March 20, 2024 • 39 mins
Trans health care for youth has been in the news a lot lately. In this episode, we have a roundtable discussion about hormone replacement therapy: the experience of it, the hurdles to accessing it, and the ways it can expand our thinking of gender expression and feeling at home in your body.
RESOURCES: https://www.queerchronicles.com/resources
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
School of Humans.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
This is Queer Chronicles.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
This is my personal entry Queer. This is Queer Chronicles.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
Hey everyone, what you're about to hear is a conversation
about hormone replacement therapy HR team. You'll hear folks talking
about their experiences. But please note that this is not
medical advice. If you have any questions or concerns, please
consult your doctor. You can also check out our list
(00:45):
of resources in the show notes. This episode also contains
mentions of suicide, so please take care as you listen.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I did not think to do this for the previous weeks,
but I'm Connor. This is my voice. Oh wow, wow, Okay,
that's how we're doing this. This is my voice three
weeks on tea.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
For some teens, turning sixteen means getting a driver's license,
but for Connor, this milestone birthday represented a step toward
a different kind of freedom.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Pretty much since I came out as chance, I was
wanting to do HRT and I was kind of expecting
having to wait a really long time. But I brought
it up with my mom and she was like, yeah,
when you turn sixteen, that'd be a lot easier than
we can get that, and I turned sixteen and my
doctor's appointment was the day of my sixteenth birthday, so
(01:41):
that was pretty cool.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
From School of Humans, The Outspoken Podcast Network, and iHeart Podcasts,
This is Queer Chronicles, a show where queer folks document
their personal lives and experiences in their own words, and
I'm your host, Raquel Willis. This season, a group of
(02:04):
teenagers are sharing their perspectives on growing up queer, trans
and gender non conforming while living in.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Mostly where It States.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Today, we're talking about hormone replacement therapy, an important kind
of gender affirming care.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
HRT is hormone replacement therapy, which for me basically just
means I have girl hormones, I said, girl weird. I
have girl hormones that make me go through girl puberty
and make my body and my voice and stuff like
that seem like a girl. And by taking testosterone, I
(02:46):
can reverse some of those effects or just change them
and essentially go through parts of male puberty, which will
then give me some of those male features and stuff
like that. I'm probably most so conscious about my voice,
so it's going to be really nice to be able
to hear myself and not feel bad about it.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Already.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I hear that it changed, and I really like it.
I think it's really cool. I live in Tennessee and
HRT for minors is going to be illegal Tennessees.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
SB one denies all miners the right to trans healthcare.
The lawless passed in July of twenty twenty three and
is slated to go into effect in March twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
The plan is to find somewhere, probably no annoy where
I can keep doing it through there, and I'm lucky
enough to both be able to do that and have
a mom that's willing to make that drive. So overall,
for me, it's not that bad. It's just kind of annoying.
But what really upsets me about that is I know
(03:57):
the effect it's going to have on a lot of
other people, including my friends and in general. A trans
care being available for minors is suicide prevention. That's what
it is. It doesn't matter what you believe or what
you think is right for kids, but just like listening
to them and letting them do what is right for
them is suicide prevention. If you're not allowing your kids
(04:22):
to be who they are, then you're not making them
less trans you're just making them less happy.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
As of recording this episode, approximately twenty states have passed
restrictions to gender firm and care for folks under age eighteen,
while others are considering similar legislation and policies.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Even though it's being.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
Used as a political tool and there's a lot of
fear mongering around it, taking hormones is very safe. In fact,
it's not even controversial when prescribed for CIS folks. CIS
guys who take testosterone to look good in the gym.
That's HRT Appausal women on estrogen child that's HRT too.
(05:10):
People regardless of gender need hormonal interventions for a number
of reasons, and particularly when transfolks opt for HRT, it
can be extremely important for our mental health. In fact,
leading organizations like the American Medical Association, the American Academy
(05:30):
of Pediatrics, and the American Psychiatric Association support access for
gender firm and care for trans folks of all ages.
All of this is despite conservative politicians and pundance obsession
with D transitioning that is, the ending or reversal of
a gender transition, and let's be clear, D transition is
(05:54):
largely an uncommon phenomenon. Personally, I just celebrated my eleven
year anniversary of taking estrogen back in twenty twelve. I
knew that I wanted my external appearance to match my
interior world. And right about now, honey, I couldn't imagine
my life any other way. My experience is just one
(06:18):
of a black trans woman, and that's one perspective. And
we wanted to hear from young folks who are navigating
similar feelings but at a different age, in a very
different way and at a very different time. For two
of our teens, gender affirmation looks like taking testosterone.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
I never even understood, like the concept of like what
makes something masculine or feminine?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
That's it who you heard in previous episodes. But here's
a reminder, it's nineteen lives in Arizona and just goes
by it and uses it as a pronoun two.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
For years, I parroted what I thought was true, and
I forced myself to be high masculine and then hyperfeminine
to rage against that. And I've gotten to the point
where I'm just like, why don't I just exist?
Speaker 3 (07:12):
You know?
Speaker 5 (07:13):
And that's something that has been really important to me recently,
is just like letting myself exist as I am without
trying to force.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
It in any way.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
I always feel more comfortable when i'm testosterone. I've been
on and off of it for years because of insurance
and various life circumstances, but I've been back on it
for a decent amount of months now pretty consistently, and
I'm feeling great about it because it helps me feel
more comfortable with the body that I pretty much already had.
(07:44):
But it just feels different, and I don't really know
how to explain it other than it feels like magic
to me.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
You know, Oh, that's beautiful. Let's explore this feeling of
magic that testosterone, or as we call it in community tea,
can have for folks from a diverse range of ages
and experiences. So in this conversation you'll hear from our teens,
(08:12):
Connor and It, as well as another friend of the
show named Sky.
Speaker 6 (08:19):
I knew from like a very very young man that
the whole girl thing was not it didn't work, Like
I never identified as a lesbian, Like none of that
ever made sense to me.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Sky's experience is a little different than most of the
people you've heard on the show. They're thirty three and
started taking tea in adulthood. Sky waited because they had
a lot of uncertainty about taking hormones in their teens.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
It was like, the only thing that held me back
from test Shawstone was fear of what other people would think.
And then when I was first coming out, like when
I was a teenager, I had a friend who was
not using tea as prescribed and was experiencing some really
negative effects from it and had a lot of rage
(09:15):
and like at a period for a month and a
half straight, and I was like, well, I don't want
that to be my life. And I thought that's just
what happened when you were on tea, So I was
like terrified of it. I finally just hit i don't know,
like a spiritual emotional breaking point where I just realized that,
like my own happiness mattered more than what anybody else
(09:39):
thought about me, and I just kind of took the dive.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Now, after a few years on tea, Sky's perception of
themselves and the world has changed a lot, and our
teens have started to experience that change too.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Here's it.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
There's certain aspects of taking testosterone and like certain reasons
stuff that are not discussed enough because they're seen as
something that it's two one savory or like too inappropriate
to talk about, even when they're just about your anatomy changing.
