A Jimmy Kimmel Tell All

The guys sit down with the comedian for a completely candid conversation as he addresses the real reason why he declined his hosting duties for the 2025 Oscars. Then, get ready to laugh as Jimmy shares what really went down at Stephen Colbert's 60th surprise party, discusses what he'll do with his free time when his late night show comes to a close and shares which A-list actor's recent email made him fanboy out!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Man, what's handing?

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Man?

Speaker 1 (00:01):
You got more Shaan Bismall Lynch.

Speaker 3 (00:04):
Doug Hendrickson and Gavin Knewsome And you're listening to politics
to be, you know, to be. I don't know what
the hell you did last week, but I was running
around in cartel tunnels last week, hanging out at the

(00:27):
border down there, hanging out with pandas from China.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
So did you bring what's that? Did you bring some
work back? Though?

Speaker 3 (00:38):
By the way, one thing you learned about the tunnels,
those are two way cartel tunnels. It's not just the
drugs coming in, it's the cash and the guns going out.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
It's a hell of you come up on though. Did
you get a couple? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (00:53):
No?

Speaker 2 (00:55):
How many tunnels you're down there? I don't know how
many tunnels, thousands of how many tunnels?

Speaker 3 (00:59):
It's a crazy thing. I know everyone talks about building
a wall, but it's what happens below the surface that's
almost impossible to detect. So I had an opportunity to
go down to the border, but also went down into
one of these tunnels. And when they go down into
the tunnels, the border patrol and others actually have to
bring narcan down there because of the residual fentanyl that's
often left behind.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
So you're saying you went down in a tunnel to
get high. So you went down low to get high,
is what you're telling me.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
Load to get high. Just but it's a reminder you
can get high walking and climbing over those damn border walls.
But it I'm serious, We don't They don't even know
how many tunnels are out there, and they've been finding
more and more tunnels. The technology is pretty primitive, but
it's pretty basic. I mean, you just go in. There's
little rail lines where they move people and they move

(01:50):
the narcotics. And when I say move people, the tunnel
that I was at, they discovered there was dozens and
dozens of people, particularly Chinese that were so you've seen
some people.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
There was some people in there and passing while you
was going through there, Like hey, so now I'm just
on my way to America right quick. But hey, look,
you got my vote when I get over there.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
It doesn't work like, oh, you're sounding like the right
wing talking points. You get my vote when you're.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Hey, man, I'm just saying if you let me, just
let me slide through this tunnel one time for the
one time I get it, you know what I mean,
when I get over there. Look, you know you got
to vote, but feel that's not.

Speaker 3 (02:27):
How we're By the way, the human trafficking is becoming
even as big lucrative wise in terms of just money
as them drug trafficking.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Which is crazy, they just selled the whole person. It's
bad man.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
The human trafficking, which a lot of people are coming
just for, well, they're actually paying off those that they
are the traffickers, and they end up paying them off
for the rest of their life, not only in terms
of sex trafficking, but just hard labor for the rest
of their life. But others are just paying off these
cartels at the border of seventy five hundred bucks. Some

(03:00):
cases it's tens of thousands of dollars depending And if
they don't pay, we're starting to see a lot of
folks that have been shot on site if they haven't
paid the traffickers.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
So if they know this, right, if they know that
the highs is so much dope coming in this motherfucker.
Because look, it was a point at time, I had
a couple, you know what I mean, I had a
couple you know, I mean family members that down passed
away from fucking with that uh, with that fitting all
you feel I'm talking about that shit getting that shit

(03:33):
getting through bruh, and that shit getting through at large
amountains though, you know what I'm talking about, And if
they know where it's coming from, it like with them,
why you just don't go there and just be like, hey, look,
take it out. Let me get that fitting all right quick,
going back about your benning, But that shit is fine
in its way through though.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
And massive quantities and the irony and is it. You
don't need a massive amount of that drug to be deadly.
It's cheap, it's easy mixed with other drugs. It's all
over the country. It's leading to tens of thousands of overdoses,
and the vast majority is coming in through the Mexican border.
But it's also a lot of the precursor chemicals that

(04:12):
come into the component parts are coming from China. And
it was interesting as with the Chinese ambassador the day
after I was at the border and we discussed some
of the work that the Biden administration is doing with
President She to address precursor chemicals. So to answer your question,
Marshaan is. They're trying to deal with what goes into

(04:32):
Mexico and trying to try to hold the line on
those chemicals before those chemicals are converted to fenol and
then they come into the United States. I put three
hundred and ninety four men and women from the National
Guard to support our counter narcotics and our interdiction efforts,
to support the folks down there at border patrol. That's

(04:53):
why I was down there with our National Guard men
and women that are so how.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
Much coming through they're not. There's not like the old days.
I don't know what y'all don't even know what the
old days were. But we we got we got folks
doing the right thing.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Uh. I know what a fit going for a brick
of fitting off, going for some stupid right now, you know,
talking about on the street that shit keeping the economy moving.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
But Gavin, I appreciate your work this week. I want
to acknowledge our partner Gavin because guess what he since
the Hall of Fame game last week, he is now
eligible for the Hall of Fame next year, and so
our guy right here this time next year might be
walking into Canton in the Hall of Fame he should
be and what do you how does it so now

(05:42):
he's eligible, since he's five years removed from his last game,
to be in the Hall of Fame next year. I
do believe we'll be sitting here next year and Marshawn
to be wearing the yellow jacket on the podcast, So
Marshawn congratulates being being a first year of eligibility this
year coming up, it's gonna be a fun year and
fun ride for all of us.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
How many people? How many people get in every year?

Speaker 2 (06:05):
There's about five that get in every year. There's there's
probably a list of ten newcomers this year that are
on the ballot, of which I would believe Marshaan's in
the top two or three of the new list. I'm
not gonna name the other names. And then there's obviously
guys that from the past years that are eligible too
that didn't get in. But look, we've got a great
chance and I think we'll be there. And no, it's

(06:25):
it's gonna be a fun year, Gavin, because like I said,
this is kind of the build up now to that
next class. You can hear a lot of stuff about
Marshawn these next eight nine months.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
So is this part of it? Is it kind of
like getting an oscar? You gotta work the refs. Right now,
you're sort.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
Of promoted talking about I think I've got to go
on tour some shit like that, do you. I gotta
start campaign and mother fuck supposed to be my a Jane.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
I will be campaigning for you hard. Today is my
first day of campaigning for you.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
Okay, this is it.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
This is the start of I'm gonna go high and
hard for a long time the whole year, Gavin, you
and me are going to be on the trail promoting
more Sean.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
Let me ask you, is this like politics? Do you
take down your opponent or you just out there promoting yourself?

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Tell me the truth. I got to go through a
couple of motherfuckers under the bus and.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Ship bron telling the truth. You guys must do op
research on your other running backs, try to trip them up.
Come on, tell me the truth or this is like
a love fest and I'm just I'm there rooting for
the other guy.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Because the other running backs, you know what I mean,
I don't got to play against them, so I you know,
I mean, it ain't nothing but more power mode.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
Respect, to him to be we're we're at right now
after you know, all these years when he came out
in two thousand and seven to be considered for the
first ballot, which is very, very rare. I don't know
the numbers of running backs have been in first ballot,
but I believe we will be in a good shape
spot Gavin. So it's gonna be a fun run.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
I love it you get a bonus or something, mar Shawn,
you're gonna pay him a bonus if you get in
the Hall of Fame or just you know, acknowledge him
at the speech.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
Now that I ain't got nothing to do with his
ass that was in my body, that you give me
a bonus.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Shit, Hey, Gavin, his agents, we don't. We don't charge
on bonuses, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Because if I got in, then he's like, oh yeah.
You know when you go out recruiting, you know, the
next generation the players like, oh yeah, I got I
represent Hall of Fame running back? How many? How many
Hall of Fame guys you got right now?

