Emma Grede: #1 Trick Successful People Use Every Day (THIS Will Open Doors You Didn’t Know Existed!)
November 19, 2025 • 48 mins
What’s one habit that’s helped you succeed lately?
What made you decide to stick with that habit?
In this special live conversation, at The Theater at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco, Jay sits down with entrepreneur and industry leader Emma Grede for a conversation every builder, creator, and business-minded thinker needs to hear. Together, Jay and Emma unpack a challenge that holds so many talented people back, caring too much about what others think. Emma shares the early moments in her career when she stayed quiet in rooms where she deserved to speak, the times she underestimated her own value, and the double standards she had to navigate as a woman in business. This episode is a powerful reminder that confidence isn’t something you wait to feel, it’s something you build through action, decision-making, and showing up for the opportunities in front of you.
As the conversation deepens, Emma shares the mindsets that shaped her path, from a kid obsessed with fashion magazines to a visionary leader with a global reach. She breaks down why excellence starts with showing up fully in whatever role you’re in, how competence is the foundation of real confidence, and why chasing “passion” isn’t always the most strategic move. Jay adds powerful reflections on focus, leaning into your strengths, and accepting that you don’t need to be great at everything to succeed. This is an honest and refreshing look at what it really takes to trust yourself, take bigger swings, and grow into the person you’re meant to be.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Stop Caring What Others Think
How to Build Confidence Through Competence
How to Use Fear as Fuel, Not a Setback
How to Become Excellent at What You’re Doing Now
How to Set Your Own Standards, Not Society’s
How to Start Before You Have It All Figured Out
You don’t have to wait until you feel fully ready, fully confident, or fully “enough.” Start where you are, use what you have, and trust that focus, effort, and self-belief will do more for your future than fear ever will.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:44 Why Do We Worry About Others’ Opinions?
02:12 Opportunities Lost to Comparison
04:09 The Double Standards for Women in Business
07:19 Why You Must Start With Yourself
09:57 The Three-Word Mantra for Career Growth
11:58 Visualize the Life You Want
14:27 Follow What Gives You Energy
16:47 How Competence Builds Real Confidence
18:23 What’s Actually Distracting Us From True Focus?
20:52 Build a Circle That Complements Your Strengths
24:46 Teaching Kids to Chase Their Own Dreams
28:38 Defining Your Life’s Non-Negotiables
32:25 How to Choose What Truly Matters
37:46 Owning Your Truth Creates New Opportunities
40:59 Start Small: Scale Down and Test Your Idea
Episode Resources:
Emma Grede | Website
Emma Grede | Instagram
Emma Grede | Facebook
Emma Grede | LinkedIn
Emma Grede | TikTok
Emma Grede | YouTube
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I am so excited to be here tonight at the
Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco with the one
and only Emma Greed. Emma, I can just keep saying
your name. It's just like you are. First of all,
I want to say, you're one of my dear friends.
I adore you, I love you. I think you're incredible.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Thank you, Darlan.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
The fact that you came out here to do this
means the absolute world to me. And you heard the
excitement and the energy in the room and yeah, honestly.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
J until about three hours ago, I thought it was
eight hundred people that were here tonight, So I'm in
a little bit of shock, to be totally honest, I'm like, what,
I love it.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
It's definitely like thousands of people. I want to start
with something that we've been talking about this evening, and
it's interesting because you're actually talking about it in the
clip that we heard from the show when you were
on the podcast. We find that we spend so much
of our times worrying about what people think of us.
We're constantly our worst career in our mind with thinking,
oh does this person think I'm this, think I'm that?
(01:04):
I want you to take us to a time when
that was in your head, and what were the kind
of things you worried about that people thought of you,
and what did you do about it?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Well, you know, I think, like so many of us,
I spent my entire life worried about that. And I'd
be lying if I said there weren't parts of me
that still feel like that now. But I honestly got
to a certain point in my life where I thought, well,
if not you, then who right? And I really feel
(01:32):
like so much of my life has been about trying
to prove something, and you get to the point where
you're like, I don't really have anything to prove anymore.
I wake up every single day and make a decision
to do my very best, and who am I doing
my best for?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Well?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
For me? Right, I have to meet my own expectations.
I have to get to the point where I can
lay my head back down on that pillow at night
and feel really, really good. And I've just got to
the point where I feel like that is real for me.
But you know, in my teens in my twenties, like
you don't feel that way. That's just not your reality,
(02:08):
And you spend a lot of time worried about what
other people think.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yeah, and you get stuck, like we get so stifled
by it, and we get so restricted by it. Do
you remember ever, like missing out on an opportunity or
not doing something because you're so worried.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I mean, I have lists of things like that, because
you imagine that everybody is watching you, like you're watching you.
And I think that there were times in my life
where I didn't speak up. There were times in my
life where I didn't put myself forward. There were times
in my life where I just not only kept quiet,
but I kept out of the conversation, right like, not
even in it, not really even putting myself out there.
(02:46):
And so yeah, I feel like that was my reality
for a very very long time. And I also think
that there's part of being certainly a woman, but a
younger woman in business, where there's this idea that everybody
knows better than you. And the older you get, the
more you realize no one knows anything. Every one of us.
(03:07):
We're making it up as we go along. And you know,
it's so interesting for me because at this stage of
my career, I find myself in the rooms, you know,
with the best investors with people that are doing incredible things,
people that are in very very high level positions running
companies or countries even and you do get to the
(03:27):
point where you go, well, you know what I think.
You know, you're not that different from me, and so
there is a part of you that goes. You start
to feel so much more confidence. But and I talk
about this all the time, it isn't without some fear.
And I do think that taking risks, and again, it's
an inherently female thing sometimes to be risk adverse, and
(03:49):
we're like that for so many reasons. But when the
only reason is for self preservation, you really have to
start thinking about what fear is doing negatively to you.
And so I've spent a lot of time thinking about
how I can park my fear and what else I
can use that energy for.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Oh so good, so good. Ever, I love that, and
I want to talk to you about that. Let's let's
dive into that. I was going to say that for later,
but I'll dive into it as soon as you took
it there. I remember reading a study that showed that
when men see a job description, even if they can
only do forty percent of it, they'll apply. But when
women see a job description, even if they can do
(04:27):
eighty percent of it, they won't apply it. And so
there's this shift that definitely exists, this confidence, this feeling
of trusting yourself, this feeling of oh, I'm worthy that
comes in. Walk me through that experience that you've had
since day one of feeling like, as a woman you
had to prove more, You're to work harder. What does
that actually look like? And what are women out there?
(04:49):
I'm sure there's so many people in he who want
to be entrepreneurs, have started something, but as seeing that,
how do you see it but then live through it
and build an empire like you have?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Well, let's just be honest about some of that, right,
because it isn't just about women holding themselves back. The
barriers are real. They're really real, and so we should
all recognize that. And it's one of the reasons that
I've built the companies that I have with women at
the helm, with women in positions of power, and with
women as the decision makers, because we actually make better
(05:19):
decisions about who to bring in the company in the
first place. But I do, and it's true, it's true.
You know, if you have a female banker. If you
have a you know, somebody investing your money, that's a
woman like she will do better for you. The facts
and the figures are out there. So I want to
be honest about these things, not just as what happens
(05:40):
in our minds as women, but some of them are
the societal barriers that truly truly exist. And I know
it because I see it every day in my own company.
And just to your point, you know, I'll have a
role that I need a Spanish or a French speaker,
and a man will come in with very limited abilities
and tell me he's like a pro and completely fluent.
And a woman who maybe just needs to brush up
(06:01):
a bit, but she's basically fluent is like, oh, I'm
not so sure. But again, I think that's about what
has been allowed for women. And as soon as we
start saying things and doing things that are considered braggadocious,
getting out of our you know space, women face an
(06:21):
enormous amount of criticism. And I get this all the time.
You know, I was speaking about a subject and my
team are like, don't show the subject. But I, you know,
had a little thing a couple of weeks ago and
on the same day, a very very prominent American businessman
was having a very very similar like Twitter attack, X attack,
whatever you want to call it, and I got so
(06:42):
much backlash and no one said anything to him. In fact,
he's got millions and millions of likes. So the standards
are just very very different. But instead of shying away
from those conversations, what I do is lean into those conversations,
because the very idea that you have to be demure,
that you have to be likable, that you have to
lean into a certain convention of what it means to
(07:02):
be a business a woman in business, if you do that,
and I display that I'm actually holding women back. So
I've just decided, like I'm not playing that game anymore.
I'm going to do me, be me, and everyone else
is going to have to like it.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It's so important, it's so important. But what I love
about what you've done with that is because there's one thing,
like when we see injustice, when we see that kind
of treatment in the world, we all notice it and
we can talk about it. But then you've been able
to get involved, get stuck in. You haven't let that
hamper your growth. And I think that's the mindset that
(07:39):
I'm always fascinated by. We all see things happening in
the world that we hate, that we don't love, that
don't feel fair, But then we still got to learn
to play that game. We've still got to learn to
win it that game, and you've done that multiple times.
If someone's at the beginning of their journey, there's people
in here of ideas, who have dreams, who have things
that they want to start. They're concerned about whether it's fair,
(08:01):
whether there's a meritocracy, whether it's set up for making
them fail or succeed. What's the first thing they have
to build in their mind and their heart, in their
resolve or externally that you'd recommend they start with.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
You know, the first thing I want to say is
that it's really important to start with yourself. We can
be so concerned about everything that's happening around us. And
I think what I did pretty well in early in
my career was center my decisions around what it is
that was important to me, and I never ever sacrificed
my ambition. I was pretty out there and open and honest,
(08:37):
and so I think if you want something, you have
to go after it. You can't be shy about it.
You've got to be very very honest and open about
what it is that you need and what you're looking
for all the time. And I do think a lot
of us think, you know, we think a lot about
what we want, but we don't necessarily make it known.
(08:57):
And I speak to people about this all the time.
Whatever you want and whatever you're thinking about doing in
your life, the most important thing is to focus on
what you're doing and what you can do right now.
Be excellent in whatever it is that you're doing right now.
