Success, Setbacks & Staying True with Cord Parks

Big Bank and special guest Cord Parks sit down for a deep conversation on success, adversity, and personal growth. They discuss the challenges of transitioning from sports to everyday life, the struggle of identity after leaving the game, and the role of mentorship in shaping one’s path. Parks shares his journey from football to talent management, reflecting on lessons learned from both wins and setbacks. They also explore the importance of authenticity in relationships, the impact of mental health, and how faith plays a role in overcoming adversity. With insights on navigating internal conflict, setting boundaries, and finding purpose beyond sports, this episode offers a real look at growth, resilience, and staying true to yourself. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Keep to the planet.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
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Speaker 2 (00:07):
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(00:27):
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Speaker 1 (00:35):
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Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tap in and grab your tickets now at Black Effect
dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
It gets no better than this.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Sat You are now in June to perspect us with
Big Bang Bang b.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Let's get straight to it.

Speaker 4 (00:57):
It says this isn't about winning, It's about overcoming and
staying true to who you are through it all work
to perspective bank today joining me is my brother court parts.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
How you feeling, my brother? I feel good? Feel damn vision? Now?
How you really feeling?

Speaker 4 (01:12):
I always do a wellness check to see where you're at,
where you're at with your mental how you feeling?

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Brother?

Speaker 3 (01:16):
Like I'm at bout of about of eighty five? Eight
five out of hunt?

Speaker 1 (01:20):
Nigga, that nigga, that's it. That's right, eighty five out
of hunt.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
I don't know if you used to being in the
ninety to you know what I'm saying, the hunter rund
eighty five might be a little up under.

Speaker 4 (01:30):
That about at it ain't no way every time I'm
atter thought it.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
I feel like it. So you're good? Eighty five? That's good?
I feel about eighty five? Yeah? What you don't mind me?
Ask you? What what got the fifty fifty fifteen percent?
What's what's that? What's that? What's off?

Speaker 3 (01:51):
I'll say probably my other fifteen just steal me getting
back out, you know what I'm saying, getting bad adapted, Uh,
finding my our routine and really find it still trying
to navigate and find them things that make me happy
outside of just working and grinding. I feel, you know
what I'm saying, Definitely, just getting back to the things

(02:12):
that I enjoy doing gonna close the gap. And you know,
obviously you know you got goals and things that you
got set that you want to achieve, so I think
that'll close it too.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Really just overthinking, you think so I don't know.

Speaker 3 (02:28):
I wouldn't say overthinking, more so just doing for me
right now. Okay, you know what I'm saying, Like I
have had a few things, like you know, that's close lot.
I had a couple of deals and things and I'm like, damn,
it's right here, and they fell through at the end.
It's like, damn, what it's gonna take to get over
that hump. But still just giving myself grace to understand.

(02:49):
I'm just getting getting back into the floor of everything too.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Oh we jumping the gup.

Speaker 4 (02:53):
Before we get started, I want to let you introduce
yourself and what you do, who you is, where you're from. Yeah,
how you come? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (03:01):
Core Parts former NFL CFL player born and raised in
the city from Atlanta, Georgia. Went to Star Mountain High School,
but my roots was over Edgewood. My family you know,
everybody grew up over there. Mom with the high school,
when the Roosevelt you know, all my family you know,
went to school over there. Transition into you know, talent

(03:26):
management and consulting once I stopped playing, and I feel.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
Like I'm a doc connector. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
I feel like I bring creative flair and juice wherever
I go. And then just like a I called myself
like a creative sniper. I'm able to sit back and
see things and then come up with plays out of that.
So that's you know, who I feel like I am
now the titles, you know what I'm saying. But outside

(03:55):
of it, I feel like, you know, for myself, I
got a big heart, focus, determined, and to even just
be sitting here talking about perspective, I feel like I
got a great perspective and stuff I love to hear,
like different folks perspective me too.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
I can completely not agree with somebody or something, but
exactly how somebody from that, you know what I'm saying, perspective,
So yeah, open minded bro and and just I feel
like you got a good heart growing up.

Speaker 4 (04:28):
What was your biggest dream was outside of football, Like,
what was your first dream?

Speaker 1 (04:32):
What was your first dream? Oh? Oh, my first dream
really was football.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
But outside of that, man, I wanted to uh, I
really wanted to work on cars.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
I was. I was.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
I was a tinker as a kid, so I spent
a lot of time tearing up around the house and
to me, see y'all putting it back together. Yeah, uh,
you know, working on stuff. And then as a kid,
really I was very inquisitive. So like with my grandma,
my grandfather, you know, he he laid tie, my other uncle,
all my you know, to me and our family were

(05:06):
you know, very hands on and skills and and doing
different stuff.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
So they ain't never really tell me to get out
the way.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Whenever they were doing something, they let me come in
and learn and tap in with the trays. One of
my uncle was a carpenter, so I really was always inquisitive.
My granddaddy was out there working on the car. You're
gonna catch me up trying to see and lay up
under it to see what was going on too. So
that really I fell in love with cars early. And really,
you know what I'm saying. It was a thing for me.

(05:33):
Was just like I enjoyed seeing a clean car pull up,
knowing what's going on with knowing how to feasting. And
then when I got into high school, I was the
dude that outside of playing ball, you know, my partners
are pull up and I installed the radio, put some
beat in the car, just doing little stuff like that.
So I think outside of that that that definitely was
was my thing is just trying to figure out what

(05:54):
I can do with my hands.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
What color you wanted that you didn't never get though?

Speaker 4 (06:01):
Uh cease, okay, yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
You know back then I used to get them low
Rider magazine. So I definitely want to have them switches on. Yeah,
definitely want to have them switches on. The like I
just remember like edge with they being at the park, yeah,
and seeing uh I remember b had the gold suburban
with them fifteens.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
And just little stuff like that, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
And seeing everybody pull up with their whips and everybody shoality,
you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I feel like a
car really show you know, when somebody put their hard
work and they they they infort into it.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
They really show a person personality, even the car you picked.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying like you can look
at the person be like I can see how bro
drive one of them or picked something like that. So
that definitely was something. You know what I'm saying for
me growing up wasn't whips.

Speaker 4 (06:49):
Definitely, Hey, let's switch gives back to football. When you
knew you had the next level of potential?

Speaker 1 (06:57):
When did I know? Yeah? What age? And what age?
Did the people knew? Like everybody around you knew?

Speaker 3 (07:04):
Like, oh he going, I don't think No, I don't
think people ever knew honestly, coaches and nobody nah, Because
I was smaller, yeah, you know what I'm saying. And
I came out during the time at the position I
played was running back. You couldn't have told me, like,
you know, playing in part boy, I played that reading
and I was I was a pretty.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Good running back.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
But you know, at that time, you had to be
a certain size and all that kind of stuff to
come out. And once I got to high school, I
think what kind of I felt like separated was was
my really my folks?