It shouldn't be inherently considered a bad thing to talk about.
There's this issue of both having fear mongering about HRT
(10:19):
while also having misinformation and just lack of information on
it at the same time. That makes it very hard
to navigate trying to figure it out almost entirely on
your own.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
It's right. It is a lot to figure out on
your own, especially if you're already busy exploring and uncovering
your gender and sexuality. And that's where it was. A
couple years ago.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
When I was eleven or twelve, I had thought that
I might be clear in some way, Like I thought
I was bisexual at one point, and I was like, oh,
I'm a lesbian. And then I did the thing that
everyone does where they're like, oh, I'm going to look
up what.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
A lesbian looks like and I'm going to dress like that,
where I.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
Was like, I had like this SpongeBob flat build that
I was with.
Speaker 7 (11:05):
It was like kind of like like psychedelic, like gory
spongebomb and I would cut my shirts in the muscle
tees and I cut my flannels which I was already wearing.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I didn't really know if.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
I identified with the label lesbian, because I was like, I
don't think that I feel like a girl. So I
I looked into it more and I was like, oh,
I'm non binary.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Once it realized it was trans, curiosity was sparked around
taking testosterone at a summer use camp. Folks helped it
navigate questions about starting treatment. For anyone looking to start hormones,
the first step is to find an HRT provider. You
can ask your doctor for referral search in a database
(11:56):
like my trans Health, or connect with your local trans
community online shout out to them. We have a resource
guide in our show notes with a link to an
article called a Beginner's Guide to Hormone Replacement Therapy. There
you can find some ideas and recommendations for places to start.
(12:18):
When everyone got together for this zoom call, Connor told
us he had been on.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Tee for months and a half. Maybe I meant to
keep track and then I didn't and I still haven't.
I very much could go look at the calendar and
see the date. I'm not gonna at this point, I'm
committed to not knowing.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
I love that for him, and I know that even
after a month and a half on moons, you can
start to see and fill some real changes.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
For me, those.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
First few months on estrogen felt like an awakening of
senses and feelings within my body. It felt like a
second puberty. I noticed changes that I could have never anticipated,
buds and softer skin, and it felt exciting and new
(13:11):
and unique. Connor's been seeing some changes in these early
weeks too.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I would say the voice is the main thing I notice.
I think it took like two weeks for my voice
to start cracking. Maybe a little less than that.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And the past few singing lessons I've had have been
really funny because my singing teacher does not like to
his credit, he's done a ton of research on it,
but like also, it's kind of a new thing for
both of us, and we'll do like the warm ups
and it's like, okay, cool, So your high range is
completely gone, but you can get down to a B
(13:46):
two now, which is lower than the CIS student I
have right before. So that was pretty exciting, and it's
also a lot more fun to sing when you know
that if you just make terrible, terrible noises with your mouth,
it's not your fault, because oh, it gets bad. Sometimes
it's like, oh, is that a train coming? Nope, it's
(14:06):
just me trying to sing like a totally reasonable like.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Noe, your girl can relate. Here's some advice.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
Spare your ears and don't take me to karaoke anyway.
Connor's noticed another big shift in himself too.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And I've actually noticed being like less angry than usual
because I am also autistic. I get a lot of
like physical energy in my body whenever I feel an
emotion stronglyguage. Sometimes it is anger, and then I'm like,
I don't want to be that guy that's punching bulls.
But that's kind of what I was worried about going
into it. And I've noticed that I felt that like
(14:48):
a lot less, which is really weird to me, because
I was like, I'm supposed to just be angry all
the time, is the way they make it sound. But
I'm actually more normal than usual.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
You can't see or hear this, but It and Sky
are both in enthusiastically nodding along to Connor's observations about
his mood.
Speaker 6 (15:11):
It was the same experience for me. Of I was
really worried that I was going to be angry all
the time, and I feel like I am so much
more even keeled. My mood has never been better than
when I've been on testosterone, and that's been awesome.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
There is so much misinformation about how food is affected,
because there's this idea that men are just inherently more
aggressive and angry, and people think that it's because.
Speaker 9 (15:37):
Of testosterone, and it.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
Really has so much more to do with conditioning, and
it's really frustrating.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Okay, let's take a second to back up what it
is saying here. In our culture, there's a long held
belief that testosterone causes certain behaviors in masculine folks, particularly
when it comes to aggression, but there's some new research
that suggests the link between tea and aggressive behavior is
(16:11):
actually very weak. A twenty nineteen book called Testosterone and
Unauthorized Biography challenges those beliefs, finding all sorts of flaws
in those age old arguments. The book also highlights other
factors that play a huge role in the way masculine
(16:31):
folks navigate the world, like socialization.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
I was like I don't understand why people keep asking
if testosterone is what's making me angry.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I'm just mad.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Like being a fourteen year old in the world.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
Is hard, especially with mood disorders. I was going through
a very hard time. I still felt better about myself.
I became less aggressive. I was never like physically aggressive,
but I did yell quite a lot as a kid.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
I was having what I now know to be malknowns.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
As an autistic person, and it would result in me
like rock back and forth, screaming and like not knowing
what to do, shutting down basically, And a lot of
that was blamed on testosterone when I started it, and
it was very much like if you keep screaming, I'll
take you off testosterone.
Speaker 9 (17:16):
It was like a threat.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
And that's hard.
Speaker 9 (17:19):
Because it's like you don't know how to articulate.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
This is the one thing that's keeping me sane. Wall
around useling.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
One common reason people start HRT it is because they're
hoping to see some physical changes. Those shifts are different
for everyone. They really depend on your dosage, how long
you take the medication, and the unique makeup of your body.
The way you take the hormones may have an effect too.
(17:53):
There are a few different options. The most common are patches, pills, gels,
or injections, no matter how you take it. If you're
on TEE, there are a few changes that folks can
generally expect to see. One is your voice getting deeper
like Connor mentioned, and your menstrual cycle might change. You
(18:16):
could see more muscle mass, body fat may shift from
your hips and thighs to other areas. You're likely to
get more pimples, and a lot of folks see their
libido increase.
