November 10, 2023 • 13 mins
Amber & Lacey roast the viral list of worst first date spots, They set the record straight with their hilarious takes!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Unbelievable Story where Amber
and Lacy from the Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Ambershaw
they're beautiful. Oh my god, they're so beautiful. That's you.
That's how you sound, you listener. You so on this
week's Unbelievable Story, we wanted to talk about something really special, right, lazy,
that's right now. I feel like this list is going viral.
(00:25):
Everybody's talking about places not to take a woman, but
I think that it's been exaggerated, and I really think
maybe a man helped come up with some of these
places to make women seem like they're like high maintenance,
because some of these places are perfectly fine and they
I also want to stress not all women think that
these places are bad hashtag not all women, thank you?
(00:48):
What Even if a woman made this list, it's one
woman who I don't know where she's going on first date.
So let's get right into it. Yes, okay, So recently
a woman went viral for being angry that her date
took her to the cheesecake factory. Well, this prompted people
to make a list, a list of places you shouldn't
take your date. So let's take a look at it
(01:10):
and bitch these motherfuckers out. And the first one is
his favorite place of the world, the cheesecakes factory. Okay,
so a couple of things. Cheesecake factory is elegance, it
is opulence, it is love stops. You can see a
(01:30):
toddler pee on himself and the cheese take factory. So
opulence is a little bit much. It's nice. I heed
on myself and the cheesecake factory. Do you want to
know why? Because the food is so delicious. No place
is better to eat than the cheesecake factory. I will
not have cheesecake factories, kinder, How will we ever get
a sponsorship if you talk and shithh? I see pee
(01:51):
on that. It's not checa is the best motto is
we are not opulents. Everybody can come here. It's a
great You see the walls in the cheesecake factory. Is
there anything you want to order that you can't do it?
Like the eye of sour on? Yes, from the Lord
of the ring. So that is true. I'm not knocking it.
(02:12):
I would definitely go there on a first date. It's
a great first date. So that is a lie. That's
a lie. It's a lie. I do agree opulence, though
I would never use that otopulence extravagance, lavishness. Okay. The
second one is Apples is Applebee's, America's favorite neighbor. Applebee's. Now,
now I will say this, when I lived in Denver,
(02:38):
I did. I used to do a sketch called Applebee's,
very famous sketch as far as uh the second City goes,
and all their touring companies and satellite theaters do this sketch. Now,
that's from what I was yelling twenty years ago. And
a bit of the sketch was that Tim Mason was
(03:02):
proposing to me in an Applebee's and I was angry
that he had chosen to propose in an Applebee's. And
he was like, you know, I want to fud your ruckers.
Hear my ruby until Tuesday. I don't know what the
bits were, but you get it. And in that sketch,
I was mad that he proposed. But it isn't a
(03:23):
good place to propose, I don't think unless you know
you love it. But it's a perfectly fine place to
go out. I need, Who the fuck are these snobs
that ruth is lists? You don't want to eat Applebe's.
You don't want to eat no big old cheeseburger. Look,
I want to eat a big old cheeseburger. Take me
to Applebee's because the cheesecake factory is closed, and that's
(03:44):
the only reason you can take me on a date
to Applebee's and not cheesecake factory. I mean, Lacy, can
a date take you to Applebe's or not? I mean,
I'm not gonna choose it. But if he says Applebee's,
I'm never gonna say absolutely not because it's going to
make you look bad. Do I want to go to
Applebee's for a first date? Absolutely not. You don't think
(04:05):
Applebee's is a good first date? Listen, I'm not going
to say no. If it was Taco Bell, I'm going
to say no. Hey, if it's Taco Bell, you get
married Taco bell a something so she's a taco Oh
what the same? But uh again there so they need
(04:29):
another list places that women are not going to complain
we don't want to go. I absolutely don't want to
go to Applebee's on a first date, but I'm not
going to say no because maybe that's your favorite place
and I'm not going to knock it. I absolutely don't
ever Sorry Applebee's want to go to Applebee's on the
first what? I love Applebee's. You can't take me Applebee's. Okay, Second,
(04:53):
I'm sorry. The third one is the same. Chili's and
applebee the same place, so it's the same place. That's
how we feel the same about the Chipotle. No ship Chipotle's.
That's fast food, guys, And I'm sorry. Fast food is
a no. I don't do that. You can't do fast food.
That's not nice. Now all guarden, No, when do you
(05:14):
hear you salad? Give me cheese until us? Yeah, that
Olive Garden. That's commitment. And you're you're you're gonna get
tired of me. I'm hoping you're gonna pull that ring out. No,
I love Olive Guard. Yeah, on fire and is the best.
