August 12, 2021 • 49 mins
This episode is fun and packed with tips for living with ADHD. I got influencer, streamer, and podcaster Catieosaurus on to explain what it's like to be a gifted, non-privileged white dude with ADHD and some tips for living with it. She shared actionable advice and even info about neurodiversity in the kink community so buckle up.
Oh and I mention my dog licking her paw a couple times. She doesn't have an allergy. She was licking various parts and I just said foot twice. She's my baby and I take better care of her than I do myself!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Prodigy is a production of IHR Radio. I got one
more a d h D episode for you. This one
is from Katie Osaurus. She's a classically trained at Shakespearean actor. Actually,
I'm not sure what classically trained means. Her website says
has two masters and Shakespeare. Wait, they have multiple graduate
(00:22):
programs in Shakespeare. Huh. Well. She's also an influencer with
a huge TikTok following. I'm on TikTok, but my parents are,
so I'm pretty sure it's not cool anymore. There's too
many apps to keep up with. Katie also streams on
Twitch and as a podcast there. I haven't listened yet,
but I'm sure it's a fun filled journey into the unknown. Sorry,
(00:45):
I'm a hot mess right now anyway. Her podcast is
called Katie and Eric's Infinite Quest An a d h
D adventure. So I was hanging out with this girl
from a dating app, and of course I told her
about my podcast and the a d h D episode
I did, and she said, oh, I have a friend
that has a huge TikTok following for a d h
(01:08):
D stuff And I said, wow, I'm planning another one.
Let's get her on the shop. So she asked her friend,
and her friend said, oh my god, Prodigy, I love
that podcast. Sorry, I get a little carried away there,
but she actually had listened to it because she's a
fan of Joshua Bell and I did an episode with him.
(01:28):
I wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, to a
d h D people as a recipe for, um, something unproductive,
but she was excellent. There's a ton of info in
this episode that you won't read in the d s M. Okay,
pausing because my dog is liking her. Paul ANDERI sec
(01:49):
thank you. Okay, there's a ton of info in this
episode that you won't read in the d s M.
She talks about nerd diversity, you related to kink, and
a bunch more stuff that I think you'll find really interesting.
So let's keep the line that's gonna take me four times.
You get right. My name is Lowell Berlante, and this
(02:14):
is Prodigy. Yeah. It's really difficult to explain because my
(02:46):
experience with a d h D is also very much
tied into like my academic success UM, because I was
very very gifted academically and I was very very good
at school. UM, and so I lived in this kind
of like dichotomy of I was incredibly successful at school,
I was getting good grades. I would I would do
my homework, and I took a lot of pride and
(03:09):
a lot of satisfaction in that. But at the same time,
I couldn't do the other stuff. I couldn't keep my
room clean, I couldn't focus, I didn't have the motivation
like and and so I lived constantly in this place
where I was being lauded for being so successful, but
then also being told that I was, you know, fundamentally
(03:30):
like a failure for not being able to keep my
room clean. And now looking back, I realized, like, there's
a lot, there's so much more that was tied into
my A d h D that I didn't realize at
the time, things like depression and anxiety and sensory processing
issues and just all sorts of stuff that aren't necessarily
(03:51):
in that brochure that growing up in the nineties you
would read about, which is you run around the back
of the classroom and you can't focus. And I was
never that kid. Um And so now it's knowing as
much as I do about a d h D. It's
so funny because I look at you know, nine year
old Katie and to go oh yeah, wow wow, wow
wow wow. But in the nineties that was not that
was not how we looked at a d h D,
(04:12):
and so it was it was a very different sort
of experience. I guess that is an answer. Yeah, I mean, well, actually,
to be honest, it still feels like people don't understand it.
Oh my gosh. I mean it is one and I
hear and I'm trying not to hyperbolize because I tend
to do that a lot um. I I genuinely here
at least five times a week from somebody who said
(04:35):
I went in for an a d h D diagnosis
and my doctor or my therapist or the person that
I went to said that women can't have a d
h D or you're too smart to have a d
h D, and so what are we doing. I don't
know if it's like an overall statistic, but like when
you're like for a d h D to have like
a high intelligence, but I imagine that it is. But
(04:57):
like that type of thing, people like, you can have
a d h D, you're smarter. I've seen you focus
and you're like, well yeah on this like one thing,
but on these other things. It's like impossible. Yeah, exactly,
it's And it's one of the best ways that I've
heard it described is that it's not necessarily a deficit
of focus. It's it's a it's a misnomer, like a
d h D is A is a misnomer because it
(05:19):
is far more about our inability to not focus on stimuli,
like because our brains are constantly looking for new stimulus
and looking for like the next thing to like catch
our attention, and so being able to focus and direct
that focus productively is often far more the struggle than
(05:39):
than not. Yeah. Absolutely, I mean, like my dog is
like making a little gurgling sounds behind man, like licking
her foot. Um but uh so you have. I guess
when did you get diagnosed. I got diagnosed the day
before my thirtieth birthday. Yeah, yeah, I got got mine
just about a year ago. Um well, I would say
(06:02):
I never say congratulation, welcome to the club. I guess
I would trade the like high intelligence for non a
d h D. I think because it just makes learning
stuff hard when you can't get it into your fucking
long term memory. Yeah well, I mean that's how I
was diagnosed. Was the entire reason I thought out of
(06:25):
diagnosis was as I'm a professional Shakespeare actor, like I
I that is what I've done for years. And I
got cast in a rep company and I got like
several large roles in the season, and I was I
was trying to memorize my lines, and I was trying
to memorize my lines. But and this is, like, I'm
(06:45):
so good at telling stories because I always started at
the end um. But I had just had an ovariant
tortion and they removed one of my ovaries. Well, another
fun thing they don't put in the brochure about a
d h D is that it is dramatically linked to
your hormones especial really um in female bodies, and so
like that is that's what happened, was I my hormones
(07:06):
were completely jacked up, and my a d h D
got profoundly worse, like like life alteringly worse in like
a week. And so all of a sudden, I went
from like being able to cope and like you know,
I would struggle, and I was messy and disorganized and
all that stuff too. I could not memorize my lines.
My personal and my professional reputation was on the line,
(07:28):
and I couldn't do the thing, and I couldn't do
the thing that I had been doing successfully for years,
and like Shakespeare is not easy, you know, it's not
It's not easy to memorize. But I went from Okay,
it's going to take me an hour to memorize this
speech to I have sat here for ten hours and
I have nothing. And I was terrified. I was terrified.
(07:49):
I thought, I really thought I had dementia. I thought,
this is it. I have early onset dementia. I'm I'm
going crazy, like there's something wrong. And luckily I had
a friend who was like, have you ever been evaluated
for a d h D? And I was like, I mean,
I I'm Bretie, I'm pretty sure, like maybe I have
a little a d h D. So then I went
(08:10):
in for an evaluation and I got very very lucky
with the with the doctor that I found, and she
had a very similar experience to mine and being diagnosed
older and being like very academically gifted person and so yeah,
like it was it was because of my working memory
just not being there anymore that I sought out a
diagnosis at all. Being blown off, being dismissed, Oh, you're
(08:34):
just drunk seeking or like whatever. And then it's like, no,
like this is profoundly affecting every facet of my life.
You know. It's it's I get really frustrated about it
sometimes because I feel so bad for people who have
to struggle and fight to get a diagnosis. Yeah, and
that's part of what these Doings episodes about is one, um,
like educating people like, you know, because even I before
(08:54):
I got diagnosed, was like, you know, it just associated
with hyperactivity because of the way that shitty way that's
named UM. And then uh and then after like learning
all about it, I was like, holy sh it, it's
like all these other things that affect every single part
of my life and everything makes sense in the past
where I had all these issues, and then you know, uh,
so this episode is going to be to help people
(09:15):
like if they think they may have it, Number one,
recognize the symptoms. Number two, how do I go about
getting diagnosed or you know, getting evaluated to see if
you do or you don't. Um. But yeah, So, but
one thing I haven't talked about is sort of you know,
like tactics for I guess compensating for some of the
negative aspects of it. And that's something that you've focused
(09:37):
on a lot, right I do. Yeah, um, And it's
and it's funny because it's it's really hard to have
those conversations. It's hard to talk about this as a
as a sort of general topic because one of my
things that I probably need to just get it on
a T shirt is you know, what works for one
person might not work for you. And that's okay, um,
but that but that's the fact of the matter is
(10:00):
is in conversation with a d h D and neurodivergency.
There are things that can help, you know, things like
apps on your phone and you know, timers and reminders
and that kind of thing. But how those reminder show
up in your life can be completely different. You know,
for some people it's post it notes, for some some
people it's you know, email reminders. For some people it's
(10:22):
pop up notifications on their phone. There are so many
different ways to build systems that work for you. So
one of the things that I've started doing is like
talking about the concept of systems without ever getting like
really specific, because the system has to be practical, practical.
A system has to be practical, sustainable, and repeatable. And
(10:46):
if you don't have all three of those things, it's
not going to work for you. And so a really
good example is keys. Like we all lose our keys, right,
that's the thing that happens, um neurotypical or not. Uh.
And so a you know, a practical place to put
your keys might be on the counter, you know, next
to the door when you go in. Is it repeatable though?
(11:07):
Do you always put your you know, your keys in
that same place or do you sometimes put them somewhere else?
Is it sustainable? Is your house is your life style?
You know? Do you have nine kids You're gonna like
move stuff all around? Or is that a place where
like every single time I come in the house, I'm
going to set my keys in the same spot. You know.
(11:28):
Does that work for you? It doesn't work for me
that that just doesn't I I, for whatever reason, I
really struggled to put my keys in the same place.
So my system is that I have a very very
visible lanyard on my keys and so then that way,
like no matter where they are in general, I can
find them. And so for me, that is much more
(11:49):
practical and sustainable and repeatable because the repetition is built in.
