August 15, 2023 • 38 mins
Larcus is all about luxury gifts and expensive trips, but how far would they really go for love?
Plus..did Marcus just say what we thought he said? Hint: It rhymes with "harry"
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
And we're back with another episode of Separation Anxiety. I'm
your host Marcus Jordan.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I'm Larsta Pippen, and.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Today we're talking life in love with Larcus. I love
that we're talking a little bit about spending, habits, talking
a little bit about jealousy and a whole myriad of things.
But let's jump into a babe.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Okay, I'm ready, let's go.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So Katie Thurston from season seventeen of The Bachelor that
says she gifted her then boyfriend John Hershey of a
new van prior to their breakup. The couple had been
dating for six months they were living together when he
broke up with her. He was a bartender and aspiring
pilot and eventually paid her back for the van, but
it took a long time because it was expensive. Now,
Katie says she'll never buy a man a present of
(00:49):
that caliber again. And So, a babe, what is the
most expensive gift you've bought your significant other?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
I think when you're a married when you're dating, it's
two different things.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Okay, so talk about it. Let's talk. So.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I think that like when you're dating someone, you there's
like parameters, like you really shouldn't buy them a car.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah, I feel like I mean, I.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Look, I'm not going to say it like that. I
guess I shouldn't say like that because I have gotten cars.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
You've gotten cars, you've gotten You've received a lot of gifts.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I feel like I'm saying for a girl, like I
feel like it's a woman. I would not buy my
boyfriend a car. However, I have guys buy me cars.
So I guess it's kind of like you.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Talk about it from the woman's perspective, I'll talk about
it from the mass.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Okay, okay, So from a woman's perspective. I don't think
that I would buy a man a car if he's
just a boyfriend. I think if you're my husband, then
we share everything. You know, you can, I can give
you whatever you want. You're going to give me whatever
I want. But I think it's a woman. I don't.
I just think like men give better gifts than women.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I think, well, I think you know, for a man,
you know, oftentimes that's your way of trying to you know,
get noticed or you know, hook in your your girl
that you're dating, you know, And so there's been times
where I've spent you know, an abnormal amount of money
on trying to impress somebody or get somebody, get somebody's attention.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'll say.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
And so I wouldn't say I've bought any cars, but
I've gifted some things that were, you know, as expensive
as cars for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
And so I feel like, I feel like you spent
a lot of money on my birthday.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
I spent a lot of money on you every day.
I mean, yeah, your birthday. Yeah, I just wanted to
make it special for you. You know. Again, I think
you put a lot of value into those type of
sentimental dates and moments and stuff like that. But you know,
I feel like every day I'm trying to take things
up a notch. And so I do feel like, you know,
as a guy, there is you know, after you started
(02:49):
dating or whatever your boyfriend girlfriend, I feel like there's
a scale of like time spent together versus price and
value of the gifts. I feel like over time you
constantly have to outdo yourself, you know. So if you
start off with a million dollar gifts, by year five
of the relationship, you're up to five million dollars in gifts. Wow,
(03:10):
Am I wrong?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
You know? And so I just think that there's a
double standard when it comes to guy's gifting versus girls gifting.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Well, you know, my mom taught me this, and she said,
you know what's the most important gift anyone can ever
give you? What's that time?
Speaker 1 (03:24):
I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Because I feel like time is something. When someone gives
you their time, it's more valuable than a gift.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
There's a lot of women out there though, that I
feel like, are spending time with, you know, a deadbeat dude,
and they're looking for the other types of gifts. Am
I wrong?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Why can't you get both?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Why can't I mean, sometimes the guy don't have it
like that, you know, so he's like, look, I'm gonna
give you all the time I got in the world.
But you know we're struggling. We grind it together, you know.
So he might not be able to buy that five
thousand dollars bag or something like that. So in that scenario,
is that you would you still date that guy? I
think so if you was grinding towards something.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I think so I think that, Like I think like
if someone makes you feel good and they make you happy,
then that's like more important than any gift.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I don't think I don't think so I feel I
feel like you know again, I think we talked about
this on our last episode, Like you like a boss,
you know what I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Saying, like a boss. But I also grew up. My
dad gave me everything.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
My dad always gave me gifts. My dad took me
on shopping spreees like so for me love, Like, if
you want to show me love, you give me things
sometimes like I like it, but at the same time,
like I have my mom who's the total opposite, and
my mom tells me that, like, these things are not
going to make you happy.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Larsa, I feel like there was maybe a point in
your life, especially when you stepped away from your previous marriage,
that like you were single, you know, and you've probably
had a lot of suitors out there, and so sometimes
can you and I'm going to ask you this, sometimes
can a woman get tired of too many gifts? Is
there such thing as too many gifts?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
No, if it's from the right person now, but.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
What if it's not. What if it's from gods just
trying to buy your love?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I mean, listen, sounds like a not It sounds like.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
There's no such thing as too many gifts guys.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
No, there's no such thing as too many gifts. But
I feel like people give you what they have to offer. Okay, okay,
So some people have gifts to offer, some people have
time to offer, some people have, you know, love to offer.
I think it's like, you know, it's what they're offering
is at that point, and I feel like, you can,
you can have it all. Why can't you be with
a guy that's successful and giving. Yeah, there's nothing worse
(05:24):
than a guy that's successful and cheap.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Has there ever been a guy that was constantly giving
you gifts that you just knew you would never be
with no matter how many gifts?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, I think so, Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I guess and vice versa.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
You know, you did you feel like you had to
give girls gifts because of who you are?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So that's twofold. Oftentimes when I was dating, when I
was single and dating, you know, you kind of know
if it's going to be a long term relationship or
if it's like a fling, you know, And so I
felt like a lot of times in my flings, you know,
I would definitely give a lot of gifts just because
you know, it's like you're trying to keep somebody happy,
(06:05):
also trying to maybe you know, buy a little bit
of silence, not have people go in public, you know,
because when you're dating you not necessarily, you know, not
everybody meets the boyfriend girlfriend's standard. Am I am? I right?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
No, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
And so you know, there was there were some flings
out there that maybe got some shoes or a bag
or you know, some clothes from trophy room or something
like that. And you know that's how I go That's
how I went back then got it. Now I'm saving
all my money so I can buy you the world.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I love that. I love you. That's okay, I love
you too.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Have you ever regretted buying something expensive for a partner?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Actually I do, Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Can we talk about it?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Okay, what's up? Who was it? I mean, not necessarily
who was what was it?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I did give this guy a necklace, okay, and it
was from our jewelry.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Line okay, and Larsa Marie.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yeah, And it was kind of annoying because I like,
he ended up getting back with his ax and I
feel like she would have taken the necklace. It's just
kind of annoying.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Okay, so you regret giving that necklace.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, I kind of feel like it was very personal
because it was like it was like one of my
very first like chain necklaces I was making, like the
chain link necklaces that I love so much and my
logo on there, and it was just annoying to think,
like some other girl is going to be wearing a
necklace that I gave this guy.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah, that's kind of I could. I could see that.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
For me, I've never really regretted. I've always given a
gift not expecting anything in return. You know. Obviously, you
can maybe insinuate or hope that there's you know, something
that you're going to get in return. But once I
give a gift, I've given it, it's gone, like you know,
and you see, I'm very generous in terms of like
when we go out with friends or you know, obviously
(07:43):
in our relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
I think it's given. Take. I think in any relationship
it's given. Takes. Some people, you know, you give things too,
they do other things for you. I think it's given take.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Have you ever had to give a gift back?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
No?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Never, never. Oh, I wasn't going to call you out
on that, one.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
But okay, so I did get it a g Wagon okay,
and then mm hmm, and I had to end up
giving it back.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, we won't. We won't necessarily get into the details.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I forgot about that.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I wasn't trying to put you on friend street.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Well, I had a lot of cars. Someone gifted me
a lot of cars, and one of them was I
gave them all back and I kept the g Wagon.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
And then but I also think that you know, not
to tell your story, but I also feel like, you know,
there might have been extra expectations put on the friendship,
not necessarily you know, sexually, but like you know, spending
time with somebody and you know, all of that stuff.
And I don't think that you were in a position
that you wanted to do that, and so it's probably
(08:37):
better to give the gifts back versus like leading someone
in the direction you don't want to go.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Totally, Yeah, I agree, But you know what my dad
always taught me. My dad literally has been telling me
this my whole life, like, people don't give you gifts
for nothing.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I feel like I've said that.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
To you, and my dad always always used to say
this to me, and I would be like Oh, they're
just my friend.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Yeah and yeah, no, I mean, look for me as
a man, if you give a gift, you give a gift.
You know what I'm saying, don't. I wouldn't expect anything back,
and so would you expect or would they expect you
to pay something back? Have you ever been expected to
pay back something for a gift? No, I don't think
I've ever met. No, I've never asked it. Like, that's insane.
