September 20, 2021 • 33 mins
Navigating each other's differences can be tricky and celebrating them can be even harder but in today's episode the lads talk about the importance of understanding each other, our differences and our intentions!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Pumped Us is a production of I Heart Radio. Hi everyone,
welcome back to the Pumps. Oh. By the way, just
so you guys know, I am super insecure about laughing
too much. So if I get up and walk out
of the room, that's why, because I think I'm when
i start getting the giggles, just because I'm nervous about
getting Okay, okay, hold on, redo retake because Zack totally
(00:23):
hasn't actually started the podcast yet, so ready three at
three two? What's up? Everyone? Welcome back to the prompt
Us podcast. I am Gabriel Conti, one of your hosts,
and I am joined by my co hosts, Zach Stains
and Chad Masters. Chad Masters, Chad Masters Master and Zachary
(00:44):
Stains Stains Stains. We started so high with the energy
boys and we just dropped. We've been talking for an
hour before we started talking for this next hour. Yeah,
that's that's the issue. Anyway, Chad has the prompt for
today and it's a good one. And um, yep, yes,
(01:05):
excuse me. So if your name is Emma, I can't
pronounce your last name. So there's a lot of people
named Emma to listen to the podcast. It's in a
different screenshot. I have her prompt over here and then
her name over here. We're still working on our citizen guys.
If your name is Emma and you're from the Netherlands, hello,
donkey Belle. That's that's thank you in Dutch in case
because I'm a master staffin fan, so I'm basically Dutch.
(01:29):
She has a great question. I think we're gonna build
upon and throughout this whole episode. It's about relationships, and
everyone loves a good juicy relationship question. Right, it's how
Tory and I get views. It's I was just gonna say, right, honesty.
So I love zacts like the honesty. I just want
to Zach to narrate my life. Okay, I'm gonna say
the question. The question is this, what to do when
(01:51):
you and your partner differ too much? Differ or differ?
There's definitely there's definitely a difference. Well, it's deferred defer. No, no, no,
it's tomato. You said defer, being like I'm off, I
will defer reading this to you technically if too much.
(02:13):
I was just trying to Okay, So differ means that
you like differ are different. Yeah, yeah, so I'm gonna.
I'm gonna resay the prompts so that Gabe feels comfortable answering.
You can I just listen. I want our podcast to
be qualities, so I don't want anyone listening right now
to question. Who is this random dude saying the word
(02:34):
differ wrong? Homes No, I was homeschooled, and I'm the
one correcting him on how to speak. I just couldn't
tell we're making the progress here, Guys, I couldn't tell difference.
Did that? Did that upset you? Because that upset me
when I said, okay, well what to do when you're
and your partner are too different? There we go, just
change her wording. They're sorry, Emma, he's doing you a disservice.
(02:56):
Right now. I need to say, I need to stop
finding stuff. You're getting me back. But last I'm sorry
a few. We really need to get into this, though.
Why are you looking at me? I don't know, I
don't know, Zach, you go, oh jeez, So how dude
flip the neck? Okay, how about I start, you know,
(03:21):
and I guess let's just ease into it to find
out about, like, you know, what are good differences and
what are bad differences, right, because there's there's good differences, like,
for example, Tory and I compliment each other really well
in some ways where I can't handle little things very
well and I can handle big things pretty well. Like
for example, if someone hits our car, I'm calm as
(03:42):
a cucumber, right, But if someone cuts me off while
driving the car, I'm not. I'm like a hot to Molly.
You are an F one driver, No one overtakes you
on the road, no one someone tries to find the gap,
and there's no gap there anymore. And so but on
the other hand, Tories kind the ops in that where
she can handle the small things so well, she just
(04:03):
brushes it off like it's no big deal. But something
bigger happens and then you know, it's a little bit
more difficult for her. So we balance each other. And
so sometimes that's actually really beneficial to relationship because you
sharpen each other and you compliment each other and you
bring the best out in each other. But then there's
also some differences that are a little bit more difficult,
Like you know, if if you believe in being generous, right,
(04:24):
if you want to give money to a church or
give money to a friends go fund me. What if
that person you're sharing your finances, what doesn't want to
do that right? How you use your money, how you
how you want to raise your kids, all that stuff.
Those are some big differences. So maybe let's start with
the low hanging fruit and explain some like good differences
so people can feel better about the things that are
(04:44):
different about each other. Yeah. I like that a lot,
But I mean we do talk about that a lot,
with like the being equally yoked or whatever, you know,
like aligning on the really important issues that could be
like grounds for divorce in the future. But like you said,
we're starting out with a low hanging fruit. We both
look at Yeah, here's some low hanging fruit. Chelsea and
(05:09):
I like. I'm an extrovert. Chelsea's an introvert, So that's
some low hanging fruit to kick it off. And I
think a big part for us getting married was working
out how do we how do we navigate our time?
Because I like to I like to be with people
a lot. I like to hang out with people. If
I've got like a free afternoon, I'll just send I'll
call someone up and just let's go skateboard or let's
(05:29):
go run or let's do this, but Chelsea's way more
like I'm going to watch I Cali reboot again for
the second time this week, legit and I have to
be like, Okay. So it did take us a while
to work out. I mean, Chelsea and I knew each
other for a long time before we get married, but
it still takes us a while to work out and
to gauge where we're at. And I think a big thing,
(05:51):
like when there's a difference in a relationship is just
that communication aspect. I feel like that's so so huge,
Like if there's a difference, the worst thing is to
act like there's not a difference and to be like, oh,
it's to assume that a difference is bad or good.
You know. Um, it's not a bad thing that Chelsea
is introverted, and it's not a bad thing that I'm extroverted,
but it's bad if we don't position ourselves in a
way to understand each other. And I think it's finding
(06:13):
when you find the difference, then find a solution to
the situation, you know, because like in the same way,
excuse me, in the same way with like you're introverted
extroverted situation. Jess and I are very similar. But Jess
understands that I need to actually see people because it
(06:35):
benefits my mental health, and she's aware of that and
understands that I need to go see friends and spend
time with people and everything like that. But in the
same way, I'm kind of like a weird middle ground
of I need to be with people, but then I
also need my time alone as well, much behind maintenance.
You know, I could have told you that, let's go
(06:56):
baby high maintenance boys, um, where Jess is much more
comfortable just like being us too most of the time,
you know, And it's kind of understanding. I don't want
to keep you to myself too, dude, listen, right, I
mean that's a good shot. I don't make the rules,
all right, but yeah, yeah, And it's like I I
(07:21):
understand that. And I guess this goes into love languages too, right,
because I understand that Jess needs quality time. Dude, that
flem man. I had a cold earlier this week. Guy.
So if I sound a little nasi or hear some
of these or one of these, that's why I'm one
of those people that have someone throws up, I throw
up as well. Is if anyone's listening, who star, I'm
(07:47):
not kidding you. I'm not kidding you. Don't I start watering, dude,
I was saying something good to you. What was I
talking about? Languages? Yeah, love languages. So Jess um, she
loves quality times. So I know that not only on
(08:09):
the introverted side, we need to be spending time together.
