March 8, 2023 • 17 mins
On this episode of Our American Stories, Laura Sangster shares her love story between her and her husband. All was well until her husband, Fred, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
including your story. Send them to our American Stories dot com.
There's some of our favorites, and you know we really
mean that. Today we have a listeners story from who
in Des Moines our Great iHeart Station ten forty. Laura
(00:31):
Sangster had a tough childhood and a very tough first marriage,
but then she met her husband Fred. Here's Laura sharing
her story. I was married forty years. I found out
after five years of marriage that he had sexual addictions
and he was living had another life thirty eight years
(00:55):
out of forty. I didn't want God to be mad
at me, so I didn't want divorce, kids. Everybody wanted me.
I mean, it was awful, and I just thought I
was so scared. My health was going down. I did
late consoling my consulate. He said, no, the Lord does
not want you to be living like this anymore. So
(01:16):
I worked for a law firm. Everybody knew who he
was and what he was doing. After I decided to divorce,
they were just so elated. They put a party on
and they said, you need to find somebody that cares
about you. So five years later they wanted me to
(01:37):
do e harmony. They were all on e harmony, some
of them were engaged and you know, and it was like,
you got to do this. Well. I filled out the
application after a lot of pressuring, and then Fred name
came up. Anyway, we started talking. You know, you talk first,
and they email questions back and forth. First name and
(02:00):
no email nothing, So it's quite a process that you
go through. Then when you feel like you're ready to
just say hey, I can give him my phone number
or my email address, then you can do that. So
after about oh I would say, probably two or three months,
we just really knew a lot about each other. We
(02:21):
met first of January for the first time in person.
He came to Minnesota because he had meetings there. It
was like we had known each other for years. And
he came by the table and stood up and he
just stood there and I thought, who is this and
he said Laura, and I said yes and he said
(02:42):
I'm Fred. We sat there for five hours and then
we sat on the parking lot and then the next
day his one meeting was canceled. Says are you going
to be available? And I did, and it was just like,
That's why I called my prince and I always have
(03:03):
because it was like it was just a Cinderella's story
and we just knew. I mean, there was no doubt
and I had no intentions of ever getting married again.
But he treated me such a gentleman and such a
wonderful Christian man. It was just like God just put
(03:26):
him in. I really believe that God really put him
in my life. When he asked me to marry him
in February, I thought, you know, I told him right out.
I said, you know what, I need to pray about this,
and I said, I don't want to talk to you
(03:48):
or any connection during this time, because I said, I
really need to pray to God that this is what
he wants me to do. And I thought, well, if
he finds somebody else, that's fine. It wasn't meant to be.
That's the way I thought about it. And people can't
believe I did that. My heart tells me I need
to do that, so I did. And it was two
(04:09):
weeks actually to the day that I told him, and
I prayed and prayed and everything no connection, and then
one morning I woke up, got to work and it
just said you need to call them now and say
you would like to go out with them again. I
did so it just all went from there. We wrote
(04:33):
our vows together. It says our promises to each other first,
and most importantly, God will be the center focus of
our relationship with each other. I want you to know
that I will always make prayer the foremost in any
given situation, and our day will start and end with prayer.
(04:54):
I want to be someone who reminds you every single
day how much you're loved. Want to be someone who
feels each day of our marriage with happiness and beautiful
memories with you. I want to be someone you can
trust and share with absolute everything along the pathway of
our life's journey together. I want to be the one
(05:17):
person you know who can always turn to someone you
can laugh and cry with. But most importantly, I just
want you to be able to be yourself. I want
to sit next to you, hold you, walk with you,
and share our innermost thoughts. These are my promises to you.
Both of us were on the same track, that's where
(05:40):
it started. And then we had beautiful trips. We just
had just a beautiful life. And then I noticed one
day that he just like stood in the room, middle
of the room and just was like just puzzled, like
know where where he was or whatever. And I thought,
(06:02):
oh my gosh, what's going on? Anyway, I noticed little
things here and there, and his mom passed away with Alzheimer.
Then we had him evaluated. This was in twenty fourteen.
I think I think he was diagnosed with Alzheimer. And
(06:26):
you've been listening to Laura Sangster tell her story about
a dreadful first marriage, liberation through a divorce, and ultimately
finding Fred. Those vows, they were just so beautiful. Oh
my goodness, ours weren't as good. I wish, I wish
we'd spent more time on ours. And we're as thoughtful
by the way. I met my bride on the internet
as well, on Match dot com. Third couple to ever
(06:48):
be married on match dot com. And we're really proud
of that. And I knew it when I met her
that was my person, that was my soul mate. And
clearly Laura knew Fred was the person her for the
rest of her life. When we come back more of
this story and what happens next is Alzheimer's beckins. This
(07:09):
is our American stories. Here are our American Stories. We
(07:32):
bring you inspiring stories of history, sports, business, faith, and love.