It wins the first date. In the movies, it's hit
(05:38):
or miss because I don't get to talk to you
to see what you're about. Everyone goes to the movies.
The movies isn't hit or miss on a first day.
It's a perfectly acceptable first date. It's absolutely not on
a first date. What the movies is where they're going
to make their move and I don't know you yet,
and they're going to put their hand on you. Amber
what happened? But I'm watching a movie. Yeah, but you're
(06:00):
gonna get this. Yeah, they're gonna now yeah, yeah, You're
gonna get thied in your hands. I'm gonna go around you. Yeah,
I don't. So that's why you gotta be like I see. Yeah,
it's a little It can be creepy if you're not
feeling it. Guys, Lacy's out here in the streets, so
she knows. Okay, your house absolutely nuts, sir, is your
(06:23):
house yours day. And let me tell you how often
I get that. And some people are creepy and will
change it up on you last minute, so you can't.
I'm forty nine. What we're not going to do is,
oh my god, I can I stop by my house
really quick? If I'm sitting in the car and you
run it in, I'm not coming in with you. And
that happens all the time. Listen. I decided to make dinner. No, no, no, no,
(06:48):
you didn't eat anything you didn't cook. Do you know
how well I got to know you to eat food
that you fucking cooked? Do you know how much I
have to like you to get merd to know I'm
gonna get murdered. I'm not stepping into your home. Yeah,
so that I could turn around and you lock the
door like a creep and pull out a knife. Yeah. No, No,
no one likes you that much, Sam, No son of Sam.
(07:09):
Nobody's coming to your house on the first date. So
don't ask that. And I need to let you know
it happens all the time. Number eight any fast food restaurant.
So number eight and number four are basically the same. Yeah,
because Yeah, there's no friggin way you should be taking
(07:29):
a date to a fast food chain. Now here's an exception.
You're both thirteen, that's all true. Age matters. Age matters,
age matters. You save together, you're little eight dollars from
Mowen Lawns, Lacie. I don't know what children good paper.
Burger King's great. Burg King is great. You can do
it if you got class the next day. Yeah, it's fine,
(07:52):
it's perfectly fine. Hold hands at Burger King. It's cute.
Your children. You're gonna live forever. Yeah. Number nine Buffalo
Wild Wings. Gotta say, never been, never going to go
I'm never going to go to Buffalo Wildline. Never going
to go to b W three's, but we did, used
to call it b W threes, but there aren't three
(08:12):
w's in it. And I'm just hear b dubs BW three's,
but I'm not going to be dub. I don't want
to go there. I'm sorry. I don't know what normal
people want. I don't ever want to go to Buffalo
Wild Wing and you know where else I don't want
to go Number ten Wingstone wants the same thing to stop,
and Buffalo Wild Wings aren't changeable. No one wants to
do that. Buffalo Wild Wings is not a good first date.
(08:33):
And here's why. It's a sporty place for sport boys. Yeah,
you know, it'd be like going there on a game
day and just you're not going to hear anything. I'm
yelling at the screen. I don't have time for that.
It'd be like going to Hooters, and I'm not going
to Hooters. I'm not going to Buffalo why not? But Amber,
what what do you know about me and Wings? Lacey
don't like Wings. You don't tell anyone, guys, this is
(08:54):
between some diamonds. Don't to the regulars and tell this
is just our secret. I don't eat wing. This segment
should be called diamond Players Secrets. Diamonds like a song, diamonds.
(09:15):
We just wrote the diamond player secret song. It's a
good song. You're welcome, but you know what else about
she didn't she's physically Oh you're bad, will bad. Here's
my it's pretty bad. It's a flounce. Okay. Number eleven,
Red Lobster. I'm okay with red. Okay. I don't eat seafood,
(09:37):
but you better make sure she eats seafood before you
take it. Red Lobster. And then as you pull in,
you gotta go Red Lobster for the seafood. Lever and you.
That's a good song. That was good. That was a
hit man. It made you want to go to Red Lobster.
That's right. Number twelve. A buffet, Any buffet is it's
(09:59):
a no. Oh, do not do a buffet. That's right.
A buffet is pretty bad. Kids are touching things. Their
hand is in everything. There's germs, strangers are touching things.