Speaker 2 (08:17):
Well, you'd be my first Hall of Fame guy, so
it'd be.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
It'd be pretty So I'm your daddy, Why you're my son?
Look at my baby boy, I see you. Look man,
look they told me as a black man, you don't
want be first to do nothing. But dang, right now,
if I'm your first one, then that just solidified you.

(08:39):
No longer call me mar shine shine, mister Lynch b
small d A d d I wow, daddy made, but
the one that raised you understand. And I don't call
you s O N. I call you s you in
because you shine son understand.

Speaker 2 (08:59):
But guess what, guys, we have a we have a
great guest coming up and uh, I think he's ready
for us right now?

Speaker 3 (09:06):
What is What does Jimmy Kimmel know about the Hall
of fame? He'd be in his own hall of fame,
his own hall of fame for late night?

Speaker 1 (09:24):
What's up with your bland? What's handed?

Speaker 5 (09:28):
How you doing cool?

Speaker 1 (09:29):
And big dog? What's the word?

Speaker 5 (09:31):
I know?

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Ah?

Speaker 1 (09:32):
My bad, my bad, But I had to say, tell
you know what I mean. Nobody knows what you mean
more than me. Marchin'. See look man, that's hey, We're
gonna hold a special bomb. That's right.

Speaker 3 (09:45):
So Jimmy, you speak Marshan because man, I can use
a translator sometimes.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
Brother, Look here you go, gab and get off that
square ship.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
Man.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
I told you gotta let your nuts hang, man, Just hey,
kick back and let it flow.

Speaker 5 (09:57):
You understanding is great advice you do have to You're
not saying yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
Thank you from both of you.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Really?

Speaker 3 (10:04):
Yeah, Doug, you're the agent, save me, buddy.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
No, you know what, here's the deal. I Marshawn's let
it hang for a long time, have let him ride
with it, and it's worked so far, so all good.
But Jimmy, thank you for coming on the show. We
really appreciate it. Man, my pleasure, glad to be here.

Speaker 3 (10:19):
Thanks for hanging with us. By the way, what what
I just saw this? What the hell happened to Huey Lewis?

Speaker 5 (10:25):
Well, yeah, Huey Lewis is my good pal. Effect Huey
Lewis is the guy that got me into fly fishing,
which I know you were an avid ficcionado of Huey
Lewis has many years disease. Marshawn, do you know who
Huey Lewis is now?

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Because if you wasn't looking and couldn't see my face,
I was about to hate you with that? Who did? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (10:47):
How old are you?

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Marshaun?

Speaker 3 (10:49):
Exactly?

Speaker 1 (10:50):
You know I mean some people would say, you know,
I mean I'm twenty one.

Speaker 5 (10:54):
Yeah, lest week, you're too young for Huey Lewis. You've
seen Back to the Future, right he Oh yeah, yeah,
you know the power of love from Back to the Future.
That's the power of love. The heart of rock and roll. Okay,
you know he said he had a lot of hits
in the eighties. Anyway, he's a good pal of mine,
and he's lost his hearing. He's got something called many

(11:17):
years disease, so he can't sing anymore. And so we
thought out, maybe we'll try to sell a TV show,
and Fox was interested and they bought a Uh we're
developing it, is what they say. And so we're writing
a script and hopefully we'll have a TV show for
Huey Lewis coming up.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Oh you writing it? I'm no.

Speaker 5 (11:37):
A guy named Kirker Butler is writing it and I'm
producing it.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
Okay, because look, man, motherfucker's had me. You feel me
like I was back in school and Shit had me
doing my homework on you and shit though, right, and Dan,
I found out you was behind Crank Anchors.

Speaker 5 (11:54):
That's right, that's my show.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
Yeah, dog Da Shit used to have it rolling, Bro,
I'm talking about on my back though. You feel me?
You I said, oh ship all the time. I ain't
even know that that was you that did that, but
I'm like that ship was too funny, bro, thank you,
thank you.

Speaker 5 (12:10):
Yeah, that's those the old days Comedy Central.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
God. So you just be coming with hits and ship.

Speaker 5 (12:17):
I try, you know, not as many hits as you,
but I you know, I've delivered a.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
Few them different kind of his though. Them ships, them
ships affected body and they affected you know what I mean.
They affect the brain. Yeah, they got they got this
new UH. There's new medicine that they've been putting out
on the UH on the UH on the market, that
kind of counteract that get your body feeling right, get
your head feeling right? Is that right? Is it? Take?

(12:45):
It takes you to a It ain't that they call
your uh your happy place. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (12:50):
Is this something that our governors didn't stand?

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Well?

Speaker 3 (12:55):
UH? Is a medical breakthrough?

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Is it? Hey? You know what? And it worked? You know,
it worked all the way down to my mama. You
know what I mean? Now, can you feel me? We
could bind on some ship, you know, I mean the
old school aches and pains that a motherfucker had. You
feel me, you get a little bit of this. Uh.
I gave my parents some gummies.

Speaker 5 (13:17):
And my parents have never smoked anything in their lives
or done anything. They've never got be they barely even drink.
And and it was really it was. It was a
fun experience. It was I mean, I wish they were
high all the time. To be honest with.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
You, theyre more personable.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
Huh.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
You know that was one at the time, you know, less,
less of an edge. Here's there I made. I made
a breakthrough with my mama.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, I mean, hey, Jimmy, speaking of that, I've I've
long admired your career and what you've done, obviously from
crank anchors to radio and a comedy. So growing up,
I'm curious, were your parents fine, because obviously you you know,
did you grow up in the show business household? Were
your parents funny? You do crack jokes with them?

Speaker 5 (13:58):
How was it funny? My dad funny? But everyone else
in my family is funny. My mom was class with
in her high school in Brooklyn. She went to a
huge high school in Brooklyn, New York, and she was
She's funny and everyone. All the women in our family
are very funny. My grandfather was very funny. It's just
one of those things like you can't really you can't

(14:19):
be part of our family unless you're funny. My dad
is funny, but not intentionally. He's got his own kind
of humor, which is.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
You got no it ain't know so it ain't no
uh no, like no sensitivity in the household, because it's like,
you come in this house, you better be on your
shit otherwise you gonna get you your as gonna get roasted.

Speaker 5 (14:40):
There is zero sensitivity. There's all you know what.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
We probably got more in common than than you think,
because I mean, I'm telling you, you come into my
house look fresh.

Speaker 5 (14:49):
I'm telling you, isn't it funny?

Speaker 1 (14:52):
You know?

Speaker 5 (14:52):
For me, like everybody, I became the famous comedian Marshaun
became this funny football player that everybody loves. But I
they know that there are at least six people in
my family who are funnier than I am.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
And you be like that though. It is like that
because I got people in my family that I know
for show way better athlete athletes than.

Speaker 5 (15:13):
Possible that there's not a Lynch Family reality TV show.
I mean, it seems like it seems like a no brain.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
I'm a Lynch, Mama Lynch Starry and then Marshawn co star.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
We need for real, Noah, because we kind of, you know,
we kind of we kind of stayed away from the uh,
away from the cameras and ship, and you know, we
made it like a family affair. So but when you
do get that rare opportunity to do see some of
that ship you talking about, some hold on where the
fuck this dude been at her? Where she been at
this whole time? Because this motherfucker is funny.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
Well, Jimmy, I know, I know you will. I know
you went to school in Vegas. Jimmy, Marshawn's living in Vegas.
Maybe you can go out there. How about we do
a reality show with you, you and Marshawn go back
to Vegas live in a house together, and uh, that'd
be pretty interesting.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
That might be.

Speaker 5 (15:59):
It might be hard for me to do my job,
but I would be definitely interested in seeing Marshalls you.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
Had and the motherfucker YEA, our whole, our whole you
know what our whole life would be like? The goddamn
uh A crank anchor skit.

Speaker 5 (16:14):
I don't see why not, you know, I who do
you think is on the mount rushmore of weed? Who
do you guys say is on that? I mean Snoop?
Obviously he's got to be there.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I mean, yeah, I mean the left.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
The right.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
But this, by the way, Marshall, this one, I will defer,
as they say, Marshaw on this one.