Stories from a great and beautiful country that need to
be told. But we can't do it without you. Our
stories are free to listen to, but they're not free
to make. If you love our stories in America like
we do, please go to our American Stories dot com
and click the donate button. Give a little, give a lot,
(07:53):
help us keep the great American stories coming. That's our
American Stories dot Com. And we continue with our American Stories.
We've been listening to Laura Sangster, a listener from WHO
(08:15):
in Des Moines, Iowa. She's been sharing the ups and
downs of life which brought her to this point in
her life, which, of course, as you heard before, was
an Alzheimer's diagnosis for her husband and in the end
for her. Let's go back to Laura. I tried taking
(08:35):
care of him at home and I was a wreck.
I couldn't do it anymore. And three years ago my
doctor looked emi says it's either you or him. So
I had appointment facility and he was It was really hard.
I've been in a lot of caregiver groups. I got
him involved right away, just to keep his mind going.
(08:57):
There's a lot of neat places. Alzheimer's Negotiation has places
everywhere every state, and there's groups that they zone into
what they can still do and give them encouragement. And
that's what I would just say, is find a caregiver
group right away, find out all the information, all the steps,
(09:18):
because it helps prepare you. If you don't look into
that or get the support from that end, it's awful,
it's awful. And I was right away with him, and
I think that kept him going longer than he would
have been because I kind of kept him in with
people that were like him. And it was so important
(09:40):
because he didn't feel like he was different then, and
that is so important. That is so important because people
don't understand. We had lots of friends. Fred had Fred's
for seventy five years, and we had a church family,
we had Bible Stuf, we did social things all the time,
(10:03):
and we're your family, We're here. I mean, these are
long your friends. Anyway, after you was diagnosed, everybody fell
off the face of the earth totally. They're gone. And
one pastor, Tommy says, well, they just don't know what
to say or do. And I say, no, that's wrong.
(10:24):
That's when you need your family. It was hard. So
I tried for a few years with everybody, and I
just thought, I don't have the energies to do this anymore.
It's not worth it. You might know what to say,
but you can say, hey, I've been thinking about you,
So get connected right away and learn. They have great
(10:46):
support groups, great support groups for both. You go to
meetings with both and friend and I did, and then
you have your own caregiving groups. But now to this day,
he doesn't know who I am. He knows I'm special,
you know, but he's content in this world. And that's
(11:07):
been real hard for me. And it was our anniversary
on July fifth, and I'm going to cry. These words
came to me. It says remembering for both of us.
I just sat down by my computer and I wrote
this in ten minutes. It just flowed out of me.
(11:28):
It says memories are unforgettable. And I only wish I
could say to you remember when, but I know you can't.
So I will remember for us both. I talk to
you about the past, hoping that it triggers some memory
of our past, but in reality, I know in my
(11:51):
heart that I will need to remember for us both.
When I say I love you so much, you in
turn tell me that's nice. My hogs seem a mystery
to you. Your eyes speak why are you hugging me?
And you receive it with no response with a hogback.
(12:13):
I miss those hugs. You are the best hugger of all.
And I always with saying I love you, my PJ
a name you gave me at our wedding which means
precious jewel, and I called you my prince like in Cinderella.
But now I only can rest in my heart those
expressions of our love and knowing I will remember for
(12:38):
us both memories are never forgotten. Deep down inside you.
I know they are there in your heart. When we
talk about God, your eyes shine. That makes me teary
eyed because I know you are aware that He is
with you. I will forever the memories for us both.
(13:04):
And that just flowed, and it's like, thank you Lord,
because I needed that. It's something told me to just
sit down and just pour it out. And one main
thing I want to say, don't let the little things
(13:26):
get in the way, because you're gonna have differences, You're
gonna have little things that are happening all the time.
But that's what I try to tell people, married people
and even older people. I said, you know, the little
things don't matter because what look of it With Fred,
(13:46):
I never even done that this is going to happen.
And if we were to harbord on the bad stuff,
we would not even had a beautiful marriage like we did.
But it was beautiful and we would talk. We would
definitely talk about if something was wrong, we would talk
right away. Very rarely do we have any problem at all.
