PRETTY OPEN: My Sperm Donor Is A Serial Killer with Jimanekia Eborn

In this episode of Pretty Private w/ Eboné, Eboné sits down with Jimanekia Eborn, a sexual assault and trauma expert, to explore her journey from childhood tragedy to surviving assault and finding purpose in helping others heal.

Jimanekia opens up about the shocking truth that her mother was murdered by her sperm donor—a secret she wouldn’t uncover until years later. She also shares how surviving sexual assault shaped her mission to guide others through trauma, helping them reclaim their power and find resilience in the face of unimaginable challenges.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no
question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain, and empower.
From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember tough times
don't last, but Professional Homegirls do enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is a vice.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
Welcome back to Pretty Private with Ebina. Integiry Ebine here,
and I hope all is cute. Before we dive in,
I want to share some excited news. The Professional Homegirls
second Annual Turkey Drive is happening on November twenty second
at two pm at Constant Library, thirty three South Front

(00:52):
Street in my hometown, Memphis, Tennessee. Now, this is a
drive up distribution, y'all, so please may shoot you arrive
on time two pm, First come, first serve.

Speaker 4 (01:04):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
I cannot wait to see you all there and health
feed our community this Thanksgiving. And also we are still
taking donations, so if you would like to donate, please
click the link and the show notes below. Every bit
helps us reach more families this season, and y'all know
it is a tough season for all of us, so
please Please please if you can donate by clicking the

(01:26):
link in the show notes below. Now on today's episode,
My Conversation with Jiminica Eborne, a sexual assault and trauma expert,
has spent many years helping others navigate the complexities of trauma,
but today she opens up about her own personal journey,
including surviving sexual assault. Jiminica shares the heartbreaking story of

(01:50):
discovering the truth behind her mother's death while uncovering hidden
family secrets that shook the foundation of her life. Throughout
her journey, she not only found a path to her
own healing, but also transform her experiences into a mission
to help others navigate trauma, find resilience, and reclaim their

(02:10):
power in the face of unimaginable circumstances. So get ready,
because my sperm donor is a serial killer.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Starts now. All right, to my guests, thank you so
much for being on a show. How you doing, how
you feeling.

Speaker 5 (02:27):
I'm having a good day, So let's let's go on that.
I've had my mushroom this morning.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
I'm on mushroom, That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
But I've been doing so much research on you, so
I'm really, really excited to have this conversation with you,
and it was so funny because I don't get to
have this conversation a lot with it comes to wrestling.
I didn't know you were you were a fan of wrestling,
like I used to love wrestling as a kid.

Speaker 5 (02:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I found wrestling when I was nine,
and then I did loose touch because I found alcohol
and dick in college very distracting. Me is very distracting.
And I came back in twenty nineteen watching wrestling again,
and then the pandemic happened. We didn't have nothing else
to do, so yeah, and then I started working in wrestling.

(03:11):
I did two years doing mental health for a professional
wrestling company twenty twenty three until twenty twenty five this year.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
Yo, that is such a flex Like that is so
freaking cool. When I saw that about you, I'm like, nah,
So I got to ask you who is your all
time favorite wrestling growing up and why Sting?

Speaker 5 (03:29):
Yeah? Yes, Sting is my favorite. He is such a
multi passage. And also I just got to work with
him for two years, which is crazy to be in
the same space and be like, I'm just regular Steve.
But the ways that he carries his character, his integrity
just like as a human. Yeah, he's a good time.

(03:49):
I like him. I like mankind. Yeah, that man is
a very good human as well.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
So yeah, I think my favorite. I used to love
the Undertaker and Kane.

Speaker 5 (04:02):
Well here's the thing, I know the Undertaker and Kane. Yes, Mark, Yeah,
now I know.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
I know it's tricky. It's beyond tricky because I loved I.

Speaker 5 (04:15):
Loved the Undertaker as well. And then you be like,
I remember when you didn't talk. That was my favorite.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
I remember when a lot of people didn't talk, and
they was my favorites. But now when niggas started talking,
it's just.

Speaker 5 (04:24):
Like, ah, Mark, I miss secrets.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
I do I miss shame? Oh yeah, I feel like
a lot of people don't have shame.

Speaker 5 (04:34):
I think we should bring it back. I think we.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
Should issue Yeah, but thank you for.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Having that moment with me because I'm trying to talk
about wrestling with niggas, and niggas be.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Like, girl, we didn't know, And I'm like, how did
y'all not watch wrestling? Like that?

Speaker 6 (04:46):
Was?

Speaker 5 (04:46):
I listen novella. One of my favorite things to do
is to take sexy women to wrestling shows. Oh, I
take my friends all the time and don't know if
I know how to dress. I'm like, girl, why do
you have heels on? And come on, I'm not gonna
know what to do with you? Right, Yeah, that's fun.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
Okay, So next time that we're in the same area
and we're gonna go together because I want to go there.
I think it was summer jam or something they was
doing at Madison Square Garden and nobody wanted to go,
but I was like, I want to be around all
these drunk white people by myself. So I was like, right,
I'm like, I need somebody to go, but nobody and
it's not and I don't even watch wrestling like that,
but I just wanted to go for nostalgic reason.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
So next time were gone.

Speaker 5 (05:24):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
So growing up, what do you remember most about your
childhood and also about your mother before everything changed.

Speaker 5 (05:34):
I will say that I don't remember my mother because
she was, you know, murdered when I was one, So
there isn't a lot of what did I remember, But
I do know that in my childhood being raised by
my grandparents and my aunts, that I was allowed to exist.
I was allowed to like be all of these versions

(05:54):
of myself as a child. They just be like, oh, well,
there she's there, she goes doing her thing. Like when
I found wrestling, were like okay, girl, and I liked
punk rock music, they was like, here you go some
more shit. And so I was allowed to expand and exist.
And also I remember that my youth was very well rounded,
Like I lived in a middle class, predominantly white neighborhood.

(06:19):
My aunt lived in the hood, and my other aunt
was in college. So I was on college campuses, being
low key raised by Kappa Alpha PSI No, not the
shimmy I know, which full circle a whole lot of
nonsense later, but and like being also well rounded, to
knowing how people live in different areas and learning street

(06:42):
rules and everything. So I think it really allowed me
to exist as a whole human and like, now you
can put me in any room, like I am so adaptable.
M h.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
But I think that's the beauty of being in those
different spaces because you get to experience blackness in so
many different ways. Because that's what my experience was when
I went to an HBCU Tennessee State, and you know,
being a girl that was you know, used to be
in the hood, but also was from like a one
parent household. Like when I got to a black college,
I'm like, oh wow, Like there are so many different
ways of being black, like you said, like watching wrestlers

(07:13):
or listening to golf music and things like that.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
So I totally agree with.

Speaker 5 (07:17):
You on that.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Did people around you, like, what did your un say
about your mom? Or did your grandma and them ever
speak about her as much?

Speaker 5 (07:25):
No? So I my family has always done really well
at sharing information. It was age appropriate and like I
learned things go for time. Was there a lot of
conversation around who she was and all the things, not
necessarily and in my older age now I can ask

(07:45):
questions and they like my aunt, who I'm the closest with,
she was like, you know, we were just so hurt.
And I apologize that maybe we didn't show up in
the ways because we were trying to take care of ourselves.
So there's a lot of things I still am learning.
A few years ago, I got police reports from my
mother's murder, like that whole thing, so being able to
read through that, Like I have her photo albums, but no,

(08:09):
it hasn't always been. But I honestly I blame black culture.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah, because a lot of black clausholes they do that
when something traumatic and tragic happens, they try to like
think they protect them, but it's like I feel like
you're doing more harm than protecting.