(09:16):
That's an insane So.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Let me ask you a question. If you gave someone
an engagement ring and you guys broke up, would you
want the ring back?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Nah? Yeah, I feel like once I spend my money
on it, like it's in my mind, I've written it off,
it's gone, it's yours. You know.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I'm like that too, unless.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I haven't given it to that person. For example, let'
say I bought an engagement ring and something happened and
now we're calling you know, not that we're calling engagement now,
but we're breaking up, and so yeah, I'm not mad
at taking the ring back at that you've never given it.
I'm not going to save it for the next woman
I'm gonna get because she might like a different cut
of stone or something. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I feel like that's normal.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yeah, So anything else you want to add on this topic.
I feel like we can talk about this for a while. No,
I feel it's confidential a little bit.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I mean I have to. But I do like the
way we are with each other because I feel like
we're both very generous with each other.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I feel like we try to outdo each other's love
in different ways, you know, whether it's giving a gift
or a BackRub, or you know, surprising each other with
dinner or something like that. Like I feel like we
are constantly trying to want up each other. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I feel like we're like who's.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
In the lead. Yeah, you know, I wasn't gonna say okay,
And so.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Let's talk about jealousy.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Can feelings
of jealousy be a good thing in a relationship? We
all experience romantic jealousy differently, but the common emotions associated
to jealousy are rage, fear, possessiveness, and sadness. And so,
you know, jealousy is a kind of a reaction to
losing something or someone that you have And according to
(10:54):
research psychologists Jolie Hamilton. The knee jerk reaction of jealousy
has been documented in infant as early as six months old,
so they are biological. There is a biological component, which
means jealousy is completely natural. It's about what you do
with those feelings that matter.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I like a bit of jealousy, you like.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
A little bit of Talk to me about that, Like,
what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I mean, I feel like if you don't have a
little bit of jealousy, you really don't care. Yeah, because
I've been in situations where I'm like, I didn't care,
And if I didn't care, that means I don't have
enough like emotion in the relationship. I'm not emotionally invested
in the relationship if I'm not jealous.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
So I do feel like there's like it's good to
be a little jealous, it's good to be on your toes.
All those feelings are normal. I think it's just how
you deal with them.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah. So, according to life coach Jacqueline Missla, dealing with
jealousy head on can actually create more trust in a
stronger bond in a relationship. And so I think that's
kind of what you're alluding to is that a little
bit of jealousy doesn't necessarily hurt. It could create like
a talking point. Then maybe it might build a stronger bond,
you know, I think so.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I think it's like, you know, keep everything in, you know,
in the middle, not too crazy, don't get too crazy,
don't get too jealous.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Like just okay.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
So, I feel like your partner makes you feel a
certain way. So if you're feeling a bit jealous, your
partner can come in and like make you feel good
and like communicate and make you feel like it's a
safe place. But if your partner is study doing crazy
things and that's making you jealous, it's a very unhealthy
like situation and relationship. I think that's like a problem
that's never going to work.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Okay, that's perfect. You set me up perfectly for this
segue into this example. And so if your partner says
you need to stop texting with members of the opposite sex,
is that an impracticable request that is only going to
put a band aid on the issue.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I think it depends who the person you're texting is.
Oh okay, well, because it could be like legit, like
a friend or a business partner, or something like that.
I think, like you can jealousy is okay, but it
has to be like like there has to be a
reason for it, and you can't just be jealous over anything,
you know.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
True, I agree. I think most often.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
My mom is really jealous. Just so you know, really
my mom is super jealous.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Well, I mean, she has good reasons, so she's got
a great man on.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
This side, you know, and it's definitely very jealous.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
So if somebody went and talked to your she would
get she would be like she'd be looking them up
and down, surveying who it is.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Oh, yeah, she's not about that life. I remember on
Nanny that I brought to my parents' house and she
just kept talking to my dad. She kind of like
wasn't even acknowledging my mom, and she kept trying to
be funny all my dad and talking to my dad. Yeah,
and my mom and Arabic said to me, like, if
you guys are not staying here tonight, like you're taking
your nanny, you're going home, Like you're not staying at
my house tonight. Because I had a house fifteen minutes
(13:25):
away my parents' house, like a big house. But I
always wanted to stay at my parents' house when I
would first get into town, when I would first get
to Chicago, and my mom did not want that lady
in her house. She was like, oh, no, you're not
bringing that lady.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
You know. It's funny because I feel like it depends
on the person, right, because you have a lot of
guy friends. You got a lot of male business partners,
you know, and so you're constantly communicating with men. And
sometimes I think, I jokingly say, you know, you need
more women friends or you need more girlfriends, And I think.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Women friends are more threatening than male friends, just so
you know, because I feel like a women friends to
who well to any relationship because I feel like if
I had a bunch of girlfriends, they would always want
me to go out and do things, and like that
puts you into more of a.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Like you're saying, you going out with your girlfriends is
might lead to, you know, a trickier issue than if
you were hanging out with your guy friends.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Yes, because my guy friends, that relationship has been established.
It's not like it's you're not going to really go
from like guys that I talk to all the time
that like you're not going.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
To like know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Now, I mean, look, our situation, how our situation started
as friends was different because we really weren't around each other.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I think there was you know, you know that's true,
and you know the way we met. I don't know,
I just obviously it was a different circumstance, but there
was like a level of attraction that built up over time,
you know what I'm saying. It wasn't like I was
we just both friend zoned each other, you know. I
think that we wanted to get get to know each
other a little more too. I don't know, I just
(14:55):
feel like it depends on the situation, because, like you know,
if I go out with my guy friends, then maybe
there's a little more mischief that I would get into
than if I went out with my girlfriends.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Exactly. That's my point.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, I get it, I get it. I get it.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
That's kind of where I feel like having guy friends
is like a safe zone.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
But I feel like so that means I can go
and have more female friends. No, I'm just I'm just
saying I'm throwing that out. I don't know. I just
you know, I think it's situational.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I think a situation.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I think it's situational. And you know, with this example
of texting somebody of the opposite sext, I agree. I
think the subject matter counts depends on what you're talking about.
If you're sitting there talking about business all day or
you know, things like that, I feel like, don't be shady.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
That's the thing. I think a lot of people are shady.
Don't be shady, like tell it, say what it is,
and that way everyone understands what it is.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, but I think, you know, again, friends of the
opposite sex, there could be ulterior motives there. Or it
could be a girl, you know, lying in the Louise
waiting for her shot. It could be a guy you know,
laying lot waiting for their shot. You know, and so
you know it just I'm just saying, you know, it
depends on situation.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I think when you make your partner feel really good
and stable and like great, they're not going anywhere. And
I think when you don't take care of your home,
then you make it very easy for someone to creep
in out of the back door.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
So outside of this relationship, not talking about ours, have
you experienced jealousy and past relationships? Yeah, totally from you
or from.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
The guy No, I dated someone that was so jealous
I couldn't wear leggings. Yeah, like literally could not wear leggings.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, no, I know this story so for good reason.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
No, but I literally couldn't leave my house and it
was like a new relationship. And he's like, if you're
not with me, I mean, if you're not with your kids,
you're definitely with me. It's not like you're ever going
to leave me to go hang out with your friends.
And I kind of.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Thought, that's that's too much. I feel like that's corolling.
I feel like that's controlling and possessiveness, not necessarily jealous. Yeah,
I feel like jealousy most often than not. You know,
you'll get an emotion or a feeling, type of feeling
around a certain circumstance. But you know, how you handle
that is you know, is it can be different, It
(17:01):
could vary. But what you're talking about, I think that's controlling.
That's like, oh, if you're not with me, you ain't
with your friends, you better be with your family. Like
that's a little too much.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Is it a turnoff? When sure there's jealousy.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Like that, Yeah, I think it has to be like
a touch of it, like a touch of jealousy. That's
like you know that the person cares, the person is
like on you, but like not too much. Yeah, because
it definitely can backfire. If you're super jealous, you push
the person away.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Yeah, exactly, That's exactly what I was going to say.
I feel like in previous relationships, if somebody is too jealous,
then it leads to them constantly being up under you
or questioning you, or you know, there's no trust. And
I feel like in my past, if there was no trust,
then most often than not, I either ended it or
I was looking for a way out. You know.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
So that's normal, That's very normal. I mean, it's jealousy
a turn off for you?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Uh No, I think it's you know, I don't think
it's okay.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
So do you think okay? So do you think that
it's bad if the person that you're with is not jealous? Like,
am I jealous to you?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
That's a trick, that's a trick. Question. You have your
moments where you're protective. I don't necessarily, you know, I'm
not going to say you're jealous, but there are times
where you like to be inquisitive and know what exactly
is going on. You know, I think that's I think
one of your confident I was just about to say,
one of your favorite things is protecting your mental and
(18:21):
I think the best way that you like to protect
your mental is to fully understand the big picture, whether
that be a friendship that I have or somebody that
comes up. For example, when we were walking into Rolling Loud, okay,
and we kind of cut the line. You know, we're
walking with Natty and Joe. I mean we were meeting Jojo,
but walking with Natty, who you know, they own Rolling Loud,
And so there was a huge line at the Loud
(18:44):
club right in the VIP and we kind of walked
through the VIP and all of a sudden, girls are
saying Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, because it was you know, there
were some friends that I knew from Orlando who were
waiting to get in line. And so did you get
jealous over that? Yeah, a little bit, I don't think,
I mean maybe, but I mean you were protecting. You
(19:04):
definitely wanted to know who was yelling.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And for me, I just keep calling your name.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
And I was like I had my head down, head low, like.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
I was not scared because you thought I was going
to be like CARDIV with the mic.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
No, I wasn't necessarily scared. But it's just like you know,
in those instances where you're cutting the line, you're walking
past people, you don't want to make eye contact with
anybody because if it is somebody that you know pretty well,
you're not trying to add on to the crew that
we already were, you know, had. So I just think
that was an instance of not necessarily you being jealous,
but you don't love you. You're trying to figure out
(19:36):
I just love you, what's at play? Who's what's the
bigger picture? You know?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And I love you too, man, So what do you think? Wait,
do you think there's like a healthy amount of jealousy
in a relationship? Like, do you think we're in a
healthy place for like both of us?
