July 1, 2023 • 15 mins
OUTWEIGH: You can be on the journey to self-love and self-worth... AND still have really crappy thoughts about yourself show up.
Yep....it's true! Even the most confident, self-assured, empowered women can have "ugly" thoughts about themselves. This does NOT have to mean anything, and in fact, it's totally normal. What matters most is how you RESPOND (instead of react) to those thoughts. And that's why on this episode of Outweigh, we share some very important distinctions that you'll want to keep in mind around this subject specifically.
Amy & Leanne are back again for the THIRD episode of the Mini-Series Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time (Normalizing the In-Betweens and Healing From Extremism) where they share their thoughts and takeaways on how you can have BOTH: You can be on the journey to self-love and self-worth... AND still have really crappy thoughts about yourself show up.
HOST:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
GUEST:
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
I feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then will always out way if you feel.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It, but you are She'll some love to the hy
have there. Take you one day and did you and
die out.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Way happy Saturday?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Outweit.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I am Amy Brown, I'm Leanne Ellington, and we are
on part three of a mini series called Two Things
Can Be True at the Same Time, and today we
are focusing on how you can be on the journey
to self love and self worth and still have really
crappy thoughts about yourself show up technical term crappy thoughts. Yes,
(00:57):
I mean it's not like a oh I am healed
and my brain never goes down that road again. And
I'm thinking, as it's July first, when this episode's coming out,
if you're listening on time, if not, maybe you're listening
on the second, third, July fourth is this coming week,
and I feel like that's always a time for me.
(01:18):
I don't know why, because I think in the past
that's something I always is like, oh, barbecue, What am
I going to eat?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
What am I going to do? Getting there? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
What am I? Yeah? Am I gonna have to be
in a swim zoo or whatever?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Everything other than being present?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, exactly, or maybe even just solely missing out that
not even going staying home, because that's safer, yep, than
all the thoughts that were in my head. And so
if you're listening to Outweigh, I feel as though.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You're on the journey because you're curious.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
So either you're already in some sort of recovery or
maybe you're in the throes of some very disordered behaviors,
but you're putting some tools in your toolbox and this
is one of those things, one of many that you.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Have access to.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
But just know that it's always a journey. Yeah, And
like I still even I need to get the exact math.
I know that it was twenty twenty, so we'll just
say three years three months, probably three years three months, Yes,
after I really committed to the work to be like,
I'm done with this.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I'm exhausted.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I don't want to have these disordered behaviors or thoughts anymore.
But guess what the behaviors have disappeared, but the thoughts
still creep back up. Which if I were to entertain
the thoughts more and more and more, then the behaviors
would come back, because about the thoughts become the behaviors.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah, and we're not our thoughts, you know, So I think,
you know, first of all, coming back to the two
things can be true at the same time. You can
be on this amazing journey and still present day, like
we're both raising our hands, have these crappy thoughts show up,
because it's not this one and done thing, because you're
a human twenty four hours a day, right, So I
think setting ourselves up for the expectation that like healing
(02:59):
and constantly having just human thoughts, they can coexist. But
it's about having the tools to be aware when they're happening,
not take you down rabbit holes, not send you down
these downward spirals. Because the other thing that's really important
to mention is we say we are not our thoughts,
but like we feel a certain way, and it's our
thoughts that are creating the feelings.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Right, we have a circumstance.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
So for example, with my clients, you know, if they
come to me and they're like oh, like I feel
so badly about my body, or I've gained weight, or
I'm the heaviest I've been. That's the circumstance. But their
thoughts about their circumstance is what's creating the emotion that
they're feeling, whether it's shame, comparison, regret, disappointment, embarrassment versus
the same circumstance, same body, just having acceptance. And one
(03:45):
of my favorite acceptance thoughts and beliefs is like, hey,
I don't have to like this, but the sooner I
can accept it, the sooner I can actually go do
something about it. And just finding we don't have to
go to roses and butterflies like, oh my gosh, I
love my body. No, that's not real your self image
isn't gona believe that if you're going from I hate
my body too, I love my body, right, but the
acceptance of just like, hey, I don't have to like it,
(04:06):
but this is what I weigh right now, or this
is what I look like, or this is the shape
and size of my body right now, And the sooner
I can accept that this is what's happening, the sooner
I can move through it. Because as Byron Katie says.