Speaker 5 (08:26):
Yeah, yeah, because I think that we are taught to
keep going and pushing through and swallow it. And my
grandmother and was like, well, this is how I've always
had to navigate. I just had to keep going. She
lost two daughters out of four, my oldest aunt died
of lupus, and then my mother was murdered, and then
she had to my two aunts, who the youngest one

(08:46):
had just graduated high school. And so when my mother
was killed, so you know, she had already been through
it all and then to have this and.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
Have your daughter murdered, Yeah, your daughter murdered.

Speaker 5 (08:58):
And then it's like they brought me over, which reading
the police reports, they're crazy, they just be putting anything
in it, Like they took me to my grandparents still
covered in my mother's blood. Mmmm, Like that is crazy.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
And I can only imagine what they did to your grandmother,
like this child exactly, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 (09:18):
Now I have more information over years of being like
what the hell, like what what's And now at my
big age of thirty eight, now I can go okay,
like I understand. And also I've been sending psychology since
I was sixteen to try to understand everything in the
world of the people. So it's like, wow, she also
wasn't afforded, you know, mental health.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Support or any believing it back in the day.

Speaker 5 (09:43):
Still don't, right, just keep it a buck. Still don't
and you know, to be And now I live with
her to assist her at her age of eighty three,
and I'm learning pieces of like how she has just
had to push through. It's interesting.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
It's heartbreaking too because I feel like at this age,
cause we're the same age, so we have all these
tools and resources and we can be able to identify
and also put a name to what we what we're experiencing.
But then when we look at our grandmothers or just
the elders, it's like, gosh, like you don't even know
that you really going through something traumatic?

Speaker 1 (10:18):
Is not?

Speaker 2 (10:18):
Okay?

Speaker 5 (10:20):
Yeah, yeah, they don't know because it's like that's also
what they saw, right, we just got to keep pushing through.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
And I'm like, girl, we don't have to keep pushing
Let's take a moment.

Speaker 5 (10:31):
Let's stop trying to push through honestly, Like, let's sit down,
let's you know, talk about it. And you know, I
am the first person in my family to get therapy.
I'm the first person, you know, to study psychology. And
I am thankful. I am the eldest grandchild. And there's
only one other girl, and she also went to school

(10:53):
for therapy, and it's now a marriage and it's now
a social worker. And I said, that makes sense, right,
that makes sense. We needed an answers.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yeah, how many grand children? You heard? How many others?

Speaker 5 (11:04):
I am the oldest, and each of my aunts had three,
so I'm the oldest of seventh and uh, the one
underneath me, he actually just passed away in January. First friend. Yeah,
by all the things. So it's so there's six of
us left, six of us.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, wow, my condolence sisters. That's a lie, that's a lot.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
Yeah, that's the time.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, So how did you get access to the police report?
Like was that something that you was seeking?

Speaker 5 (11:30):
Or no, my grandmother are getting to me.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Mmmm.

Speaker 5 (11:35):
Yeah, here's the thing. I was what's upgrade language? So
I used to say I was nosy, No, I was inquisitive.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
Right, we were inquisitive. I used to hate No, I'm inquisitive.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (11:47):
So I was an inquisitive child and I learned how
to read early because again we was at the college,
so I learned how to read it like four or five.
And so you know, being raised by your grandparents, there
is a one of them is awake once. It worked
kind of rotation. So I was reading things. I was
in people's files. I knew all kind of information I
was supposed to know. So I had like seen things,

(12:09):
but I didn't comprehend it. And I will say what
years of twenty twenty five? She gave the report to
me in like twenty twenty. It was during the pandemic
or like the end of the I guess we're still
in it, but towards the end of us being in
lock in, she was like, oh, I have this for you.
And I was just like, oh, that was this. And

(12:31):
I was living with my best friend at the time,
and she came and she was like, hey, oh no,
we're crying. What's happening? No, no, no, what's right? And I
was like, this is crazy?

Speaker 2 (12:40):
And what made her give it to you? Like she
was just like, it's time.

Speaker 5 (12:44):
I think they were cleaning out drawers and maybe it
was time. You know, it's it's never I feel like
sometimes when people are older and they're just like, I
don't want to hold onto this anymore and it's time
to transition information. I do wish, though, for our elders
that they were able to share these things with us

(13:05):
at you know, the ages are appropriate, like twenties or things,
so we can process and prepare and create, you know,
things to help that. But I didn't get it into
my thirties. But I am thankful to have it. I
actually reread them, I want to say, last month, oh
wo and I was like, damn, that's crazy. I have

(13:26):
them literally underneath me right now, so I girl, they
hear my little bag. Yeah, it's interesting to have had
day to have such a large trauma and have the
effects of it, but not necessarily remember it right so

(13:48):
young versus my rape very much aware, very present, very
understanding of that now, very present for it. Now I
have understanding of it because that doesn't always have it
happen in alignment and so most of my work has
been talking about rape and sexual assault and domestic violence,
and in the last few years I will say, I've

(14:10):
actually shared more that I am a child of trauma,
not just that rape that happened when I was twenty one, Like, no,
this is the start of a lot of things.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
So do you can you walk us through what you
have read in the police report?

Speaker 5 (14:25):
So am basically yeah, it basically just shared there was
an argument between them. He lured her over there by
uh it was around Christmas time. He lured her over
by saying he had Christmas gifts for me, And apparently
in the re police support it said that they have
maybe kissed, talked, whatever, and his sister felt like the

(14:51):
energy was getting too much, like it was like the
argument it was getting intention she left to go get assistance,
get help from like a nat or something, and while
she was gone it escalated. He ended up hitting her.
Police report says hit her. She had headed trauma, and

(15:11):
he stabbed her to death. And what's interesting is my
whole life I thought that she had like died, and
she did die ultimately, but but when the police got
there she was still alive. Oh wow, And so so
for me that was new information that she was still alive.
She did die on the scene. Also, the ways that
they said they handled her body. I also didn't like, like,

(15:36):
why did you have to undress her? That sounds funny,
you see, exactly right, Like these things don't make sense. Sure,
she was stabbed in the atomic why do you have
to take her pants off? That has nothing to do
with anything, you know. So I have questions that I
know will never have the answers. You know, at this age,

(15:59):
there's not even because it happened so long. It happened
in eighty eight, so there's no like things you could
just research and do all the things. Like I didn't
know anything about my mother's murderer, who was also my
sperm donor. Right, I didn't know anything about him because
my family had gotten rid of everything. I knew his name,
and I my freshman year in college is when I

(16:23):
did research and I had to go to like the
local library in town for the police, for the not
the police, but the news, you know, whatever I found it.
I feel like earlier, when I started looking on the internet,
there was more information, like using his name, like I
found out he just was a murderer. He was just
a shit human. Still is a shit human, still in prison,

(16:45):
still not held for my mother's murder because he was
a murderer. He murdered a pimp in Vegas and we
don't have death row here in California, but they do
in Nevada. But it didn't even matter because he pled
not insanity, but mental incompetence and so quote unquote they

(17:06):
called him retarded, which is in the documentation, and so
he has just been imprisoned a few years ago. That's
twenty five, I want to say, twenty two, twenty two.
We got a call. I got to call my grandmother
got a call and I was like, ooh, just feel
like a spam, so I didn't. I was like whatever,
and it was a police officer and they said that
they had moved him to where we live in Riverside

(17:29):
because he was finally going to be held accountable for
my mother's murder. And I was like, that's crazy because
I didn't get notified and I had signed up for
the service. Will something happens, you could be notified And
I normally.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
Just to make sure to protect yourself, yes, And.

