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April 8, 2025 17 mins

This is an episode I struggled in committing to do but I knew it was important. Being set apart will always look strange to people who are used to settling. Choosing abstinence builds discipline and is designed to be intentional, nowhere near easy but worth it. 

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to the Overcome for podcast. I'm your host,
Jennica Lopez. Happy Tuesday or whatever day you guys are
listening to this podcast. Thank you guys so much for
choosing to click on today's episode. It is not a
coincidence that you guys are listening to this today and
it is our season finale of season three. I'm so

(00:25):
grateful and honored to have spent such a beautiful amount
of time with you guys, where you guys got to
hear my heart, hear the hearts of my guests, have
vulnerable moments with me, growth, healing. I'm just excited. I'm
excited for a season four. If you guys have any
ideas or any guests that you want to see, any

(00:46):
topics that you guys want to hear me talk about,
let me know. Today we are going to be talking
about something so taboo and something that has made me
a little bit nervous about to talk about. Was going
through topics to talk about today, and I just kept
landing back on this one, and maybe I thought I

(01:07):
was scared of people making fun of me or people
not understanding it, But I'm really just grateful that you
guys are here today because we're going to dive into
something personal and powerful. And that is why I've chosen abstinence,
not out of shame, not because I'm afraid of love,
or because I've grown, but it's because I've grown to

(01:28):
understand the value of my body, my peace, and my purpose.
And I'm choosing, and I have been choosing to live intentionally, emotionally, spiritually,
and physically. So, whether you're thinking about abstinence, are in it,
or just curious, this is a safe space for you
for me, So let's talk about it. Okay, what is

(01:51):
and isn't abstinence? Okay, let's clear something up. Abstinence is
not the same thing as celibacy. But we talked about
last week. Now I'm clearing up. I've chosen abstinence. Celibacy
is a lifelong commitment, but abstinence is a choice to
refrain from sex for a season, whether that's until marriage

(02:11):
or you feel emotionally and spiritually ready. My intention, I'm
not saying I'm going to because I also am human
and I'm not perfect, but my intention is to do
it until marriage. And most importantly, it's about alignment, choosing
to not give my body away lightly because I have
learned that sex isn't just sex. It impacts our hearts, minds,

(02:36):
and souls. And I know that there's people that can
just have sex just to have sex and not have
any attachment, friends with benefits, et cetera. I cannot be
that girl, at least for me. I know that there's
people that do and to reach their own no judgment here,
but for me, I just I know and I have
felt the impact on my spiritual and my emotional wellbeing

(03:01):
when I do have sex, and especially when it's with
the wrong person, when you know that you shouldn't be
doing it. And it's not just about protecting my body,
it's also protecting my future and aligning with the plan
that God has for me. So let me tell you
the truth. I have experienced soul ties. If you guys

(03:24):
don't know what soul ties are, please look into it.
It's literally when two souls just intertwined together and just
it looks messy. It looks just super messy. I've felt
that lingering weight of people I was physically close to,
people that I have physically have had sex with, long
after that they were gone. I have carried confusion, heartbreak,

(03:49):
silence where love used to live where I used to
feel soul alive. Like I remember talking to someone at
the end of last year, at the end of twenty
twenty four, and I have obviously dealt with depression and
anxiety and whatever, and I knew how to overcome in
and I was very positive and I was, Oh my God,
like I was just I was full of light. I

(04:09):
felt full of light, and I was just in a
different space of my life. The moment that I met
that person started becoming more intimate. I've just got darker.
I just felt like weighted. I didn't I wasn't motivated,
I wasn't energized, I didn't care about anything. I started
smoking a lot, a lot more, which that person did.

(04:30):
And I'm not going to completely blame that person, because
I am also a full blown adult and have make
my own choices. But those things live and stay in you,
and those are the root of your emotions and your
feelings and the reason why of a lot of things.
And that taught me that not every connection deserves all
of me. And I think that's important, especially in today's society,

(04:51):
especially as single girls or single men like we just
like we've waited so long to have a connection with
somebody that we want to give everything to them and
to impress them and to be just like offering whatever
we can to make them stay. But some people were
never meant to have access to such a sacred space.
It is so intimate when you really think about it,

(05:12):
it's like whoa like this is like this is how
babies are made, This is how you know everything happens,
Like imagine, really sit down and think about how important
that is. And abstinence for me is taking back the
pieces that I gave away too easily. It's about choosing
clarity over chaos, being clear minded, and it's really inviting