Speaker 1 (07:40):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
My folks did a damn good job like finding resources
and doing stuff like I was going out the myriad
of the train you know in high school. I was
going to see trainers then and the main thing for
them was just making sure I ain't they ain't have
to pay to go to school. You know what I'm saying.
Comfort we come from that's a bigger thing. Hey, we
can't pay for you to go to school, but this

(08:02):
can do it.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
So that was the thing.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
And then I think when it really stuck out for
me was probably my junior year of college. The Buffalo
Bills came to a practice and another team, I can't
remember what team it was, and you know, they showed
some interest and I ran afforded and I ain't hear nothing.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Back outter that, you.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
Know what I'm saying, Like they came in and they
do a couple of different tests that a lot of
people don't know, like the wonder lig and all that
kind of stuff. Well, eyebro, I had I had at
that point kind of had hung it up with foot
while because I didn't enjoy it no more. College kind
of took the enjoyment out for me. What happened the
coaches understanding that it's the sports business. Feel me like

(08:54):
a lot of people look at it and think, oh,
you're going to school you know, you getting a scholarship
and doing all that kind of stuff, But it's big business.
That's why I'm so happy that these kids getting the
bad now in college versus you know how it was
for us, Like it was some under the table stuff
for a lot of guys, but back then for us, it.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Wasn't like that.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
So, you know, the the I went to school in Boston,
I went to college in Boston, and coming from the city,
you know, that's that's day and night. I'm getting to
an area where it's predominantly white and I can find
a hood anywhere, you know what I'm saying. But the
experience from the coaches and it kind of took the

(09:33):
love of the game away from it. And you know,
they they come into your house, they recruit you, they
tell you all these different things, they tell your parents
all this kind of stuff, and then when you get
you get the campus, you're like, man, this nigga here,
it's not who he said he was when he came
in and told my father, Like this nigga totally different.

(09:54):
So that was a big part for me, was just like, man,
who is this dude? They're recruited me, and like this
ain't the person that came to my house and from
that like that was really my first bit of adversity
because I ain't. I just I didn't study nhing like
that in high school. In high school, I kind of
knew how to work the system. I go, I, god,

(10:17):
damn do my school work at school. That way, when
I got home from practice, I can talk on the phone,
I can socialize and do the stuff I needed to do.
But it created a space for me to not really
have good study habits. So when I got to college,
I struggled out the gate, like out the gate like
that was my first time. It was really feeling the
class just due to the fact that I ain't I

(10:38):
ain't know how to study, you know what I'm saying.
And I chose to go into a major mechanical engineering
that damn, and they only ain't no rubbing off on
the professor and trying to you know, scoot over and
its shortcuts.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
Nah, ain't no short cuts. And I think it was
just that adversity.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
Then both of my parents lost their job as soon
as I got to college too, so that really was
a wake up call from me. Two cause I went
from to you know, both of my parents work in
grind and doing what they need to do make sure
I was straight to now, you know, my dad was sick,
my mom you know, lost her job, and it's like, oh,
this shit real now. So I had to you know,
get a job on the side and work and do

(11:17):
all that kind of stuff. So it really became like, oh,
this is not it's real now.

Speaker 4 (11:23):
Now you're speaking on adversity, what you think your biggest
struggle adversity was like going through college football just in
your life period as a black man trying to be
successful out here.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
I think my biggest struggle outside of the adversity that
I faced while playing in college was trying to figure
out my identity once I stopped playing, So twenty seventeen,
I stopped playing, got back to the crib, you know,
trying to figure out who I was outside of football.
You know what I'm saying, Because I had spent from

(11:56):
two thousand and nine, my rookie in the NFL to
twenty seventeen bouncing around on different teams playing you know
what I'm saying, being on the active roster, not being
on the active roster, being on the practice squad. You know,
and getting back home and like, damn, who am I

(12:16):
outside of football?

Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (12:20):
You know, and it led me to meeting some cats,
getting involved in some shit I never thought I would
have gotten involved in.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Did you did you feel like a failure when you
came back home? Nah? Nah? You know that was what
year nine?

Speaker 3 (12:37):
So I had really went beyond okay the point you
know what I'm saying. So I got cut with two
three times in between playing, but I never really felt
like a fail. It was just I knew every time
I came home in between times and training, like shit,
you got to get back to it. And it wasn't
no different than being told like, oh, you're not you're
not big enough, you're not strong enough, you're not fast enough.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
That's what it was for me. Every time it just
gave me more fuel. Yeah, you know what I'm saying
to come back.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
And I knew I had to write people in my
corner at the time to really keep me pushing and going.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
But that twenty seventeen year.

Speaker 3 (13:13):
Was was was just different than the thing because it
was over with.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
You know what, I'm nah, I ain't accept it just yet.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
It was just like two thousand six team, my last
seedon twenty seventeen and like, all right, bro, what's it?

Speaker 1 (13:30):
You know what I'm saying, Like what you finna do? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (13:33):
That's over it now you retired you I was thirty one,
so I don't retire that one phase of my life already.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeah, And you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
Get back, get get back in the see to get
in the mix and get around certain people. And how
my mind works. You put me in a room with
something I'm able to. I'm able to kind of reverse
engineering and thing I went to school for engineering. Yeah,
sitting in the room with somebody they trying to put
put some on together. End I figured out and I

(14:02):
had the answer to it, and boom, now I'm off into.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
Some illegal shit. Damn.

Speaker 4 (14:06):
Did you feel supported though throughout your whole crip, like
family and friends?

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Yeah? Yeah, I felt I've always felt the support.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
Like my my folks, they, like I said, they've been there,
my family, you know, been there. But I think the
hardest thing is when you get to a certain level
of success and people look at you, and being in
the NFL, people look at it. It's like the highest level.
I think people sometimes feel like you got to figure
it out. In life outside of it, you know what
I'm saying. So it was times where in the transition

(14:37):
process it's like, shit, I'm trying to figure out who
am I outside of my sport. People like, no, you straight,
you got it, bro you you you did it over here,
so you got to be straight over here. And it's like, nah,
it ain't the same, Like my whole identity is being
submerged into somebody been doing this out five years old. Yeah,
and I never really fatted into it, like you know,

(14:57):
they'll tell you like, oh, you know, you know, make
sure you got your your eggs are playing together, but
ship while you in it.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
This is it. Yeah, they're playing a through z this
is it.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. And truth be told.
Two thousand and twelve. I'll never forget mister Patrick. This
was my mentor. He owned the five guys bringing fries
over the edge. I met him at the corner car
wash one day randomly. Chris connected this and I went

(15:30):
debt broke. Debt broke in the middle of my career,
and I came to mister p Out like, hey, mister
p I need a couple of dollars. You know what
I'm saying to pay my car note. And he said, son,
he said, you're not gonna get out of football what
you want until you keep.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
The main thing, the main thing. I was like, man,
what keep the main thing?

