Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the
Red Table Talk Podcast, all your favorite episodes from the
Facebook Watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and
I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review
on Apple Podcasts. The eight Rules of Love, Ja Shetty
says you must know. Say it again is highly anticipated.
(00:21):
Findings are revealed now on this exclusive Red Table Talk.
I'm very excited about I'm so glad you. Yeah, this
was like home. You blessed the table so many times.
(00:46):
So grateful you you blessed me of the opportunity. All right,
So these are the facts we learned math, how to read.
We even learn about the birds and the bees. But
no one teaches us how to love. But now are
very very dear friend and wisdom spreader Ja Shetty hopes
to change all of that. Ja Shetty, whose mission of
(01:10):
making wisdom go viral has taken the world by storm.
This former monk is now a number one best selling author,
hosts the number one health podcast, and as a social
media following of more than fifty million welcome storyteller. His
powerful message uses modern science and ancient wisdom. J has
(01:31):
become a trusted advisor to countless people, including many celebrities
like Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez, and John Legend. Now he's
revealing his highly anticipated Eight Rules of Love in his
brand new book, Sure to Become a go to guide.
I'm loving this book. Let me tell you about this book.
You had me at hello from the first paragraph the
(01:55):
difference between life and love. I started to realize that
there were so many different ways of breaking down love.
And I was having so many conversations with so many
different people where they felt incomplete because they didn't have love.
The lack of love seemed to be the greatest pain
point in everyone I was talking to. I don't feel love,
(02:16):
I don't have love. I don't know how to love.
You can find people in all stages of life, no
matter whether they were winning or losing or whatever, love
was the core thing that was causing them pain. So
I was like, how can we not write about the
thing that we spend our whole life searching for? So
I want to start with the ashrams. You have four
(02:37):
of them? Can you break that down? Yes, definitely, so
that four ushrooms are the four stages of love. So
you said ashraoms, and I always thought in Ashraom was
the place that you go to kind of just like
meditate and no God. So you don't have to limit
the definition and ushram to a physical space. It could
(02:58):
be an emotional space. It can be a spiritual space
that can be created without four walls, almost like going
to church. Correct, you don't have to be in the
church building exactly right. So the four ushrooms are preparing
for love, practicing love, protecting love, and perfecting love. And
(03:20):
these are the four stages we all go through. We
start life single. You don't start life as a couple
with someone else. You start out single, and that's your
chance to prepare for love. But most of us speed
that part up. We don't want to prepare. We just
want to get into a relationship. Then when we get
into a relationship, which is the second stage, we don't
think that we need to learn anything. We expect the
(03:41):
other person to already know how to love us, and
we expect we should already know how to love them,
and we don't. We don't practice. We just think we
already made it. Yes, And then the third step is
protecting love. This is such an interesting one. It took
me the longest to uncover this one. And I realized
that that third stage was ning to protect yourself from
(04:02):
the wounds that come from trying to love and failing.
And so by that stage, we all start believing love
doesn't exist. Love is not for me. I'm not worthy
of love. Love failed me. But love is real. We
just experienced something that wasn't love. And the final is perfecting,
which is probably my favorite thing to talk about. It's
(04:24):
this idea that we've put romantic love on a pedestal,
and I think, again, I really believe you've put romantic
love on a pedestal. We've created a hierarchy that says
loving a romantic partner is the epitome of love, and
(04:44):
that I know so many people who have a beautiful
relationship with their children, but they feel incomplete because they
don't have that with a partner. And so I want
to encourage people to realize that let's look at love
more broadly, more expansively, and more truthfully. So, Jay, let's
break down your concepts of you know, these four us rams.
(05:08):
The first one was preparing for love. So give us
a couple of principles around how we can prepare for love.
