Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
When I suffered the most.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I was ashamed because I disappointed my kids would be
out in public and I was about to take them
to dinner in a movie, and suddenly I look at
my wife and I'd tell you got to take me home.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Why? Dad? Why? And I couldn't explain it. I felt
like I was in a tunnel.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I felt like the world, the roof of the sky
was falling, which made no sense at all.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And then there was the overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Sense of shame that a pastor who's supposed to be
spiritually well put together would suffer this kind of mental illness.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Today, Today, Today, Today with Jeff Finds, pasta apologist and
Bible teaching.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Hey there, you're listening to Today with Jeff Finds. My
name is Aerin. In this episode, we start a series
that Pastor Jeff says is a very difficult one for him.
It's brought up some memories and personal struggles for him personally.
It's a series on anxiety depression in Jesus. We're going
to start in Psalm eighty eight, which begins with Lord,
(00:58):
you are the God who's a day and night I
cry out to you. Let's begin this message with Pastor
Jeff and find out how to thrive with anxiety, depression
and Jesus.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Before we get into Psalm eighty eight, I want to
say something specifically to the next generation, because they are
suffering immensely from what we has been termed mental illness.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Of various sorts.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So we're asking why doctor's physicians are asking why medical
sinners are asking why this seems to be a pandemic
Right now, there seems to be a pandemic of anxiety,
of depression, even by polarism and beyond, because mental illness
comes in different phases, different effects, and different degrees. But
can I say something. First of all, I want you
to know, as the younger generation, pep rallies will never
(01:58):
sustain you. No, you know you've heard me if I've
pep rallies. It's the raw, raw part of your faith.
And there's nothing.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Wrong with the raw, raw part. The raw raw part's good.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
It can lift your spirits as long as you understand
that they are temporary fixes. They never cure ultimately the disease.
I know most of this next generation, because of the
entertainment industry, are drawn to these type of things.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And if you.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Find it entertaining, inspiring, captivative speaker. I'm drawn to them
as well. There's nothing wrong with them. Now, Please don't misunderstand.
I like to hear a passionate, extraordinary, on fire type
of speaker, but that one I'll sustain you over the
long haul alone. You need information, you need truth, you
(02:41):
need something that's going to internally transform you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Not just make you feel a certain spiritual.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
High in the moment. My son has a friend that says,
I'll tell you the kind of preacher I like. I
like the kind of preacher that really gets me going.
And that's good, so do I. Everyone does. But sooner
or later you've got to move off the milk can
get into the meat. The Hebrew writer says exactly that
this applies specifically to a series that we're doing on
(03:08):
mental illness. Most of you, if you know my story,
I have a history of anxiety disorder. In fact, preparing
for this series, I found to be somewhat of a
kickstarter again to start the fire a trigger I remember,
and I reflected back in the three and a half years,
(03:28):
there was this period I could not leave my house.
I was shamed, as shamed because I disappointed my kids
would be out in public, and I was about to
take them to dinner in a movie and suddenly I
look at my wife and I tell you got.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
To take me home? Why? Dad? Why? And I couldn't
explain it. I felt like I was in a tunnel.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I felt like the world, the roof the sky was falling,
which made no sense at all. And then there was
the overwhelming sense of shame that a pastor who's supposed
to be spiritually well put together would suffer this kind
of mental illness. Can I tell you that when I
suffered the most, I was at home and could not
leave home, and I read all the time. And two sources.
(04:03):
I read my Bible all the time, which turned out
to be better than I ever thought it could be.
And second, I read everything I could about middle illness.
I think I have read thousands upon thousands of articles
by doctors in journals, in medical journals by Mayo Clinic,
Vanderbilt Hospital, on and on it goes. And let me
tell you, I could cite all those, But let me
(04:23):
tell you what I've learned in the first part of
this series Number one. The medical world simply does not
know what causes mental illness.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
They have theories, they do not know.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
The second thing I can tell you a certainty is
only Jesus can heal you. Only Jesus can heal you. You say,
what about medicine. I'm a fan of medicine to a
degree because it masks the symptoms. You think, well, why
would you want to mask something, Because when you are
suffering from mental disability, you need something to stop the
wheels from turning so that you can start to think
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logically and practically and put things into your life that
will ultimately defeat the disease, not just treat the symptoms.
Medicine can help you function, but medicine, as long as
you know, will never ultimately heal you. When I was ill,
people would come up to me and say things, suck
it up, pastor Jeff, you can do it. You know
you got Jesus in you. Just try harder, trust Jesus more.
(05:18):
You can do it. You can overcome. When the outlook
is bad, try the uplook. You know the victory is
in you. It's already there. All of that is true.
God has a plan for your life. All of that
is true.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I get that.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
But what people don't understand is when you're in mental illness,
you're not processing properly, you're not thinking properly, and all
these things are true, but they're just band aids.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
They're still treating the symptoms rather than the disease.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I just said in my doctor's office two weeks ago,
because I've had to switch doctors because we've switched care providers,
and my doctor wanted to talk to me about my history,
and he noticed I was on zoloft, and he said,
tell me a little bit about this, and we talked
for like an hour. I've never had a doctor spend
that much time. Who knows, but I can tell you.