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I do think that there is. I think jealousy is
healthy for relationship because one, it shows that you care too,
you know, it shows that you are interested in actually
understanding and getting to know your partner better, you know,
in terms of their relationships and friendships, and so yeah,
I think there could be a healthy amount of jealousy.
I think all relationships have some amount some is greater
(20:08):
than others.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
You know, I think so too about you? What about?
What do you think of partners who react to jealousy
with words like you're crazy, you're paranoid, like yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Like stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
After cheaters, when you say things like that, you're like
a full blown cheater.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I feel like those types of responses can be triggering,
you know what I'm saying, and like it doesn't necessarily
help the situation at hand, because then you get you
come off defensive, and so now the other person thinks
maybe there's more there, right, you know, so then you know,
maybe while you're sleeping, somebody's gonna go through your phone
or you know they're gonna they're gonna there will be
(20:43):
big extreme measures.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Women are known for digging. We like to dig and
see what's going on.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
And so wait, can you tell me why women like
to dig? Is it because because they.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Just want to know what's up?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah, I think they should know what's up. I think
I think if everyone was honest, So what if I'm
super super duper honest.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I feel like I am too.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I'm very honest, Like I tell you exactly what it is, like.
I remember when I got this tattoo love. And I
remember I got this tattoo and I had this whole
conversation with like this person that I was with, and
I was like, hey, just so you know, going forward,
like I gave you so much love and I never
got it back. I will never be faithful to you again,
Like all bets are off. And I feel like I'm
like that, I kind of like say it, and once
(21:22):
I say it, I feel like I understand it for myself.
I've said it to the world, like to myself and
to the person. I can move forward and I don't
need to respect our relationship anymore. I don't like I'm
good with whatever. Yeah, And so I do feel like
I'm very open and honest like that, Like I don't
play games.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Yeah, And I think that's that should be appreciated because
you know, most often than not, people play games, people cheat,
people lie, and I think you know, that's where I
just I don't think that that's healthy. Yeah, and it
could lead to other bad habits. And so all right,
I think that's enough about jealousy. You know, working up some.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
I'm feeling i feel like I'm jealous that you're sitting
too far from me.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
So get over here, bab Let's talk about fubbing. Okay,
are you guilty of fu?
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Is fubbing?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
So? Fubbing is a modern phenomenon which is a mix
of two words phone and snubbing. And so essentially, fubbing
is when you ignore your romantic partner for your digital devices.
For example, your partner's in the same room, but you're
scrolling endlessly or answering messages that aren't urgent. And so
research shows that the practice of fubbing is causing increased
conflict and reduced intimacy.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I could see that.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
And so are you guilty of fubbing? Baby?
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Okay? So yeah I am, but no I want to
beat you to that. Y Okay, I am like to
fu Okay, now me let me let me. I do
like to fub but I'm always including you in the conversations.
It'll be like a business thing and I'll be like, hey,
I'm texting this person about this, or I'm replying back
to an email. But it's never like me just looking
through Instagram or like stuff like that. When we're together.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah, I feel like offen times when you fub and
I think we're both everybody is guilty of fubbing at
some point. But I feel like yesterday we went to
lunch and you were fubbing me. You had to take
calls and you had to answer text. But I do
think it's because you wear multiple hats. You know, you've
got four kids, You've got businesses that you're running, you know,
(23:21):
and so it's understandable and reasonable to expect that every
now and then you might have to answer a call
while we're at lunch or on a date. You know.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
But do you feel like if you tell the person
like I'm doing this, or like include them in what
you're doing, do you feel like that makes it better?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
It definitely makes it better, but it's still fubbing because
I feel like, you know, if we if we, you know,
say that we're going out on a date or we're
going to lunch, then I think the expectation is that
your full attention is going to be part of the date.
You know, not just yours, but mine too, and so
you know, I think a little bit of fubbing doesn't matter.
(23:59):
I think what would drive me crazy is that, like,
you know, there's different seasons where you're busier than others,
and so if you're in your busy season, and then
your significant other is like, oh, you're fubbing me, You're
fubbing me, You're fubbing me. Then like that could get
annoying because sometimes you got to handle work work.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, I feel like as long as it's like stuff
for me, I don't like to let things pile up,
Like I hate that feeling. If I like don't handle
things like emails or like people attorneys that are calling
me and stuff, I just feel like I'm holding everyone up.
Or if I a group text like with the Luho people,
I just feel like I don't want to be the
one that's holding up what's you know, like the business
right exactly. So I always like to reply and I
(24:34):
like to make sure everyone understands what my views are
on X, Y and Z. And I feel like sometimes
when you kind of put it off, it's kind of
like slows the whole process down.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Right now, I do like.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
To handle it, but I do feel like I do
include you and all of that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Yeah, sometimes you're overly inclusive, Like sometimes I don't.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Want it's too much.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
It's not that it's too much, it's just that I
don't feel like it's my place to get involved you know,
I feel like, you know, I don't want to be
that person to you know, I just hate like when
it's not somebody's business and they constantly insert themselves. I'm
the polar opposite of that, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I'm like waiting, but you know what, I'm waiting until
the teacher calls on me to like that.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
You're like that though, Yeah, I like that too with you.
I don't like insert myself and your stuff.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You definitely, you definitely don't.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
We're both I think we're both alike in so many
different ways because we're both like that, like we're not
trying to like overdo our position.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
We kind of like, I think we want to be
complimentary to each other, not necessarily controlling or totally you know. So, wait,
would you date or marry a pubber?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
I mean, if you're working and I listen, I you
would marry someone where you communicate with them and if
that bothered you, then you would tell them that you
didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, I feel like I'm going to marry a fubber
because you'd like the fub Oh sorry exactly. So can
be argue that being on your phone is dedicated time
to yourself, which is also important in maintaining healthy relationships.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
No, because I feel like for me, it's always work.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
You know. I feel like, out of the two of us,
I can live without my phone. I'm perfectly fine without
my phone. My phone dies all the time. It does
obviously not when i'm you know, when I'm with you,
my phone dies all the time. And so like, I
don't know, out of the two of us, I can
definitely go without a phone. I don't think you can
live without a phone, mainly because your kids.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah, because feel like I always have my kids. But
you know what I was telling you, I was like, hey,
I kind of want to go somewhere and just turn
off my phone for like five days and just have
my kids call your phone.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
If they need love it, love it.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I kind of feel like I want to do that
because I don't know how to like stop replying to
like emails or like text messaging, because I feel like
I don't like to let people down. Yeah, I reply
people like literally. I had a masseuse that asked me
for like twenty five thousand dollars via text, and I
had to reply to her, and I'm like, why am
I even replying to this person because it's just like
(26:49):
so crazy that.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
You're like would have got blocked.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I know, but I just, I just I don't like
to leave people on like like unread. I like to
like reply like whatever does that? I'm always like, I
just I go to a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Especially if you come like that, you come asking for
twenty five thousand dollars, I'm not hitting you back for
like six months. Whatever event is happening, that's got to.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Blow over before I you I need to be more
like that.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, let's move on. Have you ever been benched before?
There's a new micro dating trend called benching, and according
to Psychology Today expert doctor Bruce Y Lee, benching occurs
(27:32):
when someone keeps you around as a backup because the
person is interested in someone else.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Okay, so that's why everyone's single in today's world.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, I mean, if you're.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Always feeling like you can get better. Okay, so you're
dating a bunch of people all my friends, this is
where my friends like.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
I think you're notorious in talking to your friends about
you got to have a roster. You gotta have a roster,
you know. And so this is I think an additional
component to that. So who are you benching? Who's your
starting five? You know, you specifically, But I think it's
it's a modern day thing, having a roster and having
to bench some people totally.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
But I also feel like it's it's what happens in
today's world, in today's dating world. Yeah, everyone has so
many options, and you're only as good as your options.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
And you know, it's funny. I feel like guys always
want the one girl that every guy wants, I think,
So I.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Beg to disagree. I don't know. I think it depends
on the guy number one. And I've always been prior
to you, you know, I always had a joke with
my friends that, like, if I was going to get married,
she probably wouldn't speak English, Like, I'm gonna go find
the most beautiful girl in the world that lives out
of the country, that knows nothing about all of this
hoopola bs that we live in. I wasn't gonna move.