Speaker 5 (17:44):
I normally checked like once a year, but that year
was busy, I had a lot going on. I hadn't checked,
and by the time they had called us, and they're
like well, what do you guys want to happen to him?
And I said what, like, what is the option? So I,
as I am predominantly we all have a role in
our family, I had to go and have the conversation.
My grandmother was like, I can't handle it. My aunt's

(18:06):
one on one to fight. I said, you for show,
can't go.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
The other one was my girl, right like Stein you
want to tussle.

Speaker 3 (18:18):
What's up, y'all? It's Shagar m and A here, and
be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at
pretty private podcasts, and don't forget to subscribe to my
YouTube channel at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back
to the show.

Speaker 5 (18:34):
My grandfather at the time was still alive and he
was like, you know, I think it's up to you
and your grandmother. So I sat with everyone. I said,
do you have questions? Is there anything you want me
to you know? Real retell? And I went and I
met with a detective and he was like, well, he's
going to be held, you know, he's gonna go face
the judge. What would you guys like to have him

(18:55):
to him? So my question was like, well, what are
the options? Yeah, is there a drop down. Is there
a you know, a survey. He's like, well, what do
you want to happen? And I said, well, I just
want him to be I want him to be held
accountable for the harm that he has caused. Because he
killed that pimp in Vegas, he killed my mother, he
killed an elderly white cup on a bartender.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
So he's a stereo killer.

Speaker 5 (19:19):
He's a murderer for sure. He has been married. I
had never had any contact with him. We're gonna run
it back a little bit, but for that, he still
hasn't been in front of the judge. I will say
that he has still not been in front of the judge.
I can look right now, and they just keep pushing it.
One time it was he was supposed to see judge
on my birthday and I said, come on now, we're

(19:39):
playing games. But then he never saw them. I will
say that in twenty sixteen, I changed careers, or I
blended careers. I became a comprehensive sexuality educator. And my
background has still been mental health and all of these things.
So I just combined that work and I was away

(20:00):
like a speaking engagement, learning how to speak and like
carry myself and to be this person that we could
sit in chat with. And I got to call for
my grandmother and she was like hey. I was like,
hey girl. She was like, well the first thing, she
was like, I don't want you to be mad at me.
And I said, what happened?

Speaker 4 (20:17):
Should come on, grandma?

Speaker 2 (20:19):
What are we doing now?

Speaker 5 (20:21):
Lead with something? No, She's like, she's like, you got
a letter from that man who says she's your father.
And I said, okay, I said, what did you do
with it? She said, I put it away. Later my
mom was like, I tried to find it and burned.
I said, of course you did. And that's the one
that liked to tussle. Uh right, you caught on quick,

(20:41):
right my type of girl. I was like, you know what,
just save it. And so I had already been working
on myself after my rape and like getting mental health
support and doing all these things. I hadn't started going
to therapy, but I started doing my own work. I did.
I leaned into spirits while they need to find it
in my body before I started talking. Everybody does it differently,

(21:04):
and so so what happened was that letter. I was like, okay, well,
I'm gonna come home and I'll get it. So I
called a meeting with my best friends and I said, hey,
here's what happened. And they said, okay, well, how would
you like to handle it. I said, I would like
to have crab and then we could talk about it.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
So we went and got legs right, crab bag right,
and it was my friend.

Speaker 5 (21:35):
My friend, she was like, okay, let's do this. So
I had the letter and each person read it quietly
and then they're like, okay, let's process this. How can
we help you? And they talked through with me, and
I get emotional because I am like, that is what
friendship is. That is yeah, And you know that really
helped me because I'll tell you what was in that

(21:56):
letter is bullshit. In the letter, it was like, hey,
I don't know what your grandma and your aunt told you,
but I'm alive. And I was like, okay, this nick
is ridiculous because.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
Clearly, how do you get the address?

Speaker 5 (22:10):
Great question he tells that in the letter. In the letter, well,
first of all, let's pull back on the outside of
the letter. I have never seen prison clickbait on the
outside and say hey, this is your dad and you
have a sister clickbait. I ya, it's crazy, crazy boots.

(22:31):
So I opened the letter. Hey, I'm alive. I learned
how to read write in prison. Here's some info about
her to write in prison, He goes, If you want
to know more about her, you can write me back. Clickbait, baby.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
I don't.

Speaker 5 (22:46):
I'm not doing any of this right. And here's where
he lost me. Things happened between me and your mother?
Sorry about that. You murdered her. I don't. There's no
thing happened yet. Things did? You changed my life forever
her life. You ended her life. You changed the life

(23:08):
of my entire family. So ye had things did happen?

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Did anybody meet him when he was.

Speaker 5 (23:16):
I believe my aunt, the one who is the like
to tes, yeah, because she was best friends with my mom.
They were closest in age, so I believe she may have.
But that was the only one because my oldest aunt
had already passed away younger and then the youngest aunt
she was in school, and I think maybe she might
have seen him once or twice going to my mom's

(23:38):
house from like stories I've heard, but no one had
like a relationship, and my grandmother would be like his
family was bad but you know, they don't know his
family was bad and awful people, and maybe they were.
Maybe they you know, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
M I was gonna ask you, but I feel like
it might be kind of hard for you to ask,
because I'm like, I wonder if your mom knew about.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
His past or who he was or.

Speaker 5 (23:59):
Sure, yeah, sure, we don't know. We don't know, right,
And I think that has also been why my family
has been like, let her live, so something comes up,
she will talk to us. And that I mean, that's
at least been my mindset. Is they've just been like, well,
there she go doing something, there she go. Yeah, but
like allowing me to exist, to keep that line open

(24:23):
in maybe ways that they didn't, right, Like, I don't
have kids, it's not in my ministry, it's not for me.
But I can see that you are able to have
a child, have your eldest child and learn from that
and things can change, right, Right, Like my life was
totally different than my aunt's life was because they were
older in age, they had different resources. I was their

(24:45):
granddaughter and quickly became their adopted child somewhat right, Like,
I'm still their granddaughter, but the roles change and you
have different things to offer. So it's I don't know,
I don't know what people know all the time or
how how they held it. Because again, communication and black
families is not always great.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
Yeah, yeah, you know, a million years later it's still
not great.

Speaker 6 (25:10):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
Did you ever want to have like a conversation with him,
not for forgiveness or anything, but just to get answers?

Speaker 5 (25:16):
No, No, I don't think you deserve to be in
the presence of a goddess. Oh no, I think you
lost that and opt out on that. You could use Google,
Google's free. She's on Google.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
Yeah, yeah, wow, and he's still so he's in jail,
never stood.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Trial or anything for any of the murders that he did.