I sat across the desk from this guy who's been
(06:03):
in his specific practice for over forty five years, well respected,
and he looked at me and simply said, we don't
know what causes mental illness. We just know how to
treat it. And by treating, he means we can control
the symptoms, not cure the disease. Now, I'm not anti medicine.
(06:24):
In fact, I'm a fan of modern medicine. I want
to be careful her, but I'm not a doctor. I'm
not a fan of the modern modern pharmaceutical companies, and
they're greed. I'm not a fan of that, to get
all Americans hooked on some kind of medication to solve everything.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Got a problem, take a pill.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I'm not a fan of that, but that doesn't mean
that all medicine is bad. James Simpson, the discovery of chloroform,
was a dedicated follower of Jesus and couldn't stand to
see women who were having babies being such pain. James
Simpson chloroform. Jonah Salk, who created a vaccine for polio,
saved him many many lives. But here's what you need
(06:59):
to know in this first message. Mental illness is real.
You can't just speak it away. We know that it is.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Related somehow to pass trauma, but not all.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
The time to pass trauma. But it's not the past
trauma that causes mental illness. We're now learning that it's
your response to pass trauma. Because everybody has trauma of
some sort. There's not a soul on this earth that's
not carrying some burden. So how you respond to it
has a lot to do with the chemical makeup of
serotonin levels in your head. In your brain, there is
(07:34):
a physical impact from a spiritual life.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
There's no doubt about that. We're going to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Later in the series. Medicine and counseling are good things.
But here's the thing, mental illness, And we're not gonna
like this is the pathway to greatness. Mental illness is
the pathway to greatness. Even though it's going to be
the darkest season of your life. Now, I want to
take yes, I said that, the darkest season of your life.
(08:02):
I want to take you to Psalm eighty eight. Here
is a psalm. I want to read the words to
you first, he says the writer. Lord, you are the
God who saves me day and not.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I cry out to you.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Verse two, May my prayer come before you turn your
ear to my cry. You have put me in the
lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Verse seven. Your wrath
lies heavy on me. You've overwhelmed me with all your waves.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Verse e.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You have taken me from my closest friends, and you
have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and
cannot escape. My eyes are dim with grief. I call
you Lord, every day I spread out my hands to you.
Do you show wonders to the dead, Do their spirits
rise up and praise you? Is your love declared in
the grave? Your faithfulest indestruction. Are your wonders known in
(08:51):
the place of darkness, or your righteous deeds in the
land of oblivion?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
But I cry to you for help. Lord.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
In the morning, my prayer comes before you. Why Lord
do you reject me and hide your face from me?
From my youth, I have suffered and been close to death.
I have borne your terrors and have been despair. Your
wrath have swept over me. Your terrarors have destroyed me
all day long. They surround me like a flood. They
have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me my
(09:20):
friend and neighbor. Darkness is my closest friend.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I believe it. I'm gonna show you as this develops.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
We are reading the song of someone who had suffered
mental illness, most probably depression, from the time of their youth.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Why do I believe that I will unveil that as
we go?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
But first of all, this is a psalm and prayers
in the psalm, with the exception of two.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Now there's hundreds of psalms. With the exception of two psalms.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
All the psalms start in despair and end with hope,
except for two.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Psalm thirty nine and Psaw eighty eight.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Psalm thirty nine ends by the writer saying, God, turn
your face away for me in this last moment of
my life, so I can have at least one moment
of peace before I die. And Psalm eighty eight ends
with one Hebrew word. You can't see it in the English,
but there's one Hebrew word. And the meaning is this
darkness that's my real friend. Now, the question is why
(10:17):
did God put this Psalm in the Bible? Why is
it here well? As well as Psalm thirty nine. I
want to tell you why. And in those four reasons,
I want to tell you to write them down. I
believe we discover something that is priceless. Number one, here's
why God put it in to show you that mental
illness can last for a long time. Lord, you are
the God who saves me.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Day and night. I cry out to you.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
And then he says he's losing all of his friends,
he's facing death. So whatever he's facing is pretty debilitating,
and he's angry at God. He says, God, if I'm dead,
I can't praise your name.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Do the dead praise your name?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Can I be righteous if I'm incapacitated like this? And
then he says in verse fifteen, from my youth, I've
suffered and being close to death.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
So he suffered this from a very young age.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Most of his life he's outwardly afflicted, but where yet
he feels inwardly abandoned.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
See this is the point.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
If you feel outwardly afflicted, but you feel that God
is close and with you, you can do it. But
he says, darkness is the only thing by my side,
And that's the trouble with mental You can face outer
darkness if inwardly you're experiencing his love, But when you're
in these positions you don't feel whether it's objectively true
(11:33):
or not.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Is not the point. You don't feel the closeness of God,
which means this.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
You can be trying and praying and attending church and
reading scripture and doing all the right things and you
can still feel darkness for a long time on Is
that depressing, Yes, But it's also encouraging. And here's why,
Because as a young student of the Bible, the thing
that impressed me most about the Psalms was on because
(12:01):
it's real. Do you remember that great movie Princess Bride
and the great line where he says life is pain highness.
Anyone who says differently is selling something. The Bible is
real Christianity. It's not trying to sell you something. It's realistic.