(14:08):
Even when I took care of him for five years
when he got bad, we still had good moments and
precious moments. And even when he went in, I could
take him, but I can't take him out anymore. I'm
much stronger than I ever have in because I see
(14:31):
he has planted people in my pathway. He has helped
me to find a good place for Fred. All I
wanted to do is inspire people. No matter how hard
things can get, you just got to trust there's a
reason for and the Lord will put those people in
your pathway when you need him. My oldest son is
fifty three. He's in a nursing home right now, and
(14:54):
he is called Whitmore's disease, and it's not it's foreign
to the US. It's only in tropical areas and maybe
Puerto Rico. They don't know how he contracted. You only
can get it through contaminated water or soil. What it
does is it destroys. He's got permanent brain damage, kidney damage,
(15:19):
liver damage. And then my other son is MSS and
our girlfriend I have fifty three years, were very very close,
like sisters. She ended up having in the hospital the
same time I was there. She's got demancia. So I
do have a load. I look at everything and it
(15:39):
doesn't bother me to the point of just saying why. Lord,
I never asked why. Just give me the strength to
be able to be there however I can. I taught
them or her family how to speak to alzheimer. I'm
looking at it that the Lord has planted me in
these situations. That's the way I live. I look at
(16:02):
it and say, I don't like it. I need a break,
But he has put me in positions to be able
to help, and that that's how That's how I comfort myself.
And like I said, I don't like it, but I
only have two alternatives. Either to be really upset or
(16:24):
you know, okay, Lord, what do you want me to do?
And that's that's where I'm at. I have my days,
believe me, And not that I don't sit and cry sometimes,
not that I don't, you know, I mean it's normal
and I think it's good. It's like a pressure cookie.
You gotta lest some of the steam out and it's okay.
It's okay to cry. And that's what they kind of
(16:46):
help you with too, is when I first went to caregiver.
It's okay to cry, It's it's okay to say what
you're feeling. And you know, because it does, it really
helps you make stronger, be stronger, and a beautiful piece.
A sad piece, but a real piece. So many millions
(17:07):
of people living with Alzheimer's and it's tough, but hearing
this voice, well, this voice of affirmation and hope even
within it all. And a special thanks to Faith and
Robbie and Medicine for their work on the piece and
their collaboration. Laura Sangster's story, the story of how she
lives with Alzheimer's. I need to remember for us both.
(17:29):
She said, he doesn't know who I am, but he's
content in his world again. The story of Laura Sangster
a listener's story, A beauty here on our American stories.
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
including your story. Send them to our American Stories dot com.
There's some of our favorites, and you know we really
mean that. Today we have a listeners story from who
in Des Moines our Great iHeart Station ten forty. Laura
(00:31):
Sangster had a tough childhood and a very tough first marriage,
but then she met her husband Fred. Here's Laura sharing
her story. I was married forty years. I found out
after five years of marriage that he had sexual addictions
and he was living had another life thirty eight years
(00:55):
out of forty. I didn't want God to be mad
at me, so I didn't want divorce, kids. Everybody wanted me.
I mean, it was awful, and I just thought I
was so scared. My health was going down. I did
late consoling my consulate. He said, no, the Lord does
not want you to be living like this anymore. So
(01:16):
I worked for a law firm. Everybody knew who he
was and what he was doing. After I decided to divorce,
they were just so elated. They put a party on
and they said, you need to find somebody that cares
about you. So five years later they wanted me to
(01:37):
do e harmony. They were all on e harmony, some
of them were engaged and you know, and it was like,
you got to do this. Well. I filled out the
application after a lot of pressuring, and then Fred name
came up. Anyway, we started talking. You know, you talk first,
and they email questions back and forth. First name and
(02:00):
no email nothing, So it's quite a process that you
go through. Then when you feel like you're ready to
just say hey, I can give him my phone number
or my email address, then you can do that. So
after about oh I would say, probably two or three months,
we just really knew a lot about each other. We
(02:21):
met first of January for the first time in person.
He came to Minnesota because he had meetings there. It
was like we had known each other for years. And
he came by the table and stood up and he
just stood there and I thought, who is this and
he said Laura, and I said yes and he said
(02:42):
I'm Fred. We sat there for five hours and then
we sat on the parking lot and then the next
day his one meeting was canceled. Says are you going
to be available? And I did, and it was just like,
That's why I called my prince and I always have
(03:03):
because it was like it was just a Cinderella's story
and we just knew. I mean, there was no doubt
and I had no intentions of ever getting married again.
But he treated me such a gentleman and such a
wonderful Christian man. It was just like God just put
(03:26):
him in. I really believe that God really put him
in my life. When he asked me to marry him
in February, I thought, you know, I told him right out.