Speaker 3 (15:50):
The man think because at this time now I'm trying
to diversify, I mean investing. You know, my partner, Hey, bro,
I got a clothes band. I can do this, I
can do that. And I was stretching myself thin for
the main thing with your football.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
So I uh.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
I get back home in twenty twelve, No. Twenty thirteen,
and I moved back in with my mom and dad.
My dad was real sick too around the time. And
I'll never forget my Uh. I go up to my
partner ross gym and I'm like, I'm finna just get

(16:26):
this ship all I got. If it ain't, if it
don't revolve around football, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Women, spet, Keep the main thing, the main thing.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
Facts, go ahead, keep the main thing, the main thing, real, man.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
I uh. One night, but the tow truck outside the house.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
I had a black black seats fifty and for some
reason that night I parted it.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
I pought at the edge of the driveway. Mama coming
and she beat on the Hey, hey they got that.
They got that still in your car, and I like,
I'll never forget a look. I rolled up.

Speaker 3 (17:00):
I said, oh no, that the repo man. I went
out there and took their key to him. I said, hey, man,
keep it. Damn man, they got in the car. Lift out, man, I.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
Can't pick and how more, She's like, what are you doing?

Speaker 3 (17:11):
You just letting And I going like, yeah, I'm finna
lick everything go if it's a distraction.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
If it don't mean, I'm letting it go.

Speaker 3 (17:18):
And I straight committed and did everything that I was
supposed to do there year. So I just trained, trained,
I told, I told Ross, I said, I said, I
can't pay you right now for training, but what I
can do is in the meantime, I come up here,
I clean the gym and I train these kids. And
that's how I found out like I had a you
know a that for that. So fast forward a few months,

(17:41):
I said, I just go to the gym, get my food,
coming home, help me Dad with his dialysis.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
That was my routine every day to the day he passed.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
I got signed to go to playing the Canadian Football
League the same day, Well, the same as that day
he passed some of myout. Probably like five minutes after
he passed in the room with his body, my age
call like, hey on the BC lines, want to sign you, and.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
It was up from there. I'm just like it was up.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
I want the thing crazy. From that, I never I tried.
I focused so much on ball. I just I stayed
in that lane for stayed in that lane and put
me in space where I became like a machine. Like
it was just it was just specifically about that, you
know what I'm saying. And navigating the sports business after
that too, really trying to figure that shit out.

Speaker 4 (18:29):
What's the first thing you tried when you got back
outside of the illegal ship, when you got back twenty seventeen,
when the first thing you tried?

Speaker 1 (18:35):
Training?

Speaker 3 (18:36):
Okay, So I came back. My partner Ted had took
off in the training space. So I came and I
went and I worked up under him for a little
minute and was doing it. And he'll tell him like, bro,
you got it, Like you know the game you've been
playing for a minute. You gotta way to talk to

(18:56):
the kids, you know, all that kind of stuff. But
that ship was just it wasn't the weren't moving fast enough.
So I remember staying in that. I remember standing there
for about six seven months and doing it, you know,
getting attraction and getting the stuff built up. And then
I went and did a football commercial. I did a commercial.
It was this was the year that of the Falcons

(19:17):
that was on. They was on the road, and I
did a commercial with my homeboy, John McKenzie for a
visa commercial.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
We went.

Speaker 3 (19:25):
They ended up making us stay for the commercial, me
and him, and we ended up being right next to
uh Julio John mang in the commercial. Shoot a commercial.
Get a cup, get a check from the commercial. Right
then and there, right my first transaction, I go. My
partner Jock called he like, hey man, uh remember that

(19:47):
commercial we did? Like yeah, he was like, hey man,
check the mailbox. I called my mom like, hey, you know, uh,
you know, check the mail box and see what's going on.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
She like she looked five chicks.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
That was God first time telling me right then and there,
I ain't have to I would getting out of my
lane trying to do some legal shit.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Anyway.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
That was the first. That was the first sign God
told me right in there, like bro, what is you doing?
It was up for me, you're just being hard headed.
And I look at it back then too, I got
I got impatient with God. Yeah, like you ain't moving
fast enough. Bro, let me give me the keys. You

(20:30):
get in the passenger seat.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
I got there, crash. He ain't even let me crash
though he don't. God didn't let me crash. He just
he just got in the pastel seat and J and
J roll. Yeah, he just rolled, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
And I think from that point I just looked at
it like, Okay, there's just a bonus on top of
what I'm doing over here behind sight.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
I'm like, oh, it's just a bonus, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
But I I often like, looking back on it now,
I'll be like, you know, it's interesting when you when
you create a connection with God is like wi Fi.
The further you get away from the signal, the week
it is, HM, you know what I'm saying, and the
and the closer you can hear a lot fast and
you can hear the discernment. You can you can know

(21:20):
when you ain't supposed to be doing something, you can
hear a lot faster. But at that point I just
was like, Bro, I got the God move over.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
I got it. What happened?

Speaker 3 (21:30):
We we we we offer and running. Now so I
meet this dude. He introduced me to a play, you know,
buying some guns and doing and selling them all. And
from that, it was just that's what we're gonna be doing.
And it's something that that was the that was the
full play, full plan.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
This is what we're finna be doing. Yeah, like this,
like we punch up like we like for real.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
And and like I said, even even bro, I look
back at the moment, I'm like, man, it's so many
other things that I figured I would have got involved,
but that I was just like, man, I'm not doing that.
But like you said, when you when you get in
the space of desperation, and just like you said, just
out of your whistling, you will make some of the

(22:19):
most out of character diseasons. And then once, like you said,
once we heard and then I'm like money, good money,
good coming, it's coming. They calling, they want some more.
That's how it go, you.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
Know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
And at that point, I'm taking the money from that
to help the kids. So like these kids can't afford
to come and pay me the train, so come on y'all,
come on, come on, you can't afford cool. Oh you
need to go to counter cool, you know what I'm saying.
So for me, it became that how.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
Y'all get caught. Uh, the dude, the dude who.

Speaker 3 (23:00):
Was you know, the top, he came down and him
and some girl was out and atf ran down on him.
And then from that, you know, the dominoes started. From
the dominoes start to start telling nah, she didn't. But
I think from that point, phone calls and then they
start how the fears work.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
They're gonna start hitting people that's close to you.

Speaker 3 (23:23):
Yeah, they start hitting people that were close, and he
ain't gonna take long before you know, people gonna they
gonna do whatever is the best interest for themself, you
know what I'm saying. And from that, I ain't hit
nobody for two maybe two years. I remember the day
they came. They came March the field, twenty nineteen. I

(23:44):
ain't gettingdicted until April the thirty first of twenty twenty one.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Damn they came today.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
Yeah, damn that's crazy. Yeah for real, Yes, the field
twenty nineteen, twenty nineteen, they came, searched the house, I
still got to voice me on my phone. Came, hey,
mister Parks, we need to see you. This is office Griffy. Hey,

(24:20):
we got a search one da da da da. They
knocked the cameras down. They never told the house up
did all. That's the most Viola didn't find nothing, but
they took like documentation and stuff. And then, like I said,
I didn't hear nothing else, you know, from them until

(24:40):
two years later I heard people, you know, people calming
like a bro folks. They came through, asked me about you,
is what I told him. I know you're from with.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
That what it was? Oh? That? So they came and
searched first. Yeah, came and search first, left.