It tells you that pep rallies and motivational speeches just
(12:22):
won't do it. By somebody telling you to pull yourself
up by your bootstraps, it's not going to heal you.
And sometimes the reality is life is about extended times
of darkness, even when you're doing things right. And I
remain truly concerned by some of the voices that the
next generation is attracted to. It's almost like, now that
(12:45):
you're a Christian, they're being told nothing bad can happen.
Christ is in you, and you will rise a bob
and there's no darkness that it will ever come upon
you. You're righteous, and because Christ is in you, he's righteous.
Therefore God sees you as righteous. There will be no
more darkness. And I always like to remind them, Oh yeah,
so you've heard of Jesus. Pretty good guy, right, he's
pretty righteous.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
They killed them.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
The point is Jesus was clear and John sixteen thirty
three that in this world we have trouble, and not
just physical but mental and spiritual battles. And the reason
I labor this point is half the pain in our
lives comes from false expectations. Job's friends do you know
the story of Job? Do you remember what their answer
(13:29):
was to his suffering. They basically said, Job, you've obviously
sinned against God.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
God is getting you. You deserve this.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
And Job's response finally was, you guys are a bunch
of wind bags.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You're not helping me.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
And then Elifas the Timanite comes and says an amazing passage.
Elafas the Timanite, who should know better, comes to Job
and says, there's a spirit that glided past my face,
and the hair on my head stood on end. It stopped,
but I couldn't tell what it was. A form stood
before my very eyes, and I heard a voice mortal
man be more righteous than God.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
And what how does that help Job?
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I remember when my mentor came to my alma mater,
and so I had my mentor and my favorite theology
professor in conversation and they shared a similar story. And
I think I've shared this before. Just quickly, when you're
in seminary and you take a final exam, you take essays,
or you write pages and pages. So you're giving five
questions at the end of the year exam and you
(14:26):
get to choose three, and each question will probably take
ten written pages handwritten pages to answer the question in full.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
And so.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
If you haven't studied, most students will participate in what
it's called patting. In other words, they know they don't
know any of the answers to the question, so they'll.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Just write right right and write ten pages of.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Nothingness, just so, hoping that somewhere along all this fluff
they will hint at the truth and they'll get some
credit for the exam. And both my mentor and both
my theology professor said that one time a student turned
in a paper like that, and my theology professor wrote
on the front of the paper, this is that's not right.
This is not even wrong.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I like that. This is not right. This is not
even wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
What you've written doesn't even rise to the integrity of error,
because you've simply said nothing.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
It makes no sense.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
That's what happens often when we're experiencing something that our
friends do not understand. They mean well, but what they
say makes no sense and gives no encouragement.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
And doesn't do anything for the healing. It might put
a band aid.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
On the symptom, but the disease is far, far deep.
So I go back to the question, why does God
put this in the Bible? Why does God put a
psaw saw eighty eight in the Bible whether there seems
to be no hope? First to show you that mental
illness can last a long time. Second to show you
the grace of God. Some of the man's prayer in
(15:47):
psaw eighty eight is not really a prayer but an interrogation.
Look at the sarcasm again in verse ten and eleven.
Do you show your wonders to the dead? Do their
spirits rise up and praise you? Is your love declared
in the grave? Your faithfulness and destruction? In other words,
he says, how can I tell the world about all
your wonders? If I'm dead? I want to do so
much for you, God, I want to spread the joy
(16:08):
of your name. How can I do that? How can
I declare your name if I'm dead? Dead, maybe not
physically dead, but spiritually and mentally decapitated the head The
thinking has been taken off of my spiritual and physical life,
and I can't process things the way I want to process,
which means I can't declare your glories. And in verse
(16:29):
fifteen again he says I've experienced this from my youth.
He says, basically, God, you've never been with me all
of my life.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I've suffered.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
And you look at it, and you think that seems disrespectful,
doesn't it? He almost seems to blasphemous because this man
is interpreting all of his life through his present circumstances.
And he ends the Psalm by saying, even darkness is
a better friend to me than you, God, because at
least darkness never leaves me. Notice the sarcasm. Remember I
said that. Psalm thirty nine also ends this way, when
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the writer says, turn your face away from me, so
that I can have a little piece before I die.
One commentator says this about Psaum eighty eight and Psalm
thirty nine. The very presence of these prayers in scripture
is a witness to God's understanding.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
God knows how.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Men speak when they're desperate. Now you think about that
God placed these psalms here. God does not say, you know,
there's no way I'm gonna let this song or psalm
make it into psalms. I don't want people to think
they can talk to me this way. But God doesn't
say that. He says, put it in because he identifies
with those prayers. God is saying, I love this man
even though he's not getting it right. I fully understand
(17:37):
his depression, even though he can't see the whole picture.
I see his frustration, and therefore I'm gonna extend to
my grace and mercy. God says to those who experience
mental illness. And this is not just theory to me,
this is real because this is the case in my
own life. God says to us in the midst of
this that I am your God, not because you get
(17:58):
up every day and put on a face, not because
you say and do everything right, not because you never
talk back, not because you never lash out or get
frustrated with me. I am your God because I love you,
and I am a God of grace. And we should
find that liberating. That as we go through this series,
all the things we're about to learn, we should never
forget that. So why did God place it in the
(18:19):
Bible to show you that mental illness can last a
long time?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Two to show you the grace of God. During the
dark seasons of your days.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
And three to show you that mental illness is where
you become a person of righteousness. This is hard to fathom,
it's hard to accept, and when somebody told me this
in the middle of it, I didn't appreciate hearing it.