Speaker 5 (25:37):
That is crazy or except for the pamp Oh.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
So let's fast forward to your relationship with your ex boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
What ex boyfriend, the one that you was raped by,
not a boyfriend? Alsood you was just dating.

Speaker 5 (25:54):
Someone, not gonna use that word. We're not even gonna
use that kind of language. There is someone that I
had slept with beforehand. We were cool, we similar friends,
people around us. Definitely not in a relationship or anything
like that, but we did I'll say there was a relationship,
because we all have relationships with each other, right, but
not a romantic kind of thing by any means. You know,

(26:18):
for a lot of people, they asked questions, why didn't
you report and do all these things the day that
it happened? And I'll say something, this probably sounds real slick.
No one has ever been able to harm me in
that capacity when I was awake. So the day that
it happened, I was sleeping and I woke up, and

(26:42):
I believe someone had let him in. I had lived
with two other people, because how else would he get in.
I believe I Now, like I'm older, I'm out of it.
I can a picture exactly what happened. My roommate had
opened the door for him and someone else because she
she lit she little, She was a time.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
I pay that.

Speaker 5 (27:00):
That's as nice as I could say. She was a
time and she, you know whatever, I think, she opened
the door for them. And I woke up and he
was standing over me, naked with a condun And I
knew that he had an obsession with weapons. I knew
who he was. And I will say that I saw
him back again after my rape, which is a conversation

(27:21):
that I don't think people talk about enough. But in
that moment I went with emotion that in that later
language of understanding, I now know that I fond and
fawning is a way of keeping yourself safe, the ways
of just existing because you don't know what's going to happen.
And that was what I could control. And you know,

(27:43):
it happened in a moment, in a moment like it
was a full full thing. And then he just got up,
put a clothes on and left. And so when people
ask well, why did you come forward, I don't know
if people heard. The police is not always great for things.
There's a lot of harm that happens when you were
And also I didn't think that people will believe me
because I have always been a sex positive person. And

(28:05):
again in the black community, they don't always understand that, right.
They think you just outside doing things, but don't know
behind doors. Anybody I had been with, there were conversations,
there was understandings. And also just because you thought I
was behind doors half the time, I was playing video
games and talking shit.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
Right, you think a lot of times you think I'm
with these niggas, I'm not here fucking them when I'm
just hanging out with.

Speaker 5 (28:25):
Them, thoughting and bopping. I was thought and bopping and
let's not lie, but.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
That was that person, thank you, right, I can tell
you who I was in with, not him.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
It was over here. So yeah, it was a time
and it changed my entire life because you know, when
you are that young, twenty one, we all know about you.
I was out here dancing, partying.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Listen, I went to an HBCUs already know.

Speaker 5 (28:53):
It wasn't like we was going to a damn meeting.

Speaker 3 (28:56):
Career girl and business was fashion now with the suit on.
That was the best time.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
Of our lives. Oh my god, what a time, man,
What a time.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
People were dancing, drinking, just having such a good time.

Speaker 5 (29:14):
Yeah, and I think that that good time helps me. Yeah,
and think it helps me. And it hurt me in
the sense of we so fun. But also I had
an excuse because then I adopted a drinking problem, and people,
you know, we out there's a party every damn dang
undergrad and so it just looked like, oh, she fun,
She's doing all these things. But I was coping and

(29:35):
I felt like I was drowning. But I also didn't
have the language, and I didn't feel like my friends
were my actual friends, And I look back now and
I did have some people and now they were still
my people today. But I look back and there was
a lot of harm and things that happened. But yeah,
it was a time and I'm so glad I got

(29:56):
to do it, and I'm glad that I have those memories,
and I'm also glad to be who I am from that.

Speaker 3 (30:04):
So a couple of things. When did you realize what
was the turning point? Did you realize you had a
drinking problem? Great question, I get my oprah.

Speaker 5 (30:16):
I think when I was carrying the drinks in my trunk.
And I honestly so this happened at twenty one. I
didn't tell anyone I was reaped until I was twenty eight,
when I had really changed careers and I started writing
about it. I was like, oh, I'm about to have
something published. I'd probably tell people before they see it.
Somebody I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 6 (30:34):
Right?

Speaker 5 (30:35):
But around twenty five, I was like, this is a lot,
like something is not working, and listen, don't be fooled.
She kept a full career.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah, liten, we keep it going now.

Speaker 5 (30:49):
Yeah, Like I had gotten kicked out of undergrad and
I was so glad. Oh my god, I was so
glad because it was so much pressure. I never stopped
going to school, went to a community college and continued
what I needed to do. Change my degree. So I
was studying criminal justice because I wanted to work with
domestic violence survivors and I thought I had to be
detective to do it. So after my rape, I just

(31:12):
changed his psychology and everybody was like, girl, we knew it, well,
we could have had a talk. Then why am I
say shit? So I changed his psychology and I continued
on and I became a rape crisis counselor, and which
is people, well, what I said, I know I'm different.
And so that same year I was raped, I was
the person that people were sitting at hospital rooms holding

(31:32):
their hand as they're getting start kits. And it was
the most humbling thing. It changed my life because I
was like, oh wow. And also the ways that people
just trusted me in that space, and they could have
been like who's this bitch? Like why isn't here? And
they were just like, thank you for being here, right,
like imagine it may imagine and don't for your for

(31:53):
your listeners, but you have just been gang raped and
you are like, I don't know what to do, and
you have been brought in by a police and now
you have to sit in this room. It's cold. Medical rooms,
it's cold. Anybody that's ever had to have, you know,
their vagina checked with them, stirrups is cold. The energy

(32:14):
is cold. And even though the nurses try to do
as well, like they have to take swabs where you've
been harmed, they have to take your clothes and you
already feel so fucking vulnerable because your body has been
harmed and now you have this and you had a
stranger bitch next to you. But they trusted me and
it changed my life and my careers and things that

(32:35):
I wanted to do. M M. You know, a long
went to the answer.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
No, no, no, no, it's good.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
I really enjoy your vulnerability and sharing this with us
because I feel like your story is definitely helping a
lot of people because you just never know what other
people are going through. But you made a good point
about how you mentioned that you saw your rapist afterwards.
But you said that a lot of people don't talk
about that. Why is that and what do you mean
by that?

Speaker 5 (32:57):
Yeah, oftentimes we are assaulted by people that we know
in our lives, in our spaces, right, And so I
did see him again. We had conversations not about that,
like not acknowledging it, because I also was like, because
we didn't talk about rape enough back in the early
two thousands, right, So I was like, what is that rape?

(33:18):
Was that? Okay? Because we had been together. This nigga
then tried to get me into some polygamy, which, for
those that don't understand, polygamy and polyamorous are not the same.
Polygamy is where he wanted to have a bunch of ladies.
I had found this nigga was bold as fuck, very
for very many reasons. I had found in his trash

(33:41):
can because inquisitive, I had found his trash can that
he had taken someone to get medication for an abortion.
And I said, oh, okay, so this it was just
like a lot. And so when I say that I
did see him at the end, I did. I had
conversation with him again, I had sex with him again. Right,
And I can look at this now and be like,

(34:01):
that's not a shameful thing. I didn't have the understanding
that I have now, right, And again, a lot of
us do see our rapists again because we are in
relationship with them. They might but your husband, your partner,
your sibling, a cousin, a coworker, someone on your team,
you know, someone in your dorm, a teacher, fucking a parent,

(34:24):
and we see them again. Yeah, and you can't always
get away from them. I was able to space myself
in things, but it wasn't immediate. He was still around me,
and no one knew right, Like, there were things that happened,
and again he was like, I want you to meet
these people, sir, Get the fuck Like. It took time

(34:45):
for me to get away from him, and I have
now other traumas like that stuff. But also like you
know those little ballcats, the little sphinxes. What's that? It's
a sphinx. They don't have hair, they look creepy.

