July 8, 2021 • 32 mins
Jada’s longtime friend, Oscar-nominated actress and one of the inspirations behind RTT - Salma Hayek - joins the Table for an intimate and revealing conversation about motherhood, menopause and marriage. Jada reveals how Salma’s wise words helped her through the most difficult time in her life.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the
Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the
Facebook watch show in audio, produced by Westbrook Audio and
I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review
on Apple Podcasts. I like this set up. Oh my gosh,
(00:20):
little dinner a little different. It's awesome. It's gonna be
like she's right here with us, upfront and personal. Yeah,
so I get to have a very special woman on today.
I've waited to have her for a very long time,
(00:41):
for three years. Okay, because this woman has been an
inspiration for this table. Okay, and her name is Selma Hillo.
It's so exciting. It's so good to see you finally
(01:03):
I paid it to the Red Table. Yeah. I wish
we could have you here in person, but I know
you're in London. I'm in London. I want to say congratulations, girls,
thank you. Fantastic job, amazing idea, amazing concept. We have
(01:24):
all been craving for a safe place where we can
be real and that it can have the amazing the
dynamic that the three of you create. Well, s Imma,
thank you because you know you were an inspiration for
why this happened, you know, and I was going through
that really difficult time and you just took me under
your wing and you just schooled me on so much,
(01:47):
and you shared your testimony with me. I gotta say, Jada,
you leave inside of me every day. I am so
proud of your beautiful family, and I'm so proud of you,
and I'm so proud of what you're doing in the world.
I follow you on Instagram and you always make me laugh,
(02:10):
and you always make me think, and something about you
makes me fall in love with life. That's how I
feel about you. I don't care if you're in the
roller skates or if you're saying something deep, if you're dancing.
Did you do some weird stuff? Man? So how does
(02:31):
she come up with so much? It's always like, oh
my god, there's my girl. I mess you so much.
We haven't seen each other in so long. We've got
so much to catch up on. How did you guys meet?
We were one of the four finalists for the Matrix,
and so we had jumped through many hurdles and you know,
(02:55):
screen testing and many auditions, and they brought these stunt
coordinators from Asia and it was the physical test. Now,
I'm flexible, I'm my child, but I'm lazy. I never
really went to the gym, and they said to me,
(03:17):
you have to run. I go to wear around, you
have to run around. I couldn't even go around the room.
Once I was like, in comes Jada and mean, lean,
sexy machino. When oh my god, she was so good.
(03:38):
It was so embarrassing. She was so fat, she was
so focused, she was so dcibly, she was so capable,
she was so gracious. And I just looked at this
woman and I thought to myself, that's why I want
(04:00):
to be when I grow one. Yeah, I was impressive,
she was really impressive. I didn't get the part. Yeah
we didn't get the party. They never call me again
after that day. But you know, I always tell carry
(04:20):
and I'm like, she she was perfect for that one.
So now when I'm gonna every time, I'm gonna do action,
I said, no, no, no, I better start like getting
a little bit of stamina and I better practice the routines. Yeah, yeah,
you gotta be like Jade. That you gotta be like Jade.
I remember when I did Wild Wild West and I
(04:41):
became friends with Jada and with Will. I was always
very impressive of what a good step mother you were,
because I know you before your kids came came along,
and I know you bregg you were pregnant also and
really young, and I'm sorry, but you really had together.
(05:08):
You've never been fake. You never went and follow what
everybody else were doing. You got to do things for conviction.
I think I really got to know some. You know,
many years ago when I called her to direct a
video for me, I was still on human trafficking advocacy
(05:30):
and she was gracious enough. Two. Yeah, you know, we
had known each other by now. She was very dear
to me. She called me and she said, what are
you doing? She goes, I did the song, I sang
it in Spanish, and you're directing the music video. Her
(05:54):
Spanish was perfect, and that's coming from so Ha Hones
was like impeccable. And I said, who wrote this for you?
On top of everything else? She goes, I did, But
I do have to tell you. Some said that she
would do the video, but she said only if I
did it naked. Absolutely, Yeah, yeah, Nate and Anita, and
(06:30):
she said you're gonna be naked. She made sure you
is so nusty, eat it all. Yeah, deep. It's a
love song about sex trafficking, and the story is about
(06:55):
trusting a man that destroys you, luring you into sex trafficking.
And I said, I think it's important that you are
as vulnerable as these women, because the obsession that men
have with women's bodies, it's really threatening for us. And
(07:17):
so she accepted to be snaked with her body as
she was with her voice, and so she was very brave.
She had never done it before. No, but awesome. So
something you've been married for like twelve years and you're
like one of the wisest women that I know. What
are some of your tips for deeper connection and a relationship?
(07:41):
I will tell you what My best advice is that
I think I love it that I have it with
my husband. When there is conflict, we put all the
energy in solving the problem, never finding who to blame
or you should have done these or that. No, all
her energy goes into how do we solve this? And
(08:06):
so because of this, we've never said anything nastitude. That
is beautiful summer. No resentment, that's a good that is
a good way focus on the problem. And I'm not
figuring out the problem and figuring out together. Yea Valentina,
she's thirteen. She's thirteen. Now, how how many languages is
(08:30):
she speaking? Now? She speaks the three, Spanish, English, and French.