You've seen somewhat at a buffet, licked something amber. What's
the buffet story that I told you about. I was
with one of my besties and a man took a
(10:23):
slice I think it was lasagna and put it on
his plate. Meanwhile, the string of cheese is still connected,
and he used his mouth to bite the cheese and
it sprang back into the uh you know container. So
buffets are just filled with germs in they're gross. I'm
(10:45):
pretty proud of him for using his mouth to No
one cut the cheese. No, he cut the cheese. It's
a little funny, funny, and that's what buffets are filled with.
People's okay, but it's also filled with love. Okay, No,
it's not. Buffet's kind of bad I Hop, Lacy, how
(11:05):
do you feel about it? Oh? No, no? Why not? Why?
The answer is why? Let'st be why you want to
go to I Hop. I want to go to ihap
because I love pancakes. I also love letters that stand
for whole words, So so making I Hop the most
ideal place a person can you know? I mean, I
(11:27):
Hop is a late night place. So if your date
is running late, like I mean, if you've been on
this great day date I don't know, and then you're
it's good for almost like you've been together all day.
Oh yeah, and then you're like, what's open? Then you
go to I hop I could see that. Okay, that's cute,
but I don't want to meet it. I also don't
want to meet it. I hoop, but I will okay, guys,
(11:51):
I will okay. And number fourteen, our last one of
this segment is Denny's. It's the same now, Denny. We've
talked about it before on this podcast Free Love Denny's.
Denny's was where we would go when you were a
kid and you had you know, you're sixteen, you have
two dollars. You can get a piece of French soak
(12:12):
pie and you can sit there for the rest of
the night with your little friends. And your weird friend
is having coffee. You know, the kid whose parents let
them drink coffee. That was me. That's a weird kid.
You're a weird kid. That's me, I believe. Yeah. Okay,
So don't take in closing. Don't take them to Denny's,
don't take them to I Have. Don't take them to
(12:32):
a buffet red Lobster's fine, no Wings Stop, no Buffalo,
Wild Wings, no fast food. Your house can eat a dick.
Don't go to the movies. All of Garden is good,
Chipotle's bad, chilis and Applebee's if you have to. Nothing
in the world is better than cheesecake factory. Guys, we've
been Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar. That was whole We've
(12:53):
been Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar our whole life. Soon
will be Fernando and Just Wine to get episode ad
Freed become a big money diamond player, Okay, and you
should do that anyway. You want to know why, because
it's cute and so are we. We love you, my
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Unbelievable Story where Amber
and Lacy from the Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Ambershaw
they're beautiful. Oh my god, they're so beautiful. That's you.
That's how you sound, you listener. You so on this
week's Unbelievable Story, we wanted to talk about something really special, right, lazy,
that's right now. I feel like this list is going viral.
(00:25):
Everybody's talking about places not to take a woman, but
I think that it's been exaggerated, and I really think
maybe a man helped come up with some of these
places to make women seem like they're like high maintenance,
because some of these places are perfectly fine and they
I also want to stress not all women think that
these places are bad hashtag not all women, thank you?
(00:48):
What Even if a woman made this list, it's one
woman who I don't know where she's going on first date.
So let's get right into it. Yes, okay, So recently
a woman went viral for being angry that her date
took her to the cheesecake factory. Well, this prompted people
to make a list, a list of places you shouldn't
take your date. So let's take a look at it
(01:10):
and bitch these motherfuckers out. And the first one is
his favorite place of the world, the cheesecakes factory. Okay,
so a couple of things. Cheesecake factory is elegance, it
is opulence, it is love stops. You can see a
(01:30):
toddler pee on himself and the cheese take factory. So
opulence is a little bit much. It's nice. I heed
on myself and the cheesecake factory. Do you want to
know why? Because the food is so delicious. No place
is better to eat than the cheesecake factory. I will
not have cheesecake factories, kinder, How will we ever get
a sponsorship if you talk and shithh? I see pee
(01:51):
on that. It's not checa is the best motto is
we are not opulents. Everybody can come here. It's a
great You see the walls in the cheesecake factory. Is
there anything you want to order that you can't do it?
Like the eye of sour on? Yes, from the Lord
of the ring. So that is true. I'm not knocking it.
(02:12):
I would definitely go there on a first date. It's
a great first date. So that is a lie. That's
a lie. It's a lie. I do agree opulence, though
I would never use that otopulence extravagance, lavishness. Okay. The
second one is Apples is Applebee's, America's favorite neighbor. Applebee's. Now,
now I will say this, when I lived in Denver,
(02:38):
I did. I used to do a sketch called Applebee's,
very famous sketch as far as uh the second City goes,
and all their touring companies and satellite theaters do this sketch. Now,
that's from what I was yelling twenty years ago. And
a bit of the sketch was that Tim Mason was
(03:02):
proposing to me in an Applebee's and I was angry
that he had chosen to propose in an Applebee's. And
he was like, you know, I want to fud your ruckers.