You know, when I worked in a deli and I
made the sandwiches and I spoke to you about it before,
I was an amazing sandwich maker in the same way
(09:19):
that I make amazing genes now. But whatever it is,
I will apply myself in that way. And so I
do think there's this idea of what it means to
be like, really truly excellent at something, and that's how
we can propel ourselves into the unimaginable. That's how we
get to do new things. That's how people start to
(09:40):
recognize us as individuals with skills outside of where we
may be seen right now. So that's what I try
to focus on. I focus on myself, and again, sounds
really selfish, but that's what you have to be sometimes,
and it's okay for a period in your life as
a means to an end, to get somewhere.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
I really appreciate that mindset because I feel like it's
a magnetic feeling that someone gives you when you see
someone just be really good. I remember a few months ago,
me and my friends were out for dinner in La
and we're at this restaurant and the lady who was
serving and taking our orders, she was just amazing, Like
she had the recommendations. And this wasn't a fancy place,
(10:18):
this was this was a casual spot on a Sunday.
She knew every special she knew every little thing, she
had great recommendations, she had great energy, and literally all
three of us were like, so what do you do?
What job do you want to do? Like literally everyone
wants to everyone there.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
You want more of that. We all want to attract
more of that.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, And it goes to your exact point that sometimes
we think, oh, I hate what I do right now,
and I've got to find what I love. But actually,
if you can be excellent even at what you hate,
imagine how good you'll be at what you love doing, oh,
one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
And I say it all the time because you know,
I think that the three most important words for career
acceleration is I'll do that. I spent my whole life
with my hand up going I'll I'll do that. I'll
do that, And it's so important, you know, just again,
But it's about putting yourself out there and not imagining
(11:07):
that you can't do something, or that you won't be
chosen for it, or that it's not right for you
because you're not doing it yet. So sometimes that little
bit of vulnerability like really helps us three two.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
One three two one.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I love that, I'll do that. I'll do that great one. Yeah.
I remember reading a quote from Richard Branson when I
was a kid, and he was always like, if you
get an opportunity to do something, say yes and then
figure out how to do it afterwards my whole life
and I love it, and you.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
That's what I'm doing now, Jack, And.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I think people underestimate that sometimes that's the pressure that
actually gets you to step up, because if you don't
have the opportunity, you keep waiting for it. When I
get that chance, when I get that chance, and I
love I'll do that because often we think, oh, that's
not my thing. I won't do that. I'm not sure
about that. I won't do that. I mean, you were
saving to buy fashion magazines as a young girl. True,
(12:03):
that blows my mind. Did you ever think you'd be
in those fashion magazines or creating the fashion that is
in those magazines? You do?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I did. I'm going to sound so arrogant, but yes,
I did. I really did. I love that.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, you know what, I love that. Yeah, we love
that energy.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
It's interesting, right because now we call it manifestation, But
I as a kid really visualized the life that I wanted.
And I remember, you know, because I grew up in
the time where Oprah was on the TV every single day,
and you know, she would talk about the ideas of gratitude,
she would talk about mindfulness, she would talk about manifestation.
(12:41):
I tell you what, the greatest thing that ever happened
to me is that I was raised in a place
and with a family where there honestly were no limitations
ever put on me, and I truly believed it. I
really honestly believed that I could do anything so long
as I was willing to put the work in. So
despite my education, despite where I came from, despite the
(13:03):
mountain of excuses that I could have had, I really
truly believed it if I applied myself, it would work.
And as you know, a mother of four now, I
think about that every day because my kids don't have
the same hunger as I do. They don't want for
the same things that I do. But in the same token,
I want them and need them to find their purpose
and their passion and what they're going to be good at.
(13:25):
And so I think again, it is all comes back
down to how you see yourself and the stories that
you tell yourself, and how kind we can be to ourselves,
because you've got like one big relationship, one big love
in your life, and that's you. The person I hear
from most is me. I wake up with me in
the you know, in the morning, I go to bed
with me at night. I'm chatting to myself the whole day.
(13:47):
And I can choose that narrative, right. I can choose
to be kind to myself. I can choose to tell
me that I can do it, or I can create
a really really negative narrative in really negative patterns. And
so I wake up every day and I choose to
tell myself that whatever it is, I can probably do
it if I apply, if I learn, if I put
(14:08):
one hundred percent effort in, if I surround myself with
the right people, all of those things. And so I
think it's just like constantly practice who you want to be.
And I just feel like I'm in like a forever
practice of who it is I want to be.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Yeah, I love that, Yeah, absolutely give it up. It's
it's such good advice and it's so true. And I
feel like with you, you were always certain from an
early age what you were passionate about, and fashion became
your whole life, like you've been obsessed with it since
you're a young kid. And I feel like today either
(14:42):
it's because we're exposed to too many things, or there's
too many stories of success and all this kind of
stuff I think people are getting. People are struggling to
know what they're passionate. Yes, And I'm sure you get
this question all the time. And how do I find
my passion? How do I know what I'm passionate about?
Is passionate the right thing to look at? What do
you suggest when people are like, am I all these ideas?
(15:04):
I don't know where to start. How should people pick
something their lane to focus on becoming excellent that.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Oh you're going to hate this, don't look for your passion, like, don't, don't, don't, don't.
It's so difficult because if some oftentimes the things that
we love, I mean, they're not always great. Right. I
love a glass of red wine. I would have had
three before I came on this stage if I was
following my passion and what my heart was telling me
to do. But it didn't seem right for on purpose.
(15:31):
So I think that what you have to do is
find what you're good at, find what lights you up.
And you know, often I think about the things that
give you energy versus the things that take energy away.
You know, when I saw you backstage, I was like, oh,
my goodness, you must be exhausted and you must just
(15:51):
want to go straight to sleep. And you said to me, actually,
it takes me three hours to get to sleep after
these shows because I'm so excited after. And I was like, yeah,
because you are living your purpose, you are doing what
gives you energy, and so I think you should go
around and find what gives you energy and what you
are good at, where your natural skills are, you know, leaning,
(16:13):
and then you figure out your purpose. I don't think
you can go around looking for the thing that's going
to you know, be you know, you can't look around
trying to figure out like, I am going to have
this big purpose, because it's so it's so rare that
you ever get there, and oftentimes, you know, I don't
think fashion was a purpose for me. I think I
(16:34):
liked really nice things, and I think I needed to
find a career that paid me really well so I
could buy those nice things, right, Like, it wasn't kind
of true.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
No, But the advice to follow what you're good at
is brilliant because competence build confidence, yes, And I think
a lot of us are trying to do it the
other way around. We're like, I want to be confident,
but you can't be confident if you don't feel competent.
And the only time you feel competent is when you
do something you're really good at and something you're willing
to get really good at. Yes, right, it's not like
you may not be good at the thing you want
(17:07):
to be good at right now, But You're more likely
to dedicate time to it if you think, oh, I
really want to excel at that. I think one of
the biggest challenges I see for a lot of people
is if you only focus on passion, which, by the way,
I love your advice. If you only follow your passion
when things get hard, you then feel not passionate about it,
Whereas if you follow what you're good at, you realize,
(17:28):
whether things are going well or not, you just got
to get better than.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
A million percent. And I love that you talk about
focus because I'm obsessed with this idea of true focus.
You know, focus is a force multiplier in business, it's
a force multiplier in work. When you figure out what
you can actually dedicate yourself to and give all of
your focus, and you truly do that, whether in your
life and your business and your relationships, you will find
(17:53):
unbelievable unlocks. I don't know anyone who is successful who
hasn't been unbelievably unequivocally focused on something and gone deep
and deep and deep and figured it more and more
things out and then found and unlock. And so I
really think about that as something that completely opens up
a new well to you. And when you are willing
(18:15):
to learn and to go really deep in one place,
amazing things start happening like they do. It's like it
really is like magic.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
What distracts us from focus? Like? What is it that's
blocking us from becoming that single minded that? You reminded
me of one of my favorite pieces of wisdom from
Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee once said, I'm not scared of
the person who's practiced ten thousand kicks once each I'm
scared of the person who's practiced one kick ten thousand times, right, Like,
(18:45):
that's the person that's scary. That the person who's practiced
the same thing over and over again, that laser like focus,
that's the scary person. Yes, the person who's got scattered attention,
they're not even in the competition. But why is it
that we all end up being those kind of people
who are like, Okay, I've got to spend time with
my family, got to figure this out, I've got to
do these three things over here, Like that's what we
(19:06):
all fill our life with.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Because I feel like we're in a culture right now
that tells us that you have to do and be
so many different things. You know, when I grew up
it's like you drove a van, you're a carpenter, you
worked in a store, you're a chef, like, do you
know what I mean? Like you were a thing. And
now we all believe that we should be so many
different things. And the truth is that it's so rewarding
(19:30):
to get good at something like I consider myself. People
say to me, Emma, how do you do so many things?
You have so many businesses. It's like, I do one
thing really really well. I'm an excellent merchant. I understand
what people want to buy and how much they're willing
to pay for it, and I do that over and
over and over and over again. That's that. That's it.
That's all I do. And it's really important to know
(19:53):
and to figure out how you can go deep on
something and not spread yourself too thinly. And I think
this idea, you know, we as a as a society,
we really believe these stories of like, you know, overnight success.
But it isn't true, right, it's not a career plan
to think like that. And if I'm really really honest,
(20:15):
I have never ever worked harder in my life than
I do today. That's that's the honest truth. It doesn't
get easier. When you get more successful, it gets much
more difficult. And so I think, if that's the life
that you're looking for and you want to do great things,
you've got to be willing to sacrifice some other stuff
and go deep on one thing.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, and when you do it, it doesn't feel like
a sacrifice. No, it's so fulfilling one hundred percent. It
just might feel like, oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
There were all of these options that I had, But
to me, it's really interesting to think about where your
strengths are and find what you're good at and go
into that thing.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah. I love the way you articulate your strengths. I
remember years ago, and I have no affiliation with this platform,
but it's amazing. I remember years ago I did something
called Strengths Finder, and it's this test that asks you
all these questions. It's like fifty dollars on the Internet.
You fill it out and it will give you your
top thirty four strengths.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh wow, in order thirty four strengths.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
You know, everyone ever on ever on histaty four strengths.
