own attention. Or guess what, no one's watching
or judging you with as much focus or in as
much detail as you're observing yourself. Another example of consensual
reality is that despite the glasses each of us is
born wearing, other people are a lot like us in
(09:26):
the sense they're focused mostly on themselves and wondering what
you think of them, which is why I'll leave any
traces of self consciousness behind me. In twenty twenty four.
The best part no one's going to notice but me.
See what I mean by this is you are fearful
(09:46):
because you're scared of what people will think. You're not
chasing your dreams because you're scared of what people will think.
You're not pursuing your passion because you're scared of what
people pople will think. You're not listening to your inner
voice because you're concerned about everyone else's noise. And when
(10:08):
you think about that, you realize that that person thought
about you for two minutes, maybe once a year, maybe
two minutes once a month, maybe two minutes once a week,
maybe two minutes once a day, but most of their
time were spent thinking about themselves. No one's really thinking
about you because they're thinking about themselves more. No one's
(10:30):
really judging you for that long because they're judging themselves more.
No one's really criticizing you that much because they're criticizing
themselves more. Give them and yourself some grace and compassion.
Leave that self consciousness that blocks you behind because it's
(10:50):
not serving anyone. The number eight goes to the belief
that busy is good. Have you ever called up a
friend or a colleague and ask them how they're doing
or how their days going. Nine times out of ten
they'll tell you that they're busy, that they have virtually
no time to themselves, that they're juggling a bunch of
(11:10):
different projects and have one hundred and twenty five unread
emails in their inbox. If you're expecting to hear the
word I'm fine, j thanks for asking what about you?
Odds are you won't or maybe a quick text message instead,
you will most likely hear the word busy. Busy in
today's culture has become a badge of honor, a flag
(11:32):
of sorts. It communicates to the world that we're popular,
in demand, and more indirectly, probably extremely good at what
we do for a living. Now, it can also make
us feel like that's how we feel value. Hey, I'm busy,
I've got lots on and that's how we define our
own value. It says that we're plugged in, connected and
on the fast strike in our careers and professions, or
(11:53):
that we've just got an overwhelming amount of stuff to do,
that we want some attention, we want to be seen,
we want to be hurt, and there's just too much
going on. When asked how you are, do you say busy?
I fear that a lot of the time, without thinking
about it, I do. And it's a response and a
concept I'm eager to leave behind in twenty twenty four
(12:14):
for many reasons. First, busy is in everything. In fact,
busy is oftentimes misused. Busy can be a defense, a
form of sublimination, a way of ignoring other things you
should be thinking about, like your happiness, or your mood state,
or your mental or physical health. Finally, what does it
say about us as a culture that when someone asks
(12:36):
us sincerely how we're doing a personal question, we reply
in a professional capacity that we're busy, and what about you?
Are you busy too? In twenty twenty five, if someone
calls to ask how I'm doing, I plan on giving
them a straight, honest answer and the spirit of how
the question was asked, one that has nothing to do
(12:57):
with what's on my desk or in my calendar. For yourself,
you might be surprised by the words that come out
of your mouth. I think one of the biggest things
I've seen here is that it's about how we believe
we're valuable. So I would encourage you to all think
about that. Do you feel your valuable, do you feel
your day is effective and your day is a success
(13:18):
because you're busy, or do you actually end the day
and realize that a busy day was not a beautiful
day or busy day maybe didn't even lead to the
achievements and the effectiveness you wanted to have. And so, really,
really take a moment to think about it, really, really
take a moment to figure out what do you want
(13:38):
the answer to that question to be. It may be
like I've got a lot on, but do you have
a lot on? Because you think having a lot on
is the right way to think about life. Now, we
all have a lot to do, we all have a
lot going on. But actually, are you just very organized?
Are you prioritized? Are you being effective? Are you being productive?
What's the language that you want to use that creates
(13:59):
a healthy relationship with yourself and the idea of being busy? Now?
Number seven, turning down the noise when you think about it,
Noise surrounds us. We wake up in the morning to
traffic sounds, maybe a leaf blower or a lone mower
coming from the neighbor's house. We hear the drip of
the coffee maker, a dog barking, the sounds of children. Later,
(14:23):
meeting a friend for brunch, and a local food spot
was surrounded by the clink of silverware, the clash of
plates and bowls being set down or whisked away, the
murmur and squall of other people talking. Music plays overhead constantly.
It sometimes seems that wherever we go a clothing store,
a gas station, a coffee shop, a restaurant, a gym,
a song is playing, as if the riskiest thing in
(14:46):
the world is for any of us to be alone
with our own thoughts. But when I talk about noise,
I'm not just talking about what comes in through our ears.