So we've made loneliness or being alone the enemy. So
if you have a birthday party and not many people
come over, your unpopular. If you turn up to a
(05:30):
wedding and you don't have a plus one, it's like,
oh poor you? Are you okay? Like there must be
something wrong with you. And so we've made people feel
that being alone is of lower value than when you're
with someone. And Paul Tillick talks about how there's two
words in the English Dictionary that describe being alone, and
we only use the word loneliness. The other one is solitude,
(05:52):
and he says, loneliness is the feeling of pain when
you're alone, and solitude is the strength of being alone.
It's the super the power of being alone. And so
when we're preparing for love, we constantly believe that we
will only be special, worthy, attractive when someone sees it
in us. And actually the rule is saying, you've got
(06:15):
to first see it in yourself. You've got to first
build it in yourself, and being alone gives you the
time the space to actually do that. When you start
being with someone romantically, you're now outsourcing the ability to
love yourself. Right. It's funny because I was just talking
to my girlfriend. She's going through a breakup, and um,
(06:37):
she hasn't really spent time alone, and I told her,
taken this time for you. I think it's going to
build your understanding of how to protect that which you
find worthy about yourself and understanding what that is. I said,
if you are constantly afraid of being by yourself, that
kind of desperation, that secret language unconsciously that sits in
(07:01):
your head that says I'm not valuable unless I have
a partner, I said, well, then that's the one that
that weakens your boundary making. That's the one that doesn't
make you capable of self love. And so then you're
just going to continue the cycle. But j is so
difficult for people to understand. I think that idea of
(07:22):
self love has been so that kind of overuse new
age terms that people don't really understand what that is.
So you're basically saying that solitude gives a person an
opportunity to know themselves even once they get into a relationship.
Like I am just turned sixty nine. I still struggle
(07:43):
a little bit with doing activities by myself. Like not
too long ago, Rodney and I went on vacation. He
had to leave before I did. It was just one
extra day that I insisted on staying. But that meant
that I had to be there by myself. I had
to eat my meals alone, and I was perfectly fine.
(08:03):
I did it, and I would look how old I
am just getting that's fine. Let me tell you something, Jay,
That's a gem right there. That one is so important
when you can sit in your solitude and deal with you,
(08:26):
look at yourself, heal yourself, embrace yourself, and have to
learn how to comfort yourself. You know how to learn
how to be your best friend, how to learn how
to be your confidante, versus thinking that your partner is
supposed to be your therapist, your lover, your best friend,
your daddy, your business partner. And I think that that
(08:55):
preparation for love is so important in order to step
into a relationship with more reasonable ideas and expectations of
what that relationship is supposed to be. So what are
some of the principles within the second ash ram we're
talking about practicing lest Yes, this one's probably the most
(09:18):
complex because I feel like we usually rushed the first one.
So the actions are almost like levels in a game.
If you try and skip level one and you can
cheat your way to level two, life will keep putting
you back to level one. So that's why, no matter
how old we get, or how many relationships we've had,
or how many times we've been married or divorced or
broken up, life is still asking us to learn those
(09:39):
game game points before we move forward. In the second one,
you're now moving from dealing with one mind to dealing
with two minds. Some of my favorite principles from this rule.
One of them is people deeply understanding the roles they
played in their last relationship. And we all play one
(10:01):
of three roles in a relationship. We've either been fixes,
we've been dependents, or we've been supporters. What have you
been our three and exactly? You'll find that most of
us have repeated a role again and again and again.
So the fixer is I'm going to solve this person.
I'm looking for a project. I'm looking for someone to
(10:23):
sort and I get self value and self worth out
of making something out of you. Dependent, Yes, and then
the dependent is someone who actually goes I want a parent,
I want to I just want shelter. You make me
feel safe, you make me feel taken care of. I'm
gonna give you the key to my happiness and life.
(10:45):
That's the dependent and the support to is the healthiest
out of the three, where it's like, well we're gonna
support each other, but we remember we're still our own people.
And so what most people do is when they get
with someone, they are trying to force their version of
home with someone else, rather than saying, I want to
build a home together with bricks I picked from mine
(11:06):
and bricks you picked from yours. Talk to us a
little bit about karma. I think a lot of people
think that karma means every action as a reaction. What
goes around comes around. There's partly truth in that, but
that's a very simplistic, surface level view of karma. Karma
is based cycle that forms, an habit that repeats itself.