Speaker 3 (34:58):
Oh yeah, yeah he had.

Speaker 5 (35:01):
Them, and he forced me to touch it. He was like, come,
I touch it and like held my hand. Now I
have a like a residual response to seeing those little
nasty and they look like balls, they smell it's just
like a lot. So yeah, I did see him again.
I've never I had never talked to him again until

(35:22):
buckle Up because you know she got a story for.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
You, right, Lissa, I you got my full attention.

Speaker 5 (35:28):
Twenty nineteen, I did my first ten day silent retreat,
most amazing gift I've ever given myself. Everyone should try it.
It is hard, it's amazing. I've done multiple of them
at this point in my life. And I came home
and I went back to where I was living and
I was like, oh, I can't live here, like I
was coming back and I stopped even before I got there.

(35:51):
I came back and I stopped at my best friend's house.
She was like, well, what do you want? I said,
I want good food and for us to watch my
favorite episode of Gray's Anatomy. She was like done, So
she had it off set up, and I said, we've
been best friend since we were right. Yeah, And I
was like, I don't know if I want to live
there anymore, like I'm not loving the situation, like I
had moved in and whatever. She was like, just live here,

(36:14):
I said, would you encouragce her? She was like, yeah,
we have a room. I said, you got another room?
She said, bitch. I said, I'm sorry, doors all right?

Speaker 2 (36:25):
Your touch is right like my babbage.

Speaker 5 (36:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (36:30):
So I was like, you know what, Yeah, so I
had I've only lived I've never lived alone, but I
predominantly live with her family, which is my family and
a beautiful Vaxican family, look at us.

Speaker 5 (36:42):
And so I was moving into her house. Here's here's
where it's going to go. Left. I was moving into
her house and just doing slow moves, not you know,
saving money, smoke, slow cars over because there was no rush.
And I got in my car one day and I
was heading back to the other side of town where
I was living at the time, and it's about forty
five minutes away, because la, everything's about forty five minutes, right,

(37:06):
And so I get in the car and it's like,
my phone is just so excited, right it is, I'm
getting a Vinmo request. My grandmother, who I called my mom,
she was calling, my manager was calling. I said, ooh,
of course I went to the Vimo request because I said, well,
let's see what this money cool ones, right, And I
opened it and it was a request for twenty five cents.

(37:31):
In the note it was the year that I was
assaultant and it was from my rapist.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Somebody I whooped that nigga ass Yeah.

Speaker 5 (37:41):
And so I immediately blocked it. And I knew for
myself because I had started therapy already and I had
done all the spiritual work and all these things that
I was like, okay, your body responds like how I
handle things. I got about thirty forty five minutes until
my body go bitch. We we about to have a moment, right.

(38:02):
And so I got across town and I lived near
this park, and in that park it had like everything
I needed. So I used all my tools. This is
why I will give people. I love to give tools
when I chat. So the things that I created that

(38:23):
later helped me. So we can be grounded by any
of our five senses, and we can be triggered by
any of our five senses.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
Thanks.

Speaker 5 (38:31):
So if that was a visual thing, I knew I
needed to use some other things. So I got to
the park. I took my shoes off. I said, immediately,
let's legit ground let's touch some grass. Wasn't working. I said, okay,
let's listen, let's look at the kids, let's do this.
Let me get some alothe because again we at the park,
we hispanic areas. Look me up, and I'm like, none

(38:52):
of this is working. So I said Okay, I need
to go home. So I five minutes away from this
beautiful park and I got home and I texted my people,
and here's where I want to say to people is
you could teach people how to show up for you.
You could teach people they want to know. Don't nobody
just want to be out.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
There, especially if they love you. They want to show
up for you.

Speaker 5 (39:14):
They want to show up. They want to know how
to help you. And so I then created this tool
and expanded it later when working with individuals. But I
went home and I texted all my people and was like,
here's what happened, Here's what I need. And I had
a friend that was like good it like checking in
on me and like good, no, my music tastes. I
was like, you gonna make sure I do this. You

(39:35):
gonna make sure I eat. You gonna do this. And
my friend was like, if you don't answer me in
thirty minutes, I will bring my ass over there. Like
I had a whole team, and I used that system
later when when actually like really developing this work, because
I hadn't still started developing work like it was the
early stages. I created a whole system and how to

(39:55):
ask for help and how to set that up, and
it's it's super easy. Right, Hey, hey you are my person,
Like you're so good at food girl, I know you
be having good picks, like would you be my food person?
What's the Prob'm gonna be like, no, they want you
want me to be your person? Yes, bitch, right what
you need?

Speaker 2 (40:18):
You make a good point.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
I think a lot of times we make it so
difficult or hard for ourselves because we don't have that
resource in front of us, because nobody ever modeled it
for us. So the fact that you're able to do
this and show people like, hey, you have a great
support support system in front of you, utilize it.

Speaker 5 (40:33):
You step Yeah, they want to know. And then if
you give them the you know, you give them the hey,
this is your role. People get excited. Hey, you're real
good at this. Thank you. That's a compliment And here's
how you can support me. So if you were my
food person the way that I've done it, and there's
way six span, that's for sure. Like my ex girlfriend
was my food person and so we had a safe word.

(40:56):
Safe words are not just for kinky, can use them
in anything. Fact, right, m h, easy and so we
had a safe word and I had already created when
my head was good, I went and did like a
Google doc and I put food places in my area
and like two to three things I liked from each place,
and I gave that to her and I said pick whatever,
you know, I like all these things. So I would

(41:16):
text her, hey, I can't feed myself today, or like
I need help or the safe word or food whatever
it is. How are we communicated? And she'd be like
great and would send that send me some food over.
Here's what I sent you. It'll be there in twenty minutes.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
Like that's good. It's so simple.

Speaker 5 (41:33):
It's simple, right if you were the music person, similar,
Like there's a way to build it. But again, like
you said, we were never role modeled it. We never
knew the things, and that is just a lot of things.
Ignorance isn't always bad, I believe oftentimes ignorance opens the door.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
Yeah for growth, facts, facts, facts, you know, everything that
you've been through. Have you an idea of safety or trust?
Has it shifted or change all that?

Speaker 4 (42:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (42:06):
Oh yeah, Like do you ever feel safe?

Speaker 6 (42:10):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (42:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it has come over time,
and so safety I'm glad you brought that up. I
look at safety in two ways, and I think other
people should as well. Welcome so safety, Most people look
like it's just that external right, oh, is anything around me?
But also there's the internal safety. What about my emotions?

(42:31):
What about things that are said to me? What about
my own thought process? Right? Those are different things, like
what am I feeling? What is anxiety building? And so
being able to talk through things, being able to take
different classes, knowing what safety felt like and looked like,
being able to exist in my body in a stable
way to even be able to figure any of that out. Yeah,

(42:54):
I think has been the most helpful for me. I
do feel safe now. The ways that I feel safe
now a very because also it's twenty twenty five and
my fucks have left.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
Girl, Listen, we approach it forty I have no more
fucks to give.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
Okay, every year more flywoods.