I'm also talking about what is consumed by our eyes
and our attention, and how the culture we inhabit seems
intent on fragmenting the information we absorb, dividing it by two,
(15:07):
then four, then ten, then one hundred. It's the opposite
of depth, the opposite of learning and remembering. Instead, this
kind of noise focuses on the surfaces of things. We
scan headlines, we glance at our favorite websites, We scroll
through photos and adversisements. We text instead of a call,
and call instead of a meeting. What is noise if
(15:28):
not a soundtrack to our lives that interferes with what
we should really be doing, which is to say, being
attentive to ourselves and those around us. One thing I
want to leave behind in twenty twenty four is the
role I've allowed noise to play in my life. Noise
refers to everything that is distracting, alluring, and diverting, the
blinking silver bells of technology, and the pressure it puts
(15:51):
on me not to walk, but to skip, to skim,
and to speed read, a process deliberately designed to leave
me and all of us wanting more and always playing
catch up. Eliminating noise is one of the things I
plan on leaving behind in twenty twenty four. Number six.
Before I say this, I want to just put in
a disclaimer because I think people may see it as
(16:14):
me being defeatist, but it's not that. It's me being
a realist. I would call it the concept, not the
idea or the fight for it, but the concept of
how I see justice. So I still want to fight
for justice, but the concept of it is different. Many
of us want to believe that the world makes sense,
that justice is a silent and animating presence in our lives.
(16:36):
The idea that there may not be justice in the
world makes most of us incredibly anxious. And when I
say justice, I'm not talking about the judiciary or the
local police and fire services. I mean the idea, no
doubt borrowed from movies and TV shows, that people who
work hard are certain to get ahead, That if you
keep plugging away at something, you're guaranteed to see success.
(16:57):
That if you do everything in your power to selve relationship,
that relationship will probably succeed. The thing is, as we know,
life doesn't always work out this way. Causes and effects
are far more random than we're comfortable admitting. Sometimes we
have to face the fact that people we don't respect
for mysterious and inexplicable reasons manage to triumph while other
(17:20):
good people worthy of respect for short, that justice sometimes
operates as we believe it should, but just as often doesn't.
When we illusion the world, the likelier we are to
find it disillusioning when the equations we hold in our
head don't work out as we'd expect to them to
What I'm leaving behind in twenty twenty four is the
(17:40):
idea of justice as an organizing principle of the universe.
Sometimes things work out the way we expect and want
them to, other times they don't. And the reasons why
I'm mysterious, And perhaps that is a kind of justice. Actually,
the universe does have justice, just not in the way
we think about the math. So what does that mean?
(18:01):
I would encourage us to walk away from waiting for
justice and focusing on patterns. How can we study and
create and build passions that will make that difference in
our lives. That's what I'd consider. That's what I'd think about.
Getting serious about light and dark is number five. Getting
a good night's sleep matters. It's essential, in fact, to
(18:23):
our physical and mental health. Helps us maintain a healthy
immune system, keeps our stress levels in check, and improves
our thinking and processing. If we don't get enough of
it can lead to fatigue, anger, poor focus, lowered productivity.
Like there's so many things connected to the quality of
our sleep. It even contributes to health conditions like diabetes, obesity,
(18:44):
and cardiovascular disease. But growing research and evidence shows that
sleep is even more crucial than any of us imagined.
Today science supports the idea that sleep is the absolute
foundation of our mental and physical health that it is
or should be, the primary determinant of the success of
every one of our human endeavors. This means it's important
(19:04):
to differentiate, really differentiate between lightness and darkness. First, let's
talk about light. It is two separate components. People who
try to get light in their eyes first in the morning,
whether they're sitting outside or next to a strong sads
lamp example, one with at least ten thousand lucks meaning
not a bedside lamp or the light that comes from screens,
(19:27):
have dramatically better fitter mental health than those who don't
make getting morning light a priority. Twenty minutes is all
anyone needs, with sunlight being the best source. Studies show
that getting light first thing in the morning also has
a positive effect on people who suffer from anxiety and depression.
Access strong light early in the day and you will
(19:47):
feel stronger and more invigorated, thereby setting the stage for
a better night's sleep. A good night's sleep starts in
the morning, cut to night time, where the presence of
light plays havoc with a good night's sleep. Studies show
that if we keep our bedroom environment as dark as possible,
we will see the benefits in our own mental health.
At night, dim all the lights, avoid screens for at
(20:10):
least an hour before bedtime, and that includes reading on
your kindle. Invest in a sleep mask. A big element
of insomnia has to do with our nighttime exposure to light, light, dark.
Simple as that, A simple change I plan to adapt
in twenty twenty five. Number four is self criticism. We
all have a judge and a jury in our own heads.
(20:32):
You should have done this, you should have done that,
you messed up, you're late. Sometimes that voice in our
head is useful and potentially productive. It keeps us working hard, disciplined,
and helps keep the trains running on time. But it
can blur into something else too, a monologue of self denigration,
the accusation that you never measured up to your own standards.