That she always spoke sounds a lot of Italian Portuguese.
But I tried to get her to do Chinese. Yeah.
I always loved like when I would see her and
listening to it, like, I was always fascinated. She was
(08:51):
so young and she was trilingual. I was like, damn,
I'm up here first of all, trying to master English
and trying to figure out space. And she got it.
She got the three, Jada, I'm still trying to figure
out the English. But thirteen, some how has that been?
(09:11):
I remember when miss Willow was thirteen. Let's not remember that.
I want to I want us to have all amnesia
about that now. But Willow, she was always so proud
of you. Thank you. Such an interesting time, you know,
as our daughters are transitioning into young womanhood, and so
(09:33):
I always think that that journey between mother and daughter
is a fascinating one. You know, hasn't been teaching you
anything so much. I've been learning to get out of
the way, and I've also learned a lot of that
from you, Uh to get out always take let them
be who they are, to give them the chance to
(09:53):
take the chance to be unique and dad. It's not easy.
And when you give them a voice, the first person
they use it for it's you, you know, yes. Empowerment
also comes with understanding boundaries. That's what I'm talking about,
You know what Willow that? I mean, it's just good
(10:19):
Mothers are always gonna wonder am I doing the right thing?
Am I did I do the right thing? Should I?
Should I have? Should I? Always? Because we care and
because we want to be are very very very best
for you. Sometimes when your children go away, because I
(10:39):
have stepchildren that are older, there's such a void that
you really don't know who you are anymore. There is
a sense of not only of laws, it's like who
am I without them? Like? What is my family? Now?
I think every woman goes through that, what is my place?
I remember when they start growing. I remember being in
the bad room and saying, wait a minute, nobody's knocking
(11:02):
at the door. Mommy, You're like in the bathroom and
somebody's like, mommy, just silence, No, nobody's interrupting my private
moment of peace, and then you go, okay, and what
do I do with this moment now that I don't
have to hurry off? It's even hard to know how
(11:23):
to chill. It's hard, like I'm chilling. I'm chilling, my god,
I am making an effort to chill that transition where
just like I don't know how to actually relax, I
really don't know what to do with myself. It's true.
And then you It takes a process and just learning
how to just be still and then remembering what is
(11:47):
it that I like to do again? What is the
things that bring me joy again? Yeah, it's a process.
I want to tell you that I watched the movie
that you just did, hip Man's Wife, badding so exciting,
that's so fun. Always excuse me, I've seen a game
(12:07):
with a woman, but never be sold. No, don't don't laugh,
and you my age, I'm fomished. Shall we go now?
(12:41):
Some of you are whooping kicking. As for your funny, beautiful,
witty self, I mean, it is such a pleasure to
see you in a role like that. And what was
really impressive is like you would like bunk that I'm
letting people know I'm fifty four and yes, and we
need to see more of this. You know, there's always
(13:03):
the silver fox guy getting in the car and doing
his business. We need more women in that role. I
feel less. It was conceived as maybe a girl in
her forties, But the truth is that I said why
and I say, let's let's make it a a woman
in her fifties. And I think we should make her
(13:24):
about her having to do all this action while she's
going through menopause. I love that hilarious. And we have
to convince some people, but they're like, do we have
to say the word, And I'm like, it doesn't matter
about words. What matters is that we go through it. Yes,
(13:47):
that's so interesting why it's such a like a problem
When I think about it as a woman, you think
that's hilarious. Hilarious, love that there's a very important message
behind it, because well we're saying here is that there's
no expiration dates for women. That has because you can
kick us at any age, you can call your own
(14:10):
at any age, you can dream at any age, you
can be romantic at any age. We have the right
to be loved for who we are at the place
that we are. We're not just here to make babies.
We're not just here to baby the man. We're not
just here to you know, service everything and everyone around us.
(14:32):
And then when you when the kids go away or
where there is no kids and you hit that age,
its songs like expiration date for the eggs. That means
expiration date for you as a woman. There's a lot
of ages. M it's missunderstanding that that has been going
around for centuries. And you know what, you don't look
(14:56):
at day not a day fifty exactly. I just gotta
put that on the table right now. Well, thank you,
But even if I did, I could still kick us
straight up. Are you experiencing any of the symptoms of menopause?
I've been for a long time, okay. I think it
(15:18):
was my meat forties. I had to take a test
and the questions were terrifying. They were asking me things like,
are your ears growing and there's hair coming out of them?
Are you growing mustache and a beer? Are you easily irritable?
(15:41):
Are you crying for no reason? Are you gaining a
lot of weight really fast that doesn't go away no
matter what you do. Are you shrinking? And then they
ask you it's your vagina dry? And I thought to myself,
it doesn't matter if you have hair coming out of
(16:01):
your ears and nose and a mustache and a beer
and you're shrinking and you're getting big, and you're in
a bad mood all day but crying at the same time,
nobody's coming here, you vagiant, you have to be coming here.
That thing makes no difference. What I'll tell you what
they didn't tell you. Are your boobs growing? WHOA Do
(16:25):
boobs grow during menopause? Yes, the boobs grow a lot.