I said, you know what, I need to pray about this,
and I said, I don't want to talk to you
(03:48):
or any connection during this time, because I said, I
really need to pray to God that this is what
he wants me to do. And I thought, well, if
he finds somebody else, that's fine. It wasn't meant to be.
That's the way I thought about it. And people can't
believe I did that. My heart tells me I need
to do that, so I did. And it was two
(04:09):
weeks actually to the day that I told him, and
I prayed and prayed and everything no connection, and then
one morning I woke up, got to work and it
just said you need to call them now and say
you would like to go out with them again. I
did so it just all went from there. We wrote
(04:33):
our vows together. It says our promises to each other first,
and most importantly, God will be the center focus of
our relationship with each other. I want you to know
that I will always make prayer the foremost in any
given situation, and our day will start and end with prayer.
(04:54):
I want to be someone who reminds you every single
day how much you're loved. Want to be someone who
feels each day of our marriage with happiness and beautiful
memories with you. I want to be someone you can
trust and share with absolute everything along the pathway of
our life's journey together. I want to be the one
(05:17):
person you know who can always turn to someone you
can laugh and cry with. But most importantly, I just
want you to be able to be yourself. I want
to sit next to you, hold you, walk with you,
and share our innermost thoughts. These are my promises to you.
Both of us were on the same track, that's where
(05:40):
it started. And then we had beautiful trips. We just
had just a beautiful life. And then I noticed one
day that he just like stood in the room, middle
of the room and just was like just puzzled, like
know where where he was or whatever. And I thought,
(06:02):
oh my gosh, what's going on? Anyway, I noticed little
things here and there, and his mom passed away with Alzheimer.
Then we had him evaluated. This was in twenty fourteen.
I think I think he was diagnosed with Alzheimer. And
(06:26):
you've been listening to Laura Sangster tell her story about
a dreadful first marriage, liberation through a divorce, and ultimately
finding Fred. Those vows, they were just so beautiful. Oh
my goodness, ours weren't as good. I wish, I wish
we'd spent more time on ours. And we're as thoughtful
by the way. I met my bride on the internet
as well, on Match dot com. Third couple to ever
(06:48):
be married on match dot com. And we're really proud
of that. And I knew it when I met her
that was my person, that was my soul mate. And
clearly Laura knew Fred was the person her for the
rest of her life. When we come back more of
this story and what happens next is Alzheimer's beckins. This
(07:09):
is our American stories. Here are our American Stories. We
(07:32):
bring you inspiring stories of history, sports, business, faith, and love.
Stories from a great and beautiful country that need to
be told. But we can't do it without you. Our
stories are free to listen to, but they're not free
to make. If you love our stories in America like
we do, please go to our American Stories dot com
and click the donate button. Give a little, give a lot,
(07:53):
help us keep the great American stories coming. That's our
American Stories dot Com. And we continue with our American Stories.
We've been listening to Laura Sangster, a listener from WHO
(08:15):
in Des Moines, Iowa. She's been sharing the ups and
downs of life which brought her to this point in
her life, which, of course, as you heard before, was
an Alzheimer's diagnosis for her husband and in the end
for her. Let's go back to Laura. I tried taking
(08:35):
care of him at home and I was a wreck.
I couldn't do it anymore. And three years ago my
doctor looked emi says it's either you or him. So
I had appointment facility and he was It was really hard.
I've been in a lot of caregiver groups. I got
him involved right away, just to keep his mind going.
(08:57):
There's a lot of neat places. Alzheimer's Negotiation has places
everywhere every state, and there's groups that they zone into
what they can still do and give them encouragement. And
that's what I would just say, is find a caregiver
group right away, find out all the information, all the steps,
(09:18):
because it helps prepare you. If you don't look into
that or get the support from that end, it's awful,
it's awful. And I was right away with him, and
I think that kept him going longer than he would
have been because I kind of kept him in with
people that were like him. And it was so important
(09:40):
because he didn't feel like he was different then, and
that is so important. That is so important because people
don't understand. We had lots of friends. Fred had Fred's
for seventy five years, and we had a church family,
we had Bible Stuf, we did social things all the time,
(10:03):
and we're your family, We're here. I mean, these are
long your friends. Anyway, after you was diagnosed, everybody fell
off the face of the earth totally. They're gone. And
one pastor, Tommy says, well, they just don't know what
to say or do. And I say, no, that's wrong.
(10:24):
That's when you need your family. It was hard. So
I tried for a few years with everybody, and I
just thought, I don't have the energies to do this anymore.
