OUTWEIGH: Yes.... you heard that correctly. Your life can be amazing, you can be living in gratitude, experiencing joy...AND you can also be coincidingly be going through some sort of mental, emotional, or spiritual [breakdown/breakthrough/existential crisis].
These things do NOT have to cancel eachother out or stay mutually exclusive. But...there are some very important distinctions that you want to keep in mind to make sure that you are leading yourself in the direction of health, freedom, and healing while you navigate this wide array of emotions..
Amy & Leanne are back for the SIXTH episode of the Mini-Series Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time (Normalizing the In-Betweens and Healing From Extremism) where they share their thoughts and takeaways on how you can have BOTH: a happy life AND emotional challenges.
HOST: Amy Brown // @RadioAmy // RadioAmy.com
HOST: Leanne Ellington // @leanneellington // StresslessEating.com
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am again. I'm strong,
I feel free, I know every pardon me, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then we'll always out way if you feel.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It, but yours here, She'll some love to the view.
Why get there? Take you one day? Anta? Did you?
And die out Way? Happy Saturday.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Outweigh Amy here with my co host Leanne Ellington. Hello, Hello,
we are continuing our mini series on two things can
be True at the same time.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
This is part six of that.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
There will be eight in total, so you can go
back and listen to the previous five. But today's two
things can be true at the same time is your
life can be amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
You can be living in gratitude.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Experiencing joy, and you can also be going through some
sort of a mental emotional or spiritual breakdown, existential crisis, whatever.
I've definitely experienced all of that at the same time,
so it can be true. And I think that when
it comes to Outweigh and listening to this podcast, like
if you're coming here for like you're feeling lost in
(01:24):
the weeds, of your eating disorder, or you have a
loved one that is or you don't really know where
to go next. This is a dose of encouragement for you.
Leanna and I have both come out of eating disorders.
We're both in recovery, so we both are our hope.
But I know it can be like, Okay, yeah, yeah, y'all,
y'all did it. Yay, good for you. But this mini
series is also just to give you little bits of
(01:47):
insight into like you may be feeling one way, but
also it's okay to allow yourself to feel the other way.
And the beautiful part about healing when you do get
into recovery is you feel more. Because for me, my
eating disorder was very numbing. I numbed, I numbed, D numbed.
I pushed down. I pushed down. But at the same
time I knew I was feeling so much, but I
couldn't really figure it all out. And the beautiful part
(02:09):
is as you work your way through towards recovery, you
take the next right step, and sometimes it might be
a few steps backwards, but that's okay. There's still steps
and you have the opportunity to step forward. And so
Leanne and I what we hope from this series is
that you know, once you start feeling all the feels
and maybe you are in that place that you'll give
(02:30):
yourself permission to recognize all these beautiful things about you.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
And some may seem like, well, how is this happening?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
If this is happening, and Land's the brain expert that's
giving us permission to say, well, this is why your
brain might be doing that, and it's totally normal.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, And I think you said a weekly dose of encouragement.
I also want to stack on reality because it's not
always pretty, it doesn't always have a nice bow wrapped
around it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
It is definitely not linear, and.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I think sometimes we might, at least for me and
the way I work with, we put to try on
this story of like am I doing it wrong if
I'm also experiencing this, and we try to put ourselves
in a box of what's air quotes normal and just
giving ourselves permission to just let whatever we're experiencing be
whatever we're experiencing without having to put a label on it.
And so I mean even a few months ago now,
(03:17):
I remember we were meeting at Radner and I was like, Hey,
by the way, here's who's going to show up at Radner.
I'm like, I things are great, you know, life is good,
all the things, and I'm in the midst of some
like spiritual existential awakening breakdown to break through, right, and
that's who I am. And I remember you're like, thank
you so much for just being real, you know, and
giving y'all. Y'all, I'm definitely a Tennessee and now giving
(03:40):
yourselves permission to just keep it real and it doesn't
have to look a certain way. So I know if
somebody had told me in the midst of all of
my stuff that, hey, some days you're going to feel
like you're breaking down, and some days you're going to
feel like your you know, air quotes messed up whatever,
and that's actually okay and normal, that would have given
me a lot of relief just knowing that, you know.