It ranks them in order.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Yes, Jay had thirty four, stroke we all had three.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
No, No, No. The model is thirty four strengths. Everyone
will get thirty four, I promise. But it's all about
your top five strengths. And what's fascinating to me is
when I did that, and it's a thing you've got
to take an hour to do properly. Of course, the
more self aware you are, the better it is. When
I look to my top five strengths, and I imagine
if you look to yours. And I use this when
I'm hiring, I use this when I'm meeting people. I
(21:41):
use it with clients. When I look at my top
five strengds, I knew four of them, but I didn't
know the first one. Wow. Really, we're on that piece
of paper, I mean, sorry, on the digital PDF that
it sends you back. I was like, I had no
idea that that was my top strength, and from that
day on I leaned into that strength.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Well, well, now you've got to tell us what you're touching,
what is happening.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So my top five, I'll tell the four first before
the first one. There's communications is in my top five?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
We agree?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yeah, Ideation, intellections, ideations, coming up with original ideas and intellections,
having thoughtful, reflective discussions and then the fourth one ideation, intellection,
what I say, communication, And there's one more in there
I can't remember. And the top one, number one was strategy.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Strategy, Yeah, was my number one skill and.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I never knew that, Like I wasn't conscious of that.
And the moment I became conscious of the fact that
I'm extremely strategic, it shifted my entire way everything. It
shifted everything. And I would encourage, Like I said, I
have no affiliation with the company, I highly recommend you
do it because you might look at those and go,
wait a minute. Like when you articulated your strength, you
(22:54):
are so clear, You're like, this is what I'm good at. Yeah,
And when you're able to do that, it filled you
with confidence, to fills you with competence, and all of
a sudden you realize why your life's been going wrong. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Not only that, you realize what you need around you,
because my whole thing is that none of us are
successful alone.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
I've arrived here tonight with like a smuttering of people
with me, right, because you don't just wake up and
turn up like that. Sadly, I don't look it took
a lot to roll me out here tonight. But I
do think it's kind of interesting because I think about
my own strengths, like I have an unbelievable ability to focus,
(23:33):
Like that is something that I'm very very good at.
I am as resilient as a person gets, like it
takes a lot to get to me, and I can
take a lot of knockbacks, and I can take a
lot of bad news. And I have a work ethic
like you wouldn't believe, Like it's just I can work
and work and go and go and go, and I've
needed those three things. But there's an enormous amount of
(23:56):
things that I'm just horrendous, not just a little bit bad,
like really bad. I am super impatient, like I have
no patience, and so I have to surround myself with
people that have the things that I don't have. And
I think that it's again so important to understand like
who you are, not like, where are your weaknesses? What
(24:19):
are you not good at? And again we always go
around going you know, what do I need? Who am
I like?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Me?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Me? Me, me me, And it's like it's so important
in your life to surround yourself with friends, with business partners,
with colleagues that have all the things that you don't have,
and I think that that is one of the reasons
I've been really successful. I surround myself with the right
people constantly.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
As I'm listening to you, I'm just thinking about how
this self awareness principle for everyone sitting here is. It's
so powerful. And we're so told in society to get
better at what we're bad at. And I remember, and
this is real for me. When I became a consultant,
after I left the monastery, finally got a job. I
was lucky to get a job. I was rejected by
(25:20):
forty companies before I got it. And when I finally
got that job, they were telling me, you've got to
be good at Excel. You've got to be good at PowerPoint,
You've got to be good at this, you got to
be good at this. And it was like a suite
of things you had to be good at. And I
was like, I do not want to be good at
Microsoft Excel. I still don't. I still don't know how
to do a v look up. All right, For any
(25:41):
of you geeks out there and there's.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
The wrong town to you, admit that. Let me tell you.
They're like so pasted out here.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
I know they're like, oh, you right, bro, seriously.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Well, like Ai and Oba, but it's that kind of
idea of like you're so you're drawt you're told to
get good at things that aren't your thing, and you
constantly are wasting all this time and energy.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Focus. Talking about focus, You've got a finite amount of focus,
and if you're spending it on all the things you're
not that great at, maybe you'll get average at those.
But if you put it in the things, as Emma saying,
the things you're good at, you can become phenomenal at those.
And that's what we need to encourage people to do.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yes, it's really true.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, I wanted to ask you. You have four adorable
children adore like the cutest, like truly the cutest. You
post about them all the time as well. You have
an amazing husband as well, who I love yends like
what a great man.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Lucky girl.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, and it's just beautiful to see what you've been
able to create. And what did you say?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I said, I'm a lucky girl.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
He's a lucky And when I look at I was
wondering if we ask your kids what does mum do?
How would they explain it? Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
My goodness, So my kids like, this is like a
big graduation week for everybody.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
So I've an eleven year old and eight and twins
three year olds, and the three year olds had like
one of those projects where it was like, you know,
what's your mom's name? Your dad named Da Da? And
my kid said, our mum goes to work all the time.
And I was like, you know, it's one of those things.
I'm like, what are you going to do?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
You know?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
And and there was a part of me that I
was like, do I feel shame about that? Am I
comfortable with that? But you know, I've really made it
a point to tell my kids how much I love work,
because I felt that with my first two I was
constantly in some cycle of apologies. I'm sorry that I'm leaving,
(27:36):
I'm sorry that I'm going to New York. I'm sorry
that I'll be back late tonight. And what I realized
is that I created a narrative that I didn't really
like what I was doing. And I had this conversation
with my daughter as I was going to New York, like,
you know a few months ago, and she said, I'm
so sorry You've got to go on this trip. And
I said, lo when I go to New York, I
(27:57):
have an amazing time. I sleep diagonally. I go out,
my friends are drink too much wine, like, I have
the best time. And she said to me, Oh, Okay,
have an amazing time. I'll see you in three days.
And I thought, wow, I did that. So I'm working
really hard to let my kids know. Yeah, like, I'm
not the mom that is at every drop off, I'm
not the mom that is volunteering at the school. But
(28:19):
guess what, there are all of these other amazing things
that I do that I enjoy, and I'm not trying
to make you guys feel guilty about it. I'm not
trying to play a marda. These are things that I
really love and enjoy, and I kind of feel like
my kids are cool with it because they've been raised
like that and they know that they can go after
their dreams unashamedly. And I feel like if we start
(28:41):
to shift that narrative with our children, it will make
everything so much easier because nobody wants mum guilt. Nobody
wants any parental guilt, and we all know it's there,
but we don't need that.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Yeah, it's you know, I can only speak about it
from being a son to a mom that I love.
And I've told you this before. Like my mom was
the bread wren of the house. She'd wake up in
the morning, make me and my sister lunch to take
with us to school, make us breakfast, she'd drop us
to school, go to work. We'd get picked up by
(29:14):
a nanny from school. We'd wait there for a couple
of hours. My mom would come back from work, pick
us up, make us dinner, help us with our homework,
and then go back to work in the evening. And
I really believe that my work ethic is because of
watching my mom work. Yes, And here's the interesting thing.
I didn't have a lot of time with my mom
growing up, but I never felt unloved. And I've started
(29:36):
to realize that time doesn't equal love. But that's what
we've all convinced ourselves. We're like, if I'm there for
you all the time, then that means I love you.
And actually that's not the case, because I I'm there
all the time, but I'm not happy, I'm not really present,
I'm on my phone, I'm distracted, I'm over entertaining you.
You don't get time to be bored. You don't get
time to be disconnect. Time doesn't equal love. And I
(29:59):
feel like today put a lot of pressure on parents
to have to be everything at home and perform at
work and be amazing partners. When I look around, it's
really hard on my friends that I see having that
pressure to be a perfect parent, a perfect professional, a
perfect partner, a perfect everything. Yeah, because it wasn't like that.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
But we also have to figure out where does that
pressure come from, right, because oftentimes it's coming from some
outside source or we're putting it on ourselves. And I
did an exercise for myself when I first had Grace,
so like eleven years ago, and I wrote down what
was important to me, because you know what, there are
certain non negotiables, like if my kids in a play,
(30:40):
if they're you know, like we had a big graduation
thing today, Like I am there, but I don't know
that I think it's important to make like instagrammable lunch boxes,
Like that's not something I need to do, you know,
And so I don't do that. But you know, it's
like it's so it's really important to figure out, like
these my standards or are these somebody else's standards? And
(31:03):
one of my non negotiables, and so I feel like
once you get there, everything suddenly falls into place, and
that's the important thing, Like in all parts of our life,
like where are my standards? Where are the places that
I feel that I will absolutely not be happy if
these things are happening in my life? Where are the
places that I feel like I would be making a
(31:26):
sacrifice versus what is everybody else thinking of me? Or
did I see that? I feel like I need to
be keeping up with what do the school tell me?
You know I need to do? Because half the time,
if you know, if you can level with things in
your own life, like you'll be okay. So I think
it's really important and I constantly have those conversations with
myself because life that you're you're in this constant change
(31:47):
mode hopefully right, Like what worked for my kids when
they were five doesn't work for them at eleven, And
so I try to reassess constantly, like how do I
really feel about these things? And I write it down.
I'm like, it's really important for me to have a
girl's trip once a year, and I do that every
single year without fail, Like like I don't negotiate, I
(32:09):
don't like say to my husband. Oh, I can't like
can't figure out the data. It's like it is happening.
That is one of the things that makes me happy
because those connections, those relationships are something that I find
absolutely precious. And so I just have a bunch of
things that I feel and non negotiable in my life.
But they're mine. It's my list. I own it. It
doesn't belong to anyone else and it doesn't come from
(32:29):
anywhere else. And the rest I just say, like, I'm
not doing it.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
So good, so good, honestly, Like I love the standard
piece because maybe someone's standard is to make instagrammable lunches. Yes,
beautiful and good for them.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I love watching those videos.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I watched the video.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
I just don't want to make.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
The lunch and that's what's so beautiful. And that's that's
kind of where we're struggling. I feel where we're making
someone else's standards are standards, as you said, and that's
where everything goes wrong. You know again, I want to
go back to the point you made earlier about this.
Women get this asked this question, especially as CEOs, especially
as business builders, far more disproportionately than men. To be honest,
(33:10):
I don't think men you get asked this, And so
when I'm asking this, I'm asking it self aware and
want to make that point that women always get asked
how do you balance it all? Right, which men don't
get asked, Like if I'm sitting with a male CEO
E fact, no one goes, hey, wait a minute, how
do you balance it all?
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Yeah? Yo, elon, how's the balance going? We were seventeen
kids like.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
But and so I asked it for that reaction, right,
and you get asked and all the rest of it.