When a burb came out, I'm sorry. I love that
Zak is just watching like the podcast just I'm just
thinking about what am I going to do in the
edit to make this tech guy? Yeah, dude, Honestly I
think as we're going, I'm like, dude, we are. This
(08:29):
is a like Zach has. He's pulling. He's carrying the
team on his back right now. Yeah he is. Anyway,
We're gonna to pay for his due. Oh my gosh,
I'm trying to get back in the love language. Is
everyone Jess like being more introverted. And I got to
(08:51):
a point where I need I needed to understand that
I need to set aside that time to be with
Jess and to spend end time with just one on
one and not just sit on the couch. And you
know binge Blacklist, so you know the end of time
shoutouts great show, because I would, dude, no, but we
(09:12):
need to be we need to talk and like be
face to face and community qual and actually have the
quality time, not just the quantity time, you know, So
just understanding what those differences are that could potentially be
like differences that cause you to get into fights or
(09:32):
have disagreements or to differ with each other, defer or
to defer to an alternate situation. Um coming from a
place of understanding and giving to the other person what
they need rather than being annoyed that you're not getting
(09:52):
what you need from the other person. Go into a
relationship to see what you can give, not what you
can get. Love that, because I do think it's easy
to get caught up, like if you're if you you know,
you clicked on this podcast and you're wondering, like, Okay,
how can I make someone more like me? Right, Because
whenever you see a difference in someone, it's either an
attractive difference or an unattractive difference, and it's typically unattractive
(10:14):
because you're like, oh wait, that's different, that's weird, that's suspicious,
you know, you mean, you're just like I don't really,
I'm not vibing this, and so, but immediately our reaction
is is like, well, how do I change that? How
do I not have that right? And so we need
to make sure that of these things that we all,
these differences we see in our partners, the people that
(10:34):
were worth are these good differences because this person, you know,
based off all three of our beliefs, this person is
made perfect in the image of God, not in our
own image. We don't need to recreate them into our image.
They were made perfectly that way, and so we need
to call more of who they they are in their
identity in Christ out, not in who their identity isn't us.
(10:55):
Does that make sense? And I think just I think
the rewind just really quick clean. It could be fun
to do a little hot potato go around, but I'm
just gonna break down with hot potato go around, go around,
the hot potato go around, Merry go around, potato around
like a pat to go around. It's hot aund whatever.
(11:16):
So I just want to rewind real quick and go
back to the love languages to make sure everyone really
knows what they are. I'm sure a lot of people do.
But there's this book and it's called The Five love languages,
and you don't even need to go read it, but
there's a great test you can take online or you
can read it if you really want to know more.
But they say that people like to give and receive
love in one of five ways, or actually I mean
(11:37):
in all five ways, but predominantly in one or two ways.
In some other ways don't really mean as much. And
so there's physical touch touch. I got a little choked
that was that there's physical touch. I got all excited.
There's words of affirmation, there's quality time, there's access service,
(11:58):
and there's gifts and so just so you know, like
people tend to express love the same way that they
like to receive it. But if you don't know the
person that you're with, you don't know their love language,
you're gonna likely love them the way that you like
to be loved. For example, ahead and even its I
want to get back to that for sure. But even
(12:19):
it's like not even in a relationship that this has
to be a thing, like even in friendships, in immunity community,
like learning the way people give and received love is
very important. I like gifts. Notice I'm not doing it
like Lego formula one car coming your way, baby, So
(12:40):
I I like to I like to give the same
way I would like to receive legos. Yes, I'm going
to send this suggest So, so, Zach, I don't know
if you wanted to start and maybe break down what
your love languages are, and maybe Chelsea as well. And
I know Gate already mentioned love language you do. Yeah,
it's sex. Hey za, this is me. This is language, dude.
(13:08):
That's my That's my classic go to. Whenever we talked someone,
like in random conversation, someone talks about love language, I'm like, oh,
you know my love language sex exactly, yes, And then
then it gets to laugh, and then we talked about
something really deep and intimate, like the actual level just exactly.
You gotta break the ice first. Intros are getting worse
(13:29):
and worse. Yeah, we gotta work on that anyway, Zack
hit us with it. So yeah, So my love language
is words of affirmation. So, like you mentioned, Chad, you
can have like different levels of different things, but my
main one words of affirmation and physical touch, which is
funny because I love to be like with mate, just
like tap him on the back, such a bury like
(13:51):
that vision, very much like a dog. Here's a good
boy tap him on the back, the like you know,
I like to cuddle people. That's my that's my way
of showing that I feel like I came out of nowhere.
That's give me the perfect real that's my way. That's
(14:11):
my way of showing affection with the boys. He went
from saying like his friends and we made a joke,
he saying, I like to cuddle people. If that's not
cutting to a real I don't know what should be.
Oh my god, alright, keep going, Zack, physical types and
words physical types was in aformation. Yeah, because for me,
like communications such a big yeah in both in all ways,
(14:33):
just like communicating with people so like it means a
lot when songs like bro, I'm proud of you, Um yeah,
that means a lot, and say, hey, message me on
Instagram just affirmed me. That's awesome dude. Actually, And no,
I just I just want to add to that real quick.
Oh I can't. That took me so long. I was waiting,
(14:56):
was interested, dude, you like not at you like he
was middle trained thought, so it took a lot for
him to yeah, give you the go ahead. But yeah,
so my my wife, Chelsea, she is very very different
to me, not to be confused with the spaceship. Gosh,
I'm trying to remember what's that not to be confused
with the spaceship from a few episodes back. Oh yes,
(15:20):
from from our record breaking real that is the biggest
thing I've done this year, So Zac's most successful piece
of content. So yeah, Chelsea, she is. I'm trying to remember, Chelsea,
if you listen to this, my but I'm saying the
right thing. So Chelsea used to be gifts but changed
(15:41):
because I suck at gifts, so changed. Yeah, it's I
think I think that's probably a good thing to not
like you can't it does change and develop change like yeah, no, no,
I get that. But Hers, I want to get this right.
HER's changed because you didn't get because you sucked. No, no, yes,
(16:07):
because territory, like we can we talk someone's love language
by not giving it to them. I guess Okay, that
makes me sound like the worst husband. Sorry, I was
looking at it from a science point of view. Oh
my gosh, dude. But yeah, so Hers, as far as
(16:29):
I remember right now, is quality time and acts of service,
And I think I feel like access service and gifts
go really closely together in a lot of ways they
all do, don't they, But like they go closely together
because it's about the intention, you know, like, Okay, I'm
intentionally like doing this for Chelsea or I'm intentionally buying
flowers or whatever it may be. And so because on
(16:50):
words of affirmation in my head, I'm just like, if
I just tell her that she's great and I'm proud
of her, that fulfills that bar for her fully doesn't
like but and I vacuum when she's at work or
when I do the dishes without having to be asked.
She's not my mom and she's just I'm just hopeless
that like you're way more those things are really make
(17:12):
a big difference, dude, And so I'm finding that, yeah,
that's kind of the same with the introverted extra thing.
