June 14, 2025 • 45 mins
Besties Thelma & Louise are back - and this time they're joined by a single, eligible, divorced bachelor “J.D.”, to get a man's perspective on dating I do's and don'ts!
From hobbies that men find sexy to fashion they like, to if debt is REALLY a turn off - J.D. is giving you ALL the info so you can date in your chapter 2 with confidence!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
It's I Do Part two and it's your favorite real
life bessies, Belma and Louise. It's been a minute since
we've been on the podcast, but we're so excited about
today's episodes. Today it's all about getting inside the mind
of a man. How did they think? What are they like?
So let's bring in our single guy, JD. And he
is a total smoke show. So it's going to be
(00:34):
so much fun unpacking with such a hotti.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well, JD, we have an on pretty good authority that
you're an amazing guy. We obviously have friends of friends,
so we're super excited to talk to you today and
really want to just dive deep into your head so
that you can help all of the female listeners out
there figure out what we're doing right and maybe what
we're doing wrong, and just give us a little direction.
(00:58):
So kind of diving into the first question, help us
understand how do you meet good quality guys out there?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Yeah, it's a tough one to start out, but I'll
tell you there's no one place I would say. Obviously,
it can be a bar, it could be bumble, it
could be anything like that. But if you want to
get a little more strategic. I would say places where
you have a shared interest. Right. I have a friend
who is super into stailing, who's a woman, and she
(01:28):
goes to bars in saucely Do and Tibron and goes
to yacht club parties. She wants to meet someone who's
into sailing like she is. So if you have a
shared interest surfing, skiing, doing things where you're likely to
meet somebody with a shared interest. Otherwise you've got bars,
you've got bumble hinge, you know, eharmonymatch dot com and
(01:48):
all that. I've seen those. All of those work for people, right,
And I don't think there's necessary. It's a bad idea
to try multiple options. Question.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Now, what I have found in this day and age
is because everybody is attached to their devices, even the
apps or whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
How often do you approach.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
A table of I mean, obviously approaching a table with
five women is daunting, but even like two girls sitting
at a bar, how often do you do the old
school method of perhaps sending over a glass of wine,
or sending a note on a napkin, or going up
and saying hello.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It feels like those days are few and far between.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Yeah, that's a fair point. I'm very comfortable going up
to a group of maybe two or three girls. I
think if the group is five, six, eight girls, I'm
probably not going to write. But if it's just two
or three, I'm happy to go up and start a
conversation or send a drink to a lot of them
and try to start a conversation that way. So yeah,
I do think. I think if you're trying to meet
(02:54):
a guy, going out in really big groups is going
to be intimidating. I would focus on having one or
two people there with you.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
And what about how often do you experience the reverse
like a girl kind of you know, seizing the day
and being you know, super confident in her own skin
and doing that. I mean, I recently, Selma and I
have heard stories about you know, girls we know that
are literally going out on a Saturday night to a
hot spot and sitting at a bar by herself. That
(03:23):
takes so much courage and confidence.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, I see. I think maybe people are more confident now.
I don't know, but I've definitely had people come up
and just say, hey, what's your deal? Or I had
a woman say, can your dog is cute? Can I
walk your dog? Sometime? Like, but I do think I
think people are willing to try things and take a
take a chance.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I think the dog. The dog is a good one.
The dog is a good one. I mean, I feel
like we're really missing talking about walking the dog or
using your dog is like also servicing. Look at that
she is servicing already. Can you imagine how antiquated? Right?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Yeah, I mean not only that she and then she said,
I said, well do you are you just going to
drop the dog at my place? And she said, well, no,
I'm at the back of this restaurant. Just come and
get the dog from there. And then we sat and
ended up having dinner and drake, So she really she
had a good game plan.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
She larned you in. I also think that that's one
of the things that there are a lot of things
that we don't maybe have going for us as we
age and like forty fifty years old whatever. But I
do think, like I feel so sorry for our children
because I do think that the thought of randomly walking
up to somebody is so foreign to them because they
(04:37):
are so into their devices and they don't meet anyone
naturally anymore, or they feel like they know people before
they've even met them because again all the cyberstalking and everything.
But I do think that probably our generation there still
exists a little bit of that, like we had to
go out and meet people naturally, and maybe just even
(04:58):
talking about this today it makes me realize like we
should have hold onto that and try to we should
like standing in a Starbucks line.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I mean, I was telling a friend of mine who
never goes out, I said, Love isn't going to drop out.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Of Netflix, right, you might have said that to me. No,
but like you have to go out into the world,
and it's believing. It's hard, but it's just changed so much.
Being at the moment.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I remember when I graduated, I went to well, we
all went to cal but graduating and in San Francisco.
Back then, they had singles night at Safeway at the
market on Sundays as an opportunity to meet people.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
And I was like, they don't do that stuff anymore.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Single Safeway is pretty legendary. I would say, yeah, I have.
I do have one tip to make it easier for
people to gain that confidence, Like instead of saying to somebody, hey,
I find you really attractive, or for the woman to
say like do you have a girlfriend, like lower the
like just say hey, I think your shirt is really cool,
or like you have a just compliment something about the
(05:57):
woman or the man, and then it's not that they
could deal like hey, I just think it's a cool
you have cool earrings. You're not taking this huge risk.
It's like, right, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you
can you can lower the bar of stress by just
complimenting something like oh, your shoes your pants are like,
your shoes are cool, and then that's not that stressful
and they don't have to be like I do or
(06:19):
don't have a boyfriend. So it lowers the pressure on
both sides. So just ask a non threatening question like
I like your sure.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Felm and I had an interesting thing happened.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
We were it was a Sunday, fun day for us,
and we were sitting at the bar at South Beverly
Gril Do you remember this Selmud? I do remember, And
there was this like really handsome guy and for literally
an hour we were talking to him and.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
We were thinking, well, one of us is definitely going
to get those guys nuver.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
And then all of a sudden, you now see had
a girlfriend, which was just interesting on so many levels.
Do you remember that after like forty five minutes of
him being pretty flirty, he.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Didn't buy us a drink, So maybe that was really
the side if we were buying our own drinks.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
It doesn't sound like he likes his all for very much,
but that's right.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Or that he's or that he's faithful, little gray area
ye issues here.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, yeah, I think we we salvaged ourselves on that one. Okay,
what about like when you first see a girl, for example,
a first date. We have curated and we feel like
it's kind of tried and true for us where it's
like what we feel super comfortable in its genes, so
it's kind of casual and not you know, it kind
of takes you to any restaurant that you might go to,
(07:29):
but also like a really cute top that's not too
revealing but still like you look good at it. So
that's kind of our look. But I mean, we're not
djusting for each other, right, well we are? We are, Oh, no,
we are, we are.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We have funny have all the same stuff, so the
outfit is actually the great pair of jeans and we
have nine thousand options and then a great top and
like we've got pretty much all the same leather jackets
that we toss over our shoulders, kind of like for warmth.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
And we do text each other before we go out
together because of highly probable that we're wearing the same outfit.
But the question is what, like when you first meet
a girl, what are you looking for or what are
things that you notice where you're like, oh my gosh,
great look or attractive?
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Oh yeah, well, I guess just clothing wise. I agree
with the whole genes look and not having something that's
crazy revealing. I think that's a good a good move.
I will say one mistake I see women make sometimes
is they go with some really cool pair of like
flats that they have, And I would say I would
say most men find a little bit of like a
(08:37):
sandal or a wedge or something. Most men find that
attractive unless they're you know, five foot four something. I
would say most men would prefer that to your to
your favorite flat show.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
That's that's interesting. What about makeup? What's your feeling on makeup?
And kind of like Glamorama.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, it can be. It's nice when you don't, you
don't have the reaction that it's a ton coming your
way from I think that's a nice a nice vibe.
But I mean, yeah, a little makeup's great if it's
if it's really over the top, it might turn some
people off. Some people might not care. But for me personally,
a little bit more of a sporty I don't know,
(09:17):
athletic vibe is more of my vibe. Some men might
want someone who to just glamor and they freaking love it.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
It's just although they better look the same when they
wake up in the morning. Well that would be But
that actually brings an interesting point. So when you're making
a first date or a second date with somebody, do
you prefer the hike slash coffee, throw on leggings kind
of a thing, or do you prefer the you know,
(09:45):
going out, glass of wine, a little bit of alcohol
makes people a little more comfortable for the first date.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
What's your preference.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Yeah, I do think on the first date it's it's
it's better not to do it date a middle of
the daytime thing because you're trying to get a you're
trying to get a spark and a romance going. So
you could do a happy hour thing where hey, we're
going to go for a hike at five and then
we're going to meet and open some wine and have dinner.
So I've done that before. I met somebody at four
(10:15):
point thirty eight out like a roof deck and then
we went to whatever. But the so, yeah, don't do
a midday date and on your first date. You can
hike on your second date. I think the key in
the first date is to see if there's some type
of spark there, and a three hour hike at you know,
ten am is is not the right move.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
We're going to have to go back to that spark comment.