It's sustainable in that I've just gotten used to, like
I look for the blue lanyard and you know, you
know what I mean, like it or it's that kind
of thing that could whistle and it would just make
a sound. Yeah. Well, and tiles are great. Tiles are
like the I had that idea when I was like
in fifth grade, but the technology didn't exist that I
(12:10):
remained bitter until this day that I was not the
person who like copyrighted that. Yeah. Yeah, no, I I
had the lanyard thing too, because I locked my keys
in my car in college like two times over a
few weeks, and so I was like, I cannot get
out of my car until I put the lanyard over
my neck. I know exactly where it is. Yeah, And
so yeah, I mean there's so many there's so many
(12:31):
different systems that work for different people. But it has
to be a system, right, I mean, but but yeah,
and that's the thing. But I also I also think,
because just you know, my opinions matter so very much, um,
but I think that we get hung up on this
idea of like a system has to be something complicated
and it has to be like I have to go
to Ikea and buy a new shelf. You know, when
(12:52):
that happens, I get overwhelmed and I just don't ever
do it exactly. And that's and that's part of it.
It's like like the part of the sustainability and the
practicality of it is like not creating a system that
is so complex or overwhelming that you can't do it.
And so like what you just said, putting your your
lanyard around your neck, that's a system. It's it's a tiny, minute, little,
(13:13):
tiny system, but it's something that makes your life more
efficient and it gets you through the day. Therefore, it
is a system. You know, just thinking about stuff like that,
organization seems like it's really important, right, Um, I do
I do reminders like if if I don't enter it in,
but I want to find like the simplest way to
enter in a reminder because I feel like just putting
(13:33):
in the calendar app with all these like I need
something simpler than that. So I should keep looking. Probably
a really great place to start with that with that
is what does the organization mean to you? And that
is something that I have heard from a lot of
couples and and partnerships. Um, when I when I talk
about that because clutter means something different to me than
(13:56):
it means to you. Mess means something different than it
means to your. Organization means something different. And so part
of systems and part of sustainability of systems is communicating
with the people in your life you know, significant partners
or you know friends, call workers, whatever, but talking about
your needs based on your understanding. Because like, for me,
(14:19):
organization is I like giving visual examples and an oral
media because it's it's that's really great, but like this,
this is my this is my system. It's just for
those of you at home holding up a crumpled mass
of coffee stage post it notes. Um, but that's what
works for me, right, But someone else sharing my space,
(14:40):
sharing you know whatever, might look at that and go
that is not organized. That is mess And I'm going
to throw away this pile of post it notes and
then my entire week is ruined. And so having the
cognizance and the ability to really communicate about the systems
that work for you, in the systems that don't work
for you, and the organizational structures that work for you,
(15:01):
like that's that's also really important. And so yeah, organization
is a big deal. But organization looks different to the
A D H D brain than it does too, I
think of a lot of other people, Yeah, because I
think part of my problem was like figuring out what
would work for me. Um. But just if I think
about it right now and say it out loud, I
(15:22):
think it would be you know, it's something that like
a reminder on my phone or on whatever device that
reminds me of something at a certain time. So, um,
I just I guess the easiest way for me to
like do that so that there's less barriers that where
I forget. And there's like a ton of apps to
you know, like you were saying earlier, like putting stuff
into your calendar is kind of a hassle, and so
(15:45):
I tend to use more of like info dump apps
where like I have a voice recorder and I have
like just like a big you know, note taking app,
and so I if I'm driving and I think of
an idea or something I just yelled into my voice recorder,
and then you know, have a time during the week
where I go through and I go, Okay, that's a
TikTok idea, and that's a YouTube idea, and that's how
I need to send that email or you know whatever,
(16:07):
because that's the thing. It's like any step and and
this is I don't want to like speak generally for
all people with a d h D, but in my experience,
any step that gets in the way of accomplishing the
goal is a point where you can get distracted and
where you can forget or it falls out of your
(16:28):
head or you you think of a better way to
do it or whatever, and that stops you from getting
to point a of put date to be in calendar.
You know, I need mind to be voice activated. I've
been thinking about that. I just nenna be able to
set it to my phone and and yeah, and and
that is what I do a lot because I I
weirdly have all of my thoughts either at four o'clock
(16:49):
in the morning or while I'm driving in Atlanta traffic.
And so either way it's not great for like posting.
So that's so that's what I do. Um. But but
the but yeah, like I mean, what you said earlier
is wonderful because one of the things that I hear
a lot, like now that I'm sort of like doing
this for my job, is that a lot of people
don't know what they need right, A lot of people
(17:12):
don't even know where to start. And the thing that
kind of sucks is that sometimes you have to have
a system that fails to find one that works. And
so I feel like a lot of um, the A
d h D experience is about constantly I don't want
to say constantly failing, but kind constantly discovering what works
and doesn't work. Um. And that's something that I'm really
(17:36):
passionate about, UM, like educating about especially. So yeah, I
know that's great. UM what about Well, do you have
any um sort of things that you found that really
work for you other than post it notes, like maybe
for like memorization or I yeah, I memorized backwards. It's uh, yeah,
(17:57):
I I memorize backwards, um, because my brain needs a
place to finish. Um, I know where to start. Who's there? Nay?
Answer me? Stand and fold yourself. That's like that's the
beginning of Hamlet. But how do you get from that
to you know? Flights of angels sing me to the
rest or whatever. So for me, I always start at
(18:19):
the very end. So I I memorize the last line
and then I do the second to last line. And
I said, the second to last line in the last line,
then I go third to last second, you know, And
I do that and when I'm memorizing lines or whatever
I'm memorizing, that's how I do it. I give myself
a finite end and a finite point. Now I say
(18:42):
this with the caveat that this is a pain in
the ask way to do it is so much harder.
It's so much harder, and it takes so much longer. Um,
but it is. It's the system that I I built
because I do Shakespeare and she's saying very dense, you know, content,
and so like I had to come up with something
(19:04):
that was going to work, and so I that that's
my system, is just memorizing backwards. But maybe try that
or then try a couple of different things and see
how it works. Yeah, yeah, And you know, some of
it also depends on how your brain holds information. And
for me, I mine has to be an order, which
is another reason why I do it that way, because
(19:26):
like if I you know, I keep talking like everybody's
an actor, Like everybody's coming to me for their acting,
memorization other stuff. I imagine, although everyone is a bit different,
like a lot of these things probably do crossover. Oh yeah,
like you know, work presentations or school presentations like anything
like that. Like it's it's all applicable, I think. Um,
but for me, like I can't start in act two,
(19:49):
you know, because I'm like, okay, well now I know
Act two. But then I'm going to go back and remember,
like I have to memorize in a semblance of an order,
and so memorizing precisely from the end and working all
the way back to the beginning that also gives me
an order. So then when I get to the beginning,
I go, I go, Okay, now I know concretely and
quantifiably that I know everything that comes after this, and
(20:11):
I know it in the right order. I haven't jumped around.
I haven't skipped around like you know that kind of thing. Well,
how do you stay on task? What a hilarious joke
on your d D podcast. Um, honestly, I mean, god,
that's such a hard question. I feel like if I
had a true answer to that question, I'd be a
(20:32):
millionaire by now. Um. But I mean, the fact of
the matter is is that I don't. I don't always
stay on task, And I think the reality of living
with a d h D is that sometimes you won't
or sometimes you can't. The power and and the potential
(20:53):
lies in what you do when that happens. And for
a very long time, for a very very long time,
like especially before I was diagnosed, I would spend far
more time being angry at myself and frustrated myself and
like punishing myself for I can't believe that you got
off track, Like you idiot, you absolute failure. What are
(21:15):
you doing when in reality it's just part of the reality.
It's just part of it. And so it comes down
to systems. I think is I'm so distracted by your dog.
He's O cute. Oh you'll be hour just a cool jar. Anyway,
(21:37):
So about this school a d H D poduct were
recording this is live m but yeah that's cool. Well
just you just just keep that part in. It's it's proof.
But um but a lot of it also has to
do with systems, right, because the purpose of systems is
to support us through those moments of lack of motivation,
(21:57):
lack of focus, lack of of you know, staying on task.
The goal of systems and the goal of creating a
working environment that suits you is that hopefully by putting
in that work. In the front end, you have like
you know, your office space and you're and you're ready
to go, and you've got you you know, your stream
set up and like you know, and everything is it's
(22:18):
good to go, so you don't have to go, oh no,
I forgot my microphone or oh no, I forgot my
pen or oh no, I forgot my paper. So it's
the prep work that goes into whatever you're doing before
you start the actual task. Um, there's a lot of
like boring advice. I mean that applies to me. It's like, uh,
I need to read a book for an interview that
(22:41):
I'm going to do, and um, the book is a
little bit difficult to get into. So when I'm like, like,
I know, I need to do this for this like
for later. But um, like I would get more like
a reward activation in my brain if I was like
working on this other thing. So it's not even about
not working, it's about working on something else that would
rather work on. And that's really difficult for me. It is, like, no,
(23:05):
it's it's something that I absolutely struggle with to uh,
and it can be really challenging because and and then
again that's like a really great opportunity for your brain
to then go like, oh my god, I can't believe
you're playing video games instead of reading this book that
you're supposed to be reading. I'm a failure. I don't like,
I don't feel really bad. I just like it just
doesn't turn out. Um and and so yeah. So, I
(23:26):
mean there's so many, so much or so many times
in my life. I guess I should say where where
that happens. Where It's like, you've got should I go
build this costplay or should I go memorize my lines?
It's like, well, memorizing my lines is boring, but boy,
building a costplay is fun. But it's like, no, I
need I need to go be Hamlet before I'm building
this costume. That is for just funzies, you know, like um,
(23:49):
having like a list written down somewhere close of your
long term goals, because I mean, the longer something is
out in the future, the less likely I am to
work on it. Yeah, And that is that is a
that is a studied thing. In a d h d
is is um, long term planning is really really difficult
for many people with a d h d UM, and
it's part of executive dysfunction and planning tasks and planning
(24:13):
for the future and that kind of thing can be
a very very big struggle. Um. And so yeah, if
lists work for you, that's great. They don't work for
me because I lose them, you know, and so um
but so so what I I tend to do is
I kind of like translate my list onto a calendar.