(04:01):
But I also know that any time I've had some
sort of air quote setback.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
It's always setting me up for something.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
But this is where I really want to talk about
the power of choice, because we can choose to look
at the lows and when we're feeling all the feels
and all of that as something that's happening to us
or you know, kind of that victim story. And when
I see victim story, it's not always this very obvious
woe is me kind of story. And even if that
is your version of the victim mode, no shame about it.
(04:29):
I've had my version. I know when my victim story
shows up and I see her and I'm like, okay,
there she is, right, So there's no shame about it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It's not good, bad, right, or wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It just is.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
But we really want to be aware of it because
it's really important to feel the feels and feel the suck,
you know, when something sucks, feel the suck, but not
to sit in it, not to become a victim to it.
So when I talk about this idea of a victim story,
the woe is me and kind of feeling sorry for ourselves,
that's a little.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Bit more obvious.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
But sometimes it's this sneaky, insidious victim story that comes
that's like, this is who you're always going to be,
this is just what you do.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Might as well not not even try to change.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It, you know, that'vember feeling that, like whenever it like
a binge would be happening, or I would go a
few days and it wouldn't or weeks, and then it
would happen and I'd be like, well, I guess this
is just.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
How life is.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
This is my life and nobody else is experiencing this,
because that's before anybody was.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Really talking about that.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yep, Like I didn't even know years and years ago,
had to google, Like I didn't know binge eating was
a thing, Like I just I thought I was literally
the only person in the world that couldn't control myself
for twenty minutes at a time and I would zombie out. Yeah,
but I remember thinking this is just how it is.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Yeah, absolutely, And I wouldn't have even known at the
time that that was like a sneaky victim story because
what it does. I call it a game over plot
line in our narrative, in our brain game over, meaning
like I might as well not even try to shift it,
because if this is how it is, like game over,
this is this is I just have to accept it,
versus like, no, this is just what i've actist and
this is what has been.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
But I have the power to take ownership of it
and shift it.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
But notice I didn't say, like, you know, just toughen
up and suck suck it up and skip right through it.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
It's like, no, feel the feels, feel the suck, but
don't sit in it.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Don't become a victim to it. But also after you
feel the suck, ask what meaning can I give it
that can actually empower me? Like not why is this
happening to me? Why is this happening for me? And
I used to hear that and think it sounded cheesy,
to be honest, a lot of this stuff, you know,
first of all, if you have that inner skeptic or
that inner you know, your cynical about it. Me too,
I was too, And that's why the brain stuff really
(06:32):
helped me.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
You know, I call it science with a splash of
woo woo.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You know, like it's like all the stuff that I
used to call kind of touchy feeling emotional stuff, the
stuff that I actually like believe in wholeheartedly. Now that
used to feel very foreign to me. I was very like, Okay,
give me a plan, let's logic and reason our way
through it. And I was very hardened. My heart was
very hardened, and I had to be tough and I
had to, you know, show everybody I was okay, and
show people I was smart and successful in all these things.
(06:58):
But again that in itself is its own coping mechanism.
But that being said, if you're going through any type
of anything, right, I do invite you to look for
what is the breakthrough on the other side of it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
We get so kind of focused on the suck. We
get focused on the problem.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
And you know, one of my favorite quotes is nothing
passes until it teaches you what you need to learn.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
And it's true.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Like, if you're and we're going to talk about this
actually in another two things can be a true episode
coming up about you know, the difference between regressing and
moving backwards and all of that. But part of it
too is like you might not be experiencing something from
the same altitude that you had the last time, or
you might have new altitude.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Right, But if you are looking for it.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
To be the reason why you're never going to solve
it or never heal it, You're going to sink deeper
and deeper. And when I say your spirit, you know,
a lot of this is in our heart, it's in
our soul, it's in our spirit, and that's when the
physical stuff comes in and totally separates us from it. Right,
we no nout, we disconnect. We really just shove everything down.
And that's why again I'm inviting you, like, what if
(08:04):
some of this conversation that we might think is like
a food and body thing, what if it was like
a heart, soul, spirit and brain conversation too, And that
when you're going through some sort of like again, you
can have everything can be roses and butterflies in one
air of your life, but you can also coincidingly be
going through some sort of spiritual awakening, breakdown to break through,
(08:24):
existential crisis, whatever it is. And what I'm inviting you
into is like, what if you don't give it that
meaning that it's bad or wrong or you're doing something
air quotes wrong, and that that was just part of
it And two things can be true at the same
time and it doesn't have to mean anything other than that.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Dig a little deeper into breakdown to break through.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So you know, when we're in the midst of something,
breakdown for men can look in many ways. Right, it
might be I'm in a spiral of shame and self
condemnation and stress. Right, breakdown could be you know, I've
hit the end of my road and I feel like
giving up and that hopelessness kinds of kind of creepy
breakdown can be like I feel so alone, I feel
(09:04):
so isolated, I feel messed up, unworthy, broken, all the things.