But actually I do want to ask a question so
on the concept of happy hour when a woman is sober,
is that something that should be brought up.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Before the date? Is it something that you know?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Is it feel weird when you guys are ordering your
drink and she's like, I'll just have some hot water
and lemon, Like, what is your feeling on that? Because
we have a lot of sober friends who before a
date kind of feel nervous about it. And I said
recently to somebody, I said, look, if he's not okay
with that, then he's not your guy, because you should
be proud of your journey and where you are at yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
One hundred percent. If somebody doesn't think that their date
drinks enough, I think they have some other things we're
I've been there. If a woman is at ease and
confident and doesn't need alcohol, then more power tour. The
point is for someone to be at ease in their
own skin, and if they do that, If somebody has
that without drinking, I'd say that's bonus points. I don't
(11:36):
think it's negative points at all.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
But I think I think if you, I mean, if
you are feeling uncomfortable about it yourself about not drinking,
I think it is best to let the person know
before you go out, because it clears the air. If
there is an issue, it comes up before the date.
I mean, we've talked about this. He's like, we have
(12:00):
friends who don't drink, and they've never drinking is not
such a non issue for them. They don't even think
of it as like, oh, like you have a problem
with me ordering a drink. But we have other friends
who are like, I'm kind of uncomfortable. What if they
don't like the fact that I don't drink. And I
think that that kind of gets back to just being
super authentic with who you are and if there's things
(12:20):
that you are insecure, not that you want to dump
everything before you've even met somebody, But I don't think
it's the wrong thing to let somebody know before you
show up for the date, just so like expectations are set.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, I guess, I just I guess that's true. I
don't think it's some big monster thing you have to
reveal if you forget to say it before you go
on to d I don't think it's that big of
a deal, right, Like it is like, oh my god,
I can't believe you did tell me that you don't drink,
like it isn't you know? Or that you have ten kids,
or that you're married. Right, It's not one of those
(12:53):
types of gotchas. Where for me if someone said, oh, yeah,
I'm I'm trying out this non drinking thing, I'd be like, right,
like good for you whatever. I just I don't think
it's a big elephant in the room. I guess is not.
And I think a lot of people these days are
into fitness and not drinking and other sober curious and
all those kind of things.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Right, So, circling back to the concept of a spark,
So this is something that some and I speak about
a lot on all of our dates, So I think
when we were all starting out in life, the butterflies
the spark.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Were like, yes, soule me right.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That doesn't always happen anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
And I'm wondering now if that goes to that theory
of that spark is really a mirror to kind of
your childhood wounds that need to be resolved, right, And
do you believe.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
You have to have an initial kind of.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Kind of chemistry or do you feel that an amazing
relationship can grow from each date as you begin to
unpeel the onion and learn about their character and who
they are, Like, how important do you think that in
a spark?
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Is? Yeah, a great question, man. I've had people that
I was very initially superficially attracted to and then became
less attracted to them as I got to know them, right,
And I've had the opposite right where somebody is maybe
not you know, you weren't as drawn to them just superficially,
but you got to know them and you just got
more attracted than as a person. So I think you
(14:21):
either have to be attracted to their looks or who
they are one of those attractions is going to show
up on your first daid and or the combination of that.
So I guess it doesn't have to be all all looks.
I've gone on dates with people that I didn't find
that attractive and I'm like, I don't know if this
(14:41):
is going to go anywhere, but I ended up being
super intrigued by who they were as a person, and
the spark came from there and we ended up continued
to date. So I don't It doesn't matter where it
comes from, but there needs to be somewhere you're intrigued
or interested or there's a spark about who they are.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
How many dates do you give it before you decide that?
Do you at least go on a second date?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah? If you don't, If you don't feel intrigued or
interested or attracted to the person by the second date,
there's a good chance that it's not going to happen
on the third date. But yeah, I'd say something should
happen on by the second date. Or maybe you're you
guys are both bark up the wrong tree, that's my view.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
And then do you pretty head on say it was
great meeting you, I wish you the best of Black
didn't feel a romantic connection?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Or do you ghost?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I mean, what's your move in terms of exiting something
that you're not into?
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah. I think people can handle the truth. I think
they prefer it. So I would tell somebody, hey, it's
it was very cool getting to know you. I don't
I don't see a huge connection with us, and but
it was totally my privilege to have time with you
like that.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I like that. Let's filma, let's take note on that
privilege word.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
That would be good for us to.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And what happens when you're like a month or two
in to something and it's it's good, it has some
good elements, but in your heart you think maybe you're
fitting a square peg into a round hole, but yet
you know.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
There's a lot of good there. What do you what
do you do?
Speaker 5 (16:19):
Luis? Are you maybe asking for a friend that you're
really close to?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yes, I'm asking for a friend and a community.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Close about a friend.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
It sounds really close to home.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
So was your question?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Was my question? Was?
Speaker 3 (16:33):
I want to make?
Speaker 1 (16:35):
My question is you've given it a period of significant
period of time and it's it's good, but it's not
in your heart? It doesn't feel maybe one hundred percent,
and that you're kind of fitting a square peg into
a round hole and you're at different paces.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
I don't know, like, yeah, well, I would just say
if you're two months in, I mean often when you're
with somebody that you really connect with, month two things
are like, it's a feeling really pretty amazing.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Can I if I don't know if I can use
the F word on your show, but that it doesn't
usually feel kind of like blah and terrible in months two,
if there's a good, strong chnecy.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I don't say terrible. I'm saying it's even.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I'm just saying, if you're having those thoughts in month two,
I would you know, I would share them and say, hey,
I think you and I are a good fit. I
don't And I actually said this to someone. I think
we're a good fit. I don't think we're a great fit.
And I think that's a fair.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Oh that's another good one, and I'm going for greatness.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yeah, we're only here once, so well, and that's why.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
I keep saying to Luise, I feel like Louise, if
I do say, if I can call you out, I
feel like you often question when you go out with
great people, like is something wrong with you or your
standards too high? And they're a great person, and you
list off all of the reasons they're amazing, and it's true,
(18:06):
their resume and everything about them is amazing, but that
doesn't mean that they're amazing for you.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
And I think we all do deserve the most And
why cash in your chips now if you don't feel
that feeling for people or a person.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
One hundred percent? Well, I mean yeah, I mean I
had a two year marriage, had a twenty year marriage,
so I can tell you how to get it wrong
quickly and how to get it wrong slowly. But the
last few years have been amazing.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Wait, thirds of charms, so the next person you end
up with is going to be your golden ticket.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, but you say unicorn. I had somebody that I
dated that was married twice before and he kept saying
third times the charm, and I was like, well, I've
only been married once, so who are you talking about?
Your time was his charm.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I don't think it matters whether it's the second tier
of the four time. I think the key is that
you've stopped some of the maybe the patterns that you
used to fall into. I know that one of the
what we were just talking about was, at least for me,
it was settling for something that wasn't great, or that
some behaviors that weren't great, and actually the just wanting
(19:19):
it to be great. The last few years of my
of my dating has been better than the rest of
my life all put together. And it was basically just
raising the bar, setting boundaries and being more picky and like,
and I'm not talking about looks. I'm just saying being
more picky about the connection. Like if it feels pretty average,
it's probably pretty frickin' average, and like that's your connection
(19:44):
is average, and it's that's it should feel better than that,
and that's that's that's you know. And so having boundaries
and being picky, I gotta say those are a big deal.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
I just read the most fabulous book on boundaries transforming
and it's so interesting that that's the word you're bringing
up because I'm practicing boundaries. But I don't like to
upset people or but I agree with you. Boundaries are
absolutely key.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And a relationships at two way street, it has to
work for both people, right, I mean, I don't know, Okay,
moving on to children, because I think we all have
children and they're getting older and so in our.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Forties or fifties.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
The big question is, you know, when you date people,
does it matter how old their kids are? Do they
have kids, do they not have kids? And jad what
do you what's your take on that for you?
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Like, what do you prefer?
Speaker 3 (20:41):
And what are novo zones for you? Yeah? For me,
I have two kids, So if someone else has kids,
it's great, we would share that in commons, So that's fantastic.