(20:52):
Like most people, I can fall into this myself sometimes,
and in twenty twenty four, my goal is to leave
this kind of insight talk behind. I can't help but
think back to something someone said to me once. Imagine
yourself talking to a friend or someone you just met
at a party the same way you address yourself inside
your own head. Chances are your friend would burst into
(21:14):
tears and walk away, and the person at the party
would excuse himself for herself to go refresh their drink
in the hopes they never have to talk to you again.
This will sound advice in twenty twenty five, I'll retain
the right quality of self criticism, the kind that makes
me better, kinder, more positive, and more productive. But as
(21:34):
with the other darker stuff, I remember to ask myself,
are you treating yourself the same way you do a
close friend? And that doesn't mean that you don't need
tough love Sometimes it doesn't mean you don't need a
push or a nudge. What it means is we don't
have to denigrate ourself in a way that we wouldn't
talk to anyone we love. Number three is waiting for
(21:55):
the perfect time. It's so easy to put our goals aside,
to wait for the perfect time, almost as though we're
expecting a lightning bolt and a rack of thunder to
rumble overhead, a signal that it's time to go ahead
with our plans to travel and to pursue our passions
and start that thing we've been putting off for longer
than we remember. I'll do it as soon as we
(22:16):
tell ourselves, as soon as the weather changes, as soon
as the car gets fixed, as soon as I feel
more settled. We all do this, and sometimes I find
myself doing it as well, waiting for the perfect moment,
the perfect time, the perfect sequence of months. Well, everyone
who's listening right now, there's no such thing as the
(22:36):
perfect time. There's no such thing as the perfect moment.
There's no such thing as the perfect anything. Perfect is
a concept taken from eternity. Perfect is a concept that
we've subscribed to for far too long, and it's blocking
us from starting. Don't let perfect stop you from starting.
(22:59):
Don't let perfect stop you from creating. Don't let perfect
stop you from trying. Don't let perfect stop you from practice.
Don't let perfect stop you from progress. Don't let perfect
stop you from understanding your potential. If you wait for
(23:21):
the perfect time to do something, I can guarantee you'll
be waiting for the rest of your life. In twenty
twenty five, I am pledging that I will no longer
put important things things I want to do off. Life
is long, but it's also over before you know it.
Start what you want to do now? Number two. As
we get down to the final two. Number two, when
(23:44):
we hear the words mediocre or mediocrity, our minds go
back to school or college. We associate mediocre with SOSO grades,
B minuses and C pluses, and with sloppiness or an
absence of effort. Who would ever want to be mediocre?
We would ever want to be a mediocre a partner,
mediocre friends, a mediocre job, a mediocre car, or even
a mediocre dog or cat. Fair enough, But I'm not
(24:07):
using the word mediocre in the conventional sense. I'm using
it in the sense of finding balance in our overstressed,
over busy, often imbalance lives. I know I'm not alone
and occasionally going to extremes, traveling too much, working too much,
exercising too much. It's almost as though if I don't,
(24:28):
a voice will shove up in my head, chastising me
for my lack of discipline, for not putting enough effort,
for letting another person down. I wonder sometimes who's that
person that voice I'm at risk of letting down? Is
it me? Or is it a phantom parent or teacher
from my past? Is it real or is it a
silhouette an archetype. What would happen if I listened to
(24:49):
my own voice? In an effort to figure out what
feels right to me or is the other voice my
voice too? What if I fought back every time that voice,
that internal twist in my own own personality, pushed me
to tip over extremes, which brings me back to mediocrity.
The word comes from the Latin medius, meaning middle, Oh,
(25:10):
Chris refers to a steep or rugged mountain. Mediocre simply
means in the middle of the mountain, not at the summit,
not at the base camp, halfway there. Yes, there are
some areas in my life where I will continually destrive
to reach the top, and once I do that, to
ascend the pinnacle of the next mountain and the next
(25:31):
one after that. But there is value in remembering that
once you separate the word mediocre from how most of
us define it, it simply means that you have found balance.
And balance in our lives, our relationships, our work, and
our well being is what we all seek to attain,
isn't it? And finally, number one, stop fighting fate. There's
(25:53):
a wonderful paper written by a philosopher in the nineteenth century.
He wrote words to the effect that as we get
closer to the end of our lives and look back
on the decades that have gone by and the people, places,
and experiences that played a part in them. It's as
though a cohesive narrative stretches out before us, an inevitable shape,
even though some things felt accidental and random at the time.