And then how have you been able to And this
is true for me too, and I think about it,
but you've done it with you do have beautiful We
(33:53):
were just literally when I saw you this today, you
were facetiming your daughter and she was building a crown.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
It made a man natile.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Yeah, it was so happy with it, so happy.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
It's beautiful and we're talking to that and then and
then Yen's your husband who I know too, and he's
like having dinner while you're getting ready and you chatting,
and it's so beautiful to see, right, and like you're
finding time for all of these really important relationships, even
though you've been so kind to come out and help
me out with this. And so when I see that happening,
I'm like, what does it take? What does it take
(34:24):
to be the powerhouse CEO, to be a present wife,
to be a connected mum? Like, what is that taking?
And I know you, I know you don't believe in perfection?
What is that? What does it take?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
So, at the risk of sounding and saying things that
I've said a lot, I do talk about the ideas
of trade offs all the time. I talk about the
idea of an unbelievable amount of help. But I think
the most important thing to talk about in the context
of where we are today is really thinking about ourselves,
(35:01):
really thinking about ourselves, because if the standard and if
people look at me and think, well, you know, her
hair's done, and the husband's nice, and the kids look perfect,
and that house is good and she's running all these companies,
you would have missed the entire point of me. Because
what I do well is what works for me. That's
(35:22):
what works for me. And I think that if we
think for one second that we have to emulate and
we have to take pieces of everybody's life, like, that's
where we start to go wrong. So for me, I
have nanny's, I have other people that do things in
the house. I have like so much help, But I've
never had a problem my whole life in asking for help.
(35:43):
It's something that I do all the time. If I
have a problem in my business, I'll call a competitor.
If I can't figure something out, like I'm on the
phone trying to work it through. And that becomes a
pattern in your life, like asking for help, not comparing yourself.
And so what I say to not just women, to
everyone who's trying to figure out how to do all
(36:04):
their stuff is work it out for yourself. Don't let
the standards of what you see around you impede on
how you feel, because the idea that anyone's got it
all down is just fake, and I don't like that's
the truth. Every single day, if you see me here,
(36:25):
it means that my kids didn't have me at dinner tonight.
If you see me here right now, it means that
I'm giving something else up. And so my life is
this series of trade offs. It is this series of
I'm doing one thing. But I made this decision today
because I was like, I want to go to Jay
s Sheddy and talk to peoboss, you know, and it's like,
and that's fine, but I don't feel bad about that.
(36:46):
I'm not going to talture myself about it. But I
think that we have to really look into ourselves and
decide what's right for us and stop trying to chase
this idea of balance, and also stop lying. You know,
I just stopped lying about it. I started to say,
this is really hard. I really have to make difficult choices.
(37:08):
And when I made choices that were seemingly selfish or
about me, I stopped hiding them because I thought that
was doing a disservice to other women. So when I'm out,
I'm going to say I'm out when I'm not with
my kids. I'm going to say I'm not with my kids.
When I say I only do school drop up twice
a week, that's on a good week. So I'm just
going to stop lying and everyone else comes fallow suit.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
You're changing the game, like you actually changed the game.
And that's why I was so excited by the way.
I was so excited because literally just a couple of
weeks ago, Emma launched her own podcast, I Aspire with
Emma Greed, and I want everyone in here to go
on their Spotify or their Apple app or whatever app
you use when you leave tonight, and I want you
to go subscribe to Aspire by Emma Greed.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
You're so loud.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
If you're not already, I mean, I loved because I
really feel like your voice in this space is so refreshing.
It's so revolutionary. It's totally redefining what women can think about,
of what's possible, what's expected of them, what's perfect, what's not,
what's real. And I feel like you just being real
(38:17):
and honest is genuinely what's needed in this space. I
don't know anyone else who's doing it, and it's so
It's something I love about you. I'm in awe of
you and I admire it so so deeply.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I mean it, No, I love it so Thanks Jay,
I'll pull you later. I mean, I love you. But
I have to tell everyone that on my first day
of filming, I filmed with Jay and I wanted to die.
I was like, why are you the first person I'm
filming with? You know you because and I tell you why,
because this is and it speaks so much to who
you are, you know. I thought about my dream guests.
(38:49):
I was like, who do I want to talk to it?
And so I text Jay and I thought, you know what,
He'll want to see the show and he'll watch a
couple of episodes and maybe, if I'm super lucky, in
like six or nine months, he'll come on the pod.
But of course you were like, yeah, when should I come?
And I was like, oh shit, I can't believe it.
So you were the first person, which was so crazy.
But you know, I'm really happy to be doing this
(39:11):
thing because I've spent my entire career building businesses and
after a while, you start to realize that as much
as a solution you are, you're also part of the problem, right,
You're part of the problem of what people look to
and see sometimes as unattainable. And so what I wanted
to do with this podcast was a start telling the truth,
b to really talk about like what it takes, because
(39:35):
I feel like there's so much toxic positivity out there
and it's totally unhelpful for all of us. So I
was like, I'm going to tell the truth. I'm gonna,
you know, be me from East London, which means like
really tell the truth, and you know, I'm going to
get the people that I have worked so hard to
get to know, because they will come on and they
(39:57):
will speak to me in a way that perhaps they
to somebody else. And it's been amazing because I really
look at you know, we're all, in some way trying
to build the life of our dreams. We're all trying
to live out this idea of what we find aspiring.
But it's different for different people, and we all have
different opportunities. And the more I would go around this country,
(40:18):
I get constantly stopped by people that would say to me,
I've got two kids and I'm like thirty five, and
I just want to change, and could you give me
some advice? And I thought, wouldn't it be amazing if
you could figure out how you could scale mentorship. And
so for me, the idea was just that simple. Just
have conversations, be really honest, talk to the people that
(40:39):
I aspire to the most, and give people the tools
so that they can make and build the life of
their dreams. And it's honestly been like the biggest privilege
because I feel like when you come at something with
a really good intention, like unbelievable things happen. And it's
only been I don't know. It's been like a couple
(40:59):
of months filming, but I feel like it's been pretty
magical and people are doing exactly that they're coming there,
they're telling the truth and it's actually helping people.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
What more do you need? I love it. I love
it all right. I want to take you up on that.
I want to take you up on the Emma. I'm
going to give someone a really special opportunity today, and
therefore I want you to really honor it. If you
raise your hand, I want it to be because you
have something really valuable and something really thought through and
something really mature in new idea, because I believe it's
(41:32):
such a special opportunity. Tonight it's been all about doing things,
not caring about what people think. To take your moment
to make sure that you don't miss out to say
I'll do that. As Emma taught us earlier, I want
to give someone the opportunity in a moment to come
up here and have sixty seconds to elevate a pitch
(41:54):
their idea to the one and only Emma. So if
anyone had a business idea, a dream for a business idea, company, AI,
whatever it is, I want you to raise your hand.
I'm taking a look around, raise your hand, raise your hand,
and seeing a lot of people. This is great. I'm
looking up there off the top. I see the light
(42:14):
as well. I see the light as well. Let me go,
let me go to it. I'm gonna come out and
talk to it a reporter. That's so they won't say.
I'm going to get up from the audience. Give it
up for k everyone.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Well done. I love it, so nice to meet you. Congratulations,
well done for standing. I chose you because you stood up.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Kate. I'm gonna ask you to come over here on
our spot. This is for you. We're going to give
you sixty seconds to share your elevator pitch to the
one and only Emma Read and the audience of Hello.
Speaker 4 (42:52):
My name is Kate Wood. I'm from Reading, California. In
twenty twenty, I had twins as well. About eight months later,
I opened my first restaurant. About six weeks ago, I
opened my second restaurant. But I've always had this. I've
always had this dream to have a YouTube show and
(43:14):
take it to the Food Network. My dream is to
start a show called Stage and where you can either
take celebrities or other people influencers, and each season would
be that person and you put them in different spaces
for an episode. So each episode would have an adventure challenge,
(43:35):
it would have like a high end challenge, and it
would also have something really like heartwarming. All in the
food industry, we expose. You can expose meat packaging places,
you could go into prisons, you could go to high
end Michelin Star restaurants. But each episode, that celebrity or
that person would be a stage and you'd have to
take on those challenges. You'd have to step into that risk,
(44:00):
have to expose different parts of this industry. And it's
sort of this meeting between Triple D and Dirty Jobs,
but all in the food industry, because it's such a
huge industry that I love so much, and it takes
so much every day for us to make this happen,
and we all just love creating food and feeding people,
(44:24):
and so I just thought it'd be a really lovely
TV show idea, and I would have to take that
first step to be a starch.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
And so that's my idea anyway, right not okay, everyone,
thank you. It's amazing, amazing insight advice. Here we go,
ready advice. So the first thing I want to say
is I love that you stood because you were the
first person that I saw, and that's why I was like,
I'm going for you there, because you just stood out.
(44:51):
So the idea that you would even put yourself out
there in that way is a really big and important
first step. Also, on restaurant number two, congratulations to you.
That's like insane, insane, it really is. I think the
beauty about the media climate and where we are right
now is that you can do things in a really big, shiny, Netflix,
(45:11):
big budget, beautiful way, or you can scale ideas down
and you can test into them. And I think that
one of the most amazing things that I've seen really
really work in my career is when we've taken things
that we thought had potential to be really big and
really global and we've tested them on smaller platforms, like
(45:31):
figuring something out on YouTube or figuring out like an
Instagram version of what you're trying to do. Your idea
is to take something you know, like a whole industry,
and to go into somewhere you know, like the prisons
that you mentioned or whatever it might be. But why
would you not test that instead of with an influencer
with one of your friends in a more localized situation
(45:52):
and figure out how it works. Because there's some beauty
to this idea of test and learn. One of the
things that I want that thousand percent no as an
entrepreneur is that you've just got to start. Like if
you have figured it all out and you've written a
big presentation and you're waiting for the one magical day
that you're going to, you know, meet Ted Surrandos some
pictures in Netflix like that day might never come, but
(46:15):
you could get out of the starting block and just
try something. And then the beauty of that is that
you get to test and learn, and you fail and
you iterate and you start again. So I would take
this idea that you've got and extraculate the best pieces
of it and try it in some really little small way,
whatever you can. I will do it tomorrow. Tomorrow. Forget everyone,
(46:41):
Thank you, it's very nice to meet.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Bye, give it. I forget everyone.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
I don't believe we did that that. I can't believe
we did that.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
I know that's much fun. It's like that. It's what
you said, like someone saying, I'll do that. Raising a
and Kate's courage and also just having a great idea,
having a great thought, and and that advice you gave
was spot on. I love the advice you gave. I
think it's so valuable to hear that. It's interesting you
said that when I first wanted this show to exist,
(47:17):
I actually started on purpose because I pitched a TV
show that got rejected. Now seven years ago, No, yeah,
I had a TV show idea. I actually had the
opportunity to pitch at Netflix and pitch at ABC and
pitch at MTV was still around then. And did they
(47:38):
turn you down and I got rejected? They rejected my
TV show idea and so a podcast. Yes, yes, So
you know, like, just just hearing that I gave me
goosebumps because that was exactly what happened to me. Emma,
you have been phenomenal tonight. You are truly one of
my favorite people in the world. Everyone make sure you
(48:01):
go and subscribe to Aspire with Emma Greed, Apple, Spotify, YouTube,
all the platforms. Follow Emma on Instagram if you don't
already give it up for Emma Reed.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Thank you, thank you, thank you, You're the best. I
love you.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If
you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant
on why discomfort is the key to growth and the
strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you
want to be more and achieve more this year, go
check it out right now.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
You set a goal today, you achieve it in six months,
and then by the time it happens, it's almost a relief.