If they don't, that's okay too, But I would actually
prefer if they did. Age wise, it doesn't matter to
me whether they're young or old. I'd say the biggest
The only time that came up is when somebody was
(21:02):
out of town and they had such young kids that
it just there. There was no way to you know,
for us to be in the same location.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Right, So you would date somebody with a two year old,
like you would date somebody to somebody's in the same.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
City as you and they have a two year old,
that would be fine, although I do would prefer someone
to not be I would not prefer a twenty year
age gap. So as long as they're there they have
a two year old, but they're ideally, you know, ten
years or less age difference.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Kudos to you about your age, about the whole age
appropriate thing, because we see a lot of that huge
age split with the kind of cliche fifty year old
guy and the twenty five year old girl and then
all of a sudden they want kids and then you're
either reversing a vasectomy or you're breaking up, and it's
(21:54):
it's all super interesting.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, I don't. I mean I tried that when I
first first got single about four years ago, and I
tried dating people in their you know, thirties and as
well as forties and fifties, and I will tell you
without a doubt, it was a deeper connection with somebody
(22:16):
you have something at common with, right, And some of
the people I was attracted to in their thirties was fun,
but after a date or two, there was no that
we didn't have anything in common. And so I think,
unless you're really looking for something, unless someone's looking for
something very superficial and short term and casual, you're you're
barking up the wrong tree. If you want to be
if you want to find someone you're connected with, it
(22:39):
would be gonna You're gonna have a much better chance
of being successful. If they're at least, you know, eight,
maybe either are five ten years young or five ten
years old, or maybe they're the exact same age. You've
got a much better chance of having things in common
and having a deep and deeper connection. That's my view,
but other people might have views on that. But I look,
(23:01):
I tried it. I didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Do you care JD when you meet a girl on
an app and she's lied about her age and the
pictures aren't recent.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah, again, I don't care as much about their age
as the as the part that they need to lie
or feel like they need to be somebody different. If
someone's not comfortable in their own skin when they're twenty one,
I get it, you're still becoming an adult. But if
you're already an adult and you're lying to people, that's
a big turn off for me. I don't care whether
you're forty or fifty. But I care about is authenticity,
(23:45):
and yeah, just be authentic.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
I mean, like, come on, yeah, it's like a gayway
to future lying, right.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Yeah, Like I said, if you're eighteen and you're super insecure,
maybe that's different. But if you're a grown up, like,
come on, act it.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Yeah, do you have a preference on women who are
career oriented professionals or do you prefer somebody who is
more available?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
And you know, if you know, like.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
A stay at home mom or somebody who's more of
a a homemaker. What is your you know, what are
you more attracted to?
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yeah, I mean I guess I I'm attracted to intelligence
and most it depends on what stage they're in. Right,
As I said, I if if we're having kids together,
that's different. But if if they have young kids there
and they don't have to work, that's great. If they
if that's fine for them. But I'm I'm I'm not.
(24:42):
I would just say I'm not not attracted to people
who focused on full time with their kids, or they
focus on their career and or they tried to juggle
they're juggling both. Either is fine. I would say, there's
nothing there's neither one is unattractive it there's there's no
downside there. I think if the person is if if
they're intelligent and they're hard working and they make choices
(25:05):
like what's I just don't see a negative there. I
think if I was if I was just about to
if I was just about to have kids, and then
I'd be having a different conversation with somebody about interesting,
what do you want to do with kids?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Do you know guys who are not into career women
and who subscribe to the concept of somebody who's you know,
at home waving on them hand and foot and doing
all that, or do you feel like it's a little
more balanced now, like you know, the traditional fifties mad
men wife versus I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I mean, I think this is a we're talking about
like a one percent scenario or a five percent scenario.
I think in the real world, both people are probably
working or doing something, and if there are, there are
people that have the ability that not work, and that's great.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
I think it's about other things though, I don't think
necessarily about working or not working. I think I think
a fear for some divorced men are that like, hey,
I just got out of something and it was heavy
or it was financially very costly, and as much as
I'm looking for another relationship, I don't know if I
have it in me to like take on a second
(26:19):
family or support a woman. So I think that is
more often the case for at least that I never
see than it's like, do I want somebody staying at
home and doting on me full time?
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yeah? I agree, I don't. I don't think there's too
many mad men types still out there. They're saying, you know,
please have a home cooked meal when I walk in
the door. I think I think your point is really valid,
which is if somebody thinks somebody is has a huge
financial like they were married and that person was there
thirty thousand dollars a month that kept their life a flood,
(26:54):
and now they don't have that and there, and it's
a it's adding to your financial situation because that's on you.
I would say, if someone doesn't work, but they have
the ability to not work, or they do work because
they want to work, or they don't need to work
and they do other things, that's great. But if they're
showing up with this huge, huge financial thing like can
(27:15):
you please take over my twenty five grand a month
of payments, that's that's probably going to get some people
a little bit, a little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Unsure of the gibi.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
That would give somebody pause. But outside of somebody having
a financial crisis that needs solving. I don't think people
care if somebody works or doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
But I've found and I don't know, I've just been
listening to a bunch of interviews lately, and maybe it's
like the girlfriends that I hang out with. I feel
like I am seeing a lot of women that, yes,
they want to meet somebody, but they don't want it
to be there everything. You know, They're not looking for
a traditional life or somebody that they want to spend
(27:58):
necessarily all their time I'm with, because they do have
other interests, especially when all of a sudden you're fifty,
you have a lot of years, right and you've developed
kind of your own life, and especially if you've been
divorced for a while. But I feel like I'm seeing
more and more women who are like, yeah, I really
want to meet somebody, but I don't know necessarily how
much I want to compromise. And I think some of
(28:20):
the men that I see out there, that these women
or we are lucky and fortunate enough to connect with,
they seem to want more like more attention and are
a little more needy and I'm not necessarily it doesn't
really tell well.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
That might be specific to the two of you that
the men are just saying, look, it's going well, and
they're just trying to, you know, get more of you.
But but yeah, I think I think if a man
is confident in his own skin and he's going to
feel the vibe and the pace that the woman wants,
if she's feeling like two days a week is perfect,
(29:00):
like you're if you don't pick up on those clues,
you're probably not paying attention. And if you're like, well, no,
we have to see each other six days a.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Week, it's like go back to the pool. It's like,
go back to the pool. So you think they're both
they're men that want the two days a week and
they're men that want the fun.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah, I agree. I think there's plenty of people that
are happy to have an independent person with a full
life that wants to hang out a couple of days
a week. You're you know, everyone's person is out there.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
So when you're dating somebody new, what are some of
the women's interests that you think are sexy versus something
that couldtentially be a turnoff to you.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Well, I'm going to go in reverse order and start
with the turnoffs. I would say, if the only hobbies
they can come up with are shopping, travel, and I'm
a foodie. I like to go out and eat and drink.
Those I would say don't really count because we all
eat and drink, and we all travel, and we all
(29:55):
buy stuff. So I don't think. I think if somebody,
if that's someone's list, I would say, that's a bit
of a red flag. Like you, you you should have
other things besides that, So that's kind of the the
red flag list. In terms of I don't know what sex.
I think just somebody who has who's passionate about stuff
and has interest and it's not just TV or whatever
(30:19):
they want to they want to do things. I'm obviously,
I'm kind of an outdoorsy person, so I like people
that are active and do some active stuff. I also
like people that you know, read and are in book clubs.
So I don't think it matters what you're into as
long as you're into something, and hopefully some of them overlap.
(30:39):
But yeah, don't don't say shopping, travel and eating out.
I would say stay away from that.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
When you're on a date or you've gone on a
few dates, what is your feeling on sharing the bill,
paying the bill, like what do you think is kind
of like the financial at different ages? Obviously it's different,
right in different generations. But you are a guy who
dates age appropriate, right, you've raised children. What is your
(31:07):
feeling on that?
Speaker 3 (31:08):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's because I'm
in my fifties and but I would say for me,
you should be picking up the first and second date
the man some a little old school that way.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
That answer works for us.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
We don't. We believe in shil I don't get it. Look,
I very you know women are equals and powerful, but
at the same time you get a chance to be
a man and and take care of someone on a
date that you've asked them out, Like, I don't. I
don't see if you don't want to pay for the
verst or second date, you've asked out the wrong person.
That's my bed.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I mean, JD, I feel like we should clone you.
Like your answers are amazing.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Again, if you ask someone there, thank you. If you
have someone of their twenties who's living in their parents'
basement that might say, they might say.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Sure, it's a different different for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Okay, what about like how heavy do you go in
terms of conversation when you first start dating somebody, I e. Politics.
You know, I don't think I don't know anyone who
goes in their credit score, but like you know, like
what's your what's your comfort level with like when you
first meet somebody in terms of like okay, let's start
(32:25):
high And it doesn't maybe even make sense to ask
these questions until I really know or we get deeper
into a relationship or do you like to vet people
out quickly?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Yeah, it's a good question. I mean I think some
of that stuff's going to come out anyway. I was
I was on a first date with someone. I didn't
ask about their politics, but it came out anyway, and
then I didn't choose a second day with the person,
So I don't I don't really have a rule for that.
I would say, you know, conversations go where they are,
and I usually just try to let them flow if
(32:55):
if there's something you really need to know, like if
I was a woman who was thirty five who wanted kids,
I might on the first or second date say hey,
what are your thoughts about kids? Like I but I
don't personally have I think I think things are going
to come out. People are gonna tell you about themselves.
That's the whole point. And but yeah, I will now lately, lately,
(33:18):
I think i'd be curious about if I haven't figured
out the politics by the second date, I might ask
because it is becoming a little bit more of a
divisive issue, and if it didn't come out naturally, I
might ask, Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
So politics is important to you. I mean, it's for
people's political.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Views, it is. It doesn't necessarily matter well it, Yeah,
it matters how open minded someone is politically versus maybe
how far they are to the extreme. That does matter
to me. A debt, them having.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Debt, Yeah, people have debt. Maybe that goes up there
with shopping. If she's a shopper, I.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
Don't think of minds. If somebody has a little bit
of debt.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
I mean, well, as long as the expectations you're not
cleaning up the debt.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
Yeah, if somebody's in full financial crisis, that's fine. If
they came out of a divorce and they lost and
their business went under and they're in debt, that's fine.