But in retrospect after the fact, it's true. God put
this here to show you that mental illness is where
you become a person of greatness. The writer saw mediot,
(18:48):
which again we're gonna unveil just in a moment. He
should not be saying things he's saying, but at least
he's saying them to God.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
One day, when I was in the middle of my anxiety,
got the courage to leave the house. I had to
come to the office because I was preaching again that weekend.
Through that season, I continued to preach and continued to
pray and continue to learn. One day I got to
the office and I just my brain. It was in
that cloud again. It was in that place. I don't
know where you go. It's like Paul, whether you're in
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the body or out of the body, I don't know.
The only difference was I wasn't caught up in the
third heaven. I felt like I was caught up in
the third Hell. This was terrible and I couldn't think.
I couldn't process.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
You know what I did.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I'm gonna make a confession. I got my iPad out
and I watched Forrest Gump.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I just thought, maybe I need a good laugh. The
problem with Forrest Gump you get some laughs, but you
also get some serious dialogue. And I came to the
scene where Lieutenant Dan, who had lost both his legs
in battle, who hated Forrest because Forrest got the Medal
of Honor and he felt Forrest was an idiot. And
here Lieutenant Dan, coming from a long series of family
(19:55):
members who were war heroes, got nothing, lost both his
legs for carried him out of the jungle, and Lieutenant
Dan hated him for it. But not only that, he
hated himself. Became addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol. He was
destroying his life. But he heard that Forrest Gump has
a boat and is shrimping in Alabama, and he promised
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Forest that if you ever own your own boat, I'm
going to come and be your first mate. Holding true
to his word, he comes. He becomes the first mate
Forrest Gump shrimping entity, but they're not catching any shrimp.
And one day a horrible storm comes and all the
boats come in except one. And the only reason Forrest
(20:42):
Gump remained is because Lieutenant Dan determined he was determined
to die that day. So he climbs on top of
the mast with this storm that had the potential to
destroy them, to destroyed every boat that had gone into harbor,
and Lieutenant Dan has it out with God, and in
this frustration he says to God, you'll never sink this boat.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Is that all you got, God, You son of a gun?
Is that all you have? You call this a storm?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And he yells, it's time for a show down between
you and me, God, one on one. Here I am,
come get me. You'll never sink this boat. And he
screens and yells at God. And then in the next scene,
after the storm subsides, here comes Lieutenant Dan, the atheist
who's been shouting at God all night long, and Forrest says,
(21:32):
he never said so, but I think he made his
peace with God when I saw that. Believe it or not,
God uses if God can use a donkey, he can
use force gum. I remember on my couch thinking I
gotta get this out, and I let God have it.
I'm a pastor, I'm your servant. I've been serving you
(21:54):
since I was twenty one years old. I have given
everything to you. I went to Africa for you, I
went to New Zealand for you, and here you are.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
You've got me in this darkness and you won't answer.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
The healing that took place that day, probably more than
any medicine, at least. I was still talking to God.
And God did not strike me down and smite me,
because he's a god of grace and mercy. And I
began to learn he was doing something. You know what
is Satan's accusation against Job. If you read the Book
of Job, Satan says to God, Job's relationship with you
(22:28):
is transactional. Of course he serves you because you keep
blessing him. Of Course he does the right thing, because
you keep giving him more and more. Stop you withhold
that stuff. You stop blessing him. You wound him internally
and externally. He'll curse you. He'll curse the day he
was born, and he'll curse you. Give him enter and
(22:51):
outer darkness, and he will not serve you. That passage
spoke to me because I realized that much of my
relationship with God at that point my life was transactual.
That I had used people in the past as a
means to my end, but now I'm using God. Did
I really go to New Zealand and to Africa for God?
(23:11):
Or did I go for myself? Had I been serving
Him for me or for him? And you have to
ask the same question, is Satan right about us?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
About me? About you?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
We all begin with that attitude because we come to
God to get something, and that's natural.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
We want to be healed, we want to be saved.
Those are good things.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
But if you never grow out of that emotionally, you
become a roller coaster because it'll be contingent on what
you think God is doing for you at the present time.
But God in our lives is trying to move us
out of egocentrism, where everything's about us, into theod centrism,
that where everything's about God, which inevitably produces endurance, stability, peace,
(23:53):
and a centralized joy.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
You've been listening to today with Jeff Finds, Thanks for
joining us. Next time we'll bring you the rest of
this message from Pastor Jeff.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Will you resign and say, oh God, I get it.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I'm going to serve you, and I want you to
build in me the man or the woman that you
need or want me to become. That's hard to hear
when you're in the middle of it because there are
many causes, but there's only one attitude that brings victory,
is to totally yield the entire illness over to God.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
You can listen to more messages like this just search
for Today with Jeff Finds wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
You make with Everything Friend, We'll bring this
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Today Today, Today Today with Jeff Fines
When I suffered the most.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I was ashamed because I disappointed my kids would be
out in public and I was about to take them
to dinner in a movie, and suddenly I look at
my wife and I'd tell you got to take me home.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Why? Dad? Why? And I couldn't explain it. I felt
like I was in a tunnel.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I felt like the world, the roof of the sky
was falling, which made no sense at all.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And then there was the overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Sense of shame that a pastor who's supposed to be
spiritually well put together would suffer this kind of mental illness.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Today, Today, Today, Today with Jeff Finds, pasta apologist and
Bible teaching.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Hey there, you're listening to Today with Jeff Finds. My
name is Aerin. In this episode, we start a series
that Pastor Jeff says is a very difficult one for him.