I mean it's funny how that can sometimes line up
with your love languages. But yeah, Navigatin, that was so difficult.
I mean, I was such a it was so bad, dude.
Like I would forget to like get a card for
her for her birthday or I would and like understandably,
(17:33):
Chelsea would be just like bummed out and be like, oh,
like it's such a simple act of giving. But he
still didn't do it, and I'm like, I'm so sorry.
Like this was even before we were dating. I was
just like not very good at it. So it has
taken a lot of work for me to be like, Okay, cool,
this is a great moment to buy flowers, so I
should just do it. You know, whenever I think about
it now, I just do it. It's not like, oh no,
(17:56):
I won't do that, I'll leave for another event. It's
just like, nope, I'm just going to buy flowers now.
And it reminds me of when we all said we
would write cards to our wives a thing. The lost episodes,
the lost episodes, the lost episode recorded pre four. You
can listen to our last episode. How many did we recorded?
(18:18):
Recorded six episodes? Four? Oh yeah, no, you're right. We
did do six because we smashed them out before New York.
That's so crazy. When we like we're getting the podcast
off the ground, we recorded six test episodes that we
wanted to launch, and never they just didn't materialize because
it just took so long. From that point and the
pandemic and then everything, yeah, everything, Yeah, but if you
(18:41):
joined prompt Us Plus, you can get access to them. Wait,
prompt us plus is such a good name. Do you
like the name. It's like, did you just come up
with that? Patreon? Just then? I just thought about it, Disney.
And then Adam prompt us no, no, no, no, m
(19:01):
o one, Zach, he'll be back in five four three
two zero. Now Oh he's what what ude? Zero? Now?
That was unbelievable. Hey, Future Zac, leave it in the edit,
(19:24):
leave it, leave it in the edit. Leaving that guy.
Oh my gosh, I forgot about that freaking love that
so many people message, maybe like tech guy Zack. I
was like, alright, it's staying. It's staying, dude. My next
next episode, I'm gonna intro is gonna be I'm Gabriel
(19:46):
Consti and I'm here joining my co host chat Masters
and the tech guy. Do you realize we're both gonna
work for Zach one day? I know that's a that's
an issue and all least a be like we were joking.
We were that guy thing was a joke. I was kidding.
(20:09):
Hear us with your love language, bro, I'm interested to
hear what yours are. I think we were all similar,
but I'd love to hear I'm different, Bro. Your love
languages I'm built different. Yeah mine? No, No, mine is
words of affirmation? Are you different? I'm built different? Bro
words words in my laugh. But that's so funny because
(20:31):
you give words like I'm like none else. Stop doing that.
Oh my gosh, Okay, So mine come back to Zack's question,
is words of affirmation like hard like tell me, tell
(20:51):
me I'm doing a good job and I'm having a
good day. Why, Chad, I'm laugh you cause I know
your second love language is physical touches. How would you
know that from when we were spooning earlier today? Yeah?
(21:13):
Those are those are my two? Yeah? And then and
then like what gifts and um, quality time and what
was it? What's the fifth one? Active service? Like that's
obviously your bottom one? Like well, dude, honestly, I think
they those the first two are so high and the
other two are so low. Like there was this when
(21:35):
I took the test online. There's like a scale in
words of affirmation for me, was like a twelve or
something like that when it's like really high that gives you.
And then which Jess is her quality time was like
a twelve or something on that really high number. My
quality time it was like a two or something like that,
like a like almost the exact opposite of hers. So yeah,
(21:57):
I don't know. But it's funny though because then as
an extrovert though, like I do need to spend time
with people. I don't know, it's a it's a weird
like And I think that's a good note for everyone,
is that. I mean, it's not like the perfect solution
to anything. It's just, you know, this doesn't define you.
It just describes pieces of you, and it's good to
(22:17):
know that this is just more tools in your belt
to help you express what it is you need from
somebody and then also be able to listen to what
they're expressing what they need from you. You know. But
it's just tools. It's just tools to love people better.
And it's like, you know, I think the main point
of all the stuff is it's just about intentionality. That's
really that's really what it's all about. Like so when
(22:38):
before Tory and I got married, my love language well
the top two or quality time and touch and then
hers touch it's like boom, but before you're married, but
you know, with us waiting, you know, it was brutal
and it was honestly, like I think my love language
is touch, like that's it. We got to We wouldn't touch,
(23:01):
that's all. We wouldn't even kiss each other. I just
couldn't trust I. Um, but not so. But now after
we've been married for a few years now, I've noticed
that my my main love my main love language is
access service. And I think it's mainly because I get
to spend so much time with her that I don't
you know, We're together all day every day, so I
(23:22):
have the quality time, and then we also have the
physical touch, and so I think the thing that I
mainly need right now is like help, like access service,
and so that's something that means a lot to me now.
But Hers stayed in her lane of physical touch, and
so hers didn't change at all. But one thing I
thought was really interesting about how we're different. This is
like Tory Night's well, it's not our biggest fight, but
one of our biggest fights we ever had. Right after
(23:45):
like so we um, I woke up on the wrong
side of the bed and I was just mad at
the world. I was just piste off right, I was
just upset, and then she kind of got in my
face to shake me out of it. And I don't
like that I'm an internal processor. I'm very much what
my professor in college called me an extroverted introvert, which
if I were to put that in Layman's terms for
you all, it means that I love people, but I
(24:06):
don't always like people, and so I love to be
around people, but I also love to be alone, like
I love to be alone. And so I was having
a Yeah, I love people, I don't always like them,
and so, um, I was explained so much. She um, so,
I wonder why I don't like being around people ever,
so she so she tried to shake me out of
(24:28):
a little bit, and I kind of exploded a bit,
and she was just trying to help. But that's not
the way I like to be helped. I like to
be like left alone so I can process and think
through my problem. But then I got over that. Later
in the day, she was having a hard day, and
then I immediately ran to the bathroom and I drew
her a bath, and I put her Bible next to
the bath and like with a drink and refreshment or whatever.
(24:48):
And basically I just wanted to give her her space.
But what she wanted me to do was getting her
face and shake her out of it to talk her
through it. And so she gave me what she wanted
and I gave her what I wanted and neither of
them worked. But you wanted a bath to some candles.
I mean, Heysten, don't knock it until you try it. Okay, dude,
are you kidding me? Are you bad guy? I'm I'm
(25:09):
a shower guy. I'm a shower guy. The bath and
the bath is like if Jess and I are having
a romantic night. It don't act like it's a weird thing.
Is that you candlelight bath? And okay, alright, you're just
making making me. Zack's taking notes the tech guy candle
night under the bath done so um, but I already
(25:34):
ordered on Amazon. Yeah, um, so I'll talk about the candles.
You guys are too much. He went in to order
the bath. So I do think it can be good
advice for people to bring this back home. Before we
(25:56):
talk about a few deep things and we sign off.