I think it's more an issue of somebody who's like
I have this lifestyle, I want to maintain it, and
would you please maintain it as long as as long
as someone say something like that, you could say, hey,
(34:19):
I just my business just went under. I'm one hundred
grand in debt, or I.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Got a divorce, But it's not this reckless spending that
basically les.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Right, I got a divorce and I'm in debt because
of that, and but it'll all work itself out. I
don't think that's I don't think that's attractive or unattractive.
It's it's it's not. I don't think it's an issue
unless you're really saying, please take on my my my
golf club and my yacht club and my shopping allowance.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
And that's pretty transparent usually with both girls, right.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
I think so. But yeah, so I don't. I don't
think being in debt or being wealthy or not wealthy
for men is an issue at all. I don't. It's
not even on the top twenty Well.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I would say though that you know, the last person
that I dated, we both said that we felt fortunate
because we both had the luxury to be able to travel. Right,
Because if somebody can't do some of the same things
that you can at a certain point, right before you're
truly committed. That can limit what one person can do,
(35:23):
or it puts the burden all on somebody else.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It could. But at the same point, if I have
if I have the means to travel ten times as
much as the other person, then why am I not
just picking up their travel bill?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Like?
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah, I mean, if you're like, I want to travel
every month, the other person's like, well, I can't afford
to do it every year, go on six trips right on?
Like pay for three or four of their trips, Like
I don't. I If you're that much more fortunate, then
share with the person that you want to spend time with. So,
I I don't know, I don't see that as a big,
a big issue. I think if somebody works, if they're
(36:00):
opened up in AIRBB in a restaurant and they work
one hundred hours a week, that's more of an issue
if you're not getting time with them, right you might, right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
And So in terms of attraction, though, what would you
say your top three qualities that you look for in
a woman and a potential love interest.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
Yeah, that's a that's a good one, but a tough one.
I would say. I mean, there's some basic physical attraction
that someone is within your age group, and you know
it is not forty years older or forty years older.
But assuming that you have some attraction and you're not
unattracted to somebody, I think for me it would be yeah,
(36:42):
I mean like like playful sense of humor, not taking
themselves too seriously. I think somebody with that kind of
positive energy is very attractive. Someone who is well, I'm
starting to think about the negatives, but so I'm just gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Go say negative. Though, your top three negatives I'd be
curious about.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
I would say, you know, people that are super critical
or or very controlling are probably are the the two
things that I would be the least attracted to. I
think people who are have kind of a positive comfort
in their own skin. They're playful, they have a good
sense of humor. Confidence is super attractive. I mean confidence
(37:25):
and personality are probably the two biggest things I would
say for me for attraction. I mean that is it.
We talked about authenticity earlier. I mean that comfort and
ease in yourself, not taking yourself or life too seriously,
all of that authenticity part is huge. Yeah for me personally. Again,
(37:45):
guys may have a different list, but for me, it's
it's that's at the very top, and then obviously some
it's it's nice to have a physical attraction to somebody
and that they're they're not you know, they're not you know,
thirty years older or thirty younger.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
They're not hard to look at.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
Yes, it'd be nice if they were easy on the eyes,
but that's great.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
That's a plus.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
I also think laughing and lightheartedness and levity and the
ability to banter is important too. And I found that
a lot of the people that I have dated lately,
you know, tend to be a little more serious.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
And it's kind of hard.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
And I find that that is tough for me when
I'm dating people and there isn't that kind of human lightness,
And that's that's tough for me. And what I've learned
is is if you start out kind of not funny,
you don't get funnier, right, I don't know, So that's
something that's tough. Wait, I wanted to ask something before
(38:44):
I forget back to the conversation about kids and everything.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
What do you do.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
When you meet somebody and you're dating them and they
are strange from their children. Because I was dating somebody
who lost custody.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Of his kids. And I have to tell you it
was a really big red.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Flag for me because my children are everything and nothing
is more important than my relationship with them.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Yeah, I mean it, it is. It is a red flag.
I think if you've gone on a couple of dates
and you're still interested in the person and you're attracted
to who they are, and you're the connection is still growing,
somewhere around the second or third date, you're going to
ask them like what happened? Like how did how did
it go down? Because you're going to want to know
was it did you have did you have a spouse
(39:36):
that cut you out of you know, did they figure
out some way to cut you out of the picture
and then you know you got you had a hard
time getting back in or did you you know, sleep
with her best friend or the assistant or like like
you're going to want to know the story, right and
I wouldn't necessarily find it out on date, you know,
first or second date, but by the third date, like, hey,
(39:59):
tell me about your kids, and you're going to want
to know what the hell? That might even be a
second I mean it's really more of a second I thing.
But yeah, but it doesn't. Being a strange doesn't necessarily
mean the person as a bad person for sure.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
But there is a story there.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Yeah, but you need to know the story, you go.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
I guess along those lines a bit of a segue,
but kind of on topic, is you know, when you're
twenty or thirty, I think you look at somebody's family
to help kind of get a better idea of maybe
their values, or just to get again a better lens
and view into like what they might be or become.
How important do you think people's friends or family or
(40:39):
things like that are now that we're like forty or fifty, right,
because it's different, like a lot of it's a one
on one relationship. So does that still matter or does
it not?
Speaker 3 (40:49):
Agree? I think, well, I will say I think friends
matter a lot. I think that is huge. I think
family matters very because they didn't get to pick their family,
and so for me, I rate that very low, and
I rate the friends thing very very high.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
You are who you surround yourself with.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Yeah, so that's it. I mean, I've I know people
whose parents are an absolute nightmare and they are the
loveliest person in the world. So what I mean, who care?
Why does it matter?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Okay, superficial question. So Louise and I talk about this
when you're traveling. Okay, back to like the first first
attraction that you might have when you're traveling or at
an airport, you see a girl, if she's like in cozy,
a cozy sweatsuit versus you know, she's a little more
(41:41):
done up and like got an official outfit on. What
are your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Yeah, it's interesting. If it's a weekday, I might think
she's just come from work and it's not a big deal.
But if if somebody is really dressed up on a weekend,
it could be a little bit of a red flag.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
And I don't mean like she's like high maintenance with
all her designer bags. I mean more like a put
together off, Like is it okay to travel in a sweatsuit?
Speaker 3 (42:08):
I don't know. I don't think it matters that if
a woman is If a woman is attractive to you,
it's not gonna matter what she's wearing. I mean, somebody
could look really cute and sweats and someone could look
terrible all dressed up. So there's no I don't know it.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Felmut travels and looks like a million bucks and I
look literally like a schlumper in a sweatsuit.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
And my one friend said to me, once.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
She goes, you ain't going to meet a guy at
the airport when you look like that, And I.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Think it was me. Now a few people have said
that I don't leave my house that much. Tracy said
it to me. She's like, I really think you should
change the outfit when you fly.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
I don't think it matters if it's sweats, as long
as they're not if they're thirty year old sweats with
holes in them, and they need to know it's like a.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Matching cute track suit and like a.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Right, Yeah, I think that. I think tracksuits and like
whatever like it and a cute pair of tennis shoes
around the shoes very can be very attractive. Like I don't.
I don't think. I don't think it matters. Like I said,
as long as you're not wearing something that needs to
be donated to the goodwill, I think it's it's fine.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Okay, fine, you're not my guy.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Yeah, Look the odds are there's a million out there.
You know I may not be the one.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Do you have friends for us? No pressure?
Speaker 3 (43:25):
I don't. Well, if I list them on this call,
then you have to delete it.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
You're awesome and you're super textured, and you're really you
seem really healthy and you give thoughtful answers and very
communicative and you know, emotionally mature and healthy. Like this
has been a really informative conversation and I'm definitely learning
a lot.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
I've enjoyed it a lot, and I have other tips
and tricks out there if you want more, But I
would say one I'll leave you with is when the
ice is, where do you want to go? Say? Surprise me?
That is very very sexy because you have now shown
him you don't need to be a control and that
(44:10):
you trust him, and that if he can't handle picking
a restaurant, he's the wrong guy. So you've just basically
honored him and now he gets to surprise you like
that is a very sexy first move. Just want to
leave you with that.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
So you should write a book, and you should be
given iHeartRadio, it should give you your own podcast.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Well, thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm just
honored to be on this one. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
So nice to have met you.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
Yeah, very cool, nice to meet you. Nice to meet
you both and I don't think either of you're going
to have any trouble, but your listeners are going to
learn a lot.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Hi JD. That was amazing to get a man's perspective.