(28:47):
I was she was going to move. I was going
to bring her back to the States, you know, And
so that was a running joke that I have with
my friends. Now I've obviously my position has changed a
little bit on that, But I've never been the one
to like go and see like, oh, so and so
has been with this person, that person I'm trying to
go be with her, Like, nah, I don't you know.
They don't necessarily work like that for me.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I think there's like signs to the fact when you're
getting benched.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Yeah and so talk about the five signs baby.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
So I think it's like inconsistency when a person acts
in a very inconsistent manner, like they may call you,
they may not. You can't really rely on the person.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, that's one of my biggest pet peeves. I feel
like if I was trying to pursue a woman and
like I'm texting you, like everybody has their phone in
their hands constantly, at least within the next ninety minutes
or two hours of a day, and so like if
I'm texting a girl and I don't get a response
for like two or three days, like I can tell
that I'm being benched and I'm moving on to the
next you know.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
But I also feel like girls do that purposefully. Like
I used to do that, and I would tell guys,
I'd be like, hey, don't rely, like I say, I'll
call you back in like twenty minutes, and I would
forget and then I would tell them the next day.
They'd be like, you were supposed to call me, and
I'd be like, don't rely on me calling thirsty.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
First of all, I would never. I would never. I
would say that girl.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Like I would say, don't rely on Say a lot
going on.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
I'm waiting for you to call me, and if you don't,
then I'm talking to X, Y and Z.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
You're moving on.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Yeah, I'm not waiting for nobody. But you know, I
just feel like that would be an indication that you're
being benched. Just like, all right, it's been three days,
Surety hasn't hit me back. Yeah, I'm like, all right,
I went to the next right.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Or like I'll check my calendar, like let me see
what I'm going on next week. I'm not sure what
I'm going on next week. That's like, that's something indicating bunched.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, that's true, because people make time for the people
that they want to spend time with, even if it's
like a Netflix and chill or a late night movie
date or you know what I'm saying, Like, if you
want to kick it with somebody's chances are you going
to move some shit around to.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Kick it with them one thousand per time. But I
also feel like you should listen to your intuition. Yeah,
you know, I feel like if you're if you feel
like you're not being a priority, then you're probably not
a priority.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Yeah. No, I definitely agree with that. I feel like,
you know, people prioritize things that they want, you know,
people that they like, and.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Things are going for the things they want to do.
I feel like there's always time, and I feel like
that's like, you know, a major indicator and if you're
being bunched or not.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
And so they talk about other dates and xcees often too,
and so the cardinal Worle do not discuss your x
on a first day even frequently, unless sharing a lesson learned.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
I feel like I kind of talk about my exes,
but not like in a weird way, like in a
like thank God I'm with you today.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
With you today, you do you talk about your previous experiences,
but I feel like, like what this says, you often
talk about like what you learned from them or how
you become better from you know that situation. And so
if interactions feel one sided, check if you're doing all
the work. If you're the only one talking, if you're
the only one reaching out, texting, most often than that,
(31:42):
chances are you're being benched. So those are five signs
for our listeners. If you're being benched, send us a
message on.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
You know what you know what you could do when
you feel like you're being benched?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
What can you do?
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Block the person?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yeah, I agree, you know, for me, it's today.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Or just say something really crazy to them and then
they're like, oh my gosh, you crazy. At least your
crazy instead of being benched. I rather guys think I
was crazy than like just thinking that I was basic.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah. I mean for me, I've always been like I
like to be upfront, honest or blunt, you know. And
so if I'm not feeling you, I'm not feeling you,
you know, or if I got other things going on,
I'm gonna keep it a buck, I'm gonna tell you
I got other you know. Yeah, I got other things
going on, you know. And so most often than not,
at least prior to our relationship, that never really deterred anybody.
(32:28):
I think it makes I feel like girls want what
they can't have in some circumstances and so if girls
think that you're talking to other women, you know, they'll
try to show you why you shouldn't be talking to
other women by you know, going above and.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Beyond well, you know, it's kind of like having a roster.
Like I was telling my single friends, you need to
have like a few guys that you talk to in
that way. Sometimes when you just talk to one person,
you give them so much attention and you blow up
their head and all of a sudden, they feel so
good about themselves. They start dogging you.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
They feel like they conquered the question.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, and I do. And I feel like sometimes when
you're when you initially start talking to one person, you
should be talking to other people, and that way you
don't have as much time to focus on that one person.
And it's really immature. I'm not gonna lie, it's really immature.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Hey, that's the way it's really three.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I feel like, I know, but that's kind of how
you have to be in twenty twenty three. To lock
down like a guy that you like, you have to
play them to the last. Yeah, feel and they like
you more.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You got to have rosters, you game guys. You've got
to be ready to play different sports, you know what
I'm saying in different industry, so you know, I don't know.
I feel like when I was single, I definitely had
a few teams rosters, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
But I feel like, if he's the right person, I
don't know. I feel like I never really like to
play games, but I could write a book about playing games,
for sure. But I do feel like if he's the
right person for you, and you're the right person for him, Like,
I don't think you need to do all that. It's
like you both meet in the middle and you're just
like at the right place at the right time. Yeah,
But I do feel like I give my friends a
(33:56):
lot of advice, and I feel like all the advice
that I give them is basically with your starting five.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Like, I feel like timing is everything, you know, because
when you're young and you want to be single, you know,
then that's where you know, you might have a deep roster,
or you're playing some of those you know, some of
those dating games positions or whatever. But as you get
older or as you start looking for, you know, just
solidarity and stability, you know, some of those some of
(34:25):
those people you got to cut, you know, Yeah, some
of those players you got to wave and so have
you ever benched someone and didn't even realize it? No?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
I feel like, you know, you know, when you're not
really feeling someone.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Have you been benched and how long did it take
to notice it?
Speaker 2 (34:41):
No, because I feel like I don't really expect anything
from anyone. I'm the kind of person like you have
to do so much for me initially to show me
that you like me, or I don't care, Like I.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Feel like you've You've always been the team captain, you
call the shots, you know, and so I just I
can never picture you being benched.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Well, No, because I understand, like I understand in the
game of life.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Yeah, and I feel like you most often than not,
when guys are pursuing you, you control the pace. You know,
at least the woman always typically controls the pace. If
you want to hook up, then you'll hook up. If
you want to slow play it and learn more about
the guy, you'll probably you know, slow play it. And
I don't know. For me, I feel like there's maybe
been times where I've been benched just because I was
(35:23):
open and honest that I had a deep roster, you
know what I'm saying. And so sometimes girls aren't feeling
that sometimes, you know, it becomes a challenge to them.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
I feel like for most women, I think that like
you have to like like for me personally, I feel
like a guy has to do a lot to show
me that he wants to be with me.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah. I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
You have to put in time, you have to put
in calls, you have to like do things for me
to make me feel like you want to be with me,
because if you're just calling, you're texting me when you want, like,
you're not even, you're not even you don't even know
where my gym.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Is, right, Yeah, No, I feel that. I feel that
what if someone just wants to take it slow and
keep their options open, is that well.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
That's because you're not that's because you feel like you
haven't hit your peak.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Yeah. Or maybe some people just aren't you know, interested
in settling down right now. Let me look at Drake
for example. Drake, you know is notoriously single and dating
and having fun and not interested in having a wife,
and so you know, obviously his options are open.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I mean, listen, you're only as good as your options.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Yeah, I'm sure the boy has plenty of options, for sure,
plenty of options.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
As long as he's happy and fields fulfilled, why not.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I also feel like when you're an artist, you need
to have a lot of different flavors.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Yeah, you got to have experiences in life, stuff going
on in your life.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Creativity you need to have like a crazy girl, a
smart girl, a classy girl.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
I don't have a roster.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
You definitely need a roster for content. Like I get
it because I feel like when I was single, I
felt like I had to talk to different guys for
different things, like reasons, Like I had a really smart
tech guy that I used to talk to that I
love talking Tom because he would like tell me he
you know, made three hundred million dollars in less than
twenty four hours, or I raised a billion dollars my
company with Unicorn, Like I loved having those kind of relationships,
(37:02):
and then I liked having athlete relationship, like just like
different friendships. You know.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Yeah, I think that's more so of you leaving a
relationship and trying to figure out what's next, right exactly,
And so of course you know you're single, you're gonna
date whoever. Yeah, you know you're attracted to to figure
out what you really like, especially haven't been married at
so young at twenty one. Yeah, I feel like for me,
I'm I'm the opposite. I feel like I've I'm thirty two,
(37:30):
never been married, no kids, and so I've been playing
the field trying to figure out, all right, is this
something that I want to do one day? And I
don't know. We're getting warmer. Okay, we're getting warmer.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Good what kind?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Well, I had a great time talking to you guys today.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Same here, bab. It was fun.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Thank you guys for hanging out with us today. We
really appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
Follow us at Separation Underscore Anxiety Underscore podcast and make
sure you subscribe and tune in week to week.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
It sounds great by guys.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Please h
And we're back with another episode of Separation Anxiety. I'm
your host Marcus Jordan.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I'm Larsta Pippen, and.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Today we're talking life in love with Larcus. I love
that we're talking a little bit about spending, habits, talking
a little bit about jealousy and a whole myriad of things.