It's just, um, well, first off, should we put an
ad here? So? I think that some differences are really
good things for you to see in you know, between
you and your partner. Those things are things that can
sharpen you they can compliment your relationship in their ways
where you can go out of your way. You can
become inconvenience and uncomfortable loving someone the way that they
(26:17):
want to be loved. That's super special because when I
think of Christ and I think about how uncomfortable he
was for him to come love me, right, they have
to come down from the seat of the throne of
the Father and come die for me to love me.
That's uncomfortable. That's sacrificial love. That's real love. That's not
oh well, I you know, I was just I was
in passing. I loved you when it was convenient for me.
(26:39):
And so I don't want you to listen to this
podcast and things, Oh I'm so different. I just I'm
incompatible with that person. That's not what we're saying at all,
because this is not about what you're getting, it's about
what you're giving, okay, and so, but there are definitely
some red flags, definitely some things where you know, like
maybe that person just isn't the best for you, maybe
you're not the best for them, And so there's definitely
(27:00):
some things that we should maybe mention for people to
be on the lookout for. To be Okay, to, you know,
as they're assessing their relationship or their friendships even and
they're just like, huh, yeah, maybe that's not the most
healthy thing for me to be a part of. And
I think a question to ask is like will this
affect our marriage way down there, like, well, this could
(27:21):
this be grounds for getting a divorce in the future,
you know what I mean? Like, if you don't agree
on the way you're gonna want to raise your kids,
that's probably not going to be an issue until you
have kids. So things are going to be fine until
you have kids, and then all of a sudden you're
gonna get to this point you're like, why don't we
agree on this thing? You need to talk through those
(27:41):
things early on so you can understand what like what
you got, understand the trajectory that you see yourselves going on,
and do you guys align, you know what I mean?
So stuff like that, And I'm trying to think of
another example. Maybe you guys have one and that's like
a specific Well I think that down the line it
becomes an issue. Yeah, I'm just gonna pick it back
(28:02):
off what you're saying real quick, and I'm gonna pass
it to Zach to put them on the spot. I
am so think of something good, Zach some research a
tech guy, I um tore and I would always say
this thing whenever we're encouraging our friends and relationship type stuff,
where you say, like, don't focus on what keeps you
at twenty and thirty, focus on what keeps you at
(28:23):
forty and fifty, because it's so easy to get caught
up in the infatuation and just the physical parts of
relationships where you're so in love quote unquote that you're
just like you'll you'll overlook anything that could be a
potentially red flag right where you're just say, oh, but
I'm just I feel so in love and there's things
that are happening chemical in your body that you can't
always control, and you need to give yourself a sober
(28:45):
assessment and think about what is it about this person
that I'm gonna love being with him? Whenever I'm forty fifties, sixties, seventy, right,
am I gonna be okay? Like so after we're empty
nesters and our kids went to school or whatever, you know,
am I gonna be okay just being friends with this
person and just sit on the porch like, what is
it about this person that's going to keep us interested
in and love seventy not just at you know, twenty
(29:09):
and thirty, because that's kind of easy. The falling part
is easy, staying part is hard, you know. And so, um, Zach,
is there any red flags that you know of? I
think for me, the biggest red flags whether the person
is intentional or not. You know, so, like Chelsea and
I are very different, but Chelsea is very intentional with
wanting to understand our differences and wanting to learn how
(29:31):
to nurture those differences and vice versa. It's the same way.
Like the best of it. I'm not saying we're really
good at it, but for me, it really does come
down to being intentional, um, with wanting to understand those differences.
And I think that's yeah, it's a bit cliche, like
the whole celebrate our differences, But I think it's cliche
because it's true, Like my favorite things about Chelsea are
completely different to me that they are completely Like the
(29:53):
way that she loves a bit more structure in her
world has changed my life. I need her structure and
that difference. But in the same way, I hope that
my kind of like free flowing day kind of gets
her excited and she's like, let's go last minute, go
to a coffee shop just for coffee or whatever it
may be. That's a funny example, but I just think
it's about that intention if if you really there's a
(30:14):
it's different now there, right, because we're married, we went
past that threshold where I go, Okay, now I'm going
to do everything I can to invest into this marriage,
which I think you should be doing in a relationship anyway.
I guess there's a there's a level of um investment.
But yeah, it's just is that person intentional And if
they're not being intentional wanting to understand who you are
or wanting to understand why you do something, I just
(30:36):
think that's a red flag. I think it shows, I guess,
not how much you mean to that person, but just
how much relationships mean to that person. The chances are
they'll probably be like that with other people as well.
And if you're the person who doesn't, really that's okay.
Like people go through seasons of not being with people
and maybe that's the season you've got to step through.
Maybe you feel like your relationship is negative or it's
not going very well. It's really good to talk about it.
(30:59):
And maybe might not be with that person. Maybe it's
with someone you trust and just talk through why this
doesn't feel good. But yeah, I don't know. For me,
just in previous relationships, just when someone hasn't been intentional
with listening to me, you know, or they haven't been
intentional in communicating back to me, it's not just about
being heard, but also feeling like they're communicating with you. Yeah,
(31:21):
that's a big red flag for me. Yeah, yeah, I
really like that. And you know, I think what you're saying,
how you want to raise kids, how you want to
use your finances in the future. I know that it
sounds so cliche, but you know, finances are like you know,
I think, uh, like the second leading cause for divorce
in society, and so I think I think it's first.
(31:42):
I think it's like cheating and then I I don't
have to go look at it, but I mean it's
right there and the top five rights, and so it's
something that you should have conversations about. You actually should like, Okay,
let's make some time to talk about, like you know,
and and having in a fun, healthy conversation because again,
you don't need to become everything to this person. They
don't need to become everything to you. But if you
(32:04):
are off base where someone just wants to travel and
being nomad for the rest of their life and you
want to white pick up fins, four kids and three
point two dogs, one of them small, right, you know,
then obviously did would be pretty hard. And you know,
and I hate to say it this abruptly, but Tory,
I always say, if it's a maybe, it's a no,
(32:24):
you know, And and it's it's difficult to admit that
because you may meet some really special people in your life,
um that you think would be like really great to
be with. But again, as you're thinking, like what you're
talking about gay down the road and zac, as you're
seeing things in them, just like what you're mentioning about,
are they being intentional? Are they interested in me right?
Or are they just wanted me to adapt to their lifestyle?
(32:46):
Because that's what relationships are really about, right, It's about
realizing I'm different, you're different. Let's find a way to
be different together and make this work because they require
work and it's your level of commitment too, And I
think that's where it all stems from, right, The intentionality.
Where does that penstionality come from the level of commitment
that you have in a relationship and the level of
commitment that your partner has in that relationship. And if
(33:08):
you're sitting there like questioning, why is there this void
in this gap, you guys might have a different level
of commitment to the relationship in general, and that that
could be a really big that could be the issue
and could actually be the deciding factor of it. Is
it worth it if I'm the only one committed to
this partnership? Yo? What's up? Guys? Thank you so much
(33:30):
for watching this episode of prompt Us. Make sure to
go to prompt us podcast dot com to cement your
own prompts and we will see you in the next one.