For some women they get smaller. But there are some
women that when you gain weight, your boobs grow, and
other women that when you have children and you breast
with your boobs grow and they don't go back down,
and then in some of the cases when you are
(16:47):
in menopause, they grow again. And I just happened to
be one of those women that it happened in every
single step when I gained weight, when I got pregnant,
and when I'm in menopause. A lot of people say
that I had breast augmentation. I don't blame them. My
booms were smaller was the rest of my body. But
(17:10):
did just have kept growing many many sizes, and my
back has been really suffering from it, and not a
lot of people talk about this. I didn't even know
that that could occur. Yeah, I mean either me neither.
What about mood swings? I have gone through those periods,
(17:31):
Maybe I still am, But you gotta kind of notice
and take a deep breath and say, Okay, it'll pass.
You gotta hold it together. And also, the hot flashes
are not fun, definitely not. I'm gonna be fifty this year.
Some of that. Maybe that's why I'm crying all the time.
Maybe that's why I've cried all the time. You're just sensitive.
(17:55):
Now you know why you're crying all the time, Jada,
You are only rying all the time because you have
so much to be grateful for. Yes, you know that's
not a lot, and gratitude can't move you to tears. Yes.
As you grow older, also you feel things deeper. We
(18:20):
let ourselves be more sensitive because we don't feel as threatened.
As you get stronger, I think you get the luxury
of letting yourself feel everything. Yeah. There, you stronger, gain
the luxury of plating yourself. You see why I love her? Yeah,
(18:44):
let me down every time I'm around Selma. I guess
school and there's not a lot of people that can
school you exactly. Sounds a good one, but she schools
me every day. Even when I don't talk to her,
I hear her voice in my head, I feel her
energy around me. I feel her too. It's crazy, I
really do. It's the depth of your spirits al must
(19:06):
where just permeates and just engulfs. And that's the part
of you I love so much. Selma. We have the
fish bowl. Okay, now, the fish bowl is a red
table tradition. When our red Table family heard you were coming,
people lined up for questions. We wanted to pass along
(19:28):
the gift of Selma. First, we have a Diana from
New York. What's going on? Hi? How are you? Beautiful lady?
So excited to see you. So. I'm a curvaceous Latino
with a busty body type, and one of the biggest
challenges I've had is the assumptions that people are making
about me all the time. Like, even in professional environments,
(19:51):
I've had people make fun, you know, comments about my breast, eyes,
what I look like, and just assume that like I
want that sexual attention because of what I look like.
So my question is, how can I navigate and find
ways to get people to respect me for who I
am and take me a little bit more seriously. Okay,
(20:11):
So the first thing is when you have big breast,
it's really hard to dress. And one of the tricks
is that they say, oh, you, you showed a lot
of cleavage. Yes, because if you cover all the way
up to here, they just look bigger and you look bigger.
You need to have like some space, you know, otherwise
(20:34):
they take over your entire Dorso all these seeds, like
the head, and then like the thing. One thing that
I suggest emphasize your eyes because it's also hard for
them to look up. Maybe we're laughing, but this because
(20:55):
your eyes are smart. They're gonna hear what you have
to say to connect. To make a connection, the strongest connection,
I think it's through the eyes. Try to make it
a focus. But I'll tell you a very good trick.
Drop your voice a little bit not so high. Try
to talk from the god of your stomach. Own your voice,
(21:18):
command with your voice the respect that you deserve. Do
not be afraid of your voice. See if I start
talking like this, and you can make the jokes, you know,
but it's very different if I said, yeah, my babies
are huge and great, you know, but like if you yes,
my books are huge and great. Like high your voice
(21:43):
on your voice, drop it projected and feel it in
your God and it's where your strength is. So do
not be afraid of your voice. Do not have a
not here, you know, like relax your neck and speak
your truth. And they have to listen to you, and
they have to look into your eyes because then they
(22:04):
know that you're forced to be reckoned with and the
whole package is there. Why not? Yeah, but thank you,
thank you so much. That is amazing already better. I've
always wondered how I can get my voice to like
sound a little more confident. I'm doing it now a
little bit. You are, and you know what, that's your
(22:25):
real voice, right, You're not used to it, but it
is explored through your voice. You changed my life in
like a minute. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to the club. Welcome
to the club so much. Next we have Emily from Cleveland.
Hey Emily, Hi ladies, what do you have for us today?
(22:49):
I'm approaching my thirtieth birthday and I've been feeling a
lot of pressure to get a boob en marchment as
you can see, there's really not a lot going on here.
I've had my boyfriend makee a couple of comments about it.
It's really getting to me, but I really don't want
to go under the nights. And I guess my question is,
in today's day, h how does a woman with no boobs,
(23:12):
tiny waists, no but due to feel sexy. First of all,
you said there's not much going on here, and it's like, wow,
I see a lot going on there. I see. I mean,
you're really striking. So I'm gonna tell you a fast story.