I feel like we learned so much from this conversation today,
and I know a lot of the things that we
discussed I'm definitely going to put into action. So for
all of you out there, if you have a question
or need some advice from a single man, email or
call us. All the infos in the show notes. Go
ahead and follow us on socials. Make sure to rate
(45:05):
and review this podcast. I do Part two, an iHeartRadio
podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
It's I Do Part two and it's your favorite real
life bessies, Belma and Louise. It's been a minute since
we've been on the podcast, but we're so excited about
today's episodes. Today it's all about getting inside the mind
of a man. How did they think? What are they like?
So let's bring in our single guy, JD. And he
is a total smoke show. So it's going to be
(00:34):
so much fun unpacking with such a hotti.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well, JD, we have an on pretty good authority that
you're an amazing guy. We obviously have friends of friends,
so we're super excited to talk to you today and
really want to just dive deep into your head so
that you can help all of the female listeners out
there figure out what we're doing right and maybe what
we're doing wrong, and just give us a little direction.
(00:58):
So kind of diving into the first question, help us
understand how do you meet good quality guys out there?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Yeah, it's a tough one to start out, but I'll
tell you there's no one place I would say. Obviously,
it can be a bar, it could be bumble, it
could be anything like that. But if you want to
get a little more strategic. I would say places where
you have a shared interest. Right. I have a friend
who is super into stailing, who's a woman, and she
(01:28):
goes to bars in saucely Do and Tibron and goes
to yacht club parties. She wants to meet someone who's
into sailing like she is. So if you have a
shared interest surfing, skiing, doing things where you're likely to
meet somebody with a shared interest. Otherwise you've got bars,
you've got bumble hinge, you know, eharmonymatch dot com and
(01:48):
all that. I've seen those. All of those work for people, right,
And I don't think there's necessary. It's a bad idea
to try multiple options. Question.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Now, what I have found in this day and age
is because everybody is attached to their devices, even the
apps or whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
How often do you approach.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
A table of I mean, obviously approaching a table with
five women is daunting, but even like two girls sitting
at a bar, how often do you do the old
school method of perhaps sending over a glass of wine,
or sending a note on a napkin, or going up
and saying hello.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It feels like those days are few and far between.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Yeah, that's a fair point. I'm very comfortable going up
to a group of maybe two or three girls. I
think if the group is five, six, eight girls, I'm
probably not going to write. But if it's just two
or three, I'm happy to go up and start a
conversation or send a drink to a lot of them
and try to start a conversation that way. So yeah,
I do think. I think if you're trying to meet
(02:54):
a guy, going out in really big groups is going
to be intimidating. I would focus on having one or
two people there with you.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
And what about how often do you experience the reverse
like a girl kind of you know, seizing the day
and being you know, super confident in her own skin
and doing that. I mean, I recently, Selma and I
have heard stories about you know, girls we know that
are literally going out on a Saturday night to a
hot spot and sitting at a bar by herself. That
(03:23):
takes so much courage and confidence.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, I see. I think maybe people are more confident now.
I don't know, but I've definitely had people come up
and just say, hey, what's your deal? Or I had
a woman say, can your dog is cute? Can I
walk your dog? Sometime? Like, but I do think I
think people are willing to try things and take a
take a chance.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I think the dog. The dog is a good one.
The dog is a good one. I mean, I feel
like we're really missing talking about walking the dog or
using your dog is like also servicing. Look at that
she is servicing already. Can you imagine how antiquated? Right?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Yeah, I mean not only that she and then she said,
I said, well do you are you just going to
drop the dog at my place? And she said, well, no,
I'm at the back of this restaurant. Just come and
get the dog from there. And then we sat and
ended up having dinner and drake, So she really she
had a good game plan.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
She larned you in. I also think that that's one
of the things that there are a lot of things
that we don't maybe have going for us as we
age and like forty fifty years old whatever. But I
do think, like I feel so sorry for our children
because I do think that the thought of randomly walking
up to somebody is so foreign to them because they
(04:37):
are so into their devices and they don't meet anyone
naturally anymore, or they feel like they know people before
they've even met them because again all the cyberstalking and everything.
But I do think that probably our generation there still
exists a little bit of that, like we had to
go out and meet people naturally, and maybe just even
(04:58):
talking about this today it makes me realize like we
should have hold onto that and try to we should
like standing in a Starbucks line.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I mean, I was telling a friend of mine who
never goes out, I said, Love isn't going to drop out.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Of Netflix, right, you might have said that to me. No,
but like you have to go out into the world,
and it's believing. It's hard, but it's just changed so much.
Being at the moment.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I remember when I graduated, I went to well, we
all went to cal but graduating and in San Francisco.
Back then, they had singles night at Safeway at the
market on Sundays as an opportunity to meet people.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
And I was like, they don't do that stuff anymore.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Single Safeway is pretty legendary. I would say, yeah, I have.
I do have one tip to make it easier for
people to gain that confidence, Like instead of saying to somebody, hey,
I find you really attractive, or for the woman to
say like do you have a girlfriend, like lower the
like just say hey, I think your shirt is really cool,
or like you have a just compliment something about the
(05:57):
woman or the man, and then it's not that they
could deal like hey, I just think it's a cool
you have cool earrings. You're not taking this huge risk.
It's like, right, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you
can you can lower the bar of stress by just
complimenting something like oh, your shoes your pants are like,
your shoes are cool, and then that's not that stressful
and they don't have to be like I do or
(06:19):
don't have a boyfriend. So it lowers the pressure on
both sides. So just ask a non threatening question like
I like your sure.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Felm and I had an interesting thing happened.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
We were it was a Sunday, fun day for us,
and we were sitting at the bar at South Beverly
Gril Do you remember this Selmud? I do remember, And
there was this like really handsome guy and for literally
an hour we were talking to him and.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
We were thinking, well, one of us is definitely going
to get those guys nuver.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
And then all of a sudden, you now see had
a girlfriend, which was just interesting on so many levels.
Do you remember that after like forty five minutes of
him being pretty flirty, he.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Didn't buy us a drink, So maybe that was really
the side if we were buying our own drinks.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
It doesn't sound like he likes his all for very much,
but that's right.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Or that he's or that he's faithful, little gray area
ye issues here.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, yeah, I think we we salvaged ourselves on that one. Okay,
what about like when you first see a girl, for example,
a first date. We have curated and we feel like
it's kind of tried and true for us where it's
like what we feel super comfortable in its genes, so
it's kind of casual and not you know, it kind
of takes you to any restaurant that you might go to,
(07:29):
but also like a really cute top that's not too
revealing but still like you look good at it. So
that's kind of our look. But I mean, we're not
djusting for each other, right, well we are? We are, Oh, no,
we are, we are.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We have funny have all the same stuff, so the
outfit is actually the great pair of jeans and we
have nine thousand options and then a great top and
like we've got pretty much all the same leather jackets
that we toss over our shoulders, kind of like for warmth.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
And we do text each other before we go out
together because of highly probable that we're wearing the same outfit.
But the question is what, like when you first meet
a girl, what are you looking for or what are
things that you notice where you're like, oh my gosh,
great look or attractive?
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Oh yeah, well, I guess just clothing wise. I agree
with the whole genes look and not having something that's
crazy revealing. I think that's a good a good move.
I will say one mistake I see women make sometimes
is they go with some really cool pair of like
flats that they have, And I would say I would
say most men find a little bit of like a
(08:37):
sandal or a wedge or something. Most men find that
attractive unless they're you know, five foot four something. I
would say most men would prefer that to your to
your favorite flat show.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
That's that's interesting. What about makeup? What's your feeling on makeup?
And kind of like Glamorama.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, it can be. It's nice when you don't, you
don't have the reaction that it's a ton coming your
way from I think that's a nice a nice vibe.
But I mean, yeah, a little makeup's great if it's
if it's really over the top, it might turn some
people off. Some people might not care. But for me personally,
a little bit more of a sporty I don't know,
(09:17):
athletic vibe is more of my vibe. Some men might
want someone who to just glamor and they freaking love it.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
It's just although they better look the same when they
wake up in the morning. Well that would be But
that actually brings an interesting point. So when you're making
a first date or a second date with somebody, do
you prefer the hike slash coffee, throw on leggings kind
of a thing, or do you prefer the you know,
(09:45):
going out, glass of wine, a little bit of alcohol
makes people a little more comfortable for the first date.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
What's your preference.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Yeah, I do think on the first date it's it's
it's better not to do it date a middle of
the daytime thing because you're trying to get a you're
trying to get a spark and a romance going. So
you could do a happy hour thing where hey, we're
going to go for a hike at five and then
we're going to meet and open some wine and have dinner.
So I've done that before. I met somebody at four
(10:15):
point thirty eight out like a roof deck and then
we went to whatever. But the so, yeah, don't do
a midday date and on your first date. You can
hike on your second date. I think the key in
the first date is to see if there's some type
of spark there, and a three hour hike at you know,
ten am is is not the right move.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
We're going to have to go back to that spark comment.