(05:38):
God back into the parts of me that I once
handed over without discernment that I just didn't care for
and I just gave it away like that. So and
this part is so important too. If I'm going to
be giving my body to someone, it will be someone

(06:00):
who values my spirit just as much or me. And
because obviously, you know, as a lady, guys are gonna
be guys dogs, and they're obviously gonna want one thing,
and they think, clearly, truthfully, honest men think what their penis.
It's that simple. They want one thing. I'm not saying

(06:22):
that this applies to almen, but a lot of men
in our generation and a lot of men my age,
really just want one thing. So I really want someone
who sees my worth before they ever touch me, someone
who can lead me with intention and not pressure, someone

(06:45):
who honors God and how they love me, not just
how they talk to me. Because who you give yourself
to really matters. And your body isn't a bargaining chip.
It's a reward. It is a gift. It is something
like something to work for, and it's not a way

(07:06):
to prove your love or to keep someone interested. And
I feel like we've made that mistake again as single
people in this generation. We want to keep proving to
people we want them to stay because we don't want
to be single for the rest of our lives. But
we can't just freely give it away like a bargaining chip.
We have to make them work for it. And if
they work for it, and they honor you and see

(07:27):
the value and see your self worth, then it's so
such more sacred. And when you're connected to the right person,
someone who also values purity, who's also a line, sees
the same thing, respects boundaries and see your abstinence as beautiful.

(07:47):
It's a gift, not a compromise. So I've decided I'd
rather wait for God's best then settle for someone who
doesn't understand the weight of what I carry. I'm gonna
say that again. I'd rather wait for God's best then
settle for someone who doesn't understand the weight of what

(08:11):
I carry. Okay, you guys, we're gonna go on a
break and we'll be right back. All right, you guys,
welcome back. Now let's talk about how purity isn't perfection,
how this road and abstinence, abstinence isn't always perfect. We're
not gonna talk about the purity culture kind that shames people.

(08:35):
I'm talking about inner purity, your wholeness, your intention, your alignment,
your kindness, your gracefulness. And I'll be honest, I've made
mistakes and maybe you have too. But choosing abstinence isn't
something or it isn't about erasing the past. It's choosing

(08:57):
something for a different future, different result, for a better result.
We keep getting these same results with these men that
just want one thing, because that's that's it. We just
keep getting those same results. We keep choosing the wrong people.
We keep giving ourselves and allowing people to take advantage

(09:19):
of those parts of us when we should be valuing
and honoring our past for a better future. And there's
grace here and there's power and starting over. I promise
you guys, there's again. There's never it's never too late,
and I'm not I don't want to say that. You know,

(09:40):
wherever you guys are at in your life, wherever part
if you guys are questioning, if you guys have thought
about this, if you just think like damn, like I
just don't want to And this is a difficult decision
for a lot of people, and even as women and
even for men, like it's a decision like a lot
of people don't understand because you think once you get
into a relationship like oh, like, you know, guys start

(10:02):
making fun of the guys if they haven't had sex
or you know, women like it's different and it's hard.
But when you have good people around you, and when
you have people that admire and align also with what
you're doing, you don't have to worry about people making
fun of you because at the end of the day,
they also know the choice that you're making for a

(10:22):
better future. There's beauty in saying this time, I'm doing
it differently, and again there's power in starting over. Here's
how I have stayed grounded in this decision. And it
hasn't been easy. Well it kind of has because I
haven't really been talking to any anybody. I also just
you know, I'm very clear with my boundaries. Also, if

(10:45):
you're making this choice, you have to be very honest
and vulnerable from the get I think like even after
I'm not saying like, at least for me, maybe people
are gonna say something different. But like if you've been
talking for like three months and you guys are like, okay,
we're ready to like be in a relationship, Okay, cool, Okay,

(11:05):
but I need to tell you something. This is a
boundary also, like I'm really trying to be abstinate from sex.
This is important for me. I don't know how long,
but you know, because I don't know how this is
going to really work out here. I don't want to
just continue to keep giving my body, and I hope

(11:26):
that you can learn and respect that. I do think
that is important you guys to share that boundary with
that person. But anyways, this is how I stay grounded
in this decision. Oh and if that person does not agree,
then that person wasn't meant for you. If they think
that it's ridiculous, then all right, they don't get it,
they don't value it, they don't see worth in it. Sorry,