Speaker 5 (16:33):
Brother Willie Nelson's got to be on it. Bob Marley,
Bob Marley, under, well, we're gonna have to put more
than four heads on the same, Snoop. Of course, you
Chong have to be on them.

Speaker 3 (16:43):
Oh nice, nice.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
I think I've seen some with uh with Cheech and
Chong on. I think he was doing some with the
Matt Bournes and and Staks and they were saying, you know,
that was off of play play. Now, I don't know
how much I can believe it, you know what I mean?
Because they looked at how the motherfucker while they was
doing that thing. You fear me? But see though, I
got a couple, man, I got a couple of knocks
in my family that you feel me the all day,

(17:08):
you know what I mean? I know y'all think smoke
Snoop smoke a lot, but you feel me though. I
got a cousin. I'm talking about this like a chimney.
I'm talking about it's almost like every time I turn around,
he got a blunt in his mouth and he rolling one.
Matter of fact, it's a gap belief. You feel me?
So he trying to get ye know what I'm talking about.

(17:28):
He trying to get high high And I'll be like,
damn bro like, and you work with kids, I'm like,
how you if you understood, If you understood, then you
understood in order to deal with them, a boy, sometimes
you got you gotta be out your right mind.

Speaker 5 (17:46):
This has to be the weirdest podcast ever, right, I.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
Don't worry though. They said it get better though with time.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
It's better, yes Jesus.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
By the way, hey, speaking of time, how many times? Well,
we'll talk another day about how much of that's going
on during the NFL season. That's why I'm just that
whole drug testing regimen there is a little questionable. I'll
just leave it at that. We're talking about you, Marshawn.
I'm just saying that's what I'm here second third hand,
that's what I hear.

Speaker 5 (18:16):
Marshawn. Have you ever been in this situation where you're
on vacation and the NFL said, okay, it's time for
your drug test, and they had to send a guy
out to you.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
Hey, man, look, I ain't gonna to hold you. Look.
I was doing a pop up shop out here in
uh in Vegas for my Beach Moke clothing line, and
I was in something called the program. So my address
is California. Uh H. I was in Vegas and I
get a call like, hey, I ain't at home. You know, okay,

(18:47):
no problem, call you back in five minutes. They had
a drug test. Motherfucker on deck in Vegas. This motherfucker
pulled up to my uh to my pop up, like, hey,
you got a piss. I'm like, bro, we in the
you know, I mean we strip what you like? We
gotta go to the bathroom. Brouh is one of the
most awkward motherfucking traditions I've ever been in my life.
Bro We was at the Flamingo. Bruh. We going a bathroom.

(19:10):
Bro He whip out the whole kit, put it on
the table. I'm like, nah, we can't like brou You
know how embarrassing it's gonna be. Brou somebody coming here
and catch me having to piss in this cup for you.
He's like, well, look, man, you got thirty minutes. If
you don't, If you don't piss, you know what I mean,
you gotta You're gonna You're gonna get a fel drug
test suspension. Four folk games man went to that door.

(19:34):
I locked that door. Bro, you got a whole mob
of people banging on door. Boom boom boom, boom boom boom.
I'm in there, gotta piss in this cup, bro, Most
awkward fucking position, bru is when I gotta unlock that door, Bro.
And this dude with the big ass pissed kit bag
walking out bruh. And I'm sitting there like, oh man,

(19:56):
but they won't they pissed.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
The question we all have this, did you pass? Did
you pass?

Speaker 1 (20:03):
Let's just say I wasn't suspended for four gangs.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
Well, well, Jimmy, here here's here's a funny story. And
you might you might have used this back in the day.
But around two thousand and three, two thousand and four,
I had a client and I'm going I'm I'm basically
just you know, going through my day, and I get
a call and my client calls me, and this is
a true story, public story. My client calls me, said, hey,
you know I got stopped at the at the TSA

(20:29):
TSA checkpoint and I said, well, what did you What
did you have? So I had this contraption. I said,
what do you mean this contraption? And it was and
he's like, well, it's this thing that you used to
avoid drug tests. I said, what are you talking about?
And he's like, it's called the Wizarinator. And so he said,
they stopped me. There's some like white powder in my thing.
I said, well, what was the white powder? He says, well,

(20:51):
the white powder you put water on it and it
became case fake urine and that'll go to pass the
drug test. So here I'm googling this Wizinator thing and
it's a contraption that you you put on and you
can buy him a different colors. You can buy black ones,
white ones, different colors, Wizard here.

Speaker 5 (21:09):
And so and so.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
So he used a Wizenator to pass all these tests.
And the Wizardinator, I didn't know back in the time,
was used you know, in different industries, but that that
particular test caused the NFL to then say we want
to watch more Sean piss. We want to watch these guys.
That was the last time that anybody could just go

(21:31):
in the bathroom on their own and bring the cutback.
So the Wizarenator stock went like crazy when this thing
came out. I think Letterman or Leno one of them
talked about it on the air, and the Wizarinator became
some massive product. But that was that was the last
time these days would allow these NFL guys to to
basically piss in quiets.

Speaker 5 (21:49):
I would say, oh boy, I experienced this with I
was I went on a little vacation trip with Tony
Romo and his wife and he got a call during it.
We're up in northern California and they said, yeah, you
need to the drug tests. And he's like, oh, I'm
in I'm in Napa Valley. I don't know how that's
going to be possible. And they said, well, we'll send
somebody up, and sure enough, they sent a guy up
and he had the kid just as Marshaun said, and

(22:10):
the guy had to go in the bathroom with him.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
It was one of the It was very strange, but
you're gonna have some disrespectful shit, man, yeah.

Speaker 5 (22:19):
And by the way, how bum were those guys that
collect the tests when they told them, like, oh, by
from now on you're gonna have to be in the
stall with the guy looking.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
At his penis. That's some out of Poland.

Speaker 5 (22:31):
I tried to get the guy to tell me who
had the biggest and smallest pena.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
I guess for professional reasons, he wasn't able to share that, Gavin,
no joke. They would literally, if you're in Bali on
vacation and you don't tell where you're at, they will
find you in Bali. They will find you anywhere to
get that test done.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
By the way, my understanding though, is they once they
do one test and you're clean, that's it for the
rest of the season, or they stick on top. Here's
the deal with that's just a green goddamn light.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
That's if you you know in a program. If you're
not in a program, is one scheduled test, you passed
that test and being you good. But if you're in
that program, shit, I know I done probably got tests
maybe like four times in a one week.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
And Jimmy, do you know what? You know what day
the test you have to pass is it's for twenty
so for April twentieth, no bullshit. April twentieth is the
date the NFL tests the players in the offseason.

Speaker 5 (23:24):
So that's a double holiday. That's really that, you know
what that's like. That's like making you do taxes on
Christmas Eve. That's unfair and government newsom you should do
something about.

Speaker 1 (23:36):
That, you know what.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
I've been trying to do. So, by the way, this
is just for the record, I mean, and Marshawn, we've
talked about it, Jimmy Marshaan, I remember talking about just
the absurdity of just the whole marijuana regime in the NFL.
It's hardly a great performance and answer. Meanwhile, though, these
guys are jacking up people with prescription drugs after games.

(23:57):
They're going home taking shots of Jack Daniels or you
can smoke a little weed and have all the medical
benefits not wake up feeling like shit or addicted to
all these prescription drugs. The whole thing is absurd and
and and so I hope the NFL is starting to
wake up to that new reality and moving forward with
some more common sense.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yeah, it is nonsensical.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
Yeah, Well, what's also nonsensical is you're refusing to go
back on the Oscars, leaving us with no hosts. O Jimmy,
no host. No one wants the damn job. Why don't
you want the job?

Speaker 5 (24:30):
It is fun, it's hard, it's hard. It's it's a
lot of work, and the show suffers a little bit,
to be honest, your nightly show, because when I'm focused
on the Oscars, I'm less focused.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
On the show.