(24:35):
And just like I memorized backwards, I tend to to
also work backwards, like on my calendars. And so the
example that you gave is great. You know, if you
have an interview on Saturday and you know that you
have to have that book read by Saturday, you generally
know the speed at which you read. So we'll say, Okay,
I know it's going to take me a week to
(24:57):
read this book. I have to hard stop start this
book on Sunday or I'm not going to be prepared
for my interview on Saturday and break it up to
like this many And that's what I do. Yeah, And
that is that's exactly what I do. Especially it's weird
that I said that one because it's like exactly what
I do with memorization as well, is that I generally
know like how long it's going to take me to
(25:19):
to memorize like a minute of text. Um. And so
I'm like, okay, if twenty lines is a minute and
I have, you know, two thousand lines, then it's going
to take me twenty minutes per minute of text to memorize.
And I can sit down and I can math out,
like how long it's going to take me to memorize Hamlet,
And it's about two and a half weeks if I
work for about an hour a day. So then it
(25:41):
becomes like, do I work for an hour a day
or do I work for ten minutes a day? Do
I work for five hours? Don't ever memorize anything for
five hours a day? I beg you, um, but that.
But that's another sort of system and structure that has
has built up around like my knowing that I am
terrible at planning for the future. I'm thinking, you know,
(26:04):
every Sunday at seven pm, every person in the world
with a d H d um, we all plan out
all the different things. But I'm sure that the only
problem is is that if I break everything down to
like tons and tons of things and then I look
at my calendar, I'm like, this is an overwhelming amount
of things. And that's part of it too, is fighting
(26:28):
that overwhelming because that's also part of executive dysfunction. UM.
One of the examples that I use a lot on
on TikTok is taking a shower, because for many people,
taking a shower is you go and you take a shower.
For someone with a d h D or another nerved divergency,
it's you have to leave the room that you're in
(26:48):
and you have to go into the bathroom, and then
you have to hope that there's a clean towel and
that the towel is where you left it, and then
you get in the shower, and then you have to shampoo,
and then you have to I hope clean your body
and then condition if you're into it, uh, you know,
and then you get out of the shower and you dry,
and then maybe you have to do your hair and
then if you put like product in your hair, shout
(27:08):
out to the curly Girl method. Um, you know that
is that's not taking a shower is not one thing.
Taking a shower is a is a set of honestly
fifteen to twenty separate action items on the list of
taking a shower. And so for somebody with executive dysfunction.
(27:29):
That's sometimes that's overwhelming, like the like for me, the
thought of like if I go take a shower, I
know that after I'm going to have to mess with
my hair. I hate doing my hair. It is a pain.
I hate drying it. It takes like two hours. It's
super boring, like you know, so yeah, like that, it's
(27:50):
it all becomes part of that conversation of like at
what point do you lose steam? Do you lose motivation?
Do you get distracted? Do you walk into the bathroom
and realize, like, oh, I haven't watered by plants in
a while, I guess I should do that. And then
you go to get the watering can. And then you're
in the case and you go, oh, well, I the
watering can was in the sink, and I guess I
should put these dishes in the sink. And then it's
three hours later and you still haven't showered because you've
just gone off on those Well, now I'm understanding the
(28:11):
importance of you know, uh, talking to like you know,
a coach or a therapist about this is they can
sort of like walk you through you explaining like all
the things that you know, but never really think about
and put together. UM. So I think that was really
really important. UM. And I wanted to ask um, like
text messages, you know, like people like to text a lot. Well,
(28:33):
what happens to me is I'm like focused or working
or you know, and then I got a text message
and it distracts me, and then the person wants me
to text back, and then I just so I just
typically try to avoid because I'm focused, and then I
remember and then people are like, you're a really bad texter,
You're a really bad communicator, um, which I don't know
(28:53):
if you know what. That's what I am. I am
notorious among my friends for being the person who never
texts back. So I am precisely right their way. And
then I get accused of not being into people like yeah,
which is so I get that and like that is
I mean, that is a very good specific example. UM.
(29:15):
Also just to let you know, I'm not a corporate
chill um. But there's a really there's a bunch of
these that exist. But there's an app that I have
on my phone. It's called do it Later, and it
allows you to send text messages at a predetermined time.
It is. It changed my life because what I will
do is I'll go, oh yeah, yeah, I'll text you tomorrow.
And then what I do is I put it on
(29:37):
my phone right away, and then they think that I
texted them tomorrow, but I actually texted them like I
scheduled it, and so, um, so that's the thing. But
um that's is it on my phone and Android? It's
I know for sure it's on Android. But yeah, it's
called do it Later. It's super handy. Any other resources
that you have, I don't care. I don't care if
it's like for anything. I mean, like what you get
do honestly. Do it Later is one of the biggest
(29:57):
ones that that I use, like and I use it
for a lot of different stuff because it's kind of
like email feature and like text feature and like that
kind of thing, and you can like schedule, but I
do a lot of pre scheduling because my thing is
I have to do it now if I don't do
it now, Like I literally on my phone right now,
I have probably fifteen unanswered text messages. And it's because
like either I'm working and I don't think to check
(30:19):
my phone, and also I'm a theater person and so
my phone is never once like my phone doesn't make noise.
It's just always on silent. Yeah, and so so it
gets really difficult. But the other thing and the other thing. Oh,
here we go. Here's a whole another path to go down. Um,
but the same way, Like I love talking about this.
(30:41):
I get really excited. But like our brains do not distiny,
like in terms of like thinking and holding information. Our
brains really don't distinguish between where you put your coffee
and remembering to text your mom on her birthday. Like
for your brain, it is just wantifiable data that it
(31:02):
stores or it doesn't store. And so many people and
I want to be very careful when I talk about
this because like this is a very new idea that
is not necessarily substantiated by like anything in the d
s M. But it is just like a common enough
um occurrence. Yeah, Like it's a it's a common enough
occurrence that like people are starting to have conversations about it.
(31:22):
But this idea of emotional and permanence, like we talk
about object permanence now people with a d h D
we talk about lacking object permanence. But like we're not
Labrador retrievers. People with a d h D have object permanence.
But what we struggle with is working memory as it
relates to where we put stuff right. But the thing
(31:43):
is is that it also works with emotions and so
like for a lot of people, if if your friend
isn't texting you, you can forget that that person exists,
or if you don't talk to somebody frequently, it just
won't occur to you to call them. And for many
(32:03):
partners of people with a d h D and other
nerro divergencies, it can be really hurtful because they feel
like they're being forgotten or they're being ignored, or like
they're just not important to us, or they're just not
like relating to us. But what is actually happening is
that our brain goes that's information for later, But are
working memories suck and so we forget And so people
(32:24):
with a d h D can tend to fall out
of touch with people a lot easier. And it even
goes so far into stuff as like with like projection
sensitives for you, and it becomes a whole other conversation.
But like it's so much more than just the seven
year old boys growing around in class, like it just
is God, yeah, you know, yes, you've been calling it
(32:46):
executive dysfunction? Is that what you think it should be called?
Because I do no. I mean, so executive dysfunction is
UH is the term that we used to talk about.
The cognitive processes or executive function is the set of
cognitive processes that that like sort of like help us function.
So things like of task management and emotional control and
(33:07):
that kind of stuff, and those are those are run
by your brain, your executive functions. But when your executive
functions don't work so good, like, we call that executive dysfunction.
And that is what many people with a d h
D UH struggling. And there's all different kinds of executive
dysfunction as well. It's not Again, one of the hardest
things about what I do and what I talk about
is that there is no one size fits solved. There's
(33:30):
not one experience, you know what I mean. Let's take
a quick break to go find our keys, be right back,
Welcome back to prodigy. I wanted to ask what are
some symptoms that you think people may experience that is
not like in the d s M. The top five
things that many people with a d h D experience
are um. Now they've all fallen out of my head
(33:53):
because no, that's okay, No, that's executive dysfunction. Um. But
sexual dysfunction is one eating disorders, addiction and particularly like
substance abuse and gambling, um, sleep problems. Uh. And there's
a fifth one that I cannot remember off the top
of my head, and I'm going to look like a
(34:14):
dumbass on your bodcast. But but that's a relationship disorders.
It's fine, it'll come to me later. I'll say it again,
really eloquently, crappy. Um. But but that's the thing is
that like the rates of of eating disorders in women
with a d h D are much higher than the
(34:36):
regular population, the rates of sexual dysfunction in people of
all genders with a d h D is much higher.
The rate of addiction and and alcoholism particularly is much
much higher. And it's not like a diagnostic criteria like
that's the thing. It is like if you go to
the doctor and you say I have an eating disorder,
and you know they're not gonna be like, ah, you
have a d h D. Um. But those are things
(34:59):
that the h community are dealing with at a much
higher rate. But people don't know that it is because
of how our brains process information and store information, and
like the lack of dopamine is like resultant in a
lot of this kind of these other like really profound
and lasting effects on our lives. Sure, I wanted to
(35:21):
like switch over into your work with a d h
D with kink for a second, but I did want
to first ask um what you were talking about with
the rejection thing? What was that? Oh, rejection sensitive dysphoria. So,
rejection sensitive dysphoria is a fairly new term that we
use to sort of discolloquially describe a type of trauma UM.
(35:46):
And so rejection sens daphoria as it as it stands
right now, is not, like in the D s M,
as like a specific thing, but it is being talked
about and referred to because it's like this very specific
set of collective experiences, and we refer to that as
rejections sensitive dysphoria. And what rejected sensitive dysphoria is UM
is basically because if you have it, you know implicitly
(36:09):
what it is. But if you don't, then you're like,
what is this lady talking about? Um? But basically, it
is an extreme emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection.
So think of it like this. You get an email
from your boss and your boss says I need to
talk to you on Tuesday. Period. For many people they
(36:30):
would go, ha, my boss needs to talk to me
on Tuesday. I move on with my life. For people
who deal with rejection sensitive dysphoria, that immediately becomes like,
my boss hates me, He's going to fire me. I'm
going to be fired on Tuesday. I'm I'm I'm going
to be out of a job. Oh my god. Right,
Or you know, your partner forgets to say I love
(36:51):
you on the way out of the house. Oh my god,
they've hated you the whole time. They they it's all
been a sham, it's all been a lie. Oh my god.