She says, when we argue with reality, we suffer. When
we argue with reality, we suffer. So again coming back
to this idea of our thoughts. Yes, you're not your thoughts.
But even when the thoughts come up, like not arguing
(04:27):
with them, not making them wrong, not shaming yourself for
having them, not shaming your shame even right, just being
aware of when they come up, noticing what you're noticing,
but also having the tools to not take yourself down
these rabbit holes, or at least cut down the rabbit
holes as they come up.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I'm listening to for the second time, breaking the habit
of being yourself Jodaspenza. Yes, yes, and a quote from
that book is warning, when feelings become the means of thinking,
or if we cannot think greater than how we feel,
can never change. To change is to think greater than
(05:03):
how we feel. To change is to act greater than
the familiar feelings of the memorized self.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yes, it's such a good way of putting it. Memorized self.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You know, one of my friends always says, feelings are
not facts, right, They're not the truth. They're not always
telling you the truth, right, They're just a memorized experience
in our nervous system that get fired and wired off
the back of these thoughts. And a lot of times
of the thoughts are on repeat. Right, then we've memorized.
We got a lot of fired and wired memorization going
on there.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
They know, over and over and over. It's a great
way to put it. Which you know, I've heard two
your thoughts on this, Like, feelings they're part of our
our being, Like they're going to feel them, but they
write shotgun not in the driver's seat.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, they are an effect and a symptom of the
thoughts that we're thinking, we are creating, like they do
live downstream. Right, there's the circumstance and then there's the
thoughts about the circumstance that are causing the feelings. But
the other side of it, two things can be true
at the same time, right, Like, feelings aren't inherently good
or bad, right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
They all have a place.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So like, even when I'm feeling shame, that doesn't mean
it's an air quotes negative emotion, right, but it's labeled negative.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
It's just an emotion.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It's just an experience that I'm feeling and that shame
can also.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Teach me something. It can Is it information? It's information,
it's data. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So I think there's there's so many different, you know,
angles to this, but you're right now. The question is
is like, are are they riding shotgun and being like
carjacked and somebody else's driving the car, or are they
riding shotgun and you're mindfully and intentionally like learning how
to drive and coming back to the two things can
be true at the same time. I can't tell you
how many times a client of mine has had just
(06:42):
like such miraculous breakthrough in their emotional home, like living
in an emotional home of depression, anxiety, sadness, shame, and
then just living and again not like.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Oh my gosh, I bro, this is some butterflies, but just.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Like peace and calm and freedom and acceptance and belief
in themselves or just like the starts of it, right,
and then they have something happen in their life aka
a circumstance that causes a thought that causes a feeling,
and then they come to me like, oh my gosh,
I'm back where I started. I thought I was doing
so well, but I guess I really have it and
I'm and one of the things I have to remind
them is that just because you are like temporarily regressed
(07:16):
or so to speak, regressed, doesn't mean that you have regressed.
And so that's where it comes back to this, like
you can be on the journey but also have really
crappy thoughts come up for yourself because we're always creating thoughts,
we're meaning making machines.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
And even you know.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I've said this before on the podcast New Level, New Devil,
that that quote because like you can, you know, have
air quotes old problems and you're like, oh, I don't,
I don't have that problem anymore. But as you're up
leveling to the next level of yourself, you're gonna create
new problems and therefore new beliefs and new feelings and
all the things.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
So when it comes to recognizing the cycle, this loop,
simply put, a situation arises fourth of July. Yeah, let's
just bring it back, bringing it back to fourth of July,
And then I want you to touch on what do
we do when these thoughts pop into our head, Like, yes,
they're going to happen.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Two things can be true.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I can still have these thoughts, but hey, what's the
I don't want to sit with them for too long.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
And that's one thing too.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
When you're doing this work, what's really, really, really exciting
is you can start to catch how quickly you recover
from some stuff. Stuff that used to spiral me for days.