Speaker 5 (24:40):
And I just decided I didn't want to deal with
that this year. There was just too much last year.
You wind up pushing everything off till after the Oscars,
and then you have to do everything you promised to
do after the Oscars after the Oscars, and you know,
I also it's you know, I did two years, went well,
I did another two years it went well.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
I figure I'd take a little break. So how how
did you balance that though? Because I mean, my transition
right from being a uh you know, I mean from
from from playing the game and then you know, transitioning
over into you know, the entertainment space, like it's it's
I mean, it's a lot of crossover, but that shit,
get that should get pretty hectic. I'm just you know,

(25:21):
I mean, I'm just curious to how you know, you
transition from you.

Speaker 5 (25:25):
Know, I'm not good at balancing. I'm really not. It's
it's not one of my strengths. So I just I'm
all in when it comes to something like the Oscars.
I think about it in the morning and at night,
and you know, I have ideas I want to work
on them, and then the show seems like a nightly show,
seems like a nuisance. Sometimes we have all our writers

(25:45):
from the show working on the Oscar, so it just
fracts them and it's fun to do and it's it
feels good when it went well.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
But for me, it just was too much just to
do it three years in a row. So you have
a lot, you have a you have like full creative
control over.

Speaker 5 (26:01):
The pretty much. Yeah, they don't, you're much, They really don't.
I mean it's part of the deal. They don't pay you,
but they also don't interfere.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
Okay, damn, that's a sharp lung, the fuck boy sharp
at fuck.

Speaker 3 (26:14):
I mean you must have given them some advice on
someone that would be a good host. I mean, who's
a what's the over under on that?

Speaker 5 (26:21):
I think there are a lot of people who would
be good hosts of the Oscars. It's just a matter
of most of them don't want to do it. But
you know, it takes a lot of time, and a
lot of the people who you think, oh, yeah, that
person would be great, she'd be great, he'd be great.
They know they'd be great, they just don't want to
do it. And especially when you think somebody's gonna be great,

(26:41):
the only thing they can do is prove you wrong
when they host the Oscars. So it's they say it's
a thankless job. And I wouldn't necessarily describe it like that,
because when it goes well, it isn't. But it's not
a it's a tough spot to be in.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Hey, Jimmy, speaking to host this summer, I know you
ticked with the hiatus and you had a bunch of
guest hosts. Are you picking those guest hosts yourself or
does a network pick them? Or how do you figure
out these guests goes? Because they've all been fantastic. Anthony
Anderson was great, Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds, I mean, unbelievable guys.

Speaker 5 (27:17):
You know, this is our I think third summer of
guest hosts on the show, and what we've done is
we've invited some people that we really like back. Now,
some of the people we invited that we really liked
back weren't able to do it this summer. But when
we develop a shorthand with some of these people, like
Anthony Anderson has done it more than anyone, and he's

(27:40):
a good friend. He knows everyone on our staff. He's
been on our show probably thirty or forty times, so
when he's there, it doesn't even feel like it's a
guest host. And then we have people like well, Hugh
Jackman and Ryan Reynolds filling in. They did one night,
and you know, all the nerds on the staff are
super excited because they love them superhero stuff, and then

(28:02):
those guys are both super talented, and so I think
it's I think it's a good exercise for our staff
to have another host in there, because you know, there
are a lot of things that I do when I'm
there that they suddenly have to do, and I feel
like when I come back, they appreciate me more.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
I love so Jimmy, you're obviously somewhere right now with
some elk in the background or not, and you're not
in her most of the beach for la, I take it.
When you're off the summer, you shut it down, or
you put the phone away and you fly fish and
hang out chill or what are you do on a
normal day basis I do.

Speaker 5 (28:35):
I like to fish. I do a lot of cooking.
I cook a lot more during the summertime than I do.
I feed the kids, I make I made some Korean
barbecue the other night. You know. I do a lot
of meat smoking and that sort of thing. And yeah,
I just mostly get away from my telephone.

Speaker 1 (28:53):
So you get the opportunity to go and be a human,
to be, yes, a normal human being. So you got like,
because I ain't gonna lie Like when I, uh my
first time retiring, I'm thinking like, yeah, this shit and
it be yeah, everything. But what I found out was
I was institutionalized, you know what I mean? Yea, so
being able to get away from that ship and I'm

(29:15):
figuring out like okay, now all right, wake up at
you know, I mean six twenty four in the morning,
I'm like, oh shit, I gotta get ready for press.
Oh no, wait, I ain't playing. And then now I
got to figure out some shit like how to Was
that hard?

Speaker 5 (29:28):
Was it a tough adjustment.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
Oh yeah, that shit was hardest fuck.

Speaker 5 (29:32):
I remember having dinner with Mike Piazza one night, and
it was it was not long after he'd retired, and
he told me that he didn't know how to make
a plane reservation. He had had to learn because his
whole life people had been making these plane reservations for him.

Speaker 3 (29:50):
And I don't know anything about that. I don't even
understand that. And by the way, do you guys have
to drive yourself anywhere?

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Or people do that when the last time you drove
a car?

Speaker 3 (30:00):
It's all good man.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
I always thinking about do you got a license? Brin.

Speaker 3 (30:05):
By the way, I went to the Wildhouse a few
months ago. They said, where's your license? I said, you
got to be kindding me. I don't drive.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
I've been drinking.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Well, Jimmy, you've been on you've been on vacation, Jimmy.
But did you see Gavin cleaning the streets of Vale
the other day? Of these encampments and trash man, you
know he's out there.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
I'm going out there for them, for them, goddamn photo ops.
You know.

Speaker 5 (30:24):
My wife is on the board of directors at a
great organization called Saint Joseph Center and they they are
they do a really great job of helping people get
off the streets in Los Angeles, and uh, we do
a lot of stuff for and with them. And one
of the things that we did was we we got
hold of a parking lot and we set it up

(30:44):
with the governor actually gave us eight FEMA trailers and
so we put in each of those trailers homeless mother
and her children in each of the trailers. And it's
been going on now for years, and every one of
the family least transitions out into into a house. They're
helped with job assistants. They really helped to give them

(31:08):
time to get on their feet and out of their
cars or wherever they were living with their children, which
is absolutely horrible, and it's it's it's been an eye
opening experience. I mean, I don't envy you having to
tackle that problem because it is so very complicated and
and just so I just I don't you know, I mean,

(31:33):
I know that what we do there and what this
Saint Joseph Center does is of great help, but also
sometimes you feel like, oh my god, this is only
eight families. You know, there are thousands of people out
there you.

Speaker 3 (31:46):
Know, it's interesting. I've been doing a lot of camic
cleanups for years and years, but one one story sticked
with me. It's indelible, and it's in the spirit of
what you just said. I was down in San Diego.
We were near an off ramp. We went in and
this guy comes out. He was a little bit agitated
that we had come up on the encampment in this tent,

(32:07):
clearly a methadic and the teeth, the whole thing came up,
introduced himself as a methatic and said, hey man, I'm
you know, I'm a little pissed off you're here, but
thank you. And I said, well, I appreciate that. He goes, well,
here's why I want to thank you. We opened the
tent and there's a brand new baby. I'm talking about
a couple of days old man, a couple of days old.

(32:29):
And he said, can you can you help my wife?
And can you help my kid? And she's strung out,
this poor kid right there, And it was just a reminder.
I mean, you can walk by people, you can drive
by people and call that compassion. And I'm sure as
hell glad we got in there and tried to save
this kid and this family. And you know what was interesting.
This was a young guy who came from the Midwest.

(32:52):
He said, I got a greyhound bus. I was struggling
with meth addiction. And he said, my girlfriend and I
we eventually got married. Said we both came out and
by the time we got we were going to be
clean and sober, a new life in California. And we
got off the greyhound bus. We knew we couldn't do it.
He goes, that's how you know it just the throes
of addiction. And so it's so complex, this stuff, and

(33:12):
and you know the same time you can fix it.
I mean in your proof pointed at you and your
wife and the work we're done. I mean, you see
people that have turned their lives around all the time.
We know we can solve it. It's just the scale,
I mean your point, the scale of the challenge which
is so over and.