You know, And I could tell you a lot of
the former storylines of my breakdowns, but a breakdown right
now might be, you know what, so many things are
piling up in my life right now, and I feel
like I've reached my limit, and I just feel like
I need to cry, and I need to maybe for
a moment, even be MOPy poudy, victimy for just a
(09:27):
minute in a very kind of strategic way, because again,
you don't want to shove it down like let it out,
give yourself permission to be irrational, erratic, you know, victimy, whatever.
But again we don't want to sit in it. But
it's really important to feel to suck. But any type
of breakdown, so you know, for me, honestly, what I
would call most recently my versions of breakdowns or when
I give myself permission to not be okay in that
(09:49):
moment and let myself cry, or I'm more of a
crier than a screamer.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
But whatever it is for you, I'm both okay I'm.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Both and and there is a chemical release that's happening
when So if you are someone that suppresses, I would
encourage you to figure out if you're a car or
a screamer or both, because there is some sort of
release that feels so good. And in those breakdown moments
with you know, I just love that you said break
(10:18):
down to breakthrough because I feel like in the breakdown,
after we've not suppressed and felt the things and whatever
we live, it's almost as though you're not a fork
in the road, and which way are you going to go?
Are we going to continue with the breakdown or are
we going to look for the breakthrough?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Absolutely and work for the breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah, And like sometimes you got to tear down walls
to put up new ones, you know, and it's not
always pretty. And so the breakdowns and again you can
replace it with whatever word resonates with you. And if
you're listening to this and you're like, sometimes I shut
down sometimes I just want to escape, like whatever it is,
and you're feeling all the feels whatever, you might have
tendencies to make wrong or give meaning that you're doing
(10:58):
something wrong or regressing or I should be stronger than
this or I should know better is a big one
for my clients. Right, So whatever it is, like, look
at like find the gold in that, find the beauty
in it.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
One of something I found online I sent to one
of my clients because she was experiencing something, actual circumstances
in her life, you know that were hard. She came
to me and she's like, Okay, leam, I'm noticing my
victim voice come up.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
And so I was just coaching her through it.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
But I found something online and it just says, replacing
why is this happening to me? With what is this
trying to teach me? Is a game changer. Things happen
for us to learn and grow from. When we realize this,
our perspective shifts from disempowered to empowered. And I think
that's really the if we were to simplify this, like
the breakdown to break through, it's a perspective shift. Don't
(11:43):
skip over the suck, like get feel the feels. But
then it's like, Okay, what is now possible for me?
What can I create from this? What do I need
to learn?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
God? For me? I say, God, what are you trying
to teach me here?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
What have I not yet experienced, mastered, learned, have the
insight and awareness right where am I trying to fix
something outside of me when something inside of me feels
like it needs some love and attention and care.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
But that's where I come back to full circle. It's
the power of choice.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You have to choose to take radical ownership of your journey,
of your story, of your ability to influence all the
things that you can influence, and then of course release
the things that you really can't control. But that's a choice,
and shifting your perspective is a choice. And having aware
of sitting here listening to this podcast bettering yourself where
we're not always talking about roses and butterflies, is a choice.
(12:28):
But you're obviously listening to this because you're somebody who
wants to take radical ownership of your life. So the
breakdown to break through, the breakthrough is a choice in
my opinion.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Well, and since we mentioned experiencing joy is one of
the things that is on the opposite of experiencing the pain,
and two things can happen at the same time, Like
you could be experiencing the loss of someone in your
life but also get some really exciting news and then
feel guilty about celebrating it because you should be grieving
that it all can sort of happen at the same time.