Speaker 6 (18:29):
I had to be reminded multiple times that, like I
was going through a second puberty, and like I had
the terrible experience of being a teenage girl, and now
I get to have the experience of being a teenage boy,
which came with all of the acne that I never
really got rid of to begin with, and then came
back full force. And like people told me, yeah, you'll
(18:54):
have an increased sex drive, but I didn't quite understand
what that meant. And like I have more empathy for
CIS male teenagers.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Now, Okay, so we covered tea, but estrogen is a
(19:27):
whole another story. Testosterone may give you more sets, and
estrogen could make your skin softer. But it isn't always
a one to one comparison. They aren't perfect opposites. For example,
estrogen is not known to change your voice, you know,
(19:48):
make it higher. When I learned that at the start
of my medical transition, I opted for vocal therapy. I
was lucky or honestly privileged because I was able to
do this with therapists at my alma mater, The Universe
of Georgia. They inspired me to tap back into a
(20:09):
femininity I had as a kid that I tried to
lose because I was teased for it. In therapy, I
tried to get my voice to reach what's often considered
a more androgynous range because I was never going to
have a Betty boot voice, excuse me, a stereotypically feminine voice.
(20:34):
But when I thought about it more, the beautiful, powerful
Southern Black women in my family didn't fit those stereotypes either,
So along the way, I unlearned that desire and leaned
into what made me one of a kind. For Connor,
in addition to his voice getting deeper, there was another
(20:57):
major body change that he was really looking forward to.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Another thing I really wanted was facial hair because I
feel like that's probably my biggest obstacle besides just like
my body in passing, because I am like I'm fat,
to put it plainly, And I also have very large
breasts and that's kind of awful because there's nothing I
can really do about that, especially like the past two
(21:24):
places of work, I've had to wear like an apron
and they're always too small, so it's like, wow, Wow,
I really look like that. Huh.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
But I'm not.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Really sure like how much the fat redistribution does happen,
because there's not really any way to quantify it since
it's different for everyone. But that's another thing that I'm
kind of hoping for slash looking forward to.
Speaker 6 (21:45):
I was also very excited about the potential for fat redistribution,
which I will say does happen, so like I notice
a lot more belly now, but a lot less hips.
And I was really scared about the body hair because
I already was a person with a good amount of
(22:05):
body hair, and you know, like I learned some things
from my doctor, and honestly, I learned a lot of
stuff from Reddit. I will never forget reading something. And
somebody had asked, like, when they talk about getting body hair,
do you get hair on your butt? Is it on
your butt? Is it in your butt? And somebody just
responded yes. I always had a good amount of body hair,
(22:29):
and when the world was perceiving me as a woman,
that was something I felt a lot of shame about.
And my body hair could be exactly the same. But
if people are not seeing me as a woman in
the world all of a sudden, there's no shame around it.
Speaker 9 (22:44):
My mein things that happened at first, for my bone
structure was changing. My shoulders are broader than my hips now,
which was not what it was for my hips were
actually broader on my shoulders.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
I didn't know about botom growth.
Speaker 5 (22:56):
That was not that steered me because I didn't know
what was going on, and it.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Hurt a lot.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
If you didn't catch that. It just referenced something called
bottom growth, or when the glitteris enlarges. This is another
body change that typically happens when folks start taking tea.
It's totally normal, safe, and to be expected, but it
doesn't get talked about a lot, and the experience can
be really jarring.
Speaker 5 (23:25):
I was like worried that something was going wrong, but
I didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone about that. So
I just kind of like dealt with it and was like,
I'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
I was. It turns out that's supposed to happen.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
But it's something that I really think is important to
look into and ask other people who have been on
testosterone about it, especially if they've been on it for
a little bit of a longer time, because it absolutely
is usually the first thing that you see change like
that happened within the first week for me, and it
can be scary, especially if you're younger and you don't
really know what's going on.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Since hormones affect every person so differently, it's hard to
know what to expect the beginning of your journey. Now
that it's Sky and Connor have all been on tea
for a while, I wanted to know what they wish
they had known in the beginning. Connor started us off
with advice for all the singers out there trying to
(24:21):
hit their high notes.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
The advice I would give is keep singing through the
high range because eventually, like even as your voice is settling,
you'll kind of get it more in your head of like,
oh okay, like this is what I need to do
differently to hit those same notes. It's really freaky at
first if you're really attached to where your voice is
at as far as singing goes, but you can get
it back, you just kind of have to relearn it.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Yeah, fir One thing that came up that I had
forgotten about but was reminded of in this conversation is
I used to cry a lot. I still have all
of the feelings. I still feel sadness, like, I have
my full range of emotion, but physically it is harder
(25:22):
for me to produce tears now than it used to be,
and that's not something I was prepared for.
Speaker 8 (25:29):
I want to add on to that that, like, it's
sometimes physically painful.
Speaker 5 (25:34):
The feeling of like having tears feel like it's like
going up your throat in like behind your eyes, but
not being able to produce them is sometimes painful, and it's.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Gotten worse, Like over time, I've noticed like a lunger.
I've been on.
Speaker 5 (25:47):
Tysosterone, And it's not something that like has dissuaded me
from taking tysosterone, but it is something like you kind
of have to train yourself to express your emotions in
ways that aren't tears, because tears literally pulling is self soothing,
so when you're not getting that, you have to find
(26:08):
these like busying your hands or.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Like trying to focus yourself.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
I rub my eyes a lot, and I feel like
I should be crying, but I'm not.
Speaker 6 (26:16):
The other thing that is not so much about the
testosterone itself, but it took me some time to figure
out how to deal with men who were strangers treating
me totally differently. It has been a wild experience for
me of like the level of respect that I receive
from strangers who are men just because they perceive me
(26:37):
as either a boy or a man, I don't know,
but anything other than what they saw me as before.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
As your body changes, the world might start perceiving and
reacting to you in a new way. I definitely experienced.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
This as a kid.
Speaker 4 (26:55):
I always felt like my gender was under a microscope,
but once I began to transition, the lens shifted. The
things that I used to be judge for, especially my femininity,
were now expected of me. Connor said he started to
notice people perceiving him differently too.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Due to some other health issues, I had to quit
my job and quit an internship I had lined up,
which really sucks. But my second to last day at work,
someone called me, sir, and I was like, all right,
I can. I can go out in a blaze of glory.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
Now I see myself exactly the same as I did before.
Like for me, it's like I'm the same person. It's
just y'all are seeing me differently. I feel like accepting
my transness and starting on this journey has expanded my
awareness in so many ways, and it makes me look
(27:55):
like even more. I was already looking at the patriarchy
a lot, but like looking at it even more now,
and like, how can I help subvert this culture from
like this new unearned position of power I have just
because people see me as something that is not who
I am.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
It's weird how testosterone can HRT in general changes.
Speaker 10 (28:22):
Your relationship with yourself in a lot of ways, and
also the relationship with people around you. And I've heard
countless stories of trans people going on HRT and being
like I'm not day anymore, or like I'm not straight anymore.