So it's a cycle of I have an idea that
(11:29):
if I am dependent on someone, they will make me happy.
Now I find someone who I can be dependent on,
and I let them do everything in my life and
I get them to take care of everything. Guess what happens.
You still feel unfulfilled, and then you're being asked by karma.
Did I walk into that with the right motive? So
(11:50):
karma is getting us to check ourselves. It's asking you
to say, am I happy with why I did that
in the first place. We actually have a question for you,
j from Sydney, Australia, Luma, who has a question about
this very thing. Hi, Jada, Willow, Gammy and ja I
(12:12):
posted a three months of going through Heartbreak video documenting
the experience of going through the worst breakup of my life.
I keep wishing that he'll text me or call me
and tell me that he misses me. I don't know
if anyone will ever love me. I don't know if
it's my fault. Every single part of me wants to
(12:35):
call him right now. I just felt like it's wrong
with me, like why how could this person just leave?
One thing I do still struggle with is the fear
of history repeating itself and never really fully trusting that
you know, someone might just stay and not leave me
like that, And I'm not going to go through this
kind of heartbreak again. So I wanted to ask you
(12:56):
guys for some advice on this. Hi, Hi, thank you
for being so vulnerable with us. One of the things
that stuck out for me when she said she never
wants to go through that kind of heartbreak again, I
can just say I feel you. But let's let's talk
about how realistic that is. Yes, studies showed that the
(13:16):
activity in the brain that gets triggered when you go
through a breakup is the same as detoxing from cocaine.
So you can actually have a craving for that person
that feels like that same sort of craving, and the
other active atreas in the brain are the same as
physical pain. So when you feel like your heart breaks,
that idea is very scientifically shown. I think the challenges
(13:39):
when you break up with someone, all of our language
is about getting over them, as opposed to understanding why
we got there. And so when you start saying I
want to get over them, all the energy goes on
to that person and now it becomes about them. But
if you focus on how you got there, you may
find that you fell in love too far. You may
(14:01):
find that you didn't follow some of these stages that
we're talking about of did I know who I was?
Did I really know who they were? And you go,
We'll wait a minute. Maybe I don't want a fast love.
Maybe I want a slow, thoughtful, mindful love. And that's
how you avoid the same thing happening again. So when
you look at karma, it requires you to go backwards
(14:23):
and go where did I kid myself that we had
found love? I think we jumped from like to love
and we missed this level called learning. And that's where
I feel like we're going wrong. So I would encourage
you to go back and say where did I rush things?
Where did I really overtrust? Where did I give someone
(14:46):
my trust rather than let them earn it? And how
does she learn to trust again? I want to take
a second of breakdown trust because I think that's such
an overused word. And so there are four stages to trust,
trusting any one. And so you have to understand that
when you meet someone, no matter how impressive they are,
no matter how well spoken they are, no matter how
(15:08):
attractive you think they are, you start at zero trust.
The problem is, when we see someone we find attractive,
studies show we find them more trustworthy. If we find
someone more intellectual and thoughtful, we find them more attractive.
Therefore we find them more trustworthy. So we constantly trick
ourselves into trusting people who haven't yet earned our trust.
So whoever you meet, no matter who in the world
(15:28):
is you have to start at zero trust. Then the
next step is called transactional trust. Transactional trust is when
I do something for them, they do something for me.
If they say they're going to show up at three
pm and they show up at three pm, great, I
have transactional trust with them. The reason why we don't
like this is because we want love to be magical.
We want to love to like. We don't want stages jay,
(15:49):
I just want I just want to feel love. And
that's where we make the mistake because we don't want
to say, oh, okay, I now can trust them transactionally.