I have a very close friend who got a breast
(23:35):
augmentation because the boyfriend really wanted her to get a
breast augmentation and they were engaged actually, and she got
them and she didn't marry her and she's had to
have eight operations because of it. Right, right, Okay, if
(24:02):
it's what you want, it's what you want. But don't
let anybody dictate what to do with your body. Okay,
if it's your choice, it's your choice. But it's really
hard to leave with someone else's choice that didn't even
(24:23):
stick around. You know. You know, the mind is super powerful,
So what can you do to be sexy? You know,
if you're not volocked uous. I dream of wearing T
shirts without a bra. You have to find what is
(24:43):
it that you love about your body let it expand
to other places. Vita used to say, I am my
own work of art. That's right, and I can see
that in you. I can see what you do with
your hair, with your makeup, your tattoo. You are your
own canvas. You are so nobody freed that would never
let somebody come and do any other painting. And you
(25:06):
know that's what's sexy, your own confidence. That the way
you move because you're comfortable in it, because you like it,
because you accept it, small breast, that it's something very
sexy too. Everything is sexy. It's not about the size
of the bullboards that make it work for you, girl,
(25:29):
work for you. There is sexy in every science and
every style and every color of women. Just the side
to be that sexy within what you are coming from
someone who has struggled with that for their whole life.
I mean, I've been very small for my entire life,
(25:50):
and you know that really takes a hit to my
self esteem, you know, because the world that we live in,
I mean, what a woman is supposed to look like
is always changing. We're always supposed to just hop on
what the new cool thing is. What I've realized is
like almost taking away that sexual perception of my body,
(26:13):
like taking away like looking at myself naked and taking
away the sexual perspective and just seeing all the different
ways that my body serves me so well, like as
I feel like, as women, we just get so zeroed
in on am I going to be wanted by someone else?
Sometimes lose the basic fundamental reason for having a body,
(26:38):
which is to take you through this world and to
experience things that don't have to be centered around sex.
And I want to tell you one more thing from
a spiritual perspective. Always remember that your body is simply
a casing. It is casing your spirit. The most valuable
part of you is your heart art right, and your spirit,
(27:03):
your soul. And let me tell you something. I've always
been a tiny girl too. I've always been small, small
everything small and stature, small breast, small butt, small legs,
small everything right. But let me tell you spirit, soul, laughter, connection,
spirit girl right, Okay, And I think how you feel
(27:26):
about yourself is so much more important than how somebody
else feels about you. So if he's not happy with
who you are, then maybe he needs to because, you know,
be with someone else. I don't know, I'm really uncomfortable
with him after having to change your physicality for somebody else.
(27:47):
If it's not something that you're really interested in doing
it and you're happy with your body, honey, walk with it,
be with that who you are? That again? Do you go? So?
Thank you, so much, so welcome. So we have a
video question now, our ladies. My name is Kia. I'm
forty four, divorced, and I recently started dating again. But
(28:12):
every man that I meet seems to want a twenty
year old. So my question is how can I meet
an age appropriate man. You don't know how many friends
I have in their forties and in their fifties that
are going through the same problem. It's become an epidemic
because now with the access you know, through the dating
(28:35):
sides and all these and want to commit less than ever,
just so much axes you know out there, and they
have so many choices, and it's become a real problem. Problem,
It's become a real problem. I have one advice for you.
(28:56):
Instead of really looking for men, look for new interests,
find an adventure that you want to learn how to do.
Let's say you want to learn how to do judo.
Find something that excites you that might also attract the
kind of man that represents some of the things that
(29:19):
you liked and that you could share with someone and
that you've never had that chance, So that you get
a chance to find somebody also that's not looking and
that it's painting the perfect picture. Oh, I want her
twenty with this kind of body, with this So find
an activity that you're interested in. Ye. I agree with
(29:41):
Alma because I had a friend who was going through
the same thing, and you guys know that I like
to dance, and I invited her to come out and
dance with me. It was really about finding some new
activity to get your life together. And she ended up
finding a guy. I had a step in community there
you girls, and they're happily married now. But it was
(30:04):
all about focusing on her. It wasn't about looking for
a man. Yeah, you know, it just comes to words.
You enjoyed the dance, Yeah, yes, Selma, I don't even
want to say ready to you. I know, I just
want to come back any time. I just want to
come back in person and I want some food on
(30:25):
the red table. Mexican food to the Red table. You
can come here any time you come here and talk
about the Yellow Pages for all I can. I'm coming
over there to give that monitor a hug because, oh
(30:49):
there you go. Thank you Selma and calling the three
of you magnificent women and an example, an example to families,
to women the world. Keep shining your light, no matther
who we blinds, as long as it doesn't blind yourselves.
Oh my god, thank you, Thank you so much. I
(31:12):
love you so much. Mi too. I can't wait to
see you. The hip man's wife Bundyguard is out. Now,
go make sure you see that ward to middle aged women. Yes,
we got someone in there kicking egg. Yeah, before with menopause.
(31:33):
I love it. I love it. That's why I love it. Yes,
make sure you go and support big time. Oh that
was good. That was so great. Oh my god, I
love her so much. Yeah, she is so funny is
when you're with her, just how he her, just how
loving she is, it will just feel like you're just
in a big hug all day. It's just just a
(31:56):
big hug when you're in her presence. Yeah, Yeah, was
great to join the red table Talk family and become
a part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook dot
com slash red table talk. Thanks for listening to this
episode of Red Table Talk podcast, produced by Facebook, Watch,
Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.
Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the
Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the
Facebook watch show in audio, produced by Westbrook Audio and
I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review
on Apple Podcasts. I like this set up. Oh my gosh,
(00:20):
little dinner a little different. It's awesome. It's gonna be
like she's right here with us, upfront and personal. Yeah,
so I get to have a very special woman on today.
I've waited to have her for a very long time,
(00:41):
for three years. Okay, because this woman has been an
inspiration for this table. Okay, and her name is Selma Hillo.
It's so exciting. It's so good to see you finally
(01:03):
I paid it to the Red Table. Yeah. I wish
we could have you here in person, but I know
you're in London. I'm in London. I want to say congratulations, girls,
thank you. Fantastic job, amazing idea, amazing concept. We have
(01:24):
all been craving for a safe place where we can
be real and that it can have the amazing the
dynamic that the three of you create. Well, s Imma,
thank you because you know you were an inspiration for
why this happened, you know, and I was going through
that really difficult time and you just took me under
your wing and you just schooled me on so much,
(01:47):
and you shared your testimony with me. I gotta say, Jada,
you leave inside of me every day. I am so
proud of your beautiful family, and I'm so proud of you,
and I'm so proud of what you're doing in the world.
I follow you on Instagram and you always make me laugh,
(02:10):
and you always make me think, and something about you
makes me fall in love with life. That's how I
feel about you. I don't care if you're in the
roller skates or if you're saying something deep, if you're dancing.
Did you do some weird stuff? Man? So how does
(02:31):
she come up with so much? It's always like, oh
my god, there's my girl. I mess you so much.
We haven't seen each other in so long. We've got
so much to catch up on. How did you guys meet?
We were one of the four finalists for the Matrix,
and so we had jumped through many hurdles and you know,
(02:55):
screen testing and many auditions, and they brought these stunt
coordinators from Asia and it was the physical test. Now,
I'm flexible, I'm my child, but I'm lazy. I never
really went to the gym, and they said to me,
(03:17):
you have to run. I go to wear around, you
have to run around. I couldn't even go around the room.
Once I was like, in comes Jada and mean, lean,
sexy machino. When oh my god, she was so good.
(03:38):
It was so embarrassing. She was so fat, she was
so focused, she was so dcibly, she was so capable,
she was so gracious. And I just looked at this
woman and I thought to myself, that's why I want
(04:00):
to be when I grow one. Yeah, I was impressive,
she was really impressive. I didn't get the part. Yeah
we didn't get the party. They never call me again
after that day. But you know, I always tell carry
(04:20):
and I'm like, she she was perfect for that one.
So now when I'm gonna every time, I'm gonna do action,
I said, no, no, no, I better start like getting
a little bit of stamina and I better practice the routines. Yeah, yeah,
you gotta be like Jade. That you gotta be like Jade.
I remember when I did Wild Wild West and I
(04:41):
became friends with Jada and with Will. I was always
very impressive of what a good step mother you were,
because I know you before your kids came came along,
and I know you bregg you were pregnant also and
really young, and I'm sorry, but you really had together.
(05:08):
You've never been fake. You never went and follow what
everybody else were doing. You got to do things for conviction.
I think I really got to know some. You know,
many years ago when I called her to direct a
video for me, I was still on human trafficking advocacy
(05:30):
and she was gracious enough. Two. Yeah, you know, we
had known each other by now. She was very dear
to me. She called me and she said, what are
you doing? She goes, I did the song, I sang
it in Spanish, and you're directing the music video. Her
(05:54):
Spanish was perfect, and that's coming from so Ha Hones
was like impeccable. And I said, who wrote this for you?
On top of everything else? She goes, I did, But
I do have to tell you. Some said that she
would do the video, but she said only if I
did it naked. Absolutely, Yeah, yeah, Nate and Anita, and
(06:30):
she said you're gonna be naked. She made sure you
is so nusty, eat it all. Yeah, deep. It's a
love song about sex trafficking, and the story is about
(06:55):
trusting a man that destroys you, luring you into sex trafficking.
And I said, I think it's important that you are
as vulnerable as these women, because the obsession that men
have with women's bodies, it's really threatening for us. And
(07:17):
so she accepted to be snaked with her body as
she was with her voice, and so she was very brave.
She had never done it before. No, but awesome. So
something you've been married for like twelve years and you're
like one of the wisest women that I know. What
are some of your tips for deeper connection and a relationship?
(07:41):
I will tell you what My best advice is that
I think I love it that I have it with
my husband. When there is conflict, we put all the
energy in solving the problem, never finding who to blame
or you should have done these or that. No, all
her energy goes into how do we solve this? And
(08:06):
so because of this, we've never said anything nastitude. That
is beautiful summer. No resentment, that's a good that is
a good way focus on the problem. And I'm not
figuring out the problem and figuring out together. Yea Valentina,
she's thirteen. She's thirteen. Now, how how many languages is
(08:30):
she speaking? Now? She speaks the three, Spanish, English, and French.
That she always spoke sounds a lot of Italian Portuguese.