(11:47):
you clearly know their intentions. That's all I'm gonna say. Okay,
back to how I stay grounded. I remind myself of
my why, especially on the lonely days, especially in the
days where it's like damn, I can quickly hit up
my sneaky link and just you know, get it done,
but it's like, no, why am I doing this? Because
I want to see better results? Because I know that

(12:09):
the plan or the partner that God has for me
in the future is going to honor me and respect me.
More and more importantly, God honors that honor. God respects
our body. I surround myself with people who also respect
my boundaries. Again, you guys, check your circle, Check the
people you're around with, type of friends, et cetera. People

(12:30):
that are gonna respect and honor you. I pray a
lot for strength, clarity, and for my future partner, wherever
they may be. If you guys are single, or if
you guys are in a relationship right now, continue to
pray not only for yourself and for your family, but
for your partner and for their family and for their future,
and that your paths a ligne and that they're also

(12:52):
being prepared and pruned to me with you. And when
the time is right, you know God, it's perfect time.
God is never late, he's never early, but he's always
on time. I'm telling you, I protect my peace. I watch,
listen to, and dwell on what matters. I'm not focused
on things that are negative or that's gonna lead me

(13:14):
down to a darker path. And I've noticed this pattern
in my life. And I'm gonna be completely honest with you. Guys,
like I like attention. I think any girl likes attention.
I think if we're being honest here, I just you know,
I like when guys give me attention. And maybe that's
not healthy because at the end of the day, I
can not only be mussing myself up with that other
person as well. So it's always like protecting your peace,

(13:36):
what comes in and what goes out again, above all else,
guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Sorry, guys,
for my little brain fart but this this verse is
often used as a reminder to protect your emotional, your spiritual,
and even your physical wellbeing because your heart is literally

(13:59):
your lifelined, is the wellspring of your life. It fits,
it's beautifully. In a conversation about this about abstinence, about
boundaries and choosing who you give your access to. Again,
you guys, you have to be mindful. Whatever comes through
your heart obviously, like you have to is also what's

(14:19):
going to flow out of it. And that that's what
I do to stay encouraged. And although it's not easy,
it is always going to be worth it. We never
got good things from coming from it coming easy, And
did that make sense? You never get good things that
come easy. Usually when easy things come, it ends up

(14:43):
kind of it ends up kind of like pretty bad,
like not gonna lie like it just feels like, oh,
like this is too good to be true. But like
in a relationship wise or whatever, like it is a path.
It's not easy. It's hard, it's hard to be committed,
and it's hard to just trust God. But ultimately it's
always worth it. So if you're choosing abstinence to like

(15:07):
me or even just thinking about it, I want you
to hear this. You're not weird, you're not behind, and
you are not broken. And let's be honest, abstinence isn't
exactly popular. Some people want to hear it and immediately think,
oh wait, you're not having sex on purpose, or they

(15:29):
hit you with a sarcastic good luck with that, like
you're signing up for something miserable, And I get it.
In a world that glorifies instant gratification and hookup culture,
choosing abstinence is weird. But here's what I've honestly learned.
Being set apart will always look strange to people who

(15:51):
are used to settling. Let that sink in. Being set
apart will always look strange to be people who are
used to settling. You are not weird, You're wise, You're
not out of touch. You're just ahead of time. You're
not missing out. You're protecting your peace, your purpose, and

(16:15):
your heart. And that's what abstinence is for me, guarding
my heart, not building a wall, but creating a boundary
that honors my worth. So yeah, it's gonna look weird
to some, but I'd rather be weird with peace than
accepted with regret. You're wise, You're worthy, and your body

(16:37):
is sacred. Treat it as such. It is beautiful. Make
them work for it, girl, Make them like if they
really want to, they would. It's that simple. You deserve
someone who honors that, someone who sees abstinence not as
a challenge but as a reflection of your strength. Okay,
thank you guys so much for being here with me today,

(16:58):
for being with me throughout this season. I hope that
this reminded you that your choices matter, your body matters,
and waiting doesn't mean you're missing out. It means you're
making room for something real and with purpose. So until
next time, I will see you guys in the next season.

(17:19):
Stay strong, stay rooted, and remember you are worth the wait.
And without further ado, I am seeing you guys in
the next season. Bye. Overcome for podcast is a production
of Iheartmichael podcast Network
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Host

Jenicka Lopez

Jenicka Lopez

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