So the third stage is resist, a brocal trust where
it's like, you know, if you love this person, you'll
do something for them. You're not doing it to get
anything back, and they'll do something back for you anyway,
(16:09):
right right. And then the fourth stage is unconditional trust,
which is so rare and practically doesn't exist completely. And
we usually start there when we think we're in love
with someone. We're like, I'm giving you my unconditional trust.
And now the higher trust you give, the bigger you
have to fall. And so if you gave someone number
four unconditional trust, then now you're falling back to zero trust.
(16:32):
You've fallen down four steps, right, Luma, does that help you? Yeah,
went to number four? Were fully trusted him? And yeah,
Like obviously, going through break up is really hard. I
honestly think the hardest part is when you realize that
them coming back is no longer the solution for your pain,
like they Yes, that is for that's fantastic, that's beautiful. Well, Luma,
(16:56):
thank you so much for joining us. Take this time
for yourself. Yes, don't worry about jumping into anything else
right now. We're wishing you the best. You were talking
about unconditional trust. What are your real thoughts about unconditional love?
Because I'm not sure there's such a thing. It's so
rare that it feels like there is no such thing.
(17:17):
But I think we get glimpses in it when you
look at the love a mother has for their child.
I don't think I've ever seen unconditional romantic love in
my life. If you look at the greatest acts of
love in the world, they were not romantic. Romeo and
Julia is not a true story, and it wasn't a
huge act of love in that sense. So I think
(17:38):
the challenges. We've romanticized love and put romantic love on
the pedestal, missing out on all these beaut that are
as fulfilling, if not more, but we see them as
less that And I think that that's unhealthy because some
people may end up without a partner, maybe through natural loss.
Someone may end up through a partner because they went
(17:58):
through a divorce or breakup, and they may be single.
Momays tell my girlfriends, let's just move in together when
we're old and get a bunch of cats. Never we
do have, but if we do have boyfriends, great, they
can come over sometimes we can see them whatever, but
let's be together and not like, oh, we have to
(18:19):
just be old and gray with our significant other. Give
us your thoughts on how saying I love you impacts relationships.
So some people say I love you and it means
they want to spend their life with you, and some
people say I love you and it means I want
(18:39):
to spend a night with you. But the problem is
when someone says I love you, you you don't stop to
asking go wait, wait, wait, what do you mean? What
do you mean right? Studies show that men say I
love you on average in a t eight days a
t eight days and women take one thirty four days
on average. Men say quicker, but it doesn't last is long.
(19:00):
And the reason I bring that up is because it's
not that that person necessarily lied to you or misled you.
They were just living up to their definition. Yeah. So
I'm not telling you to stop someone from saying I
love you. I'm saying I hope that before you say that.
There have been some conversations around what does love mean
to you? Is I really love spending time with you,
(19:20):
and that's aware that I love you means I really
love spending time with you, not I want to spend
time with you for the rest of my life. Yeah,
And you know what, that is really important because not
only do people have a misunderstanding around the world I
love you. But what does marriage mean to you? I
tell people all the time, just because somebody's cute and
(19:42):
they're great in bed, and you're gonna have cute kids,
it is not necessarily the reason to get married. I
don't think that there's enough conversation around marriage. And the
cost of weddings are going up, yes, and the amount
of time being married is going to so we spend
(20:02):
so much time planning for a wedding, You get a
wedding planner, you have a guest list, you put a
budget aside. What do we do for our marriage? We
don't think about a budget for our marriage, like we
plan so much for one day when you've just promised
to live one life with someone. And you know what's
really interesting when kids are growing up. I don't know
if you ever did this with with Willow and Jaden
(20:24):
and Trade. We put them up against the wall and
then you mark where they are, and then at one
one time, you just stop measuring. When you stop measuring,
I mean you forget you're growing now. And that's what
we kind of do. We think our wedding day is
where you start measuring. You draw that line and you
never have to draw a higher line ever went down.
And so the mindset want to give people with love
is that love ends because patients ends, kindness ends, compassion ends,
(20:49):
judgment starts, criticism starts. Right. Love doesn't end because it
just withered away. It ended because you stop practicing qualities
that built it in the first place. A plan and
your I was just doesn't die because it felt like dying.