It's brought up some memories and personal struggles for him personally.
It's a series on anxiety depression in Jesus. We're going
to start in Psalm eighty eight, which begins with Lord,
(00:58):
you are the God who's a day and night I
cry out to you. Let's begin this message with Pastor
Jeff and find out how to thrive with anxiety, depression
and Jesus.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Before we get into Psalm eighty eight, I want to
say something specifically to the next generation, because they are
suffering immensely from what we has been termed mental illness.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Of various sorts.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So we're asking why doctor's physicians are asking why medical
sinners are asking why this seems to be a pandemic
Right now, there seems to be a pandemic of anxiety,
of depression, even by polarism and beyond, because mental illness
comes in different phases, different effects, and different degrees. But
can I say something. First of all, I want you
to know, as the younger generation, pep rallies will never
(01:58):
sustain you. No, you know you've heard me if I've
pep rallies. It's the raw, raw part of your faith.
And there's nothing.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Wrong with the raw, raw part. The raw raw part's good.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
It can lift your spirits as long as you understand
that they are temporary fixes. They never cure ultimately the disease.
I know most of this next generation, because of the
entertainment industry, are drawn to these type of things.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And if you.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Find it entertaining, inspiring, captivative speaker. I'm drawn to them
as well. There's nothing wrong with them. Now, Please don't misunderstand.
I like to hear a passionate, extraordinary, on fire type
of speaker, but that one I'll sustain you over the
long haul alone. You need information, you need truth, you
(02:41):
need something that's going to internally transform you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Not just make you feel a certain spiritual.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
High in the moment. My son has a friend that says,
I'll tell you the kind of preacher I like. I
like the kind of preacher that really gets me going.
And that's good, so do I. Everyone does. But sooner
or later you've got to move off the milk can
get into the meat. The Hebrew writer says exactly that
this applies specifically to a series that we're doing on
(03:08):
mental illness. Most of you, if you know my story,
I have a history of anxiety disorder. In fact, preparing
for this series, I found to be somewhat of a
kickstarter again to start the fire a trigger I remember,
and I reflected back in the three and a half years,
(03:28):
there was this period I could not leave my house.
I was shamed, as shamed because I disappointed my kids
would be out in public, and I was about to
take them to dinner in a movie and suddenly I
look at my wife and I tell you got.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
To take me home? Why? Dad? Why? And I couldn't
explain it. I felt like I was in a tunnel.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I felt like the world, the roof the sky was falling,
which made no sense at all. And then there was
the overwhelming sense of shame that a pastor who's supposed
to be spiritually well put together would suffer this kind
of mental illness. Can I tell you that when I
suffered the most, I was at home and could not
leave home, and I read all the time. And two sources.
(04:03):
I read my Bible all the time, which turned out
to be better than I ever thought it could be.
And second, I read everything I could about middle illness.
I think I have read thousands upon thousands of articles
by doctors in journals, in medical journals by Mayo Clinic,
Vanderbilt Hospital, on and on it goes. And let me
tell you, I could cite all those, But let me
(04:23):
tell you what I've learned in the first part of
this series Number one. The medical world simply does not
know what causes mental illness.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
They have theories, they do not know.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
The second thing I can tell you a certainty is
only Jesus can heal you. Only Jesus can heal you. You say,
what about medicine. I'm a fan of medicine to a
degree because it masks the symptoms. You think, well, why
would you want to mask something, Because when you are
suffering from mental disability, you need something to stop the
wheels from turning so that you can start to think
(04:57):
logically and practically and put things into your life that
will ultimately defeat the disease, not just treat the symptoms.
Medicine can help you function, but medicine, as long as
you know, will never ultimately heal you. When I was ill,
people would come up to me and say things, suck
it up, pastor Jeff, you can do it. You know
you got Jesus in you. Just try harder, trust Jesus more.
(05:18):
You can do it. You can overcome. When the outlook
is bad, try the uplook. You know the victory is
in you. It's already there. All of that is true.
God has a plan for your life. All of that
is true.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I get that.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
But what people don't understand is when you're in mental illness,
you're not processing properly, you're not thinking properly, and all
these things are true, but they're just band aids.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
They're still treating the symptoms rather than the disease.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I just said in my doctor's office two weeks ago,
because I've had to switch doctors because we've switched care providers,
and my doctor wanted to talk to me about my history,
and he noticed I was on zoloft, and he said,
tell me a little bit about this, and we talked
for like an hour. I've never had a doctor spend
that much time. Who knows, but I can tell you.