But actually I do want to ask a question so
on the concept of happy hour when a woman is sober,
is that something that should be brought up.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Before the date? Is it something that you know?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Is it feel weird when you guys are ordering your
drink and she's like, I'll just have some hot water
and lemon, Like, what is your feeling on that? Because
we have a lot of sober friends who before a
date kind of feel nervous about it. And I said
recently to somebody, I said, look, if he's not okay
with that, then he's not your guy, because you should
be proud of your journey and where you are at yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
One hundred percent. If somebody doesn't think that their date
drinks enough, I think they have some other things we're
I've been there. If a woman is at ease and
confident and doesn't need alcohol, then more power tour. The
point is for someone to be at ease in their
own skin, and if they do that, If somebody has
that without drinking, I'd say that's bonus points. I don't
(11:36):
think it's negative points at all.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
But I think I think if you, I mean, if
you are feeling uncomfortable about it yourself about not drinking,
I think it is best to let the person know
before you go out, because it clears the air. If
there is an issue, it comes up before the date.
I mean, we've talked about this. He's like, we have
(12:00):
friends who don't drink, and they've never drinking is not
such a non issue for them. They don't even think
of it as like, oh, like you have a problem
with me ordering a drink. But we have other friends
who are like, I'm kind of uncomfortable. What if they
don't like the fact that I don't drink. And I
think that that kind of gets back to just being
super authentic with who you are and if there's things
(12:20):
that you are insecure, not that you want to dump
everything before you've even met somebody, But I don't think
it's the wrong thing to let somebody know before you
show up for the date, just so like expectations are set.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, I guess, I just I guess that's true. I
don't think it's some big monster thing you have to
reveal if you forget to say it before you go
on to d I don't think it's that big of
a deal, right, Like it is like, oh my god,
I can't believe you did tell me that you don't drink,
like it isn't you know? Or that you have ten kids,
or that you're married. Right, It's not one of those
(12:53):
types of gotchas. Where for me if someone said, oh, yeah,
I'm I'm trying out this non drinking thing, I'd be like, right,
like good for you whatever. I just I don't think
it's a big elephant in the room. I guess is not.
And I think a lot of people these days are
into fitness and not drinking and other sober curious and
all those kind of things.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Right, So, circling back to the concept of a spark,
So this is something that some and I speak about
a lot on all of our dates, So I think
when we were all starting out in life, the butterflies
the spark.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Were like, yes, soule me right.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That doesn't always happen anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
And I'm wondering now if that goes to that theory
of that spark is really a mirror to kind of
your childhood wounds that need to be resolved, right, And
do you believe.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
You have to have an initial kind of.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Kind of chemistry or do you feel that an amazing
relationship can grow from each date as you begin to
unpeel the onion and learn about their character and who
they are, Like, how important do you think that in
a spark?
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Is? Yeah, a great question, man. I've had people that
I was very initially superficially attracted to and then became
less attracted to them as I got to know them, right,
And I've had the opposite right where somebody is maybe
not you know, you weren't as drawn to them just superficially,
but you got to know them and you just got
more attracted than as a person. So I think you
(14:21):
either have to be attracted to their looks or who
they are one of those attractions is going to show
up on your first daid and or the combination of that.
So I guess it doesn't have to be all all looks.
I've gone on dates with people that I didn't find
that attractive and I'm like, I don't know if this
(14:41):
is going to go anywhere, but I ended up being
super intrigued by who they were as a person, and
the spark came from there and we ended up continued
to date. So I don't It doesn't matter where it
comes from, but there needs to be somewhere you're intrigued
or interested or there's a spark about who they are.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
How many dates do you give it before you decide that?
Do you at least go on a second date?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah? If you don't, If you don't feel intrigued or
interested or attracted to the person by the second date,
there's a good chance that it's not going to happen
on the third date. But yeah, I'd say something should
happen on by the second date. Or maybe you're you
guys are both bark up the wrong tree, that's my view.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
And then do you pretty head on say it was
great meeting you, I wish you the best of Black
didn't feel a romantic connection?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Or do you ghost?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I mean, what's your move in terms of exiting something
that you're not into?
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah. I think people can handle the truth. I think
they prefer it. So I would tell somebody, hey, it's
it was very cool getting to know you. I don't
I don't see a huge connection with us, and but
it was totally my privilege to have time with you
like that.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I like that. Let's filma, let's take note on that
privilege word.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
That would be good for us to.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And what happens when you're like a month or two
in to something and it's it's good, it has some
good elements, but in your heart you think maybe you're
fitting a square peg into a round hole, but yet
you know.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
There's a lot of good there. What do you what
do you do?
Speaker 5 (16:19):
Luis? Are you maybe asking for a friend that you're
really close to?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yes, I'm asking for a friend and a community.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Close about a friend.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
It sounds really close to home.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
So was your question?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Was my question? Was?
Speaker 3 (16:33):
I want to make?
Speaker 1 (16:35):
My question is you've given it a period of significant
period of time and it's it's good, but it's not
in your heart? It doesn't feel maybe one hundred percent,
and that you're kind of fitting a square peg into
a round hole and you're at different paces.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
I don't know, like, yeah, well, I would just say
if you're two months in, I mean often when you're
with somebody that you really connect with, month two things
are like, it's a feeling really pretty amazing.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Can I if I don't know if I can use
the F word on your show, but that it doesn't
usually feel kind of like blah and terrible in months two,
if there's a good, strong chnecy.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I don't say terrible. I'm saying it's even.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I'm just saying, if you're having those thoughts in month two,
I would you know, I would share them and say, hey,
I think you and I are a good fit. I
don't And I actually said this to someone. I think
we're a good fit. I don't think we're a great fit.
And I think that's a fair.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Oh that's another good one, and I'm going for greatness.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yeah, we're only here once, so well, and that's why.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
I keep saying to Luise, I feel like Louise, if
I do say, if I can call you out, I
feel like you often question when you go out with
great people, like is something wrong with you or your
standards too high? And they're a great person, and you
list off all of the reasons they're amazing, and it's true,
(18:06):
their resume and everything about them is amazing, but that
doesn't mean that they're amazing for you.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
And I think we all do deserve the most And
why cash in your chips now if you don't feel
that feeling for people or a person.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
One hundred percent? Well, I mean yeah, I mean I
had a two year marriage, had a twenty year marriage,
so I can tell you how to get it wrong
quickly and how to get it wrong slowly. But the
last few years have been amazing.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Wait, thirds of charms, so the next person you end
up with is going to be your golden ticket.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, but you say unicorn. I had somebody that I
dated that was married twice before and he kept saying
third times the charm, and I was like, well, I've
only been married once, so who are you talking about?
Your time was his charm.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I don't think it matters whether it's the second tier
of the four time. I think the key is that
you've stopped some of the maybe the patterns that you
used to fall into. I know that one of the
what we were just talking about was, at least for me,
it was settling for something that wasn't great, or that
some behaviors that weren't great, and actually the just wanting
(19:19):
it to be great. The last few years of my
of my dating has been better than the rest of
my life all put together. And it was basically just
raising the bar, setting boundaries and being more picky and like,
and I'm not talking about looks. I'm just saying being
more picky about the connection. Like if it feels pretty average,
it's probably pretty frickin' average, and like that's your connection
(19:44):
is average, and it's that's it should feel better than that,
and that's that's that's you know. And so having boundaries
and being picky, I gotta say those are a big deal.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
I just read the most fabulous book on boundaries transforming
and it's so interesting that that's the word you're bringing
up because I'm practicing boundaries. But I don't like to
upset people or but I agree with you. Boundaries are
absolutely key.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And a relationships at two way street, it has to
work for both people, right, I mean, I don't know, Okay,
moving on to children, because I think we all have
children and they're getting older and so in our.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Forties or fifties.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
The big question is, you know, when you date people,
does it matter how old their kids are? Do they
have kids, do they not have kids? And jad what
do you what's your take on that for you?
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Like, what do you prefer?
Speaker 3 (20:41):
And what are novo zones for you? Yeah? For me,
I have two kids, So if someone else has kids,
it's great, we would share that in commons, So that's fantastic.