It died because you stopped watering it. It's that simple,
it really is. Yeah. And so let's talk about the
(21:09):
third ash root protecting love. Yes. Well, one of my
favorite principles that I found really helped me and my
wife in our own relationship is something I call fight styles, right, like,
is your partner and then they or they wrestling, they
are the king. When I read that part of the book,
(21:30):
it was so eye opening from me, right because Rodney
says I fight to win. Yes, I fight to win
instead of fighting too like to solve the problems, I
gonna let him break it down. But it was so
revealing from me. I was like, wow, Yeah, So I
(21:52):
found that there were three fight styles. Yeah. One is venting,
where we're like, let's talk it out, let's figure it out.
And I want to just vent. I want to express
how I feel and we've got to figure it out.
But it's very much trying to force a solution. The
next is hiding, where someone just goes, I need to
be in my cave. I don't want to see you.
I just need to take some time out. And the
(22:13):
third is exploding, where it becomes like it's all your fault,
it's blaming, it's it's kind of critical and I discovered
this actually through me and my wife. So I'm a
classic inventor. I want to talk it out and figure
it out right now. I'm not gonna explode, I'm not
gonna blame anyone, but I want to figure it out
right now, and we have to talk about it. Rather,
he's a hider. She just wants to think about it.
(22:33):
She doesn't want to talk about it right now. She
needs time and space. When we first started dating and
started arguing, which is normal, and that's the other issue.
Whenever anyone tells me we never argue, I don't think
that's a healthy sign of a relationship. It's natural to
have disagreements. Gotten An institute did a study that showed
that the number one skill in a long lasting relationship
(22:55):
was learning how to fight. When you're playing sports, you
don't hope the other team doesn't attack. No, you think,
all right, well when they attack this way, this is
how we're going to respond. You want to do that
as a couple. So when I would vent and Rady
would hide, I would think she doesn't love me, not
realizing she was just speaking a different language. So I
(23:17):
started to realize, Okay, when we argue, I may want
to talk about it now, and she may want to
talk about it tomorrow, but we might have to schedule
it to be in six hours to be in the
middle of what that means rather than forcing her to
fight on my battlefield or getting me to fight on hers.
And so to me, learning fight styles protects love because
(23:38):
you stop doubting love, and you stopped doubting your partner
realizing they're just wired differently. When you were saying that
you fight to win, here here are the scenarios and
how fights go. If I win, it means you lose,
which means we both lose because we're on a team.
And really, what you want to do is you want
(23:58):
to put your energy into soul being the problem together,
not trying to fight with each other. And so we're
making the person the enemy when the actual issue is
the problem that we're dealing right. Gerald and Sheryl are
from Los Angeles, Jay, and they have a question for
you about fighting styles. What's up, Brad Table talk? Fam.
I'm Gerald and I'm Cheryl and we've been dating for
(24:20):
ten years and we moved in together and recently got engaged.
We've realized over the years that we definitely have two
different ways of communicating and arguing. When we disagree, we
kind of both shut down and say it's fine or
it's nothing, when a lot of the time it really isn't.
And you know, eventually we want to grow together and
start a family, but we don't want our small problems
(24:41):
to turn into big ones. So what's your advice? Hi? Hi?
It sounded like you both have a similar fight style
and that you both like the clothes off but pretend
nothing's really there. Am I right? Is that is that accurate?
I kind of identified a lot with the I'm a
venor but I'm a hider at the same time, And
(25:03):
I think we both want to get to the root
of a lot of the problems and come to a solution.
But a lot of time, like I don't want to
hurt each other's feelings, will end up hiding and kind
of just brushing it off, And so you don't want
to rock the boat too much, right? I feel like
for me, I always kind of want to be right,
and I know like if he's going to disagree with that,
then I'd rather shut down and just not talk about it.