Speaker 5 (43:12):
I'm like, dang, there they go just pool right like
and I and I I've taken many things like I
also have training and threat assessment now, so I don't
walk in nowhere without where's the doors, where's the exit?
Who's in this space? But I it's it's you know,
a thing that a lot of us have had to

(43:32):
learn from growing up in a time of school shootings
and things.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
Like I'm teaching and my cousin like, I'm like, no,
she needs to be alert because of some shit goes down,
the times where things anything.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Can happen quick, real quick, and she need to be
out here.

Speaker 6 (43:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (43:49):
And I think there's also the ways of trusting ourselves
and trusting our gut. A lot of times, especially Black women,
are taught that we are too much, we are over exaggerating. No, baby,
you got gifts, tap in. Trust those things. Those can
save you and help you and help others.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Yeah. Yeah, Oh that was good.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
And you also made a good point because I was
looking at your other interviews and you were saying a
lot of times we shame ourselves before we even give
other people a chance to do it first.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
And I think that yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:17):
And I think that you by just elaborator and know
what safety looks like within ourselves really speaks volume because
it's like, girl, like you haven't that feeling for a reason,
trust it?

Speaker 5 (44:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:27):
And the shame, the shame is also loud, loud in
the black community.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:33):
We that's where shame is. We can't find it outside
because it's all in the black community.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
Yeah, so you look at somebody, they looking at you,
crazy judgment.

Speaker 5 (44:42):
Lets look at this bit, right, the shame, the shame
aspects of it. I always I always talk about this
in the fact that shame and guilt are good cousins
that nobody wants to hang out with mmm, and they
come in together. Right. So shame is the thing that
people put upon us in the way the ways of it.
And you know, sometimes we can shame ourselves and put

(45:04):
it upon ourselves because that feels like we are in control. Yeah,
so don't be confused and how that shame is because
you were so out of control. You can be in
control in other ways. But because of black families and
the ways that that is what control looks like or
how it's been represented, we have to unlearn in there.
And again there's that space to grow, there's that ignorance.

(45:26):
We have to unlearn all of those things like being
a grown up, being a black woman. I have had
to unlearn to exist.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah, girl, Yeah, I'm so trying of learning like.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
It is relearning, yes, facts, It's just like it's amazing
all the things that we were taught and here we
are and it's like, damn, I gotta undo all of that.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Just to get to this place of growth and healing.

Speaker 5 (45:55):
Yeah, yeah, I'm thankful though, I'm thankful. I am thankful.
I do wish the road wasn't so hard, I am.
I do wish that there was more information. I do
wish there is more support, and then the ways that
there weren't it. You know, it's people like us that
be like, Okay, well I'm gonna create it. That's how
I created my nonprofit. That's how I create these ideas.

(46:18):
It often streams from what does jimini can need? What
did w W J D? Okay?

Speaker 6 (46:26):
What did right?

Speaker 5 (46:29):
Yeah? And that's what a lot of my work looks like.
I do believe that I am not the first person
and know that I am not the first person to
talk about sexual assault, and unfortunately I won't be the last.
I think the ways that I navigated is different, but
I think the ways that we all navigated should be
different because the ways that we do it is going

(46:50):
to speak to somebody. I'm not for everybody, and I
shouldn't be, but I am for who I am for.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
Yeah, facts, facts fast. I want to get more into
your work. But before I do, did you ever does
your sister ever reach out to you?

Speaker 2 (47:01):
Or is a sister even?

Speaker 5 (47:04):
I don't know that lady.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
I don't know that lady or his child. Is she
ever trying to reach out to you have a relationship?

Speaker 5 (47:11):
No, And I wouldn't want to because that has nothing
to do with me. You you and that man or
whatever your mama did with him, that has not That's
not my business right And have have I googled in research?

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (47:26):
And the reason that I was able to is going
back to meeting to getting that letter from him. I
didn't answer that question. He had a lawyer look up
my grandparents address, and I shamed that man forever and
I hope he hits his pinky toe on the corner
of his bed.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
Every motherfucker has no be given out my fucking information.

Speaker 5 (47:46):
Yeah, and sent it to my grandparents, the person, the
people whose daughter you murdered, get fucked.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
Fuck you all, But no, Loup, because that is fucking crazy. Hello,
Oh God, bless your grandparents. Could I couldn't even imagine
what they're thinking, especially your dad, your granddad, what he.

Speaker 5 (48:06):
Has since passed away? He passed away in twenty twenty three,
and he was like, well, this is you know a lot.
I never shared with them the context of the letter.
I had a spiritual person in the time. She was like,
it's not necessary for them, this was for you. But
no to answer that, go back, I can answer any questions.
Never talk to this person. When that detective reached out,

(48:28):
he shared her name with me, and so I looked
her up because we in the age of research.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Honey, yeah, listen, I'll find out find anything.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
Baby.

Speaker 5 (48:37):
My business part one of my business partners is a PI.
We got access. Don't play with me over here, right,
And so looked her up, saw her and I said, oh, okay,
this still has nothing to do with me.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:52):
Man.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
So what was the first step when you transforming your
trauma into afficacy, Like, tell us about your business, your
nonprofit things, because I believe everything that doing is just
so amazing, and I think that for conversations like this,
like I feel so inspired by you, and I feel
like it's really going to help a lot of our listeners.
So tell us about your business and how did you
get to that point? Did you want to use your
story to help others?

Speaker 5 (49:14):
Honestly, it was that first time I was in the
hospital and I was like, oh, I want to do this.
Like it's when people are like, oh my god, I'm
a survivor. I want to do this work. And I'm
like okay, They're like, I want to do what you do,
and I said, but you don't know what I do
because I'm not going to always advertise what I do.
And also, just because we are survivors of certain traumas

(49:38):
doesn't mean this it's to work for us. Yeah, right,
and it might be, but what can you offer, Like
what do you have that different?

Speaker 2 (49:45):
Right?

Speaker 5 (49:46):
It looks different? And so for me it started out
as the rape crisis counseling and then when I changed
my degree, I did two years working with juvenile sex
offenders and in a group home setting it Oh, we need.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
Books, we need a books, we need a book.

Speaker 5 (50:04):
You know, you're not the first, You're not the first.

Speaker 6 (50:06):
We need a book.

Speaker 2 (50:07):
Because now you gotta tell us about that.

Speaker 5 (50:10):
Because what I did two years working with juvenile sex offenders,
all boys, their ages were from eleven to eighteen, and
the degrees of harm that they caused varied, and people like,
well they were all harmed. That is that is not
accurate I will say fifty to fifty. Some of them
were just over sexualized and they saw things and wanted

(50:32):
to act it out. And what acted out in the
most harmful ways elderly blind family members, children like just
their parents like awful. And I learned a lot in
those two years. And from there I worked in mental health.
I did two years working with basically running them facility. Yeah,
I learned a lot there mental health and dual diagnosis,

(50:54):
which is addiction. I did. I was a two year
girl for a long time. I was like two years here,
we're learning. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:00):
Yeah, if you ain't trying to give me more money,
I'm out two years.