(26:15):
This thing led to that thing, and that thing led
to this meeting, and this person and that person, and
before I knew it. What this philosopher was trying to
communicate was that while we are all the heroes and
protagonists of our own lives, it can be hard to
shake the feeling that a co creator also played a part,
because the form and the format make such intuitive, remarkable
(26:37):
sense when we look back on it. You can call
this co creator God or a guardian angel or angel
numbers or the universe. But the point is there seemed
to be a direction that our lives were supposed to take,
and our goal is to go with that direction, not
against it. That doesn't mean we're passive, or that we
lack agency or should ever play the victim. It's simply
(27:01):
a reminder to trust our intuition, to remember that what
happens in our life, good or bad, is happening, not
to us before us for reasons we may not at
the time understand, but we will later when we look
back on our lives and see how much their shape
resembles a book with the weld composed storyline, vivid characters,
unexpected turns, and one can only hope a satisfying ending.
(27:25):
This is a good lesson for all of us in
twenty twenty five to take things day by day, do
battle when it's called for, but remember that by and large,
most things turn out all right in the end. Don't
fight fate, and if you do, remember that battle may
play a part in that same fate. Thank you so
(27:45):
much for listening. I want to thank each and every
one of you for dedicating hours and hours and hours
of your time in twenty twenty four to listening to
the podcast Take on Purpose with you as your friend,
as your companion, as your support into twenty twenty five.
I promise you we are just getting started. I am
so excited for the future of this podcast. We're working
(28:08):
on something all the time for you to make it
more special, more deep, more profound. I can't wait to
see you in twenty twenty five, and I hope a
lot of you will join me on my podcast live Tour.
I can't wait for that. And remember, I'm forever in
your corner and I'm always rooting for you. Thank you.
If you love this episode, you will also love my
(28:30):
interview with Charles Douhig on how to hack your brain,
change any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions. Look,
am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of making
the choice because I'm scared of doing the work, Or
am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel
right yet
No one's really judging you for that long because they're
judging themselves more. No one's really criticizing you that much
because they're criticizing themselves. More. Give them and yourself some
grace and compassion. Leave that self consciousness that blocks you behind.
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Setty Jay Shetty,
(00:28):
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host,
Jay Shetty, and I can't believe it's the end of
another year. Doesn't it feel like every year just gets
faster and faster and faster, and time truly does travel
in a way that we can't comprehend. And I think
(00:50):
when it comes around to the new year, a lot
of us are thinking about New Year's resolutions. We're thinking
about new habits, and those are all great, But one
of the things I've real over the years is that
in order to make space for new habits, new ideas,
new routines, new skills, new abilities, we have to leave
(01:11):
things behind. We have to make space by letting go.
We're not always going to be able to find new patterns,
new routines, new habits if we still have old ideas,
old mindsets, and old thought processes. One of my favorite
stories told by the Buddha is about a person who
(01:34):
is on a journey, and on their journey they come
across their first obstacle. Just like you and me, they
have a challenge in their way. Their challenge happens to
be a fast flowing river, and this person knows that
if they dip their toe in, they'll be swept away
with the current, so they decide to craft a raft.
(01:59):
They find bamboo, so they find some wood, they find
some rope, they tie it together, they lay it down,
They even make themselves an owe, and then they paddle
with all their might and all their energy just to
get to the other side. And finally, after lots of paddling,
lots of pushing, they make it to the other side
(02:19):
and they think to themselves, this raft saved my life.
I always want this raft to be with me. I
can't leave it behind. So they strap the raft to
their back and continue to walk. Now, just like all
of us have more than one challenge in our life,
this person too comes to their next challenge, and their
(02:42):
next challenge isn't a fast flowing river. It's a tall
wooded forest with trees dotted at every other step. As
they're trying to maneuver and move through the forest. The
raft that strapped to their back is getting stuck. It's
getting chipped. Trying to navigate, and they're trying to shift
(03:02):
and move, but the raft keeps getting damaged and they
keep falling back. The Buddha says that this person has
an important choice to make. They either hold on to
the raft and struggle to get through, or they put
down the raft and walk through freely. The Buddhist says
(03:23):
that we also have the same dilemma and choice in life.
We can either hold on to old mindsets that helped
us in the past, old ideas that served us in
the past, old habits that may have made sense in
the past, and we can struggle to move forward, or
we can recognize that we can always rebuild that raft,
(03:47):
put it down, and walk through freely, developing new skills,
new mindsets, new ideas. The Buddha said that on this occasion,
this person put down their raft and walk through freely.
This is what today's episode is about. What am I
letting go and leaving behind of in twenty twenty four,
(04:07):
If I truly want twenty twenty five to be a
new year, What old parts of me do I have
to leave behind? If I truly want to build a
new Year's resolution or habit, which old ones do I
want to leave behind? And if I truly want to
create a new life, which old mindsets am I willing
(04:29):
to leave behind? And so I wanted to talk about
this in the hope that you also reflect on. What's
something that you realize no longer serves you. What's something
that isn't helping you to move forward? Push forward? What
is it that is actually holding you back? As the
famous Zen saying goes, what's holding us back is what
(04:51):
we're holding onto. What is your raft and how can
you leave it behind? Number ten, as to what I'm
leaving behind in twenty twenty four, is avoiding making mistakes.