Or you don't get the job, then your entire day
or week or month is ruined. It is it is
like this very extreme reaction to this to the feeling
of rejection, and it comes from trauma. And and that's
(37:12):
the thing is that there's veryly sort of like mixed
opinions on rejection sensit, which is for you because a
lot of people are like, this is just a type
of you know, like PTSD, a type of like trauma.
But the but the specific sort of experiences of it
are so similar across the board to like people who
experience it that like they've kind of given it a
(37:33):
different name, if that makes sense. But I'm always really
cautious about being like, this isn't like a thing that
you can go get diagnosed with, you know what I mean? Yeah, no,
I mean it does seem like, you know, an inability
to regulate emotion and attention yet because like yeah, absolutely,
and that and that's part of it. It's just like, uh,
part of it comes from like a lack of emotional regulation.
Some of it caused for like impulse control, you know.
(37:54):
It's it's very like nuance once you get into like
this like the science of the thing. I cannot think
of the fifth one, and I'm going to perish if
i cannot. So I'm Jessica. It's one of my most
popular and it's just like it's driving me insane, Like
I'm just I'm going to what's the fifth It's fine.
(38:15):
What you can always do is just whenever you think
of it, you can dextery emaut to me and I
will add it invoice the uber depression. That's what it is.
Jus christ, Katie, you know the one that you're super
dealing with right now. Yeah. So it's um like the
top five things and people with ADHD deal with our depression, addiction,
(38:36):
sleep disorders, eating disorders, and sexual dysfunction. Like those are
like the top five things that are like not specifically
a d h D, but are like so many people
experience it that we can like actually track the rates
of it, like secondary from banana pants. It's banana pants. So,
um what speaking of sexual dysfunction, Well, I guess this
(38:57):
is like super like kink, um was it? What's your um?
Like you said you were really focused in the ADHD
related to kink, Like what's that all about? So? I
I guess Hey, mom, uh so I'm pretty kinky person.
I just I just like I I found my way
(39:17):
into the kink community and it really helped me fulfill
myself in sort of like a sexual way. Right. Um.
But one of the things that I got really interested
in in being part of the kink community is making
the kink community accessible to neurodivergent folks. And there is
(39:38):
a lot of conversation. There's there's a beautiful amount of
conversation in the kink community about things like consent and
negotiation and boundaries and like all of that stuff, because
king can be pretty complex in terms of conversations like that, right,
But for people with neurodivergencies, there is a whole other
spectrum of concerns and consideration and things that you have
(40:01):
to make UM and talks that you have to have
um when you're talking about sex and when you're talking
about kink uh. And I was not seeing myself represented
in those conversations UM, and so like I kind of
just started talking about the fact that like I can
I can consent all day long. But if I have
time blindness, which is something that a lot of people
(40:23):
with a d h D and other nertive urgencies deal with,
time blindness can dramatically change your understanding of consent because
I might have consented to something six months ago and
not either not remembered or I can consent to something
(40:44):
with the understanding that like, yeah, this is going to
go on for like a while, and we'll enjoy this
activity together and then we'll move on to the next thing. Um.
But because of time blindness, I can lose track of
time and start doing something to a point where like
I am getting injured or I'm in an unsafe situation
because I have completely lost track of time and my
partner is not aware that I can lose track of time,
(41:06):
and so they are not watching the time, and so
we get ourselves into a bad situation. Things like that.
There's there's all sorts. There's all sorts of like really
interesting conversations about neurodivergency and kink um. Many people with
a d h D struggle with focus right like just
across the board, but again kind of like your brain
doesn't distinguish between where did I put my coffee and
(41:28):
remembering to texture. Sex requires a lot of focus, and
so if you are in an intimate act with somebody
and your neighbor starts mowing the lawn, that is a
new piece of stimulus that your brain is is going
to latch onto and it completely take you out of
the moment. And so I never ever want to sound
like I'm like, come join my kinky cult. But what
(41:51):
a lot of neurodivergent folks have found is that kink
in in many different ways, in many different aspects of kink.
At should they really improve and really help their sex
life and really help their intimacy because there are ways
to create additional stimulus or if you need the opposite,
to remove stimulus, things like you know, like just really
(42:14):
basically blindfolds or you know, earplugs like that kind of thing,
or listen to music or something like that. UM. And
so you know, I'm not saying like everybody should go
sign up for the sex dungeon um, but there's like
a lot of different ways that you can incorporate, you know,
either add or subtract stimulus, like in like the sort
of umbrella of kink that can really really help somebody
(42:35):
who struggles with intimacy, who struggles with even like rejection
sensitive rysphoria, like struggles to trust a partner, to open
up to a partner because of past trauma and past
feeling like there's something wrong with them for being neurodivergent.
That makes a lot of sense. Well, yeah, and I
think it's really really interesting and it's and it's kind
of the thing that like I'm I'm going back to
(42:56):
school for it. Um, I'm starting the process of that
because like this is the thing that I want to
talk about. I want to talk about sex and kink
and neurodivergency because I think having accessible conversations about kink
as it relates to the nerro divergent brain is really
really important and you you have to be safe, you know.
Can I tell you some of my issues? Sure, go
(43:17):
for it. I'll keep in brief. UM number one, after sex,
I don't like really like cuddling a lot. So uh,
in my experience, women have been like, oh, like you
just wanted sex or you don't care about me emotionally.
It's like some issues with that. Um. Then also um, oh, well,
(43:37):
like you know, stimulants for a d H d UM
make I guess it harder for like to have it
more likely to have a rectile this function. So I
also get prescribed Syldena fill or like generic viagrapher erectile
and I'm sorry, medication induced directile is functioned. So without
the medication, I'd be okay. But and then yeah, getting
(43:59):
just Jack did. And then I feel like it's like
there's some issue where I'm like, I'm so focused, are
concerned about the other person having a good time or
like orgasm ng that I just like I don't even
care or focus or add mine at all. And then
so I mean that's like a thing too, so, but
I do like the idea of adding or removing um stimulation.
(44:21):
But yeah, I don't know think about the organism thing.
It's like a like an anxiety, like I have to
like I'm obsessed, very very concerned to the other person's
enjoying themselves on myself as much. No, I mean, and well,
the thing is, it's like really like they've studied this,
and like you are absolutely not alone. In fact, thirty
nine percent of men with a d h D have
(44:43):
a sexual dysfunction of some kind, and in particular, uh,
it shows up as a reptile dysfunction and a struggle
to orgasm. Like that is that is just that is
another thing that we don't talk about in the pro
sure right, um, But another thing is that and this
this KD of gets a little bit more into like
sex education talk. A lot of folks with a d
(45:04):
h D have sensory processing issues. But sensory processing issues
are not something that just like, I mean, they can
just happen, you know, if you like touch a bad
touch or you feel a bad feel um, But it
can also come as the result of like over stimulation,
and so like sex and intimacy can be a type
of you will forgive the pun over stimulation, which then
(45:27):
like you know, you're enjoying the act, but then afterwards
you're so oversimulated from everything that's happening that you don't
want to be touched. And that's that's okay, like that,
but that's a conversation, you know, that's a separate conversation
to have UM. But another thing is that when we orgasm,
we burn through our endorphins and the dopamine that is
currently in our brain. And people with a d h
(45:50):
D have naturally far lower levels of dopamine in their
brain than other people. So what that means is that
after orgasm, we can tend to have a drop. And
in the kink community this is a very very common thing.
It's literally called drop UM and it's the sub drop
dom drop. It happens on either side of like you know,
(46:11):
the equation UM. But it's basically this idea that like,
you spend all your good good feelings and then all
that's kind of left is like the like feeling afterwards,
and it's it's and it's a it's a very big
part of the kink conversation, like like after care and
taking care of your partner like after the fact. Um.
(46:32):
But a lot of people who are not active in
the kink community don't know about the depletion of those
hormones and those endorphins and like all of that stuff,
and so after sex they feel crappy and they don't
know why, and especially people with a d h D
can have that crash, and that crash shows up as
(46:53):
like feeling sad or grumpy or not wanting to be
touched or like any sort of thing. But because people
who are not in the king community may not be
as familiar with something like after care with like okay,
like how do we get those endorphins back? How do
we take care of you after sex? How do we
take care of each other? Yeah? Um, well you can
(47:16):
find me on TikTok as uh, Katiosaurus. I'm on like
all platforms pretty much. UM. I just started streaming on Twitch.
Um it's kadio source with a zero. UM. The big
thing that I would love to promote is that I
have a podcast where we talk just about a d
h D and depression and living life as neurodivergent adults.
It's called Katie and Eric's Infinite Quest Uh and a
(47:36):
d h D Adventure. It's available wherever you listen to podcasts.
Um we uh, we hit the top fifty mental health
podcasts in America a couple of weeks ago. That was cool.
We felt we fell out of that spot. But there's
like a glorious moment, you know, because it's always changed. Um,
but yeah, we we've been really, we've been absolutely floored.
Like honestly, like the real truth of all of this is,
(47:58):
like I never expect this, Like I I was a
nerd on the Internet who was excited about learning about
my own brain. And I started talking about my own
experience and what I found was that there was a
huge niche there was a huge need for conversations about
consent and neurotypical or neurodiversity and all that kind of stuff.
And so like this has just been like one of
(48:19):
the coolest things that ever happened to me. Thanks so
much to Katie O. Soros. You can find her on TikTok,
Twitch and Instagram at Katie O Soros. Her podcast is
called Katie and Eric's Infinite Quest An a d h
D adventure, And yes she does have an only fans,
but you got to find that one for yourself. Be
(48:41):
on the lookout for my Only Fans account. It's going
to be fifty cents a month for videos of me
explaining how watching a sports is actually the future and
doesn't make me lame? Who told you that? By the way,
if you want to know if it's a good time
to buy a house while we haven't seen aliens, why
navy seals kill Ben Lauden instead of a land dwelling force,
(49:03):
why you should force your kids into the field of cybersecurity,
or how to make your own podcast, then follow the
show because I'll be back next week with another episode
of Prodigy. Prodigy was created and produced by me Lorberlante.