But let's jump into a babe.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Okay, I'm ready, let's go.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So Katie Thurston from season seventeen of The Bachelor that
says she gifted her then boyfriend John Hershey of a
new van prior to their breakup. The couple had been
dating for six months they were living together when he
broke up with her. He was a bartender and aspiring
pilot and eventually paid her back for the van, but
it took a long time because it was expensive. Now,
Katie says she'll never buy a man a present of
(00:49):
that caliber again. And So, a babe, what is the
most expensive gift you've bought your significant other?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
I think when you're a married when you're dating, it's
two different things.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Okay, so talk about it. Let's talk. So.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I think that like when you're dating someone, you there's
like parameters, like you really shouldn't buy them a car.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah, I feel like I mean, I.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Look, I'm not going to say it like that. I
guess I shouldn't say like that because I have gotten cars.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
You've gotten cars, you've gotten You've received a lot of gifts.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I feel like I'm saying for a girl, like I
feel like it's a woman. I would not buy my
boyfriend a car. However, I have guys buy me cars.
So I guess it's kind of like you.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Talk about it from the woman's perspective, I'll talk about
it from the mass.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Okay, okay, So from a woman's perspective. I don't think
that I would buy a man a car if he's
just a boyfriend. I think if you're my husband, then
we share everything. You know, you can, I can give
you whatever you want. You're going to give me whatever
I want. But I think it's a woman. I don't.
I just think like men give better gifts than women.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I think, well, I think you know, for a man,
you know, oftentimes that's your way of trying to you know,
get noticed or you know, hook in your your girl
that you're dating, you know, And so there's been times
where I've spent you know, an abnormal amount of money
on trying to impress somebody or get somebody, get somebody's attention.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'll say.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
And so I wouldn't say I've bought any cars, but
I've gifted some things that were, you know, as expensive
as cars for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
And so I feel like, I feel like you spent
a lot of money on my birthday.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
I spent a lot of money on you every day.
I mean, yeah, your birthday. Yeah, I just wanted to
make it special for you. You know. Again, I think
you put a lot of value into those type of
sentimental dates and moments and stuff like that. But you know,
I feel like every day I'm trying to take things
up a notch. And so I do feel like, you know,
as a guy, there is you know, after you started
(02:49):
dating or whatever your boyfriend girlfriend, I feel like there's
a scale of like time spent together versus price and
value of the gifts. I feel like over time you
constantly have to outdo yourself, you know. So if you
start off with a million dollar gifts, by year five
of the relationship, you're up to five million dollars in gifts. Wow,
(03:10):
Am I wrong?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
You know? And so I just think that there's a
double standard when it comes to guy's gifting versus girls gifting.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Well, you know, my mom taught me this, and she said,
you know what's the most important gift anyone can ever
give you? What's that time?
Speaker 1 (03:24):
I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Because I feel like time is something. When someone gives
you their time, it's more valuable than a gift.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
There's a lot of women out there though, that I
feel like, are spending time with, you know, a deadbeat dude,
and they're looking for the other types of gifts. Am
I wrong?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Why can't you get both?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Why can't I mean, sometimes the guy don't have it
like that, you know, so he's like, look, I'm gonna
give you all the time I got in the world.
But you know we're struggling. We grind it together, you know.
So he might not be able to buy that five
thousand dollars bag or something like that. So in that scenario,
is that you would you still date that guy? I
think so if you was grinding towards something.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I think so I think that, Like I think like
if someone makes you feel good and they make you happy,
then that's like more important than any gift.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I don't think I don't think so I feel I
feel like you know again, I think we talked about
this on our last episode, Like you like a boss,
you know what I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Saying, like a boss. But I also grew up. My
dad gave me everything.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
My dad always gave me gifts. My dad took me
on shopping spreees like so for me love, Like, if
you want to show me love, you give me things
sometimes like I like it, but at the same time,
like I have my mom who's the total opposite, and
my mom tells me that, like, these things are not
going to make you happy.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Larsa, I feel like there was maybe a point in
your life, especially when you stepped away from your previous marriage,
that like you were single, you know, and you've probably
had a lot of suitors out there, and so sometimes
can you and I'm going to ask you this, sometimes
can a woman get tired of too many gifts? Is
there such thing as too many gifts?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
No, if it's from the right person now, but.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
What if it's not. What if it's from gods just
trying to buy your love?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I mean, listen, sounds like a not It sounds like.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
There's no such thing as too many gifts guys.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
No, there's no such thing as too many gifts. But
I feel like people give you what they have to offer. Okay, okay,
So some people have gifts to offer, some people have
time to offer, some people have, you know, love to offer.
I think it's like, you know, it's what they're offering
is at that point, and I feel like, you can,
you can have it all. Why can't you be with
a guy that's successful and giving. Yeah, there's nothing worse
(05:24):
than a guy that's successful and cheap.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Has there ever been a guy that was constantly giving
you gifts that you just knew you would never be
with no matter how many gifts?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, I think so, Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I guess and vice versa.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
You know, you did you feel like you had to
give girls gifts because of who you are?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So that's twofold. Oftentimes when I was dating, when I
was single and dating, you know, you kind of know
if it's going to be a long term relationship or
if it's like a fling, you know, And so I
felt like a lot of times in my flings, you know,
I would definitely give a lot of gifts just because
you know, it's like you're trying to keep somebody happy,
(06:05):
also trying to maybe you know, buy a little bit
of silence, not have people go in public, you know,
because when you're dating you not necessarily, you know, not
everybody meets the boyfriend girlfriend's standard. Am I am? I right?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
No, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
And so you know, there was there were some flings
out there that maybe got some shoes or a bag
or you know, some clothes from trophy room or something
like that. And you know that's how I go That's
how I went back then got it. Now I'm saving
all my money so I can buy you the world.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I love that. I love you. That's okay, I love
you too.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Have you ever regretted buying something expensive for a partner?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Actually I do, Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Can we talk about it?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Okay, what's up? Who was it? I mean, not necessarily
who was what was it?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I did give this guy a necklace, okay, and it
was from our jewelry.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Line okay, and Larsa Marie.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yeah, And it was kind of annoying because I like,
he ended up getting back with his ax and I
feel like she would have taken the necklace. It's just
kind of annoying.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Okay, so you regret giving that necklace.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, I kind of feel like it was very personal
because it was like it was like one of my
very first like chain necklaces I was making, like the
chain link necklaces that I love so much and my
logo on there, and it was just annoying to think,
like some other girl is going to be wearing a
necklace that I gave this guy.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah, that's kind of I could. I could see that.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
For me, I've never really regretted. I've always given a
gift not expecting anything in return. You know. Obviously, you
can maybe insinuate or hope that there's you know, something
that you're going to get in return. But once I
give a gift, I've given it, it's gone, like you know,
and you see, I'm very generous in terms of like
when we go out with friends or you know, obviously
(07:43):
in our relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
I think it's given. Take. I think in any relationship
it's given. Takes. Some people, you know, you give things too,
they do other things for you. I think it's given take.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Have you ever had to give a gift back?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
No?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Never, never. Oh, I wasn't going to call you out
on that, one.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
But okay, so I did get it a g Wagon okay,
and then mm hmm, and I had to end up
giving it back.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, we won't. We won't necessarily get into the details.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I forgot about that.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I wasn't trying to put you on friend street.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Well, I had a lot of cars. Someone gifted me
a lot of cars, and one of them was I
gave them all back and I kept the g Wagon.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
And then but I also think that you know, not
to tell your story, but I also feel like, you know,
there might have been extra expectations put on the friendship,
not necessarily you know, sexually, but like you know, spending
time with somebody and you know, all of that stuff.
And I don't think that you were in a position
that you wanted to do that, and so it's probably
(08:37):
better to give the gifts back versus like leading someone
in the direction you don't want to go.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Totally, Yeah, I agree, But you know what my dad
always taught me. My dad literally has been telling me
this my whole life, like, people don't give you gifts
for nothing.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I feel like I've said that.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
To you, and my dad always always used to say
this to me, and I would be like Oh, they're
just my friend.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Yeah and yeah, no, I mean, look for me as
a man, if you give a gift, you give a gift.
You know what I'm saying, don't. I wouldn't expect anything back,
and so would you expect or would they expect you
to pay something back? Have you ever been expected to
pay back something for a gift? No, I don't think
I've ever met. No, I've never asked it. Like, that's insane.
(09:16):
That's an insane So.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Let me ask you a question. If you gave someone
an engagement ring and you guys broke up, would you
want the ring back?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Nah? Yeah, I feel like once I spend my money
on it, like it's in my mind, I've written it off,
it's gone, it's yours. You know.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I'm like that too, unless.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I haven't given it to that person. For example, let'
say I bought an engagement ring and something happened and
now we're calling you know, not that we're calling engagement now,
but we're breaking up, and so yeah, I'm not mad
at taking the ring back at that you've never given it.