Speaker 4 (48:42):
There's no sense of meaning and purpose.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
You sort of expected it, and you would have been
disappointed if it didn't happen.
I am so excited to be here tonight at the
Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco with the one
and only Emma Greed. Emma, I can just keep saying
your name. It's just like you are. First of all,
I want to say, you're one of my dear friends.
I adore you, I love you. I think you're incredible.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Thank you, Darlan.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
The fact that you came out here to do this
means the absolute world to me. And you heard the
excitement and the energy in the room and yeah, honestly.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
J until about three hours ago, I thought it was
eight hundred people that were here tonight, So I'm in
a little bit of shock, to be totally honest, I'm like, what,
I love it.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
It's definitely like thousands of people. I want to start
with something that we've been talking about this evening, and
it's interesting because you're actually talking about it in the
clip that we heard from the show when you were
on the podcast. We find that we spend so much
of our times worrying about what people think of us.
We're constantly our worst career in our mind with thinking,
oh does this person think I'm this, think I'm that?
(01:04):
I want you to take us to a time when
that was in your head, and what were the kind
of things you worried about that people thought of you,
and what did you do about it?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Well, you know, I think, like so many of us,
I spent my entire life worried about that. And I'd
be lying if I said there weren't parts of me
that still feel like that now. But I honestly got
to a certain point in my life where I thought, well,
if not you, then who right? And I really feel
(01:32):
like so much of my life has been about trying
to prove something, and you get to the point where
you're like, I don't really have anything to prove anymore.
I wake up every single day and make a decision
to do my very best, and who am I doing
my best for?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Well?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
For me? Right, I have to meet my own expectations.
I have to get to the point where I can
lay my head back down on that pillow at night
and feel really, really good. And I've just got to
the point where I feel like that is real for me.
But you know, in my teens in my twenties, like
you don't feel that way. That's just not your reality,
(02:08):
And you spend a lot of time worried about what
other people think.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yeah, and you get stuck, like we get so stifled
by it, and we get so restricted by it. Do
you remember ever, like missing out on an opportunity or
not doing something because you're so worried.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I mean, I have lists of things like that, because
you imagine that everybody is watching you, like you're watching you.
And I think that there were times in my life
where I didn't speak up. There were times in my
life where I didn't put myself forward. There were times
in my life where I just not only kept quiet,
but I kept out of the conversation, right like, not
even in it, not really even putting myself out there.
(02:46):
And so yeah, I feel like that was my reality
for a very very long time. And I also think
that there's part of being certainly a woman, but a
younger woman in business, where there's this idea that everybody
knows better than you. And the older you get, the
more you realize no one knows anything. Every one of us.
(03:07):
We're making it up as we go along. And you know,
it's so interesting for me because at this stage of
my career, I find myself in the rooms, you know,
with the best investors with people that are doing incredible things,
people that are in very very high level positions running
companies or countries even and you do get to the
(03:27):
point where you go, well, you know what I think.
You know, you're not that different from me, and so
there is a part of you that goes. You start
to feel so much more confidence. But and I talk
about this all the time, it isn't without some fear.
And I do think that taking risks, and again, it's
an inherently female thing sometimes to be risk adverse, and
(03:49):
we're like that for so many reasons. But when the
only reason is for self preservation, you really have to
start thinking about what fear is doing negatively to you.
And so I've spent a lot of time thinking about
how I can park my fear and what else I
can use that energy for.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Oh so good, so good. Ever, I love that, and
I want to talk to you about that. Let's let's
dive into that. I was going to say that for later,
but I'll dive into it as soon as you took
it there. I remember reading a study that showed that
when men see a job description, even if they can
only do forty percent of it, they'll apply. But when
women see a job description, even if they can do
(04:27):
eighty percent of it, they won't apply it. And so
there's this shift that definitely exists, this confidence, this feeling
of trusting yourself, this feeling of oh, I'm worthy that
comes in. Walk me through that experience that you've had
since day one of feeling like, as a woman you
had to prove more, You're to work harder. What does
that actually look like? And what are women out there?
(04:49):
I'm sure there's so many people in he who want
to be entrepreneurs, have started something, but as seeing that,
how do you see it but then live through it
and build an empire like you have?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Well, let's just be honest about some of that, right,
because it isn't just about women holding themselves back. The
barriers are real. They're really real, and so we should
all recognize that. And it's one of the reasons that
I've built the companies that I have with women at
the helm, with women in positions of power, and with
women as the decision makers, because we actually make better
(05:19):
decisions about who to bring in the company in the
first place. But I do, and it's true, it's true.
You know, if you have a female banker. If you
have a you know, somebody investing your money, that's a
woman like she will do better for you. The facts
and the figures are out there. So I want to
be honest about these things, not just as what happens
(05:40):
in our minds as women, but some of them are
the societal barriers that truly truly exist. And I know
it because I see it every day in my own company.
And just to your point, you know, I'll have a
role that I need a Spanish or a French speaker,
and a man will come in with very limited abilities
and tell me he's like a pro and completely fluent.
And a woman who maybe just needs to brush up
(06:01):
a bit, but she's basically fluent is like, oh, I'm
not so sure. But again, I think that's about what
has been allowed for women. And as soon as we
start saying things and doing things that are considered braggadocious,
getting out of our you know space, women face an
(06:21):
enormous amount of criticism. And I get this all the time.
You know, I was speaking about a subject and my
team are like, don't show the subject. But I, you know,
had a little thing a couple of weeks ago and
on the same day, a very very prominent American businessman
was having a very very similar like Twitter attack, X attack,
whatever you want to call it, and I got so
(06:42):
much backlash and no one said anything to him. In fact,
he's got millions and millions of likes. So the standards
are just very very different. But instead of shying away
from those conversations, what I do is lean into those conversations,
because the very idea that you have to be demure,
that you have to be likable, that you have to
lean into a certain convention of what it means to
(07:02):
be a business a woman in business, if you do that,
and I display that I'm actually holding women back. So
I've just decided, like I'm not playing that game anymore.
I'm going to do me, be me, and everyone else
is going to have to like it.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It's so important, it's so important. But what I love
about what you've done with that is because there's one thing,
like when we see injustice, when we see that kind
of treatment in the world, we all notice it and
we can talk about it. But then you've been able
to get involved, get stuck in. You haven't let that
hamper your growth. And I think that's the mindset that
(07:39):
I'm always fascinated by. We all see things happening in
the world that we hate, that we don't love, that
don't feel fair, But then we still got to learn
to play that game. We've still got to learn to
win it that game, and you've done that multiple times.
If someone's at the beginning of their journey, there's people
in here of ideas, who have dreams, who have things
that they want to start. They're concerned about whether it's fair,
(08:01):
whether there's a meritocracy, whether it's set up for making
them fail or succeed. What's the first thing they have
to build in their mind and their heart, in their
resolve or externally that you'd recommend they start with.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
You know, the first thing I want to say is
that it's really important to start with yourself. We can
be so concerned about everything that's happening around us. And
I think what I did pretty well in early in
my career was center my decisions around what it is
that was important to me, and I never ever sacrificed
my ambition. I was pretty out there and open and honest,
(08:37):
and so I think if you want something, you have
to go after it. You can't be shy about it.
You've got to be very very honest and open about
what it is that you need and what you're looking
for all the time. And I do think a lot
of us think, you know, we think a lot about
what we want, but we don't necessarily make it known.
(08:57):
And I speak to people about this all the time.
Whatever you want and whatever you're thinking about doing in
your life, the most important thing is to focus on
what you're doing and what you can do right now.
Be excellent in whatever it is that you're doing right now.
You know, when I worked in a deli and I
made the sandwiches and I spoke to you about it before,
I was an amazing sandwich maker in the same way
(09:19):
that I make amazing genes now. But whatever it is,
I will apply myself in that way. And so I
do think there's this idea of what it means to
be like, really truly excellent at something, and that's how
we can propel ourselves into the unimaginable. That's how we
get to do new things. That's how people start to
(09:40):
recognize us as individuals with skills outside of where we
may be seen right now. So that's what I try
to focus on. I focus on myself, and again, sounds
really selfish, but that's what you have to be sometimes,
and it's okay for a period in your life as
a means to an end, to get somewhere.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
I really appreciate that mindset because I feel like it's
a magnetic feeling that someone gives you when you see
someone just be really good. I remember a few months ago,
me and my friends were out for dinner in La
and we're at this restaurant and the lady who was
serving and taking our orders, she was just amazing, Like
she had the recommendations. And this wasn't a fancy place,
(10:18):
this was this was a casual spot on a Sunday.
She knew every special she knew every little thing, she
had great recommendations, she had great energy, and literally all
three of us were like, so what do you do?
What job do you want to do? Like literally everyone
wants to everyone there.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
You want more of that. We all want to attract
more of that.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, And it goes to your exact point that sometimes
we think, oh, I hate what I do right now,
and I've got to find what I love. But actually,
if you can be excellent even at what you hate,
imagine how good you'll be at what you love doing, oh,
one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
And I say it all the time because you know,
I think that the three most important words for career
acceleration is I'll do that. I spent my whole life
with my hand up going I'll I'll do that. I'll
do that, And it's so important, you know, just again,
But it's about putting yourself out there and not imagining
(11:07):
that you can't do something, or that you won't be
chosen for it, or that it's not right for you
because you're not doing it yet. So sometimes that little
bit of vulnerability like really helps us three two.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
One three two one.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I love that, I'll do that. I'll do that great one. Yeah.