Speaker 4 (24:58):
You alone for two years. CA even got you, yo,
the full indictment, the full indictment. How long did it
take you to I mean how much time did they get?
Twenty seven months? Okay, that wasn't bad.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
Nah, fave an't feel yeah fa fel I had you.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Said, God, it ain't let you cry nah, like I said,
he definitely didn't do that.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
And you know it was it was several times like
you said, where I know it wasn't number God, you
know what I'm saying looking out and like I say,
in the midst of this, what really pulled me away
when I started managing this, Yeah you know what I'm saying.
And I knew, like I said, I knew deep down.
I went, I ain't no street. I just figured something out.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying, being right, that it's
a temptation that you could you didn't avoid if you
avoid a temptation, and it was on the other side
of that corn, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
That's what you gotta know. You got we all got
to know that.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
Man.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
It's like, well, you know how how bad I want
to go get me a pack?

Speaker 4 (25:58):
Yeah you know what I'm saying. Yeah, like it's so
easy to get a pack man, so easy. But nah, yeah,
ain't n I'm gonna tell you what's interesting. I saw
something the other day said after a while, I don't
know what's the timeline of it, but they said that
it's only a matter of time before your environment eventually

(26:18):
is going to if you don't remove yourself from it.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
You said, it's.

Speaker 3 (26:22):
Only a matter of time before your environment will like
it will have an impact if you not, if you're
not strong. At that point, I went, at this point,
I done. Threw my hands up because I'm like, bro,
I don't know what to do. Oh, you can go
back to school. Yeah, I've been calling in school. I've
been trying to you know, get back in and do
different stuff. But that process then then you used to

(26:44):
making a certain type of money, used to you know,
a lifestyle.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
That's another thing, being so being so close to the streets.

Speaker 3 (26:53):
I'm like, man, it's certain stuff in the lifestyle that
I never I wish I would have never been exposed to.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Who you think you let down the most outside besides
yourself with that situation. Oh, my mother, for a sure
the hard the hardest thing I ever.

Speaker 3 (27:11):
The hardest part was seeing now having to tell her
in front of my atturn and my turn was like, hey,
you need to tell.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
Her what's going on? Where did you gotta go?

Speaker 3 (27:20):
Nah, just like when they came to your house. Then
we went to you know, go see the attorney to
retain the attorney. That was the harder part, just be like,
oh my I got invot.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
And she like what crazy man? Crazy? Like you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
That was the that was the harder part for me,
Like really having to tell my family like hey, this
is what I've been doing. But it's crazy because my aunt,
my auntie Tracey, she'll be like she was like, Nigga,
knew you doing something because she just she just she
been you know what I'm saying. She didn't she didn't
have been in the game and been around and she

(27:58):
always calm of like, hey, you know, oh yeah, you
know what I'm doing this day.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (28:05):
So when it came down to it and I had
to sit down on top of her, she said she
was like I knew what was going on. She just
she had that discernment, she had that feel yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
What I'm saying. She could just she could just tell
how I was moving during the time. So how was it.

Speaker 4 (28:20):
Like being like trying to trying to balance like relationships
and all that when you was in in the league
and in college and all that.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Man, I was so I was so focused on wall Okay.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
I feel like everything you know was a was a
what was a setup in the sense when it came
to relationships.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
But I learned like I had a couple of relationships
during that time.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
I was so focused bank bro, Like you couldn't you
couldn't really take me off, my off my rocker. I
remember being in one relationship. She would argue with me
all the way to the field. I get on the
feeling it's just like that was my stee my safe space.
Didn't get out of the field right back at it,
ug with you to the field. Oh yeah, just dumb shit,

(29:07):
dumb shit.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
It can be.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
Nigga didn't do something right at the house. It could
be the most randomnest of ship. And at the time,
I'll never forget my dad. My dad told me my
biological father, me and him were real cool. I raised
by my stepdad since I was two. But my biological father,
he told he was like son, He like, it's certain
stuff in your in your twinies, once you get to

(29:32):
your thirties, you ain't gonna care about. And then now
at thirty eight, it's certain stuff I care about. In
my early thirties, I'm just like, it don't matter to me. Fact,
you know what I'm saying. And during that time, it
was so much stuff like control wise and you know,
like what you doing, you know, all that kind of stuff,
even for myself, like she is trying to control man.

(29:53):
He ain't got no control over nobody. But you better
not even think you do, but we think we do.
We think we do, but I know we don't. You
can told me I ain't have control back then, but
that's either on me right, absolutely absolutely, that's ego to
the t. And like I said, looking back then, it's
like you don't know who I am, you don't know

(30:16):
what I'm doing. And like you said, you really just
y'all really, y'all really battling the whole time, going back
and forth, going back and forth, but nonsense. And I
look back at them like, man ah, that shit was
pity because it wasn't about nothing.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
What you think made people feel like they can control
other people though, because somebody control.

Speaker 3 (30:34):
Them, uh, people pleasing like you know, going through all
that stuff, like I feel like what possessed a person
to say, Man, I'm gonna take this person, control them,
make them do these things and make them not do

(30:55):
certain things, Like it's something I asked you, but I
asked you my partner, Like, bro, what makes you think
you can you're gonna be able to control or tell
shot or she gonna do this, or you gonna do this?

Speaker 1 (31:07):
You can't even control yourself, Like.

Speaker 3 (31:11):
It's a it's an interesting space to sit in and
being in the space that I see there now, understand
of control and like how we think we joysticking people
and getting them to do the things we want them
to do, manipulating and you're.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Really planning yourself in the long run.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
Do you think all people? Do you think some people
just not meant to be in relationships?

Speaker 1 (31:35):
I think that.

Speaker 3 (31:40):
Like marriage, But we just talking about relationship in general,
committed relations committed relationship. Yeah, some people I don't think
they meant I don't think so. You think you meant
to be in a committed relationship?