I'm not going to save it for the next woman
I'm gonna get because she might like a different cut
of stone or something. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I feel like that's normal.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yeah, So anything else you want to add on this topic.
I feel like we can talk about this for a while. No,
I feel it's confidential a little bit.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I mean I have to. But I do like the
way we are with each other because I feel like
we're both very generous with each other.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I feel like we try to outdo each other's love
in different ways, you know, whether it's giving a gift
or a BackRub, or you know, surprising each other with
dinner or something like that. Like I feel like we
are constantly trying to want up each other. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I feel like we're like who's.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
In the lead. Yeah, you know, I wasn't gonna say okay,
And so.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Let's talk about jealousy.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Can feelings
of jealousy be a good thing in a relationship? We
all experience romantic jealousy differently, but the common emotions associated
to jealousy are rage, fear, possessiveness, and sadness. And so,
you know, jealousy is a kind of a reaction to
losing something or someone that you have And according to
(10:54):
research psychologists Jolie Hamilton. The knee jerk reaction of jealousy
has been documented in infant as early as six months old,
so they are biological. There is a biological component, which
means jealousy is completely natural. It's about what you do
with those feelings that matter.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I like a bit of jealousy, you like.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
A little bit of Talk to me about that, Like,
what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I mean, I feel like if you don't have a
little bit of jealousy, you really don't care. Yeah, because
I've been in situations where I'm like, I didn't care,
And if I didn't care, that means I don't have
enough like emotion in the relationship. I'm not emotionally invested
in the relationship if I'm not jealous.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
So I do feel like there's like it's good to
be a little jealous, it's good to be on your toes.
All those feelings are normal. I think it's just how
you deal with them.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah. So, according to life coach Jacqueline Missla, dealing with
jealousy head on can actually create more trust in a
stronger bond in a relationship. And so I think that's
kind of what you're alluding to is that a little
bit of jealousy doesn't necessarily hurt. It could create like
a talking point. Then maybe it might build a stronger bond,
you know, I think so.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I think it's like, you know, keep everything in, you know,
in the middle, not too crazy, don't get too crazy,
don't get too jealous.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Like just okay.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
So, I feel like your partner makes you feel a
certain way. So if you're feeling a bit jealous, your
partner can come in and like make you feel good
and like communicate and make you feel like it's a
safe place. But if your partner is study doing crazy
things and that's making you jealous, it's a very unhealthy
like situation and relationship. I think that's like a problem
that's never going to work.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Okay, that's perfect. You set me up perfectly for this
segue into this example. And so if your partner says
you need to stop texting with members of the opposite sex,
is that an impracticable request that is only going to
put a band aid on the issue.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I think it depends who the person you're texting is.
Oh okay, well, because it could be like legit, like
a friend or a business partner, or something like that.
I think, like you can jealousy is okay, but it
has to be like like there has to be a
reason for it, and you can't just be jealous over anything,
you know.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
True, I agree. I think most often.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
My mom is really jealous. Just so you know, really
my mom is super jealous.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Well, I mean, she has good reasons, so she's got
a great man on.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
This side, you know, and it's definitely very jealous.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
So if somebody went and talked to your she would
get she would be like she'd be looking them up
and down, surveying who it is.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Oh, yeah, she's not about that life. I remember on
Nanny that I brought to my parents' house and she
just kept talking to my dad. She kind of like
wasn't even acknowledging my mom, and she kept trying to
be funny all my dad and talking to my dad. Yeah,
and my mom and Arabic said to me, like, if
you guys are not staying here tonight, like you're taking
your nanny, you're going home, Like you're not staying at
my house tonight. Because I had a house fifteen minutes
(13:25):
away my parents' house, like a big house. But I
always wanted to stay at my parents' house when I
would first get into town, when I would first get
to Chicago, and my mom did not want that lady
in her house. She was like, oh, no, you're not
bringing that lady.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
You know. It's funny because I feel like it depends
on the person, right, because you have a lot of
guy friends. You got a lot of male business partners,
you know, and so you're constantly communicating with men. And
sometimes I think, I jokingly say, you know, you need
more women friends or you need more girlfriends, And I think.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Women friends are more threatening than male friends, just so
you know, because I feel like a women friends to
who well to any relationship because I feel like if
I had a bunch of girlfriends, they would always want
me to go out and do things, and like that
puts you into more of a.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Like you're saying, you going out with your girlfriends is
might lead to, you know, a trickier issue than if
you were hanging out with your guy friends.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Yes, because my guy friends, that relationship has been established.
It's not like it's you're not going to really go
from like guys that I talk to all the time
that like you're not going.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
To like know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Now, I mean, look, our situation, how our situation started
as friends was different because we really weren't around each other.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I think there was you know, you know that's true,
and you know the way we met. I don't know,
I just obviously it was a different circumstance, but there
was like a level of attraction that built up over time,
you know what I'm saying. It wasn't like I was
we just both friend zoned each other, you know. I
think that we wanted to get get to know each
other a little more too. I don't know, I just
(14:55):
feel like it depends on the situation, because, like you know,
if I go out with my guy friends, then maybe
there's a little more mischief that I would get into
than if I went out with my girlfriends.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Exactly. That's my point.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, I get it, I get it. I get it.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
That's kind of where I feel like having guy friends
is like a safe zone.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
But I feel like so that means I can go
and have more female friends. No, I'm just I'm just
saying I'm throwing that out. I don't know. I just
you know, I think it's situational.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I think a situation.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I think it's situational. And you know, with this example
of texting somebody of the opposite sext, I agree. I
think the subject matter counts depends on what you're talking about.
If you're sitting there talking about business all day or
you know, things like that, I feel like, don't be shady.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
That's the thing. I think a lot of people are shady.
Don't be shady, like tell it, say what it is,
and that way everyone understands what it is.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, but I think, you know, again, friends of the
opposite sex, there could be ulterior motives there. Or it
could be a girl, you know, lying in the Louise
waiting for her shot. It could be a guy you know,
laying lot waiting for their shot. You know, and so
you know it just I'm just saying, you know, it
depends on situation.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I think when you make your partner feel really good
and stable and like great, they're not going anywhere. And
I think when you don't take care of your home,
then you make it very easy for someone to creep
in out of the back door.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
So outside of this relationship, not talking about ours, have
you experienced jealousy and past relationships? Yeah, totally from you
or from.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
The guy No, I dated someone that was so jealous
I couldn't wear leggings. Yeah, like literally could not wear leggings.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, no, I know this story so for good reason.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
No, but I literally couldn't leave my house and it
was like a new relationship. And he's like, if you're
not with me, I mean, if you're not with your kids,
you're definitely with me. It's not like you're ever going
to leave me to go hang out with your friends.
And I kind of.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Thought, that's that's too much. I feel like that's corolling.
I feel like that's controlling and possessiveness, not necessarily jealous. Yeah,
I feel like jealousy most often than not. You know,
you'll get an emotion or a feeling, type of feeling
around a certain circumstance. But you know, how you handle
that is you know, is it can be different, It
(17:01):
could vary. But what you're talking about, I think that's controlling.
That's like, oh, if you're not with me, you ain't
with your friends, you better be with your family. Like
that's a little too much.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Is it a turnoff? When sure there's jealousy.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Like that, Yeah, I think it has to be like
a touch of it, like a touch of jealousy. That's
like you know that the person cares, the person is
like on you, but like not too much. Yeah, because
it definitely can backfire. If you're super jealous, you push
the person away.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Yeah, exactly, That's exactly what I was going to say.
I feel like in previous relationships, if somebody is too jealous,
then it leads to them constantly being up under you
or questioning you, or you know, there's no trust. And
I feel like in my past, if there was no trust,
then most often than not, I either ended it or
I was looking for a way out. You know.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
So that's normal, That's very normal. I mean, it's jealousy
a turn off for you?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Uh No, I think it's you know, I don't think
it's okay.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
So do you think okay? So do you think that
it's bad if the person that you're with is not jealous? Like,
am I jealous to you?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
That's a trick, that's a trick. Question. You have your
moments where you're protective. I don't necessarily, you know, I'm
not going to say you're jealous, but there are times
where you like to be inquisitive and know what exactly
is going on. You know, I think that's I think
one of your confident I was just about to say,
one of your favorite things is protecting your mental and
(18:21):
I think the best way that you like to protect
your mental is to fully understand the big picture, whether
that be a friendship that I have or somebody that
comes up. For example, when we were walking into Rolling Loud, okay,
and we kind of cut the line. You know, we're
walking with Natty and Joe. I mean we were meeting Jojo,
but walking with Natty, who you know, they own Rolling Loud,
And so there was a huge line at the Loud
(18:44):
club right in the VIP and we kind of walked
through the VIP and all of a sudden, girls are
saying Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, because it was you know, there
were some friends that I knew from Orlando who were
waiting to get in line. And so did you get
jealous over that? Yeah, a little bit, I don't think,
I mean maybe, but I mean you were protecting. You
(19:04):
definitely wanted to know who was yelling.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And for me, I just keep calling your name.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
And I was like I had my head down, head low, like.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
I was not scared because you thought I was going
to be like CARDIV with the mic.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
No, I wasn't necessarily scared. But it's just like you know,
in those instances where you're cutting the line, you're walking
past people, you don't want to make eye contact with
anybody because if it is somebody that you know pretty well,
you're not trying to add on to the crew that
we already were, you know, had. So I just think
that was an instance of not necessarily you being jealous,
but you don't love you. You're trying to figure out
(19:36):
I just love you, what's at play? Who's what's the
bigger picture? You know?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And I love you too, man, So what do you think? Wait,
do you think there's like a healthy amount of jealousy
in a relationship? Like, do you think we're in a
healthy place for like both of us?