I remember reading a quote from Richard Branson when I
was a kid, and he was always like, if you
get an opportunity to do something, say yes and then
figure out how to do it afterwards my whole life
and I love it, and you.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
That's what I'm doing now, Jack, And.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I think people underestimate that sometimes that's the pressure that
actually gets you to step up, because if you don't
have the opportunity, you keep waiting for it. When I
get that chance, when I get that chance, and I
love I'll do that because often we think, oh, that's
not my thing. I won't do that. I'm not sure
about that. I won't do that. I mean, you were
saving to buy fashion magazines as a young girl. True,
(12:03):
that blows my mind. Did you ever think you'd be
in those fashion magazines or creating the fashion that is
in those magazines? You do?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I did. I'm going to sound so arrogant, but yes,
I did. I really did. I love that.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, you know what, I love that. Yeah, we love
that energy.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
It's interesting, right because now we call it manifestation, But
I as a kid really visualized the life that I wanted.
And I remember, you know, because I grew up in
the time where Oprah was on the TV every single day,
and you know, she would talk about the ideas of gratitude,
she would talk about mindfulness, she would talk about manifestation.
(12:41):
I tell you what, the greatest thing that ever happened
to me is that I was raised in a place
and with a family where there honestly were no limitations
ever put on me, and I truly believed it. I
really honestly believed that I could do anything so long
as I was willing to put the work in. So
despite my education, despite where I came from, despite the
(13:03):
mountain of excuses that I could have had, I really
truly believed it if I applied myself, it would work.
And as you know, a mother of four now, I
think about that every day because my kids don't have
the same hunger as I do. They don't want for
the same things that I do. But in the same token,
I want them and need them to find their purpose
and their passion and what they're going to be good at.
(13:25):
And so I think again, it is all comes back
down to how you see yourself and the stories that
you tell yourself, and how kind we can be to ourselves,
because you've got like one big relationship, one big love
in your life, and that's you. The person I hear
from most is me. I wake up with me in
the you know, in the morning, I go to bed
with me at night. I'm chatting to myself the whole day.
(13:47):
And I can choose that narrative, right. I can choose
to be kind to myself. I can choose to tell
me that I can do it, or I can create
a really really negative narrative in really negative patterns. And
so I wake up every day and I choose to
tell myself that whatever it is, I can probably do
it if I apply, if I learn, if I put
(14:08):
one hundred percent effort in, if I surround myself with
the right people, all of those things. And so I
think it's just like constantly practice who you want to be.
And I just feel like I'm in like a forever
practice of who it is I want to be.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Yeah, I love that, Yeah, absolutely give it up. It's
it's such good advice and it's so true. And I
feel like with you, you were always certain from an
early age what you were passionate about, and fashion became
your whole life, like you've been obsessed with it since
you're a young kid. And I feel like today either
(14:42):
it's because we're exposed to too many things, or there's
too many stories of success and all this kind of
stuff I think people are getting. People are struggling to
know what they're passionate. Yes, And I'm sure you get
this question all the time. And how do I find
my passion? How do I know what I'm passionate about?
Is passionate the right thing to look at? What do
you suggest when people are like, am I all these ideas?
(15:04):
I don't know where to start. How should people pick
something their lane to focus on becoming excellent that.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Oh you're going to hate this, don't look for your passion, like, don't, don't, don't, don't.
It's so difficult because if some oftentimes the things that
we love, I mean, they're not always great. Right. I
love a glass of red wine. I would have had
three before I came on this stage if I was
following my passion and what my heart was telling me
to do. But it didn't seem right for on purpose.
(15:31):
So I think that what you have to do is
find what you're good at, find what lights you up.
And you know, often I think about the things that
give you energy versus the things that take energy away.
You know, when I saw you backstage, I was like, oh,
my goodness, you must be exhausted and you must just
(15:51):
want to go straight to sleep. And you said to me, actually,
it takes me three hours to get to sleep after
these shows because I'm so excited after. And I was like, yeah,
because you are living your purpose, you are doing what
gives you energy, and so I think you should go
around and find what gives you energy and what you
are good at, where your natural skills are, you know, leaning,
(16:13):
and then you figure out your purpose. I don't think
you can go around looking for the thing that's going
to you know, be you know, you can't look around
trying to figure out like, I am going to have
this big purpose, because it's so it's so rare that
you ever get there, and oftentimes, you know, I don't
think fashion was a purpose for me. I think I
(16:34):
liked really nice things, and I think I needed to
find a career that paid me really well so I
could buy those nice things, right, Like, it wasn't kind
of true.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
No, But the advice to follow what you're good at
is brilliant because competence build confidence, yes, And I think
a lot of us are trying to do it the
other way around. We're like, I want to be confident,
but you can't be confident if you don't feel competent.
And the only time you feel competent is when you
do something you're really good at and something you're willing
to get really good at. Yes, right, it's not like
you may not be good at the thing you want
(17:07):
to be good at right now, But You're more likely
to dedicate time to it if you think, oh, I
really want to excel at that. I think one of
the biggest challenges I see for a lot of people
is if you only focus on passion, which, by the way,
I love your advice. If you only follow your passion
when things get hard, you then feel not passionate about it,
Whereas if you follow what you're good at, you realize,
(17:28):
whether things are going well or not, you just got
to get better than.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
A million percent. And I love that you talk about
focus because I'm obsessed with this idea of true focus.
You know, focus is a force multiplier in business, it's
a force multiplier in work. When you figure out what
you can actually dedicate yourself to and give all of
your focus, and you truly do that, whether in your
life and your business and your relationships, you will find
(17:53):
unbelievable unlocks. I don't know anyone who is successful who
hasn't been unbelievably unequivocally focused on something and gone deep
and deep and deep and figured it more and more
things out and then found and unlock. And so I
really think about that as something that completely opens up
a new well to you. And when you are willing
(18:15):
to learn and to go really deep in one place,
amazing things start happening like they do. It's like it
really is like magic.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
What distracts us from focus? Like? What is it that's
blocking us from becoming that single minded that? You reminded
me of one of my favorite pieces of wisdom from
Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee once said, I'm not scared of
the person who's practiced ten thousand kicks once each I'm
scared of the person who's practiced one kick ten thousand times, right, Like,
(18:45):
that's the person that's scary. That the person who's practiced
the same thing over and over again, that laser like focus,
that's the scary person. Yes, the person who's got scattered attention,
they're not even in the competition. But why is it
that we all end up being those kind of people
who are like, Okay, I've got to spend time with
my family, got to figure this out, I've got to
do these three things over here, Like that's what we
(19:06):
all fill our life with.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Because I feel like we're in a culture right now
that tells us that you have to do and be
so many different things. You know, when I grew up
it's like you drove a van, you're a carpenter, you
worked in a store, you're a chef, like, do you
know what I mean? Like you were a thing. And
now we all believe that we should be so many
different things. And the truth is that it's so rewarding
(19:30):
to get good at something like I consider myself. People
say to me, Emma, how do you do so many things?
You have so many businesses. It's like, I do one
thing really really well. I'm an excellent merchant. I understand
what people want to buy and how much they're willing
to pay for it, and I do that over and
over and over and over again. That's that. That's it.
That's all I do. And it's really important to know
(19:53):
and to figure out how you can go deep on
something and not spread yourself too thinly. And I think
this idea, you know, we as a as a society,
we really believe these stories of like, you know, overnight success.
But it isn't true, right, it's not a career plan
to think like that. And if I'm really really honest,
(20:15):
I have never ever worked harder in my life than
I do today. That's that's the honest truth. It doesn't
get easier. When you get more successful, it gets much
more difficult. And so I think, if that's the life
that you're looking for and you want to do great things,
you've got to be willing to sacrifice some other stuff
and go deep on one thing.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, and when you do it, it doesn't feel like
a sacrifice. No, it's so fulfilling one hundred percent. It
just might feel like, oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
There were all of these options that I had, But
to me, it's really interesting to think about where your
strengths are and find what you're good at and go
into that thing.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah. I love the way you articulate your strengths. I
remember years ago, and I have no affiliation with this platform,
but it's amazing. I remember years ago I did something
called Strengths Finder, and it's this test that asks you
all these questions. It's like fifty dollars on the Internet.
You fill it out and it will give you your
top thirty four strengths.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh wow, in order thirty four strengths.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
You know, everyone ever on ever on histaty four strengths.
It ranks them in order.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Yes, Jay had thirty four, stroke we all had three.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
No, No, No. The model is thirty four strengths. Everyone
will get thirty four, I promise. But it's all about
your top five strengths. And what's fascinating to me is
when I did that, and it's a thing you've got
to take an hour to do properly. Of course, the
more self aware you are, the better it is. When
I look to my top five strengths, and I imagine
if you look to yours. And I use this when
I'm hiring, I use this when I'm meeting people. I
(21:41):
use it with clients. When I look at my top
five strengds, I knew four of them, but I didn't
know the first one. Wow. Really, we're on that piece
of paper, I mean, sorry, on the digital PDF that
it sends you back. I was like, I had no
idea that that was my top strength, and from that
day on I leaned into that strength.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Well, well, now you've got to tell us what you're touching,
what is happening.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So my top five, I'll tell the four first before
the first one. There's communications is in my top five?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
We agree?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yeah, Ideation, intellections, ideations, coming up with original ideas and intellections,
having thoughtful, reflective discussions and then the fourth one ideation, intellection,
what I say, communication, And there's one more in there
I can't remember. And the top one, number one was strategy.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Strategy, Yeah, was my number one skill and.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I never knew that, Like I wasn't conscious of that.
And the moment I became conscious of the fact that
I'm extremely strategic, it shifted my entire way everything. It
shifted everything. And I would encourage, Like I said, I
have no affiliation with the company, I highly recommend you
do it because you might look at those and go,
wait a minute. Like when you articulated your strength, you
(22:54):
are so clear, You're like, this is what I'm good at. Yeah,
And when you're able to do that, it filled you
with confidence, to fills you with competence, and all of
a sudden you realize why your life's been going wrong. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Not only that, you realize what you need around you,
because my whole thing is that none of us are
successful alone.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
I've arrived here tonight with like a smuttering of people
with me, right, because you don't just wake up and
turn up like that. Sadly, I don't look it took
a lot to roll me out here tonight. But I
do think it's kind of interesting because I think about
my own strengths, like I have an unbelievable ability to focus,
(23:33):
Like that is something that I'm very very good at.