(12:58):
But I was trying to search up for this Ted
talk that I watched, and now I can't remember what
it was called, but I talked about it on four
things because what was the key word? And it makes
me think of Donald Miller giving us what does this
make possible in any situation that you face?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
But she had done this whole study.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Of people that were, you know, truly content in life
and had joy, and there was people that you know,
said they did, but then it didn't line up when
they were you know, they asked all these questions, they
had to fill everything out, and she said that the
ninety percent of people, Now I'm paraphrasing and making stuff
up just to give you a picture of sort of
what it was, is like ninety percent of people would
have said, oh, yeah, I'm this way, but she said, really,
(13:40):
it's only like five or ten percent of people that
really are. And in the five to ten percent of
people that we found truly experience that joy any adversity
they face in life, they have that question, what what
does this make possible? For me? What can I do
with this now? Not why exactly what you just said?
And I'm going to find that Ted talk it, but
(14:01):
it was, you know, someone got di notsed with cancer,
and instead of being like, why is this happening to me?
She said what is important in life to me? And
she made a list of what's important so that she
could focus on that. A guy was having a really
difficult time with his boss at work, and instead of
saying why does she treat me this way? Or why
is our relationship so strange? He said, what can I
(14:23):
do to show her I am valuable?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:25):
And so the what is huge? So I just was
going to go off on that.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
For a second. Yeah, don't quote me on any of that,
but it is.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
That is the gist of it, absolutely, And I'll even
stack on that asking yourself why. I'm not saying that
it doesn't matter, but it's not going to make a difference.
So the big ones are why is this happening? Why
am I like that? Why do I do that? Why
can't I stop that? The why questions? Again, it's not
that they don't matter, but they're not going to make
a difference in how you show up from here on out.
But those what questions, as you were just saying, Amy,
(14:53):
those can actually shift the trajectory and move you into
solution thinking, because why questions not all the time, but
are ten are going to tend to be more focused
on the problem versus what we really want is a
way out of the problem and solution. So those what
questions are going to bring you more solution focused versus
those why questions tend to tend to take you down.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
The rabbit hole of the problem. Well, there you go.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
That is part six of two things can be true
at the same time. And Leanne and I both hope
that you have the day that you need to have.
And if you need to cry, cry, yes, if you
need to scream, scream, you.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Need to hit some things at one of those places.
I googled the on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I just looked up a lions roar because I remember
doing that in yoga and it feeling really good. So
I found someone leading the process of that on YouTube,
and I sat down and I did it the other
day and it felt so good. So look up the
lion r r are. It's very empowering. I don't know,
it's very therapeutic, very so Leanne, where can people find.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
You Stressless eating dot com if you want to hear
more about the whole process of rewiring your brain when
it comes to food, your body, yourself image, your body
image and Leanne ellington.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Over on Instagram and I Am at Radio Amy on
socials and radioimy dot com. We'll see you next Saturday
for part seven.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Bye bye
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am again. I'm strong,
I feel free, I know every pardon me, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then we'll always out way if you feel.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It, but yours here, She'll some love to the view.
Why get there? Take you one day? Anta? Did you?
And die out Way? Happy Saturday.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Outweigh Amy here with my co host Leanne Ellington. Hello, Hello,
we are continuing our mini series on two things can
be True at the same time.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
This is part six of that.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
There will be eight in total, so you can go
back and listen to the previous five. But today's two
things can be true at the same time is your
life can be amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
You can be living in gratitude.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Experiencing joy, and you can also be going through some
sort of a mental emotional or spiritual breakdown, existential crisis, whatever.
I've definitely experienced all of that at the same time,
so it can be true. And I think that when
it comes to Outweigh and listening to this podcast, like
if you're coming here for like you're feeling lost in
(01:24):
the weeds, of your eating disorder, or you have a
loved one that is or you don't really know where
to go next. This is a dose of encouragement for you.
Leanna and I have both come out of eating disorders.
We're both in recovery, so we both are our hope.
But I know it can be like, Okay, yeah, yeah, y'all,
y'all did it. Yay, good for you. But this mini
series is also just to give you little bits of
(01:47):
insight into like you may be feeling one way, but
also it's okay to allow yourself to feel the other way.
And the beautiful part about healing when you do get
into recovery is you feel more. Because for me, my
eating disorder was very numbing. I numbed, I numbed, D numbed.
I pushed down. I pushed down. But at the same
time I knew I was feeling so much, but I
couldn't really figure it all out. And the beautiful part
(02:09):
is as you work your way through towards recovery, you
take the next right step, and sometimes it might be
a few steps backwards, but that's okay. There's still steps
and you have the opportunity to step forward. And so
Leanne and I what we hope from this series is
that you know, once you start feeling all the feels
and maybe you are in that place that you'll give
(02:30):
yourself permission to recognize all these beautiful things about you.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
And some may seem like, well, how is this happening?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
If this is happening, and Land's the brain expert that's
giving us permission to say, well, this is why your
brain might be doing that, and it's totally normal.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, And I think you said a weekly dose of encouragement.