Speaker 1 (31:52):
Yeah? Yeah, Why you feel like that? Uh? Because of
what I watching growing Okay, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
I watch my granddaddy, you know, and the things I
watched the men in my in my in my family,
you know, really take care of the women and be
good me.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
But is it some more of them women out here
like grandmother in the world. I don't know. I don't.
I don't.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
I don't think we can do no comparison with what
it will be Granddaddy. Then no, I ain't saying I'm
just I just feel like I could be the best,
the best version of who I am because a lot
of my a lot of my like perspective on relationships
is changing.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
How how so.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
Because I'm I'm I'm in a space now where I
look at like I've been asking myself like damn do
I do I want to? Can I be in a
space of religious invested all in the one person or
can't different people get the love? Because I look at
love different now too. You know what I'm saying, Love
to me is not control thing. And I don't want

(33:03):
to be in a position anymore of feeling like I'm
having to show up not as myself. Yeah, you know
what I'm saying, Yeah, ship even in my family. Like,
I'm in a space now where it's like, this is
who I am figuring out who I am. This is
authentically who I want to show up and bea and

(33:23):
this is what it is.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
Deal with it, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (33:26):
Because at the end of the day, you gotta deal
with yourself being fake. Like you go home, you know
you that didn't feel right? Yeah, Like if you even
if you do if you do something or say yes
to something that you want to say no to, it's not.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Gonna feel right. Bro. Yeah, keep going with it. You're
going with it.

Speaker 4 (33:43):
Don't feel right, trying to keep the peace that I
think I think that coming as you get older.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Because I used to just go with everything.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah no no no
no no no, no.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
He's bro. It's a it's a whole.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
It's so much powering and oh man, it's so much
power then though, like nah.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
Or just really voicing yourself because.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
I can think I can think through my child like
I really I can think through my childhood and not
really question the saying much and stuff. You know what
I'm saying and how it's bled over into my relationships
and not really wanting to. I guess you could say
challenge or like you said, trying to keep the peace.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
My mama is a keep the peace person. And now
I'd be like, oh, we.

Speaker 3 (34:34):
Gotta we gotta, we gotta nah, we gotta, we gotta,
we gotta shake we gotta shake this up a little bit,
like keeping the peace ain't really keeping it within yourself,
Like you're trying to keep the peace outside, but in
yourself you burning up.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
That's the brother. That's torture. Yeah, that's torture. Yeah, it's
a lot of people are torturing themselves.

Speaker 4 (34:53):
Yeah, but guess what like like like I always say this,
it's like this, right if I call you today, right
and you don't want to do something, but you tell
me like, I'm gonna see if I can make it
happen for you.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
Yeah, but you know it's really no, I really know
you should. I should just stand there as a note that.

Speaker 4 (35:09):
Yeah, but then when I call you, you're gonna see me caring.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
Like, man, you know what I'm saying. You're gonna feel
a way by me calling you the whole energy. Yeah,
your anxiety gonna be up. But no, would have been no,
it would have been done.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
You know.

Speaker 4 (35:22):
You gotta deal with this until you keep making up
lives like bro, it ain't came through for me yet.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
Bro, it ain't that that's that's that's faith.

Speaker 4 (35:30):
Yeah, I remember I used to do that. I used
to be the fakest ever like and then go on
and do it.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I know I want
to say no. What should I tell you to me?
How the time? Just say no? Yeah? I used to
always be like gone here and gone. Yeah. So from
where you see it now, what you think what was
the was the route? Though? The root was? I guess

(36:00):
I ain't want to hear.

Speaker 4 (36:01):
No, I want to do for people with what I
want it done for me. You know what I'm saying,
I want you know what I'm saying. I want to
be that person that I wanted. Yeah, you know what
I'm saying. I want to be big brother because I
wanted a big brother. I want to be Pops because
I want to pop I.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
Wanted to be. You know what I'm saying. I wanted
to be given because I wanted to be gave too. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
Yeah, that makes sense. They make a whole lot of sense.
They make a whole lot of sense because, like you said,
you're really showing up. You really showing up and like
you said, being a person that you want people to
be towards you, But you ain't finna get it back.

Speaker 1 (36:35):
It's just not finna happen.

Speaker 3 (36:37):
Well, I remember talking about this with my eggs, like
you expecting for me to show up or respond or
do certain things the way you would, And it's just
that's what makes me who I am, is my perspective
on how I see stuff that I can see how.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
You would want me to do that, but.

Speaker 4 (36:57):
That that ain't me. Baby me. See, I'm gonna tell you.
That's what I think. That's the that's the disconnecting the
relationships is people instead of just saying no or exactly
how they feel, they'll try to adapt so they can
keep the person, and then they be miserable.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Doubt to try to keep the person.

Speaker 4 (37:19):
Yeah, so you you you faking yourself out, trying to
fake them out, and.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
They know you being fake.

Speaker 4 (37:24):
Yeah, but they'll they'll allow you to be fake as
long as it pleases them.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
It got to work in I'm saying each way men
and women. Yeah, it got to work in.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
In my faithor But like I said, now, why I
see that is if you are not able to show
up and be yourself. If a person telling me, oh,
I don't feel hey man, what's going on? Am I
presenting a space for you and you don't feel like
you can show up and be yourself.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
I ain't judge you on nothing.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
Say what you feel and then let me determine if
I want to deal with it or facts. You know
what I'm saying, But don't make the decision for me
because you're trying to, you know, hold yourself and the
being what you think I want you to do.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
That's when people be mad like anytime.

Speaker 4 (38:04):
Have you ever seen a relationship when people break up, Bro,
they don't have no problem because they was both themselves
in the relationship.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
A person would be mad because I tried to do
all that for you. That's when a person is mad
at you. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:18):
I don't been there. You know what I'm saying. Man,
I was coming in the house, I was doing all this.
I ain't even that type of dude. Yeah, but bro,
when you had to do that, but be yourself because
everything comes to well not everything, some things come to
an end.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah. So mhm.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
So if I'm insisi what you say to me, if
I'm not, if I'm if I'm if I'm putting on,
putting on for a minute, she may be there for
a saken, But after a while, the man's gonna come out.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Right, Yes, because it's gonna come a time.

Speaker 4 (38:50):
Listen, it ain't gonna be the man might not come out,
but the frustration of the mass gonna come off, gonna
gonna gonna gonna gonna be shown.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah, you see what I'm saying. You're gonna be all You're.

Speaker 4 (39:01):
Gonna be depressed, tense, tense, snappy. Yeah, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Because you ain't even being you cool. Yeah, you can't. Brother,
that's the worst.

Speaker 4 (39:09):
Feeling ever, Like you can go around everybody else and
be yourself besides your mate or your family.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
That's rough. That's rough, bro, that's like, that's that's rough.
And I don't feel that everybody has. That's why we're
speaking this everybody. Some people are in this.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Some people need somebody seeing there right now. Somebody said,
I don't know, I don't know, always been me. You
take you do it for the money. You want to
talk about that they do it for the money.

Speaker 4 (39:42):
But that's different though. I'm saying, like a job, like
you go to work, you gotta.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
You go to work. You gotta have work etiquettes.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
If you're working for somebody else, like you use a
football player, you don't foe tell you. You gotta well suit
to press them into whatever the game day, that's what
you gotta do. Yeah, because you're working for somebody else.
But my chosen relationship were choosing to be one.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
I don't been, but I ain't gonn even care to you, man,
I don't been around some cats in that locker room
that don't give a fuck and show up Jesus who
they are. What the difference is their outline on what
they do on the field, a straight outline.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
They're different. They really ain't no working them.