Now I'm like, WHOA got over that in thirty minutes?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
What off?
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And I celebrate it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
So recognizing the cycle simply put A situation arises and
we have thoughts about the facts of that situation. Those
thoughts trigger feelings, and based on those feelings, we engage
in behaviors, which in turn impact the situation, either positively
or negatively, and the cycle continues.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yeah, you're always creating a result, but what changes the
trajectory of it is your is your thoughts right?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That changes the trajector Sorry, let's use fourth of July
as a situation.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Even though it's a podcast, some people might be listening
into simmer right, but whatever it is that's coming up.
Let's say I'm getting ready for the day, the event, whatever,
and thoughts start to come in, and I know everybody's
thoughts are all over the map. They could be totally different,
and also everybody's aha, moment with it all is going
to look different because again, we've worked for you may
(09:14):
not work for me at all. But is there sort
of a blanket we could put on this or a
starting point from some for some people if they know
that they're on the path to healing and they're confused
by some of these thoughts. So when the thoughts come up,
what's what's a cool thing to do with them?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Absolutely, And so come into the summertime thing. A lot
of you know, body insecurity is a big one for
summertime because skimpier clothes and hotter weather and all of that.
So a lot of our body insecurities and you know,
the body image stuff tends to come up.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
So that's a perfect example.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
But again just kind of actually coming back to what
we talked about a few minutes ago about accepting the
reality of what's happening and not sugarcoating it, but just
moving through acceptance is really the first step. So I
talk about this idea of the the data versus the drama.
So the first thing is really just noticing the drama.
For me, it showed up in the drama of oh
my gosh, I look fat, or I would call myself labels,
(10:09):
I'd shame myself. Oh my gosh, everybody's gonna judge me.
What can I have nothing to wear? Drama, drama, drama,
fill in the blank, right, So, noticing the drama, bring
yourself back to the data. The data is I feel
uncomfortable in my body right now. The data is my
clothes feel a little bit tight right now. The drama is,
Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? You're gross, You're discussing.
Do you see the difference? So noticing the drama, bringing
(10:30):
yourself back to the data is step one. The data
is and we're not sugarcoating the data. We're just being
truth tellers about it. And then the only thing that
I invite people to do with it is not turn
it into a positive, not fake it till we make it,
not sugarcoat it, but move through acceptance, which is accepting
what the new truth is. So I don't have to
like the data. I don't have to like the fact
(10:51):
that my clothes feel tight right now. I don't have
to like the fact that I feel like I don't
have anything to wear. I don't have to like the
fact that I'm feeling shame about my body. Right now,
but this is what's happening. And the sooner I can
accept that this is what's happening and just breathe through it.
The sooner I can actually go do something about it.
Because what that does is it creates a pattern, interrupt it.
First of all, stops the rabbit hole. It makes our
(11:12):
brain acknowledge like, oh, I'm creating the feeling because of
my thoughts, I'm creating drama. And it causes you to
create a new thought, which is just data. And again
we're not painting roses and butterflies on it. We're not
saying like, oh, everything in my closet magically fits. But
the thought that I have absolutely nothing to wear, that's
drama because you could go in a robe, you know
(11:33):
what I mean, Like, it's not true, it's not fully true.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
You have something right.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
But the data is I feel like I have nothing
to wear, or my clothes feel tight right now, or
I don't like how I'm feeling in my body, and
just start being a truth teller instead of a drama
maker to yourself and then moving through acceptance of that
truth but not sugarcoating it, not having to like it.