My sexuality changes, or is it that it's like I
think it's because your relationship with the concept of gender
(28:43):
changes when you start messing with it, Like that's when
it's like it feels like it's a different thing now,
like it doesn't feel as rich as it was before.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
What it just said really hits the mark. When you
start to take control of your life, a whole world
opens up, and that world well might not look like
the one you're used to. That's the beauty of hearing
our folks talk about their experiences with HRT candidly, because
(29:16):
going through a change like this takes courage and an
openness to expand your perspective. It's not rigid, it's not general,
it's personal and it's you.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Let's take a quick break.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
And we're back when we left off. It's Sky and Connor.
We're telling us about some of the ways their lives
have changed since starting team. It's hard to overstate just
how impactful taking hormones can be for folks mental health.
If you'll remember, Connor even said at the very beginning
(30:07):
of this episode that HRT is a form of suicide prevention,
and he spent a lot of time thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out
why people think the way they do. My big thing
is psychology. My plan is to get my doctor in psychology,
and so I kind of wanted to see where transphobic
people were coming from. And I feel like when it
comes to people who are specifically in the trans healthcare
(30:42):
for minors debate, they feel like their children are being
turned against themselves, and in a lot of cases people
are like scared for their children, And where that comes
from is like, sometimes it's solely from a like, well,
(31:03):
I don't want you to permanently change yourself when it
could just be part of growing up or because other
people are doing it, which is a horrible thing for
a child to hear, because for one thing, there's no
such thing as a permanent state of the self, and
for another thing, like saying I'm not going to acknowledge
you growing and changing just because it might end in
the future is an incredibly damaging way to handle that.
Speaker 6 (31:26):
When I came out around sexuality and when I came
out around gender with my mom, what I heard her
say for over a decade was like, I just don't
want the world to be harder for you. And I
feel like a lot of parents like the intention is good,
and like her intention was like, well, I just don't
want the world to be hard for you, And it
(31:48):
took me over a decade to sit down with her
and have the conversation that like, the world is going
to be the world, like it's going to be what
it is, but you not supporting me makes everything feel harder.
Like I'm going to take on the world because that's
what I'm going to do no matter what. But it
(32:09):
feels so much easier when you have my back than
when I feel like I'm fighting against you too.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Disclaimer I don't have any children, so here's my advice
on parenting. I feel like it's important for parents to
understand that you're raising an individual, so be aware of
your baggage, the trauma, and the triggers that you may have,
and try your best not to project those onto your child.
(32:41):
I think all of us deserve the blank canvas of
our lives, and we deserve to adorn it however we
see fit, and this is especially true for queer and
trans youth.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
I feel like there's a lot of fear around your
child wanting to change themselves in a way that they
might not be to reverse. And what a lot of
parents thinks, well, if I say no or if I
ignore it, then it's going to go away and they're
going to be happy with themselves the way they are,
which is what every parent wants for their kid is
(33:18):
they want them to be happy with who they are
and like what's going on in the world around them.
But that's not how it works. By denying your child
the right to be who they actually are, you're setting
that kid up for a lot more problems.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
Something that's very important is like explaining that this isn't
running away.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
From yourself, it's running to yourself.
Speaker 5 (33:41):
It's running into who you want to grow into, grow
to be, it's wanting to wanting to grow up, because
in a lot of ways, it feels like sometimes you're
not gonna there's like different camps right now. It's like
there's the camps of people who just don't get it,
(34:01):
which I think is probably the majority of people who
are like have these like transphobic opinions. The majority of
the people just don't get it, or or listening to
people who are actively trying to.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Make them not get it.
Speaker 9 (34:15):
And the scary part is the people that are doing
it on purpose, you know.
Speaker 6 (34:23):
I think there's an element of like people fearing what
they don't understand, and there's also an element of being
afraid of like if you see a trans person that
is like living authentically and loving their life. Then like,
what does it mean to look at like the places
where regardless of your identity, where you have accepted what
(34:46):
society has told you you must be everybody regardless of gender,
regardless of whether you're sis or trans, Like, everyone gets
put in these boxes where like men have to be
strong and women have to be graceful, Like all of
this is so made up, but it gets put on
all of us. And I think that's like a pain
(35:07):
that sits with all of us in different ways. And
I think like the world would be a very different
place if like all of us could just like love
and see and accept ourselves as we are. And this
transition for me has been like stepping into my integrity
and my authenticity and feeling more solid than ever before.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
One thing's for certain. We all have expectations, and youth
come into the world holding the expectations of all of
those around them, especially their parents. So it can be
hard when they buck up against those understandings of who
they're supposed to be. But I believe that young people
(35:54):
have a core awareness about who they are, whether their
parents understand it or not. So it's important for us,
particularly old the adults, to have humility and accepting that
we don't and can't know everything, and that young people
(36:14):
need space to figure out their lives on their own terms.
If we understand this, our support can be life saving.
Speaker 5 (36:29):
The fact that trans healthcare is suicide provission is why
people want to take it away. That's the point, and
that's something that scares me, Like trans healthcare that has
saved my life countless times, Like I have.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
Been chosen to stay alive because I'm on a distosterone.
We're chosen to stay alive because I'm getting support.
Speaker 5 (36:56):
It's like you can't even calculate that, because it's like
there's little moments of every single day of your life
where you're like.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
This is too hard, I can't keep going.
Speaker 5 (37:04):
But then when you feel like you get a little
bit best support, it makes it just a little bit easier.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
By automatically denying them that and saying that you know
your child better than they know themselves, you're setting them
up for not only resenting you, but resenting themselves even more.
And in a lot of cases, it comes down to
would you rather have a kid who like has this
going on with their identity even if you don't agree
(37:31):
with it for whatever reason, like would you rather have
a kid who is trans or a kid that is dead?
And that is the choice that you, as a parent
have to make.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
Queer Chronicles as a production of School of Humans, The
Outspoken Podcast Network and iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Raquel Willis.