Speaker 4 (40:22):
Folk need them, unto my person that need them. Yeah,
like I need you, So I gotta show up as
how you want me if I'm doing a job. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying. I don't feel like that
in relationships and family. I don't feel like that because
there is the choice. You feel like I love is
a choice, Yes, I do. I feel like you can't

(40:44):
help who you love. But I feel like the way
I love you is my choice.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (40:52):
I can love you from a distance, I can love
you close, I can love you, I can know I
love you, But I can know.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
That me and you don't mix. Yeah, you know what
I'm saying. We all got family members that we don't
mix with.

Speaker 4 (41:03):
Yeah, we all got relationship that we've been in we
don't mix with.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
But I love this person that doth right.

Speaker 4 (41:09):
Yeah for real, So we but we'll try to adapt
once again. We'll try to adapt because I love Yeah,
but now you're unhappy.

Speaker 1 (41:22):
You can't make somebody well. You can't be in a
happy situation. Unhappy. It's impossible. Nah, how yeah, And I
think that's kind of.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
I've had a couple talks with some ogs about their marriages,
and one that stuck out to me recently was to
hear a sixty five year old man tell me that
he settled.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (41:52):
Most people do. Most people do, Bro, He's very rare.
You see a couple that's like together together, Bro. Most
people somebody is selling them. Somebody is compromising. That's what
they call it. Somebody is compromising.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
It's a difference between the compromising it subtling. Though.

Speaker 4 (42:15):
If you're compromising your morels and integrity and all that, Bro,
you're selling.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
Shit.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
I can compromise us. She won't.

Speaker 4 (42:25):
She won't date night, Yeah, she won't do. But I
can't compromise who I am. Like, you're telling me they
don't really like hel on my face. I want you
boo their face.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
Wow, that ain't compromised. What that is? That's adapted.

Speaker 4 (42:40):
I don't like doing with eyebride, but I love you.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
You love it so much you want to cut your
eyebrides off.

Speaker 4 (42:45):
You got people that do things like that, not just that,
But you get what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (42:51):
I think I think we negotiate our non negotiable too
much so negotiating. But yo, yo, none negotiables.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
From where you see it now, it's totally different than
where they was, you know, fifteen five years ago, A.

Speaker 4 (43:13):
Year ago for sure, Yeah, a year ago they started growing.
But when they but when they come about, you gottavors them.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You can't leave nobody
in the dark. You can't. You gotta vorse them and
get them time to depth.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
Like, hey, hold on, but you just hold on now.
You said give them time to adapt to.

Speaker 4 (43:32):
My non negotiable, not adapt or get them trying to
digest it.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
Okay, let's say that.

Speaker 4 (43:36):
I'm gonna say, not even a depth digest because this
is who I am, Right, I'm telling you who I am.
This is who I am, sweetheart or or whatever, sweetheart,
this is how I am.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
Now.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
Yeah, I don't like when you ask me Blase SQUASEI Yeah,
I don't like that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying,
And it's gonna it's gonna make me react in a
way that you're not gonna like. So let's not do
that anymore. Right, that's none negotiable. Yeah, you know what
I'm saying, you do it one time. If you do

(44:10):
it two times, I might let you get away with it.
But if I see that you're not changing that, then
I gotta I gotta stand on that, right.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Yeah, man, it's interesting to say that. I call that
giving somebody the playbook. Like I'm big on give me
an answer to the test. Don't sit here and try
to watch me feel to see what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
Don't test me. You know what I'm saying, hold up
breaking down? So like.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
An example would be like you said, hey, I don't
like when you do X, Y and Z, or hey,
I like when X, Y and Z is done. Right,
So a person, what I've realized, like from being in therapy,
some of the stuff I may project, some of the
stuff I may do is like I can give you
the place sheet to if you want to see me

(45:00):
perform the best.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Right.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
So, if if I'm dating and you you you shut down?
When when?

Speaker 1 (45:14):
When? When confrontation come about?

Speaker 3 (45:16):
But I like to talk it out right, A playbook
answer for me when I'm dating somebody'll be like, hey,
I understand because I used to be let nah, we
gotta talk about it now.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
But I'd not been in a relationship. I have tried
to force that and that ship blow up in my face.

Speaker 3 (45:31):
You know, I'm saying there looking like boo boo the
food because it's like she already said, hey, Bro, I mean.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
Calm down, let me calm down. We need to talk
about it now.

Speaker 4 (45:39):
We need Hey, Bro, I just told you we need
to the wrong thing, that type of person to let
me calm down?

Speaker 1 (45:48):
Right. So now I'm sitting over here like, then, why
you said that to me?

Speaker 3 (45:51):
Bro? You need well, really, I pushed the butt too far,
So a playbook answer for me would be all right,
call what I know you want to talk about this
right now?

Speaker 1 (46:01):
I need an hour, But don't don't try to say.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
We're gonna talk about it, but then you just you
just go on bout your being in Now I'm sitting
over here, like, man, we finna talk about this shit.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
I'm gonna this shit on my mind.

Speaker 4 (46:12):
But the thing about that, though, you know, as men
and my boy fish said that when he was up there,
we have to blame ourself for everything, huh, we do, bro,
break it down because at the end of the day,
if I see she wanted the one that need an hour,
and I wont the one.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
Hey, we need to talk about that now. Yeah you
ain't the one. Damn. Just off there and what.

Speaker 4 (46:36):
It is, bro, because I know how they make me feel.
I'm finna be this hour? You taking it bunning me up?
It's skilly, you know what I'm saying. I'm trying to
I need to get this off. I need some understand it.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Yeah, so there's a person.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
But I feel like that at that point is like
me compromising, like all right, I'm gonna give your hour now.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
I just I'm cool now because I could go on.

Speaker 4 (47:02):
But when y'all talk about the hour, when the hour
come and the conversation will go how she don't know
how to communicate the conversation that you want to have,
then what you ain't an hour?

Speaker 3 (47:10):
Now?

Speaker 1 (47:11):
You mad? Her? Shy? Deal with that when it comes.
But I gave you your hour, so it can't be.

Speaker 4 (47:21):
No.

Speaker 3 (47:22):
You know, I don't been in a situation where like
I don't want to talk.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
Okay, well I get I'm just policy.

Speaker 3 (47:31):
Back now now I'm mad or like you said, it
don't been to that point where I've learned, like I said,
just just through therapy, Like what I'm projecting and what
I'm not projecting or like understanding what like you said,
boundary is bro having boundaries to a person that overstep
boundaries is like you you tripping.

Speaker 1 (47:54):
I think me personally, man, I think I could be tripping.
I think trying to be in a relationship and you
ain't in the right mental space in.