If they don't, that's okay too, But I would actually
prefer if they did. Age wise, it doesn't matter to
me whether they're young or old. I'd say the biggest
The only time that came up is when somebody was
(21:02):
out of town and they had such young kids that
it just there. There was no way to you know,
for us to be in the same location.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Right, So you would date somebody with a two year old,
like you would date somebody to somebody's in the same.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
City as you and they have a two year old,
that would be fine, although I do would prefer someone
to not be I would not prefer a twenty year
age gap. So as long as they're there they have
a two year old, but they're ideally, you know, ten
years or less age difference.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Kudos to you about your age, about the whole age
appropriate thing, because we see a lot of that huge
age split with the kind of cliche fifty year old
guy and the twenty five year old girl and then
all of a sudden they want kids and then you're
either reversing a vasectomy or you're breaking up, and it's
(21:54):
it's all super interesting.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, I don't. I mean I tried that when I
first first got single about four years ago, and I
tried dating people in their you know, thirties and as
well as forties and fifties, and I will tell you
without a doubt, it was a deeper connection with somebody
(22:16):
you have something at common with, right, And some of
the people I was attracted to in their thirties was fun,
but after a date or two, there was no that
we didn't have anything in common. And so I think,
unless you're really looking for something, unless someone's looking for
something very superficial and short term and casual, you're you're
barking up the wrong tree. If you want to be
if you want to find someone you're connected with, it
(22:39):
would be gonna You're gonna have a much better chance
of being successful. If they're at least, you know, eight,
maybe either are five ten years young or five ten
years old, or maybe they're the exact same age. You've
got a much better chance of having things in common
and having a deep and deeper connection. That's my view,
but other people might have views on that. But I look,
(23:01):
I tried it. I didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Do you care JD when you meet a girl on
an app and she's lied about her age and the
pictures aren't recent.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah, again, I don't care as much about their age
as the as the part that they need to lie
or feel like they need to be somebody different. If
someone's not comfortable in their own skin when they're twenty one,
I get it, you're still becoming an adult. But if
you're already an adult and you're lying to people, that's
a big turn off for me. I don't care whether
you're forty or fifty. But I care about is authenticity,
(23:45):
and yeah, just be authentic.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
I mean, like, come on, yeah, it's like a gayway
to future lying, right.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Yeah, Like I said, if you're eighteen and you're super insecure,
maybe that's different. But if you're a grown up, like,
come on, act it.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Yeah, do you have a preference on women who are
career oriented professionals or do you prefer somebody who is
more available?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
And you know, if you know, like.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
A stay at home mom or somebody who's more of
a a homemaker. What is your you know, what are
you more attracted to?
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yeah, I mean I guess I I'm attracted to intelligence
and most it depends on what stage they're in. Right,
As I said, I if if we're having kids together,
that's different. But if if they have young kids there
and they don't have to work, that's great. If they
if that's fine for them. But I'm I'm I'm not.
(24:42):
I would just say I'm not not attracted to people
who focused on full time with their kids, or they
focus on their career and or they tried to juggle
they're juggling both. Either is fine. I would say, there's
nothing there's neither one is unattractive it there's there's no
downside there. I think if the person is if if
they're intelligent and they're hard working and they make choices
(25:05):
like what's I just don't see a negative there. I
think if I was if I was just about to
if I was just about to have kids, and then
I'd be having a different conversation with somebody about interesting,
what do you want to do with kids?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Do you know guys who are not into career women
and who subscribe to the concept of somebody who's you know,
at home waving on them hand and foot and doing
all that, or do you feel like it's a little
more balanced now, like you know, the traditional fifties mad
men wife versus I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I mean, I think this is a we're talking about
like a one percent scenario or a five percent scenario.
I think in the real world, both people are probably
working or doing something, and if there are, there are
people that have the ability that not work, and that's great.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
I think it's about other things though, I don't think
necessarily about working or not working. I think I think
a fear for some divorced men are that like, hey,
I just got out of something and it was heavy
or it was financially very costly, and as much as
I'm looking for another relationship, I don't know if I
have it in me to like take on a second
(26:19):
family or support a woman. So I think that is
more often the case for at least that I never
see than it's like, do I want somebody staying at
home and doting on me full time?
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yeah? I agree, I don't. I don't think there's too
many mad men types still out there. They're saying, you know,
please have a home cooked meal when I walk in
the door. I think I think your point is really valid,
which is if somebody thinks somebody is has a huge
financial like they were married and that person was there
thirty thousand dollars a month that kept their life a flood,
(26:54):
and now they don't have that and there, and it's
a it's adding to your financial situation because that's on you.
I would say, if someone doesn't work, but they have
the ability to not work, or they do work because
they want to work, or they don't need to work
and they do other things, that's great. But if they're
showing up with this huge, huge financial thing like can
(27:15):
you please take over my twenty five grand a month
of payments, that's that's probably going to get some people
a little bit, a little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Unsure of the gibi.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
That would give somebody pause. But outside of somebody having
a financial crisis that needs solving. I don't think people
care if somebody works or doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
But I've found and I don't know, I've just been
listening to a bunch of interviews lately, and maybe it's
like the girlfriends that I hang out with. I feel
like I am seeing a lot of women that, yes,
they want to meet somebody, but they don't want it
to be there everything. You know, They're not looking for
a traditional life or somebody that they want to spend
(27:58):
necessarily all their time I'm with, because they do have
other interests, especially when all of a sudden you're fifty,
you have a lot of years, right and you've developed
kind of your own life, and especially if you've been
divorced for a while. But I feel like I'm seeing
more and more women who are like, yeah, I really
want to meet somebody, but I don't know necessarily how
much I want to compromise. And I think some of
(28:20):
the men that I see out there, that these women
or we are lucky and fortunate enough to connect with,
they seem to want more like more attention and are
a little more needy and I'm not necessarily it doesn't
really tell well.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
That might be specific to the two of you that
the men are just saying, look, it's going well, and
they're just trying to, you know, get more of you.
But but yeah, I think I think if a man
is confident in his own skin and he's going to
feel the vibe and the pace that the woman wants,
if she's feeling like two days a week is perfect,
(29:00):
like you're if you don't pick up on those clues,
you're probably not paying attention. And if you're like, well, no,
we have to see each other six days a.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Week, it's like go back to the pool. It's like,
go back to the pool. So you think they're both
they're men that want the two days a week and
they're men that want the fun.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah, I agree. I think there's plenty of people that
are happy to have an independent person with a full
life that wants to hang out a couple of days
a week. You're you know, everyone's person is out there.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
So when you're dating somebody new, what are some of
the women's interests that you think are sexy versus something
that couldtentially be a turnoff to you.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Well, I'm going to go in reverse order and start
with the turnoffs. I would say, if the only hobbies
they can come up with are shopping, travel, and I'm
a foodie. I like to go out and eat and drink.
Those I would say don't really count because we all
eat and drink, and we all travel, and we all
(29:55):
buy stuff. So I don't think. I think if somebody,
if that's someone's list, I would say, that's a bit
of a red flag. Like you, you you should have
other things besides that, So that's kind of the the
red flag list. In terms of I don't know what sex.
I think just somebody who has who's passionate about stuff
and has interest and it's not just TV or whatever
(30:19):
they want to they want to do things. I'm obviously,
I'm kind of an outdoorsy person, so I like people
that are active and do some active stuff. I also
like people that you know, read and are in book clubs.
So I don't think it matters what you're into as
long as you're into something, and hopefully some of them overlap.
(30:39):
But yeah, don't don't say shopping, travel and eating out.
I would say stay away from that.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
When you're on a date or you've gone on a
few dates, what is your feeling on sharing the bill,
paying the bill, like what do you think is kind
of like the financial at different ages? Obviously it's different,
right in different generations. But you are a guy who
dates age appropriate, right, you've raised children. What is your
(31:07):
feeling on that?
Speaker 3 (31:08):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's because I'm
in my fifties and but I would say for me,
you should be picking up the first and second date
the man some a little old school that way.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
That answer works for us.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
We don't. We believe in shil I don't get it. Look,
I very you know women are equals and powerful, but
at the same time you get a chance to be
a man and and take care of someone on a
date that you've asked them out, Like, I don't. I
don't see if you don't want to pay for the
verst or second date, you've asked out the wrong person.
That's my bed.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I mean, JD, I feel like we should clone you.
Like your answers are amazing.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Again, if you ask someone there, thank you. If you
have someone of their twenties who's living in their parents'
basement that might say, they might say.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Sure, it's a different different for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Okay, what about like how heavy do you go in
terms of conversation when you first start dating somebody, I e. Politics.
You know, I don't think I don't know anyone who
goes in their credit score, but like you know, like
what's your what's your comfort level with like when you
first meet somebody in terms of like okay, let's start
(32:25):
high And it doesn't maybe even make sense to ask
these questions until I really know or we get deeper
into a relationship or do you like to vet people
out quickly?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Yeah, it's a good question. I mean I think some
of that stuff's going to come out anyway. I was
I was on a first date with someone. I didn't
ask about their politics, but it came out anyway, and
then I didn't choose a second day with the person,
So I don't I don't really have a rule for that.
I would say, you know, conversations go where they are,
and I usually just try to let them flow if
(32:55):
if there's something you really need to know, like if
I was a woman who was thirty five who wanted kids,
I might on the first or second date say hey,
what are your thoughts about kids? Like I but I
don't personally have I think I think things are going
to come out. People are gonna tell you about themselves.
That's the whole point. And but yeah, I will now lately, lately,
(33:18):
I think i'd be curious about if I haven't figured
out the politics by the second date, I might ask
because it is becoming a little bit more of a
divisive issue, and if it didn't come out naturally, I
might ask, Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
So politics is important to you. I mean, it's for
people's political.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Views, it is. It doesn't necessarily matter well it, Yeah,
it matters how open minded someone is politically versus maybe
how far they are to the extreme. That does matter
to me. A debt, them having.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Debt, Yeah, people have debt. Maybe that goes up there
with shopping. If she's a shopper, I.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
Don't think of minds. If somebody has a little bit
of debt.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
I mean, well, as long as the expectations you're not
cleaning up the debt.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
Yeah, if somebody's in full financial crisis, that's fine. If
they came out of a divorce and they lost and
their business went under and they're in debt, that's fine.