The executive producer is Tyler Klang. Prodigy is a production
of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts in My Heart Radio,
visit the I heart Radio app or wherever you get
(49:25):
your podcasts.
Prodigy is a production of IHR Radio. I got one
more a d h D episode for you. This one
is from Katie Osaurus. She's a classically trained at Shakespearean actor. Actually,
I'm not sure what classically trained means. Her website says
has two masters and Shakespeare. Wait, they have multiple graduate
(00:22):
programs in Shakespeare. Huh. Well. She's also an influencer with
a huge TikTok following. I'm on TikTok, but my parents are,
so I'm pretty sure it's not cool anymore. There's too
many apps to keep up with. Katie also streams on
Twitch and as a podcast there. I haven't listened yet,
but I'm sure it's a fun filled journey into the unknown. Sorry,
(00:45):
I'm a hot mess right now anyway. Her podcast is
called Katie and Eric's Infinite Quest An a d h
D adventure. So I was hanging out with this girl
from a dating app, and of course I told her
about my podcast and the a d h D episode
I did, and she said, oh, I have a friend
that has a huge TikTok following for a d h
(01:08):
D stuff And I said, wow, I'm planning another one.
Let's get her on the shop. So she asked her friend,
and her friend said, oh my god, Prodigy, I love
that podcast. Sorry, I get a little carried away there,
but she actually had listened to it because she's a
fan of Joshua Bell and I did an episode with him.
(01:28):
I wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, to a
d h D people as a recipe for, um, something unproductive,
but she was excellent. There's a ton of info in
this episode that you won't read in the d s M. Okay,
pausing because my dog is liking her. Paul ANDERI sec
(01:49):
thank you. Okay, there's a ton of info in this
episode that you won't read in the d s M.
She talks about nerd diversity, you related to kink, and
a bunch more stuff that I think you'll find really interesting.
So let's keep the line that's gonna take me four times.
You get right. My name is Lowell Berlante, and this
(02:14):
is Prodigy. Yeah. It's really difficult to explain because my
(02:46):
experience with a d h D is also very much
tied into like my academic success UM, because I was
very very gifted academically and I was very very good
at school. UM, and so I lived in this kind
of like dichotomy of I was incredibly successful at school,
I was getting good grades. I would I would do
my homework, and I took a lot of pride and
(03:09):
a lot of satisfaction in that. But at the same time,
I couldn't do the other stuff. I couldn't keep my
room clean, I couldn't focus, I didn't have the motivation
like and and so I lived constantly in this place
where I was being lauded for being so successful, but
then also being told that I was, you know, fundamentally
(03:30):
like a failure for not being able to keep my
room clean. And now looking back, I realized, like, there's
a lot, there's so much more that was tied into
my A d h D that I didn't realize at
the time, things like depression and anxiety and sensory processing
issues and just all sorts of stuff that aren't necessarily
(03:51):
in that brochure that growing up in the nineties you
would read about, which is you run around the back
of the classroom and you can't focus. And I was
never that kid. Um And so now it's knowing as
much as I do about a d h D. It's
so funny because I look at you know, nine year
old Katie and to go oh yeah, wow wow, wow
wow wow. But in the nineties that was not that
was not how we looked at a d h D,
(04:12):
and so it was it was a very different sort
of experience. I guess that is an answer. Yeah, I mean, well, actually,
to be honest, it still feels like people don't understand it.
Oh my gosh. I mean it is one and I
hear and I'm trying not to hyperbolize because I tend
to do that a lot um. I I genuinely here
at least five times a week from somebody who said
(04:35):
I went in for an a d h D diagnosis
and my doctor or my therapist or the person that
I went to said that women can't have a d
h D or you're too smart to have a d
h D, and so what are we doing. I don't
know if it's like an overall statistic, but like when
you're like for a d h D to have like
a high intelligence, but I imagine that it is. But
(04:57):
like that type of thing, people like, you can have
a d h D, you're smarter. I've seen you focus
and you're like, well yeah on this like one thing,
but on these other things. It's like impossible. Yeah, exactly,
it's And it's one of the best ways that I've
heard it described is that it's not necessarily a deficit
of focus. It's it's a it's a misnomer, like a
d h D is A is a misnomer because it
(05:19):
is far more about our inability to not focus on stimuli,
like because our brains are constantly looking for new stimulus
and looking for like the next thing to like catch
our attention, and so being able to focus and direct
that focus productively is often far more the struggle than
(05:39):
than not. Yeah. Absolutely, I mean, like my dog is
like making a little gurgling sounds behind man, like licking
her foot. Um but uh so you have. I guess
when did you get diagnosed. I got diagnosed the day
before my thirtieth birthday. Yeah, yeah, I got got mine
just about a year ago. Um well, I would say
(06:02):
I never say congratulation, welcome to the club. I guess
I would trade the like high intelligence for non a
d h D. I think because it just makes learning
stuff hard when you can't get it into your fucking
long term memory. Yeah well, I mean that's how I
was diagnosed. Was the entire reason I thought out of
(06:25):
diagnosis was as I'm a professional Shakespeare actor, like I
I that is what I've done for years. And I
got cast in a rep company and I got like
several large roles in the season, and I was I
was trying to memorize my lines, and I was trying
to memorize my lines. But and this is, like, I'm
(06:45):
so good at telling stories because I always started at
the end um. But I had just had an ovariant
tortion and they removed one of my ovaries. Well, another
fun thing they don't put in the brochure about a
d h D is that it is dramatically linked to
your hormones especial really um in female bodies, and so
like that is that's what happened, was I my hormones
(07:06):
were completely jacked up, and my a d h D
got profoundly worse, like like life alteringly worse in like
a week. And so all of a sudden, I went
from like being able to cope and like you know,
I would struggle, and I was messy and disorganized and
all that stuff too. I could not memorize my lines.
My personal and my professional reputation was on the line,
(07:28):
and I couldn't do the thing, and I couldn't do
the thing that I had been doing successfully for years,
and like Shakespeare is not easy, you know, it's not
It's not easy to memorize. But I went from Okay,
it's going to take me an hour to memorize this
speech to I have sat here for ten hours and
I have nothing. And I was terrified. I was terrified.
(07:49):
I thought, I really thought I had dementia. I thought,
this is it. I have early onset dementia. I'm I'm
going crazy, like there's something wrong. And luckily I had
a friend who was like, have you ever been evaluated
for a d h D? And I was like, I mean,
I I'm Bretie, I'm pretty sure, like maybe I have
a little a d h D. So then I went
(08:10):
in for an evaluation and I got very very lucky
with the with the doctor that I found, and she
had a very similar experience to mine and being diagnosed
older and being like very academically gifted person and so yeah,
like it was it was because of my working memory
just not being there anymore that I sought out a
diagnosis at all. Being blown off, being dismissed, Oh, you're
(08:34):
just drunk seeking or like whatever. And then it's like, no,
like this is profoundly affecting every facet of my life.
You know. It's it's I get really frustrated about it
sometimes because I feel so bad for people who have
to struggle and fight to get a diagnosis. Yeah, and
that's part of what these Doings episodes about is one, um,
like educating people like, you know, because even I before
(08:54):
I got diagnosed, was like, you know, it just associated
with hyperactivity because of the way that shitty way that's
named UM. And then uh and then after like learning
all about it, I was like, holy sh it, it's
like all these other things that affect every single part
of my life and everything makes sense in the past
where I had all these issues, and then you know, uh,
so this episode is going to be to help people
(09:15):
like if they think they may have it, Number one,
recognize the symptoms. Number two, how do I go about
getting diagnosed or you know, getting evaluated to see if
you do or you don't. Um. But yeah, So, but
one thing I haven't talked about is sort of you know,
like tactics for I guess compensating for some of the
negative aspects of it. And that's something that you've focused
(09:37):
on a lot, right I do. Yeah, um, And it's
and it's funny because it's it's really hard to have
those conversations. It's hard to talk about this as a
as a sort of general topic because one of my
things that I probably need to just get it on
a T shirt is you know, what works for one
person might not work for you. And that's okay, um,
but that but that's the fact of the matter is
(10:00):
is in conversation with a d h D and neurodivergency.
There are things that can help, you know, things like
apps on your phone and you know, timers and reminders
and that kind of thing. But how those reminder show
up in your life can be completely different. You know,
for some people it's post it notes, for some some
people it's you know, email reminders. For some people it's
(10:22):
pop up notifications on their phone. There are so many
different ways to build systems that work for you. So
one of the things that I've started doing is like
talking about the concept of systems without ever getting like
really specific, because the system has to be practical, practical.
A system has to be practical, sustainable, and repeatable. And
(10:46):
if you don't have all three of those things, it's
not going to work for you. And so a really
good example is keys. Like we all lose our keys, right,
that's the thing that happens, um neurotypical or not. Uh.
And so a you know, a practical place to put
your keys might be on the counter, you know, next
to the door when you go in. Is it repeatable though?
(11:07):
Do you always put your you know, your keys in
that same place or do you sometimes put them somewhere else?
Is it sustainable? Is your house is your life style?
You know? Do you have nine kids You're gonna like
move stuff all around? Or is that a place where
like every single time I come in the house, I'm
going to set my keys in the same spot. You know.
(11:28):
Does that work for you? It doesn't work for me
that that just doesn't I I, for whatever reason, I
really struggled to put my keys in the same place.
So my system is that I have a very very
visible lanyard on my keys and so then that way,
like no matter where they are in general, I can
find them. And so for me, that is much more
(11:49):
practical and sustainable and repeatable because the repetition is built in.