You can find a list of resources in the show notes,
including trans Lifeline and the Trevor Project. This show was
written by Jordan Bailey at a Elese Perez, Aaron Edwards,
(38:07):
and Me. Our story editors are Aaron Edwards and Julia Furlan,
Produced by Jordan Bailey, Julia Farlan, and Edalis Perez. Our
senior producer is Amelia Brock, directed by ediis Perez, sound
design and mixed by m b al Raheem. Theme song
(38:29):
composed by Jesse Niswanger, casting by Jordan Bailey and Julia Furlan,
fact checking by Savannah Hugh Glee. Our production manager is
Daisy Church. Executive producers include Jay Brunson and Me from
The Outspoken Podcast Network, Michael Alder June and Noel Brown
(38:49):
from iHeart Podcasts, Virginia Prescott, Brandon Barr, and Elsie Crowley
from School of Humans and The Cats Company. Special thanks
to Sky for joining this conversation. If you're enjoying the show,
please share it with friends and family, and don't forget
to rate and review in your favorite podcast app. Tune
(39:12):
in again next week
School of Humans.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
This is Queer Chronicles.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
This is my personal entry Queer. This is Queer Chronicles.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
Hey everyone, what you're about to hear is a conversation
about hormone replacement therapy HR team. You'll hear folks talking
about their experiences. But please note that this is not
medical advice. If you have any questions or concerns, please
consult your doctor. You can also check out our list
(00:45):
of resources in the show notes. This episode also contains
mentions of suicide, so please take care as you listen.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I did not think to do this for the previous weeks,
but I'm Connor. This is my voice. Oh wow, wow, Okay,
that's how we're doing this. This is my voice three
weeks on tea.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
For some teens, turning sixteen means getting a driver's license,
but for Connor, this milestone birthday represented a step toward
a different kind of freedom.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Pretty much since I came out as chance, I was
wanting to do HRT and I was kind of expecting
having to wait a really long time. But I brought
it up with my mom and she was like, yeah,
when you turn sixteen, that'd be a lot easier than
we can get that, and I turned sixteen and my
doctor's appointment was the day of my sixteenth birthday, so
(01:41):
that was pretty cool.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
From School of Humans, The Outspoken Podcast Network, and iHeart Podcasts,
This is Queer Chronicles, a show where queer folks document
their personal lives and experiences in their own words, and
I'm your host, Raquel Willis. This season, a group of
(02:04):
teenagers are sharing their perspectives on growing up queer, trans
and gender non conforming while living in.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Mostly where It States.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Today, we're talking about hormone replacement therapy, an important kind
of gender affirming care.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
HRT is hormone replacement therapy, which for me basically just
means I have girl hormones, I said, girl weird. I
have girl hormones that make me go through girl puberty
and make my body and my voice and stuff like
that seem like a girl. And by taking testosterone, I
(02:46):
can reverse some of those effects or just change them
and essentially go through parts of male puberty, which will
then give me some of those male features and stuff
like that. I'm probably most so conscious about my voice,
so it's going to be really nice to be able
to hear myself and not feel bad about it.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Already.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I hear that it changed, and I really like it.
I think it's really cool. I live in Tennessee and
HRT for minors is going to be illegal Tennessees.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
SB one denies all miners the right to trans healthcare.
The lawless passed in July of twenty twenty three and
is slated to go into effect in March twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
The plan is to find somewhere, probably no annoy where
I can keep doing it through there, and I'm lucky
enough to both be able to do that and have
a mom that's willing to make that drive. So overall,
for me, it's not that bad. It's just kind of annoying.
But what really upsets me about that is I know
(03:57):
the effect it's going to have on a lot of
other people, including my friends and in general. A trans
care being available for minors is suicide prevention. That's what
it is. It doesn't matter what you believe or what
you think is right for kids, but just like listening
to them and letting them do what is right for
them is suicide prevention. If you're not allowing your kids
(04:22):
to be who they are, then you're not making them
less trans you're just making them less happy.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
As of recording this episode, approximately twenty states have passed
restrictions to gender firm and care for folks under age eighteen,
while others are considering similar legislation and policies.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Even though it's being.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
Used as a political tool and there's a lot of
fear mongering around it, taking hormones is very safe. In fact,
it's not even controversial when prescribed for CIS folks. CIS
guys who take testosterone to look good in the gym.
That's HRT Appausal women on estrogen child that's HRT too.
(05:10):
People regardless of gender need hormonal interventions for a number
of reasons, and particularly when transfolks opt for HRT, it
can be extremely important for our mental health. In fact,
leading organizations like the American Medical Association, the American Academy
(05:30):
of Pediatrics, and the American Psychiatric Association support access for
gender firm and care for trans folks of all ages.
All of this is despite conservative politicians and pundance obsession
with D transitioning that is, the ending or reversal of
a gender transition, and let's be clear, D transition is
(05:54):
largely an uncommon phenomenon. Personally, I just celebrated my eleven
year anniversary of taking estrogen back in twenty twelve. I
knew that I wanted my external appearance to match my
interior world. And right about now, honey, I couldn't imagine
my life any other way. My experience is just one
(06:18):
of a black trans woman, and that's one perspective. And
we wanted to hear from young folks who are navigating
similar feelings but at a different age, in a very
different way and at a very different time. For two
of our teens, gender affirmation looks like taking testosterone.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
I never even understood, like the concept of like what
makes something masculine or feminine?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
That's it who you heard in previous episodes. But here's
a reminder, it's nineteen lives in Arizona and just goes
by it and uses it as a pronoun two.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
For years, I parroted what I thought was true, and
I forced myself to be high masculine and then hyperfeminine
to rage against that. And I've gotten to the point
where I'm just like, why don't I just exist?
Speaker 3 (07:12):
You know?
Speaker 5 (07:13):
And that's something that has been really important to me recently,
is just like letting myself exist as I am without
trying to force.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
It in any way.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
I always feel more comfortable when i'm testosterone. I've been
on and off of it for years because of insurance
and various life circumstances, but I've been back on it
for a decent amount of months now pretty consistently, and
I'm feeling great about it because it helps me feel
more comfortable with the body that I pretty much already had.
(07:44):
But it just feels different, and I don't really know
how to explain it other than it feels like magic
to me.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
You know, Oh, that's beautiful. Let's explore this feeling of
magic that testosterone, or as we call it in community tea,
can have for folks from a diverse range of ages
and experiences. So in this conversation you'll hear from our teens,
(08:12):
Connor and It, as well as another friend of the
show named Sky.
Speaker 6 (08:19):
I knew from like a very very young man that
the whole girl thing was not it didn't work, Like
I never identified as a lesbian, Like none of that
ever made sense to me.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Sky's experience is a little different than most of the
people you've heard on the show. They're thirty three and
started taking tea in adulthood. Sky waited because they had
a lot of uncertainty about taking hormones in their teens.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
It was like, the only thing that held me back
from test Shawstone was fear of what other people would think.
And then when I was first coming out, like when
I was a teenager, I had a friend who was
not using tea as prescribed and was experiencing some really
negative effects from it and had a lot of rage
(09:15):
and like at a period for a month and a
half straight, and I was like, well, I don't want
that to be my life. And I thought that's just
what happened when you were on tea, So I was
like terrified of it. I finally just hit i don't know,
like a spiritual emotional breaking point where I just realized that,
like my own happiness mattered more than what anybody else
(09:39):
thought about me, and I just kind of took the dive.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Now, after a few years on tea, Sky's perception of
themselves and the world has changed a lot, and our
teens have started to experience that change too.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Here's it.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
There's certain aspects of taking testosterone and like certain reasons
stuff that are not discussed enough because they're seen as
something that it's two one savory or like too inappropriate
to talk about, even when they're just about your anatomy changing.