I also want to stack on reality because it's not
always pretty, it doesn't always have a nice bow wrapped
around it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
It is definitely not linear, and.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I think sometimes we might, at least for me and
the way I work with, we put to try on
this story of like am I doing it wrong if
I'm also experiencing this, and we try to put ourselves
in a box of what's air quotes normal and just
giving ourselves permission to just let whatever we're experiencing be
whatever we're experiencing without having to put a label on it.
And so I mean even a few months ago now,
(03:17):
I remember we were meeting at Radner and I was like, Hey,
by the way, here's who's going to show up at Radner.
I'm like, I things are great, you know, life is good,
all the things, and I'm in the midst of some
like spiritual existential awakening breakdown to break through, right, and
that's who I am. And I remember you're like, thank
you so much for just being real, you know, and
giving y'all. Y'all, I'm definitely a Tennessee and now giving
(03:40):
yourselves permission to just keep it real and it doesn't
have to look a certain way. So I know if
somebody had told me in the midst of all of
my stuff that, hey, some days you're going to feel
like you're breaking down, and some days you're going to
feel like your you know, air quotes messed up whatever,
and that's actually okay and normal, that would have given
me a lot of relief just knowing that, you know.
(04:01):
But I also know that any time I've had some
sort of air quote setback.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
It's always setting me up for something.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
But this is where I really want to talk about
the power of choice, because we can choose to look
at the lows and when we're feeling all the feels
and all of that as something that's happening to us
or you know, kind of that victim story. And when
I see victim story, it's not always this very obvious
woe is me kind of story. And even if that
is your version of the victim mode, no shame about it.
(04:29):
I've had my version. I know when my victim story
shows up and I see her and I'm like, okay,
there she is, right, So there's no shame about it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It's not good, bad, right, or wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It just is.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
But we really want to be aware of it because
it's really important to feel the feels and feel the suck,
you know, when something sucks, feel the suck, but not
to sit in it, not to become a victim to it.
So when I talk about this idea of a victim story,
the woe is me and kind of feeling sorry for ourselves,
that's a little.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Bit more obvious.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
But sometimes it's this sneaky, insidious victim story that comes
that's like, this is who you're always going to be,
this is just what you do.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Might as well not not even try to change.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It, you know, that'vember feeling that, like whenever it like
a binge would be happening, or I would go a
few days and it wouldn't or weeks, and then it
would happen and I'd be like, well, I guess this
is just.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
How life is.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
This is my life and nobody else is experiencing this,
because that's before anybody was.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Really talking about that.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yep, Like I didn't even know years and years ago,
had to google, Like I didn't know binge eating was
a thing, Like I just I thought I was literally
the only person in the world that couldn't control myself
for twenty minutes at a time and I would zombie out. Yeah,
but I remember thinking this is just how it is.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Yeah, absolutely, And I wouldn't have even known at the
time that that was like a sneaky victim story because
what it does. I call it a game over plot
line in our narrative, in our brain game over, meaning
like I might as well not even try to shift it,
because if this is how it is, like game over,
this is this is I just have to accept it,
versus like, no, this is just what i've actist and
this is what has been.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
But I have the power to take ownership of it
and shift it.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
But notice I didn't say, like, you know, just toughen
up and suck suck it up and skip right through it.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
It's like, no, feel the feels, feel the suck, but
don't sit in it.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Don't become a victim to it. But also after you
feel the suck, ask what meaning can I give it
that can actually empower me? Like not why is this
happening to me? Why is this happening for me? And
I used to hear that and think it sounded cheesy,
to be honest, a lot of this stuff, you know,
first of all, if you have that inner skeptic or
that inner you know, your cynical about it. Me too,
I was too, And that's why the brain stuff really
(06:32):
helped me.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
You know, I call it science with a splash of
woo woo.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You know, like it's like all the stuff that I
used to call kind of touchy feeling emotional stuff, the
stuff that I actually like believe in wholeheartedly. Now that
used to feel very foreign to me. I was very like, Okay,
give me a plan, let's logic and reason our way
through it. And I was very hardened. My heart was
very hardened, and I had to be tough and I
had to, you know, show everybody I was okay, and
show people I was smart and successful in all these things.