From Us is a production of I heart Radio. For
more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Pumped Us is a production of I Heart Radio. Hi everyone,
welcome back to the Pumps. Oh. By the way, just
so you guys know, I am super insecure about laughing
too much. So if I get up and walk out
of the room, that's why, because I think I'm when
i start getting the giggles, just because I'm nervous about
getting Okay, okay, hold on, redo retake because Zack totally
(00:23):
hasn't actually started the podcast yet, so ready three at
three two? What's up? Everyone? Welcome back to the prompt
Us podcast. I am Gabriel Conti, one of your hosts,
and I am joined by my co hosts, Zach Stains
and Chad Masters. Chad Masters, Chad Masters Master and Zachary
(00:44):
Stains Stains Stains. We started so high with the energy
boys and we just dropped. We've been talking for an
hour before we started talking for this next hour. Yeah,
that's that's the issue. Anyway, Chad has the prompt for
today and it's a good one. And um, yep, yes,
(01:05):
excuse me. So if your name is Emma, I can't
pronounce your last name. So there's a lot of people
named Emma to listen to the podcast. It's in a
different screenshot. I have her prompt over here and then
her name over here. We're still working on our citizen guys.
If your name is Emma and you're from the Netherlands, hello,
donkey Belle. That's that's thank you in Dutch in case
because I'm a master staffin fan, so I'm basically Dutch.
(01:29):
She has a great question. I think we're gonna build
upon and throughout this whole episode. It's about relationships, and
everyone loves a good juicy relationship question. Right, it's how
Tory and I get views. It's I was just gonna say, right, honesty.
So I love zacts like the honesty. I just want
to Zach to narrate my life. Okay, I'm gonna say
the question. The question is this, what to do when
(01:51):
you and your partner differ too much? Differ or differ?
There's definitely there's definitely a difference. Well, it's deferred defer. No, no, no,
it's tomato. You said defer, being like I'm off, I
will defer reading this to you technically if too much.
(02:13):
I was just trying to Okay, So differ means that
you like differ are different. Yeah, yeah, so I'm gonna.
I'm gonna resay the prompts so that Gabe feels comfortable answering.
You can I just listen. I want our podcast to
be qualities, so I don't want anyone listening right now
to question. Who is this random dude saying the word
(02:34):
differ wrong? Homes No, I was homeschooled, and I'm the
one correcting him on how to speak. I just couldn't
tell we're making the progress here, Guys, I couldn't tell difference.
Did that? Did that upset you? Because that upset me
when I said, okay, well what to do when you're
and your partner are too different? There we go, just
change her wording. They're sorry, Emma, he's doing you a disservice.
(02:56):
Right now. I need to say, I need to stop
finding stuff. You're getting me back. But last I'm sorry
a few. We really need to get into this, though.
Why are you looking at me? I don't know, I
don't know, Zach, you go, oh jeez, So how dude
flip the neck? Okay, how about I start, you know,
(03:21):
and I guess let's just ease into it to find
out about, like, you know, what are good differences and
what are bad differences, right, because there's there's good differences, like,
for example, Tory and I compliment each other really well
in some ways where I can't handle little things very
well and I can handle big things pretty well. Like
for example, if someone hits our car, I'm calm as
(03:42):
a cucumber, right, But if someone cuts me off while
driving the car, I'm not. I'm like a hot to Molly.
You are an F one driver, No one overtakes you
on the road, no one someone tries to find the gap,
and there's no gap there anymore. And so but on
the other hand, Tories kind the ops in that where
she can handle the small things so well, she just
(04:03):
brushes it off like it's no big deal. But something
bigger happens and then you know, it's a little bit
more difficult for her. So we balance each other. And
so sometimes that's actually really beneficial to relationship because you
sharpen each other and you compliment each other and you
bring the best out in each other. But then there's
also some differences that are a little bit more difficult,
Like you know, if if you believe in being generous, right,
(04:24):
if you want to give money to a church or
give money to a friends go fund me. What if
that person you're sharing your finances, what doesn't want to
do that right? How you use your money, how you
how you want to raise your kids, all that stuff.
Those are some big differences. So maybe let's start with
the low hanging fruit and explain some like good differences
so people can feel better about the things that are
(04:44):
different about each other. Yeah. I like that a lot,
But I mean we do talk about that a lot,
with like the being equally yoked or whatever, you know,
like aligning on the really important issues that could be
like grounds for divorce in the future. But like you said,
we're starting out with a low hanging fruit. We both
look at Yeah, here's some low hanging fruit. Chelsea and
(05:09):
I like. I'm an extrovert. Chelsea's an introvert, So that's
some low hanging fruit to kick it off. And I
think a big part for us getting married was working
out how do we how do we navigate our time?
Because I like to I like to be with people
a lot. I like to hang out with people. If
I've got like a free afternoon, I'll just send I'll
call someone up and just let's go skateboard or let's
(05:29):
go run or let's do this, but Chelsea's way more
like I'm going to watch I Cali reboot again for
the second time this week, legit and I have to
be like, Okay. So it did take us a while
to work out. I mean, Chelsea and I knew each
other for a long time before we get married, but
it still takes us a while to work out and
to gauge where we're at. And I think a big thing,
(05:51):
like when there's a difference in a relationship is just
that communication aspect. I feel like that's so so huge,
Like if there's a difference, the worst thing is to
act like there's not a difference and to be like, oh,
it's to assume that a difference is bad or good.
You know. Um, it's not a bad thing that Chelsea
is introverted, and it's not a bad thing that I'm extroverted,
but it's bad if we don't position ourselves in a
way to understand each other. And I think it's finding
(06:13):
when you find the difference, then find a solution to
the situation, you know, because like in the same way,
excuse me, in the same way with like you're introverted
extroverted situation. Jess and I are very similar. But Jess
understands that I need to actually see people because it
(06:35):
benefits my mental health, and she's aware of that and
understands that I need to go see friends and spend
time with people and everything like that. But in the
same way, I'm kind of like a weird middle ground
of I need to be with people, but then I
also need my time alone as well, much behind maintenance.
You know, I could have told you that, let's go
(06:56):
baby high maintenance boys, um, where Jess is much more
comfortable just like being us too most of the time,
you know, And it's kind of understanding. I don't want
to keep you to myself too, dude, listen, right, I
mean that's a good shot. I don't make the rules,
all right, but yeah, yeah, And it's like I I
(07:21):
understand that. And I guess this goes into love languages too, right,
because I understand that Jess needs quality time. Dude, that
flem man. I had a cold earlier this week. Guy.
So if I sound a little nasi or hear some
of these or one of these, that's why I'm one
of those people that have someone throws up, I throw
up as well. Is if anyone's listening, who star, I'm
(07:47):
not kidding you. I'm not kidding you. Don't I start watering, dude,
I was saying something good to you. What was I
talking about? Languages? Yeah, love languages. So Jess um, she
loves quality times. So I know that not only on
(08:09):
the introverted side, we need to be spending time together.