Hear my ruby until Tuesday. I don't know what the
bits were, but you get it. And in that sketch,
I was mad that he proposed. But it isn't a
(03:23):
good place to propose, I don't think unless you know
you love it. But it's a perfectly fine place to
go out. I need, Who the fuck are these snobs
that ruth is lists? You don't want to eat Applebe's.
You don't want to eat no big old cheeseburger. Look,
I want to eat a big old cheeseburger. Take me
to Applebee's because the cheesecake factory is closed, and that's
(03:44):
the only reason you can take me on a date
to Applebee's and not cheesecake factory. I mean, Lacy, can
a date take you to Applebe's or not? I mean,
I'm not gonna choose it. But if he says Applebee's,
I'm never gonna say absolutely not because it's going to
make you look bad. Do I want to go to
Applebee's for a first date? Absolutely not. You don't think
(04:05):
Applebee's is a good first date? Listen, I'm not going
to say no. If it was Taco Bell, I'm going
to say no. Hey, if it's Taco Bell, you get
married Taco bell a something so she's a taco Oh
what the same? But uh again there so they need
(04:29):
another list places that women are not going to complain
we don't want to go. I absolutely don't want to
go to Applebee's on a first date, but I'm not
going to say no because maybe that's your favorite place
and I'm not going to knock it. I absolutely don't
ever Sorry Applebee's want to go to Applebee's on the
first what? I love Applebee's. You can't take me Applebee's. Okay, Second,
(04:53):
I'm sorry. The third one is the same. Chili's and
applebee the same place, so it's the same place. That's
how we feel the same about the Chipotle. No ship Chipotle's.
That's fast food, guys, And I'm sorry. Fast food is
a no. I don't do that. You can't do fast food.
That's not nice. Now all guarden, No, when do you
(05:14):
hear you salad? Give me cheese until us? Yeah, that
Olive Garden. That's commitment. And you're you're you're gonna get
tired of me. I'm hoping you're gonna pull that ring out. No,
I love Olive Guard. Yeah, on fire and is the best.
It wins the first date. In the movies, it's hit
(05:38):
or miss because I don't get to talk to you
to see what you're about. Everyone goes to the movies.
The movies isn't hit or miss on a first day.
It's a perfectly acceptable first date. It's absolutely not on
a first date. What the movies is where they're going
to make their move and I don't know you yet,
and they're going to put their hand on you. Amber
what happened? But I'm watching a movie. Yeah, but you're
(06:00):
gonna get this. Yeah, they're gonna now yeah, yeah, You're
gonna get thied in your hands. I'm gonna go around you. Yeah,
I don't. So that's why you gotta be like I see. Yeah,
it's a little It can be creepy if you're not
feeling it. Guys, Lacy's out here in the streets, so
she knows. Okay, your house absolutely nuts, sir, is your
(06:23):
house yours day. And let me tell you how often
I get that. And some people are creepy and will
change it up on you last minute, so you can't.
I'm forty nine. What we're not going to do is,
oh my god, I can I stop by my house
really quick? If I'm sitting in the car and you
run it in, I'm not coming in with you. And
that happens all the time. Listen. I decided to make dinner. No, no, no, no,
(06:48):
you didn't eat anything you didn't cook. Do you know
how well I got to know you to eat food
that you fucking cooked? Do you know how much I
have to like you to get merd to know I'm
gonna get murdered. I'm not stepping into your home. Yeah,
so that I could turn around and you lock the
door like a creep and pull out a knife. Yeah. No, No,
no one likes you that much, Sam, No son of Sam.
(07:09):
Nobody's coming to your house on the first date. So
don't ask that. And I need to let you know
it happens all the time. Number eight any fast food restaurant.
So number eight and number four are basically the same. Yeah,
because Yeah, there's no friggin way you should be taking
(07:29):
a date to a fast food chain. Now here's an exception.
You're both thirteen, that's all true. Age matters. Age matters,
age matters. You save together, you're little eight dollars from
Mowen Lawns, Lacie. I don't know what children good paper.
Burger King's great. Burg King is great. You can do
it if you got class the next day. Yeah, it's fine,
(07:52):
it's perfectly fine. Hold hands at Burger King. It's cute.