Speaker 5 (33:27):
The work never stops. It just never, it never stops.
You know, people come to California it's it's warmer, and
and it's it's a liberal environment. But then you get
a situations where nobody wants homeless people in front of
their business. And I understand that, and uh, boy, I
think that is the just the toughest one.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
There is no So when you when you do something
like that and you, I mean you going clean up
we call them the ten Cities m hm. And then
you going you you get them people up out of there,
then what's it all turn?

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Like?

Speaker 1 (34:03):
What you got for them? Like where that going? Like
what's going on? Because I noticed that, uh in Oakland,
the spots that have been you know what I mean,
cleaned up or whatever. Then what happened is you get
a lot of this shit, a lot more car break hens,
you get a lot more kick those on the home
on houses and shit, and it's like all of that
shit that those people that had, you know, over the years,

(34:25):
they didn't accumulated that ship. And then when you're going
clean that shit up and get rid of it, it's like, oh, well, fuck,
I gotta go out and I got to hit again
because now I really don't got shit. Now not only
do I not have a place where you know, I
was laying my head, but you know, and then motherfuckers
be nice boy, they be having like solar panel that
solar panel systems going on TVs, the you know what

(34:48):
I mean, the little stoves all the shit like and
then when you clean that up and you get them
up out of there, then it raised where I see,
it raised the crime rates and a lot of the
these places because now it's like, well should I had this,
and now don't got it, so I got to go
get it again. So like we're doing.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
A marshan without getting too deep in the weeds. I mean,
that's the tension is it's, you know, you just out
of sight, out of mind, you just sort of cleaning
up a block and creating a problem around the block,
and so you know, won't bore you. But we've we've
got a whole process and a protocol. We call it
resolution grants to resolve the underlying issues, to provide services
and supports to address the complex issues. And they're multifacet

(35:31):
It could be drug or al call addiction, mental health,
could be a combination of both. It could be something
as simple as having a dog, but the shelter won't
take your dog with you, and so you refuse to
even go into the shelter. People been in shelters but
have been assaulted and so they need a house and
getting a landlord that allows even if you have a
voucher to rent to someone that's impoverished. So it's complicated. Man,

(35:52):
it's hard. But it's the crisis that I think defines
more stress and more frustration than any other in the
state of California. And yet people's anger about the state
to beginning.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Yeah, so that shit. It's really hard though, right because
I own a building U in downtown, right and it's
across the street from like a city team and you
know they you know, they do a lot, uh, you know,
for the homeless, and what ended up happening is at
a certain time, like they'll close their doors and then
you know, if you're not there on time, then you

(36:23):
can't get in. And what they end up doing is
they'll come and sleep, you know, right in front of
my building. And now I got five commercial units down there,
so you know, I mean at this time, now you
walking into you know, maybe the barber shop, and it's like,
you know, I mean you got six or seven people
just laying in the in the doorway, and it's like, man,
get your ass up, get up out of here. And

(36:44):
then what happened is the people remember that you just
made them get up and they don't have nowhere to go.
So as soon as them. As soon as that sun
go down, them street lights come on them motherfuckers coming.
They kicking in my doves, you feel what I'm saying.
They kicking in my doors, but to my windows, Like
all right, you don't let me sleep. They taking shits
in front of my uh, in front of the doorways.

(37:07):
They pissing all on the all on the buildings around
like it just ain't you know what I mean, the
garbage cans that we have out there, you know, I mean,
I'm talking about overfield to the max, and it's like,
well fuck, and just across the street, it's like you
have a place to go, but all right, you can't
get in.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Now.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
What I'm gonna do now, I'm like all the people
they're like, oh, they broke in last night and they
you know, they stole my product. And then you know,
if it's a vacant space down there, then you know,
I mean, come in there, do a little bit of
clean up. And then I like, damn, somebody kicked in
the door I got, you know, motherfucker got their whole
goddamn bedroom set up, and you know what I mean,

(37:49):
in the bathroom in one of the building, it's like,
hold on what the fuck is going on? Amen?

Speaker 3 (37:55):
Not then by the way, I know Jimmy came up like,
what the hell are we talking about?

Speaker 5 (37:58):
Home?

Speaker 3 (37:59):
But this is it's raw, it's emotional, it's complex. You
just described it. Uh, but it's you know, it's reason
when I come back, I'm gonna come back as as
Jimmy and Marshawn and Doug not as as.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
Jim See if you can see if you could have
you know, that company that you just talk about, send
me a couple of famous trailers down to my spot
so they could stop kicking in my doze and see it.

Speaker 5 (38:23):
Well, it's it really is. Yeah, yeah, it's uh, it is.
It is a great solution. And it's a great situation
when a business owner allows you to use a parking lot,
because a lot of business owners won't, but says, yes,
you can use this parking lot. You can turn it
into a little a little village, and you know, we

(38:45):
have security there twenty four hours a day. It's it's
just a way of Now. Of course, what you're talking
about is is criminal behavior and probably as a result
of drug addictions, and that's its own issue. But there
are also a lot of people who aren't criminals who
don't have drug problems, who are on the street and
who need help. And those are the those are the

(39:08):
people that that I think that you can come up
with a really clear plan for no doubt.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
Hey, Jimmy, I bought what you're doing. Jimmy, with you
and your wife question, how's your uh, how's your son doing?

Speaker 1 (39:19):
Now?

Speaker 2 (39:20):
I know he's gone through some stuff. How's he doing now? Yeah,
my son had my son, Billy. He's seven years old.
He had his third open heart surgery in May, and
he's doing great. You'd never know other than the scar
and iss chess, you'd never know he had it. He's
a very funny kid, and he's just like you know,
he's he's totally he's totally fine. Now he's hopefully we'll

(39:41):
never have to have another surgery of any kind. And
thanks to the Children's Hospital in LA which is a
great hospital. And he's he's uh, I mean, I was,
I was just I was going to tell you a story,
but there he's he's a weird kid. He's uh, he's
constantly squeezing his mother's ass.

Speaker 5 (40:03):
He says, it's just so juicy.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
So he gets Look, Jimmy, hey, here you go. I
told you. Look now, I don't know about the mom cheeks,
but you know, I mean, you can't you when the
cheeks is right? Man? You know what I mean sometimes when.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
You know you know, Jesus, where's the lawyer here? I
need a lawyer? No.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
See, this is all in This is all in good
spirit and all in good fun. So you know, I
mean that all of that other shiites that's for the bears.

Speaker 5 (40:32):
You just telling me you're only allowed to squeeze Mommy's ass.

Speaker 3 (40:36):
Else, period, full stop. Jesus.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
That's hey.

Speaker 5 (40:41):
Listen, you volunteered to be part of this show.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
I don't, I can't. I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 5 (40:46):
This is your idea.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
By the way, have you uh have you been following
any of the Olympics? I mean it's coming. Speaking of
what's coming into the streets of La. Yeah, the plane
is landing, athletes are coming descending. It's all about the
next Olympics. That torches being passed to California.

Speaker 5 (41:13):
Yeah, it's gonna be fun. I actually met with the
Olympic committee when they landed their helicopter on the roof
of the building across the street from us.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
It seemed like it was.

Speaker 5 (41:24):
It seems like it was fifteen years ago and uh,
we're still four years away. But I'm excited about having
the Olympic. I love the Olympics. I've been to a
bunch of them, and I think it's gonna be a
lot of fun having in La.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
You know, it was crazy, Jimmy. I was with my
son the other day, he's thirteen, and we're talking about
like back in our day, we'll meet you and Gavin's day.
Like the sports now, Like think about the Summer Olympics.
Back in our day, there's gym there's gymnastics, there are swimming,
there was a track and field basketball. Now there's break dancing,
there's Yeah, there's every sport that like why who I
saw super Man? This is crazy in terms of sports.