I am as resilient as a person gets, like it
takes a lot to get to me, and I can
take a lot of knockbacks, and I can take a
lot of bad news. And I have a work ethic
like you wouldn't believe, Like it's just I can work
and work and go and go and go, and I've
needed those three things. But there's an enormous amount of
(23:56):
things that I'm just horrendous, not just a little bit bad,
like really bad. I am super impatient, like I have
no patience, and so I have to surround myself with
people that have the things that I don't have. And
I think that it's again so important to understand like
who you are, not like, where are your weaknesses? What
(24:19):
are you not good at? And again we always go
around going you know, what do I need? Who am
I like?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Me?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Me? Me, me me, And it's like it's so important
in your life to surround yourself with friends, with business partners,
with colleagues that have all the things that you don't have,
and I think that that is one of the reasons
I've been really successful. I surround myself with the right
people constantly.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
As I'm listening to you, I'm just thinking about how
this self awareness principle for everyone sitting here is. It's
so powerful. And we're so told in society to get
better at what we're bad at. And I remember, and
this is real for me. When I became a consultant,
after I left the monastery, finally got a job. I
was lucky to get a job. I was rejected by
(25:20):
forty companies before I got it. And when I finally
got that job, they were telling me, you've got to
be good at Excel. You've got to be good at PowerPoint,
You've got to be good at this, you got to
be good at this. And it was like a suite
of things you had to be good at. And I
was like, I do not want to be good at
Microsoft Excel. I still don't. I still don't know how
to do a v look up. All right, For any
(25:41):
of you geeks out there and there's.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
The wrong town to you, admit that. Let me tell you.
They're like so pasted out here.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
I know they're like, oh, you right, bro, seriously.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Well, like Ai and Oba, but it's that kind of
idea of like you're so you're drawt you're told to
get good at things that aren't your thing, and you
constantly are wasting all this time and energy.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Focus. Talking about focus, You've got a finite amount of focus,
and if you're spending it on all the things you're
not that great at, maybe you'll get average at those.
But if you put it in the things, as Emma saying,
the things you're good at, you can become phenomenal at those.
And that's what we need to encourage people to do.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yes, it's really true.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, I wanted to ask you. You have four adorable
children adore like the cutest, like truly the cutest. You
post about them all the time as well. You have
an amazing husband as well, who I love yends like
what a great man.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Lucky girl.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, and it's just beautiful to see what you've been
able to create. And what did you say?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I said, I'm a lucky girl.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
He's a lucky And when I look at I was
wondering if we ask your kids what does mum do?
How would they explain it? Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
My goodness, So my kids like, this is like a
big graduation week for everybody.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
So I've an eleven year old and eight and twins
three year olds, and the three year olds had like
one of those projects where it was like, you know,
what's your mom's name? Your dad named Da Da? And
my kid said, our mum goes to work all the time.
And I was like, you know, it's one of those things.
I'm like, what are you going to do?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
You know?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
And and there was a part of me that I
was like, do I feel shame about that? Am I
comfortable with that? But you know, I've really made it
a point to tell my kids how much I love work,
because I felt that with my first two I was
constantly in some cycle of apologies. I'm sorry that I'm leaving,
(27:36):
I'm sorry that I'm going to New York. I'm sorry
that I'll be back late tonight. And what I realized
is that I created a narrative that I didn't really
like what I was doing. And I had this conversation
with my daughter as I was going to New York, like,
you know a few months ago, and she said, I'm
so sorry You've got to go on this trip. And
I said, lo when I go to New York, I
(27:57):
have an amazing time. I sleep diagonally. I go out,
my friends are drink too much wine, like, I have
the best time. And she said to me, Oh, Okay,
have an amazing time. I'll see you in three days.
And I thought, wow, I did that. So I'm working
really hard to let my kids know. Yeah, like, I'm
not the mom that is at every drop off, I'm
not the mom that is volunteering at the school. But
(28:19):
guess what, there are all of these other amazing things
that I do that I enjoy, and I'm not trying
to make you guys feel guilty about it. I'm not
trying to play a marda. These are things that I
really love and enjoy, and I kind of feel like
my kids are cool with it because they've been raised
like that and they know that they can go after
their dreams unashamedly. And I feel like if we start
(28:41):
to shift that narrative with our children, it will make
everything so much easier because nobody wants mum guilt. Nobody
wants any parental guilt, and we all know it's there,
but we don't need that.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Yeah, it's you know, I can only speak about it
from being a son to a mom that I love.
And I've told you this before. Like my mom was
the bread wren of the house. She'd wake up in
the morning, make me and my sister lunch to take
with us to school, make us breakfast, she'd drop us
to school, go to work. We'd get picked up by
(29:14):
a nanny from school. We'd wait there for a couple
of hours. My mom would come back from work, pick
us up, make us dinner, help us with our homework,
and then go back to work in the evening. And
I really believe that my work ethic is because of
watching my mom work. Yes, And here's the interesting thing.
I didn't have a lot of time with my mom
growing up, but I never felt unloved. And I've started
(29:36):
to realize that time doesn't equal love. But that's what
we've all convinced ourselves. We're like, if I'm there for
you all the time, then that means I love you.
And actually that's not the case, because I I'm there
all the time, but I'm not happy, I'm not really present,
I'm on my phone, I'm distracted, I'm over entertaining you.
You don't get time to be bored. You don't get
time to be disconnect. Time doesn't equal love. And I
(29:59):
feel like today put a lot of pressure on parents
to have to be everything at home and perform at
work and be amazing partners. When I look around, it's
really hard on my friends that I see having that
pressure to be a perfect parent, a perfect professional, a
perfect partner, a perfect everything. Yeah, because it wasn't like that.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
But we also have to figure out where does that
pressure come from, right, because oftentimes it's coming from some
outside source or we're putting it on ourselves. And I
did an exercise for myself when I first had Grace,
so like eleven years ago, and I wrote down what
was important to me, because you know what, there are
certain non negotiables, like if my kids in a play,
(30:40):
if they're you know, like we had a big graduation
thing today, Like I am there, but I don't know
that I think it's important to make like instagrammable lunch boxes,
Like that's not something I need to do, you know,
And so I don't do that. But you know, it's
like it's so it's really important to figure out, like
these my standards or are these somebody else's standards? And
(31:03):
one of my non negotiables, and so I feel like
once you get there, everything suddenly falls into place, and
that's the important thing, Like in all parts of our life,
like where are my standards? Where are the places that
I feel that I will absolutely not be happy if
these things are happening in my life? Where are the
places that I feel like I would be making a
(31:26):
sacrifice versus what is everybody else thinking of me? Or
did I see that? I feel like I need to
be keeping up with what do the school tell me?
You know I need to do? Because half the time,
if you know, if you can level with things in
your own life, like you'll be okay. So I think
it's really important and I constantly have those conversations with
myself because life that you're you're in this constant change
(31:47):
mode hopefully right, Like what worked for my kids when
they were five doesn't work for them at eleven, And
so I try to reassess constantly, like how do I
really feel about these things? And I write it down.
I'm like, it's really important for me to have a
girl's trip once a year, and I do that every
single year without fail, Like like I don't negotiate, I
(32:09):
don't like say to my husband. Oh, I can't like
can't figure out the data. It's like it is happening.
That is one of the things that makes me happy
because those connections, those relationships are something that I find
absolutely precious. And so I just have a bunch of
things that I feel and non negotiable in my life.
But they're mine. It's my list. I own it. It
doesn't belong to anyone else and it doesn't come from
(32:29):
anywhere else. And the rest I just say, like, I'm
not doing it.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
So good, so good, honestly, Like I love the standard
piece because maybe someone's standard is to make instagrammable lunches. Yes,
beautiful and good for them.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I love watching those videos.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I watched the video.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
I just don't want to make.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
The lunch and that's what's so beautiful. And that's that's
kind of where we're struggling. I feel where we're making
someone else's standards are standards, as you said, and that's
where everything goes wrong. You know again, I want to
go back to the point you made earlier about this.
Women get this asked this question, especially as CEOs, especially
as business builders, far more disproportionately than men. To be honest,
(33:10):
I don't think men you get asked this, And so
when I'm asking this, I'm asking it self aware and
want to make that point that women always get asked
how do you balance it all? Right, which men don't
get asked, Like if I'm sitting with a male CEO
E fact, no one goes, hey, wait a minute, how
do you balance it all?
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Yeah? Yo, elon, how's the balance going? We were seventeen
kids like.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
But and so I asked it for that reaction, right,
and you get asked and all the rest of it.
And then how have you been able to And this
is true for me too, and I think about it,
but you've done it with you do have beautiful We
(33:53):
were just literally when I saw you this today, you
were facetiming your daughter and she was building a crown.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
It made a man natile.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Yeah, it was so happy with it, so happy.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
It's beautiful and we're talking to that and then and
then Yen's your husband who I know too, and he's
like having dinner while you're getting ready and you chatting,
and it's so beautiful to see, right, and like you're
finding time for all of these really important relationships, even
though you've been so kind to come out and help
me out with this. And so when I see that happening,
I'm like, what does it take? What does it take
(34:24):
to be the powerhouse CEO, to be a present wife,
to be a connected mum? Like, what is that taking?
And I know you, I know you don't believe in perfection?
What is that? What does it take?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
So, at the risk of sounding and saying things that
I've said a lot, I do talk about the ideas
of trade offs all the time. I talk about the
idea of an unbelievable amount of help. But I think
the most important thing to talk about in the context
of where we are today is really thinking about ourselves,
(35:01):
really thinking about ourselves, because if the standard and if
people look at me and think, well, you know, her
hair's done, and the husband's nice, and the kids look perfect,
and that house is good and she's running all these companies,
you would have missed the entire point of me. Because
what I do well is what works for me. That's
(35:22):
what works for me. And I think that if we
think for one second that we have to emulate and
we have to take pieces of everybody's life, like, that's
where we start to go wrong. So for me, I
have nanny's, I have other people that do things in
the house. I have like so much help, But I've
never had a problem my whole life in asking for help.