I sat across the desk from this guy who's been
(06:03):
in his specific practice for over forty five years, well respected,
and he looked at me and simply said, we don't
know what causes mental illness. We just know how to
treat it. And by treating, he means we can control
the symptoms, not cure the disease. Now, I'm not anti medicine.
(06:24):
In fact, I'm a fan of modern medicine. I want
to be careful her, but I'm not a doctor. I'm
not a fan of the modern modern pharmaceutical companies, and
they're greed. I'm not a fan of that, to get
all Americans hooked on some kind of medication to solve everything.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Got a problem, take a pill.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I'm not a fan of that, but that doesn't mean
that all medicine is bad. James Simpson, the discovery of chloroform,
was a dedicated follower of Jesus and couldn't stand to
see women who were having babies being such pain. James
Simpson chloroform. Jonah Salk, who created a vaccine for polio,
saved him many many lives. But here's what you need
(06:59):
to know in this first message. Mental illness is real.
You can't just speak it away. We know that it is.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Related somehow to pass trauma, but not all.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
The time to pass trauma. But it's not the past
trauma that causes mental illness. We're now learning that it's
your response to pass trauma. Because everybody has trauma of
some sort. There's not a soul on this earth that's
not carrying some burden. So how you respond to it
has a lot to do with the chemical makeup of
serotonin levels in your head. In your brain, there is
(07:34):
a physical impact from a spiritual life.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
There's no doubt about that. We're going to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Later in the series. Medicine and counseling are good things.
But here's the thing, mental illness, And we're not gonna
like this is the pathway to greatness. Mental illness is
the pathway to greatness. Even though it's going to be
the darkest season of your life. Now, I want to
take yes, I said that, the darkest season of your life.
(08:02):
I want to take you to Psalm eighty eight. Here
is a psalm. I want to read the words to
you first, he says the writer. Lord, you are the
God who saves me day and not.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I cry out to you.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Verse two, May my prayer come before you turn your
ear to my cry. You have put me in the
lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Verse seven. Your wrath
lies heavy on me. You've overwhelmed me with all your waves.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Verse e.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You have taken me from my closest friends, and you
have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and
cannot escape. My eyes are dim with grief. I call
you Lord, every day I spread out my hands to you.
Do you show wonders to the dead, Do their spirits
rise up and praise you? Is your love declared in
the grave? Your faithfulest indestruction. Are your wonders known in
(08:51):
the place of darkness, or your righteous deeds in the
land of oblivion?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
But I cry to you for help. Lord.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
In the morning, my prayer comes before you. Why Lord
do you reject me and hide your face from me?
From my youth, I have suffered and been close to death.
I have borne your terrors and have been despair. Your
wrath have swept over me. Your terrarors have destroyed me
all day long. They surround me like a flood. They
have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me my
(09:20):
friend and neighbor. Darkness is my closest friend.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I believe it. I'm gonna show you as this develops.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
We are reading the song of someone who had suffered
mental illness, most probably depression, from the time of their youth.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Why do I believe that I will unveil that as
we go?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
But first of all, this is a psalm and prayers
in the psalm, with the exception of two.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Now there's hundreds of psalms. With the exception of two psalms.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
All the psalms start in despair and end with hope,
except for two.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Psalm thirty nine and Psaw eighty eight.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Psalm thirty nine ends by the writer saying, God, turn
your face away for me in this last moment of
my life, so I can have at least one moment
of peace before I die. And Psalm eighty eight ends
with one Hebrew word. You can't see it in the English,
but there's one Hebrew word. And the meaning is this
darkness that's my real friend. Now, the question is why
(10:17):
did God put this Psalm in the Bible? Why is
it here well? As well as Psalm thirty nine. I
want to tell you why. And in those four reasons,
I want to tell you to write them down. I
believe we discover something that is priceless. Number one, here's
why God put it in to show you that mental
illness can last for a long time. Lord, you are
the God who saves me.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Day and night. I cry out to you.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
And then he says he's losing all of his friends,
he's facing death. So whatever he's facing is pretty debilitating,
and he's angry at God. He says, God, if I'm dead,
I can't praise your name.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Do the dead praise your name?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Can I be righteous if I'm incapacitated like this? And
then he says in verse fifteen, from my youth, I've
suffered and being close to death.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
So he suffered this from a very young age.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Most of his life he's outwardly afflicted, but where yet
he feels inwardly abandoned.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
See this is the point.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
If you feel outwardly afflicted, but you feel that God
is close and with you, you can do it. But
he says, darkness is the only thing by my side,
And that's the trouble with mental You can face outer
darkness if inwardly you're experiencing his love, But when you're
in these positions you don't feel whether it's objectively true
(11:33):
or not.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Is not the point. You don't feel the closeness of God,
which means this.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
You can be trying and praying and attending church and
reading scripture and doing all the right things and you
can still feel darkness for a long time on Is
that depressing, Yes, But it's also encouraging. And here's why,
Because as a young student of the Bible, the thing
that impressed me most about the Psalms was on because
(12:01):
it's real. Do you remember that great movie Princess Bride
and the great line where he says life is pain highness.
Anyone who says differently is selling something. The Bible is
real Christianity. It's not trying to sell you something. It's realistic.