(42:00):
But no, it's been. It's been fascinating. Snoops to an
incredible job.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
I'm trying to get one of them kind of jobs.
So you know, you say you talk to an Olympic committee,
the Olympic Committee, Hey throw my name in there. You
feem me like, yeah, Sean want to do some of
that ship that Snoop was doing, come to the Olympics
talking ship?

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Yeah, I mean I could see Snoop and more Sean
and La. Couldn't you doing that stuff together?

Speaker 1 (42:22):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (42:23):
Yes, I mean, are you kidding me? I think we
probably have to u some of the We have to
keep some of the speed related athletes await from them,
but you might slow some people down. But I think, yeah,
you guys would make quite a duo.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
No no, no, no, I want to come to get
in your work. No no, when it comes time to
put in your work in and you know you got
to you got to pass that motherfucker to the left
hand side, and you got to leave it alone until
you're done doing what you're doing. Then you could come
part take in the festivities and activities you know talking about.
But because we are speaking the same language, you could
be the translator for you know, for for for individuals

(43:02):
like you know, I mean for individuals like Batman or
Doug who don't who can't understand the shine Jimmy, you know,
I mean they can't understand that. Yeah my boy, Yeah
see he can't. He lost right now, but you could
wheel him back in and then you know he okay, cool,
cool cool. So that should be an Olympic. We need
to go ahead and put that in the Olympics.

Speaker 5 (43:25):
Hey, you know, I have nothing to do with it,
but I would be more than happy to uh to
be your Martha Stewart at the Olympics.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Oh, man, have way too much to do with this,
and I ain't listening to any of this damn stuff
I'm taking.

Speaker 5 (43:37):
So this fall back on you.

Speaker 3 (43:39):
You're talking to wrong. Yeah, exactly, trust.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
Me, Batman.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
I mean, hey, let me direct between Jimmy and Gavin.
We'll find your job at the Olympics in twenty eight
We'll find you something.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
By the way, you guys we're talking about all these
fancy folks. I am curious. I'm serious because all these people,
you guys have met both all of you guys. But Jimmy,
I'm curious just for you. Was there any time you've
been starstruck by anybody like legitimately, we're like, damn, it's
someone that just even if it was out of the norm,
and you're.

Speaker 5 (44:08):
Like, yeah, yeah, you know, I have moments that I
just can't I can't believe are happening to me. I
gotta I get an email from Steve Martin today and
I was just like I said to them, my wife,
I'm like, and now what am I supposed to just
go about my day as if nothing happened. I mean,
this is a guy who when I was a kid,
you know, especially, and all through my whole life I've idolized,

(44:32):
you know, it is one of the funniest people ever.
And just to get it and just the fact that
he thought, oh, I'll send Jimmy Kimmel an email is
mind boggling to me. But yeah, Don Rickles is somebody
that I always I couldn't believe is Sometimes it's like
you don't even really realize these people exist, you know,
in real life, and then they're sitting next to you

(44:55):
on a couch. And I think once you forget like
that that's amazing and that's exciting, then you should probably
stop doing your show.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Because it is amazing.

Speaker 5 (45:04):
It is exciting, and you always have to remember your
fourteen year old self and how excited that person would
be to see the future and what is what is
coming because it's not something. No one in my family
is in show business. No one in my family ever
really did anything other than regular jobs or whatever. And

(45:27):
it never occurred even to me that I might be
on television one day. So to have to be in
this situation is something that at least a couple of
times a week I have to stop and remind myself like, ohyah,
this is this is pretty crazy.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
And jim let me ask a question. You know, as
you know, I'm an NFL sports agent and I hate
almost all the agents. I'm competitive, as you know. Are
you in your business? Are you friends with Fallon? Are
you friends?

Speaker 5 (45:52):
Do I know, still talk?

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Are you friends with his other hosts or do you
guys kind of stay in your own length.

Speaker 5 (45:57):
No, I am very good friends with all of the
other late night hosts. In fact, we did a podcast
together over the Riders strike and we really bonded at
that time. I fished with Jimmy Fallon over the summer.
I'm gonna fish with Colbert coming up pretty soon. Yeah, No,

(46:18):
I We're really tight. In fact, for Colbert's sixtieth birthday, Fallin,
John Oliver, Seth Myers and I came out to New
York and we surprised him and had a birthday dinner
for him. His wife dropped Ziems. His wife told him
that they were going to have a private dinner just
the two of them romantically together, and he got there
and it was the group of us, and it was

(46:39):
pretty funny. Actually, the reactions of the people in New
York as we won by one filed out of the restaurant.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
They were losing their minds.

Speaker 3 (46:48):
You guys talking business or I mean, and it's what
do you guys all talk about when you're together? You
compare notes or you just talk about life.

Speaker 5 (46:54):
We goof around.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
We talked a probably bus hell of jokes on each
other though we did you know what we dude? What about?

Speaker 5 (47:00):
Conan was not at that, But Conan is a friend
of mine. Also, Yeah, Conan lives in l A. And
he's a really really funny guy.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
And hell yeah that's my dog. Conan. Really, Conan fuck
with me. I don't know why, but Conan turned me up,
brought me on that show a couple of times, really
fucked around with him. Yeah, Bill Maher, Bill Maher brought
me on this ship too. He was he was solid.
He like, is that's somebody who we if we did
do our you know what I mean, our our crank
anchor thing, we'll probably have to bring into because he

(47:32):
I think he smoked Hello weed too. He does, he does,
He does smoke Hello weed. Dogs seemed like he'd be Smoking,
Hello Weed Too, and Bust and Hello Joe Hella, Bust
and Hello Funnies too. But that, yeah, that should be
interesting as fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (47:46):
So it's not like the old days were you know,
Leno and Letterman didn't get along, or even like we're
Leno and I didn't get along in the in the
early days of of our show because and I think
it's a lot of it is because of YouTube, and
because of the fact that people watch the show when
they feel like watching the show. In the old days,
you had to watch the show at eleven thirty or

(48:08):
twelve thirty, whatever time the show was on, So you
had to pick a show, and you don't anymore. You
can watch all of them.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
It's interesting. By the way, where do you think I
mean it just and I mean, I imagine you guys
have to have these comments you're having with your producers.
Except but when you're I mean, ten years from now,
where the hell do you see late night going in
that context?

Speaker 5 (48:29):
Well, I don't know if there will be any late
night television shows on network TV in ten years. Maybe
there'll be one, but there won't be a lot of them.
The audience is there's a lot to watch. You know,
and now people can watch anything at any time, you know,
They've got all these streaming services. It used to be like,
you know, Johnny Carson was the only thing on at

(48:50):
eleven thirty and so everybody watched, and then David Letterman
was on after Johnny, and so people would watch those
two shows. But now there are so many options, and
maybe even more significantly, the fact that people are able
to easily watch your monologue online the next day, it
really cancels out the need to watch it when it's

(49:11):
on the air. And once people stop watching it when
it's on the air, networks are gonna stop paying for
it to be made.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
Can you can you, Jimmy when you're done? Can you
walk away and disappear? Can you, uh? Can you get
away from this? And just like I'm out? Or do
you always got to be cranking it and doing doing
doing busy things.

Speaker 5 (49:31):
Well, it depends on what you mean by cranking it.
But I you know what, I will have a hard
time when it's over. I now, That's why I asked
Marshaun earlier about his uh transition after playing it is
because it worries me. And that's part of the reason
why I I keep going each time I think, well,
this is gonna be my last contract, and then I

(49:52):
wind up signing another contract. It's because I have I
I fear that day, that Monday after my final show,
and it's like, Okay, now what I'm gonna do?

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Now? What am I going to do?

Speaker 5 (50:06):
Because there's you know, there's not a I don't know
there there aren't a huge number of options for late
night hosts after the shows are over. People think of
you as a late night talk show host, and it's
it's not like you're suddenly going to start starring in
films trying to be an.