It shouldn't be inherently considered a bad thing to talk about.
There's this issue of both having fear mongering about HRT
(10:19):
while also having misinformation and just lack of information on
it at the same time. That makes it very hard
to navigate trying to figure it out almost entirely on
your own.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
It's right. It is a lot to figure out on
your own, especially if you're already busy exploring and uncovering
your gender and sexuality. And that's where it was. A
couple years ago.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
When I was eleven or twelve, I had thought that
I might be clear in some way, Like I thought
I was bisexual at one point, and I was like, oh,
I'm a lesbian. And then I did the thing that
everyone does where they're like, oh, I'm going to look
up what.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
A lesbian looks like and I'm going to dress like that,
where I.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
Was like, I had like this SpongeBob flat build that
I was with.
Speaker 7 (11:05):
It was like kind of like like psychedelic, like gory
spongebomb and I would cut my shirts in the muscle
tees and I cut my flannels which I was already wearing.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I didn't really know if.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
I identified with the label lesbian, because I was like, I
don't think that I feel like a girl. So I
I looked into it more and I was like, oh,
I'm non binary.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Once it realized it was trans, curiosity was sparked around
taking testosterone at a summer use camp. Folks helped it
navigate questions about starting treatment. For anyone looking to start hormones,
the first step is to find an HRT provider. You
can ask your doctor for referral search in a database
(11:56):
like my trans Health, or connect with your local trans
community online shout out to them. We have a resource
guide in our show notes with a link to an
article called a Beginner's Guide to Hormone Replacement Therapy. There
you can find some ideas and recommendations for places to start.
(12:18):
When everyone got together for this zoom call, Connor told
us he had been on.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Tee for months and a half. Maybe I meant to
keep track and then I didn't and I still haven't.
I very much could go look at the calendar and
see the date. I'm not gonna at this point, I'm
committed to not knowing.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
I love that for him, and I know that even
after a month and a half on moons, you can
start to see and fill some real changes.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
For me, those.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
First few months on estrogen felt like an awakening of
senses and feelings within my body. It felt like a
second puberty. I noticed changes that I could have never anticipated,
buds and softer skin, and it felt exciting and new
(13:11):
and unique. Connor's been seeing some changes in these early
weeks too.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I would say the voice is the main thing I notice.
I think it took like two weeks for my voice
to start cracking. Maybe a little less than that.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And the past few singing lessons I've had have been
really funny because my singing teacher does not like to
his credit, he's done a ton of research on it,
but like also, it's kind of a new thing for
both of us, and we'll do like the warm ups
and it's like, okay, cool, So your high range is
completely gone, but you can get down to a B
(13:46):
two now, which is lower than the CIS student I
have right before. So that was pretty exciting, and it's
also a lot more fun to sing when you know
that if you just make terrible, terrible noises with your mouth,
it's not your fault, because oh, it gets bad. Sometimes
it's like, oh, is that a train coming? Nope, it's
(14:06):
just me trying to sing like a totally reasonable like.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Noe, your girl can relate. Here's some advice.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
Spare your ears and don't take me to karaoke anyway.
Connor's noticed another big shift in himself too.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And I've actually noticed being like less angry than usual
because I am also autistic. I get a lot of
like physical energy in my body whenever I feel an
emotion stronglyguage. Sometimes it is anger, and then I'm like,
I don't want to be that guy that's punching bulls.
But that's kind of what I was worried about going
into it. And I've noticed that I felt that like
(14:48):
a lot less, which is really weird to me, because
I was like, I'm supposed to just be angry all
the time, is the way they make it sound. But
I'm actually more normal than usual.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
You can't see or hear this, but It and Sky
are both in enthusiastically nodding along to Connor's observations about
his mood.
Speaker 6 (15:11):
It was the same experience for me. Of I was
really worried that I was going to be angry all
the time, and I feel like I am so much
more even keeled. My mood has never been better than
when I've been on testosterone, and that's been awesome.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
There is so much misinformation about how food is affected,
because there's this idea that men are just inherently more
aggressive and angry, and people think that it's because.
Speaker 9 (15:37):
Of testosterone, and it.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
Really has so much more to do with conditioning, and
it's really frustrating.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Okay, let's take a second to back up what it
is saying here. In our culture, there's a long held
belief that testosterone causes certain behaviors in masculine folks, particularly
when it comes to aggression, but there's some new research
that suggests the link between tea and aggressive behavior is
(16:11):
actually very weak. A twenty nineteen book called Testosterone and
Unauthorized Biography challenges those beliefs, finding all sorts of flaws
in those age old arguments. The book also highlights other
factors that play a huge role in the way masculine
(16:31):
folks navigate the world, like socialization.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
I was like I don't understand why people keep asking
if testosterone is what's making me angry.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I'm just mad.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Like being a fourteen year old in the world.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
Is hard, especially with mood disorders. I was going through
a very hard time. I still felt better about myself.
I became less aggressive. I was never like physically aggressive,
but I did yell quite a lot as a kid.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
I was having what I now know to be malknowns.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
As an autistic person, and it would result in me
like rock back and forth, screaming and like not knowing
what to do, shutting down basically, And a lot of
that was blamed on testosterone when I started it, and
it was very much like if you keep screaming, I'll
take you off testosterone.
Speaker 9 (17:16):
It was like a threat.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
And that's hard.
Speaker 9 (17:19):
Because it's like you don't know how to articulate.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
This is the one thing that's keeping me sane. Wall
around useling.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
One common reason people start HRT it is because they're
hoping to see some physical changes. Those shifts are different
for everyone. They really depend on your dosage, how long
you take the medication, and the unique makeup of your body.
The way you take the hormones may have an effect too.
(17:53):
There are a few different options. The most common are patches, pills, gels,
or injections, no matter how you take it. If you're
on TEE, there are a few changes that folks can
generally expect to see. One is your voice getting deeper
like Connor mentioned, and your menstrual cycle might change. You
(18:16):
could see more muscle mass, body fat may shift from
your hips and thighs to other areas. You're likely to
get more pimples, and a lot of folks see their
libido increase.