Your children. You're gonna live forever. Yeah. Number nine Buffalo
Wild Wings. Gotta say, never been, never going to go
I'm never going to go to Buffalo Wildline. Never going
to go to b W three's, but we did, used
to call it b W threes, but there aren't three
(08:12):
w's in it. And I'm just hear b dubs BW three's,
but I'm not going to be dub. I don't want
to go there. I'm sorry. I don't know what normal
people want. I don't ever want to go to Buffalo
Wild Wing and you know where else I don't want
to go Number ten Wingstone wants the same thing to stop,
and Buffalo Wild Wings aren't changeable. No one wants to
do that. Buffalo Wild Wings is not a good first date.
(08:33):
And here's why. It's a sporty place for sport boys. Yeah,
you know, it'd be like going there on a game
day and just you're not going to hear anything. I'm
yelling at the screen. I don't have time for that.
It'd be like going to Hooters, and I'm not going
to Hooters. I'm not going to Buffalo why not? But Amber,
what what do you know about me and Wings? Lacey
don't like Wings. You don't tell anyone, guys, this is
(08:54):
between some diamonds. Don't to the regulars and tell this
is just our secret. I don't eat wing. This segment
should be called diamond Players Secrets. Diamonds like a song, diamonds.
(09:15):
We just wrote the diamond player secret song. It's a
good song. You're welcome, but you know what else about
she didn't she's physically Oh you're bad, will bad. Here's
my it's pretty bad. It's a flounce. Okay. Number eleven,
Red Lobster. I'm okay with red. Okay. I don't eat seafood,
(09:37):
but you better make sure she eats seafood before you
take it. Red Lobster. And then as you pull in,
you gotta go Red Lobster for the seafood. Lever and you.
That's a good song. That was good. That was a
hit man. It made you want to go to Red Lobster.
That's right. Number twelve. A buffet, Any buffet is it's
(09:59):
a no. Oh, do not do a buffet. That's right.
A buffet is pretty bad. Kids are touching things. Their
hand is in everything. There's germs, strangers are touching things.
You've seen somewhat at a buffet, licked something amber. What's
the buffet story that I told you about. I was
with one of my besties and a man took a
(10:23):
slice I think it was lasagna and put it on
his plate. Meanwhile, the string of cheese is still connected,
and he used his mouth to bite the cheese and
it sprang back into the uh you know container. So
buffets are just filled with germs in they're gross. I'm
(10:45):
pretty proud of him for using his mouth to No
one cut the cheese. No, he cut the cheese. It's
a little funny, funny, and that's what buffets are filled with.
People's okay, but it's also filled with love. Okay, No,
it's not. Buffet's kind of bad I Hop, Lacy, how
(11:05):
do you feel about it? Oh? No, no? Why not? Why?
The answer is why? Let'st be why you want to
go to I Hop. I want to go to ihap
because I love pancakes. I also love letters that stand
for whole words, So so making I Hop the most
ideal place a person can you know? I mean, I
(11:27):
Hop is a late night place. So if your date
is running late, like I mean, if you've been on
this great day date I don't know, and then you're
it's good for almost like you've been together all day.
Oh yeah, and then you're like, what's open? Then you
go to I hop I could see that. Okay, that's cute,
but I don't want to meet it. I also don't
want to meet it. I hoop, but I will okay, guys,
(11:51):
I will okay. And number fourteen, our last one of
this segment is Denny's. It's the same now, Denny. We've
talked about it before on this podcast Free Love Denny's.
Denny's was where we would go when you were a
kid and you had you know, you're sixteen, you have
two dollars. You can get a piece of French soak
(12:12):
pie and you can sit there for the rest of
the night with your little friends. And your weird friend
is having coffee. You know, the kid whose parents let
them drink coffee. That was me. That's a weird kid.
You're a weird kid. That's me, I believe. Yeah. Okay,
So don't take in closing. Don't take them to Denny's,
don't take them to I Have. Don't take them to
(12:32):
a buffet red Lobster's fine, no Wings Stop, no Buffalo,
Wild Wings, no fast food. Your house can eat a dick.
Don't go to the movies. All of Garden is good,
Chipotle's bad, chilis and Applebee's if you have to. Nothing
in the world is better than cheesecake factory. Guys, we've
been Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar. That was whole We've
(12:53):
been Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar our whole life. Soon
will be Fernando and Just Wine to get episode ad
Freed become a big money diamond player, Okay, and you
should do that anyway. You want to know why, because
it's cute and so are we. We love you, my
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