(35:43):
It's something that I do all the time. If I
have a problem in my business, I'll call a competitor.
If I can't figure something out, like I'm on the
phone trying to work it through. And that becomes a
pattern in your life, like asking for help, not comparing yourself.
And so what I say to not just women, to
everyone who's trying to figure out how to do all
(36:04):
their stuff is work it out for yourself. Don't let
the standards of what you see around you impede on
how you feel, because the idea that anyone's got it
all down is just fake, and I don't like that's
the truth. Every single day, if you see me here,
(36:25):
it means that my kids didn't have me at dinner tonight.
If you see me here right now, it means that
I'm giving something else up. And so my life is
this series of trade offs. It is this series of
I'm doing one thing. But I made this decision today
because I was like, I want to go to Jay
s Sheddy and talk to peoboss, you know, and it's like,
and that's fine, but I don't feel bad about that.
(36:46):
I'm not going to talture myself about it. But I
think that we have to really look into ourselves and
decide what's right for us and stop trying to chase
this idea of balance, and also stop lying. You know,
I just stopped lying about it. I started to say,
this is really hard. I really have to make difficult choices.
(37:08):
And when I made choices that were seemingly selfish or
about me, I stopped hiding them because I thought that
was doing a disservice to other women. So when I'm out,
I'm going to say I'm out when I'm not with
my kids. I'm going to say I'm not with my kids.
When I say I only do school drop up twice
a week, that's on a good week. So I'm just
going to stop lying and everyone else comes fallow suit.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
You're changing the game, like you actually changed the game.
And that's why I was so excited by the way.
I was so excited because literally just a couple of
weeks ago, Emma launched her own podcast, I Aspire with
Emma Greed, and I want everyone in here to go
on their Spotify or their Apple app or whatever app
you use when you leave tonight, and I want you
to go subscribe to Aspire by Emma Greed.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
You're so loud.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
If you're not already, I mean, I loved because I
really feel like your voice in this space is so refreshing.
It's so revolutionary. It's totally redefining what women can think about,
of what's possible, what's expected of them, what's perfect, what's not,
what's real. And I feel like you just being real
(38:17):
and honest is genuinely what's needed in this space. I
don't know anyone else who's doing it, and it's so
It's something I love about you. I'm in awe of
you and I admire it so so deeply.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I mean it, No, I love it so Thanks Jay,
I'll pull you later. I mean, I love you. But
I have to tell everyone that on my first day
of filming, I filmed with Jay and I wanted to die.
I was like, why are you the first person I'm
filming with? You know you because and I tell you why,
because this is and it speaks so much to who
you are, you know. I thought about my dream guests.
(38:49):
I was like, who do I want to talk to it?
And so I text Jay and I thought, you know what,
He'll want to see the show and he'll watch a
couple of episodes and maybe, if I'm super lucky, in
like six or nine months, he'll come on the pod.
But of course you were like, yeah, when should I come?
And I was like, oh shit, I can't believe it.
So you were the first person, which was so crazy.
But you know, I'm really happy to be doing this
(39:11):
thing because I've spent my entire career building businesses and
after a while, you start to realize that as much
as a solution you are, you're also part of the problem, right,
You're part of the problem of what people look to
and see sometimes as unattainable. And so what I wanted
to do with this podcast was a start telling the truth,
b to really talk about like what it takes, because
(39:35):
I feel like there's so much toxic positivity out there
and it's totally unhelpful for all of us. So I
was like, I'm going to tell the truth. I'm gonna,
you know, be me from East London, which means like
really tell the truth, and you know, I'm going to
get the people that I have worked so hard to
get to know, because they will come on and they
(39:57):
will speak to me in a way that perhaps they
to somebody else. And it's been amazing because I really
look at you know, we're all, in some way trying
to build the life of our dreams. We're all trying
to live out this idea of what we find aspiring.
But it's different for different people, and we all have
different opportunities. And the more I would go around this country,
(40:18):
I get constantly stopped by people that would say to me,
I've got two kids and I'm like thirty five, and
I just want to change, and could you give me
some advice? And I thought, wouldn't it be amazing if
you could figure out how you could scale mentorship. And
so for me, the idea was just that simple. Just
have conversations, be really honest, talk to the people that
(40:39):
I aspire to the most, and give people the tools
so that they can make and build the life of
their dreams. And it's honestly been like the biggest privilege
because I feel like when you come at something with
a really good intention, like unbelievable things happen. And it's
only been I don't know. It's been like a couple
(40:59):
of months filming, but I feel like it's been pretty
magical and people are doing exactly that they're coming there,
they're telling the truth and it's actually helping people.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
What more do you need? I love it. I love
it all right. I want to take you up on that.
I want to take you up on the Emma. I'm
going to give someone a really special opportunity today, and
therefore I want you to really honor it. If you
raise your hand, I want it to be because you
have something really valuable and something really thought through and
something really mature in new idea, because I believe it's
(41:32):
such a special opportunity. Tonight it's been all about doing things,
not caring about what people think. To take your moment
to make sure that you don't miss out to say
I'll do that. As Emma taught us earlier, I want
to give someone the opportunity in a moment to come
up here and have sixty seconds to elevate a pitch
(41:54):
their idea to the one and only Emma. So if
anyone had a business idea, a dream for a business idea, company, AI,
whatever it is, I want you to raise your hand.
I'm taking a look around, raise your hand, raise your hand,
and seeing a lot of people. This is great. I'm
looking up there off the top. I see the light
(42:14):
as well. I see the light as well. Let me go,
let me go to it. I'm gonna come out and
talk to it a reporter. That's so they won't say.
I'm going to get up from the audience. Give it
up for k everyone.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Well done. I love it, so nice to meet you. Congratulations,
well done for standing. I chose you because you stood up.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Kate. I'm gonna ask you to come over here on
our spot. This is for you. We're going to give
you sixty seconds to share your elevator pitch to the
one and only Emma Read and the audience of Hello.
Speaker 4 (42:52):
My name is Kate Wood. I'm from Reading, California. In
twenty twenty, I had twins as well. About eight months later,
I opened my first restaurant. About six weeks ago, I
opened my second restaurant. But I've always had this. I've
always had this dream to have a YouTube show and
(43:14):
take it to the Food Network. My dream is to
start a show called Stage and where you can either
take celebrities or other people influencers, and each season would
be that person and you put them in different spaces
for an episode. So each episode would have an adventure challenge,
(43:35):
it would have like a high end challenge, and it
would also have something really like heartwarming. All in the
food industry, we expose. You can expose meat packaging places,
you could go into prisons, you could go to high
end Michelin Star restaurants. But each episode, that celebrity or
that person would be a stage and you'd have to
take on those challenges. You'd have to step into that risk,
(44:00):
have to expose different parts of this industry. And it's
sort of this meeting between Triple D and Dirty Jobs,
but all in the food industry, because it's such a
huge industry that I love so much, and it takes
so much every day for us to make this happen,
and we all just love creating food and feeding people,
(44:24):
and so I just thought it'd be a really lovely
TV show idea, and I would have to take that
first step to be a starch.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
And so that's my idea anyway, right not okay, everyone,
thank you. It's amazing, amazing insight advice. Here we go,
ready advice. So the first thing I want to say
is I love that you stood because you were the
first person that I saw, and that's why I was like,
I'm going for you there, because you just stood out.
(44:51):
So the idea that you would even put yourself out
there in that way is a really big and important
first step. Also, on restaurant number two, congratulations to you.
That's like insane, insane, it really is. I think the
beauty about the media climate and where we are right
now is that you can do things in a really big, shiny, Netflix,
(45:11):
big budget, beautiful way, or you can scale ideas down
and you can test into them. And I think that
one of the most amazing things that I've seen really
really work in my career is when we've taken things
that we thought had potential to be really big and
really global and we've tested them on smaller platforms, like
(45:31):
figuring something out on YouTube or figuring out like an
Instagram version of what you're trying to do. Your idea
is to take something you know, like a whole industry,
and to go into somewhere you know, like the prisons
that you mentioned or whatever it might be. But why
would you not test that instead of with an influencer
with one of your friends in a more localized situation
(45:52):
and figure out how it works. Because there's some beauty
to this idea of test and learn. One of the
things that I want that thousand percent no as an
entrepreneur is that you've just got to start. Like if
you have figured it all out and you've written a
big presentation and you're waiting for the one magical day
that you're going to, you know, meet Ted Surrandos some
pictures in Netflix like that day might never come, but
(46:15):
you could get out of the starting block and just
try something. And then the beauty of that is that
you get to test and learn, and you fail and
you iterate and you start again. So I would take
this idea that you've got and extraculate the best pieces
of it and try it in some really little small way,
whatever you can. I will do it tomorrow. Tomorrow. Forget everyone,
(46:41):
Thank you, it's very nice to meet.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Bye, give it. I forget everyone.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
I don't believe we did that that. I can't believe
we did that.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
I know that's much fun. It's like that. It's what
you said, like someone saying, I'll do that. Raising a
and Kate's courage and also just having a great idea,
having a great thought, and and that advice you gave
was spot on. I love the advice you gave. I
think it's so valuable to hear that. It's interesting you
said that when I first wanted this show to exist,
(47:17):
I actually started on purpose because I pitched a TV
show that got rejected. Now seven years ago, No, yeah,
I had a TV show idea. I actually had the
opportunity to pitch at Netflix and pitch at ABC and
pitch at MTV was still around then. And did they
(47:38):
turn you down and I got rejected? They rejected my
TV show idea and so a podcast. Yes, yes, So
you know, like, just just hearing that I gave me
goosebumps because that was exactly what happened to me. Emma,
you have been phenomenal tonight. You are truly one of
my favorite people in the world. Everyone make sure you
(48:01):
go and subscribe to Aspire with Emma Greed, Apple, Spotify, YouTube,
all the platforms. Follow Emma on Instagram if you don't
already give it up for Emma Reed.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Thank you, thank you, thank you, You're the best. I
love you.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If
you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant
on why discomfort is the key to growth and the
strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you
want to be more and achieve more this year, go
check it out right now.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
You set a goal today, you achieve it in six months,
and then by the time it happens, it's almost a relief.
Speaker 4 (48:42):
There's no sense of meaning and purpose.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
You sort of expected it, and you would have been
disappointed if it didn't happen.
Host
Jay Shetty
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com