Speaker 6 (18:29):
I had to be reminded multiple times that, like I
was going through a second puberty, and like I had
the terrible experience of being a teenage girl, and now
I get to have the experience of being a teenage boy,
which came with all of the acne that I never
really got rid of to begin with, and then came
back full force. And like people told me, yeah, you'll
(18:54):
have an increased sex drive, but I didn't quite understand
what that meant. And like I have more empathy for
CIS male teenagers.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Now, Okay, so we covered tea, but estrogen is a
(19:27):
whole another story. Testosterone may give you more sets, and
estrogen could make your skin softer. But it isn't always
a one to one comparison. They aren't perfect opposites. For example,
estrogen is not known to change your voice, you know,
(19:48):
make it higher. When I learned that at the start
of my medical transition, I opted for vocal therapy. I
was lucky or honestly privileged because I was able to
do this with therapists at my alma mater, The Universe
of Georgia. They inspired me to tap back into a
(20:09):
femininity I had as a kid that I tried to
lose because I was teased for it. In therapy, I
tried to get my voice to reach what's often considered
a more androgynous range because I was never going to
have a Betty boot voice, excuse me, a stereotypically feminine voice.
(20:34):
But when I thought about it more, the beautiful, powerful
Southern Black women in my family didn't fit those stereotypes either,
So along the way, I unlearned that desire and leaned
into what made me one of a kind. For Connor,
in addition to his voice getting deeper, there was another
(20:57):
major body change that he was really looking forward to.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Another thing I really wanted was facial hair because I
feel like that's probably my biggest obstacle besides just like
my body in passing, because I am like I'm fat,
to put it plainly, And I also have very large
breasts and that's kind of awful because there's nothing I
can really do about that, especially like the past two
(21:24):
places of work, I've had to wear like an apron
and they're always too small, so it's like, wow, Wow,
I really look like that. Huh.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
But I'm not.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Really sure like how much the fat redistribution does happen,
because there's not really any way to quantify it since
it's different for everyone. But that's another thing that I'm
kind of hoping for slash looking forward to.
Speaker 6 (21:45):
I was also very excited about the potential for fat redistribution,
which I will say does happen, so like I notice
a lot more belly now, but a lot less hips.
And I was really scared about the body hair because
I already was a person with a good amount of
(22:05):
body hair, and you know, like I learned some things
from my doctor, and honestly, I learned a lot of
stuff from Reddit. I will never forget reading something. And
somebody had asked, like, when they talk about getting body hair,
do you get hair on your butt? Is it on
your butt? Is it in your butt? And somebody just
responded yes. I always had a good amount of body hair,
(22:29):
and when the world was perceiving me as a woman,
that was something I felt a lot of shame about.
And my body hair could be exactly the same. But
if people are not seeing me as a woman in
the world all of a sudden, there's no shame around it.
Speaker 9 (22:44):
My mein things that happened at first, for my bone
structure was changing. My shoulders are broader than my hips now,
which was not what it was for my hips were
actually broader on my shoulders.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
I didn't know about botom growth.
Speaker 5 (22:56):
That was not that steered me because I didn't know
what was going on, and it.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Hurt a lot.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
If you didn't catch that. It just referenced something called
bottom growth, or when the glitteris enlarges. This is another
body change that typically happens when folks start taking tea.
It's totally normal, safe, and to be expected, but it
doesn't get talked about a lot, and the experience can
be really jarring.
Speaker 5 (23:25):
I was like worried that something was going wrong, but
I didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone about that. So
I just kind of like dealt with it and was like,
I'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
I was. It turns out that's supposed to happen.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
But it's something that I really think is important to
look into and ask other people who have been on
testosterone about it, especially if they've been on it for
a little bit of a longer time, because it absolutely
is usually the first thing that you see change like
that happened within the first week for me, and it
can be scary, especially if you're younger and you don't
really know what's going on.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Since hormones affect every person so differently, it's hard to
know what to expect the beginning of your journey. Now
that it's Sky and Connor have all been on tea
for a while, I wanted to know what they wish
they had known in the beginning. Connor started us off
with advice for all the singers out there trying to
(24:21):
hit their high notes.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
The advice I would give is keep singing through the
high range because eventually, like even as your voice is settling,
you'll kind of get it more in your head of like,
oh okay, like this is what I need to do
differently to hit those same notes. It's really freaky at
first if you're really attached to where your voice is
at as far as singing goes, but you can get
it back, you just kind of have to relearn it.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Yeah, fir One thing that came up that I had
forgotten about but was reminded of in this conversation is
I used to cry a lot. I still have all
of the feelings. I still feel sadness, like, I have
my full range of emotion, but physically it is harder
(25:22):
for me to produce tears now than it used to be,
and that's not something I was prepared for.
Speaker 8 (25:29):
I want to add on to that that, like, it's
sometimes physically painful.
Speaker 5 (25:34):
The feeling of like having tears feel like it's like
going up your throat in like behind your eyes, but
not being able to produce them is sometimes painful, and it's.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Gotten worse, Like over time, I've noticed like a lunger.
I've been on.
Speaker 5 (25:47):
Tysosterone, And it's not something that like has dissuaded me
from taking tysosterone, but it is something like you kind
of have to train yourself to express your emotions in
ways that aren't tears, because tears literally pulling is self soothing,
so when you're not getting that, you have to find
(26:08):
these like busying your hands or.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Like trying to focus yourself.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
I rub my eyes a lot, and I feel like
I should be crying, but I'm not.
Speaker 6 (26:16):
The other thing that is not so much about the
testosterone itself, but it took me some time to figure
out how to deal with men who were strangers treating
me totally differently. It has been a wild experience for
me of like the level of respect that I receive
from strangers who are men just because they perceive me
(26:37):
as either a boy or a man, I don't know,
but anything other than what they saw me as before.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
As your body changes, the world might start perceiving and
reacting to you in a new way. I definitely experienced.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
This as a kid.
Speaker 4 (26:55):
I always felt like my gender was under a microscope,
but once I began to transition, the lens shifted. The
things that I used to be judge for, especially my femininity,
were now expected of me. Connor said he started to
notice people perceiving him differently too.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Due to some other health issues, I had to quit
my job and quit an internship I had lined up,
which really sucks. But my second to last day at work,
someone called me, sir, and I was like, all right,
I can. I can go out in a blaze of glory.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
Now I see myself exactly the same as I did before.
Like for me, it's like I'm the same person. It's
just y'all are seeing me differently. I feel like accepting
my transness and starting on this journey has expanded my
awareness in so many ways, and it makes me look
(27:55):
like even more. I was already looking at the patriarchy
a lot, but like looking at it even more now,
and like, how can I help subvert this culture from
like this new unearned position of power I have just
because people see me as something that is not who
I am.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
It's weird how testosterone can HRT in general changes.
Speaker 10 (28:22):
Your relationship with yourself in a lot of ways, and
also the relationship with people around you. And I've heard
countless stories of trans people going on HRT and being
like I'm not day anymore, or like I'm not straight anymore.