Speaker 5 (51:03):
And like I wanted to learn, so, you know, mental health,
you got to learn. So then I went to school
and then I'm not school. I did go to school,
but I then went and did two years in eating
disorders and the through line through everything with sexual assault.
And I was like, you keep calling me back to
this work, and I was like, fine, I'll do it.

(51:23):
And so again, I just have always been someone that
wanted to learn. So I did go to school for
marriage and family therapy. I did not finish that because
I did not like all of the things and I
also didn't like the licensing because the ways that I work,
if you need me to come help you get to
get I'm gonna help you. I'm not gonna report that
to nobody. We're going to get you to a safe space.
I'm not doing any of that. And so that is

(51:46):
kind of how the work evolved. The Jiminika projects started
in twenty sixteen and really expanded into combining my mental
health background with now becoming a comprehensive sexual the educator.
I went and learned what that meant. I figured out
my business practice. I'm a trained educator. I've taught middle school,

(52:09):
the high school. I have created my own stuff. I
went back to school, never subtle learning. So my master's
degree is in health psychology.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
Like a smart brownie, now come on, now, come on,
brownie with degree if it's.

Speaker 5 (52:24):
In health psychology. Because my idea of it was, we
have medical doctors and we have psych doctors and they
don't talk, but we're whole systems, So why aren't they communicating?
Because oftentimes this psych problem can lead to medical problems,
and medical problems can lead to psych problems. So I
wanted to understand it, especially in sexual assault and trauma.

(52:44):
It grows in our bodies into other things, Like a
lot of individuals that have dealt with sexual assault have
a lot of gut issues. So I wouldn't know that
people because we hold that trauma in our shoulders, in
our net o guts, so our bowels. I'll ask people, so,
what's your bowels like?

Speaker 2 (53:04):
They're like what.

Speaker 5 (53:05):
I'm like, I'm not trying to odd, It's not my thing.
I'm just trying to see, like, what's happening to your
digestive system? Right, we hold it in our hips, we
hold it in different places in our bodies, and so
I wanted to learn that. During the pandemic, Mama said,
oh we might die. It's looking grim. So I went
to school for alternative medicine because I said this existed.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Now we might die, So we go to school.

Speaker 5 (53:28):
Right, facts, Listen, Black girls are different, and I know
what if medicine dissipates them pills we can't find, Like
I don't go outside, was outside and get So I
needed to learn what was outside. So I studied that.
I studied hallucinogenic so I have a wide range of

(53:50):
the work that I do. Your birthday May first, She's
a Gemini.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
Okay, yeah, okay, Gemini.

Speaker 5 (53:57):
Cancer aries is tatted on me. We got the Big three?

Speaker 3 (54:00):
Yeah yeah, because I could say you you not stop,
like you just keep.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
Going and going and going.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
So yes, right, oh wow? So do you ever do
you ever get retriggered though? Like, how do you care
for yourself?

Speaker 2 (54:18):
In this word?

Speaker 5 (54:22):
Do I get retriggered?

Speaker 1 (54:24):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (54:25):
Yeah, absolutely, you know. I think being triggered is how
my nonprofit was created. I think being triggered is how
I create these different resources. It is an experience that
I now know how to exist in and instead of
fighting it and being like I need to get out
of it, it's information for me. Now It's like, oh,

(54:46):
I didn't know that was a thing, right, because we
will never know all of our triggers until they hit us.
And then you're like, oh, should I know that was
a thing. But what I do do is I have
something for each one of my senses, right, So I
have something that i'll I'll need to ground back in
my body and to be present. And as long as
I can be present and at least remove myself from

(55:06):
that situation, I can deal with the rest. I can
get my people, I call them a therapist, Like there's
things that we have in alignment now, and that's that's
the crazy part is we will never always know our triggers.
We will never know everything, but you can be prepared
for a what if just in case. Yeah, and then
you can once you learn that you put that on list.

(55:26):
Well that's some shit. I didn't know that was an option.
Here we go.

Speaker 3 (55:29):
Yeah, what does your grandma think about all this? But
the work you're doing, you sharing your story, Like, how
does she feel about it?

Speaker 5 (55:35):
Well, well, you know, she's a kid. She used to
be like, do you have to tell all your business?
And I said yes, I said, because one, I also
don't tell my business own right, But I do share
a lot of things. But it's also curated in the
sense of like being able to share enough, right, And yes,

(55:58):
because like you said earlier, my words and my experiences
are going to allow and support other people as they
navigate and might help them with what they're.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
Going through facts.

Speaker 5 (56:07):
So if I can do that, I think that then
that is a part of my journey. That is the
part of the tools that I have, is my experience
and the ways that I handle it or the tools
that I created. I get to now share that with people.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
Yeah, And what's the one thing you want people to
take from your story or just your journey?

Speaker 5 (56:28):
Is there are one thing? I don't know A couple
of one things. Yeah. Takeaways are lean into your community facts.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
That's what I'm going through now.

Speaker 5 (56:43):
It is. I'm also a big person that believes that
sexual thoughts is a community issue. The ways that show
up for survivors and don't in the ways that we
show up for perpetrators, and should it. That's exactly how
I say it, And then they'd be like, oh shit, yeah,
we shouldn't knock it off. Do I think that we

(57:04):
shouldn't rush to them? No, But I do think that
those that cause harm do need mental health support. Do
I think that just putting people away and locking them
up does any good? Know the fuck? I don't you
just housing people to sit in their own shit? I
believe them police reform absolutely. My takeaways are lean into
your community and do it in a way that feels

(57:27):
good for you. And you don't have to share more
than you want to share when you are willing to
share it, no matter well, I want to know your story.
Shut up, shut down people that hit you with the
five BULLSHITWS the who, what, win, wears, and whys, because
that's not where we need to be inquisitive in my
business unless you're trying to help me. And that's the
share therapy is not a bad thing. But also talk

(57:49):
therapy is not for everyone.

Speaker 2 (57:52):
Yeah, talk about it.

Speaker 5 (57:55):
Right, because a lot of therapists are not trained to
work with sexual assault survivor. Everyone is not trained in
that capacity just because they are a therapist. Those are
specialty trainings that people have to go to. So I
also want people to know that talk therapy is great.
Getting a coach is great. A quote a coach, a

(58:18):
trauma specialist, It's great. I hate the word coach, but
I also understand, so I call myself a trauma companion.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
M I love the Yeah, that's good because.

Speaker 5 (58:27):
I walk with you. I don't lead you to anything
because who am I to tell you your journey? Who
am I to tell you your story? That's crazy? We should
be sharing things. Yeah, so find someone that speaks your
language and community exists. Is going back to tending. The
garden was created because of that. It was created at
first to just be a space for women of color

(58:48):
to be able to go and have a retreat for
five days and learn it didn't work out. Pandemic cap
and Retreat Centers SOTOL thirty thousand dollars from us still
fuck them as well. But we were able to transfer
in change and do digital things. And that's where I
also saw there's a lot of communities that have been marginalized.
We don't choose to be marginalized. People have made us marginalized.

(59:09):
So since men, they are often overlooked as sexual assault
survivors eighteen to twenty five college age, a lot of
things happen sex workers. Just because they agreed it one
thing doesn't mean they continue to agree that is rape,
Trans and non binary folks, women of color, disabled folks,
they have these.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
Highable rates, yes.