(25:25):
The challenge becomes it's it's a five two egos rather
than two people on the same team approach every issue,
approach every problem is if you are trying to solve
it together as a team. And so when it when
it comes to whatever the issue may be, there's a
few things that help us argue better. You really have
to get to the root of the problem, because often
you're arguing about something really tiny, which isn't the real issue.
(25:49):
You're pretending to argue about the fact that you haven't
made the call to get the oven fixed, and that
isn't really the issue, and so much time is wasted
on you left your socks out. You don't do this
on the weekend, and that's not it. You're just overall
not feeling like someone's in it with you. And so
figure out for you personally, what is it that I'm
(26:09):
really trying to work with right that's step one. Step
two is we have to change our language. If our
language is about being right, that means the other person
is wrong. That's not an inspiring place to change from.
Like you're meant to be partners, we have to use
us and we, not you and me, because it really
builds a collaborative environment in what your seems to be
(26:31):
a healthy relationship and the third step, set a time
to figure out how you're going to argue before you argue,
Set a place to argue. Most people just wait for
their partner to walk through the door at night. Bang,
that's their place and time of argue never works, by
the way, in a million years. Set a time when
you know that person can digest it. And then the
(26:52):
final step, which really blew my mind. If you're sitting
opposite each other on a table, which is like a
square or rectangle that actually mentally puts you against each other.
They said that when people were having conversations where they're
walking in the same direction, they were able to find
better solutions. So next time we argue, going to walk,
walk side by side, sit side by side and have
(27:13):
a conversation, sit at a round table, which engages dialogue
of equality. And now it's not about this way or
that way, it's about us and we again. So I
hope those principles give you some practical steps and how
to actually argue. Probably well, I hope that was helpful
to you guys. Thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you. These are things I've learned in my own relationship.
(27:36):
We take one thing up, partner does and we scale
it across everything. So I have a value that came
from my mom, which is if you're not early, you're late.
So to me, being on time is really important. I've
married someone who is rarely on time, right, and I'm
ending about her now, Michelle, here we go and and
it's really interesting because for years I literally felt like
(27:57):
my wife didn't care or value me because she wasn't
on time. So not only am I judging her off
of just one metric you're not on time, that means
you don't love me, but I realized I would ruin
our night. I would be just so angry with her
internally that she was late again, and I stopped myself
from having a great night with her, not realizing that
(28:17):
the qualities I love about my wife that she's spontaneous,
She's got this like vibrancy. And I realized that part
of being spontaneous and vibrant means you don't manage time
as well. And so I realized that actually, if I
wanted my wife to be more like me, I would
be stripping her of the best qualities that I love
(28:39):
about her and say, with me, she never complains that
I always have to be on time. So I think
recognizing that sometimes the things you don't like about your
partner or because of the things you love about them. Well,
our next couple is going through a difficult breakup and
has a question. So Josh and I have been together
for five years. We have three children together. We're content
(29:03):
creators that share our life pretty openly on social media
to our hundreds of thousands of subscribers. So, needless to say,
everyone was pretty shocked when we had broken up recently.
And when Josh and I argue, it's an explosion. I
am extremely emotional and sometimes I have to walk away
(29:28):
because my emotions get too high. I like to face
the situation head on and try my best to come
to a resolution. But I think we have come to
a point where our fighting has caused irreparable damage to
our relationships. So we're struggling with the breakup. We love
(29:54):
each other very much, but I think we both know
that staying together isn't the answer. So I guess our
question is how do we go about consciously uncoupling? That's real? Yeah,
hi guys, Hi, Sorry, I watched the video again and
(30:14):
I started crying. I know it's okay, I mean this
is very commendable. This is my best friend. What do
you mean? That's beautiful. It's really special to see you
both supporting each other through this. It's a really mature
way of trying to make this better for you both
in the future. We want to do that, especially because
we have three children. We've been listening the whole time,
(30:36):
and all I've been thinking was where you guys a
month ago? Right? You know you? You you guys are
amazing and it's learned a lot already. Thank you, Thank
you so much, And I really appreciate you bringing out
that term conscious uncoupling because it puts you in a
great position of strength for your kids. The biggest thing
is setting boundaries of what you physically and emotionally can
(31:02):
and can't do with each other anymore, because now you're
separating yourselves. And the biggest mistake we make is in separating.