It's sustainable in that I've just gotten used to, like
I look for the blue lanyard and you know, you
know what I mean, like it or it's that kind
of thing that could whistle and it would just make
a sound. Yeah. Well, and tiles are great. Tiles are
like the I had that idea when I was like
in fifth grade, but the technology didn't exist that I
(12:10):
remained bitter until this day that I was not the
person who like copyrighted that. Yeah. Yeah, no, I I
had the lanyard thing too, because I locked my keys
in my car in college like two times over a
few weeks, and so I was like, I cannot get
out of my car until I put the lanyard over
my neck. I know exactly where it is. Yeah, And
so yeah, I mean there's so many there's so many
(12:31):
different systems that work for different people. But it has
to be a system, right, I mean, but but yeah,
and that's the thing. But I also I also think,
because just you know, my opinions matter so very much, um,
but I think that we get hung up on this
idea of like a system has to be something complicated
and it has to be like I have to go
to Ikea and buy a new shelf. You know, when
(12:52):
that happens, I get overwhelmed and I just don't ever
do it exactly. And that's and that's part of it.
It's like like the part of the sustainability and the
practicality of it is like not creating a system that
is so complex or overwhelming that you can't do it.
And so like what you just said, putting your your
lanyard around your neck, that's a system. It's it's a tiny, minute, little,
(13:13):
tiny system, but it's something that makes your life more
efficient and it gets you through the day. Therefore, it
is a system. You know, just thinking about stuff like that,
organization seems like it's really important, right, Um, I do
I do reminders like if if I don't enter it in,
but I want to find like the simplest way to
enter in a reminder because I feel like just putting
(13:33):
in the calendar app with all these like I need
something simpler than that. So I should keep looking. Probably
a really great place to start with that with that
is what does the organization mean to you? And that
is something that I have heard from a lot of
couples and and partnerships. Um, when I when I talk
about that because clutter means something different to me than
(13:56):
it means to you. Mess means something different than it
means to your. Organization means something different. And so part
of systems and part of sustainability of systems is communicating
with the people in your life you know, significant partners
or you know friends, call workers, whatever, but talking about
your needs based on your understanding. Because like, for me,
(14:19):
organization is I like giving visual examples and an oral
media because it's it's that's really great, but like this,
this is my this is my system. It's just for
those of you at home holding up a crumpled mass
of coffee stage post it notes. Um, but that's what
works for me, right, But someone else sharing my space,
(14:40):
sharing you know whatever, might look at that and go
that is not organized. That is mess And I'm going
to throw away this pile of post it notes and
then my entire week is ruined. And so having the
cognizance and the ability to really communicate about the systems
that work for you, in the systems that don't work
for you, and the organizational structures that work for you,
(15:01):
like that's that's also really important. And so yeah, organization
is a big deal. But organization looks different to the
A D H D brain than it does too, I
think of a lot of other people, Yeah, because I
think part of my problem was like figuring out what
would work for me. Um. But just if I think
about it right now and say it out loud, I
(15:22):
think it would be you know, it's something that like
a reminder on my phone or on whatever device that
reminds me of something at a certain time. So, um,
I just I guess the easiest way for me to
like do that so that there's less barriers that where
I forget. And there's like a ton of apps to
you know, like you were saying earlier, like putting stuff
into your calendar is kind of a hassle, and so
(15:45):
I tend to use more of like info dump apps
where like I have a voice recorder and I have
like just like a big you know, note taking app,
and so I if I'm driving and I think of
an idea or something I just yelled into my voice recorder,
and then you know, have a time during the week
where I go through and I go, Okay, that's a
TikTok idea, and that's a YouTube idea, and that's how
I need to send that email or you know whatever,
(16:07):
because that's the thing. It's like any step and and
this is I don't want to like speak generally for
all people with a d h D, but in my experience,
any step that gets in the way of accomplishing the
goal is a point where you can get distracted and
where you can forget or it falls out of your
(16:28):
head or you you think of a better way to
do it or whatever, and that stops you from getting
to point a of put date to be in calendar.
You know, I need mind to be voice activated. I've
been thinking about that. I just nenna be able to
set it to my phone and and yeah, and and
that is what I do a lot because I I
weirdly have all of my thoughts either at four o'clock
(16:49):
in the morning or while I'm driving in Atlanta traffic.
And so either way it's not great for like posting.
So that's so that's what I do. Um. But but
the but yeah, like I mean, what you said earlier
is wonderful because one of the things that I hear
a lot, like now that I'm sort of like doing
this for my job, is that a lot of people
don't know what they need right, A lot of people
(17:12):
don't even know where to start. And the thing that
kind of sucks is that sometimes you have to have
a system that fails to find one that works. And
so I feel like a lot of um, the A
d h D experience is about constantly I don't want
to say constantly failing, but kind constantly discovering what works
and doesn't work. Um. And that's something that I'm really
(17:36):
passionate about, UM, like educating about especially. So yeah, I
know that's great. UM what about Well, do you have
any um sort of things that you found that really
work for you other than post it notes, like maybe
for like memorization or I yeah, I memorized backwards. It's uh, yeah,
(17:57):
I I memorize backwards, um, because my brain needs a
place to finish. Um, I know where to start. Who's there? Nay?
Answer me? Stand and fold yourself. That's like that's the
beginning of Hamlet. But how do you get from that
to you know? Flights of angels sing me to the
rest or whatever. So for me, I always start at
(18:19):
the very end. So I I memorize the last line
and then I do the second to last line. And
I said, the second to last line in the last line,
then I go third to last second, you know, And
I do that and when I'm memorizing lines or whatever
I'm memorizing, that's how I do it. I give myself
a finite end and a finite point. Now I say
(18:42):
this with the caveat that this is a pain in
the ask way to do it is so much harder.
It's so much harder, and it takes so much longer. Um,
but it is. It's the system that I I built
because I do Shakespeare and she's saying very dense, you know, content,
and so like I had to come up with something
(19:04):
that was going to work, and so I that that's
my system, is just memorizing backwards. But maybe try that
or then try a couple of different things and see
how it works. Yeah, yeah, And you know, some of
it also depends on how your brain holds information. And
for me, I mine has to be an order, which
is another reason why I do it that way, because
(19:26):
like if I you know, I keep talking like everybody's
an actor, Like everybody's coming to me for their acting,
memorization other stuff. I imagine, although everyone is a bit different,
like a lot of these things probably do crossover. Oh yeah,
like you know, work presentations or school presentations like anything
like that. Like it's it's all applicable, I think. Um,
but for me, like I can't start in act two,
(19:49):
you know, because I'm like, okay, well now I know
Act two. But then I'm going to go back and remember,
like I have to memorize in a semblance of an order,
and so memorizing precisely from the end and working all
the way back to the beginning that also gives me
an order. So then when I get to the beginning,
I go, I go, Okay, now I know concretely and
quantifiably that I know everything that comes after this, and
(20:11):
I know it in the right order. I haven't jumped around.
I haven't skipped around like you know that kind of thing. Well,
how do you stay on task? What a hilarious joke
on your d D podcast. Um, honestly, I mean, god,
that's such a hard question. I feel like if I
had a true answer to that question, I'd be a
(20:32):
millionaire by now. Um. But I mean, the fact of
the matter is is that I don't. I don't always
stay on task, And I think the reality of living
with a d h D is that sometimes you won't
or sometimes you can't. The power and and the potential
(20:53):
lies in what you do when that happens. And for
a very long time, for a very very long time,
like especially before I was diagnosed, I would spend far
more time being angry at myself and frustrated myself and
like punishing myself for I can't believe that you got
off track, Like you idiot, you absolute failure. What are
(21:15):
you doing when in reality it's just part of the reality.
It's just part of it. And so it comes down
to systems. I think is I'm so distracted by your dog.
He's O cute. Oh you'll be hour just a cool jar. Anyway,
(21:37):
So about this school a d H D poduct were
recording this is live m but yeah that's cool. Well
just you just just keep that part in. It's it's proof.
But um but a lot of it also has to
do with systems, right, because the purpose of systems is
to support us through those moments of lack of motivation,
(21:57):
lack of focus, lack of of you know, staying on task.
The goal of systems and the goal of creating a
working environment that suits you is that hopefully by putting
in that work. In the front end, you have like
you know, your office space and you're and you're ready
to go, and you've got you you know, your stream
set up and like you know, and everything is it's
(22:18):
good to go, so you don't have to go, oh no,
I forgot my microphone or oh no, I forgot my
pen or oh no, I forgot my paper. So it's
the prep work that goes into whatever you're doing before
you start the actual task. Um, there's a lot of
like boring advice. I mean that applies to me. It's like, uh,
I need to read a book for an interview that
(22:41):
I'm going to do, and um, the book is a
little bit difficult to get into. So when I'm like, like,
I know, I need to do this for this like
for later. But um, like I would get more like
a reward activation in my brain if I was like
working on this other thing. So it's not even about
not working, it's about working on something else that would
rather work on. And that's really difficult for me. It is, like, no,
(23:05):
it's it's something that I absolutely struggle with to uh,
and it can be really challenging because and and then
again that's like a really great opportunity for your brain
to then go like, oh my god, I can't believe
you're playing video games instead of reading this book that
you're supposed to be reading. I'm a failure. I don't like,
I don't feel really bad. I just like it just
doesn't turn out. Um and and so yeah. So, I
(23:26):
mean there's so many, so much or so many times
in my life. I guess I should say where where
that happens. Where It's like, you've got should I go
build this costplay or should I go memorize my lines?
It's like, well, memorizing my lines is boring, but boy,
building a costplay is fun. But it's like, no, I
need I need to go be Hamlet before I'm building
this costume. That is for just funzies, you know, like um,
(23:49):
having like a list written down somewhere close of your
long term goals, because I mean, the longer something is
out in the future, the less likely I am to
work on it. Yeah, And that is that is a
that is a studied thing. In a d h d
is is um, long term planning is really really difficult
for many people with a d h d UM, and
it's part of executive dysfunction and planning tasks and planning
(24:13):
for the future and that kind of thing can be
a very very big struggle. Um. And so yeah, if
lists work for you, that's great. They don't work for
me because I lose them, you know, and so um
but so so what I I tend to do is
I kind of like translate my list onto a calendar.