(06:58):
But again that in itself is its own coping mechanism.
But that being said, if you're going through any type
of anything, right, I do invite you to look for
what is the breakthrough on the other side of it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
We get so kind of focused on the suck. We
get focused on the problem.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
And you know, one of my favorite quotes is nothing
passes until it teaches you what you need to learn.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
And it's true.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Like, if you're and we're going to talk about this
actually in another two things can be a true episode
coming up about you know, the difference between regressing and
moving backwards and all of that. But part of it
too is like you might not be experiencing something from
the same altitude that you had the last time, or
you might have new altitude.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Right, But if you are looking for it.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
To be the reason why you're never going to solve
it or never heal it, You're going to sink deeper
and deeper. And when I say your spirit, you know,
a lot of this is in our heart, it's in
our soul, it's in our spirit, and that's when the
physical stuff comes in and totally separates us from it. Right,
we no nout, we disconnect. We really just shove everything down.
And that's why again I'm inviting you, like, what if
(08:04):
some of this conversation that we might think is like
a food and body thing, what if it was like
a heart, soul, spirit and brain conversation too, And that
when you're going through some sort of like again, you
can have everything can be roses and butterflies in one
air of your life, but you can also coincidingly be
going through some sort of spiritual awakening, breakdown to break through,
(08:24):
existential crisis, whatever it is. And what I'm inviting you
into is like, what if you don't give it that
meaning that it's bad or wrong or you're doing something
air quotes wrong, and that that was just part of
it And two things can be true at the same
time and it doesn't have to mean anything other than that.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Dig a little deeper into breakdown to break through.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So you know, when we're in the midst of something,
breakdown for men can look in many ways. Right, it
might be I'm in a spiral of shame and self
condemnation and stress. Right, breakdown could be you know, I've
hit the end of my road and I feel like
giving up and that hopelessness kinds of kind of creepy
breakdown can be like I feel so alone, I feel
(09:04):
so isolated, I feel messed up, unworthy, broken, all the things.
You know, And I could tell you a lot of
the former storylines of my breakdowns, but a breakdown right
now might be, you know what, so many things are
piling up in my life right now, and I feel
like I've reached my limit, and I just feel like
I need to cry, and I need to maybe for
a moment, even be MOPy poudy, victimy for just a
(09:27):
minute in a very kind of strategic way, because again,
you don't want to shove it down like let it out,
give yourself permission to be irrational, erratic, you know, victimy, whatever.
But again we don't want to sit in it. But
it's really important to feel to suck. But any type
of breakdown, so you know, for me, honestly, what I
would call most recently my versions of breakdowns or when
I give myself permission to not be okay in that
(09:49):
moment and let myself cry, or I'm more of a
crier than a screamer.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
But whatever it is for you, I'm both okay I'm.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Both and and there is a chemical release that's happening
when So if you are someone that suppresses, I would
encourage you to figure out if you're a car or
a screamer or both, because there is some sort of
release that feels so good. And in those breakdown moments
with you know, I just love that you said break
(10:18):
down to breakthrough because I feel like in the breakdown,
after we've not suppressed and felt the things and whatever
we live, it's almost as though you're not a fork
in the road, and which way are you going to go?
Are we going to continue with the breakdown or are
we going to look for the breakthrough?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Absolutely and work for the breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah, And like sometimes you got to tear down walls
to put up new ones, you know, and it's not
always pretty. And so the breakdowns and again you can
replace it with whatever word resonates with you. And if
you're listening to this and you're like, sometimes I shut
down sometimes I just want to escape, like whatever it is,
and you're feeling all the feels whatever, you might have
tendencies to make wrong or give meaning that you're doing
(10:58):
something wrong or regressing or I should be stronger than
this or I should know better is a big one
for my clients. Right, So whatever it is, like, look
at like find the gold in that, find the beauty
in it.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
One of something I found online I sent to one
of my clients because she was experiencing something, actual circumstances
in her life, you know that were hard. She came
to me and she's like, Okay, leam, I'm noticing my
victim voice come up.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
And so I was just coaching her through it.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
But I found something online and it just says, replacing
why is this happening to me? With what is this
trying to teach me? Is a game changer. Things happen
for us to learn and grow from. When we realize this,
our perspective shifts from disempowered to empowered. And I think
that's really the if we were to simplify this, like
the breakdown to break through, it's a perspective shift. Don't
(11:43):
skip over the suck, like get feel the feels. But
then it's like, Okay, what is now possible for me?