This is a world and a culture that favors people
who take risks. Those risks can be personal, for example, deciding,
(05:16):
as my wife and I did around eight years ago,
to uppend our lives and move to a new country
a new city. They can be professional, like deciding to
launch a small business or write the screenplay you've always
dreamed about writing, or experimenting with a new hobby, whether
it's learning how to play the guitar, or learn Italian
or become a birdwatcher. But often what gets in the
(05:39):
way of our taking those risks is our fear of
making mistakes, more specifically, our fear of future regret. We
tell ourselves that if we make the wrong decision, it
will be with us for the rest of our lives
and will lose all respect for ourselves, and so will
everyone else. I'm here to tell you that's just not true.
(06:03):
If you look at any life, or any career, or
anyone who has ever taken a positive risk that paid off,
you will find that the pavement they walk to get
to the place is literally littered with mistakes. Mistakes are
a part of life. I don't know about you, but
I've never been thirty seven years old before, so of
(06:25):
course I'm going to make mistakes, just as I did
when I was twenty seven and seventeen. Let's also remember
that some of the greatest inventions in history, most of them,
in fact, came as the direct result of mistakes and accidents. Velcrow,
potato chips, pacemakers, the microwave oven. In twenty twenty five,
(06:47):
More than ever, I want to let God the idea
that mistakes are bad things and instead lean into them.
As Alexander Fleming, the doctor who discovered penicillin by mistake,
said about his discovery, one sometimes finds what one is
not looking for. What I found is that anyone who
moved fast, anyone who grew fast, made mistakes. And if
(07:10):
we didn't make mistakes, it means we're moving too slow,
and chances are we weren't happy with that pace of growth.
You will make mistakes. You can't avoid mistakes. The biggest
mistake is to try to never make a mistake. The
biggest mistake is to be so scared of other people's
judgment that you don't try something new. The biggest mistake
(07:34):
is to let go of your dreams because of how
you think other people will think about you. You will
make mistakes. Start that podcast anyway, you will make mistakes.
Write that book anyway. You will make mistakes. Start making
content anyway, you will make mistakes. Move cities anyway, you
(07:59):
will make mistake stakes. Do it anyway, because if you
try to avoid making mistakes, nothing will change and nothing
will happen. Number nine. I want to leave self consciousness
behind and take forward consciousness and awareness. We live in
(08:20):
a world of our own construction, a kingdom that lives
inside our own heads. So to speak. We don't see
the world as it is. Someone once said, we see
it as we are. Realize that everyone around you is
wearing a lens that determines and influences how they see
the world. Yes, we can all agree on certain things,
(08:41):
a concept known as consensual reality, but most of the
time the lenses of others will in no way resemble yours.
I say this because when we go to the supermarket,
or go shopping for a new outfit, or go on
a bike ride, our very human tendency is to believe
we are the center or of the world and the
center of attention, and that all eyes are on us,
(09:04):
which of course makes sense since we are the center
of our own attention. Or guess what, no one's watching
or judging you with as much focus or in as
much detail as you're observing yourself. Another example of consensual
reality is that despite the glasses each of us is
born wearing, other people are a lot like us in
(09:26):
the sense they're focused mostly on themselves and wondering what
you think of them, which is why I'll leave any
traces of self consciousness behind me. In twenty twenty four.
The best part no one's going to notice but me.
See what I mean by this is you are fearful
(09:46):
because you're scared of what people will think. You're not
chasing your dreams because you're scared of what people will think.
You're not pursuing your passion because you're scared of what
people pople will think. You're not listening to your inner
voice because you're concerned about everyone else's noise. And when
(10:08):
you think about that, you realize that that person thought
about you for two minutes, maybe once a year, maybe
two minutes once a month, maybe two minutes once a week,
maybe two minutes once a day, but most of their
time were spent thinking about themselves. No one's really thinking
about you because they're thinking about themselves more. No one's
(10:30):
really judging you for that long because they're judging themselves more.
No one's really criticizing you that much because they're criticizing
themselves more. Give them and yourself some grace and compassion.
Leave that self consciousness that blocks you behind because it's
(10:50):
not serving anyone. The number eight goes to the belief
that busy is good. Have you ever called up a
friend or a colleague and ask them how they're doing
or how their days going. Nine times out of ten
they'll tell you that they're busy, that they have virtually
no time to themselves, that they're juggling a bunch of
(11:10):
different projects and have one hundred and twenty five unread
emails in their inbox. If you're expecting to hear the
word I'm fine, j thanks for asking what about you?