But I tried to get her to do Chinese. Yeah.
I always loved like when I would see her and
listening to it, like, I was always fascinated. She was
(08:51):
so young and she was trilingual. I was like, damn,
I'm up here first of all, trying to master English
and trying to figure out space. And she got it.
She got the three, Jada, I'm still trying to figure
out the English. But thirteen, some how has that been?
(09:11):
I remember when miss Willow was thirteen. Let's not remember that.
I want to I want us to have all amnesia
about that now. But Willow, she was always so proud
of you. Thank you. Such an interesting time, you know,
as our daughters are transitioning into young womanhood, and so
(09:33):
I always think that that journey between mother and daughter
is a fascinating one. You know, hasn't been teaching you
anything so much. I've been learning to get out of
the way, and I've also learned a lot of that
from you, Uh to get out always take let them
be who they are, to give them the chance to
(09:53):
take the chance to be unique and dad. It's not easy.
And when you give them a voice, the first person
they use it for it's you, you know, yes. Empowerment
also comes with understanding boundaries. That's what I'm talking about,
You know what Willow that? I mean, it's just good
(10:19):
Mothers are always gonna wonder am I doing the right thing?
Am I did I do the right thing? Should I?
Should I have? Should I? Always? Because we care and
because we want to be are very very very best
for you. Sometimes when your children go away, because I
(10:39):
have stepchildren that are older, there's such a void that
you really don't know who you are anymore. There is
a sense of not only of laws, it's like who
am I without them? Like? What is my family? Now?
I think every woman goes through that, what is my place?
I remember when they start growing. I remember being in
the bad room and saying, wait a minute, nobody's knocking
(11:02):
at the door. Mommy, You're like in the bathroom and
somebody's like, mommy, just silence, No, nobody's interrupting my private
moment of peace, and then you go, okay, and what
do I do with this moment now that I don't
have to hurry off? It's even hard to know how
(11:23):
to chill. It's hard, like I'm chilling. I'm chilling, my god,
I am making an effort to chill that transition where
just like I don't know how to actually relax, I
really don't know what to do with myself. It's true.
And then you It takes a process and just learning
how to just be still and then remembering what is
(11:47):
it that I like to do again? What is the
things that bring me joy again? Yeah, it's a process.
I want to tell you that I watched the movie
that you just did, hip Man's Wife, badding so exciting,
that's so fun. Always excuse me, I've seen a game
(12:07):
with a woman, but never be sold. No, don't don't laugh,
and you my age, I'm fomished. Shall we go now?
(12:41):
Some of you are whooping kicking. As for your funny, beautiful,
witty self, I mean, it is such a pleasure to
see you in a role like that. And what was
really impressive is like you would like bunk that I'm
letting people know I'm fifty four and yes, and we
need to see more of this. You know, there's always
(13:03):
the silver fox guy getting in the car and doing
his business. We need more women in that role. I
feel less. It was conceived as maybe a girl in
her forties, But the truth is that I said why
and I say, let's let's make it a a woman
in her fifties. And I think we should make her
(13:24):
about her having to do all this action while she's
going through menopause. I love that hilarious. And we have
to convince some people, but they're like, do we have
to say the word, And I'm like, it doesn't matter
about words. What matters is that we go through it. Yes,
(13:47):
that's so interesting why it's such a like a problem
When I think about it as a woman, you think
that's hilarious. Hilarious, love that there's a very important message
behind it, because well we're saying here is that there's
no expiration dates for women. That has because you can
kick us at any age, you can call your own
(14:10):
at any age, you can dream at any age, you
can be romantic at any age. We have the right
to be loved for who we are at the place
that we are. We're not just here to make babies.
We're not just here to baby the man. We're not
just here to you know, service everything and everyone around us.
(14:32):
And then when you when the kids go away or
where there is no kids and you hit that age,
its songs like expiration date for the eggs. That means
expiration date for you as a woman. There's a lot
of ages. M it's missunderstanding that that has been going
around for centuries. And you know what, you don't look
(14:56):
at day not a day fifty exactly. I just gotta
put that on the table right now. Well, thank you,
But even if I did, I could still kick us
straight up. Are you experiencing any of the symptoms of menopause?
I've been for a long time, okay. I think it
(15:18):
was my meat forties. I had to take a test
and the questions were terrifying. They were asking me things like,
are your ears growing and there's hair coming out of them?
Are you growing mustache and a beer? Are you easily irritable?
(15:41):
Are you crying for no reason? Are you gaining a
lot of weight really fast that doesn't go away no
matter what you do. Are you shrinking? And then they
ask you it's your vagina dry? And I thought to myself,
it doesn't matter if you have hair coming out of
(16:01):
your ears and nose and a mustache and a beer
and you're shrinking and you're getting big, and you're in
a bad mood all day but crying at the same time,
nobody's coming here, you vagiant, you have to be coming here.
That thing makes no difference. What I'll tell you what
they didn't tell you. Are your boobs growing? WHOA Do
(16:25):
boobs grow during menopause? Yes, the boobs grow a lot.