When a burb came out, I'm sorry. I love that
Zak is just watching like the podcast just I'm just
thinking about what am I going to do in the
edit to make this tech guy? Yeah, dude, Honestly I
think as we're going, I'm like, dude, we are. This
(08:29):
is a like Zach has. He's pulling. He's carrying the
team on his back right now. Yeah he is. Anyway,
We're gonna to pay for his due. Oh my gosh,
I'm trying to get back in the love language. Is
everyone Jess like being more introverted. And I got to
(08:51):
a point where I need I needed to understand that
I need to set aside that time to be with
Jess and to spend end time with just one on
one and not just sit on the couch. And you
know binge Blacklist, so you know the end of time
shoutouts great show, because I would, dude, no, but we
(09:12):
need to be we need to talk and like be
face to face and community qual and actually have the
quality time, not just the quantity time, you know, So
just understanding what those differences are that could potentially be
like differences that cause you to get into fights or
(09:32):
have disagreements or to differ with each other, defer or
to defer to an alternate situation. Um coming from a
place of understanding and giving to the other person what
they need rather than being annoyed that you're not getting
(09:52):
what you need from the other person. Go into a
relationship to see what you can give, not what you
can get. Love that, because I do think it's easy
to get caught up, like if you're if you you know,
you clicked on this podcast and you're wondering, like, Okay,
how can I make someone more like me? Right, Because
whenever you see a difference in someone, it's either an
attractive difference or an unattractive difference, and it's typically unattractive
(10:14):
because you're like, oh wait, that's different, that's weird, that's suspicious,
you know, you mean, you're just like I don't really,
I'm not vibing this, and so, but immediately our reaction
is is like, well, how do I change that? How
do I not have that right? And so we need
to make sure that of these things that we all,
these differences we see in our partners, the people that
(10:34):
were worth are these good differences because this person, you know,
based off all three of our beliefs, this person is
made perfect in the image of God, not in our
own image. We don't need to recreate them into our image.
They were made perfectly that way, and so we need
to call more of who they they are in their
identity in Christ out, not in who their identity isn't us.
(10:55):
Does that make sense? And I think just I think
the rewind just really quick clean. It could be fun
to do a little hot potato go around, but I'm
just gonna break down with hot potato go around, go around,
the hot potato go around, Merry go around, potato around
like a pat to go around. It's hot aund whatever.
(11:16):
So I just want to rewind real quick and go
back to the love languages to make sure everyone really
knows what they are. I'm sure a lot of people do.
But there's this book and it's called The Five love languages,
and you don't even need to go read it, but
there's a great test you can take online or you
can read it if you really want to know more.
But they say that people like to give and receive
love in one of five ways, or actually I mean
(11:37):
in all five ways, but predominantly in one or two ways.
In some other ways don't really mean as much. And
so there's physical touch touch. I got a little choked
that was that there's physical touch. I got all excited.
There's words of affirmation, there's quality time, there's access service,
(11:58):
and there's gifts and so just so you know, like
people tend to express love the same way that they
like to receive it. But if you don't know the
person that you're with, you don't know their love language,
you're gonna likely love them the way that you like
to be loved. For example, ahead and even its I
want to get back to that for sure. But even
(12:19):
it's like not even in a relationship that this has
to be a thing, like even in friendships, in immunity community,
like learning the way people give and received love is
very important. I like gifts. Notice I'm not doing it
like Lego formula one car coming your way, baby, So
(12:40):
I I like to I like to give the same
way I would like to receive legos. Yes, I'm going
to send this suggest So, so, Zach, I don't know
if you wanted to start and maybe break down what
your love languages are, and maybe Chelsea as well. And
I know Gate already mentioned love language you do. Yeah,
it's sex. Hey za, this is me. This is language, dude.
(13:08):
That's my That's my classic go to. Whenever we talked someone,
like in random conversation, someone talks about love language, I'm like, oh,
you know my love language sex exactly, yes, And then
then it gets to laugh, and then we talked about
something really deep and intimate, like the actual level just exactly.
You gotta break the ice first. Intros are getting worse
(13:29):
and worse. Yeah, we gotta work on that anyway, Zack
hit us with it. So yeah, So my love language
is words of affirmation. So, like you mentioned, Chad, you
can have like different levels of different things, but my
main one words of affirmation and physical touch, which is
funny because I love to be like with mate, just
like tap him on the back, such a bury like
(13:51):
that vision, very much like a dog. Here's a good
boy tap him on the back, the like you know,
I like to cuddle people. That's my that's my way
of showing that I feel like I came out of nowhere.
That's give me the perfect real that's my way. That's
(14:11):
my way of showing affection with the boys. He went
from saying like his friends and we made a joke,
he saying, I like to cuddle people. If that's not
cutting to a real I don't know what should be.
Oh my god, alright, keep going, Zack, physical types and
words physical types was in aformation. Yeah, because for me,
like communications such a big yeah in both in all ways,
(14:33):
just like communicating with people so like it means a
lot when songs like bro, I'm proud of you, Um yeah,
that means a lot, and say, hey, message me on
Instagram just affirmed me. That's awesome dude. Actually, And no,
I just I just want to add to that real quick.
Oh I can't. That took me so long. I was waiting,
(14:56):
was interested, dude, you like not at you like he
was middle trained thought, so it took a lot for
him to yeah, give you the go ahead. But yeah,
so my my wife, Chelsea, she is very very different
to me, not to be confused with the spaceship. Gosh,
I'm trying to remember what's that not to be confused
with the spaceship from a few episodes back. Oh yes,
(15:20):
from from our record breaking real that is the biggest
thing I've done this year, So Zac's most successful piece
of content. So yeah, Chelsea, she is. I'm trying to remember, Chelsea,
if you listen to this, my but I'm saying the
right thing. So Chelsea used to be gifts but changed
(15:41):
because I suck at gifts, so changed. Yeah, it's I
think I think that's probably a good thing to not
like you can't it does change and develop change like yeah, no, no,
I get that. But Hers, I want to get this right.
HER's changed because you didn't get because you sucked. No, no, yes,
(16:07):
because territory, like we can we talk someone's love language
by not giving it to them. I guess Okay, that
makes me sound like the worst husband. Sorry, I was
looking at it from a science point of view. Oh
my gosh, dude. But yeah, so Hers, as far as
(16:29):
I remember right now, is quality time and acts of service,
And I think I feel like access service and gifts
go really closely together in a lot of ways they
all do, don't they, But like they go closely together
because it's about the intention, you know, like, Okay, I'm
intentionally like doing this for Chelsea or I'm intentionally buying
flowers or whatever it may be. And so because on
(16:50):
words of affirmation in my head, I'm just like, if
I just tell her that she's great and I'm proud
of her, that fulfills that bar for her fully doesn't
like but and I vacuum when she's at work or
when I do the dishes without having to be asked.
She's not my mom and she's just I'm just hopeless
that like you're way more those things are really make
(17:12):
a big difference, dude, And so I'm finding that, yeah,
that's kind of the same with the introverted extra thing.