I think it's more an issue of somebody who's like
I have this lifestyle, I want to maintain it, and
would you please maintain it as long as as long
as someone say something like that, you could say, hey,
(34:19):
I just my business just went under. I'm one hundred
grand in debt, or I.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Got a divorce, But it's not this reckless spending that
basically les.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Right, I got a divorce and I'm in debt because
of that, and but it'll all work itself out. I
don't think that's I don't think that's attractive or unattractive.
It's it's it's not. I don't think it's an issue
unless you're really saying, please take on my my my
golf club and my yacht club and my shopping allowance.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
And that's pretty transparent usually with both girls, right.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
I think so. But yeah, so I don't. I don't
think being in debt or being wealthy or not wealthy
for men is an issue at all. I don't. It's
not even on the top twenty Well.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I would say though that you know, the last person
that I dated, we both said that we felt fortunate
because we both had the luxury to be able to travel. Right,
Because if somebody can't do some of the same things
that you can at a certain point, right before you're
truly committed. That can limit what one person can do,
(35:23):
or it puts the burden all on somebody else.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It could. But at the same point, if I have
if I have the means to travel ten times as
much as the other person, then why am I not
just picking up their travel bill?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Like?
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah, I mean, if you're like, I want to travel
every month, the other person's like, well, I can't afford
to do it every year, go on six trips right on?
Like pay for three or four of their trips, Like
I don't. I If you're that much more fortunate, then
share with the person that you want to spend time with. So,
I I don't know, I don't see that as a big,
a big issue. I think if somebody works, if they're
(36:00):
opened up in AIRBB in a restaurant and they work
one hundred hours a week, that's more of an issue
if you're not getting time with them, right you might, right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
And So in terms of attraction, though, what would you
say your top three qualities that you look for in
a woman and a potential love interest.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
Yeah, that's a that's a good one, but a tough one.
I would say. I mean, there's some basic physical attraction
that someone is within your age group, and you know
it is not forty years older or forty years older.
But assuming that you have some attraction and you're not
unattracted to somebody, I think for me it would be yeah,
(36:42):
I mean like like playful sense of humor, not taking
themselves too seriously. I think somebody with that kind of
positive energy is very attractive. Someone who is well, I'm
starting to think about the negatives, but so I'm just gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Go say negative. Though, your top three negatives I'd be
curious about.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
I would say, you know, people that are super critical
or or very controlling are probably are the the two
things that I would be the least attracted to. I
think people who are have kind of a positive comfort
in their own skin. They're playful, they have a good
sense of humor. Confidence is super attractive. I mean confidence
(37:25):
and personality are probably the two biggest things I would
say for me for attraction. I mean that is it.
We talked about authenticity earlier. I mean that comfort and
ease in yourself, not taking yourself or life too seriously,
all of that authenticity part is huge. Yeah for me personally. Again,
(37:45):
guys may have a different list, but for me, it's
it's that's at the very top, and then obviously some
it's it's nice to have a physical attraction to somebody
and that they're they're not you know, they're not you know,
thirty years older or thirty younger.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
They're not hard to look at.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
Yes, it'd be nice if they were easy on the eyes,
but that's great.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
That's a plus.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
I also think laughing and lightheartedness and levity and the
ability to banter is important too. And I found that
a lot of the people that I have dated lately,
you know, tend to be a little more serious.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
And it's kind of hard.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
And I find that that is tough for me when
I'm dating people and there isn't that kind of human lightness,
And that's that's tough for me. And what I've learned
is is if you start out kind of not funny,
you don't get funnier, right, I don't know, So that's
something that's tough. Wait, I wanted to ask something before
(38:44):
I forget back to the conversation about kids and everything.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
What do you do.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
When you meet somebody and you're dating them and they
are strange from their children. Because I was dating somebody
who lost custody.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Of his kids. And I have to tell you it
was a really big red.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Flag for me because my children are everything and nothing
is more important than my relationship with them.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Yeah, I mean it, it is. It is a red flag.
I think if you've gone on a couple of dates
and you're still interested in the person and you're attracted
to who they are, and you're the connection is still growing,
somewhere around the second or third date, you're going to
ask them like what happened? Like how did how did
it go down? Because you're going to want to know
was it did you have did you have a spouse
(39:36):
that cut you out of you know, did they figure
out some way to cut you out of the picture
and then you know you got you had a hard
time getting back in or did you you know, sleep
with her best friend or the assistant or like like
you're going to want to know the story, right and
I wouldn't necessarily find it out on date, you know,
first or second date, but by the third date, like, hey,
(39:59):
tell me about your kids, and you're going to want
to know what the hell? That might even be a
second I mean it's really more of a second I thing.
But yeah, but it doesn't. Being a strange doesn't necessarily
mean the person as a bad person for sure.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
But there is a story there.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Yeah, but you need to know the story, you go.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
I guess along those lines a bit of a segue,
but kind of on topic, is you know, when you're
twenty or thirty, I think you look at somebody's family
to help kind of get a better idea of maybe
their values, or just to get again a better lens
and view into like what they might be or become.
How important do you think people's friends or family or
(40:39):
things like that are now that we're like forty or fifty, right,
because it's different, like a lot of it's a one
on one relationship. So does that still matter or does
it not?
Speaker 3 (40:49):
Agree? I think, well, I will say I think friends
matter a lot. I think that is huge. I think
family matters very because they didn't get to pick their family,
and so for me, I rate that very low, and
I rate the friends thing very very high.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
You are who you surround yourself with.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Yeah, so that's it. I mean, I've I know people
whose parents are an absolute nightmare and they are the
loveliest person in the world. So what I mean, who care?
Why does it matter?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Okay, superficial question. So Louise and I talk about this
when you're traveling. Okay, back to like the first first
attraction that you might have when you're traveling or at
an airport, you see a girl, if she's like in cozy,
a cozy sweatsuit versus you know, she's a little more
(41:41):
done up and like got an official outfit on. What
are your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Yeah, it's interesting. If it's a weekday, I might think
she's just come from work and it's not a big deal.
But if if somebody is really dressed up on a weekend,
it could be a little bit of a red flag.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
And I don't mean like she's like high maintenance with
all her designer bags. I mean more like a put
together off, Like is it okay to travel in a sweatsuit?
Speaker 3 (42:08):
I don't know. I don't think it matters that if
a woman is If a woman is attractive to you,
it's not gonna matter what she's wearing. I mean, somebody
could look really cute and sweats and someone could look
terrible all dressed up. So there's no I don't know it.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Felmut travels and looks like a million bucks and I
look literally like a schlumper in a sweatsuit.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
And my one friend said to me, once.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
She goes, you ain't going to meet a guy at
the airport when you look like that, And I.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Think it was me. Now a few people have said
that I don't leave my house that much. Tracy said
it to me. She's like, I really think you should
change the outfit when you fly.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
I don't think it matters if it's sweats, as long
as they're not if they're thirty year old sweats with
holes in them, and they need to know it's like a.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Matching cute track suit and like a.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Right, Yeah, I think that. I think tracksuits and like
whatever like it and a cute pair of tennis shoes
around the shoes very can be very attractive. Like I don't.
I don't think. I don't think it matters. Like I said,
as long as you're not wearing something that needs to
be donated to the goodwill, I think it's it's fine.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Okay, fine, you're not my guy.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Yeah, Look the odds are there's a million out there.
You know I may not be the one.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Do you have friends for us? No pressure?
Speaker 3 (43:25):
I don't. Well, if I list them on this call,
then you have to delete it.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
You're awesome and you're super textured, and you're really you
seem really healthy and you give thoughtful answers and very
communicative and you know, emotionally mature and healthy. Like this
has been a really informative conversation and I'm definitely learning
a lot.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
I've enjoyed it a lot, and I have other tips
and tricks out there if you want more, But I
would say one I'll leave you with is when the
ice is, where do you want to go? Say? Surprise me?
That is very very sexy because you have now shown
him you don't need to be a control and that
(44:10):
you trust him, and that if he can't handle picking
a restaurant, he's the wrong guy. So you've just basically
honored him and now he gets to surprise you like
that is a very sexy first move. Just want to
leave you with that.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
So you should write a book, and you should be
given iHeartRadio, it should give you your own podcast.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Well, thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm just
honored to be on this one. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
So nice to have met you.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
Yeah, very cool, nice to meet you. Nice to meet
you both and I don't think either of you're going
to have any trouble, but your listeners are going to
learn a lot.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Hi JD. That was amazing to get a man's perspective.
I feel like we learned so much from this conversation today,
and I know a lot of the things that we
discussed I'm definitely going to put into action. So for
all of you out there, if you have a question
or need some advice from a single man, email or
call us. All the infos in the show notes. Go
ahead and follow us on socials. Make sure to rate
(45:05):
and review this podcast. I do Part two, an iHeartRadio
podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
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