It tells you that pep rallies and motivational speeches just
(12:22):
won't do it. By somebody telling you to pull yourself
up by your bootstraps, it's not going to heal you.
And sometimes the reality is life is about extended times
of darkness, even when you're doing things right. And I
remain truly concerned by some of the voices that the
next generation is attracted to. It's almost like, now that
(12:45):
you're a Christian, they're being told nothing bad can happen.
Christ is in you, and you will rise a bob
and there's no darkness that it will ever come upon
you. You're righteous, and because Christ is in you, he's righteous.
Therefore God sees you as righteous. There will be no
more darkness. And I always like to remind them, Oh yeah,
so you've heard of Jesus. Pretty good guy, right, he's
pretty righteous.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
They killed them.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
The point is Jesus was clear and John sixteen thirty
three that in this world we have trouble, and not
just physical but mental and spiritual battles. And the reason
I labor this point is half the pain in our
lives comes from false expectations. Job's friends do you know
the story of Job? Do you remember what their answer
(13:29):
was to his suffering. They basically said, Job, you've obviously
sinned against God.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
God is getting you. You deserve this.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
And Job's response finally was, you guys are a bunch
of wind bags.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You're not helping me.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
And then Elifas the Timanite comes and says an amazing passage.
Elafas the Timanite, who should know better, comes to Job
and says, there's a spirit that glided past my face,
and the hair on my head stood on end. It stopped,
but I couldn't tell what it was. A form stood
before my very eyes, and I heard a voice mortal
man be more righteous than God.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
And what how does that help Job?
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I remember when my mentor came to my alma mater,
and so I had my mentor and my favorite theology
professor in conversation and they shared a similar story. And
I think I've shared this before. Just quickly, when you're
in seminary and you take a final exam, you take essays,
or you write pages and pages. So you're giving five
questions at the end of the year exam and you
(14:26):
get to choose three, and each question will probably take
ten written pages handwritten pages to answer the question in full.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
And so.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
If you haven't studied, most students will participate in what
it's called patting. In other words, they know they don't
know any of the answers to the question, so they'll.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Just write right right and write ten pages of.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Nothingness, just so, hoping that somewhere along all this fluff
they will hint at the truth and they'll get some
credit for the exam. And both my mentor and both
my theology professor said that one time a student turned
in a paper like that, and my theology professor wrote
on the front of the paper, this is that's not right.
This is not even wrong.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I like that. This is not right. This is not
even wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
What you've written doesn't even rise to the integrity of error,
because you've simply said nothing.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
It makes no sense.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
That's what happens often when we're experiencing something that our
friends do not understand. They mean well, but what they
say makes no sense and gives no encouragement.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
And doesn't do anything for the healing. It might put
a band aid.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
On the symptom, but the disease is far, far deep.
So I go back to the question, why does God
put this in the Bible? Why does God put a
psaw saw eighty eight in the Bible whether there seems
to be no hope? First to show you that mental
illness can last a long time. Second to show you
the grace of God. Some of the man's prayer in
(15:47):
psaw eighty eight is not really a prayer but an interrogation.
Look at the sarcasm again in verse ten and eleven.
Do you show your wonders to the dead? Do their
spirits rise up and praise you? Is your love declared
in the grave? Your faithfulness and destruction? In other words,
he says, how can I tell the world about all
your wonders? If I'm dead? I want to do so
much for you, God, I want to spread the joy
(16:08):
of your name. How can I do that? How can
I declare your name if I'm dead? Dead, maybe not
physically dead, but spiritually and mentally decapitated the head The
thinking has been taken off of my spiritual and physical life,
and I can't process things the way I want to process,
which means I can't declare your glories. And in verse
(16:29):
fifteen again he says I've experienced this from my youth.
He says, basically, God, you've never been with me all
of my life.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I've suffered.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
And you look at it, and you think that seems disrespectful,
doesn't it? He almost seems to blasphemous because this man
is interpreting all of his life through his present circumstances.
And he ends the Psalm by saying, even darkness is
a better friend to me than you, God, because at
least darkness never leaves me. Notice the sarcasm. Remember I
said that. Psalm thirty nine also ends this way, when
(16:59):
the writer says, turn your face away from me, so
that I can have a little piece before I die.
One commentator says this about Psaum eighty eight and Psalm
thirty nine. The very presence of these prayers in scripture
is a witness to God's understanding.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
God knows how.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Men speak when they're desperate. Now you think about that
God placed these psalms here. God does not say, you know,
there's no way I'm gonna let this song or psalm
make it into psalms. I don't want people to think
they can talk to me this way. But God doesn't
say that. He says, put it in because he identifies
with those prayers. God is saying, I love this man
even though he's not getting it right. I fully understand
(17:37):
his depression, even though he can't see the whole picture.
I see his frustration, and therefore I'm gonna extend to
my grace and mercy. God says to those who experience
mental illness. And this is not just theory to me,
this is real because this is the case in my
own life. God says to us in the midst of
this that I am your God, not because you get
(17:58):
up every day and put on a face, not because
you say and do everything right, not because you never
talk back, not because you never lash out or get
frustrated with me. I am your God because I love you,
and I am a God of grace. And we should
find that liberating. That as we go through this series,
all the things we're about to learn, we should never
forget that. So why did God place it in the
(18:19):
Bible to show you that mental illness can last a
long time?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Two to show you the grace of God. During the
dark seasons of your days.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
And three to show you that mental illness is where
you become a person of righteousness. This is hard to fathom,
it's hard to accept, and when somebody told me this
in the middle of it, I didn't appreciate hearing it.