So again the go to I teach my clients is
I don't have to like X. I don't have to
like the fact that I'm feeling shame right now. I
(11:57):
don't have to like the fact that my body feels
uncomfortable right now. But the sooner I can accept that
this is what's happening, and the sooner I can move
through it, because you have to start with acceptance when
you want to shift it right, And it does create
that pattern interrupt to keep you from going down that
rabbit hole. And it just like really takes some it
takes it off the boil.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
And I would say celebrate every time you're aware of
the crappy thoughts, because I think there was five decades
of my life were crappy thoughts for the norm Yeah,
so I barely even recognize them. That was just the
way of living, right, And so once you get to
a point where you and be like, oh, that was
(12:36):
a crappy thoughts, yeah, I need to redirect, right, celebrate.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
That absolutely, and what it does.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Then you're going to recognize them more and more because
your brain celebration lean tell me.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
And what you just said of recognizing it, it enables
you to hold space so that you can be emotionally
available to yourself in those moments, rather than ignoring it,
numbing it, like you know, pretending it's not there, or
just take yourself down a rabbit hole. So when you
say I don't have to like the fact that I'm
feeling shame, what that does for your brain is it
holds space for the fact that you're feeling shame.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
And also something that just came to mind. If you're
a journaler, maybe if you're not, everybody can make a
list whatever event it is that you have coming up
or whatever party and maybe again maybe it's summer, maybe
it's Christmas, but what are you looking forward to about
that event instead of the crappy thoughts that come in
(13:29):
and then spending time with those I saw this whole
thing on anxiety, Like if you're flying in an airplane
and it's really difficult for you to get on that
the whole time, be making a mental note of where
you're going, why you're excited to go there, who you're
going to see, what it's going to be like, how
much fun you haven't seen this person so long, and
start going through that list of things that you are
(13:50):
looking forward too.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Absolutely, that positive anticipation versus negative anticipation is anxiety.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yeah, such a great point.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
You can literally choose what you want to project nice.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Okay, Well, you can be on the journey to self
love and self worth and still have really crappy thoughts
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
And now you know about holden space for them.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Leanne where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
We talk about a lot of this stuff inside the
Stressless Eating webinar. So if you are interested in learning
how to you know, really influence your thoughts and heal
your self image through your brain, you can check it
all out at Stressless Eating dot com.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and we'll
see you next Saturday. For part four, we'll be talking
about healing from your disordered eating and having a healthy
relationship with food and still loving food, sugar, pleasure, joy,
and still having food stuff that you're continually working through
(14:52):
all the.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Three things at the same time. Part four is get
a little risky with youth. We're going wild. We'll see
for that Saturday. Bye bye
Speaker 1 (15:08):
MHM.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
I feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then will always out way if you feel.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It, but you are She'll some love to the hy
have there. Take you one day and did you and
die out.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Way happy Saturday?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Outweit.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I am Amy Brown, I'm Leanne Ellington, and we are
on part three of a mini series called Two Things
Can Be True at the Same Time, and today we
are focusing on how you can be on the journey
to self love and self worth and still have really
crappy thoughts about yourself show up technical term crappy thoughts. Yes,
(00:57):
I mean it's not like a oh I am healed
and my brain never goes down that road again. And
I'm thinking, as it's July first, when this episode's coming out,
if you're listening on time, if not, maybe you're listening
on the second, third, July fourth is this coming week,
and I feel like that's always a time for me.
(01:18):
I don't know why, because I think in the past
that's something I always is like, oh, barbecue, What am
I going to eat?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
What am I going to do? Getting there? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
What am I? Yeah? Am I gonna have to be
in a swim zoo or whatever?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Everything other than being present?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, exactly, or maybe even just solely missing out that
not even going staying home, because that's safer, yep, than
all the thoughts that were in my head. And so
if you're listening to Outweigh, I feel as though.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You're on the journey because you're curious.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
So either you're already in some sort of recovery or
maybe you're in the throes of some very disordered behaviors,
but you're putting some tools in your toolbox and this
is one of those things, one of many that you.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Have access to.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
But just know that it's always a journey. Yeah, And
like I still even I need to get the exact math.
I know that it was twenty twenty, so we'll just
say three years three months, probably three years three months, Yes,
after I really committed to the work to be like,
I'm done with this.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I'm exhausted.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I don't want to have these disordered behaviors or thoughts anymore.