(24:35):
And just like I memorized backwards, I tend to to
also work backwards, like on my calendars. And so the
example that you gave is great. You know, if you
have an interview on Saturday and you know that you
have to have that book read by Saturday, you generally
know the speed at which you read. So we'll say, Okay,
I know it's going to take me a week to
(24:57):
read this book. I have to hard stop start this
book on Sunday or I'm not going to be prepared
for my interview on Saturday and break it up to
like this many And that's what I do. Yeah, And
that is that's exactly what I do. Especially it's weird
that I said that one because it's like exactly what
I do with memorization as well, is that I generally
know like how long it's going to take me to
(25:19):
to memorize like a minute of text. Um. And so
I'm like, okay, if twenty lines is a minute and
I have, you know, two thousand lines, then it's going
to take me twenty minutes per minute of text to memorize.
And I can sit down and I can math out,
like how long it's going to take me to memorize Hamlet,
And it's about two and a half weeks if I
work for about an hour a day. So then it
(25:41):
becomes like, do I work for an hour a day
or do I work for ten minutes a day? Do
I work for five hours? Don't ever memorize anything for
five hours a day? I beg you, um, but that.
But that's another sort of system and structure that has
has built up around like my knowing that I am
terrible at planning for the future. I'm thinking, you know,
(26:04):
every Sunday at seven pm, every person in the world
with a d H d um, we all plan out
all the different things. But I'm sure that the only
problem is is that if I break everything down to
like tons and tons of things and then I look
at my calendar, I'm like, this is an overwhelming amount
of things. And that's part of it too, is fighting
(26:28):
that overwhelming because that's also part of executive dysfunction. UM.
One of the examples that I use a lot on
on TikTok is taking a shower, because for many people,
taking a shower is you go and you take a shower.
For someone with a d h D or another nerved divergency,
it's you have to leave the room that you're in
(26:48):
and you have to go into the bathroom, and then
you have to hope that there's a clean towel and
that the towel is where you left it, and then
you get in the shower, and then you have to shampoo,
and then you have to I hope clean your body
and then condition if you're into it, uh, you know,
and then you get out of the shower and you dry,
and then maybe you have to do your hair and
then if you put like product in your hair, shout
(27:08):
out to the curly Girl method. Um, you know that
is that's not taking a shower is not one thing.
Taking a shower is a is a set of honestly
fifteen to twenty separate action items on the list of
taking a shower. And so for somebody with executive dysfunction.
(27:29):
That's sometimes that's overwhelming, like the like for me, the
thought of like if I go take a shower, I
know that after I'm going to have to mess with
my hair. I hate doing my hair. It is a pain.
I hate drying it. It takes like two hours. It's
super boring, like you know, so yeah, like that, it's
(27:50):
it all becomes part of that conversation of like at
what point do you lose steam? Do you lose motivation?
Do you get distracted? Do you walk into the bathroom
and realize, like, oh, I haven't watered by plants in
a while, I guess I should do that. And then
you go to get the watering can. And then you're
in the case and you go, oh, well, I the
watering can was in the sink, and I guess I
should put these dishes in the sink. And then it's
three hours later and you still haven't showered because you've
just gone off on those Well, now I'm understanding the
(28:11):
importance of you know, uh, talking to like you know,
a coach or a therapist about this is they can
sort of like walk you through you explaining like all
the things that you know, but never really think about
and put together. UM. So I think that was really
really important. UM. And I wanted to ask um, like
text messages, you know, like people like to text a lot. Well,
(28:33):
what happens to me is I'm like focused or working
or you know, and then I got a text message
and it distracts me, and then the person wants me
to text back, and then I just so I just
typically try to avoid because I'm focused, and then I
remember and then people are like, you're a really bad texter,
You're a really bad communicator, um, which I don't know
(28:53):
if you know what. That's what I am. I am
notorious among my friends for being the person who never
texts back. So I am precisely right their way. And
then I get accused of not being into people like yeah,
which is so I get that and like that is
I mean, that is a very good specific example. UM.
(29:15):
Also just to let you know, I'm not a corporate
chill um. But there's a really there's a bunch of
these that exist. But there's an app that I have
on my phone. It's called do it Later, and it
allows you to send text messages at a predetermined time.
It is. It changed my life because what I will
do is I'll go, oh yeah, yeah, I'll text you tomorrow.
And then what I do is I put it on
(29:37):
my phone right away, and then they think that I
texted them tomorrow, but I actually texted them like I
scheduled it, and so, um, so that's the thing. But
um that's is it on my phone and Android? It's
I know for sure it's on Android. But yeah, it's
called do it Later. It's super handy. Any other resources
that you have, I don't care. I don't care if
it's like for anything. I mean, like what you get
do honestly. Do it Later is one of the biggest
(29:57):
ones that that I use, like and I use it
for a lot of different stuff because it's kind of
like email feature and like text feature and like that
kind of thing, and you can like schedule, but I
do a lot of pre scheduling because my thing is
I have to do it now if I don't do
it now, Like I literally on my phone right now,
I have probably fifteen unanswered text messages. And it's because
like either I'm working and I don't think to check
(30:19):
my phone, and also I'm a theater person and so
my phone is never once like my phone doesn't make noise.
It's just always on silent. Yeah, and so so it
gets really difficult. But the other thing and the other thing. Oh,
here we go. Here's a whole another path to go down. Um,
but the same way, Like I love talking about this.
(30:41):
I get really excited. But like our brains do not distiny,
like in terms of like thinking and holding information. Our
brains really don't distinguish between where you put your coffee
and remembering to text your mom on her birthday. Like
for your brain, it is just wantifiable data that it
(31:02):
stores or it doesn't store. And so many people and
I want to be very careful when I talk about
this because like this is a very new idea that
is not necessarily substantiated by like anything in the d
s M. But it is just like a common enough
um occurrence. Yeah, Like it's a it's a common enough
occurrence that like people are starting to have conversations about it.
(31:22):
But this idea of emotional and permanence, like we talk
about object permanence now people with a d h D
we talk about lacking object permanence. But like we're not
Labrador retrievers. People with a d h D have object permanence.
But what we struggle with is working memory as it
relates to where we put stuff right. But the thing
(31:43):
is is that it also works with emotions and so
like for a lot of people, if if your friend
isn't texting you, you can forget that that person exists,
or if you don't talk to somebody frequently, it just
won't occur to you to call them. And for many
(32:03):
partners of people with a d h D and other
nerro divergencies, it can be really hurtful because they feel
like they're being forgotten or they're being ignored, or like
they're just not important to us, or they're just not
like relating to us. But what is actually happening is
that our brain goes that's information for later, But are
working memories suck and so we forget And so people
(32:24):
with a d h D can tend to fall out
of touch with people a lot easier. And it even
goes so far into stuff as like with like projection
sensitives for you, and it becomes a whole other conversation.
But like it's so much more than just the seven
year old boys growing around in class, like it just
is God, yeah, you know, yes, you've been calling it
(32:46):
executive dysfunction? Is that what you think it should be called?
Because I do no. I mean, so executive dysfunction is
UH is the term that we used to talk about.
The cognitive processes or executive function is the set of
cognitive processes that that like sort of like help us function.
So things like of task management and emotional control and
(33:07):
that kind of stuff, and those are those are run
by your brain, your executive functions. But when your executive
functions don't work so good, like, we call that executive dysfunction.
And that is what many people with a d h
D UH struggling. And there's all different kinds of executive
dysfunction as well. It's not Again, one of the hardest
things about what I do and what I talk about
is that there is no one size fits solved. There's
(33:30):
not one experience, you know what I mean. Let's take
a quick break to go find our keys, be right back,
Welcome back to prodigy. I wanted to ask what are
some symptoms that you think people may experience that is
not like in the d s M. The top five
things that many people with a d h D experience
are um. Now they've all fallen out of my head
(33:53):
because no, that's okay, No, that's executive dysfunction. Um. But
sexual dysfunction is one eating disorders, addiction and particularly like
substance abuse and gambling, um, sleep problems. Uh. And there's
a fifth one that I cannot remember off the top
of my head, and I'm going to look like a
(34:14):
dumbass on your bodcast. But but that's a relationship disorders.
It's fine, it'll come to me later. I'll say it again,
really eloquently, crappy. Um. But but that's the thing is
that like the rates of of eating disorders in women
with a d h D are much higher than the
(34:36):
regular population, the rates of sexual dysfunction in people of
all genders with a d h D is much higher.
The rate of addiction and and alcoholism particularly is much
much higher. And it's not like a diagnostic criteria like
that's the thing. It is like if you go to
the doctor and you say I have an eating disorder,
and you know they're not gonna be like, ah, you
have a d h D. Um. But those are things
(34:59):
that the h community are dealing with at a much
higher rate. But people don't know that it is because
of how our brains process information and store information, and
like the lack of dopamine is like resultant in a
lot of this kind of these other like really profound
and lasting effects on our lives. Sure, I wanted to
(35:21):
like switch over into your work with a d h
D with kink for a second, but I did want
to first ask um what you were talking about with
the rejection thing? What was that? Oh, rejection sensitive dysphoria. So,
rejection sensitive dysphoria is a fairly new term that we
use to sort of discolloquially describe a type of trauma UM.
(35:46):
And so rejection sens daphoria as it as it stands
right now, is not, like in the D s M,
as like a specific thing, but it is being talked
about and referred to because it's like this very specific
set of collective experiences, and we refer to that as
rejections sensitive dysphoria. And what rejected sensitive dysphoria is UM
is basically because if you have it, you know implicitly
(36:09):
what it is. But if you don't, then you're like,
what is this lady talking about? Um? But basically, it
is an extreme emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection.
So think of it like this. You get an email
from your boss and your boss says I need to
talk to you on Tuesday. Period. For many people they
(36:30):
would go, ha, my boss needs to talk to me
on Tuesday. I move on with my life. For people
who deal with rejection sensitive dysphoria, that immediately becomes like,
my boss hates me, He's going to fire me. I'm
going to be fired on Tuesday. I'm I'm I'm going
to be out of a job. Oh my god. Right,
Or you know, your partner forgets to say I love
(36:51):
you on the way out of the house. Oh my god,
they've hated you the whole time. They they it's all
been a sham, it's all been a lie. Oh my god.