What can I create from this? What do I need
to learn?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
God? For me? I say, God, what are you trying
to teach me here?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
What have I not yet experienced, mastered, learned, have the
insight and awareness right where am I trying to fix
something outside of me when something inside of me feels
like it needs some love and attention and care.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
But that's where I come back to full circle. It's
the power of choice.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You have to choose to take radical ownership of your journey,
of your story, of your ability to influence all the
things that you can influence, and then of course release
the things that you really can't control. But that's a choice,
and shifting your perspective is a choice. And having aware
of sitting here listening to this podcast bettering yourself where
we're not always talking about roses and butterflies, is a choice.
(12:28):
But you're obviously listening to this because you're somebody who
wants to take radical ownership of your life. So the
breakdown to break through, the breakthrough is a choice in
my opinion.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Well, and since we mentioned experiencing joy is one of
the things that is on the opposite of experiencing the pain,
and two things can happen at the same time, Like
you could be experiencing the loss of someone in your
life but also get some really exciting news and then
feel guilty about celebrating it because you should be grieving
that it all can sort of happen at the same time.
(12:58):
But I was trying to search up for this Ted
talk that I watched, and now I can't remember what
it was called, but I talked about it on four
things because what was the key word? And it makes
me think of Donald Miller giving us what does this
make possible in any situation that you face?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
But she had done this whole study.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Of people that were, you know, truly content in life
and had joy, and there was people that you know,
said they did, but then it didn't line up when
they were you know, they asked all these questions, they
had to fill everything out, and she said that the
ninety percent of people, Now I'm paraphrasing and making stuff
up just to give you a picture of sort of
what it was, is like ninety percent of people would
have said, oh, yeah, I'm this way, but she said, really,
(13:40):
it's only like five or ten percent of people that
really are. And in the five to ten percent of
people that we found truly experience that joy any adversity
they face in life, they have that question, what what
does this make possible? For me? What can I do
with this now? Not why exactly what you just said?
And I'm going to find that Ted talk it, but
(14:01):
it was, you know, someone got di notsed with cancer,
and instead of being like, why is this happening to me?
She said what is important in life to me? And
she made a list of what's important so that she
could focus on that. A guy was having a really
difficult time with his boss at work, and instead of
saying why does she treat me this way? Or why
is our relationship so strange? He said, what can I
(14:23):
do to show her I am valuable?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:25):
And so the what is huge? So I just was
going to go off on that.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
For a second. Yeah, don't quote me on any of that,
but it is.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
That is the gist of it, absolutely, And I'll even
stack on that asking yourself why. I'm not saying that
it doesn't matter, but it's not going to make a difference.
So the big ones are why is this happening? Why
am I like that? Why do I do that? Why
can't I stop that? The why questions? Again, it's not
that they don't matter, but they're not going to make
a difference in how you show up from here on out.
But those what questions, as you were just saying, Amy,
(14:53):
those can actually shift the trajectory and move you into
solution thinking, because why questions not all the time, but
are ten are going to tend to be more focused
on the problem versus what we really want is a
way out of the problem and solution. So those what
questions are going to bring you more solution focused versus
those why questions tend to tend to take you down.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
The rabbit hole of the problem. Well, there you go.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
That is part six of two things can be true
at the same time. And Leanne and I both hope
that you have the day that you need to have.
And if you need to cry, cry, yes, if you
need to scream, scream, you.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Need to hit some things at one of those places.
I googled the on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I just looked up a lions roar because I remember
doing that in yoga and it feeling really good. So
I found someone leading the process of that on YouTube,
and I sat down and I did it the other
day and it felt so good. So look up the
lion r r are. It's very empowering. I don't know,
it's very therapeutic, very so Leanne, where can people find.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
You Stressless eating dot com if you want to hear
more about the whole process of rewiring your brain when
it comes to food, your body, yourself image, your body
image and Leanne ellington.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Over on Instagram and I Am at Radio Amy on
socials and radioimy dot com. We'll see you next Saturday
for part seven.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Bye bye
Hosts And Creators
Amy Brown
Leanne Ellington
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