But guess what the behaviors have disappeared, but the thoughts
still creep back up. Which if I were to entertain
the thoughts more and more and more, then the behaviors
would come back, because about the thoughts become the behaviors.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah, and we're not our thoughts, you know, So I think,
you know, first of all, coming back to the two
things can be true at the same time. You can
be on this amazing journey and still present day, like
we're both raising our hands, have these crappy thoughts show up,
because it's not this one and done thing, because you're
a human twenty four hours a day, right, So I
think setting ourselves up for the expectation that like healing
(02:59):
and constantly having just human thoughts, they can coexist. But
it's about having the tools to be aware when they're happening,
not take you down rabbit holes, not send you down
these downward spirals. Because the other thing that's really important
to mention is we say we are not our thoughts,
but like we feel a certain way, and it's our
thoughts that are creating the feelings.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Right, we have a circumstance.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
So for example, with my clients, you know, if they
come to me and they're like oh, like I feel
so badly about my body, or I've gained weight, or
I'm the heaviest I've been. That's the circumstance. But their
thoughts about their circumstance is what's creating the emotion that
they're feeling, whether it's shame, comparison, regret, disappointment, embarrassment versus
the same circumstance, same body, just having acceptance. And one
(03:45):
of my favorite acceptance thoughts and beliefs is like, hey,
I don't have to like this, but the sooner I
can accept it, the sooner I can actually go do
something about it. And just finding we don't have to
go to roses and butterflies like, oh my gosh, I
love my body. No, that's not real your self image
isn't gona believe that if you're going from I hate
my body too, I love my body, right, but the
acceptance of just like, hey, I don't have to like it,
(04:06):
but this is what I weigh right now, or this
is what I look like, or this is the shape
and size of my body right now, And the sooner
I can accept that this is what's happening, the sooner
I can move through it. Because as Byron Katie says.
She says, when we argue with reality, we suffer. When
we argue with reality, we suffer. So again coming back
to this idea of our thoughts. Yes, you're not your thoughts.
But even when the thoughts come up, like not arguing
(04:27):
with them, not making them wrong, not shaming yourself for
having them, not shaming your shame even right, just being
aware of when they come up, noticing what you're noticing,
but also having the tools to not take yourself down
these rabbit holes, or at least cut down the rabbit
holes as they come up.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I'm listening to for the second time, breaking the habit
of being yourself Jodaspenza. Yes, yes, and a quote from
that book is warning, when feelings become the means of thinking,
or if we cannot think greater than how we feel,
can never change. To change is to think greater than
(05:03):
how we feel. To change is to act greater than
the familiar feelings of the memorized self.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yes, it's such a good way of putting it. Memorized self.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You know, one of my friends always says, feelings are
not facts, right, They're not the truth. They're not always
telling you the truth, right, They're just a memorized experience
in our nervous system that get fired and wired off
the back of these thoughts. And a lot of times
of the thoughts are on repeat. Right, then we've memorized.
We got a lot of fired and wired memorization going
on there.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
They know, over and over and over. It's a great
way to put it. Which you know, I've heard two
your thoughts on this, Like, feelings they're part of our
our being, Like they're going to feel them, but they
write shotgun not in the driver's seat.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, they are an effect and a symptom of the
thoughts that we're thinking, we are creating, like they do
live downstream. Right, there's the circumstance and then there's the
thoughts about the circumstance that are causing the feelings. But
the other side of it, two things can be true
at the same time, right, Like, feelings aren't inherently good
or bad, right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
They all have a place.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So like, even when I'm feeling shame, that doesn't mean
it's an air quotes negative emotion, right, but it's labeled negative.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
It's just an emotion.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It's just an experience that I'm feeling and that shame
can also.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Teach me something. It can Is it information? It's information,
it's data. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So I think there's there's so many different, you know,
angles to this, but you're right now. The question is
is like, are are they riding shotgun and being like
carjacked and somebody else's driving the car, or are they
riding shotgun and you're mindfully and intentionally like learning how
to drive and coming back to the two things can
be true at the same time. I can't tell you
how many times a client of mine has had just
(06:42):
like such miraculous breakthrough in their emotional home, like living
in an emotional home of depression, anxiety, sadness, shame, and
then just living and again not like.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Oh my gosh, I bro, this is some butterflies, but just.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Like peace and calm and freedom and acceptance and belief
in themselves or just like the starts of it, right,
and then they have something happen in their life aka
a circumstance that causes a thought that causes a feeling,
and then they come to me like, oh my gosh,
I'm back where I started. I thought I was doing
so well, but I guess I really have it and
I'm and one of the things I have to remind
them is that just because you are like temporarily regressed
(07:16):
or so to speak, regressed, doesn't mean that you have regressed.