Odds are you won't or maybe a quick text message instead,
you will most likely hear the word busy. Busy in
today's culture has become a badge of honor, a flag
(11:32):
of sorts. It communicates to the world that we're popular,
in demand, and more indirectly, probably extremely good at what
we do for a living. Now, it can also make
us feel like that's how we feel value. Hey, I'm busy,
I've got lots on and that's how we define our
own value. It says that we're plugged in, connected and
on the fast strike in our careers and professions, or
(11:53):
that we've just got an overwhelming amount of stuff to do,
that we want some attention, we want to be seen,
we want to be hurt, and there's just too much
going on. When asked how you are, do you say busy?
I fear that a lot of the time, without thinking
about it, I do. And it's a response and a
concept I'm eager to leave behind in twenty twenty four
(12:14):
for many reasons. First, busy is in everything. In fact,
busy is oftentimes misused. Busy can be a defense, a
form of sublimination, a way of ignoring other things you
should be thinking about, like your happiness, or your mood state,
or your mental or physical health. Finally, what does it
say about us as a culture that when someone asks
(12:36):
us sincerely how we're doing a personal question, we reply
in a professional capacity that we're busy, and what about you?
Are you busy too? In twenty twenty five, if someone
calls to ask how I'm doing, I plan on giving
them a straight, honest answer and the spirit of how
the question was asked, one that has nothing to do
(12:57):
with what's on my desk or in my calendar. For yourself,
you might be surprised by the words that come out
of your mouth. I think one of the biggest things
I've seen here is that it's about how we believe
we're valuable. So I would encourage you to all think
about that. Do you feel your valuable, do you feel
your day is effective and your day is a success
(13:18):
because you're busy, or do you actually end the day
and realize that a busy day was not a beautiful
day or busy day maybe didn't even lead to the
achievements and the effectiveness you wanted to have. And so, really,
really take a moment to think about it, really, really
take a moment to figure out what do you want
(13:38):
the answer to that question to be. It may be
like I've got a lot on, but do you have
a lot on? Because you think having a lot on
is the right way to think about life. Now, we
all have a lot to do, we all have a
lot going on. But actually, are you just very organized?
Are you prioritized? Are you being effective? Are you being productive?
What's the language that you want to use that creates
(13:59):
a healthy relationship with yourself and the idea of being busy? Now?
Number seven, turning down the noise when you think about it,
Noise surrounds us. We wake up in the morning to
traffic sounds, maybe a leaf blower or a lone mower
coming from the neighbor's house. We hear the drip of
the coffee maker, a dog barking, the sounds of children. Later,
(14:23):
meeting a friend for brunch, and a local food spot
was surrounded by the clink of silverware, the clash of
plates and bowls being set down or whisked away, the
murmur and squall of other people talking. Music plays overhead constantly.
It sometimes seems that wherever we go a clothing store,
a gas station, a coffee shop, a restaurant, a gym,
a song is playing, as if the riskiest thing in
(14:46):
the world is for any of us to be alone
with our own thoughts. But when I talk about noise,
I'm not just talking about what comes in through our ears.
I'm also talking about what is consumed by our eyes
and our attention, and how the culture we inhabit seems
intent on fragmenting the information we absorb, dividing it by two,
(15:07):
then four, then ten, then one hundred. It's the opposite
of depth, the opposite of learning and remembering. Instead, this
kind of noise focuses on the surfaces of things. We
scan headlines, we glance at our favorite websites, We scroll
through photos and adversisements. We text instead of a call,
and call instead of a meeting. What is noise if
(15:28):
not a soundtrack to our lives that interferes with what
we should really be doing, which is to say, being
attentive to ourselves and those around us. One thing I
want to leave behind in twenty twenty four is the
role I've allowed noise to play in my life. Noise
refers to everything that is distracting, alluring, and diverting, the
blinking silver bells of technology, and the pressure it puts
(15:51):
on me not to walk, but to skip, to skim,
and to speed read, a process deliberately designed to leave
me and all of us wanting more and always playing
catch up. Eliminating noise is one of the things I
plan on leaving behind in twenty twenty four. Number six.
Before I say this, I want to just put in
a disclaimer because I think people may see it as
(16:14):
me being defeatist, but it's not that. It's me being
a realist. I would call it the concept, not the
idea or the fight for it, but the concept of
how I see justice. So I still want to fight
for justice, but the concept of it is different. Many
of us want to believe that the world makes sense,
that justice is a silent and animating presence in our lives.
(16:36):
The idea that there may not be justice in the
world makes most of us incredibly anxious. And when I
say justice, I'm not talking about the judiciary or the
local police and fire services. I mean the idea, no
doubt borrowed from movies and TV shows, that people who
work hard are certain to get ahead, That if you
keep plugging away at something, you're guaranteed to see success.