Speaker 4 (48:07):
Another word, because you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna last
shout on you on somebody that ain't got like even
just imagine two people that's not where they need want
to be to have uh different ambitions and goals, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
So that's all a bunch of stress right there. And
then you're trying to be one one when yeah, you're
trying to come together as one.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
But you said, see from that, it sounds like them
two two broken pieces trying to make one.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
But sit what person ain't broken? They comfort where we
come from.

Speaker 4 (48:47):
People got a bunch of undiagnosed things going on within
within them, you know what I'm saying. So like like
like for her saying she can't talk about it right now,
that's that come from past trauma or whatever that comes
from something and you saying you need to.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
Talk about it. Right now, that come for something. Yeah,
so so.

Speaker 3 (49:05):
Then what if it gets to a place where she
taking it, she taking the playbook now like now when
certain situations come about, boom, she read it, she read
it in and then and then certain stuff like I
just feel like it becomes that that kind of like
a volid back and forth with like you're gonna compromise
in the spaces that you want to be in, and
you may thrive in and you may be better than

(49:26):
and then boom, it might be a situation like if
it's a situation where it's something.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
With me, how I feel about it, ain't no.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
Tabling this on your account for you to be able
to say, oh nah, we ain't talking about this right now.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
Oh nah, this need to be talked about now because
this in regardless how I feel.

Speaker 3 (49:41):
But like you say, if I done fucked up, if
I done did something, I can't force you to want
to talk right now because I'm trying to, you know,
come to a resolve on something just so I can
be oh yeah, yeah, I'm saying I take yeah, yeah, yeah,
your stuff like that, like you.

Speaker 4 (49:57):
Saying, you saying like if you and the wrong, you
can't force her, yeah, to hear your apology basically yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know what I'm saying, trying to get.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
You gotta hey, we gotta talk about this. Yeah, it
gotta be. It gotta be that type of situation. Like
one thing I like through therapy and learn like, man,
come h, conversation is a it's an exchange. It's damn
they're like playing tennis. So one of the things that

(50:28):
my therapist always say is like trying to have a
ball when somebody to talk, you can't talk until I
pass you the bay, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
And even for me to this day, that's still a
struggle for me cause it's like.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
Not getting attached to one part of the conversation because
it's triggering to me, you know what I'm saying, And
I ain't had to die through that, just like trying
to make sure I listened to through.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
The whole thing.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
And here and then make sure I ain't just like man,
I'm ready to respond to this right here.

Speaker 4 (50:59):
But yeah, that's that That what I was about to say,
because that's what most people do.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
People be quiet, but don't.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
Be listening at just so they can get off one
part of that conversation that they heard, like, Oh, I
can't wait to respond to that.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
I'm gonna be quiet that you finish. But I'm gonna
say somebody and you're like, Bro, that's all you heard
out of what I just said. That goes on though,
That goes on, That goes on.

Speaker 4 (51:19):
Like it's crazy, bro, Mental health, faith and personal growth.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Man, let's speak on that. Man, your faith where you'll
faithilize it.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
Oh, I'm I'm a firm believe in God, firm believing
and everything. All my steps order whatever I'm supposed to go.
So even me looking back through situations I was supposed
to go through journey. It was your journey, it was
a part of my journey. It's a part of me
telling my story. Everything that I've experienced through the adversity
of ball going to prison to what it is. I

(51:49):
feel like it has made me to be able to
walk and talk and be in rooms in different spaces
and be able to touch so many different people.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
Bro, you feel like your face was ever tested? Hell? Yeah, man, Yes, Like.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you like I said that
wi Fi example, right, I remember uh because my because
my relationship at the time when God went so strong right.
I remember, you know for prophesygn Hey, man, God told
me you're gonna You're gonna He's gonna get you out
of this.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
That what I heard. That what I heard, he gonna get.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
What I So now I gotta lean on bank relationship
with God for me to get my message for whatever
it is.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (52:36):
So I had to start. Now I'm around it. God
said what now I need to do?

Speaker 2 (52:40):
What?

Speaker 1 (52:43):
Nah?

Speaker 3 (52:44):
And and now to what I'm hearing is based off
the one part of that conversation.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
Man.

Speaker 3 (52:49):
The whole time, I remember like somebody were like, no,
I'm gonna get you through this. But like I said,
me here, I'm like, he's gonna get me out of there.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (52:59):
Nah, Bro, that ain't that ain't what you lock in
with them. That ain't what you hearing. This this your
relationship with God. This is this is for you to
have that relationship, for you to for you to.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
Talk with God.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
How you talk to God? A lot I had to learn.
I remember my life coach who I got now. I
remember calling on one day. I was like, man, how
you hear from God? How you from God? Because I
done heard people say they have dreams. I don't heard
people He'll say they hear an audible voice and all
that kind of stuff. And it's different for different people.

(53:30):
I know, for me, through other people, I have dreams,
I have visions and through music. Through music, sometimes I
get a missing and be like, oh that ain't number
God or just how things you know work out they self?

Speaker 1 (53:45):
You know what I'm saying. That's another thing of control.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Every time I try to control something in regard to
my case life stuff like that ship, I messed it
up even more, you know what I'm saying. So the
work that God was doing or was trying to show
me with something that is like, bro, I got you
just just stepped to the side, just still. Just like

(54:09):
every time I try to control something, it was just it,
it'll it'll dissolve right down in my hand versus just me.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
And in surrenderings. Have your MILTA ever been tested?

Speaker 4 (54:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (54:21):
I think Uh.

Speaker 3 (54:23):
The most for me was during the time of me
understanding the influence and the impact I had with my
case because of certain people that was involved. And I'm like, damn,
it's following on me. My you trusted me enough, you
you you know what I'm saying. You did and you
did this, and I put you in harm's way, you know,

(54:44):
of a situation and that that fucked with me a
lot during that time because while I was dealing with it,
it still was people calling me like, bro, what we
gonna do?

Speaker 1 (54:54):
What we gonna do?

Speaker 3 (54:55):
And it like shit, I'm trying to I'm trying to
figure this out for myself right now.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
You know what I'm saying, it and it and it.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
That's what really drove me to therapy was me realizing
like here I am in the space of I need answers,
I need resolve or I need that, and people still
coming coming to me to figure it out. So what
my what my circle of people were. We're all the
ones that I can depend on and lean on during
this time when I'm facing adversity.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
I got this point where I do like els a
word with the word.

Speaker 4 (55:25):
So I say a word and you say the first
word to come to your head, all right, yeah, resilience, perseverance, adversity.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
Opportunity, success mm hmmm.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
I have out five hours came with of mind with
success because it's so it's so subjective, bro, we got
this whole viewpoint success.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
Mm hmm. I'm gonna say winning, say.