For some women they get smaller. But there are some
women that when you gain weight, your boobs grow, and
other women that when you have children and you breast
with your boobs grow and they don't go back down,
and then in some of the cases when you are
(16:47):
in menopause, they grow again. And I just happened to
be one of those women that it happened in every
single step when I gained weight, when I got pregnant,
and when I'm in menopause. A lot of people say
that I had breast augmentation. I don't blame them. My
booms were smaller was the rest of my body. But
(17:10):
did just have kept growing many many sizes, and my
back has been really suffering from it, and not a
lot of people talk about this. I didn't even know
that that could occur. Yeah, I mean either me neither.
What about mood swings? I have gone through those periods,
(17:31):
Maybe I still am, But you gotta kind of notice
and take a deep breath and say, Okay, it'll pass.
You gotta hold it together. And also, the hot flashes
are not fun, definitely not. I'm gonna be fifty this year.
Some of that. Maybe that's why I'm crying all the time.
Maybe that's why I've cried all the time. You're just sensitive.
(17:55):
Now you know why you're crying all the time, Jada,
You are only rying all the time because you have
so much to be grateful for. Yes, you know that's
not a lot, and gratitude can't move you to tears. Yes.
As you grow older, also you feel things deeper. We
(18:20):
let ourselves be more sensitive because we don't feel as threatened.
As you get stronger, I think you get the luxury
of letting yourself feel everything. Yeah. There, you stronger, gain
the luxury of plating yourself. You see why I love her? Yeah,
(18:44):
let me down every time I'm around Selma. I guess
school and there's not a lot of people that can
school you exactly. Sounds a good one, but she schools
me every day. Even when I don't talk to her,
I hear her voice in my head, I feel her
energy around me. I feel her too. It's crazy, I
really do. It's the depth of your spirits al must
(19:06):
where just permeates and just engulfs. And that's the part
of you I love so much. Selma. We have the
fish bowl. Okay, now, the fish bowl is a red
table tradition. When our red Table family heard you were coming,
people lined up for questions. We wanted to pass along
(19:28):
the gift of Selma. First, we have a Diana from
New York. What's going on? Hi? How are you? Beautiful lady?
So excited to see you. So. I'm a curvaceous Latino
with a busty body type, and one of the biggest
challenges I've had is the assumptions that people are making
about me all the time. Like, even in professional environments,
(19:51):
I've had people make fun, you know, comments about my breast, eyes,
what I look like, and just assume that like I
want that sexual attention because of what I look like.
So my question is, how can I navigate and find
ways to get people to respect me for who I
am and take me a little bit more seriously. Okay,
(20:11):
So the first thing is when you have big breast,
it's really hard to dress. And one of the tricks
is that they say, oh, you, you showed a lot
of cleavage. Yes, because if you cover all the way
up to here, they just look bigger and you look bigger.
You need to have like some space, you know, otherwise
(20:34):
they take over your entire Dorso all these seeds, like
the head, and then like the thing. One thing that
I suggest emphasize your eyes because it's also hard for
them to look up. Maybe we're laughing, but this because
(20:55):
your eyes are smart. They're gonna hear what you have
to say to connect. To make a connection, the strongest connection,
I think it's through the eyes. Try to make it
a focus. But I'll tell you a very good trick.
Drop your voice a little bit not so high. Try
to talk from the god of your stomach. Own your voice,
(21:18):
command with your voice the respect that you deserve. Do
not be afraid of your voice. See if I start
talking like this, and you can make the jokes, you know,
but it's very different if I said, yeah, my babies
are huge and great, you know, but like if you yes,
my books are huge and great. Like high your voice
(21:43):
on your voice, drop it projected and feel it in
your God and it's where your strength is. So do
not be afraid of your voice. Do not have a
not here, you know, like relax your neck and speak
your truth. And they have to listen to you, and
they have to look into your eyes because then they
(22:04):
know that you're forced to be reckoned with and the
whole package is there. Why not? Yeah, but thank you,
thank you so much. That is amazing already better. I've
always wondered how I can get my voice to like
sound a little more confident. I'm doing it now a
little bit. You are, and you know what, that's your
(22:25):
real voice, right, You're not used to it, but it
is explored through your voice. You changed my life in
like a minute. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to the club. Welcome
to the club so much. Next we have Emily from Cleveland.
Hey Emily, Hi ladies, what do you have for us today?
(22:49):
I'm approaching my thirtieth birthday and I've been feeling a
lot of pressure to get a boob en marchment as
you can see, there's really not a lot going on here.
I've had my boyfriend makee a couple of comments about it.
It's really getting to me, but I really don't want
to go under the nights. And I guess my question is,
in today's day, h how does a woman with no boobs,
(23:12):
tiny waists, no but due to feel sexy. First of all,
you said there's not much going on here, and it's like, wow,
I see a lot going on there. I see. I mean,
you're really striking. So I'm gonna tell you a fast story.