And so that's where it comes back to this, like
you can be on the journey but also have really
crappy thoughts come up for yourself because we're always creating thoughts,
we're meaning making machines.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
And even you know.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I've said this before on the podcast New Level, New Devil,
that that quote because like you can, you know, have
air quotes old problems and you're like, oh, I don't,
I don't have that problem anymore. But as you're up
leveling to the next level of yourself, you're gonna create
new problems and therefore new beliefs and new feelings and
all the things.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
So when it comes to recognizing the cycle, this loop,
simply put, a situation arises fourth of July. Yeah, let's
just bring it back, bringing it back to fourth of July,
And then I want you to touch on what do
we do when these thoughts pop into our head, Like, yes,
they're going to happen.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Two things can be true.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I can still have these thoughts, but hey, what's the
I don't want to sit with them for too long.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
And that's one thing too.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
When you're doing this work, what's really, really, really exciting
is you can start to catch how quickly you recover
from some stuff. Stuff that used to spiral me for days.
Now I'm like, WHOA got over that in thirty minutes?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
What off?
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And I celebrate it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
So recognizing the cycle simply put A situation arises and
we have thoughts about the facts of that situation. Those
thoughts trigger feelings, and based on those feelings, we engage
in behaviors, which in turn impact the situation, either positively
or negatively, and the cycle continues.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yeah, you're always creating a result, but what changes the
trajectory of it is your is your thoughts right?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That changes the trajector Sorry, let's use fourth of July
as a situation.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Even though it's a podcast, some people might be listening
into simmer right, but whatever it is that's coming up.
Let's say I'm getting ready for the day, the event, whatever,
and thoughts start to come in, and I know everybody's
thoughts are all over the map. They could be totally different,
and also everybody's aha, moment with it all is going
to look different because again, we've worked for you may
(09:14):
not work for me at all. But is there sort
of a blanket we could put on this or a
starting point from some for some people if they know
that they're on the path to healing and they're confused
by some of these thoughts. So when the thoughts come up,
what's what's a cool thing to do with them?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Absolutely, And so come into the summertime thing. A lot
of you know, body insecurity is a big one for
summertime because skimpier clothes and hotter weather and all of that.
So a lot of our body insecurities and you know,
the body image stuff tends to come up.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
So that's a perfect example.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
But again just kind of actually coming back to what
we talked about a few minutes ago about accepting the
reality of what's happening and not sugarcoating it, but just
moving through acceptance is really the first step. So I
talk about this idea of the the data versus the drama.
So the first thing is really just noticing the drama.
For me, it showed up in the drama of oh
my gosh, I look fat, or I would call myself labels,
(10:09):
I'd shame myself. Oh my gosh, everybody's gonna judge me.
What can I have nothing to wear? Drama, drama, drama,
fill in the blank, right, So, noticing the drama, bring
yourself back to the data. The data is I feel
uncomfortable in my body right now. The data is my
clothes feel a little bit tight right now. The drama is,
Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? You're gross, You're discussing.