But in retrospect after the fact, it's true. God put
this here to show you that mental illness is where
you become a person of greatness. The writer saw mediot,
(18:48):
which again we're gonna unveil just in a moment. He
should not be saying things he's saying, but at least
he's saying them to God.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
One day, when I was in the middle of my anxiety,
got the courage to leave the house. I had to
come to the office because I was preaching again that weekend.
Through that season, I continued to preach and continued to
pray and continue to learn. One day I got to
the office and I just my brain. It was in
that cloud again. It was in that place. I don't
know where you go. It's like Paul, whether you're in
(19:16):
the body or out of the body, I don't know.
The only difference was I wasn't caught up in the
third heaven. I felt like I was caught up in
the third Hell. This was terrible and I couldn't think.
I couldn't process.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
You know what I did.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I'm gonna make a confession. I got my iPad out
and I watched Forrest Gump.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I just thought, maybe I need a good laugh. The
problem with Forrest Gump you get some laughs, but you
also get some serious dialogue. And I came to the
scene where Lieutenant Dan, who had lost both his legs
in battle, who hated Forrest because Forrest got the Medal
of Honor and he felt Forrest was an idiot. And
here Lieutenant Dan, coming from a long series of family
(19:55):
members who were war heroes, got nothing, lost both his
legs for carried him out of the jungle, and Lieutenant
Dan hated him for it. But not only that, he
hated himself. Became addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol. He was
destroying his life. But he heard that Forrest Gump has
a boat and is shrimping in Alabama, and he promised
(20:18):
Forest that if you ever own your own boat, I'm
going to come and be your first mate. Holding true
to his word, he comes. He becomes the first mate
Forrest Gump shrimping entity, but they're not catching any shrimp.
And one day a horrible storm comes and all the
boats come in except one. And the only reason Forrest
(20:42):
Gump remained is because Lieutenant Dan determined he was determined
to die that day. So he climbs on top of
the mast with this storm that had the potential to
destroy them, to destroyed every boat that had gone into harbor,
and Lieutenant Dan has it out with God, and in
this frustration he says to God, you'll never sink this boat.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Is that all you got, God, You son of a gun?
Is that all you have? You call this a storm?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And he yells, it's time for a show down between
you and me, God, one on one. Here I am,
come get me. You'll never sink this boat. And he
screens and yells at God. And then in the next scene,
after the storm subsides, here comes Lieutenant Dan, the atheist
who's been shouting at God all night long, and Forrest says,
(21:32):
he never said so, but I think he made his
peace with God when I saw that. Believe it or not,
God uses if God can use a donkey, he can
use force gum. I remember on my couch thinking I
gotta get this out, and I let God have it.
I'm a pastor, I'm your servant. I've been serving you
(21:54):
since I was twenty one years old. I have given
everything to you. I went to Africa for you, I
went to New Zealand for you, and here you are.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
You've got me in this darkness and you won't answer.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
The healing that took place that day, probably more than
any medicine, at least. I was still talking to God.
And God did not strike me down and smite me,
because he's a god of grace and mercy. And I
began to learn he was doing something. You know what
is Satan's accusation against Job. If you read the Book
of Job, Satan says to God, Job's relationship with you
(22:28):
is transactional. Of course he serves you because you keep
blessing him. Of Course he does the right thing, because
you keep giving him more and more. Stop you withhold
that stuff. You stop blessing him. You wound him internally
and externally. He'll curse you. He'll curse the day he
was born, and he'll curse you. Give him enter and
(22:51):
outer darkness, and he will not serve you. That passage
spoke to me because I realized that much of my
relationship with God at that point my life was transactual.
That I had used people in the past as a
means to my end, but now I'm using God. Did
I really go to New Zealand and to Africa for God?
(23:11):
Or did I go for myself? Had I been serving
Him for me or for him? And you have to
ask the same question, is Satan right about us?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
About me? About you?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
We all begin with that attitude because we come to
God to get something, and that's natural.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
We want to be healed, we want to be saved.
Those are good things.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
But if you never grow out of that emotionally, you
become a roller coaster because it'll be contingent on what
you think God is doing for you at the present time.
But God in our lives is trying to move us
out of egocentrism, where everything's about us, into theod centrism,
that where everything's about God, which inevitably produces endurance, stability, peace,
(23:53):
and a centralized joy.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
You've been listening to today with Jeff Finds, Thanks for
joining us. Next time we'll bring you the rest of
this message from Pastor Jeff.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Will you resign and say, oh God, I get it.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I'm going to serve you, and I want you to
build in me the man or the woman that you
need or want me to become. That's hard to hear
when you're in the middle of it because there are
many causes, but there's only one attitude that brings victory,
is to totally yield the entire illness over to God.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
You can listen to more messages like this just search
for Today with Jeff Finds wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
You make with Everything Friend, We'll bring this
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Today Today, Today Today with Jeff Fines
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