It's not worth it. You might know what to say,
but you can say, hey, I've been thinking about you,
So get connected right away and learn. They have great
(10:46):
support groups, great support groups for both. You go to
meetings with both and friend and I did, and then
you have your own caregiving groups. But now to this day,
he doesn't know who I am. He knows I'm special,
you know, but he's content in this world. And that's
(11:07):
been real hard for me. And it was our anniversary
on July fifth, and I'm going to cry. These words
came to me. It says remembering for both of us.
I just sat down by my computer and I wrote
this in ten minutes. It just flowed out of me.
(11:28):
It says memories are unforgettable. And I only wish I
could say to you remember when, but I know you can't.
So I will remember for us both. I talk to
you about the past, hoping that it triggers some memory
of our past, but in reality, I know in my
(11:51):
heart that I will need to remember for us both.
When I say I love you so much, you in
turn tell me that's nice. My hogs seem a mystery
to you. Your eyes speak why are you hugging me?
And you receive it with no response with a hogback.
(12:13):
I miss those hugs. You are the best hugger of all.
And I always with saying I love you, my PJ
a name you gave me at our wedding which means
precious jewel, and I called you my prince like in Cinderella.
But now I only can rest in my heart those
expressions of our love and knowing I will remember for
(12:38):
us both memories are never forgotten. Deep down inside you.
I know they are there in your heart. When we
talk about God, your eyes shine. That makes me teary
eyed because I know you are aware that He is
with you. I will forever the memories for us both.
(13:04):
And that just flowed, and it's like, thank you Lord,
because I needed that. It's something told me to just
sit down and just pour it out. And one main
thing I want to say, don't let the little things
(13:26):
get in the way, because you're gonna have differences, You're
gonna have little things that are happening all the time.
But that's what I try to tell people, married people
and even older people. I said, you know, the little
things don't matter because what look of it With Fred,
(13:46):
I never even done that this is going to happen.
And if we were to harbord on the bad stuff,
we would not even had a beautiful marriage like we did.
But it was beautiful and we would talk. We would
definitely talk about if something was wrong, we would talk
right away. Very rarely do we have any problem at all.
(14:08):
Even when I took care of him for five years
when he got bad, we still had good moments and
precious moments. And even when he went in, I could
take him, but I can't take him out anymore. I'm
much stronger than I ever have in because I see
(14:31):
he has planted people in my pathway. He has helped
me to find a good place for Fred. All I
wanted to do is inspire people. No matter how hard
things can get, you just got to trust there's a
reason for and the Lord will put those people in
your pathway when you need him. My oldest son is
fifty three. He's in a nursing home right now, and
(14:54):
he is called Whitmore's disease, and it's not it's foreign
to the US. It's only in tropical areas and maybe
Puerto Rico. They don't know how he contracted. You only
can get it through contaminated water or soil. What it
does is it destroys. He's got permanent brain damage, kidney damage,
(15:19):
liver damage. And then my other son is MSS and
our girlfriend I have fifty three years, were very very close,
like sisters. She ended up having in the hospital the
same time I was there. She's got demancia. So I
do have a load. I look at everything and it
(15:39):
doesn't bother me to the point of just saying why. Lord,
I never asked why. Just give me the strength to
be able to be there however I can. I taught
them or her family how to speak to alzheimer. I'm
looking at it that the Lord has planted me in
these situations. That's the way I live. I look at
(16:02):
it and say, I don't like it. I need a break,
But he has put me in positions to be able
to help, and that that's how That's how I comfort myself.
And like I said, I don't like it, but I
only have two alternatives. Either to be really upset or
(16:24):
you know, okay, Lord, what do you want me to do?
And that's that's where I'm at. I have my days,
believe me, And not that I don't sit and cry sometimes,
not that I don't, you know, I mean it's normal
and I think it's good. It's like a pressure cookie.
You gotta lest some of the steam out and it's okay.
It's okay to cry. And that's what they kind of
(16:46):
help you with too, is when I first went to caregiver.
It's okay to cry, It's it's okay to say what
you're feeling. And you know, because it does, it really
helps you make stronger, be stronger, and a beautiful piece.
A sad piece, but a real piece. So many millions
(17:07):
of people living with Alzheimer's and it's tough, but hearing
this voice, well, this voice of affirmation and hope even
within it all. And a special thanks to Faith and
Robbie and Medicine for their work on the piece and
their collaboration. Laura Sangster's story, the story of how she
lives with Alzheimer's. I need to remember for us both.
(17:29):
She said, he doesn't know who I am, but he's
content in his world again. The story of Laura Sangster
a listener's story, A beauty here on our American stories.
Host
Lee Habeeb
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Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!