Do you see the difference? So noticing the drama, bringing
(10:30):
yourself back to the data is step one. The data
is and we're not sugarcoating the data. We're just being
truth tellers about it. And then the only thing that
I invite people to do with it is not turn
it into a positive, not fake it till we make it,
not sugarcoat it, but move through acceptance, which is accepting
what the new truth is. So I don't have to
like the data. I don't have to like the fact
(10:51):
that my clothes feel tight right now. I don't have
to like the fact that I feel like I don't
have anything to wear. I don't have to like the
fact that I'm feeling shame about my body. Right now,
but this is what's happening. And the sooner I can
accept that this is what's happening and just breathe through it.
The sooner I can actually go do something about it.
Because what that does is it creates a pattern, interrupt it.
First of all, stops the rabbit hole. It makes our
(11:12):
brain acknowledge like, oh, I'm creating the feeling because of
my thoughts, I'm creating drama. And it causes you to
create a new thought, which is just data. And again
we're not painting roses and butterflies on it. We're not
saying like, oh, everything in my closet magically fits. But
the thought that I have absolutely nothing to wear, that's
drama because you could go in a robe, you know
(11:33):
what I mean, Like, it's not true, it's not fully true.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
You have something right.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
But the data is I feel like I have nothing
to wear, or my clothes feel tight right now, or
I don't like how I'm feeling in my body, and
just start being a truth teller instead of a drama
maker to yourself and then moving through acceptance of that
truth but not sugarcoating it, not having to like it.
So again the go to I teach my clients is
I don't have to like X. I don't have to
like the fact that I'm feeling shame right now. I
(11:57):
don't have to like the fact that my body feels
uncomfortable right now. But the sooner I can accept that
this is what's happening, and the sooner I can move
through it, because you have to start with acceptance when
you want to shift it right, And it does create
that pattern interrupt to keep you from going down that
rabbit hole. And it just like really takes some it
takes it off the boil.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
And I would say celebrate every time you're aware of
the crappy thoughts, because I think there was five decades
of my life were crappy thoughts for the norm Yeah,
so I barely even recognize them. That was just the
way of living, right, And so once you get to
a point where you and be like, oh, that was
(12:36):
a crappy thoughts, yeah, I need to redirect, right, celebrate.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
That absolutely, and what it does.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Then you're going to recognize them more and more because
your brain celebration lean tell me.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
And what you just said of recognizing it, it enables
you to hold space so that you can be emotionally
available to yourself in those moments, rather than ignoring it,
numbing it, like you know, pretending it's not there, or
just take yourself down a rabbit hole. So when you
say I don't have to like the fact that I'm
feeling shame, what that does for your brain is it
holds space for the fact that you're feeling shame.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
And also something that just came to mind. If you're
a journaler, maybe if you're not, everybody can make a
list whatever event it is that you have coming up
or whatever party and maybe again maybe it's summer, maybe
it's Christmas, but what are you looking forward to about
that event instead of the crappy thoughts that come in
(13:29):
and then spending time with those I saw this whole
thing on anxiety, Like if you're flying in an airplane
and it's really difficult for you to get on that
the whole time, be making a mental note of where
you're going, why you're excited to go there, who you're
going to see, what it's going to be like, how
much fun you haven't seen this person so long, and
start going through that list of things that you are
(13:50):
looking forward too.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Absolutely, that positive anticipation versus negative anticipation is anxiety.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yeah, such a great point.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
You can literally choose what you want to project nice.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Okay, Well, you can be on the journey to self
love and self worth and still have really crappy thoughts
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
And now you know about holden space for them.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Leanne where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
We talk about a lot of this stuff inside the
Stressless Eating webinar. So if you are interested in learning
how to you know, really influence your thoughts and heal
your self image through your brain, you can check it
all out at Stressless Eating dot com.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and we'll
see you next Saturday. For part four, we'll be talking
about healing from your disordered eating and having a healthy
relationship with food and still loving food, sugar, pleasure, joy,
and still having food stuff that you're continually working through
(14:52):
all the.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Three things at the same time. Part four is get
a little risky with youth. We're going wild. We'll see
for that Saturday. Bye bye
Speaker 1 (15:08):
MHM.
Hosts And Creators
Amy Brown
Leanne Ellington
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