Speaker 5 (59:30):
Highest rates elderly people of sexual assaults. So I wanted
to make sure that we created a space for that.
We launched a community space in April. Come you get
a month free, please join. We need you to do
support groups. There's support groups, there's care in there, there's
check ins, there's other individuals. Y'all got to use the
space for it to work, though, but it exists. And

(59:52):
we created that because again I needed community, and I
did seven years of support groups and I someone in
to help me. She fucked it up and I had
to end it because I wasn't able to be there
because I had started working in wrestling, and so I
had to end it. In Now this is like a
revamp and an expansion is cheaper than what the words
support groups just be twenty dollars a week, which is

(01:00:14):
still affordable, but now the whole community space is like
twenty dollars a month.

Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
Yeah, right, Like come like, yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:00:25):
We're gonna do classes in there. You know, we launched
it in April and we are still you know, trying
to build that space. And so another reason I come
and talk on podcasts because I think we just don't
know these resources exist. Like there was a law passed
that I marched for in DC with thousands of other
victims for victims compensation. Every state has victims compensation if

(01:00:50):
you are harmed, if your family is harmed. It helps
with moving, it helps with medical care. Every state has it,
and we march for people to individually get more money.
But if we don't know about it, it doesn't exist.

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
Go ahead, and I didn't know that, so book it
up and sharing it is different.

Speaker 5 (01:01:09):
Every state is different. I'm like I was marching in DC.
I know it. No, it got passed. Now are we
in a wild time?

Speaker 6 (01:01:17):
Fuck?

Speaker 4 (01:01:17):
Yes, yes, west Child, Honey, turn this movie off, girl,
But we're gonna get through it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:01:29):
We need community, We need these resources that have been
built and exists, so you know we're here. There's many
of us out here creating things.

Speaker 6 (01:01:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:01:38):
Yeah, Well, before you drop all of your information, the
websites where we can follow and support you, I have
one last question. If your mother could see who you
are today, what do you think she would say?

Speaker 5 (01:01:50):
Mmm? I think she would be proud of me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Me too.

Speaker 5 (01:01:53):
That's what the world say, That's what the spiritual guide say.
Because I'm a little girl. Yeah, and everyone says like, no,
she is proud of you for being this person. And
they also my family has told me that we have
a lot of similarities in the ways that we are
go getters. What I don't do is not have a job.

(01:02:13):
I'll figure out some coins.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
Listen, We're gonna figure it out.

Speaker 5 (01:02:17):
Figure it out. She was like that, and you know
the ways that she took care of people, They cared
for her. You know, when that man murdered her, he
fled the scene. He was going to kidnap me. He
killed her well, so he thought he killed or stabbed
her to death and then took my body. That's why
I was covered in blood. He was covered in blood, right,

(01:02:41):
And so he went to go leave, and his sister
was there. His sister was able to get me. He
stole my mother's car and left.

Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
I said, to have happened to you, girl?

Speaker 5 (01:02:54):
Who knows? Right?

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Yeah, who knows?

Speaker 5 (01:02:56):
I probably wouldn't be here to have this conversation with you, right,
in reality, I probably wouldn't be here. But I say
all that to say, my mother and I are very similar,
and the hood loves her. You know, the people love
me as well, and I am very thankful for that.
And when he did that, the Hood found out and
they put a green light on him. For those that
don't know what that means.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
Oh, we know what a green light means over here.

Speaker 5 (01:03:18):
Okay, they put a green light on him. So it
was best for him to turn himself in if he
wanted to live.

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
Wait, what's your relationship like with his sister?

Speaker 5 (01:03:30):
I have nothing. I don't know those people. They don't
get access to me.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (01:03:37):
But also before you say that, also in the documents,
his family, his mother and stuff said they wanted nothing
to do with me.

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
Wow, how old was your mom when she passed away.

Speaker 5 (01:03:54):
Twenty three?

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Twenty three years old and here you are thirty eight.

Speaker 5 (01:04:00):
Yeah. Wow. I celebrate her birthday in July thirty first
every year, get a little treat and another thing like
with my family not talking about her family. I found
her obituary when I was young. They didn't know I
had it, Like I just told my aunt this year
that I had it. They still don't know. Well now
they do, because you know, my mom gave me all

(01:04:21):
this stuff, but they didn't know I had it. So
no one had ever told.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
Me her birthday is if she never never was here,
like she didn't exist.

Speaker 5 (01:04:29):
Well yes, and I think it's the hard parts of
celebrating and knowing, because you know, they don't forget her.
They can't. They they are reminded by me.

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
True, yeah, but defended too that her birthday though, like.

Speaker 5 (01:04:43):
Wow, Bay and so my grandma was like, oh, I
didn't know you celebrate her birthday. So yeah, I've been
celebrating it for the last few years. And I am
again thankful to my people that, like my best friends
buy me cake to celebrate her mmmmm. And even when
I'm like ah, they're like, come over, we got something

(01:05:03):
for you. Like that That is love, that is care,
that is community. I have siblings. I have sisters, and
I have brothers that show up and take care of me.
They are chosen and chosen. Family is so real because
that's the choice real.

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
Yeah, yeaheah, that's.

Speaker 5 (01:05:23):
A choice family. Sometimes we be like, well, that's crazy,
I gotta suck with these niggas.

Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
Right, It's like, come on, God, these niggas.

Speaker 4 (01:05:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:05:31):
So I am. I am very thankful that I have
these people that allow me to exist and celebrate and
show up and do all those.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Things with them and just so gentle with you, like, oh.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
Man, I'm really happy we was able to make this.
I'm so proud of you, sus Like, I think that
everything that you're doing is amazing. I am here to
support you now. You have a friend in me, So
definitely let everyone know where we can follow you up,
where we can support you at this center, this space,
everything that you're doing, because I just think that you know,
your story is in vain and I know it's helping
so many people out there.

Speaker 5 (01:06:03):
Yeah, I'm like, listen, I got sad shit to talk about.
I got fun stuff to talk about because she's lived
a life. So you know, if you want fun stuff,
we can do that another day. But you can find
me at Trauma Queen dot love, Tendingthegarden dot love to
find out about the nonprofit. I was like, we need
to revamp the website, but all of that's there, the
community aspect everything Jiminico on all social medias because there's

(01:06:25):
only one of me. If you expel it, you can
find me yea and tending Tendingthegarden dot four. The number
dot s A s is what we are on social medias.
Come find us, follow us, get in our business. We
don't want to giveaway like we love giving away vibrators
and pleasure.

Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
Ye were all about pleasure now, okay, yes, yes, so.

Speaker 5 (01:06:45):
It's that's where we're at all over there.

Speaker 2 (01:06:48):
Well, Jimmy Nka, thank you so much. I appreciate you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:50):
And to listeners, if you have any questions com us
with concerns, make sure you follow her and also email
me at hello at the psgpodcast dot com. And until
next time. That's what I'm talking about. We gotta get
this book deal child, so we can get this movie gone.

Speaker 6 (01:07:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
Until next time. Everyone, Later you're gonna say.

Speaker 5 (01:07:10):
Bye, oh Borry, Sorry, sorry, bye y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:07:20):
Pretty Private is a production of the Black appec podcast network.
For more podcasts from.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio.

Speaker 3 (01:07:27):
App, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you
can connect with me on social media at Pretty Private Podcasts.