Speaker 4 (56:02):
Testing m hm, tell you leadership, show and proved, transition, patience, discipline, structure, entrepreneurship,
a journey, mentorship, watering, passion, fire, growth, learning, empowerment, impact, uthentasy,

(56:40):
real strategy, engineering, influence mm hmmm, influence and trickering with
because I always say impact over influence.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
First word that comes it can be powerful mm hmm.
Over coming, that'll be resilience, mind set, mind I just
thought about Marco, just.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
Start the care that because.

Speaker 4 (57:12):
Is brotherhood, man, accountability, preservation, safety, legacy. You donna pack again?
Which one of the words like just stuck out to
you like you struggle?

Speaker 1 (57:32):
You struggle with uh? Influence? Why?

Speaker 3 (57:36):
Because that's the that's the space we in and I've
you know, I've been in there. I've been in the
background of a of a lot of your heavy, heavy,
heavy heavy influential people and most of the people that
they called them influencers because of the numbers, but don't
really know the person. So you know, who are you

(57:58):
allowing to quote unquote have influence? It's we allowed person
to have influence because they got a large following, or
are we allowing for UKs to have influence because they're
actually impactful.

Speaker 1 (58:08):
That's good, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (58:09):
So I know some very impactful people who don't have
the quote unquote numbers that people are like, oh, he ain't,
but they they doing stuff in the community. You know
what I'm saying. That they're changing folks lives. They're changing
the folks the people's lives around them. And I think
it's become a buzz word now. It's like it's just
like you said, it's a world I want influence. So

(58:31):
I'm influence, But what are you influencing?

Speaker 1 (58:33):
Facts?

Speaker 3 (58:34):
Like, what are you really influencing? What are you really
impacting out here? That that that that's moving the needle
in some type of way with you when you're.

Speaker 4 (58:43):
Right, I think you know, we do book of the week?

Speaker 1 (58:48):
What book? What books you be on?

Speaker 3 (58:50):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (58:50):
The most impactful book for me has been has been
mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (58:58):
I just really drew a blank on it because I'm
thinking about four five different boots seven seven Spiritualist okay,
and the Until the Soul, which one to until the Soul?

Speaker 1 (59:10):
Yeah like that?

Speaker 4 (59:11):
Yeah, yeah, I like that one too, So that's a
lot to untell the soul.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
Yeah like that?

Speaker 3 (59:16):
That that boot helped me to understand control and how
much your how much your inner roommate or play them
tricks on you? Yeah, like how much your thoughts. I
think In the first of the second chapter, it talks
about could you spend because like I'll go, you know,
for a ride. You know what I'm saying, that's one
of my things. I'm gonna crank the old school up,
I go hit twenty five, like that's something that just

(59:38):
give me that joy. I go take the dirt bike
or hit the trail. And it says, could you spend
a day with your inner roommate? With you in the
car and the stuff it say to you, the thoughts
you have, like it's saying it to you, and I
don't think a lot.

Speaker 1 (59:55):
Of people could. Bro That's all I do. That in
a roommate of Mother Hard What's next?

Speaker 3 (01:00:05):
Record man Man continuing to create, being producing a few
different shows, continuing to connect the dots. Definitely get back
out there with these kids, making sure they know my story.
I think a big part is ship making sure they
see somebody, they can see themselves and really, you know,

(01:00:27):
understand that somebody.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
Done been through it and you ain't got to go through,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
I was the first example for myself as far as
like going to the NFL and experience for myself. So
now it's like I want to make sure that I'm sewing,
you know what I'm saying. Swing and given all the
game I got, I want to make sure I don't
got nothing left. I want to give it all out
and make sure that the next group that come behind

(01:00:55):
us that all the two the resources things to do
the really you know I'm saying, transition from sport back
to real life and be impactful, you know what I'm saying,
Because it was a I remember doing my my pre
sentence UH interview. It's an interview you do and they
pretty much go through your whole life. And this is

(01:01:15):
UH when you go to the fest.

Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
This is really the.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
Judge first time seeing who you are on paper besides
seeing your case. So your case is obviously the ugly
person that they gonna see. But then your pre sentence
report is supposed to be like you know who you
are and because you score low low real Yeah. So
I remember telling and like I said, it just how
God worked. The day I did my pre sentence report,

(01:01:42):
the supervisor all the probations was there, and she was
so shocked when you know, she heard my story and
all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
And I remember.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
Getting at the end and she was like, y'all they
don't have any resources like that. When y'all transition from
playing ball back to what's not like not like that,
Like some of that stuff is gate keep. I don't
know why cats be feeling like, you know, don't give information.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
I ain't never understood that.

Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
But even the prison system got away for you to
transition halfway house, you know what I'm saying. And you
know even for uh, you know vis you know what
I'm saying. It's it's the it's the closest things to
the not going to war. But them three things are
the close thing prison. You know, guys that I talked
to from you know, they being to the army and

(01:02:29):
then Cats coming out of the league because it's like you,
you struggling.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
With an idea, trying to figure out who you are.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
So she was she was very surprised to hear like, man,
that ship is once we're done with you, they on
to the near We got a nick young cat coming in.
So just making sure that and I didn't understand too.
Then the impact of like the the union and all

(01:02:59):
that ship too, because once you come in, you don't
you want to worry about yourself right then and there.
It's a lot of stuff we voted on my first
two years in the league that impact guys who ain't playing.
Health insurance, yeah, all that kind of stuff you don't
really be thinking about until you're done playing. So just
making sure I'm giving these folks the information like, hey, bro,

(01:03:20):
make sure you're doing this once you get in there, Hey,
make sure you tap into your resources.

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
You got this, you got that?

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
And then building up building a space where cats can
can really start to expand themselves outside of the sport,
because it ain't it don't last l three years is
the average career.

Speaker 4 (01:03:39):
Now your story is dope, bro, and inspire man. That's
why I had to hell you on. Yeah you know, hey, if.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
People want to tap in with you, where they can
find you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
At how you find you on Instagram at CPTW oh
number nine. Man, I've been trying to change that for
the longest, Bro. They won't let me change. I don't know,
I think because I got the old, old very I
don't know. I've been trying to email me that there mine.

Speaker 4 (01:04:01):
I'm trying to show you when we get all one
changed about what probably a year ago.

Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
Yeah, I've been trying to change. Every time I trying
to change. He won't. He won't change. But y'all at
CP t w O number nine and.

Speaker 4 (01:04:15):
Y'all make sure y'all go to the Big Fat Network
likes to strive and come in.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
I appreciate you putting up on me cool. I appreciate it.

Speaker 4 (01:04:22):
Another FA episode of Perspectives with Big Bank.

Speaker 3 (01:04:26):
Follow on Instagram at Big Bank a t O yo.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
Don't miss the episode of Perspective with Bank.

Speaker 4 (01:04:33):
Perspective with Bank or production of the Black Effect Podcast
Network and our executive producers are Dollar Bishop, Chanel Collins
and produced by Aaron A.

Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
King Howard What Up Game.

Speaker 4 (01:04:41):
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app,
Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your favorite shows. Make sure
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