We either try and cut everything or we keep things
too blurry. Right, So we either say like this is
the end of everything, We're never gonna talk to each
other again, We're never gonna call each other ever again,
or the other is we'll just see how it goes
and we'll figure it out. And then that becomes really
(31:23):
unhealthy because feelings and emotions creep back. So I would
love for you both to look at the areas of
your life where you still go across the physical, emotional, financial,
i'm guessing as well, and spiritual and sit down and
genuinely communicate your personal boundaries. So do this separately, don't
do this together. And you're right down, this is where
(31:44):
I'm a financially, this is where I'm not mentally, this
is where I'm at emotionally, And then you're going to
come back and share those same points with each other
from the same areas and give each other that space
to hear where that person's boundary is and make a
commitment to respect that boundary because you said it yourself,
You're like, we're best friends exactly, and if we're best
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friends with someone that we want to respect their boundaries
and have them respect ours and remember boundaries on to
keep someone else out there to make sure you don't
cross that boundary too. I promise you if you do that,
with the love you have, you can consciously on couple
and do this in a respectful, admirable way that you
both be proud of and your kids will be proud
of We accept your challenge. I love that attitude. It
(32:30):
is a challenge. It's not easy, but you've already done
the hardest past. Thank you so much for that. I
wishing the two of you the best. Yeah. Oh no,
I get the sense that they're not done. Yeah I
got that too, and that's okay too. But I've also
seen people who consciously on couple and are the best
of friends are better in that form. So it's all
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about just finding the form that works for you. So
we have USh from for this is perfective, This is
perfect affecting love. Yes, And the reason why I put
perfecting not perfect is because it's an ongoing PROTOCEPST, you're
always perfecting it. We've been trained to believe that love
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is something that people give you, it is something that
you receive. It's something that we should want from other people.
But when someone chooses to give love and to share
love with everyone they need, they experienced the greatest form
of love at any given time. And that's what this
rule is really about, is that why could we not
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share love and express love with everyone, from the person
who opens up the door at the store to someone
who's serving us at the cash desk to the person
that we bumped into on the train or the bus, Like,
why couldn't every interaction be an expression of love? And
that doesn't mean you're going to give them your whole life.
You could express pure love to someone just through a
(33:55):
smile of just looking through them in the eye. At
I have to say that I have experience just last
weekend and my girlfriend UM said that I was very critical.
I had said a snide remark about somebody I think
and Um, she said, you're so critical, And I was like, wow,
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I let that sit in my head for a minute,
and I was like, okay, critical, judgmental. I know that
that's a character defect of mine, to be judgmental. And
I thought that I was working on that and I
actually thought I was being funny, but she did not
take it that way. And so I'm replacing the word
love with just kindness. Yeah. I just keep telling myself,
(34:39):
can you just be kind And that's a great word
because sometimes love can be a lot and then when
you practice kindness, you get exchanges of love exactly. That
such a beautiful point. And so the mindset want to
give people with love is that love is a daily
practice and daily, well slip me. Thank you all the
(35:04):
spiritual teaching and the friendship that you have developed with them.
They are passing that on. Thank you. You've just been
such a great friend to us. So you know, thank you,
I know you do. We love actual special family, special people.
We love you so much. Jay's new book, Eight Rules
of Love is available for preorder. Now do yourself a favor,
(35:29):
get this book. Thank you. It might just change. Willow
has told me so much. And of course it has
been like watching Willow on her Jenny and and now
Jennie is just inspiring to me. I'm trying. You know
that you have my heart. Willow just such an inspiration
(35:50):
in so many ways. You know, I couldn't give that
right back to you were just mirroring. I want to
thank you. To join the Red Table to Talk family
and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at
facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening
to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook, Watch,
(36:11):
Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.