(16:57):
That if you do everything in your power to selve relationship,
that relationship will probably succeed. The thing is, as we know,
life doesn't always work out this way. Causes and effects
are far more random than we're comfortable admitting. Sometimes we
have to face the fact that people we don't respect
for mysterious and inexplicable reasons manage to triumph while other
(17:20):
good people worthy of respect for short, that justice sometimes
operates as we believe it should, but just as often doesn't.
When we illusion the world, the likelier we are to
find it disillusioning when the equations we hold in our
head don't work out as we'd expect to them to
What I'm leaving behind in twenty twenty four is the
(17:40):
idea of justice as an organizing principle of the universe.
Sometimes things work out the way we expect and want
them to, other times they don't. And the reasons why
I'm mysterious, And perhaps that is a kind of justice. Actually,
the universe does have justice, just not in the way
we think about the math. So what does that mean?
(18:01):
I would encourage us to walk away from waiting for
justice and focusing on patterns. How can we study and
create and build passions that will make that difference in
our lives. That's what I'd consider. That's what I'd think about.
Getting serious about light and dark is number five. Getting
a good night's sleep matters. It's essential, in fact, to
(18:23):
our physical and mental health. Helps us maintain a healthy
immune system, keeps our stress levels in check, and improves
our thinking and processing. If we don't get enough of
it can lead to fatigue, anger, poor focus, lowered productivity.
Like there's so many things connected to the quality of
our sleep. It even contributes to health conditions like diabetes, obesity,
(18:44):
and cardiovascular disease. But growing research and evidence shows that
sleep is even more crucial than any of us imagined.
Today science supports the idea that sleep is the absolute
foundation of our mental and physical health that it is
or should be, the primary determinant of the success of
every one of our human endeavors. This means it's important
(19:04):
to differentiate, really differentiate between lightness and darkness. First, let's
talk about light. It is two separate components. People who
try to get light in their eyes first in the morning,
whether they're sitting outside or next to a strong sads
lamp example, one with at least ten thousand lucks meaning
not a bedside lamp or the light that comes from screens,
(19:27):
have dramatically better fitter mental health than those who don't
make getting morning light a priority. Twenty minutes is all
anyone needs, with sunlight being the best source. Studies show
that getting light first thing in the morning also has
a positive effect on people who suffer from anxiety and depression.
Access strong light early in the day and you will
(19:47):
feel stronger and more invigorated, thereby setting the stage for
a better night's sleep. A good night's sleep starts in
the morning, cut to night time, where the presence of
light plays havoc with a good night's sleep. Studies show
that if we keep our bedroom environment as dark as possible,
we will see the benefits in our own mental health.
At night, dim all the lights, avoid screens for at
(20:10):
least an hour before bedtime, and that includes reading on
your kindle. Invest in a sleep mask. A big element
of insomnia has to do with our nighttime exposure to light, light, dark.
Simple as that, A simple change I plan to adapt
in twenty twenty five. Number four is self criticism. We
all have a judge and a jury in our own heads.
(20:32):
You should have done this, you should have done that,
you messed up, you're late. Sometimes that voice in our
head is useful and potentially productive. It keeps us working hard, disciplined,
and helps keep the trains running on time. But it
can blur into something else too, a monologue of self denigration,
the accusation that you never measured up to your own standards.
(20:52):
Like most people, I can fall into this myself sometimes,
and in twenty twenty four, my goal is to leave
this kind of insight talk behind. I can't help but
think back to something someone said to me once. Imagine
yourself talking to a friend or someone you just met
at a party the same way you address yourself inside
your own head. Chances are your friend would burst into
(21:14):
tears and walk away, and the person at the party
would excuse himself for herself to go refresh their drink
in the hopes they never have to talk to you again.
This will sound advice in twenty twenty five, I'll retain
the right quality of self criticism, the kind that makes
me better, kinder, more positive, and more productive. But as
(21:34):
with the other darker stuff, I remember to ask myself,
are you treating yourself the same way you do a
close friend? And that doesn't mean that you don't need
tough love Sometimes it doesn't mean you don't need a
push or a nudge. What it means is we don't
have to denigrate ourself in a way that we wouldn't
talk to anyone we love. Number three is waiting for
(21:55):
the perfect time. It's so easy to put our goals aside,
to wait for the perfect time, almost as though we're
expecting a lightning bolt and a rack of thunder to
rumble overhead, a signal that it's time to go ahead
with our plans to travel and to pursue our passions
and start that thing we've been putting off for longer
than we remember. I'll do it as soon as we
(22:16):
tell ourselves, as soon as the weather changes, as soon
as the car gets fixed, as soon as I feel
more settled. We all do this, and sometimes I find
myself doing it as well, waiting for the perfect moment,
the perfect time, the perfect sequence of months. Well, everyone
who's listening right now, there's no such thing as the
(22:36):
perfect time. There's no such thing as the perfect moment.