I mean it's funny how that can sometimes line up
with your love languages. But yeah, Navigatin, that was so difficult.
I mean, I was such a it was so bad, dude.
Like I would forget to like get a card for
her for her birthday or I would and like understandably,
(17:33):
Chelsea would be just like bummed out and be like, oh,
like it's such a simple act of giving. But he
still didn't do it, and I'm like, I'm so sorry.
Like this was even before we were dating. I was
just like not very good at it. So it has
taken a lot of work for me to be like, Okay, cool,
this is a great moment to buy flowers, so I
should just do it. You know, whenever I think about
it now, I just do it. It's not like, oh no,
(17:56):
I won't do that, I'll leave for another event. It's
just like, nope, I'm just going to buy flowers now.
And it reminds me of when we all said we
would write cards to our wives a thing. The lost episodes,
the lost episodes, the lost episode recorded pre four. You
can listen to our last episode. How many did we recorded?
(18:18):
Recorded six episodes? Four? Oh yeah, no, you're right. We
did do six because we smashed them out before New York.
That's so crazy. When we like we're getting the podcast
off the ground, we recorded six test episodes that we
wanted to launch, and never they just didn't materialize because
it just took so long. From that point and the
pandemic and then everything, yeah, everything, Yeah, but if you
(18:41):
joined prompt Us Plus, you can get access to them. Wait,
prompt us plus is such a good name. Do you
like the name. It's like, did you just come up
with that? Patreon? Just then? I just thought about it, Disney.
And then Adam prompt us no, no, no, no, m
(19:01):
o one, Zach, he'll be back in five four three
two zero. Now Oh he's what what ude? Zero? Now?
That was unbelievable. Hey, Future Zac, leave it in the edit,
(19:24):
leave it, leave it in the edit. Leaving that guy.
Oh my gosh, I forgot about that freaking love that
so many people message, maybe like tech guy Zack. I
was like, alright, it's staying. It's staying, dude. My next
next episode, I'm gonna intro is gonna be I'm Gabriel
(19:46):
Consti and I'm here joining my co host chat Masters
and the tech guy. Do you realize we're both gonna
work for Zach one day? I know that's a that's
an issue and all least a be like we were joking.
We were that guy thing was a joke. I was kidding.
(20:09):
Hear us with your love language, bro, I'm interested to
hear what yours are. I think we were all similar,
but I'd love to hear I'm different, Bro. Your love
languages I'm built different. Yeah mine? No, No, mine is
words of affirmation? Are you different? I'm built different? Bro
words words in my laugh. But that's so funny because
(20:31):
you give words like I'm like none else. Stop doing that.
Oh my gosh, Okay, So mine come back to Zack's question,
is words of affirmation like hard like tell me, tell
(20:51):
me I'm doing a good job and I'm having a
good day. Why, Chad, I'm laugh you cause I know
your second love language is physical touches. How would you
know that from when we were spooning earlier today? Yeah?
(21:13):
Those are those are my two? Yeah? And then and
then like what gifts and um, quality time and what
was it? What's the fifth one? Active service? Like that's
obviously your bottom one? Like well, dude, honestly, I think
they those the first two are so high and the
other two are so low. Like there was this when
(21:35):
I took the test online. There's like a scale in
words of affirmation for me, was like a twelve or
something like that when it's like really high that gives you.
And then which Jess is her quality time was like
a twelve or something on that really high number. My
quality time it was like a two or something like that,
like a like almost the exact opposite of hers. So yeah,
(21:57):
I don't know. But it's funny though because then as
an extrovert though, like I do need to spend time
with people. I don't know, it's a it's a weird
like And I think that's a good note for everyone,
is that. I mean, it's not like the perfect solution
to anything. It's just, you know, this doesn't define you.
It just describes pieces of you, and it's good to
(22:17):
know that this is just more tools in your belt
to help you express what it is you need from
somebody and then also be able to listen to what
they're expressing what they need from you. You know. But
it's just tools. It's just tools to love people better.
And it's like, you know, I think the main point
of all the stuff is it's just about intentionality. That's
really that's really what it's all about. Like so when
(22:38):
before Tory and I got married, my love language well
the top two or quality time and touch and then
hers touch it's like boom, but before you're married, but
you know, with us waiting, you know, it was brutal
and it was honestly, like I think my love language
is touch, like that's it. We got to We wouldn't touch,
(23:01):
that's all. We wouldn't even kiss each other. I just
couldn't trust I. Um, but not so. But now after
we've been married for a few years now, I've noticed
that my my main love my main love language is
access service. And I think it's mainly because I get
to spend so much time with her that I don't
you know, We're together all day every day, so I
(23:22):
have the quality time, and then we also have the
physical touch, and so I think the thing that I
mainly need right now is like help, like access service,
and so that's something that means a lot to me now.
But Hers stayed in her lane of physical touch, and
so hers didn't change at all. But one thing I
thought was really interesting about how we're different. This is
like Tory Night's well, it's not our biggest fight, but
one of our biggest fights we ever had. Right after
(23:45):
like so we um, I woke up on the wrong
side of the bed and I was just mad at
the world. I was just piste off right, I was
just upset, and then she kind of got in my
face to shake me out of it. And I don't
like that I'm an internal processor. I'm very much what
my professor in college called me an extroverted introvert, which
if I were to put that in Layman's terms for
you all, it means that I love people, but I
(24:06):
don't always like people, and so I love to be
around people, but I also love to be alone, like
I love to be alone. And so I was having
a Yeah, I love people, I don't always like them,
and so, um, I was explained so much. She um, so,
I wonder why I don't like being around people ever,
so she so she tried to shake me out of
(24:28):
a little bit, and I kind of exploded a bit,
and she was just trying to help. But that's not
the way I like to be helped. I like to
be like left alone so I can process and think
through my problem. But then I got over that. Later
in the day, she was having a hard day, and
then I immediately ran to the bathroom and I drew
her a bath, and I put her Bible next to
the bath and like with a drink and refreshment or whatever.
(24:48):
And basically I just wanted to give her her space.
But what she wanted me to do was getting her
face and shake her out of it to talk her
through it. And so she gave me what she wanted
and I gave her what I wanted and neither of
them worked. But you wanted a bath to some candles.
I mean, Heysten, don't knock it until you try it. Okay, dude,
are you kidding me? Are you bad guy? I'm I'm
(25:09):
a shower guy. I'm a shower guy. The bath and
the bath is like if Jess and I are having
a romantic night. It don't act like it's a weird thing.
Is that you candlelight bath? And okay, alright, you're just
making making me. Zack's taking notes the tech guy candle
night under the bath done so um, but I already
(25:34):
ordered on Amazon. Yeah, um, so I'll talk about the candles.
You guys are too much. He went in to order
the bath. So I do think it can be good
advice for people to bring this back home. Before we
(25:56):
talk about a few deep things and we sign off.