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I do think that there is. I think jealousy is
healthy for relationship because one, it shows that you care too,
you know, it shows that you are interested in actually
understanding and getting to know your partner better, you know,
in terms of their relationships and friendships, and so yeah,
I think there could be a healthy amount of jealousy.
I think all relationships have some amount some is greater
(20:08):
than others.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
You know, I think so too about you? What about?
What do you think of partners who react to jealousy
with words like you're crazy, you're paranoid, like yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Like stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
After cheaters, when you say things like that, you're like
a full blown cheater.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I feel like those types of responses can be triggering,
you know what I'm saying, and like it doesn't necessarily
help the situation at hand, because then you get you
come off defensive, and so now the other person thinks
maybe there's more there, right, you know, so then you know,
maybe while you're sleeping, somebody's gonna go through your phone
or you know they're gonna they're gonna there will be
(20:43):
big extreme measures.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Women are known for digging. We like to dig and
see what's going on.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
And so wait, can you tell me why women like
to dig? Is it because because they.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Just want to know what's up?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah, I think they should know what's up. I think
I think if everyone was honest, So what if I'm
super super duper honest.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
I feel like I am too.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I'm very honest, Like I tell you exactly what it is, like.
I remember when I got this tattoo love. And I
remember I got this tattoo and I had this whole
conversation with like this person that I was with, and
I was like, hey, just so you know, going forward,
like I gave you so much love and I never
got it back. I will never be faithful to you again,
Like all bets are off. And I feel like I'm
like that, I kind of like say it, and once
(21:22):
I say it, I feel like I understand it for myself.
I've said it to the world, like to myself and
to the person. I can move forward and I don't
need to respect our relationship anymore. I don't like I'm
good with whatever. Yeah, And so I do feel like
I'm very open and honest like that, Like I don't
play games.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Yeah, And I think that's that should be appreciated because
you know, most often than not, people play games, people cheat,
people lie, and I think you know, that's where I
just I don't think that that's healthy. Yeah, and it
could lead to other bad habits. And so all right,
I think that's enough about jealousy. You know, working up some.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
I'm feeling i feel like I'm jealous that you're sitting
too far from me.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
So get over here, bab Let's talk about fubbing. Okay,
are you guilty of fu?
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Is fubbing?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
So? Fubbing is a modern phenomenon which is a mix
of two words phone and snubbing. And so essentially, fubbing
is when you ignore your romantic partner for your digital devices.
For example, your partner's in the same room, but you're
scrolling endlessly or answering messages that aren't urgent. And so
research shows that the practice of fubbing is causing increased
conflict and reduced intimacy.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I could see that.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
And so are you guilty of fubbing? Baby?
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Okay? So yeah I am, but no I want to
beat you to that. Y Okay, I am like to
fu Okay, now me let me let me. I do
like to fub but I'm always including you in the conversations.
It'll be like a business thing and I'll be like, hey,
I'm texting this person about this, or I'm replying back
to an email. But it's never like me just looking
through Instagram or like stuff like that. When we're together.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah, I feel like offen times when you fub and
I think we're both everybody is guilty of fubbing at
some point. But I feel like yesterday we went to
lunch and you were fubbing me. You had to take
calls and you had to answer text. But I do
think it's because you wear multiple hats. You know, you've
got four kids, You've got businesses that you're running, you know,
(23:21):
and so it's understandable and reasonable to expect that every
now and then you might have to answer a call
while we're at lunch or on a date. You know.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
But do you feel like if you tell the person
like I'm doing this, or like include them in what
you're doing, do you feel like that makes it better?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
It definitely makes it better, but it's still fubbing because
I feel like, you know, if we if we, you know,
say that we're going out on a date or we're
going to lunch, then I think the expectation is that
your full attention is going to be part of the date.
You know, not just yours, but mine too, and so
you know, I think a little bit of fubbing doesn't matter.
(23:59):
I think what would drive me crazy is that, like,
you know, there's different seasons where you're busier than others,
and so if you're in your busy season, and then
your significant other is like, oh, you're fubbing me, You're
fubbing me, You're fubbing me. Then like that could get
annoying because sometimes you got to handle work work.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, I feel like as long as it's like stuff
for me, I don't like to let things pile up,
Like I hate that feeling. If I like don't handle
things like emails or like people attorneys that are calling
me and stuff, I just feel like I'm holding everyone up.
Or if I a group text like with the Luho people,
I just feel like I don't want to be the
one that's holding up what's you know, like the business
right exactly. So I always like to reply and I
(24:34):
like to make sure everyone understands what my views are
on X, Y and Z. And I feel like sometimes
when you kind of put it off, it's kind of
like slows the whole process down.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Right now, I do like.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
To handle it, but I do feel like I do
include you and all of that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Yeah, sometimes you're overly inclusive, Like sometimes I don't.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Want it's too much.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
It's not that it's too much, it's just that I
don't feel like it's my place to get involved you know,
I feel like, you know, I don't want to be
that person to you know, I just hate like when
it's not somebody's business and they constantly insert themselves. I'm
the polar opposite of that, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I'm like waiting, but you know what, I'm waiting until
the teacher calls on me to like that.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
You're like that though, Yeah, I like that too with you.
I don't like insert myself and your stuff.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You definitely, you definitely don't.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
We're both I think we're both alike in so many
different ways because we're both like that, like we're not
trying to like overdo our position.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
We kind of like, I think we want to be
complimentary to each other, not necessarily controlling or totally you know. So, wait,
would you date or marry a pubber?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
I mean, if you're working and I listen, I you
would marry someone where you communicate with them and if
that bothered you, then you would tell them that you
didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, I feel like I'm going to marry a fubber
because you'd like the fub Oh sorry exactly. So can
be argue that being on your phone is dedicated time
to yourself, which is also important in maintaining healthy relationships.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
No, because I feel like for me, it's always work.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
You know. I feel like, out of the two of us,
I can live without my phone. I'm perfectly fine without
my phone. My phone dies all the time. It does
obviously not when i'm you know, when I'm with you,
my phone dies all the time. And so like, I
don't know, out of the two of us, I can
definitely go without a phone. I don't think you can
live without a phone, mainly because your kids.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah, because feel like I always have my kids. But
you know what I was telling you, I was like, hey,
I kind of want to go somewhere and just turn
off my phone for like five days and just have
my kids call your phone.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
If they need love it, love it.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I kind of feel like I want to do that
because I don't know how to like stop replying to
like emails or like text messaging, because I feel like
I don't like to let people down. Yeah, I reply
people like literally. I had a masseuse that asked me
for like twenty five thousand dollars via text, and I
had to reply to her, and I'm like, why am
I even replying to this person because it's just like
(26:49):
so crazy that.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
You're like would have got blocked.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I know, but I just, I just I don't like
to leave people on like like unread. I like to
like reply like whatever does that? I'm always like, I
just I go to a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Especially if you come like that, you come asking for
twenty five thousand dollars, I'm not hitting you back for
like six months. Whatever event is happening, that's got to.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Blow over before I you I need to be more
like that.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, let's move on. Have you ever been benched before?
There's a new micro dating trend called benching, and according
to Psychology Today expert doctor Bruce Y Lee, benching occurs
(27:32):
when someone keeps you around as a backup because the
person is interested in someone else.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Okay, so that's why everyone's single in today's world.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, I mean, if you're.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Always feeling like you can get better. Okay, so you're
dating a bunch of people all my friends, this is
where my friends like.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
I think you're notorious in talking to your friends about
you got to have a roster. You gotta have a roster,
you know. And so this is I think an additional
component to that. So who are you benching? Who's your
starting five? You know, you specifically, But I think it's
it's a modern day thing, having a roster and having
to bench some people totally.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
But I also feel like it's it's what happens in
today's world, in today's dating world. Yeah, everyone has so
many options, and you're only as good as your options.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
And you know, it's funny. I feel like guys always
want the one girl that every guy wants, I think,
So I.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Beg to disagree. I don't know. I think it depends
on the guy number one. And I've always been prior
to you, you know, I always had a joke with
my friends that, like, if I was going to get married,
she probably wouldn't speak English, Like, I'm gonna go find
the most beautiful girl in the world that lives out
of the country, that knows nothing about all of this
hoopola bs that we live in. I wasn't gonna move.