Or you don't get the job, then your entire day
or week or month is ruined. It is it is
like this very extreme reaction to this to the feeling
of rejection, and it comes from trauma. And and that's
(37:12):
the thing is that there's veryly sort of like mixed
opinions on rejection sensit, which is for you because a
lot of people are like, this is just a type
of you know, like PTSD, a type of like trauma.
But the but the specific sort of experiences of it
are so similar across the board to like people who
experience it that like they've kind of given it a
(37:33):
different name, if that makes sense. But I'm always really
cautious about being like, this isn't like a thing that
you can go get diagnosed with, you know what I mean? Yeah, no,
I mean it does seem like, you know, an inability
to regulate emotion and attention yet because like yeah, absolutely,
and that and that's part of it. It's just like, uh,
part of it comes from like a lack of emotional regulation.
Some of it caused for like impulse control, you know.
(37:54):
It's it's very like nuance once you get into like
this like the science of the thing. I cannot think
of the fifth one, and I'm going to perish if
i cannot. So I'm Jessica. It's one of my most
popular and it's just like it's driving me insane, Like
I'm just I'm going to what's the fifth It's fine.
(38:15):
What you can always do is just whenever you think
of it, you can dextery emaut to me and I
will add it invoice the uber depression. That's what it is.
Jus christ, Katie, you know the one that you're super
dealing with right now. Yeah. So it's um like the
top five things and people with ADHD deal with our depression, addiction,
(38:36):
sleep disorders, eating disorders, and sexual dysfunction. Like those are
like the top five things that are like not specifically
a d h D, but are like so many people
experience it that we can like actually track the rates
of it, like secondary from banana pants. It's banana pants. So,
um what speaking of sexual dysfunction, Well, I guess this
(38:57):
is like super like kink, um was it? What's your um?
Like you said you were really focused in the ADHD
related to kink, Like what's that all about? So? I
I guess Hey, mom, uh so I'm pretty kinky person.
I just I just like I I found my way
(39:17):
into the kink community and it really helped me fulfill
myself in sort of like a sexual way. Right. Um.
But one of the things that I got really interested
in in being part of the kink community is making
the kink community accessible to neurodivergent folks. And there is
(39:38):
a lot of conversation. There's there's a beautiful amount of
conversation in the kink community about things like consent and
negotiation and boundaries and like all of that stuff, because
king can be pretty complex in terms of conversations like that, right,
But for people with neurodivergencies, there is a whole other
spectrum of concerns and consideration and things that you have
(40:01):
to make UM and talks that you have to have
um when you're talking about sex and when you're talking
about kink uh. And I was not seeing myself represented
in those conversations UM, and so like I kind of
just started talking about the fact that like I can
I can consent all day long. But if I have
time blindness, which is something that a lot of people
(40:23):
with a d h D and other nertive urgencies deal with,
time blindness can dramatically change your understanding of consent because
I might have consented to something six months ago and
not either not remembered or I can consent to something
(40:44):
with the understanding that like, yeah, this is going to
go on for like a while, and we'll enjoy this
activity together and then we'll move on to the next thing. Um.
But because of time blindness, I can lose track of
time and start doing something to a point where like
I am getting injured or I'm in an unsafe situation
because I have completely lost track of time and my
partner is not aware that I can lose track of time,
(41:06):
and so they are not watching the time, and so
we get ourselves into a bad situation. Things like that.
There's there's all sorts. There's all sorts of like really
interesting conversations about neurodivergency and kink um. Many people with
a d h D struggle with focus right like just
across the board, but again kind of like your brain
doesn't distinguish between where did I put my coffee and
(41:28):
remembering to texture. Sex requires a lot of focus, and
so if you are in an intimate act with somebody
and your neighbor starts mowing the lawn, that is a
new piece of stimulus that your brain is is going
to latch onto and it completely take you out of
the moment. And so I never ever want to sound
like I'm like, come join my kinky cult. But what
(41:51):
a lot of neurodivergent folks have found is that kink
in in many different ways, in many different aspects of kink.
At should they really improve and really help their sex
life and really help their intimacy because there are ways
to create additional stimulus or if you need the opposite,
to remove stimulus, things like you know, like just really
(42:14):
basically blindfolds or you know, earplugs like that kind of thing,
or listen to music or something like that. UM. And
so you know, I'm not saying like everybody should go
sign up for the sex dungeon um, but there's like
a lot of different ways that you can incorporate, you know,
either add or subtract stimulus, like in like the sort
of umbrella of kink that can really really help somebody
(42:35):
who struggles with intimacy, who struggles with even like rejection
sensitive rysphoria, like struggles to trust a partner, to open
up to a partner because of past trauma and past
feeling like there's something wrong with them for being neurodivergent.
That makes a lot of sense. Well, yeah, and I
think it's really really interesting and it's and it's kind
of the thing that like I'm I'm going back to
(42:56):
school for it. Um, I'm starting the process of that
because like this is the thing that I want to
talk about. I want to talk about sex and kink
and neurodivergency because I think having accessible conversations about kink
as it relates to the nerro divergent brain is really
really important and you you have to be safe, you know.
Can I tell you some of my issues? Sure, go
(43:17):
for it. I'll keep in brief. UM number one, after sex,
I don't like really like cuddling a lot. So uh,
in my experience, women have been like, oh, like you
just wanted sex or you don't care about me emotionally.
It's like some issues with that. Um. Then also um, oh, well,
(43:37):
like you know, stimulants for a d H d UM
make I guess it harder for like to have it
more likely to have a rectile this function. So I
also get prescribed Syldena fill or like generic viagrapher erectile
and I'm sorry, medication induced directile is functioned. So without
the medication, I'd be okay. But and then yeah, getting
(43:59):
just Jack did. And then I feel like it's like
there's some issue where I'm like, I'm so focused, are
concerned about the other person having a good time or
like orgasm ng that I just like I don't even
care or focus or add mine at all. And then
so I mean that's like a thing too, so, but
I do like the idea of adding or removing um stimulation.
(44:21):
But yeah, I don't know think about the organism thing.
It's like a like an anxiety, like I have to
like I'm obsessed, very very concerned to the other person's
enjoying themselves on myself as much. No, I mean, and well,
the thing is, it's like really like they've studied this,
and like you are absolutely not alone. In fact, thirty
nine percent of men with a d h D have
(44:43):
a sexual dysfunction of some kind, and in particular, uh,
it shows up as a reptile dysfunction and a struggle
to orgasm. Like that is that is just that is
another thing that we don't talk about in the pro
sure right, um, But another thing is that and this
this KD of gets a little bit more into like
sex education talk. A lot of folks with a d
(45:04):
h D have sensory processing issues. But sensory processing issues
are not something that just like, I mean, they can
just happen, you know, if you like touch a bad
touch or you feel a bad feel um, But it
can also come as the result of like over stimulation,
and so like sex and intimacy can be a type
of you will forgive the pun over stimulation, which then
(45:27):
like you know, you're enjoying the act, but then afterwards
you're so oversimulated from everything that's happening that you don't
want to be touched. And that's that's okay, like that,
but that's a conversation, you know, that's a separate conversation
to have UM. But another thing is that when we orgasm,
we burn through our endorphins and the dopamine that is
currently in our brain. And people with a d h
(45:50):
D have naturally far lower levels of dopamine in their
brain than other people. So what that means is that
after orgasm, we can tend to have a drop. And
in the kink community this is a very very common thing.
It's literally called drop UM and it's the sub drop
dom drop. It happens on either side of like you know,
(46:11):
the equation UM. But it's basically this idea that like,
you spend all your good good feelings and then all
that's kind of left is like the like feeling afterwards,
and it's it's and it's a it's a very big
part of the kink conversation, like like after care and
taking care of your partner like after the fact. Um.
(46:32):
But a lot of people who are not active in
the kink community don't know about the depletion of those
hormones and those endorphins and like all of that stuff,
and so after sex they feel crappy and they don't
know why, and especially people with a d h D
can have that crash, and that crash shows up as
(46:53):
like feeling sad or grumpy or not wanting to be
touched or like any sort of thing. But because people
who are not in the king community may not be
as familiar with something like after care with like okay,
like how do we get those endorphins back? How do
we take care of you after sex? How do we
take care of each other? Yeah? Um, well you can
(47:16):
find me on TikTok as uh, Katiosaurus. I'm on like
all platforms pretty much. UM. I just started streaming on Twitch.
Um it's kadio source with a zero. UM. The big
thing that I would love to promote is that I
have a podcast where we talk just about a d
h D and depression and living life as neurodivergent adults.
It's called Katie and Eric's Infinite Quest Uh and a
(47:36):
d h D Adventure. It's available wherever you listen to podcasts.
Um we uh, we hit the top fifty mental health
podcasts in America a couple of weeks ago. That was cool.
We felt we fell out of that spot. But there's
like a glorious moment, you know, because it's always changed. Um,
but yeah, we we've been really, we've been absolutely floored.
Like honestly, like the real truth of all of this is,
(47:58):
like I never expect this, Like I I was a
nerd on the Internet who was excited about learning about
my own brain. And I started talking about my own
experience and what I found was that there was a
huge niche there was a huge need for conversations about
consent and neurotypical or neurodiversity and all that kind of stuff.
And so like this has just been like one of
(48:19):
the coolest things that ever happened to me. Thanks so
much to Katie O. Soros. You can find her on TikTok,
Twitch and Instagram at Katie O Soros. Her podcast is
called Katie and Eric's Infinite Quest An a d h
D adventure, And yes she does have an only fans,
but you got to find that one for yourself. Be
(48:41):
on the lookout for my Only Fans account. It's going
to be fifty cents a month for videos of me
explaining how watching a sports is actually the future and
doesn't make me lame? Who told you that? By the way,
if you want to know if it's a good time
to buy a house while we haven't seen aliens, why
navy seals kill Ben Lauden instead of a land dwelling force,
(49:03):
why you should force your kids into the field of cybersecurity,
or how to make your own podcast, then follow the
show because I'll be back next week with another episode
of Prodigy. Prodigy was created and produced by me Lorberlante.
The executive producer is Tyler Klang. Prodigy is a production
of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts in My Heart Radio,
visit the I heart Radio app or wherever you get
(49:25):
your podcasts.
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