There's no such thing as the perfect anything. Perfect is
a concept taken from eternity. Perfect is a concept that
we've subscribed to for far too long, and it's blocking
us from starting. Don't let perfect stop you from starting.
(22:59):
Don't let perfect stop you from creating. Don't let perfect
stop you from trying. Don't let perfect stop you from practice.
Don't let perfect stop you from progress. Don't let perfect
stop you from understanding your potential. If you wait for
(23:21):
the perfect time to do something, I can guarantee you'll
be waiting for the rest of your life. In twenty
twenty five, I am pledging that I will no longer
put important things things I want to do off. Life
is long, but it's also over before you know it.
Start what you want to do now? Number two. As
we get down to the final two. Number two, when
(23:44):
we hear the words mediocre or mediocrity, our minds go
back to school or college. We associate mediocre with SOSO grades,
B minuses and C pluses, and with sloppiness or an
absence of effort. Who would ever want to be mediocre?
We would ever want to be a mediocre a partner,
mediocre friends, a mediocre job, a mediocre car, or even
a mediocre dog or cat. Fair enough, But I'm not
(24:07):
using the word mediocre in the conventional sense. I'm using
it in the sense of finding balance in our overstressed,
over busy, often imbalance lives. I know I'm not alone
and occasionally going to extremes, traveling too much, working too much,
exercising too much. It's almost as though if I don't,
(24:28):
a voice will shove up in my head, chastising me
for my lack of discipline, for not putting enough effort,
for letting another person down. I wonder sometimes who's that
person that voice I'm at risk of letting down? Is
it me? Or is it a phantom parent or teacher
from my past? Is it real or is it a
silhouette an archetype. What would happen if I listened to
(24:49):
my own voice? In an effort to figure out what
feels right to me or is the other voice my
voice too? What if I fought back every time that voice,
that internal twist in my own own personality, pushed me
to tip over extremes, which brings me back to mediocrity.
The word comes from the Latin medius, meaning middle, Oh,
(25:10):
Chris refers to a steep or rugged mountain. Mediocre simply
means in the middle of the mountain, not at the summit,
not at the base camp, halfway there. Yes, there are
some areas in my life where I will continually destrive
to reach the top, and once I do that, to
ascend the pinnacle of the next mountain and the next
(25:31):
one after that. But there is value in remembering that
once you separate the word mediocre from how most of
us define it, it simply means that you have found balance.
And balance in our lives, our relationships, our work, and
our well being is what we all seek to attain,
isn't it? And finally, number one, stop fighting fate. There's
(25:53):
a wonderful paper written by a philosopher in the nineteenth century.
He wrote words to the effect that as we get
closer to the end of our lives and look back
on the decades that have gone by and the people, places,
and experiences that played a part in them. It's as
though a cohesive narrative stretches out before us, an inevitable shape,
even though some things felt accidental and random at the time.
(26:15):
This thing led to that thing, and that thing led
to this meeting, and this person and that person, and
before I knew it. What this philosopher was trying to
communicate was that while we are all the heroes and
protagonists of our own lives, it can be hard to
shake the feeling that a co creator also played a part,
because the form and the format make such intuitive, remarkable
(26:37):
sense when we look back on it. You can call
this co creator God or a guardian angel or angel
numbers or the universe. But the point is there seemed
to be a direction that our lives were supposed to take,
and our goal is to go with that direction, not
against it. That doesn't mean we're passive, or that we
lack agency or should ever play the victim. It's simply
(27:01):
a reminder to trust our intuition, to remember that what
happens in our life, good or bad, is happening, not
to us before us for reasons we may not at
the time understand, but we will later when we look
back on our lives and see how much their shape
resembles a book with the weld composed storyline, vivid characters,
unexpected turns, and one can only hope a satisfying ending.
(27:25):
This is a good lesson for all of us in
twenty twenty five to take things day by day, do
battle when it's called for, but remember that by and large,
most things turn out all right in the end. Don't
fight fate, and if you do, remember that battle may
play a part in that same fate. Thank you so
(27:45):
much for listening. I want to thank each and every
one of you for dedicating hours and hours and hours
of your time in twenty twenty four to listening to
the podcast Take on Purpose with you as your friend,
as your companion, as your support into twenty twenty five.
I promise you we are just getting started. I am
so excited for the future of this podcast. We're working
(28:08):
on something all the time for you to make it
more special, more deep, more profound. I can't wait to
see you in twenty twenty five, and I hope a
lot of you will join me on my podcast live Tour.
I can't wait for that. And remember, I'm forever in
your corner and I'm always rooting for you. Thank you.
If you love this episode, you will also love my
(28:30):
interview with Charles Douhig on how to hack your brain,
change any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions. Look,
am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of making
the choice because I'm scared of doing the work, Or
am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel
right yet
Host
Jay Shetty
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