(28:47):
I was she was going to move. I was going
to bring her back to the States, you know, And
so that was a running joke that I have with
my friends. Now I've obviously my position has changed a
little bit on that, But I've never been the one
to like go and see like, oh, so and so
has been with this person, that person I'm trying to
go be with her, Like, nah, I don't you know.
They don't necessarily work like that for me.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I think there's like signs to the fact when you're
getting benched.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Yeah and so talk about the five signs baby.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
So I think it's like inconsistency when a person acts
in a very inconsistent manner, like they may call you,
they may not. You can't really rely on the person.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, that's one of my biggest pet peeves. I feel
like if I was trying to pursue a woman and
like I'm texting you, like everybody has their phone in
their hands constantly, at least within the next ninety minutes
or two hours of a day, and so like if
I'm texting a girl and I don't get a response
for like two or three days, like I can tell
that I'm being benched and I'm moving on to the
next you know.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
But I also feel like girls do that purposefully. Like
I used to do that, and I would tell guys,
I'd be like, hey, don't rely, like I say, I'll
call you back in like twenty minutes, and I would
forget and then I would tell them the next day.
They'd be like, you were supposed to call me, and
I'd be like, don't rely on me calling thirsty.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
First of all, I would never. I would never. I
would say that girl.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Like I would say, don't rely on Say a lot
going on.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
I'm waiting for you to call me, and if you don't,
then I'm talking to X, Y and Z.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
You're moving on.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Yeah, I'm not waiting for nobody. But you know, I
just feel like that would be an indication that you're
being benched. Just like, all right, it's been three days,
Surety hasn't hit me back. Yeah, I'm like, all right,
I went to the next right.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Or like I'll check my calendar, like let me see
what I'm going on next week. I'm not sure what
I'm going on next week. That's like, that's something indicating bunched.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, that's true, because people make time for the people
that they want to spend time with, even if it's
like a Netflix and chill or a late night movie
date or you know what I'm saying, Like, if you
want to kick it with somebody's chances are you going
to move some shit around to.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Kick it with them one thousand per time. But I
also feel like you should listen to your intuition. Yeah,
you know, I feel like if you're if you feel
like you're not being a priority, then you're probably not
a priority.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Yeah. No, I definitely agree with that. I feel like,
you know, people prioritize things that they want, you know,
people that they like, and.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Things are going for the things they want to do.
I feel like there's always time, and I feel like
that's like, you know, a major indicator and if you're
being bunched or not.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
And so they talk about other dates and xcees often too,
and so the cardinal Worle do not discuss your x
on a first day even frequently, unless sharing a lesson learned.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
I feel like I kind of talk about my exes,
but not like in a weird way, like in a
like thank God I'm with you today.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
With you today, you do you talk about your previous experiences,
but I feel like, like what this says, you often
talk about like what you learned from them or how
you become better from you know that situation. And so
if interactions feel one sided, check if you're doing all
the work. If you're the only one talking, if you're
the only one reaching out, texting, most often than that,
(31:42):
chances are you're being benched. So those are five signs
for our listeners. If you're being benched, send us a
message on.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
You know what you know what you could do when
you feel like you're being benched?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
What can you do?
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Block the person?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yeah, I agree, you know, for me, it's today.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Or just say something really crazy to them and then
they're like, oh my gosh, you crazy. At least your
crazy instead of being benched. I rather guys think I
was crazy than like just thinking that I was basic.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah. I mean for me, I've always been like I
like to be upfront, honest or blunt, you know. And
so if I'm not feeling you, I'm not feeling you,
you know, or if I got other things going on,
I'm gonna keep it a buck, I'm gonna tell you
I got other you know. Yeah, I got other things
going on, you know. And so most often than not,
at least prior to our relationship, that never really deterred anybody.
(32:28):
I think it makes I feel like girls want what
they can't have in some circumstances and so if girls
think that you're talking to other women, you know, they'll
try to show you why you shouldn't be talking to
other women by you know, going above and.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Beyond well, you know, it's kind of like having a roster.
Like I was telling my single friends, you need to
have like a few guys that you talk to in
that way. Sometimes when you just talk to one person,
you give them so much attention and you blow up
their head and all of a sudden, they feel so
good about themselves. They start dogging you.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
They feel like they conquered the question.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, and I do. And I feel like sometimes when
you're when you initially start talking to one person, you
should be talking to other people, and that way you
don't have as much time to focus on that one person.
And it's really immature. I'm not gonna lie, it's really immature.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Hey, that's the way it's really three.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I feel like, I know, but that's kind of how
you have to be in twenty twenty three. To lock
down like a guy that you like, you have to
play them to the last. Yeah, feel and they like
you more.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You got to have rosters, you game guys. You've got
to be ready to play different sports, you know what
I'm saying in different industry, so you know, I don't know.
I feel like when I was single, I definitely had
a few teams rosters, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
But I feel like, if he's the right person, I
don't know. I feel like I never really like to
play games, but I could write a book about playing games,
for sure. But I do feel like if he's the
right person for you, and you're the right person for him, Like,
I don't think you need to do all that. It's
like you both meet in the middle and you're just
like at the right place at the right time. Yeah,
But I do feel like I give my friends a
(33:56):
lot of advice, and I feel like all the advice
that I give them is basically with your starting five.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Like, I feel like timing is everything, you know, because
when you're young and you want to be single, you know,
then that's where you know, you might have a deep roster,
or you're playing some of those you know, some of
those dating games positions or whatever. But as you get
older or as you start looking for, you know, just
solidarity and stability, you know, some of those some of
(34:25):
those people you got to cut, you know, Yeah, some
of those players you got to wave and so have
you ever benched someone and didn't even realize it? No?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
I feel like, you know, you know, when you're not
really feeling someone.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Have you been benched and how long did it take
to notice it?
Speaker 2 (34:41):
No, because I feel like I don't really expect anything
from anyone. I'm the kind of person like you have
to do so much for me initially to show me
that you like me, or I don't care, Like I.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Feel like you've You've always been the team captain, you
call the shots, you know, and so I just I
can never picture you being benched.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Well, No, because I understand, like I understand in the
game of life.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Yeah, and I feel like you most often than not,
when guys are pursuing you, you control the pace. You know,
at least the woman always typically controls the pace. If
you want to hook up, then you'll hook up. If
you want to slow play it and learn more about
the guy, you'll probably you know, slow play it. And
I don't know. For me, I feel like there's maybe
been times where I've been benched just because I was
(35:23):
open and honest that I had a deep roster, you
know what I'm saying. And so sometimes girls aren't feeling
that sometimes, you know, it becomes a challenge to them.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
I feel like for most women, I think that like
you have to like like for me personally, I feel
like a guy has to do a lot to show
me that he wants to be with me.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah. I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
You have to put in time, you have to put
in calls, you have to like do things for me
to make me feel like you want to be with me,
because if you're just calling, you're texting me when you want, like,
you're not even, you're not even you don't even know
where my gym.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Is, right, Yeah, No, I feel that. I feel that
what if someone just wants to take it slow and
keep their options open, is that well.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
That's because you're not that's because you feel like you
haven't hit your peak.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Yeah. Or maybe some people just aren't you know, interested
in settling down right now. Let me look at Drake
for example. Drake, you know is notoriously single and dating
and having fun and not interested in having a wife,
and so you know, obviously his options are open.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I mean, listen, you're only as good as your options.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Yeah, I'm sure the boy has plenty of options, for sure,
plenty of options.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
As long as he's happy and fields fulfilled, why not.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I also feel like when you're an artist, you need
to have a lot of different flavors.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Yeah, you got to have experiences in life, stuff going
on in your life.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Creativity you need to have like a crazy girl, a
smart girl, a classy girl.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
I don't have a roster.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
You definitely need a roster for content. Like I get
it because I feel like when I was single, I
felt like I had to talk to different guys for
different things, like reasons, Like I had a really smart
tech guy that I used to talk to that I
love talking Tom because he would like tell me he
you know, made three hundred million dollars in less than
twenty four hours, or I raised a billion dollars my
company with Unicorn, Like I loved having those kind of relationships,
(37:02):
and then I liked having athlete relationship, like just like
different friendships. You know.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Yeah, I think that's more so of you leaving a
relationship and trying to figure out what's next, right exactly,
And so of course you know you're single, you're gonna
date whoever. Yeah, you know you're attracted to to figure
out what you really like, especially haven't been married at
so young at twenty one. Yeah, I feel like for me,
I'm I'm the opposite. I feel like I've I'm thirty two,
(37:30):
never been married, no kids, and so I've been playing
the field trying to figure out, all right, is this
something that I want to do one day? And I
don't know. We're getting warmer. Okay, we're getting warmer.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Good what kind?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Well, I had a great time talking to you guys today.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Same here, bab. It was fun.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Thank you guys for hanging out with us today. We
really appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
Follow us at Separation Underscore Anxiety Underscore podcast and make
sure you subscribe and tune in week to week.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
It sounds great by guys.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Please h
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