My sexuality changes, or is it that it's like I
think it's because your relationship with the concept of gender
(28:43):
changes when you start messing with it, Like that's when
it's like it feels like it's a different thing now,
like it doesn't feel as rich as it was before.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
What it just said really hits the mark. When you
start to take control of your life, a whole world
opens up, and that world well might not look like
the one you're used to. That's the beauty of hearing
our folks talk about their experiences with HRT candidly, because
(29:16):
going through a change like this takes courage and an
openness to expand your perspective. It's not rigid, it's not general,
it's personal and it's you.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Let's take a quick break.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
And we're back when we left off. It's Sky and Connor.
We're telling us about some of the ways their lives
have changed since starting team. It's hard to overstate just
how impactful taking hormones can be for folks mental health.
If you'll remember, Connor even said at the very beginning
(30:07):
of this episode that HRT is a form of suicide prevention,
and he spent a lot of time thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out
why people think the way they do. My big thing
is psychology. My plan is to get my doctor in psychology,
and so I kind of wanted to see where transphobic
people were coming from. And I feel like when it
comes to people who are specifically in the trans healthcare
(30:42):
for minors debate, they feel like their children are being
turned against themselves, and in a lot of cases people
are like scared for their children, And where that comes
from is like, sometimes it's solely from a like, well,
(31:03):
I don't want you to permanently change yourself when it
could just be part of growing up or because other
people are doing it, which is a horrible thing for
a child to hear, because for one thing, there's no
such thing as a permanent state of the self, and
for another thing, like saying I'm not going to acknowledge
you growing and changing just because it might end in
the future is an incredibly damaging way to handle that.
Speaker 6 (31:26):
When I came out around sexuality and when I came
out around gender with my mom, what I heard her
say for over a decade was like, I just don't
want the world to be harder for you. And I
feel like a lot of parents like the intention is good,
and like her intention was like, well, I just don't
want the world to be hard for you, And it
(31:48):
took me over a decade to sit down with her
and have the conversation that like, the world is going
to be the world, like it's going to be what
it is, but you not supporting me makes everything feel harder.
Like I'm going to take on the world because that's
what I'm going to do no matter what. But it
(32:09):
feels so much easier when you have my back than
when I feel like I'm fighting against you too.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Disclaimer I don't have any children, so here's my advice
on parenting. I feel like it's important for parents to
understand that you're raising an individual, so be aware of
your baggage, the trauma, and the triggers that you may have,
and try your best not to project those onto your child.
(32:41):
I think all of us deserve the blank canvas of
our lives, and we deserve to adorn it however we
see fit, and this is especially true for queer and
trans youth.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
I feel like there's a lot of fear around your
child wanting to change themselves in a way that they
might not be to reverse. And what a lot of
parents thinks, well, if I say no or if I
ignore it, then it's going to go away and they're
going to be happy with themselves the way they are,
which is what every parent wants for their kid is
(33:18):
they want them to be happy with who they are
and like what's going on in the world around them.
But that's not how it works. By denying your child
the right to be who they actually are, you're setting
that kid up for a lot more problems.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
Something that's very important is like explaining that this isn't
running away.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
From yourself, it's running to yourself.
Speaker 5 (33:41):
It's running into who you want to grow into, grow
to be, it's wanting to wanting to grow up, because
in a lot of ways, it feels like sometimes you're
not gonna there's like different camps right now. It's like
there's the camps of people who just don't get it,
(34:01):
which I think is probably the majority of people who
are like have these like transphobic opinions. The majority of
the people just don't get it, or or listening to
people who are actively trying to.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Make them not get it.
Speaker 9 (34:15):
And the scary part is the people that are doing
it on purpose, you know.
Speaker 6 (34:23):
I think there's an element of like people fearing what
they don't understand, and there's also an element of being
afraid of like if you see a trans person that
is like living authentically and loving their life. Then like,
what does it mean to look at like the places
where regardless of your identity, where you have accepted what
(34:46):
society has told you you must be everybody regardless of gender,
regardless of whether you're sis or trans, Like, everyone gets
put in these boxes where like men have to be
strong and women have to be graceful, Like all of
this is so made up, but it gets put on
all of us. And I think that's like a pain
(35:07):
that sits with all of us in different ways. And
I think like the world would be a very different
place if like all of us could just like love
and see and accept ourselves as we are. And this
transition for me has been like stepping into my integrity
and my authenticity and feeling more solid than ever before.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
One thing's for certain. We all have expectations, and youth
come into the world holding the expectations of all of
those around them, especially their parents. So it can be
hard when they buck up against those understandings of who
they're supposed to be. But I believe that young people
(35:54):
have a core awareness about who they are, whether their
parents understand it or not. So it's important for us,
particularly old the adults, to have humility and accepting that
we don't and can't know everything, and that young people
(36:14):
need space to figure out their lives on their own terms.
If we understand this, our support can be life saving.
Speaker 5 (36:29):
The fact that trans healthcare is suicide provission is why
people want to take it away. That's the point, and
that's something that scares me, Like trans healthcare that has
saved my life countless times, Like I have.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
Been chosen to stay alive because I'm on a distosterone.
We're chosen to stay alive because I'm getting support.
Speaker 5 (36:56):
It's like you can't even calculate that, because it's like
there's little moments of every single day of your life
where you're like.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
This is too hard, I can't keep going.
Speaker 5 (37:04):
But then when you feel like you get a little
bit best support, it makes it just a little bit easier.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
By automatically denying them that and saying that you know
your child better than they know themselves, you're setting them
up for not only resenting you, but resenting themselves even more.
And in a lot of cases, it comes down to
would you rather have a kid who like has this
going on with their identity even if you don't agree
(37:31):
with it for whatever reason, like would you rather have
a kid who is trans or a kid that is dead?
And that is the choice that you, as a parent
have to make.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
Queer Chronicles as a production of School of Humans, The
Outspoken Podcast Network and iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Raquel Willis.
You can find a list of resources in the show notes,
including trans Lifeline and the Trevor Project. This show was
written by Jordan Bailey at a Elese Perez, Aaron Edwards,
(38:07):
and Me. Our story editors are Aaron Edwards and Julia Furlan,
Produced by Jordan Bailey, Julia Farlan, and Edalis Perez. Our
senior producer is Amelia Brock, directed by ediis Perez, sound
design and mixed by m b al Raheem. Theme song
(38:29):
composed by Jesse Niswanger, casting by Jordan Bailey and Julia Furlan,
fact checking by Savannah Hugh Glee. Our production manager is
Daisy Church. Executive producers include Jay Brunson and Me from
The Outspoken Podcast Network, Michael Alder June and Noel Brown
(38:49):
from iHeart Podcasts, Virginia Prescott, Brandon Barr, and Elsie Crowley
from School of Humans and The Cats Company. Special thanks
to Sky for joining this conversation. If you're enjoying the show,
please share it with friends and family, and don't forget
to rate and review in your favorite podcast app. Tune
(39:12):
in again next week
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com