Speaker 3 (50:23):
Ex politician Jimmy jesus. I mean, I'll take your status
over the ex politician status.

Speaker 5 (50:29):
Yeah, and our future is not bright, Gavin.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
No, it's really depressing. Yeah. We gotta sell by well,
I gotta sell by date. It's called term limits.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
You don't necessarily he Hey, Sean, I think you and
I can find Jimmy and Gavin a job when they're done, right, Marshaan,
we'll find him something to do here.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
Yeah, mar Sean, you're gonna be You're our sage. You'll
guide us.

Speaker 2 (50:46):
But Jimmy, Ben Jimmy, it's justly as an agent. Like
in the NFL. You know, if Marshaun walked away, he
retired in his own terms and he still had to
figure out what's next. But ninety nine percent of his athletes,
the phone stops ringing, So then were just like, okay,
I might play, I might not. And then you don't
really know. There's no like, no one telling you, okay,
it's time to leave. And so now you've got to

(51:08):
figure out life. And that's the hard part as far
as most of these players in every sport, because and
I assume you entertainment, it's the same way. It's even
worse because you know, the phone stops ringing, there's no
more you know, auditions, whatever it may be. So your
space and the athletic space is a brutal, brutal space.
And I applaud you for making as far as you've done,
and as is Marshaan. And by the way, Jimmy Marshawn

(51:28):
and we talked about the top of the show is
first year of eligibility this year for the Hall of Fame.
Oh yeah, I think he'll get in next year and
that's what we're campaign for. But in any event, it's
a tough space. You guys, Sean, who will give your
Hall of Fame speech?

Speaker 1 (51:44):
Well, shit, probably my mama.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
Oh wow, you got to get her good and baked
before she makes that speech.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
You know what, she don't make sure she takes care
of her. So the only thing she probably don't say,
just make sure you got that doughty pack phoney ready
to go.

Speaker 5 (51:58):
I love that idea that you have your mother and
tuck to you into the hall fan. Has anyone ever
done that before? I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (52:05):
I don't know, but I know my man, my mama
mom was I can't even say it was. Is my
biggest uh my biggest fan, my biggest supporter, and I
mean shit, I could just remember the first the first time, uh,
you know, I was getting ready for a game. I'm
in there, you know, laying out my my jersey, my pants,

(52:25):
my socks, my cliques, like, oh, I'm gonna put my
helmet right here, got my mouth piece this that, and
I was so motherfucking and my mama come in the
room like what the hell are you doing. I'm like,
I'm getting like, motherfucker you in here laying out your uh,
laying out your uniform like it's the first day of school.

Speaker 5 (52:42):
I'm like, it is that's right, it is.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
We lost. We lost our first game, bro. I was
crying and hell of ship, My mama told me some
of the best advice that I you know, I mean,
it's stuck with me, you know what I mean, for
the rest of my career, Like uh, like, boy, are
you over here crying and ship like you get to
go out and do this again next week, so just
go do better. I'm like, I get to do this
again like you did. Look like you got about nine

(53:06):
ten games left on the skein. Oh man, that was
that was that was like you finish. Was the one
who told you to let your nuts hang down, man,
Jesus from up from from from up, from a small
from from from from from a tiny tim you know
what I mean, from a tiny tim. Moms was always
you feel me though, pushing that issue like yeah, but

(53:26):
when you get out there, you gotta let them nuts.

Speaker 5 (53:28):
Hagka, Mama Lynch is it? It was the best?

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Is the best, I mean his biggest fan by far,
and her Hall of Fame speech will be up in
trust me.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
By the way, by the way.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
Marsh you may not Mama Lynch just she said left
me like a three minute voicemail last week about all
the political stuffy give me the same Guydamn advice literally
is like it was literally showed up. Having heard from
her forward said Mama Lynch, I'm like, you can't make
this up. Did like all this advice and you know,
just you know every's gonna be great. You know, it's

(54:01):
like Jesus Christy.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
I mean, she's got it.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
We gotta.

Speaker 1 (54:04):
You know, she Mom's got some ism. You feel what
I'm saying. Mom's got some ism and one thing about her.
You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna tell the
mother fucking straight up like nah, I'm cool. I ain't
trying to talk to you like that. You feel me though,
But Mom's gonna man come here, man, and I don't
care who it is. She gonna come and she gonna
get you some game and you're gonna walk away from
it like damn that shit make a lot of sense.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Hey, Jimmy, there'll be games in Seattle. I grew up there,
and I be, hey, Mama Linch, you want to go
grab some lunch. She's like, no, I can't. I got
an appearance. So she The fans love The fans loved
her so much up in Seattle. Literally, she they would
book her for appearances. The only mom I've known ever
done is so you get the Seattle She'd be making
five ten grand a game, going and going to tailgates and.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
So look, it was not only that, like cause you know,
I mean we we we we we individuals with big
hearts and ship. So you know what I mean, I didn't.
I didn't. I didn't uh build relationships with a lot
of my teammates. So you feel me when it comes
down to it, it's like, Okay, this is my other
other other son, and that other other other son happened
to be me, So you know, my moms to get

(55:13):
with shit. I'm talking about all the mamas from the team, Like, hey,
come on, we could go over here. We go sign
autographs for about an hour, hour and a half before
the game. We go get a couple of dollars. So
you know what I mean. We come out on the field,
you know, everybody looking for they for they moms in
the designated spots. The motherfucker's looking around like, hey man,
we're I don't see my mama, Like oh yeah, bro,

(55:34):
I forgot to tell you bro, moms done. Took them
over here to uh to Tacoma, the to the casino.
They over there doing uh they're doing an autograph sign
and they'll be here probably like around you know what
I mean by about by the time the first quarter come.

Speaker 5 (55:49):
Rockwork.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
We come out running on the field for the start
of the game. They sitting there like they've been there
the whole time. Hey, baby, come in game. Where you
been at? Oh shit, I had to go get me
a bag right quick. And I'm talking about from Ship,
from my sherman and Mama, Thomas, Mama, Irving, Mama combing
like you know what I mean, all the moms and

(56:10):
then you feel me like, hold on, you got a sister, okay, well, Ship,
bring your sister too. So now they got the moms
and the aunties and that motherfuck's autographs. So when you
come out and you hear all that screaming, you think
it's for the teens, but hell and all the cameras
that win and put uh put the mamas on the
jumbo try and they cheer for the mamas and Ship like, yeah, Jimmy.

Speaker 5 (56:33):
What do you do you have any of that was
your mama? Like that Jimmy, Uh, yeah, no, my mother
is she's uh, she doesn't. She doesn't love being on camera,
which of course makes me eager to put her on camera.
Once years ago, when we're doing the mancho I, uh,
I sat my mother down and I said, I ain't

(56:55):
tell her what we're gonna do. But I sat her
down in front of the camera and they said, Mom,
when I was a kid, you never explained the facts
of life to me. You never told me about sex.
I had to find out figure it out from a neighbor,
you know. So what I'd like you to do right now?
And my mother's very uptight when it comes to this
type of subject. I said, I want you to explain

(57:17):
sex to me right now.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
Put it on my spot like that. I'm like thirty
one at the time.

Speaker 5 (57:24):
He tried to joke away through it, and I was like, no,
tell me how it or tell me start at the
beginning and tell me how it works.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
How did that work out?

Speaker 2 (57:34):
He was very uncomfortable for her and very funny for me.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Hello on, so you bring it up as a you know,
you talk about when you as a kid, and shit, yeah,
was you a funny ass kid too?

Speaker 3 (57:46):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (57:46):
I was?

Speaker 1 (57:46):
You know, I was always fucking around. That was my
uh that was just how I.

Speaker 5 (57:52):
How I entertain myself in classes is interrupting the class.
And some of the teachers really didn't like it. And
some of the teachers really did like it. So, you know,
the teachers that really did like it, I will never forget.
And the teachers that really didn't like it, I guess
I'll never forget them either, but me in different ways.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
Did you have hands too? Was you in no fight?
No fights?