It's just, um, well, first off, should we put an
ad here? So? I think that some differences are really
good things for you to see in you know, between
you and your partner. Those things are things that can
sharpen you they can compliment your relationship in their ways
where you can go out of your way. You can
become inconvenience and uncomfortable loving someone the way that they
(26:17):
want to be loved. That's super special because when I
think of Christ and I think about how uncomfortable he
was for him to come love me, right, they have
to come down from the seat of the throne of
the Father and come die for me to love me.
That's uncomfortable. That's sacrificial love. That's real love. That's not
oh well, I you know, I was just I was
in passing. I loved you when it was convenient for me.
(26:39):
And so I don't want you to listen to this
podcast and things, Oh I'm so different. I just I'm
incompatible with that person. That's not what we're saying at all,
because this is not about what you're getting, it's about
what you're giving, okay, and so, but there are definitely
some red flags, definitely some things where you know, like
maybe that person just isn't the best for you, maybe
you're not the best for them, And so there's definitely
(27:00):
some things that we should maybe mention for people to
be on the lookout for. To be Okay, to, you know,
as they're assessing their relationship or their friendships even and
they're just like, huh, yeah, maybe that's not the most
healthy thing for me to be a part of. And
I think a question to ask is like will this
affect our marriage way down there, like, well, this could
(27:21):
this be grounds for getting a divorce in the future,
you know what I mean? Like, if you don't agree
on the way you're gonna want to raise your kids,
that's probably not going to be an issue until you
have kids. So things are going to be fine until
you have kids, and then all of a sudden you're
gonna get to this point you're like, why don't we
agree on this thing? You need to talk through those
(27:41):
things early on so you can understand what like what
you got, understand the trajectory that you see yourselves going on,
and do you guys align, you know what I mean?
So stuff like that, And I'm trying to think of
another example. Maybe you guys have one and that's like
a specific Well I think that down the line it
becomes an issue. Yeah, I'm just gonna pick it back
(28:02):
off what you're saying real quick, and I'm gonna pass
it to Zach to put them on the spot. I
am so think of something good, Zach some research a
tech guy, I um tore and I would always say
this thing whenever we're encouraging our friends and relationship type stuff,
where you say, like, don't focus on what keeps you
at twenty and thirty, focus on what keeps you at
(28:23):
forty and fifty, because it's so easy to get caught
up in the infatuation and just the physical parts of
relationships where you're so in love quote unquote that you're
just like you'll you'll overlook anything that could be a
potentially red flag right where you're just say, oh, but
I'm just I feel so in love and there's things
that are happening chemical in your body that you can't
always control, and you need to give yourself a sober
(28:45):
assessment and think about what is it about this person
that I'm gonna love being with him? Whenever I'm forty fifties, sixties, seventy, right,
am I gonna be okay? Like so after we're empty
nesters and our kids went to school or whatever, you know,
am I gonna be okay just being friends with this
person and just sit on the porch like, what is
it about this person that's going to keep us interested
in and love seventy not just at you know, twenty
(29:09):
and thirty, because that's kind of easy. The falling part
is easy, staying part is hard, you know. And so, um, Zach,
is there any red flags that you know of? I
think for me, the biggest red flags whether the person
is intentional or not. You know, so, like Chelsea and
I are very different, but Chelsea is very intentional with
wanting to understand our differences and wanting to learn how
(29:31):
to nurture those differences and vice versa. It's the same way.
Like the best of it. I'm not saying we're really
good at it, but for me, it really does come
down to being intentional, um, with wanting to understand those differences.
And I think that's yeah, it's a bit cliche, like
the whole celebrate our differences, But I think it's cliche
because it's true, Like my favorite things about Chelsea are
completely different to me that they are completely Like the
(29:53):
way that she loves a bit more structure in her
world has changed my life. I need her structure and
that difference. But in the same way, I hope that
my kind of like free flowing day kind of gets
her excited and she's like, let's go last minute, go
to a coffee shop just for coffee or whatever it
may be. That's a funny example, but I just think
it's about that intention if if you really there's a
(30:14):
it's different now there, right, because we're married, we went
past that threshold where I go, Okay, now I'm going
to do everything I can to invest into this marriage,
which I think you should be doing in a relationship anyway.
I guess there's a there's a level of um investment.
But yeah, it's just is that person intentional And if
they're not being intentional wanting to understand who you are
or wanting to understand why you do something, I just
(30:36):
think that's a red flag. I think it shows, I guess,
not how much you mean to that person, but just
how much relationships mean to that person. The chances are
they'll probably be like that with other people as well.
And if you're the person who doesn't, really that's okay.
Like people go through seasons of not being with people
and maybe that's the season you've got to step through.
Maybe you feel like your relationship is negative or it's
not going very well. It's really good to talk about it.
(30:59):
And maybe might not be with that person. Maybe it's
with someone you trust and just talk through why this
doesn't feel good. But yeah, I don't know. For me,
just in previous relationships, just when someone hasn't been intentional
with listening to me, you know, or they haven't been
intentional in communicating back to me, it's not just about
being heard, but also feeling like they're communicating with you. Yeah,
(31:21):
that's a big red flag for me. Yeah, yeah, I
really like that. And you know, I think what you're saying,
how you want to raise kids, how you want to
use your finances in the future. I know that it
sounds so cliche, but you know, finances are like you know,
I think, uh, like the second leading cause for divorce
in society, and so I think I think it's first.
(31:42):
I think it's like cheating and then I I don't
have to go look at it, but I mean it's
right there and the top five rights, and so it's
something that you should have conversations about. You actually should like, Okay,
let's make some time to talk about, like you know,
and and having in a fun, healthy conversation because again,
you don't need to become everything to this person. They
don't need to become everything to you. But if you
(32:04):
are off base where someone just wants to travel and
being nomad for the rest of their life and you
want to white pick up fins, four kids and three
point two dogs, one of them small, right, you know,
then obviously did would be pretty hard. And you know,
and I hate to say it this abruptly, but Tory,
I always say, if it's a maybe, it's a no,
(32:24):
you know, And and it's it's difficult to admit that
because you may meet some really special people in your life,
um that you think would be like really great to
be with. But again, as you're thinking, like what you're
talking about gay down the road and zac, as you're
seeing things in them, just like what you're mentioning about,
are they being intentional? Are they interested in me right?
Or are they just wanted me to adapt to their lifestyle?
(32:46):
Because that's what relationships are really about, right, It's about
realizing I'm different, you're different. Let's find a way to
be different together and make this work because they require
work and it's your level of commitment too, And I
think that's where it all stems from, right, The intentionality.
Where does that penstionality come from the level of commitment
that you have in a relationship and the level of
commitment that your partner has in that relationship. And if
(33:08):
you're sitting there like questioning, why is there this void
in this gap, you guys might have a different level
of commitment to the relationship in general, and that that
could be a really big that could be the issue
and could actually be the deciding factor of it. Is
it worth it if I'm the only one committed to
this partnership? Yo? What's up? Guys? Thank you so much
(33:30):
for watching this episode of prompt Us. Make sure to
go to prompt us podcast dot com to cement your
own prompts and we will see you in the next one.
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