I have a very close friend who got a breast
(23:35):
augmentation because the boyfriend really wanted her to get a
breast augmentation and they were engaged actually, and she got
them and she didn't marry her and she's had to
have eight operations because of it. Right, right, Okay, if
(24:02):
it's what you want, it's what you want. But don't
let anybody dictate what to do with your body. Okay,
if it's your choice, it's your choice. But it's really
hard to leave with someone else's choice that didn't even
(24:23):
stick around. You know. You know, the mind is super powerful,
So what can you do to be sexy? You know,
if you're not volocked uous. I dream of wearing T
shirts without a bra. You have to find what is
(24:43):
it that you love about your body let it expand
to other places. Vita used to say, I am my
own work of art. That's right, and I can see
that in you. I can see what you do with
your hair, with your makeup, your tattoo. You are your
own canvas. You are so nobody freed that would never
let somebody come and do any other painting. And you
(25:06):
know that's what's sexy, your own confidence. That the way
you move because you're comfortable in it, because you like it,
because you accept it, small breast, that it's something very
sexy too. Everything is sexy. It's not about the size
of the bullboards that make it work for you, girl,
(25:29):
work for you. There is sexy in every science and
every style and every color of women. Just the side
to be that sexy within what you are coming from
someone who has struggled with that for their whole life.
I mean, I've been very small for my entire life,
(25:50):
and you know that really takes a hit to my
self esteem, you know, because the world that we live in,
I mean, what a woman is supposed to look like
is always changing. We're always supposed to just hop on
what the new cool thing is. What I've realized is
like almost taking away that sexual perception of my body,
(26:13):
like taking away like looking at myself naked and taking
away the sexual perspective and just seeing all the different
ways that my body serves me so well, like as
I feel like, as women, we just get so zeroed
in on am I going to be wanted by someone else?
Sometimes lose the basic fundamental reason for having a body,
(26:38):
which is to take you through this world and to
experience things that don't have to be centered around sex.
And I want to tell you one more thing from
a spiritual perspective. Always remember that your body is simply
a casing. It is casing your spirit. The most valuable
part of you is your heart art right, and your spirit,
(27:03):
your soul. And let me tell you something. I've always
been a tiny girl too. I've always been small, small
everything small and stature, small breast, small butt, small legs,
small everything right. But let me tell you spirit, soul, laughter, connection,
spirit girl right, Okay, And I think how you feel
(27:26):
about yourself is so much more important than how somebody
else feels about you. So if he's not happy with
who you are, then maybe he needs to because, you know,
be with someone else. I don't know, I'm really uncomfortable
with him after having to change your physicality for somebody else.
(27:47):
If it's not something that you're really interested in doing
it and you're happy with your body, honey, walk with it,
be with that who you are? That again? Do you go? So?
Thank you, so much, so welcome. So we have a
video question now, our ladies. My name is Kia. I'm
forty four, divorced, and I recently started dating again. But
(28:12):
every man that I meet seems to want a twenty
year old. So my question is how can I meet
an age appropriate man. You don't know how many friends
I have in their forties and in their fifties that
are going through the same problem. It's become an epidemic
because now with the access you know, through the dating
(28:35):
sides and all these and want to commit less than ever,
just so much axes you know out there, and they
have so many choices, and it's become a real problem. Problem,
It's become a real problem. I have one advice for you.
(28:56):
Instead of really looking for men, look for new interests,
find an adventure that you want to learn how to do.
Let's say you want to learn how to do judo.
Find something that excites you that might also attract the
kind of man that represents some of the things that
(29:19):
you liked and that you could share with someone and
that you've never had that chance, So that you get
a chance to find somebody also that's not looking and
that it's painting the perfect picture. Oh, I want her
twenty with this kind of body, with this So find
an activity that you're interested in. Ye. I agree with
(29:41):
Alma because I had a friend who was going through
the same thing, and you guys know that I like
to dance, and I invited her to come out and
dance with me. It was really about finding some new
activity to get your life together. And she ended up
finding a guy. I had a step in community there
you girls, and they're happily married now. But it was
(30:04):
all about focusing on her. It wasn't about looking for
a man. Yeah, you know, it just comes to words.
You enjoyed the dance, Yeah, yes, Selma, I don't even
want to say ready to you. I know, I just
want to come back any time. I just want to
come back in person and I want some food on
(30:25):
the red table. Mexican food to the Red table. You
can come here any time you come here and talk
about the Yellow Pages for all I can. I'm coming
over there to give that monitor a hug because, oh
(30:49):
there you go. Thank you Selma and calling the three
of you magnificent women and an example, an example to families,
to women the world. Keep shining your light, no matther
who we blinds, as long as it doesn't blind yourselves.
Oh my god, thank you, Thank you so much. I
(31:12):
love you so much. Mi too. I can't wait to
see you. The hip man's wife Bundyguard is out. Now,
go make sure you see that ward to middle aged women. Yes,
we got someone in there kicking egg. Yeah, before with menopause.
(31:33):
I love it. I love it. That's why I love it. Yes,
make sure you go and support big time. Oh that
was good. That was so great. Oh my god, I
love her so much. Yeah, she is so funny is
when you're with her, just how he her, just how
loving she is, it will just feel like you're just
in a big hug all day. It's just just a
(31:56):
big hug when you're in her presence. Yeah, Yeah, was
great to join the red table Talk family and become
a part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook dot
com slash red table talk. Thanks for listening to this
episode of Red Table Talk podcast, produced by Facebook, Watch,
Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.
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