Speaker 5 (58:16):
No, I was a year younger than everybody. I think
I weighed one hundred and twenty six pounds in high school.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
You know, so you was a little guy because how
long some Uh I was holing at one of my folks, man,
do he do some work with me? And he was
telling me, Uh, I guess when you was in a
might have been grade school. Yeah, the kids used to
call you came not with a backpack, but with a briefcase. Briefcase, briefcase, Joe,

(58:43):
is it? That is right? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (58:45):
My mom My first day of junior high school in
Las Vegas at Kenny Gwyn Junior High School, my mom said, hey,
you know, dad got a new briefcase and maybe you
want to take his old briefcase to school. And you know,
it was my first day of seventh I was like, oh, yeah,
that'd be cool. I'm like, I'm like an adult now,
I'll go in with a briefcase. And so I put

(59:05):
all my stuff in the briefcase and I walked into
the lunch room this first day, and I'll never forget it.
I walk in and some bigger kids look over at
me and they go, hey, briefcase Joe, and I just
my heart sank. I was like, and I was so
mad at my mother, like she should have known better,
give me this briefcase.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
Hello.

Speaker 5 (59:26):
So when they did, when they so did that name
stake for a while. It didn't, Thank god it didn't.
I imagined it at that moment being my name for
the whole rest of my career. But luckily, I don't
think I ever saw those kids again, and I definitely
never brought that briefcase back.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
But retired motherfuckers I did do.

Speaker 5 (59:46):
I wrote a rap song with eminem on the show
once and that was the title of the song. It's
on YouTube. It's called Briefcase Joe, and it's about the
childhood trauma I experience from bringing my dad's briefcase to work.

Speaker 1 (59:59):
Heyll, Yeah, did you blame Hall of Jokes on them? Uh?

Speaker 5 (01:00:01):
No, No, I just I just I knew that I'd
made a mistake, and I turned right around and walked out.

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
Oh see, I wish I took that if I used
to go to school with a suit on. So we'll
talk about that another time.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Man.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
So you made it dippity do, a little gel, little
whole thing. It was like, but no one, no one
told me to stop. I didn't even know what. I
didn't even get it. Surprise, I'm still here talk about it.

Speaker 5 (01:00:27):
You were like born to be governor. I wasn't tell
you school. How old were you when you were?

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
I was, I mean, I don't know. It's like ninth
grade and I'm running around with a little clean.

Speaker 5 (01:00:38):
Tie and the whole thing, the whole all the way
through high school.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
You were.

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
It was when I discovered, you know, you were talking
about sex there, but I discovered hair gel and that
was like revelatory. A little dippity do I had. I
played basketball my sophomore year and they had a little cheer,
says dippity do, dippity do. Gavin, Gavin, we love you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
I was like, I don't know. I'll believe in jail.
I believe in jail, I believe a suit. But you
playing basketball? I just I'm did you play basketball in
the seat?

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
Buddy? Very cute Jesus once.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Running down his God damn here down his here being
in high tops in a suit, looking real good.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
Jesus and Jimmy, by the way, you and Marshawn do
have something to calm and Jimmy, although you know Marshawn,
tell Jimmy where your honorary degree is from.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
Oh, you can't see that motherfucker from Princeton.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
Yeah, Princeton. Jimmy here, Jimmy's at U n ol V
and you're at Princeton. Something's wrong with that, Marshaw. It
was wrong with that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
How long love to the kid? Man? I am show
love to you, not just Piston though you feel me
and slid it through cal too.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
Cal too, That's what I mean, Jimmy. We're all state
school kids.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
We are to state.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
I'm a nine sixty s a t kid. I don't
know about that. You you see nonsense ninety sixty buddy.
I think it literally was nine sixty or nine eighty.
Uh My mom said don't even take it again, because
she's like, ain't gonna get easier, It's not gonna get better. Yeah,
I air gel a suit and a nine sixty s

(01:02:12):
a t How the hell did I end up here?

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
You forgot the high tops with that suit?

Speaker 5 (01:02:17):
I got a twelve eight on my se TV and
I still drunk from the night before when I took twelve.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
How the hell you get twelve eighty? Well, you'd get well,
you'd get into you're getting all that private tutoring or something.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
No.

Speaker 5 (01:02:30):
I never did, not, never do a screw or anything.

Speaker 1 (01:02:33):
Some people just got it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
Really, is that how works?

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
I just got it? Some people come stock? Really, you
know I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
Really, Doug, you and I, Buddy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
By the way, my sat is a little bit. My
sat is below Gavenge and me. No bullshit. I took
mine the day after my father died. So I didn't
get a very good store.

Speaker 3 (01:02:51):
Right, that's an excuse. I don't have a goddamn excuse
me a little dyslex sEH. I'll give myself a little grace, Okay,
I got a little. So I wasn't good at those
sort of you know, the rope and.

Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
You ended up in a good spot. You've over achieved that. Okay,
you went from you went from getting bullied to hair
Jael to the governor, So you've done.

Speaker 5 (01:03:12):
Really, you're super overachieved.

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
I mean, by all accounts, you were kind of an
imbecile in high school.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
I guess.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
I think it's a good way to end a goddamn podcast.
I think we're done. Bastards.

Speaker 1 (01:03:27):
Was they taking your lunch money to I talk about?

Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
We'll talk about all those things another day time, man. Yeah, really, seriously,
mister Princeton.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Really, some people just got it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:42):
Some people just got it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:44):
Funerary degrees is what they got.

Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
They did it right to on my degree. They put
Marsha b smow lunch in parentheses. So somebody over there
at Princeton knew what the fuck they was doing, you
know what I mean? And then you you get a
top flight. Now I need to come up out of Princeton,
like you feel me. I just prestige him about a

(01:04:06):
couple another more notches on the prestige level. You feel me,
I get people talking about you know what I mean?
Hey Moreshawn, you think you could give me this in
this Princeton club? Like, Nah, you a square bro, we don't.
We don't lock with like you up and you know
what I mean, you gotta you know, I mean, you
got to go put some work in, get your hands there.
We got to make sure you tantos damn.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
To end that, Jimmy, I want to say, we really
appreciate you coming on on vacation and uh, we've always
admired what you've done. Your career has been epic. Uh
and I can't thank you enough for joining us today.

Speaker 1 (01:04:37):
Yep. And before we let you go, I've been making
this a thing that when we got individuals come on, hey,
how are you? How are you doing? Though?

Speaker 5 (01:04:45):
I'm good, I'm good, I'm doing good. I mean, it's
a nice question to ask. I appreciate you you asking
that question, and uh, I will say everything's I can't complain.

Speaker 1 (01:04:56):
I'm in a good spot, all right, that's all good man,
Thank you good. No, no problem, that's what for. That's
what I'm here for.

Speaker 2 (01:05:04):
Man.

Speaker 1 (01:05:05):
They didn't give me no specific uh uh a title
with my honorary degree. So I'm a man of many
hats right now. I'm a I'm a dummy ducker right now,
so you feel me. I'm I'm I'm ducking a dodging
donkey dummies right now, so you know, I mean, they
come at the right time, so right now, you know
I am doctor Lynch, you know, I mean doctor Beast,
my old Lynch, and I just want to make sure

(01:05:26):
that you're doing that, You're doing good, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 5 (01:05:29):
Personally, there's a mister Beast, and there's a doctor Beast.

Speaker 3 (01:05:32):
There's a doctor. The license of this mister doctor whatever
the hell is.

Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
Don't make you go around that on that wall and.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
Practice.

Speaker 1 (01:05:42):
Brother, Yeah, I got it. It's called it's called orange
juice in a blunt for breakfast and then we're good.

Speaker 2 (01:05:52):
With that.

Speaker 3 (01:05:53):
Jimmy, Thanks for enjoying us, brothers.

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
You big care

Speaker 4 (01:06:00):
Bank b